AGAINST THE ODDS Editor-in-chief Kindra Roy reflects on personal and team growth through unforeseen challenges. Kindra Roy
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y eyes were heavy and my body felt like it was going to collapse. I dropped my bag, which seemed to weigh 50 pounds, and climbed into bed, ready for the day to end. The lights remained off in my room hour after hour, my family occasionally peeking in, only to receive no response. Every couple hours I would wake, a feeling of disgust and unease lingering, an unsettling beating of my heart chasing me back to sleep. My sophomore year passed by like a foggy dream in which I could only watch from the outside. Each day left me so emotionally exhausted that I slept almost any time I was not at school, often missing meals and hardly conversing with family. I was constantly afraid. Afraid that I was not enough, that I would do something wrong or let someone down. I emphasized perfection to a degree in which I was always left disappointed. Both my mental and physical health were at an all-time low. I found myself afraid to reach outside the box and challenge myself because if I let others down I would plummet again. I did not believe in my ability to overcome fear, so I avoided anything that might distress me. My unhealthy relationship with stress felt like an obstacle I could not push past. When it became obvious that my emotional health was in such an uncertain state, I tried anything to return to my true self. I tried multiple anxiety medications, which only seemed to heighten my nerves or further disrupt my sleep schedule. I then quit the medications and turned to therapy, which is one of the best decisions I have ever made. However, therapy was just the first step as I tried to find myself, and my voice. One of the ways I did that was through the Miller Integrated Nature Experience (MINE). The step to join the program, a combination of journalism and outdoor leadership, meant going out on a limb. For someone who had previously had a toxic relationship with pressure, I put a lot on my plate. However, it was an experience of personal growth like I never could have imagined. The MINE program is incredibly unique because, while it offers a challenge and replicates real-world models, community building and support are at its core.
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Mckenzie Palmer The program merges experiential learning with outdoor education and journalism. The hands-on style of working as a production team and the bonding that comes with outdoor exploration create meaningful personal connections and a sense of belonging. I found myself in a learning environment different than any I had previously encountered. My first major experience as part of MINE was a trip to the coast, one of the several adventures taken throughout the year to help team members connect and find roots in the outdoors. Still very new to the group, I was nervous to put myself out there with people all older than me who had worked together for much longer. However, the trip allowed me to be the most vulnerable I have ever been, sharing my emotional struggles. By the end of the trip, I had a support system that allowed me to take a risk and publish my first story, a personal narrative that addressed the tribulations of my childhood and many of the largest imperfections in my life. The following year, just months after my first story was published, I was voted into the role of editor-in-chief. It was my second big step, taking on all the responsibilities and pressure of leading the program. I had fears about making mistakes, but my perspective had completely changed. I knew that there were people who had my back and that I did not have to be perfect to be good enough. I knew taking on the role would be difficult, but I was ready to take that step. Yet, the year held more challenges than I had ever expected.
On March 17, I closed my overheating laptop with a listless sigh and flopped onto the bed. My email inbox was flooded with messages from teachers, principals, and colleges. The initial school closure due to COVID-19 was just extended. No one knew when or if we would return to school. It felt like our dreams were down the drain. We had big plans for the year, a 128-page magazine, stories and spreads that surpassed anything before seen from a high
