SheThey
Copyright @ 2020 Sydnney Margova Islam SheThey Cover art: UNTIL SOMETHING BREAKS WITHIN YOU by Cherish Witherspoon All rights reserved
SheThey Art and Literary Magazine
Issue 1 - June 2020
Letter from the Editor Welcome to the ďŹ rst issue of ! I have always found solace and solidarity with the women and non-binary community, as I am sure many of you have as well. Always feeling welcome to share my deepest dreams, darkest secrets, and burning questions with members of this community has allowed me to realize that I share many thoughts and experiences with others, making me feel much less alone. Creating another outlet for women and non-binary folks to share their power through art and literature seemed absolutely necessary. And so, was born. I felt that bringing to fruition at this moment was imperative. As we are aware of, 2020 has been chaotic. Numerous injustices that have been prevailing in the US are being revealed to the masses as clearly as ever. The global pandemic, COVID-19 has, and continues to, ravage this country as the Trump administration once again fails to address issues successfully, causing the death toll to grow, speciďŹ cally in Black, Brown, and Indigenous communities. The healthcare system currently in place fails to keep us healthy and alive. Not only are tens of thousands of lives being lost, but individuals and families are also struggling more than ever. People need to pay rent and put food on the table but no longer have sources of income. Simultaneously, the epidemic of systemic racism and white supremacy have continued to take the lives of Black people in America. With the senseless murder George Floyd on May 25th by four police ofďŹ cers in Minneapolis, the country, and many parts of the world, erupted in outrage against police brutality. It ďŹ nally seems that non-Black folks are waking up to the reality of white supremacy and the oppressive state structures we live in. Despite the hundreds of years of the Black community telling the world in countless mediums about their experiences with oppression and injustice, only now does it feel like the rest of the world is ďŹ nally listening. It ďŹ nally seems like people are listening to the Black women, queer, trans, and disabled folks who have been the most oppressed, disenfranchised, and silenced voices by the white supremacist heteropatriarchy that is the United States. Finally, it seems like people are listening. Finally, people are paying attention. Finally, people care enough to want to see change. But many Black, Brown, Indigenous, women, queer, trans, and disabled folks are skeptical of this awakening. So many times, the public has erupted in outrage over injustice, but then swiftly returned to complacency. This time we must make our activism permanent and sustainable. These injustices concern of us and we need to continuously act as such. We must not slow down and we must never stop. And by ‘people’, I mean all of us. I mean white and white-passing folks, straight folks, i
SheThey
cisgender folks, wealthy folks, able-bodied and young folks, neurotypical folks, male identifying folks, and anyone else who ďŹ t in and is accepted by dominant society. We have never done enough for the Black community. Enough would be dismantling white supremacy. Enough would be abolishing the delusion of whiteness. Enough would be providing reparations to the Black community for the hundreds of years of legal enslavement. Enough would be ending the criminalization of Black bodies. Enough would be abolishing the prison industrial complex and the police state. Enough would be eradicating all the other systems that continue to disenfranchise and trap the Black community in cycles of oppression. Enough would be ending discrimination against Black bodies and lived experience. Enough would be celebrating Blackness and the beautiful resilience in the Black community. Enough would be dismantling capitalism. Enough would be funding Black communities to provide good education, safe housing, well paying jobs, affordable (or free) healthcare, access to fresh food, and more. Enough would be not looking the other way when Black people are murdered. Enough would be not killing Black people. As an artist, I see art as a vital catalyst for social change. Artists draw inspiration from their lived experiences and emotions to create art that goes on to impact others. It’s a way to touch strangers on a deep, intimate level. Art is a cultural tool that humanizes and actualizes issues to viewers who may not fully understand. As a form of communication that is accessible to everyone, art is a platform to uplift the voices of those who are often silenced. I believe it is imperative to continue to uplift those voices. The goal of this magazine is to do so by providing the space for those voicesĚśparticularly the voices of Black, Indigenous, and People of ColorĚśand for others to join the conversation. Clearly, we have not been listening or taking the actions they’ve requested which needs to change. In , I want to highlight the hard topics. I want to share the trauma, struggles, oppression, sadness, hopelessness. I also want to highlight the beauty. I want to share the joy, resilience, hopes, dreams, love. In , I want to share you, whoever you are and wherever you come from. You are important and your story needs to be heard. Love,
Sydnney Margova Islam
“An artist’s duty, as far as I’m concerned, is to reflect the times. I think that is true of painters, sculptors, poets, musicians... And at this crucial time in our lives, when everything is so desperate, when everyday is a matter of survival, I don’t think you can help but be involved. Young people, black and white, know this. That’s why they’re so involved in politics. We will shape and mold this country or it will not be molded and shaped at all anymore. So I don’t think you have a choice. How can you be an artist and not reflect the times? That to me is the definition of an artist.� -Nina Simone ii
Issue 1 - June 2020 In memory of: Eric Garner John Crawford III Michael Brown Rodney King Ezell Ford Dante Parker Oscar Grant Michelle Cusseaux Tamir Rice Laquan McDonald Tanisha Anderson Akai Gurley Rumain Brisbon Jerame Reid George Mann Matthew Ajibade Frank Smart Natasha Mckenna Tony Robinson Anthony Hill Mya Hall Phillip White Eric Harris Penelope Diaz Ramirez William Chapman II Alexia Christian Brendon Glenn Victor Manuel Larosa Jonathan Sanders Freddie Gray Joseph Mann Salvado Ellswood Billy Ray Davis Samuel Dubose Michael Sabbie Brian Keith Day Sandra Bland Albert Joseph Davis Christain Taylor Tory Robinson Asshams Pharoah Manley Felix Kumi Patterson Brown Tyree Crawford India Kager La’vante Biggs Michael Lee Marshall Alonzo Smith Jamar Clark iii
Benni Lee Taylor Miguel Espinal Michael Noel Kevin Mattews Bettie Jones Quintonio Legrier Keith Childress Jr. Janet Wilson Randy Nelson Antronie Scott Wendell Celestine David Joseph Calin Roquemore Dyzhawn Perkins Christopher Davis Marco Loud Peter Gaines Torrey Robinson Darius Robinson Kevin Hicks Mary Truxillo Demarcus Semer Willie Tillman Terrill Thoman Sylville Smith Alton Sterling Philando Castile Terence Crutcher Paul O’Neal Johanna Metzger Walter Scott Alteria Woods Jordan Edwards Aaron Bailey Ronell Foster Stephon Clark Antwon Rose II Botham Jean Pamela Turner Dominique Clayton Atatiana Jefferson Christopher Whitfield Layla Pelaez Sanchez Dustin Parker Neulisa Luciano Ruiz Yampi Mendez Arocho Monika Diamond Serena Angelique Velazuez Ramos
Richard Perkins Nathaniel Harris Pickett Nina Pop Helle Jae O’Regan Dominique Fells Riah Milton Jayne Thompson Robert Fuller Malcolm Harsch Tony McDade Eric Reason Alton Sterling Delrawn Small Michael Lorenzo Dean Christopher McCorvey Oluwatoyin Salau Breonna Taylor Elijah McClain Rayshard Brooks George Floyd
And the countless other Black and Brown lives taken away from us. Rest in Power. #SayTheirNames
SheThey
Contents Cover
UNTIL SOMETHING BREAKS WITHIN YOU, Cherish Witherspoon
1
Peach Party, Allie Verbeke
2
Bipolar II, m.k.s.
3
Out of My Mind, Sydnney Margova Islam
4
Repunzel with a Twist, Madeline Ellie
5
Do you know when it all began?, Mariah Colucci
6
“Send Nudes”, Maeve Gimpl
7
Mania Flavored Isolation, Sydney Maday
8
Pandemic Spring, Sydney Maday
9
Do I owe anyone and explanation?, m.k.s.
10
Dream Team, Cherish Witherspoon
11
Because Bluebird is Real, Molly Thompson From Home, Audrey Rauth
12
Because Bluebird is Real, Molly Thompson (cont.) From Cloud Nine, Audrey Rauth (bottom) From Afar, Audrey Rauth (top)
13
Mirrors, Allie Verbeke
14
Inescapable, Maeve Gimpl
15
No Tears, Sydnney Margova Islam
16
Women Can’t Win, Eleanor Mihock
17
4.27.20, Devon Smith
18
Embrace, Rachel Stern
19
An Introduction, Audrey Rauth
20
White Burnout, Peyton Ordner iv
Issue 1 - June 2020
Peach Party Digital Collage By Allie Verbeke
SheThey
Bipolar II By m.k.s.
manic thoughts and impulsive desires flood, fears, fleeting friends and foes blood, tears, hoping for a ceasefire highs to lows, highs to lows when will this abusive relationship within my own head turn to a peaceful companionship my last insecurity be shed is the end in sight or is this a cycle without hope darkness instead of light will I learn to cope if I can’t trust my own mind where is there to turn is there a cure I can find or is it all scars, cuts, and burns highs to lows highs to lows high to low
2
Issue 1 - June 2020
Out of My Mind Photography Sydnney Magova Islam 3
SheThey
Rapunzel with a Twist Madeline Elli
Skies turn dark and lives run amuck Please turn to listen just know you won’t be brought up. I have no prince, no savior, no hair to climb up. I am Rapunzel with no stage and this is no play. If you listen closely, If you read carefully You will hear my voice from three towers up. Let it scream off the page what I need to say Only conflict is that all the words may be brushed away. Captors don’t like their secrets to stray. The only two words that stay in my brain Continue to play and play and play. Help me, oh help me continues to spill, All the way down from the tower he built. Has it finally leaked through to you? Just those two little words and the girl with no hair who wants to escape but can't find the way. Will anyone ever come to my aid? In hopes that one day I can be saved. Defeat the man and bring on the day? Or maybe... Just maybe.. I can find my own escape. So let me write and sit and stay locked up until that very day.
4
Issue 1 - June 2020
Do you remember when it all began? By Mariah Colucci
Eating at the dinner table You lift your shirt, watching your little tummy grow as you take each bite Going for a swim Sitting at the end of the driveway because your best friend is grabbing her bigger pair of swim shorts for you to borrow Coming home Crying at the end of the staircase begging your mom to get rid of the extra love in your thighs Growing up Your friends envy your body Your ass is huge All the boys say They want to smack that fat ass
5
Everyone says you look so good Even Grandpa says you look prettier when you’re skinny Looking in the mirror, I don’t know that person anymore Laying on the ground Your bones are hurting, blood pressures lowering Shedding layers of your skin
I’m better now And yet
You start to shrink
My sister reminds me I should change my swimsuit because my ass does not look good
Your brother asks Why do you always wear baggy clothes?
My boyfriend tells me I should cover up
Your friends wonder Why aren’t you at lunch anymore?
So I stand in front of the mirror, The ones I kept away for so long
Your mom questions Why is there always food in the toilet?
Picking at my tiger stripes and kangaroo pouch on my tummy
Spending your time at the gym Counting calories
Do you know when it all ends?
SheThey
“Send Nudes” Mixed Media By Maeve Gimpl
Issue 1 - June 2020
Mania Flavored Isolation Video Collage Still By Sydney Maday
Sitting with the pain of mania flavored isolation, tired of the city I barely step foot in, misunderstood by everyone including myself. Am I even interpreting my emotions accurately? The constant back and forth of doubting yourself. Imposter syndrome. Have I not spent so many years of my life to try and understand what I want from existence? Or am I fraud who doesn’t even know that I’m lost? Why is it not okay to be lost? Why are people who are supposed to be your peers so turned off by the idea that maybe you never had the opportunity to find yourself and are just now learning? The privilege it is to have had such freeing and playful adolescence. It’s not so easy trying to honor a self you do not know, a self you lost to childhood neglect and abandonment, rape, forced isolation.
SheThey
7
SheThey
Pandemic Spring
Video Collage Still By Sydney Maday Familiarity. Staring at your shoes as you walk down the block. Extended pauses to smell the freshly bloomed lilacs. A typical Minneapolis springtime walkabout, but this year it has an isolated and caged-in tone.
8
Issue 1 - June 2020
Do I owe anyone an explanation By m.k.s.
How many times must I explain The nightmares, the panic attacks, The ashbacks that interrupt my mind Every second of every day Why must I carry this burden Of pain, distaste, and inhumane actions Done upon my body Without my consent Before I even knew that My body parts Were not up for the taking Before I knew the Power my body holds Before I knew you were taking that power away Breaking apart my limbs And leaving me to pick up the pieces Why must my body be the foreground For history repeating itself Within every generation During every second Another women’s body parts Are treated like meat For the slaughter A little girl left Confused and in pain Without an explanation Yet expected To live the rest of her life Explaining
9
SheThey
Dream Team Digital Collage By Cherish Witherspoon
Issue 1 - June 2020
Because Bluebeard is Real By Molly Thompson
You saw him in the village, Quaint smile, walked half a mile Just to see his place. What a place! Heavenly space! Dripping with sapphires, rubies, and pearls. Each time you passed him, simple words, little twirls Just to see him smile. yet your face, another in the pile. No matter. Lots of work to do today. Seasons change, colors fade. What hue grows on his chin? From class to class you worry and spin Your focus is elsewhere paid.
Collages by Audrey Rauth (left to right) From Home From Cloud Nine From Afar 11
Then one day he walks right in No note, no letter, but with a small grin. A key that falls, a wardrobe rattles. And blood that tracks from his shoes, it coats the key-Is it blood in his beard you see? Blue turns red, you turn white And your body backs into the dresser, Feet hit bed. Blue bristles get closer, You close your eyes instead. The door ies open, Annie’s sharp voice, hands withdraw Retreating footsteps tell you it all. No harm done, really nothing at all.
SheThey
You open your eyes and you feel alone. You are always alone: quickly close the closet doors. The fallen corpses you put back in, inside the little drawers. Stack them: head to toe, head to toe. Your nose stings from wives past, Your heart burns for wives future, But feel nothing at all for the wife present. Bed sheets crinkle, wardrobe shakes, The whole room feels thoroughly unsafe. So throw yourself in another’s arms wherever blood stains fail to show.
And Lady Macbeth, sweet old woman, whose nightly habits don’t disturb you-You wake with her, for you have new habits too. Wash her hands, wash your back, scrub the bloody floor clean. Check the lock, change the light, Make sure to close the little door tight. So give a smile to Laura’s power, the goblin’s fruit has all turned sour stop calling! I do not wish to dine today.
12
Issue 1 - June 2020
Mirrors By Allie Verbeke The first thing she sees when she gets out of bed: her mirror. This is the mirror she’s spent hours of her life poring over, analyzing every part of her physical appearance, determining if she’s enough. She pulls up her pajama shirt, checking this morning’s stomach, assessing herself and her self-worth for the day. The mirror stands strong; she does not. She tries on what feels like dozens of different outfits, constantly finding things she hates about a certain pair of jeans, or that top that is just a little too tight for comfort. She loves her clothes- they are her most valuable items- but she loves them from afar, for her body is not good enough for them on most days. She decides on the same pair of loose jeans and oversized band t-shirt that hide her, make her blend in. Her younger self would be so disappointed; she loved to stand out, wearing bright colors and whatever she wanted. She is no longer her younger, confident self; she has grown up a female in a society meant to tear her down, and it has. She leaves her room, checking her body one last time before heading out. She walks to class, passing buildings and cars with reflective windows. From the outside, she may appear to be looking inside these windows, or even checking herself out, but this is not the case. The mirrors follow her everywhere. She watches herself walk, wondering how others see her; how others see her ass or her stomach or her thighs that she hates so much. She curses her short legs and poor posture and double chin, wishing she were someone elsesomeone who looks tall and thin and trendy in this outfit. Her day continues. The mirrors follow her. She opens her computer in class, sees her face in the reflection of the screen: criticizes herself. She sends a Snapchat to her best friends: criticizes herself. She goes to the bathroom, sees her reflection in the mirror: criticizes herself. She catches someone looking at her on the bus and assumes they are judging her: criticizes herself. By the time she gets home, her eyes are exhausted from looking at herself. Her thoughts, her criticisms, they never rest, never stay silent. Her body is never hers, not really; it belongs to her negative thoughts; it belongs to the rest of society; it belongs to the mirrors.
13
SheThey
Inescapable Mixed Media By Maeve Gimpl
14
Issue 1 - June 2020
No Tears Mixed Media By Sydnney Margova Islam
SheThey
Women can’t win By Eleanor Mihock
If she doesn’t have a flat stomach, she is considered fat. If she does have a flat stomach, she is considered sick. If she doesn’t have a big ass and slim waist, she is considered undesirable. If she is a social butterfly, she is considered an attention whore. If she is shy, she is considered weird and awkward. If she is vulnerable with someone, she is considered too naive. If she has her guard up with someone, she is considered too reserved. If she gets straight A’s, she is considered a nerd. If school isn’t her strong suit, people will say she is dumb. If she has had sex, she is considered a whore. If she is a virgin, she is considered a prude. If she sets high standards for relationships, she is too picky. If she lowers her standards in a relationship, she is settling. If she stands up for herself, she is considered a bitch. If she lets things go, she is considered a doormat. If she dresses up for the day, she is trying too hard. If she dresses down, she looks like a slob. If she loves herself, she is considered too intimidating. If she lacks self-love, she is considered draining. If she fights for equal pay, she is considered greedy. If she fights to be in Congress, her winning is considered a long-shot. If she wins the World Soccer Cup, she is still not considered as good as the men. If she wears a skirt, she is asking for it. If she is simply being herself, she will not be considered enough. If she is a woman, she will never ever win. When will all of this finally change?
16
Issue 1 - June 2020
4. 27. 2020 By Devon Smith For the majority of my life, even now, I have struggled with the idea of gender expression. I am a cis-gender female and when I was a child, I always felt over sexualized and uncomfortable being femme and girly. I felt that being feminine was dangerous and weak and something that men would take advantage of me for as a woman. When I came out to myself at 16, and finally realized I was attracted to women (as well as men), there was a time in my life where I briefly thought I was transgender. This could be partly due to internalized homophobia in thinking that I must really be a man if I am attracted to women. Now I know that gender and sexuality are two completely different ideas; one can be attracted to whomever they want and it has nothing to do with how they express themselves and their gender. I will say that even today, I still find myself having trouble expressing my gender in general. I just feel that my gender expression isn’t super consistent and it is still something that is still very unclear to me. Some days I feel compelled to wear heavy makeup and a dress and generally look like a “stereotypical female”. Other days I feel like looking like a tomboy or more androgynous. In general I guess I just don’t understand why I don’t have a more “fixed” sense of gender identity. Will it always be like this, one day I’m femme and the next I’m masc? I will say that as I get older I find myself to be more comfortable with a more femme exterior. I think that this has to do with the fact that I become more confident as an adult woman and have reprogrammed my brain from thinking that one has to be masculine in order to be strong and protect myself from men. It’s funny how deeply all of the “isms” are ingrained in us.
17
SheThey
Embrace Charocal By Rachel Stern
Issue 1 - June 2020
An Introduction Digital Collage By Audrey Rauth
SheThey
White Burnout
By Peyton Ordner Flowers next to my bed are short, thick A slow but deliberate ascension rejoicing in all the love the sun has to pour Even deprived of rays and juice, they appear taller than they are Petals begging to touch the clouds and resilient trunks born of sparkling dirt so dark it had no choice but to love itself into becoming grown All its relatives teach it that competition is a death sentence Coevolution is the fertilizer on which it heals and multiplies. In this bed here, we tower boast roar our lanky limbs Watchkeepers of all the garden’s beds Distance visible but depth unfelt We’ve spurt too fast, and on what healthy foundations? Tall and withered we King ourselves though our genetic structure has no trace of words like community, solidarity, love A selfish purpose to sprout tallest by stealing my neighbors light This soil is poison snaking and curling up my weeping stem. My neighbor asks why I must rob the Kingdom of its height in order to feel tall The roots of by own bed, they lack resilience Ancestors ignorant to coevolution and interdependence Only wisdom was that of forgetting the venom in my genes Getting to complain about my height despite having stolen it all We will not last like this. Cut me off at the root and plant me again In a new bed, let us find a confident pace. 20
Issue 1 - June 2020
My mission is to open more dialogues about the experiences of women and gender non-conforming folks through impactful art and literature. With an intersectional feminist lens, I want to give this community a resource where they have a voice to share what it is like to live in their skin. My goal is to cover any and all subjects relevant to these folks, including but not limited to; sex, race, LGBTQ+ rights, body positivity, reproductive justice, ability, racism, colorism, sexual assault, Indigeneity, trans* rights, white supremacy, age, gender uidity, domestic violence, patriarchy, sexuality, menstruation, relationships, toxic masculinity, sex positivity, uplifting favorite artists, writers, musicians, activists, etc. I hope to share perspectives from women and non-binary folks of all races, abilities, ages, religions, nationalities, and sexualities. Any and all forms of art and literature are accepted.
SheThey
Thank you to everyone who supported this dream of mine and helped create a community around speaking our truths.
If you are interested in submitting work for the next issue, please contact me by email at syd.mislam13@gmail.com
Until next time.
SheThey Magazine June 2020
