STEP

Sex ed Talking consent

Healthy relationship expert Katie Koestner has taught Marksmen consent education for nearly two decades. Recently, she met with the senior class to discuss consent and a myriad of other sexual education issues. The administrators and Koestner now see an opportunity to continue expanding her work to lower grades.

DUAL PERSPECTIVES

Students gain both male and female instructors’ points of view in sexual education classes.

For Marksmen, consent is a part “Katie’s experience is prolific and she of everyday life. As boys mature has worked with organizations all over the and start engaging in romantic world,” Dini said. “In the nonprofit world, relationships, consent education becomes schools and colleges, and in the corporate critical. world as well, Katie increased her impact in

The Path to Manhood statue, located in terms of providing education and resources the heart of campus, embodies the school’s to environments like St. Mark’s where we intention: turning boys into good men. want students to develop an understanding After being a victim of date rape in college, and appreciation for what healthy healthy relationship expert Katie Koestner relationships look like.” has made raising awarerness on consent Koestner is familiar with the school’s her mission, working with independent Character and Leadership Education schools across the country. Handbook and sees the importance of how

Koestner recenly delivered a talk to the it relates to respect, healthy relationships senior class regarding consent and healthy and other parts of life along the path to relationships. manhood. Specifically, she believes that

Katie “I hope very relationships can often test one’s morality.

Koestner Activist much to be the “It’s critical for Marksmen to learn arbiter of ongoing, about consent education because the first-person, real, majority of victims are still female,” honest and open Koestner said. “But there’s also a lot of conversation and women and other-gendered people who clarity,” Koestner will take advantage of boys. Clearly, said. “This is vital there are still women whose power and for all high school confidence mentally comes from getting students, especially for seniors who are a guy to be sexually interested in them. getting ready to go to college.” When that female gets turned down by a

For Koestner, realness is central to Marksman but persists and is coercive, how these discussions. She encourages students does a Marksman respond? To me, it goes to always act with empathy and respect. both ways. The preparation is knowing

“It’s a matter of digging deep,” how to handle both situations ethically.” Koestner said. “Coming to terms with the situation when we are concerned about our own ego and being told no and being able to accept it and recognize it not as a personal attack, but rather where someone else is at the moment.”

Headmaster David Dini agrees with Koestner. He places consent education in the context of the school’s focus on health and wellness and character and leadership programs — preparing boys to become Koestner has had conversations with good men as they set out into the real Dini and Upper School Head Colin Igoe world. with the goal of potentially expanding her

“Consent strikes at the very core of work and presentations to other grades. what we care about and what it means “One of the points that Katie addressed to be a good man,” Dini said. “We all in her discussion with the senior class was have the expectation that you are going the transition to college,” Dini said. “Katie to assume responsibility for the people and I have talked a lot about how we can to your left and right. Consent is without scaffold those conversations into earlier question critically important in that regard. grades so that it is not just a senior year Hopefully no one is making presumptions conversation.” about the way that someone else might feel. To me, consent and respect are intertwined. Abridging consent with someone is an act that fundamentally dismantles respect.”

Dini is grateful for Koestner’s work here and cites her extensive experience as one of the reasons behind her success. I think the St. Mark’s man should be well-informed as soon as possible about consent and not only know the information needed to be in a healthy relationship, but also to have the personal commitment in his heart to make the world a more respectful place.

Katie Koestner, Activist

Led by Counseling Director Dr. Gabriela Reed, the school’s Middle School sexual education program is also planning on expanding its traditional fifth and sixth grade program into the seventh grade.

“Generally, there’s a need for sex education among humans,” Reed said. “Sex-ed has been at St. Mark’s for a long time, but we are trying to modernize it and bring it up to modern day standards and also include some really important topics that are reported in the news because guys need to know about this stuff. They are going to be hearing about it on TV, and they are going to be reading about it in the newspaper. They need to understand it.”

Fifth graders have a comprehensive sexual education class, and they have multiple days covering healthy relationships and giving or receiving proper consent. Reed also covers physical and sexual abuse as well as gender roles and norms. However, because this is an all-boys school, its sex-ed curriculum has adapted to suit its students.

“There’s a lot of pros to a having a single-sex sex-ed program, but one of the downsides is our students have a lot less interaction with the other gender,” Reed said. “At Hockaday, for example, there is a comprehensive sexual education program that is different from ours. For one, their program includes self defense. They still talk about consent like we do, but they hit it pretty hard for the safety of the boys and for the safety of the girls.”

A distinct aspect of the Middle School program is the integration of male and female instructors.

“I think one unique component of our program that differentiates us from other schools is that we have a male and a female instructor in the room at the same time,” Reed said. “We are able to offer students both perspectives about giving consent.”

As the mother of twin boys, sexual education has taken on a new meaning for Koestner, and her belief that sexual education should start as early as possible has been reaffirmed.

“I was asked to keynote the United States Air Force’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month at the United States Air Force Academy,” Koestner said. “I chose to bring my twin boys who were nine at the time, and they sat in the front row and heard my entire story. They took it all in and they did great. They listened, and it wasn’t a onetime thing, it was an ongoing conversation. As soon as anyone is ready to understand their body and communication, they should be learning about consent.”

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In brief

MCDONALD’S WEEK The weeklong charity drive raised over $14,000 in donations for Austin Street Shelter.

Morning events included a ping pong tournament, a rap battle, a relay race and the annual chemistry show. Junior co-chairs Sal Abbasi and Alex Nadalini picked up and delivered over 300 quarter pounders with chips three times a day from Monday to Thursday in addition to serving 150 apple pies on Thursday.

All food was courtesy of Preston Oaks McDonald’s owner Roland Parrish.

COLLEGE COUNSELING

UPDATE The college counseling staff has begun conferences with junior families, which will continue through the culmination of the school year. During these meetings, the staff explores each junior’s college process in detail.

The staff is also offering three on-campus standardized testing options here. Seniors will make their deposits for college by May 1, but some colleges have postponed this deadline to May 3 or May 6 because of the pandemic.

SERVICE HOUR DEADLINE

Fifteen community service hours are now due May 1. As of March 29, more than 70 percent of Upper School students have completed their hour requirements. Hours can be submitted on X2VOL either by signing up for an activity through the “Find Opportunities” panel or by creating a personal project detailing the service you completed.

Students should reach out to Community Service director Jorge Correa or assistant director Isabel Cisneros with any questions.

HABITAT FOR HUMANITY

According to new community service guidelines, Habitat for Humanity will now give four volunteers the ability to participate in each shift for the Habitat for Humanity builds. In addition to increased school community member involvement, Hockaday will also be heavily involved in the Habitat for Humanity build, with eight volunteers attending the events each Saturday.

Despite the enforcement of precautionary COVID-19 restrictions, planners for the build will continue for eight weeks.