Sex ed
Talking consent
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Healthy relationship expert Katie Koestner has taught Marksmen consent education for nearly two decades. Recently, she met with the senior class to discuss consent and a myriad of other sexual education issues. The administrators and Koestner now see an opportunity to continue expanding her work to lower grades.
The ReMarker • April 16, 2021
Issues
DUAL PERSPECTIVES Students gain both male and female instructors’ points of view in sexual education classes.
COVID-19
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or Marksmen, consent is a part of everyday life. As boys mature and start engaging in romantic relationships, consent education becomes critical. The Path to Manhood statue, located in the heart of campus, embodies the school’s intention: turning boys into good men. After being a victim of date rape in college, healthy relationship expert Katie Koestner has made raising awarerness on consent her mission, working with independent schools across the country. Koestner recenly delivered a talk to the senior class regarding consent and healthy relationships. Katie “I hope very Koestner much to be the Activist arbiter of ongoing, first-person, real, honest and open conversation and clarity,” Koestner said. “This is vital for all high school students, especially for seniors who are getting ready to go to college.” For Koestner, realness is central to these discussions. She encourages students to always act with empathy and respect. “It’s a matter of digging deep,” Koestner said. “Coming to terms with the situation when we are concerned about our own ego and being told no and being able to accept it and recognize it not as a personal attack, but rather where someone else is at the moment.” Headmaster David Dini agrees with Koestner. He places consent education in the context of the school’s focus on health and wellness and character and leadership programs — preparing boys to become good men as they set out into the real world. “Consent strikes at the very core of what we care about and what it means to be a good man,” Dini said. “We all have the expectation that you are going to assume responsibility for the people to your left and right. Consent is without question critically important in that regard. Hopefully no one is making presumptions about the way that someone else might feel. To me, consent and respect are intertwined. Abridging consent with someone is an act that fundamentally dismantles respect.” Dini is grateful for Koestner’s work here and cites her extensive experience as one of the reasons behind her success.
“Katie’s experience is prolific and she has worked with organizations all over the world,” Dini said. “In the nonprofit world, schools and colleges, and in the corporate world as well, Katie increased her impact in terms of providing education and resources to environments like St. Mark’s where we want students to develop an understanding and appreciation for what healthy relationships look like.” Koestner is familiar with the school’s Character and Leadership Education Handbook and sees the importance of how it relates to respect, healthy relationships and other parts of life along the path to manhood. Specifically, she believes that relationships can often test one’s morality. “It’s critical for Marksmen to learn about consent education because the majority of victims are still female,” Koestner said. “But there’s also a lot of women and other-gendered people who will take advantage of boys. Clearly, there are still women whose power and confidence mentally comes from getting a guy to be sexually interested in them. When that female gets turned down by a Marksman but persists and is coercive, how does a Marksman respond? To me, it goes both ways. The preparation is knowing how to handle both situations ethically.” I think the St. Mark’s man should be well-informed as soon as possible about consent and not only know the information needed to be in a healthy relationship, but also to have the personal commitment in his heart to make the world a more respectful place.
Katie Koestner, Activist
Koestner has had conversations with Dini and Upper School Head Colin Igoe with the goal of potentially expanding her work and presentations to other grades. “One of the points that Katie addressed in her discussion with the senior class was the transition to college,” Dini said. “Katie and I have talked a lot about how we can scaffold those conversations into earlier grades so that it is not just a senior year conversation.” Led by Counseling Director Dr. Gabriela Reed, the school’s Middle School sexual education program is also planning on expanding its traditional fifth and sixth grade program into the seventh grade. “Generally, there’s a need for sex
education among humans,” Reed said. “Sex-ed has been at St. Mark’s for a long time, but we are trying to modernize it and bring it up to modern day standards and also include some really important topics that are reported in the news because guys need to know about this stuff. They are going to be hearing about it on TV, and they are going to be reading about it in the newspaper. They need to understand it.” Fifth graders have a comprehensive sexual education class, and they have multiple days covering healthy relationships and giving or receiving proper consent. Reed also covers physical and sexual abuse as well as gender roles and norms. However, because this is an all-boys school, its sex-ed curriculum has adapted to suit its students. “There’s a lot of pros to a having a single-sex sex-ed program, but one of the downsides is our students have a lot less interaction with the other gender,” Reed said. “At Hockaday, for example, there is a comprehensive sexual education program that is different from ours. For one, their program includes self defense. They still talk about consent like we do, but they hit it pretty hard for the safety of the boys and for the safety of the girls.” A distinct aspect of the Middle School program is the integration of male and female instructors. “I think one unique component of our program that differentiates us from other schools is that we have a male and a female instructor in the room at the same time,” Reed said. “We are able to offer students both perspectives about giving consent.” As the mother of twin boys, sexual education has taken on a new meaning for Koestner, and her belief that sexual education should start as early as possible has been reaffirmed. “I was asked to keynote the United States Air Force’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month at the United States Air Force Academy,” Koestner said. “I chose to bring my twin boys who were nine at the time, and they sat in the front row and heard my entire story. They took it all in and they did great. They listened, and it wasn’t a onetime thing, it was an ongoing conversation. As soon as anyone is ready to understand their body and communication, they should be learning about consent.” STORY Shreyan Daulat, Keshav Krishna ARTWORK Morgan Chow
Details about the vaccination process and the mask mandate with opinions from the community. Page 4-5
Networking A brand new way for students and alumni to connect. Page 6
In brief
MCDONALD’S WEEK The weeklong charity drive raised over $14,000 in donations for Austin Street Shelter. Morning events included a ping pong tournament, a rap battle, a relay race and the annual chemistry show. Junior co-chairs Sal Abbasi and Alex Nadalini picked up and delivered over 300 quarter pounders with chips three times a day from Monday to Thursday in addition to serving 150 apple pies on Thursday. All food was courtesy of Preston Oaks McDonald’s owner Roland Parrish. COLLEGE COUNSELING UPDATE The college counseling staff has begun conferences with junior families, which will continue through the culmination of the school year. During these meetings, the staff explores each junior’s college process in detail. The staff is also offering three on-campus standardized testing options here. Seniors will make their deposits for college by May 1, but some colleges have postponed this deadline to May 3 or May 6 because of the pandemic. SERVICE HOUR DEADLINE Fifteen community service hours are now due May 1. As of March 29, more than 70 percent of Upper School students have completed their hour requirements. Hours can be submitted on X2VOL either by signing up for an activity through the “Find Opportunities” panel or by creating a personal project detailing the service you completed. Students should reach out to Community Service director Jorge Correa or assistant director Isabel Cisneros with any questions. HABITAT FOR HUMANITY According to new community service guidelines, Habitat for Humanity will now give four volunteers the ability to participate in each shift for the Habitat for Humanity builds. In addition to increased school community member involvement, Hockaday will also be heavily involved in the Habitat for Humanity build, with eight volunteers attending the events each Saturday. Despite the enforcement of precautionary COVID-19 restrictions, planners for the build will continue for eight weeks.
