The Pitch: January 17, 2013

J A NU A R Y 17–2 3 , 2 013 | F R E E | V OL . 3 2 NO. 2 9 | P I T C H.C OM

The International House of Prayer’s annual Onething draws 25,000 believers to KC — and one truth seeker.

BY N ATH A N CL AY BA RBA RICK

JANUARY 17–23, 2013 | VOL. 32 NO. 29 E D I T O R I A L

Editor Scott Wilson Managing Editor Justin Kendall Music Editor David Hudnall Staff Writers Charles Ferruzza, Ben Palosaari Editorial Operations Manager Deborah Hirsch Calendar Editor Berry Anderson Clubs Editor Abbie Stutzer Food Blogger, Web Editor Jonathan Bender Proofreader Brent Shepherd Contributing Writers Tracy Abeln, Nathan Clay Barbarick, Theresa Bembnister, April Fleming, Leslie Kinsman, Chris Milbourn, Dan Savage, Abbie Stutzer, Lucas Wetzel

A R T

Art Director Ashford Stamper Contributing Photographers Angela C. Bond, Chris Mullins, Lauren Phillips, Sabrina Staires, Brooke Vandever Design Intern Chloe George

P R O D U C T I O N

Production Manager Christina Riddle Multimedia Designer Vu Radley

A D V E R T I S I N G

Sales Manager Erin Carey Senior Classified Multimedia Specialist Steven Suarez Multimedia Specialists Michelle Acevedo, Collin Click, Page Olson Director of Marketing & Operations Jason Dockery Digital Marketing Manager Keli Sweetland

C I R C U L A T I O N

WAITING FOR JESUS

Circulation Director Mike Ryan

B U S I N E S S

Accounts Receivable Jodi Waldsmith Publisher Joel Hornbostel

S O U T H C O M M

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Chief Executive Officer Chris Ferrell Chief Financial Officer Patrick Min Chief Operating Officer Rob Jiranek Chief Marketing Officer Susan Torregrossa Chief Technology Officer Matt Locke Business Manager Eric Norwood Director of Digital Sales & Marketing David Walker Director of Accounting Todd Patton Creative Director Heather Pierce Director of Online Content/Development Patrick Rains

N A T I O N A L

International House of Prayer’s Onething conference draws 25,000 believers to KC. B Y N AT H A N C L AY B A R B A R I C K

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Cooper’s Hawk swoops onto the Plaza.

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QUESTIONNAIRE

JOHN JANUARY

Executive creative director,

Hometown: Dighton, Kansas. That’s way, way out in western Kansas.

Actually at Christmas. The Godfather and The Godfather: Part II just because. Also both the Kill Bills and Star Wars IV. You should probably throw Goodfellas on there, too. And It’s a Wonderful Life. And, if it’s on Spike on a lazy Sunday, The Shawshank Redemption.

Current neighborhood: Brookside Who or what is your sidekick? My three kids.

And, shamefully, my iPhone.

What local tradition do you take part in every year? Friday night at the American

What career would you choose in an alternate reality? Either a rock-star screenwriter or the

Royal. Uniquely KC. And the more people you know, the better the night gets. I also love an Arrowhead tailgate.

Where do you drink? The Peanut on Main, Tower Tavern and the Gaf

What’s your favorite charity? MOCSA. What it does is so important — for women, kids and men. Not just crisis management but also intervention and advocacy.

Favorite place to spend your paycheck: An

hour at Westport Westlake Ace Hardware or Euston’s Waldo Hardware or Soil Service is better than therapy.

What local phenomenon do you think is overrated? This local propensity for wrapping tree

trunks with Christmas lights. And then those sort of jagged upside-down V’s that people make by stringing lights from tree to ground?

Whole neighborhoods in KC do it. It’s just a taste thing but, to me, it’s a hot Christmas mess.

Where do you like to take out-of-town guests? Since we’re Brooksiders, we like to let people experience the Brookside shops and Crestwood. A little time inside the undying quirk that is Brookside Toy & Science and the

S A B R I N A S TA I R E S

proprietor of a successful haunted attraction.

It’s a coin flip.

What was the last local restaurant you patronized? The Rieger

Sullivan Higdon & Sink

Favorite person or thing to follow on Twitter: @DalaiLama

other great shops and then a stroll for a drink at Blue Grotto will restore your faith that small business is alive and well and awesome.

Finish this sentence: “Kansas City got it right when …” How about KC will get it right when

we capitalize on Google Fiber and do awesome things with it. Come on, smart people and silicon dreamers. Make it so.

“Kansas City screwed up when …” We let the public school system, as a whole, get bad and stay bad.

energy on things that, ultimately, have to please more people than just me. Whether that’s a demographic or a client, or ideally both. So when I get the luxury of time, I like to create stuff that I like, and I don’t care if anyone else does. Keeps me sane.

“In fi ve years, I’ll be …” Marveling at who my

kids are becoming. I’d like to say I'll have finished yet another screenplay but …

What TV show do you make sure you watch?

the shoulder. This is a great city with a lot of great prospects and good momentum. There’s nothing for which to apologize.

Game of Thrones. It’s The West Wing meets the Renaissance Festival. There are a troubling number of gruesome horse deaths, but that’s balanced out with plenty of satisfying shocks, zombies and some terrific performances. How could you not watch it?

“People might be surprised to know that I …”

take up a lot of space in my iTunes:

“Kansas City needs …” To get the chip off

Oh, I’m an open book.

Audiobooks

“On my day off, I like to …” Create stuff where I am the only critic. I spend a lot of creative

What movie do you watch at least once a year? Young Frankenstein at Halloween. Love

Person or thing you find really irritating at this moment: All things twee.

What subscription — print, digital, etc. — do you value most? Discover magazine. It’s People

magazine for science buffs.

Last book you read: Last Night in Twisted River.

I’m a big, huge John Irving fan.

Favorite day trip: Lawrence Interesting brush with the law? I sorta, kinda stole a rental car. It looked just like the one we rented. And the keys were in it. And the valet was sort of inattentive so … we just grabbed it. We realized our mistake on the way to the airport. Let’s just say all's well that ends well.

Describe a recent triumph: I didn’t ignore what my gut said was right. I didn’t deviate in the face of doubt. And I didn’t bother second-guessing myself. It paid off. It almost always pays off. But even when it doesn’t, I sleep better.

The devil is in the details.

And we know the details.

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NEWS BY

Diamond Cuts is taking it back.

JON AT H A N BENDER

J O N AT H A N B E N D E R

TROOST HEIR

Barbershop 67 built a community.

ANGELA C. BOND

Left: Diamond Jr. finds his place on Troost.

Above: Carlock still believes in Hyde Park.

T

he red-white-and-blue barber’s pole is still out front at 3402 Troost. The painted pillar outside the former Barbershop 67 feels permanent, feels like it’s helping hold up the weight of this neighborhood.

On a recent Thursday morning, the door swings open at the shop, now called Diamond Cuts. Owner Phil Diamond Jr.’s cheeks rise with a grin as wide as the brim of his Chicago White Sox cap. “ ’Sup, Larry?” Diamond asks, putting his clippers down to shake hands with and hug one of the clients at his sixmonth-old barbershop.

E R MO The place’s identity has come together in pieces: a white pool table from T A INE ONL .COM Craigslist, a Ms. Pac Man PITCH arcade game, five blackand-chrome barber chairs in front of a bank of mirrors. Diamond has cut hair for a decade. This is the fi rst time that his name has been on the sign. “When I get enough stuff up on the wall, it’s going to look like Applebee’s,” he jokes.

That the vanity lights above the mirrors would shine again was something that didn’t seem likely a year ago. Last January, Craig Carlock closed the doors at Barbershop 67 for the last time, his small business crushed under the weight of a horrific crime: an attempted robbery on November 16, 2011, that ended in the slaying of 53-year-old barber Joe Jackson.

In 2009, Carlock, a draftsman by trade, spotted a shuttered church on Troost and had an idea. He had spent his teenage years in a barbershop run by his stepfather, Leslie McIntosh. Carlock, who grew up near 39th

NEWS

Jackson was alone, waiting for the day’s Street and Indiana, was a broad-shouldered offensive lineman in those days for Paseo fi nal customer. He had been cutting hair for two decades and had closed his own shop Academy.

“The barbershop was where I got my role only five weeks before he started renting a chair at Diamond Cuts. models,” says Carlock, now 44. “I loved the “Joe was a veteran barber, who could talk environment. It was just a great mix, a place about anything,” Carlock where a construction worker recalls. “He was outgoing, could be sitting next to a with the kind of people city councilor.” He wanted “But that couldn’t skills that young barbers to see the same kind of mix happen here. need to learn.” on Troost. He named his Waters later told police new business after his high Because this was that White had planned to school jersey number and a barbershop, it was rob Jackson. The two men began working to transform worked out their plan at the space. like it happened in the 34th Street and Troost Over time, he found baryour home.” bus stop. bers — Vanessa Alexander After Jackson let them and Jackson among them inside the shop, White de— who shared his vision of a safe place where people could congregate. manded money. The barber passed it to him but then grabbed White’s left arm. White Carlock was a fi xture at the shop, sweeping pulled a gun from a pocket and fired. The bulthe trash on the sidewalks in the summer let struck his own arm before hitting Jackson. and shoveling snow in the winter.

“I always told people I didn’t end up on White fi red several more shots at Jackson after he was down, and he and Waters fled Troost,” Carlock says. “I wanted to be there.

Why wouldn’t it be there? A dollar is not differ- through the Save-A-Lot parking lot next door. ent just because it’s in a different part of town.” Three witnesses helped police locate White and Waters, who were arrested within 24 But if Carlock, who calls himself an “eterhours of the shooting. nal optimist,” believed that the neighbor“They were able to catch the guys because hood was changing, he wasn’t blind to the realities outside his window. He installed a of the people who lived in the neighborhood,” Carlock says. “We live in a time when people buzzer on the front door for the protection won’t talk, for fear of retribution. But the of his barbers, Alexander and Jackson. shop meant enough that it outraged people “The shop was almost immune to what to know that someone had done something was going on around it,” Carlock says, “And like that. I like to think they took that risk then it was no longer immune.” because Joe and the shop meant something Eight days before Thanksgiving in 2011, to them. They didn’t have to do that. People Jackson buzzed in 22-year-old Georgio White and 24-year-old David O. Waters. could have just said, ‘I don’t know.’ ”

Carlock opened the shop the Saturday after Jackson was killed. He had to break the news to a few of Jackson’s clients when they arrived for appointments. Other customers simply came to sit and talk and cry in the comfort of the barbershop. Jackson’s chair would remain unfi lled.

“When crime occurs in a business, people believe it will be able to bounce back,” Carlock says. “But that couldn’t happen here. Because this was a barbershop, it was like it happened in your home.

“What happened didn’t change how I felt about the area,” Carlock adds. “The area gets the label. But this wasn’t something the community wanted. It was something that two individuals did.”

On January 4 of this year, White was sentenced to 20 years in prison, following his second-degree-murder conviction. Waters has a plea hearing Friday, January 18.

The former clients have started to return, but Carlock has not. He says he struggles with guilt and loss. But he remains active in the redevelopment of Hyde Park, working with the Troost Village Community Association. He intends eventually to open another business in the neighborhood.

“I don’t want to say I’ll be back because I don’t think I ever left,” he says. “You just can’t surrender to those types of things. If you surrender here, you’ll have to surrender everywhere.”

Diamond Cuts upholds Carlock’s community vision, and Diamond says he hopes that the rest of the city can see what he sees through his shop’s windows. The glass vibrates as Troost MAX buses roll by. The door buzzer is gone.

“I don’t want what happened to be a stigma,” Diamond says. “If a barbershop can open in a community and get love from people, it’s part of how we start rebuilding Troost.”

E-mail jonathan.bender@pitch.com

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T

he lobby of the Kansas City Convention Center doesn’t look like the promised “harvest of souls.” It resembles an airport during the holidays. Long and winding lines of luggagetoting people wait, laugh and share hugs.

They’re here for the International House of Prayer’s annual Onething conference, which has promised to bring 25,000 young adults together with Jesus. That number doesn’t seem exaggerated. There are people everywhere. Of course, Jesus is everywhere, too.

The 24/7/365 — all day, all night, every day, all year — Grandview church’s promotional video pledged a big harvest. So for the next four days and four nights, December 28–31, IHOP has planned a variety of events: recruiting interns, healing the sick and registering students in IHOPU (its Christian university), all in a Christian concert setting. With lots and lots of sermons.

I’m here for a different reason: the alleged sex-cult killing of Bethany Deaton, a 27-yearold former IHOP intern. Deaton’s body was

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found October 30, with a plastic bag over her head and an empty pill bottle close by, in the backseat of a van at Longview Lake. Authorities assumed that her death was a suicide. A note in the van read: “My name is Bethany Deaton. I chose this evil thing. I did it because I wouldn’t be a real person and what is the point of living if it is too late for that? I wish I had chosen differently a long time ago. I knew it all and refused to listen. Maybe Jesus will still save me.”

But three days after Deaton’s funeral, Micah Moore, a 23-year-old IHOPU student, told Grandview police that the young woman’s death wasn’t a suicide. “I killed her,” Moore told officers, according to court records. He said he held the plastic bag over Deaton’s head “until her body shook.”

Court records say Moore told detectives that he killed Deaton at the request of his spiritual leader, Deaton’s husband, Tyler Deaton, to silence her, fearing that she would reveal to her therapist repeated drugging and sexual assaults by members of a prayer group.

(Moore’s attorney has since claimed that his confession is nothing more than fiction from a fragile mind.)

pitch.com

A grand jury indicted Moore for first-degree murder. Tyler Deaton, 26, now a former IHOP member and volunteer, has not been charged.

Authorities say they are still investigating the allegations. Several other men who lived with the Deatons told detectives that they were involved in secret sexual relationships with Tyler Deaton. One unnamed man told authorities that after his wife’s death, Deaton shared a dream in which he suffocated his new bride.

IHOP has claimed that Tyler Deaton led a secret splinter group.

Three years ago, the Deatons and a group of young people moved to Grandview from Georgetown, Texas, to be closer to IHOP’s nonstop ministry.

In that part of their story, they were hardly unique. People move here for IHOP. So I've come to Onething, the church’s biggest event of the year, to get closer to IHOP.

L

ou Engle has filled stadiums with believers for daylong prayer sessions, and the auditorium here shows his drawing power.

The Kansas City preacher has an interna-

tional reputation for championing extreme right-wing causes as part of his radical evangelism. Engle is here on Friday’s opening night as Onething’s first featured speaker.

Engle doesn’t sermonize with his usual anti-gay agenda or mention his spiritual tag teams with conservative lawmakers, such as Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback. Instead, Engle encourages the attendees, who rapidly fill up the convention center’s auditorium, to preach the Word to every ethnicity, tribe, tongue and nation.

Engle’s gravelly voice is as threatening as a professional wrestler’s. He shakes his microphone and his eyeglasses, which he then slaps on his face, and announces a recent initiative that comes via prophecy: the Ekballo movement, which has a smartphone app.

Engle promises that the app will help convert nonbelievers to Christianity before “the end of the age is unleashed.” He whips himself into a fit of palsied rocking. A few of the eight gigantic screens hanging from the ceiling show him moving on a one-second delay, so Engle moves out of sync with himself.

Deep, low and loud notes begin to play, out

WAITING

FOR

Jesus

Crashing IHOP’s annual Onething.

By Nathan Clay Barbarick

of view, showing off the cavernous room’s natural reverb and bumping the intensity level to that of a game show’s final round.

Engle asks the crowd to hold up their shoes in commitment to the Ekballo movement.

Audra Lynn (an IHOP in-house musician, not the Playboy Playmate) begins a tender song about the harvest. Thousands of young people remove and hoist their shoes high above their heads as the house lights dim.

After a few minutes, Lynn closes her song, and a less passionate speaker takes the stage.

Many exit through the revolving doors for an early evening dinner break. Some marvel at the weak snow that, according to a friendly Onethinger, never falls in Georgia.

T

he corner of 13th Street and Central bustles Friday night as a bespectacled 30-something on top of a peach crate shouts through a bullhorn at Onethingers.

“Mike Bickle did not see an angel in his bedroom,” megaphone guy yells to apathetic passers-by.

He’s referring to IHOP’s founder, who has

don’t emphasize — teachings from Esther, claimed to have heard the voice of God and Matthew and Revelation that, when added has vividly described supposed encounters with demons, prophets and apostles. Bickle up and, according to Bickle, read correctly, has also claimed to have foreseen 9/11 and help him preach IHOP’s fundamental doctrine, the so-called “bridal paradigm.” It’s kind of a referred to Oprah Winfrey as the Antichrist.

“Mike Bickle is a false prophet!” the pro- metaphor for a relationship with Jesus.

“Simply put, the revelation of Jesus as tester shouts. the Bridegroom is the revelation of Jesus’ I laugh, which attracts the interest of burning desire for His people,” Bickle says a hunched man passing out a religious in an IHOP brochure. “As newspaper. a Bride of Christ, we are “Are you onboard with “What about to walk in revelation of the IHOP people?” he asks.

Jesus’ emotions for us, to “No, I’m just observing,” speaking in tongues?” understand and rejoice in I say, which is partly true.

“That’s free.”

His commitment to share “I encourage you to take His heart with us, and to some of this literature,” “So how can I do it?” respond with wholehearted megaphone guy implores at “You mean you love and obedience to His the backs of several teenagdon’t already?” will as we enter into parters. His gloved hand points nership with Him. (We reto a cardboard box of leaffuse all sensual overtones lets. “Consider it a gift!” in the Bride of Christ message.)”

The leaflet reads, “Want to hear God Speak Only through this intimate relationship to You? Read Your Bible. Want to hear God can so-called true believers hasten Christ’s Speak Audibly? Read It Out Loud!” return. And when the world burns in tribulaBickle has lent Christ an open ear. He has tion and armies of believers rise up, the world read things in the Bible that other preachers

will come into an everlasting embrace with Him — as any bride would.

Inside the main conference hall, a thin worship leader, her hair in dreadlocks, walks onstage with her band and begins a set of adultcontemporary worship tunes.

Hundreds of people pour through the entryway of the long auditorium as purple and yellow lights wash over like a sunrise. The rows of chairs fill fast. At a pit in front, people stand. A camera jib constantly swoops and floats over the crowd, broadcasting Onething’s live stream on IHOP’s website and GOD TV. Monitors show a band playing under undulating lights. The acoustic guitarist raises an arm in praise, barely strumming when the camera focuses on him. A woman in a wide “Choose Life” T-shirt looks sometimes pained, sometimes confused as she locks down notes. Misty Edwards stands behind a keyboard and belts out praise with impressive range. With pantomimed throat cutting or bass playing, she occasionally signals for her players to stop or start.

Bickle, microphone in hand, watches from the side of the stage. He continued on page 8

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Waiting for Jesus continued from page 7 faces upward at the lights, eyes closed, never moving or singing.

The repetitive choruses — really, the songs are nothing but choruses — show up on the monitors like a karaoke machine as images of young people in the crowd, with eyes closed, air-drum and raise their hands. And they sing: I’m in love with God/And God’s in love with me.

Edwards uses a break in the music to preach.

“Our God is an all-consuming fire,” she whispers. “He burns with desire.”

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makeshift prayer room is set up in the convention center for 1,200 worshippers.

About 50 people sit, lean or pace the floor as a 13-piece band jams through a nonstop jumble of styles with one theme: God’s glory.

During techno music that recalls the theme from Shaft, a white man busts apprehensive rhymes about the session’s prayer focus: Israel.

Throughout this and other prayer events, slide projectors display praises to sing. Whom have I but you/I want only you.

A line forms onstage, and each person solemnly prays into a microphone about salvation through Israel. The songs never seem to end, so it’s apparently OK to leave the prayer room at any time.

Inside an IHOP Forerunner Bookstore, set up in the convention center, several tables offer information about the church’s programs and ministries, as well as a real-estate company run by Bickle’s wife.

On one of many racks of T-shirts is a premium V-neck that reads, in a hip font, “24/7 Prayer Worship Justice.”

This sums up IHOP’s brand of visions-inspired worship. Another shirt reads, “The Spirit & the Bride Say Come!” Another screenprinted verse on cotton reads, “Do Justly Love Mercy,” from Micah 6:8.

This must be a sign from God because I can’t help but think of Micah Moore.

I wonder, if he is indeed guilty, if he’ll be forgiven. I wonder if IHOP’s love and mercy are enough to forgive everyone who may have been involved with Bethany Deaton’s death. I wonder if Moore or Tyler Deaton or the men who claim they engaged in secret sexual relationships with Tyler have found their way here. It’s impossible to know in this throng of people.

I approach a sign at the youth evangelism table that reads, “Want to speak in tongues?

We can help!”

An obese man with a nice smile greets me and asks me to put my information on a half sheet of paper, joking that he’ll “look good in front of [his] boss.” He gestures to a middleaged man next to me, who is in fatherly conference with a few curious people.

I oblige, and the man gives an unsolicited overview of upcoming seminars, stressing their affordability.

“What about speaking in tongues?” I ask.

“How can I do that?”

“That’s free,” the older man says.

A protester finds a lonely one-way street.

“So how can I do it?”

“You mean you don’t already?” he asks.

“No.” “There’s a breakout session on Monday,” he says, adding that about 1,000 people spoke in tongues during last year’s conference. He estimates that about 2,000 will do so on New Year’s Eve. Elsewhere in the bookstore, a 50-foot table displays a “Mike Bickle” banner. I count 74 book titles and media on a merch table. There are speeches, sermons and study guides with such titles as The Rewards of Fasting, Growing in the Prophetic and The Beauty of Jesus and the Thunder of God’s Love. This isn’t crass consumerism. Bickle’s voluminous catalog of videos, audios and literature are available for free on his and his church’s websites. But if someone wants to give, IHOP has set up a “Donation Kiosk.”

I hesitate to buy Omega: The End Times Board Game.

Instead, I thumb through a copy of Sexaholics Anonymous, scoff at the price of a plastic-bound tract on Freemasonry, maintain a strange curiosity for Howard O. Pittman’s Demons: An Eyewitness Account, and try to glean some information from Paula Sandford’s shrink-wrapped Healing Victims of Sexual Abuse. I select the cheapest CD: How to Recognize Cults: Seven Characteristics. I put down my $5.

“Do you know who I am?

Do you know the deception you’re in?

My stomach hurts when I look at you!”

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n the prayer room across 13th Street, people listen to wispy, beachy worship tunes.

More young people line the hallways’ baseboards than the day before, looking a bit tired as they chat and text.

An easel near the prayer room holds a sign that reads, “The Healing Ministry.” A woman tells me that I’m the last one allowed in this session. She puts a sticker with the number “638” on my shoulder and directs me to a mostly empty conference room, where I’m led behind a partition to a spot with clusters of chairs in triangular formations. Boxes of facial tissue sit next to tiny, already filled wastebaskets.

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Engle speaks but not (yet) in tongues.

B

ickle doesn’t mention Bethany Deaton during his sermon. Why would he during IHOP’s four-day infomercial? The church has distanced itself from everyone allegedly involved in her death.

Bickle shares the stage with a vice president of IHOPU. She shares her testimony of how secular humanism and Western postmodernism pulled her away from Jesus. It’s an anecdote of a college-age reawakening that fits with Bickle’s youth-oriented ministry.

In his sermon, “Encountering Jesus and His Transforming Power,” Bickle denounces “lukewarm believers” and those who pervert the Gospel or distort God’s grace. He yells and strains in beseeching tones that dip into a Southern drawl when he’s most passionate.

Young and old in the audience flip through workbooks. In an all-business tone, Bickle points to sections with Bible quotes, under which he has provided summaries.

“These questions are not complicated,” he says, slowly pacing the stage. “But if you don’t have a biblical foundation, a good communicator can twist all of these around and spin you in circles. But the truth is, the answers are quite straightforward and quite simple. It just a little

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“Are you OK with two women?” a minister asks.

I’m led to two female IHOP employees who ask for my medical and spiritual histories.

“Do you have any forgiveness issues?” asks Amber-Lynn, who has moved to Kansas City from Canada to be with the church.

“I don’t think so,” I say. “I know I am forgiven.”

My eyes are closed. Either Amber-Lynn or Lateasa, who has moved from Michigan to KC for IHOP, anoints my forehead with oil. The women give an earnest prayer for my real and imagined ailments of mind, body and soul.

They repeatedly thank Jesus for loving us.

With calm breathing and closed eyes, I listen to their unpolished prayers. Their voices are soothing. They remove their hands, and I open my eyes to the dim room.

“How do you feel?” Amber-Lynn asks.

“I feel great,” I say. And I do feel quite collected. I later learn through social media that the ministry this weekend mended a broken ankle and cured a case of spina bifida with prayer.

bit of biblical foundation to have confidence in these answers.”

I move closer to the stage to get a look at Bickle. He’s a solidly built man, wearing a silky button-up shirt. I snap a picture of stacks of tithing buckets, which I never see deployed, even after Bickle’s made-for-TV pitch on how Jesus dealt with the lukewarm.

“Tell them that I will vomit them out of my mouth,” Bickle yells. “That doesn’t mean that they are repulsing to Jesus. What I believe this phrase means: Jesus is not saying, ‘You’re repulsive to Me.’ He’s saying, ‘When I look at the way you’re living in responding to the Love of God … my stomach hurts when I look at how much I love you! And how little you respond!

And how little you understand the delusion you’re in! My stomach is hurting because of the relationship of love! Do you know who I am? Do you know who you are to me? Do you know the deception you’re in? My stomach hurts when I look at you!’ ” I feel a serious hunger just before Bickle announces a 10-minute break, so I make for the Brookside Grille, hoping to beat the concession lines and break my fast with a lampwarmed cheeseburger.

Two women sit nearby on the floor, one in tears of prayer. I saw the crying woman the day before in the prayer room, where she wept and swayed to the beating heart of Jesus, her hands pressed on her big, beautiful curls.

Later, I listen to Bickle’s How to Recognize Cults CD. He says cult activity could happen anywhere. It’s foretold in prophecy, and it’s up to us, the believers, to keep watch and to challenge it.

“Some of you are actually going to change the way you function in leadership,” Bickle says, paraphrasing the Holy Spirit. “You’ll speak perverse things. You will become cult leaders, some of you. I mean, that’s in the Bible. I read that and thought, Oh my goodness! So Paul tells them: ‘Watch not only the new leaders coming in, watch even your own leadership.’ Now he’s not trying to make everybody suspicious … so everybody’s guilty until proven innocent. But he’s saying, ‘Be alert, be attentive. The problem will never go away.’ ” Inside the Onething program is an advertisement for next year’s conference. The top of the page is washed out in off-white light that bleeds from an image of a stage to a view of thousands of young adults with outstretched arms, on fire with passion for Jesus. “Come back next year,” the tag line reads.

Many will — likely many more — as long as Jesus doesn’t come first.

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WEEK OF JANUARY 17–23 | BY BERRY ANDERSON

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PAG E

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STAGE Housebreaking finds temporary quarters at MET.

of onths Five m CA W ys at Sunda

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FILM Rust and Bone hauls up to our shore.

28 PAG E

CINEMATIC SUNDAY SCHOOL Winter break is over, and school is back in session — including the Mostly Foreign Film School, whose “spring semester” opens tonight at 6:30 with French director Claude Berri’s 1986 feature, Manon of the Spring. Facilitated by the Rev. Scott Myers, the series of screenings and discussions convenes at Immanuel

MUSIC FORECAST Trampled by Turtles comes out of its shell.

T H U R S D AY | 1 . 17 | THE BEST WURST TIME

Drinking in museums? Yes! The National World War I Museum (100 West 26th Street, 816-888-8100) holds a free event with a German twist. Smartman’s Happy Hour: Brecht & Bier Garden, at 5:30 p.m., features a reading of Bertolt Brecht’s Drums in the Night and a discussion with director and UMKC

lecturer Erin Merritt about World War I and its effect on Brecht. “With Brecht, we’ve always got the burden of people thinking they’re going to be bludgeoned over the head with icky politics because so many people try to perform Brecht with no sense of humor,” Merritt explains. Happy-hour drinks and appetizers provided by Martini Corner’s Haus. RSVP by sending an e-mail to info@theworldwar.org; see theworldwar.org for more information.

SPARKS NOTES

The trailer for the latest Nicholas Sparks book turned film, Safe Haven, looks pretty dreamy.

Waifish Julianne Hough has run from an abusive past to a seaside town, where recent widower and shopkeeper Josh Duhamel can’t resist her mysterious allure. Expect the usual Sparksian tears, sunset canoe trips and scenes of gentle lovemaking. TV host and actress Maria Menounos moderates a nationwide live-to-theaters continued on page 12

Lutheran Church (1700 Westport Road). This semester’s lineup includes Fredi Murer’s Vitus, Michael Haneke’s Caché, Bruce Beresford’s Tender Mercies, and Rolf Schübel’s Gloomy Sunday. Enrollment for the series costs $25 and includes reading material chosen to stimulate spirited discussion. But don’t sweat the course load — it’s just an elective. Advance registration is required, though, so e-mail info@ westportcenterforthearts.org or call 855-201-9922 for more information.

— BRENT SHEPHERD

F R I D AY | 1 . 18 |

RED SOLO CUP

W

e can’t beat the funny laid down by stand-up comedian, actor and countrymusic performer Rodney Carrington. His albums Morning Wood, Nut Sack and El Niño Loco pretty much contain every dick, fat-girl and dirty-panty joke known to humankind, so we’ll leave the gems for Carrington to distribute. Get some at 8 p.m. at the Midland (1228 Main, 816-283-9921). For tickets ($27.50–$47.50), call the box office or see midlandkc.com. pitch.com

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11

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continued from page 11 discussion with Sparks, Duhamel, Hough and director Lasse Hallström, as well as the film’s producers when A Night With Nicholas Sparks comes to two local screens: The Cinemark Plaza (526 Nichols Road, 816-756-5877) and the Cinemark 20 (5500 Antioch, Merriam, 913-789-7038). Tonight’s event starts at 7 and costs $12.50 a person.

F R I D AY | 1 . 18 | JAZZ HANDS, WARMED

Sure, Kansas City is known for jazz, but how much of that music are you taking in? Johnson County Community College is making it easier for those who want to feel the music.

Today and Saturday, the school’s Carlsen Center (12345 College Boulevard, Overland Park, 913-469-4445) puts on Jazz Winterlude, a festival featuring local, national and international musicians. The bill, beginning at 7 p.m., includes the David Basse Orchestra; Grammy nominee Julian Lage; and Deborah Brown, a world-renowned singer originally from KC. Saturday’s lineup, beginning in the afternoon, includes pianist Eldar Djangirov, Alaturka, Diverse, and the New Red Onion Jazz Babies. All performances are free. See jccc.edu/music for a full schedule.

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When the students of KC’s School of Rock embark on a new project, they learn the history of the songs and their original musicians, too.

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Call 816-931-2299 for a class schedule:

F R I D AY | 1 . 18 |

CAFFEINE TROT

A

Broadway

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re you more about coffee or cocoa? Commit to a bean and run in the Battle of the Bean 5k, which begins at 9 a.m. at Foo’s Fabulous Frozen Custard (9421 Mission, Leawood), where it also ends. All participants get a long-sleeve T-shirt (brown, of course), Roasterie coffee, Christopher Elbow chocolates and a suburban setting for this early-in-the-year race. Register (for $30 through January 18 or $35 the day of the race) at battleofthebean5k.com.

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periods sound and act as they do,” says Mark Ballard, who manages the school. We haven’t seen the final exam associated with School of Rock’s performance of Nirvana’s Nevermind, but we bet the answer key includes “Generation X,” “flannel,” “riding the horse” and “that crazy E R MO bitch Courtney Love.”

Figure out your own grade as you watch a AT E N I ONL .COM rotating crew of 15 stuPITCH dents tackle Cobain, Grohl and Novoselic’s classic today and tomorrow at 6 p.m. at Aftershock (5240 Merriam Drive, Merriam, 913-384-5646).

Cover for the all-ages show is $10 in advance or $12 at the door. Call 816-842-ROCK or see kansascity.schoolofrock.com.

EVENTS

S AT U R D AY | 1 . 19 | BREAKING AWAY

KC Sprints, the stationary-bike races at Harling’s Upstairs (3941 Main, 816-531-0303), begins its fifth season tonight with an open tournament. “We get a wide variety of participants in our event,” says organizer Ryan Jones. “Some come out to win fabulous bikerelated prizes that have been generously donated, while others come out just to witness another person’s misery.” Heats generally last no more than 30 seconds; enter the tournament for $5, or spend $2 to compete in a grudge match. (Or watch for free.) Registration starts at 8 p.m., and the riding goes from 9 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. There’s no cover; see kcsprints.blogspot.com for more information.

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hen Yun Performing Arts has kept KC on its tour list for the past few years, and each time the dancers, musicians and singers roll out a new program steeped in 5,000 years of Chinese culture. At 7:30 p.m., see around 20 vignettes featuring classical Chinese ethnic and folk dances as Shen Yun starts a two-night stint at the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts (1601 Broadway, 816-994-7222). Tickets cost $50–$120. See kauffmancenter.org.

TUNE IN, TURN ON, DROP OUT

Forty-six years ago today, peaceful protesters, Vietnam War–era radicals and people who were totally down with acid joined together in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park for the first Human Be-In. By all accounts, it was a day of topless women, phat joints and lots of talking. Tonight’s Human Be-In: A Gathering of the Tribes, at the Uptown Arts Bar (3611 Broadway, 816-960-4611), promises way more of the talking than the other two ingredients as local thinkers come together to celebrate life, man. Featuring guitar and drumming performances, spoken word and poetry, the show starts at 8 p.m., after an open mic at 7. The cover is $10 (a portion of the proceeds benefits community-radio station KKFI 90.1), and the organizers say they want you to wear period clothing. For more information, see uptownartsbar.com.

S U N D AY | 1 . 2 0 | DUKIN’ IT OUT

At last year’s Human Rights Campaign Battle of the Bands, Summer Osbourne, a St. Louis guitar player and singer, began her set by announcing, “I am a strong lesbian woman!”

The judges were taken with her bluesy rock and declared her the winner. She’s performing again this year, alongside 15 other acts, at the Cashew (2000 Grand, 816-221-5858) as part of the HRC fundraiser. New in 2013: audience-choice awards and a closing performance by the Beautiful Bodies. The sixhour event — with both acoustic and electric stages — begins at 2:30 p.m. Tickets cost $20; see hrc.org/herhrckc for more information.

M O N D AY | 1 . 21 | HAPPY-HOUR HIT LIST: REVERSE HAPPY HOURS Sometimes early evening just doesn’t

work for you. That’s why we like a good late-night happy hour, and these are worth staying up for.

The Boot (415 Westport Road, 816-931-4868). From 10 p.m. to close, get $5 glasses of brut cava, grenache noir and grenache blanc, $5 cheese or salami plates, $3 Leffe blonde or Anchor Steam drafts, and $1 meatballs or fresh oysters.

MiniBar (3810 Broadway, 816-326-8281).

After midnight in midtown, get $2.50 wells, $3.50 Stoli and 360 Vodka flavors, $3.50 Boulevard drafts and $5 glasses of wine until close.

Nara (1617 Main, 816-221-6272). Ten o’clock is magic time: Brodioke begins, Kirin drafts and domestic bottles are marked down to $3, dirty martinis and cosmos go for $5, and spicy tuna rolls and edamame cost $3.

Reverse-happy-hour specials go till midnight on Mondays.

W E D N E S D AY | 1 . 2 3 | #CELEBRATETHEMOVIES

The Academy Awards ceremony isn’t until February 24. In anticipation of this muchhyped and oft-tweeted-about event, local film critics and movie enthusiasts gather at Screenland Crossroads (1656 Washington, 816-421-9700) for the Critics vs. Oscars Freefor-All. Trailers for the Oscar nominees in all of the major categories begin at 7 p.m., and a prescreening mixer in the lobby starts at 6.

The panel of critics includes Robert Butler (formerly of The Kansas City Star) and Shawn Edwards from Fox 4. A $10 donation to CinemaKC is requested. See cinemakc.com for more information.

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S TA G E

A STRAY

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DEB OR A H HIR SC H

There’s a home but no shelter in MET’s Housebreaking.

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STAGE

B O B PA I S L E Y

he First Christian Church of Blue Springs last weekend held its seventh annual Freezin’ for a Reason, in which church members camped outside in the cold to raise awareness about — and collect blankets and coats for — the homeless. Its mission and its message were clear. I wish I could say the same about Housebreaking, a muddle of a play by Jakob Holder that has, at its center, a man living on the street.

Is Housebreaking about homelessness? It’s more than that, but it’s also hard to know exactly what the play is ultimately saying. Directed by E R MO Bob Paisley, at Metropolitan Ensemble Theatre, it begins with Carmine AT E N I ONL .COM (Forrest Attaway), who is PITCH discovered and brought Elliott (left) and Moses look for meaning. home out of the cold by Chad Housebreaking at times consists not so much (Bryan Moses). It’s not necessarily an act of of characters in conversation as it does of lines kindness — Chad isn’t a nice man, and he’s whose sound Holder perhaps fell in love with, drunk as the play starts. the actors talking as much to themselves as Chad shares a house with his sister, each other. Maybe this reflects their separMagda (Missy Fennewald), and their father, ateness, but the words Holder has put into but there’s little familial warmth among their mouths often bear little relevance to them. Though Chad at one point professes personality or the action taking place. (Somelove for his sister, the admission doesn’t one sitting near me noted that if the actors resonate. He taunts both her and Carmine, shared that whiskey bottle with the audia man he’s supposedly helping. ence, maybe we would enjoy the play more.)

The family isn’t much better off than I hoped that Act 1 was merely a frustrating Carmine. They’re broke and owe property setup for a fuller, more satisfying tale. taxes. The play’s story unfolds in the home’s But that wasn’t to be. For one, Carmine’s squalid kitchen, a place that reflects this fammode of speaking is different in Act 2. Who ily’s unhappiness and its disregard for one is this man? The talented Attaway makes the another. What food there is in the refrigerator character’s intelligence clear, but part of his has spoiled. Debris covers the floor. Dishes evolution feels false. It’s not the actor’s fault; tower in the sink. The new guest can forage he reaches into Carmine and finds a center, and only peanut butter and bread, beer and a his performance anchors a confusing work. bottle of whiskey.

Accomplished actor Elliott also manages to Dad (Robert Elliott) lives in the basement, make the most of his role. He brings liveliness, somewhat attended to by Magda and conhumor and pathos to the mess of a father in sumed by international sports. He suffers the basement. from drink or dementia, but the source and Moses, the Living Room’s associate artisextent of his affliction are as vague as the rest tic director, recently did very good work as of Holder’s play. The avenues by which Chad, Guy in Some Girl(s), but his Chad is an annoyMagda and their father have arrived at their ance whose actions make little sense. That mess, and their messy place, are hinted at but may be how the character glossed over. is written, but the portrayal After Carmine sheds and Housebreaking wears thin. Fennewald’s bags his filthy clothes, Chad Through January 27 Magda is also unlikable. decides, seemingly on a at Metropolitan Ensemble There’s no love lost bewhim, to put them on and Theatre, 3614 Main, tween her and her brother, 816-569-3226, metkc.org take off into the cold. Before and we’ll never know why. this moment, he refused This family, these individueven to touch the duds. Is he als, remain elusive, ambiguous and remote, just curious? (“Curiosity killed the cat” is a line yet they are key to the intent of this story. that recurs in this work.) Or has he worked out Curiosity may have taken one of the cat’s a plan? A problem at his workplace is alluded nine lives, but “satisfaction brought him to but never explained. But even if Chad can’t back,” Carmine says, repeating an old cliché. face something at his job, this course appears This play leaves a lot to be curious about over sudden and capricious. its two hours, but it offers no satisfaction.

By intermission, the play’s disconnects had become apparent. Holder’s dialogue had done little to reveal these people. In Act 1, E-mail deborah.hirsch@pitch.com

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FILM

DIANA DAYS

Looking back with Diana Vreeland: The Eye Has to Travel

BY

S C O T T W IL S ON

YOU AND A GUEST ARE INVITED TO A SPECIAL ADVANCE SCREENING

A

ccording to Diana Vreeland, two things shaped global culture after World War II: the atomic bomb and the bikini. Fair enough.

By the time we hear this half-ironic utterance — captured in the brisk, bubbly Diana Vreeland: The Eye Has to Travel — the documentary’s title figure has also recalled her glimpse E R MO of Hitler in prewar Europe. The dictator’s absurd mustache tipped T A INE ONL .COM her off: The man had no PITCH style. (In the images chosen by producer-director Lisa Immordino Vreeland, the man’s broomy little ’stache really does look jarringly rude.)

And style is everything, instructs Vreeland, who made her name as fashion editor at Harper’s Bazaar before ascending to icon status as the editor of Vogue from 1963 to ’71.

There may be more transparent lenses than personal style through which to view history, but The Eye Has to Travel makes a sharp case that few people enjoyed a clearer understanding of the 20th century than Vreeland. She was a magazine Gatsby, a doyenne not so much of fashion (something she claims, in this movie’s deep collage of voice-overs and reconstructions and archival footage, to have deplored) but of self-invention, that talent most crucial to the previous century’s success stories. She could tell a real fake from a fake fake and find amusement in either

FILM

FOR YOUR CHANCE TO RECEIVE A COMPLIMENTARY PASS LOG ON TO

Vreeland in not so plain sight — along with marvelous depth, of course, in authentic beauty.

Immordino Vreeland is married to one of Vreeland’s grandsons but never met Diana, who died in 1989. There’s no insider quite so outside as an in-law, and Immordino Vreeland’s movie astutely balances Wikipedia plain-factness (illustrated by brilliantly arrayed old interviews and well-composed new ones) with careful on-camera sessions with Diana Vreeland’s two sons. The family

story is one of limited or failed parenting, dating back at least to Diana’s own mother (who called her daughter “extremely ugly”), but it’s told here in tones of fascination, not pain. A movie in which Manolo Blahnik weighs in doesn’t, after all, have time to bleed.

If you’re nursing a Mad Men-induced longing for midcentury, moneyed America, prepare to weep openly at this fi lm — and then wonder, as you look at the next day’s headlines, just what Diana Vreeland would say about the world today.

■

OUT THIS WEEK RUST AND BONE

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top me if you’ve seen this before: A woman suffers a devastating injury, struggles with subsequent depression and mopes in misery until a hunky new love teaches her to live again.

If you’re avoiding Jacques Audiard’s Rust and Bone precisely because the outline of its plot sounds familiar, don’t. The director of A Prophet and the underrated James Toback reworking The Beat That My Heart Skipped knows how to apply a pulpy sensibility that wards off maudlin, movie-ofthe-week sleeve tugging. What could have been a triumph-over-adversity weepie instead becomes a raw, bluntly erotic character study of two damaged people: a broke single dad turned underground boxer (Matthias Schoenaerts, in a star-making role) and a killer-whale trainer (Marion Cotillard) left a double amputee after a Marineland calamity.

Starting with those adventuresome occupations, Audiard stages the material for punchy physicality, even when the plot (adapted from some Craig Davidson short stories) isn’t focused on fistfights or casually life-affi rming rough sex. Flesh in motion and collision make up the movie’s motif, and the fi rst of the Rust and Bone’s refreshing surprises is that the digitally de-feeted

Cotillard gets her groove back.

Cotillard (marvelous in a much livelier star vehicle than the Edith Piaf biopic that won her an Oscar) stops wallowing in record time, warming to the hulking Schoenaerts’ suggestion that she use him for booty calls.

The movie doesn’t escape sentimental pit-

falls entirely — an 11th-hour family crisis is plot machinery that was already creaky when Warner Bros. cranked it in the 1930s.

But the dynamic lead performances make Rust and Bone as smarm-resistant as the substances in its title.

— JIM RIDLEY

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CAFÉ

FLAGON BEARER

Cooper’s Hawk swoops onto the Plaza.

BY

CHARLES FERRUZZA

Cooper’s Hawk Winery & Restaurant • 4686 Broadway, 816-531-1500 • Hours: 11 a.m.–9:30 p.m. Monday–Thursday, 11 a.m.–10 p.m. Friday and Saturday, 10 a.m.–9 p.m. Sunday • Price: $$–$$$

O

rdering a bottle of red at the new Cooper’s Hawk Winery & Restaurant, on the Country Club Plaza, is sort of like asking your server to perform the “Largo al factotum” from The Barber of Seville. After the cork comes out, the wine is theatrically decanted, with the server pouring the contents over a glass ball filled with glycerin, aerating the wine as it drips into a cone-shaped glass that hangs, like a trapeze artist, from a metal frame.

It’s supposed to be showy, but not everyone here has mastered the gestures with equal flair. I E MOR watched with amusement one night as a young server fumbled with the T A E IN ONL .COM cork for several awkward H C IT P minutes. After that, the pouring of the wine over the glass ball wasn’t a climax — it was a relief.

Wine is the star at this restaurant. All the vintages on the menu are bottled at the Cooper’s Hawk Winery, in Illinois, and the street-level entrance here is a gift shop that stocks wine-related trinkets and tools, including the decanters used in the dining rooms.

The store is part of the reception area (along with the bar), where cheery young greeters wear headsets to do their work. The immediate impression is that you’ve walked into the lobby of a stylish Manhattan boutique hotel.

I wasn’t sure if I was coming in for a meal or checking in for the weekend.

Past all that production, the dining area is the standard industrial-issue décor, emphasizing anonymous sleekness. It’s what the Cheesecake Factory might be like if it abandoned its signature clutter of cheesecake options for Midwestern wine. Once you pass muster with the concierge staff (“Do you have a reservation? Will you be dining upstairs tonight? Will you use the stairs or the elevator?”), you’re seated in the lower-level bar (a Siberian exile) or escorted up the stairs to one of the dimly lighted dining rooms. You want the latter, but be careful maneuvering your way through the space, lest you accidently bump one of those darling decanters off another table.

The Country Club Plaza being our local Disney World of novelty dining experiences — bubbling fondues, cartloads of dim sum, wasp-waisted passadores dripping au jus from long metal skewers — Cooper’s Hawk and its wine fetish should settle in its space just fine.

The last tenant, the raucous sports bar 810 Zone, had a gimmick (screens, screens and more screens, a satellite dish for every patron) but couldn’t lure the sweatshirt crowd in this upscale, high-profile spot. Cooper’s Hawk is a much better fit for a building that also houses Pottery Barn and Barnes & Noble: It’s an openly commercial chain restaurant with a menu that travels more continents than Phileas Fogg and serves only its own wines (don’t get any ideas

ANGELA C. BOND

CAFÉ

including caramel (for God’s sake, why?), peanut and a jade-green concoction called “cashew sauce” that was tasty but without about pairing a glass of 2006 Sesta di Sopra a hint of cashew flavor. “Why is it green?” I asked the server. She vanished to find out.

Brunello di Montalcino with your gnocchi).

“It’s basil,” she reported. I didn’t taste basil, The place has a certain Disney pretend quality — a winery where the big oak casks are purely either, but the wraps themselves were fine.

The real winner on the starter list is a multidecorative, positioned here and there. (I can’t cultural collision called “Asian BBQ Pork Belly vouch for the realism of its “Napa-style tasting Nachos.” I know, that sounds like something room,” though I applaud the name.) If only you’d pull from the freezer case at Trader Joe’s. there were a grape-filled vat and a couple of Sicilian peasants (a few of my relatives, But I found myself entranced by the dish: miniature corn tortillas topped with squares perhaps) to stomp on the fruit every night, of luscious pork belly, chopped tomato and Cooper’s Hawk would be almost perfect. translucent slivers of fresh I left the judging of the radish. The tastes somehow wines to friends of mine Cooper’s Hawk work together. with connoisseur credenWinery & Restaurant Pillows of house-made tials. Former restaurateur Asian BBQ pork-belly ricotta gnocchi, in a surprisLou Jane Temple sampled nachos .................................$9 ingly creamy pomodoro, are two glasses — a sauvignon Thai lettuce wraps .............$12 Trio of beef delicious. The vegetable in blanc and a red zinfandel — medallions ....................... $29 the roasted-eggplant raviduring our meal and graded Red-wine-and-mustard oli was chewy and a little them “a good, solid B.” short ribs ..........................$22 salty, but the real problem “The sauvignon blanc was Roasted-eggplant was what covers the pasta: crisp and clean,” she went on. ravioli..................................$16 a sloppy, helter-skelter blan“The zinfandel was fruity, roBanana-caramel ice-cream ket of chopped artichoke bust, with very little tannin sandwich............................. $7 hearts, Kalamata olives and — really pretty pleasurable.” goat cheese. Its appropriate The cuisine at Cooper’s pairing isn’t wine — it’s Gatorade.

Hawk is equally pleasurable, in a nonthreatA trio of beef medallions, each topped with ening, Cheesecake Factory way. “Our lettuce wraps are really superb,” announced my server a different crust (horseradish, blue cheese, parone night. I tried not to roll my eyes, but Lou mesan), is a little too dainty for the $29 asking price. The delicious-sounding braised short Jane wanted them, and I succumbed. Cooper’s ribs, slathered with a mustard beurre blanc, Hawk presents this ersatz Asian creation with three small ramekins of house-made sauces, suffered from a severely caramelized exterior

Asian BBQ pork-belly nachos and key-lime pie are among the multicultural offerings.

on the night I sampled them. The meat was dry and rubbery.

The most consistent satisfactions on the menu so far are the soups. The crab and lobster bisque is extraordinary — rich and loaded with shellfish. A hearty, creamy tortilla soup is probably the best potage going by this name around here.

The menu insists that its cheesecake is “the best in town,” which is a daring claim to make on the Plaza. Not wanting to choose a side in that particular rivalry, I instead sampled a ridiculously sexy chocolate cake, layered with chocolate mousse and ganache. Thumbs up.

More complex but less rewarding is an “ice cream sandwich” that boasts two circles of cinnamon ice cream tucked between two slices of banana-nut bread, drenched in butter-rumcaramel sauce. It earns points for creativity, but it’s difficult to eat, even with a knife and a fork.

Maybe I should have used a wineglass instead. “Each of our dishes,” servers explained during each of my visits, “was uniquely created to be paired with one of our Cooper’s Hawk wines.” So there’s a wine “bin number” next to each of the dishes on the menu, punctuating the feeling that the restaurant wants to control your experience of it. Cooper’s Hawk seems to have been dreamed up for diners who have never been to an actual winery (and who perhaps don’t trust restaurants that don’t franchise). But go ahead, do it their way.

Have a suggestion for a restaurant The Pitch should review?

E-mail charles.ferruzza@pitch.com

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on wood, sauce and meat.

BY

JON AT H A N BENDER

E

very deckhand dreams of one day captaining a ship. And nearly two decades after working on a Chicago tour boat, Karl Schemel is fi xing to pilot his own rig. But here in Kansas City, our boats are moored.

(Just look to the shadow of the Christopher S. Bond Bridge for proof.) So Schemel’s ride is a landlocked cruiser, the 16-passenger bus that begins rolling next month as KC Barbecue Tours.

“When people come here, they really want barbecue but they don’t know where to go,” Schemel says. “And when you go somewhere, you don’t just want to try one thing. You want to try everything. That’s why you’ll get on the bus.”

He thought he’d retired from the tour business when he moved to Kansas City in 2002. His late father, Donald, operated Schemel Marine Transit in Chicago for years, after leaving the concrete industry when he purchased a decommissioned city fireboat at an auction. The success of his Chicago Fire Boat led to the Islander, a party craft with a tropical theme. Donald Schemel went on to own a fleet of barges, water taxis and a tugboat.

On the Chicago River, Donald Schemel showed people a different side of the city.

And his son says he can help show people a new way to experience barbecue with a tour that travels to barbecue joints on both sides of the state line.

“I fell in love with barbecue when I moved here,” Schemel says. “And I can’t believe that nobody has ever done this. Food is the recess for grown-ups.”

Schemel and his wife, Bethanie, bought a shuttle bus that they found on Craigslist in November, five days after their first son was born. Schemel replaced the power-steering hose, approached a few area barbecue institutions and began training tour guides.

His older sister, Alicia Schemel-Chodorow, who wrote speeches for their dad’s tours, has penned scripts for the barbecue venture.

At each stop, diners will be served at least one meat, sides and water (with other drinks available for purchase). A tour guide will explain the significance of a given barbecue restaurant, and then the participants will have a few minutes to explore and take pictures.

“We’ll talk about the history and how a place got started,” Schemel says. “Then we’ll talk about what we’re eating, how they cook it, the sauces, the wood. It’s about the whole experience.”

For a $65 ticket (available at kcbarbecue tours.com), the approximately four-hour tour gives passengers not only several plates of food but also a dose of Kansas City history as tour guides point out such landmarks as Union Station and the World War I Memorial along the route. “We’re not just going to talk about barbecue,” Schemel says. “You’ll get a little sightseeing, too.

“It’s going to be a lot of food,” Schemel adds. “Everybody is going to get a little bit of

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CHRISSY DASTRUP

EAT IN • TAKE OUT

KC Barbecue Tours runs

Try both: Arthur Bryant's and Gates Bar-B-Q. everything, and nobody will go home hungry.” The tour begins and ends at Arthur Bryant’s, with visits in between to Woodyard Bar-B-Que, L.C.’s Bar-B-Q and Gates Bar-B-Q on Brooklyn. Schemel is in talks with other area barbecue joints to add tour stops.

The bus rolls out for a dry run this weekend before its maiden voyage Friday, February 8. The tours continue at 11 a.m. every Friday and Saturday; Schemel plans to expand to weekdays this summer. And while you’ll always find him behind the wheel, this is one captain who prefers to let Kansas City’s pit masters speak for themselves.

“I was a deckhand — I didn’t ever talk,” Schemel says, recalling his Chicago apprenticeship. “And since I own the company, I don’t have to talk now.”

Restaurant Week

T

his is what you spend all year eating for, people. The fourth annual Kansas City Restaurant Week, with more than 100 participating eateries, starts Friday, January 18, and runs through Sunday, January 27. Here are five Fat City–approved meal plans.

Impress Your Date: Take him or her to the Jacobson (2050 Central) for lunch, which might go something like this: crispy sesame-crusted oyster mushrooms, grilled Scottish salmon (with bacon cream cheese) and banana bread pudding. The Webster House (1644 Wyandotte) has a three-course meal with the restaurant’s eponymous salad, a Berkshire-pork ragu over herbed polenta cake, and bourbon-pecan crème brûlée.

Be Adventurous: Extra Virgin’s (1900 Main) three courses include deviled eggs, ducktongue tacos and pumpkin bread pudding.

J.J.’s Restaurant (910 West 48th Street) knows what to do with wild boar. You can start dinner with wild-boar sausage, then have a wild-boar ragu (or a steak or ahi tuna) before diving into chocolate mousse.

Meat Eaters and Vegetarians, Dine Together: Café Sebastienne (4420 Warwick

Boulevard, inside the Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art) has a salad of apples, roquefort, candied pecans and buttermilk dressing and a braised-beef ragu over creamy polenta. (Vege tarians should opt for the roasted butternut squash.) At BRGR (4038 West 83rd Street), two people dining together for lunch can split the chili fondue (seven cheeses and smoked chilies) and the seasonal fruit cobbler. Meat lovers should tackle the Big Hoss (a burger with a fried egg, maple bacon, Wisconsin cheddar, steak sauce and onion straws), while friends of veggies can opt for the portobello (with cucumbers, watercress, roasted red peppers and chickpea spread).

Leave Stuffed: Lidia’s Kansas City (101 West 22nd Street) serves you lobster arancine, the pasta tasting tableside and Meyer-lemon cheesecake. Garozzo’s Ristorante (526 Harrison) is about the classics: Caesar salad, angel hair diablo con pesce, and cannoli. Sullivan’s Steakhouse (4501 West 119th Street) might have to wheel you to the car after a dinner of warm asparagus bisque, an 8-ounce filet mignon, creamed spinach, horseradish mashed potatoes and chocolate mousse.

All Hail the Surf and Turf: Tannin Wine Bar & Kitchen (1526 Walnut) promises to dish up steamed P.E.I. mussels and an 8-ounce Wagyu burger. EBT Restaurant (1310 Carondelet Drive) counters with a cup of New England clam chowder, a slice of beef tenderloin with garlic-truffle mashed potatoes and New York–style cheesecake.

Multicourse lunches cost $15, and dinners set you back $30. A portion of the proceeds goes to Harvesters, the Greater Kansas City Restaurant Association Education Foundation and the Kansas City Regional Destination Development Foundation. Find more information at kcrestaurantweek.com.

E-mail jonathan.bender@pitch.com pitch.com

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23

WHERE THE BEST MUSICIANS IN THE WORLD PLAY

KNUCKLEHEADS F re e S h u tt le in S u rr o u n d in g A reth e a

STREETSIDE

TURNING JAPANESE

Local anime pervs crawl out of the woodwork for the first annual Ahn!Con.

BY

D AV ID HUDN A L L

JANUARY

16: Chase Rice 17: Rick Gibson & Pacemakers

18: Billy Joe Shaver 19: Murali Coryell 20: NACE BROTHERS 23: Outlaw Jim 24: Fast Johnny Ricker 25: Lil Ed & Nikki Hill 26: Cole Porter Band

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2/14: Carrie Rodriguez 2/15: Chris Knight 2/16: ROYAL SOUTHERN BROTHERHOOD

2/21: North Mississippi Allstars 2/28: Tom Russell

For more info & tickets: knuckleheadskc.com 2715 Rochester, KCMO

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J A N UA RY 1 7- 2 3, 20 1 3

Certain older guests were not invited to play spin the bottle.

S

ix years ago, Jared Presler met Matt Weston in the yaoi aisle at a manga shop off Highway 40 and Noland Road. That store no longer exists, but the two 20-somethings have been partners ever since — romantic partners and, as of last weekend, business partners. From Friday through Sunday, Presler and Weston chaired the first annual Ahn!Con, a gathering of yaoi enthusiasts held at the Ramada Inn Convention Center at Interstate 435 and Front Street. I attended. Everybody was really nice.

It was super fucking weird.

If somebody asked me last Friday morning to define manga, I might have muttered something vague about Japanese entertainment.

If asked to define yaoi (generally pronounced yowee in this country), I couldn’t have supplied much more than a dull squint. But having logged roughly 12 hours at Ahn!Con over the weekend, I’ve returned armed with a few facts. Here goes: Manga refers to Japanese graphic novels.

Anime refers to Japanese animated productions. Yaoi is erotic manga or anime stories about teenage boys; it translates roughly as “boy love.” “Ahn!” — are you ready to get nasty?

We are about to get nasty — is the sound a uke (a “receiver,” or submissive sexual partner) makes when he is penetrated by a seme (an “attacker,” or dominant sexual partner) in yaoi manga. Oh, we are just getting started.

Because the characters are gay males, one might assume that the target audience for yaoi would be gay males. One would be wrong. Yaoi is made largely by straight women, for straight women (and sometimes lesbians). “Women like to look at pretty boys,” Weston told me.

“And lesbian women like pretty boys who look like girls.”

E.K. Weaver, a yaoi artist and author from Austin, Texas, was one of Ahn!Con’s guests of honor. She explained yaoi to me this way: “The most common rationalization is that it’s really no different than straight guys being into lesbian porn.”

Weaver, who is married — she looked to be in her late 30s and wore jeans, a nice blouse and smart glasses — was, like me, not a perfect

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fit at Ahn!Con. Many yaoi productions have about as much plot as, say, Cum Craving Teens 3. Weaver’s book, The Less Than Epic Adventures of TJ and Amal, is more about friendship than fornication.

“A lot of yaoi is just boy meets boy, they have sex, end of story,” Weaver said. “I try and put real humanity and humor in my stories. There’s sex in them, but it’s only about 2 percent of it.

The sex has to fit with the story.”

But from what I observed, sex was the main draw of Ahn!Con. (It was a 17-and-older event, and most guests were in their late teens and 20s.) Nearly every panel discussion (sample titles: “Fetish Fuel,” “The Art of Good Smut.”

“Bondage Checkers”) dripped with sexual innuendoes, and most conventioneers were dressed in either a suggestive outfit or some kind of fantasy costume: RenFest garb, comicbook characters, furries. One of the first things I saw upon entering was a plump woman in her early 20s wearing pigtails, a tiny yellow skirt and a midriff-exposing cheerleader top. A man in a trench coat was leading her around the lobby on a leash. They were both smiling. The leash was set at a comfortable slack.

There were a few smaller conference rooms, staffed by bored-looking girls with laptops in front of them, where yaoi anime episodes ran around the clock. I took in a few. One was called The Basketball Which Kuroko Plays. After about 15 minutes of tone-deaf dialogue and basketball sequences, I started getting antsy: When are these pert teenage boys going to start fucking each other? The sex never came. Later, I learned that due to Japan’s increasingly strict censorship laws, down-and-dirty yaoi porn has become harder to find. “Most sex scenes never show that much,” Weston said.

Then again, I also attended a panel called “Futanari, Shemale, and Traps! Oh My,” which was nothing but some dude showing off his online collection of manga drawings of hermaphroditic Asian women. They all had massive, throbbing cocks. Here, I learned that a trap is when manga artists draw a femininelooking character who turns out to have a penis, which is sometimes not obvious at first

glance. Gotcha! “Geez, even if you shoot so much inside, it’s not like I’ll get pregnant,” went a particularly memorable quote bubble.

“Hand check!” the moderator barked.

Everybody raised their hands. I squinted.

“You, in the back, you didn’t raise your hands,” the moderator said, and threw a lollipop at me. I tried to catch it, but it was too high.

Everybody laughed and looked back at me.

Then I realized — duh — that the hand check was a joke about verifying that nobody in the room was masturbating.

There is, mercifully, also a bar attached to the Ramada Inn. It is called Andrew’s Alley, and as the night wore on, I opened a tab in there and sneaked in for beers every 45 minutes or so. At the bar, I met Mark, a middle-aged veteran who works at a Game Stop in Overland Park. He used to run the anime club at Johnson County Community College and is now getting a degree at DeVry. He helpfully explained and contextualized many of the confusing sights I had witnessed during my time at Ahn!Con. He said he was straight — I believe him, though it’s not easy to build a case for your own heterosexuality when you’ve shelled out $35 to attend a convention celebrating cartoon teenagers engaging in male-on-male sex.

“I just try to support anything anime-related,” Mark told me. “The more anime out there, the better.”

A young woman with neon-blue hair and black-and-white checkered paint across her mouth sidled up and ordered a water.

“You’re not here for the convention, are you?” she asked.

“Me?” “Yeah.”

I flashed the badge dangling around my neck. “Am so.”

“Huh,” she said. “You look like a total normie.”

“You do,” Mark agreed. He had changed out of his Vocaloid costume and into his Saturdaynight outfit: black button-up shirt, slicked hair, lots of shiny rings on his fingers. “You look like an ordinary man doing business, chasing the American dream.”

“I suppose there’s some truth to that,” I said.

E-mail david.hudnall@pitch.com pitch.com

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MUSIC

TREE OF LIFE

Shawn Hansen and Charlotte Street import avant-garde touring

BY

musicians with the Sycamore House performance series.

D AV ID HUDN A L L

I

BARRETT EMKE

just got back from an emergency piano tuning,” Shawn Hansen told The Pitch last week.

If you were heretofore unaware that pitch correction can take on such urgency, you’re not without company. But sometimes a storm of events arises, and a piano tuner such as Hansen must bounce into crisis mode.

“It was for a radio show that’s being recorded today,” Hansen says. “I went in yesterday to tune it, but the rain and change of weather was enough to throw things off overnight. So they called me back in. I changed two notes for them.”

Hansen’s day job requires that he interact with instruments all across the city, but a new endeavor he has been working on finds him eliciting sounds from actual humans.

Sycamore House, a performance series that Hansen curates in conjunction with the Charlotte Street Foundation, is back for its second installment Sunday, at the Paragraph gallery.

Hansen says the concept of Sycamore House is part of a larger goal of connecting Kansas City with touring musicians from other cities.

“When I was living in New York and Boston and playing in groups with people, we’d do these tours that would only go as far east as St. Louis or Chicago,” he says. “And beHansen tunes up Charlotte Street. ing from here originally, I always wondered “I think it went pretty well for a debut perwhy nobody would go that extra three or four hours to Kansas City. So I always thought in formance series,” Hansen says. “There were the back of my mind that if I ever moved back people there that I didn’t know personally — new faces that I think just heard about it by home, I would try to facilitate that.” word of mouth, which is what you hope for.”

Four years ago, Hansen indeed returned That show was electric-guitar-centric — to KC. A multi-instrumentalist, he keeps busy both Forsythe and Wright are guitar savants. performing with Mark Southerland’s various avant-garde jazz groups and, until recently, Sunday’s show circles around an acoustic theme. Virginian guitarists Daniel Bachman playing lead alto sax in Hearts of Darkness. and Ian McColm are on tour together, per“Once I was back here, old friends and musicians would call and tell me they were traveling forming separately. Awhile back, Bachman sent Hansen “a cold e-mail through the area and wonsaying he’s a friend of sodering if there was a place Sycamore House, and-so, and that he and Ian in town they could play,” he featuring Daniel would like to play in Kansays. “So I’d try to find them Bachman, Ian McColm, J. Ashley Miller and sas City if we would have a house show or book them a Sam Hughes them,” Hansen says. show at a gallery or bar venue Sunday, January 20, at the “Daniel’s work is defior something. Then I went Paragraph, 23 East 12th n itely centered on the to Charlotte Street with the Street, charlottestreet.org, acoustic side of things. Ian idea of a regular series where $8 suggested donation. does a lot of styles, but as we we could invite people who talked about it, we thought were already out on tour to The Beautiful Bodies it would be cool to keep it cocome in for a show. And they Sunday, January 20, hesive and focus on acoustic seemed interested. at the Human Rights sounds,” Hansen says. “And “For now, it’s really about Campaign Benefit, it’s the middle of winter. It planning these shows based the Cashew, 2000 Grand. seemed like an appropriate on people who are already theme somehow.” traveling in KC’s direction — J. Ashley Miller, as JAMetatone, performs getting them in the midst of a tour,” Hansen a solo acoustic set, and in between sets, Sam continues. “I think the next step would be to invite people here, but to do that you need Hughes (DJ Long Con) plays 78 rpm records on Victrolas. He’s bringing two. “One of the some funding or guarantee to offer people.”

Victrolas is basically a piece of furniture, this The fi rst installment of Sycamore House was held last July, at La Esquina. It featured large cabinet thing,” Hansen says. “The other is more of a portable contraption, a picnic performances from Justin Wright (of local model of a Victrola.” drone act Expo ’70) and Chris Forsyth (an In keeping with the acoustic-analog experimental guitarist with whom Hansen theme, Hansen says he’s working to elimiused to play in New York).

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nate the need for all electricity at the show.

“Charlotte Street has sourced us some candles, so we’re going to try and only use those for lighting,” he says. “I think that will bring the entire show together visually, though I’m not sure how it’s going to work yet. If we have to turn on some lights, we have to turn on some lights. But it would be pretty fun not to.”

BODY BUZZ The Beautiful Bodies just won the world’s big gest battle of the bands.

L

ast week, The Pitch caught up with Alicia Solombrino, the leading lady of the local, long-running dance-punk foursome the Beautiful Bodies. Sleep-deprived and tea in hand, Solombrino had just flown in from Los Angeles, where her band had been crowned the winner of the 16th annual Ernie Ball Battle of the Bands. In addition to thousands of dollars of music equipment and a spot on this year’s Warped Tour, the win opens a lot of new doors for the Beautiful Bodies. We asked Solombrino for the scoop.

The Pitch: How quickly were people contacting you after being named the champion?

Solombrino: As soon as they announced our names, we got e-mails coming in. I stayed through the weekend to meet with a couple more people, so I’m running on, like, two hours of sleep. We go back to L.A. in a couple of weeks for meetings with record reps, management meetings, even looking at entertainment lawyers.

How did you end up being one of four finalists? The other bands included Delta Rose, the Hollywood Kills and Jonas Sees in Color. pitch.com

It’s the biggest battle of the bands in the world — 32,000 bands submitted online, and then they narrowed it down to 164. The 164 bands chosen were awarded a slot at their own hometown Warped Tour. When we played this summer, there was a picture taken of Thomas [Becker] playing on top of a truck he jumped on. Initially, he got in a lot of trouble for that.

The stage guy told us that we wouldn’t play Warped Tour again because of it. Thomas said, “You told me there were two rules, and that wasn’t one of them.” Well, Ernie Ball and Warped Tour got ahold of that picture and they loved it!

So do you think that rebellious photo played a part in helping you be chosen as one of the four finalists?

I think getting attention from that photo helped people find out about our music, yes.

We’re not sure how they narrowed it down to four bands, but we figured that the stage guy was going to ruin our chances of moving forward because we broke his rule and pissed him off. Strangely, he did compliment our show, while at the same time telling us to fuck off.

We felt confident about that show, though. We knew the crowd was into it, and that’s hard to do at 1 p.m. I think the support that followed us to the finale, Thomas’ antics that day, and having a crazy live show had something to do with us winning.

And Thomas just kind of signed you guys up, right?

We were a little wary about the Battle of the Bands concept. We usually stay away from that kind of thing, but the prizes were just so unreal, so we submitted.

It’s almost like the punk American Idol.

It’s weird except that nobody owns us, and now labels are writing us because we’re an unsigned band.

Is that the direction that you guys want to go in, signing with a label?

You know, we’ve turned down labels — a couple, actually. Thomas has been signed to Atlantic Records before with another band and is a lawyer himself, so we would never sign anything if it weren’t in the best of our interests. We’re not just going to sign to sign because there’s just so much you can do on your own now. But, yes, it definitely doesn’t hurt to talk to those people and keep those options open. One of the same labels that wanted us before has asked about us again. So we’re definitely on people’s radar. And labels don’t like when you tell them no. It’s really hard to find a good deal, but we’re just trying to play our cards right.

Speaking of doing things on your own, you guys took your Kickstarter funding and recorded with John Feldmann as an unsigned band, correct?

We recorded one song with [Goldfinger’s] John Feldmann and three with Brandon Paddock, who is from Kansas City.

And how did you decide on what to play as a set list for the show?

M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X

THE PITCH

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MON: RUR A THU 1/17 L GRIT 6-9, KARAOK E CLIFF HIN ES, PROJE 10PM H E R C M T H, ON M FRI 1/18 SONA, OLIV EHARI 9PM ETTI SAT 1/19 BOX THE COMPASLESTTER, 10PM S H ADES OF SAT 1/19 MEDICINE JADE 5PM THEO WED 1/23 WIRED SHUT 10PRMY, TORBEN, FRI 1/25 OPEN MIC W/ HOST SAT 1/26 VAGABOND SWING, MARK & ALEXIS JOR BLESSED B ROKE, THE GE ARANA TRIO ANTS, SAW YERS

Winning!

The slots were 20 minutes each, so we picked the seven fastest songs, which was the biggest workout of my life. We decided to play the songs with the most energy to get people’s attention, basically. We were practicing, like, six times a week, too. It was insane.

And who was in charge of judging this year?

The judges were Kevin Lineman of Warped Tour/Ernie Ball; Feldmann; Mike Shea, CEO and founder of Alternative Press magazine; and Lou Plaia, co-founder of EVP Music Industry Relations at ReverbNation. The judges each gave away a prize, basically.

What were the prizes?

We were given $15,000 dollars from Ernie Ball for music equipment in the form of a Guitar Center gift card, so we’re hoping that doesn’t get lost! Can you imagine losing that? Then we’re guaranteed a spot for this summer’s Warped Tour and another opportunity to record a three-song EP with John Feldmann. We were also awarded a write-up in AP magazine and a year free with ReverbNation.

John Feldmann was a judge? That’s kind of an advantage.

No, no, he’s all business. When we went out to record with him, we told him we had made the finals, and he didn’t even know what we were talking about. So when we told him, he was like, “OK, cool, well, I’ll see you there.” So that’s why we practiced our asses off because he had never seen us live before. We knew we had to impress him. Not only did we want to impress John but Kevin Lineman as well, since he basically started Warped Tour.

So after you record with Feldmann again, you’ll have four songs total. Are you thinking about putting out a record then?

We were thinking about maybe just an EP, but now I think we’re putting some things on hold until things calm down. Like I said, we aren’t in any rush to sign. For example, if we did sign, that label could end up not liking the songs we’ve recorded already and force us to start over with their producer. That’s why it’s tricky. We’re just playing everything by ear at this point.

Why do you think you guys were crowned?

When we started our first song, I hadn’t even started singing before a mosh pit had developed in the crowd. And we’d never played L.A. before. I think Kevin Lineman was thinking about which band would keep a crowd during their whole set at Warped Tour. I think our high-energy show totally paid off for us. That’s what we’re ultimately known for.

— LESLIE KINSMAN

E-mail david.hudnall@pitch.com 2

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M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X

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27

MUSIC

RADAR

M U S I C F O R E CAST

BY

Other shows worth seeing this week.

D AV ID HUDN A L L

T H U R S D AY, J A N U A R Y 17 Language Room, Randal Shreve, Pink Royal: Jackpot Music Hall, 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085.

F R I D AY, J A N U A R Y 18 Rodney Carrington: The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900.

Kevin Fowler, Jason Cassidy: The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

Jeff Mangum: sold out. Liberty Hall, 644 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1972.

Natural Child, Bloodbirds: 10 p.m. Replay Lounge, 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676.

S AT U R D AY, J A N U A R Y 19 Murali Coryell: 8:30 p.m. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456.

Candace Evans at Jazz Winterlude: 3 p.m. Johnson County Community College, 12345 College Blvd., Lenexa, 913-469-8500.

S U N D AY, J A N U A R Y 2 0

Trampled by Turtles, with Carl Broemel

Because of its terrible name and the people on my Spotify feed who stream its songs, I assumed that Trampled by Turtles was another shitty Mumford & Sons knockoff band. As it turns out, that’s not entirely true, although it does employ a lot of acoustic instruments. The group, which formed in 2003 in Duluth, Minnesota, plays fast-paced bluegrass (“newgrass,” if you must) minus the sheen and bombast of the folkies currently dominating the pop charts.

They’re better than I had them pegged for, although I still won’t say their name out loud in public. Opener Carl Broemel, guitarist for My Morning Jacket, has released two pretty solid solo records. The more recent, 2010’s All Birds Say, touches on the gentle gothic country that MMJ favored on its early albums, as well as a sunnier AM-radio pop.

Wednesday, January 23, at the Granada (1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390)

Billie Joe Shaver

Billy Joe Shaver has never tasted the success of outlaw country contemporaries Johnny Cash and Merle Haggard. But if we’re talking true outlaw cred, the Texas singer-songwriter has the rest of the pack beat by a country mile: In 2007, Shaver shot another man in the face outside a place called Papa Joe’s Texas Saloon, in Lorena, Texas. In court, Shaver claimed self-defense. When the prosecution asked him why he didn’t just leave the bar if he felt intimidated, Shaver responded that

doing so would have been “chicken shit.”

(Before firing away, he reportedly asked the victim, who’s now walking the streets with a bullet permanently lodged in his neck, “Where do you want it?”) Because it’s Texas, and that’s just how things are done down there, Shaver was acquitted. Now 73, he’s back on the road, Crazy Heart–style.

Friday, January 18, at Knuckleheads Saloon (2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456)

Sonic Spectrum Tribute to R.E.M.

The Pedaljets were indie-rock contemporaries of R.E.M.’s in the 1980s, so the idea of their playing a tribute show to the band feels strange. At first. Then, after about a second, the brilliance of the enterprise becomes evident. I have little doubt that they will absolutely murder whichever of Stipe and Co.’s songs they choose to cover. Similar hopes for Thom Hoskins, Kimberly Queen and the Cody Wyoming Deal, who round out this bill.

Sunday, January 20, at RecordBar (1020 Westport Road, 816-753-5207)

Ladyfinger (ne)

A bit of an anomaly on Omaha’s Saddle Creek Records, Ladyfinger (ne) — the parenthetical refers to the band’s home state of Nebraska — leans more Ozzy than Oberst. Openers (and fellow Cornhuskers) Back When mine similar post-metal territory; Everyday/Everynight

F O R E C A S T

Drive-By Truckers (left) and the Pedaljets and Maps for Travelers (both KC bands) operate along the emo-pop-punk continuum.

Saturday, January 19, at Riot Room (4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179)

Bloc Party, Io Echo: Liberty Hall, 644 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1972.

Keane, Youngblood Hawke: The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900.

Eliot Lipp, Sound Remedy: The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

The Please Please Me, Chris Pickering: Jackpot Music Hall, 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085.

M O N D AY, J A N U A R Y 21 Kopecky Family Band, the Eastern Sea, the Caves: The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483.

Drive-By Truckers

Once or twice a year, when I’m feeling especially suffocated by Kansas City, I pick a night and drive to Columbia for a show, usually at the Blue Note. (One time, I ended up staying for six months, but that is a story for another day.) Being in the middle of Missouri purifies and rejuvenates some part of the soul.

Incidentally, so does listening to the DriveBy Truckers, the unofficial poet laureates of Southern rock. The group’s most recent release, 2011’s Go-Go Boots, is a standout in DBT’s already excellent catalog, and its sprawling live show is a massive bonfire party of stories, sing-alongs and deeply felt rock jams. Opener Houndmouth hails from the Louisville area; I caught its set at Forecastle last year and was impressed with both its bouncy, Band-like Americana and its ridiculously hot — like, she should be playing Don Draper’s secretary on Mad Men; she is that hot — singer-instrumentalist Katie Toupin.

Tuesday, January 22, at the Blue Note (17 North Ninth Street, Columbia, 573-874-1944)

K E Y

W E D N E S D AY, J A N U A R Y 2 3 American Aquarium, Brody Buster Band: The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483.

FUTURECAST SATURDAY 26 Frost: The Midland MONDAY 28 Sum 41, and more: The Granada, Lawrence

FEBRUARY SATURDAY 2 Morrissey: Liberty Hall, Lawrence MONDAY 4 Lady Gaga: Sprint Center SUNDAY 10 Emilie Autumn: The Granada, Lawrence FRIDAY 15 Galactic: Liberty Hall, Lawrence SUNDAY 17 Electric Six, the Dead Girls: The Riot Room Nick Offerman: The Midland THURSDAY 21 Toro Y Moi, Sinkane: The Granada, Lawrence FRIDAY 22 Talib Kweli: The Granada, Lawrence WEDNESDAY 27 Maroon 5: Sprint Center THURSDAY 28 Yonder Mountain String Band: Liberty Hall, Lawrence

MARCH

28

..................................................Pick of the Week

............................... Fable of the Reconstruction

.................................................................. COMO

............................Texas Is Not Like Other Places

.................................................. Locally Sourced

............................................ The Southern Thing

..................................................Grumpy Old Man

................................................... Folk Revivalism

.....................................................Black Clothing

....................................................... Eastwoodian

..........................................................Hard Shells

..................................................... Husker Nation

THE PITCH

J A N UA RY 1 7- 2 3, 20 1 3

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WEDNESDAY 6 Slightly Stoopid, Tribal Seeds: Liberty Hall, Lawrence SUNDAY 10 Alabama Shakes: Uptown Theater TUESDAY 12 STS9: Liberty Hall, Lawrence

M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X

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NIGHTLIFE Send submissions to Clubs Editor Abbie Stutzer by e-mail (abbie.stutzer@pitch.com), fax (816-756-0502) or phone (816-218-6926).

Continuing items must be resubmitted monthly.

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EAR CANDY?

T H U R S D AY 17

Bar West: 7174 Renner Rd., Shawnee, 913-248-9378. The Outlaw Junkies.

The Brooksider: 6330 Brookside Plz., 816-363-4070. Backfat, 6 p.m.

ROCK/POP/INDIE

DJ

Eddie’s Lounge: 3512 S.W. Market, Lee’s Summit, 816-537-4148.

Toni and Scotty.

Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387.

Forrester.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Tiny Horse, the Please Please Me, Partners in Glory, 9 p.m.

The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Wayland, Rocker Lips, the Many Colored Death, Crush.

MiniBar: 3810 Broadway, 816-326-8281. DJ Soulnice.

The Quaff: 1010 Broadway, 816-471-1918. DJ E. VooDoo Lounge: Harrah’s Casino, 1 Riverboat Dr., North Kansas City, 816-472-7777. Flirt Friday.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427.

Samantha Fish.

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Jimmie Bratcher, 7 p.m.; Rick Gibson and the Peacemakers, 8 p.m.

Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666.

Derek Jones.

Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816-2201222. The Bluz Benderz.

JAZZ The Blue Room: 1616 E. 18th St., 816-474-8463. TC Quartet.

The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Cliff Hines, Project H, Hermon Mehari.

Chaz on the Plaza: 325 Ward Pkwy., 816-802-2152. Roger Wilder Duo. Jazz: 1859 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-328-0003.

Billy Ebeling.

The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Paul Shinn and Joe Lisinicchia.

COMEDY Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. George Willborn.

Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. AJ Finney.

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Karaoke, 10 p.m.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Trivia Clash, 7 p.m.

Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-931-1986. Trivia.

EASY LISTENING Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-8949676. Interactive Acoustic with Jason Kayne.

M E TA L / P U N K Aftershock Bar & Grill: 5240 Merriam Dr., Merriam, 913-3845646. Ghost$ of Normandy, Damned by the Pope, and more.

Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676.

The Cast Pattern, Melting Point of Bronze, Many Moods of Dad.

F R I D AY 18

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ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS

ROCK/POP/INDIE The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Sona, Olivetti Letter, Box the Compass.

Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. The Please Please Me, Grayshot, Blackmore, 10 p.m.

Gusto Coffee Bistro: 3390 S.W. Fascination Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816-767-1100. Euphorics.

Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387.

Making Movies.

The Levee: 16 W. 43rd St., 816-561-2821. Saucy Jack.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. The Doo-Dads, 5 p.m.; Dolls on Fire, Nuthatch-47, Robot Monkey Madman, 9 p.m.

The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Thunder Eagle, ARENTWEALLDEAD, A Light Within, Awaken the Giant.

Sunset Grill: 14577 Metcalf, Overland Park, 913-681-1722. Rob Foster and Dudes.

The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Dead Man’s Hand.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Blue 88.

Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Filthy 13.

Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871.

Groove Therapy.

Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666.

The Old Crows, 5:30 p.m.

Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816-2201222. The Paperclips.

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HIP-HOP The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-8415483. Dom Chronicles, Josh Sallee.

Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-8321085. Antimosity, Jet Moran, Ryan Forest, Santonio Banderas, DJ Mix-A-Myte.

JAZZ The Blue Room: 1616 E. 18th St., 816-474-8463. Bob Bowman and Bowdog, 8:30 p.m.

Jazz: 1859 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-328-0003. Ruskin MORE Quartet.

The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Lonnie McFadden, GS IN T 4:30 p.m.; Dan Doran Band, 9 p.m.

LIS E AT Take Five Coffee + Bar: 5336 W. N I L ON M 151st St., Overland Park, 913-948PITCH.CO 5550. Phonologotronic.

CLUB

AMERICANA Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. Rachel Gaither, the Clementines, Quirk & Ruckus.

COMEDY Skylight Restaurant and Sports Bar: 1867 S.W. State Rt. 7, Blue Springs, 816-988-7958. Mike’s Comedy Club, 8 p.m.

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS The Brooksider: 6330 Brookside Plz., 816-363-4070. Team Trivia, 7 p.m.

Tengo Sed Cantina: 1323 Walnut, 816-686-7842. Moulin Rouge Party.

VA R I E T Y Aftershock Bar & Grill: 5240 Merriam Dr., Merriam, 913-3845646. 2013 Mra’s Ballot Release Event.

Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. Raqs Boheme, A Kansas City Bellydance Soirée, 6-9 p.m., $5 cover.

S AT U R D AY 19 ROCK/POP/INDIE The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483.

Coversmith.

The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Medicine Theory, Torben, Wired Shut.

The Brooksider: 6330 Brookside Plz., 816-363-4070. The Zeros.

Chaz on the Plaza: 325 Ward Pkwy., 816-802-2152. Jimmy Dykes & the Blisstonians.

Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. Promise Makers, 7 p.m.

Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909.

Appropriate Grammar, Goodtime Charlie, the B’Dinas.

Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-8949676. The M80s.

Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871.

Nervous Rex. The Levee: 16 W. 43rd St., 816-561-2821. The Patrick Lentz Band, 10 p.m.

Mission Theatre: 5909 Johnson Dr., Mission, 913-722-1081.

The Diplomats.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Mama Ray Jazz Meets Blues Jam, 2 p.m.; Matt Hill and Deep Fried Two, 9 p.m.

Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. The Mad Kings, Filthy 13, the Heavy Figs, 9:30 p.m.

Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. The Garrett Nordstrom Situation.

The Levee: 16 W. 43rd St., 816-561-2821. Brandon Miller, 5 p.m.

The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Cold Sweat, 9 p.m.

Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666.

Crosseyed Cat, 5:30 p.m.; Rick Bacus Trio, 9 p.m.

Sherlock’s Underground Coffeehouse & Pub: 858 State Route 291, Liberty, 816-429-5262. The Earl Baker Band.

Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816-2201222. Ben Miller.

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387.

Arthur Dodge and the Horsefeathers.

DJ Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. We Love Techno, 10 p.m.

Hotel: 1300 Grand, 816-226-3232. DJ Eric Coomes.

MiniBar: 3810 Broadway, 816-326-8281. DJ Robert Moore.

The Quaff: 1010 Broadway, 816-471-1918. DJ Chris.

The Well: 7421 Broadway, 816-361-1700. DJ Vinyl Richy.

JAZZ The Blue Room: 1616 E. 18th St., 816-474-8463. Happy Birthday Lee Langston.

The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Bram Wijnands, 7 p.m.

The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Tim Whitmer & KC Express, 4:30 p.m.

Take Five Coffee + Bar: 5336 W. 151st St., Overland Park, 913-948-5550. Mistura Fina with Shay Estes, 8 p.m.; Alaturka, 10:30 p.m.

AMERICANA Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. The Blackbird Revue, Chris Pickering, 6 p.m.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Jeff Porter, 6 p.m.

COMEDY Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. George Willborn, 7 & 10 p.m.

Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. AJ Finney, 7:45 & 9:45 p.m.

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-842-1919. Charity Bingo, 5 p.m.; Maryoke, 9 p.m.

Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913-217-7665. Karaoke, 8:30 p.m.

Mosaic Lounge: 1331 Walnut, 816-679-0076. DJ Spinstyles.

The Red Balloon: 10325 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-9622330. Karaoke, 8 p.m., free.

Shark Bar: 1340 Grand, 816-442-8140. Shark Tank, ladies only from 7 to 8 p.m.

EASY LISTENING Great Day Café: 7921 Santa Fe Dr., Overland Park, 913-6429090. Will Ragar.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Sherlock’s Underground Coffeehouse & Pub: 858 State Route 291, Liberty, 816-429-5262. Open Blues Jam with Earl Baker, 4 p.m.

M E TA L / P U N K Aftershock Bar & Grill: 5240 Merriam Dr., Merriam, 913-3845646. Metal Wars.

Long Shots Sports Bar and Grill: 112 S.W. Old US 40 Highway, Grain Valley, 816-847-6171. Collapse, Thira, the Sybil, Shades, Southern Pain, the Lantern Hill Nightmare.

Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676.

Hammerlord, Wrath and Ruin, 10 p.m.

VA R I E T Y Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785832-1085. Ebony Tusks, Les Paul, Maal A Goomba, Heartfelt Anarchy, Open Mic. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Sucka Free Producer Showcase 2, 9 p.m.

The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. The Human Be-In with the Vibe Tribe KC.

S U N D AY 2 0 ROCK/POP/INDIE Californos: 4124 Pennsylvania, 816-531-7878. Victor & Penny, 2 p.m.

The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. State and Madison, Teacherz Pet, Steven Cooper.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Lee McBee and the Confessors.

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J A N UA RY 1 7- 2 3, 20 1 3

THE PITCH

31

FUTURE ROCK

DJ

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL

Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676.

Sunday Funday with DJ G Train on the patio.

B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Shinetop Jr. and Boogiemen.

Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Garrett Nordstrom Situation.

Slow Ride Roadhouse: 1350 N. Third St., Lawrence, 785-7492727. Lonnie Ray Blues Band.

HIP-HOP The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-8415483. The Winner’s Circle Showcase.

@THERIOTROOM

8FRIDAY

ACOUSTIC

FEBRUARY

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. The Nace Brothers, 7 p.m.

JAZZ

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Isle of Capri: 1800 E. Front St., 816-855-7777. The Sons of Brasil.

Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Dan Bliss.

The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Rich Hill, 11 a.m.; Mark Lowrey Jazz Trio open jam session, 5 p.m.

COMEDY Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. George Willborn.

Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Dirty Dorothy, 10 p.m.

Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. AJ Finney.

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Frank James Saloon: 10919 N.W. Hwy. 45, Parkville, 816-5050800. Karaoke, 6-10 p.m.

Wallaby’s Grill and Pub: 9562 Lackman, Lenexa, 913-5419255. Texas Hold ’em, 6 & 9 p.m.

Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-931-1986. Texas Hold ’em, 3 & 6 p.m.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Groove Station: 9916 Holmes, 816-942-1000. KC Blues Jam with Crosseyed Cat, 2-6 p.m.

The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. Blues jam, 7 p.m.

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Open Jam with Levee Town, 2 p.m., free.

R.G.’s Lounge: 9100 E. 35th St., Independence, 816-358-5777.

Jam Night hosted by Dennis Nickell, Scotty Yates, Rick Eidson, and Jan Lamb, 5 p.m.

THE HUMAN BE-IN The Art of Tease presents:

A GATHERING OF THE TRIBES

Nicolette Paige Kutumba Drummers Assemble the Sirens Harmony Lovellelution BJ the DJ Revered Betty

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666.

Dave Hays Band Open Jam. Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. Open Mic Night.

SINGER-SONGWRITER Californos: 4124 Pennsylvania, 816-531-7878. Steve Sterner.

W E D N E S D AY 2 3 BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Shinetop Jr. Jazz: 1859 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-328-0003.

Salty Dawg.

Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387.

Tyler Gregory and the Bootleg Band.

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Gospel Lounge with Carl Butler, 7:30 p.m.

Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666.

Brandon Miller.

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Outlaw Jim and the Whiskey Benders, 8 p.m.

Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816-2201222. Bret Mosley.

AMERICANA

JAZZ

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The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. T.J. Erhardt piano.

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JAZZ

The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-8415483. Gak Attack.

Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. Team Trivia with Teague Hayes, 7 p.m., $5 buy-in.

Dukes: 1501 Grand, 816-527-0122. Beer pong tournaments, 9 p.m.

Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-8321085. It’s Karaoke Time!

MiniBar: 3810 Broadway, 816-326-8281. Robert Moore’s Name That Tune.

The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Tango night.

Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Alexis Barclay and friends.

JAN. 19th

J AONNUTAHRX Y X–X 1 7-X 2 3, ,220001X3 M

DJ Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909.

Dark Mondays with DJ Desmodus, 10 p.m.

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS

SATURDAY

UPTOWN ARTS BAR 32 TH H EE PP II TT CC H H 2 T

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Dsodean, Lullwater, Here’s to the Life.

COMEDY Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Clash of the Comics.

Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Jazzbo.

The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Mark Lowrey Trio, 6 p.m.

The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Millie Edwards and Michael Pagan, 7 p.m.

A portion of all proceeds go to KKFI - KC’s Community Radio

Featuring poets: MissConception, Professor Nightlife Jones, William Peck, David Arnold Hughs, Paul Goldman, Sharon Eiker, Rachel & Lance Asburry,

M O N D AY 21 ROCK/POP/INDIE

JAZZ Jazz: 1859 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-328-0003.

Andy Dewitt.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Gravity A, Project H, 9 p.m.

Green Room Burgers & Beer: 4010 Pennsylvania, Ste. D, 816216-7682. Geeks Who Drink Pub Quiz.

Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387.

Karaoke Idol with Tanya McNaughty.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Sonic Spectrum Music Trivia, 7 p.m., $5.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909.

Songwriter’s Scene Open Mic with Jon Theobald, 7 p.m.

The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Jonny Green and Jake Stanton Open Mic and Jam Session, 8 p.m.; James Inman’s Microphone: Comedy (or Whatever) Open Mic, 10 p.m.

VA R I E T Y Californos: 4124 Pennsylvania, 816-531-7878. Opera Supper, 6 p.m.

T U E S D AY 2 2 ROCK/POP/INDIE The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Daytime Party, Arrowheads, Bummer.

DJ Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. Sonic Spectrum with DJ Robert Moore, 9 p.m.

Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Dirty Dorothy, 10 p.m.

Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. Jay Oakerson.

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-842-1919. Charity Bingo with Valerie Versace, 8 p.m., $1 per game.

Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913-217-7665. Bike night; karaoke, 8:30 p.m.

The Quaff: 1010 Broadway, 816-471-1918. Karaoke, 9 p.m.

Qudos Cigar & Cognac Bar: 1116 Grand, 816-474-2270. Red Cup Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Open Mic with Mark Vick.

VA R I E T Y Californos: 4124 Pennsylvania, 816-531-7878. The Girlie Show.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Midwest Got Next 9, with Miles Bonny, Brooks, Two4One, Nsane Eems, hosted by Steddy P, 9 p.m.

The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Poetic Underground, 10 p.m.

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Harpo's Restaurant Bar off Martinis 2 for 1 Wells $3 Margaritas Maker’s Mark Bourbon $2 Selected Shots The Blue Line House & Lounge $2 Blue Line Beers $2 Blue Line Jersey Dog, Hot Dog Cart $5 Maker's Mark Cocktails 2 Jumbo Dogs for $5 and $1 Off Shots $3 Wells Martini Corner McFadden's Sport's Saloon Winslow's BBQ Any Sandwich $4 UV Flavors Cocktails $5 off Lunch or Dinner for Two Haus Jerusalem Cafe Mosaic Lounge $3 Radaberger Pilsner & $5 off Hooka No Cover Before 11pm Waldo Agris-Pinot Gris Joe's Pizza Buy the Slice PBR Big Sky Bar 75th Street Brewery Sol Cantina 2 Slices for $5 $5 Jack Daniel’s Drinks $2.50 Wells, Bombs, and Pints! $4 Trolley Margaritas & Kelly's Westport Inn Bobby Baker's Lounge Pizza Bar $2.75 Pacifico Bottle $2 Domestic Bottles & $3 Rock Lobster Shots $1 off Cover $3 Boulevard Wheat Pints Lew's Grill & Bar The Drop McCoy's Public House Shark Bar $2.50 Bud Light Draws $5 Specialty Martinis & Cocktails $4 Malibu Cocktails $4.00 McCoy's Pints Quinton's Missie B's Tengo Sed Cantina Tower Tavern $3 Domestic Draws $3 Wells and a Free Cover $3 El Jimador Margarita $3.50 Wells and Complimentary Shot with wristband!

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www.thekansascitystrip.com pitch.com

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S AVA G E L O V E

SEX-SHOP TALK Dear Dan: My name is Nancy, and I’m 19.

My boyfriend’s name is Carl. We have been together for almost a year — our anniversary is actually February 14! — and we have great sex frequently! I want to do something sexy for us on our anniversary. I plan on being with Carl for years to come, and I don’t want the sex to become monotonous. For a while, I’ve wanted to go to a sex store to purchase a few things to spice things up. I found a supportive, nonjudgmental friend who wants a few kinky things for her and her boyfriend. As you can imagine, we’re both excited to go on this adventure, but there’s just one problem: I have no idea what to buy. Neither does my friend. I was hoping you had a few essentials that my friend and I should know about or consider purchasing. My boyfriend and I have never used such things, but I’m positive that with your help making the right purchases, he will be all for it! Both my friend and I are college students, so we’re on a budget. I’m hoping to stay under $100. I just want to keep our relationship going strong and keep things interesting between us sexually. Thanks, Dan!

toy possible. Try out the vibrating dildo by Pleasure Works called the Right Spot. This affordable toy is great for G-spot or prostate Needs a Naughty Connection, Yo! stimulation. It comes with a removable viDear NANCY: One man’s scorching-hot sex brator and can be sterilized easily! The Right toy is another man’s boring old roll of duct Spot will keep up with your changing sexual tastes for years to come!” tape. By which I mean to say …

Claire Cavanah from Babeland in Seattle Turn-ons are subjective. Not all women are to all men’s tastes, not all men are to all and New York City (babeland.com): “Nancy sounds like a great girlfriend — she’s taking women’s, and not all sex acts appeal equally responsibility for maintaining the hotness to all. Likewise, sex toys that I might buy for my partner — sex toys that I might be in her relationship. Bravo! She asked for the essentials, and that means vibrators inclined to mention when asked to recomand lube. We offer a kit called the Babemend one or two — might not appeal to your land Vibrator Starter Kit for $45. It consists boyfriend. I’ll go further than that: The sex of three vibrators: the Orchid G, which is toys that turn my husband on would either great for, you guessed it, G-spot stimulaterrify or stump your boyfriend. Instead tion; the Silver Bullet, a standard vibe that of buying the sex toys that turn me or my has served as a gateway husband on, it would be toy for many thousands of better to go shopping for sex-toy lovers; and a Sonic a few things that turn you “Don’t be scared Ring vibe, a stretchy cock on. And instead of shopto pick things up ring that holds a vibrator ping with your friend, you and turn things on on top of the penis or dildo might want to go shopping for clit stimulation during with your boyfriend. (that’s if the shop penetration and gives the But if you want to surprovides floor models penis a good buzz, too. prise your boyfriend — These rate as good starter and that’s legit, and lots like we do).” toys because they’re easy of people surprise their to use, they’re unobtrusive partners with sex toys on Valentine’s Day — I asked a few sex-toy mer- and friendly looking, and they deliver a lot of power. She should take home a hardy chants I like and trust for recommendations lubricant like BabeLube or Sliquid as well. for you.

Happy anniversary!”

Jennifer Pritchett from Smitten Kitten Evy Cowan from Shebop in Portland, in Minneapolis, Minnesota (smittenkitOregon (sheboptheshop.com): “I could give tenonline.com): “The variety of sexy gadgets and orgasm-promising gizmos can be Nancy some suggestions on a starter kit, but I think it’s much more fun to explore and overwhelming even for an experienced decide for yourself what would work for you shopper. Don’t fret! Smart sex-toy shoppers and your partner. Don’t be scared to pick use a process of elimination. First, commit things up and turn things on (that’s if the to a budget that you are comfortable with.

Second, ask yourself what you want to do shop provides floor models like we do). It’s with it. Penetration or no? Vibration or no? really important to be able to feel the material, and what levels and types of vibrations Unsure? Then go with the most versatile 34

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J A N UA RY 1 7- 2 3, 20 1 3

pitch.com

BY

D A N S AVA G E

different toys produce. Don’t be afraid to ask the staff questions — that’s what we’re here for. If the sex shop in your town is not very helpful when it comes to questions, then do some research before you go shopping. On our blog, we have a great guides section that gives advice, from choosing your fi rst vibrator to detailed instructions on how to use a cock ring. Last but not least, make sure the toys you are buying are body safe — there are lots of toys out there that you do not want to be putting in your body. Check out the ‘Safe Sex Toy Shopping Guide’ at badvibes.org to get the basics.”

Tynan Fox from Twin Cities Leather in Minneapolis, Minnesota (facebook.com/ twincitiesleather): “The other contributors have given you some spectacular answers, but as Dan alluded to, don’t forget to think outside the box. Our advice: Don’t let the gas masks and floggers and cock locks (oh, my!) scare you away from leather/fetish shops or gear. It’s OK to start small and simple.

Consider buying two blindfolds — one for each of you — and go at it while you’re both wearing them. The feeling of having sex with all your other senses heightened may just ignite a new kinky spark in your love life, and that would defi nitely fight off routine, monotonous sex. Who knows? Maybe one day, rather than thinking outside the box, you’ll be keeping your boyfriend’s cock locked inside one! But start small. You want to work your way up to the Fucksaw.”

Dear Dan: How long should a person wait to “get back out there” when his wife has been eaten by a zombie? Asking for a friend.

Sheriff Rick Grimes (via Twitter @RickGrimesATL) Dear SRG: Not too long. Life is short, particu-

larly during a zombie apocalypse, and your friend shouldn’t waste what little time he has left. And remember: During a zombie apocalypse, all relationships are rebound relationships. So your friend should get out there.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EVERYONE IN OR NEAR SEATTLE: We’re doing a very special live taping of the Savage Lovecast for single people only at Seattle’s Neptune Theater on February 14. There will be free lap dances, a bondage demo with Twisted Monk, music courtesy of DJ Trouble, sex advice from me and Mistress Matisse, the Human Cupcake, and much more. The show starts at 8 p.m.

A limited number of discounted advance tickets are available from Stranger Tickets (strangertickets.com). All other tickets can be purchased through Seattle Theater Group (tinyurl.com/savlov).

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.

Have a question for Dan Savage?

E-mail him at mail@savagelove.net pitch.com

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This Asthma Center is one of 18 prestigious Centers of Excellence funded by the American Lung Association.

Please call 816-404-5503 for screening and to learn more about this research study.

ADHD STUDY Is your child 13-17 diagnosed with ADHD? You may be eligible to participate in a research study of an investigational medication.

Symptoms of ADHD include difficulty remembering information, difficulty concentrating, trouble organizing or completing tasks and procrastination.

Qualified participants may receive study-related psychological evaluation(s) and may also receive compensation for time and travel.

For more information, please call:

Dynamic Clinical Research at 816-942-2626 Dynamic Clinical Research 305 NW Englewood Court Suite 300 Gladstone, MO 64118

ng, e i v s i o t l r dve . you a o , D d .. g n n i a t g rke nin n ma a l nt p e v e

P If you have an interest in marketing/advertising and are able to receive college credit, then you are in luck! P is looking for an intern who is able to handle multiple projects at once and experienced in MS Excel/ Word.

If you qualify, send your resume to: jason.dockery@pitch.com

pitch.com

J A N UA RY 1 7- 2 3, 20 1 3

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At Excelsior Springs Job Corps Success Last a Life Time Excelsior Springs Job Corps is now accepting applications for enrollment

NOW HIRING FOR

Must be between the ages of 16 and 24 ObtObtain certifications in Nursing Assistant, Pharmacy Technician, Medical Office Support, Carpentry/Cement HBI/Painting, Hospitality/Welding or advance job training (TCU).

CONCERTS CONVENTIONS SPORTING EVENTS EVENT STAFF, USHERS, TICKET TAKERS

APPLY IN PERSON 4050 Pennsylvania Ste. 111 KCMO 64111 OR ONLINE www. crowdsystems.com EOE

You can also obtain your high school diploma or GED. For more information, please contact the Job Corps Admissions office located at 2402 Swope Parkway, Kansas City, MO. or call (816)921-3366 to schedule an appointment.

Office hours are 8:30 – 5:00 M-F Operated by MINACT, INC,/Contract With Department of Labor/EOE

MAC PROPERTY MANAGEMENT

MACAPARTMENTS.COM

Featured property:

BROWNHARDT APARTMENTS Studios to two-bedrooms

WE ARE CURRENTLY HIRING FOR

GROUP ROOM COORDINATOR

We are searching for a candidate responsible for the maintenance of the group room blocks in the Marsha Reservation System. Hotel experience with inputing room blocks, as well as reservation rooming lists would be most beneficial. Must be proficient with multi-tasking and have great customer service skills. Flexible schedule required.

JOIN OUR TEAM & BE A PART OF THE EXCITEMENT! APPLY IN PERSON ANYTIME: 200 W. 12TH ST, KCMO | EOE | GREAT BENEFITS/GREAT LOCATION Pet friendly, Stainless Steel Appliances, Dishwasher, Central Air, Granite Countertops

877-453-1039 350 E. Armour, KCMO

CON S C SSE A CD ERT T P E s D ICKE OVI REL T M S VD PA s AP 38

THE PITCH

J A N UA RY 1 7- 2 3, 20 1 3

pitch.com

Stonewall Court Apts 1-Bdrms starting at $395 central air, secure entry, on site laundry, on bus line, close to shopping, nice apts, Sections 8 welcome $100 Deposit (816) 231-2874 M-F 8-5 office hours

Classifieds

NORTHLAND VILLAGE $100 DEPOSIT ON 1&2 BEDROOMS

$525 / up Large 1, 2 & 3 Bedroom Apts and Townhomes

Are you out of housing options?

Have Credit Problems? Previous Evictions?

We rent to the rent challenged

Holiday Apartments Studios FREE Downtown Area

$112/WEEK $150/DEPOSIT*

* Restrictions apply

APPLICATION WHEN YOU BRING IN On Site Loundry Facility Paid Cable TV THIS AD Holiday Apartments (816) 221-1721

Month to All Month Lease! Utilities

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Fireplace, Washer/Dryer Hook-ups, Storage Space, Pool.

I-35 & Antioch • (816) 454-5830

WILLOWIND APARTMENTS

1, 2 & 3 Bedroom Apartments Starting @ $475

3927 Willow Ave • KCMO 64113 816.358.6764

J A N UA RY 1 7- 2 3, 20 1 3

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APTS/JOBS/STUFF

®

816.218.6702 816.218.6759

FREE BANKRUPTCY CONSULTATION

CASH FOR CARS

• PA Y M E N T P L A N AVA I L A B L E •

LAW OFFICE OF JENNIFER DODSON 435 NICHOLS ROAD SUITE 200 K A N S A S C I T Y, M O 6 4 1 1 2 8 1 6 . 9 7 7 . 2 7 6 3 W W W. J D O D S O N L AW. C O M

We are a debt relief agency. We help people file for bankruptcy relief under the Bankruptcy Code. The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertisement.

Scared? Anxious? Confused?

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Wrecked, Damaged or Broken.

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Cash Paid ! www.abcautorecycling.com 913-271-9406 ADOPT: College Sweethearts, Successful Business Owners, At-Home Parents, Unconditional LOVE awaits 1st baby. Expenses paid 800-933-1975 Gabby & Kevin

LOST WEDDING RING Lost at Massage Envy KC Plaza

Offering $800 REWARD! Rebecca 614-354-8385

DWI, Solicitation, Traffic, Internet Crimes, Hit & Run, Power & Light Violations.

WE BUY MAGIC THE GATHERING

816-221-5900 - www.The-Law.com David Lurie Attorney

ACTION-SPORTS

816-455-6319

99.7% Toxin Free w/n an hour We can help you pass Coopers 3617 Broadway, KCMO 816.931.7222

DUI/DWI, KS, MO

P.I.--Work Comp.--Bankruptcy Reasonable rates!

Susan Bratcher 816-453-2240 www.bratcherlaw.biz

816-221-5900

www.The-Law.com

Law office of David M. Lurie

$99 DIVORCE $99

Simple, Uncontested + Filing Fee. Don Davis. 816-531-1330

BE IN A MOVIE!

Auditions on Saturdays in KC. Casting For Feature Film.

Lead Roles, Crew, Extras.

Male & Female 18+ For Details, Serious Inquiry's: 913-526-5150

SPEEDING DWI CRIMINAL SOLICITATION Call Tim Tompkins Today KCTrafficlawyer.com 913-707-4357 816-729-2606

Brady & Associates Law Office. 913-696-0925 Licensed In Missouri, Kansas and Colorado.

WWW.MBRADYLAW.COM

$$ Paying Top Dollar $$ For Junk Cars & Trucks Missouri: 816-241-7548 Kansas: 913-321-1000

ACT NOW INVESTIGATIONS

Scared? Anxious? Confused?

****Confidential****Professional**** Infidelity-Domestic Dramatic Family & Child Issues

ERICA'S PSYCHIC STUDIO

Solving Cases For Over 24 Years Fully Licensed & Insured. KS-MO

THE LAW OFFICE OF DENISE KIRBY 816-221-3691

$150 Deposit, All Utilities Paid, Laundry Facilities.

Holiday Apts, 115 W. Harlem Rd, KCMO 816-221-1721

Personal Injury & Employment Law

U-PICK IT SELF SERVICE AUTO PARTS

Practice emphasizing DWI defense.

Experienced, knowledgeable attorney will take the time to listen and inform.

Free initial phone consultation.

DOWNTOWN AREA STUDIO APT $112/WEEK Min.

99.7% Toxin Free w/n an hour We can help you pass Coopers 3617 Broadway, KCMO 816.931.7222

Brady & Associates Law Office. 913-696-0925 Licensed In Missouri, Kansas and Colorado.

WWW.MBRADYLAW.COM

* DWI * * CRIMINAL * * TRAFFIC *

Tarot Readings Crystal Readings

DWI, SOLICITATION, INTERNET BASED CRIMES

Personal Injury & Employment Law

913-469-0006 actnowinvestigations.com

Psychic Readings Palm Readings

$10

Reunites Love- Depression-Finances Success 100% Guaranteed Results !

816-965-7125

Readings

Attorney since 1976: 913-345-4100, KS/MO. Injuries, workers comp, criminal, divorce, DUI, traffic, and more. Low fees, Call Greg Bangs.

Help Is Here!

AFFORDABLE ATTORNEY

SPEEDING, DWI, POSSESSION, ASSAULT FREE CONSULTATION Call: The Law Office of J.P. Tongson (816) 265-1513 DUI/DWI, KS, MO

ADOPT: College Sweethearts, Successful Business Owners, At-Home Parents, Unconditional LOVE awaits 1st baby. Expenses paid 800-933-1975 Gabby & Kevin

P.I.--Work Comp.--Bankruptcy Reasonable rates!

Susan Bratcher 816-453-2240 www.bratcherlaw.biz

DWI, Solicitation, Traffic, Internet Crimes, Hit & Run, Power & Light Violations.

816-221-5900 - www.The-Law.com David Lurie Attorney

LOST WEDDING RING Lost at Massage Envy KC Plaza

Offering $800 REWARD! Rebecca 614-354-8385

HOTEL ROOMS

CASH FOR CARS

DWI, SOLICITATION, INTERNET BASED CRIMES

Cash Paid ! www.abcautorecycling.com 913-271-9406

816-221-5900

A-1 Motel 816-765-6300 Capital Inn 816-765-4331

Law office of David M. Lurie

6101 E. 87th St./Hillcrest Rd.

Wrecked, Damaged or Broken.

Running or Not !

$99 DIVORCE $99

Simple, Uncontested + Filing Fee. Don Davis. 816-531-1330

www.The-Law.com

U-PICK IT SELF SERVICE AUTO PARTS

$$ Paying Top Dollar $$ For Junk Cars & Trucks Missouri: 816-241-7548 Kansas: 913-321-1000

HBO,Phone,Banq. Hall

$37.06 Day/ $149 Week/ $499 Month + Tax