"I wish I had stronger relationships with my siblings"

For 24-year-old care experienced Isabelle Kirkham, a lack of opportunity to spend time with her siblings in care has forever changed their relationships.

I’m the second oldest of six siblings, nine if I include my stepsiblings.

When I was nine, all six of us were taken into care out-of-area, and into different foster placements.

My three youngest siblings were placed together in foster care. Social services had planned to have them closed adopted due to them being so young - this is something I didn’t know until I read my care files two years ago.

Me, my older brother, and younger brother were placed out-of-area, and away from our younger siblings. My step-siblings were living with their biological mother when we were taken away from my mum and stepdad, so they thankfully didn’t end up in care.

After three months in foster care, my three youngest siblings were taken into kinship care. The older three of us were left in care until we all hit 16/18.

One of my younger brothers was placed near me, and I saw him once a week thankfully. His foster parent was my foster mum’s sister, so we’d see each other over holidays and go to outings/events together.

This is something I’m very grateful for. It felt like I had a slightly tilted but almost normal upbringing with this sibling. My oldest brother was moved about so much, I wouldn’t see him for months at a time, we never had a way of keeping in touch - not even a phone number.

Once he turned 16, social services made no effort for me to see my oldest brother. I didn’t see him for three years. I only saw him because I turned 16 and asked/arranged to see him myself.

My three youngest siblings I saw four times a year for six hours as they were 300 miles away. No effort was made to increase this by social services, or my social worker. This was only made six times a year after I begged to see them more.

When I turned 16, they made little effort to keep me seeing them. Social services made no effort for me to see my step siblings - I didn’t see any of them until I left my foster home at 16 and moved closer to my family by my own choice.

The memories I have of/with my siblings are either trauma-related, from before I went into care, in a community hall, or from the last six years of my life when I made my own decisions and actions to see them.

My sister Kaitlin passed away in 2017. The memories I have of her are even less. It’s difficult to grieve someone who’s passed away, who you were already grieving over when they were alive. Especially when that person was your 12-year-old sister.

If social services had made even a slight effort to place us all near each other, had us all placed into kinship care, or made an effort to keep us seeing each other regularly, I honestly believe I would find grieving Kaitlin’s death easier, and I’d have stronger relationships with all my siblings.