RVA Vol. 4 Issue 5 A Long And Winding Road by RVA MAGAZINE

fefalal bar erevy wenesdday at cuos cous

D.I.Y. send to stickyrice2001@gmail.com

N EW W ORK S B Y T I M H A R R I SS A N D JAMI E P O C K L I N G T O N O pening Reception Fr id a y S e p te mb e r 12th- 7p m- 10 pm - Sh o wi n g t h ro u g h O c t o be r 7 t h

TI M H A RRI S S

T his piece is an example of Tim Har ris ne w wor k.Chec k out the r est on September 12th. timhar riss.com 13

Eric Schindler Gallery 2305 East Broad St. Office: (804)644-500 Cell: (804) 868-8410 Open Tuesday-Friday from 10am-3pm Saturday from 11am-4pm and by appointment

www.ericschindlergallery.com

Jamie Pocklington

T his piece is an example of Jamie Poc klingtonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ne w wor k. Chec k out the r est on September 12th! www.jpoc k.com 15

The Lost Laur en Vincelli

Richmond’s own Lana Gentr y has teamed up with founder and fellow ar tist, Christoffer Johanson (Denmar k), and self-described cyber-geisha extraordinaire, Paine Pazu (United Kingdom), to present The Lost Galler y. It’s an open, ar t database and online magazine accessible cur rently through MySpace. With the idea that expression is not limited to the elite, The Lost Galler y features the work of ar tists from all over the planet at various stages in their career s. The Lost Gallery also features inter views with some better-known ar tists and provides a forum for the exchange of ideas, infor mation and ar t. I had a chance to inter view Gentry to see what’s been cooking at The Lost Galler y and how “ar t has absolutely no limits”. L a u r e n V i n c e l l i : What is The Lost Galler y? L a n a G e n t r y : The Lost Galler y is a moder n online gallery/magazine/ collective that promotes, educates, discusses and shows ar t from all sor ts of passionate creator s at all different levels of development, skill and style. L V : How did The Lost Galler y get star ted? L G : Well actually, I was approached some time back by friend and founder Christoffer Johanson from Denmar k about listing my wor k there in the gallery’s infancy. He wanted a space that would combine the wor ks of passionate ar tists from all walks of life. Ver y simple. Sur realists, pop sur realists, contemporary street ar t movements and more, who would vir tually gather to share the most impor tant and forgotten aspect of ar t... passion and self-expression. Christoffer wanted to found a vir tual galler y that would show his own wor k as well as the works of others beside the wor ks of well-known greats to whom we all hold in the highest regard. This was his vision. He’s a wonderful guy. Lana Oli via Gentr y

Gallery L V : Who is on staff at The Lost Galler y right now? Tell me about them and how you work together? L G : Well, as said, Christoffer is the founder, online curator and developer of The Lost Gallery. I am a staff writer, and we have one other magnificent published writer and editor, named Es, who most of our viewing audience knows as Paine Pazu. We brainstorm together to make decisions about what we believe our audience would like to see, read, explore, etc. We also wor k closely to come up with new ways and segments that will herald the greats and afford them all the attention they so rightfully deser ve, while also giving aspiring ar tists a chance to show, expound and promote as well. The biggest ar t junkies are other ar tists. That’s why we all wor k so well together. L V : Does the physical distance between you and your colleagues ever hang you up? L G : Never, because we all have this chemistr y and shared vision. L V : How is The Lost Gallery different than other sites like Deviant Ar t? L G : Well, actually Deviant Ar t is a social/promotional networ king space, and we are more of an online magazine. Our database is only one aspect of what we do. We have fantastic inter views with some ver y well-known ar tists such as graphite master Laurie Lipton, shock sur realist Suzzan Blac, apocalyptic visionary and outsider Norber t Kox, and so many more. We also have this fantastic segment called ‘Key to the Piece’ in which all of our ar tists have an oppor tunity to expound on a par ticular piece they’ve created. It’s just N or be r t H . K ox

fascinating to wallow in the minds of some of these ar tists. There are so many new ones out there with so much to say. ‘Key to the Piece’ gives them that chance to really let us know what drives the wor k. L V : You have done a lot of inter views for The Lost Galler y; tell me about some of the more interesting ones. L G : Well, they are all interesting, every single one, but I was really amazed to find out more about the wor k of Suzzan Blac. Although we are friendly, there was so much about her work I just hadn’t assumed. She’s a really sensitive per son whose violent and seemingly insane expressions might suggest otherwise. You can’t imagine the sor t of in depth personal pain that drives someone like Suzzan Blac. She’s a powerful ar tist and recently made the pages of Bizarre Magazine . We’re pretty proud of her friendship and contributions. Also I must mention my inter view with the homegrown Donnie Green. He’s like Richmond’s own Joe Coleman. His inter view was fantastic! He’s another whose expressions are intense and insane, but when you converse with him, he’s just this nor mal sor t of salt of the ear th guy. He’s not someone who just slaps paint to the canvas. He has something to say. L V : An ar tist inter viewing ar tists is so Interview Magazine . Is picking the brains of your peer s anything like you thought it would be? 20

Antonio Roybal

T hia Bella

La ur ie Lipt on

L G : Well actually we have plans for a major site which is being built and have thrown some other ideas around as well. What star ted out as something quiet and small, seems now to be crescendoing at a rapid pace. We do have some magnificent projects in the works. More inter views, keys and segments on people in the business who can share some of their knowledge with our group. I guess people will have to come and see.

L G : I’d say not even close. For a group of people who are known for being flaky, disheveled and ever y other creative negative stereotype one can bring to mind, I find that they all have this magnificent depth. The inter views always end too soon, and I always walk away with so much to think about. I’ve had a ‘wow’ moment in every one I’ve done. Mar y J. Sheridan did this to me. She was the complete polar opposite on some angles than I would have predicted. Some wor k I had perceived as political or angry was in fact per sonal and sor row filled. So in that way, it is always quite different than you anticipate. Really different. We make assumptions you know that just aren’t always tr ue

L V : Have you or other s on staff had previous experience with curating or ar t management? How has that experience played into The Lost Galler y? L G : Actually we are mainly just writers and ar tists. Had our project not become so popular, we might still only be doing that!

L V : Tell me about the sketchbook project. L G : Ah yes. The sketchbook project was an idea contributed by one of our listed ar tists, Jeff Kromer a.k.a. The Razorbackguppy. It’s so wonderful to be able to really include the ar tists in what we do. He had this idea that we would star t this sketchbook for member s, and send it traveling hither and yonder to each of our par ticipating ar tists. Each would add their own creative kiss so to speak and eventually the book would come back with Christoffer for the LG archives or some other not yet known project. Ever y ar tist gets a page. I can’t wait. Each of us will get an address after adding to forward the project on. We’re like kids in a way. We just enjoy ar t. No juries, criticism, cr uelty. We just have a blast.

L V : Do you have plans to expand outside of MySpace? L G : Absolutely. As before said, we have some ginor mous ideas. Our current staff is an obsessive bunch. We have a lot of passion for the act of sharing ar t. This, despite our not being promoter s or mar keters, per say. We love our own creative processes and are deeply intrigued by the wor ks and motivations of other s as well. L V : What have you lear ned since you star ted this?

L V : What other projects is The Lost Galler y wor king on? 22

Mar y J. Sherid an

L G : That no one can tell you that you aren’t an ar tist. I have lear ned that cer tain people may have technical skills that tr ump other s. We do love to look at and lear n from those masters. Then again, there are other s who may possess an unbridled passion that trumps the skill of someone else. Some have both. Some ar tist’s geniuses lie in their concepts. There’s a place for us all. Our ar t matter s. It’s a simple, moving notion really. I’ve grown. I’ve answered my own question. What is ar t? Ar t is ar t. L V : How do you think having open source databases like Lost Galler y will change the ar t world? L G : I think if there is a place where ar tists can belong, then we all grow. There’s a place for clubs and societies that sequester the masterful wor ks of the most technically proficient and known. We all love those sites and books that contain them. They drive us to be better. I do also think however that there needs to be a place like the Lost Gallery that suppor ts the dreams of the aspiring without a hard kick in the teeth. So many ar tists are so sensitive. For some, rejection, criticism, and exclusion can destroy the brilliant seed of potential. Suppor t equals growth. Encouragement equals growth. It may be some critic’s job to separate the boys from the men, but it’s not our s. We love ar t...all ar t, and if we don’t, we show it anyway. You know there was a time when Norman Rockwell was considered a lowly illustrator. Imagine that? Who are we to decide who moves on to greatness? Look at Daniel Johnston. L V : How does one submit wor k to The Lost Galler y? What is the application process like? L G : Passionate ar tists may submit wor k to Christoffer at www.myspace.com/thelostgallery . We are open to ar tists who really feel what they do and who want to be a par ticipating par ts of our suppor t system. L V : What else should the wor ld know about The Lost Galler y? L G : The world should know that if our reality syncs with our vision, we’ll take over the wor ld someday! Find The Lost Gallery online at www.myspace.com/thelostgallery. Look for an official website soon. Do nnie Gr een

Vans Warped Tour ‘08 VA Beach Amphitheatre

Ryan Kent Photos by Ian M. Graham

Ian and I listened to the Dillinger Escape Plan’s album, Ire Works, three times on the trip down to the Warped Tour’s stop in Virginia Beach on July 15th. Being typical men with a preternatural, uncanny sense of direction, we scoffed the silly suggestions of printing directions from MapQuest (hah, hah) and decided to wing our mission for Whoa Whoa’s, electric notes and blast beats. I know I have a sixth-sense for directions and I’m sure Ian has a sixth, possibly even a seventh-sense for driving, but for some reason we found ourselves making a few unscheduled pit stops (ahem, turnarounds) before our destination of rock. Two hours later, after stories ranging from fishing rods, text messages, misappropriated skateboards, NIN concerts, and crazy (I mean CRAZY) ex-girlfriends, we pulled into the press P-lot and made our way to the check-in booth. Fifteen minutes later we were marching through unmerciful humidity to the press trailer in hopes of scoring as many interviews as possible before the day was done. After navigating a dirt road and flashing credentials at several security checkpoints, we found ourselves immersed in Warped Tour. Mohawks, dyed hair, really tight jeans, band shirts, skate shoes and tattoos are the norm, but since this was my first Warped Tour I didn’t know what to expect. After a few minutes of observing the concertgoers I found it wise to keep my head down, eyes focused intently on my shoes.

Eventually, Ian asked, “Dude, what are you doing?” “15-year-old girls shouldn’t be allowed to dress like this,” I said. “There are half naked teenagers everywhere, and I’m afraid to look up.” “Well, 15 gets you 20.”

“Uh-huh. Well, like I said these kids are really good, even without the keyboardist, and I want you to interview them, and I’ve got tons of beer and WEED…” You get the gist.

We made it to the trailer and praised God for air-conditioning and the lack of minors. Instantly, Warped’s tour assistant, Bethany ushered us into a room where band interviews would ensue and began offering us interview upon interview. “Against Me!?” “Check.” “Pennywise?” I asked. “Oh, they’re not doing any today?” “Shit,” I said. “Norma Jean?” “Oh, HELL YES,” Ian interrupted. “And how about the Dillinger Escape Plan?” “Totally. That’s who we were sent to cover,” I said. “Wonderful. They do interviews at 5 p.m. Everyone else is mixed in between.”

Warped Tour staple Reel Big Fish were on and totally delivering the goods. Aaron Barrett (the only remaining original member of the band) jumped and jived through crowd favorites like “Sell Out” and “Beer Song” while trombone player Dan Regan, trumpet players Scott Klopfenstein and John Christianson, drummer Ryland Steen and bass player Derek Gibbs brought in the funky-ska-medina Reel Big Fish are known for.

We signed up for the aforementioned interviews, went to the cafeteria for a drink and were immediately rushed by the drunken roadie of a local band. “Yeah, these kids are really awesome. They snuck onto the bill and they’re actually letting them play. I’d love it if you guys could do a feature interview with them. They’re really good. They’re keyboardist was just fired, but they’re still really good. Do you guys smoke weed? I’ve got tons of weed. And BEER! But like I said these kids just snuck on the bill and they’re letting them play, and I want you guys to interview them because they’re really good, even with the keyboardist getting fired. He was a little turd anyway, always bitching and arguing with his girlfriend, and the band is still good without him. Who are you with?” “RVA Magazine.” 28

That went on for about five minutes. The guy asked repeatedly for our phone numbers and didn’t want to let go of my hand. Sometimes appeasement has a price so I forked over my digits and we escaped, quickly making our way to where the most noise was coming from.

Every Time I Die’s set was a ferocious offering of southern metal-core and puke. Just seconds into the set guitarist Jordan Buckley leaned over the side of his Sunburst Les Paul and proceeded to vomit repeatedly off the front of the stage. I screamed over the metal at Ian to “Get that shot!” but he was already focused and snapping away at the spewing bile. Then, as if he had never blown chunks, Jordan astonishingly jumped into the air, flailing, convulsing and headbanging like a certifiable lunatic (but still managing to play flawlessly) while singer (and brother) Keith Buckley and his raucous larynx ripped through the face-melter that is “We’rewolf” while the fans in the front row stood awestruck. Fun Fact: ETID played “We’rewolf” on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Halloween 2007. We trudged through the maze of sunburned fans and made it back to the press trailer for a few moments with Against Me! drummer Warren Oaks. Cheerful and casually dressed in shorts and flip-flops, the bearded Warren suggested we step into the hallway where it was quieter.

Ryan Kent: What’s your favorite aspect of Warped Tour? Warren Oaks: Actually, the best and the worst thing about it is the sun. Your average Warped Tour is you play, you live inside; you’re living this kind of nocturnal life so in a way it’s good to be able to be outside, soaking up the sunshine, really having a summer out of it. But then on the other hand you have to hide from it. Having to play at 11:30 in the morning, cooking in the sun, middle finger blazing. RK: I’m sure you miss your family, too. How much does that factor into how you enjoy the tour? WO: You know, at this point, we’ve been touring for over 10 months out of the year for the past five years straight, more than 200 shows a year, so we’ve pretty much adapted to it; but we definitely, really appreciate that down time when we get it. Once you feel like you’ve got the momentum you want to keep the ball in the air and try to enjoy the ride while it lasts. RK: Who are some of the bands you are looking forward to checking out or have already checked out? WO: I just saw a band the other day called Broadway Calls who are from Portland and who are awesome. They actually caught my ear with a Jawbreaker cover when I was walking by and I thought, ‘This is good. Who’s this?’ and I sat down and saw their set and they killed it, they were really great. I like The Bronx. They’re awesome. They’re going to do a mariachi set (laughs) with full on mariachi costumes and sombreros. On the 4th of July I saw them play in Austin in some little bar and it was awesome. RK: I saw them play once a few years ago with Thursday, Piebald and Head Automatica and it was a killer show. WO: Piebald! Oh, man. RK: My girlfriend at the time ended up getting in a shoving match with this little Asian kid who was probably three-inches shorter than her, and she’s just a hair over five-feet.

WO: Oh, man. Burned into your mind for eternity. RK: Do you guys get much of that at your shows? WO: We tend to break up fights very, very rarely. I think generally people know better than to come to our shows and pick fights. There were times when we’ve stopped songs because people were moshing too hard; especially if it’s in a small space you want everybody to be enjoying themselves, and you don’t want somebody who just wants to watch the band to get pummeled. We are big proponents of the idea that your idea of a good time should be the standard for the neighborhood around you. RK: You guys have played Alley Katz in Richmond before, right? WO: We have, we have indeed. We also played the Nanci Raygun a couple of times, and it was one of the hottest shows. There’s also a new place in Richmond called The National. RK: Yes, it’s beautiful. One of the nicest venues I’ve ever been to. I could completely imagine going there to see an off-Broadway production and then the next night rocking out to GWAR, who incidentally just played there. Ian M Graham: Toad’s Place is new to Richmond also, and it completely trumps the 9:30 Club and the Norva. It’s set up like a big triangle so that everyone can casually get a view of the stage at any angle, which is a really nice advantage when compared to other clubs. After gushing about the recent venue additions to Richmond, we parted ways with Warren, and I gave the voice-recorder to Ian so that he could talk to Scottie Henry, Chris Day and Chris Raines of Norma Jean. IMG: When was the last time you all came to Virginia? Scottie Henry: Uh, we played Norfolk in, uh, November. IMG: And you have a new album coming out in August? SH: August 5th. It’s called The Anti-Mother. It kind of has parts of other stuff that we’ve done and then just goes off into another direction. It definitely has its own different sound and is 30

the most powerful, for sure. There’s tons of melody all over it and we wanted to make a heavy record and incorporate melody so we just did it throughout. I honestly think that if you like any of our records then you will like this one the most. IMG: Are there any lyrical differences? SH: Totally. It is a lot more straightforward and we really got to say what we wanted to say. IMG: If you guys had to go into the Thunderdome, a two bands come and one band leaves situation, who would you want the other band to be and why? SH: Van Hagar. Chris Raines: I want someone small. The Muppet Babies, how about that! IMG: That’s probably the most metal response we’ve had all day. CR: We’d use Animal as the second drummer after we beat him up and kidnapped him. IMG: (laughs) Well, thanks for your time guys. With around two hours to kill before the interview with the Dillinger Escape Plan, we decided to catch some more acts, keeping in mind to steer clear of the drunken roadie. We found a large board displaying the set times for each band, but to our dismay, DEP played the ho-hum 11 a.m. slot while we were still trekking from Richmond. We found the vert ramps and watched kids, some of which looked like they were still in their single digits and some of which sported facial hair, pull airborne tricks in front of a panel of judges. This is a nice attraction that Warped Tour boasts, which other tours don’t. More walking, more sweating, two cheeseburgers and a canned water (?) later, and we were able to catch Norma Jean’s set. Ian went into the photo pit and got some really wicked shots and came back to hand me his camera and photography tools.“Hold this. I’m going into the pit to go apeshit for a little while.”

I couldn’t see any of the set because a security guard wouldn’t let me through, despite my press credentials, so I nodded my head behind the stage and found a nice shady place to cool down. I watched Warren warm up for his set with Against Me! and the drum tech for Rilo Kiley was piecing together a drum set. Ian emerged from the crowd and we headed back for our time with Dillinger. We waited for about 30 minutes and Bethany put in a call to their tour manager. “It’s their last day on the tour, you know?” Almost immediately bass player Liam Wilson walked in and grabbed a cushy chair next to us. He was sporting some fresh ink on his thigh, which resembled the Jackalope in a very Christlike pose. We had to laugh; the tattoo was hilarious. RK: What has the collective response been to Ire Works? Liam Wilson: It’s been doing pretty well. It’s kind of difficult, even since Miss Machine came out, record stores like Tower have disappeared so it’s really hard to base everything on record sales, but we feel like the response for the most part is positive. A lot of people really go out of their way to say, ‘Your record is really something special.’ It feels good, you know, so we’re trying to keep our heads in check, we’re pretty much off of Relapse (Records)… RK: Oh really! LW: Yeah, that was our last record. RK: Are you being courted by any major labels? LW: Nothing huge, I mean, usually if it’s something like Universal it’s usually an imprint. You know, we don’t really want to go too big, but yeah there are some things out there. Nothing I can really go on record to talk about, though. RK: I totally understand. IMG: Are you guys planning on embracing digital distribution? LW: We definitely want to make sure we keep our digital rights. At the end of the day we want to make sure that the label doesn’t own our digital rights. I think it would really be

silly to sign a new contract and overlook that. So I’m not really sure what kind of possibilities that’s gonna leave for us, it is one of our non-negotiable requests though. With bands like Radiohead and NIN it’s like, ‘Of course, why wouldn’t you try that?’ So we’re entertaining different possibilities and keeping an open mind about it. RK: One great thing about your band is that you are so opened-minded and versatile that no one really knows what to expect when you release an album. When I listen to you guys play, I try to imagine how my father must have felt the first time he listened to Led Zeppelin or Zappa or Yes, totally blown away. LW: That’s what we’re trying to do. When I listen to Queen, I’m like, ‘Wow. These guys were really risky with what’s on the record.’ They have everything from blues to like really heavy songs to slow songs to show tunes to epics. When we think of that kind of stuff and when you look back on their whole career, we would kind of prefer to be aligned with something like that where we have the freedom to do what we want and, yeah we may be remembered for things, like this and that, but for the most part we don’t want to shy away from taking a risk. Two guys walked into the room and immediately I could tell that it was Dillinger mastermind and bandleader, guitarist Ben Weinman and new addition to the Dillinger camp, guitarist Jeff Tuttle. A few weeks before, I found a Dillinger shirt at Diversity Thrift for $1. I put it on the counter and at the same time one of the associates dropped a Crock Pot lid, which I caught before it crashed to the floor. The associate gave me the shirt for free. The story behind the shirt made it special but this was a great piece of rock memorabilia to have because it was from Dillinger’s second EP Under the Running Board, which came out in 1998! Ben Weinman: Oh wow. Can I see it? RK: Yeah, of course. BW: I designed this t-shirt.

Jeff Tuttle: I bought one of those t-shirts before I was in the band. BW: Somebody bought it at least (laughs). JT: I didn’t have to catch a Crock Pot lid either (laughs). BW: We’re officially glam rock now; you can buy our shirts down the aisle next to the Crock Pots. IMG: Where are you guys from? BW: Originally the band started in New Jersey, now everybody in the band is from a different state. Absolutely everybody. I live in Philadelphia. RK: We’re from Virginia. BW: Our original guitar player, Brian Benoit, is from Virginia Beach. He lives in Virginia Beach now, but ssssh. LW: George Washington lived in Virginia at one point. RK: Yeah, in Fredericksburg and Mount Vernon. BW: He spent some time in New Jersey during the war, and I’m pretty sure he’s probably been to Philadelphia too (laughs). RK: The newspaper I worked for when I first started doing interviews was in Fredericksburg, and Dave Smalley (Dag Nasty/Down By Law) was my editor. BW: Oh wow, man. RK: The newspaper was actually located about a block from an estate called Kenmore, which George Washington was related to in some way. I think it was owned by his sister, but he spent time there pretty often if I’m not mistaken. IMG: Is this your first Warped Tour? BW: Nah, we’ve done about three shows… like years and years and years ago, and I think Papa Roach was the headliner (laughs); it was that long ago. RK: I only liked one song by them; it was that big hit. BW&JT: ‘Cut my life into pieces. This is my last resort.’ JT: That was a good song. It was an Iron Maiden riff. LW: They got into huge trouble over that.

BW: The cool thing about that tour was that the only people into our band were Davey from AFI and the Papa Roach guy. RK: My first concert was the Offspring, L7 and AFI when I was like, 14 years old. JT: My first concert was Journey (laughs). BW: Jackson 5 (laughs). IMG: My first concert was Stone Temple Pilots. RK: My stepfather doesn’t really like music that much, and his first concert was with his older sister and he saw the Beatles. He said the only thing he remembers about it is his sister standing on a chair screaming her head off. JT: Dude. RK: Tell me about it. A guy who doesn’t care about music got to see the fucking Beatles. I did get to see Elton John and Billy Joel together a few years ago, but sadly it just pales in comparison. BW: Dude, that’s like a giant package right there. Like Monsters of Rock or something. Finally Ian pulled me away from the guys in Dillinger (because I could’ve talked to them all day), and we began the hike back to his vehicle. Leaning back in the co-pilot seat, I looked at the sun shrinking into the horizon and was happy with how the day went. We saw some wicked bands, had conversations with great musicians, saw Angelo Moore (Fishbone) chowing down with Gil Sharone (Dillinger Escape Plan) and that long-haired, dusky hue, Patricia Day, from the Horrorpops in line for food. True, we missed seeing Dillinger, MC Chris, Gil Mantera and As I Lay Dying, but we had a spectacular day, which came free of charge. My eyes began to close and I felt my cell vibrating in my pocket. Looking at the caller-ID I saw it was that drunken roadie trying to get us to interview the band of kids that snuck on. “Fuck that shit,” Ian said. Fuck that shit, indeed. 33

Mik e Rut z Ima ge by Br and on Pec k

If you happen to run into a member of The Riot Before – vocalist/guitarist Brett Adams, bassist Cory Manning, drummer Freddy Clark or guitarist Jon Greeley – sit down and have a beer with ‘em. They may not be back in town for a month or three. With a new lineup, a new label (Say-10 Records), and a new record set to be released in September, they have much to talk about and plenty of reasons to be on the road. In fact, right after I sat down with Brett and Cory for the following interview, they headed out for a shor t tour of the Midwest and Mid-Atlantic. Mike Rutz: Last year The Riot Before was out on tour for over 150 days. Are you planning to top that number in 2008? Brett Adams: We were hoping for 150 days, but we had to stay home for a while because of the new record, so probably just a little over 100. Cory Manning: Nah, I think we’ll break 150 again. BA: Yeah, maybe 150, we’re aiming for 150.

going on. If I was getting paid, I’d be working as a booking agent, tour manager, and like, Freddy’s babysitter (laughs). Those are all full-time jobs, plus I have to play bass. MR: So, you’re the responsible band member? BA: I think a lot of those things, the problem with a lot of those jobs is that they go together and it’s hard to delegate the responsibilities. If you’re booking a show, you can’t have someone else calling someone else and then getting the information back to you. It does have to go through one person. CM: It just makes it easier. If one person’s like, I’ve routed this tour, now I’m gonna try to book this tour. As opposed to saying, here Brett, I’ve routed this tour. I give it to him, and he tries to book it and finds out cer tain dates won’t work. Then, he has to call. BA: Then, we have a problem with the show and they call Freddy. MR: What’s the negative side of touring so much?

MR: That’s almost half of your year spent touring, you obviously enjoy it. What are the best things about being on the road that much?

CM: No money. BA: Absolutely. I’ve been living on my friend’s couches for the past year.

BA: It’s fun. CM: It’s a lot of fun. BA: I think it’s the quickest way to actualize being in a band. As opposed to being at home or even making a record, it’s not tangible. On the road every night, you’re playing, you’re seeing a response. Or a non-response. And yeah, it’s super-fun.

MR: Is it possible to make money on tour?

MR: Touring definitely helps with a band’s exposure. Do you see your crowds getting bigger each time you go to a city? CM: Slowly. BA: Really slowly. I think touring with other things can grow a crowd. Touring on its own is a pretty slow process. It’s more about us getting better as a band. MR: And there must be a lot of par tying. CM: I don’t drink, so not so much. The other dudes in the band, yeah there’s a little. BA: Yeah, it happens, but that’s not the goal. CM: If I drank, we would be screwed. I do 99 percent of the driving and I’ve picked up a lot more of the business end of things. So, I definitely have to know what the hell’s

BA: Whatever we make from merch and the door. As people, we’ve never made money on tour. The band hopefully gets to break even, but we’re looking at having to buy our merch again when we reorder because our transmission broke at the end of the last tour. CM: So, we’re in the hole and have a long while before we get out. If you want to look at it from that standpoint, but I like to look at it like we left for tour with this much in the box and we came back with this much in the box. That’s awesome! You know what I mean? I don’t like, think about how much money we’ve sunk into it, because then it’s just depressing. BA: It’s just like any other business, where you have to operate in the red for a pretty long time before things star t looking better. It’s just that we don’t have investors or anything like that. MR: The first time I saw The Riot Before was at the Raygun 3 or 4 years ago. How is that lineup different than the current one? BA: We had a temporary drummer at the time who didn’t last very long, and we most recently lost our lead guitarist who was actually doing all of the booking and Cory took 35

over his role. Now, we have a new guitarist (Jon Greeley) and he’s represented on the new record. That’s why we’ve been home, because we lost Garrett after the last tour and had two months before we went into the studio. CM: We had to teach someone the entire record. BA: Not only did we have to find someone, but they also had to write par ts for an entire record. CM: Finding him was easy; he’s a very good friend of mine.

I probably moved along the way through each of those genres, with melody, punk and folk, but they’ve come together, too. And there’s a better thread woven between all of the songs.

MR: What does he bring to the band that may have been missing in previous lineups?

BA: I’ve changed as a person over the past four years and hopefully I’m growing as a person. That’s probably reflected in the way I tackle a subject and I feel like what’s changed, although it was never lacking, but maybe there’s a little bit more humility and an ability to admit error. I think that’s something that’s really lacking in punk rock and especially punk rock that dabbles in protest. There can be a cockiness and a longing to preach to the choir, and I hate both of those things.

CM: Boyish good looks. BA: Also, he plays a more compatible style of guitar. Garrett was a really, really good guitarist, but he came from a more metal background. That added a cool contrast I think, but now the lead guitar player doesn’t necessarily contrast with what’s going on. CM: (The new record) has more balls. More rock ‘n’ roll. More punk rock. MR: Let’s talk about the new record Fists Buried in Pockets . You say it’s more punk rock. In the review for your last record (RVA vol. 3, issue 7), I said you mix both folk and pop. I feel like this new record extends those aspects as well, featuring harmonica and even stronger melodies. Is that the result of a new guitarist? CM: I know Jon is very melody-driven, so it might have something to do with that. But, I do feel that Brett’s gotten better at writing songs. And that’s just natural. BA: The very, very first record ( Horseshoes and Hand Grenades ) I’ve described as schizophrenic, and I still think that’s true. I never wanted to write a record where every song sounded the same, but I was coming at it from way different places. Over the last 4 years, a lot of things have solidified and I’ve gotten a lot more focused. I think 36

MR: Do you feel like you’ve also become more upfront about your subject matter, in your lyrics? The subjects have remained consistent, but perhaps there’s even more brutal honesty on this record?

MR: What does ‘fists buried in pockets’ refer to? BA: It wasn’t intended to be anything; it was just a line in the first song. Then, I liked the imagery so much - being alone and being out in the cold, on a cold walk, which is the first song. This idea of persevering by oneself against things coming at you and having your fists clenched, but having them kind of covered. I think “fists in the air” is kind of a punk rock cliché and, like I was saying, it’s pretty arrogant. And it also has this mob mentality to it and I really don’t feel comfor table with a mob mentality, I always want to question the mob I’m in. So, I think fists buried in pockets is about growing up, but still being defiant while being a little more calculated and tempered in that defiance. MR: I like that imagery, too, and it seems like a couple songs on the record talk about being alone, and being

alone when you want to protest something; but, you’re surrounded by people who are blindly following what they hear on Fox News or whatever.

MR: The song “5 to 9” puts a human face on illegal immigration instead of just talking in statistics. Does this fall in line with the themes of being alone?

BA: And even surrounded by people who are unquestionably listening to Democracy Now or reading Adbusters . I group all of those things together, because I find that I’m pretty moderate on many issues. Extremists don’t really sit well with me.

BA: For me personally, I grew up in central California where 60 percent of the town was some sor t of Latin American, mostly Hispanic. I feel like when I moved to Virginia, the issue became so distant, and people talked about it in a really distant way, like they’re Mexicans and they’re not par t of our daily life. I thought about how these people are first and foremost humans, and if you have a family and you can’t feed your family because the current government in your country is set up in such a corrupt way that you can’t make enough money to feed your family, you’re going to take the first measure you can to do that. That’s what (immigrants) are doing; nobody wants to leave their town and come to a new country where they don’t speak the language. They’re not doing this for fun, they’re doing it because it is a necessity and a lot of times we don’t approach the situation from that sor t of understanding, and they’re just statistics. I don’t have an answer to the actual problem and I’m not an economist, but I do think if we star ted from that perspective, that these are people in a very desperate situation, if we star ted there and we put the responsibility back on the governments’ shoulders, it would help tremendously.

MR: (Also from “Fists Buried in Pockets”) What is a “palindrome life”? CM: Yeah, what is that? Laughs BA: I was just thinking about how I’ve been pushing myself outside of my comfor t zone for the past few years, and I think that’s something people do in their 20s; and as I approach the end of my 20s, I see people retreating from that and going back to what’s comfor table. You almost have this reaching out and then this coming back and it kind of reads both ways. I really wanted to not do that and to always find myself moving forward and continuing to be uncomfor table. When I found myself pretty comfor table in left ideologies I pushed myself to rethink them and always challenge myself. Doing something new and then challenging it. CM: That’s why you’re a Bush suppor ter. BA: No, god no. Everyone laughs MR: A lyric from “Threat Level Midnight” reads “incite the aristocracy’s decline”. BA: And the aristocracy is just a powerful well-entrenched idea and that can be democrat or republican. It’s more about saying, what do we assume and why do we assume it? And sometimes ideas that are well understood are so because they’re true, and sometimes they’re well understood because nobody’s asked a question of them in a really long time.

MR: Cory, were you with The Riot Before at the beginning? CM: Brett was doing The Riot Before in California. BA: Horseshoes and Hand Grenades was recorded before there was a band. MR: Did you play all of the instruments? BA: No, my friend Steve played drums and bass. He learned the whole record in 5 days and then we recorded. 37

CM: Brett is not Dave Grohl. BA: I wish I was Dave Grohl. Everyone laughs. Again, I think that’s why that record is so schizophrenic, because I didn’t have anybody checking the songwriting. You can tell there’s a band now when you hear the songs. CM: Brett writes the songs and we help put them together. BA: They’re arranged by the band. I’ll come to the band with more of a skeleton of a song so I can ask them questions. CM: It’s turned out pretty well. BA: Cory split his time between Chicago and Virginia Beach. I had never been here before; when I moved here, I didn’t know anybody. After college, I just wanted to pack up and go somewhere I could star t a touring band. There were a lot of cities I had gone to, but Richmond kept coming up. You know, it’s in the middle of the East Coast and it’s pretty cheap and there’s a pretty good local scene. A lot of things work out to be good for touring bands here. CM: It’s fate Brett. BA: Fate brought me here. MR: The new record was recorded and produced by Pedro Aida at Detached Sound. Why did you choose to work with him? CM: Well, originally it was because he was cheap, and I had heard his recording for Some Girls and it sounded awesome. And I also worked with a buddy of his… BA: And we heard their pop band that he recorded… CM: And that recording sounded good, too, so I was like fuck it, I’ll call this guy. So, I called him and Pedro said he really wanted to do it and he made it pretty cheap… BA: That way we had two weeks as opposed to a day and a half. 38

CM: Other studios I called, for the amount of money we had we were looking at maybe 10 days. BA: Plus, it was cool because he was local. If John wasn’t recording a par t or if Cory wasn’t recording a par t, they could go do something else. It was cool that we weren’t dropping money the entire two weeks.

shole and the song after that is about circumstances that maybe take some of the responsibility. It’s a tough thing to find somebody, especially for me because I’m a pretty individualistic person. Fine with being on my own. It’s me beating myself up and letting myself off the hook in the next song.

MR: The lyrics to “I Have My Books” refer to relationships, and not necessarily meaningful ones.

MR: In your liner notes, you ask fans to check out www. thesenumbers.com. Tell me about that.

BA: That song always makes me feel like an asshole when I sing it. It’s funny because it’s pretty honest, but it’s the quiet song in our set and people generally star t talking during the quiet song. I found that if people star t talking when we play that, they pretty quickly stop talking because they’re like, ‘Oh my god, did he just say that?’ That song and the song after that flow together theme-wise, about how I’m not really, I guess, good at relationships. And I’m not really at a place in my life where I can be. CM: That’s a pretty straightforward song. BA: It’s probably the most straightforward song I’ve ever written.

BA: It’s an organization star ted by some of my really good friends I met in college called These Numbers Have Faces. It’s actually doing what “5 to 9” tries to do, in a sense of putting a personality and a face on statistics. They are working with a small township in South Africa and the idea is…there are these overwhelming statistics that come out of a lot of impoverished areas and they are so overwhelming that it’s paralyzing. There’s no way to actually fix these problems. So what These Numbers tries to do is say, we can’t fix this problem, but we can help the people in whatever capacity we have right now. They worked down there for a few months and met this guy who was running a soccer league for a lot of these kids who had no fathers and no role models. Soccer is a great way to get young men involved in those places. The way to stay on a team is to maintain a cer tain GPA in high school, they have to do AIDS prevention classes, volunteer in their community, and it gives them a role model through this coach. So far, none of the kids have contracted AIDS and most of them have graduated high school. These Numbers right now are helping with a team, it’s paying their league fees, it’s got them jerseys and balls, and it’s sending one of the kids to college so he can come back (and work in the community). A big par t of These Numbers is working within the community and not being white people who just come and change things. They look at what the community is already doing and where it needs help. It’s a really cool organization that I’m really happy to spread the word about.

MR: With touring so often, is it possible to have a meaningful relationship? CM: I actually have a girlfriend, and we live together. It’s cool. It sucks sometimes, but it’s totally possible. When we got together I told her it was going to be hard. But, we’ve been together for the whole band. She comes out with us on tour. BA: She’s always invited, she can come with the band anytime she wants and hang out. I feel like I would blame myself more than the band for my lack of relationships. CM: Being in a band is a great excuse not to have a relationship. It works out pretty well, because you’re gone all the time. Both things take a lot of effor t and energy and are kind of straining sometimes. BA: I would say that “I Have My Books” is me being the as-

P ho to by Chris M o r an

MR: Do you feel that the ways to create social change as described in your songs are applicable for everyone? BA: It’s funny, because I grew up in the church and there’s a song actually on this record about me leaving it (“Words Written over Coffee”). But, there’s a really cool metaphor that I love from Christianity, that there’s one body and we’re all par ts of the body. Somebody’s the eyes, somebody’s the mouth, and so we do have specific things that we’re good at, and I think the best answer would be to find what you’re good at and do it. But, make sure it’s not destructive and do it with a sense of humility so that you’re always willing to learn. I’ve tempered my attempts at protest recently, because I feel like I don’t know enough. At least for blatant protest. But I do know I want to help people like These Numbers, because that’s not going against anything, that working towards something. I like the idea of working for things and not just opposing things. MR: Kind of like what you said earlier about not being destructive, how destruction is not usually constructive.

To read the entire interview and see more pics of The Riot Before go to RVAmag.com. The Riot Before’s CD release show for Fists Buried in Pockets will be Tuesday, September 9th at Empire. For updates, visit www.theriotbefore.com or www.myspace.com/theriotbefore.

h t i w s d r o W w e F A

r e l l i M t t Rhe

Mic kael Br o t h a nd B r ionna N om i

T he O ld 9 7 ’ s, o r ig ina lly a D a lla s b a s e d b a r band, have been s t e a d ily c r a nk ing o ut a lt - c o unt r y ja m s fo r the past fifteen ye a r s. T his ye a r ha s s e e n t he r e le a s e o f t heir ne west studio a lbum , Blame It On Gr avity , a nd ex t e ns i v e t ouring to pr omote t he r e c o r d . T he ir p r im a r y s inge r / s o n g w r it e r, Rhett Miller, w hose s c he d ule i s t w ic e a s bus y w it h his o w n s o l o c a r eer, sat down with us a f t e r t he ir r e c e n t R ic hm o nd s ho w a t To a d ’ s P lace t o ans w er a f e w q ue s t i o ns. Ac c o r d ing t o R he t t , ne it he r he , nor the band, has a ny int e n t io ns o f s lo w ing d o w n. M i c k a e l : N o w t ha t t he ne w a lbum , Blame It On Gr avity , is o ut a nd yo u g uy s ha v e b e e n t o ur ing t o p r o m ote it, w hat comes nex t ? R h e tt: C o nt inuing t o t o ur fo r e v e r t o p r o m o te it. I don’ t know, w e ’ r e go nna d o t his r e c o r d t hr o ug h t he e n d of the year and I’m s ur e w e ’ ll k e e p w o r k ing a lit t le b it int o nex t year. B ut , I ’ m al r e a dy s t a r t ing t o t hin k a b o ut t he nex t 9 7 ’ s r ecor d, and I’ ve got a s o lo r e c o r d in t he w o r k s t ha t I t hink w ill be a good acous t ic Pho t o by Lis a Jo hns o n

sor t of solo r ecor d. Real a c o us t ic c a m p f ir e s o und in g, k ind o f int im a t e . S o we ’ ll se e…

Yo u’ r e ne v e r a lo ne . Yo u’ r e a lw ay s in a s m a ll s p a c e w it h a bunc h of people so it is a lit t le r o ug h.

B r i o n n a : Less pr oduc ed, k ind o f lik e t he ne w a lbum ?

M: D o yo ur f a m ilie s e v e r ge t t o jo in yo u o n t he t o ur ?

R: Ye a h. My two solo r ec or d s ha v e b e e n v e r y s t y liz e d . I w a nt t his o ne t o b e ver y simple. Of cour se, I alw ay s ha v e v i s io ns fo r s o lo r e c o r d s a nd t hey a lw ay s wind up being dif fer ent tha n w ha t I t h ink t hey ’ ll b e . B ut I t hink t his o ne – t h e songs ar e so str aightforw a r d a nd a c o us t ic s o und ing t ha t I ’ d b e a m a z e d if i t r e a lly c hanges m uc h.

R : Ye a h! Ac t ua l ly my k id s a nd my w if e w ill c o m e o ut if I ’ m playing in Texas. T hey ’ r e go nna c o m e t o t he A us t in C it y L im it s Fe s t i v a l in Se ptember. In f act, I ’ l l ha v e my w if e , my k id s, a n d m u lt ip le s e t s o f g r a nd p a r ents. Her par ents, my p a r e nt s, my g r a nd m a ho p e f ully … s o s o m e t im e s. R i g ht now it has to be e a r ly b e c a us e my k id s a r e yo ung. T hey ’ r e le a r ning t o p lay music. My daughter w a nt s t o p lay b a s s, a n d my s o n is le a r ning t o p lay d r um s. But they’ r e only two a nd fo u r s o w e ’ r e go nna ha v e t o w o r k o n it fo r a lit t le w hile.

M : As a band with a r e put a t io n fo r p ut t ing o n a g r e a t li v e s ho w, w ha t a c t s wo uld be you willing to buy a p la ne t ic k e t t o s e e ? R: O ve r the year s I hav e bo ug ht a p la ne t ic k e t t o s e e T he We d d ing P r e s e nt , this band in the ‘90s fr om L e e d s in Eng la nd t ha t I t ho ug ht w a s s o f uc k in g good. And they wer e friend s w it h Pa v e m e nt s o t hey w e r e k ind o f s im ila r. Ve r y Br itish. And I r eally liked T he We d d ing Pr e s e nt , but my m o m w o r k e d fo r Am e r i ca n Air lines at the tim e so t he f lig ht w a s f r e e . M y lit t le s is t e r a nd I f le w up to Bo ston. It w as fun too, ‘ c a us e I w e nt int o t his c lub, s inc e t he n I ’ v e p laye d like a million times. Club Pa r a d is e . I w e nt in a nd I m e t D a v id G e d ge , t he le a d singe r, and he w as m aking a s e t lis t , w hic h I no w d o fo r t w o ho ur s e v e r y nig ht . L ike it’s my busy wor k. And D a v id Ge d ge w a s m a k ing a s e t lis t , a nd I g a v e him a copy of the ver y fir st Old 9 7 ’ s r e c o r d . We ha d jus t r e c o r d e d it . And I g a v e it to him and he had this look o n his f a c e t ha t I ’ v e s inc e id e nt if ie d . And I k no w like, you’ ve been on tour t o o lo ng a nd s o m e o ne yo u d o n’ t k no w ha nd s yo u a CD and you just kind of say, ‘ T ha nk yo u v e r y m uc h. ’ H e t r ie d t o b e g r a c io u s a b out it. I’m sur e he w as think ing, ‘ T he r e a r e o ne in t e n c ha nc e s t his w ill ge t p laye d.’ I feel bad a bout tha t , but it ’ s jus t I b a r e ly ha v e t im e t o t hink a b o ut my own music or songs or t a lk t o my w if e . Yo u k no w t he t o ur is a ha r d t h ing.

B : T hey ge t a n e a r ly s t a r t t ho ug h. R : We ll if t hey ge t a h e a d s t a r t no w t hey c a n b e m e s s e d up by the time they’ r e t w e lv e . M: H a v ing t o ur e d no w fo r m a ny ye a r s, w ha t ’ s s o m e t hing that stic ks out in yo ur m ind , w he t he r a m e m o r y, ins p ir a t io n o r lif e le s s o n? R : We ll, I t hink a b o ut t his a lo t b e c a us e I k no w a l o t o f yo ung mus icians w ho a r e s t a r t ing o ut , a n d w e ’ v e p laye d w it h a lo t o f b a nd s, lik e the Cut Of f, w ho we p laye d w it h t o nig ht ; yo ung b a nd s t ha t w e c a r e a b o ut a nd w ant t o help along a nd t he r e ’ s no t o ne p a r t ic ula r s t o r y. I t ’ s jus t m o r e t he le s son of you got t a go o ut t he r e . Yo u go t t a p lay t o a s m a ny d if f e r e nt p e o p le a s you can play t o. You go t t a m a k e m us ic yo ur l if e . I f yo u m a k e it a h a lf - a s s e d e f fo r t or hob by it’s not go nna ha p p e n. B ut if yo u g i v e up e v e r y t hing e ls e a nd jus t do music you have a s ho t . I d o n’ t e v e n k no w w ha t t ha t m e a ns a ny m o r e , but if people ar e meant t o d o m us ic t he n t hey ’ ll d o m us ic a nd if yo u’ r e no t , ge t a job ‘cause you’ r e 43

o nly ge t t ing o ld e r, fo r go d ’ s s a k e . (Laught er. ) M: Ali ve & Wir ed , yo u’ r e t w o - d is c li ve album, r eally s ho w e d w ha t a g r e a t li v e p e r fo r m ance you guys put o n. Any c ha nc e o f f ut ur e li v e r e c o r dings ? R : I t ’ s f u nny yo u a s k e d t h a t , b e c ause I have a li ve r e c o r d i ng I jus t m a d e a t a c lub in Hollywood called L a r go t ha t w a s my ho m e a w ay f r o m home w hen I li ved in L o s Ange le s. Ev e n s inc e I m ov ed aw ay it w as the g r e a t e s t c lub, a nd I s ay it w a s b e cause it just c losed d o w n . Jo hn B r yo n p laye d e v e r y Friday night. Elliot Sm it h p laye d t he r e lo t s. I go t t o k now him t her e. Fiona A p p le . A lo t o f g r e a t c o m e d ia ns like Jac k Blac k. Amy M a nn p lay s t he r e li v e . I t ’ s a r eally cool c lub and I jus t m a d e a li v e r e c o r d ing t he r e. I think I might r e le a s e t he li v e r e c o r d o f a ll c ov e r s of me – just solo a c o us t ic a c c o m p a nie d by Jo hn B r yon on piano, playing jus t t e n o r e le v e n c ov e r s o ng s. So t her e’ s a li ve r e c o r d … but Ali ve & Wir ed w a s p r e tty compr ehensi ve. I t d id n’ t c ov e r a s m uc h o f o ur ne west two r ecor ds. C e r t a inly no t t he ne w e s t r e c o r d s ince we hadn’ t made it ye t . B ut e v e n Dr a g It Up d id n’ t have many songs on it . Ev e nt ua lly w e m ay d o a no t he r li ve r ecor d. I have a f e e ling w e m ay s o m e d ay d o t ho se deals w her e you r e c o r d t he li v e s ho w a nd p e o p le sign up for them at t he s ho w o r buy t he m o n t he w ay o ut. Tec hnolo g y’s so a m a z ing. Yo u k no w, yo u c a n m a k e a li ve r ecor ding of a s ho w r ig ht t he n a nd ha nd i t t o people as they w alk o ut . T he p r o ble m is w e ’ r e no t t he kind of jam band 44

w her e e ver y night w e d o a k ind o f ja z z ex p e r im e nt o r w ha t e v e r. We pr etty muc h play the s o ng s t he s a m e w ay e v e r y nig ht … m ay b e a lit t le better, maybe a little w o r s e . B ut m ay b e p e o p l e w a nt a li v e r e c o r d e v e r y night, I don’ t know; s o m e m e m e nt o o f t he s ho w t hey w e r e a t . B : I’m gonna stic k one o f my q ue s t i o ns in he r e . W ha t ’ s t his m ov e ? (s e e side bar) R: I call that my ‘wind m ill’ o r ‘ ha l f - t o w ns e nd ’ . Ye a h, i t ’ s my … I d o n’ t know. I don’ t think I ’ m d o uble jo int e d , but it is n’ t ha r d t o d o. I s e e pe ople str ug gle with it a lo t . Pe o p le a r e r e a lly im p r e s s e d by it a nd I’m thinking like, ‘T his is no t m uc h p e o p le . ’ T his is b a s ic a lly a f lo p py wr isted half-windm ill. I a m p r o ud o f it t ho ug h. I’ m g la d it ’ s t he k ind o f move I can do until I’ m o ld . I f my s ig na t ur e m ov e w a s lik e a D a v id L e e Ro th kind of split, ha nd b e t w e e n t he le g s t hing, t ha t m ig ht b e r o ug h. Ev en he c an’ t pull that o f f a ny m o r e . M : Some of your song s, o r a t le a s t p a r t s o f t h e m , ge t s he l v e d fo r a fe w year s between be in g w r it t e n a nd e v e nt ua lly b e i ng r e l e a s e d . I s t ha t har d for you to hold o nt o m a t e r ia l yo u r e a lly lik e but t ha t jus t d o e s n’ t fit onto an album ? R: It is tough. I write a lo t o f s o n g s a nd a lo t o f t he s o ng s t he b a nd says no to, w hic h is w hy I m a k e s o lo r e c o r d s. Fo r a lo t o f ye a r s I w a s r e al fr ustr ated bec aus e I ha d t his b a c k lo g o f s o ng s t ha t t hey k e p t s ay ing no to. And now tha t I m a k e s o lo r e c o r d s, no t s o m uc h. Yo u k no w I ’ v e got m ultiple outlets for t he s e d if f e r e nt s o ng s. N o w I k ind of ge t ex c it e d if I see something tha t I k no w is go o d t ha t s lip s t hr o ug h t he c r a c k s ; I think, ‘Oooh. ’ And I kno w a ye a r f r o m no w, t ha t ’ s go nna b e a s o ng t h a t ’ s go nna kic k ass. Anyt hing I w r it e t ha t I f e e l lik e ha s m e r it t o i t I ge t

p r e t t y ex c it e d a b o ut it . I d o n’ t ha v e a s m uc h t im e o r a s m uc h dr unk en lat e nig ht ins p ir a t i o n a s I us e d t o, s o I ha v e t o t a k e it w he r e I can get it. M : L a s t o n e , w ho s e id e a w a s it fo r t he v id e o fo r “ D a nce w it h M e” ? I t ’ s p r e t t y w a c k y. R : T ha nk yo u! M y f r ie nd K e v e n M c Ale s t e r is t he d ir e c t o r. He made a docu m e nt a r y a b o ut Ro k y Er i k s o n, t he le a d s inge r o f t he 1 3 t h Floor Ele v at or s, c a ll e d You’ r e Gonna Miss Me . K e v e n’ s a ge nius. A r e a lly s weet, smar t dude. H e ’ s d o ne m ul t ip le v id e o s fo r us. H e m a d e a v id e o fo r us for “ I n t he Sat el lit e R id e s a S t a r ” , w hic h is a M ur r ay s o ng. T he v id e o t a k es t he f ir s t -place r unne r- up t o t he Air G uit a r C ha m p io ns hi p o f t he Wo r ld , t his r eally s w eet k id, a nd ha d him p lay a ir g uit a r t o o ur s o ng, s p e d up s o t ha t w hen t he video is s lo w e d d o w n he ’ s in s lo w m o t io n p lay ing a ir g uit a r. I t ’ s r eally beaut if ul. And [ K e v e n] m a d e a v id e o fo r m e fo r “ F ir e f lie s ” , t he s o ng I did with R ac hel Ya m a g a t a . A s o ng I a ls o t hink is v e r y b e a ut if ul. I f ina lly got t hat up on my w e b s it e . And it w a s his id e a t o d o t his k ind o f J a c k ie C ha n video for “Dance w it h M e ” . I t hink it ’ s r e a lly c o o l. I m e a n, t he r e c o r d c o m pany w as k ind of w o r r ie d b e c a us e t he r e w a s n’ t e no ug h fo o t a ge o f us a s a b and playing, but I f e e l l ik e o n Yo uTub e t he r e ’ s 2 , 5 0 0 c lip s o f us p e r fo r m ing li ve. People k now w ha t w e lo o k lik e . T hey k no w w ha t w e lo o k lik e w he n w e p lay mus ic. So let s o m e b o dy e ls e ha v e t he s p o t lig ht . Tr ic ia H e lf e r, t h e Battlestar Galactica C y lo n is a go o d f r ie nd o f m ine . I s a ng a t he r w e d d ing a nd s he hos t ed our w e d d ing p a r t y. We ’ r e o ld f r ie nd s, a nd I jus t t ho ug ht it w o uld be jus t s w eet a nd f unny if s he w a s p lay ing he r s e lf a nd t he r e w a s jus t t his ner d’ s f ant as y t ha t r e v o lv e d a r o und he r. M/ B : We ll, t ha nk s fo r t a lk ing w it h us. G o o d L uc k w i t h t he r es t of t he t our. R : Wo w ! T h a t w a s e a s y. 45

Ea r lie r t his year, w hen f ac ed w it h a f e w ja b s r e g a r d ing his r o le in Alvin and T he Chipmunks , David Cr os s a c e r b ic a lly r e m a r k e d t ha t , d e s p it e his p le a s, his “cr e d ” w as sim ply not ac c e p t a ble d o w n p ay m e nt fo r his ne w ho us e . T he s he e r f act that this sor t of ar gum e nt is e v e n b e ing hum o r e d i n 2 0 0 8 s e e m s a b i t a na c hr o nistic to m e. T hing s s e e m f a r m o r e t r a ns p a r e nt no w t han t hey d id in the “se llout” witc h hunt day s o f t he ‘ 9 0 s. I r e m e m b e r my t e e na ge s e lf s w e ll ing with v itriol and astonishm e nt w hile r e a d ing (w it h t he he lp o f my lig ht ning f ast 28.8K modem) a bout M o d e s t M o us e ’ s d e c is io n t o s ig n t o a m a jo r la b e l, a nd te mpor arily v owing to ne v e r buy a no t he r r e c o r d by t he b a nd. O f c o ur s e , the ca pitalist in me would ha v e no t hing o f t he s o r t , a n d up o n f ur t he r a na ly s i s I r ealize d that I w as dealing w it h a s t r a w m a n. Ev e n t he s up e r- r a r e Sub Po p Singles Club platter s I sto r e d in my r o o m w e r e f un d e d by a m ult i- na t io na l cor p or a tion that w as one o r t w o p e r c e nt a ge p o int s s hy o f o w ning a m a jo r it y o f the com pany ’s shar es. No w, this w hole fighting of t he go o d f ig ht m ig ht ha v e w o r k e d w e ll ov e r t he past fe w decades, and tho s e c o nc e r ne d w it h a r t is t ic int e g r it y (w hic h ha s b e co me a f ar gr eyer ar ea in m us ic in t he p a s t f e w ye a r s ) c o uld t o s s a r o und examples of bands that ha d c o m e up f r o m g r a s s r o o t s e nv ir o nm e nt s o nly t o a b a ndo n their base (ask any d r unk r e c o r d ne r d a b o ut T he B ut t ho le Sur f e r s and get r eady for a thr ee ho ur s hit - f e s t ). H o w e v e r, w e a r e no w li v i ng in t h e days of blo g hype, massi v e c o r p o r a t e s p o ns o r e d f e s t i v a ls ho s t ing g r o up s typica lly used to play ing ho us e s ho w s, a nd b a nd s s uc h a s Vam p ir e We e k end, w hose media satur atio n c a m e f r o m s e e m ing ly no w he r e o nly t o e nv e lo p the nation over night. Mor e a n d m o r e , a r t is t s a r e m a k ing in t e r e s t ing lia i s o n s outside of the acce pted m us ic a l s p e c t r u m in o r d e r t o m a k e a l i v ing in a n envir onment in w hic h r ecor d c o m p a nie s c a nno t a lw ay s d e li v e r o n w ha t t hey initia lly pr om ise. Despite the state of thing s, I c o nt inua lly he a r p e o p le p o nt if ic a t ing a b o u t w hether or not an ar tist sho uld ha v e g i v e n X s o ng t o Y c o r p o r a t io n, a s w e ll as w hy or w hy not that band ’ s m o t i v e s s ho uld b e q ue s t io ne d a s a r e s ult . I ’ m Ima ge by Br a nd on Pe c k

no t s ur e w he r e t he a v e r a ge f a n t hi nk s b a nd s m a k e t he ir money, or if they a r e a w a r e o f jus t ho w lit t le r e v e nue t o ur s c a n ge ne r a t e a nd how album sales ha v e d e t e r io r a t e d , but fo r m a ny a r t is t s t he r e q ue s t fo r us e of a song in an ad c a m p a ig n is a go d s e nd . O f t e n t his s o r t o f o p p o r t unit y not only boosts their p r o f ile a nd r e c o r d s a le s, but it a llo w s t he b a nd t o p ay s o mething like… r ent o r a m o r t g a ge ? O ne o f t ho s e un- r o c k s o r t o f t hing s t ha t allows them to take m o r e t im e t o w o r k o n t he ir nex t r e c o r d o r t o c o m e o n t our to your town in o r d e r t o b e r id ic ule d by a f a n fo r t h e ir c o r p o r a t e w ho r ing. I ’ v e a lw ay s s ub s c r ib e d t o t he id e a t ha t a n a r t is t o r m u s ician is only r eally “ s e lling o ut ” w he n t hey ’ r e p ur p o s e f ully a lt e r ing t h e ir o r iginal ar t is t ic int en t io ns fo r t he b e ne f it o f a c o r p o r a t e s p o n s o r. T he s o r t of “make this song s ho r t e r ” o r “ m o r e ho o k s ! ” a p p r o a c h t ha t ’ s s o o f t e n p o r t r ayed coming out of t he m o ut hs o f a ng r y s uit - w e a r ing o g r e s w h o s t e p int o t he studio in or der to c he c k o n t he ir p r o d uc t . H o w e v e r, w he n s o m e o ne is s im p ly lending an existing t hir t y s e c o nd s o f m us ic t o a c a r c o m m e r c ia l, I c a n ha r d ly s ee how anyt hing ha s b e e n t r uly lo s t in t he t r a ns a c t io n. Ev e n So nic Yo ut h, the band that made K ur t C o b a in f e e l c o m fo r t a ble a b o ut s ig ning t o D G C , ha s p a ir ed with Starbuc ks t o r e le a s e a g r e a t e s t hit s C D c h o s e n by a r a nd o m s m a t t e ring of cele brities. T h e b a c k la s h w a s ine v it a ble , but it w a s int e r e s t ing t o no t e how limp and un ins p ir e d t he b a r b s f e lt . I t f e lt p a inf ully a w k w a r d t o r e a d accusations a g ainst t he b a nd fo r d o i ng s uc h a b e nig n t hing a nd t r y in g t o make it into some p unc t ua t io n p o int a b o ut c o r p o r a t e i nt e r m in g ling. At t he e nd of the day, w ho c a r e s ? I t ’ s c e r t a inly no t go ing t o m a k e m e c r inge t o w a lk into a Starbuc ks a n d he a r “ Ex p r e s s w ay t o Y r Sk ull” , a nd no o ne is go ing t o r e-e v aluate their c a t a l o g a s a r e s ult o f s uc h a n ex p e r ie nc e . T he t im e s ha ve simply c hanged. T he e t ho s c r e a t e d in t he ‘ 8 0 s ha s b e e n s m e a r e d , a nd t he e vil major la bel inf r a s t r uc t ur e is c o lla p s ing, le a v ing a c lim a t e in w hic h v e r y f e w of t he old r al ly ing c r ie s c a n s t ic k . I t ’ s no t a Wa r ho lia n s t a t e m e nt ; it ’ s just the pr acticality t ha t go e s h a nd - in- ha nd w it h m a k ing s o m e t hing t ha t yo u love doing int o w hat yo u d o fo r a li v ing.

J UST F R I E N D S FO REV ER M I X TAPE B y gu est DJs: Shel ly B r iggs a n d Wa rd Te fft

I thought this mix wa s a g o o d id e a fo r a c o u p le o f re a s o n s . F ir s t , s o m a ny s o n g s t e n d t o b e l ove s o n g s , a n d sometimes you make a mix tape for s o m e o n e , a n d w h e n yo u g e t t o t h e e n d yo u re a l i ze t h a t e ve r y s o n g wa s a love s o n g . T h a t can be a li ttle intense. Maybe someo n e is g o in g t o re a d in t o t h a t m ix a l i tt l e t o o m u c h w h e n a l l yo u re a l l y wa n t e d t o d o was share some music wi th a buddy, a n d n o w yo u fe e l a l l w e ird . Or m ay b e yo u n e e d a way t o le t s o m e o n e k n o w, “ H e y, le t ’s just be friends; here are some songs t h a t c a n m ay b e b re a k t h e ic e .” Or, w hy n o t le t yo u r b e s t fr ie n d k n o w j u s t h o w g o o d o f a best friend they are wi tho ut try ing to sin g yo u r se l f ? S o t o avo id “ mixed ” mes s a g es , s ta r t n ew fr ien d s h ip s a n d s ave yo u r a lrea d y-frie nd s from b ad re ndi ti o ns o f fr ien dl y so n gs, t h e “ Ju st Fr ie n ds Fo rever ” mix is h ere. Wa rd a n d I w o r ked o n th is fo r a few we e ks on tour over last summer and a s ke d o u r fr ie n d s t h a t w e s aw a lo n g t h e way t o t h ro w u s s u g g e s t io n s fo r s t r ic t ly fr ie n d s songs; so this compilation had a lot o f h e lp a l o n g t h e way. 1. Dionne Warwi ck 2. A n imated C o o chie Wo n de r s 3. B iz Mark ie 4. B e s t Friends Fo rever 5. E l t on Jo hn 6. Michael Jack so n 7. Ke n ny Lo ggins 8. T h e B ir thday Par ty 9. Qu e en 10. Re d and B o o ber 11. B e atles 12. James Tay lo r 13. B il l W i thers 14. Randy New man 15. T h e Temptatio ns 16. B e tte Midler 17. B e st Fwends

“ T h a t ’s W h a t F r ien d s A re Fo r ” “ T h a n k Yo u Fo r B ein g A F r ien d ” “ Fr ie n ds” “ Ha n dpo c ket ” “ Da n ie l ” “ B e n ” “ P layi n g W i th Th e B oy s ” “ T h e Fr ie n d C a tc h er ” “ Yo u ’ re My B es t F r ien d ” “ Fra ggl e Ro c k F r ien d s h ip S o n g ” “ Wi t h A L i ttle H elp F ro m My F r ien d s ” “ Yo u Go t A F r ien d ” “ Le a n On Me” “ Yo u ’ ve G o t A F r ien d In M e” “ Fr ie n dsh ip Tra in ” “ Yo u Are Th e W in d B en ea th My W in g s ” “ S ka t e o r Live”

Friends Undermedicated Weekend Warrior Romance Conflict Adventure Elton John Col lection B en Top Gun S oundtrack Hee-Haw A Night At The Opera Fraggle Rockin’: A Col lection Do You Like Rock Music? The B est of James Taylor Lean On Me Toy Story S oundtrack Psychedelic S oul B eaches S oundtrack Alphabetical ly Arranged

the CHRONICLES of the PARTY LIBERATION FRONT VOL. 6 Ep. 22

T h e C i t y o f M ys t e r i a

FROM THE IMPROMPTU DESK OF PROFESSOR M.

- DATE UNKNOWN

Dearest Reef:

Greetings and Salutations from what might be the future! We‘ re not sure exactly when we are, but I must divulge that story further into whatever ludicrous assertion of“time we are currently riding. “

The Dual Singularity Drive is no longer able to accept date calculations. I do not think it knows where it is. We even tried to jump blind, using only temporal directions, instead of full computations: we blipped into the Lord’s Realm momentarily, however we came out rather quickly, in the same place and time. The kitchen had been slightly... rearranged, however; the stove had been fixed, a bong had appeared, there’s a new Picasso (one of his napkin drawings) and the dishes were in a most particular and precarious order, I believe it was a chart from a pyramid scheme. Here I am, babbling on, without having told you of how we ended up in this familiarly foreign land. Our traverse through Lord Acidonius’ realm was largely normal, outside of the visit with, and your subsequent departure in the custody of, Our Fishy God. We dropped off Ruby, Jeremy, and Pablo in the 1930’s, so they could apply partying skills learned in times past and subsequent, and catch up with the echelons of 56

carney establishment to whom they are/ were indebted several boon apiece. It had been, obviously, since our first encounter with said God that we had seen him, and his request that you and Mel “totally need to come with me and check this shit out” left the rest of the PLF with a strange happenstance brooding on the edges of our minds. We knew something was up, but were wholly unprepared for the game afoot. Our departure from His Realm landed us in the area that should have been Richmond, as our coordinates were correct, the stars confirmed our date, and the river follows a very similar path. However, Richmond as we know it- the space port, the dirigible docking tower, the fortress on Oregon Hill (from the second rising) and any signs of the city that we knew were lacking entirely. There is, however, a brilliant little town on Belle Isle, and, in addition to a glassblower and small forge, the people there have a fantastic hydroponics system on the south side of the river, producing tomatoes, a queer

variety of bitter cabbage that stews well, massive watermelons, and several kinds of potent reefers (which they brew into a dark, dank tea). There lives a colony of river otters. Their presence is praised by the locals, who claim the slick critters help tend their lazy garden, and have a shrine appropriately devoted to the cute little fuckers. However, it pales in comparison to their larger shrine, and the idol therein is not unlike our fishy God! Reef! Their God is a massive Catfish, and it even appears to breath fire in some illustrations. His name is unpronounceable with our tongues, although the small monastic class of these islanders utter a thirtysecond single vowel that is the name of the monstrous whisker-laden deity’s favorite snack (we call them “ducks”). The natives also noodle for catfish, using a compressed air system on the end of the hydroponic structures. It was here, writing amongst the ripe fruits, blooms and cannabis, that I first found Esh. His feet, slender and fuzzy, dragging in a river he knows not as James, are making small concentric circles that float lazily and curl around fluted jars that swirl nutrients from hanging clay pots decorated with catfish swimming through curly stars laid out like wisping smoke. The natives had told me that he could point us towards the city of Mysteria, where an annual festival, the Burning of the Bamboozler, was to take place in two days time. Upon taking in the sight of me approaching, Esh took to his

feet, folded the letter he was carrying, put it in an envelope, and sealed it. Still clutching the packet of papers (which appeared to be quite old, despite its contents containing current correspondence), he looked at his Hamsa necklace and said, “I think you’re on time.” “Time, my friend, is a subject which I certainly never claim to be on top of, let alone having even a firm grasp on, despite my re-

cent rumpus through some of it’s more peculiar moments. I am Professor M, of the Party Liberation Front, and your necklace intrigues me. Do you know the way to Mysteria?” A wash of benign mischief seemed to seize his face, like a kitten on a curtain, and a grin spread for the better part of a minute. “I do. The Bamboozler owes me five bucks and mimosa, and I am to collect before he’s spiraling towards the starts. I doubt he’ll have my back, but someone there brews a

wicked mead, and I’d half fancy letting the tall guy roast before I get my due, if just on principle. I have never been to Mysteria, and I will show you the way. Let’s go.” From a post he plucked a grey bowler and a white dinner jacket, slinging them carelessly over his wiry frame. His grey slacks were rolled to the calves, hung in place by bright red suspenders and dripping slightly wet, making fractal Rorschach lines through his soaked footprints on the sun57

bleached wooden docks. I have yet to see him wear shoes or a shirt, although I doubt anyone working at a convenience store or gas station would be able to protest his apparel any more than by releasing an inhuman squawk of disbelief at the incredibly lax sway of his minor, yet defined swagger. From the Future, Professor M. REEF: Ho, did the Bamboozler burn well! Ye fucking gods, Reef, this city of Mysteria is a wonderful place, truly. We have camped in Valhalla, a district in a valley, alongside other sound-camps. Conway and Reinhold, after setting up the speakers, got strait to 58

laying out the beats, and the people, they did come! The area is wonderful, hilly with plenty of oxygen, streams, and blackberries abound. Mr. Twist and I spent one night (after eating a most stimulating mushroom porridge) exploring the areas outside of Mysteria- it seems to be hilly, vastly uninhabited Appalachia in all directions. There are roads, yes, although not in the direction we traversed. The hills seemed to breathe in and out with us, as we were guided by the one-nightshort-of-full moon on a most ridiculous trip through the wilderness. We started off at a bridge near the last settlements of the city, where we stopped to collect a toll of highfives from whoever passed. Within mere

minutes the scene was out of hand. What we expected to be a novel form of moderate jubilation was an exhilarating new concept to these people, and soon a cabal of highslapping, drunken monkeys were hooting and hollering like theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d invented to gorram wheel. Crazed hillbillies and dusty travelers often missing their high-fives completely, laughing like villains who had recently acquired monster nuclear kittens and were wreaking havoc on a city made of yarn. I could see it, deranged gogglewearing madmen riding these enormous pussies through the streets of twine and lace, baiting their charges with catapults firing full-sized gamefish toward the targets upon which they wished havoc wreaked. It took merely a glance between us for Twist

wo r d s + im a ge s by I a n G r a ha m

and me to confirm what we both knew: we were in way over our heads, surrounded by newly created fiends baked out of their gourds on symbolic gestures. We took to our feet, bid the slap-happy goons a hasty, half-hearted goodbye, as you would a group recent acquaintances who’d gone batshit crazy jerking off, and made haste for absolutely nowhere. As we left, the series of obscene failures going on behind us continued, the splash of a citizen missing a highfive so entirely that they went over the side of the bridge. We crested the ridge, found a peaceful spot in a dried streambed, made a totem, howled at the moon, and talked about Gods, where the hell in time are we, why does that matter, pussy, fishing, and what the hell kind of mushrooms were in that soup anyways? Funky.

We headed back towards Mysteria as the dawn began to creep over the land, and before sunrise, found a daunting task at hand. Like Kubrick’s monolith, there rising from our feet to the clouds stood a tower of rickety metal and bamboo poles, much akin to a painting or construction structure, although this one was topped with several couches. “We have to watch the sunrise from up there.” Mr. Twist’s gaze would not shift from the top of the tower, the sight of which was making me a bit sick. “You crazy fucking wanker! We’ll die up there, see? It’s impossible. There can’t even be enough oxygen to breath! If we had

a canary we could send up first, then perhaps, but under these circumstances, lack of a bird, you see, we can’t, we don’t have a gorram hamster! For fuck’s sake!” “There’s booze up there.” “No! It can’t fucking be!” I look up, and see, sitting on one of the couches, two uncorked bottles of fine wood mead, glistening with dew. “Holy shit! Let’s go! Gotta have a sense of adventure, you know, challenge the unknown! Chaaaaarge! Fuck, you go first! But go, man, go!” The mists rise from this sacred forest city upon first light- these hills are a temperate rain forest, you see, generating their own clouds, mists wisping up towards our dan59

gery vantage point. The sunrise in the mist was beyond description, and I will not attempt to recall the sight, but the mist, Reef, the mist creeping through the apple orchards, spiraling up towards the impending daystar, the mists clean you. You breath them in, you bask in the light, and you are clean, if only for a moment. When we arrived back at camp, a slight mayhem prevailed through the early hours. Gretchen was singing to her unborn baby as she prepped foodstuffs for the day’s meals. George was DJing, technically, although as soon as he had transitioned his tracks he would take from the DJ booth into the crowd to dance, hopping to and fro, like a blissful madman. Aside him, dancing a funky robot and wearing a fedora, was Katie, her eternal smile shining perhaps as bright as the morning sun. The way of the Mysterians, and Burners (the term for the people who come to these festivals of fire) at large, is wonderful. The unknown masses arriving are treated like old family, greeted with hugs, helping hands, and meals. There are two lakes in Mysteria, and one of them has a floating bar. Esh and I (and this plum-of-a-girl, Ash, with whom Esh seems to be quite enamored, and likewise her to him) walked to the lake, stripped bare, and swam to the buoyant watering hole. There, amongst revelers and barflies (vastly in the buff, the few that were clothed wore almost nothing 60

at all), we drank bourbon and a local wine, in between jumps into the lake, the drunken scramble to get back on the bar, and smacks on the ass from one of our several beautiful bartenders. The bar slowly trawls through the lake, locomotion provided by two beautiful young women, clad only in swimming flippers, Reef, these buttocks were simply rare, a steady regimen of swimming and sun leaving them toned, hard, and slick enough to slide across. My eyes almost fell out of my head, much to the delight of the gorgeous swimmin’ belles. The locals do indeed love the spirits we serve. Few of them had ever tried bourbon, although (again) some of the most ancient of the residents recall a similar brew, albeit neither the words “Kentucky” nor “Bourbon” ring a bell with them. Either way, the party we threw after the burn was well appreciated. The burn, Reef, THE BURN! A giant man, made of bamboo, was danced around and celebrated for the better part of the hour. Fire dances of every kind- flaming sticks, balls on chains, whips, pikes, even an umbrella! These peoples of Mysteria surely do know how to get the fuck down. The build-up to the burn was intense, as it should be, people stretched as far as the eye can see, as the minds and bodies of those awaiting the pyre bulge with anticipation, excitement, and a blissful tension building in knowing what’s about to come. The dancers processed their parade slowly at first, circling around the doomed wooden golem, their march quickening both in speed, pace, and intensity as the sacred moment grew closer. At the height of their fury, however, all stopped, and danced solely for the Man himself, all facing inwards, a slow, deliberate dance, I can only assume to let the big fuck know

exactly what’s coming to him. And then he was lit, in seconds only the flames crawling up his structure, until he was engulfed. The dancers cleared out, put down their instruments, and waited. The crowd, ready to explode like a rabid dog chained feet from a chicken coop (albeit with less foam at the mouth, for the most part), surely almost died for sheer joy when the man fell into his own burning embers. The safety ropes were dropped, and the revelers took charge around the monstrous fire, singing, dancing as they ran, painted tits bouncing as glorious as can be, pubic manes rolling in the fire-hot wind like the grasses of an oasis in a desert of flesh, grass, fire and the fragrance of floating embers. The fire burned well past dawn, and the hills were abound with the sounds of jubilation, fucking, love-making, chants, and dirty-ass beats from the PLF. I made breakfast potatoes with onions, garlic and rosemary the next morning, which were quite a hit. You create, and you give, and that is it. It is the way of Mysteria, it is the way of the burn. You ask for nothing, you receive all that can be given. I would have it no other way. -Professor M. Date Unknown

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Transformus is an annual burn held at Deerfields, south of Asheville, NC. The Party Liberation Front does indeed travel through time, setting up a full-service speakeasy and soundsystem wherever they go, although due to mechanical constraints their time travel is (mostly) limited to “forward,” and at the usual pace.

The Bindlestiff Family Cirkus sideshow, vaudeville, burleque... oh my!! by Parker

Photo by Clifton Faust

T he B ind le s t if f Fa m ily C ir k us a r e o ne o f t he m o s t t a le nt ed and di ver se li ve v a r ie t y a c t s in t he w o r l d . I ha d t h e p le a s u r e o f s e e ing a nd meeting the Cir kus la s t ye a r a t Syc a m o r e Ro uge i n Pe t e r s bur g a nd w a s im m ediately hooked on t he ir s t y le o f hum o r a nd e nt e r t a inm e nt . I w a s f ir s t int r o d uced t o B indles t if f a f e w ye a r s a go w hile r e a d i ng Fr eaks and Fir e: T he Under gr ound Reinvention of Cir cus w hic h c a t a lo g ue s s o m e o f t he m o s t im p o r t a nt t r o up es of our time: the J im Ro s e C ir c us Sid e s ho w, Ya r d D o g s Ro a d Sho w, Fla m C hen, Cir cus Cont r a pt io n a nd o f c o ur s e t he B ind le s t if f Fa m ily C ir k us. C o - fo und e r s ( a nd p e r fo r m e r s ) K e it h N e ls o n a n d St e p ha nie Monseu star ted B ind le s t if f in 1 9 9 5 a nd ha v e w o w e d a nd i ns p ir e d m ult it udes of audiences (a nd o t h e r t r o up e s ) a ll a r o und t he w o r ld w it h t he ir uniq u e hybrid of sideshow, v a ud e v ille , c ir c us a nd bur le s q ue . H o w d id it a ll s t a r t ? T he n k now n as Fir e play (a py r o t ic f ir e m a nip ul a t i ng a c t ), t he d uo m a d e a t r i p t o the Bur ning Man f e s t i v a l in 1 9 9 4 . T his m a d e a t r e m e nd o us im p a c t o n St e phanie and Keith’s f ut ur e s a s p e r fo r m e r s a nd w o uld p la nt t he s e e d s fo r t he bir t h of B indles t if f. “ T he f ir s t t r ip t o B ur ning M a n t ha t K e it h a nd I m a d e c ha nged our li ves bec a us e t he D I Y e t hic w a s s o s t r o ng, a nd p e o p le w e r e c o lla bor ating on suc h a la r ge s c a le , t ha t w e go t t he c o ur a ge t o m a k e o ur d r e a m cir cus r eal – and B I G . ” T h e r e t hey a ls o m e t a nd s t a r t e d t o ur ing w it h t he inf amous punk r oc k c a r nie im p r e s a r io C h ic k e n Jo hn (w ho jus t r a n fo r m ayo r of San Fr ancis co in 2 0 0 7 ). St e p ha nie s t a t e s t ha t t hey “ le a r ne d e v e r y t hing N OT to do by touring w it h him . I t w a s o ne o f t he m o s t m e m o r a ble t o ur ing ex periences. T he man is o ne p a r t P T B a r num , o n e p a r t bur ning c ir c us t e nt ! ” T hings would ne ver b e t he s a m e . 62

It has been a wild ride for t he C ir k u s. T he s iz e o f B i nd le s t i f f ’ s p e r fo r m e r s can r ange fr om less than a ha n d f ul t o up t o s ix t e e n p e o p le d e p e nd ing o n the show. Over the year s t hey ’ v e ha d ov e r 2 0 0 p e r fo r m e r s f r o m num e r o u s bac kgr ounds and discipline s g r a c e t he s t a ge . C o nt o r t io n, s w o r d s w a llo w ing, jug gling, r ope spinning, m a g ic , a c r o b a t ic s, a e r ia l s t unt s, bur le s q ue a nd f ir e p e r for manc e ar e just a tip o f t he ic e b e r g o f w ha t yo u’ ll s e e a t a B ind le s t if f show. With so muc h talent o ut t he r e t he r e s u r ge n c e o f t he t r a v e ling v a r ie t y show in the last 10 year s is und e nia ble t o K e it h (a . k . a . K ink o t he C lo w n a n d Mr. Pe nnyg af f). “When we f ir s t b e g a n t he r e w e r e o nly o ne o r t w o o t he r ‘ a l ter nati ve’ v ariety shows tour ing t he na t io n; a nd no w, yo u h a v e t o r e a lly s t udy many other show r outes to s t ay c le a r o f ha v ing t w o v a r ie t y s ho w s in t he s a m e town at the same time.” Ste p h a nie a d d s t ha t w it h t he r e s ur ge nc e p e o p le s e e m to be sear c hing for a v isc er a l exp e r ie nc e . “ C ir c us, w it h it s uniq ue c o m b ina tio n o f ar tistr y and phy sic a l s k ill, a p p e a ls he r e . Sid e s ho w, w hic h p us he s t he limits o f pain and br av er y d o e s t his, t o o. And a ll t he s e fo r m s, s t a ge d in t he intima te , non-tr aditional v e nue s t ha t c ur r e nt ly p lay ho s t t o t he v a r ie t y / c ir cus/bur lesque r e vi v al, ar e in yo ur f a c e a nd im m e d ia t e ly g r a t i f y i ng. T hey a r e ideal w ays to convey content , s o c i a l c o m m e nt a r y, o r jus t d r e a my im a ge r y t ha t r eminds you of the enor mo us p o t e nt ia l o f t he hu m a n b o dy a nd m ind . ” Fr o m 2002 to 2004 the Bindles t if f Fa m ily C ir k us o p e r a t e d t he Pa la c e o f Va r ie t y a nd the Fr ee Museum of Tim e s Sq ua r e . T he Pa la c e p r e s e nt e d up t o f i v e p e r fo r ma nces a day, pr esenting c o nt inuo us v a ud e v ille s ho w s o n 4 2 nd St r e e t a nd ho sting near ly thir ty other p r o d uc t io ns. Bind le stif f has also alw ay s b e e n c o m m it t e d t o e d uc a t ing t he yo ut h w it h c ir c us ar t skills and a ppr eciation. T he C a v a lc a d e o f Yo ut h w a s o f f ic ia lly ins t it ut e d in 2004 a s a for um for under- 2 1 ’ s w ho a r e int e r e s t e d in a p r o f e s s io na l c a r e e r as enter tainer s. Ste phanie s ay s t he r e a r e m a ny r e a s o ns t he C a v a l c a d e i s

a t t r a c t i v e t o c r e a t i v e yo ut h. “ T hey c o m e f r o m c ir c us f a milies, or they have B r o a d w ay a s p ir a t io ns, o r t hey a r e bud d ing t e c hnic a l jug g ler s and w ant t o ex p lo r e t he a r t is t i c s id e o f t he ir ho b by. We g i v e t he m a s t a ge, s ome coac hing, s o m e f e e d b a c k , a nd a p e e r g r o up t o b o unc e id e a s o f f o f. ” So m e o f t he k id s t hey w o r k w it h w r it e t he ir o w n m a t e r ial and ar e alr eady p r o f e s s io na ls but St e p ha nie s ay s t hey w a nt t o c ov e r a ll t he bases. “We w ant t o ge t t he C a v a lc a d e t o a p o in t w he r e t he r e a r e yo ung t ec hnicians r unning lig ht s, yo ung fo lk s s e lling t he t ic k e t s a nd d o ing t he a c c o unt ing, and a yout h o r c he s t r a a c c o m p a ny ing t he a c t s. ” St e p ha nie s t r e s s e s t ha t B ind le s t if f r e q uir e s a lo t o f ha r d w or k and det er mi na t io n but w o r t h e v e r y o unc e . “ We a ll d r e a m o f c r e a t ing pur e, ne w, r ele v ant w o r k , m ay b e e d g y o r b o und a r y p us hing, us ing t he m e d ium of cir cus. T he r ea lit y is s o m e t im e s yo u jus t ha v e t o t a k e t ha t b ir t hd ay p a r t y gig and f ace paint s o m e 5 ye a r o ld s. ” K e it h a d d s t ha t it ha s b e e n int e r e s t ing to see the gr owth o f it a ll. “ C ir c us, bur le s q ue a nd v a ud e v ille a r e Am e r ic a n folk tr aditions. T hey a r e a p a r t o f t he na t io na l p s yc he . As lo ng a s t he r e a r e people w ho w ant to r un a w ay w it h t he c ir c us, w e w ill ha v e s ho w s. ”

You can experience T he Bindlestif f Family Cir kus’s ne w show “Kinko for Pr esi dent” (www.kinkofor pr esident.com) at 8 p.m. on Se ptember 12th and 13th at Sycamor e Rouge - 21 West Old St. Peter sbur g, VA 23803 Visit www.symor er ouge.or g or call (804)957-5707 for tic kets and details. Go to www.bindlestif f.or g to lear n mor e a bout the Cir kus and also c hec k out the ne w weekly we b series at www.the bindlestif fs.com

“Mr. Helms was for freedom-loving people. He was a great crusader against communism. He was a champion for traditional family and religious values. He suppor ted prayer in public schools and decency, honor and spiritual and moral cleanliness in America...” An excerpt from Ray F. Dively’s letter to the editor in the Pittsburg Tribune-Review concer ning the July 4th passing of 5-time Nor th Carolina Senator Jesse Helms. It’s hard to imagine an elected official in the United States Senate whose tenure was more at odds with the tenets of Christianity than that of Jesse Helms. Despite all his flag waving rhetoric and insistence that he was representing the teachings of Jesus Christ, actions speak louder than words. And the man’s actions over his near ly 30 years in the corridor s speak volumes about his lack of Christian morality. If Jesus was alive during his lifetime, it’s a safe bet, considering his long and sor ted Senate record that Jesse Helms would have been calling for his crucifixion. And people like Mr. Dively would be providing the wood and the nails. Jesse Helms once stated he tried at ever y point in his career to seek God’s wisdom on the decisions he made, and that he made it his business to speak up on behalf of the things God tells us are impor tant to Him. Excuse for a moment the audacity of stating that a higher power is speaking through him and take the man at his word: He was acting in the name of the Lord. Was he channeling the will of God in 1963 during the civil rights protests when he stated “The Negro cannot count forever on the kind of restraint that’s thus far left him free to clog the streets, disrupt traffic, and interfere with other men’s rights” and when he deemed the civil rights movement as a cabal of communists and “moral

degenerates.” Was he doing the bidding of the Almighty when after Carol Moseley-Braun of Illinois became the fir st African-American woman to sit in the Senate, Helms followed Moseley-Braun into an elevator, announcing to Utah Senator Or rin Hatch: “Watch me make her cr y. I’m going to make her cr y. I’m going to sing ‘Dixie’ until she cries.” Then, emphasizing the lines about how “good” things were before the Civil War ended slaver y, Helms sang “Dixie”. Surely these are the actions of a man touched by a heavenly presence. If Helms is to be believed, God, wor king through his human vessel, wanted us, his beloved flock, to keep those damn “nigger s” down, and we didn’t listen to him. Only Jesse heard that par t. It is an odd conclusion to draw considering that Jesus, given the geographical origin of his bir th, looked more like Malcolm X than the creamy white hippie he is por trayed to be. In Jesse’s wor ld, unsubstantiated belief always took precedence over fact. In other words, the man was an evil fuck. And if he was acting as an arbitrator for the will of his God, I say fuck his God and fuck him good. Helms set the cour se for using faith as a weapon in American politics. From his poisoned loins, the likes of Jer r y Falwell, Pat Rober tson and Richard Viguerie were spawned and they, with Helms’ guidance, went on to for m the Moral Majority in 1973. The gross distor tions and scare tactics that came to define the conser vative evangelical group helped Ronald Reagan win the presidency in 1980 and lessons of par tisan, faith based political bullying are still evident today in the Bush administration. Recently, an extensive repor t by the depar tment’s Office of the Inspector General and Office of Professional Responsibility concluded that Monica Goodling, a top aide to for mer Attor ney General Alber to Gonzales, and other s had broken civil ser vice laws, r un afoul of depar tment policy and engaged in “misconduct”. The

repor t concluded that Goodling sought to cultivate a “far m system” for Republicans at the Justice Depar tment hiring scores of prosecutors and immigration judges who espoused conser vative priorities and Christian lifestyle choices. This is just the latest example of the cor rosive influence of religion in American politics where shared belief in imaginar y friends takes precedence over competence, experience and the rule of law. Jesse Helms would be so proud. Beyond this troubling merger between church and state, what makes this all so despicable is that for all their moral pronunciations of divine inspiration, many of those proclaiming to doing God’s will are exposed for the frauds that they are. From New Life Church founder Ted Haggard’s admission of methamphetamine-fueled liaisons with a male prostitute after years of making a living condemning homosexuality to Pat Rober tson’s distinctly unchristian business dealings with the late Zairian dictator Mobutu Sese Seko, the hypocrisy of these pulpit bullies is of biblical propor tions. Despite the reams of overwhelming evidence that many of these holy roller s are anything but the moral crusaders they por tray themselves to be, they know that by simply stating that they are acting in the spirit of Jesus is all the Ray Dively’s of the wor ld need to hear. It is that easy. I don’t know if there is a God and to be perfectly blunt, I don’t really give a fuck. What you believe happens to you after death is just that: a belief. In my good book, the inference that anyone has the ear of God or that they are acting in he, she or its behalf is a tell tale sign that that per son is probably tr ying to fuck me over. I’ve seen tr ue faith, a faith that is defined by actions and not mere words, and it has nothing to do with political agendas or organized religion. It is about making this wor ld a better place. And that is something that Jesse Helms didn’t do. 65

The Freakish Hybrid Straddling the Fence By Rad Tollett

Food and music aside, Texas isn’t known for its creative exports. Yes, we have given the world Greater Tuna, and we gladly contribute people like Jessica Simpson and Anna Nicole Smith for your viewing pleasure, but overall our work can be summarized in an oil painting consisting of a weathered wagon wheel resting in a batch of bucolic bluebonnets. However, where we lack in export we compensate in import, and no one institution excels more at this than The Museum of Fine Arts, Houston. In 2003, MFAH successfully prodded MOMA to lend 200 of its prized possessions while they were renovating their Manhattan digs. Entitled The Heroic Century, tens of thousands of Texans sporting big hair and big opinions stormed the event for a chance to see some of the 20th century’s greatest artists. I was residing in Austin at the time and was one of the lucky ones in attendance, but what inspired me was not so much what was there as what was not. With audio guide in hand, I was herded through a chronology from post-Impressionism to Pop. Put simply, shit was heavy. Wonderfully heavy. However, the weight of the show did not remain consistent from end to end. The final gallery paid homage to post-Modern and “emerging art”, and it fell flat. My audio guide’s lofty and detailed explanations turned into defensive and somewhat muddy diatribes of where art has been heading for the past 20 years. I left the museum feeling both cultured and confused. On the drive back to Austin I realized those in the visual arts community faced the same, uncomfortable reality artists of all kinds are experiencing: a lack of originality. Perhaps the great post-Modern philosophers and theorists of the mid-20th century had gotten it right; there are no new layers to uncover, only existing layers to inhibit.

Ima ge by Je nnif e r M a r a v il la s

This was a depressing if not downright harsh perspective. Even while living among one of the largest pockets of Cultural Creatives in the country the signs of a creative dearth were everywhere. Fashion seemed to look to past decades and bygone eras for inspiration. Spoon and Okkervil River were great bands, but they weren’t producing novel sound. Even the newest restaurants relied on fusing disparate palettes in attempt to make something we hadn’t tasted before. This all seemed more like dabbling in safe waters rather than exploration into the unknown. Then, of course, there was my own industry of media and marketing. Put simply, nothing seemed to stand out from what had been done before. Even award show judges, famous for inflating that which is flat, moaned about a lack of new thinking in the craft. Rehash. Remix. Revive. Re… Nevertheless, I remained unconvinced that we must begrudgingly continue reflecting upon the creativity of past generations. Like many of my fellow “creatives”, I believed a new age – a Digital Age – was beginning to provide us with the context needed to shed the constraints of our Industrial forefathers. And perhaps it already has. I have never claimed to have my finger on the creative pulse of society more than any other man, but the confusion that followed my visit to The Heroic Century has recently turned to clarity thanks to the works of two men. The first work was a speech given by Clay Shirky, author and NYU professor, at the Web 2.0 Expo in San Francisco this past April. I wasn’t there, but I picked up his keynote as it began flying through the tubes of the Internet within hours of its original delivery. Based on the way it was tagged, people didn’t know what to make of his theory of cognitive surplus, but I found it to be the most simplified explanation of an incredibly complex idea. It goes something like this:

In the Agrarian Age we worked from sunrise to sunset and rarely had time for anything but a quick smoke around the campfire with friends. These face-to-face conversations were our primary media option. 67

In the Industrial Age we shifted to a regimented schedule working from 9 to 5 with disposable time from 5 to 9. With this largely new resource – free time – we began to balance our active, verbal communication with more passive forms such as books and newspapers and later radio and television. The Digital Age has given us an additional asset – accessible and affordable technology. Today, more than ever, we can quickly distribute the content that we could only consume in the previous age. The active, verbal conversation of the Agrarian Age and the passive forms of media we all grew up with are now blending together. In other words, we went from largely producers to largely consumers to some freakish hybrid that straddles the fence. This phenomenon is our cultural mark on history. It was the answer to what I was looking for, and it only took Shirky ten minutes to explain it. So where’s the proof? I guess you could say it’s been building steam for years and is now surrounding us. Fashion on Threadless comes in the form of user-generated design voted on not by judges but by the end consumer. Wikipedia has proven that a group of disparate writers can produce something worth reading. Nike is no longer passively telling us to “Just Do It” but rather enabling us to track our own runs, upload them onto Nike+ and create new bonds with the larger running universe. My favorite example is the emerging musical style of sampling. Artists like Danger Mouse and Car Stereo Wars prove that disparate genres of music can be fused to create an entirely new sound. Yes, they are remixing and therefore stereotypically post-Modern, but at what point does remixing become so ubiquitous that the incorporated elements of the past can no longer be isolated from the whole? If through accessible and affordable technology musicians are able to truly blur the lines between the past and present then the Digital Age has entered the equivalent of post-Impressionism in the Modern Age. A recent (and I would consider remarkable) example of this blur effect comes to us as a rail-thin, goofy, digital savant named Greg Gillis. He is the byproduct of too much free time and affordable, accessible technology and is therefore Shirky’s theory incarnate. 68

Gillis, otherwise known as Girl Talk, has recently produced two “albums” each comprised of over 300 sampled songs from every genre to hit the radio waves in the past 50 years. It’s brilliant, scattered, and crass. There is very little rhyme or reason and not a single original note from Gillis – it is sampling purified. I believe Chris Deline of Culture Bully nailed it when he noted “the end product of [Girl Talk’s] work is a piece of music that is almost impossible to recall, a piece of music that is fresh every time it is heard because of the fact that it passes the listener by with lightning-like speed.” In a sense, Girl Talk is our Digital Age man straddling the fence between production and consumption. He rebuilds from the past so completely that what we hear is something we should only take and can only take as new. He is, at least by my account, one of the few artists that has pushed the envelope of post-Modernism so completely that we must identify his work as part of an entirely different artistic movement: Mash. No, it isn’t a new term, but Girl Talk and his contemporaries both offline and online are proving the over-generalized era of post-Modernism is now in our collective history. Besides, I can’t tolerate the irony that veils the multiple terms already proposed for this new creative era. I mean, who thought the terms post-Postmodernism and pseudo-Modernism were worthy of description? In a sense my original concern regarding the state of originality and creativity has no solution. In fact, we have never lived in a world with new layers to uncover. The heroic, Industrial artists of the previous century were merely using the resources they had at their disposal to identify – and sometimes brilliantly isolate – the layers in which we have always existed. Now, in an age comprised of seemingly endless communicative resources, a new crop of artists are fusing, twisting, rebuilding and mashing the layers of our culture into something we have never seen before but seem to recognize at least on a subconscious level. Is it new? Is it old? It no longer matters. Their work is simply heroic.

Rad Tollett, a native Texan, recently moved to Richmond, Virginia where he works as a Senior Strategic Planner for The Martin Agency.

There’$ Bling in Them

Thar $candal$ by John Flower s

L e t’s f a c e it, tele v ised c ong r e s s io na l he a r ing s a r e go ing t o b e unc ov e r ing s c a n d a ls be tween now and w hene v e r t he la s t ex- B us h o f f ic ia l d ie s. And if a ll C o n gr ess is going to do is w ha t it ’ s d o ne s o f a r – w hic h is t w id d le it s t hum b s in a titter a bout them – w hy no t i ns t e a d us e t he s e he a r ing s a s a n o p p o r t unit y t o r a ise som e dough for our c a s h- s t r a p p e d f e d e r a l f ina nc e s ?

ne w a d la nd s c a p e . T he B us h a d m inis t r a t io n ne v e r has lik ed w or ds lik e “ t im e t a ble s ” o r “ c i v il w a r ” ; t hey lik e “ t im e ho r iz o n s ” and “ci vil [anything e l s e ] ” . And t hey w ill us e t his w o r d a nd t ha t w o r d a nd any ol’ wor d they c a n s o t hey d o n’ t ha v e t o s ay t he one w o r d t ha t m a kes them sound or lo o k fo o lis h. And s o, w o uld n’ t it b e s m a r t fo r a c o m p a ny like Ro get to get a n “ in” w it h t he B us h a d m inis t r a t io n, s o t ha t d ur ing c ommittee hearings, w he n o f f ic ia ls D O ha v e t o r e a c h fo r t ha t e up he m is m , t hey alw ays r eac h fo r Ro ge t , “ T he O f f ic ia l T he s a ur us o f t he B us h Ad m inis t r at ion” ? “ M r. Se c r e t a r y, w o uld yo u c ha r a c t e r iz e t he P r e s id e nt ’ s ne w plan as a ‘ t im e t a ble ’ t o w it hd r a w fo r c e s f r o m I r a q ?”

Ho w, yo u say ? Sim ple.

“ N o, s e na t o r, I w o uld c ha r a c t e r iz e it a s a n . . . a h . . . jus t a s econd. . . ”

Pr od uct P lac em ent.

(gr a bs Ro get thesaur us, thumbs thr ough the pa ges)

We let a Sprite can in fr ont o f J i m We b b o r a Sh a r p ie in t he ha nd s o f C huc k H a ge l tr a nsla te into $ale$! $ale$! $a le $! fo r t he bus ine s s c o m m unit y a nd a s o ur c e o f r e ve nue for the feder al gove r nm e nt .

“ . . . a n . . . ‘ a ug m e nt a t io n’ o f c ur r e nt p o lic y. ”

A little - notic ed f ac t a bout B us h a d m inis t r a t io n t e s t im o ny is t hat it ha s t ur ne d out to be some damn popula r p r o g r a m m ing – t he f ir s t - e v e r r e a lit y T V s ho w fo r p olitics. Tens of m illions of Am e r ic a ns a r e d r a w n t o ne w s c a s t s a nd Yo uTub e c lips – and for hour s on end – t o w a t c h a bunc h o f p e o p le t hey m ay ne v e r ha v e hear d of, and w ho look nothing l ik e H o lly w o o d s t a r s, s q uir m fo r t he ir 1 5 m i nu t e s of f ame. Young people like it , o ld p e o p le lik e it , a n d no m a t t e r w he t he r yo u ’ r e a r e d sta ter or a blue stater, yo u e it he r w a t c h t o ha t e it o r lov e t o w a t c h it . Eit he r w ay, tha t’s a lot of people w it h a lo t o f d is p o s a ble inc o m e in o ne s p o t jus t w a it ing fo r som e luc k y c om pany w it h a dy na m it e p r o d uc t t o s e ll.

H e ll, t h a t c o uld e v e n b e t he To s t it o s P lay o f t he G a m e . M or eover, t her e’ s lik e ly t o b e a lo t o f ha r r um p hing a nd g r u m p it y g r u mping fr om people w ho “ w a nt t o ge t t o t he b o t t o m o f t hing s ” . And t ha t means the c hair man o f t he c o m m it t e e is go ing t o ha v e t o b a ng his g a v e l to call for ther e to b e o r d e r. And s o w hy c o u ld n’ t he d o t ha t b a ng ing w it h a Sear s Cr af t s m a n g a v e l?

Take Ro get’s T hesaur us as a n ex a m p le o f a bus ine s s t ha t c o ul d p r o f it f r o m t his Ima ge by Er ic C o llins Oobust.com

(hearing r oom er upts with thunder ous a pplause)

O f c o u r s e , t he r e a r e lo g is t ic s t o c o ns id e r fo r t he s ystem to wor k. For s t a r t e r s, C r a f t s m a n m a r k e t s no g a v e l. Ye t . Se c o nd a nd mor e impor tantly is ho w t his p r o d uc t p la c e m e nt w o r k s. I e nv is io n a s ystem akin to that us e d i n NASC AR a nd hi p - ho p ly r ic s, w he r e t he p la c e ment isn’ t c lose to hid d e n – t he bling is o ut t he r e fo r e v e r yo ne t o s e e . But do senator s get 71

to pic k and c hoose the pr o d uc t s s e e n ne a r t he m o r a r e t he s po t s d o le d o ut w it ho ut s p e c ia l consid e r ation? Considering t he c ur r e nt p o lit ic a l c lim a t e , I w o uld und e r s t a nd if no G O P c o n g r e ssma n w anted his pic tur e t a k e n ne a r a b ig s ig n t ha t r e a d “ B us c h” . O r (a nd f a ir is f a ir ) if during discussion of camp a ig n f ina nc e r e fo r m a nd p ublic c a m p a ig n f un d ing, B a r a c k O b a m a d idn’ t w ant to be seen anyw he r e ne a r a “ Le m o n Ple d ge ” a d . T he n a g a in, Jo hn M c C a in m ig ht like to do some business w it h w ho m e v e r m a k e s g a f f e r ’ s t a p e . Re g a r d le s s, nig g ling d e t a i ls sho uldn’ t pr ec lude us fr om t a p p ing a r e v e nue s t r e a m t ha t w o uld c o m e a t no c o s t t o t he Am e r i ca n ta xpayer. No w, a fe w good-gov er nm ent t y p e s – a lw ay s nay - s ay ing, t he s e p e o p le – w ill c la im t ha t p ut t ing business so c lose to politic s c o uld e nd up r u ining t he int e g r it y o f t he s y s t e m a nd t ha t p r o d u c t placement could sha pe cong r e s s io na l t e s t im o ny. And w hile I a d m it t ho s e p e o p le ha v e a p o int , I think suc h inf luenc e only d ir e c t s ho w, no t w he t he r, w e ge t f r o m A t o B . For instance, I could envis io n a p a id a d v e r t is e m e n t , w he r e by a Jus t ic e D e p a r t m e nt o f f ic ia l, af ter hour s of testimony on p o lit ic a lly - m o t i v a t e d hir ing s a nd f ir i ng s, lo o k s a s if h e ’ s a b o ut t o gi ve up the f ar m and e ver y W hit e H o us e o f f ic ia l w it h it . T he D e m o c r a t s, s e ns i ng v ic t o r y, le a n in for the kill, w hile spectator s hus h t o t he p o int yo u c o uld he a r a p in d r o p. And j us t a s e v e r yo n e thinks that, “Her e it is. Her e i s o ur ‘Al ex a nd e r B ut t e r f ie ld / lis t e ning d e v ic e s in t he W hit e H o us e ’ moment,” the of f icial r eac he s fo r a c o o l, r e f r e s hing b o t t le o f Ev ia n – “ T he b o t t le d w a t e r fo r p e op le w ho r em em ber w ho t he ir f r ie nd s a r e ” – t a k e s a s w ig, a nd e a s ily p a r r ie s t he c o ng r e s s ma n’s question. Admitte dly, that adds a little f a ux- d r a m a t o p r o c e e d ing s, but in t he e nd , no t hing r e a lly c ha ng es. And, fr ankly, the pote nt ia l fo r go o d o ut w e ig hs t he p o t e n t ia l fo r b a d w it h t his s y s t e m . Re me mber, this is money w e a r e t a l k ing a b o ut , no t d o - go o dy - go o d f e e l- is m s. And fo r e v e r y a d ve r tisem ent, the feder al c o f f e r s t a k e in m o r e a nd m o r e m o ney ; a nd a t a t im e w he n it c e r ta inly could use som e. In f act, in a bold sense of ir o ny, if t his s y s t e m is a d o p t e d a nd t he s e c o ng r e s s io na l h e a r ing s ar e str etc hed out long enoug h, t he n t he B us h a d m inis t r a t io n c o uld le g it im a t e ly c la im a t le a s t o ne p ositi v e de v elopm ent dur ing it s s e c o nd t e r m – it b r o ug ht us b a c k t o a s ur p lus. 72

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