The Mustache Bible

The TACH E M US E BIBL

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The Mustache Bible shows you how to grow, shape and maintain 40 distinct styles. Whether it’s a Handlebar, Fu Manchu, Trucker or Walrus style you’d like to rock, we have you covered.

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£12.99 • Men’s Grooming

MUSTACHE BIBLE

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Charming, elegant, original. Over millennia, the mustache has evolved from an unruly block of hair below the nose – chewed to length or cut by sharp seashells – to a gentlemanly accessory and manly, ever-evolving work of art. The ’stache is back. Of course it’s fair to say it never really left – even after Tom Selleck disappeared from our TV screens.

THE

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e h T TACH E S U M LE B I B

AL TIC ICKS C A R T PR LES S & E T I P R E AT T S T Y C C TO ISTIN D 40

e h T TACH E S U M LE B I B

AL TIC ICKS C A TR PR LES S & E T I P R E AT T S T Y C C TO ISTIN D 40

Rock .133

Teenstache .129

Porno .125

Pirate .121

Zorro .117

Brush .113

Natural .109

Musketeer .105

Monarchist .101

Mexican .97

49. Connoisseur

45. Fu Manchu

41. Chevron

37. Trucker

33. B-boy

29. Biker

25. Baguette

21. American

17. Lampshade

15. TYPES OF MUSTACHE

9. THE STORY OF THE MUSTACHE

Hungarian .173

Walrus .169

Triangle .165

Super Mario .161

Faded pencil .157

Toilet brush .153

Toothbrush .149

Spaghetti .145

Smile .141

Broom .137

93. Handlebar

89. Italian

85. English

81. Imperial

77. Gallic

73. Freestyle

69. Machoman

65. Horseshoe

61. Pharaoh

57. Double V

53. DalĂ­

“ W i t h o u t a m u s t a c h e, a ma n i s n o t p r o p e r ly d r e s s e d . �

S a l va d o r D a l Ă­

the story o f t h e m u s ta c h e I N T R O D U C T I O N

ANcient greece 1000–776 BC

1680

american civil war 1861–1865

1895

roaring twenties 1920–1929

1928

contemporary age The modern mustache

Mustache popular for over 2000 years

You spend your adolescence looking hopefully in the mirror, waiting to see the hint of hair between your nostrils and upper lip that assures your transformation from a child to a proud and virile man – a man with a mustache.

Slowly, they emerge – those long-awaited first hairs – and they must be cultivated, cared for and enhanced in order to become a proper man’s mustache. Since the dawn of time, whiskers have symbolised virility, manifesting a man’s sexuality and prominence, conspicuously accompanying the transition from puberty to manhood. Or perhaps they’re just a thousand-year-old excuse for avoiding the burden of shaving.

Passing a modern-day razor over your face can be annoying at best. And so, some choose to avoid it altogether, leaving the hair between the nose and mouth intact. These forward-thinking men understand the power of the mustache.

The first historical portrayal of a mustache was in a portrait of a Shiite knight around 300 BC. It depicts the knight completely shaved except for a handsome mustache that makes him appear both macho and mysterious. Over centuries, whiskers have continued to express authority and a strong, decisive appeal. Since their incarnation, they have become a veritable monument to virility, 11

standing proud and tall in the middle of a hairless face. They are a symbol of strength, wisdom and originality, and allow a man to distance himself from the immaturity of adolescence and the banality of shaving.

Authoritarian figures of the past have always sported beards or mustaches, from Ancient Greek deities like Zeus and Giove who wore long beards, to more modern-day leaders, whose mustaches are synonymous with power. In fact, more recently, the mustache has been associated with military men. In every regiment in every country, a man’s rank corresponds with a different style of mustache: younger soldiers bear small, simple mustaches and, as a man rises in importance, his mustache grows thicker too, finally resulting in a full beard reserved for the highest-ranking officers. Think of the famous Lewis Wallace, for example, whose elaborate mustache and pointed beard have become an icon of the American Civil War. But, let’s proceed in order. The history of whiskers has developed in parallel to the evolution of shaving. For thousands of years, men have gone into battle with their facial hair. Originally, primitive implements were used, such as sharp stones and sea shells and, later, various metals like bronze and iron. It was not until the turn of the eighteenth century that things got a little more high-tech with the introduction of commercialised shaving soaps and brushes, which resulted in a more comfortable shave. Rudimentary foams made from oils extracted from wood, ash and animal fat were discarded, and the trend for a close, clean shave began. This was, perhaps, due to the fact that illustrious personages of the time favoured perfectly groomed faces instead of a good mustache.

The following century, the trend changed and, despite the political and cultural revolution raging in France, it was in England where shaving really took off. The British, in fact, were the first to market shaving soaps in tablet form at the beginning of the nineteenth century. These never-seen-before soft and abundant foams were an invitation to shave and try new creative arrangements 12

of facial hair. Barber shops of the period saw a huge surge in business, with more and more men wanting to get under the razor.

Pursuing the fashion of famous mustaches like those of Friedrich Nietzsche, barbers smeared chunks of soap with brushes made of wild boar or badger bristles, and faces were artfully shaved and adorned with decorative mustaches.

From there, the popularity of the ornamental mustache grew exponentially and, by the twentieth century, the whisker had moved from the battlefields to intellectual salons and, then, to a man’s own home. By the 1920s, the black and impatient handlebar mustache – often combined with a similar hair treatment – was worn by many male movie stars and came to be known as the symbol of seduction.

In the period following World War II, a new era of shaving began, brought about by the industrialisation and marketing of shaving products, which consequently reduced their price and increased their accessibility.

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B A F F I

t ypes of

m u s ta c h e 4 0

S T Y L E S

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

lampshade

A trapezoidal carpet (preferably dark), a bit ‘working class’ and a bit antagonistic, this is a manly whisker, especially suitable for those with black hair, perfect for manning up feminine features.

CELEBRITIES Peter Sellers 17

Tutorial lampshade TIME: 1 month

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

½

1

Pass the razor blade over the cheeks, throat and chin, ensuring the shave is neat and tidy.

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Define the contours of the mustache with scissors, snipping it to create the characteristic trapezium shape.

2

Be sure to match the whiskers on the top and bottom. Take special care of the hair in the corners of the mouth to avoid ruining the symmetry.

3

You can shape the ends with a little gel if you want to give a jagged-edge effect that will liven up the finished mustache and make it more original.

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YOU DID IT! NO LONGER WILL THEY BE ABLE TO ACCUSE YOU OF BEING A FRIVOLOUS DO-NOTHING, AS YOU WILL HAVE THE MOST SERIOUS MUSTACHE OF THEM ALL.

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

american

The peculiarity of this mustache lies in the thin stripe shaved above the upper lip, making it a cross between a chevron and a more feathered style.

Precisely for this reason, this mustache needs a lot of care: it must be worn short, so it is necessary to trim it every two or three days. Fasten the edges firmly using a comb, whisker brush and some gel.

CELEBRITIES Kevin Kline, Errol Flynn, Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, Jean Dujardin 21

Tutorial american TIME: 2 weeks

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS: ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Start by shaving the hair off the cheeks, chin area, throat and sideburns with an electric razor.

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With the blade, create a thin, shaved strip just above the upper lip, so that it is visible but not too obvious.

2

You will need scissors and a razor blade to model the mustache, which must be worn short and must be shaped downwards towards the corners of the mouth. It is essential to maintain symmetry on both sides.

3

Remember to check the whiskers every two or three days and shave the hairs just above the upper lip in order to keep the mustache looking sharp.

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THIS IS THE STYLE OF HOLLYWOOD’S GLAMOROUS ACTORS. SINCE YOU'RE UNLIKELY TO RESEMBLE BRAD PITT OR RYAN GOSLING, DON’T BE DISHEARTENED IF THE AMERICAN MUSTACHE LOOKS BETTER ON THEM.

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

baguette

A must for anyone hoping to reside in the Basque Country between France and Spain. Even better if you also like the visual arts. The main difficulty lies in the central area, where the whiskers shrink and surgical precision must be employed to model them properly. Absolutely to be avoided for those with sparse facial hair.

CELEBRITIES Alain Delon 25

Tutorial baguet te TIME: 5 weeks +

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS: ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

½

1

Start with a beautiful thick mop of facial hair. A good beard on the cheeks is helpful in creating this mustache.

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Shave the chin and cheeks, being careful to leave a very large mustache that reaches beyond the corners of the mouth to join the cheeks.

2

Using a razor, thin the central area and tips.

3

Use great care to maintain the edges of this mustache by trimming regularly with scissors.

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A COUPLE OF RANDOM WORDS OF FRENCH AND A STRING OF GARLIC AROUND YOUR NECK AND YOU’LL BE ACCEPTED BY THE BASQUE PEOPLE AS ONE OF THEIR OWN.

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

biker

This variation of the horseshoe mustache is characterised by thick squared whiskers. They are a tough accessory, popular among bikers and, more generally, among men who know their stuff. They reach maximum expression when sprayed with hydrogen peroxide and accompanied by 300 pounds of pure muscle, as sported by Mr Terrence Gene Bollea, aka Hulk Hogan, in wrestling's golden age.

CELEBRITIES Hulk Hogan 29

Tutorial biker

TIME: 2 months +

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

1

After growing your beard for a couple of months, you can work the magic with your razor and transport yourself back to the roaring eighties, minus the coloured bandana and blonde hair (unless that’s your thing).

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Using an electric razor, shape a beautiful thick, chin-length mustache. Carefully shave the area between the lips, chin and cheeks, leaving only the characteristic sideburns.

2

With scissors and a razor, begin to trim the mustache into a square shape, ensuring the tips end at the chin.

3

A spray of hydrogen peroxide to finish is almost mandatory for this mustache, or at least warmly recommended.

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NOW YOU WILL BE FORCED TO WEAR A TANK TOP (EVEN IN WINTER), READY TO BE TORN OFF WITH BARE HANDS.

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

b-boy

You need to be a good chiseller to create and maintain this type of mustache: two very thin strips of hair that reach down at right angles to the sides, and a fly (facial hair just below the lower lip) that joins the goatee.

CELEBRITIES George Michael 33

Tutorial b-b o y TIME: 1 week

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

1

Completely shave the throat, cheeks and chin. Leave some hair on the chin and a very thin strip that connects the fly and the goatee.

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With a razor blade, cut the hairs in the dip of the upper lip between the nose and the mouth.

2

Shave the whiskers on the upper lip into a thin strip to outline the mustache.

3

Finish the lower strip by making a 90-degree angle and shaving everything between the strip and the lower lip.

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90º

THIS MUSTACHE OPENS UP A RANGE OF POSSIBILITIES: YOU CAN THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND AND JOIN A CHICANO GANG OR BECOME A DANCER IN RICKY MARTIN’S NEXT MUSIC VIDEO.

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

trucker

Something between a beard and a mustache, which is an especially good style for those who have an oval or elongated face. However, if your biceps are not trained to blast the horn of a truck, forget about it.

CELEBRITIES No celebrities as such, but if you spend time in a rest stop on the highway, you’ll be sure to find plenty of styles to inspire you...

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Tutorial trucker TIME: 4 weeks

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

You can create this mustache a number of different ways.

The most comfortable way is to start from a full (fairly long) beard, ready to be sculpted and transformed into one of the most whimsical styles in circulation.

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Start by removing the sideburns, then shave the hair on the throat and chin, leaving the beard in the jaw area.

2

Use scissors and a razor blade to shape the contours. Unlike the horseshoe mustache, you want to keep a nice open angle on this one.

3

Finish the look by shaving the jaw area and slightly feathering the tips of the mustache.

4

BE PREPARED TO GIVE DIRECTIONS TO LOST TRAVELLERS AND ALWAYS KEEP A GOOD SUPPLY OF POWDERY DONUTS HANDY.

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

CHEVRON

The unforgettable Tom Selleck made this trapezoidal mustache a symbol of masculinity in his TV role as Thomas Magnum in the eighties.

After that, Freddie Mercury turned the chevron into a recognisable gay accessory. Choose which of the two messages you want to send – or both!

– by selecting this style.

CELEBRITIES Tom Selleck, Freddie Mercury 41

Tutorial chevron TIME: 4 weeks +

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

To create a mustache that would rival the cast of Magnum P.I., a bit of preparatory work is required. Leave your beard for a few weeks to ensure you have a thick layer of hair to work with.

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Start by removing the hair on the cheek and chin with an electric razor, paying attention to the symmetry of the two ends and the overall thickness, which must be consistent.

2

With a razor, carefully trim both sides, always respecting the symmetry, working along the upper edge to thin out the hair towards the corners of the mouth.

3

Use an electric razor set to the widest setting to thin out the mustache and create a clean line above the upper lip. Make sure the area under the nose is well covered by a layer of elegant and manly hair.

4

YOU NOW HAVE THE FACIAL HAIR TO OWN A FERRARI OR INVESTIGATE UNSOLVED CRIMES. EITHER WAY, IT’S BETTER THAN A DAY JOB.

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

Fu Manchu

A continuation of the horseshoe that stretches towards the chin and beyond. It is essential that the gap between the mustache and the beard is not noticeable. In fact, the aim of the iconic Fu Manchu mustache is to merge these two elements to perfection.

CELEBRITIES Fu Manchu 45

Tutorial Fu Manchu TIME: 6 months +

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS: ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

ung f kungkfu u II

Buy a box set of Jackie Chan movies and start watching. In the meantime, leave your beard to grow out a little.

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To keep this style looking tidy, you’ll need to shorten the mustache twice a week and shave the rest of your face every day. Meanwhile, allow the tips to grow while you assimilate the teachings of your shifu.

2

The ends of the mustache will continue growing without incising the beard and, in two or three years, voila!

You’ll have the Fu Manchu beard of your dreams. If you want a shortcut, though, employ your goatee as a natural continuation of the mustache.

3

The most important thing is that you can’t tell the difference between the mustache and the goatee, at least at first glance. Maintain them at the same thickness and use mustache wax to unify them.

4

FINALLY, YOU CAN MAKE THE WISE AND INTIMIDATING IMPRESSION YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED, BUT BEWARE OF BODY-TO-BODY CONTACT, AS THE FU MANCHU MUSTACHE CAN GET IN THE WAY OF CERTAIN ACTIVITIES. 47

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

CONNOISSEUR

To achieve a mustache with rounded corners, you need a careful shave to make it as thin as possible and plenty of wax to curl its ends. It’s a lot of effort, but you will gain the reputation of a connoisseur, critic and bon viveur in the process.

CELEBRITIES Hercule Poirot 49

Tutorial connoisseur TIME: 6 weeks

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS: ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

½ ½

1

Compared to the handlebar mustache, which is distantly related, this style requires more care to maintain the body of the mustache and a big toasty face, necessary to house all the knowledge that you may or may not have. So start with a complete shave and buy a decanter.

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As they grow, comb the hairs outwards to train them into the right shape.

While you do this, work on a number of confident but tenuous comments to roll out at dinner parties; it’s what will now be expected of you.

2

When the whiskers have reached the correct length, douse them abundantly with wax and squeeze the ends slightly to thin the hair towards the tips. Avoid twisting too much. Check that the two sides are symmetrical.

3

Now it’s time to curl the tips, after which the most important work is the maintenance of the connoisseur. It’s demanding, but doable, just check the edges a couple of times a week and shave the rest of the face every day.

4

CHECK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR. DAMN! YOU ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE ONE OF THE INTELLIGENTSIA.

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

dalĂ­

Here, the styling must become a work of art.

Just like the the paintings of the famous Spanish painter, the shape of this mustache transcends normal physical and biological laws to become something far more beautiful. The man who wears it must have a lot of creativity and even more hair on his chest.

CELEBRITIES Salvador DalĂ­ 53

Tutorial DALí

TIME: 6 months +

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS: ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Before you can hope to emulate the master of surrealism, you need to cultivate your own mustache. Grow it straight away rather than cutting from a beard, and train it into long, thin strips.

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Smooth the hair daily with a special comb so that it remains as docile and easy-to-model as possible.

2

Sprinkle with wax and twist one side upwards, pulling gently at the same time.

Do this carefully to avoid breaking the hair, then repeat with the other side. Both, in the end, should point upwards.

3

If necessary – and it probably will be – add some more wax until you have created two small stalagmites of hair.

If they are not entirely symmetrical, it doesn’t matter; you’ve just created your own surrealist work of art.

4

KEEP AWAY FROM TWO THINGS: PAINTING, BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER LIVE UP TO YOUR MUSE, AND CHILDREN, WHO WILL CONSTANTLY WANT TO PLAY WITH YOUR MUSTACHE AT ALL COSTS.

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

double v

This style joins the thickest whiskers, so as to draw a sort of ‘W’ shape on your face: a hairstyle favoured by Motörhead fans in honour of the band’s leader, the legendary, now sadly deceased, Lemmy. A beer mug permanently affixed to your hand and an electric guitar over the shoulder are recommended accessories.

CELEBRITIES Lemmy Kilmister 57

Tutorial double v TIME: 4 weeks

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Start with a thick beard and mustache that are already flowing.

Shave the hair on the chin and throat.

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Shave any hair on the cheeks. Use scissors to trim and define the meeting point between the whiskers on both sides.

2

Remove the beard just above the chin, being careful not to over-trim.

3

To guarantee the symmetry of your mustache, check the two ‘V’ shapes are perfectly identical.

4

DON’T STAND TOO CLOSE TO THE STAGE AT ROCK CONCERTS, OR YOU MAY BE MISTAKEN FOR ONE OF THE BAND.

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

Pharaoh

Modelled on Egyptian pharaohs, this now-unique style is characterised by a delicate thin mustache and an enormous fly (facial hair just below the lower lip), able to cover and replace any goatee.

It’s certainly among the most sophisticated to wear and challenging to grow.

CELEBRITIES If you happen to be in an Egyptian museum, you will find a lot of mummified people with this look.

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Tutorial pharaoh TIME: 6 months +

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS:

½

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

½

1

The great fly counterbalances the thin mustache and gives it a regal aspect, like a pharaoh. The mustache is short, so you can start with a two-week-old beard before delineating the two elements.

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Shave your face well, leaving only the fly and a thin mustache, less than 1 cm (1/2 inch) thick.

2

The mustache must be trimmed every two weeks to maintain a length of about 1 cm (1/2 inch), while the fly must be left to grow for a long time.

3

When the fly exceeds chin level, even the end with a pair of scissors and tie it with rubber bands.

4

NOW THAT YOU’VE SPENT MONTHS GROWING YOUR BEARD, IT MIGHT INTEREST YOU TO KNOW THAT ANCIENT EGYPTIAN RULERS ACTUALLY USED FAKE BEARDS SO THEY COULD SAVE TIME AND ENGAGE IN MORE FUN ACTIVITIES. STUPID, HEY?

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

horseshoe

Maintenance is the key to making the most of this mustache. It is necessary to shave the cheeks regularly so as to bring out the contours, otherwise they could look unkempt. If well taken care of, this style represents a synthesis between the Far East of Fu Manchu and the Far West of the cowboys.

CELEBRITIES Captain Beefheart, George Harrison 65

Tutorial horseshoe TIME: 2 months

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS:

½

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Shave the cheeks, throat and jaw.

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Create a semicircle shape with a razor and a pair of scissors, making sure to blunt the corners of the mustache as much as possible.

2

Remove the hair that would otherwise form a fly and goatee and create two strips – not too thin but not too pronounced – starting from the corners of the mouth extending downwards.

3

It is important that the two strips are squared and well defined to increase the contrast with the rounded mustache.

Maintain daily.

4

JUST LIKE HORSESHOES THEMSELVES, IT IS SAID THAT THIS STYLE OF MUSTACHE CAN BRING THE WEARER GOOD LUCK.

67

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

machoman

Falling perpendicularly, this mustache covers the corners of the mouth, reaching up to the chin and mingling with the beard. For some, it might offer an easy way to demonstrate their sexual preference, but it will take time to grow to Village People proportions.

CELEBRITIES The Village People biker 69

Tutorial machoman TIME: 6 weeks +

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Thin your beard with an electric razor, taking care not to completely eliminate it. Trim evenly all over, until the beard has about one week’s worth of length.

70

Care must be taken to define the shape of the whiskers, which must be thick and fall downwards, covering the corners of the mouth.

2

Use a razor to outline the horseshoe with precision, shaving the corners and being careful to avoid making the mustache too thin.

3

Use an electric razor to even out the rest of the face, creating a shadow of a beard that blends with the mustache.

4

WITH THE MACHOMAN ON YOUR FACE, YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU’LL BE WEARING TO CARNIVAL.

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THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

freestyle

The only rule with this mustache is that there are no rules. So take all the other mustaches you’ve seen, reset your memory and let something original, bizarre and totally memorable grow; something unimaginable, something that will turn heads in the street.

CELEBRITIES The man who succeeds in creating a truly original design will have his fifteen minutes of fame wherever he goes.

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Tutorial freestyle TIME: 0-

DIFFICULT Y: 0-

MANL INESS: 0-

CHARM: 0-

ORIGINAL IT Y: 0-

1

Let yourself grow a long and uneven beard, so as not to preclude any possibility.

74

In the meantime you will have a few weeks to cultivate your creativity. The main ingredient in a good freestyle mustache is a crazy and original idea, so give it some thought before getting in front of the mirror.

2 h el e s t myulssteatcy

style

After shaving the hair off the neck, jaw and chin, arm yourself with scissors and mustache wax and experiment. Don’t be afraid to dare, but also remember that once it’s gone, it’s gone, so work slowly.

When you have found the look that’s right for you, get an opinion from someone you trust. If their initial reaction is bewilderment soon replaced by a mixture of laughter and admiration of your courage, you have hit on a winner.

3

4

THE FREESTYLE MUSTACHE IS PERFECT FOR ANY OCCASSION CALLING FOR A BIT OF PIZZAZZ. BE SURE TO SHOW IT OFF WITH AN EQUALLY DAPPER OUTFIT.

75

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

gallic

It could be described as a traditional mustache affected by gigantism. Those who cultivate it must have plenty of patience, because it takes several months before reaching its full seagullwing potential.

CELEBRITIES Asterix 77

Tutorial gallic TIME: 6 months +

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Let time take its course, because the gull’s wings don’t appear overnight. Either style from a full beard or resist the temptation to check your mustache for months.

78

When you have reached the ideal length, shave the throat, sideburns, cheeks and chin.

2

Trim the hair in the middle where it meets, just enough to create a small join.

3

The tips should not completely turn out, but open out a little. You can fix them with a bit of mustache wax.

4

THIS MUSTACHE WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOU STAND OUT IN A CROWD. THAT, OR IT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A COLOMBIAN DRUG LORD.

79

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

imperial

This style is a little hipster nod to the classic handlebar mustache – the equivalent of a kitten to a Bengal tiger. Compared to the handlebar, the brush is much thicker in the area between the upper lip and the nose, with ends that, curled upwards, almost completely cover the cheekbones.

CELEBRITIES Archduke Franz Ferdinand, Prussian King Wilhelm II 81

Tutorial imperial TIME: 6 months

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS: ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

½

1

Follow the instructions for the handlebar mustache on page 92.

This look requires time and patience, allowing uncultivated whiskers to grow out before moulding with the perfect mustache wax.

82

Coat the mustache in wax and comb it outwards so the hairs stay in place. To get the desired shape, the hairs must become become stiff. They needn’t be twisted, but they must stay straight. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but it’s worth it, so persevere.

2

Give the wax time to fix before shaping the mustache. Make sure the upper part is even and the bottom forms a wide, flat base.

3

Squeeze and twist the ends to shape them.

4

NOW THAT YOU LOOK LIKE WILHELM II, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GROW A VOLATILE TEMPERAMENT TO MATCH.

83

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

english

One of the six types of mustaches recognised by the world federation. Start from the middle of the upper lip and arrange the ends facing slightly upwards. All the hair over the corners of the mouth should be shaved. This is a look of timeless elegance without comparison, as thin as the humour of His Majesty’s subjects.

CELEBRITIES Dick Dastardly 85

Tutorial English TIME: 3 months +

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS:

½

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

½

1

Arm yourself with patience. If you want to look like an English lord, you’ll need two things: time and brilliance. You can start working on your very English mustache after about four weeks of razor abstinence.

86

Shave the beard off the cheeks and chin and leave only the mustache.

2

Comb your whiskers daily, being sure to keep the characteristic line in the middle.

3

Once the whiskers have reached a consistent length, it is time to shape them. With an abundant amount of wax or gel, gradually work both sides of the mustache into pointed strips, then bend them upwards.

4

KEEPING THESE WHISKERS IN PERFECT ORDER TAKES TIME, SO BE PATIENT AND BE CAREFUL NOT TO DIP THEM IN YOUR TEA.

87

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

italian

Have you decided to move to Italy? Do you want to maximise your Latin charm while there? This mustache is what characterised Italian emigrants during the twentieth century and it could work for you too.

CELEBRITIES Luigi, the brother of Super Mario 89

Tutorial i ta l i a n TIME: 6 weeks

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS:

½

½

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Use whatever tool you want – a razor blade, brush cutter or scissors – but the beard you’ve lovingly grown over the past few weeks has to go.

90

Define the contours of the mustache with the razor blade and comb the ends upwards, but do not twist them.

2

The mustache must remain as soft as possible, so wax sparingly; use the minimum amount necessary to maintain the shape.

3

Forget about the scissors; the characteristic of this mustache is its thickness, to the point where the hair could cover the mouth. To prevent this from happening, comb your mustache regularly with great care.

4

ARE YOU AN ITALIAN ABROAD? THEN GESTURE LIKE AN ITALIAN, SHOUTING ‘MAMMA MIA!’ UNTIL THE GIRLS AROUND YOU ARE OVERCOME WITH DESIRE AND PUT AWAY THEIR PEPPER SPRAY.

91

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

handlebar

Thick, and with the ends curled upwards, this mustache was one of the first of the older styles to be recovered in recent years after a brief period of oblivion. To wind the clock back a hundred years, you will need a comb and some wax. To wear it in the present day, simply ride a fixed-gear bicycle, carry an iPhone and create a Spotify mix full of semi-unknown bands on it. That ought to do it.

CELEBRITIES Daniel Day-Lewis, President Theodore Roosevelt, Arthur Conan Doyle 93

Tutorial handlebar TIME: 2 months +

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

1

Allow your beard to grow for several weeks to get your whiskers to the right length. At this stage you must resist the temptation to adjust them, otherwise the process will take longer.

94

As soon as the hair is long enough, start by combing it outwards. To start with, the hairs will remain bent for a very short time, but slowly, as they lengthen, you’ll get a more consistent curl.

2

Mustache wax is a fundamental tool. It is important that it has a good seal and does not leak; if the day is particularly hot, apply more liberally.

3

Once you’ve applied the wax, all you have to do is bend the tips of the mustache, curling them or leaving them bent. The most important thing is that they take on the classic hook shape.

4

ONLY A FEW YEARS AGO, YOU WOULD HAVE RISKED BEING CALLED A LUNATIC WITH THIS GET-UP, BUT THE HIPSTER FASHION REVOLUTION SAYS IT’S OK. AND SO DO WE.

95

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

mexican

An anti-establisment mustache. If the other styles in this book are too aristocratic or fashionable, this mustache, brought to the fore by Mexican revolutionaries like Emiliano Zapata and Pancho Villa, could be for you. It goes without saying that to pull this off you must have an olive complexion, dark eyes and be partial to a shot of tequila.

CELEBRITIES Pancho Villa, Emiliano Zapata 97

Tutorial mexican TIME: 2 months

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS: ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

½ ½

1

Completely shave your face leaving only the mustache, which must be 4–5 cm (11/2–2 inches) long.

98

Use a razor to shape the contours of the mustache to create a sort of crescent.

2

Even out the length of the whiskers with scissors, but avoid taking too much off.

3

A little bit of gel or wax will help you curl just the very tips, and this process must be repeated daily.

4

AFTER ALL THE DANCING AROUND IN A SOMBRERO (WHICH YOU’LL BE ENTITLED TO DO), YOU WILL HAVE DEFINITELY EARNED A MARGARITA AND SIESTA.

99

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

Monarchist

Dimensions count in the crafting of a mustache.

Not by chance were mustaches worn by many historial – and some present-day – authoritarians.

They represented power, strength and virility. And the monarchist, in particular, is the ultimate display of masculinity, with deep curls and tips that stand up almost to the ears.

CELEBRITIES King Umberto I of Italy, and other people with a name followed by an ordinal number 101

Tutorial monarchist TIME: 6 months +

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Stash your electric shaver, scissors and razor blades in a drawer and seal it. This is the beginning of a long adventure, but first, you need something akin to a hermit’s beard.

102

Decide whether to communicate your intentions to your family and friends up front, or if you want to wait for them to find out for themselves what you’ve done.

2 Dear Grandma,

When the time is right, open the nowdusty drawer and pull out your tools.

Shave the area under the lip up to the chin and all the hair under the jaw.

Whether you shave the mandible area is at your discretion.

3

The management of the giant ends is subjective, as they can be combed up in the direction of the ears, but also down, like a beard. One thing is certain though: to maintain a style like this you need to commit to daily maintenance and care.

4

YOU CAN NOW LEAVE THE HOUSE AND CONFRONT YOUR ADMIRING PUBLIC. DON’T BE SUPRISED IF YOU GET A FEW LAUGHS THOUGH, AND HOLD CLOSE THE FEW FRIENDS THAT REMAIN.

103

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

musketeer

A thin, long mustache, slightly arched like a sabre, ready to slash the air like a sword thanks to the copious amount of wax you will smear in there.

It must be accompanied by a rhomboid patch of hair on the chin to ensure a resemblance to the character Alexandre Dumas.

CELEBRITIES D’Artagnan, Alexandre Dumas 105

Tutorial musketeer TIME: 3 months +

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Shave the sideburns and the hair on the jaw and cheeks to about 2 cm (3/4 inch) from the corners of the mouth.

106

In the chin area, model your fly so that it joins the goatee. It’s better if the union between the two is shaped like a diamond. You can shape it with a bit of mustache wax.

2

Switch to the scissors and thin the whiskers a little in the middle, without touching the ends. With the comb, smooth the ends outwards.

3

Using mustache wax, curl the ends until they are thin and tapered. Repeat daily.

4

NOW YOU ARE READY TO FOLLOW IN D’ARTAGNAN’S FOOTSTEPS. JUST REMEMBER WHEN THE MAN WITH THE FOIL MEETS THE MAN WITH THE WEAPON, HE IS A MAN IN SERIOUS DIFFICULTY.

107

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

natural

This is a style for whiskers in the wild, just as nature planned it. Shave any hair that has grown 1.5 cm (1/2 inch) beyond the corners of the mouth, then allow the rest to evolve naturally. If you use gel, hairspray, wax or the like, however, do not dare call it natural or you risk being reprimanded by the World Beard and Mustache Association (yes, it’s a thing), whose agents are constantly on the alert among us.

CELEBRITIES James Franco, Ashton Kutcher, Mat t Bomer, Ben Af fleck 109

Tutorial n at u r a l TIME: 4 weeks

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

½

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

1

Let your facial hair grow freely.

110

Shave, without any mercy, everything that has grown 1.5 cm (1/2 inch) beyond the corners of your mouth.

2

Remember that you cannot use wax, gel, tinsel or any other adornment. Our advice is to throw everything in the trash to avoid the temptation to style your mustache if you deem it unruly.

3

You can still curl, smooth and massage the whiskers with your fingertips; these tools are definitely your best allies.

4

SO YOUR WHISKERS ARE BEAUTIFUL EVEN WITHOUT THE HELP OF FIXATIVES? GOOD FOR YOU! THE REST OF THE PLANET COULD NOT CARE LESS. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BRAG, TAKE IT TO THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS – THERE IS A SPECIAL CATEGORY.

111

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

brush

Imposing, lush, overflowing and carefully combed at the ends. A mustache like this must be supported by an equally important fly (facial hair just below the lower lip) capable of balancing its vigour. Suitable for those with a wide face – round or square – who want to liven things up a bit.

CELEBRITIES Sometimes one has to make difficult choices: a mustache or a career?

113

Tutorial brush TIME: 3 months +

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS: ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

You have grown a goatee for months, now you want to change your look but without entirely giving up the fruit of your labour?

This style’s the one. Just bury the razor and scissors for a few weeks and let the hair grow evenly.

114

When you start to look a little too much like Jeff Bridges in The Great Lebowski, shave completely with a razor, being careful not to touch the fly and the mustache.

2

Shape the fly with wax, moulding it into a goatee until it touches the chin.

3

Flare the tips of the mustache and shape it to taste. The fake ‘messy’ look is probably the most suitable for this style. Repeat daily, keeping an eye on the symmetry.

4

YOU MUST ADMIT, YOU HAVE FOUND A MUSTACHE THAT GIVES YOU AN EDGE! EVEN IF YOU DO RESEMBLE THE BUSINESS END OF A BROOMSTICK.

115

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

zorro

Short and thin mustaches that break abruptly at the corners of the mouth are symbolic of an immortal character, like Don Diego de la Vega. By all means, channel the charm of Clark Gable if you must, but a word of warning: these mustaches seem easy to wear but, in reality, you might be better off leaving them to Zorro.

CELEBRITIES Clark Gable, Zorro 117

Tutorial zorro TIME: 2 weeks

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

½

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

After growing your beard for a few days, shave the cheeks, chin, jaw and throat, leaving only the rectangle over the mouth intact.

118

With the razor, create a shaved strip just under the nose.

2

Repeat, shaving the hairs that grow above the mouth.

3

Carefully finish the look with scissors, trimming to the desired length. Repeat every two days.

4

IF YOU SHOW OFF THIS MUSTACHE AND DO NOT INSTANTLY SEND A PLUME OF PHEROMONES INTO THE AIR, YOU’RE DEFINITELY DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

119

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

pirate

Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow is an unlikely style inspiration, but his mustache has two indisputable advantages: it gives an adventurous air to the most boring of people; and manages to ennoble and justify any kind of sloppy and unkempt look.

Just for safety, however, always carry a bottle of rum with you.

CELEBRITIES Johnny Depp, Jack Sparrow 121

Tutorial p i r at e TIME: 2 months +

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS: ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

½

1

Adjust your electric razor to the minimum level and shave the hair on the cheeks, throat and sideburns. Remember: an uneven effect is best for the pirate look.

122

Take the mustache wax and shape the goatee to form a double point facing downwards.

2

With the razor blade, separate the goatee and mustache fly, but leave it as thick and wide as possible.

3

Use the scissors to slightly lighten the mustache: it is essential that the hair is not too long so as to avoid weighing down the face.

4

THE EYEPATCH IS A LITTLE DRAMATIC, THE HOOK IS UNCOMFORTABLE AND THE PARROT ISN’T HOUSETRAINED. LEAVE ALL THE EXTRAS AT HOME AND JUST ENJOY THE SHOCK VALUE OF THIS MUSTACHE.

123

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

porno These are worn thick and long and made to grow beyond the corners of the mouth, to form a sort of crescent. They come directly from 1970s lowbudget pornos and are ideal for anyone wanting to give themselves a retro, sleazy air without the hassle or discomfort of donning a pair of flares.

CELEBRITIES Nick Cave, Jason Lee, John Holmes, Richard Pryor 125

Tutorial porno TIME: 3 weeks

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

½

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

For convenience, start with a three-week-old beard that covers the face in a thick, manly layer.

126

Shave the cheeks and chin with an electric razor set to the smallest setting.

The mustache will start to take shape, but it will take time before testosterone oozes out of you.

2

With a razor blade, shave any hair left on the cheeks and chin until completely smooth.

3

Maintain your mustache with a razor, being careful to obtain a perfectly symmetrical shape with ends that fall slightly below the mouth.

4

DEPENDING ON HOW GENEROUS MOTHER NATURE WAS, YOU NOW HAVE A LUSH MUSTACHE CAPABLE OF FEATURING IN ANY – AHEM – MOVIES.

127

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

teenstache

This style must not exceed a few millimetres in length. With a little effort, it only takes a few days before you will be able to dress like Prince. If you have a purple jacket, long hair to sculpt and a handful of legendary songs, so much the better.

CELEBRITIES Prince 129

Tutorial t e e n s ta c h e TIME: 1 week

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

½

1

The dream of being forever young is closer than you think with this mustache, which leaves just a bit of teenage hair under the nose. But first, you need to grow a beard for a week; one worthy of Indiana Jones.

130

Shave the cheeks and chin, leaving only the hair located between the nostrils and the upper lip.

2

Use a precision trimmer to shave the mustache to just a few millimetres.

Create a well-defined shape that tapers towards the ends. Ensure the mustache connects to the nose at the septum only.

3

To really make this mustache count, it’s all about the length. It will need daily maintenance to keep the hair short and barely visible.

4

WITH THIS MUSTACHE YOU CAN CONFIDENTLY PURSUE YOUR PETER PAN SYNDROME.

131

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

rock

This 60s and 70s-rock-inspired style incorporates luscious whiskers and a strong patch of hair just below the lower lip. The unfortunate risk with this style is that you appear a little too goat-like in profile. On the upside, you could, however, be easily cast in a Frank Zappa tribute band.

CELEBRITIES Frank Zappa 133

Tutorial rock

TIME: 2 months +

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS: ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

If you are convinced that the current crop of boy bands suck, a mustache from a seventies rock icon is a nice way to show your dissent. And even the preparatory phase, which includes a twomonth-old beard, could be passed off as a form of protest.

134

Cleanly shave the cheeks and jaw area with an electric razor, avoiding the chin. Start to define the outline of the mustache, which must be facing the chin.

2

With a precision trimmer, or if you have a steady hand, with a razor blade, begin to define the shape of the fly, leaving a couple of inches from either end of the mustache.

3

Use a razor blade to define the shape of the upper part of the fly, shaving the part just below the lower lip as well.

4

TAKE AN OLD GUITAR, ENTER A RANDOM BAR AND START SMASHING THE GUITAR ON THE FLOOR. NOW YOU ARE A LEGITIMATE ROCKSTAR.

135

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

broom

Do you want to earn the respect of those around you, but without struggling to get it? This mustache is the way forward, because it gives the serious expression of a family man without actually having to take on the responsibility of a family. Frames oval and oblong faces convincingly.

CELEBRITIES Ned Flanders 137

Tutorial broom TIME: 2 months +

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS:

½

½

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Entrust a faithful friend to hide your scissors.

138

Once your whiskers are so long that it becomes annoying to eat, give it another couple of weeks and you’ll be ready. Begin by combing the hair to obtain a rounded dome shape.

2

It is inevitable that some food will end up in your mustache, but resolve to keep it clean and wash it with great care after every meal.

3

SO

Once the whiskers start to cover your lower lip, you can begin the maintenance phase. Trim the bottom edge evenly with scissors, as if it were a fringe.

AP

4

WHEN YOU CAN LICK YOUR PLATE CLEAN WITHOUT EVEN OPENING YOUR MOUTH, YOU HAVE CREATED A BROOM MUSTACHE. WELL DONE, YOU.

139

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

smile

This is audacity at a whole new level. Only choose this mustache if you consider yourself very beautiful or very ugly. In any case, it helps to have a high forehead and some courage to exhibit an unconventional look that will not go unnoticed.

CELEBRITIES Give this one a try if you want to earn a certain kind of fame. We can’t guarantee what that fame will be, though.

141

Tutorial smile TIME: 2 weeks

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS:

½

½

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

A mustache for those who are single or aspire to become so.

Perfect for a prank or a bet. In any case, the first step is starting with a beautiful bearded face.

142

First, shave your chin, cheeks, throat and jaw. Carefully shave the corners of the mouth, but be careful not to overdo it.

2

Now it’s time to create your smile. Start by shaving the area just under the nose, leaving two small sections that will form the eyes.

3

Then create a strip of hair that goes from cheek to cheek, forming a curve that resembles a smile.

4

HANDY FOR THOSE DAYS WHERE YOU JUST CAN’T (OR WON’T) SMILE, NO MATTER WHAT.

143

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

spaghetti

You should stock up on wax, lacquer, liquid glue, adhesive tape – everything you can think of for this little creation. You’ll need all the help you can get to model and, more importantly, fix this mustache. Evolved from the handlebar mustache, this style is also called Rollie Fingers, named after the baseball player who wore it in the seventies.

CELEBRITIES Rollie Fingers 145

Tutorial spaghet t i TIME: 3 months +

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS:

½

½

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

With life comes a little suffering, and in the case of this mustache, that is certainly true. This look takes a lot of preparation and a good dose of wax for fixing the whiskers. Start from a four-week-old beard, shave it and leave only the mustache.

146

Comb the mustache daily to maintain its elegant and tidy appearance.

2

The more the whiskers grow, the more important it is to comb them and keep them pointing downwards, otherwise rogue hairs may end up in the mouth.

3

Once you have reached a sufficient length, start working with the wax. Apply liberally and shape into the characteristic curl. It may help to use a rounded object like a pencil to shape the curls.

4

AFTER CONQUERING THIS MUSTACHE, TACKLING DAILY TASKS WILL FEEL LIKE A WALK IN THE PARK.

147

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

toothbrush

This is a mustache to be worn with great irony only in a context where this irony will be fully understood. This is a style for those who want to provoke a reaction at any cost and know how to do it. If combining with a tuft of greasy hair, this style is better avoided altogether.

CELEBRITIES Adolf Hitler, Charlie Chaplin 149

Tutorial toothbrush TIME: 2 weeks

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

½

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

First of all, are you really sure you want to do it? If the answer is yes, then cleanly shave the cheeks, chin and throat.

150

Begin to narrow the mustache on both sides, working upwards from the tips. Pay great attention to the symmetry.

2

Remember that the dip of the upper lip must remain covered with hair.

3

Keep the brush nice and thick.

Maintenance is easy, as it only involves shaving the rest of the face.

4

LEAVE POLAND IN PEACE.

151

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

toilet brush

Paying homage to one of the greatest comedians of all time, Groucho Marx, this rectangular mustache is impressive and difficult to cultivate.

Indeed, Groucho Marx’s mustache was made of greasepaint. The main pitfall is obviously in the two upper points of the rectangle, in which the hairs must be as thick and long as in the lower extremities. Daily maintenance is required.

CELEBRITIES Groucho Marx 153

Tutorial toilet brush TIME: 2 months

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

½

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

First, let yourself grow a beautiful thick beard.

154

Shave everything around the rectangular area that will form your mop.

2

Make sure that your hair is as thick as possible and looks like a giant black patch.

To do this, carefully run a razor blade along the edges with great precision to even them up.

3

In case you do not have enough hair to evenly cover the upper edges of the rectangle, let the lower ones grow and create a sort of comb-over, moulding with some wax. The important thing is that there are no uncovered areas.

4

PURCHASE A GOOD CIGAR AND A PAIR OF BLACK-RIMMED SPECTACLES TO GO WITH YOUR NEW PERSONA AS WELL-TURNED-OUT GENT.

155

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

faded pencil

Perfect for teenagers with little hair or for those who are only making an attempt to grow their mustache and don’t want to draw too much attention to it. In the latter case, daily work is needed to keep the growth at bay.

CELEBRITIES Frida Kahlo 157

Tutorial faded pencil TIME: 1 week

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS: ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Are you practically hairless? Does your hair grow irregularly? Is your partner (who hates mustaches) out of town? This is the style for you! Start with a perfect shave, then install yourself on the sofa and wait a few days.

158

Shave at least once a day with a razor blade, leaving only the hairs that will eventually form the mustache.

2

Hair can be moderately long, but must be sparse. If you need to thin it out, pluck out some of the hairs with tweezers.

3

Remember that those few hairs that you have grown cannot become too long, so keep the scissors handy.

4

THIS MUSTACHE WILL CERTAINLY MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A TEENAGER, BUT JUST MAKE SURE YOUR SEX LIFE DOESN’T ALSO TRAVEL BACK IN TIME WITH IT.

159

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

super mario

The mustache of the most famous plumber in the world is not easy to imitate, especially its accent shape at the base. Bob Hoskins, in the 1993 film version of Super Mario Bros., was content with a more classic version. And maybe this was the wrong choice, at least judging by the response from the box office.

CELEBRITIES Super Mario 161

Tutorial super mario TIME: 6 weeks

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS:

½

½

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Perfectly shave the whole face, leaving the mustache, which must be thick, very long and moulded into a crescent with the ends slightly pulled upwards.

162

To create the small semicircles that characterise the lower part of the mustache, use an abundant amount of wax and shape it into a scallop pattern.

2

Cut any rebellious hairs with scissors and highlight the rounded shape.

3

Maintenance is essential. Maintain the look by shaving around the mustache daily and using lots of wax to fix the scallops.

4

EVEN MADAME TUSSAUDS DOESN’T CARRY AS MUCH WAX AS IT WILL TAKE TO STYLE THIS MUSTACHE, SO THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU REACH FOR THE SCISSORS.

163

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

triangle

Another mustache of exquisitely British origin, ideal for those who appreciate rigour and the science of geometry. For those wishing to roughen softer features, this mustache provides the solution.

Avoid it if you have an ugly nose, as this look tends to draw attention to it.

CELEBRITIES The legendary fighter The Great Gama 165

Tutorial triangle TIME: 2 months +

DIFFICULT Y:

MANL INESS:

CHARM:

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

Shave the cheeks, jaw and throat, but keep the hairs growing on the tip of the jaw and chin; you will need these to form the two lower points of the triangle.

166

Do it by eye, ask a friend, or use a ruler, but measuring the contours of this mustache is essential. They must run from the nostrils in a straight line up to 1 cm (1/2 inch) below the corners of the mouth, obviously without touching the lips.

2

At this point, continue shaving. It helps if you’re a steady-handed surgeon, because the slightest mistake will ruin everything and force you to choose another style.

3

Use scissors to shorten the mustache and ensure both sides are even and neat.

The very tips of the mustache should measure less than 1 cm (1/2 inch).

4

LOOKING IN THE MIRROR AT YOUR NEW CREATION SHOULD TRIGGER ALL SORTS OF O.C.D. BEHAVIOURS. IF IT DOESN’T, GO BACK AND START AGAIN, AND AGAIN ...

167

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

walrus

An important mustache, which allows you to clearly signal your disagreement with the current frivolous, post-ideological era. Nietzsche and Mark Twain first sported them and you can too, if you feel up to the task.

CELEBRITIES Friedrich Nietzsche, Guy de Maupassant, Mark Twain 169

Tutorial walrus TIME: 2 months +

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS:

½

½

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

This mustache must be worn long, so let your beard grow for a while before making a start.

170

Use a razor to define the shape of the mustache that will cover the entire upper lip, paying particular attention to the symmetry.

2

Adjust the contours so as to highlight the contrast between the shaved part and the hair as much as possible.

3

Maintenance is not particularly difficult.

Just check the hair in the corners of the mouth once a week and trim with scissors if necessary.

4

WITH THIS MUSTACHE, YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO ANONYMITY. YOUR ONLY CHALLENGE WILL BE CONVINCING EVERYONE YOU DESERVE THIS SYMBOL OF GENIUS. IF YOU DON’T HAVE IT, YOUR PLAN B MIGHT BE TO KISS A HORSE, AS NIETZSCHE DID SHORTLY BEFORE DYING.

171

THE MUSTA CHE BIBLE

hungarian

The Turks, who in the seventeenth century tried to invade Hungary, were badly repelled by knights endowed with this mustache. Wear them long and thick and remember to shave any hairs that grow more than 1.5 cm (1/2 inch) below the corners of the mouth. And always be ready to duel with anyone who dares to laugh at you.

CELEBRITIES Any fiercely nationalistic Hungarian who’s into history 173

Tutorial Hungarian TIME: 4 months

DIFFICULT Y: CHARM:

MANL INESS:

½

½

ORIGINAL IT Y:

½

1

The longer the mustache, the better, so leave it to grow as long as you can stand it. Use the time to refresh your knowledge of the Austro–Hungarian Empire.

174

While your mustache is growing, regularly comb the hair outwards to help train it into the right shape.

2

Using a razor, shave any hair that grows 1.5 cm (1/2 in) beyond the corners of the mouth. Make sure the cheeks are always clean-shaven to emphasise the majesty of this mustache.

3

To ensure the sabre shape, apply a little bit of gel or wax to the ends and turn them up slightly.

4

YOU MAY NOT LOOK LIKE A KNIGHT WITH THIS MUSTACHE, BUT WHO CARES? YOUR FACE TELLS A STORY.

175

First published in Italian in 2016 by 24 ORE Cultura srl, Milano This edition published in 2018 by Smith Street Books

Smith Street Books Collingwood | Melbourne | Australia smithstreetbooks.com ISBN: 978-1-925418-82-8 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity, in any form or means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning or by any storage and retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publishers and copyright holders.

Copyright Š 24 ORE Cultura srl, Milano CIP data is available from the National Library of Australia.

Publisher: Paul McNally English-language adaptation & Editor: Andrea O’Connor Design: PEPE nymi Original text: Theodore Beard Printed & bound in China by C&C Offset Printing Co., Ltd. Book 67 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1