ADDICTION IS A GAME Giving Back: A Career in Addictions The Transformational Link to Successful Addiction Recovery: Live for More EXCERPTS from the “Getting Them Sober” SERIES YOUNG ADULTS AND EXTENDED CARE Self-defeating Behaviors Sabotage Your Recovery and Life Goals Money and Early Recovery Helping the Helpers
Marijuana CRIMES in Florida Co- Occurring Disorders can pose a Double Threat in Treatment PARENTAL ADDICTION, INVISIBLE VICTIMS AND SILENT WITNESSES What Does That Mean? Early Recovery Insight What’s It Like to be 2½ Years Sober? Back to the Basics of Recovery Guidance: Step Ten
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A LETTER FROM THE PUBLISHER Dear Readers, I welcome you to The Sober World magazine. This magazine is being directly mailed each month to anyone that has been arrested due to drugs, alcohol and petty theft in Palm Beach County. It is also distributed locally to the Palm Beach County High School Guidance offices, The Middle School Coordinators, Palm Beach County Drug Court, Broward County School Substance Abuse Expulsion Program, Broward County Court Human Resource Department and other various locations. Many petty thefts are drug related, as the addicts need for drugs causes them to take desperate measures in order to have the ability to buy their drugs. Drug addiction has reached epidemic proportions throughout the country and is steadily increasing. Florida is one of the leading States where people come from all over to obtain pharmaceutical drugs from the pain clinics that have opened everywhere. The availability of prescription narcotics is overwhelming; as parents our hands are tied because it is legal. Doctors continue writing prescriptions for drugs such as Oxycontin, and Oxycodone (which is an opiate drug and just as addictive as heroin) to young adults in their 20’s and 30’s right up to the elderly in their 70”s, thus, creating a generation of addicts. Addiction is a disease but it is the most taboo of all diseases. As family members affected by this disease, we are often too ashamed to speak to anyone about our loved ones addiction, feeling that we will be judged. We try to pass it off as a passing phase in their lives, and some people hide their head in the sand until it becomes very apparent such as through an arrest, getting thrown out of school or even worse an overdose, that we realize the true extent of their addiction. I know that many of you who are reading this now are frantic that their loved one has been arrested. No parent ever wants to see his or her child arrested or put in jail, but this may be your opportunity to save your child or loved one’s life. They are more apt to listen to you now than they were before, when whatever you said may have fallen on deaf ears. This is the point where you know your loved one needs help, but you don’t know where to begin. I have compiled this informative magazine to try to take that fear and anxiety away from you and let you know there are many options to choose from. There are Psychologists and Psychiatrists that specialize in treating people with addictions. There are Education Consultants that will work with you to figure out what your loved ones needs are and come up with the best plan for them. There are Interventionists who will hold an intervention and try to convince your loved one that they need help. There are Transport Services that will scoop up your resistant loved one (under 18 yrs. old) and bring them to the facility you have chosen. There are long term Residential Programs (sometimes a year and longer) as well as short term programs (30-90 days), there are Therapeutic Boarding Schools, Wilderness programs, Extended Living and there are Sober Living Housing where they can work, go to meetings and be accountable for staying clean. To Advertise, Call 561-910-1943
Many times a Criminal Attorney will try to work out a deal with the court to allow your child or loved one to seek treatment as an alternative to jail. I know how overwhelming this period can be for you and I urge every parent or relative of an addict to get some help for yourself. There are many groups that can help you. There is Al-Anon, Alateen (for teenagers), Families Anonymous, Nar-Anon and more. This is a disease that affects the whole family, not just the parents. These groups allow you to share your thoughts and feelings. As anonymous groups, your anonymity is protected. Anything said within those walls are not shared with anyone outside the room. You share only your first name, not your last name. This is a wonderful way for you to be able to openly convey what has been happening in your life as well as hearing other people share their stories. You will find that the faces are different but the stories are all too similar. You will also be quite surprised to see how many families are affected by drug and alcohol addiction. Addiction knows no race or religion; it affects the wealthy as well as the poor, the highly educated, old, young-IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE. This magazine is dedicated to my son Steven who graduated with top honors from University of Central Florida. He graduated with a degree in Psychology, and was going for his Masters in Applied Behavioral Therapy. He was a highly intelligent, sensitive young man who helped many people get their lives on the right course. He could have accomplished whatever he set his mind out to do. Unfortunately, after graduating from college he tried a drug that was offered to him not realizing how addictive it was and the power it would have over him. My son was 7 months clean when he relapsed and died of a drug overdose. I hope this magazine helps you find the right treatment for your loved one. They have a disease and like all diseases, you try to find the best care suited for their needs. They need help. Please don’t allow them to become a statistic. There is a website called the Brent Shapiro Foundation. Famed attorney Robert Shapiro started it in memory of his son. I urge each and every one of you to go to that website. They keep track on a daily basis of all the people that die due to drug overdoses. It will astound you. I hope you have found this magazine helpful. You may also visit us on the web at www.thesoberworld.com. Sincerely,
Patricia
Publisher Patricia@TheSoberWorld.com
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IMPORTANT HELPLINE NUMBERS 211 PALM BEACH/TREASURE COAST 211 www.211palmbeach.org FOR THE TREASURE COAST www.211treasurecoast.org FOR TEENAGERS www.teen211pbtc.org AAHOTLINE-NORTH PALM BEACH 561-655-5700 www.aa-palmbeachcounty.org AA HOTLINE- SOUTH COUNTY 561-276-4581 www.aainpalmbeach.org FLORIDA ABUSE HOTLINE 1-800-962-2873 www.dcf.state.fl.us/programs/abuse/ AL-ANON- PALM BEACH COUNTY 561-278-3481 www.southfloridaalanon.org AL-ANON- NORTH PALM BEACH 561-882-0308 www.palmbeachafg.org FAMILIES ANONYMOUS 847-294-5877 (USA) 800-736-9805 (Local) 561-236-8183 Center for Group Counseling 561-483-5300 www.groupcounseling.org CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS 561-364-5205 www.pbcoda.com COCAINE ANONYMOUS 954-779-7272 www.fla-ca.org COUNCIL ON COMPULSIVE GAMBLING 800-426-7711 www.gamblinghelp.org CRIMESTOPPERS 800-458-TIPS (8477) www.crimestopperspbc.com CRIME LINE 800-423-TIPS (8477) www.crimeline.org DEPRESSION AND MANIC DEPRESSION 954-746-2055 www.mhabroward FLORIDA DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 800-500-1119 www.fcadv.org FLORIDA HIV/AIDS HOTLINE 800-FLA-AIDS (352-2437) FLORIDA INJURY HELPLINE 800-510-5553 GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS 800-891-1740 www.ga-sfl.org and www.ga-sfl.com HEPATITUS B HOTLINE 800-891-0707 JEWISH FAMILY AND CHILD SERVICES 561-684-1991 www.jfcsonline.com LAWYER ASSISTANCE 800-282-8981 MARIJUANA ANONYMOUS 800-766-6779 www.marijuana-anonymous.org NARC ANON FLORIDA REGION 888-947-8885 www.naranonfl.org NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS-PALM BEACH 561-848-6262 www.palmcoastna.org NATIONAL RUNAWAY SWITCHBOARD 800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) www.1800runaway.org NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) www.suicidology.org ONLINE MEETING FOR MARIJUANA www.ma-online.org Ruth Rales Jewish Family Services 561-852-3333 www.ruthralesjfs.org WOMEN IN DISTRESS 954-761-1133 PALM BEACH COUNTY MEETING HALLS central house 2170 W Atlantic Ave. SW Corner of Atlantic & Congress Club Oasis 561-694-1949 Crossroads 561-278-8004 www.thecrossroadsclub.com EasY Does It 561-433-9971 The Meeting Place 561-255-9866 www.themeetingplaceinc.com The Triangle Club 561-832-1110 www.Thetriangleclubwpb.com BROWARD COUNTY MEETING HALLS 12 STEP HOUSE 954-523-4984 205 SW 23RD STREET 101 CLUB 700 SW 10TH DRIVE & DIXIE HWY LAMBDA SOUTH CLUB 954-761-9072 WWW.LAMBDASOUTH.COM POMPANO BEACH GROUP SW CORNER OF SE 2ND & FEDERAL HWY PRIDE CENTER 954-463-9005 www.pridecenterflorida.org WEST BROWARD CLUB 954-476-8290 WWW.WESTBROWARDCLUB.ORG
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Giving Back: A Career in Addictions Addiction and substance abuse affects millions of Americans, directly and indirectly. As such, the disease is a difficult and complicated one to treat. Treatment centers must work hand in hand with clients, their families, medical professionals and often law enforcement to coordinate effective treatment. Combined with a greater awareness of the disease of addiction and an increase in the sheer number of treatment facilities, there has never been a greater need for highly trained treatment professionals. An addiction certification or training can be useful for counselors and administrative employees alike. Anyone who works directly with clients should have an understanding of addiction and treatment modalities. Just as importantly, employees should have a grasp on the ethical, legal and regulatory guidelines that govern the relationships between professionals and clients. The perspective offered by formal addiction professional training can save time, money and often legal or ethical headaches. Many times, employers and addiction treatment facilities are able or willing to cover part or all of the cost of training as there is a mutual benefit to employer and employee. The employer will ultimately have a highly trained staff that can work more efficiently and autonomously. Further, regulatory concerns may be minimized by a fuller understanding of legal and ethical issues. The employee may be able to rise through the ranks more quickly and enjoy a more fulfilling career helping others. One of the many great benefits of the treatment world is that those who are in recovery can contribute significantly to a facility’s success. While training is a must, the perspective that a recovering addict can offer is unparalleled and valuable. Many facilities actively recruit from the ranks of recovering addicts. Further, a career in helping others with the same disease may even make some recovering addicts less likely to relapse as providing the education can be as therapeutic as receiving it. For more information about how you can become an addiction professional or to learn more about how formal addictions training can help your career, please visit www.addictionacademy.com. The academy is a Florida Certification Board Approved education provider offering certifications such as the CAP – Certified Addiction Counselor and CBHT - Certified Behavioral SunsetHouse Ad_Layout 1 8/17/12 Page 1education training Health Technician. The Academy also10:31 offersAM continuing programs for those who already have a professional certification.
Sunset House is a licensed, residential treatment program for men struggling with chemical dependency. We are committed to helping our men develop the skills necessary to lead sober and productive lives. Our goals are to safely and effectively transition our residents back into their communities with all of the tools necessary to maintain long-term, meaningful sobriety. Our clients are men looking for an affordable alternative to intensive inpatient treatment.
Early recovery can be a difficult experience; our program is intended to aid residents in body, mind and spirit at every step of the way. If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, call Sunset House today at 561.627.9701 or email us at darthur@sunsetrecovery.org. www.SunsetRecovery.org
Miracles DO Happen HOPE. BELIEVE. RECOVER.
A STRUCTURED, WOMEN--ONLY TRANSITIONAL HOUSING PROGRAM IN DELRAY BEACH, FLORIDA Millie Tennessee, Executive Director 561-302-9584
www.miracles-do-happen.net
To Advertise, Call 561-910-1943
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The Transformational Link to Successful Addiction Recovery: Live for More By Mike Reis
On February 7, 2010, trailing 10-6 to the Indianapolis Colts at halftime of Super Bowl XLIV, New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton made one of the gutsiest calls in Super Bowl history when he told the team that they would start the second half with an onside kick called Ambush. A role player named Chris Reis, a back-up safety and special teams player, wasn’t supposed to recover the onside kick, but when the squiggling ball bounced off the chest of a Colts player, Chris pounced on the ball—and held on for everything he was worth. His recovery changed the tenor of the game and propelled the Saints to their first Super Bowl victory—and gave their Hurricane Katrina weary fans something to cheer about. Sitting on the 25 yard line behind the Saint’s bench and watching the Super Bowl game that night in Miami was Chris’ father. His father’s life had been filled with bad choices and poor decisions, and he needed his own recovery—a recovery from his addiction to sex and alcohol. Little did both men know how that moment would change both their lives forever. I am the father of that Super Bowl hero.
The missing transformational link to successful addiction recovery isn’t just a belief in God or a higher power. If that were the case, our Live for More motto would be once again easy for anyone that believed in God or worked the third step in AA. Living for More takes surrendering your life to the will of God, and then finding your God given purpose to create a life that’s far more valuable than the addiction you chose to leave behind. In doing so, you’re able to become the man or woman God always intended you to be. To be honest, stopping an addiction or addictive behavior is easy. I know because I’ve stopped many times. The hard part is staying stopped. What I realized after a year and a half of sobriety was my life wasn’t any better. In fact, I was miserable. Why wasn’t I happy? Isn’t the goal of abstinence from any addictive substance or behavior to be happier with your life? I remember asking my therapist that very question one sunny summer afternoon while sitting on the over-stuffed floral couch in his office. When he suggested that I needed to go to more AA meetings and that he was concerned that I may relapse, I knew that was my last session. I knew there that there had to be more to my recovery beyond not drinking. I longed for joy and peace in my life.
As the son of a teenage mother and a boozing father who struggled with life, I grew up on the working class streets of Chicago. I was sexually abused and terrorized by my paternal grandmother. Around my eleventh birthday, my family decided to move to Atlanta searching for a better life. At thirteen, I started drinking and a couple of years later I discovered sex and enjoyed how alcohol numbed my emotional pain. While I was still in my teens, I married my high school sweetheart. Even the subsequent birth of two sons failed to tame my desire for sexual trysts and all-night drinking escapades. An affair with a woman I met while carousing in a bar led to the destruction of my first marriage and left my two preschool-aged sons without a father in the home.
1. Awareness
My younger son Chris was just two years old when I walked out on my family. He didn’t understand why his father had abandoned him. His mother was a strong and hardworking woman that always put the needs of her children first. Never once did she lower herself to say mean, hurtful or derogatory things about my lying or cheating ways even though such actions would have been justified. Instead she kept the door open that one day our sons would have the type of father-and-son relationship they needed. Through her strong leadership at home, Chris became a Christian in high school, and he deepened his faith during his playing days at Georgia Tech. After college, Chris eventually won a spot on the New Orleans Saints roster, and he became a Super Bowl hero with his historic recovery of that onside kick.
2. Acceptance
At this point in the article you may be asking yourself, “What does your son’s recovery of a football have to do with your recovery from sex and alcohol?” Everything! Up to that point in my life I had tried all the options ranging from AA and therapy to white knuckle will power hoping to break the cycle of my addiction, but I failed miserably each and every time. What I realized just a few short weeks after the Super Bowl was that my son and the example of his life held the missing transformational link to successful addiction recovery for me. The missing link for the type of real and lasting recovery change that I experienced can be summed up in three very simple words: Live for More In my coaching practice, I often classify a fundamental idea like Live for More under the heading of “easier said than done”. And that’s the point. It’s easy to understand but very challenging to execute, and the meaning of Live for More is different for everyone. Let’s go back to that night in Miami that changed both our lives forever. When Chris recovered that onside kick, my first thought wasn’t about the game changing impact of the moment. Instead I thought about all that Chris had to overcome in his life just to be in position to recover that kick, and I began to cry. Over 111 million viewers watched for 63 seconds as the referees untangled the mess of bodies to see what team had possession of the football, and I couldn’t help but think that no one really understood what it took for this young man to be a the bottom of that pile. His life epitomized what it means to Live for More. Living for more than himself, Chris decided at a young age to postpone immediate gratification and to live for his long term goals and dreams. He was more focused on creating a life that was far more important to him than drinking or doing drugs, partying or staying out late. I was just the opposite with my “live for today mentality”, and I was a master at lying to myself. I always found a way to justify my behavior, blame it on my past or blame it on someone else. In our book, Recovery of a Lifetime, we spend a considerable amount of time, energy and emotion detailing our personal recovery journeys. It’s not a sports book or a self-help book. It’s our story as individuals and as fatherand-son. It’s a story of hope, faith and inspiration. Living for More is the central theme in our parallel tales of recovery, but it’s a difficult concept for many people that find living a faith-based lifestyle in an ego-centric culture to be more and more daunting.
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That’s why I frequently tell my clients that the goal of recovery isn’t abstinence. The goal of recovery is to create a life you love, and what worked for me was a faith based approach built around three key principles that serve as the foundation for developing a personal system and chain of reasoning that leads to transformational change over time. The following is a brief overview of my 3A – Addiction Recovery Principles.
This principle is about gaining awareness of behaviors from past generations while exploring your current behavior to gain understanding and clarity. Was there a history of alcoholism, domestic violence, drugs, infidelity, or child abuse in your family? It isn’t enough to simply know that your family history is filled with dysfunctional behavior. In my workshops, participants are asked to answer a series of questions about their values, family behaviors past and present, their personal behavior, and faith. Awareness is the only way to clearly identify the link in the chain that needs to be broken. Once you have a high level of awareness, it’s time to move to the next principle. In a faith based approach, the acceptance principle requires you to confess your sins to God, ask for forgiveness, and then ask God to remove your desire to abuse substances or inappropriate behaviors. Then ask God to give you courage to seek out the appropriate next steps. This principle also requires you to accept total responsibility for all of your bad choices and poor decisions regardless of your past experiences or the behaviors of past generations. Accept God’s unconditional love and forgiveness regardless of what you’ve done in the past, and accept that it will take trusting in God to overcome your destructive behaviors. Finally you have to accept that you can’t do it alone. You need the help of other people in addition to God.
3. Action
After you work through the principles of awareness and acceptance, the final piece of the foundation to begin making your personal recovery of a lifetime, is action. This concept requires you to take the appropriate action steps to make real and permanent changes in your life. Get professional help from a therapist, counselor, coach or pastor. It is also critical for you to build a community of support in family, friends, church, small groups or a recovery group. Find a Bible study partner and an accountability partner. Ask for forgiveness from those you have hurt in the past and work hard to forgive yourself. Let go of your guilt and shame. Take the focus off yourself and serve others with a pure heart. Finally, you must begin to pursue God’s vision for your life. When you choose to Live for More, you will be amazed at the transformational change that will take place in your life. Not only will you live a life of purpose, peace and fulfillment, but your decision to Live for More will impact those you love for generations to come. Mike Reis is an author, speaker, and master-certified addiction recovery coach who firmly believes that it’s never too late to become the person you were intended to be. It’s his mission to inspire, encourage, and empower others to live in God’s truth and love. To learn more about his addiction recovery coaching practice visit www.ReisCoaching.com .To order a copy of his book, Recovery of a Lifetime, go to www.RecoveryofaLifetime.com.
To Advertise, Call 561-910-1943
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YOUNG ADULTS AND EXTENDED CARE Continued Treatment Programs Offer Best Chance for Long-Term Sobriety By Loretta Mooney .
You do not need to read a study to know that the number of young adults struggling with addiction is at an epidemic level. While many are working on understanding why this happens or how to prevent it, others are on the front lines treating the current population of young adult addicts. Parents feel helpless and frustrated. They may even want to give up after multiple stints in a 30-day program, but there is hope that young adults may in fact have a chance at real long-term sobriety.
Parents of young adults that are struggling with sobriety also struggle with the financial cost of extended care. Yes, true in-depth continued treatment is not cheap, but it can mean the difference between life and death.
Treatment facility professionals will usually discuss with patients and their families, the need for continued care. You may have heard them suggest extended treatment after completing the initial detox and residential program. The reason for this is results. Studies have found that completing a full continuum of care helps patients remain clean after treatment.
Many will not be able to afford the full continuum of care but it is recommended that patients receive as much treatment as possible.
Extended Care Treatment acts as a bridge between the initial residential treatment program and living independently. Extended Care is also especially helpful for people who have been in multiple treatment centers for drug addiction or alcoholism and have repeatedly relapsed. There is a tremendous benefit for everyone to participate in an extended care treatment program, but particularly for young adults in the 18 to 24 age range. Research has shown that to get the true benefits of sobriety you need at least four to six months of treatment and extended care allows a patient to get the full array of treatment services for a longer period of time. Time is your best friend in treatment. The more time you invest in your sobriety, the better your chances are at staying clean. As many young adults and parents have learned, residential treatment generally has a detox element and a stabilization period where your thoughts are beginning to become clearer. If you are in a 12 step residential program you will begin working on steps 1 and 2. During those steps you are starting to realize that you are powerless over the drug or alcohol and you are starting to see the effects it has had on your life. Right when you are beginning to think more clearly and become more grounded, your residential/initial treatment usually ends. Extended care is so important because that is where the longer-term treatment begins. In these programs people can work on all of the 12 steps. It has been found that working on the 12 steps in a residential community over a period of several months allows patients to truly understand their disease and how to handle real life struggles without using. When someone in an extended care program comes across an experience that is difficult, they can go back to their community and the therapists for support. They do not need to fail when they are tested. Young adults especially benefit from being part of a community and working the 12 steps while they continue to be educated about their disease and living a sober life. Recovery takes time and it is difficult to retrain your body to think in only a few days. There seems to be a rush to just get back to life as you know it. Too often those in recovery and their loved ones are desperate to believe they are cured. There is no cure, but with long term treatment, you will have a better chance at sobriety. For many young adults, those that do not choose to continue treatment in an extended care setting will likely relapse within a few weeks or months. When young adults and their parents make the commitment to longterm care there is a lot of confusion about sober living and extended care. Many times sober living is simply a place to live after residential treatment. There is a house mother that may randomly drug test you, but there is little in the way of true continued treatment. When you are choosing which care is best for you or your loved ones, you should be sure to find out if the extended care option you are considering involves services like therapy sessions. Extended care with treatments that are a continuation of residential inpatient programs tends to have the highest success rates. Extended care options that you may want to consider should provide a full array of services such as, family sessions, group and individual therapies and wellness education that treat the mind, body and spirit. Extended care programs that you may want to consider should offer the same in depth treatment as residential programs, but in an extended care community platform with added freedoms.
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The full plan, as many addiction professionals see it, should be detox, residential, extended care, outpatient programs and AA or NA meetings. The continuum of care doesn’t always happen but it is the most successful program of treatment for young adults that we have found.
Young adults sometimes forget that when it comes to financing extended care, you need to draw on all family members. Addiction is a family illness and it takes a family to come together and pool resources to buy someone another month in treatment. Thirty additional days in treatment is significant for someone needing recovery. The sad fact remains that it takes the average heroin addict eight times in treatment before they even begin to stop using. Just remember that even though it may seem like someone “didn’t get it,” a seed was placed in their head. Loretta Mooney is the Director of Clinical Services at Seabrook House. Seabrook House is a private CARF-Accredited drug and alcohol rehab center that offers intervention services, detox, inpatient/residential treatment, extended care treatment, outpatient/ SHARE Counseling services and family treatment programs. Seabrook House has facilities and programs in New Jersey, New York and Pennsylvania.
To Advertise, Call 561-910-1943
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EXCERPTS from the “Getting Them Sober” BOOK SERIES The following 4 excerpts follow the theme, “When we’re involved with adult alcoholics/addicts” The Sober World will be featuring excerpts from the book series over the next few months, touching on different subject matter. By Toby Rice Drews
Excerpt from the chapter titled “Deal with his arrogance!” from the book “Getting Them Sober, volume one’’ “He’s lost nine jobs in seventeen years.” “He lives with such hate inside him. All the time he tells me how he resents this and resents that. It really interferes with his work. He spends so much time doing what he wants on the job -- not following orders and even deliberately disobeying them because he thinks he knows what’s right, or because he resents the boss for having money, that he doesn’t spend his time doing his job right. When he gets told off, it increases his resentment, and then everything goes downhill real fast.” “But one of the worst times of all for me, is when after he’s lost another job -- he begins a new one. For a while, at the beginning when no one knows his game too well (he’s quite charming, you know), he starts to act like he just doesn’t need me around anymore. He gets so puffed up! So arrogant!
2. He succeeded in making her temporarily forget that he is sick- again! I asked her to think of it this way whenever he would try the I’m-the-doctor-you’re-thepatient routine again-- “Think, imagine, that he is where he belongs -- in the hospital, getting treatment for his very sick condition -- his physical and mental and spiritual illness. Then, you visit him. You’ve been peaceful for a few days, because he is away from the house.” “You walk into the room and, once again, he pretends he’s the gracious host and you’re the patient, about to be admitted to the back wards of a mental hospital.” “But he’s the one wearing the pajamas!’’
Excerpted chapter from the book “Getting Them Sober, volume 4’’ “But He Looks So Good Since We’re Separated ––– Maybe He’s Not An Alcoholic?!”
Every time a normally nice thing happens to my husband, he acts like he’s King Tut and pretends I’m just not needed around anymore!””
If the alcoholic “looks good” it doesn’t mean he or she isn’t an alcoholic!
We came up with a few guidelines that did help her feel not as emotionally smashed down again by him----
When an alcoholic or other-drug addict reaches a later stage of addiction, he or she needs alcohol or other drugs to seem normal. Their bodies are so sickened from the toxicity that they need a certain level of drug in them to not go into severe withdrawal. When they get that level of alcohol or pills into them they seem “calm” and “functional.”
1. Remember that his period of “puffed-up time” doesn’t last. It ends when his coworkers discover the “real” person underneath all the charm. It ends with the first order from an authority figure being deliberately disobeyed. The “I’ll show ‘em whose boss” behavior cannot last forever. It ends, in essence when they see he’s a trouble-maker, when he no longer can stand the strain of looking like a “nice person,” - when he drops his facade. 2. As his illness progresses, it takes a shorter amount of time for him to get arrogant. It’s just like the drinking; he gets sicker quicker. Whereas, before, it would take him several months until he would begin to experience personality changes on the job -- now, it would take only a month or so, for those terrible mood-swings to begin to emerge again. 3. Why is it such a relief to the wife when her husband can’t keep up his “act” as long as he could previously? It is usually because he is so obnoxious during all this time when things are going well for him. She is afraid people will think of her as less than she is because he looks so “terrific” and she is always so angry at him. His public image is so wonderful! She questions her own sanity --is he that terrific? She wishes so much that she could be happy for him in his new job, but his behavior cancels that possibility. 4. Remember, you’ve been conditioned to know that if it’s going to be nice for him - as long as he stays sick -- it’s going to be hell for you. 5. Just knowing that this is “typical” of many alcoholics’ behavior helps you not to feel you are rotten or crazy. Most wives of alcoholics don’t get so angry from just the drinking. It’s the related behavior that gets them mad!
Excerpt from the chapter called ’Don’t Believe “Drunk Is Fun!” from the book “Getting Them Sober, volume one’’ He’s absolutely crazy if he acts like its fun. Living with him is like living in an insane asylum- without doctors No one in the “outside world” who is not an alcoholic thinks his world is fun -- or sane! “I yelled at him last week, right after my therapy session. I told him I knew he wasn’t having any fun. I thought that would stop him from trying to hurt me with the idea that he goes out there where all the women want him, in those bars.” I was really thrown by what he said. I got so angry! He outsmarted me again! He acted like he knew what I was going to say and he knew just what to say to hook me into being afraid again. He became real serious-looking, like he was the sober one and I was the drunk. And then he started talking to me in that tone of voice I hate -- like he’s a social worker. He sure can pull that one off when he’s drunk -- and get me to react just as I would if I didn’t know he was drunk! He told me, “That’s right, honey, I’m not having fun out there. Whatever made you think otherwise? I’ve got a disease! And that’s why you’ll have to be patient!” And then he just grinned at me. I could have killed him! Not every alcoholic is like Carol’s husband. He has a college degree and was a counselor at a halfway house for adolescent boys before his drinking grew worse. But there’s one thing he does have in common with a lot of alcoholics: knowledge of manipulation skills. Let’s take a look at the dynamics of that discussion between Carol and Ted. Let’s see what really happened. Ted accomplished several things in one fell swoop: 1. He used his “social worker voice” on her, knowing it hooked into her feelings of inferiority about her own sanity.
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“Looking good” is a stage of the disease.
The problem is they can’t stay that way for long. After they drink or pilled enough to satiate the biochemical need for the drug, the calming and supposedly “normalizing” effect begins to wear off. The withdrawal sets in, and it causes an anxiety-producing after-effect that lasts longer than did the original anxiety. As the disease progresses, the calming periods get harder to attain, and the anxiety and/ or depressed moods get more difficult to shake. This cycle continues until there is sobriety --- the only way to end the merry-go-round. So, don’t confuse a seeming “calm” with thinking there’s not an addiction. It’s just a stage of the disease.
Excerpted chapter from the book “Getting Them Sober, volume 4’’ “But He’s Drinking Less Since We Separated. Can He Be Getting Better?!” Lately, since Jan and Karl separated--- Karl’s litany is to keep telling her that he “is controlling his drinking just fine.” That he “isn’t an alcoholic, like she always thought.” Jan tells me “how well he seems to be doing” --- and then tells me that he is doing bizarre things in his apartment, like putting dirty ornaments from the yard on the coffee table and thinking they look good. (This is a man who used to be impeccable.) She insists, though, that he must be better, since he told her so. But, then she adds, in an “oh, by the way” manner---- “Oh, he just got out of the hospital. His pancreas is acting up again.” Denial in the entire family is multi-layered, deep, and subtle. Jan, even though she knew the facts, did not really “hear” when she heard that his pancreas was affected. Jan knew that was a sign of his progressing alcoholism, because she lived with Karl’s telling her for years that “she was over-reactive,” which resulted in her tending to doubt herself. She believed that Karl was really getting better. What is the truth? Alcoholism develops in stages---- In the first stage; the alcoholic usually has a higher tolerance for alcohol than do other human beings. He or she can drink more and “hold their liquor.” In the next stage, the alcoholic usually can get as toxic from the alcohol as before, while drinking less of it. It just doesn’t take as much booze to get sick. Round-the-clock maintenance drinking doesn’t usually occur until the last stages of the disease. So, if your alcoholic husband or wife isn’t drinking all the time -- and therefore seemingly sometimes “controls” it ---- it’s because he or she has not yet reached that later stage of the disease. Toby Rice Drews is the author of the million-selling “Getting Them Sober’’ book series, endorsed by ‘dear Abby’, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, and Melody Beattie (author of ‘Codependent No More’). Toby trains counselors throughout the U.S. and Canada, and offers telephone consultations with families of alcoholics. Her books are available on her website http://www.GettingThemSober.com. They are also available on Kindle, The Nook, Amazon and in bookstores nationwide.
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ADDICTION IS A GAME By Jack Kelly, CAP, NLP, LHMP
Contrary to popular opinion, we’re not losing the war on drugs. Our children are. They are playing an old game, Russian roulette, with new weapons. The guns have been replaced with pills, alcohol, and illegal drugs. There is no lack of information on the number of famous people who lost the game, such as: Amy Winehouse, (alcohol) Michael Jackson, (prescription drugs), and Whitney Houston, (cocaine). You may have children, friends, or relatives who also lost the game. According to a report from the Center for Disease Control (CDC), drug overdoses killed 37,792 people in 2010, one every 19 minutes. That makes drug overdose the second leading cause of accidental death. The first is motor vehicle accidents (43,667). Deaths from overdoses were also higher than shooting deaths, which were 30,694. Putting this in perspective; imagine a major airline stating that they could accurately predict that two of their one hundred 757’s would crash each week, killing all 720 passengers on board. Would you book a flight on that airline? Not if you were sane. Yet every time an alcoholic or drug addict decides to play Russian roulette with their drug of choice, they are booking a seat on one of those planes. Like the 37,792 people who died from drug overdoses, they are willing to take the risk that their plane will be one of those that makes it to its destination. Is it really worth the risk? Deaths from prescription drug overdoses have been called the “silent epidemic.” It’s being described as the biggest man-made epidemic in the United States. So if you, your loved ones, or your clients want to become addiction survivors, there are two things that are important to remember: ONE: Addiction, left untreated, is a terminal disease. TWO: There is no future in addiction; only a regrettable past that keeps repeating itself, over and over again. Addiction is a very seductive game. In order to understand the game, you first have to understand the disease of chemical dependency. Imagine you’re a car battery. For years, you function just the way a car battery is supposed to function. Then one day, you just can’t get going, and you get to experience your first jump start. When that “juice” starts to flow, you yell, very, very loudly, something like, “Oh my God! Oh my God! I’ve never felt so good. Where has the cable man been all my life?” From that day forward, you want a jump start, every day. And you do this for years. Then one day, the cable man doesn’t show up, and you learn something new about yourself. You no longer want a jump start. You need a jump start. Without that jump start you don’t feel “normal.” You have lost the ability to feel good on your own. You are now dependent on the cable man to make you feel good, and one jump start just doesn’t do it anymore. You need a dozen jump starts – just to make it through the day. What started out as a “love affair” giving you great highs, turned into an abusive relationship where your desire for pleasure was replaced by the need to avoid the pain of withdrawal. And there was only one person who could help you get rid of that pain. The cable man! Can you relate? What do many of us do, to relieve the stress of everyday living, to feel good? We reach out for food, a pill, a drink, or illegal drugs. There are more than 150 Twelve Step Programs. Just one word separates them from each other: We admitted we were powerless over ______. But, no matter what the drug of choice, if you are a member of a Twelve Step program, everyone has the same “primary” addiction. When we experience dis-ease: anxiety, fear, stress, guilt, resentment, anger, boredom, despair, depression, loneliness, shame, etc., what’s the first thing we want to do? Get rid of our dis-ease by creating a mood altering experience. HOW DO WE CREATE A “MOOD ALTERING EXPERIENCE?” For some of us, it’s very basic, food, Overeaters Anonymous. For the more adventurous, it may be gambling on line or at the Casino, Gamblers Anonymous. For others, it can be promiscuous sex, Sex Addicts Anonymous. If we want to feed our addictive appetites twenty-four hours a day, we can of course go on line and spend the day visiting thousands of porno web sites, Cyber Sex Anonymous. But for most of us, it’s pretty simple. We simply pick up the food, pill, drink, or illegal drug to get rid of our dis-ease. There are so many people want to stop playing the game, but don’t know how. They get stuck on the Relapse Roller Coaster Ride. If your experience is like mine, getting someone on the recovery path is much easier than keeping them there. What I have learned in 37 years of sobriety, plus 10 years of conducting group and individual counseling sessions, may help you, your loved ones or clients, stay on the path. Over the last five years, I have seen more and more people who, shortly after completing treatment, relapse. Many of them come back to treatment, two and three times - in the same year. And then, there are those who don’t make it back. They die. Is there a solution? There is, but depending on how it’s presented, it can be a major obstacle for some people.
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Almost every A.A. or N.A. meeting ends with the Serenity Prayer or the Our Father. Many newcomers have a problem with “God,” and upon hearing these prayers, they assume that the Twelve Steps are some kind of religious program, and they don’t’ want to be part of any religion. To overcome this obstacle, they need a clear explanation on the difference between spirituality and religion. The following metaphors may help explain the difference. THE HOLE IN THE CENTER OF THE WHEEL The hole in the center of a wheel is what makes the wheel useful. The wheel has many spokes joining together in the central hub, but none of the spokes is as important as the emptiness in the middle. The spokes represent the many different religions. The hole in the center represents, spirituality, spiritual principles. One has to do with form, structure, content, and beliefs. The other is based on an experience which results in a “knowing” rather than a believing. The original members of A.A. understood the difference between the two. Instead of focusing their attention on what they could do to “avoid” picking up a pill, drink or drug, they tell us, “We have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience.” (A.A. Page 79) THE BANANA Another metaphor which can be used to explain the difference between spirituality and religion is a banana. Imagine peeling a banana where the skin of the banana separates into four separate pieces. Let’s say that each piece represents one of the world religions, for example: In Northern Ireland, we have the Catholics and Protestants. In Pakistan, we have Hindus and Muslims. In Croatia, we have the Catholics and Muslims. For thousands of years, they have been killing each other over the differences in their peels; completely ignoring the beauty and power of the banana, spirituality. The Twelve Steps don’t focus on the skins, they focus on the banana. It’s the banana, not the skins, that provides access to the Power that transforms cravings for pills, alcohol, or illegal drugs into cravings for courage, honesty, integrity, peace, and humility. THE EMPTY CUP The emptiness in a cup is what makes it useful for drinking. In our attempt to grow spiritually, we don’t begin by “adding” new ideas and information. We begin by “emptying” our cup of all the preconceived ideas we have about spirituality and religion. Being open minded is a crucial first step for exploring spirituality. Reading the chapter, WE AGNOSTICS, in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, is a good place to start the emptying process. Letting go of our old beliefs, habits, and ideas requires resolve and courage. It is a great challenge, to unlearn, in order to create new space within. In an attempt to keep more alcoholics and addicts from relapsing, coming back to treatment, and dying, I have done three things: ONE: Written a book. RADICAL RECOVERY: Twelve Recovery Myths – The Addiction Survivor’s Guide to the Twelve Steps. If someone buys into the myths, and the high relapse rate suggests that most do, there’s a good chance they may never get off the Relapse Roller Coaster Ride. TWO: Created a brand of holistic therapy that enables alcoholics and drug addicts to create a mood altering experience – without using pills, alcohol, or drugs. This brand of therapy is called M.I.N.E. The goal is to Motivate, Inspire, Nurture, and Empower members of all Twelve Step programs to become addiction survivors. To accomplish this goal, the therapy integrates sound, music, motivational, and vibro acoustic therapy. It’s currently being used by treatment centers in the U.S. and England. In addition to helping with addiction, the therapy has been very effective in relieving chronic pain, anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress, and depression – major triggers for relapse. THREE: Reinforcement is the mother of success. Wasn’t that how you learned your times table? I send out a daily email to treatment centers, guidance counselors, and members of Twelve Step programs. Every day, MR. SEE is there to remind us about what we need to do to maintain a healthy lifestyle. M - Meditate: For ten to twenty minutes. R - Read: The inspirational thought for the day. S - Serve: Be part of the solution; not the problem. Alleviate the suffering of others. E - Exercise: Commit 5 to 30 minutes - stretch, walk, run, do pushups or sit-ups. E - Eat Healthy. Food is a drug. It can nurture or destroy our bodies. Choose wisely. To subscribe, go to www.thelazarushouse.net Jack Kelly, CAP, NLP, LHMP is the founder of The Lazarus House, in Boca Raton, Florida. He holds certifications in the following areas: Addiction, Neuro Linguistic Programming, Trauma, and Hypnosis Therapy. He is also a Licensed HeartMath provider. He provides training for M.I.N,E., and conducts educational programs for schools, parent teacher organizations, treatment centers and prisons. He covers the myths presented in his book: RADICAL RECOVERY: Twelve Recovery Myths – The Addiction Survivor’s Guide to the Twelve Steps. Reviews of the book are available on Amazon.
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Co- Occurring Disorders can pose a Double Threat in Treatment By Ben Brafman
Dually diagnosed individuals suffer from coexisting independent disorders that require simultaneous integrated intervention to achieve the best outcomes. The general strategy is to blend recovery model notions with mental health ones. The term dual diagnosis is a general designation used to describe those indi¬viduals who suffer from co-occurring substance abuse/dependence as well as a psychotic, affective, behavioral, or severe personality disorder. People with these disorders often pose a “double” treatment challenge. Common examples of dual disorders include the combinations of major depression with cocaine addiction, alcohol addiction with anxiety disorder, polydrug addiction with schizophrenia, and borderline personality disorder with episodic polydrug abuse. Dual disorder implies two things are wrong with someone but it is well researched that a dual diagnosed individual may have more than two disorders or multiple disorders. The combination of alcohol or drug problems and psychiatric disorders vary along important dimensions, such as severity, chronicity, disability, and degree of impairment in functioning. For example, the two disorders may each be severe or mild or one may be more severe than the other. Indeed, the severity of both disorders may change over time. Levels of dis¬ability and impairment in functioning may also vary. There is no single combination of dual disorders; in fact, there is great variability among them. However, individuals with similar combinations of dual disorder are often encountered in certain treatment settings. For instance, some drug treatment programs treat a high percentage of opiateaddicted individuals with personality disorders. Individuals with schizophrenia and alcohol addiction are frequently encountered in psychiatric hospitals, mental health centers, and programs that provide treatment to homeless individu¬als. Individuals with mental disorders have an increased risk for alcohol and drug disorder, and individuals with alcohol and drug disorders have an increased risk for mental disorders. In my experience, it seems that indi¬viduals with a primary alcohol and drug diagnosis have about a 90% chance of also having a co-occurring mental health disorder. In addition, those individuals with a primary mental health disorder have about a 60%-70% chance of a co-occurring alcohol or drug disorder. Whatever percent¬age/category a dual-diagnosed individual falls into, they often experience more severe and chronic medical, social, and emotional problems because of the difficulty with having at least two disorders. Further, addiction relapse often leads to further psychiatric illness, and worsening of psychi¬atric problems often leads to addiction relapse. Therefore, relapse preven-tion must be specially designed for individuals with dual disorders. Compared with individuals who have a single disorder, individuals with dual disorder often need longer treatment, have more crises, and progress more slowly in treatment. Recovery model notions are blended with mental health ones to achieve the best outcome. Individuals with dual disorders often need longer treatment, have more crises, and progress more slowly in treatment.
According to studies funded by the National Institute on Mental Health, 10 million individuals are affected by dual disorder, 3 million individuals are affected by three disorders, and at least 1 million indi¬viduals are affected by four disorders each year. Associated with these statistics and the millions of people affected by dual disorder, the chronic relapser seems to be a population that needs more attention and care. A chronic relapser could be someone who has tried and failed many different types of substance abuse/mental health settings with varying degree of success. I have found that these types of dualdiagnosed individuals utilize a high level of defense mecha¬nisms to protect themselves from the pain of re-experiencing shame/guilt, abandonment, and loss/grief issues. The challenge is to help the individual shed their false self and allow their true selves to emerge. Keeping this in mind, professional treatment for the dual-diagnosed, chronic relapser especially in residential treatment goes beyond symptom reduction. True recovery looks at making changes for the person’s life. This may include personality traits that are a roadblock to a patient being successful, trauma-related issues, and family conflict. Because dual diagnosis individuals, especially chronic relapsers, show worse treatment adherence rates compared to those with one disorder, this issue needs to be considered and addressed early during the treatment plan phase. These individuals need to be pulled into treatment in a positive manner. Motivational enhancement and outreach efforts often help improve patients’ adherence and impact the outcome of treatment. The treatment goal is always abstinence from drugs and alcohol. In many cases, however, related to outpatient environments the mentally ill patient is not “ready” or willing to commit to total abstinence when first admitted to treatment. In these cases empirical evidence indicates that these patients respond positively when early treatment goals are harm reduction while using motivational interviewing to increase the possibility of accepting abstinence as the preferred goal. It is also essen-tial, especially early in treatment, to identify relapse behaviors leading up to using to change the negative outcome. Along with motivational enhancement, educational and persuasion groups appear effective with this difficult population. In summary, the patient with co-occurring disorders presents a clini¬cal challenge. They challenge treatment centers’ clinical skills, toler¬ance, and ability to truly individualize treatment to meet patients’ needs. However, when the clinical team is up to the task and provides good individualized therapy, explores and helps develop insight, and is motivated to action and commitment the difficult patient often commits to abstinence and successfully completes treatment. Ben Brafman is Owner-President-Leader of Destination Hope Addiction Treatment, Sylvia Brafman Mental Health Center, The Academy for Addiction Professionals and Guardian Behavioral Health Foundation. Ben is a published author, motivational speaker and highly successful Entrepreneur in the Behavioral Health Industry. Ben can be reached at 954- 771 2091 or bbrafman@destiantionhope.net
Money and Early Recovery By Eric Dresdale
Sobriety is not just about staying away from our addiction of choice. It involves an entire shift in the way we think and live. Many people overlook the importance of the outside factors that contribute to a person’s growth and maturity in early recovery. One of the most important and often ignored components that affect everyone’s life is money. The majority of people I have met never developed any money management skills. If they did have them at one time, such as myself, the practical skills they gained over the years were erased by their addiction. Often times when somebody has just come off a run they are faced with feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy and are extremely uncomfortable within themselves. It has been my experience that I turn to impulsive and compulsive spending to try and provide myself with tangible goods and services to make me feel more comfortable and in control. Many people I know have identified impulsive and compulsive spending to be a primary indicator of relapse behavior. Much like the highs I got in my addiction, the allure of those comforts would quickly fade and I would have to go out and spend more money. While I may not have been using, I was essentially living the same way I was in the heat of my addiction. That’s why learning financial responsibility is so important. It forces us to address and change the behaviors and habits that existed in our addictions so we can ultimately grow and be a productive member of society. Below are some important basics to know when thinking about money management and financial responsibility: 1. Determine Needs vs. Wants and Create A Budget: As somebody who struggled from addiction I developed the mentality of “I want what I want when I want it.” This is a very distorted way of thinking. It is critical that people sit down and think about what they need and not what they want. Here’s an example: People need food, but people want to eat out because it is easier… going grocery shopping and making food at home is cheaper. Once a person figures out what they need they should then create a weekly or monthly budget for each category (e.g. gas, toiletries, food). Without having goals, a person has nothing to strive for.
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2. Set A Schedule: Early recovery is all about creating schedules and structure. It is important to pick a day of the week to go grocery shopping and stick to it. In my experience, when I didn’t have a date and time planned I often found good reasons not to go because something else came up. 3. Make Bulk Purchases: When I was in active addiction I lived from dollar to dollar. I didn’t care about saving money for the future. One of the toughest psychological hurdles I had to overcome was making bulk purchases. It was extremely scary to spend a large sum of money at once. However, once I realized how much money I was saving by doing so, it was easier to overcome. Many people pay a premium by making individual purchases and are losing a significant amount of money every day, week, and month that could be put towards doing something else they like to do. 4. Develop A Reward System for Yourself: As a person with an addictive personality, it is sometimes hard for me to see the benefits of what I am doing now for the future. That’s why I think it is important to create a small reward system for myself if I stick to my budget, and I am saving money. A small reward could be taking a small percentage of the money I saved that month and using it towards a meal I enjoy at a restaurant. A little self-indulgence is important, and it is a good reminder that great things will come if I continue to live responsibly. I want to finish this by expressing my concern for having cash-in-hand early in recovery. As I stated earlier, recovery is about eliminating maladaptive habits from my addiction. Having cash provided me the ability to easily get whatever I wanted and satisfy the obsession instantly. I don’t make the point blank declaration that cash is a trigger for everyone, but by eliminating cash you are delaying the instant gratification, allowing more time to think about the consequence and deter acting on the immediate desire. Eric Dresdale is a 29 year old recovering addict. Eric is the co-founder of the Next Step Prepaid MasterCard program
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Self-defeating Behaviors Sabotage Your Recovery and Life Goals By Marilyn L Davis
Most individuals are aware that a relapse from using drugs or alcohol will only complicate their lives, devastate their loved ones, and cause them to be unable to accomplish their goals in their recovery. But how much effort have you put into discovering your other self-defeating behaviors that produce the same negative or unwanted outcomes? What are Self-defeating Behaviors Self-defeating behaviors are any behavior that you can realistically foresee giving you unwanted consequences, a behavior that prevents you from actualizing your goals or sub-goals, or guarantees that you will harm yourself in the end. Patterns of Self-defeating Behaviors Say you had an opportunity to be a cheerleader or play sports in high school. These activities would have given you exercise, a social network, and perhaps even some prestige at school. Yet, both of these would have required that you practice, be on time for the practice, show up for the games, and give up sitting with your friends in the stadium. Instead of the doing the work required, you procrastinated and showed up late for practice. You assumed you were good enough that people would not comment on you being late. You were conceited and arrogant enough to think that you could just follow the moves of the cheerleaders or instinctively know a game play and be okay. These actions and attitudes were not okay and you were put on probation – either show improvement or be dropped. You followed the notice to improve and were doing better until you got jealous seeing your friends in the stadium and so you quit. As you can see in the example, there are several attitudes, actions, and feelings going on that created the missed opportunity.
Arrogance may have cost you jobs, which may or may not cost you loss of income; or the consequence may be that your family is homeless. This in turn may have meant that your spouse packed up the children and moved out, creating more difficulties. This domino effect of bad things happening one right after the other can be because you continue to operate from character defects and negative aspects or self-defeating behaviors even with negative outcomes. Changing in Recovery: Alternatives to Self-defeating Behaviors There are many changes that occur in recovery; one of them can be to spend some time assessing your self-defeating behaviors and finding alternative attitudes and behaviors that can improve your life, above and beyond not using. Making a table is an easy exercise (See Below). Simply use notebook paper, create your columns and make a list of the Self-defeating Behaviors, choices, and habits you currently operate from that prevent you from realizing your goals and enhancing your recovery. Then determine what New Thought, Behavior or Action will help you move towards becoming the person you want to be; how these would help you accomplish your goals, and how these new choices will reinforce your recovery. When you Project Your Outcomes and Benefits, you can determine in your Actual Results column if they were realistic to being with and if not, then modify your projections; don’t just quit changing your Self-defeating behaviors. Let this opportunity to evaluate your self-defeating behaviors be the beginning of changing them. Marilyn L Davis, Certified Addiction Recovery Empowerment Specialist Author: Therapeutic Integrated Educational Recovery System (TIERS) an integrated curriculum for recovery. MDavisatTIERS@aol.com
Repeated Sabotaging Attitudes and Feelings Once you start to isolate your own individual Self-Defeating Behaviors, you will notice a pattern. Let us assume that you continued to be arrogant and think that your way is always right, or you do not like people telling you what to do. The table demonstrates some Self-defeating Behaviors and the alternative Self-defeating Thoughts, Behaviors, or Actions Arrogance
New Thought, Behavior or Action Humility
Irresponsible
Accountable
Self-pity
Gratitude
Being thankful for lessons, learning from the obstacles, and not presenting as a victim
Unique Argumentative
Relating to Others Willing to listen to others
While I am distinctive, I am not superior or inferior to others Learning to listen to more than my own limited perspective means I can be open to suggestions that can help me realize my goals
Careless
Mindful
Paying attention to time, commitments, and responsibilities means I can accomplish more in my life and get better outcomes
Defiant
Compliant
Meeting requirements, either from others or those I have established for myself will improve my life
Procrastination
Stop finding excuses or distractions and take care of my responsibilities
I can quit trying to get things perfect and do something towards my goals every day in a timely manner
“I’m afraid to make changes”
Then things will stay the same and I don’t like the way they are; use the “risk taking side of me” for a better outcome
I can overcome this fear by asking knowledgeable people how they overcame their fear; what’s the best way to accomplish what I’m trying to do, or just use the courage that I used in my use in my recovery for a better outcome
“I usually take on too much and accomplish nothing”
I need to pare down my expectations to something realistic
I’ll manage my time more wisely, setting up sub-goals and incrementally accomplishing more in the long run.
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Projected Outcomes and Benefits New awareness and realization that I don’t know everything; getting other’s input means I have more resources to accomplish my goals Commit to doing what I say I will or won’t do; gain more trust from others, accomplish more
Actual Outcome
Helping the Helpers
Treatment program targets needs of recovering law enforcement, firefighters, emergency services and corrections officers. By Terry Marvin It’s easy to understand why public safety workers are among some of the country’s highest populations with substance abuse, divorce, family dysfunction, depression and suicide. Dealing with the suffering and tragedy of others is as challenging as it is rewarding, which is why so many of the men and women who work as law enforcement officers, firefighters, emergency services and corrections officers find themselves turning to alcohol and drugs as a means of coping. It’s also the reason why it is vital for treatment centers to offer a program designed for this population — a program that marries state-of-the-art addiction treatment with the understanding of these clients’ unique needs and struggles. Remember, these are people who solve problems; they’re not supposed to have problems. For this reason the stigma of addiction is an enormous obstacle. It’s also the reason why a specialized program where they can be supported by public safety colleagues who understand the challenges is invaluable — including being introduced to weekly AA and NA meetings devoted exclusively to law enforcement, firefighters, emergency services and corrections officers. In this way, recovery becomes a point of empowerment through which they build a strong recovery program and powerful and lasting alliances. However, the recovery process cannot end here. It is essential to work with all facets of that client’s work and home life to ensure an optimal treatment outcome. For that reason our Family Program is overseen by a veteran law enforcement worker who has firsthand experience with substance abuse and its effect on the family, and who provides support and assistance throughout the entire treatment process. Following treatment, an intensive aftercare program and follow up network help ensure stable reintegration into the client’s workplace and home life. Terry Marvin is Program Director for The Recovery Team in North Palm Beach, FL where he brings a diverse background of strong leadership and management, which includes more than 30 years’ experience in law enforcement. He is a certified police officer in the State of Florida and has completed his education hours toward his CAP certification. www.recoveryteam.org
We Can Help Intervention • Detox • Day Treatment Intensive Outpatient Treatment Dual Diagnosis • Aftercare Program Family Program • Alumni Program
800-817-1247
www.recoveryteam.org
450 Northlake Blvd., #11 • North Palm Beach, FL 33408
Insomniac K.J. Foster
Rain drops fall outside my window Swaying trees loom against the sky Listening to the peaceful melody Another day quickly passes by Why does my mind keep racing Gripping images as they flow Clarity keeps escaping me It’s a mystery I should know Who to trust, which way to go The ever changing characters in a one-man show Laying out the cards to see What is meant to be If it were up to me Everyone would be free from pain Despair would not exist Whatever mistakes were made Could easily be fixed But that is not this life at all Every child has to fall Every person has their special call To peace and harmony Pain is everywhere I turn There is so much more for me to learn Many days and years I pray will follow No matter what the challenges or sorrows Raindrops linger till the dawn Humming lyrics to my favorite song Waiting for sleep to come along As the days continue to flow on and on To a more beautiful tomorrow Created March 19, 2009
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PARENTAL ADDICTION, INVISIBLE VICTIMS AND SILENT WITNESSES By Antoinette Amos
One of my most vivid childhood memories is from when I was about 9 years old and planned to meet my friend at the roller skating rink. I knew that day was going to be a disaster because my mother started drinking very early. Already having too much to drink, she then, in my presence asked a friend for some “T”. To this day I still don’t know what “T” is, but I do know that whenever she took it she would get extremely high. On the way to the skating rink, my mother decided to stop at my father’s house. My mother asked the woman on the porch next door, who was a friend of hers, for her gun. As we entered my father’s house I felt this incredible pain in my chest. I was fearful of what she was going to do. My mother insisted that my father sit down and listen to me. Of course I was shocked, as I had nothing to say. I just wanted to go skating. As she screamed at both of us, she put her hand in her jacket pocket. My chest became heavier and my stomach began to hurt. I was so scared that she was going to shoot my father right in front of me. She was screaming at me, “Tell him how you feel”. I started to talk really fast as I remembered a conversation that I had with her weeks prior about being sad that my father and I were not as close as we used to be. I was terrified and crying uncontrollably as I tried to get my words out. I think I blacked out at some point because I don’t remember anything else until we got back to the car. She told me to get in the car, but she was in no shape to drive. I argued and pleaded with her not to make me go skating. I tried everything to avoid getting in the car with her. Eventually I got in. I had no other choice. At this point, I was thinking, “I’m going to die regardless”! She’s either going to kill me for not listening to her, or she was going to kill me when she crashes the car. The skating rink was just about a half a mile away. I remember praying as hard as I possibly could; “GOD please let us make it!” We were going too fast! She took the short cut through thru the alley. As she made the left turn, she didn’t turn enough and we headed straight towards the back wall of the supermarket. In a panic, I grab the wheel and tried to turn it, but I couldn’t turn it all the way. Bang! The front passenger side of the car hit the wall. The sound of the crash was deafening. Then there was silence. I looked over at her slowly. Her head was bleeding, but she seemed to be ok. She was so disoriented that she didn’t move or say a word. The front of the car was smoking and I still feared for my life. I yelled for her to get out of the car, but she wouldn’t move. My door was jammed. I climbed over her and got out. No one was around! I stood outside of the car for a few minutes not knowing what to do. I then saw a boy on a bike that I knew. I asked him to go tell my father what happened. It seemed like forever, but my father eventually came. My mother now as alert as she could be given her intoxicated state, told my father to take me to the skating rink. I had glass in my hair and all of these little cuts on my arm. I again found myself pleading, now with both of them, not to make me go. Cut, traumatized and an emotional wreck, I did what I was told and went skating. I was a child with no authority, no voice and no one to speak for me. This is one of many times when I felt invisible and unimportant as a child. I was trapped in a life controlled by a substance abuser and the accompanying narcissism. Even though I failed, I believe that was the day that I became my own child advocate. I often wondered why no one else attempted to save me. My mother’s drug and alcohol abuse, and related risk to me were clearly evident, yet everyone pretended not to notice. How did my father and so many others allow me to be put in harm’s way and remain silent bystanders? I learned early in life that it was best for me to be quiet and unassuming. I was always a respectful child but, it dawned on me that day that no one was going to speak on my behalf and that I had to find my own voice; thus, resulting in my struggle with the respect due a parent versus the honesty due an addict.
these children in addressing the guilt, shame, ambivalence, confusion, fear, insecurity, and the numerous other associated ills that may exist as a result of parental substance abuse. We must not stand by as silent witnesses to the issues faced by these children hoping that they will be ok. Social Workers, School Counselors, Child Protective Workers, friends, and family members must notice these children, take a stand and provide not only a voice but, consistent and reliable support with true compassion and empathy. In addition to role models and a strong support system, journaling and writing poetry also played a significant role in my self-healing and subsequent success. I leave you with a poem from my book; Messages from the Hearts of Children on High: A collection of poems reflecting the feelings of children of substance abusers. Antoinette Amos is a Parent Coach, Motivational Speaker, Trainer, award winning poet, and author of “Messages from the Hearts of Children on High: A Collection of Poems Reflecting the Feelings of Children of Substance Abusers”. In combination with her 20 + years of professional experience working with children and families, Antoinette uses her personal story of grace to train professionals, encourage/motivate youth, and coach parents. To contact Antoinette email her at Toni810@yahoo.com.
Victim You say it’s your problem, You don’t care what others say. You’re only hurting yourself When you get that way. As the child of a user This is what I know to be true, I am more of a victim Of your drug abuse than you. At least you get to pass out, Or get too high to care While involuntarily I stand, Fully aware. At least you can’t see clear enough To notice the stares. Nor do you notice It’s too much for your child to bear. You escape the embarrassment Of your stumbles and falls, Each time I catch you, But you can’t recall. At least you’re deaf To the whispers of others. While I hear the rumors Spread amongst my friends’ mothers.
Even though my screams for help were silent to, or ignored by those around me, GOD heard me! I’ve always thought that GOD must have assigned me a personal guardian angel because my mother’s substance abuse placed me in many situations that were potentially devastating. So many children suffer damage, often irreversible, as a result of parental substance abuse. These children model their parents’ behavior, become victims at the hands of their parents’ associates, end up in foster care, have babies while they themselves are still babies, make self destructive decisions and so on. Although I too suffered consequences as a result of parental substance abuse as a child, I am one of the lucky ones! I was able to end that which could have resulted in negative generational effects. I used my experiences for my benefit and that of others. With the help of great mentors and role models (some whom did not know that they even were), I was provided with positive examples from which I designed the person that I aspired to become.
You have tantrums When you don’t get your way. Then, “don’t treat me like a child” You say.
I have now been a child advocate for over half of my life. It is my mission to be a role model for other children of substance/alcohol abusers to show them that they are not alone in their struggle and don’t have to live their lives as victims of their parents’ past. I have worked in the field of human services for 23 years with children and families. Over the years I have heard the voices of children who have suffered and continue to suffer the tribulations of their parents’ substance abuse. I found that the stories of these children are eerily similar. Parental substance abuse is an equal opportunity offender and the effects span across racial, gender, sociological and economical divides. I feel that I have a calling to be a child advocate and a reliable voice for abused, neglected and maltreated children everywhere, particularly those affected by parental substance abuse. As a parent coach, professional trainer, youth motivator and author I use any platform available to speak on behalf of children affected by parental alcohol and/or substance abuse and to bring illumination to their feelings and experiences.
You nod off In the most inappropriate places. While I cry and hang my head Each time I realize you’re wasted.
We can’t heal that which we don’t acknowledge! Many children of substance and/or alcohol addicted parents don’t have the voices, strength or developmental skills to address their parents’ addiction alone. Parental addiction is typically addressed by professionals, family members and parents with the naive notion that the children will receive positive consequences as a result of the adult receiving successful treatment, and thus, they themselves healed. I have found that even when a parent is in recovery, the children continue to suffer from the unresolved issues of their parents’ substance and/or alcohol abuse. Those on the outside looking in must understand that parental treatment and/or recovery is not sufficient alone to address the needs of the children. Some children of substance abusers draw on their own strengths and resiliency; however, others don’t know how and need the support of those around them. We must assist
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You get mad at the world And curse everyone out. I keep my composure, My scream won’t come out. As the child of a user, This is what I know to be true, I am more of a victim Of your drug abuse than you.
You’re oblivious to the fact That you slur your words when you talk, And it breaks my heart To watch you stagger as you walk. You lie With almost every word you speak. And then demand That I your secrets keep. You never do what you say you will, Or show up where you’re supposed to be. So I make up excuses And take on your responsibilities. Don’t you see? I am more of a victim Of your drug abuse Than you will ever be!
A FAMILY IN CRISIS... DIVINE INTERVENTION COULD MAKE THE DIFFERENCE
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Addiction Is A Family Affair And The Family Member You Save Maybe Your Own! By John Giordano, DHL, MAC
Motivation comes in many forms. For me, it was the pain of watching my son deal with addiction. He over-dosed twice before he was old enough to drive and then tried to hang himself. Watching a son try to end his life is enough to break any father. But instead, I used the pain as incentive to start the not-for-profit Holistic Counseling Services Inc. (HCSI) to help raise funding for insolvent local teens and adults who are fighting addiction while bringing together the most notable authorities in addiction from around the world to help develop cuttingedge evidenced-based therapies to improve outcomes. On Saturday, April 20th, beginning at 6:30 pm I’ll be hosting the HCSI 2nd Annual Gift of Life Gala along with George Hamilton, the honorary gala chair. Alana Stewart, Richie Supa (Aerosmith), Marvin Jones (New York Jets), Vivica Fox (Independence Day, Kill Bill), Cory Hardrict (Gran Torino, Warm Bodies), and an array of other celebrities have joined together to help us raise awareness and funding for insolvent local teens and adults who are fighting addiction. The gala, including a silent auction, is open to the public and will be held at the Vizcaya Museum in Miami, Florida. Benefits from the event will go towards treatment for financially strapped teens and adults suffering from addiction through the HCSI. ORG. The campaign goal is to raise over $2.0 million. Please join us in helping save precious lives. Holistic Counseling Services Inc. (HCSI) – Where Science Meets Addiction – is a Miami based non-profit created to provide support and funding to financially strapped teens and adults in dire need of addiction treatment while educating the public to addiction prevention. Through your generous donations we’ve been able to exceed our goals. Last year we were able to provide ten individuals with the treatment they so desperately needed. As of our last follow-up, all of these people are clean and sober. It’s quite a testament to HCSI’s efforts and the quality treatment they received. Our local outreach has significantly improved by partnering with synergistic groups and organizations, such as Rockers In Recovery, ITC Tennis and the police department. In doing so were able to reach masses previously unobtainable by us. Through our national and international outreach, we were able to share new cutting edge evidenced-based and scientifically-proven modalities through keynote speakerships at six national addiction treatment conventions last year. In March we were represented at the 1st International Conference on Behavioral Addictions with a keynote speakership. Your generous donations are saving lives and making a difference in the awareness, prevention and treatment of addiction. Because of you’re generosity, we’ve recruited the most notable authorities in addiction from around the world to help develop cutting-edge evidencedbased therapies to improve outcomes including our chief science officer, world renowned geneticist Dr. Kenneth Blum, discoverer of the addiction/alcohol gene. Well known and respected researcher Dr. Steven Schoenthaler – 1991 Nomination for Nobel Laureate – expertise in nutrition; Dr. Paul Harch, author of ‘The Oxygen Revolution’ who has testified before congress on the efficacy of
oxygen as a medicine are just a few of the many distinguished contributors to HSCI. Together we are changing the way treatment is done. 2nd Annual “Gift of Life” Gala Saturday, April 20th 6:30 pm – 12 Mid, Vizcaya Museum • 3251 S Miami Ave • Miami, Florida Tickets start at $150.00/person and are available in advance on our website hcsigala.org and on the day of the event at the door. Zazz Events will be spinning all the popular music in sync with the Liquid Laser Light show. There will be a salute to several “trailblazers” - - committed individuals who have helped the foundation expand its work in the community. “Each donor will play a significant role in the creation of a scholarship in their name, and are therefore shareholders in our achievement” says Master of Ceremonies, John Giordano. A silent & live auction will be conducted with novel items such as: • Eric Clapton Signed Guitar • Rolling Stones Signed Guitar • Bruce Springsteen Signed Guitar • 2013 American Music Award Tickets • 2013 Emmy Tickets • 2013 Kentucky Derby Tickets • 2013 LA Film Festival Tickets • Dubai Dream Car Experience • 2013 Las Vegas Kobalt Race Tickets • Tuscany Adventure (Private Farmhouse) • Sommelier Wine & Cheese (Napa w/3 night stay at Fairmont Hotel & Airfare for 2) • Luxury Vietnam Six Senses Yoga Retreat Package • Bonefish Fly-fishing in the Bahamas • US Open Golf Premium Trophy Club Package at Merion Golf Club • Fighter Pilot for a Day for 1- with Airfare and a 4 Nights Hotel Stay at Participating Hyatt Hotels for (2) • Signed Dan Marino Miami Dolphins Helmet & Jersey • Jewelry, Sport Memorabilia and much more. For more information on the 2nd Annual Gift of Life Gala please contact: Michael Bruscino Jr., Assistant Director of HCSI Cell: 516.236.0152 • Office: 888.755.HCSI (4274) Site: www.h-c-s-i.org • Email: hope@ h-c-s-i.org John Giordano PhD. DHL, MAC is a counselor, President and Co-Founder of G & G Holistic Addiction Treatment Center in North Miami Beach and Chaplain of the North Miami Police Department. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to call John directly at 305-945-8384. Also for the latest development in cutting-edge treatment check out his website: www.holisticaddictioninfo.com
What Does That Mean? Early Recovery Insight By Alison Smela
Recovery is the most overwhelming experience I’ve ever had. Whether in a meeting room of complete strangers or in a treatment center learning to live among people of all backgrounds, the fear and uncertainty I dealt with was extraordinary. I remember doing my best to participate in conversations with others yet never fully understanding all this recovery stuff they were talking about.
I believed I’d be far more comfortable in the privacy of my own home, fully vested in a self-help program. I had yet to understand the process of recovery requires hearing other people share their insight and experience in addition to the written word. The problem was I didn’t want to share mine. If I did, I’d have to reveal the woman I truly was, a woman in desperate need of refining.
People kept repeating certain words and phrases which they said were “suggestions” yet I had no idea how to piece them together to make sense. I just wanted someone to tell me, in very simple terms, how to keep from taking a drink. There were countless moments I wanted to yell out, “STOP! This is too much. Just tell me how I’m supposed to get through the next hour without wanting to have a drink!”
I was told to go to meetings so I did. Upon entering, I’d scan the room identifying certain men and women as “cool” because they appeared to have an assuredness about them which I immediately envied. I wanted what they had. I wanted to appear “cool” enough to claim a seat next to them. Yet deep down, I felt like I didn’t have the secret code they shared so I couldn’t possibly fit in. Was I expected to speak up, and if so, what was I supposed to say? I was utterly terrified I’d be required to tell them how much I drank, how little I remembered and how much I’d lied.
I assumed there has to be a “how to” somewhere. After all, this idea of recovery has been around for a really long time. I was given a book and told to read the first several pages, preferably with intention. I didn’t take that advice. I looked at the table of contents, flew open the chapter identified as how this whole thing works only to find the pages did not contain how I was to get through the day without having a glass of wine or ten; how I was supposed to handle a social function, business dinner or when the clock struck “happy hour.” After assuring I had done my due diligence, making sure I had given the book a thorough read, I wanted to throw that damn book out the window. I was really angry because I didn’t find what I was hoping to. As long as I’m putting all my cards on the table, I really wasn’t all that thrilled about being in a group setting to talk about all this. I didn’t know these people. I didn’t want to have to reveal every little internal thought and feeling I had in front of a total strangers. Are you kidding me? No way! What I really wanted was the “at-homestudy” course.
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My fears were eliminated as soon as the person leading the meeting said anyone could talk, but certainly not a requirement. I don’t know how long I had been holding my breath but at that moment, I finally exhaled. Over time I came to understand the option to share personal information is completely up to me and once I figured that out, I felt a real connection to every other person in the room. The more meetings I attended the more I heard answers to the questions I had asked in silence for years before admitting I needed help. I was rather astonished to find these answers were rather consistently being provided by the very same people I’d perceived to be at peace with themselves and those around them. I wanted what they had; a life that made sense because at the time, my life didn’t make any sense at all.
Continued on page 26
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The facts about Marijuana in Florida By Myles B. Schlam, J.D., CAP/CCJAP
Marijuana Crimes in Florida: Marijuana laws are changing and evolving nationwide, but there are still severe penalties for marijuana possession in Florida. All charges related to pot, weed, bud, chronic, cannabis, hydro, ganja, and hash must be taken seriously. Anyone facing marijuana-related charges in Florida would be well advised to discuss his or her legal rights and options with an experienced criminal defense attorney. Florida Marijuana Charges There are many different types of charges that can result from marijuana possession. Common marijuana charges in Florida include the following: • • • • •
Simple marijuana possession Felony marijuana possession The manufacturing or cultivation of marijuana Trafficking of marijuana Possession of drug paraphernalia
The Severe Consequences of Marijuana Convictions It’s easy to assume that possessing a small amount of marijuana is not a big deal. This is a dangerous and inaccurate assumption. In Florida, individuals can face up to one year of jail time for possessing 20 grams or less of marijuana. A misdemeanor possession conviction also comes with a fine of up to $1,000 and a two-year potential license suspension. Possession of more than 20 grams is a felony that could result in up to five years of jail time. The sale of marijuana is a serious offense as well. Intending to distribute 20 grams or less of marijuana without remuneration is a misdemeanor punishable by one year of incarceration and a $1,000 fine. Selling 25 pounds or less of marijuana is a felony that could result in up to five years in prison. Individuals convicted of selling, purchasing, or possessing between 25 and 2,000 pounds of marijuana, or between 300 and 2,000 plants, could face up to 30 years of incarceration with a minimum mandatory 3 year prison sentence and a $25,000 fine. You don’t even have to have marijuana on you at the time of an arrest to face marijuana- related penalties. Drug paraphernalia is defined as any equipment that is used in the planting, cultivating, growing, manufacturing, inhaling, or injecting of drugs. Anyone with bongs, rolling papers, baggies, or scales can face these charges. Individuals convicted of possessing drug paraphernalia can face up to a year in jail, 12 months of probation, and $1,000 in fines. These severe penalties are often added on top of other marijuana possession charges. Consequences of Cultivation or the Intent to Deliver in Florida The possession of a certain amount of marijuana or possessing marijuana in certain locations is automatically interpreted as the intent to deliver, which has more serious consequences than just the possession. Here’s a rundown of consequences of additional marijuana cultivation or the intent to deliver convictions: • If you are found guilty of possession of more than 20 grams but less than 25 pounds, the potential prison time is up to 5 years and the fine is $5,000. • If you are found guilty of trafficking between 25 and 2,000 pounds, the potential prison time is up to 15 years and the fine is $25,000. 3 years is the minimum mandatory prison sentence. • If you are found guilty of trafficking between 2,000 and 10,000 pounds, the potential prison time is 30 years and $50,000. 7 years in prison is the minimum mandatory prison sentence. • If you are found guilty of trafficking more than 10,000 pounds of marijuana, the minimum prison time is 15 years (with up to 30 years allowable) and a fine of $200,000. Indirect Consequences of Marijuana Related Conviction in Florida In addition to jail time, probation, fines, and driver’s license suspension, the following are indirect consequences of getting convicted of a marijuana related crime. Conviction can lead to: • Job Loss • Professional License Revocation
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• Stressful Personal Life • Other Criminal and Civil Charges such as Homicide and Manslaughter • Ineligibility for State Financial Aid and Bright Futures Scholarships • Possible 3 Year Ban on Public Housing • Ineligibility for State Permits, Licenses, And Certification (Without Drug Treatment Program) • 5 Year Ban on Adoption and Foster Care • Lifetime Ban on Right to Possess Firearm Consequences of Marijuana DUI in Florida Most people think of drunk driving when they hear the term, “DUI.” In addition to drunk driving, DUI includes using marijuana and driving. These are the penalties for a first DUI conviction in Florida. Subsequent convictions have more serious consequences. • • • • • • •
Fine - $500 - $1000 Community Service - 50 Hours Probation – Up to 1 Year Imprisonment – Up to 6 Months License Revocation - Minimum of 180 days DUI School - 12 Hours Impoundment of Vehicle – 10 days
Successful Case Results If you have been arrested on marijuana-related charges, it is imperative that you exercise your right to remain silent until you have an attorney present. When you are able, write down everything you remember about the arrest. Where were you? What were you doing? What reason was there to pull you over or search your person? Were drugs in plain view before a search was conducted? Were you cooperative with the arresting officer? At which point were you informed of your rights? In cases involving a wrongful arrest, a skilled defense attorney can fight for the case to be dismissed. If you do not have a history of marijuana convictions, it may be possible to have the charges reduced. Some drug offenders can pursue treatment programs instead of spending time in jail. One such option in Broward County is a specialized Misdemeanor Drug Court for less than 20 grams of Marijuana. The duration of this program is only 6 months, as opposed to Felony Drug Court which is for 12 months. If the client opts for the Misdemeanor Drug Court, they will be required to attend classes and counseling as well as 12-step meetings and monthly check-ins with Probation. Upon successful completion of the program, the charge will be DISMISSED! At that point, if the client is eligible they can then get their record Expunged. ASI provides this service for all of our eligible clients in the court system. While other counties such as Palm Beach and Dade do not have a per se misdemeanor drug court, a good attorney can still help arrange for a similar diversion program in a regular misdemeanor division which would also result in a dismissal of the case upon successful completion. At ASI, we have a long and successful track record of guiding clients who are charged with marijuana and other drug charges through the criminal justice system. For a free and confidential consultation please call us today. Drug Evaluations are also provided by appointment only. Myles B. Schlam, J.D., CAP/CCJAP Advocare Solutions, Inc. - Executive Director (954) 804-6888 WWW.DRUGTREATMENTPRO.COM *Myles B. Schlam is a nationally recognized expert in Drug Addiction and the Criminal Justice System and an Internationally Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor. He is one of approximately 100 Criminal Justice Addiction Professionals (CCJAP) in the State of Florida. Mr. Schlam also graduated from the St. Thomas University School of Law in ‘02 where he specialized in criminal law and interned with the Public Defender’s Office. ASI is licensed by the Florida Department of Children and Families and operates in the tri-county area of south Florida.
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What’s It Like to be 2½ Years Sober? By Andrew Long
Life as an addict: I am going to take a few minutes to tell you what my life was like prior to the life I have now. At its best my life was a waste of talent, potential and it contained only moments when absolute self-loathing did not exist when I looked in the mirror. The things I lost were no different than anyone else struggling with addiction but the number of years I struggled made it so devastating to those I love. The loss of my family’s respect and the loneliness that surrounded every waking hour of my life was without a doubt the most painful of what I chose to give away. I had an addiction to alcohol that in a month’s time would add my name to the list of the homeless and those out of work. By July 18th, 2010, I was still by the pool, but the eviction notice on my apartment door would be enforced by police officers that following Monday. I had lost my job due to my addiction and the loss of home and family followed close behind. I also lost my driver’s license due to habitual D.U.I. convictions; something I will never get back. Did I care? No. The only thing that mattered during that time in my life was if I had enough money to drink that next day. I am going to ask you to stay with me because the rest of this story gets so very much better! Treatment: It was obvious to me I had no idea whatsoever about how to get my life back on the right path and I needed help if I were ever to have a chance of happiness. The struggle of how to get drunk everyday had become too much and I finally made a choice to help save my own life! My decision led me to a long term treatment facility (4 months) that had all of what I hoped it would to help me get my life back from 25 years of alcohol addiction. It seemed logical that something that took so long to destroy (my life) could not be fixed with 30 days of treatment and for the first time in a long time I was right. The program I chose was a non-twelve step program that was completely holistic and included a sauna detoxification phase of treatment. This detoxification to me was a really amazing way to begin my new, sober life: having all of the “poisons” from my old lifestyle removed from my body for my soonto-come sober, healthy lifestyle. This part worked so well I felt like I was 20 years old again with energy to spare and a mind much clearer than just a month before. Though the detox was incredible, the remaining parts of the program truly made me understand why I kept returning to those old behaviors time after time. I finally realized at the age of 38 that I had no idea how to make good decisions or how to live my life for others instead of just myself. To be taught balance and compassion and integrity all in one place is how I found happiness (sobriety). To those seeking treatment for addiction I want to tell you that it takes courage and a strength within that you may not even know is there. It was difficult after 25 years to turn my “life” in a direction completely opposite of what I had known. Was it easy?
Absolutely not, but it became easier by the hour at the treatment center I went to. I look back on it as the beginning of the greatest decision and most powerful time in my entire life. Getting out of treatment and getting my life back together: I can honestly say that applying all of the life skills I learned in treatment has helped make sobriety so much easier than I ever imagined. I learned how to be happy and to me sobriety is a by-product of that happiness, not the other way around. With my new outlook on life and my new happiness (and sobriety), I was able to get (and keep) a job, get (and keep) an apartment, start (and maintain) a wonderful relationship with a wonderful lady. It didn’t just come all at once; I have had to work for all of this. But as above, the ease and joy in which I’ve gone about beginning my life again has made it all worthwhile. Two and a half years later: It has been 2 ½ years since I sought and completed treatment and to describe the unbelievable quality of the life I now live is difficult. I feel not even the greatest of poets could put the proper words on paper to describe how truly happy and incredibly blessed I feel every day. The relationship with my family has never been better, I am engaged to an amazing women, I go to work every day, to a job I love and I spend my time off living life and not just existing. I get up every day and I make a difference for myself, my family, my fiancé and for others who suffer from addiction. These are the gifts given to me by making the choice to change my life for the better. The Christmas spent with my brother and his family, the vacation with my mother and my fiancé, the power lifting competitions that I won at the age of 40 and the 2 over par round of 74 on the golf course are what I love about my life now. Everything in my life is balanced and I make time for those I love, those I help and those things that make me happy; this is how I live now and it is nothing short of incredible! Biography: Andrew Long was born in Biloxi Mississippi. He is an avid golfer, writer, physical enthusiast, lover of life. He is a very proud son, brother, uncle, fiancé and friend. He went through the drug and alcohol treatment program 2.5 years ago at Suncoast Rehabilitation Center located on the West Coast of Florida. He now spends every extra moment he can giving back to his community, helping others to be drug and alcohol free. In his own words, “Thanks to Suncoast Rehabilitation Center; I finally learned how to become the man I was meant to be. Thank you so very, very much for that!” Contact us at suncoastrehabcenter.us or 866-572-1788.
What Does That Mean? Early Recovery Insight Continued from page 22 I was still so tempted to run from everything and everyone associated with recovery. The laundry list of things I had to do, learn and accept seemed never-ending. I felt sorry for myself more than I felt sorry for all I had done or not done. Many days I just wanted to pull the covers over my head, and keep the world at bay. I began to feel like a little girl again, terrified of what awaited me outside the safety and comfort of my bed. Yet for some reason I didn’t stay in bed and I didn’t run from what was being asked of me. I can’t say I skipped and hummed with excitement as I made my way to meetings or as I dialed phone numbers to talk with other recovering people (as was suggested I do on a daily basis). In truth, I would have rather had root canal without Novocain. I couldn’t understand why I was being asked to do the opposite of everything I had taught myself would work for me. I wanted to keep my personal business to myself, never disclosing more than I absolutely had to. Many times I found myself wondering if the people speaking are aware we all heard what they had just said. Although I was embarrassed for them, I was intrigued by how open other people were being. Didn’t they fear being judged? Didn’t they wonder if everyone else was pointing out their faulty way of managing their lives? Once again I could not piece this puzzle together. As I continued to listen to what others were saying, I came to understand there are a lot of people who had gone through some of the same things I had. I took in well-spoken advice, intentionally listening with gratitude, not judgment. I remember hearing stories of DUI’s, time spent in jail, money lost and relationships shattered. My blood ran cold as I thought, “Thank God that didn’t happen to me.” I would soon add the word, “yet” to the end of that thought because unless I remain free from unhealthy substances and behaviors, I may very well find myself in those seemingly awful situations. From that point on I didn’t listen just for compatibility, I listened for the forewarned messages. This doesn’t mean I was free from confusion. There were still many words and references used which threw me for a loop. I’d try to figure my way through the overall message yet my only point of reference was what I held in my own head. I didn’t dare to ask someone for clarification. The more I denied the insight of others, the more
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confused I got. Admittedly I was intimidated to ask someone. I thought by doing so I’d sound naïve, or even worse, stupid. I mean, my God, if there was at least one thing I could put in the positive column about myself I always presumed I was bright and intelligent. I had proven to myself I was capable of getting myself through a lot of really hard things in life. If I could find my way through to a college degree, a wellpaying job and a marriage, surely I should be able to figure out what someone was trying to convey during a recovery meeting. Yet in reality, if I were able to do that, I would not be laying claim to the seat I sat in. In the beginning, I just wanted to just feel better. I wanted all my guilt, shame, remorse and fear to be stripped away immediately. I had no idea recovery was a process requiring patience and time versus a project with a beginning and an end. I didn’t want to hear that. I didn’t want to wait to fully understand how to repurpose and refine my life. And I most certainly had no idea how in the world I was supposed to figure out what was the next “right” thing for me to do. I remember so vividly how I kept thinking there was so much to take in all at once. I can say with complete confidence that what I couldn’t initially comprehend has eventually become clear. I just needed to give myself and the program of recovery some time. Recovery means change and change requires action, not intention. I had to gather the data about what I needed to recover from practical experience, not base on theoretical information provided by someone who only studied the subject. To this day I know I need some sort of tactical experience in addition to what I read or hear from people in order to fully embrace what being in recovery means. In 2002 Alison Smela sought in-patient treatment for alcoholism and in 2008 entered a residential treatment center to combat anorexia. In addition to sponsoring/ mentoring women in both recovery fellowships, Alison speaks to groups around the country to encourage mid-life recovery, offering her recovery story to be an example of hope. She’s been a participating resource for educational webinars, conferences and teleconferences and is a contributing writer for several online communities. She’s been featured in several articles about mid-life recovery in publications such as Vogue, Forbes.com, ABC News, HealthDay News and Renew Magazine. Alison has been an active board member for a 12-Step fellowship club where she attends meetings on a regular basis. Learn more at www.alisonsmela.com
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Back to the Basics of Recovery Guidance: Step Ten By Wally P.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Many A.A. pioneers described Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve as the Guidance Steps. In Step Ten, we are guided to take Steps Four through Nine on a daily basis. In Step Eleven, we follow the guidance we receive upon awakening and throughout the day. In Step Twelve, we let the “One who has all power” guide us as we work with others. The key to the Tenth Step is the word “continue.” In the second paragraph on page 84, the “Big Book” authors emphasize the importance of continuing to take the Steps. “This . . . brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. . . ” Please note that in this paragraph, the “Big Book” authors dramatically change their sense of urgency with regard to the steps. Until this point, the authors have used words such as, “next,” “at once,” “promptly,” and “we waste no time” to stress the importance of taking the first nine steps in a couple of hours. Now they tell us we are to practice the Guidance steps daily for the rest of our lives. “We have entered the world of the Spirit,” provides us with an amazing revelation. Basically, the authors have just told us we have already experienced a spiritual transformation as the direct result of taking Steps One through Nine. Because we have done “certain simple things, there has been a revolutionary change in (our) way of living and thinking.” Instead of remaining imprisoned by “a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, self-seeking and self-pity,” we have been set free by of our “consciousness of the Presence of God.” As the “Big Book” authors write, “Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.” Some of these activities are described in the next three sentences on page 84. Here the “Big Book” authors present a clear and concise summary of the activities associated with the inventory and restitution process. Because they are reexamining Steps Four through Nine, they again emphasize the need to do this work “at once,” “immediately,” and “quickly.” “. . . Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. . . ” Let’s recap what the “Big Book” authors have just written. “When these crop up (the Step Four liabilities of selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear), we ask God at once to remove them (Steps Six and Seven). We discuss them with someone immediately (Step Five), and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone (Steps Eight and Nine).” The next two sentences provide additional insight into our new way of living. “. . . Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.” Assisting others through the Steps solidifies our own recovery. As we will learn in Step Twelve, “nothing will so much insure immunity from (relapse) as intensive work with other(s).” Together, these five sentences hold the key to the spiritual solution to our problems. We now know precisely what we have to do to stay in “the sunlight of the Spirit.” James H., an A.A. pioneer from the 1930’s, used to describe this transition from the problem to the solution with these words: “We can live in the past and make excuses or live in the present and make a difference. The choice is ours.” By choosing to take the Steps and by choosing “love and tolerance” as our code, we will make a difference, not only in our own lives, but also in the lives of “countless others.” We will also experience miracles beyond our wildest dreams. One of these miracles is the assurance that, if we practice these spiritual activities on a daily basis, we will overcome all our difficulties. In the third
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paragraph on page 84, the authors write: “And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone—even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally and we will find that this has happened automatically. . . . We have not even sworn off. Instead the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. . . . That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.” What a message of hope! The “problem has been removed.” Now, all we have to do is maintain our “fit spiritual condition.” How do we do this? By taking a daily inventory. What is our reward? A daily reprieve. The directions for taking the Tenth Step are in the second paragraph on page 84. The Tenth Step question reads: “Will you continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as you go along?” If you can answer in the affirmative, you have taken Step Ten. Next session, we will look at Step Eleven, which has to do with prayer and meditation. Some A.A. pioneers called this process “two-way prayer,” which consists of talking and listening to the “God-consciousness within.” Wally P. is an archivist, historian and author who, for more than twentythree years, has been studying the origins and growth of the Twelve-step movement. He is the caretaker for the personal archives of Dr. Bob and Anne Smith. Wally conducts history presentations and recovery workshops, including “Back to the Basics of Recovery” in which he takes attendees through all Twelve Steps in four, one-hour sessions. More than 500,000 have taken the Steps using this powerful, time-tested, and highly successful “original” program of action.
Back to Basics Basics--101 An introduction to the Twelve Steps of Recovery
During this seventy-five minute DVD, Wally Paton, noted archivist, historian and author, takes you through all Twelve Steps the way they were taken during the early days of the Twelve-Step movement. Experience the miracle of recovery as Wally demonstrates the sheer simplicity and workability of the process that has saved millions of lives throughout the past seventy years. Wally has taken more than 500,000 through the Twelve Steps in his Back to the Basics of Recovery seminars. He has made this “Introduction to the Twelve Steps” presentation hundreds of times at treatment centers, correctional facilities, and recovery workshops and conferences around the world. This is a DVD for newcomers and old-timers alike. You can watch it in its entirety or divide it into three segments: Surrender (Steps 1, 2 and 3); Sharing and Amends (Steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9); and Guidance (Steps 10, 11 and 12). The accompanying CD contains twenty-four pages of PDF presentation materials for facilitators and handouts for participants. Here is everything you need to take or take others through the Twelve Steps “quickly and often.” Wally has modified the “Big Book” passages so they are gender neutral and applicable to all addictions and compulsive disorders. In keeping with the Twelve-Step community’s tradition of anonymity, he does not identify himself, or anyone else in this DVD, as a member of any Twelve-Step program. This DVD was recorded at the Public Broadcasting Service television studio in Tucson, AZ using high definition cameras, flat screen graphics, and PowerPoint overlays. It is a state-ofthe-art production that is both instructive and enlightening. “It works—it really does.”
To order this DVD plus CD, please contact: Faith With Works Publishing Company P. O. Box 91648 ~ Tucson, AZ 85752 520-297-9348 ~ www.aabacktobasics.org DVD+CD Price: $79.95 + $11.05 (priority s/h) Total Price: $91.00
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