RVA Vol.4 Issue 7 Freedom Of Choice by RVA MAGAZINE

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Urban Civilization

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VO LU M E 4 I S S UE 7 F R EED OM OF CHOI CE COVER BY NI CK G H O B A SH I

FR EE AR T - MUS IC - O PINIO N R . Antho ny Harris pub lish er

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Mike D ulin Ro s e Cs o rba Mike Rutz Kat Stewart Curtis G rimst ead Jus tin O wen Talia Miller Landis Wine Laur en Vinc elli J o hn Reinhol d D avid B r o cki e D o n Harris on I an M . G r aham C as ey Lo ngyear

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B r ando n Pec k B rian Hubble

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N ick G ho bash i Victo ria Mah on ey Kat Stewart Shig eo J o nes Ki ku c h i ph ot ography

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Lessoning/Lessening 32”x43.5” acrylic and graphite on paper

Outskirts 52”x44” acrylic and graphite on paper

Snake Charmers #2, 2008 Detail of Fairy Ring #4, 2008 Collage on paper

Collage on paper 11x15 inches

22x30 inches

T R A N S M I SSION p r e se n ts RYA N M c L E N N A N an d AM Y R OSS S h o w o p e n s F r i d a y, N o v e mb e r 7 , 7 - 1 0 p m T R AN SM ISSION 3 2 1 B r o o k R d . R i c h m o n d , VA 2 3 2 2 0 8 0 4 .2 0 0 .9 9 8 5 G a l l e r y h o u r s : T h u r s - S a t 11 - 6 o r c a l l fo r a p p o i n tm e n t 13

“ PAR IS : f rag me n t s o f u r ban r ea li ty” N ew wo r k by C h u c k Sc a lin

Sur f a c e t ex t ur e s, a r c hit e c t ur a l d e t a il s a nd ind ige no us c o lo r s in t he urban lands ca pe p r ov id e t he r a w m a t e r ia ls fo r Sc a lin’ s p ho t o g r a p hic ex p lo r a t io ns. Fo r s o m e ye a r s his c r e a t i v e p r o c e s s ha s inv o l v e d w a nd e r ing t hr o ug h t he s t r eet s, cour t y a r d s a nd p a s s a ge w ay s o f Pa r is s e e k ing o ut t he unr e m a r k a ble , t he unnot iced, and e ven t he und e s ir a ble in t he fo r m o f s c r a t c he s, m a r k in g s a nd s t a ins. T he s e ar t if act s for m t he r a w t ex t ur e s o f his im a ge s, w hic h a r e c a p t ur e d in t he f r a m e o f his camer a and t r ans f e r e d int o t his s e r ie s o f la r ge - s c a le a b s t r a c t p ho t o g r a p hs. I t ’ s q uit e lik e ly t ha t t he s e ex a c t ing ly s c a v e nge d d e t a ils w o uld no t ha ve been noticed or b e e n m e r e ly ig no r e d by t he c a s ua l p a s s e r by. Sho w ing a t G ho s t p r int G a lle r y f r o m N ov e m b e r 7 t h t o N ov e m b e r 2 9 t h. G h o s t p r int G a l le r y is L o c a t e d a t 2 2 0 W. B r o a d St . R ic hm o nd , VA 2 3 2 20. Vis it www.ghostprintg aller y.com fo r m o r e in fo r m a t io n. Se e m o r e o f C huc k ’ s w o r k a t www.c huc kscalin.com 14

“ W ha t the Flo c k ?” (Detail)

J oh n ston F oste r:

Building Tomorrow w it h t he B o ne s o f T o day by M ike Dulin

“We don’ t know this for sur e, but our per ce ption of r eality and time... at some point w hat we know right now is going to end; but lots of other things, they’ r e going to kee p going,” said Ric hmond, Vir ginia sculptur e ar tist, Johnston Foster, in r e g ar d to his ar t, f leeting moments, the her eafter and the be ginnings of things we may ne ver be ar ound to enjoy. “It’s like a cur tain in fr ont of another cur tain. We inter pr et the space and c hange because we only get to see it fr om one dimension; but ther e is a be ginning and an end, and some things keep going beyond our existence…like the tor toise.”

Some r ealities get left behind, some e volve. Time f lows in one dir ection.

Between the bor der s of Switzer land and Fr ance, 300 feet below the gr ound, the wor ld’s lar gest scientific experiment has been built. The Large Hallidron Collider - a $9 billion dollar, 17-mile long par tic le acceler ator - cr osses these bor der s at 4 points. T he pr oject headed by CERN – the Eur opean or g anization for nuc lear r esear c h – has been wor king on this pr oject for near ly twenty year s. When activ ated, the acceler ator fir es pr otons in opposing dir ections, at speeds r eac hing 99.999% of the speed of light. Piece by piece Johnston g ather s his materials fr om alleyw ays, dumpster s and g arbage cans left out by the curb. He scans city str eets for any object he can r emanuf actur e into a ne w vision of tr uth. Common tr ash becomes r efer ential points in an alter native wor ld of the laughing subconscious and ter rorized dr eams. Vinyl siding, an industrial tr ashcan and garden hoses evolve into sur r eal beasts. Yet all is in plain vie w, e ver y scr e w and f actor y edge r emains, e ver y essence of the materials. “It’s someone’s tr ash,” he says. “I say the majority of the things that I use have been put in a place w her e it is not intended to be used a g ain, and if that is tr ash then, that’s tr ash.” 17

While he is a ble to sculpt with a c lever mind and educated sense of ar t, he is still left to the pr ocess as a means of pr o gr ess. He discover s objects pr etending to be something else, or at least they ar e destined for a gr eater existence. “I mean it is not all tr ash. T her e ar e cer tain things that ar e being used and they have a r ole in r eality, and I just take them and do something else with it,” he says. “It is not necessarily gr een ,” Johnston says of a buzzwor d that has become incr easingly tr endy. “It is mor e like necessar y , and maybe that is better then being envir onmental; it’s like it w as intended, it’s destiny w as this. Not that I am tr ying to save the wor ld one piece of tr ash at a a time.”

T he pur pose of the par tic le acceler ator and suc h a lar ge scale explor ation into the unknown ar e in hopes of discovering “God par tic les,” w hic h is a r efer ence to Higgs Boson par tic les – the last par tic le on the standar d model of matter, w hic h has never been detected, except in theor y. Essentially w hen the acceler ator r eac hes full power the kinetic ener gy fr om the pr otons will be so gr eat that their impact will r eplicate the conditions of less then a millionth of a second after the Big Bang. Scientist will obser ve how the univer se w as for med, or basically how matter gather s mass, how planets ar e built, how it all came to be. T hr ough his ar t Foster is the kar mic r eincar nater of the mundane utilitarian. “T he majority of objects that these things ar e made of ar e mass pr oduced objects,” he says r efer ring to the tr af fic cones, old tir es and car pet scr a ps used in his sculptur es. “T her e ar e multiples “Mo b Dee p ” (Detail)

“ B e a s t o f Bur d e n”

“Good n’ Plenty”

“ B ig T ip p e r ”

of them, but in this case they ar e all one of a kind. T hey have been r emoved fr om the addition…now it’s unique.” His use of the iconic ar tif act r esonates with audiences. Otherwise bizar r e r enditions of his own mind’s visions ar e layer ed with comfor table familiarities of ever yday life. “With those objects not only can the people r elate to the imager y that I use, they can r elate to the object. To some de gr ee e ver yone has some sor t of r elationship with something that is used in the sculptur e. Like the tr ash can, they r ecognize w hat it is. I hope it goes beyond just the simple r ecognition of an object, but mor e if they can decipher the visual cues of w hat the objects ar e and r elate to it; like they know w hat the object is and ther e is a sense of discover y. But it also gives it a histor y, so it is like the piece has a histor y befor e its ince ption, because all these things have come together to add to it so they all have their own stor y.” Like many or g anic movements in the wor ld, the dynamics of r eality can often be fore ver elusive.

T he Law of Conser v ation of Mass, w hic h states that matter can neither be cr eated or destr oyed, is one of the principle ideas in describing natu r al phenomena. But w her e science has failed to connect its theories is left asking questions suc h as w hy does matter gather mass, and how does it all come together in the end? Despite

the minds of 7,000 scientists fr om 80 countries no one r eally knows for cer tain w hat will happen w hen the acceler ator r eac hes full potential. Skeptics have even tried to impose lawsuits to halt the pr oject for fear it will cr eate blac k holes that could sw allow the ear th or unleash por tals to dimensions unknown. T he potential of this pr oject is to either pr ove existing models of the wor ld, as it is understood by moder n science, or r ealize that essentially physics has had the wr ong idea. In the be ginning Johnston tried to contr ol the pr ocess. He felt any ima ge bor n within his ima gination needed to be constr ucted to the exact specifics of his mind’s blue print. Materials wer e bought to ac hie ve the slic k ima ge he felt he w as after and impulse fueled his cr eations. As long as he spent the money he would get exactly w hat he w anted. “I would have this tunnel vision. I’ d have to have the $300 wor th of mir r or s,” Johnston said of his ear ly wor k. “T hen w hen I got to Ne w Yor k it w as e ven mor e expensive. I couldn’ t e ven wor k that w ay. Now the only material I need to buy is har dw ar e and tools. I’ ll ne ver buy wood e ver a g ain, and if I do I need a r eally good r eason.” His pr ocess became the means and solution for a continuation in his cr eations. His pr ocess is the goal and the r esult is a culmination of the f luid de velopment of materials finding eac h other as a ne w mass. In a w ay Johnston’s sculptur es build themselves now.

“It r eally tur ned into a necessity, and then I r ealized how muc h of a potential it w as and that limitation r eally did expand the possibility, and then ther e w as this moment of c larity,” Johnston said w hen he no longer bought finished pr oducts and mer ely ar r anged them, but be g an to strip down and interweave par ts of found objects into w holly original manifestations. “T he f act is that I am actually making stuf f I have a muc h mor e intimate connection with, because I spend time with it and ther e is pr oblem solving involved.”

On Sept 10, 2008 the Lar ge Hallidr on Collider w as switc hed on, to muc h excitement and fear. T he pr otons wer e fir ed and able to tr avel a full span of the tunnel. T he ver y next day it br oke down. T he acceler ator has since been r epair ed and is sc heduled to r eac h full test power by ear ly 2009. T he possibilities of tr uth ar e unimaginable. “Like the lobster smoking,” he said of one of his sculptur es made fr om a r ed tr ash can and bur nt PVC piping, “Two things that completely exist in r eality, and w hen they ar e put together it makes something in between. I think that I am inter ested in cr eating some other wor ld, but I don’t w ant it to necessarily go to some other dimension w her e if you went to some other wor ld it wouldn’t make any sense; I w ant to kee p it between the curtains.”

Alchemy is said to be the Great Wor k of nature that perfects matter, whether it is expressed as the cosmos or as our soul. The foundation of alchemical philosophy and practice is reflected in nature’s elements and univer sal pattern of transfor mation. The four elements are Ear th, Air, Fire and Water. The sevenphase pattern of transformation is comprised of calcination, dissolution, separation, conjunction, fermentation, distillation and coagulation. This is also known as the Emerald For mula.

The elements and patter n of transfor mation reflected in the Emerald For mula come from the legendar y Emerald Tablet attributed to Her mes. The Emerald For mula is said to contain the secret of the univer se or blueprint of creation and was inscribed on a tablet made of emerald stone. It is repor ted the tablet was once on public display in ancient Egypt and thereafter became hidden.

ISAAC NEWTON’S TRANSLATION OF THE EMERALD TABLET: “Tis true without lying, cer tain most true. That wch is below is like that wch is above that wch is above is like yt wch is below to do ye miracles of one only thing. And as all things have been arose from one by ye meditation of one: so all things have their bir th from this one thing by adaptation. The Sun is its father, the moon its mother, the wind hath carried it in its belly, the ear th its nourse. A primary key in understanding alchemy is to view The father of all perfection in ye whole world is here. the science from three perspectives: inter nal, re- Its force or power is entire if it be conver ted into ear th. fer ring to the body, mind and consciousness; exter- Separate thou ye ear th from ye fire, ye subtile from the gross nal, referring to outside the body and of the Ear th; sweetly wth great indoustry. and celestial or heavenly, refer ring to the planets, It ascends from ye ear th to ye heaven again it desends to ye stars, galaxy and universe. Alchemy is a reflection ear th and receives ye force of things superior inferior. of the phases, cycles, processes or transfor mations By this means ye shall have ye glory of ye whole world thereby of nature. Therefore, the symbolism of alchemy can all obscurity shall fly from you. be interpreted on an inner, ear thly and celestial Its force is above all force. for it vanquishes every subtile level. Most impor tantly, the macrocosm of the outer thing penetrates every solid thing. world is mirrored in the microcosm of the human So was ye world created. From this are do come admirable adaptations whereof ye body, mind and consciousness. means (Or process) is here in this.” 24

Ever ything that I’ve made for this show is illustrating these concepts: photos, drawings, paintings and sculpture. D I LI G E NT DE CAY 16x20 p e nc il

“Decay is a wonderful smith w ho tr ansfer s one element to the other, it MAKES c hanges without r espite, until heaven and ear th melt to gether into a glassy c lump.” (K ir c hw e ger, A ur ea Catena H o m e r i, 1 7 8 1 )

T HE F ER MENTAT IO N O F TH E M E TA LS 16x20

“How foolish the seed you sow does not come to life unless it has died.What is sown in the ear th as a perisha ble thing is r aised imperisha ble. Sown as an animal body, it is r aised as a spiritual body.” (1 C o r int hia ns 1 5 : 3 6 - 4 2 )

O U R C HE M I C A L S C I E NC E 16x20

“Our c hymical science taken as a w hole, is like a f ar mer wor king his land, pr e paring his field and scattering seeds in it…both f ar mer and alc hemist must pr ecisely obey the laws of the seasons if they ar e to ac hie ve good yields.” (M a ie r, 1 6 1 8 )

D EAT H BY BU R NI NG O U T 16x20

NAT U R E ’S D UA L I N T HE R E TO RT 16x20

“Without death by bur ning (candle) no r esur r ection (gr owth on tr ee tr unk) can occur. For in ashes lies the salt of glor y, w hic h brings ne w life (peacoc k on tower).”

“Both fall through ar t into the grave”

(Kir c hw e ge r, 1 7 8 1 )

(Lacinus, 1714)

“Sol (sulphur) and Luna (mercury) still lie side by side as two different things in the glass retor t. After putrefaction they will be resurrected as ONE thing from two.” (Rebis symbolism) 27

C ELES T IAL AG R I C U LT U R E 16x20

HOW TO M A K E P HI LO S O P HI C A L G O LD 16x20

Alc hemy is celestial a gricult ur e ; if yo u c ho o s e t o t hr o w t w o a ge nt s up o n t he land, t he ir c o m b ine d fo r c e s w ill g i v e o f f a li v ing f la m e .

“T hen the goal, our gold, is ac hie ved.”

T HE B R I G HT NE S S O F T HE DA R K S U N 16x20

“T he dar k material of the blac k sun di vides the spirit and soul fr om the putr efied body. T he head of this ar t is the r aven, cutting of f its head will attr act the wisest color of all.” (K ir c hw e ge r, 1 7 8 1 )

REGICIDE, DECAY AND RESURECTION Visual Translations on Alchymical Manuscipts

November 3rd – 30th @ McGuffey Ar t Center 201 Second Street N.W. Charlottesville, VA 22902 Opening ceremony: November 7th, 2008 5:30 p.m. - 7:30 p.m. (434) 295-7973 Gallery hours: Tuesday – Saturday -10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Sunday – 1 p.m. - 5 p.m. Closed Monday To check out more of Rose’s work, go to www.csorba.net

SOME KINDA LOVE AND SOME KINDA HATE AN IN TERVIE W WI T H JE R RY ONLY OF T H E M I S FI T S

MIK E RUTZ | PH OTOS BY Shigeo Jones Kikuchi

Since their fir st show in 1977 at CBGB’s, the Misfits have become one of the most iconic groups in American punk rock. Whatever you think about the Misfits after their initial breakup in 1983 (this w r i t e r d i g s t h e n e w e r s t u f f, t o o ) , Je r r y O n ly ’ s t r a d e m a r k d e v i l o c k a n d c u s t o m - m a d e D e v a s t a t o r b a s s a r e h e r e t o s t a y. A s t h e o n l y remaining original member and owner of full rights to the name, he is in complete control the Misfits legend. In anticipation of their p r e - H a l l o w e e n s h o w o n O c t o b e r 2 8 t h a t To a d ’ s P l a c e ( P a r t o f R VA M a g a z i n e ’ s H a l l o w e e k ) , I s p o k e w i t h J e r r y O n l y, w h o h a d j u s t r e tur ned home to New Jer sey after headlining festivals in Spain and the Czech Republic.

our own, but the Misfits ar e still a g ar a ge band. We r oll into a place w i t h o n e c a b i n e t , a s e t o f d r u m s a n d a l i g h t bu l b.

M ike Rutz: W h a t i s t h e c u r r e n t l i n e u p o f t h e M i s f i t s ?

MR : A f t e r M i c h a l e G r a v e s l e f t t h e b a n d i n 2 0 0 0 , Z o l i Te g l a s ( l e a d singer of Ignite) took over vocals for the newer songs…

MR : A r e y o u s i n g i n g a l l o f t h e v o c a l s n o w , f o r b o t h t h e o l d a n d newer songs? J O : Ye a h , I d o a l l o f t h e M i s f i t s s t u f f . W e a l s o d o a c o u p l a B l a c k Fla g cover s. We do “T hir sty & Miser a ble,” “Rise Above,” “Six Pac k,” and “Jealous Ag ain.” Dez can play a lot of songs. We do almost double what any other band would do in a night, between 40 and 50 songs.

Jerry Only: I t ’ s t h e s a m e l i n e u p a s t h e l a s t t o u r. R o b o i s o n t h e dr ums. A lot of people will remember Robo as the original dr ummer for Black Flag. He played with Dez (Cadena) who sang and played guitar for Black Flag and is now playing guitar and singing backups for us. Dez was also on the 25th Anniver sar y reunion tour and wor ked on the Project 1950 album with me and Mar ky (Ramone).

J O : Ye a h , h e c a m e u p a n d s a n g , b u t y o u k n o w , Z o l i ’ s g o t s u c h a powerful voice. I don’ t know if he gets the a g gr o in ther e. I mean, he hits the notes, he destr oys the notes. But, he doesn’ t have that, “ O h , I g o t d o g g e d i n t h e g u t t e r, I ’ m s o p i s s e d o f f , I w a n n a k i l l s o m e b o d y. ”

MR: D o t h e M i s f i t s h a v e a n e w r e c o r d i n t h e w o r k s ?

MR : H i s a n g e r d e f i n i t e l y c o m e s t h r o u g h i n I g n i t e ’ s l y r i c s , t h o u g h .

JO : W e l l , w e ’ r e w r i t i n g a n e w a l b u m , a n d w e h a v e s o m e n e w s o n g s . We’ r e r eady to take ‘em ar ound for Halloween and then go in the h o l e ( t o r e c o r d ) . R i g h t n o w I ’ m b u i l d i n g a c a p i t a l c i t y. I ’ v e g o t m y son; he does our sound and our tour mana ging. We’ r e putting together a crew of people so we can take our show to the next level, put out a new album, play bigger venues with more production and better sound systems and lights. We alw ays go out ther e and fight big ger bands, w hic h have gr eat light shows, with nothing. We hold

J O : Ye a h , s i n g i n g f o r t h e M i s f i t s , y o u h a v e t o b e c o m i n g f r o m a less political, more body snatcher s, Night of the Living Dead, ar ms coming out of the grave kinda mindset. I got no problem with (findi n g a n e w l e a d s i n g e r ) . B u t l i k e I s a y, t h e y e a r s g o b y a n d I d o n ’ t g o t t h e g u y. Yo u k n o w , i t ’ s d e f i n i t e l y n o t G l e n n ( D a n z i g ) . L o o k , 2 5 year s and no Glenn, and we’re doing fine. When Michale was in the band, he w as ver y West Coast-minded. He w as all a bout Nir v ana and that’s w hat he gr e w up on. So, w hen we asked him to do all this hor33

r o r s t u f f, h e w a s l i k e , n a h , I d o n’ t w a n n a d o t h a t . I wanna do this. As time went on, unfor tunately he just w asn’ t into doing w hat needed to be done. But, I’m Michale’s fan; he just has to find out who he is, and that’s the most impor tant thing in the enter tainment business. MR : Yo u m e n t i o n e d y o u r s o n d o i n g l i g h t s a n d helping with the tour s; do your kids also play in bands? JO: We l l , m y s o n h a s p l a y e d i n b a n d s s i n c e g r a m mar school. He plays ever ything, which is way beyond w hat I can do. He’s mor e tec hnically advanced; he can actually read music. He went to sound engineering school and all 5,000 kids there on campus, all they do is the ar ts. They lear n wiring and sound design, engineering. When he came back, that’s when we decided we were going to put together a studio so that after the album is ready t o d r o p, w e h a v e a p l a c e w e c a n r e c o r d a t a ny t i m e we have something. The Ramones taught me that. When the Ramones split in ’96, there was nothing after that. Joey did some solo stuff that we wor ked on with him. So Rhino had their catalog and they basically made really neat packages of Ramones songs from different eras. Put ‘em into different c o m p i l a t i o n s . A n d e v e r y t i m e t h e y d o , y o u s a y, u g h , another compilation. But, when you get your hands on it, you’re like, this is great!

I r ealized, we’ ve only got Static Age, Walk Among Us and Ear th A.D., fr om the early band with Glenn. Then, with Michale and those guys, we’ve got two – American Psycho and Famous Monster s. I’ ve got the 50s album and we’ ve got a live album, but other than that, we’ ve got 100 songs and we need 300 by the time we’re done. We need a philosophy like the R amones for it to continue, to be like Jimi Hendrix or the Door s. On the mar ketplace, we already are, but on the music place, we’re not. So, I need to c hange my focus over the last thir d of my car eer and focus on p u t t i n g t r a c k s o n t h e s h e l f. MR: O n e o f m y f a v o r i t e M i s f i t s s h o w s w a s i n C h a r l e s t o n , S o u t h C a r o l i n a w i t h GWAR. That tour had to have been wild. JO : G W A R i s , i n m y o p i n i o n , t h e g r e a t e s t t h e a t r i c a l b a n d e v e r. E v e n t h e a t r i c a l perfor mances, I would even put them up against Broadway plays. I’d like our show to get to that level, or close to that level. GWAR is so messy; we had no choice but to go on before them. That was the one where I got to pull the head off of t h e d i n o s a u r. A f t e r o u r s e t , I ’ d s t i c k a r o u n d a n d s i g n s t u f f f o r t h e f a n s , w h i l e GWAR would be putting plastic on ever ything. Then, I’d go backstage and they’d be going over a list about 3-feet-long of all these different production things. I ’ d g o b a c k t h e r e a n d h e l p t h e m u n t i l t h e e n d o f t h e s h o w, w h e n i t w a s m y t u r n to go out. I’d crank up (with this over sized hammer) and hit the dinosaur in the head. On the four th hit, I’d drop the hammer and he’d lean forward, and I’d put my hand in his mouth and he’d disconnect the head. I’d gr ab the head by the h a n d l e a n d t h e n t h e y ’ d p o u r a l l t h e b l o o d o u t o n e v e r y b o d y. Ye a h , t h a t w a s t h e coolest. (Both laugh.) I l o v e t h o s e g u y s . I t h i n k i f y o u g o t o a M i s f i t s / G W A R s h o w, I d o n’ t k n o w w h a t e l s e y o u c o u l d a s k f o r. M a y b e g e t G G ( A l l i n ) t o h e a d l i n e a n d t h a t ’ s a b o u t i t . MR: A t w o r k , w e w e r e t a l k i n g a b o u t r e c o r d s t h a t n e v e r g e t o l d , n o m a t t e r h o w many times we listen to them. For me, ever y single Misfits r ecor d is timeless. What record do you hold in that regard?

JO : F o r m e , Z i g g y S t a r d u s t w a s a l w a y s m y f a v o r i t e . I c a n l i s t e n t o Ziggy Stardust from beginning to end over and over again. I thought it was genius.

h a l l . D o m e a f a v o r, s h u t t h a t l i g h t o n a n d o f f . R e a d y ? O n ( p a u s e s ) , h o l d o n . O f f. ’ T h e n h e k e e p s w a l k i n g. T h a t i s t h e g e n i u s o f a d i r e c t o r, t h e y c a n s e e i t b e f o r e t h e y m a k e i t .

MR: T h e M i s f i t s a r e t h e g o d f a t h e r s o f h o r r o r p u n k a n d a l o t o f y o u r lyrics are directly related to old hor ror films. What would you say are the top 3 horror movies of all time?

MR : W h a t d o y o u d o w h e n y o u ’ r e n o t o n t o u r, w h e n y o u d o n ’ t h a v e to be Jer r y Only of the Misfits?

JO : H o r r o r H o t e l , T h e C r a w l i n g E y e , a n d l e t ’ s s e e , t h e N i g h t o f t h e Living Dead; what am I even thinking about. M R : Ye p , G e o r g e R o m e r o , h e d i r e c t e d “ S c r e a m ” f o r y o u … JO : A m a z i n g . I t i m m e d i a t e l y s h o w e d m e t h a t I w o u l d h a v e n o b u s i ness directing a film. The way it wor ked out was George had moved u p t o To r o n t o t o w o r k o n B r u i s e r . We g o t t h e r e a c o u p l a d a y s e a r l y to work on our scenes from the film, and over the weekend, when e v e r yo n e h a d o f f, h e s h o t o u r v i d e o. I t j u s t s o h a p p e n e d t h a t h i s a s s i s t a n t f o u n d a h o s p i t a l , a VA h o s p i t a l t h a t w a s o n l y o p e n M o n d a y t h r o u g h F r i d a y, a n d t h e y a g r e e d t o r e n t u s t h e h o s p i t a l . S o h e i m mediately found us our set, and on the weekend we went to shoot the video. Geor ge w as w alking down the hall doing his thing, and he said, ‘Give me a camera on this light, gimme an angle on this, gimme this, gimme that.’ And I’m looking at him like, what the fuck i s h e d o i n g ? I ’ m t o t a l ly d u m b. H e ’ l l s h o o t t h i n g s t e n d i f f e r e n t t i m e s ten different ways; it’s this machine gun kind of directing. Then the n e x t t h i n g y o u k n o w, h e p u t s i t t o g e t h e r l a t e r a n d w e ’ r e l i k e , o h m y God, how did he know that would wor k so good right there? Like the d o o r o p e n i n g . ( I n a G e o r g e R o m e r o v o i c e . ) ‘ O p e n t h a t d o o r, g i m m e a c a m e r a , o p e n t h e d o o r. O k a y, c o o l . L e t ’ s m o v e o n , l e t ’ s g o d o w n t h e

JO: We l l , w h e n y o u ’ r e t o u r i n g y o u h a v e m o n e y i n y o u r p o c k e t , a n d when you go home you end up paying all your bills. A lot of people k n o w h o w I l o o k w h e n I ’ m n o t o n t o u r. Yo u ’ l l s e e p i c t u r e s o f m e o n the Inter net with my glasses and my baseball hat on backwards, lifting weights, hangin’ in the par king lot. I r an into Gene Simmons of Kiss at LAX a while back, and we were laughing because nobody kne w it w as him. We’ r e standing ther e in the air por t with our ba gs, and e ver ybody’s got a Misfits shir t and a Misfits ba g. We’ r e not tr ying to hide. And Gene was there, so we yell from the back ‘Gene, Misifts in the house!’ And his eyes r oll bac k like, oh God, I can’ t believe you’re doing this. MR : H o w d o y o u t h i n k t h e M i s f i t s h a v e s u r v i v e d 3 0 y e a r s ? J O : I t h i n k i t ’ s t h e D I Y m e n t a l i t y, y o u k n o w , d o i n g i t y o u r s e l f . I mean, we’ ve alw ays had (other) jobs. We’ ve alw ays wor ked w hen the band w asn’ t a band or w hen we came of f the r oad. We wor ked in the machine shop for a while. Dez wor ked constr uction. It’s just p e r s e v e r a n c e , y o u j u s t c a n’ t g i v e u p. We g o t k n o c k e d o u t o f t h e game for 13 year s and that, to me, is one of my biggest regrets. But, in 13 year s, it definitely proved to me that what we are doing is timeless. If you’re gonna span that kind of gap and then have kids rediscover it and reinvent it and also cherish the stuff you did in the beginning, then you have something of substance. It’s the

total vision, and total influence and total concept of who we are, and what we ar e and we do it well. And we do it without over exposing our selves. We only have six albums in 30 year s, and I’d like to put up another six before we pull out. Or 13 albums total would be a cool count for us. I’m also not letting what we’ve done in the past influence whether we like s o m e t h i n g o r n o t . Yo u k n o w , w h e n “ H e l e n a ” c a m e d o w n t h e p i p e , t h e r e c o r d company said, oh get rid of this song. I liked it, but at the time it was br and n e w s o I h a d n ’ t r e a l l y f o r m e d s o l i d o p i n i o n s o n t h e m a t e r i a l . Yo u p u t a n e w album on and you like the third song, then two months later the fifth song i s t h e o n e fo r yo u . S o, D oy l e ( Wo l f g a n g v o n Fr a n k e n s t e i n , Je r r y ’ s b r o t h e r and for mer guitarist for the Misfits) fought and fought for “Helena,” which i s a r e a l l y s l o w s o n g a n d t h e n a b r a s h s o n g b l e n d e d t o g e t h e r, a n d t h e k i d s l o v e d i t . A n d t h e r e ’ s a l s o “ S a t u r d a y N i g h t , ” w h i c h i s a s l o w, 5 0 s - s t y l e p o p song. So, now we’ r e uncategorizable. T his one magazine did the top punk bands of all time and didn’ t e ven mention our name. And w hen I think of punk in the United States, I think of the Ramones, the Misfits and Black Flag - the triumvir ate of punk. For that to not be perfectly c lear to them, that there’s a triangle drawn in the sand, it just showed me that we’re so di ver se, that e ven w hat we think we ar e, isn’ t necessarily w hat we ar e. At fir st I was pissed, but then it took me about five minutes to laugh out l o u d . I t h i n k o f s o n g s l i k e “A m e r i c a n N i g h t m a r e , ” w h i c h i s t h i s e v i l E l v i s , r o c k a b i l l y s o n g , m y w i f e ’ s f a v o r i t e s o n g . W e d o r o c k a b i l l y, w e d o t h r a s h , w e do speed metal, we do ballads, we do punk, we do it all. There’s something t h e r e f o r e v e r y b o d y. B u t , t h e r e ’ s a l s o s o m e t h i n g t h e r e f o r e v e r y b o d y t o hate. It’s that hate that makes me strong.

T h e M i s f i t s p l a y o n T u e s d a y, O c t . 2 8 t h a t T o a d ’ s P l a c e l o c a t e d a t 1 4 0 V i r g i n i a S t r e e t R i c h m o n d , Va 2 3 2 1 9 . D o o r s 8 p. m . A l l A g e s A d v a n c e $ 1 7 D a y o f S h o w $ 2 0 . T i c k e t s a v a i l a b l e o n l i n e t h r o u g h w w w. t o a d s p l a c e r v a . c o m 804.648.TOAD (8623) and at any Plan9 or BK Music location or call 1-800514-ETIX(3849) 37

Dillinger

Fo u r

Decla re

Civil

Wa r C ur t is Gr im ste a d a nd Justin O w en | P hotos cour tesy of Fat Wr ec k Chor ds

It has been six year s s in c e M inne a p o lis ’ D illinge r Fo ur ha v e g r a c e d t he sta ge s of Ric hm ond. Last t im e t hey p laye d he r e w a s w he n t he B a ge l C z a r w a s still in lim bo as 929. D4 came onto the punk s c e ne in t he m id - 9 0 s, t o ur ing a n d r e le a s ing a bunc h o f b a dass r ec or ds and st ill k e e p ing it r e a l t he w ho le t im e . T he b a nd ha s jus t dr oppe d their fir st full-leng t h in s ix ye a r s, e nt it le d C I V I L W A R , a nd w ill b e playing Ric hmond this tim e w it h N O F X. Jus t in a nd I r e c e nt ly go t t o p ull b r a ins to ge ther and ask Erik Funk (g uit a r is t , v o c a lis t ) f r o m D 4 t he s e q ue s t io ns. Ric hmo nd w as ca pital to t he C o nf e d e r a c y d ur ing w ha t p e o p le a ny w he r e s o ut h of her e call the War of N o r t he r n Ag g r e s s io n. Yo ur ne w a lbum is e nt it le d C I V I L W A R . While it m ay no t b e a b o ut R ic hm o nd o r N o r t he r n Ag g r e s s io n, ho w d id this title c om e to b e , a nd is t he r e a n ov e r a ll t he m e t o t he r e c o r d ? We ’ ve ac tually had the tit le a lo t lo nge r t ha n w e ha v e ha d any ne w s o ng s. No r ma lly it’s been the othe r w ay a r o und . I t hink w e ’ v e jus t be e n t hink ing o f the ne w r ec or d as C I V I L W A R fo r s o lo ng it w a s ha r d t o t hink o f c a lling it anything else. I think it’s a n id e a t ha t r e la t e s t o s o m a ny t hing s in t he w o r ld , b oth liter ally and c onc e pt ua lly, t ha t w e s t ill t ho ug ht it w o r k e d s inc e a ll o f our songs end up a bout s o m e k ind o f s t r ug g le b e t w e e n o p p o s ing f a c t io ns o r ideolo gies. It’s har d for Am e r ic a ns t o s e p a r a t e it f r o m o u r o w n C i v il Wa r lik e you mentioned, w hic h mak e s it k ind a d um b if yo u d o n’ t t hink o n it a ny f ur t he r. T ha t’s w hy we c hose to sp a c e it o ut t he w ay w e d id . Wa s the pr oc ess of song w r it ing a nd r e c o r d ing d if f e r e nt f r om p r e v io us r e cor d s? We d id things m or e or less t he s a m e w ay w e a lw ay s ha v e . We m o s t ly r e c o r d e d in the sa m e studio we’ v e done e v e r y t hing e ls e a t , w it h t he s a m e pe o p le r e c o r d ing it. We did vocals at a base m e nt s t ud io t o s a v e s o m e m o ney. O t he r t ha n t ha t , it w asn’ t muc h of a c hange. Ev e n t ho ug h it ’ s b e e n s ix ye a r s s inc e o ur la s t o ne , we wr o t e all of the songs fo r t his o ne in t he la s t 1 8 m o nt hs o r s o, a nd w e w e r e

scr ambling to finish it o n t im e ju s t l ik e w e alw ays have. We’ ve ne ver ex a c t ly b e e n k no w n fo r o u r wor k e thic . You guy s hav e had songs f r o m yo ur e a r ly r e c o r d s r e co r de d in the 90s dealing w it h is s ue s inv o lv e d in t he punk scene and the self-rig ht e o us a t t it ud e s o f b a nd s and people involved with it . I n t h e 9 0 s it s e e m e d lik e ther e wer e mor e people m a k in g r ule s fo r t h e m s e lv e s in the punk sc ene that ma d e t he m ha v e t he s e a t t i tudes. Do you still see a l o t o f t his t o d ay, o r d o yo u think things hav e c hanged? I don’ t know w hether thing s ha v e c ha nge s t ha t m uc h. I think the gener al m ainstr e a m int e r e s t in p unk b a nd s has die d down, or been r e p la c e d by o t he r “ p unk li k e ” ge nr e s. In the 90s punk b a nd s w e r e ge t t ing c r a z y of fer s left and right fr om m a ins t r e a m o ut le t s a n d wer e constantly having to e v a lua t e t he “ p unk ne s s ” of their actions. T hat doe s n’ t s e e m t o ex is t a s m uc h a nymor e. We didn’ t r eally w r it e a b o ut it o n t his r e cor d . Ar e any of the songs on t he ne w r e c o r d d e a ling w it h simila r issues as these? We wr ote m or e a bout br o a d e r is s ue s I t hink . M a ny that we’ ve addr essed be fo r e in d if f e r e nt w ay s lik e r e lig ion, w a ge slav er y, the e le c t io n a nd t he w a r, p o p cultur e in gener al, and so o n. What a r e some of the b ig ge s t c ha nge s in p l ay in g shows and touring today r a t he r t ha n 1 0 ye a r s a go ?

Well, we haven’ t done muc h t o ur ing i n t he past fe w year s. I’ ll have t o ge t b a c k t o yo u on that after October. We a r e jus t luc k y t ha t we wer e a ble to be inac t i v e fo r s o m a ny year s and still have so m a ny p e o p le t ha t w a nt to c om e out and see us. Wha t non-punk bands do yo u t hink p unk s should be listening to? I like Luc er o a lot. Rumo r is that you guy s will a lw ay s a g r e e t o play a show if it is on a b o a t . Yo u g uy s a r e playing on a canal her e s o t ha t c o unt s fo r something. What is your b e s t b o a t ing s ho w exp e r ienc e? We trie d to kee p that going, but w e p a s s e d on one in A ustin ear lier this ye a r, s o I g u e s s it doesn’ t hold tr ue any m o r e . I t hink w e only ac tually did it twice. T he r e c o r d r e le a s e show for our fir st album w a s o n a b o a t . I think ther e’s foota ge of it o n Yo uTub e . T he pr oblem with boat shows is t hey ne v e r s e e m to stoc k enough booze a nd t he s ho w r un s dr y halfw ay thr ough. T ha t ’ s ha p p e ne d b o t h time s w e’ v e done it. It has been quite a w hile s inc e yo u p laye d Ric hmond. Did any thing s t r ik e yo u g uy s a b out t his c ity in the pr e vio us v is it s ?

I t hink w e m ay ha v e o nly p laye d t her e once! I’m not s ur e w hy. We ’ v e a lw ay s lik e d it . L o t s of gr eat people. We ’ v e ne v e r ha d a b a d t im e t he r e w hen we’ ve passed t hr o ug h. L i v ing in M inne a p o li s, yo ur t w in c it y St. Paul just had t he p r i v ile ge o f ho s t ing t he Re p ublican Nat ional Con v e nt io n. T hey s ay yo u p unc h o ne t win and the other f e e ls it . H o w d id t his go ? I t w a s s t r a nge ly une v e nt f ul I t ho ught. We wer e all ge a r e d up fo r it , but o nc e it ha p pened it w as sor t o f a nt i- c lim a c t i c . T he r e w e r e a lo t mor e cops ar ound t he c it y. We p laye d a w e ir d o ut d o o r show during the c o nv e nt io n w he r e t he c o p s ne a r ly out number ed t he a ud ie nc e ; but t he r e w a s no f r ic t io n or anyt hing. L a s t ly w e ha d a ha r d t im e c o m ing up with r ele v ant q ue s t io ns t o a s k yo u t ha t a r e p r o b a bly not the same q ue s t io ns yo u ge t e v e r y t im e . W ha t ar e some of the m o s t ir r e le v a nt q ue s t io ns yo u g uy s get ? We ’ r e jus t g la d t o no t b e a s k e d , ‘ When’ s t he ne w r e c o r d c o m ing o ut , ’ a ny m o r e . I t ’ s nice to have an a ns w e r fo r t ha t o ne .

Dillinger Four plays with NOFX, Teena ge Bottler oc ket, T he Flatliner s and Fake Pr oblems on Satur day, October 25th at Toad’s Place, 140 Vir ginia St. Ric hmond, VA 23219. (804) 648-TOAD (8623). Door s 7 p.m. All Ages Gener al Admission $20.00

A n i n t erv i ew w i t h S h een a O z z el l a o f Le m u r i a Ta lia M iller | P hoto by Vic t o r ia M ahoney

The hardest par t about sitting down to tr anscribe my inter view with Sheena Ozzella, (guitarist/vocals for Lemuria) was tur ning off Get Better, their fir st f u l l - l e n g t h r e c o r d . A p o p - p u n k j oy r i d e f u l l o f c r u n c hy g o o d n e s s , i t ’ s l i k e t h a t f i r s t t i m e d a d t o s s e d yo u t h e c a r k e y s a n d g a v e yo u t h e o k ay t o s t ay o u t a l l n i g h t . T h e i r m o s t r e c e n t r e l e a s e o n A s i a n M a n Re c o r d s , t i t l e d F i r s t Collection, includes almost ever ything recorded prior to their full-length. T h i s f a l l , t h e t h r e e - p i e c e f r o m B u f f a l o, N . Y. , s e t s o u t o n a s i x - w e e k t o u r through the Easter n half of America.

T M : D o yo u r e m e m b e r a n y s p e c i f i c b a n d s o r s h o w s t h a t yo u w e n t t o g r o w i n g u p w h e r e yo u h a d a “ c l i c k ” m o m e n t , w h e n yo u t h o u g h t , I w a n t t o p l ay m u s i c o r I w a n t t o b e i nv o l v e d i n t h i s ? S O : I t h i n k i t w a s b e c a u s e a t t h e t i m e , f u n n y e n o u g h , I w a s d a t i n g A l ex [ K e r n s ] , t h e d r u m m e r o f L e m u r i a . H e ’ s a l w ay s b e e n i n b a n d s t h a t h a v e toured; he was 16 when he fir st toured, which is crazy to me. He was in t h i s b a n d c a l l e d T h e Yo u n g O n e s , a n d I h a d t h e o p p o r t u n i t y t o go o n t o u r w i t h t h e m . I t h i n k f r o m g o i n g o n t h a t t o u r I o b v i o u s l y w a s l i k e , h o ly c r a p, I w a n n a d o t h i s ! W h e t h e r I ’ m a r o a d i e o r I ’ m i n a b a n d o r w h a t e v e r, I w a n n a b e t o u r i n g. A c o u p l e o f y e a r s a f t e r t h a t I s t a r t e d t h e b a n d w i t h A l ex a n d w e b o t h w a n t e d t o t o u r, s o w e m a d e i t h a p p e n a n d h a v e b e e n t o u r i n g a s m u c h as we have for the last four year s that Lemuria has been around.

Ta l i a M i l l e r : I g u e s s t o s t a r t , t a l k t o m e a b o u t yo u r m u s i c a l b a c k g r o u n d . W h a t d i d yo u s t a r t p l ay i n g a n d w h e n ? D i d yo u c o m e f r o m a m u s i c f a m i l y ?

T M : Ye a h , I w a s r e a d i n g o t h e r i n t e r v i e w s t h a t p e o p l e h a v e d o n e w i t h yo u g u y s , a n d yo u t a l k a l o t a b o u t h o w yo u t o u r a l l o f t h e t i m e , w h i c h i s a w e some; but what ar e the ups and downs of doing that? How does it affect yo u r l i f e ?

S h e e n a O z z e l l a : I d i d n’ t r e a l l y c o m e f r o m a m u s i c a l f a m i l y. I s t a r t e d p l ay i n g t h e g u i t a r a b o u t … I t h i n k … 2 0 0 2 , s o I ’ v e b e e n p l ay i n g f o r s i x y e a r s a l m o s t . I s t a r t e d b e c a u s e e v e r yo n e I k n e w a t t h e t i m e , a n d f o r t h e p a s t c o u p l e ye a r s b e f o r e t h a t , w a s p l ay i n g. I w a s s u r r o u n d e d by m u s i c i a n s a l l the time so there were guitar s around the house. I think just out of winter b o r e d o m I s t a r t e d p l ay i n g a r o u n d , a n d I t a u g h t m y s e l f b a s i c t h i n g s. I a l s o h a d a l l o f my f r i e n d s t o s h o w m e h o w t o p l ay t h i n g s a n d t e a c h m e d i f f e r e n t t h i n g s o n t h e g u i t a r, t o o. I ’ v e a l w ay s b e e n s i n g i n g, s o I k i n d o f t h r e w t h e t w o t o ge t h e r. I h a v e a f r i e n d , B a r b, w h o p l ay s i n t h e b a n d I O b j e c t , t h a t w a s a l s o p l ay i n g t h e g u i t a r. S o w e g o t t o g e t h e r a n d t a u g h t e a c h o t h e r s t u f f a n d star ted a little band and went from there.

SO: An obvious up is being in differ ent places all of the time. I think we’ ve g o t t e n t o t h e p o i n t n o w t h a t w h e n w e t o u r d o w n t o Fl o r i d a w e k n o w t h a t w e a r e g o i n g t o b e s e e i n g r e a l l y c l o s e f r i e n d s a l l t h e w ay d o w n , b e c a u s e w e ’ v e d o n e t h a t t o u r s o m a n y t i m e s. E v e n n o w w i t h t h e We s t C o a s t , I f e e l l i k e w e a r e g a i n i n g m o r e f r i e n d s h i p s i n e v e r y p l a c e w e g o. We k e e p i n c o n t a c t w i t h people and grow r eally close r elationships with people from all over the c o u n t r y, w h i c h i s r e a l l y c r a z y t o m e … a n d t h e n t h e n e g a t i v e s, o bv i o u s ly, a r e m i s s i n g f a m i l y a n d p a r t n e r s. To b e g o n e f o r a f e w m o n t h s a t a t i m e i s r eally difficult on r elationships, for sur e… I think the r elationship thing is d e f i n i t e l y n u m b e r o n e f o r m e , a n d m i s s i n g m y f a m i l y i s a b i g o n e , t o o.

T M : D o yo u h a v e f a v o r i t e c i t i e s o r p l a c e s t o p l ay ? S O : We l l … n o t t o s u c k u p, b u t R i c h m o n d i s p r e t t y a w e s o m e . We a l w ay s h a v e a r e a l ly go o d t i m e t h e r e . I a c t u a l l y h a t e d R i c h m o n d t h e v e r y f i r s t t i m e I w a s e v e r t h e r e . I w a s w i t h A l e x ’ s o l d b a n d , T h e Yo u n g O n e s , w h o w e r e o n t o u r. H i m a n d I d e c i d e d i t w a s a g o o d i d e a t o s l e e p o n t o p o f o u r v a n a t t h e t i m e , b e c a u s e w e p l ay e d a t H a r d c o r e H o l o c a u s t , w h i c h w a s a w a r e h o u s e s p a c e . T h e r e w a s n o w h e r e t o s l e e p, s o w e w e n t o n t o p o f t h e v a n a n d f e l l asleep up there. And of cour se I was a dummy and I left my bag up on the v a n w i t h u s a n d my b a g go t s t o l e n , a n d A l e x ’ s w a l l e t w a s i n m y b a g. I t w a s r e a l l y s t u p i d o n m y p a r t , o bv i o u s ly, bu t I w a s l i k e , I h a t e R i c h m o n d ! TM: I’m never coming back! SO: But then I was like, this is such a stupid reason to hate a place. And w e w e n t b a c k , a n d e v e r y s h o w w e ’ v e e v e r p l ay e d t h e r e h a s b e e n a w e s o m e . A n d yo u h a v e P a n d a Ve g ! T M : D e f i n i t e ly ! R i c h m o n d , t o o.

I l o o k e d a n d yo u ’ v e p l ay e d s o m e r e a l l y g o o d s h o w s i n

S O : We ’ v e b e e n r e a l ly l u c k y, g e t t i n g a s k e d t o p l ay B e s t Fr i e n d s D ay w a s k i n d o f a n h o n o r f o r u s. I f e e l l i k e t h e l a s t c o u p l e o f y e a r s w e ’ v e h e a r d a b o u t B e s t Fr i e n d s D ay a n d t h e l i s t o f b a n d s i s i n c r e d i b l e , a n d t h e n t h i s y e a r w e g o t a s k e d t o p l ay. I t m a d e u s f e e l r e a l ly s p e c i a l t o b e a p a r t o f i t . T M : Ye a h , t h a t w a s a w e s o m e ! I w a s r e a l l y, r e a l l y s t o k e d t h a t yo u g u y s w e r e p l ay i n g S u n d ay ‘ c a u s e i t w a s t h e o n l y d ay I c o u l d g o t o. I w a n t t o f o c u s o n G e t B e t t e r , b e c a u s e I k n o w t h a t i t ’ s yo u r n e w e s t s o n g s. W h a t m a d e yo u d e c i d e t o p u t o u t a f u l l - l e n g t h w h e n yo u h a d o n l y p u t o u t E P s a n d 7 i n c h e s in the past?

SO: I think we all decided that we wanted to take as long as we felt necessar y to comfor tably make a full-length r ecord. All of us are kind of freakish about wanting to put ever ything into what we are putting out at that time. I’m glad we’ r e all on the same page with this, because I feel like we’ ve a l l b e e n i n b a n d s t h a t h a v e p u t o u t c r a p b e f o r e t h a t w e w e r e n’ t p r o u d o f ; a n d I c a n s ay t h a t e v e r y t h i n g w e ’ v e p u t o u t a s a b a n d h a s b e e n s t u f f t h a t we’ ve been proud of and felt like was r eady to be r eleased on some sor t of for mat. But for the r ecord, we’ ve been a band for 4 year s and it took us 4 y e a r s t o p u t o u t a f u l l - l e n g t h . We w a n t e d t o w a i t t o b e s u r e t h a t e v e r y s o n g o n i t w a s s o m e t h i n g w e c o u l d r e a l l y b e p r o u d o f. We u s e t h a t o f a n ex a m p l e o f w hy w e h a d t o b e p a t i e n t a n d r e a l l y w o r k t o w a r d m a k i n g s o m e t h i n g t h a t w e a l l e n j oy e d m a k i n g. T M : W h a t i s yo u r s o n g w r i t i n g p r o c e s s l i k e ? H o w d o yo u d e c i d e w h o s i n g s a n d w h o w r i t e s t h e l y r i c s ? I n o t i c e d a l l t h r e e o f yo u c o n t r i bu t e , w h i c h i s neat. S O : Ye a h , i t w a s n’ t a l w ay s t h a t w ay. W h e n w e s t a r t e d A l ex a n d I w e r e b o t h f i r s t l e a r n i n g h o w t o p l ay o u r i n s t r u m e n t s. H e k n e w h o w t o p l ay d r u m s, bu t h e w a s s t i l l i n t h e l e a r n i n g p r o c e s s a n d I w a s , t o o. S o a l o t o f t h e s o n g s w e h a d c a m e f r o m A l e x , b e c a u s e h e d i d p l ay t h e g u i t a r. H e w o u l d w r i t e t h e m , and then we would take them and lear n them all as a three-piece, and then w e w o u l d p l ay t h e m a n d t h a t w a s L e m u r i a . N o w t h a t w e h a v e go t t e n m o r e c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h o u r i n s t r u m e n t s a n d m o r e c o m f o r t a b l e p l ay i n g t o ge t h e r w e g o i n t o p r a c t i c e a n d w e b r i n g i n a r i f f o r a d r u m b e a t o r J [ J a s o n D r a p e r, w h o p l ay s b a s s i n L e m u r i a ] w i l l h a v e a b a s s l i n e , a n d w e w i l l t a k e t h e m a n d p u t t h e m t o g e t h e r. U s u a l l y w e d o t h a t a n d t h e n w e g e t t h e s o n g c o m p l e t e d w i t h t h e g u i t a r b a s s a n d d r u m s , a n d t h e v e r y f i n a l s t e p a l w ay s i s s o m e b o dy w i l l d e c i d e t h a t t h e y w a n t t o w r i t e t h e l y r i c s. I t h i n k i t ’ s m o s t ly A l ex b e c a u s e J and I r eally like his lyrics, and Alex is a ver y gr eat lyricist. J and I can write o n e e v e r y o n c e i n a w h i l e , b u t A l e x i s a t r u e w r i t e r. A l e x a n d I w i l l u s u a l ly sit down and we’ ll come up with vocal melodies over the music that we tr y t o r e c o r d o n a t a p e r e c o r d e r. O n c e w e h a v e t h e v o c a l m e l o d i e s d o n e w e p u t

i t a l l t o ge t h e r a n d p r a c t i c e i t a n d g e t i t r e a d y s o t h a t w e c a n p l ay a n d s i n g at the same time and decide who is going to sing what par t. T M : I n o t i c e d t h a t yo u r ly r i c s s p e c i f i c a l l y, I g u e s s I f e e l a l o t o f t h e m d e a l with a sense of longing… is that a cor rect inter pretation? S O : Ye a h . T M : W h e r e d o t h ey c o m e f r o m ? S O : M y p e r s o n a l ly r i c s, o n t h e l a s t r e c o r d w e r e c o r d e d , a l l o f t h e m a r e a b o u t t h e s a m e ex a c t t h i n g, j u s t d i f f e r e n t t o n e s a n d s i d e s o f i t . A t t h e t i m e I w a s w r i t i n g f o r t h a t r e c o r d I w a s l i v i n g i n B u f f a l o, a n d I w a s i n a r e l a t i o n ship with someone that was living across the state from me. The songs that I w r o t e , yo u c a n t e l l i t ’ s a b o u t b e i n g i n a l o n g d i s t a n c e r e l a t i o n s h i p w h e n yo u ’ r e t o l d t h a t i t i s. I w r i t e s o n g s w h e n I ’ m s a d u s u a l l y o r w h e n I h a v e something to talk about, but I’m not really vocal about it. So they’ r e not t h e m o s t h a p py ly r i c s, bu t t h e y a r e e a c h s i d e o f w h a t I w a s g o i n g t h r o u g h a t t h e t i m e w i t h my r e l a t i o n s h i p. A n d n o w i t ’ s a l o t d i f f e r e n t t h a t I l i v e i n N e w Yo r k w i t h my b oy f r i e n d … ( p a u s e s ) I t ’ s f u n n y t o m e t h a t I w r i t e s o m a ny s o n g s a b o u t i t , b e c a u s e I f e e l l i k e t h e r e ’ s s o m u c h o t h e r s t u f f I c o u l d b e w r i t i n g a b o u t , bu t I j u s t n e v e r s i t d o w n a n d a c t u a l l y w r i t e a b o u t o t h e r t h i n g s ; i t ’ s a l w ay s t h e s a m e e x a c t t h i n g i n m y h e a d t h a t I h a v e t o w r i t e d o w n o n p a p e r. I t ’ s i n t e r e s t i n g b e c a u s e I h a v e n’ t b e e n a b l e t o s i t d o w n a n d w r i t e ly r i c s i n a v e r y l o n g t i m e – I h a v e c r a z y w r i t e r ’ s b l o c k r i g h t n o w. I d o n’ t k n o w i f i t ’ s b e c a u s e I l i v e w i t h m y b oy f r i e n d a n d I d o n’ t h a v e t h a t t o w r i t e a b o u t a ny m o r e , o r i f I ’ m h a p py a n d t h a t ’ s w hy I c a n’ t w r i t e ; I d o n’ t k n o w, w e ’ l l s e e w h a t h a p p e n s. T M : H a s yo u r m o v e t o t h e c i t y a f f e c t e d t h e b a n d a t a l l ? S O : I t d e f i n i t e ly a f f e c t e d u s. I t ’ s h a r d f o r u s t o g e t b a c k a n d f o r t h t o e a c h o t h e r. B u t A l ex j u s t c a m e t o t h e c i t y f o r t h e l a s t w e e k a n d w e p l ay e d , a n d I ’ m go i n g t o go b a c k t o B u f f a l o i n a w e e k t o g e t r e a d y f o r a s h o w w e h a v e

b o o k e d a n d t o u r. W h e n I f i r s t m o v e d h e r e w e w e r e n’ t go i n g t o t o u r f o r a while; but then I think a week after I got her e, Alex and J both called me a n d w e r e s a i d , ‘ P l e a s e d o t h i s n e x t t o u r. We ’ r e a l r e a d y go i n g c r a z y b e i n g h o m e f o r t h e s e l a s t c o u p l e w e e k s s i n c e w e l a s t w e n t o n t o u r, ’ a n d I w a s l i k e , o h w h a t e v e r, w h a t e v e r. A n d t h e n a b o u t a w e e k l a t e r, I w a s l i k e , I f e e l c r a z y, t o o. I h a v e t o g o o n t o u r ! We a l l m a d e t h e d e c i s i o n a g a i n a c o u p l e o f m o n t h s a f t e r t h a t t o g o o n t o u r, a n d t h a t ’ s t h e f a l l t o u r c o m i n g u p. We ’ r e s o u s e d t o b e i n g o n t o u r t h a t w e c a n’ t b e h o m e f o r e v e n a c o u p l e o f m o n t h s without wanting to tour again. T M : T h a t ’ s r e a l l y n i c e t h o u g h , b e c a u s e yo u a r e a l w ay s m o v i n g a r o u n d a n d g i v i n g p e o p l e t h e c h a n c e t o s e e yo u a n d t a l k a b o u t i t . I k n o w e v e r yo n e h e r e w a s e x c i t e d a f t e r s e e i n g yo u a t B e s t Fr i e n d s D ay, a n d n o w p e o p l e a r e s t o k e d t h a t yo u a r e c o m i n g b a c k i n N o v e m b e r. SO: T hat’s r eally nice. I think we ar e some of the luckiest people that we a c t u a l l y g e t t o d o t h i s a n d m a k e i t w o r k . We a l l a p p r e c i a t e h o w m u c h w e ’ v e been given as a band and to have the oppor tunity to come back to these p l a c e s o v e r a n d o v e r a g a i n . I w o r k a t a b a k e r y i n N e w Yo r k a n d t h i s o n e g u y w h o w o r k s t h e r e j u s t w e n t o n a o n e - w e e k t o u r. E v e r y ye a r h i s b a n d go e s o n a o n e - w e e k t o u r ; t h a t ’ s w h a t t h e y d o a n d t h e y l o v e go i n g o n t h a t t o u r. A n d I w a s t h i n k i n g, w o w, m y b a n d h a s a c t u a l l y g o t t e n t o t h e p o i n t w h e r e I c a n g o o n t o u r f o r a m o n t h a n d w e ’ r e u s e d t o t h a t . We ’ v e b e e n g i v e n t h i s incr edible oppor tunity to be able to go on tour and see all these people. It was just kind of funny watching him get so excited about this one-week t o u r, a n d I w a s l i k e , w e l l I g o o n f o u r m o n t h t o u r s , s o I g u e s s I ’ m p r e t t y g o d d a m n l u c k y.

L e m u r i a p e r fo r m s a t G a l l e r y 5 o n S a t u r d ay, N o v e m b e r 8 t h w i t h A n t l e r s, N o B S B r a s s B a n d a n d Fr i e n d ly F i r e . I n t h e m e a n t i m e , yo u c a n v i s i t t h e i r w e b s i t e a t w w w. l e m u r i a p o p. c o m o r t h e i r M y s p a c e p a ge h t t p : / / w w w. my s p a c e . c o m / l e m u r i a t o s e e t h e i r c r a z y f a l l s c h e d u l e fo r yo u r s e l f a n d h e a r t h e i r m u s i c . 49

Pulp Tones 9

M usi c For Airpo r ts L a nd is Wine | I m a ge by B r a ndon Pec k

Pop music , by its ver y definit io n, is s o m e t hing t ha t is c o nt inua lly v e t t e d a n d scr utin ized by the public in t he fo r m o f s a le s a nd c a s ua l c r it ic is m . H o w e v e r, fo r the majority of the 20th c e nt ur y, it s c r e a t io n w a s s hr o ud e d in my s t e r y t o most. T he my thos sur r ound ing g r o up s w ho la b o r e nd le s s ly in t he s t ud io o nly to emer ge with a masterful hit a r e a s m u c h a p a r t o f t he p o p lex ic o n a s t h e c lic hés of sex and dr ugs. We t e nd t o f e t is hiz e t he c r e a t io n p r o c e s s in m uc h the same w ay we do in any o t he r s o r t o f a r t . T he r e s ult s a r e s e e n a s t h e sta tic vis ion of the ar tist. While a number of ar tists ha v e p laye d w it h t his p a r a d ig m o ut s id e o f t h e scr utiny of the public spotlig ht , K a nye We s t ha s r e c e n t ly m a d e a f a s c i na t in g move with his ne west single “ L ov e L o c k d o w n” , w hic h w a s le a k e d t o t he p ublic and subsequently r e wor ked b e fo r e it s r e - a p p e a r a nc e a t t he 20 0 8 V M As in a n a lte r ed for m . K anye also a nno unc e d t ha t his fo r t hc o m ing r e c o r d (w ho f e w kne w he w as e ven wor king o n) w a s go ing t o b e r e le a s e d in N ov e m b e r o f t hi s year. T her e have been a sm a t t e r ing o f s t o r ie s ov e r t he p a s t f e w m o nt hs t ha t te ll o f K anye stopping by s t a nd e r s a nd a s k ing t he m t o lis t e n t o t r a c k s t ha t he’s cur r ently wor king on a nd o f f e r t he ir c o m m e nt a r y. T his w o u ld n’ t b e q uit e so significant if this wer e ha p p e ning w it h s o m e t e e n a ge r w o r k ing w it h G a r a ge Ba nd , but her e we hav e one o f t he m o s t f a m o us p o p a r t is t s o f o ur t im e s o lic iting the opinions of people o n t he s t r e e t a nd t he I nt e r ne t in o r d e r t o info r m w ha t he foists upon m illions o n M T V. Muc h of this is made poss ible by t he m o b il it y o f r e c o r d ing e q uip m e nt a n d the ease with w hic h tr ac ks in p r o g r e s s c a n b e t r a ns f e r r e d t o a n I Po d , p ho n e o r o the r de v ic e that c an allo w a s o ng in p r o g r e s s t o b e c o m e a v a ila ble t o a

by s t a nd e r a t a n a ir p o r t in m inut e s. T his a ls o a l lo w s fo r infinite tweaking. An a r t is t is a ble t o d uc k b a c k s t a ge , a lt e r a b a c k ing t r a c k o n his la pt op, and s how up o ns t a ge w it h a s o ng t ha t c o uld b e d r a s t ic a lly d if f e r e nt t han t he incar nat io n t ha t ex is t e d o nly m inut e s b e fo r e . T his is lig ht ye a r s a w ay f r om t he f a bled s t o r ie s o f a r t is t s s uc h a s P r inc e , w ho in t he 8 0 s built a mytholo g y based a r o und lo ng ho ur s c o nf ine d t o his s t ud io, la b o r ing und e r t he pr es s ur es of his o w n ge niu s. I t s e e m s unt hink a ble t ha t yo u c o uld r un into Prince sitting und e r a t e r m ina l s ig n w it h a n I Po d a s k ing fo r by s t a nd e r s to take a listen to a n unf inis he d v e r s io n o f “ P ur p le R a in” . As o d d a s a ll o f t h is m ay s e e m , it s e e m s t o m e t ha t t his could be a ver y lo g ic a l m ov e fo r a r t is t s lik e K a nye We s t t o m a k e . W ha t b e tter w ay to conduct m a r k e t r e s e a r c h t ha n w it h a p ublic w illing t o p r ov id e inp ut befor e your la bel p o ur s hund r e d s o f t ho us a nd s o f d o lla r s int o a r e le a s e t hat, in K anye’s case, c o ul d b e (a nd w a s ) v a s t ly im p r ov e d by m ino r e d it s a nd t he addition of a dr um b r e a k d o w n a t t he e nd ? As w e ll a s a ll o f t his w o r k e d o ut fo r K a nye , it d id n’ t ex a c t ly as s is t D eerhunt er/ At la s So und f r o nt m a n B r a d fo r d C ox , w ho ha d ha d f ile s c o nt aining t he in-pr o gr e s s s o ng s fo r t he nex t At la s S o und r e c o r d d o w nlo a d e d o f f of the file upload s it e M e d ia F ir e , a nd s ub s e q ue nt ly t hr e a t e ne d t o le a v e t he album unfinished a n d s t a r t ov e r a g a in o ut o f f r u s t r a t io n. C ox la t e r r e c a nted and decided to f inis h t h e r e c o r d , but t he linge r ing f r us t r a t io n ov e r ha v ing cur s or y mix es acc e s s e d a nd d is s e c t e d by t he p ublic le f t a b a d t a s t e in t he mouth of many w ho c a ug ht t he w r it t e n w r a t h o f t he a r t is t w ho s e m us ic t hey s o ea ger ly cons ume. W ha t w e ’ r e le f t w it h is a p o p la nd s c a p e in w hic h t he b o undaries bet w een ar t is t a nd p ublic a r e c o ns t a nt ly in f lux , o f t e n t ur ning t he p ublic int o voyeur s t o a r t is t s a t w o r k , but c o uld a ls o p r o d uc e a f a s c ina t ing b r e e d of music cr eated t hr o ug h d ig it a l c o lla b o r a t io n w it h a n e a ge r a nd o p inio na t ed public.

Lau r e n V i n c e l l i A rt i st T r a c k 1 . U lu lat i n g M u m m i e s "Da n c i n g G h o st o f a Ca rto o n S n a k e" 2. T o m Wa i t s "K n i fe C h as e" 3 . B e at H a p p e n i n g "G r av e D i g g er B l u es" 4. M a n M a n "B i g T r o u b l e" 5 . A p o ca ly p t i ca "H a l l o f t h e M o u n ta i n K i n g" 6 . RJ D 2 "T h e H o r r o r " 7. T u r b o n e g r o "A l l M y Fr i en d s A r e D ea d" 8 . R e f u s e d "T h e B l a c k M as k" 9 . H o t Lava "M u m m y B ea c h" 1 0 . W o lf Pa r a d e "D ea r S o n s A n d Da u g h t ers O f H u n g ry G h o sts" 1 1 . T o kyo P o l i c e C l u b "G r av es" 1 2 . I n t e r p o l "Ev i l " 1 3 . D u st y S p r i n g f i e l d "S po o ky" 1 4. M G M T "O f M o o n s, B i r d s & M o n st ers" 1 5 . Jaw b r e a k e r "L u r k er I I: Da r k S o n o f N i g h t" 1 6 . P r e t t y G i r ls M a k e G r av es "G h o sts i n t h e R a d i o" 1 7. T h e U n i c o r n s "G h o st M o u n ta i n " 1 8 . M o g wa i "H u n t ed By a Fr ea k 1 9 . M u r d e r by D e at h "T h r ee M en H a n g i n '" 2 0 . M o d e s t M o u s e "S p i tt i n g V en o m "

T o h e a r t h i s m i x , g o t o www.last.fm/u s er/rva m i x G o t a n y i d e as f o r t h e M i x? Em a i l Lau r en@rva m ag.c o m

A lb u m Sac r ed S n ac k B lo o d M o n ey B lac k Ca n dy R a b b i t H a b i ts C u lt D ea d r i n g er Pa rty A n i m a ls Ev er last i n g Lava lo gy A po lo g i es to t h e Qu een M a ry Elep h a n t S h ell A n t i cs D u sty i n M em p h i s O r ac u la r S p ectac u la r D ea r Yo u G o o d H ea lt h W h o W i ll C u t O u r H a i r W h en W e'r e G o n e? H a p py S o n g s fo r H a p py P eo p le W h o W i ll S u rv i v e, a n d W h at W i ll b e Left o f T h em? W e W er e D ea d B efo r e t h e S h i p Ev en Sa n k

John Reinhold | Image by Brandon Peck

Yellow House is a non-profit organization devoted to enriching the film and theater community in Richmond and the greater Virginia area. Cur rently Yellow House is a group of six members, with an ar tistic committee of near ly thir ty people. Their two most promoted shows are the monthly programs Project Resolution and Pretending Trees. Both shows offer local talent in both film and theater to get their work shown to audiences and allow the creators to get feedback from local peer s and professionals. As the ar tists gain valuable critique and feedback on their work, audiences lear n to hone their critical eyes and speak to ar tists in helpful ways, wor king all together –audiences and ar tists – to strengthen the ar tistic community on the whole. I got a chance ff talk to president and managing director, Steven Har ris and get an update on the evolution of Yellow House. John Reinhold: I know that there have been a lot of changes for Yellow House this past year. Can you fill me in on what you have been wor king on and what has changed? Steven Harris: Pretty much ever ybody has changed hands so it’s myself and Char les Bevan, Bo Marie (local actor) is still around, and we have a new secretar y named Lisa. Largely I’ve taken over Stephanie’s position as producer and paperwor k handler, and Char les has taken over a lot of the technical and creative side

of Yellow House. We, of cour se, have Pretending Trees and Project Resolution to show we have been promoting in the community. In addition to promoting our own shows, we have been striving to par tner with local organizations, to both get our name on things going on in the community and offer whatever we can to groups in the area that could benefit from our help. Groups we have recently par tnered with are the Silent Music Revival, Ar t 180, RVA Magazine, BGNB, and, of cour se, our long lasting relationship with the most helpful people at the Firehouse Theatre. We also do whatever we can to provide equipment, talent, funding, locations and insight to anyone in the area that may need assistance with their projects, whatever they may be, so long as they fit into the mission of Yellow House. JR: Do you think the kind of projects Yellow House is wor king on has changed from the past? Because I know in the past Yellow House was as much a theater non-profit company as it was a film production company. SH: Yeah, I want us to be more involved in theater, but we don’t have as much a theater background in the group anymore; so that hur ts that side of things. But we do provide shows like Pretending Trees to help local actor s, and stay we involved in film and theatre perfor mance. We definitely have more of a business and production background in Yellow House right now.

JR: So does Bo now r un Pretending Trees? And how is Pretending Trees working out for Yellow House? SH: Bo had been integral to Pretending Trees. And we now have a local actor, Joe Carlston, who is the host of Pretending Trees. Mostly I work on the ads for Pretending Trees. Bo helps us lead the show and be there for suppor t, and if Joe sometimes can’t make it then Bo is always there to lead things. The tur nout for the show has been slowly and steadily increasing. It’s been going for a year now and we just felt like we needed to make it happen or cut it. We’ve had a steady crowd, but it’s kind of the same people; we had rotating people coming in and out but we never had more than like 20 or 22 people come. So this month we’ve got Lucas Krost coming as our guest director. We are going to try and get a little more for mal, as it’s been mostly just people coming to do whatever monologue they want help with. That’s the sor ta thing we have been doing in the past, but now I think we are gonna add a little more to the show. You will be able to sign up with a project and we’ll bring in a guest director. He or she can give you feedback on what they would want if they were casting a movie. So hopefully we can add more useful elements to the show.

JR: I think that Pretending Trees is something that could really work in a lot of cities. Project Resolution would also work well, and it is a little more put together. But Pretending Trees is something that could benefit a lot of actors, especially if you’re in a city where you have to go do monologues. What about Project Resolution? How has Pee Rez changed since you and Char les have really taken that over? SH: Well, I feel like for one the audience has changed; of course there are some people that still come from prior years but it’s changed with just new faces in general. So the filmmaker s have changed, too. I think we’ve done our best to make it bigger, getting more involved with the filmmaker s and providing a meeting place and outlet. I mean, ideas can change – are going to change – but we still have the same forum for local film. And what you want to get out of the show has changed. People will come in for different reasons, what they want to get from a film, or how they want to make the audience feel. JR: Do you think people still provide cr ucial feedback, or do you feel the feedback is a little gentle overall?

SH: I think if nothing else I’m ready to be real with people. When I fir st came to the show a lot of people were like tr ying to make feedback that was funny, and that killed me. It was not helpful in that sense. So that’s a big thing that I think has improved.

someone down who actually has a good point. So that’s always… I don’t know if that’s discouraging for the filmmaker, but it’s kind of discouraging for me though, when you want to have the show be a tool and have people get something out of it.

JR: I guess it’s impor tant to give them feedback that’s not their peer’s. Because your peer s are going to be gentler or tr y and be funny, and maybe want you to do things that aren’t cor rect on a technical or filmmaking point of view.

JR: If someone shows something and it’s god-awful great and awesome, a per son has to be like excuse me shouldn’t you be showing this a lot of other places also, ‘cause that was really good.

SH: And I think that’s been a par t of why people aren’t necessarily tr ying it out, because they might not see how it is useful, so we’re putting these things in there, asking more questions, to show that there is something more you can get out of it.

SH: People don’t know how to respond to that usually. I mean as a filmmaker if you go up and your stuff is great and people say oh it’s great, I don’t know… so audience member s seem to have a hard time with how to respond to good films.

JR: For me, it’s a line between being discouraging to someone or being honest and saying something about the movie having problems, without tr ying to be discouraging. You get into an argument about that sometimes. You have to realize that your sound had issues, your film wasn’t shot exactly the way it could have been shot, then you get someone else that says they really enjoy that about the film. And you’re like, you’re shooting down ever ything I’m tr ying to tell this guy to help him. SH: Yeah, I actually just said the exact same thing like three days ago. Anyone can come to the show you know, and it’s like, if you don’t know what you’re talking about then don’t shoot

JR: It’s an interesting subject matter. I have talked with Todd Raviotta about movies and often we were talking a lot more about films that we were weirded out by or didn’t like. Then that becomes the film you talk about and discuss, so you have to question how that wor ks. SH: Well my favorite pieces that come through are the ones that are potentially good. Like, they weren’t good, but they have potential to be very good if people are willing to take advice and go

back into their work. And that’s always been my goal with the show, not that it’s happened in the last few years, but to have someone bring their wor k, get critiqued on it, then bring it back postcritique, that’s the goal, always has been in a way to be the goal. JR: People used to do that, redo it and bring it back in. SH: Which would be good, because I feel it would really give someone a chance to really see how changing those problems can make your project better and be taken more seriously by ever ybody. Or maybe people taking the prompt more seriously and working towards a more cohesive idea. JR: What are your feelings about each Project Resolution having a prompt for filmmaker s to follow? SH: I’d like to see it be functional, per sonally. I think looking back it’s a way for the audience to get their jokes in real quick. So you have this funny prompt and they get to see it on a poster that someone else spent time to draw, you know. But I really think it could be wor thwhile to have a prompt, but I would just like to see more people follow it.

JR: I wonder if you did something where you showed the on prompt stuff fir st, like your film plays fir st if you’re on prompt. Is that a benefit? SH: I don’t know. It could be a benefit to the filmmaker, to get his film seen by the most people and perhaps have a critique based more on the prompt. Char les and I were talking about doing a choose your own adventure sor t of thing, where ever y month we’d make an on prompt movie based on what the audience wanted to see happen with our film, which we thought maybe could get more people interested in using the show. JR: Being a par t of it now (Yellow House), it’s changed and is moving to a different process of creation. Where would you like to see Yellow House in the future? SH: Well, what I liked about them doing Beer, Chocolate or You is that it provided wor k for people, oppor tunities. That’s what I really liked, but I didn’t necessarily want it to become a production company. So I like what Project Resolution and Pretending Trees are doing, and we just par tnered with the Silent Music Revival guys. So that gives bands oppor tunities, granted that’s not really our field per say, but it’s pretty cool and a lot of people can find out about Yellow House through that. I really like giving people oppor tunities; I shy away from big production companies and being more able to provide experience, jobs and screenings. My per sonal future goals for Yellow House would be to get some more board member s, grow

our foundation and do our best with the volunteer hour s we all provide to expand what Yellow House does. Get a strong hold on some fundraising, which isn’t easy considering economic times, and get the Yellow House on some new programs and happenings in the community. I think we’ve grown substantially in the last year since the new board took over with Yellow House, we’ve gotten our selves an office space, sponsored several films and festivals, par tnered with several organizations. I’m really happy with what we’ve done so far, but I think we can do more. I know we can do more. As much as I love the Firehouse space, as you may be able to tell from the location of all our upcoming events, I would love to branch to some new locations with new shows, broaden the Yellow House scope and really explore what we can do in the community. I’m constantly excited about what we can do with our future.

Check out Yellow House at www.yellowhouseva.org for more information and updates. Pretending Trees is October 21st at the Firehouse at 7 p.m. Silent Music Revival is at 7 p.m. at the Firehouse on October 23rd. The Ar thouse Film Fest is October 24th at 7 p.m. at the Firehouse Theatre. Project Resolution is October 26th at the Firehouse at 7 p.m. 61

WTF? D avid B ro ckie

I’m a h uge football f an. Not p hy s ic a lly huge , w e ll I d o ha v e a r e a lly b ig he a d … but I digr ess. Nothing e v en b e g ins t o e nt e r t a in m e lik e p r o fo o t ba ll. T he p a g eantr y, violence and the sp e c t a c le a r e unm a t c he d . Fo r ge t C a na d ia n, a r e n a , or e ven colle ge ball – it’s us e le s s t o m e . I t ’ s t he N F L o r no t hing. And lik e many other s football f ans in t he R i c hm o nd a r e a , I a m a t r ue - he a r t e d , dye d in the wool and completely de d ic a t e d f a n o f o ne o f t he le a g ue s o lde s t a nd m o s t sto r ie d f r anc hises—the Wa s hing t o n Re d s k ins.

And like many Redskins f ans I a m c o ns is t e nt ly a m a z e d a t t he la c k o f r e s p e c t the Redskins r ecei ve fr om t he na t i o na l m e d ia . T he Re d s k ins a r e c o ns is t e nt ly b e little d, written of f and o ut r ig ht ig no r e d , m uc h t o t he d is a p po in t m e nt o f their hor des of f ans w ho w a t c h ho ur s w o r t h o f N F L t a lk s ho w s in t he v a in hope that they will be r e w a r d e d ‘ Sk ins. Fo r ex a m p l e : a f t e r a r e c e nt Re d s k in s victor y, I w aas w atc hing a n e v e ning g a m e , ho p ing a g a ins t ho p e fo r s o m e ha lftime highlights of the ‘ Sk ins t r ium p h. It ha d b e e n a ha r d - fo ug ht , c lo s e ly scor ed victor y a g ainst an unb e a t e n t e a m t ha t m o s t p e o p l e s e e m e d t o t h in k wer e going to beat us (no t ic e he r e t he us e o f t he w o r d “ us ” – m a ny f a n s being so delusional that they a c t ua lly c o ns id e r t he m s e lv e s p a r t o f t he t e a m – and we ar e!!!), so I w as f a ir ly c o nf id e nt t h a t my p a t ie nc e w a s go ing t o b e r e w a r d e d. What followed w a s c o m p le t e ly t y p ic a l o f t he w ay t he Re d s k ins a r e tr eated. EVERY SINGLE GAM E t h a t ha d o c c ur r e d t ha t d ay, w it h t he ex c e p t io n of the Redskins, w as f eatur e d in t he ha lf t im e h ig hlig h t s ; in f a c t o ne g a m e ha d TWO stories on it, without a s ing le m e nt i o n o f t he ‘ Sk ins. A nd t he n, t o a d d

injur y t o ins ult , a s t o r y a b o ut a f r e a k ing hig h s c ho o l t e am w r a pped up t he p a t he t ic p r o c e e d ing s ! W T F ? Fo r a lo ng t im e I t ho ug ht t h e p r o ble m la id in lo c a t io n o f t he team. Washington D. C . , b e ing t he c a p it a l c it y o f t he U SA, is p r o b a bly o n e of the most hated c it ie s in t he c o unt r y, if no t t he w o r ld . N o t t he p e o p le , no t t he mus eums, not t he ex c e l le nt m e t r o, no t t he f r ic k in’ c he r r y blo s s o m s – but the gover nment. A gov e r nm e n t t ha t is s e e n by m a ny a s a bum bli ng, bloated, cor r upt and s e lf - s e r v ing t r a v e s t y o f e v e r y t hing t ha t m a k e s t his c o untr y exce ptional. A gov e r nm e nt t ha t c a nno t p r ov id e h e a l t hc a r e , s e c u r it y o r e ven a r easona ble e c o no m ic c lim a t e t o t he m a jo r it y o f it s c it iz e ns, but ha s no pr oblem s pending b ill io ns o f d o lla r s w e e k ly o n w a r a nd t he w e a p o ns t ha t f uel it. And it’s not jus t t h e c it iz e ns o f t his c o unt r y t ha t lo o k up o n D. C . w it h s cor n, it’s the w hole w o r ld , a w o r ld t ha t w a s g lo b a lly a llie d w it h u s a f t e r Se p.11th, and w hose go o d w ill a nd s up p o r t o ur le a d e r s ha v e m a na ge d t o s q ua nder. So perha ps in t ha t ha t r e d lie s t he r e a s o n t he Re d s k ins a r e c o nt inua lly s nub bed at half t ime. As r id ic ulo us a s yo u m ay t hink it s o u nd s, p e r ha p s t ha t ov erw helming disdain o f D. C . a nd t he b o o b s t ha t r un it ha s s o m e ho w t a int e d t he per ce pt ion of o ur p r o ud Re d s k ins, a ha t e by o s m o s is if yo u w ill, t ha t r es ult s in le gions of c r e s t f a lle n f a n s w ho s uf f e r t hr o u g h e nt ir e ha lv e s o f R a vens g ames, in the s li m ho p e o f ge t t ing a g lim p s e o f t he ir he r o e s in s lo w - m o, r e play glor y, and m o r e im p o r t a nt ly a t a s t e o f t he r e s p e c t t ha t o nly a na t io nwide “T he Redskins r ule ! ” c a n b r ing. B ut a f t e r ye a r s o f c a r e f ul c o n s id e r a t io n a nd d r unk e n r a mpa ges I have dec id e d no, t ha t ’ s no t t he c a s e . I t m ay w e ll b e t r ue , a nd it m ay be a huge f act or in t he w ho le s c he m e o f t hing s w o r k ing a g a ins t o ur b e lov e d team, but the wor d “ Wa s hing t o n” is t he w r o ng ha lf o f t he p r o ble m . I t ’ s t he na m e o f t he t e a m it s e lf – “ Re d s k ins. ” I t ’ s a n e mbar r as s ingly r acis t , ins ult ing t e r m , no t jus t t o t he a nc e s t o r s o f t he N a t i ve Americans w ho m a n a ge d t o s ur v i v e t he ge no c id a l w a r s t ha t fo und e d o ur countr y, but to f r e e - t hink ing p e o p le e v e r y w he r e ; a nd unt il t he na m e is c hanged the team will ne v e r f ind it s p la c e in t he e lit e a nd m a t c hle s s p a nt he o n t hat mar ks the best t ha t t he N F L , a nd ind e e d Am e r ic a it s e lf, c a n p r o d uc e .

Whoa, I can hear the shar p int a k e s o f b r e a t h, t he je e r s, t he c r um p l e d cop ie s of RVA Ma g azine b e ing r o ug hly d e p o s it e d in t he t r a s h. Ye t f e w of these people w ho decr y my o p inio n w o uld d is a g r e e w it h t he f a c t t ha t the ter m is a r acist one. T h ey jus t d o n’ t c a r e . And t ha t m a k e s it e v e n wor se. Do I have to be so c he a p a s t o m a k e t he o bv i o us s t a t e m e nt (w hy yes, I do…) that if you ca lle d a t e a m t he Wa s hing t o n “ B la c k s k ins, ” t he stadium would be bur ned d o w n? B la c k p e o p le w o uld no t s t a nd fo r t ha t cr a p, a nd w hite people kno w it . B ut r e d p e o p le , w e ll, t hey hav e b e e n so beat down, so assimilat e d , s o f - e d ov e r t ha t n o t m a ny p e o ple r e a lly gi ve a damn a bout w hat they t hink . P lus w e g a v e t he m t he r ig ht t o h a v e casinos on their land, so w h a t d o t hey ha v e t o c o m p la i n a b o ut ? B ut t r y to put your self in their sho e s (o r m o c c a s ins, if yo u w ill). C he c k o ut t his quote fr om Nati ve America n a c t i v is t , T ina H o ld e r, a nd s e e ho w yo u f e e l a b out your f av orite team ’s na m e .

“Bac k not so long a go, w hen ther e w as a bounty on the heads of the Indian people, the tr a pper s would bring in Indian scalps along with the other skins that they had mana ged to tr a p or shoot. Tr a pper s and hunter s be g an using the ter m ‘r edskin.’ T hey would tell the owner that they had bear skin, deer skins...and ‘r edskins.’ T he ter m came fr om the bloody mess that one saw w hen looking at the scalp...thus the ter m ‘r ed’... skin. So you see w hen we see or hear that ter m...we don’ t see a football team...we don’ t see a g ame being played...we don’ t see any ‘honor’...we see the bloody pieces of scalps that wer e hac ked of f of our men, women and e ven our c hildr en...we hear the scr eams as our people wer e killed and ‘skinned’ just like animals. So, yes...you can safely say that the ter m is consider ed extr emely of fensi ve.” Whoa! T hat’s not too cool! So w hy ha s n’ t a nyo ne e v e r d o ne a ny t hing a b out this? Well they hav e ! Fo r ye a r s c o unt le s s a c t i v is t s ha v e w a ge d a series of le g al battles a g a ins t a s le w o f t e a m s a t b o t h hig h s c ho o l and colle ge le vel, sometim e s w inning, s o m e t im e s no t . B ut t he N F L is seemingly immune to this a s s a ult . And w hy i s t ha t , d e a r r e a d e r ? Wa it a minute … I’m not asking yo u. B e c a us e t he N F L is o nly s ub je c t t o jud g -

m e n t s m a d e a g a ins t i t by t he N F L ; s o a s lo ng a s t he c o f f e r s o f the lea gue’s most v a lua ble t e a m (w hic h t he Re d s k ins a r e ) a r e f ille d t o t he b r im w it h t he cas h of t he f a ns, t hey a r e u nlik e ly t o ind ic t t he m s e lv e s. W hic h m a k e s it a ll the better to make t ha t c ha n ge no w ! Wa nna k no w w hy ? C o ns id e r t his … June 2 0 0 9 . T he ex hib it io n s e a s o n is ge t t ing r e a dy t o s t a r t , and t he Reds k ins, f r e s h o f f t he ir fo ur t h Sup e r B o w l v ic t o r y ( I c a n d r e a m , c a n’ t I?) hold a pr ess c o nf e r e nc e . O w ne r, D a n Snyd e r, c o m p le t e ly unp r ov o k e d a nd of his ow n volit ion, a n no unc e s b e fo r e t he b e g in ning o f t he s e a s o n t ha t he is t a k ing it upon himself to ge t r id o f t his ug ly blo t o n w ha t is o t he r w is e a p r o ud a nd w o nderf ul ent it y. He is s c r a p p i ng t he t e r m “ Re d s k in. ” O m igo d , yo u m e a n s o m e b o dy ha d t he balls t o mak e a fo r w a r d t hin k ing d e c is io n a l l by t he m s e lv e s w it ho ut b e ing t h r eatened with le g al a c t io n; s o m e b o dy c o m m it t e d a c o ur a ge o us a nd s e lf le s s a c t t ha t w as not mot i v at ed by f ina nc ia l g a in? W he n w a s t he la s t t im e t ha t e v e n ha p p e n e d? Has it e ver? You w a nt t o ge t r id o f t he s t e r e o t y p e a nd t he r e a lit y t ha t t he Re ds k ins (g a g) ar e a bunc h o f bu m s ? D o it , D a n! I g ua r a nt e e t ha t yo u w ill go f r o m b eing the most hated o w ne r in fo o t b a ll t o t he m o s t r e s p e c t e d OV ER N I G H T ! We ll, yo u may have t o s t op ha ng ing o ut w it h To m C r uis e . And w ha t w o uld yo u c a ll it ? Yo u t hi nk I w o uld r a is e t his s hit s tor m w it hout a s olut io n? We ll ye s, I w o uld , but I ha p p e n t o ha v e t he a ns w e r ! Get r eady for…t he Wa s hing t o n… . WAR R I O R S! I t ’ s a c o o l na m e ! And yo u d o n’ t ha v e t o c ha nge s q ua t ! Yo u c an kee p the color s, t he no ble N a t i v e Am e r ic a n w a r r io r im a ge r y, a ll o f t ha t ! T he Was hingt on War r i o r s ! Te ll m e t ha t d o e s n’ t s o und go o d . I t d o e s ! And m o r e than that, it goes a lo ng w it h t he , yo u g ue s s e d it , Wa s hing t o n W I ZAR D S! Wiz a r d s and War rior s ! We’ ll ha v e ho r d e s o f d ic e - r o lling L AR P Y ne r d s c o m ing t o g a m e s (w ell, maybe that par t s uc k s )! And it e v e n fo r m s a w e i r d s y m m e t r y w it h t he o t he r t w o pr ofessional teams in t o w n. T h e N a t io na ls a nd t he C a p it o ls, t he Wiz a r d s a nd t he War rior s! T hank you, t ha nk yo u, I a c c e p t t he N o b e l Pe a c e P r iz e .

In next month’s WTF?…Ukr op’s is EVIL!

Thi s To w n N e e d s A n E ne ma Don Har rison | I ma ge by Brian Hub ble

“With all due respect to Richm o n d , VA , i t ’ s s m a l l e r t h a n Chula Vista, CA; Aurora, CO; M e s a o r G i l b e r t , A Z ; No r t h L a s Ve g a s o r H e n d e r s o n , N V. I t ’ s n o t a b i g t o w n ,” s a i d Karl Rove on CBS’s Face the Na t i o n .

I ’ m n o t n o r m a l l y d i s p o s e d t o d e f e n d a w a l king colostomy bag like Karl R ove, the so-called “brain” behind the worst president in American h i s t o r y. B u t w h e n M r. R o v e , a t t e m p t i n g t o d e n i g rate for mer Richmond mayor T im Kaine on nat i o n a l T V, r e c e n t l y p o i n t e d o u t t h e s m a l l n e s s o f V i r g i n i a ’ s c a p i t a l c i t y, t h e l o c a l p u n d i t s went ballistic. I shr ugged and said, “Eh.” Some may judge a city’s size by its population or its landmass; others may use a dif ferent b a r o m e t e r, o n e t h a t m e a s u r e s s m a l l - m i n d e d a t t i t u d e s a n d i n s t i t u t i o n a l av e r s i o n t o i n c l u sion, fairness and common sense. If we use this last standard, we should not be too harsh o n M r. R o v e f o r c a l l i n g i t l i k e h e s e e s i t . I f w e stack Richmond up against some of the cities that the man af fectionately nicknamed “T urd B l o s s o m ” , m e n t i o n e d o n F a c e T h e Na t i o n , w e are clearly not ready for prime time.

T a k e o p e n n e s s a n d a c c o u n t a b i l i t y. C h u l a V i s t a , C a l i for nia and Gilber t, Arizona make an extensive online a r c h i v e o f c i t y c o u n c i l m e e t i n g s av a i l a b l e t o r e s i d e n t s . Richmond does not. And while Chula Vista does appear t o a l i g n i t s e l f w i t h R i c h m o n d ’ s “ No D e v e l o p e r L e f t B e hind” mentality and isn_t impervious to City Hall scandal, it can somehow f ind the balls and the wherewithal to take strong stands on environmental issues, such as global warming. How about competence? Chula Vista receives high mark s f o r t h e w a y i t k e e p s i t s f i n a n c i a l h o u s e i n o r d e r. R i c h mond off icials can’t even ag ree on what budget they are using. And there are no neighboring communities desperately tr ying to distance itself from Chula Vista because they are embarrassed to be associated with it (see Henrico’s recent succession from Virginia). If you want to talk about the arts, look at Henderson, Ne v a d a . I t h a s o n e o f t h e n a t i o n ’ s m o s t v i b r a n t a r t s communities. For that, the city’s residents can thank Henderson’s Department of Cultural Arts and Tourism, which was for med in 2006 through an innovative realignment of city services rather than higher taxes. H e n d e r s o n a l s o h i r e d a r e c o g n i z e d c u r a t o r, p r o d u c e r and advisor on arts administration and programming to kickstart the department. Just imagine... Richmond, meanwhile, shows its arts and cultural meddle by raising the city’s meals tax (which disproportionately af fects lower-income residents) to fund a so66

called ar ts center that has no ar ts professionals in any r e a l p o s i t i o n s o f a u t h o r i t y. T h e c i t y d o e s t h i s a t t h e same time that it completely ignores lesser-connected g r a s s r o o t s c u l t u r a l p r o g r a m s t h a t h av e m a d e a t a n g i b l e d i f f e r e n c e i n t h e c o m m u n i t y. (And if you want to check out the investigative ef for ts o f a r e a l “ b i g c i t y ” n e w s p a p e r, c h e c k o u t t h e E a s t Va l l e y Tribune, serving Mesa, Arizona. It doesn’t seem to be afraid of r uf f ling the feathers of business bigwigs, unlike some other dailies you could name.) Speaking of Mesa, did you know that it boasts the largest per for ming ar ts center in the state of Arizona? And while the Mesa Ar ts Center was publicly funded through a city sales tax increase, it was voter-approved. In other words, the people of Mesa got the chance to choose whether or not they wanted their local taxes raised to b u i l d a r e g i o n a l c u l t u r a l f a c i l i t y. Compare that to Richmond, where g rocer y store owners and tobacco company execs call the shots on ever ything from how high taxes are to who your public school superintendent is, and can’t even hold one single public meeting to discuss the specif ics of their publicly-funded $50 million dollar arts project. Again: Which is the big city? And which is the place run like a small town countr y club?

We n e e d a c h a n g e , f o l k s , b u t i t a i n ’ t c o m i n g q u i c k o r s o o n . T h e c a n d i d a t e s t h a t w e h av e r u n n i n g f o r m a y o r c o u l d n ’ t b e m o r e d i f f e r e n t f r o m e a c h o t h e r. B u t w h e n y o u l i s t e n t o t h e m d e b a t e , a s I h av e s e v e r a l t i m e s n o w, the dif ference is clear: only Paul Goldman really knows what he’s talking about. He’s the only aspirant with a g rasp of the city’s f iscal challenges, the only one really taking a stand on suppor ting such impor tant initiatives as the Downtown Master Plan, the only one to stump on g reater citizen inclusion and involvement (he proposes a citizen-led Unity Council to advise City Hall). He’s clearly the smar test, most qualif ied and most inclusive. H e ’ s a l s o t h e c r a n k i e s t , h a s a Ya n k e e a c c e n t a n d i s f o n d of elaborate motion picture analogies in his press release. Here in Richmond he hasn’t got a chance. W h y ? No t b e c a u s e h e d o e s n ’ t h av e i d e a s , h e ’ s g o t t h o s e in spades; but because he hasn’t received enough supp o r t f r o m t h e r i c h R e p u b l i c a n s w h o h av e t r a d i t i o n a l l y pulled Richmond’s puppet strings, Robert Grey is their candidate. From developers salivating over precious river views, those would be Bill Pantele’s people. From a tired city Democratic machine responsible for the wasteful (of ten corr upt) leadership that provoked the c i t y t o b e g i n e l e c t i n g i t s o w n m a y o r, t h a t w o u l d b e t h e voting block behind Dwight Jones. But this particular election comes at a pivotal time in the city’s histor y when we seem to need both out-oft h e - b o x i d e a s a n d b a s i c c o m p e t e n c e f r o m o u r m a y o r. S o Goldman, to me, is the obvious, if f lawed choice. And

out-of-the-box thinking is what is required when you are stuck in a box like Richmond’s. T h i n k a b o u t i t . H av e r e c e n t e v e n t s i n o t h e r c i t i e s b e e n likened to a coup d’état or an episode of The Sopranos? Do competent public servants, and minor league baseball teams, abr uptly exit other communities the way they haul ass outta Richmond? Do leaders in Gilbert or Henderson purposely shield from taxpayers how public money is spent on private projects initiated by fat cat campaign contributors, as Bill Pantele did to help build h i s c a m p a i g n w a r c h e s t ? D o b u s i n e s s l e a d e r s a n d m a yoral candidates in places like Mesa or Aurora band together to propose taking voting rights away from ordinar y citizens (see Robert Grey and the infamous “Gang o f 2 6 ” l e t t e r ) ? We l c o m e t o R i c h m o n d . Karl R ove deserves nothing but contempt, it’s tr ue. He debases American politics by his mere presence before a pundit’s podium. But on the subject of Richmond, Virginia and “small towns”, methinks we protest just a bit t o o m u c h i n R i v e r C i t y. T a k e a h a r d l o o k a t t h i s y e a r ’ s mayoral race and you can feel ever y bit the smallness o f t h e c i t y, a n d h o w i t m a y s h r i n k f u r t h e r y e t . W i t h h i s i n f a m o u s c o m m e n t s , R o v e m a y h av e a c t u a l l y d i s l o d g e d a g rain of tr uth, and even a broken clock is right twice a d a y.

Don Harrison is a Richmond-based writer and the cof o u n d e r o f S av e r i c h m o n d . c o m

TO THE FIFTY STARS… Ian M. Graham

Everyone is calling her Caribou Barbie, but I still prefer Mooseburger. I’m sorry I called you an idiot. Honestly, on bended knee. You were supposedly all excited about Sarah Palin, and, well, that kind of scared the shit out of me. If the best math I can find about the polls is correct (www.fivethirtyeight.com), then the Obama/Biden ticket leads the nation by a healthy margin, including sweet, sweet Virginia. Oh, Virginia, your leaves are beginning to turn as the first true autumn gusts now dash down the streets, which, less than a month ago, held a humid stink as if it had been painstakingly laid there like strips of hazy sod. Another week, another Redskins victory (on the road, nonetheless!), another debate. We have suffered two of these debacles of disputation, and as I write, we are under a hundred hours away from the next rhetorical ruckus. As this is the second debate in under a week, I feel like I’ve found a twenty in the pocket of a jacket that’s been on a hook since early spring, gathering the scent of mothballs and cat hair through the tepid months. In the first debate John McCain, polemical and confrontational as his maverick moniker would denote, swung low, repeatedly, preceding every answer with a firm statement of his opponent’s lack

of experience or knowledge on the subject at hand. He may have won the debate from a tactical point of view – he put Obama on the defensive, constantly. But this isn’t a boxing match, swinging low and counting on a knockout win to make up for the lost points won’t work. This is a popularity contest, literally, save the Electoral College, and McCain came off as contemptuous, condescending and cantankerous. Those who had not tuned in for the Democrat’s debates may have even been disappointed with Obama, having only been familiar with his impeccable oratory but unknowing that Master Debater, he is not. But anything that Obama could have done wrong was easily outweighed by McCain’s general demeanor. When McCain does his awkward little laugh, he looks like he’s doing an impression of John Stewart’s impression of Dubya. That’s how you looked, Senator! Not like an ass, but an impression of one, and the electoral math is getting shitty for you, Senator. Obama holds a lead in Virginia, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Florida and Colorado. If Obama wins any of those states, he’ll win the election, and if McCain loses any of them, he’ll almost certainly loose the election. If he looses two or three of those battleground states – which is looking likely – it would take a major upset in a Democrat stronghold like Minnesota or Michigan for McCain to even have a chance.

It seems, America, that despite insane record viewing, the VP debate and Sarah Palin’s supposed success has left little impression on you. Obama is up by a noticeable portion since the VP debate, and McCain’s campaign has announced internally that they will be stepping up the negative advertising, the sign of a beast that knows it’s on it’s back. All the winks, memorized catch phrases, and bits of folksy diction pale in the light of Palin’s firm, stated refusal to answer most of the fucking questions. An article warning of Palin’s debate skills, written by former Alaska Republican Andrew Halcro (available at http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/1001/ p09s01-coop.html), warned that Palin is utterly impossible to debate: “She’s a master, not of facts, figures, or insightful policy recommendations, but at the fine art of the nonanswer, the glittering generality. Against such charms there is little Senator Biden, or anyone, can do.” Perhaps Mr. Halcro thinks that the Alaskan Electorate is made up of vapid evangelicals who, when they hear some key term or concept that rings true with them, like hockey practice, or a politician stating that they do not understand politics, will forget that a question was even asked and absorb the practiced sound bite like a sugared pill taken with brandy. I only know one Alaskan, at least among people I’ve personally met (I have heard from quite a few Alaskans on several forums, as well). She’s quite bright, young and working hard. She’s married and has two kids and is scared shitless about

two things: her savings (401k and college funds) and the prospect of Sarah Palin being in a position of wide international influence. She says that Mooseburger has been good for the state. The previous governor, in my sole source’s opinion, was a schmuck of a grand caliber, and Palin isn’t driving the state into the ground, so she’s got one up on the incumbent. My friend from the real North America is also easily smart enough to see through the third grade shoutouts and “you betchas”, and see someone who is not only not prepared for the office she seeks, but she is truly clueless as to her own inadequacy. Palin directly contradicted McCain’s stance on intervention in the Middle East. She missed the name of the general she was misquoting. She even talked down to Joe Biden regarding not knowing if one of your kids would survive the night, and what’s the worst of it to me is that I don’t think she even knew that Biden’s two sons barely survived the car accident that claimed his wife and daughter. I hope beyond belief that not a single person more than the number of Americans who still approve of Bush’s administration found her proved as a legitimate, adequate part of a presidential bid. Now, America, I’d like to consider this matter settled. Palin is, of course, going back under a veritable media blackout, as she has been under for the last five weeks. This save for the disastrous interviews that were the coffin nails of the

prospect of her ever trying to hold her own in an uncontrolled situation, so it’s useless to discuss it much further (I suspect I will dine on those words). Perhaps it’s a political tease attempt by the Republicans; if you think you’ve seen everything, think again! Wait ‘til she’s in office, making Dan Quayle look like Kofi Annan! She’ll wink at the Saudis when she goes to the UN; they’ll drop their lattes, go bug-eyed, and it will be hilarious. But seriously... who watches this shit? How’s the dollar, America? Sigh, America, I sigh. Someone, a very creative and free-thinking individual, Eva, complimented my first letter to you, and when the discussion arose, she put forth her intention of either not voting, or voting for a third party, because Joe Biden holds some very shitty opinions. She isn’t down with:

1. THE PATRIOT ACT 2. THE DRUG WAR 3. AN END TO NET NEUTRALITY And neither am I. I’m not going to claim for a minute that I think Joe Biden isn’t a scumbag in his own right. The first two items above are serious impediments to freedom at large in this country, and the third might be if the wrong people push the legislation written by the giant telecoms. Obama does balance the net neutrality portion; however, as one of the

first things that drew me to him as a candidate was his clear, forward-thinking stance on the subject. He and Biden voted for telecom immunity, which is a crock, and they both voted for the Wall Street bailout package, which is a bad deal for the taxpayers. Obama voted for ethanol subsidies, and it was pure pandering to Ohio (ethanol is a problematic, limitedapplication fuel source that hurts our food supply, and Obama knows that). But I’m willing to look past all of these things, and here’s why: Barack Obama and Joe Biden are politicians. I know that. They agree to things for political reasons sometimes, but I think I can generally trust them with the course of our nation. They certainly aren’t the populist war-mongering Democrats of the past. John McCain is a semi-senile prick on the level of Nixon, and Sarah Palin is not only batshit crazy, but she’s also utterly convinced that she knows the true word of God. I told Eva that she was throwing her vote away (actually, she owned up to it), that Virginia is a battleground state, and we really need her vote here. She’s still registered to vote in California, she tells me. Oh, really? Shit, vote for Putin! California is so uncontestedly for Obama that her absentee ballot will likely, literally never be counted. But for the rest of you, America (and especially you, Virginia): DON’T FUCK THIS UP. Love, Ian

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