Respecting Women

|THE REMARKER |perspectives| February 3, 2016 |

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WOMEN

Comments made during the presidential race have drawn controversy over the way our country views and treats women. Our generation responded loudly, offering opinions on the issue and rallying by the millions for women's rights. But for students at an all-boys' school, the question still remains:

HOW DO WE LEARN TO TREAT WOMEN?

STORY MIKE MAHOWALD, DUNCAN KIRSTEIN, ANDY CROWE, SAHIT DENDEKURI

BY THE NUMBERS

A look at the numbers behind the issu teaching men to treat women.

One in three women have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.

million The number of people involved in the Women's March across the world.

SOURCE http://www.vox.com/2017/1/22/14350808/womens-marches-largest-demonstration-us-history-map

PERSPECTIVES

SOURCE http://ncadv.org/learn-more/statistics

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continents where people marched for women's rights Jan. 21.

Ac 5 th

SOUR the_m

W hen you first step onto campus the first thing you notice isn t the buildings.

It isn t the towering chapel steeple. It isn t the massive uadrangle. It s the boys. e eat, we play, we learn with boys.

However, when it comes to women, we are often times left to fill in the blanks on how to interact. e learn from movies, celebrities and even politics. So how well prepared are we really when a girl enters the picture Sophomore le ate, who transferred from ood Shepherd his freshman year, uickly reali ed the social freedoms that come with an all boys school.

“In school, I m not restricted by what I can say or what I ask, since I m not trying to impress anyone,” ate said. “It s ust a really open environment.”

However, this rela ed, single se environment has also prevented arks men from developing simple social skills with the other gender. ate believes there are certain ways you need to interact and communicate with girls, and if you re not careful, you can easily cross the line. “ ou figure out that there s a line you can t really cross, or people will get mad at you, and no one wants to be hated,” ate said. “I think you develop a filter around everyone until you get to know people. I mean, with girls that you know, you can kind of remove that filter or take it back a little bit.” hese social skills, particularly social “filters” and knowing when to use them, are crucial in developing the “whole boy.” he more outgoing and social you are, the easier it will be to develop and practice these skills. ut in some ways, students that attend single se schools are robbed of a chance to develop their social skills around women more fre uently.

“I think it comes down to a lot more natural stuff here,” ate said. “I mean, if you re not as outgoing of a person, and you ve been here your whole life, then ob viously you re going to be more awkward around girls since you haven t been with them for much of your life. I m not really as outgoing of a person, but since I ve been around girls all my life, it has been easy to get ad usted.”

In her line of work at enesis om en s Shelter, hildren s rogram irector aclyn eeks knows all the telltale signs that could lead to any form of domestic abuse.

She believes that conversation and ed ucation on abuse are the keys to stopping abusive relationships that already e ist. “ eople who have been abusive can

learn how to treat people,” eeks said. “ hey can learn what a healthy relation ship looks like. hey can learn what it means to be respectful of your partner. earn how to handle their emotions. It s okay to be angry, but it s how you handle that anger is what s important.” eeks, in recent years, has seen more awareness for the issue of domestic abuse however, she feels that there are still ways in which society can improve to prevent more of these violent relationships from forming. “ here has been more national aware ness of abuse with videos like the ay ice video or hris rown and ihanna,” eeks said. “However, we still have a long way to go in society and our criminal ustice system in holding people account able and making it more di cult for people to abuse others.” eeks believes that the treatment of women is something that could be taught in and outside the classroom. “ ctual lessons and curriculums about how what we are all e posed to in our society contributes to our train of thought our opinions and our actions are one course of action that I think can help to educate boys,” eeks said.

FOR MEEKS, a very important factor in the education and prevention of abuse is teaching people how to handle their emo tions during di cult times in life. “ ou know if you fail a test or don t make a team, you have to learn how to deal with that,” eeks said, “It s okay to be angry, but it s how you handle that an ger is what s important. aking students aware of the issue of domestic violence of teen dating violence, and how it is a big problem in our society and you know maybe red flags or signs of relationships.” ducation, however, can go both ways, and eeks has found that public figures can often give the wrong idea on how to treat people.

“I don t think I ve had any conver sations with clients about him rump ,” eeks said. “ ut I think it s the same as when we see other celebrities or people of high position either doing things or making comments that promote the idea that it s okay to treat women that way. he reaction has been that this isn t okay and that it isn t okay for a person in power or a celebrity to be modeling that for our society.” ack on campus however, the forma tion of turning a boy into a man begins in first grade. Introducing character traits and educating students on how to treat others with respect and courtesy is a ob the faculty does not take lightly. nd now more than ever, with the nglish curriculum focusing on the the habits of thriving, the window of opportu nity for educating boys on the treatment of others has certainly grown wider.

nglish instructor aymarie aughan focuses on teaching her students about how a man should treat other people, without a specific emphasis on how to treat a girl.

“It s more than ust about how to treat a girl,” aughan said, “ ou know, I don t think we focus intentionally on how to treat women it s more about how we treat other people and mankind in general because if you re empathetic than you will be empathetic to both.” ictor . hite aster eaching chair avid rown agrees with aughan. He believes that, while there is no specific unit taught at St. ark s about how to treat women, we still learn about how to treat other people through the lessons taught in the classroom.

B rown hopes to instill in his students the ideals associated with being a good man with every book read in his class. “ or my classes, I try to end each unit with a uestion about what the book teaches us about human tendency and then asking how we should live based on that,” rown said. “ hose are uestions that always connect with manhood and what it means to be a good man.” rown, however, thinks that not every lesson can be learned through books, es pecially when it comes to interacting with members of the opposite se . “ ou can read things in books that teach you, but that needs to be backed up through e perience,” rown said. “I think it s one of the reasons that we attempt at St. ark s to provide opportunities for sociali ation, to have mi ers, to plan. ut it s important that we attempt to provide opportunity for students to interact with females.”

Hockaday senior mma eshpande believes mi ers are a good way to start in troducing boys to social events with girls, but she also thinks the interactions should be e panded in their meanings and goals.

“I think definitely doing more of those events would help, but I think that s ust a baseline,” eshpande said. “ aybe it shouldn t be only fun things, but maybe ust introducing educational forums kind of to see beyond ust interacting with them, how to have intelligent discussions with them. I think a lot of the problem with Hockaday and St. ark interactions is when it gets to those educational sub ects.”

It s undeniable the brother sister school tandem has drifted apart in terms

of integrated classes and the e perience of a more coed atmosphere.

“I think it s like a vicious cycle almost,” eshpande said, “because we have more separation between the two schools. So now, there s less interaction. hat diminished interaction leads to the two schools not understanding each other and then drifting apart. I personally find that sad because I would love to have integrated classes again and interact with St. ark s boys on a more regular basis because it opens you up to points of view that you ve never heard before.”

THIS SENTIMENT IS felt consistently throughout campus. ut sharing a round table discussion or an intellectual debate with both girls and boys is only part of the e uation. he rest happens away from campus. “ bviously, no one is going to teach a boy as much as his family will,” esh pande said, “and that s how it should be.

I think it s a parent s primary obligation to teach how to be that well rounded student, but it s impossible if there s not this educational enforcer also doing that as well. ecause then you don t see that how to interact with Hockaday girls isn t ust a social thing, it s in all spheres of life.” hether at home, in the classroom, at a community service pro ect or even at a football game on a riday night, students are directly and indirectly taught how to treat other people with the respect they would like themselves. s members of a single se institution, arksmen must consciously make the choice to use that knowledge even if it means going against what feels normal.

“I think it s sort of idealistic thinking to think that ust having these conversa tions is going to undo years of ingrained lessons from the media, from family, from siblings, but I think that it s a lot better than ust doing nothing,” eshpande said. “ ecause if you can change one of two people s minds, I d like to think that it could create a ripple effect and they influ ence their friends and so on. It s obviously a gradual process it s not like it s going to happen in a month, or a year or even ten years, but creating that path to better relations between St. ark s guys and Hockaday girls is very important.”

STARTING THOSE CONVERSATIONS, WHILE IT MAY BE HARD AT FIRST, ON TOPICS LIKE EVERYDAY SEXISM OR HOCKADAY GIRLS TALKING ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES IS IMPORTANT. IT’S GOING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT DISCUSSION WITHOUT STARTING SOMEWHERE. — EMMA DESHPANDE

ue —

ALEX TATE Sophomore

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coording to a survey of 4,602 adults, 56 percent of men think “obstacles hat made it harder for women to get ahead are largely gone.”

RCE http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/08/18/ majority_of_u_s_men_believe_sexism_is_over.html

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In school, it appeals more to me since I'm not restricted by what I can say or what I ask. I'm not trying to impress anyone.

It's just a really open environment. I’ve heard from girls who go to Ursuline and stuff like that, but if you’ve been at a single sex school your whole life, then you're a little confined."

DAVID BROWN Victor F. White Master Teacher

GAYMARIE VAUGHAN English teacher

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I think we need to encourage boys how to treat people because then they will be good spouses no matter what. And they’ll be kind and caring and helpful no matter what. We tread in dangerous waters I think when we try to prescribe based on gender and how one should be behaving."

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It’s important that we provide opportunity for students to interact with females. We of course have female teachers here but also knowing how to relate your own age of the opposite sex. That’s something you can't learn wholly from a book. That’s why we have opportunities to do it in everyday life."