How to Make People Help You Again and Again! BY SOULAIMA GOURANI
The Three Times Thank-You Strategy Over the past ten years of intense work with networking and relationships, I am beginning to see a clear pattern. Would you like to receive help again and again? Do you need people to act as your ambassador and recommend you to their networks? If yes, then you have to develop a so-called thank-you strategy. In addition to getting people to help you again and again, you will actually also become happier. The University of California has carried out various studies showing that a daily display of gratitude together with an active thank-you strategy resulted in higher degrees of enthusiasm, determination, attention, and energy. Research also shows that grateful people seem to be far more inclined to help others with a technical, professional, or personal problem; and they offer emotional support to other people. It’s about showing gratitude, giving something back in return, and indirectly strengthening relationships with other people, leading to more satisfactory, meaningful, and happy lives for everybody.
It Takes Three . . . The key to success is that you need to thank a person three times if you want this person to help you again and again. If you say “thank you” only one time, people will typically only help you that one time. If you want people to help you more than once, you need to make a mental note of this: a good way to maintain a relationship and make a person help you again and again is to say “thank you” and by showing your gratitude—clearly and often. The bad news is that it is not enough to say “thank you,” send a bouquet of flowers, or bring a bottle of wine. Over time, people who have helped you tend to think that you are ungrateful if you do not thank them for their help or only say “thank you” one time. Most people only say “thank you” one time and find it strange to say “thank you” again and again. It is my experience that it is a really good idea to create a thank-you strategy.
Thank-You Strategy A thank-you strategy in its simplicity is about saying thank you to people three times. You need to thank them every time they have helped you or spent their time on you. It is not good enough to say “thank you” just one time. Let me give a concrete example. If you get a new job based on a really good recommendation from someone in your network, then you should say “thank you” right away! Most well-mannered people will do that. Hereafter, only a few of us will think about saying “thank you” again. It is my recommendation that you get back to the person who recommended you after the probationary period in your new job and say, “Thank you for recommending me for the job. It meant a lot to me, and now we have actually decided that I will continue in the company after the probationary period. Thank you.”
The person in question will feel that you are grateful and still remember and appreciate the help you received from him/her. After a year or so, it is a good idea to say “thank you” again. You can, for example, go back to the person who recommended you for the job to tell him or her about the results that you have created, that you are still happy with the job, and that you would like to say “thank you” for the recommendation. Now you are so grateful that the person in question can only think that you appreciate and remember the help. The most likely response is that the person would like to help you again if you need it. If you want people to help you more than one time, then you have to thank them more than the traditional one time. Show your gratitude when other people do something for you, even if they don’t bring you good news. For example, you should remember to also thank people who rejected you. The mere fact that someone takes the time to write you an e-mail, send you a text message, or call you should trigger a thank-you from you. Let me tell you a short story from the real world. Sometime ago, a young man approached me after a lecture. He was interested in having me as his mentor. I unfortunately had to tell him that I couldn’t be his mentor because not only did I lack the time but also the timing wasn’t right for me to have a mentee. He thanked me for taking the time to talk with him about it. A week later, he wrote me an e-mail in which he asked me if I had changed my mind. I replied to him that I hadn’t changed my mind, and I apologized for the rejection and asked for his understanding. He sent me a new e-mail in which he thanked me for my response. How many people do you think that I would hear from again if I didn’t give them the response that they were hoping for? None. I spend a lot of hours every month responding to the many inquiries that I receive, and he is the first person ever who thanked me for a rejection! I respect him for that. A couple of weeks later, he sent me a book. On the accompanying note, he wrote, Dear Soulaima, I know that you are interested in strategy, and since that is also one of my great passions, I send you this book, which I think, is the best on the topic. I have to admit that I was impressed, and I can feel that I am becoming interested in him and his persistence. I know that he has signed up for a lecture that I am giving soon. I think that I might just walk up to him and have a chat!
Your thank-you strategy should include the following: People who help you People who take the time responding to an e-mail, a text message, or a letter People who contribute, get involved, or give you feedback