From Frazzled to Fabulous
✹ ‘Hilarious and thought-provoking’ The Unmumsy Mum
✹ ‘Perfect satire’ Upworthy
✹ ‘From beauty routines and housework expectations to the way mothers are often treated in the workplace, the Man Who Has It All Twitter account shares expertly flipped one-liners’ Stylist
✹ ‘On behalf of frazzled dads with a PH imbalance – and, of course, working mums who actually have to listen to this sh*t for real – we just want to say thank you’ Metro
✹ ‘Hilarious and eye-opening’ Huffington Post
✹ ‘Really smart’ Gaby Hinsliff, Guardian
✹ ‘Devilishly genius’ C aroline Criado-Perez OBE
✹ ‘A simple idea, beautifully executed, which pithily derides the blind eye that allows sexism to become endemic’ Richard Herring
✹ ‘Our favourite new Twitter account – hilariously calls out sexist double standards’ MTV
✹ ‘For feminism that makes you laugh. Despair, but also laugh’ Glosswitch, New Statesman
✹ ‘I’d buy a copy for my partner, if only he had the time to read it! Bless him’ Single Slummy Mummy
✹ ‘Brilliant parody’ Independent
From Frazzled to Fabulous
How to juggle a successful career, fatherhood, ‘me-time’ and looking good from
The Man Who Has It All
TRANSWORLD PUBLISHERS
61–63 Uxbridge Road, London W5 5SA www.penguin.co.uk
Transworld is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com
First published in Great Britain in 2016 by Bantam Press an imprint of Transworld Publishers
Copyright © Man Who Has It All 2016
The Man Who Has It All has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9780593077863
Typeset in Avenir Next Regular 11/15pt by Falcon Oast Graphic Art Ltd. Printed and bound by Printer Trento, Italy.
Penguin Random House is committed to a sustainable future for our business, our readers and our planet. This book is made from Forest Stewardship Council® certified paper. 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2
Acknowledgements
I’m grateful to all my supporters on Twitter and Facebook and to the busy dads who found the time to help me with research for this book. I am grateful to my agent and editor who have put up with my hormonal fluctuations and tendency to overreact. And of course I am grateful to my wife for letting me have a little project of my own.
3 Looking Good, Feeling Good
✹ Good Looks 87 ✹ Staying Hydrated 99
✹ Intimate Freshness 103 ✹ The M Word 112 ✹ Energy Levels 118
4 Life’s Little Lessons
✹ Making Time to Smile 127 ✹ Banishing Guilt 134 ✹ Asking for Help 141
✹ Taking Yourself Too Seriously 148
✹ Accepting Compliments 156
✹ Being Grateful for the Little Things 162 ✹ Having It All 168
Foreword
In the early hours of 31 October 2015, I tripped over the cat’s water bowl, stubbed my toe and knocked a bag of icing sugar on to my wife’s open laptop. I wasn’t looking where I was going due to exhaustion and lack of sleep. It was 1.40 a.m. My Halloween cupcakes were still in the oven and from the floor above I could hear my six-year-old son shouting, ‘Daddy!’ from his bedroom.
In the moments that followed I felt resentful, guilty and sad. I resented my wife for being asleep – seemingly oblivious to our nocturnal son and my frantic cake decorating. I felt guilty about my poor organizational skills. What kind of dad leaves his baking until the night before? I felt sad for my son, who didn’t always have the happy, joyful daddy he deserved.
In the wake of my trip, I asked myself some tough questions. Was this really the life I wanted? Did I want
to be a stressed-out, manic husband and dad? And, more importantly, what was I going to do with my wife’s laptop? In desperation, I dabbed at the keyboard with a damp cloth, pushing the sugar between the keys and icing them together.
As I closed the lid of my wife’s sticky laptop and switched off the lights, I heard the welcome sound of silence and realized my son must have gone back to sleep. I’ll be honest with you, I’d completely forgotten about him. The pain, the cakes, the laptop . . . This was the wake-up call I needed. If I couldn’t be there for my child in the night, what kind of dad was I?
As I hobbled back to bed, I caught sight of my face in the mirror. My hair was greasy, my complexion was dull and my eyes were puffy. I just didn’t look like me. Where had the old me gone? Was he still in there? It was at this moment I realized I had a choice. I could carry on as I was – guilty, stressed and exhausted. Or I could get a grip and radically change my life.
Looking back, I should have made the change sooner. But this book isn’t about beating myself up. It’s about celebrating what I have become and sharing it with you. I have finally found that elusive balance between work and family. I have three healthy kids, a beautiful home, a successful wife and my own career. I even have time to decorate my cupcakes!
Whilst I don’t pretend to have all the answers, I nudge men to rediscover their confidence and gain control over their lives. In these pages I take men by the hand and gently draw them away from the pressure of perfection to become what we all want to be − a man who has it all.
@manwhohasitall, 2016
Choosing to Thrive
Fathers in the Workplace
Nearly half of all managers admit to thinking twice when it comes to hiring men who have children. But the experience of raising a child can actually make men well suited to the workplace. Companies who do not hire fathers could be turning down an extremely valuable resource.
In this chapter, I bust the myths surrounding fathers in the workplace and call for a more flexible, open and compassionate approach from managers. Every man has different reasons for his choices and I respect that. This chapter is about those men who, for whatever reason, choose to work.
Doubt
Leaving your kids to go out to work is tough. But, believe it or not, dads do survive. In fact, research shows that children of a career dad can do just as well as children of a stay-at-home dad. Working dads can absolutely be great parents; it’s all about achieving that elusive balance.
TALKING POINT
Being ignored, mistaken for the tea gentleman or branded a ‘paternity risk’. Are men overreacting when it comes to issues they face at work?
Identity
Being a working dad can boost your self-esteem and give you an identity beyond just ‘Dad’. When you have kids, you put yourself at the bottom of the heap. Working reminds you that you are a person in your own right. Fathers are often grateful for the opportunity to be around other adults and reclaim their former child-free selves.
Dad skills
Because children require so much attention, fathers are super-organized and multitasking aces. Don’t minimize the skills you learn as a dad. Here are some of the things I have learned:
Organizational skills
Persistence
Flexibility
Saying ‘no’
Patience
Empathy
Gratitude
TIP
To all independent men. Don’t be afraid of your independence! It’s OK to be a man and be independent. Some women actually find it attractive.