Feb14 issue

MAKING PEACE WITH YOUR PAST: CHOOSING HEALTH AND HAPPINESS A FATHER’S PROMISE TO THE SON HE LOST THE NAME OF THE GAME 3 TIPS TO RESTORE HEALTH AND ENHANCE RECOVERY OBESITY AND ADDICTION NO SUCH THING AS A FINAL FAILURE THE GENIUS OF JOURNAL WRITING

DENIAL FABLES DYING TO BE THIN WHY DRUG ADDICTION IS RIFE AMONG OUR VETERANS FIGHTING THE DEVIL WITHIN WHOSE ADDICTION IS IT ANYWAY? CO-DEPENDENCY RECOVERY WHEN HELPING HURTS

Working with professionals to bring families back together.

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A LETTER FROM THE PUBLISHER Dear Readers, I welcome you to The Sober World magazine. This magazine is being directly mailed each month to anyone that has been arrested due to drugs and alcohol in Palm Beach County. It is also distributed locally to all Palm Beach County High School Guidance Counselors, Middle School Coordinators, Palm Beach County Drug Court, Broward County School Substance Abuse Expulsion Program, Broward County Court Unified Family Division, Local Colleges and other various locations. We also directly mail to many rehabs throughout the state and country.

We are expanding our mission to assist families worldwide in their search for information about Drug and Alcohol Abuse.

Our monthly magazine is available for free on our website at www.thesoberworld.com.

If you would like to receive an E-version monthly of the magazine, please send your e-mail address to patricia@thesoberworld.com Drug addiction has reached epidemic proportions throughout the country and is steadily increasing. It is being described as “the biggest man-made epidemic” in the United States. More people are dying from drug overdoses than from any other cause of injury death, including traffic accidents, falls or guns.

Many Petty thefts are drug related, as the addicts need for drugs causes them to take desperate measures in order to have the ability to buy their drugs. The availability of prescription narcotics is overwhelming; as parents our hands are tied.

Doctors continue writing prescriptions for drugs such as Oxycontin, and Oxycodone (which is an opiate drug and just as addictive as heroin) to young adults in their 20’s and 30’s right up to the elderly in their 70”s, thus, creating a generation of addicts.

Did you know that Purdue Pharma, the company that manufactures Oxycontin generated $3.1 BILLION in revenue in 2010? Scary isn’t it?

Addiction is a disease but there is a terrible stigma attached to it. As family members affected by this disease, we are often too ashamed to speak to anyone about our loved ones addiction, feeling that we will be judged. We try to pass it off as a passing phase in their lives, and some people hide their head in the sand until it becomes very apparent such as through an arrest, getting thrown out of school or even worse an overdose, that we realize the true extent of their addiction.

provide medical supervision to help them through the withdrawal process, There are Transport Services that will scoop up your resistant loved one (under 18 yrs. old) and bring them to the facility you have chosen. There are long term Residential Programs (sometimes a year and longer) as well as short term programs (30-90 days), there are Therapeutic Boarding Schools, Wilderness programs, Extended Living and there are Sober Living Housing where they can work, go to meetings and be accountable for staying clean.

Many times a Criminal Attorney will try to work out a deal with the court to allow your child or loved one to seek treatment as an alternative to jail. I know how overwhelming this period can be for you and I urge every parent or relative of an addict to get some help for yourself. There are many groups that can help you. There is Al-Anon, Alateen (for teenagers), Families Anonymous, Nar-Anon and more. This is a disease that affects the whole family, not just the parents.

These groups allow you to share your thoughts and feelings. As anonymous groups, your anonymity is protected. Anything said within those walls are not shared with anyone outside the room. You share only your first name, not your last name. This is a wonderful way for you to be able to openly convey what has been happening in your life as well as hearing other people share their stories. You will find that the faces are different but the stories are all too similar. You will also be quite surprised to see how many families are affected by drug and alcohol addiction.

Addiction knows no race or religion; it affects the wealthy as well as the poor, the highly educated, old, young-IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE. This magazine is dedicated to my son Steven who graduated with top honors from University of Central Florida. He graduated with a degree in Psychology, and was going for his Masters in Applied Behavioral Therapy.

He was a highly intelligent, sensitive young man who helped many people get their lives on the right course. He could have accomplished whatever he set his mind out to do. Unfortunately, after graduating from college he tried a drug that was offered to him not realizing how addictive it was and the power it would have over him.

My son was 7 months clean when he relapsed and died of a drug overdose.

I hope this magazine helps you find the right treatment for your loved one.

They have a disease and like all diseases, you try to find the best care suited for their needs. They need help.

I know that many of you who are reading this now are frantic that their loved one has been arrested. No parent ever wants to see his or her child arrested or put in jail, but this may be your opportunity to save your child or loved one’s life.

They are more apt to listen to you now than they were before, when whatever you said may have fallen on deaf ears. This is the point where you know your loved one needs help, but you don’t know where to begin.

Deaths from prescription drug overdose have been called the “silent epidemic” for years. There is approximately one American dying every 17 minutes from an accidental prescription drug overdose. Please don’t allow your loved one to become a statistic. I hope you have found this magazine helpful. You may also visit us on the web at www.thesoberworld.com.

I have compiled this informative magazine to try to take that fear and anxiety away from you and let you know there are many options to choose from.

I want to wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day.

There are Psychologists and Psychiatrists that specialize in treating people with addictions. There are Education Consultants that will work with you to figure out what your loved ones needs are and come up with the best plan for them. There are Interventionists who will hold an intervention and try to convince your loved one that they need help. There are detox centers that

We are also on Face Book at The Sober World and Sober-World Steven.

Sincerely,

Patricia

Publisher

Patricia@TheSoberWorld.com To Advertise, Call 561-910-1943

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IMPORTANT HELPLINE NUMBERS

ADV E RT I S I N G O P P O RT U N I T I E S

211 PALM BEACH/TREASURE COAST 211 WWW.211PALMBEACH.ORG FOR THE TREASURE COAST WWW.211TREASURECOAST.ORG FOR TEENAGERS WWW.TEEN211PBTC.ORG AAHOTLINE-NORTH PALM BEACH 561-655-5700 WWW.AA-PALMBEACHCOUNTY.ORG AA HOTLINE- SOUTH COUNTY 561-276-4581 WWW.AAINPALMBEACH.ORG The Sober World is a FREE magazine for families and parents who FLORIDA ABUSE HOTLINE 1-800-962-2873 have loved ones with addiction problems. We offer an E-version of WWW.DCF.STATE.FL.US/PROGRAMS/ABUSE/ the magazine monthly. If you are interested in having a copy e-mailed, AL-ANON- PALM BEACH COUNTY 561-278-3481 please send your request to patricia@thesoberworld.com WWW.SOUTHFLORIDAALANON.ORG AL-ANON- NORTH PALM BEACH 561-882-0308 For Advertising opportunities in our magazine or on our website, WWW.PALMBEACHAFG.ORG please contact Patricia at 561-910-1943.

FAMILIES ANONYMOUS 847-294-5877 We invite you to visit our newly redesigned website at

(USA) 800-736-9805

(LOCAL) 561-236-8183 www.thesoberworld.com CENTER FOR GROUP COUNSELING 561-483-5300 In the new format, you will find our expanded list of resources and WWW.GROUPCOUNSELING.ORG services, important links and announcements, gift, books and articles CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS 561-364-5205 from contributors throughout the country.

WWW.PBCODA.COM COCAINE ANONYMOUS 954-779-7272 As part of our effort to improve our magazines online presence, we now WWW.FLA-CA.ORG have included an interactive forum where we invite and encourage you COUNCIL ON COMPULSIVE GAMBLING 800-426-7711 to voice your opinion, share your thoughts and experiences.

WWW.GAMBLINGHELP.ORG CRIMESTOPPERS 800-458-TIPS (8477) We strongly encourage those in recovery and seeking recovery WWW.CRIMESTOPPERSPBC.COM to join the forums as well.

CRIME LINE 800-423-TIPS (8477) Please note: Our forum allows you to leave comments anonymously.

WWW.CRIMELINE.ORG DEPRESSION AND MANIC DEPRESSION 954-746-2055 Please visit us on Face Book at WWW.MHABROWARD The Sober World or Sober-World Steven FLORIDA DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 800-500-1119 Again, I would like to thank all my advertisers that have made this magazine WWW.FCADV.ORG possible, and have given us the ability to reach people around the world that are FLORIDA HIV/AIDS HOTLINE 800-FLA-AIDS (352-2437) affected by drug or alcohol abuse. I can’t tell you all the people that have reached FLORIDA INJURY HELPLINE 800-510-5553 out to thank us for providing this wonderful resource.

GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS 800-891-1740 WWW.GA-SFL.ORG and WWW.GA-SFL.COM HEPATITUS B HOTLINE 800-891-0707 JEWISH FAMILY AND CHILD SERVICES 561-684-1991 WWW.JFCSONLINE.COM LAWYER ASSISTANCE 800-282-8981 MARIJUANA ANONYMOUS 800-766-6779 WWW.MARIJUANA-ANONYMOUS.ORG NARC ANON FLORIDA REGION 888-947-8885 WWW.NARANONFL.ORG NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS-PALM BEACH 561-848-6262 WWW.PALMCOASTNA.ORG NATIONAL RUNAWAY SWITCHBOARD 800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) WWW.1800RUNAWAY.ORG NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) WWW.SUICIDOLOGY.ORG ONLINE MEETING FOR MARIJUANA WWW.MA-ONLINE.ORG OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS- BROWARD COUNTY WWW.GOLDCOAST.OAGROUPS.ORG OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS- PALM BEACH COUNTY WWW.OAPALMBEACHFL.ORG RUTH RALES JEWISH FAMILY SERVICES 561-852-3333 WWW.RUTHRALESJFS.ORG WOMEN IN DISTRESS 954-761-1133 PALM BEACH COUNTY MEETING HALLS

CENTRAL HOUSE 2170 W ATLANTIC AVE.

SW CORNER OF ATLANTIC & CONGRESS CLUB OASIS 561-694-1949 CROSSROADS 561-278-8004 WWW.THECROSSROADSCLUB.COM EASY DOES IT 561-433-9971 LAMBDA NORTH CLUBHOUSE WWW.LAMBDANORTH.ORG THE MEETING PLACE 561-255-9866 WWW.THEMEETINGPLACEINC.COM THE TRIANGLE CLUB 561-832-1110 WWW.THETRIANGLECLUBWPB.COM BROWARD COUNTY MEETING HALLS 12 STEP HOUSE 954-523-4984

205 SW 23RD STREET 101 CLUB 700 SW 10TH DRIVE & DIXIE HWY LAMBDA SOUTH CLUB 954-761-9072 WWW.LAMBDASOUTH.COM POMPANO BEACH GROUP SW CORNER OF SE 2ND & FEDERAL HWY PRIDE CENTER 954-463-9005 WWW.PRIDECENTERFLORIDA.ORG WEST BROWARD CLUB 954-476-8290 WWW.WESTBROWARDCLUB.ORG

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For more information contact Patricia at 561-910-1943

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5

MAKING PEACE WITH YOUR PAST: CHOOSING HEALTH AND HAPPINESS

By Dr. Asa Don Brown, Ph.D.,C.C.C.,N.C.C.M

“A life lived without forgiveness is a prison.” ~ William Arthur Ward Forgiveness is not only a state of mind, but it is a state of being. It is woven through the very essence of our being. Forgiveness is a constant attitude occurring through a purposeful action. As humans, we are instinctively designed to forgive. It is only when we choose not to forgive that our minds, bodies, and spirits begin to experience disrepair. Those who choose not to forgive, choose to harbor the wrongs of others and of their own person, frequently have physical and psychological signs. Forgiveness cleanses the body, ridding it of the decay of negativity, disappointment, and heartache.

It is through the act of forgiveness, that we can live a balanced and welladjusted life. Forgiveness is the key to live life productively.

FORGIVENESS OF OTHERS Forgiving others, especially our enemies is a challenge indeed. What if you had committed a wrong against another? Would you not have a deep desire to be forgiven? Have you ever experienced the denial of your repentance? What sort of effect did this have on your person? Were you shattered by the unwavering and unyielding of the person or persons you had wronged?

As a clinician, I have met a variety of patients / clients who’s hearts ache to be forgiven. As an individual, I too have had the experience of others denying the acceptance of my repentance. The denial of our repentance can have a penetrating effect, plunging like a dagger deep into the very core of our being. For so many, forgiveness and the lack of forgiveness can prove a major stumbling block.

If we deny accepting the repentance of another, then we are intentionally and purposefully hanging on to the wrongs of the past. The wrongs of the past serve as a coat-of-arms. We identify our coat-of-arms as a shield of honor, but the reality is, our coat-of-arms is shielding the very nature of our person from allowing others to enter. It is serving as a warning sign, informing others to tread lightly, because I will remove them from my life, if they wrong me.

For people who long for the acceptance of their repentance, they will continue to be haunted by their past wrongs as long as they choose to hang onto them.

WHAT REALLY IS FORGIVENESS? “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. Forgiveness is the intentional act or process of pardoning or offering absolution unto another.

Furthermore, it is the intentional act or process of accepting my own personal responsibility in an act or an event. True repentance is expressed through sincere regret and remorse of our wrongs. Therefore, I must forgive my own person, if I truly desire to heal from wrongful acts.

Forgiveness is a three way street. It is the act of contrition, which is a state of feeling remorseful, sorrowful, regretful and penitent for the wrongs that we have committed. It is also the responsibility of the person accepting our humbled and broken heart, which engages the act of forgiveness.

Most importantly, whether or not those we have wronged will accept our repentance, we must be willing to forgive ourselves. For forgiving our own person allows the individual to move forward in life. Unfortunately, not everyone will pardon or offer absolution of the wrongs we have committed.

Therefore, it is absolutely necessary that we forgive our own person simultaneously, when we request others to forgive the deeds or acts that we have committed. Always remember, forgiveness is a continuous act not a momentary embrace.

THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS The psychology behind forgiveness is unexplainable on many levels, but it is undeniable that there is absolute power behind the act of forgiveness.

It is unremarkable how the effects of forgiveness can remove decades of heartache and pain. Research suggests that forgiveness is not a guarantee that the wrongs we have committed will be wiped from the minds of others. Moreover, forgiveness should never excuse or condone the reprehensible acts that are committed; rather it is liken a physical scar.

While the wound may be healed, the act or deed may have left a reminder of the pain we once suffered. However, if it is humanly possible, forgiving

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and forgetting is an ideal scenario indeed.

The power of forgiveness has the capability of wiping the slate of our minds clean. Have you ever asked yourself, what was the origin of my anger? Why have I had such resentment or hostility towards another?

Have you ever struggled to recall the details of your anger? If so, forgiveness can have the same effect upon our ability to move beyond the wrongs committed against us. Let me ask, if you place a condition on your forgiveness, have you not limited or restricted your willingness to forgive?

Are we sincerely forgiving another, if we limit or restrict the components of our forgiveness?

The power of forgiveness is not an absolute declaration that your mind will be sped free and clear of the wrongs that you have committed, or those committed against you. In some cases, forgiveness may be a continuous act for an unspecified amount of time, mirroring an act of daily contrition or penance. While an absolute wiping of our memories would be ideal; sometimes forgiveness and forgetting do not occur simultaneously. Yet, if we want to move beyond the restraints of the past, you must be willing to let go of the memories associated with those wrongs. Keeping the wrongs alive will embed the negativity in your mind. Remember a scar is just a reminder of a history, it is not the pain we may have once endured.

FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE Forgiveness is a thoughtful and conscientious choice. We may need to choose to forgive another, even if the wrongdoer never offers a remorseful spirit. Forgiving others, allows the very essence of our person to move forward, leaving the egregious acts in the past. As a clinician, I have had so many individuals’ struggles with the wrongs committed against them. As a person, I too have struggled with the wrongs that have been casted my way, but I can wholeheartedly admit, once I have sincerely and completely offered forgiveness, the chains that have bound me unto the harm are released from my person.

Releasing the chains that have captivated us, allows for other more pleasant memories to occupy our minds.

As someone who has wronged and been wronged, I can tell you that I have learned the benefits of forgiveness. When I have struggled to let go of the past, “I” have been the captive of that wrong. Forgiveness is a choice, and if I choose not to forgive, then I place myself in a constant state of captivity. If I choose to forgive, it is in not an indication of my acceptance of a wrong once committed, or a condolence of the egregious act; rather it is my desire to rid my mind of the harm that was injected into my life. Forgiveness is the measure whereby I declare the deed or act is over. It is an intentional declaration that I no longer need to carry the chains that have weighed me down. I no longer want to think upon the negativity that has plagued my mind, body and spirit.

Forgiveness is an intentional choice of letting go of the past, acknowledging those who are pleading for the acceptance of their broken heart, and/or allowing my own broken person to remove the chains that have bound me to be released from my person.

THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND REMEMBERING WRONGS If I intentionally choose not to forgive, I will most assuredly be plagued with the memories associated with the wrongs once committed. If I choose not to forgive, I can be assured that the negativity will have a dire effect upon my person. Research has shown that recall of wrongs committed in the past, can lead to a variety of physiological and psychological problems including the development of cardiovascular heart disease, cancer, hypertension, psychological and psychiatric disorders, and a host of other physiological and psychological problems. We seldom consider negativity or the recall of negative events as a stress, but there is no doubt that negativity is encapsulated with stress.

Remembering the past is like placing an anchor around your neck. At first, you may be capable of resisting the weight, but in time the weight will take a toll upon your ability to function. Consider the following, if you are already weighed down by the stressors of the past, how will additional stress have an effect upon your overall person?

The psychology associated with reliving the past, and harms associated with the past, is extremely controversial. Psychologists have long debated Continued on page 30

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7

A FATHER’S PROMISE TO THE SON HE LOST

By Gary Mendell, Founder and CEO, Shatterproof

I know what it’s like to have your family shattered by addiction to alcohol and other drugs.

For almost 10 years, my son Brian struggled with this disease and its cycle of shame, isolation, and failure. And for the entire time, my family searched for the right treatments and support for my son—and for our whole family.

But we had so little support navigating the complex web of rehab facilities, physicians, and therapists. Despite our desperate attempts— and despite Brian’s courageous fight—he died a little over two years ago, on October 20, 2011. He was 25 years old.

Even more tragic, it was not just addiction that took my son’s life. It was also the shame he felt every morning when he opened his eyes. I believe it was the sense of being an outcast from society that drove Brian to take his own life.

If you know someone who has struggled with addiction, then you know all too well the pain and anguish of watching a loved one in the clutches of this disease. It’s a story that plays out again and again and again, touching more than 100 million Americans. Every four minutes we lose another child, spouse, sibling, cousin, nephew, niece, grandparent, or friend to addiction.

After Brian passed away, inspired by his life spent helping others, I made him a promise: Enough…Enough. I would dedicate myself to creating a national movement to comprehensively fight this disease. It’s the same formula that has worked for cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and countless other afflictions, and it can work for addiction.

In the past 18 months, working closely with two distinguished advisory

boards, a powerful vision emerged…an America transformed…

• An America where millions of Americans are united within one national organization and empowered to create change; • An America where parents are given the knowledge they need to protect their children from this disease; • An America where proven research is taken from academic journals and implemented in schools and pediatricians’ offices across our nation; • An America where treatment programs are regulated and operate by following research-based protocols; • An America where promising new programs for long term recovery are developed, piloted, and implemented quickly and efficiently, to complement AA and NA; • An America where addiction is treated for what it is—not a measure of one’s character, but a disease—where those struggling with addiction are no longer discriminated against, but instead treated with the compassion they so rightly deserve as they are helped to get well.

Our vision is ambitious, but with your help, together we can and we will achieve it. Over the past months, we have been joined by countless families from across the nation. I invite you to join us as well.

One voice is a mere whisper; a chorus of voices can change the world…

It is too late for my son Brian and my family – my son will not be coming home. But it’s not too late to save another child, and another family, from addiction. We hope you will join our cause at www.shatterproof.org.

Gary Mendell, Shatterproof Founder

THE NAME OF THE GAME

By Candace Plattor, M.A.,R.C.C

Most of us are aware that we want to be treated with respect by other people. You probably find yourself becoming upset, angry or hurt when someone acts in a disrespectful way toward you, because it feels as if that person does not value you enough to treat you well.

SELF-RESPECT: WHAT EXACTLY IS IT? Self-respect works in the same way as being respected by others. When you value yourself enough to treat yourself well, you are acting in a selfrespecting way. If you take good care of yourself in healthy ways such as having clear and assertive boundaries, saying “No” when you need to, taking good care of your physical, emotional and spiritual needs, and putting your own important needs ahead of the needs of others when necessary, then you are exercising your self-respect.

And you will find that others take their cues from you, in terms of how to relate to you. For example, when people hear you talking about yourself in a derogatory way and putting yourself down, they will likely think less of you. However, if they see you valuing yourself and living your life in that manner, they will likely value you more as well.

As Dr. Phil so aptly reminds us, “We teach other people how to treat us.”

SELF-RESPECT HAS ITS ROOTS IN CHILDHOOD The way you treat yourself often has its roots in messages that you were given about yourself in childhood. The ways in which you were treated by your parents, caregivers, siblings, teachers, and even your friends have led you to believe that you either were or were not worthy, valuable or cherished. And you have most likely brought these same beliefs about yourself into your adult relationships, coloring the way you treat yourself in present time.

But you do not have to continue believing something about yourself that is not true!

Of course you are valuable and unique and special – you always were, and that is true of all of us. When you make the decision to empower yourself by choosing to believe the truth about who you are rather than what someone else may think of you, then you are on the road to selfrespect.

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SELF-RESPECT AND ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS Addictions can wreak havoc on our self-respect.

If you are grappling with an addictive behavior of any kind (such as alcohol or drug misuse, eating disorders, codependency in relationships, smoking, gambling or compulsive overspending), you know what I mean. On some level, you are aware that every time you indulge in that specific behavior, you feel badly about yourself. You know that you don’t really want to be doing what you’re doing, and that you would feel better about yourself inside if you could stop.

For many people with addictive behaviors, low self-respect has become a part of life – you may not even be aware of how different life could be for you if you could change how you act and thus how you feel about yourself.

Life is so much better when we have our self-respect!

SELF-RESPECT IS EARNED Here is an easy gauge to see how well you’re faring in terms of your self-respect. Ask yourself this question, and be willing to look honestly at your answers: “What do I need to do, or what do I need to NOT do, to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be okay with who I see?”

Each time you ask yourself that question, listen for your true answer and actually base your behavior on what you have heard. If you do this regularly, you will build up your self-respect. That is the name of the game, and it becomes the basis for all of your interactions, whether you are aware of that or not.

This may be a difficult change for you to make, however. If you are used to pleasing others instead of yourself, for example, your challenge may lie in learning how to put yourself first without feeling guilty or “selfish.” But if you continue to put others first and feel badly about yourself for doing that, your self-respect will suffer.

So here is the choice-point – what is more important to you: having other people like you or liking yourself?

Continued on page 28

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3 TIPS TO RESTORE HEALTH AND ENHANCE RECOVERY

By Dr. Michael J. De Vito

Office parties and festivities with family and friends have come to another close. Airports and mall parking lots are beginning to take on the look of sanity. And that last bit of dried up turkey has been discovered in the back of the refrigerator and given a proper send off. We are beginning a new year.

Now is a great time to change the focus from the people, obligations and events that have been surrounding us these past few months and re-focus on ourselves. Taking an honest look at where we may be in our present state of health and recovery. We know that successful recovery and a sound vibrant state of health is a Mind, Body, Spirit issue. So where do we stand and what can we do today to begin to improve? Let’s take a look. We’ll call it the New Year Health Recovery Check-up.

support vibrant health.

What is the quality of your water and how much water do you drink per day?

According to the latest report of findings at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, up to one quarter of the population of the United States suffer from occasional to chronic insomnia and lack of adequate rest. Other studies have the numbers even higher, approaching fifty percent of the population. That amounts to well over 100 million people and most likely that may include some of us. Insufficient rest and sleep is associated with chronic conditions such as type 2 diabetes, depression, obesity, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, accidental injuries and many other lifestyle maladies, including a decreased focus on health and recovery choices. Inadequate rest and sleep impairs memory and the processes of decision-making. Lack of sleep and rest greatly contributes to chronic fatigue, stress, anxiety and lack of energy. That puts our health and recovery at risk daily. Energy drinks, energy pills and sleep aids are not the answer. You cannot cheat on rest and sleep. Honestly evaluate your bedtime and sleep routine. Do you stay up too late at night and need an alarm clock to wake up for school or work? Are you going to bed right after watching the 11 o’clock news and shock report? Really? You want that garbage in your mind right before getting ready for bed? Maybe you could avoid the late night entertainers also. Perhaps even consider getting the big screen TV out of the bedroom. Stop the mental jamboree and read something positively creative or inspirational. Sleep on those thoughts.

Your body is approximately 70% water. The brain cells and blood are a bit higher, about 80%. Under average conditions you lose about 2 quarts of water per day due to normal body respiration and excretion. That water needs to be replaced and that water should be clean and pure. It should not be laden with chemicals such as chlorine, fluoride, pesticides, heavy metals and the many pharmaceutical and cleaning products that are not removed in the recycling and processing plants of municipal water systems. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against city tap water. In fact I use it daily to flush my toilet, wash my dishes and water my trees. But I don’t drink it! I strongly recommend adding a counter top home water distillation unit and making pure water part of your health recovery program. Distillation units remove up to 100% of the impurities in water and assure that any biological contamination such as parasites, bacteria and viruses are killed and never get into your drinking water. A reverse osmosis system is a good second choice. A carbon filtration system is also an acceptable start but it will not remove everything. I try not to drink water from plastic bottles whenever I can. A little research on your part will give you some reasons why I avoid storing food and water in plastic.

Why is our drinking water so vital to healthy recovery and my first recovery tip? First off, the water you drink directly affects brain function. Pure water is necessary for the proper production of neurotransmitters such as Serotonin, Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Endorphins and many others that have a major effect on the way we think, feel and the way we behave. Adequate hormone production is also related to and dependent on the pure water we bring into our bodies daily. Other noticeable benefits of drinking enough pure water daily is a healthier cardiovascular system, stronger musculoskeletal system, healthier joints, reduced effect of the aging process, weight loss and a more resilient immune system. Yes, all these benefits from pure water in the proper amount daily, and best of all it takes very little extra effort to make that lifestyle change. Try it for the next 30 days and see if you don’t notice a marked difference in the way you feel.

Are you eating Healthy Living Food? Give yourself a Living Food check-up.

We are Mind, Body and Spirit and just like our Mind and Spirit, that Body of ours needs to be properly nourished, not just fed. Healthy recovery is dependent on vital nutrients such as Enzymes, Amino Acids, Vitamins and Minerals, and these nutrients do not exist readily in dead processed foods.

Do a pantry, freezer and refrigerator survey. Has your average diet been dead foods that have a shelf life worthy of the pyramids? Make the pledge to start the New Year by adding some healthy living foods daily. Take a field trip to the produce department of your local grocery store. See anything that looks good for dinner tonight? You don’t have to make major changes.

Just make some healthy alterations and additions to your meals and snacks.

Build on those changes a little at a time. Don’t just make a bland lettuce salad, create a nutritional rainbow. Add berries, fresh fruits, bell peppers and other vegetables of all colors. Use more red, green and purple leafy lettuce. Eat and snack on as much raw living foods as you can. These colorful phytonutrients are full of Antioxidants, Amino Acids, Vitamins and Minerals in their natural form. Proper brain function requires all these building blocks for healthy neurochemistry. You will notice a difference in a very short time. Don’t kill your food during the cooking process. Maintain nutritional integrity.

Steamed vegetables retain much more nutritious enzymes and vitamins than food that has been fried, baked, boiled or over cooked. Eat more fresh fish and poultry but be sure to check out their source for better quality control.

Add cold pressed oils such as olive or coconut. Include foods rich in Omega 3 fatty acids so vital for the nervous and cardiovascular systems. You probably don’t have to make drastic changes just make a few significant alterations from dead lifeless processed foods to more fresh natural living foods that will

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Why is this so important to healthy recovery? Our brain and nervous system is receptor driven. That means that our mental health, our behaviors and our activities of daily life are only as sound as the neurotransmitters, circulating hormones and the receptors that they occupy. That requires complete proper nutrition. Any deficiency over time will compromise health and put recovery at risk. The steps we take toward living foods and the efforts we make to avoid dead processed lifeless food can only be beneficial towards a sound healthy recovery.

How much sleep are you getting? How rested are you when you start your day?

Did you have a heavy meal a couple of hours before trying to sleep? Even if the meals are healthy and natural, eating too late at night is detrimental to a good night’s sleep. Have your last meal at a reasonable time in the early evening. Plan your night with 8 hours of peaceful rest in mind. It may not happen the first night or the next but it will become a routine. Normal sleep has many cycles. Therefore, broken sleep can still provide adequate rest.

Don’t feel you have to sleep straight through the night. It is normal to wake on occasion and then fall right back to sleep. The goal is to wake up rested with stamina for the day ahead. Aerobic exercise such as walking and swimming are great and I recommend them highly to all my patients in recovery, but don’t do it within 2 to 3 hours of going to bed. Exercise increases hormone and neurotransmitter levels and that is one of the great benefits, but that increase can be detrimental to a good night’s sleep. Exercise regularly earlier in the day. The quality of sleep and rest will improve dramatically from the beginning. Sleep and rest rejuvenates the body on all levels. Best of all sleep and rest are free. The cost comes when we don’t have it.

There are some great herbal teas that are a good start to a sound nights sleep.

Sleepy Time by Celestial Seasonings and Peppermint are healthy choices.

Support health and recovery this year by focusing on these three simple tips.

1. Drink pure water in adequate amounts whenever possible.

2. Eat healthy living foods daily and avoid processed dead food.

3. Begin today by planning a restful night’s sleep on a regular basis.

Health and recovery have value beyond any effort that it takes to achieve and maintain it. The efforts needed to make the above changes may seem awkward and strange at first but they will quickly become second nature. The benefits come soon with lasting results. Give them a try this month and see who else notices besides you.

Dr. Michael J. De Vito is a diplomate and is board certified in Addictionology.

He has been an instructor of Medical Ethics, Clinical Pathology, Anatomy and Physiology at the College of Southern Nevada.

He is the founder and program director of NewStart Treatment Center located in Henderson, Nevada. He is presently in private practice helping patients from all parts of the world attain and successfully live a life of recovery from substance abuse and addictive behavior. NewStart Treatment Center utilizes a drug free and natural approach to addiction treatment. www.4anewstart.com Dr. De Vito is the author of Addiction: The Master Keys to Recovery www.AddictionRecoveryKeys.com

WAYSIDE HOUSE’S ALUMNAE FIND WAYS TO GIVE BACK

By Marlene Passell, Marketing/Communications Manager A special bond remains among the women of Wayside House – those who credit their now sober and successful lives to their stays there as addicts and alcoholics. Many of the alumnae continue to meet monthly – planning outings, raising funds, buying holiday gifts and arranging celebrations for current residents of Wayside House.

At a recent meeting, there was a melding of long-time alumnae – some with 20 years or more of sobriety – with young women who are nearing the end of their 90-day residential stay and will be moving on to intensive outpatient services and other aids to maintaining sobriety. The camaraderie between the two groups was obvious and instantaneous.

The alumnae provided encouragement and wisdom, urging the youthful residents to continue their addiction battle and to join the alumnae group as a way of giving back and remaining connected to the ongoing source of strength the alumnae sisterhood provides. One alumna told the current clients that Wayside House and her involvement with the alumnae group saved her life.

“It gave me a place I needed to be once a month and I needed to have that schedule.” Wayside House, she added, “is a special place and it helps with recovery to be able to pay it forward.”

For women by women

In addition to the monthly meetings, alumnae hold quarterly car washes to raise money that they then use to take residents to movies and other activities; purchase gift cards and personal items for them during the holidays, and arrange special events, such as marking their years of sobriety.

Cathy Cohn, executive director of Wayside House, applauds the alumnae group for their work and sees them as a crucial element of the program. “They are the heart and soul of Wayside House and our greatest supporters and cheerleaders.

We encourage women who have gone through our program to take part in the alumnae group and for those who are members to attend their meetings.”

The alumnae group’s board of directors reaches out to clients shortly before they graduate from the residential program and encourage them to sign up for the alumnae group. If you are a Wayside House graduate and would like to join the alumnae group, please contact Doreen Clancy at 561.278-0055 or email her at dclancy@waysidehouse.net www.waysidehouse.net

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waysidehouse.net 561-278-0055

11

OBESITY AND ADDICTION

By Mark S. Gold, MD & Drew W. Edwards, EdD, MS The Disease of Addiction

having a body mass index (BMI) ≥ 30 kg/m². In actual numbers, 78 million adults In 1959, amid much skepticism and controversy, the American Medical Association above age 20 and 12.5 million children and adolescents in the US are obese.

(AMA) declared alcoholism a disease. “Alcoholism is a primary, chronic disease Data from two National Health and Nutrition Examination Surveys (NHANES) with genetic, psychosocial, and environmental factors influencing its development show that among adults aged 20-74 years, the prevalence of obesity increased and manifestations.” In 1969 the World Health Organization (WHO) followed suit from 15% in the 1976-1980 surveys to its present rate of nearly 37 percent. This and in 1992 the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) stated. “The trend is confounding, considering the increased attention toward health and disease is often progressive and fatal. It is characterized by impaired control over fitness observed in the United States over the same period. The resulting impact drinking, preoccupation with the drug alcohol, use of alcohol despite adverse of obesity on morbidity, mortality, and healthcare cost is staggering. But why? consequences, and distortions in thinking, most notably denial. Each of these The Food Addicted Brain symptoms may be continuous or periodic.” Over the past 4 decades we have Although doctors and scientists can now accurately describe the signs, witnessed groundbreaking research that has led to remarkable advances in education and treatment. For those in the business of treating addiction this was a symptoms and consequences of obesity, there is little understanding of the game changer. For the millions of suffering alcoholics and their families this was a etiology or pathophysiology. The best available data suggest that obesity is not simply a problem of excess caloric intake and decreased energy expenditure lifesaver. or a lack of will power. Something else is happening. We know this because in In the 1970’s I (MSG) began looking for the mechanisms of drug reinforcement spite of the wide spread knowledge regarding the serious health risks associated and withdrawal. In opiate addicted patients this looked straightforward. Those with obesity, competent and intelligent people continue to overeat. To us, and addicted to heroin, for example, would go to extreme lengths to avoid the agony of many addiction experts, this looks very much like addiction. Yet for many, the withdrawal. Our major contribution was discovering the importance of the nucleus idea that someone could be addicted to food seems farfetched because unlike locus coeruleus, norepinephrine hyperactivity and clonidine’s efficacy in opiate cocaine or alcohol, eating is necessary for survival. However, recent advances withdrawal. However, even successful and safely detoxed patients once let go, in neuroscience and neuroimaging reveal that overeating and drug abuse share relapsed. Relapse was itself proof that addiction treatment was much more than common neurocircuitry. In other words, the reward associated with overeating is detox. In the early 80’s we learned in this work and subsequent work with cocaine, biologically similar to the reward experienced via abuse of alcohol and drugs. that addiction is rooted in complex neuro-biological systems that are germane In 2012, I (MSG) co-chaired the Yale Historic Conference on food addiction. to human survival. Successful withdrawal and abstinence was associated with a Nearly forty experts convened to present evidence, discuss and debate the rebound hyperphagia, overeating and weight gain. During early recovery these same patients now desired and consumed high volumes of sweet, highly palatable question of food addiction. In 2013, Richard Shriner and I (MSG) published a comprehensive, evidenced description of food addiction: food. Through these observations and relevant research it became clear that the drive for food and the drive for drugs of abuse may be related. Research by Food addiction represents a pervasive and enduring pattern of both food my friend, colleague and research collaborator Bart Hoebel, demonstrated that perception and food-related behavior (leading to either excessive food ingestion sugar is self-administered by lab animals as if it were a drug. Like heroin, sugar or aversion) whose dual valence (i.e. perception and behavior) biases interaction withdrawal could be provoked by naloxone or opiate antagonists. So, in humans, with food in harmful and unhealthy ways. Such a biasing and unhealthy valence we thought food might become an object of intense interest and desire in much the toward food continues, despite knowledge of its harmful consequences. Food same way as drugs of abuse. addicts usually present both a tolerance (i.e. a need to increase participation in In the mid 1990’s the University of Florida department of psychiatry began to offer their harmful relationships with food over space and time) as well as a form of withdrawal (i.e. an inability to escape their addiction with food without suffering treatment for obese patients in our specialty teaching clinics, believing that for many people overeating was an addiction. As patients described their relationship undue anxiety, craving, or other adverse neurochemical reactivity [which may include depression or anger]) when deprived of access to addictive foods. This with food we began to see the symptoms of addiction and maladaptive, selfdefeating behavior. What was remarkable to us was the continued consumption of latter emotional and behavioral reactivity must reliably occur during efforts to either alter or disrupt the food addict’s harmful and maladaptive pattern of eating. highly palatable food beyond the point of physical satiety. As a result, we coined the phrase the Hungry Brain. Although their stomachs were full, their brains were Although the neurobiological mechanisms of addiction are unseen, they are starving. These obese individuals were clearly eating to change their mood. Like essential to our understanding of the maladaptive and self-destructive behavior all addicts these patients reported a general feeling of angst and un-ease that was we encounter in addicted individuals. In 2009, neuroscientists Wang and Volkow quickly mediated by eating. Not surprisingly, depression was the most common found similarities between the brains of drug addicted subjects and obese subjects. comorbidity in this clinical population. In 2000 we endeavored to document our Both groups had reduced striatal DA receptor availability, which may predispose observation, research, and theory in a popular book, titled, The Hungry Brain. obese subjects to, “seek food as a means to temporarily compensate for under Unfortunately, the publishers of the day told us that only books with diets will sell stimulated reward circuits”. In other words, the angst, boredom and dysphoric mood in this market. Fad diets may sell books but they will never make a dent in the state associated with addiction is temporarily mediated in obese individuals when underlying disease of obesity and addiction. they overeat or eat certain foods. Moreover, this investigation showed that obese subjects had decreased metabolism in the frontal and prefrontal regions of their A New Day brain which are involved in inhibitory control. This finding is key to understanding the It was certainly welcome news when the American Medical Association (AMA) inability of obese individuals to control food intake. Simply stated, the intrinsic reward shook up the world of medicine by recognizing obesity as a disease (June 2013). from eating may override signals of fullness, satiety and the individual’s rational AMA board member Patrice Harris, MD stated. “Recognizing obesity as a disease observation that they are indeed obese and unhealthy. will help change the way the medical community tackles this complex issue that It’s helpful to remember that the end of the neurobiological cascade associated affects approximately one in three Americans”. with drug and alcohol abuse is stimulation of opiate receptors, which is perhaps Shortly thereafter, the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists (AACE) the most powerful reinforcement in nature. Our survival is inexorably connected to Obesity Task Force affirmed their position on obesity in agreement with analysis and brain reward associated with food, water and sex. Addiction to drugs and alcohol criteria put forth by the AMA. The AACE asserts that obesity is a “primary disease” is said to “highjack” the brain’s reward system by creating intrinsic pleasure for that impairs normal functioning of some aspect of the body; has “definitive signs destructive behavior. In the case of food addiction, we now know that the same or symptoms”; and “results in harm and increased morbidity including endocrine mechanisms are at work. What we didn’t understand until recently that for a subset dysfunction (including leptin dysregulation) and insulin resistance, hypertension, of people food, or certain foods are overly rewarding in the same way that drugs appetite dysregulation, impaired endothelial function, nonalcoholic fatty liver disease, and alcohol are. Recent research has shown that excessive carbohydrate intake is dyslipidemia, adipocyte produced inflammation, anatomical complications such as associated with endogenous opioid stimulation in some people. osteoarthritis, increased immobility, depression and sleep apnea.”

There are certainly more questions than answers, but we are making The New Plague progress. To date, neuroscientists have identified a number of brain Obesity is a poorly understood, multifaceted disease. In a 2010 report by the messengers that are involved in the sensation of hunger and satiation. These Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, obesity has tripled in include Leptin, Neuropeptide Y, Ghrelin, Dopamine, 5 HTP and others. These the last 20 years in the developing world with 10% of the world’s children currently are some of the new targets for the development of new treatment, which may overweight or obese. In the United States over one-third (36.7%) of adults and nearly 17% of children and adolescents are obese. In adults, obesity is defined as Continued on page 24

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13

NO SUCH THING AS A FINAL FAILURE

By Arlene J. Sherman, Recovery Coach, C.Ht.

You’ve relapsed so many times, after any number of treatment facilities; maybe you have thrown your hands up in the air and decided you just simply cannot stay clean.

Or maybe you’ve only had one relapse. All that matters is that you have a clear understanding that no failure is a final failure unless you stop trying.

What you are not taking into account is that you are not the same person that failed all those past times. Maybe this time you are a lot or only a little older. Maybe you are in a different city, different relationship, different job.

Or just maybe you have said “Enough!” and mean it this time. And then too, maybe timing is a huge factor in your mind-set. I have never agreed that past failures are final failures. So many things that we try to accomplish require multiple attempts. Smoking cessation is a perfect example.

It is estimated that becoming a nonsmoker can take as many as seven attempts. It doesn’t matter how many times you have failed; what matters is that you keep on keeping on. No one says “I am a nonsmoker but I failed so many times.” No, they just say that they are a nonsmoker.

Never put up that white flag. Never.

Success can be the next time. I have seen it time and again. Some of my clients have tried eight times, ten times. Who cares? It does not matter.

Do not accept failure. There is nothing and no one that can keep you from trying again.

Relapse is easy, and that is worth knowing. Many attempts mean a lot of experience. Many attempts show you that you are not taking no for an answer. Many attempts show you that one of these times, you will have this nailed. Not nailed in a cocky way, but nailed in the way that this time you are willing and ready to fight.

Not giving up is not giving in. We know that recovery is not a walk in the park and that many people try and try and try. Think of all the success that AA has even though almost half of the people that join AA leave in the first three months. When you succeed, you do not count how many tries got you there. Because, if you have had the experience of multiple relapse, you are well aware of the pitfalls. This next time could be your time. The question for you should be “If not now, when?”

Why not now? How much time since your last attempt? It does not matter.

Just try and try and try. Recall what had made you slip last time? The time before? Can you see similarities? Can you start to compile your own personal slip list? Can you honestly answer the question about how much you want recovery?

Have you relapsed because you stopped going to meetings? Stopped speaking with your sponsor? Started hanging out with old user friends?

What was it? Was it boredom? Frustration? Give it a name. Know what your enemy is, who your enemy is.

Maybe you haven’t addressed in total truthfulness why you have relapsed.

It is critical to take a long, hard look. Get a journal. Start your “slip list” so you have a clear written road map of traps. Be brutally honest. This time can be the time. Go for it.

Arlene J. Sherman is the author of two books, The Real Dope on Addiction and Recovery and I am Your Recovery Coach. She has been working with Angels Recovery and other well- known drug and alcohol treatment centers in South Florida for the last several years. In addition to Ms. Sherman’s hypnotherapy practice, she is a recovery coach and a motivational coach, and she has an expertise in stress management.

THE GENIUS OF JOURNAL WRITING

by Steve Sundberg

“Genius is not a possession of the limited few, but exists in some degree in everyone. Where there is natural growth, a full and free play of faculties, genius will manifest itself.” ~ Robert Henri I look for wisdom and insight wherever I can find it. Sometimes it comes from odd sources, when I least expect it. It is one of the skills I remind the people I teach journal writing to. That they possess remarkable observation skills and can find their own wisdom by paying attention and seeing what strikes them as useful.

The other day it happened to me while standing in the check-out line at the supermarket. I picked up a magazine that featured 100 of The Great Geniuses and flipped it open. I learned that in Shakespeare’s time genius was considered differently than it is today. It was simply “being who you are”.

The goal of mental-health treatment in substance-abuse programs is to teach people new skills, new ways of thinking and being, and ultimately to help people master themselves in the best ways that they can. It is a lot to teach in a short amount of time.

As a counselor in such programs and a novelist who learned to write by scribbling in journals, I was glad to see many patients carrying a notebook.

When I asked them if they were journaling, many responded that they had been advised by their therapist to write their life story. I thought to myself, “What an overwhelming assignment!” I know the value of using a journal to express oneself and to explore feelings and ideas, but these people were telling me that they did not know where to begin. That was when I started teaching journal writing.

I am happy that I did. Two years later, after teaching many groups, listening to hundreds of people’s feedback and seeing the light of discovery in the eyes of these new scribblers, I recently published Sober Diaries. It is a journal with themes and prompts to help people tell that larger-than-life ‘life story’, with some blank pages to write in. The exercises chosen for the book come from the patients themselves, based on the responses to which ones were most helpful.

My goal was to help people discover the power of journal writing, to help them break down their experiences and feelings, to inspire each writer to

14

learn who they are and how their behavior is something they can choose.

I have worked in the mental-health field for over twenty-five years (scribbling in hundreds of journals along the way), and during that time I became familiar with the struggles of people to manage themselves in this world. In the journal writing workshops, I encourage people to become strong and wise leaders of their own lives, to make smart decisions based on what they need at the time, to listen to the suggestions of those who have passed through the fire, and ultimately to be fully engaged in their recovery so that it will work for them. The endgame goal: to be a free man or woman, to be wise decision-makers. The existentialist philosophers asserted that human beings were ‘deciding beings’ and that the free individual is one who takes full responsibility for making those decisions.

What we choose to do among the options in front of us seems to me the only real control we possess.

“The sketch hunter moves through life as he finds it, not passing negligently the things he loves, but stopping to know them, and to note them down in the shorthand of his sketchbook.” ~ Robert Henri For some beginners to journal writing, I noticed a darkness cross their faces at the prospect of writing. I took them aside and said, “Listen, there’s no right or wrong here, no spelling check, no grammar rules to follow, no turning in your pages for someone to evaluate. Just write like you’d talk to someone you trust.” Once they were given full permission to have their feelings, knowing that it was private and in their own notebook, they started scribbling. The lights of enthusiasm flickered back on. People who never wrote before were bent over their notebooks, concentrating on their stories, as they moved toward figuring out what their experiences were telling them. And when they did find that their own experiences held knowledge for them to act from, it was clear on their faces. Some were eager to read it to the group and others took what they wrote to their therapist to work on the issue in more depth.

Writing in a journal is the practice field. The idea is to get under all the shams and the lies, and write what is true. Finding the words to name the Continued on page 24

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17

DENIAL FABLES

By Mike Taleff, Ph.D., CSAC, MAC What Drives It? “Damn! It’s 2 o’clock in the morning, and I’m still awake.”

“You’re awake because that thing deep inside keeps gnawing at you.”

“Oh no, not you again!”

“Yeah, it’s me, what’s left of your conscious.”

“Ah crap. Leave me alone.”

“Nope, can’t do that. You and I are in this together. I want to see you get out of this addiction. But, you gotta’ do some work.”

“All I want to do right now is get a pipe and kick back.”

“Spoken like a true addict. But, I’m going to pester and pester you till we get this thing settled.”

“Ah crap.” (Takes a deep breath.) “OK, OK, what do I gotta’ do?”

“You damn well know what you gotta’ do. You gotta’ come to terms with IT.” “No …, no! I not ready for that.”

“Bull… Take a deep breath. Turn and take a look at it. That feeling has been messin’ with you for years. You know as well as I do it’s not that you deny you have a problem. You’ve known that for years. It’s that other thing that holds you back from getting sober. You try to drown it out, but it won’t go away. Time to face it buddy. Ready?”

(Takes another deep breath.) “I’ll try… I feel it. It’s getting closer. I don’t know if I can do this.”

“I can feel it too. Stay with it. You’re almost there. Now say the words.”

(Pause) “I’m afraid. Damn it, I am afraid!”

“Hold on, just a few more steps. What is it that you’re afraid of?”

(Pause) “What will they think of me? Damn, it’s what people will think of me, knowing all the really bad things I did in my addiction. I’m so afraid… I just want to run away and hide.”

(Period of silence) “But, you didn’t run away or turn your back on it. That was a very big step you just took. It’s called coming to terms with yourself.

And, it’s a big step toward recovery.”

Don’t think for a moment that it’s always denial that holds people back from sobriety. Sometimes it’s fear. And if it is, that fear will drive what looks to be denial.

Fear needs to be addressed in a manner that befits such a strong emotion. The same can be said for shame, guilt, and even self-deprecating thoughts.

Find what drives denial and engage that.

That Forced Feeling Angry teenager (AT): “Go ###k yourself. You can’t tell me what to do.”

Exasperated counselor (EC): “Look, you broke a rule. You have to follow the rules around here, just like everyone else in this program.”

AT: (Seething silence) EC: “All this angry, and ‘stick you heals in’ behavior just shows how much you resist coming to terms with your addiction.”

AT: “There you go again. Now you’re telling me how I’m supposed to think. I can’t win around here.”

(Angry teenager starts to cry.) “How would you like it if someone told you what to do all the time? That’s the way I feel. Do this. Do that. It’s all I heard growing up. I’m sick and tired of it.”

On hearing that rant an old memory flashed from the counselor’s past. It reminded her of how her overbearing father would tell her what to do, day in day out.

The angry teenager words were almost identical as were the counselor’s when she was a teenager. Like cold water in her face, it almost took the counselor’s breath away. She felt that old anger swell deep inside again.

How she hated being told what to wear, who she could be friends with, and how she was to conduct herself.

After years of frustration, the counselor recalled how her father one day decided to include her in making her own decisions. He later said to his daughter, “This isn’t getting us anywhere. And I don’t like how I feel.”

So, he stopped commanding and began talking with his daughter. He showed

18

genuine interest in his daughter’s needs. They soon discovered they could come to decisions, which they both agreed on. To the delight of both of them, the anger and the ‘stick your heals in’ behavior between them began to melt.

The counselor had forgotten all about that time. She pondered it for a time, thinking how she might do the same thing to the angry teenager.

EC: Approaching the teenager, the counselor said, “Can we talk?”

AT: “Now What?”

EC: “If it was up to you, how would you have handled the rule your broke?”

AT: Looks up with a surprised look on her face.

EC: “I’m serious I would like to know.”

The two began to talk.

There are a lot of client behaviors that look like and quack like denial, but such things are not really hard-nosed, down in the dirt, denial. This example happens to be called reactance. Tell someone what to do, and quite often they will “resist” and get really angry. Besides reactance, other ‘denial look alikes’ include ambivalence, anti-social personality disorder, residual physiological effects of substances, and others. Each has a resemblance to denial and each can be mistaken for denial. Such ‘look alike’ behaviors need to be differentiated for what they are. Once truly identified, treatment needs to be conducted in the relevant manner, and according to the individual needs of the client. Not all addiction clients are in denial. They very well might be exhibiting something that appears to be denial, and mistakenly appraised as denial. Such appraisals do nothing to really help clients.

Busted Brains Frustrated counselor (FC): “Man, that group was a bear today. Everyone one was in denial. No one is making any change. They just screw up over and over.

Seasoned counselor (SC): “Sounds like you had a tough one today.”

FC: “I don’t know what it is with these guys. I think they’re old, been drinking for years and the denial has buried itself deep in their brains.”

SC: (Pause) “Ya’ say their old, and been drinkin’ for years?

FC: “Yeah, that’s about it. A couple of them admitted to drinking for over 30 years. Can’t they see what’s it’s doing to them? Stubborn ol’ geezers.”

SC: (Pause again) “I used to work with guys like that. For a while, I thought like you. Old timers who drank for decades were just embedded in denial.

Then I went to this workshop, and found out these guys have brain damage. Seems they can help themselves; can’t seem to learn from their mistakes. Made a difference in the way I treat folks like that.”

FC: “So, what you’re trying to tell me is that guys like this are not actively opposing treatment? They got brain damage and that’s what makes them act the way they do.”

SC: “Yeah, that’s about it.”

FC: “I’ll be damned. I never thought about that. I got to consider this.

Maybe try something different next time.”

SC: (Just smiles.)

There are those clients, through the course of their addiction, who have sustained sufficient brain damage from substance abuse that the executive function of their brain can no longer make quality decisions. Their circuits are blown. Such folks appear to be in denial, but are not. While they make the same mistakes over and over again, the reason isn’t denial, it’s the brain damage. And, you treat brain damage differently from the way you treat denial. Above all, the cardinal rule is not to confront those with brain damage, especially doing the harsh confrontation stuff. That creates needless agitation, and may well be unethical. What this crowd needs is cognitive rehabilitation and more understanding.

Mike Taleff has written a number of books for addiction professionals and over 100 articles. He lectures at Leeward Community College in Hawaii, and conducts workshops nationally and internationally. He can be contacted at taleff@hawaii.edu.

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DYING TO BE THIN

By John Giordano DHL, MAC

Very early in my counseling career, a beautiful young woman came to me for help with her addiction. Her name was Debbie. When she walked into my center, Debbie was malnourished. She was as skinny as a tooth pick to the point of being emaciated. Her face looked much older than her twentyfour years. In all she looked like she was knocking on death’s door.

Nearly twenty-years to the day after we first met, Debbie came by to visit with me. She looked fairly healthy but the scars of her addiction were still visible. The wrinkles in her face told a story of a hard start in life. She lost all of her teeth and was on heart medication – a direct result of her drug abuse. However her spirit was unshaken; she was still the bright and vibrant person she was the day she left my center.

Debbie’s story is not unlike many others I’ve heard over the years. In fact it’s pretty common. Her addiction started out innocently enough as they often do. She was in her freshman year of college and dating a guy she really cared for. One Friday night he suggested they try methamphetamine to heighten their passions. Not wanting to be viewed as a prude, Debbie went along with the idea. As it turned out, that one experience put Debbie down a destructive path that nearly ended her life.

Amphetamine and methamphetamine are relatively new drugs; neither had any pharmacological applications until the late1920’s. They began their life as a decongestant but were quickly recognized as a performance enhancer. Amphetamine was used extensively during World War II to lessen combat fatigue and increase alertness in soldiers. Since that time these drugs have been abused by all walks of life for the same purpose.

Truckers abused the drugs so that could drive for longer periods. Athletes found they had quicker response times and less fatigue when they abused the drugs. Students discovered they could boost their short term memory and study longer.

Such was the case with Debbie. Although she was introduced to the drug as a recreational form, she began abusing amphetamines so that she could improve her grades. Her plan worked. Debbie’s GPA went up, until it went down – a clear indication her addiction had taken her over. Debbie found herself abusing methamphetamine more for recreation than anything else.

There was also the byproduct of methamphetamine that Debbie found useful, weight loss. On the first day we met Debbie told me she never felt comfortable within her own body. At five foot-five and ninety pounds dripping wet, Debbie told me she still felt fat, although not as fat as she once felt. She told me she was not one to exercise or eat properly, that she always felt bloated and uncomfortable in her own skin. Debbie said the weight loss made her feel more attractive.

It never ceases to amaze me how much of a role our self-esteem plays in the important life choices we make. Self-esteem is like a continuous tape loop playing in the background of our subconscious mind directing every decision we make. It tells us what we deserve and don’t deserve in life. How we view ourselves determines where our position is in the pecking order of society as we see it. It is constantly telling us what we should like or dislike, what we should or shouldn’t do and even how to feel when we’re rejected.

Therapy has helped a lot of people like Debbie who have self-esteem issues. I’ve seen tremendous development in people in short periods of time. It just seems that for some people, once they begin to realize what is playing in the background they’re able to change the tune. However for others, it can be much more challenging. Like Debbie, they often have a physical issue with their body or a poor perception of how they look to others that prevents them from overcoming these issues with physiological therapy. Some people just need to physically change who they see in the mirror every morning to rid themselves of their emotional demons.

It is with this in mind that I’ve expanded into aesthetic treatment. Not long ago I opened Laser Therapy Spa and Wellness Center in Hallandale Beach. The spa addresses the therapeutic needs I couldn’t provide at my treatment center. We only use the latest advancements in therapy and procedures that are scientifically proven to be safe and effective. I know they work because I use them myself.

Everyday men and women alike are lead to believe they are not worthy by a bombardment of images projecting how they’re supposed to look. It’s ubiquitous. TV, internet, magazines and newspapers all portray physical images that are simply unobtainable by most men and women. You can’t walk through a checkout line in a grocery store without seeing newspaper

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racks loaded with magazine covers glamorizing emaciated models while demonizing people with normal body-shapes.

In my opinion these images are causing more damage to self-esteem than any general good that might come from them. The suggestion that the viewer/reader needs to look a certain way to be happy or achieve in life is not only unrealistic, but more to the point, the absolute wrong message to be sending to the American public.

The simple reality is that we were not all born to be fashion models. Every one of us comes into this world with a genetic make-up that is unique to ourselves. Some people are naturally born tall and thin, however the vast majority of us are not.

In many ways, our body shape is predetermined by genetics; however, there are environmental issues that come into play. For example, I was born with a bigger frame than most people and was heavy in my youth – some might even say over-weight. It wasn’t until I started Karate training that I began to grow into my weight and develop lean muscle mass. Later in life I fell into the same trap as most people. I found myself working an insane amount of hours at the expense of my own health and at times my family. Sure enough the pounds came back and it affected me emotionally.

I had to make choices where there were not any good options. But I was more fortunate than most, I’d already been through rehab – drugs were not an option.

Today I look at the level of self-destruction people are willing to do to themselves so that they – at least in their own minds – can be appealing in the eyes of others. It makes my heart ache. Like Debbie, more and more women are abusing Amphetamine and methamphetamine so they can be thin. Although the condition is more prevalent in women, young men are not immune. ‘Manorexia’ on the rise and experts blame the industries who portray the perfect male body as the norm. Drunkorexia is also a growing problem. This is when someone restricts food calories to make room for alcoholic drink calories.

These are at the very least drastic and destructive measures. Men and women are literally killing themselves to be thin. There are so many better options such as a healthy diet and exercise. Proper food choices can account for up to ninety-percent of weight-loss. Taking the stairs as apposed to the elevator and parking as far away from stores and malls as possible are simple things that anybody can do that will help improve health and shed pounds.

As I mentioned, our body shape is predetermined by genetics and molded by our environment. Even people who are committed to a healthy lifestyle, people who watch their diet and exercise regularly, can be genetically subject to fatty areas on their bodies (with the exception of people with eating disorders). One of the latest advancements in fat reduction is called Coolsculpting. It’s a scientifically-proven therapy that freezes fat in targeted areas and allows the body to flush the unwanted cells away naturally. The fat cells never come back. What I’ve come to learn in my decades of clinical addiction consulting and treatment is that changing one’s appearance can be a very effective therapy in lifting one’s self-esteem.

Carl Rogers (1902 – 1987), a pioneer of humanistic psychology, summed it up the best. He once said: “Every human being, with no exception, for the mere fact to be it, is worthy of unconditional respect of everybody else; he deserves to esteem himself and to be esteemed.”

John Giordano is the Founder of Laser Therapy Spa and Wellness Center in Hallandale, FL, the National Institute for Holistic Addiction Studies and is Chaplain of the North Miami Police Department. Giordano has contributed to over 65 papers published in peer-reviewed scientific and medical journals. He is the proud recipient of a Doctor of Human Letters from Sinai University in Jerusalem. Mr. Giordano is a recovering addict with twentynine years of recovery to his credit. He is a therapist, Certified Addiction Professional (CAP), a Master Addictions Counselor (MAC), Certified Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Specialist, Trauma Relief Specialist (TRT), certified Hypnotist and a Certified Criminal Justice Specialist (CCJS). Mr. Giordano also earned a Masters Certification in Neurolinguistics Programming (NLP). He is a professional expert witness for the state and federal government. John is a Karate Grand Master 10th degree black belt and is in the Karate Hall Of Fame. /www.holisticaddictioninfo.com

To Advertise, Call 561-910-1943

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WHY DRUG ADDICTION IS RIFE AMONG OUR VETERANS

By Suncoast Rehab Center

At Suncoast Rehabilitation Center, we see people with every kind of background, and what we are seeing is that more and more of them are veterans. We are always proud to serve – but saddened as well. While our service men and women need help just like any other human being, statistics show that they often return home from war only to struggle with addiction.

In the 2011 Department of Defense Health Behavior Survey, heavy tobacco and binge drinking was cited as a large problem, calling it a “culture of heavy alcohol and tobacco use in the military.” Additionally, this same survey notes that a quarter of our military service members (about 357,800 people) reported prescription drug use within 2011 – this includes drugs used according to a prescription and also drugs that were abused. When you narrow in more closely, 1.3% (about 18,600) service members reported misusing prescription drugs in 2011.

While that abuse statistic seems pretty low, the unfortunate fact is that hospitals and rehab clinics which are part of the Department of Veterans Affairs are over-prescribing medications. The number of prescriptions for addictive opioids like OxyContin or Vicodin written by the VA has increased by 287% between 1999 and 2012.

In 2013 there was a House subcommittee hearing called regarding the over-prescription of pain medication. Veterans testified against the VA. One veteran said that he is on 13 different medications for pain. Another veteran testified that he was given narcotics for back pain, instead of treatment for the underlying causes. This “treatment” led to years of dependence on pain medication.

Those veterans testifying at the subcommittee were the lucky ones. Many veterans have survived war only to come home and die from addiction or overdose.

So, what can a veteran do if he or she returns home only to be greeted with a wall of prescriptions instead of the real treatment they need? Here are five alternatives any veteran can try: Discuss other options with your doctor: Tell your doctor that you do not want to be on prescription pain meds if you can help it. This may mean you need to schedule a longer visit with him or her or it may mean that you need to speak with the doctor’s superior about your care – but it’s worth it.

Get a second opinion: It’s true that going to another doctor might be expensive, but it’s also possible that getting a second opinion could save your life – and solve your pain. If your VA doctor will not accept this second opinion, you always have the option to return to the doctor who gave it and work with him or her.

Get on another insurance plan: Although another insurance plan is likely to be more out of pocket cash, you have more options and more places to go. If you truly feel your VA doctor isn’t listening to you and is just giving you pills, go to someone who will help.

Make sure your voice is heard: Addiction is a growing problem in the veteran community. Be sure to let your VA facility know that you will not stand for slipshod service. The VA is currently under investigation, so make your voice heard if you have a concern about your health care.

Our veterans should get the best service & care possible. It’s the responsibility of service members, their family, and their friends to make sure each and every veteran gets the medical support they deserve.

Contact us at suncoastrehabcenter.us or 866-572-1788

FIGHTING THE DEVIL WITHIN

By Don Prince

None of us ever wants to admit defeat. It is not in our nature. What makes it even more difficult for people like us is what we do. We are the ones going in, giving aid, support, sacrifices and sometimes even our lives in order to save others. We are supposed to be the invincible ones and for the most part we are. But ultimately we are all human; we act and react differently to situations both in and out of the “job”.

Pressure, stress and pain are pretty much unavoidable in all forms; both physical and mental or a combination of any of them. How each one of us deals with these stresses; such as self-medicating and isolating, is what separates us from our families, loved ones and careers.

Since most of you don’t know me here’s a brief history. Some of you might be able to relate to my story or know somebody who can. I grew up in a middle class home on Long Island, attended good schools, and was active in my community and successful in my career. I was also a functioning alcoholic for 30 years of that. In my mind nobody knew about my drinking and I was great at hiding it, or so I thought (like by drinking vodka so nobody would smell it on my breath). What a fool. The talk behind my back was always there from my family, co-workers, friends and ultimately of course, the guys at the firehouse. I chose to believe that nobody would suspect me of being a drunk. After all, I was a Firefighter, Station Lieutenant, Assistant Chief and then Chief of Department and we are all supposed to know better than to drink on the job or anytime else that wasn’t appropriate.

The addiction and the progression of the disease bring all things to an end sooner or later and more times than not it’s a bitter end. Things like marriages, families, jobs, friendships and, ultimately for me my fire service career, are lost or at least strained to breaking points.

I was asked to resign after 17 years of service because of my addiction and lack of desire to get help. I continued to drink and it progressed to the point where I had enough, and checked myself into detox and treatment for the first time. I was not successful with my sobriety after my 28 days, as I was still not ready or willing to accept that I simply could not drink like other people and I relapsed. I was then in a drunken fog for over two years and completely miserable. After two very dark years in my life that included detoxes, seizures, hospital stays, legal issues and living as a non-person, I was finally able to see that if I continued on this path of destruction I was going to die. Alcohol had defeated me and I had to admit to that.

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I finally reached out for help and got into a residential treatment facility. I did six months inpatient treatment for which I completed successfully and have not found it necessary to drink again since July 13th, 2011. It’s an amazing feeling of freedom and spirituality that I have never felt before in my life.

The biggest obstacle was, I could not let go of my embarrassment, the disappointment in myself and the shame of having to resign my position as Chief and losing my membership after almost 17 years of being a part of something that meant so much to me. All because I was not willing or able to make a choice to help myself. Drinking was more important than my career and family at that time. I now see that if I had addressed my addiction years ago and sought the help that was offered to me none of this would have happened. But it is my story and I can’t change that. What I can do is share my message with others and hopefully reach as many people as I can and get them the help they deserve. It doesn’t have to be this way for anybody else that has an obsession to drink or drug like I did. There is no time like the present to make a change in your life.

There is nothing more rewarding than hearing the words of encouragement and support from the people in your life about how you turned your life around and that they want nothing but the best for you and your future; a majority of whom where the ones talking about how much of a loser you were not so long ago.

Help is available today to just about anybody who truly wants to start their lives over again or can see a pattern forming and want to get help before things progress. Addiction crosses all lines and genders. It also can affect our loved ones as well. Taking the first step isn’t as hard as you think and the rewards are priceless.

About the Author: I am an Ex-Chief of the Brookhaven FD and served 16 years with the department. I was a member of the Rescue Squad, a rescue diver, served as Station Lieutenant, First and Second Assistant Chief. I was also a member of Shirley Community Ambulance. Since moving to South Florida I now work with some of the leading addiction treatment facilities specializing in first responder treatment and also do outreach to help others get help with addiction throughout the country. I can be reached at 561-2828685(c) anytime day or night or toll free at (877) 926-3498.

10 IMPORTANT THINGS YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT APPLYING FOR THE REGISTERED INTERN APPLICATION If you are a student in a mental health counseling master’s program getting close to graduation, my congratulations to you. I remember having some confusion to what the next steps were to begin the process of becoming a registered intern. The application can be confusing at first, so make sure to read the instructions carefully.

Below are some tips.

1. You don’t have to wait until school is over to start the application, however, you will need a date of an earned degree in order to submit it.

2. You don’t have to have a secured job in order to get registered as an intern. In fact, it will be extremely difficult to get a job without first being a registered intern. The employers don’t have time to wait on you for this to be done once hired.

3. Not sure where to go to apply? Below is the direct link to apply, just copy and paste into your browser: www.floridahealth.gov/licensing-and-regulation/mentalhealth/applications-forms/index.html 4. Two months before graduation start thinking about a potential supervisor. This information is needed on the application.

5. The selected supervisor has to send a letter showing his credentials and his agreement to supervise you. It is your responsibility to make sure that you follow up on this to avoid any delays in the process.

6. If you don’t have a place to practice, use your home address temporarily. You will be able to update it once a place of employment has been identified.

7. Request your transcripts to be mailed out to the health department as part of your application process.

8. Be sure to make copies of everything you are sending in your application before mailing out.

9. Keep in mind that if your counseling master’s program is not CACREP accredited, you will have to provide additional descriptions of the courses that you have taken.

10. Assuming your selected supervisor is on top of things still expect about a month or even two to finally become registered.

These are tips that you don’t learn in school, so I truly hope that you can use them as a guide to prevent you from encountering major setbacks. Also, the cost of the application is $150. For more details about what to expect after graduation make sure to join us at the FMHCA 2014 on February 7th and 8th. We will have a panel addressing these kinds of issues to meet your needs.

Florida Mental Health Counselors Association GREAT NEWS!!

WE WISH TO ANNOUNCE OUR 2014 ANNUAL CONFERENCE WILL BE HELD IN ORLANDO AT THE ORLANDO MARRIOTT - LAKE MARY. 1501 International Parkway, Lake Mary FL 32746 SAVE THESE DATES!!!

Qualified Supervisor Training February 6 & 7, 2014!

FMHCA Annual Conference February 7 & 8, 2014

We look forward to seeing you in Orlando in 2014!

In cooperation, Carlos Zalaquett FMHCA President Darlene Silvernail FMHCA 2014 Conference Chair & Pres. Elect Visit us online www.flmhca.org

Scan with your phone

Stay Connected!

Coralis Solomon is a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern for the State of Florida. Cory@quietmindscounseling.com

To Advertise, Call 561-910-1943

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WHOSE ADDICTION IS IT ANYWAY?

By Liza Piekarsky, LMCH, CAP

The ability to integrate family therapy and interventions with the individual’s diagnosis and treatment is valuable in an addict’s recovery. Engaging the family in the recovery process is often more tedious than bringing the identified patient into treatment. Family members often take on two roles in treatment, one being resistant to receiving services due to past failed attempts at their loved one’s efforts to remain sober. The other role which is highly common in family members of addicts is the “enabler.” Family and friends often become trapped in a cycle of enabling and codependency with the patient prior to treatment. They present with denial and unintentionally assist the patient’s addiction.

A primary challenge remains the augmentation of the substance abuse treatment focus from the individual to the family. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, Multidimensional Family Therapy for adolescent drug abuse offers lasting benefits and studies have shown that those who participated in family therapy had fewer drug related problems.

Addiction Is a “Family Problem, “and Recovery Is a “Family Process.” Family therapy addresses the core of family relationships and how these relationships serve the identified patient and other family members, whether it be negative or positive. The primary focus of incorporating family therapy into treatment is to interpose on these multifaceted relational patterns and to assist in bringing about positive changes within the family system. Often time’s families have difficulties accepting how they have contributed to their loved one’s addiction.

Alcohol and drug addictions are both considered “family diseases.” It is imperative for the family to explore personal patterns of addictive behaviors, genetic factors, and the family’s history that may have added to the addicts current functioning. One way to explore these family patterns is through a genogram, an illustrative display of a person’s family relationships and medical history. It goes beyond a traditional family tree by allowing the user to visualize hereditary patterns and psychological factors that punctuate relationships. When the family members are able to assess their behaviors and environment while their loved one is undergoing addiction therapy, they often identify behaviors and traits that they can adjust to break the cycle.

Upon being able to assess repetitive patterns of behavior, recognize hereditary tendencies, and gain acceptance that addiction is a family disease, one can begin working through the stages of change with the addict.

It is not until this point in the family’s recovery that they become aware of the many truths that they have long been in denial about. These truths include, “I have enabled my loved one’s addiction, I have been lied and manipulated to, I cannot fix this, I am not alone, and I must take care of myself in order to be of assistance in my loved one’s treatment.”

Families are an extremely important component of the recovery process, and their roles are complex. Families need to learn how to meaningfully

THE GENIUS OF JOURNAL WRITING

by Steve Sundberg

Continued from page 14

true feelings, the real thoughts, is a non-judgment practice. One just keeps the writing hand moving with the intention of getting it all out.

There is power in one’s own voice and the ability to use that voice. There is no other authority that knows your story as well as you do, or knows exactly how you feel. Use that authority. Tell your own story. When there is nobody nearby or answering the phone, you always have your notebook. Write it down. Be who you are.

“It is a good idea, then, to keep in touch, and I suppose that keeping in touch is what notebooks are all about. And we are all on our own when it comes to keeping those lines open to ourselves: your notebook will never help me, nor mine you.” ~ Joan Didion Steve Sundberg has worked as a mental-health counselor with children, teenagers and adults, and as a street outreach worker to the homeless people living on the streets of Boston. He is the author of Sober Diaries: A Guided Journaling Experience on the Path of Recovery (www.soberdiaries. com) and the novel, Street Logic (www.streetlogic.org). He teaches journal writing in South Florida.

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participate in recovery and realize that their acceptance will positively impact how a loved one responds. Some advice for parents of addicts are: Don’t keep it a secret, share your struggles with others in order to receive the support needed to promote recovery, realize that you are not alone and join a support group and enroll in counseling, stop rescuing your loved one, it gives them fewer reasons to have to get sober, take care of yourself-often times the stress of an addict can run you into the ground, and recognize when to let go-you cannot fix what does not want to be repaired.

Therapy can be considered a “tool box.” Often time’s clients and their family come into therapy with minimal tools to assist them in their recovery.

Upon completion of therapy they have filled up their tool box with skills and tools to support them in living a drug free life. If that tool box remains closed, minimal changes will be made which often leads to relapse.

Therapy is an ongoing process that does not end at the completion of your program. Take out that tool box and use what you have learned.

Liza Piekarsky is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Addictions Professional in the State of Florida. She is the Clinical Director of The Bougainvilla House, which is a nonprofit outpatient substance abuse program for adolescents and their families. Liza has an extensive background in working with juvenile offenders and adults who suffer from addictions in both residential and outpatient settings. She served as the Clinical Director for an Intensive Mental Health and Substance Abuse Program funded by the Department of Juvenile Justice and spearheaded the opening of a substance abuse unit at another juvenile program. Liza specializes in treating adolescence and their families who are suffering from addictions, depression, trauma, family conflicts, and other mental health impairments.

OBESITY AND ADDICTION

By Mark S. Gold, MD & Drew W. Edwards, EdD, MS

Continued from page 12

reduce hunger and overeating. But as we have learned from experience in dealing with addicts, a pill may reduce symptoms, but the underlying disease state of addiction is a stubborn thing. Certainly the frontier of neuroscience is promising but we must never lose sight of this truth. Attached to every addicted brain is an out of control addict who desperately needs help.

The Patient On the clinical front, addressing the food addict requires understanding the metabolic issues of obesity and overeating, the addiction processes that deny, rationalize and distort; and, the emotional labiality; (mood swings, depression, obsession and compulsions)and lastly the relational consequences of addiction (loneliness, marital & family stress, abuse and separation or divorce). We must remember that losing weight does not cure food addiction.

We mention this because working with food addicts requires another level of sensitivity to the plight of the obese addicts. Understanding compulsions of the hedonic brain in food addicts will require more research, education and more listening to our patients. In the meantime, our friends in Alcoholics Anonymous remind us that recovery is a simple program. Surrender, admit powerlessness, ask God for help, go to meetings and life gets better. Although we do not fully understand the pathophysiology of food addiction, we know that all addicts suffer from self-loathing, guilt and fear. The good news is that caring and compassion is always good medicine. We press on.

Mark S. Gold, MD is the Dizney Eminent Scholar, UF Distinguished Alumni Professor, and Chairman of Psychiatry at the University of Florida College of Medicine and McKnight Brain Institute. He has developed translational research models leading to new treatments and approaches to addiction during his 40 years as a researcher and inventor. Dr. Gold has also advanced the understanding of effects of tobacco, cocaine, other drugs, and food on the brain and behavior.

Drew W. Edwards EdD, MS is a healthcare researcher, author, clinician and consultant and is a forensic expert in the neurobiology of addictive disease.

He has published over 250 peer reviewed and popular articles, curricula, and training resources on behavioral health, addictive disease, parenting and youth culture, as well handbooks for parents on childhood depression and selfesteem in children.

To Advertise, Call 561-910-1943

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CO-DEPENDENCY RECOVERY

By Michael Yeager B.A., LCDC, C.Ht, CAS

Co-dependency is simply the loss of sense of self. It is when you do not have the conscious ability to separate yourself emotionally from another or others.

The following questions can be helpful in making a beginning self-assessment.

1 Do I often feel isolated and afraid of people, especially authority figures?

2. Have I observed myself to be an approval seeker, losing my own identity in the Process?

3. Do I feel overly frightened of angry people and personal criticism?

4. Do I often feel I’m a victim in personal and career relationships?

5. Do I sometimes feel I have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, which makes it easier to be concerned with others rather than myself?

6. Do I find it hard to look at my own faults and my own responsibilities to myself?

7. Do I get guilty feelings when I stand up for myself instead of giving in to others?

8. Do I feel addicted to excitement?

9. Do I confuse love with pity and tend to love people I can pity and rescue?

10. Do I find it hard to feel or express feelings, including feelings such as joy or happiness?

11. Do I find I judge myself harshly?

12. Do I have a low sense of self-esteem?

13. Do I often feel abandoned in the course of my relationships?

14. Do I tend to react, instead of act?

If you answered yes to any of the questions you may have a problem with codependency. If you answered yes to 2 or more, you definitely have a problem with loss of sense of self and it would be to your advantage to seek some type of support or help. Help is in the form of SMART Recovery, 12 step groups, therapy, aware friends, educated clergy, peer counseling etc., anything, except handling it alone.

If you let yourself be honest and you have some, most, or all of the characteristics above, you will be glad to hear that there is a way out. I need to be very clear about this next point. Your recovery or change is directly tied to your willingness to experience your feelings and to trust someone to be there for you. Recovery, change and healing do not happen in a vacuum. Alice Miller author of “Drama of the Gifted Child” states and I wholeheartedly agree “That it is not the traumatic event or events in your life that is the problem today, it’s your unwillingness or inability to talk about it fully connected to the feelings associated to the event that bring about today’s problems”. Being willing to tell the truth about yourself all the time is a key recovery activity. That’s right, open honest communication with yourself and others is indispensable.

Oh. I need to say this to you perfectionists that may be reading this article.

Perfect honest communication 100% of the time is not the goal; it’s a set up for failure. The goal is to be willing to be as honest as you can be at the time of each communication and notice rather than judge your behavior.

Since honest communication is such an important part of the recovery process it is worth spending time on. I’ll frame this information on the forgiveness formula as taught by Terry Kellogg, an expert in the recovery field and author of Broken Toys, Broken Dreams. His formula is as follows: 1. Acknowledge that there was a wrong done.

2. Acknowledge that you had feelings about the wrong done.

3. Embrace the feelings.

4. Share the feelings.

5. Decide upon the kind of relationship you want to have with the wrong done and the wrong doer.

6. Move to a position of acceptance and forgiveness. I love this because it is simple, direct and a way I can direct my clients through a healing process.

As far as communication goes, the most important dialogue we have is with ourselves. When we can get honest enough and have enough awareness to acknowledge that there has been a wrong done to us, we begin to speak the truth about ourselves. We are breaking through walls of fear, denial, minimization, justification, victimization, ignorance etc. to simply get to the surface jumping off point. It is a step in reclaiming our lives. Remember, the simple definition of co-dependency is loss of sense of self. So a first step in finding ourselves is to acknowledge that something happened to us when we were growing up.

Now I need to speak to those of you who might say “My parents did their very best.” “How can I blame them?” or “I don’t want to swim around in all that history, besides if they could have done better they would have”. You’re right; they probably would have if they could have. I really believe that we all simply do what we were taught, covertly and/or overtly, to do unless we consciously learn to do something different. This process has nothing, that’s right, nothing to do with blaming anyone. It is about calming your

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feelings about what ever happened that you repressed at the time of the event/events.

You will repeat what you do not complete. This is a completion process.

It’s reclaiming you. Your emotions, ***thought life, spirituality, and sexuality comprise your relationship with yourself and if any aspect is repressed; you do not have a truthful relationship with yourself. If any of this is blocked, you lose yourself. So a first step in recovery is to acknowledge that you had feelings about the wrong done. It is at this point, once again, that your internal dialogues will either be helpful or hurtful. Some say “why bother getting into the past, just live your life and forget about the past” or, “why dwell on what you cannot do anything about”, while others use this to rage on and on in endless self justified anger, almost refusing to move on in recovery. Others will be found in the middle of the two extremes. When you acknowledge that you had feelings about a wrong done to you, your start an honest internal dialogue. It is only when something becomes real that we have the possibility to change. The added healing power of acknowledgment is when you begin an honest caring relationship with yourself.

Sometimes when I lead a guided imagery, I have the people go back to a time when they were 5 to 6 years old. I ask them to create an image of themselves when they were that age. I ask that they look in the eyes of the child and tell the child how much they love them and that they are sorry for abandoning the child.

We abandon ourselves anytime we disown or disconnect from a part of our reality. Usually, people begin to cry at this point when they recognize they have played an active role in their problems. Therapy and/ or 12 step programs can play an important role in this stage of recovery. Since you do not develop your problems in a vacuum you need others to effect a recovery. Other people can act as a mirror for the co-dependent to point out their behaviors to them, which they may be unaware of at this point. Also, other people can make statements as to how they feel about what has happened to you. This sharing process can give you alternative ways to feel or simple validation to your feelings of reality. If you were raised with physical, verbal, mental, emotional, sexual, and financial, spiritual/religious abuse or incest, than your norm is that type of abuse and unless there is some education to explain what abuse is, you will probably continue to accept it in your life. Through activities that support your awareness about your feelings around the harm done; you can move to the next phase of recovery, which is, embrace your feelings. Honest communication involves connecting and embracing your feelings to enhance your personal connection. To embrace means to accept, to include. To embrace your feelings means to stop any addictive compulsive behaviors, end the minimization or rationalizations that block or deflect the emotions. The main reason people avoid their feelings is to negate the pain.

I believe that pain has been given a bad name in our society. The belief is that somehow when we are feeling emotions that aren’t joyous we need to get rid of them. Pain is just nature’s way of letting us know that something is wrong. When you can embrace your feelings, you claim your truthful relationship with yourself.

Remember in the guided imagery exercise I talked about how the adult apologizes to the child for abandoning him or her. Well, when you experience, embrace and claim your feelings about what was done to you; you come home to yourself and cease the self-abandonment behaviors through the development of inner strength and trust exhibited by embracing your feelings.

You are empowered to move to the next stage of recovery and forgiveness which is to share these feelings with another or others. Trust is something that needs to be earned by others. When you are looking for someone to share your emotions with, ask questions that will be able to help determine if they have the willingness and ability to really be there for you. Here again, self-honesty is the key. If you feel like they only have the potential but aren’t quite there yet, move on. Fantasy relationships are just that- fantasy. Notice how they respond when you ask specific questions or you give them some surface information that you attach some feeling to. If they seem to be there for you and you notice your distrust then take the risk and bring it up to them.

Remember “nothing changes if nothing changes.” Trust your gut reaction.

Going to a competent therapist or counselor familiar with issues like yours can be a big help. They can provide you support and have skills that can help you move through experiencing your feelings in a very safe environment. Be sure to interview your therapist or counselor prior to making an agreement to see them long term. Do not assume they know anything just because they have degrees or credentials. If you do not feel comfortable or helped, trust yourself and try another until your find one who meets your needs.

By Michael Yeager B.A., LCDC, C.Ht, CAS 713-461-3279 www.holisticouncil.org Skype and live Therapy (since 1973) Services

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WHEN HELPING HURTS

By Alison Bottke

Let’s face it, not all adult children are dysfunctional, any more than all parents are enablers. Many adult children have been raised to have deep respect for their parents and themselves. For these children, the thought of taking advantage of anyone, let alone the parents who raised them, is abhorrent. Let’s call these children functioning adult children.

However, for many of us, that term does not describe our adult children.

Instead, we “parents in pain” dream about seeing our adult children live as independent, functioning adults instead of the dependent, dysfunctional adult children they have become. And no doubt many enabling parents would argue that their adult children are incapable of taking care of themselves. That may be true. However, is this because of a real physical handicap, a viable developmental disability, or have years of enabling crippled your adult child? And if crippled, is this disability temporary or permanent? If temporary, what can we parents do to help reverse the disability and see our adult children take responsibility for themselves?

The first step is for us to accept any part we may have played in making our adult children whom—and what—they’ve become. We also need a better understanding of the difference between helping and enabling, and the wisdom and willingness to make the necessary changes in our own lives when at last we truly recognize the difference.

What Is the Difference Between Helping and Enabling?

Helping is doing something for someone that he is not capable of doing himself.

Enabling is doing for someone things that he could and should be doing himself.

An enabler is a person who recognizes that a negative circumstance is occurring on a regular basis and yet continues to enable the person with the problem to persist with his detrimental behaviors. Simply, enabling creates an atmosphere in which our adult children can comfortably continue their unacceptable behavior.

When we continue to allow these behaviors to occur, we are setting a pattern of behavior in our children that will be hard to change. We are enabling their repeated inappropriate behavior. Then we repeat the enabling pattern with the result of instilling bad habits and accepting what should be unacceptable behavior for so many years that it eventually becomes as natural to many of us as breathing. Yet all the while, a nagging feeling deep in our heart and soul tells us something is very wrong.

Are You an Enabling Parent?

Here are a few questions that might help you determine if you are an enabling parent.

1. Have you loaned him money repeatedly, seldom (if ever) being repaid?

2. Have you paid for education and/or job training in more than one field?

3. Have you finished a job or project that he failed to complete himself because it was easier than arguing with him?

4. Have you paid bills he was supposed to have paid himself?

5. Have you accepted part of the blame for his addictions or behavior?

6. Have you avoided talking about negative issues because you feared his response?

7. Have you bailed him out of jail or paid for his legal fees?

8. Have you given him “one more chance” and then another and another?

9. Have you ever returned home at lunchtime (or called) and found him still in bed sleeping?

10. Have you wondered how he gets money to buy cigarettes, video games, new clothes, and such but can’t afford to pay his own bills?

11. Have you ever “called in sick” for your child, lying about his symptoms to his boss?

12. Have you threatened to throw him out and didn’t?

13. Have you begun to feel that you’ve reached the end of your rope?

14. Have you begun to hate both your child and yourself for the state in which you live?

15. Have you begun to worry that the financial burden is more than you can bear?

16. Have you begun to feel that your marriage is in jeopardy because of this situation?

17. Have you noticed growing resentment in other family members regarding this issue?

18. Have you noticed that others are uncomfortable around you when this issue arises?

19. Have you noticed an increase in profanity, violence, and/or other unacceptable behavior?

20. Have you noticed that things are missing from your home, including money, valuables, and other personal property?

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If you answered yes to several of these questions, chances are at some point in time you have enabled your adult child to avoid his own responsibilities—to escape the consequences of his actions. Rather than help your child grow into a productive and responsible adult, you have made it easier for him to get worse.

To put it simply, your helping is hurting—and it’s time to stop. But trust me when I say that it won’t be easy. Although it’s high time many of our adult children begin to accept the consequences of their choices, the plain truth is we must first accept the responsibility for our own choices—past, present, and future.

Our biggest problem isn’t about our adult child’s inability to wake up when their alarm clock rings, or their inability to keep a schedule, or their inability to hold down a job or pay their bills. It’s not about their drug use or alcohol addictions. It’s not about the mess they’re making of their life. The main problem is about the part we’re playing in stepping in to soften the blow of the consequences that come from the choices they make.

The main problem is us.

Ending Enabling Behavior From my experience, I’ve come to learn four life-saving truths about changing enabling behavior.

• We can pray for the power to change ourselves.

• We can help (not enable) adult children of any age develop wings to fly on their own.

• We can find comfort in knowing we are not alone on this journey.

• We can take back our life!

But it’s going to take time—support from others—and walking the Six Steps to SANITY. When Stopping Hurts is an excerpt from Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, Six Steps to Hope and Healing. Allison Bottke is an author, speaker, and entrepreneur. An innovative, risk-taking, faith-extending woman, Allison believes in being spiritually tenacious!

Visit www.allisonbottke.com or www.settingboundries.com

THE NAME OF THE GAME

By Candace Plattor

Continued from page 8

Every time you make the decision to like yourself despite any potentially negative consequences from others, you earn a little more of your self-respect.

ANOTHER’S PERSPECTIVE MIGHT BE HELPFUL Learning how to treat yourself more respectfully will change your life. You will experience a profound shift in the way you see your life, as well as your place in the world. Your relationships with other people will become healthier, as you begin to treat yourself in healthier ways. Although nobody’s life is ever “perfect,” living with non-negotiable self-respect is the most consistent way of living a rich and fulfilling life.

If you are having difficulty believing in yourself and treating yourself with self-respect, you may want to talk to some of your trusted friends or reach out to a skilled therapist for assistance. This might help you to explore what is holding you back from giving up your self-sabotaging patterns.

Remember, it all starts with YOU – what do you need to do, or what do you need to NOT do, to be able to look at yourself and feel happy with who you are?

That is the name of the game!

Candace Plattor graduated from the Adler School of Professional Psychology with a Master’s degree (M.A.) in Counselling Psychology, in 2001. For over 20 years in her private practice, she’s been helping clients and their loved ones understand their addictive behaviours and make healthier life choices.

Candace’s award winning books Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction and Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Workbook are available in bookstores throughout Canada and the US. Please visit her website for more information: www.candaceplattor.com

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MAKING PEACE WITH YOUR PAST: CHOOSING HEALTH AND HAPPINESS

By Dr. Asa Don Brown, Ph.D.,C.C.C.,N.C.C.M

the extent with which we explore the past, to whether we even consider embarking on the past. Why broach the past if it is not having a dire effect upon your overall person and your ability to properly function? Are we not causing more harm than good by reengaging topics from the past?

Arguably, if the past is having an underlying effect, then do we not have an obligation to explore it? The challenge is, determining whether or not the past is causing current stress or harm unto your person.

PERSONAL FORGIVENESS “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” ~ Tony Robbins Personal forgiveness is the ability to let go and go forward from the wrongs we have committed. The truth is, forgiveness can never be faked or a sham. If it is, whoever is offering the forgiving spirit is a hypocrite indulging in false truths and lies. Likewise, if I am asking for forgiveness, I am equally as accountable for the humility and sincerity of my person.

Everyone is accountable for his or her own choices associated around forgiveness. If I forgive you, you are not obligated to forgive me, but karmically it could be argued that it makes sense. Moreover, if I have wronged you and asked for forgiveness; you are neither obligated nor forced to accept my repentance, but, I can have an ease of my heart that I have tried mending the wrongs that I have committed. Likewise, whether or not you accept my repentance, I have a right to offer my own person forgiveness, allowing my person to move beyond the wrongs with which I have committed.

Forgiving Our Person Personal forgiveness is the process of healing. Once I forgive myself, only then will I be capable of asking you for forgiveness. If I can completely and sincerely accept my personal wrongs and the responsibility for my actions, then I have begun the transformation for living a life beyond the wrongs. If I reserve, hesitate, or excuse my wrongs, then I am hanging onto conditions associated with the wrongs and I am not taking complete responsibility for the wrongs with which I have committed. It is important to recognize that you should only accept responsibility for the wrongs with which you have committed, never accepting the wrongs associated with others.

Forgiving oneself is of the utmost importance. If I do not completely and unconditionally forgive my own person, then how will I ever know how to forgive another? Forgiveness is not an obligation, rather a desire to rid myself and others of the chains that have bound me to the past. It is forgiveness that allows me to live a life beyond the wrongs, allowing me to live abundantly and free in the future.

FORGIVING “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” ~ Nelson Mandela Forgiving others is not about the denial of the past, rather it is accepting the past as merely a historical marker in my life. Whether the harm was intentional or unintentional, it may have a profound impact upon us psychologically and physiologically. Belittling those who have endured wrongs, is no different than causing intentional harm. Moreover, the scars that are left should never be overlooked as unimportant. Every person has a right to healthy recovery. While the harm may no longer exist, or the pain associated with the harm; the scar may remain. Scars are nothing more than a reminder, but they are not the pain or the harm itself.

‘Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.’ 2 “It is the forgiveness of others that allows you to live life to its fullest potential. Real forgiveness allows you to focus your mind on other things.

If you hold onto the harm, then you hold onto the past. It is the shifting of your mind that will transform your person.” 1 THE BENEFITS OF FORGIVENESS Letting go of the past, is like opening the flood gates of healing to be set free. “Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

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Continued from page 6

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

Healthier relationships Greater spiritual and psychological well-being Less anxiety, stress and hostility Lower blood pressure Fewer symptoms of depression Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse” 2 “If we choose to, then there is a greater probability of reuniting with the person (s) that we have held resentment towards.

8. An ability to fully focus on our minds on a positive perspective of life.

9. Decrease in somatic complaints 10. An empowerment of the individual

The benefits of forgiveness are limitless. Forgiveness allows your mind to be free of the negativity that has possessed it. Negativity has an ability to completely control and have power over your person. Such ingrained negativity can and often does manifest in our speech, actions, deeds, and reactions. The ingraining of negativity firmly embeds itself into our minds, rejecting the positive perspectives of our personhood.” 1 THE FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLE OF FORGIVENESS “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~ Paul Boese “Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky calls forgiveness ‘a shift in thinking’ toward someone who has wronged you, ‘such that your desire to harm that person has decreased and your desire to do him good (or to benefit your relationship) has increased.’ Forgiveness, at a minimum, is a decision to let go of the desire for revenge and ill-will toward the person who wronged you. It may also include feelings of goodwill toward the other person. Forgiveness is also a natural resolution of the grief process, which is the necessary acknowledgment of pain and loss.” 3 “The Fundamental Principle of ...(Forgiveness) is having a spirit of unconditional love, trust, respect, dignity, caring, and hope. It is the knowledge that we will fail and succeed, but that our worth is not based on our failures or successes. For who we are, is greater than our level of obtainment or achievement, or of failure or loss. For who we are, is a person deserving of love, forgiveness, respect, dignity, and loyalty. A child that is raised with such principles will intrinsically rely upon these principles in moments of need, desperation, motivation, and for personal inspiration.” 1 “Forgiveness is the experience of peacefulness in the present moment.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it changes the present.” ~ Frederic Luskin “Forgiveness has the ability to transform our thoughts. It has an ability to allow us to reconnect with others and have a deeper relationship with them. Forgiveness cannot only have a healing affect for the individual, but its affect can go well beyond those initially involved in the forgiveness.” 1 Forgiveness is the ultimate liberator of our mind, body, and spirit.

Article References are Available Upon Request Dr. Asa Don Brown is an author, professor, clinician, advocate, and an inspirational and motivational speaker. He currently serves as an Advisory Board Member at the Brain Technology & Neuroscience Research Centre, BTNRC and has served as the Bylaws and Ethics Director for the Washington Counseling Association, as well as having served as the Director of Promotions for The Society for the Arts in Dementia Care, and many others. In the summer of 2013, Dr. Brown was named a Global Presence Ambassador, which is the humanitarian community service arm of Parenting 2.0, and has been informed that his work will presented to the United Nations.

He is a prolific author having been published in a variety of professional and popular journals, magazines, and online .Dr. Brown has a bi-monthly column with the Canadian Counselling & Psychotherapy Association and has published two books in recent years: Waiting to Live, 2010 and The Effects of Childhood Trauma on Adult Perception and Worldview, 2008.

Website: http://www.asadonbrown.com

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