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EDITOR'S NOTE RANDALL FREDERICK Need.
CREDITS Managing Editor Carmen ValdĂŠs Editor Randall Frederick Production Editor Matthew Schuler
LEGAL The SEMI is published bi-weekly as a service to the Fuller community by the Office of Student Affairs. Articles and commentaries do not necessarily reflect the views of the Fuller administration or The SEMI.
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BOOK REVIEW BY RANDY VANDEVENTER
In Not Your Mother’s Morals: How the New Sincerity is Changing Pop Culture for the Better, Jonathan D. Fitzgerald makes the case for the moral value of pop culture in its various forms. Coming from a somewhat fundamentalist Christian background that shunned popular culture as “of the devil,” and with parents who allowed him to take in more than his pastors might have liked, Fitzgerald is equipped by this mixture of sacred and secular with a healthy combination of pop culture expertise and critical insight. Through a categorical, sometimes scattered overview of pop culture from the 1950s through the present, Fitzgerald challenges
the assumption that popular television, music, etc. only serves to rot our minds. Brought about by the emergence of what he calls the “New Sincerity,” Fitzgerald shows that pop culture is indeed rife with morality. He sees in it an authenticity that stands in opposition to stark moral/social idealtypes (Leave it to Beaver) and disingenuous theatrics (80s glam-rock) of old. What really sets the New Sincerity apart, however, is the fact that it is allowing writers, musicians, and artists to tell moral stories rather than preach a particular moral code. He cites a mountainous array of material to this affect, from the untraditional yet somehow relatable Modern Family to the achingly honest musical introspections of
David Bazan. This sincerity is what invites us to engage morally, ultimately finding untraditional vehicles (hence, Not Your Mother’s, wait for it...) through which to ponder traditional values (...Morals). Many of us have long searched for a way to communicate the fact that although we may question, criticize, and/or completely reject the moral norms of generations past, we do indeed take classic American moral issues of “God, Family, and Country” seriously. Fitzgerald communicates one important arena in which this rings true
more than ever, and communicates how this New Sincerity is helping to improve what is produced in pop culture. At a mere $0.99, this book is more than worth the quick taste of the burgeoning expertise of one of Christian culture’s most savvy young critics. [Not Your Mothers Morals can be purchased on Amazon or at www.
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datingbyna
Dating at Fuller is not unlike dating in college, particularly if you went to a Christian college, or were active in InterVarsity or Campus Crusade at a public university. The Pasadena campus is small with 1,800 students; when you subtract the number of commuter students, married students, and engaged students, you wind up with quite a small dating pool. Because of the limited options on campus, many students use dating websites (eHarmony, Match.com, OkCupid) to meet people outside the bubble 004
(and, truthfully, they wind up meeting people from inside the bubble as well on these sites). Fuller has its fair share of dating horror stories. I heard from a reputable source about a theology student who broke up with his psychology student girlfriend because her boobs weren’t big enough, and consequently he wasn’t attracted to her. I also know of students who have dated four or more people during their time at Fuller, which seems like a
aomiwilson
naomi wilson Glen H. Stassen joined Fuller Seminary’s theological faculty in the winter quarter of 1997 as Lewis B. Smedes Professor of Christian Ethics. He came to Fuller with 34 years of teaching experience at Duke University, Kentucky Southern College, Berea College, and Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.
lot of dating in a short period of time. Fuller also has its fair share of success stories - students who met while they were in seminary, fell in love, and wound up getting married. Some of these students even have Fuller faculty or staff members preside at their weddings. It has been established that while dating at Fuller has the potential to be disastrous, it also has the potential to be wildly successful. All things considered, here is a general overview of the dating scene at Fuller.
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Common types of dates at Fuller:
Classifying the Fuller male:
A. The split-bill date
A. The Pseudo-Player
This is when you hang out with someone of the opposite sex, and you split the bill (or pay individually) for whatever activities occur on your date. These are the most confusing. These are the dates when you call or text your friends as soon as you get home to ask “Do you think that counted as a date?” The jury is still out as to whether these actually count as real dates.
This is the man who tries to date a lot of women, but is not always successful. Good questions to ask in order to establish if a male is a pseudo-player include “How many girls have you asked out in the past six months?” If the number is two or more, there is a strong likelihood you have encountered a pseudo-player. B. The Actual Player
B. The coffee date This is the quintessential Christian college and grad school first date. You meet for coffee, sometimes at the campus coffee shop, sometimes somewhere a little more exotic (Starbucks! Peet’s! Coffee Bean!), and you talk for an hour, or maybe two. The coffee date has its benefits. Plus number one: it’s low-key—there are almost no expectations, so if it bombs, it bombs, and it was only coffee. Plus number two: it’s noncommittal. If one person figures out that they are not interested over the course of the coffee date, it’s not a big deal. C. The repeat coffee date Sometimes a first coffee date is followed by a second or a third. As a general rule, if you have coffee with someone more than once, they are probably not that into you. D. The group hangout Sometimes dating at Fuller happens organically—a man and a woman from a circle of friends are attracted to one another, and they slowly get to know one another. They may hold hands one evening when they’re out with their group and it’s cold, and then they become an item.
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This is the man who can get all the women, and he knows it. For example, I heard from a reputable source about a male Fuller student who had three concurrent hook-up buddies who he could call. Typically, players can be spotted at 24 Hour Fitness, working on their six-packs and triceps. C. The Nerd Wait, this is everyone in seminary. Never mind. D. The Nice Guy There is arguably a higher-than-average proportion of “nice guys” at Fuller. These are the guys who make great friends and great boyfriends, but when they try to date girls, they often get friend-zoned. Consequently, they can be slow to ask girls out, because they have experienced a fair amount of rejection. And where can you find these “nice guys”? Well, they’re probably some of your closest friends at Fuller. Classifying the Fuller female: A. The Never-Been-Kissed There are a fair number of women on campus who have very little dating experience. Some women have never had a boyfriend; some have not even had their
first kiss.
have sex. But there are still people holding out for marriage. Respect that.
B. The Trouble-maker These women will flirt with one man, then turn around and date his friend. C. The Girl Next Door More like Sunday school teachers than the Playboy TV show of the same name, these women are everywhere at Fuller - often wearing TOMS and/or a scarf. A Few Dos and Don’ts DON’T blog about anyone you have dated. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least two Fuller students who have blogged about people they have dated, and it doesn’t turn out well for anyone. (Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network, anybody?) Relationships should be private; the furthest that discussion about previous relationships should go is one’s circle of friends. DO ask women out. Many of us are emerging or fully-fledged feminists, but we struggle in terms of trying to figure out how gender roles work out in terms of dating. DON’T ask people out over Facebook message. Asking people for their phone number over Facebook message is okay, though. DO date outside of Fuller, if you can. It’s helpful to interact on a more-than-friends level with people who don’t necessarily share your love of theology/psychology/ missiology. DO date people in other programs at Fuller - sometimes you just don’t feel like talking about soteriology. DON’T push your significant other’s physical boundaries. As much as I would like to pretend it doesn’t happen, Fuller students
In seminary, one of the main constraints for dating are financial concerns. Most of us are using student loans to pay tuition to help cover our living expenses, with the knowledge that we will graduate with mountains of debt, compounded by leftover loans from our undergraduate degrees, and, in some cases, our first master’s degrees. This debt makes two things difficult. First: paying for dates. It does not seem like a financially responsible decision to spend money on someone who may only be a flavor of the month. And for the male of the species, it makes it difficult to compete with the investment bankers and engineers that the female of the species meets on eHarmony. And second: if a dating relationship at Fuller leads to marriage, the debt load is doubled. I have heard of Fuller couples graduating with a combined $150,000 in school loans. Most of us are headed down career paths where we will be as poor as church mice. Would it not perhaps be wiser to marry someone with a more lucrative job? And if that is the case, is it even worth it to date people with similar debt loads? The stereotypes that pertain to the three schools at Fuller also play a role in the dating game at Fuller. Often, men use these stereotypes in order to decide whether they will pursue women. SOT women are labeled as mannish, bossy, domineering—in short, ultra-feminist bitches. SIS women are supposedly only interested in men who would be willing to live in a foreign country. It is rumored that SOP women like to party, are more fun to be around, and have a greater likelihood of being financially stable following graduation. It is not uncommon for male theology students to scope out incoming SOP women, in search of a mate whose job as a therapist will make up for his meager pastor’s salary. 007
Stereotypes as they apply to men at Fuller are less pervasive, although they still exist and to an extent, affect the dating game at Fuller. SOT males are often headed for the pastorate, so the running joke is that if you date someone who is going to be a minister that you had better enjoy his preaching. SIS males are often married, and therefore unavailable. SOP males are few and far between. And is it healthy to limit one’s potential mates based off these spurious stereotypes? Most assuredly not. It could be argued that, in fact, they are detrimental to dating at Fuller because they cause people to artificially rule out people who they could be very happy with. It is worth getting to know people for who they are, not which program they are in. So what would it look like to date in a God-honoring, healthy way at a place like Fuller, where the dating pool is so small? It starts with respect - be respectful of one another. Treat each other with kindness and understanding—for many people, seminary is the first time they’ve been able to blossom socially. Some people take longer than others to figure out how to date appropriately. When it comes to breakups, think about how it would affect you if you were the one being dumped. When you need to talk about your exes, current significant others, and potential future love interests, keep it close - you don’t want everyone on campus knowing just why you broke up with that man or womanl. And finally, clothe all of your actions in love. This is difficult, certainly, but there is a scriptural mandate for it - Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Now, go forth and date! Amanda Brown is a second-year MDiv student with a passion for children’s ministry. She loves baking, sewing, and long walks on the beach.
ETHICS IN TROUBLED TIMES With Dr. Jean Bethke Elshtain
Payton Lectures
Jan. 30-31, 2013 :: Travis Auditorium :: 10am-Noon Dr. Jean Bethke Elshtain* Lecture 1: Is there a crisis ethic? Lecture 2: The ethics of 'humanitarian intervention'...or not. *Dr. Elshtain teaches at the University of Chicago Divinity School
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Date night is like church. Though not obligatory, every week we intentionally choose to engage in a kind of sacred space that maintenances and maintains our spiritual ties and ultimately reminds us of our own belovedness. Date night, or “S+T Time,” began as an attempt to carve out a little mid-week adventure, in the midst of our busyness, to “re-member” the anatomy of our vows and to cultivate the joy we have in a life lived together. Soon “Sam+Toi Time” became “Samosas+Tea Time,” “Sushi+Tempura Time,” “Salsa+Taco Time”—or on nights when home beckons us to stay, “Sandwich+Tater Time” works just fine. The contours of date night—regardless of 010
what we call it, where we go, or what we do—are of a shape much like church liturgy, funnily enough. Date night service begins with a Meditation. I (Toi) burst through the door of our little bungalow, drop my backpack heavy laden with books, a bag with the remains of uneaten food, three sets of keys, and whatever eludes the confines of my pack onto the floor with a thud and sigh of relief. “That crazy possum is into the cat food again!” I yell to a freshly exercised and showered Sam, whom I spy being illumined by a blue digital glow in the guest room. Sam apprises me of the latest neighborhood cat drama, while our own cat circles our legs … then we pause.
ytoiperkins
“Hi.”
toi perkins Evan E. Bassett (MAT ‘14) is a firstyear student from Ithaca, NY. He hopes to eventually pursue a PhD in New Testament, but he would be glad to move back to the rural Northeast and be a carpenter.
It should be obvious that what’s really going through our minds is Ephesians 4:15–16: “But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knitted together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love.” Is that not what a good Christian relationship is all about? Alright, well, this verse may not be to you (nor to us most times) an obvious feature of our weekly Meditation, especially with the often quotidian banter that surrounds it. But, obvious or not, we show up. We enter into our time together desiring with honest hearts to “speak the truth in love.” We celebrate that we are knit together as one 011
body in Christ, and we commit ourselves— over and over again—to growing this love that we know only through God. As part of our Meditation, we decide the “order” of our date-night-church-service. “Tonight—Thursday of week ten—I really need to get crackin’ on that exegetical paper,” I (Toi) think. And I (Sam) can’t seem to ignore that my iPhone Mail app (with its glaringly evil red badge) screams at me, “You have 100 unread emails!” … “Speaking the truth in love,” we are both exhausted, feeling the weight of deadlines and heavy eyelids. Date night teeters on the brink.
conversation. And, at other times, “Look, Coney’s on the corner by Baskin Robbins! Ice-cream-and-cake, do the ice-cream-andcake!” This little ditty and the accompanied dance fills our evening with humor. Regardless of how our “service” continues to take shape, we most always—at last—arrive in that space where we find in each other: comfort, support, and forgiveness … so that what was captive can be set free. And it is from here that we approach what will be the center of our worship experience—Holy Communion. Just as a liturgy finds completion in the act of gathering around one table, sharing a
The deeper issue of evil has som a problem that the government responsibility to solve but tha has the ability to solve. “How about we take a walk and see how we feel?” I (Sam) suggest, thinking that maybe our movement will open our hearts to receive each other in grace. “Which way?” And with that, holding hands as we set off, what might have been a datenight-lost becomes “Stroll+Talk Time,” representative of the next phase of our liturgical fellowship—the Ministry of the Word. Before we even make it to Old Town, we’ve picked at the events of the week, naming our triumphs and disappointments. Traversing the landscape of hours spent apart, we share what we’ve allowed to entrap our hearts, though neither of us are always as forthcoming as we might hope. Silence, at times, overtakes our 012
meal as Christ often did with his friends, we gather—be it over tea, tacos, or taters— and we commune. We offer thanks for our (unassuming) version of the “fruit of the field and vine,” with words sometimes as simple as, “Thanks, God. Amen!” We remember Christ’s Body and the Blood of self-offering and compassion as we eat and drink—praying through this act, “that we, like Christ, may love, heal, forgive, and speak truth to all people…” starting with each other. And starting with each other, with God at our center, we find our Commission. Date night becomes both a “stop” and a “go.” We “stop” to focus steadfastly on one another in a posture of servitude - which is not easy when busy-ness is tugging at the cuff, nails need clipping, and the dishes in the sink
haven’t quite made it to the dishwasher. Yet we have committed to this because we want to be attentive to the love we share and because we consider our marriage a great commissioning. So, date night becomes a “go” as well. Together we are empowered to go forth into the world, and just as we have promised to be a vessels of love, healing, forgiveness and truth to one another, we pledge to be so to others as well. Of course, this doesn’t always happen within the parameters of date night, but we can say that we have been diligent in creating the space, diligent in our vows. In honor of our Ephesians 4 Meditation, I (Sam), in my wedding vow, decided to pick
detoxify, which is to forgive; to synthesize, which is to provide; and to produce the ingredients we [would] need to digest our inherent belovedness.” Date night is both a reminder and an opportunity for me to be a healthy liver—the lover God has made me to be. In my (Toi) vows, I committed to being a wife who cultivates a generous and loving spirit, who wants to listen...and does, who forgives and asks for forgiveness, who is committed to the friendship that Sam and I share as well as the marriage, and who is honest, true, and faithful to our bond. I promised to love Sam for all that he is and will be, to support him in his quest for
mehow become not only t considers its own at it arrogantly declares it one body part which I could promise I would always strive to be. Accordingly so, if there was one metaphoric organ to which I could commit myself, it had to be … the liver: “The liver is one that often goes unnoticed; and as with most other organs, it cannot be controlled by willful action. It simply is and functions behind the foreground, offering all that it can in accordance with the body’s needs. As referenced in Wikipedia [and yes, I quoted Wikipedia in my sacred vow], ‘The liver is a vital organ … It has a wide range of functions, which include: detoxification, protein synthesis, and the production of biochemicals necessary for digestion. The liver is necessary for survival.’ It, in essence, does the “dirty work” which, when healthy, allows the body to be what it is.” And so, in the presence of God, I committed myself to be a liver and a lover. I committed “to
truth, to comfort him in disappointments and struggles, to challenge him, and hold him accountable to his own authenticity. I vowed to be a wife who remembers when she sometimes forgets. Date night is both a reminder and an opportunity to remember what I sometimes forget. Within the anatomy of our vows lives a deep desire to stand together in the sinewy awareness that Sam and I are meant to be incorporate, grafted into this great love bone to bone, muscle to muscle. Before we were married, we sought out time together with the intention of learning each other and we rejoiced in every drop of time that the other had to give. On the other side of marriage, we covet our intentional time together no less, yet “time” is deceptive. It becomes increasingly easy to think that 013
“time” is wrapped into grocery shopping, lawn mowing, cat litter, and financial powwows. While we enjoy (for the most part) doing those things that are part of the scaffolding we’ve built in service to our marriage, the rebar in our foundation, what strengthens us most, is the intentional offering of love through time and presence wherever we find ourselves on our journey of faith and marriage. We show up - tangled in our distractions, unkempt, and spent - to the arms of another who accepts us without condition, and who compels us to love.
Sam (Fuller Staff) and Toi (MDiv ‘14) are enjoying the paradox of living in a cottage next to the freeway. Sam and Toi enjoy eating, laughing, and building useful things out of junk.
The great poet Leonard Cohen boldly claims in one of his (many) profound pieces: “Love is not a victory march, it’s a cold and it’s a
the most important thing the people of God must learn how to do is weep. broken, Hallelujah!” Date night—regardless of where we’ve been in our week and in our work—is our concerted effort to sing (or sigh) a “Hallelujah!” It’s our chance to return to that sacred space we find only in relationship. It’s that time we both open and offer ourselves in an act of thanksgiving for the opportunity to live a life that is everlearning how love. Date night comes to a close as we turn the corner to the little bungalow with a patch of grass that refuses to grow and just enough lights to make it feel like Christmas. Our prayer, as we lay our heads down on our pillows, forgiving the cat hair that seems perpetually affixed to them, is: May our trust in you, O God, untangle us from fear, binding us with an unbreakable faithfulness; that nothing within or beyond this world can separate us from love; and God bless date night. 014
Multicultural Healing is proud to host...
A Community Dialogue WITH SHARON MORGAN & TOM DEWOLF Guided conversation about the historical roots of inequality.
Friday, January 25, 2013 7:00 - 9:00 PM
Pacific Oaks College | 55 Eureka Street, Pasadena CA 91103 Parking is Free. The event is in Building 55, Room 40 All attendees must sign in with security at Building 45
Guest Speakers Tom DeWolf and Sharon Morgan (Co-authors of Gather at the Table) have traveled the U.S. facilitating trainings and dialogue around these very sensitive topics. • White Privilege and the History of the Slave Trade Do they really have any impact on our daily lives?
• Is there anything I can do about the status of racial and ethnic relations in America? • What are some ways I can facilitate dialogue around privilege, stigma, oppression, and resilience?
Everyone is welcome. If you want to attend, we want you to attend! By January 20, please RSVP to: info@multiculturalhealing.org Suggested donation is $5... No one will be turned away for lack of funds. All proceeds go toward defraying Tom and Sharon’s travel costs.
Please join us for an impactful evening!
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@multiculturalhealing
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www.multiculturalhealing.org
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WhatDuckDynastyTaughtMeAb
I’ve fallen in love with Duck Dynasty! Why have I not watched this show before? Probably because I live on the West Coast and don’t have cable, but thankfully my good friend Jess and her lovely parents took me in and introduced me to this gem. Yes, I was in love - in love within the first five minutes. First of all, the beards on these men are ridiculously awesome. I’m not a fan of facial hair in genral, but I must say that anyone would be impressed with those beauties. Second of all, though they are totally crazy, there is something seriously attractive about a country man. The camouflage, the gun shooting, the mud and four wheelers... hot. There is a confidence in those men as they take charge, shoot beavers, and come together to pray over a family meal. Call me crazy, but I will just go ahead and say it, something about those men is genuinely attractive once you look past the kind-of-gross-but-still-impressive beards. Therefore, being such a sophisticated and intelligent show, it led me and my delightful friend to contemplate men, a worthy and interesting contemplation one should say.
There are a lot of good things I could say about men, but what she and I lamented were the lack of strong men in our generation. I know the days of Beaver Cleaver are gone, and I am all for women being strong and independent - just look at my life - but I think that some men have forgotten what it means to be a real man. In my generation there aren’t many boundaries. Trust me I would know, seeing as I basically asked out my first boyfriend. I think that in the midst of Facebook, texting, and Skyping in your pajamas, my generation has forgotten what it means to step up to the plate, not just in dating, but in professional situations too. We have forgotten how to be respectful, forgotten how to have manners, and I think a lot of men have forgotten how to pursue a woman with honor and integrity. It feels like men are slowly losing the ability to be professional, to carry themselves with poise and grace, and to be strong leaders, resulting in women growing stronger with no men to match them. People ask why I haven’t dated much in my life, and the answer is that I am looking for a
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man who can lead me both spiritually and in everyday life. I am looking for a man willing to pursue me, a man who has plans for his life and who is willing to take the steps to get there. To be honest, I have met very few of those kinds of men. Of course, I won’t bitterly generalize that my whole generation is full of men that need to step up. I have known and still know some fabulous and amazing men who are great examples of what a godly man should be. But being the brutally honest person that I am, I feel it necessary to call it as I see it. My generation needs more men who are willing to provide for a family, willing to step up and ask a woman out on a date, or simply to pay for her lunch even if it isn’t a date. The world needs more gentlemen who know how to respect a woman while not putting her down as weaker or incapable. Some may say I am a contradiction, wanting to be seen as strong and capable yet expecting men to open up the door, but I see it is as the perfect middle. I believe that men can respect and honor a woman by acts of service while also respecting her intelligence, her ability, and her
character. And all of this comes from watching three episodes of a show about a family who created a duck call! The things you learn in the South!
meredith carpenter Meredith Carpenter is in her second year as a student in the MAICS program. She hails from Atlanta, Georgia and is currently trying not to plan her future. She loves to scope out deliciously cheap food in Pasadena and bake copious amounts of desserts. Check out her blog at revealingrace.blogspot.com
Long-Distanceb
Cassie and I have been dating for almost three years. While I admit it may sound cheesy, they have been the best three years of my life. We met in undergrad, at Occidental College in Eagle Rock at a Greek life function. I was an SAE, she was a Delta (a local sorority). After we met, it took me at least four months to muster the bravery to ask her on a date. During those four months, the only way I had the courage to talk to her was over Facebook chat (can’t believe she started dating me after that… very unsmooth). Because Cass is from the San Francisco area and I’m from the San Diego area, our Facebook conversations
often revolved around flirtatious SoCal vs. NoCal rivalry (sorry NoCallers, I don’t call it ‘NorCal’). From the time we became “official” in 2010 to last Oct., things were relatively easy. We were usually in the same city, with a few summer break exceptions. But after Cassie graduated from undergrad last May, she spent the summer looking for an entrylevel position to begin a career in economic analysis. After many promising interviews in California, the best offer came from Cambridge, Mass. She moved to the Boston area in Oct. ‘12. We both knew that this job
bydrewhanson
drew hanson Glen H. Stassen joined Fuller Seminary’s theological faculty in the winter quarter of 1997 as Lewis B. Smedes Professor of Christian Ethics. He came to Fuller with 34 years of teaching experience at Duke University, Kentucky Southern College, Berea College, and Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.
was the right call for her career, but what would happen to our relationship? Would the dreaded “long-distance relationship” be too much to handle? So far, our relationship had been very strong, and the preceding months had been filled with unexpected joys. But with unexpected joys have come difficulties. The move stretched our relationship in painful yet productive ways. While this long-distance aspect of our relationship has only lasted about 4 months so far, it has been filled with plenty of ups
and downs. I’ll begin with the unexpected joys. I finally believe in the cliché, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I believe it for this reason: during the time Cassie and I have been apart, we have been able to discover more about ourselves as individuals. We discussed this idea over the phone while I was preparing for this article, and the theme kept surfacing. Both Cassie and I are in our early twenties, and we are at the beginning of the roads our lives are heading down. We’ve both been thankful that this time apart has led to self-reflection and identity building, and it is this individual knowledge of ourselves that has led to an
encouragement and a reinforcement of our love for each other. We know now that we do not love each other merely out of convenience, because through individual self-reflection, we have come to know how much we truly love the other. Another unexpected joy has been the amount we’ve learned about the other. We have both seen how the other has adapted to new situations. Obviously, Cassie’s move to the East Coast necessitated much more adaptation, but she still says she learned a lot about how I’ve adapted as well. We can see where the other thrives and struggles, and we both have had to learn how to support the other’s changing emotional needs. This, we both believe, was not much of a factor when we were in the same area. There was not much major change during that time. This change has brought about obstacles and difficulties, and we have seen how the other has worked through them. In this way, we’ve found that we have learned how to support the other more effectively and lovingly.
the other process stress. Further, it has been difficult to use the other as a distraction. What I mean by this is that there are times when we need to process difficulties, and there are times when we need to be an escape for the other. Along with the lack of communication comes a greater chance for miscommunication. This has caused many of the problems we’ve experienced. When we are only able to talk late at night for half an hour or so, arguments are difficult to reconcile. The trouble is multiplied by the inability to talk for another 24 hours. Feelings marinate, and while that time usually softens both of us to reconcile, it can also cause us to fear that the other will allow it to fester. Our ability to text each other throughout helps, but as you know emotions can be mistranslated over text. This can make an argument from the previous night even worse, and our time to talk will be spent largely on reconciling. Even further, I get easily distracted on Skype or on the phone, making our virtual time together frustrating.
Through our small amount of communication due to Cassie’s long hours - it is not uncommon for her to work up to 15 hours a day when deadlines loom - and the coast-to-coast time difference, we have both come to cherish the times we are able to Skype or chat on the phone. And we constantly look forward to the next visit.
At the end of the day, the biggest difficulty has been the inability to comfort the other completely. By this I mean we are not physically present to hold the other, to dry a tear, to read the other completely. Skype and phone are great tools, but there is nothing like being physically present with a loved one to see and share their pain and their joy.
This lack of sufficient communication has also caused many problems. Simply, it is very difficult for us to process daily struggles. Struggles arise every day, and it can be painful to be unable to talk through those with the other, and even more painful to not have the ample opportunity to help
We both believe that our trust in each other is one of the keys to this long-distance relationship. We have a trust that we will stay faithful to each other, and we trust each other to spend time with the opposite sex, but it goes further than that. We trust that the love between us will continue no
matter what. We trust that when one of us messes up, the other will be able to respond, at least at some point, with grace and love, and that these problems caused by longdistance will not dampen our love for each other. We also need to trust that we both continue to make each other one of our top priorities, even when work or school become overwhelming. This has been the most difficult aspect of our trust, as it can be easy to think the other is putting so many things in front of us. While this has been a trying process, neither Cassie nor I regret the decision to continue our relationship after the move to Boston. The future is bright but unclear and I would love to move out there for a period of time while taking online courses, or take transfer units at a local seminary. But this decision will be difficult, as I have become so much more connected to the Fuller community since the move, and we do not know how long she will continue working in Boston. No matter where she or I end up in the near future, we are going to keep on keepin’ on, and pray for the best.
Drew Hanson (MDiv, ‘15) is from San Diego and is a high school ministry intern at La Canada Presbyterian. He loves deep-sea fishing, SCUBA diving and playing rugby. And long walks on the beach.
WhyIDoNotDate
Let me make a very long story as short as possible. Once upon a time, when I was four years old, I met this girl. From our first day at preschool on, it seemed as though everyone we knew, ourselves included, assumed that we were destined to end up together. After college those prophecies came true—we started dating, and did so very happily for about three and half years. She began grad school during our third year together, and went to Spain for a semester abroad that summer. While she was there, I decided to (finally) ask her to marry me. Then I thought that a surprise trip to Spain to pop the question might be fun. So I flew into Barcelona, made my way to where she was staying on
la Costa Brava—no small feat considering I don’t speak Spanish—and proposed in some fancy restaurant, overlooking a beach, at sunset. Sounds pretty romantic, right? She said “No.” Actually she laughed and asked if I was kidding, then she said no. In the long conversation that followed she went on to explain that, despite having said so countless times, she had never actually loved me, and had been hooking up with a classmate on the side for several months. After the most excruciatingly quiet car ride imaginable, with someone I had known for 21 years, we parted ways and have not spoken since.
eByLukeWarme
luke warme Glen H. Stassen joined Fuller Seminary’s theological faculty in the winter quarter of 1997 as Lewis B. Smedes Professor of Christian Ethics. He came to Fuller with 34 years of teaching experience at Duke University, Kentucky Southern College, Berea College, and Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.
Here is the good news: I was not a Christian while she and I dated. My journey back to the church, faith in God, and ultimately to seminary all began when she and I ended. It took losing her to help me begin to realize what a selfish, arrogant, greedy young man I had become. There is no easy way to learn certain lessons, and in hindsight I am eternally grateful to have been force-fed the bitter medicine I needed. Now you’re probably thinking that this answers the titular question of why I do not date—I have not yet been able to get over a very severe rejection. Of course I would be lying if I said that experience had nothing
to do with it, but more recently I’ve been hesitant for other reasons. A number of Christian young women at my former church, after hearing about my past in a vague, “I have this friend who…” type of way, indicated to me that I am what is known as ‘damaged goods.’ This means I am okay to date for a little while, but any kind of long-term commitment is out of the question. I have too much baggage, or so they told me. Moreover, they pointed out that, for me to have lost the woman I dated for such a long time is a red flag that I must have somehow been a lousy, or inadequate companion. In the conversations I have had or overheard around Fuller about dating it seems like many women feel that the single men on campus are a brood of buffoonish, socially inept nincompoops who need to “man up[1]” and start dating more aggressively. I myself am no doubt perceived by a lot of people around here as one such hapless, tongue-tied bachelor. The key word of course is “perceived.” I wanted to share a bit of my own story here because it is one among the many that remain untold while we all go about speculating, and rendering shallow caricatures of the opposite gender’s shortcomings. Now back to the question at hand: why don’t I date here at Fuller? Isn’t it about time that I follow that misguided and immature advice to “man up” and dive back into the dating pool? I am certainly not opposed to the possibility, but frankly; I have yet to meet, or more accurately gotten to know, anyone I am particularly interested in. That is not to say there is a lack of good looking, intelligent, and amiable women on campus—quite the contrary[2]. I have chosen to keep to myself up until now and take time to wrestle with a few ghosts from the past before even attempting to start a new relationship. What frustrates me as an arm’s length
observer are the myriad discrepancies between what these women say they are looking for in men, and the boys they actually spend time with. Remember that selfish, arrogant, greedy, emotionally immature younger version of myself I mentioned above? Guys like that have no trouble manning up and asking girls out. They throw on a completely fabricated façade, ask as many girls as it takes to get a “yes,” then wine and dine her and play make-believe wonderful boyfriend until the either the charade somehow falls apart or the proverbial deal is sealed. Now some female readers might be nodding and saying “Amen” at this point, but of course men would not do this as much if it did not work so consistently and incredibly well. The single women at Fuller generally seem to expect that they will hit the jackpot here: purity, maturity, and financial security. In fact, many act as though they are downright entitled to their very own virtuous and pristine Jesus loving, twenty-something, trust fund beau whose features and frame are as flawless as Sean Lowe’s[3]. Like most bachelors I suppose I could very easily lie about my past to avoid the ‘damaged goods’ demerit badge that I have been assured will likely cost me most future relationships, but one relationship built on deception has been more than enough, thanks. So instead I have sat back for the past few year and a half and watched who knows how many eligible bachelorettes either get duped into thinking they’ve found the magnificent Mr. Unicorn J. Jackpot, or continue pulling the lever over and over again as if such a creature really might exist. Some days it makes you laugh, others it might make you cry. I do not mean to discourage you female readers or disparage the men at Fuller, many of whom I admire to the point of envy. We just need to be more honest from the get-go, more realistic about our expectations, and more willing to compromise in the interest of pursuing what
is actually important in a relationship. When a woman’s standards seem unreasonably high it leaves men with two options: lie or don’t even try. Sadly, the former is far more likely than the latter. I also think women need to recognize that making sweeping generalizations about the opposite gender bothers a lot of men more than you might think. Do not assume that every guy is timid or shy because he is a spineless dolt, or tell a fellow who once had the hubris to fly halfway around the world on a moment’s notice to propose that he needs to “man up” and overcome what you see as a paucity of courage or decisiveness. Ultimately the title of this article has been a bit misleading. I have not dated at all in my time at Fuller so far, but it turns out that I am eager and anxious to start doing so. This has only recently become the case. It has taken time, and space, to heal old wounds and to start the slow process of peeling off my “damaged goods” tag. During that time many, if not all, of the single women I have hung out with have assumed a whole plethora of things about me many of which were negative or insulting, and almost none of which have been true. They wrote me off as a waste of time or a lost cause because I kept to myself and had the audacity to not immediately club them over the head and fireman carry them back to my cave and/or ask them out on a date. I have written this article using a pseudonym not only to protect my own privacy to some extent but because I know for a fact that there are other men at Fuller whose experiences are similar to my own. As the women here at Fuller continue to voice their very legitimate frustrations with the state of dating and relationships on our campus, and throughout our generation, I hope they will keep this story in mind and remember that not all men are as heartless and ignoble as you may be prone to assume.
Luke Warme is a ’13 MDiv who spends most of his afternoons trolling for babes in the School of Psychology. He also enjoys reading Arthurian mythology and watching The Bachelor with his BFFs. [1] The definition of “man up” provided by urbandictionary.com is a bit too coarse to share here but let’s just say it involves procuring a set of male genitalia so as to stop acting like female genitalia. [2] Thank you Lord! [3]Don’t know who Sean Lowe is? Ask any girl at Fuller.
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Ministry
Enrichment
Participation in Field Education’s Orientation to Theological Reflection is required for those enrolled in the first quarter of the FE501 Parttime Church Internship (FE501A), FE533 Full-time
Church Internship (FE533A), or FE500 Ministry and Leadership Practicum, for the Winter Quarter. Contact the Office of Field Education at 626.584.5387 or fielded@fuller.edu to sign up.
Field Education Chaplaincy Internships for
spring and summer ’13! The following hospital, hospice, and correctional institution chaplaincy internships* are being offered furing Spring and Summer 2013.
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Two-unit FE546 Hospital Chaplaincy internships are being offered at Glendale Adventist in Glendale, St. Joseph Medical Center in Burbank, and Providence Holy Cross in Mission Hills.
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Two-unit FE548 Hospice Chaplaincy internships are being offered through Roze Room Hospice and Mission Hospice.
3
A two-unit FE556 Correctional Institution Chaplaincy internship is being offered at Men’s Central Jail in Los Angeles (available to male students only).
These courses emphasize spiritual care training in a hospital, hospice, or correctional institution setting. Students will learn how to be present to patients and/or their families during a crisis, as well as the preliminary steps in performing a spiritual care assessment. Before registering for a chaplaincy course, interns must be interviewed and accepted by the prospective hospital, hospice, or correctional institution chaplain. Start
the process early! Depending on the site, the approval process can take from 3 to 8 weeks. Contact the Office of Field Education and Ministry Formation at 626.584.5387, or fielded@fuller.edu for more information; or visit the Field Education website, which can be accessed through the School of Theology, Field Education tab, on Portico. *These are not CPE internships. If you are looking for CPE internships, you may find that information on our Field Education website.
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CLASSIFIED Are you a tenor? love to sing? need a Tenor section leader for a great choir We are looking for a first tenor with excellent sightreading. Must be in school vocal or church music program. Thurs rehearsal 7:30 to 9:30 pm. Sundays 8:00 am to 10:45 am. (Carpool options available) Monthly stipend. Please contact Ariel Quintana mail@arielquintana.com or (818) 681-9187.
Free couples therapy! Free Couples Therapy! The School of Psychology is once again offering up to 15 free couples therapy sessions on a first-come-first-served basis for qualified adults. This opportunity will be available during the Fall, Winter and Spring quarters of the 2012-13 school year. (Couples will see a therapist during one of these quarters). All therapy will be conducted by MSMFT masters students under the direct supervision of Dr. James Furrow and Dr. Terry Hargrave. Each session will be conducted under direct video supervision. Please contact Amy Drennan in the School of Psychology at (626) 204-2009, or at amydrennan@fuller.edu to set up an intake.
Free therapy! The School of Psychology is once again offering 10 free individual therapy sessions on a first-come-first-served basis for qualified adults. This opportunity will be available during the Winter and Spring quarters of the 2012-13 school year (clients will see a therapist during one of these quarters). PhD students, under the supervision of a licensed mental health professional, provide the therapy. This is ideal for individuals going through relationship issues, life transitions, personal growth, stress, sadness, selfesteem issues, anxiety and identity issues. Contact Amy Drennan at (626) 204-2009 or amydrennan@fuller.edu.
columbia auto body
SUPPORT Group All student wives are invited to SUPPORT, the Bible study, prayer and fellowship group just for you! A warm welcome awaits. Wednesday morning 9-11 am at the Pasadena Presbyterian Church in the Gamble Lounge. Childcare is provided for children ages 0-5 years. Thursday evenings 7pm-9pm Chang Commons, Theme Room 2.No childcare provided. For more information please contact Erika Fallin efallin@gmail.com or Janna McConnell jannamcconnell@gmail.com.
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Columbia Auto Body- Quality collision repair since 1982. We work with every insurance company. Lifetime Warranty! Owned by Fuller graduate. 323-258-0565 1567 Colorado BlvdEagle Rock.
EVENTS Jan
24 10am
Jan
30 10am
Feb
13
MLK Lecture: “The Dream of Community” - Travis Auditorium Martin Luther King, Jr. Lecture. Dr. James Earl Massey is our guest lecturer. http://bit.ly/XE7fLu The lectures are free and open to the public.
winter payton lectures - travis auditorium Speaking at the Winter Payton Lectures will be Jean Bethke Elshtain, the Laura Spelman Rockefeller Professor of Social and Political Ethics in the Divinity School of the University of Chicago. The lectures are free and open to the public.
INTEGRATION SYMPOSIUM 2013 “SPEAK TO ME THAT I MAY HEAR” Held at Travis Auditorium. Dr. Marie Hoffman on CLINICAL WORK WITH EVANGELICALS IN TRANSITION. For more info, visit fuller.edu/symposium.
5 - 7pm
Feb
18
Conversation and Book Signing with Jennifer Peace “My Neighbor’s Faith - Stories of Interreligious Encounter, Growth and Transformation” Held at the De Pree Reading Room, David Allan Hubbard Library. Reception to follow.
4pm
Feb
20
Rabbis-Pastors Seminar Series: Sacred Spaces 2 Held at the First Church of the Nazarene of Pasadena.
11:30am - 2pm
Feb
22
6:30pm - 9pm
Feb
23
9am - 11:30am
The Rest of the Story with Dr. Daniel Kirk Dr. Daniel Kirk, Associate Professor of New Testament, will be giving a two-day seminar on the context of the New Testament at Centerpoint Church in Roseville, located in Northern California. The event is FREE to all Fuller students or alumni!
The Rest of the Story with Dr. Daniel Kirk Dr. Daniel Kirk, Associate Professor of New Testament, will be giving a two-day seminar on the context of the New Testament at Centerpoint Church in Roseville, located in Northern California. The event is FREE to all Fuller students or alumni!
for more event listings, visit thesemi.org and portico. 023