Sober World December 2019

D E C E M B E R 2 019 | VO LUM E 8 | I SS U E 12

I N M E MO RY O F S T E V E N

GUIDE TO SOBRIETY DURING THE HOLIDAYS

By Frederick Goggans, MD

THE ELDERLY SUFFER IN SILENCE FROM SUBSTANCE ABUSE

By Joe Considine, Esq.

RELAPSE PREVENTION PLANNING PRINCIPLES AND PROCEDURES

By Terence T. Gorski

6 PARENTING TIPS FOR WHEN ADDICTION RUNS IN THE FAMILY

By Dr. Beau Nelson

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A LETTER FROM THE PUBLISHER Dear Readers, I welcome you to The Sober World magazine. The Sober World is an informative award winning global magazine that’s designed to help parents and families who have loved ones struggling with addiction. We are a FREE online e-magazine reaching people globally in their search for information about Drug and Alcohol Abuse.

Our monthly magazine is available for free on our website at www.thesoberworld.com or you can have it come to your inbox each month by signing up on our website.

Drug addiction has reached epidemic proportions throughout the country and is steadily increasing. It is being described as “the biggest manmade epidemic” in the United States. More people are dying from drug overdoses than from any other cause of injury death, including traffic accidents, falls or guns.

Many Petty thefts are drug related, as the addicts need for drugs causes them to take desperate measures in order to have the ability to buy their drugs. The availability of prescription narcotics is overwhelming; as parents our hands are tied.

Purdue Pharma, the company that manufactures Oxycontin generated $3.1 BILLION in revenue in 2010? Scary isn’t it?

Addiction is a disease but there is a terrible stigma attached to it. As family members affected by this disease, we are often too ashamed to speak to anyone about our loved ones addiction, feeling that we will be judged. We try to pass it off as a passing phase in their lives, and some people hide their head in the sand until it becomes very apparent such as through an arrest, getting thrown out of school or even worse an overdose, that we realize the true extent of their addiction.

If you are experiencing any of the above, this may be your opportunity to save your child or loved one’s life. They are more apt to listen to you now than they were before, when whatever you said may have fallen on deaf ears. This is the point where you know your loved one needs help, but you don’t know where to begin.

I have compiled this informative magazine to try to take that fear and anxiety away from you and let you know there are many options to choose from.

There are Psychologists and Psychiatrists that specialize in treating people with addictions. There are Education Consultants that will work with you to figure out what your loved ones needs are and come up with the best plan for them. There are Interventionists who will hold an intervention and try to convince your loved one that they need help.

There are detox centers that provide medical supervision to help them through the withdrawal process, There are Transport Services that will scoop up your resistant loved one (under the age of 18 yrs. old) and bring them to the facility you have chosen. There are long term Residential Programs (sometimes a year and longer) as well as short term programs (30-90 days), there are Therapeutic Boarding Schools, Wilderness programs, Extended Living

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and there are Sober Living Housing where they can work, go to meetings and be accountable for staying clean.

Many times a Criminal Attorney will try to work out a deal with the court to allow your child or loved one to seek treatment as an alternative to jail. I know how overwhelming this period can be for you and I urge every parent or relative of an addict to get some help for yourself. There are many groups that can help you. There is Al-Anon, Alateen (for teenagers), Families Anonymous, Nar-Anon and more. This is a disease that affects the whole family, not just the parents.

Addiction knows no race or religion; it affects the wealthy as well as the poor, the highly educated, old, young-IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE. This magazine is dedicated to my son Steven who graduated with top honors from University of Central Florida. He graduated with a degree in Psychology, and was going for his Masters in Applied Behavioral Therapy. He was a highly intelligent, sensitive young man who helped many people get their lives on the right course. He could have accomplished whatever he set his mind out to do. Unfortunately, after graduating from college he tried a drug that was offered to him not realizing how addictive it was and the power it would have over him.

My son was 7 months clean when he relapsed and died of a drug overdose. I hope this magazine helps you find the right treatment for your loved one. They have a disease and like all diseases, you try to find the best care suited for their needs. They need help.

Deaths from prescription drug overdose have been called the “silent epidemic” for years. There is approximately one American dying every 17 minutes from an accidental prescription drug overdose. Please don’t allow your loved one to become a statistic. I hope you have found this magazine helpful.

The Sober World wishes everyone a Happy Holiday.

We are on Face Book at www.facebook.com/TheSoberWorld/ or Twitter at www.twitter.com/thesoberworld, and LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/patricia-rosen-95521051/ or www.linkedin.com/groups/6694001/ Sincerely,

Patricia

Publisher Patricia@TheSoberWorld.com

For Advertising opportunities on our website or to submit articles, please contact Patricia at 561-910-1943 or patricia@thesoberworld.com.

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GUIDE TO SOBRIETY DURING THE HOLIDAYS

By Frederick Goggans, MD

It’s important for people to have a realistic attitude about the potential for anxiety or conflict during the holiday season—especially individuals who have issues with alcohol or drug addiction.

Most of us go into the holiday period hoping for a harmonious time with family, friends, and co-workers, but there may be hidden conflicts based on past experiences or expectations that may not be realized. The tension between the reality of our situations and our idealized images of holiday harmony can lead to anxiety. Many use alcohol or other substances excessively to manage that anxiety.

The imminent danger of excessive alcohol use and illicit drug use during the holidays is physical harm, such as from motor vehicle accidents and overdoses.

The US Department of Transportation reports that fatalities related to alcohol impairment account for more than a quarter of all vehicular crash fatalities in the US and that nearly 800 people lost their lives in drunk-driving-related crashes in the month of December 2016 alone.

If you think you are at risk for substance misuse, be realistic about how the holidays can increase your anxiety and stress and lead to dangerous behavior

The increased availability—and offering—of alcohol during the holidays increases temptation. Drinking alcohol with friends and family during the holidays is a longstanding tradition in our country.

The Distilled Spirits Council of the United States notes that a quarter of the alcohol industry’s profits are earned during the time between Thanksgiving and the New Year—little more than a month’s time.

Be good to yourself

This period of heightened use is particularly dangerous in a country where binge drinking and alcohol use disorder continues to be a major concern for youth and adults.

Be good to others

According to the 2015 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH): • 26.9% of people ages 18 or older reported that they engaged in binge drinking in the past month • 15.1 million adults ages 18 and older had alcohol use disorder (AUD) • Approximately 623,000 adolescents (ages 12-17) had AUD The opioid epidemic, meanwhile, continues, regardless of the season.

• In 2017, approximately 1.7 million people in the US had a substance use disorder related to prescription opioid pain relievers • An estimated 21-29% of patients who are prescribed opioids for chronic pain misuse them • About 68% (more than 47,000) of the more than 70,200 drug overdose deaths in the US in 2017 involved an opioid • 36% of those 47,000+ deaths were attributed to prescription opioids Individuals at risk for opioid relapse should be particularly on guard during the holiday season, when parties are prevalent and holiday stresses may tempt individuals to seek relief through harmful substances.

For clinicians like myself who work on substance misuse and recovery issues, we often see individuals when the holidays are over. In January, many people enter treatment having overreacted to holiday events by abusing drugs or alcohol, having suicidal thoughts, or engaging in injurious behaviors. Some of these people may come to treatment in a quasi-emergency situation, either through intoxication or withdrawal, a suicide attempt, or an attempt to injure oneself, and they sometimes may need to be stabilized in a hospital setting.

Tips for a Sober Holiday Season If you think you are at risk for substance misuse, be realistic about how the holidays can increase your anxiety and stress and lead to dangerous behavior. But also, realize that you can take steps before and during the holidays to avoid problems.

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If you have a history of drug or alcohol misuse, it’s important to protect yourself. If you are involved in a recovery program, stay centered in your program by continuing to go to meetings. Connect with like-minded and sober individuals in your program and remain in contact with your sponsor and peers. Don’t isolate.

Embrace the “holiday spirit” and try not to be too self-absorbed. Be of service to others by taking part in volunteer activities. Also, take advantage of the many special events that most mutual help organizations present during the holiday season. Stay involved and engaged.

Concentrate on your overall health By eating properly, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly, you can keep your body sound as well as your mind.

According to a study by the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, running for 15 minutes a day or walking for an hour reduces a person’s risk of major depression by 26%.

Stick to safe environments Keep an eye on the types of activities you’re involved in over the holidays and avoid risky situations. But, if you find yourself in an environment where drugs or alcohol are being used, know where the doors are and have an exit strategy.

Stay positive Think about activities that make you happy that don’t involve substance use. Bake some cookies, decorate the house, or participate in some other activity that gives you joy without the prospect of a hangover.

Bring your own beverages If you’re going to a holiday party where you think alcohol will be served, bring your own non-alcoholic beverages. There’s no shame in drinking some tasty fruit juice, soda, or seltzer in a fancy glass.

Bring enough for everyone. You never know when someone else might want to follow your lead and join you in abstaining from alcohol.

Don’t go solo Bring a partner to your holiday event. It’s helpful to have someone with you to support your resolution to not consume alcohol or take illicit drugs.

Have a response ready People are likely to ask you why you aren’t drinking alcohol. Simply saying “I’m driving tonight,” or “I need to get up early tomorrow morning” Continued on page 19

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THE ELDERLY SUFFER IN SILENCE FROM SUBSTANCE ABUSE

By Joe Considine, Esq.

At a recent conference on substance abuse among the elderly, Brenda Iliff, Director of the Hazelden Betty Ford Older Adult Program, reported a precipitous increase in substance abuse among older folks, indicating: “Nationally, there are 17% of older adults at high risk.” Think about that! One in five people in their 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s, are at high risk for substance abuse.

There is a great deal of mythology and misinformation surrounding substance abuse among the elderly. One hears comments from well-meaning observers explaining Aunt Ethel’s consumption of more than a few cocktails every night as: “she has earned the right to get comfortably numb in her old age”.

Or the comment about granddad who is regularly under the influence: “What does it matter? He is old and on the way out anyway.” These comments reflect ignorance in our society regarding the elderly’s right to live vibrant and full lives even in their last years. It also reflects a lack of understanding of what to do to help our elderly family members.

Many people, cultural traditionalists, believe that ‘we don’t air dirty laundry in public’. Such bromides will keep the elderly sick and suffering, frequently in silence with addiction and alcoholism, which will lead to a much earlier demise.

As an attorney, our firm’s experience handling Marchman Act cases in Florida (which involuntarily commits alcoholics and addicts to treatment through the court system) has brought this stunning truth into stark view as adult children struggle to assist their parents and grandparents who are struggling with substance abuse.

As the boomer generation ages and scientific gains in life-saving drugs continue to develop, seniors frequently look for ‘quick fixes’ for the realities of the aging process – many times using pain control for chronic diseases such as arthritis; symptoms of decreasing mental acuity; or signs of difficulty dealing with anxiety or previously controllable mental instabilities. As the saying goes: “Getting old ain’t for sissies.” Combined with financial, health, family and work concerns, the relief promised by regular use of substances seems to be their choice. The damage done to our loved ones by such use, require that as a society we investigate the best ways to get help for an aging population who suffer with substance abuse.

Adult children of elderly family members desperately try to figure out how to help. Seniors do not like to talk about their use of drugs and alcohol, which they frequently believe are enhancing their lives. The elder family member does not see the progression, the increased isolation, or trips and falls. When the elderly loved one is lovingly confronted by their family member, the initial reaction is denial combined with anger and an unwillingness to discuss the situation. The family member’s concern regarding the loved one’s physical and mental well-being and fear for their longevity and happiness is frequently met with threats of banishment from the family, loss of inheritance or worse.

Evidence of an elder’s loss of control over substances frequently first appears as: more frequent falls, increased visits to the doctor for symptoms such as forgetfulness, anxiety or depression, fender benders … oftentimes swept under the rug as mere signs of aging. The elder is looking for a pharmacological fix, and caring family members are clueless that situations such as these may be the result of an increased use of prescribed medications. Unless the family member lives with the elder member to see firsthand the incremental changes, the seriousness of the problem is unknown until a life-threatening circumstance occurs. Without intervention, these situations only get more serious, never better.

Florida’s Marchman Act (Chapter 397 of Florida Statutes) allows a family or friend to ask the Court to order a loved one into substance abuse treatment for up to 90 days, with further

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extensions permitted as necessary. Neither the elderly individual with the substance abuse issue, nor the family trying to help, need be residents of Florida to invoke the Marchman Act. This population in particular will benefit from a court order requiring treatment. Many times, the elder individual will not go to treatment voluntarily because it represents another loss of control in their lives. However, this individual will pay attention to, and abide by, a court order which requires attendance in treatment.

Here is what one former client of our firm had to say about his elderly father: “I don’t know whether my father would be alive today if it were not for the Marchman Act. He was in a place where he could not stop himself from abusing alcohol. We did everything we could as a family and nothing worked. Through the Marchman Act, we were able to use the courts to require my father to undergo the treatment he needed in a controlled environment. Today, my father is 16 months sober, and enjoying life. We have time with him now that I didn’t think we would have. The Marchman Act is a wonderful resource for families dealing with serious substance abuse issues.”

There are several well- respected substance abuse treatment programs in Florida designed for the elderly which have experience with co-existing cognitive and memory issues. Such programs can assess, detoxify and treat the elderly individual. They can also assist the family in adjusting the ultimate living situation once the elder is treated and released. These specialized programs incorporate education, advice, and guidance, to family members so the loved one has the opportunity to continue living a healthier, productive, and happier life going forward.

Do not give into the old adage that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Oh yes you can! Give your loved one a chance! The Marchman Act, combined with specialized and experienced treatment providers, are available tools.

Joe Considine has practiced law in South Florida since 1983.

His practice is limited to Family Law and Addiction related Law including the Marchman Act. Joe has handled more than 2,000 litigation cases in his career, appearing in courts throughout Florida.

Joe works with families whose loved ones have substance abuse and mental health problems as an attorney. He lectures throughout Florida on Family Law matter and substance abuse related issues.

Joe grew up in West Palm Beach, has three adult children, and loves mountain biking. www.joeconsidinelaw.com 561-655-8081- joe@joeconsidinelaw.com

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RELAPSE PREVENTION PLANNING - PRINCIPLES AND PROCEDURES

By Terence T. Gorski

Understanding the framework and basic principles that underlie the relapse prevention planning process is essential for successful outcomes and lifelong recovery. Accompanying each principle is a brief procedure or clinical technique that can be used to operationalize that principle with patients and clients.

The first principle of self-regulation states that the risk of relapse will decrease as the patient’s and client’s capacity to self-regulate thinking, feelings, memory, judgment, and behavior increases.

This principle is operationalized with a procedure for physical, psychological, and social stabilization The second principle of integration states that the risk of relapse will decrease as the patient’s and client’s level of conscious understanding of the events that led up to past relapse episodes increases. This principle is operationalized in the technique of self-assessment in which the patient’s and clients consciously examine recent problems caused by the relapse, their life history, alcohol and drug use history, and their overall recovery and relapse history.

The third principle of understanding states that the risk of relapse will decrease as the understanding of the thoughts, feelings, actions and situations that lead to relapse increases. This principle is operationalized by a relapse education procedure which teaches the patient’s and clients about the addictive disease process, the developmental model of recovery, common stuck points and complicating factors, and relapse prevention planning.

The fourth principle of self-knowledge states that the risk of relapse will decrease as the patient’s and client’s ability to identify future high risk situations that can trigger relapse warning signs increases. This principle is operationalized with a procedure called relapse warning sign identification in which the patient’s and clients identify the sequence of problems that have led from stable recovery to chemical use in the past, generalizes those steps to future circumstances that could cause relapse, and creates a personal list of relapse warning signs.

The fifth principle of coping skills states that the risk of relapse will decrease as the patient’s and client’s knowledge and skill at using effective coping strategies for specific warnings signs increases.

This principle is operationalized with a procedure called warning sign management in which the patient’s and clients identify critical warning signs, examines how they coped with these warning signs in the past and develops new coping strategies for the future. The coping process focuses on the development of specific cognitive, affective, behavioral, and relationship skills for dealing with the critical warning signs.

The sixth principle of change states that the risk of relapse will decrease as the relationship between recovery program recommendations and identified relapse warning signs increase.

This principle is operationalized in a procedure for reviewing the recovery plan in which the patient’s and clients develop a written recovery plan and then takes each warning sign on their final warning sign list and identifies the components of the recovery plan that will help them cope with each warning sign. The recovery plan is modified to accommodate any warning signs that were not addressed in the original plan.

The seventh principle of awareness states that the risk of relapse will decrease as the use of daily inventory techniques designed to check for compliance with recovery program recommendations and the presence of relapse warning signs increase. This principle is operationalized by a procedure called inventory training.

Here the patient’s and clients are taught specific techniques for planning each day and reviewing progress and problems at the end of the day. They are also taught how to use others to review their inventory.

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The eighth principle of support states that the risk of relapse will decrease as responsible involvement of significant others in the relapse prevention planning process increases. This principle is operationalized by a procedure called the involvement of significant others. The patient’s and clients list the people who should be involved and evaluate their appropriateness.

Appropriate persons are invited to a meeting that discusses the patient’s and client’s warning signs and the past experiences and reactions of other people to those warning signs. A new communication contract is set up that will allow open communication about future warning signs should they occur. A relapse early intervention plan is also developed.

The ninth and final principle is maintenance which states the risk of relapse will decrease when relapse prevention plans are revised on a regular basis. This principle is operationalized with a comprehensive follow-up plan which calls for the regular review and revision of the relapse prevention plan as the patient’s and clients move ahead through new stages of recovery or new stages of life development.

To learn effective relapse prevention strategies and techniques attend the Relapse Prevention Therapy Certification School, June 8-12, 2020. Over the past 40 years, research has clearly shown that relapse is a process that begins long before recovering people start using alcohol or other drugs. Alcohol and drug use do not mark the beginning of the relapse process—it is the final stage. Alcohol and drug use is just the final step in an ongoing relapse process. The relapse process begins as recovering people begin using thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that create so much pain and problems that self-medication with alcohol and other drugs seems like a good choice.

Best Wishes In Your Ongoing Recovery, Terence T. Gorski Behaviorial Health, Addiction, and Recovery books, pamphlets, DVD’s, digital downloads and resources authored by Terry Gorski are available at www.gorskibooks.com and training is available through www.cenaps.com .

Terence T. Gorski is an internationally recognized expert on relapse prevention, substance abuse, mental health, violence, and crime. He is a prolific author and has published numerous books and articles.

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SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS: A GRIEVING MOMS POINT OF VIEW.

By MaryBeth Cichocki

The holidays. Those two words used to bring such joy to my heart and plans to my head. I would head to the store with my list and always ended up with more than I bargained for. I would envision the day. The table, the turkey, family and friends, all together celebrating our blessings. We started in the dining room, but always ended up in the kitchen. Pouring more wine, picking on leftovers, and laughing about how much we ate. Three generations gathered under one roof. Even the pups shared in the spirit of the day, lying under the table knowing which person was tender hearted and would drop pieces of turkey into their waiting mouths.

Three years ago, my youngest son Matt was living in a half- way house a thousand miles away from home. His absence left a void in my heart, but his recovery was the most important thing on my mind. I called his cell as we were all gathered around the table. Each one of us took turns sharing the day, and praising him for his new way of life. We all agreed he sounded great, just like the old Matt before his addiction took over his life and nearly destroyed ours.

We all loved Matt and desperately wanted him to live a life of joy, returning to the person he was before the demons took over. I felt a bit of guilt not bringing him home for the holidays, but I feared being home would be a trigger, and connect him with the ones that brought him down. I couldn’t and wouldn’t take that risk. I hid my tears, and put on the same smile that I so often did during his active addiction. My husband and older son were the only ones who knew the turmoil that was in my heart.

Before we knew it, the Hallmark commercials were on TV, and Christmas was only a few weeks away. The turmoil returned and once again we needed to make a choice about bringing Matt home for the holidays. I missed him terribly and was not used to him being away for so long. But once again, we decided his recovery was the priority over my need for an intact family and we shared the holiday by phone and photo. Seeing Matt dressed up as Santa eased my pain of his absence, and gave me the assurance that Matt was handling the holidays away from home better than I was. Our traditional Christmas open house was its usual success, but again, my heart felt the void left by Matts absence. I would tell myself, “once a mom, always a mom”, and try to move on.

As the mother of a long-term addict, I got used to rethinking some of the decisions we made during periods of recovery and relapse.

We always did what we thought was best at that moment in time. I trained myself not to rethink every choice, or allow that bit of doubt to grow into something my mind would not be able to control. I constantly lived on the edge (as I think most families of addicts do), never fully relaxing or thinking we were out of the woods.

I guess you could call it a mother’s instinct. January was right around the corner and I’d read that so many relapses occur on New Year’s Eve. Every commercial promoted drinking and partying which once again sent my nerves on high alert. I would cringe at every ad promoting partying to bring in the New Year. There was no escape. It seemed that if you weren’t attending a party, and holding a drink in your hand, that you just weren’t a part of the “in” crowd. I allowed myself a false sense of security in knowing that alcohol was not Matts go to drug- Opioids and Benzos were.

Once again, we shared the holiday by phone- a thousand miles away from each other. He attended an NA meeting, as I watched the ball drop from my couch. We spoke the following day. All seemed well, except for the nagging doubt in my gut that something was off.

January 3, 2015 changed the dynamics of our family forever, and how we would celebrate future holidays. Two days after we rang in the New Year with high hopes for new beginnings, Matt was gone from an overdose. He became one of the many people who just

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couldn’t fight the fight any longer. The pressure to fit in was just too much. Just one more time, as so many addicts think they can do, just one more time and survive. But, he didn’t.

Years have passed since that fateful day. The holidays are weeks away, and the joy I once felt is overshadowed by the pain of a son gone forever. Our family, once temporarily separated by addiction is now permanently fractured. Traditions have changed forever.

One son, who will never return. His temporary absence has now become permanent. My mind will always wonder if we made different decisions, would that have kept our family intact? I will never know, but as I said before, we always did what we thought was best at the time.

The holidays- two words that once brought such joy to my heart, now brings a feeling of mixed emotions. The profound joy I once felt is now overshadowed by grief. I look around and see the smiling faces of mothers pushing their carts loaded with the fixings for holiday dinner, and remember how life used to be. I am jealous of the smile on their faces, and the spring in their step. I yearn to turn back time, and feel the anticipation of the feast I would be creating with all my loved ones sitting around the holiday table. The stress I once felt is nothing compared to the void I now live with.

There is no instruction manual for surviving this time of year.

Nothing to guide moms like me as we prepare for the celebration of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s after the death of a child. I remember watching “A Christmas Carole” with the ghost of Christmas past reminding Scrooge of the people he loved. I will close my eyes and think of past holidays and allow the joy to fill my aching heart. I will remember the smile of my son who is no longer here. I will hear his laugh and feel the warmth of his big bear hug. I will look around at my family and friends and allow their happiness to find a place in my soul. I will thank God for blessings that found their way through the grief that filled my life.

I will live each day to the fullest, knowing that tomorrow is promised to no one. I will take no one for granted. I will honor my son by continuing our family traditions, and will remember the love we shared as we transcend through the holidays and find comfort in that for the rest of my life. Mat’s last words are forever etched in my heart, “I love you mom” I love you Matt.

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What Does Recovery Mean For You?

Pregnancy is one of the most meaningful chapters of any mom’s life.

For moms-to-be struggling with substance abuse or mental health disorders, it can also be one of the most difficult. Research shows that if mom is battling addiction, her newborn will come into the world battling it, too. Without proper treatment, both mom and baby’s lives can be at risk.

Retreat offers comprehensive prenatal care that focuses on mom and baby simultaneously. Our on-site OBGYN works with closely with our patients, on behalf of their families’ futures.

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SUGAR HIGHS: IS MARIJUANA THE REAL GATE-WAY DRUG?

By Caroline Ridout Stewart, MA, MSW, LCSW

Our children are dying en masse of opioid overdoses and the federal government is going back in a time machine arguing that marijuana is a gate-way drug. As they would say on Saturday Night Live: What’s up with that? As the mother of a son who has been battling with heroin addiction for many years, I find that the anxiety about marijuana use is sadly misguided. Frankly, my son’s “gateway drug” is much more likely sugar. Yes, sugar. From a very young age, he has been addicted to anything and everything that is sweet.

Ironically, I would argue most of the American populace is similarly addicted. Did you know that sugar has one of the shortest halflives of all drugs? That is, that sugar passes so quickly through the brain-blood barrier and is so quickly received by the waiting brain in the form of high reward and gratification that there is almost no time to answer the question: Do I really want or need this? I don’t think a single person would argue that the primate psyche does not absolutely, unquestionably “LOVE” sugar. I always say that sugar and meth-amphetamine have the shortest half-life of any two drugs on the planet. Marijuana…not so much.

I taught Human Biology for ten years and enjoyed teaching my students about the banana box experience of Jane Goodall who studied the Gombe Stream Game Reserve chimpanzee population in Tanganyika. Ms. Goodall, attempting to do observational studies of the chimps, found that she was having a very difficult time collecting data about the chimps because they stayed much of the day high up in the forest canopy. She came up with a truly brilliant idea. She created a locked mesh box in which she placed dozens of fresh bananas and situated the box in her anthropology encampment. Now you might think that the Gombe chimpanzees had ready daily access to bananas but think again. The Gombe Reserve chimps had never before eaten bananas and they had never before eaten anything with such high sugar content as was present in the bananas. Having constructed the box, Ms. Goodall then gifted the chimps with the precious food at a given time each day to draw the chimps out of the trees onto the forest floor where Ms Goodall and her students could observe the primates relating to one another. The bananas were a huge success or rather a huge draw for the chimps. The chimps literally stormed her encampment. They crowded the door to get immediate access to the box. They became irritable when thwarted. They even fought one another to have access to the bananas. The chimps had become “addicted” to sugar.

Which takes me back to my son’s sugar addiction. I am not aware that I gave my son more sugar than the average American mother.

He had the odd cookie and treats but from where his powerful craving for all things sugared? I and the American populace was entirely duped. The US government began to subsidize corn farmers with massive financial subsidies to keep the farmers financially viable. This began as early as 1930 but was magnified in 1980 with “crop insurance.” Today, over half of the 300 million acres planted with food in the United States is corn (with some soy). The outcome was an understandable glut of corn. Much of it was routed to the production of cattle feed and gasoline but much was left over for consumption. Alas, someone came up with the glorious idea of creating corn syrup which could then be added at low cost to any and all complex food items such as salad dressings, soups and mass-produced bakery goods. Sadly, there was a two-fold goal: one, to subsidize the corn farmers and two, to infuse otherwise benign foods with hidden sugars that would set up innocent addiction pathways. Don’t even get me started about how angry and sad I feel when I see that those who are already marginalized (people of color and people living in poverty) have limited access to healthy foods, their neighborhood corner stores brimming over with processed foods with high sugar content.

I am certain that few people are old enough to remember a time in the US when the consumption of sugar was a rare treat. I, for

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example, recall in the early 50’s that my father, when coming home from a long week at the office, would purchase one Pepsi cola for me and one for my brother. The Pepsi was the only formal sugar that we received each week. It truly was a grand pleasure.

As far as I recall, we developed no entitlement for sugar. We had a cake for our birthday and the occasional cake to celebrate a holiday but otherwise had remarkably sugar-free diets. I also know that our processed foods were not infused with large quantities of corn syrup.

My son is currently sober from heroin on a stable methadone regimen. That being said, I am noting that his sugar addiction is sky-rocketing. He often eats complex sugared foods as his main course. Spurning a dinner of pasta and salad, he prepares “shakes” with large quantities of ice cream and milk. Sadly, though never one who likes alcohol, his father and I have noted that he has been adding sugared “beers” into his daily intake. I strongly suspect that what he craves is not the high from the alcohol but the immediate reward of the sugar.

None of this is funny to me. I, too, struggle with an affinity for sugar.

I know better but the powerful urge lures me into engagement. I can truly relate to my son’s struggle to remain sober from opioids when I drive each morning past our local Donut Star. I told my son that I have not stepped foot into the Donut Star for ten years and yet there is not a single morning that I drive by this store, that I do not look into the shop and think about how wonderful a maple bar would be. I understand….I really do.

Many people who suffer from addictive illness are wired in such a way that they require immediate gratification. They did not ask for such a brain. They have very low tolerance for frustration and a limited capacity to wait for future reward. These folks have brains on high alert for sugar. So be careful when you target marijuana as the original gate-way drug.

Caroline Ridout Stewart recently retired from the UCSD Department of Psychiatry where she was a Clinical Instructor and Psychotherapist for over twenty years specializing in the treatment of anxiety and addictive illness. Caroline continues to be a harm reduction provider in her private practice where she enjoys working with those struggling with opioid misuse. She is the mother of a son who suffers from a co-occurring disorder and leads the local NAMI Co-Occurring Support Group for Family Members whose children suffer from both mental and addictive illness. Caroline has been the President of the board of A New PATH (Parents for Addiction Treatment and Healing) for 17 years promoting community Naloxone distribution. She is an artist and essayist.

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13

6 PARENTING TIPS FOR WHEN ADDICTION RUNS IN THE FAMILY

By Dr. Beau Nelson

You may have heard it said that “addiction is a family disease.”

That’s true in more ways than one, but in its most fundamental sense, it means that addiction often runs in families— and, that like other diseases, such as breast cancer and diabetes, alcoholism and drug addiction can be genetically inherited.

In fact, genetics can play a pretty big part in substance use disorders: • Research has found that when a parent or close relative has been affected by addiction, children are significantly more vulnerable to addiction (purely on the basis of their genetics).

• And, “at least half of a person’s susceptibility to drug addiction can be linked to genetic factors,” in the words of the American Psychological Association.

How to Parent Children Who Are Genetically at Risk for Addiction Such statistics can be scary for anyone wondering how to parent when addiction runs in their family. (And, the high genetic inheritability of addiction is a good reason to exercise vigilance when raising a child with a family history.) On that note, the following are some tips for moms and dads who may be wondering how to parent a child with a genetic predisposition for addiction: • First, don’t panic. Sometimes we can overreact to the point that we create more of a problem. When you’re afraid, you’re more susceptible to parenting from a place of fear or alarmism. The result can be to catastrophize, which can have the opposite effect of what you’re intending. For example, a child who hears you catastrophizing about what could happen if they drink a beer or smoke a joint may dismiss what you’re telling them, because they’re smart enough to know it’s exaggerative; the catastrophizing may in fact give them more impetus to experiment with drugs and alcohol.

Equally problematic, a child who has heard all about their high chances of developing an addiction could become fatalistic and, in essence, appropriate that as their self-narrative.

• Second, remember that addiction is far more complex than genetics alone. After all, many children of alcoholics end up just fine, while many people without a genetic predisposition develop addictions. Substance use disorders are always the result of a complex interplay of genetic, physical, mental, psychological, emotional and environmental factors. This can actually be good news, because it means you don’t have to panic over a child with high genetic risk factors for addiction. There are things you can do to help your child stay healthy.

• Third, talk honestly and matter-of-factly with your child about a family history of addiction and keep an open line of communication with them. This is really important because the shame and stigma of addiction can be very common family dynamics that encourage the keeping of secrets. The fact that Mom was a drunk until Suzie was in sixth grade or Uncle Bob is hooked on painkillers, can be issues we’d prefer not to mention.

But starting in fourth grade, children can be made aware of these things in age-appropriate conversations.

When you talk with your children, take a relational approach. The goal is not to be “the enforcer” but rather to build a relationship of trust in which they can feel comfortable coming to you with questions or concerns. Speak directly about a family history of addiction and how this puts them at higher genetic risk for developing addiction. Let them know that while they will need to make their own decisions about alcohol, they need to be mindful of the risks based on their genetics.

• Teach your child healthy coping skills. Kids mainly use drugs and alcohol for the same reason that adults mainly use drugs and alcohol— as a tool for coping with stress, anxiety and difficult or uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. And, kids are more stressed-out than ever these days. A friend whose son is

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in 7th grade at a private school recently shared that 54 percent of that student body reported feeling stressed-out and anxious. 54 percent. A 2018 article in The Washington Post chronicled rising rates of anxiety and depression among teens. The main culprit, according to its sources? Social media.

Set healthy limits for your child around social media and Smartphone use. Encourage them to get together in person with friends, stay active through exercise and exercise healthy sleep hygiene. Invite them to confide in you or a good friend when they are feeling anxious or worried about something.

If they seem to be stressed-out over a longer period of time, address the issue together. Invite them to share what is stressing them out, so that together you can tackle the problem. They may need to pull back on one or two Honors classes or drop an extracurricular activity.

In some cases, you may be able to identify the source of their stress when they cannot. For example, they may need stricter boundaries with respect to their social media use. Try to broach the subject in a loving and relational way before setting those healthier boundaries. You can tell your child what you’re observing, how that is impacting you (how you are feeling concerned), and the importance of intervening with healthier boundaries.

• Give your child opportunities to experience natural highs.

Natural highs are pleasurable experiences that increase your dopamine levels. For people in early recovery, these sorts of experiences can boost resilience to relapse. For kids with a genetic predisposition for addiction, provide the fun alternative that makes drugs and alcohol seem uninteresting.

Some examples of natural highs might be a trip to the amusement park, white water rafting, jet skiing, rock climbing, scuba diving, or—if they’re into hiking—climbing a mountain. While natural highs can be expensive, they’re great treats for kids to look forward to and wonderful relationship-building opportunities as well. It is that parent-child relationship, after all, which can be a critical protective factor for a child with a family history of addiction.

Continued on page 19

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As a Level 4 facility Sunset House is appropriate for persons who have completed other levels of residential treatment, particularly levels 2 and 3. This includes clients who have demonstrated problems in applying recovery skills, a lack of personal responsibility, or a lack of connection to the world of work, education, or family life. Although clinical services are provided, the main emphasis is on services that are low-intensity and typically emphasize a supportive environment. This would include services that would focus on recovery skills, preventing relapse, improving emotional functioning, promoting personal responsibility and reintegrating the individual into the world of work, education, and family life.

In conjunction with DCF, Sunset House also maintains The American Society of Addiction Medicine or ASAM criteria. This professional society aims to promote the appropriate role of a facility or physician in the care of patients with a substance use disorder. ASAM was created in 1988 and is an approved and accepted model by The American Medical Association and looks to monitor placement criteria so that patients are not placed in a level of care that does not meet the needs of their specific diagnosis, in essence protecting the patients with the sole ethical aim to do no harm.

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LIVING BEYOND

By Dr. Asa Don Brown, Ph.D., C.C.C., D.N.C.C.M., F.A.A.E.T.S.

THE EFFECTS OF BODY SHAMING

Have you ever stopped to question, ‘why I am entertaining other people’s messages’?

What is it about the human psyche that causes us to feel a need to appease others? Are we conditioned to be a passive society? Do we listen to the words of others because it makes us feel accepted?

We live in a society that is conditioned by the media, our educational system, our communities, our neighbors, places of worship and our families. From our earliest of memories, we are taught what is right and what is wrong. We are informed of what to wear and what not to. We have been told by a variety of practitioners what our ideal weight and height should be. Our parents may have even been given a growth chart to track our weight and height throughout our development. As a society, we have become very conditioned to think that our bodies must fit into a specific set of parameters. It is strangely funny that we have a need not only to track our body mass index, but that every person must fall within a certain guideline.

The world is so obsessed with body image that there are ads that target specific issues. Beauty magazines are constantly offering tips on how to lose weight; to improve your appearance; what clothes to wear and what not to; and why we should care.

What is Body Shaming?

Body shaming is not gender, weight, height, or body specific. At its core, body shaming is the intentional act to humiliate another. It occurs through mocking, critical comments and shaming related to one’s body type. It is the intent of an individual not only to humiliate another, but to cause them to conform to a specific standard. Body shaming is anything that causes an individual to feel shame or disgust in relationship to his or her own body. It perpetuates a false impression of the right body type and fuels self-doubt and issues related to self-esteem. It contributes to a number of psychological, physiological and mental health disorders.

Body shaming may be a projection of one’s own perceptions and worldview placed on the canvas of another. If I am not comfortable in my own skin, then I may deflect my own insecurities onto the image of another. Essentially, body shaming is anything that compromises the integrity and security of another.

Shame has become the norm in our society. We live in a world where we are taught to be jealous of one another. Jealousy is fostered through the media by images of the perfect body and the perfect look. The media is not the only one to blame; television and the movies have a major influence on the ever evolving and changing definition of the ideal body. In today’s society, the problem with the concept of the ideal body is unrealistic and unattainable for a majority of people. We, as a society, are also to blame for this unrealistic and often unattainable body type.

The media is so enamored with the “perfect body” that ad campaigns often reflect it. In 2014, Victoria Secret had an ad campaign called “The Perfect Body” which was promoting the “Body” lingerie line. The backlash had a boomeranging effect and could be felt globally. Victoria Secret had made a major misstep in its ad campaign. Ad campaigns are not the only ones to blame for body shaming. Body shaming occurs throughout our society and is no longer isolated to the well-known. In recent years, there has been an uptick of body shaming occurring on social media. According to a study conducted by the Dove Beauty Company, there are more and more women looking to social media for beauty tips, inspiration, and confirmation of their personal beauty. Sadly, Doves findings are alarming. Here are some key findings from our recent study- The Real Truth About Beauty: Revisited

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• Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful (up from 2% in 2004) • Only 11% of girls globally are comfortable describing themselves as ‘beautiful’ • 72% of girls feel tremendous pressure to be beautiful • 80% of women agree that every woman has something about her that is beautiful, but do not see their own beauty • More than half of women globally (54%) agree that when it comes to how they look, they are their own worst beauty critic While Dove did not examine men, I am willing to bet that the same would hold true for men as well. Men are frequently bombarded with messages of masculinity and the right body type. Men are just as vulnerable, susceptible and impressionable as women. The truth is, it remains a silent discussion that we have yet to openly explore.

BODY SHAMING Why Does Body Shaming Occur?

How does body shaming affect us?

Body shaming occurs for many different reasons. While the reasons may vary, the outcome of the shame remains the same.

Whether the body shaming is intentional or not, it has an ability of decaying the perception of self and worldview.

• Parents often have the best of intentions, but not all parents are equipped to communicate concern. Be diligent that you are supportive of your child and not the cause of your child’s feelings of vulnerability. You may have a desire for your children to thrive and be well, but focusing too much energy on a child’s physique, can cause your child to develop internal issues related to his or her own self-esteem and self-image.

• The media focuses a great deal of its attention on the perceived perfect body. The idolization of body types can be an attraction for someone who feels that they are unattractive or that they have the wrong body type.

• Being uncomfortable in your own body can skew your perceptions and worldviews. It’s critically important that you are not only comfortable with your own body type, but that you are accepting of your body.

• Commenting on an individual’s choice of food or beverage can create apprehension and become an individual’s internal dialogue. Be diligent to focus on nutrition rather than diet.

• Be aware of the language with which you are communicating.

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Body shaming occurs through the least obvious of gestures and communications. If you are joking that someone is too thin or too fat, they may internalize this communication as shame.

• When we place too much emphasis on an individual’s physical appearance rather than his or her abilities, talents, and state of mind.

• Judging an individual’s sexuality can be a catalyst of an individual feeling shame and embarrassment. Our sexuality is the way with which we express ourselves and reveal our bodies.

Judging an individual based on the way with which they dress can create an overly conscience individual concerned about their own appearance.

• Judging someone based on issues with body image. An individual who is struggling with body issues will only feel more intense issues if they are pressured to do the opposite.

• Placing too much emphasis on being thin can have a negative effect.

• Let us not forget that there are no absolutes when it comes to body image. The issues span all weights and body types.

It ranges from individuals struggling with being overweight, underweight and at the right weight.

Do not be confused with body shaming and concern for our health.

There are people who are genuinely concerned for our health and well-being, but they too can be confused with the two. There are individuals who may be shaming us through a veil of concern. It is sometimes difficult to distinguish between genuine care and shaming.

Body shaming is not exclusively a female issue, rather it is everyone’s issue. Men also have issues with feeling and experiencing body shame. We seldom consider the fact that men struggle just like their counterpart. Body shaming knows no allies. It occurs in the gym, on the track, in the boardroom, in your

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home. The media is the greatest instigator of body shaming. The messages created by the media often employ attractive individuals posing with a product, but in reality, the attractive model may never even have tried this product.

BECOMING WHOLE The Renfrew Center Foundation for Eating Disorders, “has estimated that only 5% of North Americans have body types similar to those portrayed in the media.” Are you trying to live up to the media’s hype of perfection? Are you going to continue to allow the media to define you?

Learning to unconditionally love, accept, and approve of yourself does not have to be a lifelong journey. Do not be dismayed if the journey has a few curves or obstacles in the road. You are capable of achieving a life beyond the shame. After all, you are a person worthy and capable of being the best you.

We need a global lesson on unconditional acceptance, approval and love. We must realize that we are so much more than this outer shell called our body. You are a person deserving of unconditional love, acceptance and approval. You must begin recognizing and believing that you are deserving of the best. We must stop shaming and judging people based on their body type. If you are feeling overwhelmed with social media, consider taking a break.

Be mindful of the conversations you have with others, and do not entertain conversations that are belittling or unbecoming. Do your best to avoid conversations or messages that are not uplifting of your person. Body shaming occurs for many different reasons, but the greatest of these is our acceptance of the message. Without the acceptance, the shame has no leverage in our lives.

Reference Provided Upon Request Dr. Asa Don Brown, Ph.D., C.C.C., D.N.C.C.M., F.A.A.E.T.S. Website: www.asadonbrown.com

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DETACHING FROM OUR FALSE SELF

By Maxim W. Furek, MA, CADC, ICADC

Humans are a troubled lot. Inundated by waves of fear and uncertainty, we welcome pain into our lives and needlessly suffer.

Like psychotic shape shifters, we revisit the ugly past and daunting future, gradually driven insane by our own dark thoughts.

The cause of this insanity resides in our egoic monkey mind, a toxic creature feasting on conflict and disorder. It poisons our world view, antagonizes us, and makes our lives unbearable. Drowning ourselves in a sea of madness, we vacillate between yesterday and tomorrow, forcing some to the point of desperation. In her article, ‘Sobriety, Depression and Suicide,’ psychologist Deborah Serani documents the rampant enormity of the problem: Though suicide is the most preventable kind of death, over 3000 people die by suicide each day. Mathematically measured another way, 1 million people each year die by suicide.

It is estimated that there are more suicide deaths worldwide then all deaths caused by accidents, natural disasters, wars and homicides combined. Serani, whose clinical specialty is depression, concluded that someone dies by suicide every 40 seconds.

Ongoing War The reasons for this terrible crisis represent an innate part of the human condition. A war is being waged inside our minds with competing forces, both extreme opposites, fighting for total dominance. On one side is our true or spiritual self. It resides at our center, realized only through courage and self-awareness. On the other side lurks the false self, the waste product of a toxic ego and chattering monkey mind.

The false self, created by an ego that demands rigorous comparison and competition, is a role used to survive in a hostile world. The ego compels us to join the “rat race” driving many individuals to the zenith of competition, spinning on that never-ending hamster wheel, and working themselves to death. The ego controls the false self, instructing that we are better than others, dictating that we acquire materialistic goods, worn like military insignias, and deceptively greet the world with false pride. Tormented by its nagging and seductive voice, we are prevented from enjoying the bliss of the moment.

Our egoic mind thrives in the knowledge that misery loves company, and far too many suffer of this human plight. Depressed and angry, like charging stormtroopers, we view the world in warlike terms. We attack fear through anger. Feeling victimized, we blame others and seek retribution. Consumed with bitter resentment, we list everyone believed to have harmed us and mentally hurt them back. This weapon of righteous revenge, a churlish fantasy replayed over and over again, destroys our inner peace, while pleasing our monkey mind.

Conformity preaches The biggest mistake we make is looking for answers outside ourselves. Because we feel flawed and empty, we look externally for completeness. Although happiness has been defined as intimacy with God and the experience of God’s loving presence, we devalue our sacred self by wandering elsewhere for such blessings. Theologian Thomas Keating writes about how we search erroneously for that elusive key: “Everybody is looking for this key and nobody knows where to find it. The human condition is thus poignant in the extreme. If you want help as you look for the key in the wrong place, you can get plenty of it, because everyone is looking in the wrong place, too: where there is more light, pleasure, security, power, acceptance by others. We have a sense of solidarity in the search without any possibility of finding what we are looking for.”

“Know thyself,” Greek philosopher Socrates (470 – 399 BC), advised his students. Socrates’ instruction was not intended to

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be an easy task, but an arduous lifelong quest, searching for our sacred self. Another reference appeared during the 17th Century, when Shakespeare’s Polonius advised Laertes, “This above all: to thine own self be true.”

Author Shannon L. Alder was correct when she said, “One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.” Since birth, we are bombarded with messages that shape and define us. We want to please and be accepted by others, and place significance on what they think and say. Assuming behaviors which reflect the beliefs, superstitions, and values in our environment, we gradually adopt some or all of these variables, wrapped in our own unique cloak of experience and perception. Like mindless stick figures, we abdicate our power and willingly conform.

Conformity preaches that one should be like their peers, following rules, coloring inside the lines, being obedient, and not rocking the boat. But, being exactly like others is not being true to ourselves and, as we sink into the quagmire of conformity, we lose sight of who we are.

It takes courage to march against the maddening crowd and it is difficult to raise our voice in protest, especially when we are outshouted by the masses. Individuals like Copernicus, Gandhi, and Jesus Christ faced ostracism and death because of their non-conformity, yet, remained steadfast in their beliefs. American clergyman Ralph W. Sockman (1889-1970) stated it this way, “The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.”

Inspirational writer Madisyn Taylor believes that in order to remain true to ourselves, detachment is a necessary step to selfawareness. She wrote: Cutting the cord can help you separate yourself from old baggage, unnecessary attachments, and release you from connections that are no longer serving you… By cutting the cords that no longer need to be there, you are setting yourself and others free from the ties that bind.

Profound Journey The incessant blathering from our egoic monkey brain can be abolished, but only through self-control. We have the ability to control our thoughts and silence the voice of the false self. The Buddha taught that the source of this background chatter comes from the delusions of an uncontrolled mind. Buddha, the Able One, said, “It is not possible to control all external events; but, if I simply control my mind, what need is there to control other things?”

Lao Tzu (601 BC – unknown) understood the importance of self-

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control and inner strength. As the first philosopher of Chinese Daoism, he observed, “Mastering others is strength, mastering yourself is true power.” That same message, revealing profound words of empowerment, has been passed down throughout the ages. These important reminders instruct us that we have the ability to control our thoughts, behaviors, and destiny. Psychiatrist Gerald G. Jampolsky emphasizes these sentiments in his book Love is Letting Go of Fear.

He believes that instead of attempting to control the external world: …we can control our inner world by choosing what thoughts we want to have in our mind. We all have the power to direct our minds to replace feelings of being upset, depressed and fearful with the feelings of inner peace.

Finding our way out of the confusing maze of the false self requires that we sever the cords that bind us and make an intentional break from the endless noise and competition. We need to stop being self-centered, and instead be centered in the self. Complete detachment is the road to enlightenment.

Ancient scholars knew that our lifetime journey encompasses one of transformation and self-discovery. It will be the most important calling we will undertake as we honor our Higher Power and discover our spiritual self. The Beatitudes, delivered in Christ’s Sermon on the Mount, instruct, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” Such spiritual vision allows us to revel in the peace dwelling within us and savor the bouquet of stillness.

We can replace the world’s madness with the love that dwells within. As we embrace our spirituality and breathe in the present

GUIDE TO SOBRIETY DURING THE HOLIDAYS

By Frederick Goggans, MD

Continued from page 4

should suffice. Some people, however, might still try to push you to have a drink. Politely decline their offer once again and move on.

Keep triggers in mind There may be certain things that may push you to use alcohol or another type of drug, such as thinking about a recent loss. Consider sharing these triggering thoughts with someone whom you trust.

This sharing may help you to cope.

Consider yourself Think about whether your holiday “obligations” are truly obligatory.

Do you really need to go to the holiday office party? Do you have to go to that family get-together? Don’t go to an event that is going to heighten your risk of consuming alcohol or some other type of drug.

It’s not worth it.

This year, you may find yourself in a better place than you were in last year. There could be an opportunity for you to take stock of your success and get validation from your loved ones. Be sure to celebrate your sobriety and be sure to celebrate soberly!

Frederick Goggans, MD, is the medical director of Borden Cottage, a McLean Hospital Signature Addiction Recovery Program located in Camden, Maine. Dr. Goggans oversees a team of expert clinicians who provide residential treatment for individuals with drug and alcohol addictions.

Addiction to alcohol, opiates, or other substances is a serious psychiatric illness, most often complicated by other mental health diagnoses such as depression and anxiety. At McLean Hospital, we are committed to providing exceptional clinical care to help individuals work toward recovery. If you or a loved one needs help overcoming addiction, please call 877.203.1211 to learn more about our Signature Addiction Recovery Programs. https://www. mcleanhospital.org/treatment/signature-addiction-recovery

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moment, forgiveness and acceptance will fill our lives. We alone can make this journey and effect this change. Perhaps not today, and perhaps not tomorrow—but when the time is right, when we are ready, and Deo juvante (with God’s help).

Maxim W. Furek has a rich background that includes aspects of psychology, addictions, mental health and music journalism. His book The Death Proclamation of Generation X: A Self-Fulfilling Prophesy of Goth, Grunge and Heroin explores the dark marriage between grunge music and the beginning of the opioid crisis. Learn more at www.shepptonmyth.com

6 PARENTING TIPS FOR WHEN ADDICTION RUNS IN THE FAMILY

By Dr. Beau Nelson

Continued from page 14

• Create healthy family norms. Family norms are behaviors that happen regularly enough that they define your family culture.

Ideally, these defining behaviors should be positive ones that help to insulate your child from addiction.

Here is an example of a positive norm that I heard recently: let your child know in a gentle and loving way that you will be waiting up for them when they come home late from a party. When they come home, give them a hug, look them in the eye, and see if you can smell anything on their breath or clothes. When your child knows this is a norm, they will be less likely to experiment with drugs and alcohol.

Some other norms that parents can put into place for their children: • Dropping off and picking up your child from a late-night party • Showing up unannounced at a party with a friendly donation of pizza or donuts • Hosting really fun, sober parties at your home • Giving your child an easy out from peer invitations to experiment with drugs or alcohol: This can mean establishing a simple communication protocol with your child. Say, for example, that Ricky is at a party where his friends are pressuring him to vape, and Ricky is feeling uncomfortable. With an agreed-upon protocol for precisely these sorts of situations, you can help Ricky by being his easy excuse for not vaping. In this case, that might look like Ricky texting the cue that he needs your help and you following suit, with a text he can then share with his friends: something along the lines of, “Something has come up and I need you home immediately.” That’s a rock-solid excuse for why Ricky can’t vape and an easy out from the peer pressure.

Two More Addiction Prevention Tools - Negative Consequences and a Healthy Parent-Child Relationship Ultimately, no parent can prevent their child from experimenting with drugs and alcohol. Kids will experiment, and that’s just part of growing up. But there is good news even here. Often, a really bad hangover can be a better teacher than the very best parenting advice. While it’s incredibly hard for any parent to watch their child suffer from a poor decision, often those negative consequences will be the very thing that a child needs to make wiser choices in the future.

In the end, when you’re prioritizing your relationship with your child, that is your best defense against addiction. When kids know their parents are unconditionally in their court and are emotionally available, that builds their self-esteem and helps them feel grounded.

From there, it’s a lot easier to “just say ‘no’” to their addiction genes.

Dr. Beau Nelson heads the Clinical Services department at FHE Health, a nationally recognized behavioral health provider treating addiction and mental health conditions. Learn more about FHE Health’s treatment programs here. https://fherehab.com/

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ADDICTION RECOVERY BEGINS HERE. McLean’s Signature Recovery Programs specialize in teaching the skills necessary for sustained recovery from drugs and alcohol while also treating common co-existing conditions such as depression and anxiety.

It’s not easy, but together, we will find the answers.

To learn more, visit mcleanhospital.org/addiction

Ranked #1 in psychiatry

by U.S. News & World Report

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