Thursday,April 1,Anno Domini,2010

Page 1

Thursday, April 1, Anno Domini, 2010

The The Record Record Volume 40, Issue 24

The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School since 1960

Canadian Geese wish to enroll as Priory students

A large number of the campus’s Canadian Goose population have been stirring up controversy around Priory as many of the young goslings have inquired as to why they are unable to receive the same education the Priory students are entitled to. “We think our children should be allowed the same opportunities the humans have at Priory,” says Bruce Gibbons, a 43 pound Canadian Goose who has two sons he wishes to send to the school. “We put up with bottle rockets and junior schoolers and those awful African Geese. Don’t get me started on Earl (the Swan). The least they could do for us is give our boys a proper education.” This comes after the awkward and surprising expulsion of Gary Thompson, a Canadian Goose who disguised himself as a sophomore student

for the first trimester this year. Thompson’s lawyer pushed for his readmittance, but Thompson’s father was transferred to Omaha, making any such procedure unnecessary. The geese have organized a protest by the pond, refusing to leave until they are admitted as students. Many geese have been seen spreading their protest around campus, posting near the Junior School, on top of the High School, and even the Varsity Soccer Field and Baseball Field, much to Mr. John Mohrmann and Russ Ham’s dismays. Their shrieks of dismay and injustice can be heard disrupting many classes in the 100’s and 200’s. They also have been known to lurk outside of the Botany room, hoping to tell anyone and everyone about their frustrations with the school. The Administration was unavailable for comment.

Fr. Gregory unveils plans to paint Abbey Church Brown

Father Gregory Mohrman, O.S.B., revealed Sunday night that the picturesque white Abbey Church is to be painted brown by August of this year. “I’ve always thought it looked a lot like a wedding cake, but the problem is that I can’t stand the taste of white icing. Now chocolate on the other hand...” The decision has been made after four years of pushing by the former headmaster, and current Prior. Headmaster Father Michael Brunner, O.S.B., on the other hand, is very much against the idea. “I like confetti cake. Who doesn’t like confetti cake?” Many compromises were proposed but eventually Gregory won the battle of the Abbey Church. A full, decorative lace icing border will be added by September of 2012, once sufficient funds have been raised.


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