Virginia Pride Guide 2018 by RVA MAGAZINE

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Together is beautiful. We celebrate the power and beauty of working together. It’s why Wells Fargo works with national and local organizations that serve the LGBT community to strengthen their impact. And it’s the reason we work with you — to help you realize your potential, and succeed financially. Celebrating 30 years of standing together with the LGBT community. wellsfargo.com/standingtogether

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FIVE YEARS IN A ROW

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VA PRIDE BOARD LETTER Dear Friends — On behalf of the Board of Directors of Virginia Pride, it is my honor to welcome you to Pridefest 2018, presented by Capital One! Pridefest in Richmond has changed significantly in recent years, both in size and stature. Last year, more than 30,000 people attended the festival throughout the day, making it the largest LGBTQ event in Virginia and placing it among the largest events of any kind in Richmond. Pridefest attracts more than 100 vendors and features a growing number of national, regional and local entertainment acts. We now make national (and international) news and are featured prominently in local media stories, a stark contrast to a few years ago when our event was largely ignored. It’s a massive display of diversity, strength and love. But for all the grandeur of Pridefest and the attention it brings, it’s the individual stories that capture the importance of the event. Pride is the story of the young girl who attended Pride for the first time since coming out to her family. It is the story of her family who came with her and was able to experience a welcoming and supportive community for their child. Pride is the story of the transgender woman who felt safe attending the festival as the gender with which she identifies, the first time she ever did so in public. Pride is the story of the high-school senior whose boyfriend orchestrated a public invitation to be his date at their prom. Pride is the story of the family that brings their young kids to the festival year after year because they want them to grow up to have open hearts and minds. Pride helps tell the story of all of us, collectively and as individuals. It allows us to tell the world who we are—to stand up and proudly proclaim “THIS IS ME!” It is our sincere hope that Pridefest instills in all who attend, and even those who don’t, a sense of community, of belonging and of self-worth that carries forth long after the crowds have gone. We hope it helps you tell your story. Be safe. Be proud. Be you. In community,

James R. Millner II President, VA Pride

VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST 2018

VIRGINIA PRIDE BOARD OF DIRECTORS

JAMES MILLNER PRESIDENT

2019 PRESIDENT-ELECT

STEPHANIE BROWN

ALEXSIS RODGERS

NIDA SHAH

MAUREEN SCOTT

BRANDON HORTON

LORI NEWS

JON MELVIN

RICH FORRESTER

SECRETARY

TREASURER

ROBERT DVORAK BE SAFE, BE HAPPY, BE PROUD!

VICE PRESIDENT

JAMIE THOMSON

P R I D E VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST 2018 WWW.VAPRIDE.ORG/PRIDEFEST

JAMES MILLNER VA PRIDE PRESIDENT JOHN REINHOLD PRESIDENT DREW NECCI EDITOR-IN-CHIEF R. ANTHONY HARRIS CREATIVE DIRECTOR JOHN REINHOLD JOE VANDERHOFF CALEY STURGILL ADVERTISING SARAH KERNDT JO ROZYCKI MADELYNE ASHWORTH ASH GRIFFITH SARAH HONOSKY DREW NECCI CONTRIBUTORS SARAH KERNDTE CHARM ANNE PHOTOGRAPHY FACEBOOK.COM/VIRGINIAPRIDE TWITTER.COM/@VA_PRIDE INSTAGRAM/VAPRIDE #VAPRIDE #VIRGINIAPRIDE2016 SOCIAL

CONTENTS 16 GOVERNOR NORTHAM LETTER 18 MAYOR LEVAR STONEY LETTER 22 VIRGINIA PRIDE MAP 24 YOUR GUIDE TO THE STARS OF VA PRIDE 32 I AM ENOUGH AND SO ARE YOU: HEATHER MAE’S BOLD MUSICAL MESSAGE 38 VA PRIDE FIREWORK AWARD: CAN’T SLOW DOWN, HONOREE ZAKIA MCKENSEY IS GETTING THINGS DONE 44 COMING OUT: AN EXPERIENCE BOTH UNIVERSAL AND UNIQUE 50 BEYOND POTLUCKS: GAY FATHERS COMMUNITY OF RICHMOND ENTERS A BOLD NEW ERA 56 NOT YOUR FATHER’S TATTOO SHOP ALL ABOUT YOU TATTOO CHALLENGES STEREOTYPES WITH PRIDE 62 NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED

THANK YOU TO OUR DISTRIBUTION PARTNER BIORIDE / BIORIDERVA.COM DISTRIBUTION VA PRIDE GUIDE SUMMER 2018 PRINTED LOCALLY BY CONQUEST GRAPHICS VA PRIDE COVER PHOTO PUBLISHED 2018 IN PARTNERSHIP WITH INKWELL VENTURES PUBLISHER OF RVA MAGAZINE & GAYRVA

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Standing with you. Showing our colors. ©2018 AT&T Intellectual Property. All rights reserved. AT&T, the AT&T logo, all other AT&T marks contained herein are trademarks of AT&T Intellectual Property and/or AT&T affiliated companies. . All other marks are the property of their respective owners.

Celebrating Differences At Altria, we seek and value differences in people to drive our companies' success. That's why we're working to create a culture where diversity is celebrated in our employees, communities and suppliers, and where everyone feels welcome and encouraged to contribute. Altria salutes Gay Pride Virginia. Because we know that what makes us different can make us all stronger.

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Creative Living for All

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Celebrating Differences

At Altria, we seek and value differences in people to drive our companies' success. That's why we're working to create a culture where diversity is celebrated in our employees, communities and suppliers, and where everyone feels welcome and encouraged to contribute. Altria salutes Gay Pride Virginia. Because we know that what makes us different can Opening make us all stronger.

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VENDOR LIST RED

ORANGE B

- RECLUSE ROASTING PROJECT - NATIONZ FOUNDATION RV

- HOUSING OPPORTUNITIES MADE EQUAL - JES FOUNDATION REPAIR - RICHMOND MAGAZINE - THALHIMER - LGBT DEMOCRATS OF VIRGINIA - PLANNED PARENTHOOD - HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN - RICHMOND CITY POLICE DEPT. - AMERICAN ATHEISTS - RICHMOND NOW - FEDERAL RESERVE BANK OF RICHMOND - HUNTER HOLMES MCGUIRE VA MEDICAL CENTER - CHURCH OF THE HOLY COMFORTER - VCU OFFICE OF CONTINUING AND PROFESSIONAL EDUCATION - VIRGINIA TOURISM CORPORATION - LYFT

YOUTH PRIDE PAVILION - SIDE BY SIDE - RICHMOND AND HENRICO PUBLIC LIBRARIES - ART 180 - PARROTS OF PARADISE - YOUTH MOVE RVA ORANGE A - PORCHLIGHT ANIMAL SANCTUARY - VEGAN ACTION - 4TH INNING - RICHMOND WINDOW - DOG KRAZY, INC. - MIK MOCHA PRINTS - EQUALITY VCU - KATIE BLUE SALON - VIRGINIA STATE POLICE

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VIRGINIA VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST PRIDEFEST 2018 2018

YELLOW A

GREEN

- CARMAX - NEXTGEN AMERICA - RICHMOND CREATIVE COUNSELING LLC - ZEN GEM - VIRGINIA COUNCIL ON LGBTQ+ - GLSEN RICHMOND CHAPTER - AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION - ST. MARK’S EPISCOPAL CHURCH - VIRGINIA BREAST CANCER FOUNDATION - MCKESSON MEDICAL-SURGICAL - RICHMOND TRIANGLE PLAYERS - PRIME TIMERS OF CENTRAL VA - KEHILLAH - RICHMOND TIMES DISPATCH

- KROGER - FIRST HOME CARE-THERAPEUTIC FOSTER CARE - ACLU OF VIRGINIA - CUPCAKE - TITO’S VODKA - HELPING HANDS VET SURGERY - RICHMOND FRIENDS MEETING - JRTS AND TVSG - THE RAW AURA - NATIONZ FOUNDATION - ELEPHANT AUTO - WELLS FARGO - ARTISAN HILL - PFLAG OF RICHMOND - RICHMOND FOLK FESTIVAL - ST. JOHN’S UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST - VA DEPT. OF HISTORIC RESOURCES - T-MOBILE - HENRICO COUNTY POLICE DEPT. - YMCA OF GREATER RICHMOND - HEALTH BRIGADE - VIRGINIA ANTI-VIOLENCE PROJECT - MONUMENT CITY MUSIC - WE THE PEOPLE CLOTHING

YELLOW B - DOMINION - DIVERSITY RICHMOND - SIERRA CLUB VIRGINIA CHAPTER - GOLDEN’S BEDROOM KANDI - 9ROUND - US ARMY - SOCIAL SECURITY ADMINISTRATION - FBI - VIRGINIA NORML - TABOO - RICHMOND SHERRIFF DEPT. - AT&T - STEWIE’S GOT PRIDE - CENTENARY UNITED METHODIST CHURCH - AMERICAN HEART ASSOCIATION - BARDOS MASSAGE & WELLNESS - LUTHERAN FAMILY SERVICES OF VA BLUE - CAPITAL ONE - MCC RICHMOND - OUTRVA - CHESTERFIELD COUNTY POLICE DEPT. - RICHMOND TRANSFORMERS - BLACK PRIDE RVA - GAY FATHER’S COMMUNITY OF RVA - SUNTRUST - VA POLYAMORY - SNAG

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YOUR GUIDE

TO THE STARS OF BY MARILYN DREW NECCI

AKASHIA

All you RuPaul’s Drag Race fans better get ready for this one, because Akashia is back! As a Season One cast member, she was part of the group that started it all, and the triumphs -- and tragedies -- we saw her endure are unforgettable. Indeed, some of her records have never been equalled; she’s still the only queen to survive multiple “lip sync for your life” contests. In the decade since that season, Akashia has mostly stayed out of the limelight and off social media, leading to all sorts of rumors about what she might be up to these days. She told VH1 earlier this year that her home bar in her Cleveland hometown closed down last year, but she’s stayed busy nonetheless, doing cosplay for Los Angeles’s GaymerX and New York’s Flame Con -- not that much of a surprise for a queen who took her name from Aaliyah’s legendary role as the vampire queen in Queen Of The Damned. With Akashia making her permanent home in Cleveland where, she told VH1, “I can afford to live like I am rich,” she’s had a bit of a lower profile than some of the queens from past seasons. But as we saw earlier this year on the Season 10 finale, Akashia’s still as real as ever. She’ll be bringing her largerthan-life and performance to the VA PrideFest stage this year, and it’s sure to be a treat. Don’t miss it!

VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST 2018

ALEXIS MICHELLE

If you know this queen’s name, it’s likely from her appearance on Season 9 of RuPaul’s Drag Race, where she portrayed everyone from Kris Jenner to Liza Minelli to Breathless Mahoney (Madonna’s character from Dick Tracy -- raise your hand if you saw in the theater). Alexis’s positive attitude toward her fellow competitors may have been part of what kept her from the top in her season of Drag Race, but it’s also part of her charm, and shows through in her team-up with the other NYC-based contestants from that season on a devastating house track, “CLAT,” they released in 2017. That’s not the only singing Alexis has done, either -- earlier this year, she released her debut album, LoveFool, the title track and lead single of which finds her doing a campy Broadway-style take on the classic Cardigans track. On the rest of the album she brings us material originally recorded by everyone from Carole King and The Beatles to Kermit The Frog, and it’s a total blast. And by the way, she’s Lisa Loeb’s cousin, so you know vocal talent runs in the family. Get ready for a bit of Broadway fun when Alexis Michelle comes to the VA PrideFest stage this year!

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VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST 2018

BIQTCH PUDDIN

If y’all think you know what’s coming from this year’s PrideFest drag show just because you’ve been watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, well, think again. Biqtch Puddin (the Q is silent… as if you didn’t know) comes to PrideFest riding high on the triumph of winning the season 2 of the Boulet Brothers’ Dragula -- and if you haven’t been watching Dragula, let me just tell you, you are missing out. Especially if you like horror. That’s right, GWAR fans -- Biqtch Puddin is a drag queen after your own heart. (Guard it closely.) The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula grew from a monthly “celebration of drag, filth, leather, and glamour” that was a fixture on the LA club scene for over a decade, into a reality show in which contestants compete to become “The World’s Next Drag Supermonster.” This season saw Atlanta native Biqtch Puddin take the crown, and it fits her perfectly. She’s sported looks from a Carrie-style blood-spattered prom queen to a pestilent Final Fantasy character, and calls Dragula “a sanctuary to the sickest and delightfully repulsive queer artists in the world -- and I couldn’t feel more at home.” You can be sure she’ll bring the gorgeous gore for her appearance at VA PrideFest 2018. Don’t miss it.

Ashley Darby

You Real Housewives Of Potomac fans are in for a treat! You may have thrilled to the ups, downs, trials and tribulations of star Ashley Darby for the past three seasons, but there’s another side of this housewife that you’ll be seeing for the first time at VA PrideFest this year! She recently joined such luminaries as Atlanta’s Kandi Burruss in the exclusive sorority of Real Housewives stars with music careers, releasing a fun, bouncy pop single called “Coffee And Love” earlier this summer. And at VA PrideFest, you’ll get a chance to see her perform the track, which she calls a “rump shaking, marriage making anthem,” onstage before your very eyes! As you fans know, Ashley’s been trying to convince husband Michael to get on the baby train for a while… will this song be enough to get him on board? And will Ashley’s VA PrideFest performance give you an opportunity to see yourself and your city on the next season of Real Housewives Of Potomac? There’s only one way to find out -- be there!

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Jake Shears

It’s been six years since the Scissor Sisters went (mostly) on hiatus, and the world has missed their funky disco glam ever since. Now Jake Shears is stepping out as a solo artist, and it’s not a moment too soon! His self-titled debut solo album, which just came out a month or so ago, is the first we’ve heard from Shears in over half a decade, but it’s not like he’s just been lounging around since then. Not only has he done duets with everyone from Cher to Queens Of The Stone Age, he also recently appeared in an LA revival of the classic Martin Sherman play Bent, as well as publishing a memoir earlier this year with the provocative Bowie-inspired title Boys Keep Swinging. While Shears’ was only one-fifth of the Scissor Sisters, he’s bringing a lot of that band’s characteristic sound into his solo work, recently telling Rolling Stone the big lesson he learned while putting his new album together: “Do what you do, what you love and what you’re good at.” Scissor Sisters fans will find a lot to love in his new solo material, though there are some new wrinkles, from a rollicking jazz sound influenced by his recently-adopted hometown of New Orleans to a surprising country vibe on the song “Sad Song Backwards.” Scissor Sisters were always known for their wild, unforgettable live shows, and Shears plans to continue that tradition when he hits the VA PrideFest stage this year. His live band is the same ensemble that backed him on his new album, and it features some musical heavyweights, including members of VHS Or Beta, My Morning Jacket, Floating Action, and MMJ singer Jim James’s solo band. Despite the performance being billed solely with Shears’ name, he promised Vulture earlier this year that “it definitely still feels like it’s a band.” And seeing that band is definitely an excellent way to cap off this year’s VA PrideFest.

VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST 2018

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I AM ENOUGH AND SO ARE YOU HEATHER MAEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S BOLD MUSICAL MESSAGE BY MARILYN DREW NECCI

VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST 2018

It’s Heather Mae’s first time at VA PrideFest, and she is excited. “This one’s a big one for me, because I’m a Virginia resident,” she tells me as we speak by phone one Friday afternoon. “This one feels like home. It feels special, just to be able to play the Pride of my home state, when we have marriage equality. It feels pretty great.” She laughs happily. Singer-songwriter Heather Mae got her start at the end of last decade, after graduating from New York’s American Musical and Dramatic Academy. Her first project, One Year of Songs, was an ambitious one that saw her write a song a day for a year. But her biggest challenge was still to come -- soon after releasing her first album, she was sidelined for a couple of years due to nodules on her throat that required surgery and a lengthy recovery. “I lost the ability to sing,” she said. “I was told that I’d have to be quiet if I wanted to be able to sing again.” But that need to be silent, so difficult for someone who’d always wanted to sing at the top of her voice, ended up being a blessing in disguise. “Because of the silence, the not talking and not singing and not doing anything, I had space,” she says. During those quiet years, she came to some important realizations about herself. And she brought those revelations to the world when she went back to singing in 2016. Her return to the public eye began with the release of an EP called I Am Enough. “In that record, I came out as queer, without anybody knowing that that was gonna happen,” she says. What’s more, all of the songs on I Am Enough related to social justice issues -- a very deliberate choice on Heather Mae’s part. “I had lost my ability to sing, so I wasn’t going to waste this new opportunity,” she explains. “If I was gonna do this damn thing, I was gonna do it so that if I was to lose my voice again, at least I went down with a fight.” She wasn’t playing around, and I Am Enough proves it. A bold collection full of brassy pop songs that tackle important subjects, the EP takes as strong a stand lyrically as it does musically. Songs like “Hero” and “Stand Up” exhort listeners to make their voices heard, and to fight for the causes they believe in. And the EP’s title track is a body-positive anthem that deals with a subject close to home for Heather Mae. “For 25 years I thought I was a skinny girl just stuck in a fat girl’s body,” she says, “and that one day I would be allowed to look in the mirror and tell myself that I’m beautiful.” It was during her recovery from nodules that she started to question the ideas in her head about her own body image. “The silence was able to shine light on this bully inside of myself,” she says. “I actually was able to listen to the voices in my head every day that were just constantly telling me these things -- that I believed! Like, I can’t ride a bike, because it looks silly when a fat girl rides a bike. Or that fat girls shouldn’t wear bathing suits without a cover up, because your body might offend somebody.” “And all of that is just a bunch of bullshit!” she declares. “I started to realize that it doesn’t matter the size of my pants, I have value as a human being. I am worth the same amount as a human if I was to gain 100 pounds or lose 50. And that thought had never occurred to me.” This realization changed everything for Heather Mae. “Once I was able to recognize that I am enough as I am, it opened me up to the realization that we as a society, not just fat people but all people, run our lives based upon what other people think of us,” she says. “If we could just shed some of that, that caring about thinness and beauty, and focus more on wholeness and what we put into the world, I feel like we would get more shit done.” This realization was what led Heather Mae to write an EP full of songs about social justice. And she doesn’t plan to move away from those BE SAFE, BE HAPPY, BE PROUD!

topics in the future, either. “You can never go back. I mean, I can’t,” she says. “I joined this community of people who write music and go to protests and show up in women’s spaces, trans spaces, LGBTQ spaces, spaces of color. Going down to the South and playing in spaces [where you] might not be welcome; but it’s so important because five queer people showed up, and they need you. You go home and you’re writing the next record, and you can’t just write love songs.” Then she catches herself. “Fluff songs, not love songs. Because for LGBTQ people, our love songs are political, just by keeping our pronouns.” An important point, especially from a singer who has only been out for a couple of years. “It shouldn’t have been this hard for me,” she says of coming out. “I grew up in a home where I had gay people coming in and out of my house, my parents’ friends, [but] I’d always been assumed straight. I self-identified as bi in secret, but I spoke out as a straight ally without having the courage or ability to out myself, because I just was too scared. It wasn’t until I met the person that would change the course of my life that I was like, ‘I don’t want to lose this person, and so it’s time for me to be honest about who I am’.” Since the release of I Am Enough, Heather Mae spent a lot of time on tour; in particular, she’s played a lot of Pride celebrations. She tells us that Pride is “a totally different experience when you’re an out queer person. Now being on the other side and seeing all these people attending Prides and maybe they’re not out yet, but maybe they’re taking the steps to come out, it is such a different version of Pride.” This year’s celebrations have been another new experience -- in a very good way. “This season of Pride has been amazing because I’ve been playing it as an out queer married woman,” she says. And that’s not the only change in Heather Mae’s life that will be reflected onstage when she performs at VA PrideFest. “I’m going to be playing with a band!” she tells us. Whereas normally, she tours as a true solo artist, just herself and a guitar, she’ll be joined at PrideFest by bassist Joe Stevens, formerly of Coyote Grace, and drummer JJ Jones, formerly of Girlyman. “It’s like this epic queer band we’ve created,” she says, laughing. Doing shows with a full band isn’t the only new thing Heather Mae’s got going on right now -she’s also working on a new album. And yes, it’s definitely going to have social justice-oriented lyrics. “This next record is about mental health, and about the #metoo movement, and about feminism, and the possibility of Roe v. Wade being overturned,” she says. “[It’s] all set to the tune of 34

dancing music that you could not really know what it’s about, but as soon as the end of the song comes, you’re like, ‘Whoa. Shit.’” As she did with I Am Enough, Heather Mae intends to crowdfund her new album. Which prompts an obvious question: would she work with a label if she had the chance? “Of course I would love to have a machine behind me that would support what I am doing. but that’s hard to find,” she says. “I know that I’m a little bit of a risk. I am a fat social justice songwriter with very loud opinions, and I get arrested in DC for standing up for people’s rights. If I was to find a label, it would have to be a label that was fully behind their artists who could get arrested one day.” Thankfully, today’s internet provides an alternative for musicians like her, whose career doesn’t exactly make them a safe bet for labels. “I’m so grateful to have platforms like Kickstarter and Patreon, where people can donate their funds directly to an artist’s project, and say, ‘I believe in you’,” she says. “Because without it, I wouldn’t be able to create the records that I’m creating right now.” The new album will arrive in a completely different political environment than the one in which I Am Enough was released. Like many of us, Heather Mae was shocked and disappointed by the election of Donald Trump. “I was going on the road singing songs about voting, women’s liberation, LGBTQ liberation, taking to the streets,” she says. “Then November 2016 happened, and it felt like all of the work I had done since the release of I Am Enough in June was just for naught.” Thankfully, she found once she got back on the road that this wasn’t the case. If anything, the opposite was true. “I went back on the road in the spring of 2017, and they still showed up!” she says. “People were louder now, and they want the community so bad, because when you are at home and you’re looking at the news, you become so othered. You see all these white supremacist groups coming together, and these misogynist groups coming together, and all of this hate is being thrown out.” “We as marginalized people are feeling like we need each other, and we are coming together,” she continues. “That’s why places like Virginia Pride [are] so important to keep going, in spite of an administration that refuses to acknowledge us. Because without that sense of community, we would lose hope. And then we wouldn’t show up at protests. And then we wouldn’t vote.” VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST 2018

When the LGBTQ community comes together, Heather Mae wants to be there. And she’ll have a strong, positive message for us all when she takes the stage at VA PrideFest this year. “I cannot imagine writing music that is just fun music,” she says. “The stories that I hear, and the emotion that’s poured out to me from the people who listen to my music, make this job, as hard as it is, so worth it. Because my songs are working, [even] when I am not onstage. Who gives a shit if this job is really hard and I want to pull my hair out? I know I’m helping people.”

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CANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T SLOW DOWN VA PRIDE FIREWORK AWARD HONOREE ZAKIA MCKENSEY IS GETTING THINGS DONE BY MARILYN DREW NECCI

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Zakia McKensey stays busy. From her work with Health Brigade and the Virginia Anti-Violence Project to her key role in bringing Black Pride RVA to the city, she’s worked tirelessly to advocate for the transgender community and those impacted by HIV/AIDS, as well as victims of violence and poverty, especially those from communities of color. In light of all the work she’s done in central Virginia and beyond, it’s no surprise that she’s been chosen to receive this year’s Virginia Pride Firework Award. McKensey certainly appreciates the honor. As she puts it, “People always get a lot of accolades when they pass away, so to be honored while I’m able to enjoy it and be a part of it is amazing.” But where her work is concerned, she makes clear that it is not undertaken out of any desire for glory. Instead, it’s her concern for those she sees around her. “I’ve always stood up for myself and what I believed was fair treatment of others,” she says. However, it was the loss of someone close to her that motivated her to act. “A dear friend of mine had contracted HIV,” she says. “Watching them go through the different side effects of all that comes with being HIV positive, and then succumbing to the virus, gave me the courage to want to learn more and want to give back.” This desire led her to Health Brigade, which was known as Fan Free Clinic at the time. “I started doing some volunteer work with Health Brigade on their advisory committee, and helping them implement testing programs within the local gay clubs. Stuff like that was important,” she says. It eventually led to a fulltime position. In 2001, when Health Brigade added an MSM (men who sleep with men) outreach program, McKensey became the program’s first coordinator. Having struggled to access transgenderrelated health care during her own transition, regularly driving to Baltimore and Atlanta to find medical providers, McKensey knew how essential it was to bring transgender health care to Richmond. During her time at Health Brigade, she did important work to establish the organization’s transgender clinic. However, between her time at Health Brigade and her years working as a Disease Intervention Specialist for Richmond City Health District, McKensey realized that it wasn’t always enough just to make sure care was available. After years of “talking to clients and hearing their barriers to coming in and accessing care and services” and beginning to understand that “there were other things that were needed that were hindering them from making their medical and their health a priority,” McKensey knew she had to do something more. It was in this moment that Nationz Foundation was born. But to bring the organization from idea and reality would take years of fundraising. BE SAFE, BE HAPPY, BE PROUD!

Fortunately, McKensey knew just how to do it. In addition to her extensive advocacy work, she has also had a long career in pageantry, winning such titles as Miss Black America Plus, Miss Godfrey’s, Miss Black National, and more. This experience led her to create the Nationz Pageantry System, which created the annual Nationz Pageant in 2012. “We started it as a fundraiser, to raise some money so we could start the organization,” McKensey says. The yearly event sees male entertainers and female impersonators from around the country come together to compete for the titles of Mz Nationz, Mr Nationz, and Mz Nationz Plus. “They’re [Nationz] ambassadors for the year,” says McKensey. “[They] are doing a lot of community service, whether it’s in Virginia or whatever area they may come from.” Over its first three years of existence, the Nationz Pageant raised enough funds that Nationz Foundation was able to incorporate as a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization in 2015. They immediately went to work on a variety of projects, through which the group tried to reach those within the community who had the most urgent need. They began with a food pantry and free rapid-results HIV testing. “The food [is] kind of an incentive for people to actually get tested so they can know their status,” McKensey says. “We believe that if everyone knows their status, and we get them the care, we can reduce the rates of HIV.” But she’s also concerned about filling basic needs in the most marginalized and low income communities. She specifically highlights those who “don’t have access to health care, or aren’t able to have employment, or are ostracized from family members because of who they are or how they identify. To help these people is important.” For people in such a precarious position, meeting even the most basic needs can help them tremendously. “To give them a leg up to better themselves,” says McKensey. “Or to help them to concentrate funding on keeping a roof over their head and lights on, where they can access the food pantry and not have to worry about being hungry. It’s an immediate need.” Housing is another basic need Nationz strives to meet for displaced members of the LGBTQ community. Their Aim To Inspire Project is an emergency housing fund, and it is an important resource that’s in high demand. “These first couple of quarters we housed [over] 20 people, and yesterday I had four calls for more people who are displaced,” McKensey says. This year’s Nationz Pageant, which will be held at the end of September, will help raise funds for the Aim To Inspire Project -- and not a moment too soon. Clearly, McKensey is very busy with Nationz 39

Foundation. However, she somehow finds time for a variety of other activist tasks as well. In 2016, she joined with Rev. Lacette Cross, of New Beginnings Christian Church, and Luise “Cheezi” Farmer, of Diversity Richmond and Metropolitan Community Church, to create Us Giving Richmond Connections. “The purpose of that group was to uplift people of color who were doing work in the community, build unity within Richmond, but also create a Black Pride event,” says McKensey. These plans came to fruition earlier this year with the first Black Pride RVA celebration in July -- a successful event that McKensey intends to make the first of many. “I am so excited and proud of the love and support from that event, and looking forward to next year,” she says. Through volunteering at Bon Air Correctional Facility, McKensey discovered a need for LGBTQ-related support within the juvenile justice system. “I started volunteering because there was a trans-identified youth that was there, and she had reached out to Side By Side,” McKensey says. “From mentoring her and meeting other kids who were in there who identified within the LGBTQ spectrum, I brought it back to our team that maybe we needed to step up and do a little bit more work.” This led to the creation of a collaborative program between Nationz Foundation, Side By Side, and the Virginia Anti-Violence Project. In addition to creating support groups for those within the system, McKensey says, “We’ve done several trainings with the correctional officers and admin staff, about LGBTQ sensitivity and proper pronoun use. So we’re making some really major changes within the juvenile detention center that hopefully, maybe, trickle out into the state adult facilities.” McKensey feels a little less positive about the current political climate in Virginia. Last year, during Equality Virginia’s ultimately unsuccessful push to get several LGBTQ civil rights bills passed by the General Assembly, McKensey volunteered her time to go talk to Delegates and Senators about the importance of passing the bills. “It was really disheartening, the mindset of some the people who have seats in the Senate or the House,” she says. “I heard a lot of biblical and religious stuff. Decisions should be made based on the welfare of people, and bettering the state of Virginia as a whole.” She’s not sure she wants to take as direct a role in the campaigning next year. “I’m gonna always use my voice to make Virginia more inclusive for our community. I’m always gonna partner with Equality Virginia in any way I can to help,” she says. “But I don’t know if right now I’m in a place where I want to go and talk to Senators or Delegates again. Because it was really sad, just listening to them. And 40 40

infuriating at the same time! So for my selfcare, I need to step back from them.” Right now, she’s concentrating her political energies on other things. “It’s so important for people to vote, and be aware of who is trying to represent your district or your area,” she says. “Really get the knowledge about who they are and what they stand for. And I think doing more of that work on the ground level, especially with our youth, helping make them understand that that’s how we will make a difference for our community, hopefully in the very near future.” Despite the troubling rise of Trump, she’s trying to maintain an upbeat attitude. “I feel like we are in some scary times,” she says. “But I do not feel that the major things we have accomplished, they will take back. We have a lot of power and influence; [we need to] get out of that mindset that your vote doesn’t matter. That goes back to education, making sure that people know the power of voting, and understand about writing your Senators, and your Delegates and Congressmen, so you can make a difference.” McKensey continues to try and make a difference every day, but she wants everyone to know that she and Nationz Foundation can’t do it alone. “I would like to see our community rallying more behind the work that Nationz does, help share the fundraising events that we’re doing, and come out and support those events,” she says. “We are only three years old, and funding is very difficult. We don’t have all those corporate sponsors and contacts. But there is such a need for our services.” The best way you can help Nationz out right now is by supporting the upcoming Nationz Pageant. It will take place Saturday, September 29, the weekend after VA PrideFest, at Diversity Richmond. “All of the funds from the pageant go back into the foundation. We’re trying to sell ads and vendor tables this year, and all of the proceeds will specifically go to our emergency housing fund,” McKensey says. “We try to help everybody, but we also need the community to support us and help us out.” NATIONZFOUNDATIONRVA.ORG

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COMING OUT AN EXPERIENCE BOTH UNIVERSAL AND UNIQUE BY JO ROZYCKI If you are a member of the LGBTQ community, you have to come out. At least, that’s what our society expects. There’s a standard picture of coming out that many people have in their heads: sitting family and friends down on a couch or at the dinner table, and making an announcement. And there’s also a standard template of expected responses: either tearful acceptance and an outpouring of love, or vehement disapproval and banishment. However, this is not by any means the way it always works. The LGBTQ experience of coming out plays out in many different ways; it’s as diverse as the community itself. In order to get a glimps of the many different forms coming out can take, I spoke with three people from the central Virginia area about their experiences with coming out. They all grew up differently, were raised differently, were accepted differently, and live their unique lives differently. They all have their own unique stories. Regardless, coming out is something that they, like all LGBTQ people, have to navigate on a daily basis. Here’s how they see it.

MARIEA TERRELL BISEXUAL CIS FEMALE 26 YEARS OLD HOMETOWN: QUEENS, NY CURRENT CITY: RICHMOND, VA OCCUPATION: PROJECT MANAGEMENT “Coming out was messy, horrible, complicated. I was about 23, 24. I was dating a guy at the time. The reason we were [in an] open [relationship] was because I said, ‘I am feeling these things for women and I want to explore that, because I don’t know if I fully understand that within myself what that means.’ I realized through that [experience] that I feel more than just sexually for women. 44

In hindsight, I’m grateful that I was with someone that gave me the room to explore that part of myself, in a time where I didn’t understand what I was experiencing. “I think it was easier to come out to people that didn’t already know me well. I don’t even know if that counts. If someone doesn’t know any other previous version of you, does that mean that you’re coming out to them? Is that still coming out if they never knew that you weren’t? I would say, almost in the same way that somebody white-complected doesn’t scream what race they are, I don’t think that I personally scream visually that I’m interested in women. I was like, ‘Do I have to announce this part of myself? Is it a part of myself, or all of me now? Do I need to make sure everybody knows, just to set the record straight?’ “It was shocking for my sister. It was very shocking for my mom. They [learned] after the friends, because I told my friends in such rapid succession. My mom’s side of the family is from Jamaica. In Jamaica, you can be in grave danger if you’re a homosexual. It’s a very real thing. My parents didn’t have great reactions at first, but they love me more than anything, even their perceived values. “For me, coming out is necessary for people to understand me. I think it depends on the person. Everybody should be able to, but I don’t think everybody has [to have] an official conversation saying the words ‘I am LGBTQ.’ “It can be very empowering. I felt more understood by my friends, and I could breathe a little easier. But coming out can be very othering. One day in the future, it would be nice if there was a space where you just come as you are.”

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PHIL CROSBY GAY CIS MALE 61 YEARS OLD HOMETOWN: MOUNT LEBANON, PA CURRENT CITY: RICHMOND, VA OCCUPATION: EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF RICHMOND TRIANGLE PLAYERS “At 12 or 13, my parents started subscribing to the Sunday New York Times. They had movie ads, and [at] that time - this was about 1969, 1970 - there were x-rated theatres being advertised in the paper. And they were allmale. I was like, ‘What does that mean?’ Even though I knew from a really early age I was in a different tribe, that was the first time I said, ‘Oh, that means...oh, okay. That’s why…’ I very significantly had crushes and they were all on men. Then it became very, very clear to me. “I didn’t find the words until probably high school. As I was going through it as a young teen, the celebrity crushes I had, there was no question who I was looking at. I was looking at Bobby Sherman, Robert Conrad, all these guys. Everyone else was checking out Julie Newmar and Susan Day. Outside of the avoidance in high school, I never had any real conflict about it. There was no shame. It was just who I was. “It was my freshman year of college. [It was] absolutely liberating. I felt like I belonged. I just did it. It was what I needed to do to be happy. I wanted those relationships in my life. I wanted the dating, the partnering. “It was my mother who [first] asked me. I’d had a botched appendicitis diagnosis, so I contracted peritonitis. I was very sick. I was in the hospital, after four or five days on drugs. Around that time, my parents had a friend who had been married with kids, was involved in the school system, but had been caught having sex in a car with another man. That was the ruination of his life and his career. No job, drummed out of town, no wife, no kids. That was very upsetting to her because of how his life got destroyed, not because of what he had

“Do I have to announce this part of myself? Do I need to make sure everybody knows, just to set the record straight?” BE SAFE, BE HAPPY, BE PROUD!

done. I was lying in the bed, and she relates that story. She said, ‘So what about you?’ I knew what she was asking. I said, ‘Well, yeah, that’s me.’ She goes, ‘That’s fine. I just wanted to hear you say that. Your dad and I have already talked through all this, and it’s not an issue. We just know it’s going to be a harder road for you, and that makes us a little sad.’ “I think it depends on the person, the situation, and their lives. It depends on what that means for you. If coming out is coming out for yourself -- getting honest with yourself, finding your authentic, true self -- then I think everybody’s got to do it. “It redefines your relationships with other people, or it can redefine you. If you have people in your life who’d rather prefer the lie to the truth, then the truth is going to drive them away. But that’s okay. Sadly, sometimes it’s your blood family. But that’s still okay. The glory of being queer, and what we’ve always done, is we’ve made our families. We’ve always created our families

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TI AMES QUEER NON-BINARY 23 YEARS OLD HOMETOWN: CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA CURRENT CITY: OBERLIN, OH OCCUPATION: STUDENT/ACTOR “I learned about LGBTQ probably in 7th or 8th grade. I’ve kind of known since I was 7 or 8, I just didn’t have the language to say anything about it. Because I was raised Christian, anything that isn’t straight is a sin. “I was 17 and I was visiting Oberlin. There was a very attractive student who was showing us around and answering all of our questions. That was the first time that I actively was attracted to someone who wasn’t a cis boy. It was weird for me. I felt butterflies, I was getting hot, I couldn’t help but smile at her and stare at her. I didn’t know why. “It started to hurt not being able to tell anyone. I like sharing. I felt like I [had] started lying to my friends because I just couldn’t talk about it. I came out to my whole entire friend group at the end of freshman year. It was spring 2014. At the time, I told them I was bisexual, because I didn’t know how to gauge it. None of them were openly anything but straight. It scared me because I was like, ‘If no one else in this group isn’t straight, how are they going to accept me?’ They all were ecstatic. No one was weirded out about it. It was such a celebratory moment. “I had waited another year to tell my mom. I spent five days talking with my brother about how to tell my mother. It was hurting, not telling her things. All I wanted to tell her was all the beautiful things happening in my life. But all those things revolved around me telling her. We got really distant because I just stopped talking to her. “We had a family reunion dinner, and at the very end, I told her. She was like ‘I kind of knew. Nothing is going to stop me from loving you.’ We cried and we hugged. The moment itself was positive. The moments and years after that started to unravel, and really showed how we all need to work through this. It’s still something I can’t actively talk about with my mom. She knows; I don’t hide it from her anymore. It’s just something we don’t really mention. “The reason why I waited so long to tell her was because I was afraid I was going to make her choose between her family and her religion. A lot of it was just based off of the fact that church folk talk. That started affecting how the congregation felt about me. What does it look

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like to be one of the only black, woman preachers in town, who’s supposed to be preaching all of these things, whose child is coming out? And not only telling her I’m queer, but [also that] I’m not sure how I feel about Christianity anymore, because it literally doesn’t like me. [It] was a very hard conversation to have with her. I had to explain to her that this is not something I can do anymore. It was rough. “[Being] black and queer and spiritual/ religious is just such an interesting mix of things because you’re dealing with oppression from different sides. The LGBTQ community and the black community have been on parallel journeys in history. They’ve both had to fight for what they needed. “I remember when I first started feeling not my gender, I had two other friends who are trans non-binary. I asked, ‘What makes you feel like [you were] not a woman, and not a man? I don’t feel comfortable as a woman, but I very much do not see myself as a man.’ In the midst of this conversation, I realized that I’m in the middle, and I don’t know what that’s called. And my friend goes, ‘That’s called non-binary.’ That was the first eureka moment. That was four years ago. “I have to come out every single day. It’s frustrating. I let people misgender me because having to sit and explain to them over and over and over again is difficult. If I’m misgendered, I’d rather be misgendered than be forgotten. Both suck. But I’d rather be misgendered because people are ignorant, rather than say it and get angry with me and have a whole thing start. “Because of the world we live in, I think it’s impossible not to come out. Coming out should not be necessary. I should not have to come out to people 12 times a day. I never come out because it’s something I want to do. I know it’s something I have to do, so someone won’t misgender me, or I’m somehow seen as valid in your eyes. “It’s not for us. It never was for us. It’s so that cis, straight people understand and can somehow validate that for us. Because we live in a cis, straight world. If you’re other than those things, you somehow have to justify who you are to everyone else. “Even if you don’t call it coming out, it’s still coming out. We still have to say who we are. We still have to speak and have agency and be able to realize and tell other people that we matter. We deserve to be here, just like everybody else.”

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BEYOND POTLUCKS GAY FATHERS COMMUNITY OF RICHMOND ENTERS A BOLD NEW ERA BY MADELYNE ASHWORTH One April in 1997, a small group of men walked to every gay bar in Richmond posting flyers in the windows, not knowing what to expect. Each of these men had recently been through the most difficult time in their lives: unhappiness, counseling, legal battles, divorce, and coming out to their families after years of suppressing the fact that they were gay. The flyers told of a new group that would be meeting in a church. They had no idea if anyone would show, but as it turned out, ten men walked into the room that night. Ten men would grow to 30, and for the next 20 years, the Gay Fathers Community of Richmond, Virginia (GFC) became a thriving dinner club for men who had married, had children traditionally, then later in life came to terms with their sexualities. It was a place they could connect, share experiences, and discuss their children and new home lives. “We wanted other gay fathers to know they are not the only ones going through this,” said Bob X, a founding member of GFC. “The best thing for me is taking that step 20-some years ago to come out to my wife. To acknowledge who I truly am. My life has been enriched by my marriage and my kids, but being comfortable and open with who I really am will be the crowning achievement of my life.” Twenty years later in fall of 2017, those original founders decided to retire. They gathered everyone together and told the group it was 50

time either to find new leadership, or dissolve the group. Jason Fair, gay father of four, owner of a consulting group, decided the need was too great to lose this group. “When they said they were going to dissolve the group, I felt like that was doing Richmond a disservice,” said Fair, who is now the President of GFC. “I felt like there was going to be a void or a gap. During that exact same time, that was during October, November, I had just joined Stonewall Sports and had met 10, 15 other gay fathers that didn’t know anything about GFC. There’s a need out there.” The first step was to rebrand. For years the group was an informal, word-of-mouth club for older gay fathers who had been part of traditional marriages, then been through divorce. Fair explained that most of the resources available were specifically for men dealing with divorce, who had children in their teens and older, and events were primarily private potluck dinners. They weren’t an official nonprofit, and weren’t particularly connected with other LGBTQ organizations in Richmond. “When this group first organized, the culture was different. Our acceptance and what diversity meant back then is very different to what it means now, and even the evolution of what it means to be a gay father has changed,” Fair said. “Back then, it was about traditional marriages, divorces, and raising children as VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST 2018

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gay parents, where now [there are] different options around adoption [and] surrogacy, and [other] new options for people in the gay community around parenting. There’s a whole new group of people out there who probably want to have a connection with other dads, maybe with other families of gay fathers. So what we did is expanded to include those new folks.” Finding new fathers meant finding younger generations of fathers who potentially grew up in more accepting eras and communities, meaning the process of marrying a woman, having children and going through divorce was never part of their timeline. While Fair’s own experience paralleled with the cycle the group’s founders had experienced, he recognized that many younger people would be looking for advice on new aspects of child rearing like adoption, surrogacy, or finding LGBTQ-friendly schools. Including men with these experiences in the group, as well as being able to provide a wider variety of resources to newer members, was essential for expansion. The issues around adoption were new territory for the group, and as these fathers found out, they were complicated. “Choosing open adoption was not an easy decision at first,” said Leo X, one of the newer members of GFC. “After all, there were lingering questions about what the involvement of the birth family would be, along with concerns of adoption scammers – both financial and emotional. In the end, we knew that it would be far healthier for our child to be able to build a relationship with their birth parents, and to know that they were placed in adoption out of love.” While many younger men are arriving at gay fatherhood through different paths than GFC’s founders did, that doesn’t mean older men aren’t still going through the painful processes of divorcing, coming out to their wives, children, and communities, and experiencing the same difficulties the founders had. Despite changing social norms, many are still struggling to break free from toxic heteronormative lifestyles. For men like these, GFC serves as vital a purpose as it ever has. “I was welcomed with open arms,” said Ryan X, and older member and divorced father. “Several people already were expecting me, knew my name, and immediately introduced me to other guys. Not for one minute did I feel awkward. I remember saying to myself, ‘Wow, there are other guys that have gone through the same thing as me.’ Several members took the time to sit and chat and share their experiences with me, to make me feel comfortable. I immediately felt that this was a group that I would be able to build personal connections [in], and feel comfortable sharing my journey and seeking the support to overcome my challenges.” 52

GFC’s membership has more than doubled since the start of 2018. Beginning with about 30 people, they now include upwards of 100 gay fathers and men looking to become fathers. Fair has made efforts to reconnect the group to other organizations like Diversity Richmond and Virginia Pride, and has acquired legal not-for-profit status in order to fundraise. For the very first time, GFC will have a table at Virginia Pride this year. “Richmond is a small community, and Richmond is conservative in nature, and so trying to seek out and find other people that have similar experiences and similar challenges makes some of these folks feel more comfortable,” Fair said. GFC has expanded to include resources for counselors and financial advisors, but Fair says the members often just want a group of people with whom they feel at home. “I’ve only been here five years, six years,” Fair said. “When I was starting my separation process, my counselor recommended I seek out this group. They honestly were fantastic people to help me through my separation, through my divorce, through my experience with my kids. I had different experiences with all four of my kids. Just having a group of people who can understand what you’re going through and say, ‘Hey, what did you do about this? What did you do about that?’” As part of an effort to become more involved in their local community, GFC has also teamed up with Host Homes, an organization that assists LGBTQ youth in finding foster homes after being forced out of their own homes for coming out to their families. In addition to these new partnerships, GFC has also increased their monthly events, which still include the traditional potluck dinners as well as a few new additions, such as camping trips, happy hours, fundraisers, and family-friendly events like a day at an amusement park. One thing’s for sure; it’s not just a dinner club anymore. “We wanted to be able to show that everybody goes through their own journey and their own challenges, and we are a group of people that are really trying to bring those people together so they can share those experiences [and] we can support each other,” Fair said. “We provide resources to people. We have a group of counselors that support our groups. We have a group of attorneys that support our group. We have a group of financial planners that support our group. It’s really more of a networking and a community outreach, and to be a resource to people that either may be having challenges, or they’re just looking to meet people that are like them.”

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NOT YOUR FATHERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S TATTOO SHOP ALL ABOUT YOU TATTOO CHALLENGES STEREOTYPES WITH PRIDE BY SARAH HONOSKY PHOTO SARAH KERNDT

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Though the storefront is innocuous enough, it says all you need to know: “TATTOO,” in oldschool Americana lettering, jagged and bold. It’s the most eye-catching thing about this Midlothian Turnpike strip mall, the font reminiscent of Sailor Jerry era iconography - replete with daggerpierced hearts and pin-up girls. On the outside, it promises a predictable, grunge interior. Luckily, All About You Tattoo refuses to deliver. Instead, this LGBTQ-owned, all-female Richmond shop offers a harmonious marriage of traditional tattooing and a modern mentality. If the clean, crisp pale purple walls don’t tip you off, the fact that “Landslide” is playing full blast as I push through the door should do the trick. Shop owner Diana Burkholder is tattooing a father-daughter pair when I arrive. She’s wearing a black tee and clunky combat boots, and she greets me with a hug, though we’ve never met. There is an immediate ease to the interior, and Burkholder’s partner in business and life, Kim Blevins, explains to me that the atmosphere is more than intentional. It’s open-concept and neat, the walls tastefully decorated, though much of the paint is bare. It’s designed so customers don’t get overwhelmed, explained Blevins, and they try to make all the work hung at the artists’ stations their own. It’s an instant, hanging resume, and Burkholder’s corner is crowded with striking photo-realistic black and white portraits. There’s a Pride poster just inside the door. “It’s one of a kind,” said Raine Lanno, the other artist at the shop. “You come here, and you get treated like family. That’s what a service experience should be about.” All About You Tattoo’s mission is to create a different kind of tattoo shop. They emphasize acceptance, striving to cater to a diverse clientele - be it age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or gender. They’re changing the stereotypical view of tattoos, from the boy’s-club, conventional mentality, to a shop designed to be accessible to everyone. “It was always my dream to give women a chance,” said Burkholder. “We found a place that we felt comfortable in. We created this.” They’ll be at this year’s VA PrideFest to make this inclusion clear. “Our community can walk in here and feel comfortable,” said Blevins. “They can be who they are.” The day I visit, there’s five women on the floor Burkholder and Lanno, the artists; Blevins, who helps handle the administrative side and keep the shop running; and two apprentices. Lanno is in the back corner under the glow of a softbox light, BE SAFE, BE HAPPY, BE PROUD!

tattooing a strip of arabic script on a guest. “I don’t care if you’re getting an infinity symbol or getting a whole sleeve, everybody gets the same amount of respect,” said Blevins. “People can feel comfortable getting their first tattoo or their millionth.” The air is perfumed with the whir of rotary tattoo machines, and beyond the front counter is a seating area of plush leather furniture and low coffee tables. Burkholder said she designed it to feel like a living room - clean and comfortable. A lack of partitions allows for an easy banter that Lanno and Burkholder toss from station to station. Beyond a low barrier, past two squat, cement guardian lions, are a fleet of repurposed massage tables, bookended by rows of ink and equipment. Burkholder started tattooing when she was young, but the environment was nearly impossible to break into as a woman. “I couldn’t get accepted. It was like every shop I went in I pretty much got laughed at because I was a girl,” said Burkholder. “It was so hard for me, so I wrote it off.” She had to work unlicensed, illegally, just to prove herself. “You had to tattoo ten times better than a man just to get the same credit that he would.” She grew up tattooing in biker shops, surrounded by a hyper-masculine environment, where every step forward was a struggle. Often, early tattoo shops were cemented in misogyny and exclusion; All About You has become the antithesis of those experiences. “Here you don’t have to be compared. You work with all women, women are your boss. You never have to feel degraded,” said Lanno. “These aren’t just my bosses. These are my friends, my family.” Lanno, 24, has been under Burkholder’s tutelage since she was 19 - “That’s the only thing I know.” Though she’s heard horror stories about apprentice experiences from other shops, she found comfort and home in Burkholder’s leadership. “Diana sheltered me through my apprenticeship,” said Lanno, and Blevins interrupted: “She’s so young, she could be our child.” The three of them tilt together on the couch, and Burkholder laughed. “She is our child.” It’s a popular refrain in small businesses: that in this shop they’re so close, they’re actually family. But here at All About You, I actually believe it. They rib and bicker, poking fun and teasing, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen three people so happy to be at work. “If you spend all your time at here, don’t you want to enjoy the people you’re around?” asked Burkholder. 58

Even Burkholder and Blevins, who work together all day, and live together all night, say they aren’t tired of each other. “You never get on my nerves,” said Burkholder. And then they laughed, like it’s a little bit of a lie, but they still wouldn’t have it any other way. It means something for guests to see a shop run by an openly lesbian couple. All About You brings in a lot of repeat customers; couples, families, and friends, alike. “I can count on both hands how many families come in to get tattoos together,” said Lanno. I myself walk in without a tattoo to my name, and any chance of getting one seems such a distant possibility, you couldn’t even see it if you squint. Call it a fear of commitment, or disappointing my Southern raised father, but it’s never been on the menu. But no one at All About You minds. Burkholder said it’s important that they never guilt people about their tattoos, no matter how big or small. “I don’t want people to judge me for having tattoos, so I’m not going to judge people for not having them,” said Burkholder. “I have a twin brother, and he doesn’t have a tattoo on him.” The second day I visit the shop, there’s a woman, over 60, sitting in the shiny, black leather chair. Lanno works away at her shoulder, tattooing a bee to replace a now-misshapen flower. Her son is in the opposite seat. It’s a family affair, one that targets the demographics that other shops may seek to exclude. For Burkholder, her sexuality is a non-issue. She exudes confidence, and that in itself allows for a buoy of inherent comfort. “It’s hard to say that I’ve felt any kind of way about being gay in this industry,” said Burkholder. It’s as much a part of her as her ink, or her womanhood, and the power is in using that confidence to ease other people on their journey. Burkholder and Lanno promise they can draw anything - “from girly to gore” - but the shop runs on a shameless and unabashed love for drawing women. “It’s because they’re so beautiful,” Burkholder interjected, laughing. Specifically, Burkholder specializes in black and gray realism, portraits, and surrealism. Lanno prefers neo-traditional and fantasy. She characterizes her work as “girly” - Disney meets Lisa Frank. But regardless of style, it’s the people who matter the most. “If you rely on the aesthetic of something, then you’re not looking at someone for real,” said Lanno. “Tattooing isn’t just about putting art on your body. It’s making sure that somebody comes in, and they feel comfortable, and they have an experience.” VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST 2018

All About You’s current location was a fresh start. It was an escape from the suffocation of the tattoo-norm, a chance to redefine their work and business by their own standards. They renovated the space, originally a convenience store, from the ground up - from repaneling the floor to the inner guts of the plumbing. “We did everything by ourselves,” said Burkholder. “All women built this motherfucker.” It doesn’t take flowery prose to illustrate All About You’s legacy. The truth of it is written all over their bodies, like Blevins’ sleeve made up almost entirely of Burkholder’s original designs, or one of Lanno’s first tattoos, etched on the back of her calf. They are imprinted on each other and, in turn, their customers. You can start small. A tattoo on the inside of your wrist. A quote on your forearm. That lowerback tramp stamp that everybody told you was BE SAFE, BE HAPPY, BE PROUD!

a bad idea. The best part about ink is the idea of a forever - it’s as permanent as blood when it’s written on skin. “The number one [goal] is teaching women to be confident about themselves,” said Burkholder. And I believe it, because she’s taken a world that by all accounts should be closed to me - with my obviously bare arms, my ignorance, and my nonedgy good intentions - and she’s made me feel welcome in a single evening, without ever putting a tattoo machine against my skin. I walk out the same way I came in, tattooless. But, for the first time in my life - and don’t tell my dad I’m thinking about it. FACEBOOK.COM/ALLABOUTYOUTATTOO

EVERYONE BELONGS HERE 60

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NO GOOD DEED

VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST 2018

BY SARAH KERNDT AND MARILYN DREW NECCI PHOTOS BY CHARM ANNE

When parents send their kids to elementary school, they do so with the expectation their children will receive top notch education, learning their ABC’s and their 123’s in a safe and comfortable environment. But for parents of transgender youth, this process can be deeply unnerving. From concern over how staff and other students will treat their child to the many highlypublicized issues around transgender children’s access to school bathrooms, parents have good reason to worry. Emily Powers, an elementary school music teacher with Chesterfield County Public Schools, completely understood these concerns. Powers, who uses they/them pronouns, struggled with these issues during their own childhood in a conservative religious household in their hometown of Hanover, VA. “I had no role models,” Powers said. Their attempts to navigate issues with their own sexual orientation and gender identity had an isolating effect, and they didn’t feel safe coming out until they’d reached college and found a supportive friend group. Having completed their education and entered the workforce, Powers was entering their third year of teaching as the 2017-18 school year began. As they settled into their role as a teacher, they worked to emphasize the sorts of values they’d sought during their own fraught adolescence. “My second year is when I started thinking, OK, I need to teach character and coping skills,” they said. “In this day and age, you’re not ever just going to be a teacher -- you always have to attend to a child’s emotions and needs first.” Unfortunately, doing so was not always so simple -- especially in the case of LGBTQ students. Powers found this out when a minor interaction in class had some long-lasting ramifications for their career. At the beginning of a lesson, Powers asked one student to be the “sound man.” Other students quickly corrected them, saying, “She’s transgender!” and “She’s not a boy, she’s turning into a girl!” “I asked, ‘Is that true?’” Powers said. “’What pronouns do you want me to use?’ The student replied, ‘I want to be referred to as a girl,’

and I said, ‘OK, is your name changing?’ She said, ‘No, that’s staying the same.’ I said, ‘OK, great.’” As a member of the LGBTQ community, though, Powers was concerned. And as a teacher, they felt a responsibility to ensure that their student was safe. So at the end of class that day, they pulled the student aside to ask a few more questions about how the student was doing. And it was this conversation that led to trouble. “[I asked], ‘Do your parents know? Can I refer to you as she/her in front of other teachers?’,” Powers explained. Then they led the student know she was safe in Powers’ classroom, saying, “’If you have any sort of issue, if you need a safe place to come, a safe person to talk to, come talk to me. I’m gay, my girlfriend is transgender, so I get where you are coming from, and I can be that contact for you.’” Not long afterward, Powers was called to the principal’s office. “My first thought was, ‘Oh my god, did I make this child uncomfortable? Was she not ready for this conversation?’” But this was far from the problem, as they soon learned. The principal repeatedly misgendered the student during their discussion, making clear that he did not take the student’s gender identity seriously. “He said most children this age don’t fully know who they are yet, so it seemed to me like he was almost implying I had somehow encouraged this idea and this child’s identity in a way that swayed them.” Powers was told that they had acted unprofessionally; the principal said “that I had taken a picture of the student for non-educational purposes,” they explained. “Our kids are cute and we take pictures of them all the time, but he sort of pathologized it as though I was grooming this child, or taking a picture of her for unsavory reasons. Which was weird, because he would never say that if it was another teacher.” Powers was upset by this accusation. Eyes welling up with tears, they were asked to write a statement about the conversation they had with the student. “The entire reason I had a conversation with this student is because I wanted to make them feel safe and welcome and included in my classroom,” they said. However,

GOES UNPUNISHED

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during a meeting with a representative for Virginia Education Association who acted as Powers’ advocate during this proceeding, Powers learned that administration officials were framing their mention of their girlfriend as unprofessional. “[The representative] didn’t personally think it crossed a line, but she said that’s the perspective the school was looking at it from, and that’s why they were able to say I crossed a professional line,” Powers explained. They found this frustrating, and a double standard. “Straight teachers bring their partners to school all the time,” they said. “They are able to casually mention their husbands and children, and use elements of their personal life to build a rapport with students. And yet, when I share that my partner is a woman who happens to be transgender, I have ‘crossed a professional line.’” Powers was informed that the student’s parents were aware of the student’s transition and were not upset about the conversation they’d had. However, the principal, who had told Powers “we want to see you back next year” only a few weeks earlier, elected not to renew Powers’ contract for the next year, due to “concerns about my professional judgment.” “Faced with the negative impact of having a non-renewal on my record, I felt I had no choice but to resign from my position,” Powers said. Our culture has come a long way from the days of Anita Bryant’s anti-LGBTQ Save Our Children campaign, which sought to purge LGBTQ teachers from public schools in the late 1970s. However, even in 2018, incidents like what happened to Powers are not isolated. In the fall of 2017, a Texas schoolteacher, Stacy Bailey, was put on administrative leave and asked to resign for showing her fourth-grade students a picture of herself and her fiancee -- who also happens to be a woman -- wearing Finding Nemo costumes. The fact that Bailey had won Teacher Of The Year twice in her 10-year tenure at that Texas school was apparently not enough to deter the campaign against her. Before losing her position, Bailey had worked with her school’s administration to create protections for LGBTQ students -- protections for which there is definitely a need. “LGBTQ kids face a significantly higher rate of homelessness, bullying, and abuse than their straight cisgender counterparts, which leads to a higher rate of anxiety, depression, and attempted suicide,” Powers said. This reality had an important bearing on their situation too. “If [my student] had in fact been lying about the level of parental support at home, then my principal’s decision to out her to her caretakers could have 64

subjected the child to violence and/or emotional abuse.” Much of the discussion around LGBTQ youth and their safety in school revolves around antibullying campaigns, or creating safer bathroom access for transgender students. This is for good reason; in a 2015 GLSEN survey of LGBTQ youth, it was found that “Students attending schools with [affirming and inclusive] resources report having more positive school experiences, including lower victimization, absenteeism, and higher academic achievement.” But the failure to protect potential role models and advocates for LGBTQ youth can have terrible costs of its own. Writing for the Lavender Health LGBTQ Resource Center, Dr. Michael Johnson writes, “LGBT youth often do not have access to LGBT-specific information or LGBT role models. Much of the information they are exposed to is negative and harmful, and thus only reinforces the feeling of isolation.” Powers recognizes this situation from their own adolescence. “I remember being a queer kid with no openly gay teachers to look up to,” said Powers. “I can only imagine how different my adolescence might have been if I would’ve had that role model to confide in.” This feeling was part of what led them toward a career in education. But when teachers like Powers, who care about improving the educational environment for LGBTQ youth and are in the best position to act as the sort of role models LGBTQ youth often lack, are stigmatized merely for being members of the LGBTQ community, it is much harder for LGBTQ youth to have the positive school experiences that are essential to helping them achieve their full potential. Despite the way things resolved, Powers is not angry about the situation. “I’d like to believe that the principal had no malicious intent. Rather, I am inclined to believe that his poor handling of this situation was the result of ignorance, which led to incompetence,” they said. “This is why it’s so important to me that sensitivity training be provided for all teachers in CCPS. This should have never happened.” Powers hopes that those involved in the educational system will learn from what happened to them. They urged that teachers and parents concerned about the rights of LGBTQ students and teachers be proactive in their approach to those issues. “Even if you don’t know of any openly LGBTQ teachers or students, trust me, they’re around even if they aren’t visible,” Powers said. “Don’t let the LGBTQ kids or staff members in your building come to school/work each day feeling othered.” VIRGINIA PRIDEFEST 2018

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RICHMOND TRIANGLE PLAYERS SEASON 26 / 2018–2019 SONDHEIM ON SONDHEIM

AN ACT OF GOD

By Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine AUGUST 8 – SEPT 1, 2018

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