The Pitch July 05, 2012

JULY 5–11, 2012 | FREE | VOL. 32 NO. 1 | PITCH.COM

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Editor Scott Wilson Managing Editor Justin Kendall Music Editor David Hudnall Staff Writers Charles Ferruzza, Ben Palosaari Editorial Operations Manager Deborah Hirsch Calendar Editor Berry Anderson Clubs Editor Abbie Stutzer Food Blogger, Web Editor Jonathan Bender Proofreader Brent Shepherd Contributing Writers Tracy Abeln, Danny Alexander, Theresa Bembnister, Aaron Carnes, Kyle Eustice, April Fleming, Ian Hrabe, Dan Lybarger, Chris Parker, Nadia Pflaum, Nancy Hull Rigdon, Dan Savage, Brent Shepherd, Nick Spacek, Abbie Stutzer, Crystal K. Wiebe Intern Hayley Bartels

A R T

Art Director Ashford Stamper Contributing Photographers Angela C. Bond, Chris Mullins, Lauren Phillips, Sabrina Staires, Brooke Vandever Design Interns Rachel Krause, Kelly Watts

P R O D U C T I O N

GRADING THE ROYALS

Production Manager Christina Riddle Multimedia Designer Rafaella Chaves

Can KC still climb

A D V E R T I S I N G

Advertising Director Dawn Jordan Senior Classified Multimedia Specialist Steven Suarez Classified Multimedia Specialist Andrew Disper Multimedia Specialists Michelle Acevedo, Kirin Arnold, Erin Carey, Payton Hatfield Director of Marketing & Operations Jason Dockery Digital Marketing Manager Keli Sweetland

into contention?

BY J U S T I N K E N DA L L

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C I R C U L A T I O N

Circulation Director Mike Ryan

FO R EI GN AFFAI R

B U S I N E S S

Accounts Receivable Jodi Waldsmith Publisher Joel Hornbostel

S O U T H C O M M

Chief Executive Officer Chris Ferrell Chief Operating Officer Rob Jiranek Director of Accounting Todd Patton Director of Operations Susan Torregrossa Creative Director Heather Pierce Director of Content/Online Development Patrick Rains Director of Digital Products Andy Sperry

N A T I O N A L

Affäre: a decadent taste of Europe in the Crossroads.

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A D V E R T I S I N G

Voice Media Group 888-278-9866, voicemediagroup.com Senior Vice President Sales Susan Belair Senior Vice President Sales Operations Joe Larkin National Sales Director Ronni Gaun

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Vice President Sales & Marketing Carl Ferrer Business Manager Jess Adams Accountant David Roberts

FLO WER PEO PLE We talk with Beach House’s Alex Scally about his band and Bloom.

D I S T R I B U T I O N

BY K Y L E E U S T I C E

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26 I N S E R T : A L L- S TA R W E E K G U I D E

C O P Y R I G H T

T HE WRITER S P L ACE Find your writing tribe at The Writers Place.

Open to the public at: 3607 Pennsylvania KCMO (816) 753-1090 Blue Monday at Uptown Arts Bar 3611 Broadway, KCMO Open mic; hosted by Sharon Eiker Monday, July 9 | 7:00 PM | www.uptownartsbar.com

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ON T HE COVE R

Sunday Salon: Joseph Campbell Discussion led by Sharon Eiker | Sunday, July 15 | 2:00 PM Poetry Reading at the Johnson County Library: Jan Duncan and Eve Ott 9875 W. 87th St., Overland Park, KS | Tuesday, July 17 | 7:00 PM The Writers Place Salon Open mic; hosted by Sharon Eiker | Monday, July 23 | 7:00 PM

Stay informed about our events.

Twitter: Follow @kcwritersplace

MEANWHI LE AT PI TC H. C O M PHOTO COURTESY OF THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS

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Music + Poetry + Art at the Downtown Neon Gallery 1921 East Truman Road, KCMO | River Cow Orchestra and Kacico Dance company, with readers Friday, July 27 | 7:00 PM

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What movie do you watch at least once a year?

Young Frankenstein. Mel Brooks is a genius — it’s surprising to me how many people still haven’t seen it yet. Pure masterpiece. (“There, wolf. There, castle.”)

What local tradition do you take part in every year? KC Restaurant Week. It’s a good op-

portunity to revisit places I love but can’t afford regularly.

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Celebrity you’d like to ride the Mamba with at Worlds of Fun: Tina Fey

Occupation: Helping earn national publicity

for KC from the likes of the Today show, The New York Times, X Factor and Travel + Leisure.

“Kansas City screwed up when it …” Didn’t pass the rolling-roof bond issue for Arrowhead Stadium. I still have trouble swallowing the fact that we missed out on a Super Bowl.

What was the last local restaurant you patronized? Gram & Dun. The sweet-tea pork

“Kansas City needs …” More locals in its corner. We live in a vibrant, cosmopolitan city, and it’s time we start telling the world about it. Adopting a Texas-style braggadocio will go a long way in correcting misconceptions about our fair city.

Chalk it up to Aaron Sorkin and C.J. Cregg if you want, but I’ve always found that position to be incredibly fascinating.

shoulder is one of my new favorite entrées in the city.

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What subscription — print, digital, etc. — do you value most? Another one from Twitter:

What career would you choose in an alternate reality? Press secretary for the White House.

tie between iced coffee and Swedish Fish.

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Person or thing you find really irritating at this moment: Lindsay Lohan

Last book you read: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I read everything Dave Eggers writes, but this is by far my favorite.

It’s moving, tragic and hilarious in one fell swoop. I recommend it to anyone who likes David Sedaris.

Who or what is your sidekick? It’s a close

Mention this coupon for 40% off one item. Limit one per customer.

check in with #KC once a day for a quick lowdown of what’s going on the city. @kcwineguy is a wealth of information, too.

@artofmanliness. They’re always putting out useful stuff, like how to tie a bow tie or how much to tip your tow-truck guy.

Current neighborhood: Merriam

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good for that. Plus, the food is outstanding no matter what time of day you go. Personally, I like the Monte Cristo and the peach pancakes.

Favorite person or thing to follow on Twitter: I

Finish this sentence: “Other than the Kauffman Center, Kansas City got it right when …” We

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Where do you drink? Beer Kitchen and Manifesto are two of my favorites to start a night out. But sometimes life calls for a good dive bar — the Keyhole in Mission and Red Balloon never disappoint in that arena.

“People might be surprised to know that I …”

What’s your favorite charity? Locally, I’m fond of Children’s Mercy. I was lucky enough to volunteer there for a while, and they do amazing work.

that my job takes me to some pretty cool places. But few compare with what we have here. The buzz and energy KC is putting off right now is quite incredible.

Favorite place to spend your paycheck: A good

“In five years, I’ll be …” A better cook, hope-

Don’t care for chocolate. This fact tends to upset or perplex people. Invite peanut butter to the party or I’m not coming.

“On my day off, I like to …” Travel. I’m lucky

sushi joint. Domo in Brookside is very good, but I also like Sakura in Shawnee for its legendary sushi train.

fully. I’m tired of cooking (and eating) like a bachelor. Luckily, our restaurant scene never leaves me hungry.

Where do you like to take out-of-town guests? City Market, the National World War

What TV show do you make sure you watch?

I Museum and Succotash are three personal staples. I like my breakfast with a side of people-watching, and Succotash is always

pitch.com

The West Wing and Lost (“Walt!”) are both on regular rotation at my house. But if we’re talking new shows, I try to never miss The Walking Dead and Homeland.

Favorite day trip: Lawrence, Kansas. Rock

Chalk!

What is your most embarrassing dating moment? Hmm … where to start? I was once on

a blind date with a girl who stole knives from our dinner table … those giant ones they have at E R O M steakhouses. She didn’t laugh; she didn’t say a T word. She just took my A INE ONL .COM knife and hers, carefully H C PIT put them in her purse and went back to eating like nothing had happened. Needless to say, there was not a second date.

Q&As

Describe a recent triumph: My favorite part

of my job is surprising fi rst-time visitors.

Last year, we hosted one of the editors from Saveur, a very popular foodie magazine. He was astounded by what he found here … that we were so much beyond barbecue. Nine months later, Saveur went on the Today show to announce KC as “America’s next culinary destination.”

Follow Derek Klaus on Twitter @TheRealKlaus. pitch.com

MONTH

PLOG

ROYAL PAINS

Kansas City’s ol’ ball club has made national headlines this season, and while it hasn’t always been pretty, it’s been funny.

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BE N PA L O S A A R I

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he Kansas City Royals’ 2012 has so far been a lot like the last season. The club started with a record-breaking 12-game home losing streak (and its home record is still the league’s worst). They’ve hit the fifth-fewest homers and scored the sixth-fewest runs, and their pitchers have walked more batters than just three other teams. But we’ll be damned if they haven’t kept it interesting. On and off the field, the Royals — and their fans — have been the darlings of the sports blogosphere. The Pitch rounded up the best moments so far and can’t wait for more in the second half of the season.

Humberto Quintero's Slant-Eye Gesture

Whether it’s shaving-cream pies during postgame interviews or rookie-hazing rituals, baseball players can be immature, especially if TV cameras are close by. So it wasn’t shocking when Royals catcher Humberto Quintero mocked pitcher Bruce Chen while the southpaw was being interviewed during a national Fox broadcast in June. Quintero went full kindergarten mockery, pulling his eyes to slant them. Just about every sports blog in the world posted a screen grab of the insensitive gesture.

Granted, Quintero probably wasn’t trying to bully his batterymate, who is a Panamanian of Chinese descent. But it’s the kind of attention that the team didn’t need.

10 home games. And during the club’s 11th consecutive home loss, on April 23, a fed-up fan sitting in the $240 Crown Club seats behind home plate had seen enough. With the team down 4-1 in the eighth and ninth innings, the fan began reading a David Baldacci novel (possibly Zero Day). TV cameras picked up the bookworm, and Royals Book Guy was a thing. A fake Twitter account followed, and the Royals had another visual representation of fan frustration.

Alex Gordon Busts His Own Balls

@RoyalsBoobs

Royals Boobs is a Twitter feed devoted to pictures of women’s breasts wrapped in snug Royals gear. Uh, yuck. It’s a knockoff of KUBoobs, a movement started in the spring

by Jayhawks fans to supposedly propel the team to victory. Royals Boobs just feels like a skeevy online Hooters for KC fans. Tweets like “Let’s get a rally going!! #Royalsrallyboobs,” accompanied by a picture of cleavage, are awkward. Even if women voluntarily send the feed their photos, their breasts are neither mascots nor lucky charms. Surely many of Royals Boobs’ 1,200 followers would disagree.

Let’s hope that they don’t start their own photocentric feed: RoyalsBlueBalls.

Home Run Fountain Swimmer

Regardless of the Royals’ dreadful home record, fans still love going to the K. A May 6 tilt with the Yankees was no different with the bleachers packed. Quintero cracked his first bomb as a member of the team, and a cargoshorts-clad fan, recognizing an important event in team history, hopped a small fence that keeps fans out of the fountains. A quickthinking security guard grabbed the spectator to avert a fountain plunge. But the fan shook his grip and took a dip for the souvenir. Bobbing for baseballs in the K’s fountains, of course, is a faux pas. The drenched fan was bounced from the stadium, and the Royals lost 10-4.

Foul-Ball Kid Royals Book Guy

There is no way to sugarcoat the Royals’ home record to start the season. They were the first team since the 1918 Yankees to lose their first

balking. Same goes for unwritten baseball traditions and codes — like throwing home-run balls from the opposing team back onto the field. It’s an act of sticking it to the other team that has carried on for generations at ballparks.

Perhaps that’s why a tyke at the Royals’ April 22 game promptly chucked a foul ball, popped off a Blue Jay’s bat, back on the grass. The kid had a hell of an arm, too. He melted fans’ hearts and probably learned a valuable lesson: Home runs have to be between the foul lines.

Baseball, like language, is easiest to learn when young. While gray matter is still squishy and growing is the best time for brains to absorb things like tagging up, the infield fly rule and

It’s a lesson from America’s Funniest Home Videos: Getting hit in the nuts is tearsstreaming-down-your-cheeks funny. It just is.

Scenes depicting testicular trauma probably make up 30 percent of all YouTube views. So when left fielder Alex Gordon — perhaps fatigued from playing six extra innings — fouled a 15th-inning pitch right into his executive committee on May 16, laughter was a natural reaction. Judging by Gordon’s reaction — hopping around and crumpling into a crouch — he might have forgotten to wear a cup. So we couldn’t blame him for grounding out on the next pitch and ending the game.

We see your rally monkey and raise you George Brett unicorn.

Two Pitchers, One Pair of Jonathan Broxton’s Pants

The Royals’ pitching staff apparently decided that the best way to welcome reliever Jonathan Broxton to the staff was to give him a complex.

Fellow hurlers Everett Teaford and Tim Collins both squeezed into a pair of Broxton’s uniform pants. Teaford tweeted a photo of the two, with the unapologetic description: “Tim Collins and me ... in Jonathan Broxton’s pants!” The stunt doesn’t appear to have upset the 300-pound Broxton. Heading into the midseason break, he has piled up 20 saves.

George Brett Unicorn

If Sluggerrr decides to hang up his spikes, his mascot replacement should be an easy choice: the George Brett unicorn. Chicago-based artist Jeremy Scheuch says he made the drawing because it fit with his current unicorn-focused works and colorful reworkings of vintage baseball cards. The Kansas native put the image on a T-shirt and wore it to a White Sox-Royals game and received plenty of stares. “You’d have to be a little crazy to wear a shirt with a George Brett unicorn on it,” admits Scheuch, who has a tattoo of the 1985 World Series trophy on his leg. He says his Kansas City friends have been clamoring for the shirts, and he’ll start selling them soon.

Jeff Francoeur Buys Fans a Round

Royals Boobs, the fountain diver and Royals Book Guy — the 2012 season has already shown us many ways that fans are entertaining themselves at the K, especially when the ballgame isn’t going the Royals’ way. Right fielder Jeff “Frenchy” Francoeur gave fans in the Frenchy’s Quarter seats a surprise gift. Frenchy tossed his fans a baseball with a $100 bill taped to it. The attached note read: “Buy some beer on me.” No wonder he’s a fan favorite.

E-mail ben.palosaari@pitch.com

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Just tweet #KC. Or ask @VisitKC. A dedicated group of Kansas Citians is standing by to answer.

Kansas City’s first social-media command center is being set up to answer queries in real time during the five days of festivities. Need to know where to park? No problem. Looking for a hotel reservation? They know where you can sleep. Hungry? Here’s your open-table data.

Joe Cox, the outgoing president of Social Media Club Kansas City and Barkley’s director of social media, likens the command center’s volunteers to old-school switchboard operators. The goal is to improve not just the All-Star Week E MOR experience but also the Kansas City experience.

“We are going to be T A E IN ONL .COM the ears and mouthpiece PITCH for Kansas City,” Cox says. “This is not about the All-Star Game. The Royals have that covered. This is about the experience coming in and visiting.”

Social-media sultans Cox, Aaron Thacker and Matthew Staub took the lead in organizing the command center (a collaboration of Barkley, SMCKC, the Kansas City Convention and Visitors Association, H&R Block and Mayor Sly James’ office) after James tweeted that he wanted to showcase the city’s technical power base. The command center’s home base is inside H&R Block’s downtown Kansas City headquarters, which overlooks the fan events at KC Live in the Power & Light District.

Cox says 50 volunteers have signed up to work two-hour shifts, operating stations devoted to hospitality, transportation, general comments and more, while monitoring #KC, #ASG2012 and “Kansas City” through social media. At any time, there could be from 10 to 20 people working the command

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Cox is ready to answer Kansas City visitors’ questions. center, with numbers increasing as the July 10 game approaches.

“We just want to be all-hands-on-deck,” Cox says. “I want Kansas City experts manning this, people who are from this city, know how to navigate it, know where the speed traps are and the shortcuts and everything, know how to hack the town.”

The volunteers won’t rely on their own knowledge alone. The command center has built a list of experts — foodies, sports fans, etc. — who have agreed to be just a phone call away. A street team is also ready to deploy, offering in-person help while functioning as the command center’s eyes on the streets.

From the moment someone checks in at Kansas City International Airport on Foursquare or tweets about having All-Star Game tickets, the conversation begins. Anyone who has flown into KCI and tried to hire a taxi knows the challenges visitors face. Cox and the volunteers mean to alleviate that frustration with this virtual visitors’ center, which has been modeled on how social media was used during the Super Bowl in Indianapolis.

“We can reach out to them automatically and say, ‘Hey, guys, thanks for visiting the town. If there’s anything you need, hit us at #KC or follow us @VisitKC,’ ” he says. “They don’t need to come to us. We can come to them, as long as they’re letting us know where they are and that they’re coming to the All-Star Game. And they will — that’s something you want to socially brag about, you want to tell people where you’re at.”

From there, the conversation can evolve.

“The game is only part of your trip into Kansas City,” Cox says. “This is a great way to improve those people’s experience online.”

E-mail justin.kendall@pitch.com

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C O U R T E S Y O F T H E K A N S A S C I T Y R O YA L S

Billy Butler: Repping KC as an All-Star reserve.

T

he halfway point of the season is here, and the Kansas City Royals could really use this All-Star break. The franchise has been snakebitten with injuries and endured a 12-game skid, but at this writing the boys in blue are within striking distance of fi rst place in the American League Central, a few games behind the Chicago White Sox. To mark the midway point and reflect on a visit from Major League Baseball’s All-Star Game, The Pitch asked the experts to grade the team’s perfor-

Biggest Surprise of the Season Jeff Passan: I didn’t think Mike Moustakas would be this good this quickly. It’s like he’s gone from zero to getting it on a much steeper learning curve than most guys his age do. He slumped as a rookie and he’s been fantastic this year.

Craig Brown: Mike Moustakas has been a revelation at third with the glove. It’s strange to refer to him as a “surprise” since he’s been one of the club’s top prospects, but after he struggled in his debut last season, the speed with which he’s become a really solid all-around player has been the best story of the year.

Sean Keeler: Jonathan Broxton. Closing games is about attitude as much as anything else, and the big guy still has plenty of moxie left in the tank.

Michael Engel: The way the Royals didn’t let a 12-game losing streak sink them. In the past, that would be the nail in the coffin right away, but they’ve fought back.

Bill Ivie Jr.: Mike Moustakas’ consistency at the plate.

Bob Stalder: Mike Moustakas has shown more defensively for me than I thought he was capable of. Tim Collins has been tremendous this season out of the pen. At the time I write this, his WHIP (walks and hits per innings pitched) is .096, and the

mance and evaluate its second-half chances. We polled national sports reporters Jeff Passan (Yahoo! Sports) and Sean Keeler (Fox Sports) as well as respected Royals bloggers Rany Jazayerli (Rany on the Royals), Michael Engel (Kings of Kauffman), Bob Stalder (Pine Tar Press), Bill Ivie Jr. (I-70 Baseball), Jeff Zimmerman (Royals Review), and Craig Brown (formerly of Royals Authority, which merged into Royals Review).

Read on for their reasons that Royals fans should feel optimistic (or the opposite) about the weeks between now and October.

league is hitting .171 off him. He is also third on the team in strikeouts, even though he is not a starter, with 49 K’s in 34.1 innings. That is truly phenomenal.

Jeff Zimmerman: How good Alcides Escobar has hit. He seemed to be lost while hitting at times last year.

Rany Jazayerli: Mike Moustakas is not only excelling offensively but defensively. He’s been a valuable performer at the plate all year, and in the field he’s been a revelation — he showed up to spring training in shape, and he’s making plays no one expected him to.

Biggest Disappointment Passan: Injuries. Felipe Paulino blew out his arm … and he’s having Tommy John surgery. That makes four guys on this staff — Joakim Soria, Blake Wood, Danny Duffy and now Felipe Paulino — who are going to have Tommy John surgery within a four-month span.

Keeler: Eric Hosmer, obviously. Although Jonathan Sanchez somehow seems to make that Melky Cabrera trade — a deal that made perfect sense in the fall — look worse with each start.

Engel: I think long-term he’ll be among the best ever in

franchise history, but Eric Hosmer has struggled in a few ways.

Brown: The putrid offense. This team is the second-worst in the AL in runs scored per game. Last year, with roughly the same lineup, they ranked sixth best in the league. If I have to point fingers, I’m looking at you, Mr. Hosmer.

Ivie: The slow start for Eric Hosmer.

Stalder: Eric Hosmer has disappointed me in his ability to lay off pitches that are down and in and has contributed to his slide this season. Pitchers have a book on him now, and he has finally started to make some adjustments to see the ball better.

I think he will have a much better second half of the season.

Zimmerman: Keeping Jeff Francoeur instead of Melky Cabrera. It’s rough seeing one struggle in KC and the other thrive as a possible All-Star in San Francisco.

Jazayerli: The flip side of Moustakas is his buddy Eric Hosmer, whose struggles are almost incomprehensible. We’ve seen prospects come up and struggle before, but never a young player who seemed as can’t-miss as Hosmer. And Hosmer wasn’t a prospect — he established himself last year and was third in the Rookie of the Year vote. If you want an optimistic comp, Carlos Beltran had a terrible sophomore season after winning Rookie of the Year honors, and he turned out OK. continued on page 12

pitch.com JU 5 - 1X 1 ,, 2200102X TTHHEE PPIITTCCHH 11 pitch.com MONT H LY X X–X 1

Grading the Royals

Zimmerman: Tim Collins. He is turning into a strikeout machine.

Jazayerli: Salvador Perez. His defensive skills have long been above average, but what’s so extraordinary about him is that three years ago, he couldn’t hit .200 in A-ball, and last year he hit .331 in the majors. Now that he’s back, we’re going to find out whether his bat is for real.

Moneyball Move You’d Make Passan: I would spend every last dime that I could, every dime that I had, trying to keep my pitchers healthy. I don’t know if Tampa Bay figured it out necessarily, but they do a really good job. They grow their pitchers from within, and they do not get injured. It’s a pretty staggering thing to see because there’s a team that has a dreadful stadium because it’s a terrible market. It has no business winning, and it’s going out there and beating the Yankees and Red Sox every year, and it’s a fascinating story.

They are what the Royals can be.

Brown: Moneyball was all about tapping into on-base percentage. Have you seen some of Dayton Moore’s acquisitions? The Royals

haven’t ever cracked that book. Let’s start there. OBP is life.

Keeler: It’s a fact: The Royals don’t hit home runs (last in the AL as of June 26) and don’t walk a whole lot (also last). There’s nothing wrong with that, except that Kauffman Stadium is playing smaller this year. And that means you’re not taking advantage of your primary environment. There are good contact guys, speed guys and scrappers, but this isn’t 1977 — the park doesn’t play that way now. The top eight contenders in the American League all have at least one thing in common: They can knock the ball out of the yard. When the three-run home run is the coin of the realm, it’s hard to keep pace consistently when your answer is trying to string together three or four doubles in a row.

Ivie: Not sure it’s Moneyball, but it’s time to use some of the prospect talent to bring in proven MLB winners. I’ll take all the heat here and say I would be 100 percent behind trading Wil Myers for a Matt Garza-type pitcher.

Stalder: Stop bunting in the first seven innings in any game. Giving up outs early in a contest is no way to play the game.

Zimmerman: Get rid of Francoeur and Betancourt. Their OBP is killing the team.

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Jazayerli: You have a crazy-good bullpen and a terrible rotation. Be creative: Go to a four-man rotation but pull your starters after five innings no matter what (they’re barely averaging five innings a start anyway). That allows you to carry nine relievers, and you can overwhelm opponents from the sixth inning on with a crazy assortment of power pitchers.

Midseason Grade Passan: To be where they are, to be within shouting distance of .500 after all of the injuries, I’d say a B minus is fair.

Keeler: B minus. Get swept at Pittsburgh, then come home and sweep Milwaukee. Struggle mightily against St. Louis, then come out and smoke Tampa Bay. One minute they’re up, the next they’re down — which is what young, building teams do. We know the Royals aren’t bad. We just don’t know yet how good they can be.

Engel: C minus. It’s close to incomplete. The Royals lost their star closer, their franchise catcher, the player they thought would be their everyday center fielder, each of the players they thought would be playing at second base, and their best young starter within the first month of

C O U R T E S Y O F T H E K A N S A S C I T Y R O YA L S

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The Royals’ future, from left: Wil Myers, Mike Moustakas and Eric Hosmer the season. That they aren’t buried is encouraging. That they’re playing better now with players returning from injury is very encouraging.

Ivie: C plus. They are young, playing well, and not as horrible as it seems. They are not, however, playing above average. They can do better.

Stalder: D plus. Bullpen has been phenomenal, but they are going to wear down if the starting pitching does not improve. The offensive output of this team is way below what they are capable of, and if they can find a way to get on a roll, they could finish third in the Central Division. A .500 record is within reach, and that would be a major steppingstone for this franchise.

Zimmerman: D Jazayerli: B minus. They’re actually right about where I thought they’d be at this point in the season. It’s just that they took an awfully strange road to get here.

Brown: C. I figured the offense would be better, but they’re hovering just under .500.

That’s where I thought they’d be.

E-mail justin.kendall@pitch.com.

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WEEK OF JULY 5-11

FIRST-FRIDAY ROUNDUP

20 PAG E

Cara Y Cabezas Contemporary (1714 Holmes, 816-332-6239).

Using their San Francisco connections, Paulo Cabeza and Cara Megan Lewis have brought three strong artists to Kansas City. They work in different mediums, but each deconstructs the mundane or casts a new light on the usual. In Mapping This Moment, Alberto Aguilar presents photographs and other works that are spontaneous and come out of what he describes as “an act of fellowship”; Pablo Calderon makes quick and colorful lines that map modes of transportation into flat, all-sides-views; and Lauren DiCiccio uses embroidery and materials such as newspaper to capture what she calls “simple but intimate objects of everyday life.”

The Late Show (1600 Cherry, 816-474-1300). Photographer Wesaam Al-Badry was born in 1984 in an Iraqi rebel city, and he says his portraits of fellow refugees of what we called the Gulf War are “experiential, allowing people to conceptualize the reality of life as a refugee.”

Front/Space Studio (217 West 18th Street, 913-709-6530).

Katie Ford and Ashley Ivonne Limés have filled the groundfloor room here with layers of screen-printed fabric and paper structures to induce an awe similar to that in a vaulted cathedral or a stalactite-filled cave.

Todd Weiner Gallery (115 West 18th Street, 816-984-8538).

Carla Malone Steck is also building walls, towers and windows inside, mounting her “Souvenir” paintings on cardboard re-creations of museum walls from afar.

Kultured Chameleon (1739 Oak, 816-974-8278). The East Crossroads has long been host to sanctioned graffiti art, and now there’s a shop and gallery dedicated to supporting the four pillars of hip-hop: graffiti, break dancing, the MC and the DJ. Besides the artwork hanging on the walls and sitting as sculptures, graff writers do battle outside for First Friday.

Will Stormy Jackson keep his three-time title? Find out tonight. Inside, this month’s featured artists include James Melton, Sike Style, Fem9 and Lofi Oner.

— TRACY ABELN

FRIDAY

STAGE Park it for a Midsummer’s Shakespeare.

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PAG E

7.6

the bridge s that . s Photo u n twee gulf be

FILM Webslinger 2.0: Marvel’s main arachnid reboots.

23 PAG E

CAFÉ An Affäre to remember.

T H U R S D AY | 7. 5 | SURE CURE IN WALDO

Now that Kennedy’s is but a hazy memory in a Waldo drinker’s mind, perhaps the only thing that Remedy (500 West 75th Street, 816-361-9788) isn’t fixing is the plight of displaced Jayhawks fans. But no one has ever accused Waldo of a dearth of cheap drafts, flat-screen TVs and french fries — get that shit at Lew’s, son. No, Remedy is for a new era of grown-and-sexy Waldonians.

Simple and refined have replaced loud and obnoxious at this gastropub, where drinks are called “libations” and succulent plants growing in jars (like mini terrariums) sit in place of ketchup and mustard on the tables.

It’s all about “farm to table” and house-made ingredients — a welcome change in a changing neighborhood. Remedy is open today from 11 to 1:30 a.m. Find it on Facebook.

— BERRY ANDERSON

F R I D AY | 7. 6 | FIRST-FRIDAY PARTY ROUNDUP

For those who don’t want to pretend to look at art, may we suggest these options?

The Truck Stop in the Crossroads. All your favorites — 3 Girls Cupcakes, El Pueblito, Wilma’s Good Food and more — are out at the vacant lot at 21st Street and Wyandotte from 6 to 11 p.m. For details, see facebook.com/ kctruckstop.

Free Friday-Night Flicks at Crown Center.

There is no more timely movie to watch in KC this weekend than Moneyball. See it at 9 p.m. on the outdoor screen at Crown Center Square (2450 Grand). Bring blankets and lawn chairs.

Concessions are available for purchase. See crowncenter.com for more details.

New Century Follies Summer Edition.

Four times a year, the Folly Theater (300 West 12th Street, 816-474-4444) plays host to this vintage performance-art showcase.

See Foxy LaFeelion (2012 Queen of KC Burlesque), Heidi Van, Voler—Thieves of Flight, and others, with the People’s Liberation Big Band on backup. Doors open at 7:30 p.m. General-admission tickets cost $20. Buy them at brownpapertickets.com/ event/255364.

Please Step Aside. Steel Gallery & Studio (1219 Union, Suite 2E) features the work of locally based photographer John Taylor, but the real draw is the phat party hosted by Zach Lovely featuring the music of newly reunited, early millenium favorite Shots Fired. Search for Steel Gallery on Facebook.

— BERRY ANDERSON

S AT U R D AY | 7.7 | LOADED FOR BEAR

Human bears, just like the other kind, come in different varieties: polar (bear with white or gray body hair or beard),

grizzly (older, more distinguished) and behr (stocky or heavyset without facial hair). Hamburger Mary’s (101 Southwest Boulevard, 816-842-1919) celebrates its First Saturday Bear Bust tonight with a Stars and Straps theme. Attendees wearing military gear get their first drafts on the house (thanks, Obama!).

Remember, human bears tend to be cuddly, friendly and protective. “Women love to hang out with the bears,” says general manager Jeff Edmondson. The cover-free, 21-andolder party starts at 9 p.m.

— BERRY ANDERSON continued on page 18

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FIND THE

Perfect

Y S U N DA

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PLACE TO

ENJOY SHADE!

M O N D AY | 7. 9 |

Check out these decks & patios for great outdoor dining & drinking!

B.B.’S LAWNSIDE BAR-B-Q 1205 Easts 85th St. KC,MO 816-822-7427 BLUE BIRD BISTRO 1700 Summit KC,MO 816-221-7559 bluebirdbistro.com BRIO TUSCAN GRILL 502 Nichols Drive KC,MO 816-561-5888 brioitalian.com THE BROOKSIDER 6330 Brookside Plaza KC,MO 816-363-4070 brooksiderbarandgrill.com CHEZ ELLE 1713 Summit St KC,MO 816- 471-2616 chezelle.com CZAR 1531 Grand Boulevard KC,MO 816- 221-2244 czarkc.com FUEL 7300 W. 119th St OP,KS 913-451-0444 fuelkc.com KNUCKLEHEADS 2715 Rochester KC,MO 816-483-1456 knuckleheadskc.com THE LEVEE 16 W. 43rd St KC,MO 816-561-5565 thelevee.net LITTLE EGYPT 3927 BROADWAY KC,MO 816-753-8988 LUCKY BREWGRILLE 5401 Johnson Dr Mission, KS 913-403-8571 luckybrewgrille.com 18

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MAMA TIO’S Inside Town Pavillion on 11th St between Main & Walnut KC,MO 816-221-0589 mamatios.com MAZATLAN 5525 NW 64th St KC, MO continued from page 17

MCCORMICK & SCHMICK’S 448 W 47th Street KC,MO 816-531-6800 mccormickandschmicks. com

ROOTY TOOTY FRESH AND FRUITY

When it comes to local treasures, not everyone can afford tickets to a show at the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts. The City Market (20 East Fifth Street), though, is easily KC’s most accessible gem. Its Farm to Table Celebration Series takes place from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. the first Saturday of every month, and today Groovalicious Fruit highlights 18 regional vendors hawking melons, peaches, apples, pears and, of course, berries. “The

POWER & LIGHT DISTRICT 13th and Main KC,MO 816-842-1045

S AT U R D AY | 7.7 |

RAOUL’S VELVET ROOM 7222 W. 119th St OP,KS 913-469-0466 raoulsvelvetroom. com R BAR & RESTAURANT 1617 Genessee Street KC,MO 816-471-1777 rbarkc.com RECORD BAR 1020 Westport Road KC,MO 816-753-5207 therecordbar.com RIOT ROOM 4048 Broadway KC,MO 816-442-8177 theriotroom.com 403 CLUB 403 N. 5th St. Kansas City, KS 913-499-8392 77 SOUTH 5041 W. 135th St. Leawood, KS 913-742-7727 77south.net

CITY BATS

K

ansas City is steeped in baseball history — the Athletic Field at Southwest Boulevard and Summit (where the first professional baseball game in KC took place) and the Paseo YMCA at 19th Street and the Paseo (the site of the founding meetings of the Negro National League) — and the Kansas City Museum wants to show it to you. At 9 and 11 a.m. today, take the KC Baseball History Trolley Tour, including the home of Kid Nichols in Valentine and the Satchel Paige burial site at Forest Hill cemetery. Tours begin at Union Station (30 West Pershing) and cost $30 per person. To preregister, see kansascitymuseum .org and click on Events for Adults.

— BERRY ANDERSON J U LY 5 - 1 1 , 2 0 1 2

pitch.com

City Market is the perfect place to stock up on your tailgating supplies — Missouri peaches, locally raised meat for the grill, and fresh field-grown tomatoes for burgers.

Tomatoes are a fruit, too!” says Meghan Buum, marketing manager. For more information, see thecitymarket.org.

— BERRY ANDERSON

DIRTY LAUGHS

Tonight at Stanford’s Comedy Club (1867 Village West Parkway, Kansas City, Kansas, 913-400-7500), self-proclaimed “Fat Male Stripper” Dean Boese is putting on The Late, Late Adult No Holds Barred Nothing Is Sacred No Splinter Comedy Show featuring Shelah, the Trailer Trash Commanche (and the only touring female Native American comic in the biz), and Dale Hilton, a regular performer at the Side Hack Saloon in Sturgis during Bike Week. Boese himself has appeared on That ’70s Show, CSI and Pawn Stars, so we think he’s legit. “I am a very sexy fat man, and if you aren’t down with that, I got two words for ya,” he says. Tickets cost $8, and the show starts at 11:45 p.m.

Get them by calling the club.

— BERRY ANDERSON

S U N D AY | 7. 8 | DOGGY DOCKERS

Your slobbering dog could be more talented than you know. To find out, take your best friend to Mo-Kan DockDogs’ Leap for Liberty at Rogers Sporting Goods (1760 North Church Road, Liberty, 816-781-9026).

“This is an open competition and not a traveling dog show. People bring their dogs out to let them have fun,” says organizer Ray McCarty. Using a 40-foot dock and a 40-foot pool, dogs compete in three events: Big Air (distance), Extreme Air (height) and Speed Retrieve (timed swimming). The event begins Friday at noon and finishes up today starting at 8 a.m. See mokandockdogs.org for more details.

— BEN PALOSAARI

The future isn’t in swiping a card. It’s with our mobile devices. KCnext–the Technology Council of Greater Kansas City explores the changing ways that we pay for things with Go: The Future of Mobile Payments today at 2 p.m. in Helzberg Hall of the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts (1601 Broadway). Featured speakers include Ben Milne, CEO and founder of Des Moines-based Dwolla; Barb Pacheco, senior vice president of the Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas City; and Chris Teso, CEO and founder of Chirpify.

Former Pitch writer Ben Paynter moderates a Q&A with the panel. Tickets cost $30. For more information, see kcnext.com.

— JUSTIN KENDALL

T U E S D AY | 7. 10 | ROYAL SUPPORT

If you’re still looking for a ticket for today’s All-Star Game, you’re likely out of luck. But we know there’s plenty of room at one of the five free community watch parties sponsored by the KC Convention & Visitors Association: at 18th and Vine, Crown Center (2450 Grand), the Guadalupe Center (1015 Avenida Cesar E. Chavez), the Kansas City Zoo (6800 Zoo Drive) and Zona Rosa (8640 North Dixon Avenue).

Pregame coverage begins at 6 p.m., and the first pitch is thrown around 7. Admission is free. For more details, see visitkc.com.

— BERRY ANDERSON

W E D N E S D AY | 7. 11 | CARNY BITES

You never know where or when chef Alex Pope and food writer Jenny Vergara will pop up with a new, “performance piece” pop-up restaurant . Through Friday, they’re setting up a tent in front of the Steamboat Arabia Museum in the City Market to create a carnival-style culinary experience, Vagabond 5.0–an Urban Carnival, featuring popcorn tossed with shrimp and black truffles; chipotle corn dogs; butter-poached fresh corn splashed with lime juice and morita chile; and, yes, fried bourbon funnel cakes, sprinkled with cardamom sugar and topped with cucumber ice cream and candied melon. French wines, too. The adults-only event, from 6 to 10 p.m., costs $70 per person. See brownpapertickets.com/ event/256119.

— CHARLES FERRUZZA E-mail submissions to Filter editor Berry Anderson at calendar@pitch.com. Search our complete listings guide online at pitch.com.

2012 OLATHE

SUMMERRT CERIES CROEN E SE F

SAM BUSH

and Kelley Hunt - July 6

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Our 63rd Year!

S TA G E

FEVER DREAMS

A Midsummer lark and a seductive Cleopatra fire Shakespeare in Southmoreland Park.

BY

D E BO R A H HIRS CH

THE WORLD’S GREATEST DRIVE IN 4k Digital Projection & dts DIGITAL SOUND

Now Showing July 7 - 9 Amazing Spider-Man PG 9:10pm

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name some — and the others (except for the ven at summer’s most punishing, when kids) aren’t strangers to Kansas City stages. the air is thick and sticky and unmoving, there’s something irresistible about outdoor Jacques Roy almost steals Midsummer with theater. There’s something about Starlight and his rendering of the fairy servant Puck. His agile, acrobatic antics — a performance worthy Theatre in the Park. And there’s something of an Olympic gymnastics-team tryout — are about the Heart of America Shakespeare Fespure delight. tival, now celebrating its 20th season in SouthDirector Sidonie Garrett commands both moreland Park.

Southmoreland makes an ideal setting for shows, and the production crew, too, brings Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, talent and expertise. The movable and basic set, designed by Gene Emerson Friedman, is a funny, fantastical romp in the forest (in robright and colorful and lights up for Midsumtation with Antony and Cleopatra). It’s lighthearted enough that you need not devote to it mer. It sometimes changes color (lighting the considerable concentration often required by Ward Everhart), and it complements the multicolored costumes (by Mary Traylor), of Shakespeare. making this already enjoyable show a pleaThe well-known play is approachable and easy to follow, but it’s also involving enough sure to look at, too.

Not every costume appears heavy, which that you can (as the actors surely must) tune out sirens and other urban distractions. It’s must help on these hot nights. (Puck is unburdened with a shirt altogether.) The gauzy about love and jealousy, romantic mix-ups and mistaken identity, and wire-pulling fairies. In dresses of Hermia (Emily Peterson) and Helena (Andrea Guertsen) flow with the women’s the park’s environment of communing — with performances. Bottom (Matthew Rapport) one another and with the surroundings — the show lends itself easily to the pleasure of sit- must don a donkey’s appearance for a time, but it’s as temporary as the ting outside with food and misadventure in the woods. wine on a summer night.

Heart of America A ntony’s exc ursions The cast plays the show Shakespeare Festival in Egypt generate heat in big, the better to reach the A Midsummer Night's Antony and Cleopatra, with far corners of the grassy enDream and Antony and Cleopatra far more permanent conseclave and, perhaps, to keep (performed in repertory) quences. The star-crossed a diverse audience engaged.

Nightly, except Monday, title characters exude a We’re helped as well by good through July 15, palpable lust from the first sound (by Rusty Wandall) Southmoreland Park, scenes. There’s no mistaking and excellent acting, which 47th Street and Emanuel Antony’s longing for Cleopacombine to make every word Cleaver II Boulevard, tra or her hold on him; if the ring clear. Even if your at816-531-7728, kcshakes.org park weren’t already gripped tention wanders, you’ll hear by summer, you’d feel waves every syllable of dialogue.

The Heart of America Shakespeare Festi- of heat coming off the stage. (The night I saw the show, a hawk squawked and birds chirped, val doesn’t leave these comedies and dramas as though answering the actors.) to amateurs. Half of the performers in both At nearly three hours, this is a longer play Midsummer and Antony and Cleopatra (the than Midsummer, with a harder-to-follow two are performed on alternating nights) are plot. (There’s a reason that the program has Equity actors — John Rensenhouse, Jan Rogge, a detailed one-page summary.) The costumes Robert Gibby Brand, Cinnamon Schultz, David Fritts, Kim Martin-Cotten, Bruce Roach, to are beautiful and brightly colored, but the

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Left, the cast comprising Midsummer's Mechanicals; above, Rensenhouse and Martin-Cotten as Antony and Cleopatra. backdrop is drab, reflecting the seriousness.

Not everyone is going to keep up. That night last week, I saw more than a few people bolt after 30 minutes, well before intermission (when some others made their exits). Compared with Midsummer, there was more getting up and down.

It’s not meant to be a comfort, this play. No good comes from the preoccupation Antony (Rensenhouse) develops with the queen of Egypt (Martin-Cotten). And unlike the doomed Romeo and Juliet, these two aren’t sympathetic when they self-destruct. It takes many battles and betrayals (army against army, man against woman) and breakups and makeups for them to reach their endgame.

You almost want to shout at Antony, “How can you be so stupid?” as he’s taken in by her wiles and schemes. You know what they say about love and sight. But it’s hard not to want them to get on with their drawn-out death scenes already, not that the performances aren’t wonderful. In contrast, my eyes had watered at the demise of Antony follower Enobarbus, sensitively portrayed by Roach.

Though it’s different from watching a show in the confines of a theater, where the intimacy between performers and observers is more intense and immediate, the majority of the audience was tuned in and responsive both nights I attended. And the Heart of America’s productions don’t fail to hold interest (or reward it). As in Midsummer, Antony and Cleopatra’s set and action blend with the surroundings, and I could look at the moon or take in the park’s expanse and still listen while sipping a drink and enjoying a breeze.

Antony and Cleopatra might not be a Midsummer walk in the park, but both plays remain a summer ritual well worth revisiting.

E-mail deborah.hirsch@pitch.com pitch.com

MONTH

FILM

EUROTRASH

Woody Allen's To Rome With Love:

BY

top-shelf talent, bottom-drawer script.

S C O T T W IL S ON

he latest product of Woody Allen’s one-man movie mill is called To Rome With Love, a title as insipid as anything that’s wobbled off the Garry Marshall line in recent years. Don’t be fooled: There are Olive Gardens that feel more authentically Italian than this shabby tourist trap. And, as in the overpopulated agent bait of Marshall’s New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day, the action here plays uncomfortably like a Love, American Style marathon.

If you don’t remember that show — an early 1970s syndicated time filler made up of witless blackout sketches in which C-listers on the way down met future nobodies on the climb — well, that’s good. It’s one of the five programs you meet in TV hell, and your brain doesn’t need that. But look it up on YouTube and you’ll see something only a little more sexually baffled, woman-frightened and culturally reductive than To Rome With Love, yet another gorgeously lighted and filmed Allen vehicle for which smart young actors (pity most Jesse Eisenberg and Ellen Page) have lined up to strand themselves in first-draft purgatorio.

And not even new first draft. Midnight in Paris, the 2011 movie that restored Allen’s critical standing and delivered what was for the 76-year-old director a Pirates of the Caribbeanlike box office, peered backward not only at a

COURTESY OF SONY PICTURES CLASSICS

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jazz-age Continent but also at the wistful time travel and magical realism of Allen’s ’70s short fiction. In Rome, Allen again seems to have flipped through his bottom drawer for ideas (even as he pulls only from the top shelf for cast and crew).

That means, for instance, one thread devoted to the sudden and unexplained fame

Baldwin offers Love advice to Eisenberg. of the humble, middle-class business drone played by Roberto Benigni, and another that follows a humble undertaker whose brilliant tenor is opera-ready only in the shower. Thirty years ago, Allen might have been confident enough in the constancy

of his idea stream to render the bit about staging Pagliacci, with its lead boxed into a running shower stall, as nothing more than that: a bit, a cutaway punch line. Here, it’s just one labored subplot among several.

(Only Alec Baldwin walks away unscathed, mostly because his character listens to the natterings around him and, more than once, pronounces, "Bullshit!" You long for his company in the theater.) At about 110 minutes, it’s probably Allen’s longest movie; I would check, but I just had to sit through it and I’m too tired to look it up.

More exhausting is the welcome that Rome has already received in some quarters. David Denby’s New Yorker apologia, for example, subjects the movie’s barely sketched notions of celebrity and naiveté (the short read: Being famous and/or upper class is awesome!) to a rigorous and dully wrongheaded unpacking.

Fine: Woody Allen makes a movie a year to stave off mortality, and he has loosed himself from his Upper East Side creative ghetto by making Europe his new canvas for the depiction of casual wealth distracted by neurotic desire. That’s new but hardly novel. A real and welcome late-career surprise would be a second or a third draft of his next screenplay.

Or retirement.

■

OUT THIS WEEK THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN arm up your surcharge because this Spider-Man has one reason to exist: the 3-D. There are other, more human reasons to see it: a convincingly gawky Andrew Garfield, a suspiciously grown-up Emma Stone, a surprisingly forgivable Sally Field. But even this reboot’s surest dramatic satisfactions (Harry Potter digester Steve Kloves is one of the movie’s three credited writers; the script divorces itself almost entirely from the quirks of Sam Raimi’s 15-minutes-ago Spider-Man trilogy) are just Styrofoam packing peanuts buffering an expensive hard drive, one loaded with hyperextended POVs and comin’-atcha money shots and look-at-me quick cuts from the usual robot army of digital artists. (The price of seeing the impossible — 3-D and IMAX upcharges — continues skyward while the surprises diminish, but this at least is the rare 3-D object more eager to induce weightlessness than vertigo.)

Fair enough. Spider-Man is an adolescent superhero — Garfield’s Peter Parker is a straightup selfish douchebag until the last half-hour (not a bad thing) — so there’s no complaining about a big, loud (Jesus Christ, James Horner — what’s with your Titanic-retread score?) movie in easy synch with teenage attention spans.

And, anyway, director Marc Webb (uh, really) understands something crucial at the heart of this touchstone Marvel character: flight. For his similarly red-and-blue-clad D.C. Comics competitor, Stan Lee solved the

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Superman problem — how do you answer a character able to defy gravity at will? — by expressing movement as a series of short, skittery escapes. Perfect for an orphan with abandonment issues or anyone who has ever cut off a chunk of that primal anxiety to manufacture some inner drama. (Moonrise Kingdom’s Sam would make a pretty good Spider-Man.) The urge for choreographed motion on display in Webb’s 500 Days of Summer (and some of the young-adult indulgences of that emotional cul-de-sac of a movie) blossoms here into

Spider-Man: back in the swing. some fine and followable action sequences. No one was asking for a new Spider-Man, but this one gives good swoop.

— S.W.

SAVAGES

P

art drug- and money-addled whirlwind of psychotic one-upmanship, part testament to the value of an omnivorous popular culture, Savages is Oliver Stone getting down

and dirty and druggy. The result is a glorious feast of violence, mayhem, fi lthy lucre, and outstanding domestic and international booty.

Good-hearted botanist Ben (Aaron Johnson) and stone-cold Army vet Chon (Taylor Kitsch) run a pleasant and progressive pot organization in California. The problem is, one of Mexico’s biggest cartels has decided it wants to go into partnership with the two friends.

Recognizing a sure sign to get out while the getting is good, they aim to take their beloved girlfriend, O (think Shakespeare, not Réage), and haul ass to Indonesia. Unfortunately, the head of the cartel in question (Salma Hayek, with Bettie Page bangs and brassy tenacity) has dispatched her right-hand nut job (Benicio Del Toro) to kidnap O (Blake Lively). That sets in motion two-plus hours of exploding, shredding, chainsaw-decapitating, pagansacrificing madness. Someone clearly needs to hand Stone the keys to the Paranormal Activity and Funny Games franchises.

You know a movie is good when you hear What the fuck? exclaimed in several languages several times in the theater. You’ll live in fear of the sounds of gardening and lawn work for the rest of your life after you see this one, folks.

John Travolta, as a gleefully corrupt DEA agent, hasn’t been this much fun since Hairspray, and Hayek throws down so hard that drag queens just got their Halloween marching orders. It’s great when good filmmakers make good movies. It’s even better when good filmmakers make insane movies.

— JASON SHAWHAN

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CAFÉ

FOREIGN AFFAIR

Affäre: A decadent taste of Europe in the Crossroads

BY

CHARLES FERRUZZA

Affäre • 1911 Main, 816-298-6182 • Hours: 11:15 a.m.–10 p.m. Monday–Thursday, 11:15 a.m.–11 p.m. Friday, 5:30 p.m.–11 p.m. Saturday, closed Sunday • Price: $$–$$$

he little sandwich board on the sidewalk in front of the two-month-old Affäre announces the venue as a German restaurant.

It’s a sign that has confused a number of potential walk-in patrons, who have looked at chef-owner Martin Heuser’s menu and asked, “Where’s the Wiener schnitzel? Where’s the hasenpfeffer?”

Affäre is not that kind of German restaurant. It’s nothing like, say, the late Berliner Bear in Waldo, the convivial family-owned saloon and dining room that served sausages, sauerbraten and pig knuckles for four decades, before a ridiculously bad business decision knocked the place flatter than a day-old stein of Löwenbräu. In 2005, the son of the Berliner Bear’s founders rented out the dining room to members of the National Socialist Movement — a neo-Nazi group — who took photographs of themselves in the dining room, sipping beer while wearing Nazi regalia. The negative publicity made national headlines, and before long it was bye-bye, Berliner Bear.

But well before the Bear was stripped bare, that restaurant had become an anachronism.

Kansas City may have been a mecca for 19thcentury German immigrants, but the heavy, fattening traditional dishes of the Deutschland had long fallen out of favor by the 1950s. If you don’t count the Rheinland Restaurant in Independence, Berliner Bear had been the last German dining room in the metro.

Which brings us back to Heuser’s Affäre, located in the building at 1911 Main formerly occupied by the cabaretrestaurant known as Bar E R MO Natasha. If the frumpy Berliner Bear is the Lotte Lenya of local restauAT E N I ONL .COM rants, the sophisticated H PITC Aff äre — pronounced affair — is the Heidi Klum of the current culinary scene. If the restaurant’s interior doesn’t dazzle you, the attractive owners — Martin and Katrin Heuser — certainly will. Central casting couldn’t have chosen a better-looking couple to work the dining room, and their two oldest children, also employed here, are equally photogenic.

And if you’re going to give a restaurant a sexy, romantic name like Affäre, platters of peasant food are out of the question. Affäre’s menu is all small plates — small and exquisitely presented plates, which arrive at the table arranged like tiny sculptures, bedecked with fresh flowers or spikes of fresh green lemongrass. The food’s elegant presentation suggests a Christopher Elbow chocolate.

Beyond the visual sumptuousness of chef Heuser’s dishes, everything tastes as wonderful as it looks. From the tawny pretzel rolls and butter served before the meal to the airy meringue Pavlova offered as a dessert, it’s all as dainty and arresting as a place setting of Meissen china.

CAFÉ

ANGELA C. BOND

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crusted chicken-breast slices dripping with a sleek, lemony caper-butter sauce.

And remember, there’s a good reason that small plates are small: Several of the finest Can it work here, though? The space that offerings here are outrageously rich. The the Heusers have chosen for their intimate perfectly seared scallop, for example, is no dining room is nearly as big as a roller rink, and the two restaurants that followed Bar Natasha larger than an oversized marshmallow, but it’s draped in a creamy, head-whirling hollandaise into the building were spectacular failures. So made with the silkiest of foie gras. It takes two far, there’s reason for hope: Affäre has been busy since it opened. And it complements the bites to eat, and two bites are enough to send you sinking into the booth to sleep off the rest other three stylish restaurants in the neighborhood: the Rieger Hotel Grill & Exchange, of the evening. Similarly, the tender, divine Geschmorte bison short Michael Smith and Extra Virgin. rib takes up little table (In fact, with the Country Club Affäre space but is topped with Plaza now dominated by chain Seared scallop with foie a thick sliver of foie gras operations, I’d argue that this gras hollandaise .........$12 and is succulent enough stretch of the Crossroads is the Spring chicken in to induce flashbacks the metro’s most dynamic dining käsekruste...................... $9 next day. destination.)

Geschmorte bison There’s rea l ly not Heuser uses a single menu short rib ........................$16 much for vegetarians for both lunch and dinner, and a Slow-roasted elk loin ....$16 here, but Heuser is getperfunctory glance at the prices Warm apfelstrudel .......... $5 ting ready to add a frecan be off-putting. But I’ve Cheesecake..................... $5 quent dinner special dined at Affäre four times, and to the regular menu, even the highest tab I’ve paid — about a hundred bucks — has been well worth a baseball-sized boiled potato dumpling (a Knödel). It’s as light as a perfect matzo ball and the outlay. I didn’t walk out singing the praises of every dish I sampled, but you can’t help but covered in a golden brandy cream sauce and admire the artistic sensibility of, say, a salad pretty little chanterelle mushrooms. Richness doesn’t require meat, you know. that combines three kinds of fresh greens on a Ah, but it helps. One of the plates in highest bed of “edible soil” (a concoction of portobello demand here is another miniature treasure mushrooms, cocoa, almond oil and chopped with super-sized taste: a hunk of slow-roasted almonds that looks like high-grade mulch) elk loin, rubbed with juniper berries and with asparagus, sliced radishes and flower splashed with a tart Bing-cherry sauce on a petals. And while that’s more appealing in bed of buttery Spaetzle. This was the creation concept than in taste, most dishes are in a class with the chicken roulade: succulent cheese- I most longed for in a more hubcaplike serv-

Potato-rösti with smoked salmon — not your typical German-restaurant fare.

ing size, but I’m thinking that chef Heuser follows P.T. Barnum’s advice: “Always leave them wanting more.”

Besides, if you overindulge in the savory dishes, you’ll miss dessert. The warm apple strudel here is, unsurprisingly, extraordinary, but the chocolate mousse, infused with ginger and rosemary and served as a tiny tower with a feathery chocolate crisp, is perhaps more sensational. There’s also a fine satiny cheesecake and a bundt-style guglhupf cake, its hollow center afloat in Grand Marnier. The seasonal dessert special that I tried, the classic fragile baked meringue (named for ballerina Anna Pavlova), is an ivory sphere filled with whipped cream and fresh strawberries.

It did taste like summer, which my server had promised at the beginning of the meal.

Before signing the lease for 1911, Martin Heuser nearly went for a restaurant location on 135th Street in Johnson County. “But I just kept feeling the pull to be in the Crossroads,” he told me last week. “And even with all the naysayers, I think I made the right decision.”

No restaurant opens without naysayers, but he need not second-guess himself. A culinary artist of his talent needs to be surrounded by all kinds of artists, and this neighborhood is the right setting for the cosmopolitan, distinctly European restaurant that he has created. If you’re not already having an affair with your dining companion at Affäre, your meal may spark one.

Have a suggestion for a restaurant The Pitch should review?

E-mail charles.ferruzza@pitch.com

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FAT C I T Y

HAELANGELOS MIC Italian Grill Lunch Dinner Full Bar

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Erin Wishon’s All-Star menus pitch way more than hot dogs.

BY

JON AT H A N BENDER

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THE PITCH

WALDO 8447 WORNALL RD KC, MO 816-363-3984 J U LY 5 - 1 1 , 2 0 1 2

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rin Wishon is about to throw a legendary barbecue. Aramark’s executive chef plans to cook 50,000 pounds of meat for All-Star Week, in the Southern Pride smokers behind the right-field fence at Kauffman Stadium.

“We’ve got to show people what Kansas City is about, and I embrace the barbecue,” Wishon says. “We do everything in-house.

We make our own sides and sauce, and smoke everything on hickory and cherry.”

Because she expects an estimated daily crowd of 50,000 people (that’s more than twice the average of the 21,000 who attend a regular-season home game), Wishon has been crafting the menu since late January, when she began overseeing the 550 people who prepare and serve food at each Royals game.

“Hot dogs and nachos are probably 95 percent of what we serve,” she says. “They are in every suite. Even the commissioner will be having hot dogs. But the other 5 percent can be extremely high-end.” That means, for instance, a smoked-duck salad with candiedpeach-and-jalapeño jam — dainty bites more commonly found on the lawn of the NelsonAtkins Museum of Art than under tents in the Truman Sports Complex parking lot.

Wishon, who admits that she eats no more than a token hot dog each year, didn’t have ballparks on her career radar. The Omaha, Nebraska, native graduated from Northwest Missouri State in 2000 with a degree in food-service management and a minor in business. She envisioned a career as a foodand-beverage director or a pastry chef. But over the year she spent at Johnson & Wales University in Providence, Rhode Island, it became clear that she was going to be a savory chef.

“It was too much of a science,” Wishon says of making pastry. “I liked cooking a bit more on the fly.”

Her first brush with baseball was as a sous chef at Fedora on the Plaza, which became the

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Wishon preps for All-Star with the "All-Star Dog" (left) and the "KC Rib-Eye Stack." short-lived George Brett’s. She had accepted a position, in 2005, as the chef de cuisine with Aramark when the Isle of Capri casino called and offered her a job as its executive chef.

She oversaw the kitchen there for four and a half years before Aramark lured her away in 2010. Wishon started that summer and was immediately sent to St. Joseph, where she helped prepare team meals for the Kansas City Chiefs’ training camp.

“Those guys are very healthy in general, but anything with cheese and butter, that’s defi nitely gone fi rst,” Wishon says.

At Arrowhead, with its 70 concession stands, she helped launch the Mobile Melt, a food truck that allowed her to indulge her love of pastry with a signature sandwich of peanut butter, chocolate and bacon. During the past two seasons, she has handled every task from selecting products to designing menu items to cupping fries during concession rushes.

“It’s like you went to Overland Park and someone said, ‘Take this block and run all the restaurants on it,’ ” Wishon says.

And, as on every good block, there’s a lot of variety. At the Kauff man concession stands, Wishon is making a dent in all those ribs, beef and pork with offerings such as the “Cheesy Corn Brisket-acho” (tortilla chips topped with smoked brisket, barbecued beans, cheesy corn, coleslaw and barbecue sauce) and the “KC Rib Eye Stack Sandwich” (a seasoned rib-eye with cheddar cheese, bacon, sautéed mushrooms, onion rings, lettuce, tomato, pickle and barbecue sauce, all in a bun).

“You’ll be full,” Wishon promises.

In the suites, fans can fill up on shrimpcocktail shots with heirloom-tomato gazpacho and peach cobbler in mini Mason jars.

Outside the park, she has worked up a series

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of gala menus for tent parties before the Home Run Derby and the All-Star Game. Ice bars and ornamental fountains guarantee that this won’t be a standard tailgate. The All-Star Game logo is being branded into the rib-eye steaks and even featured on chocolatecovered strawberries.

“It’s a great idea, but I’m sure after 5,000 berries, we’ll all be crying and covered in chocolate,” Wishon says.

Once the game actually starts, Wishon won’t know the score until after it’s over.

She’ll be making sure that all 650 gallons of barbecue sauce are ready or that the crispy avo cado tacos (with the fruit tempurabattered), from the KC Cantina Food Truck behind right-center field, are indeed crunchy.

“I want people to walk around the stadium and go, ‘Wow, that’s good,’ ” Wishon says. “I want people to be surprised that food in a ballpark could be that good because it’s not just hot dogs and nachos. All the eyes are on us. We’ve just got to make sure we knock it out of the park.”

E-mail jonathan.bender@pitch.com pitch.com

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THE PITCH

25

MUSIC

FLOWER PEOPLE

Talking with Beach House’s Alex

BY

Scally about his band’s latest, Bloom

K Y L E E U S T IC E

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een Dream, the 2010 album from Baltimore dream-pop duo Beach House, is a tough act to follow. It’s dark, ethereal, haunting, and still somehow a very accessible pop record. And yet Bloom, this year’s follow-up, is no letdown — it’s a logical extension of the distinct sound that guitarist Alex Scally and singer Victoria Legrand have been honing since 2004. The Pitch recently caught up with Scally on a break from Beach House’s tour, which includes a stop at the Granada Tuesday, July 10.

The Pitch: What did it feel like walking into Electric Lady Studios for the first time to mix Bloom?

Scally: We were mostly nervous we were going to fuck up our own thing, and we were pretty much obsessed with what we were doing. There wasn’t really much time to savor thinking about Young Americans or Stevie Wonder recording there. We mostly had to be like, “OK, we have to finish this record.”

There were times when I thought this would be a nice sentiment to share with the grandkids one day. The thing is, they’ve redone it, so it doesn’t look like it did back then. I think they should have tried to maintain how it looked in the past. Now it’s kind of glossed over and it kind of looks like an apartment from the mid2000s. They kept the murals that Jimi Hendrix did, and those are really amazing. They’re al- Beach House: beautiful songs, beautiful hair most ’80s style. He was really ahead of his time. ally, I feel it’s a wildly different record. Every Other than that, it’s just very clean-looking.

You’re on record as not being a fan of Twit- single one feels very different to me. That’s what happens to an artist. They finish a tour, ter. Do you think social media is getting out of make the next record, and it’s just different. It’s control and the truly important things are kind not a self-conscious thing. People are changof getting drowned out? ing, evolving, getting older and having taste Um, yeah, without a doubt. I mean, I think it can be very useful. Twitter is an interesting growing and changing. It’s stupid to say how it’s different. Everyone’s ears are different. thing, but with everything, it’s being misused.

How much attention do you pay to those It’s really boring, the stuff people say. We just critics? try to use it as an informational thing more It’s hard to say. Everybody hears something than anything by sharing a great song [or] another band that just put out an amazing different, so I try not to think too much about good or bad reviews. A lot of the good reviews album, [or] talk about the shows we have, and — honestly, I didn’t think they not be like, “Oh, my God, were good reviews. [Laughs.]

I just did Pilates, and my Just because it’s positive butt hurts,” which is so Beach House doesn’t make it a good review, awful to put into the uniTuesday, July 10, in my opinion. I think music verse and so meaningless. at the Granada listening, in general, is at an It’s just sick. It’s allowing all-time low. People, espepeople to be brutally narA Story in a Song cially music reviewers, have cissistic 24 hours a day. A Tuesday, July 10, so much to listen to. I don’t friend of mine pointed out, at RecordBar think you get an album in less though, that the people than five listens. And I’m an who are like that online audiophile. I hear everything were always like that, and the first time, but I still don’t get it until I’ve we can just see who they are now, which is an heard it five or 10 times. I don’t think people interesting way to look at it. But I think it’s also give that kind of attention to music anymore. encouraging it in a bad way. It’s allowing people But that’s what it deserves. Like, you would to be really self-indulgent. It’s an addiction at never go to a museum and walk by a painting that point for sure. in four seconds. I see people doing that all the How do you think Bloom differs from Teen time. But that’s not what a work deserves. You Dream?

Well, this is our fourth record. Some people wouldn’t watch a film and be on your phone have said it’s similar, but I don’t know what the whole time.

How much do you think your own obsession they’re hearing. I don’t want to try to convince and tenacity play into the band’s success? people or tell them what’s different. Person-

26

THE PITCH

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When I see people who are good musicians but aren’t doing anything with it, I often think, “This person is far less obsessive than I am.”

I think tenacity is one word for it, but I’m also a compulsive person. I was playing the organ before you called. It’s just what I do. I don’t really read at this point in my life. Music is just the thing I’ve done for a really long time.

Sometimes it feels awful, like very dark, gross and weird. But it’s my entire existence, playing music.

NO STATIC AT ALL

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very Wednesday morning, Mark Manning heads into the KKFI 90.1 studio at 39th Street and Main and carries out, with enthusiasm, the mostly thankless task of hosting and programming two hours of community radio. Since 2004, his show, Wednesday MidDay Medley (10 a.m.–noon), has focused on Kansas City’s artistic community, with a heavy emphasis on the music scene. Most of the program is Manning playing local songs and interviewing artists, but a couple of times a year, he invites guests in for a segment he calls “A Story in a Song.”

“I’ve always felt that radio is such a great place to tell stories,” Manning says. “And I’ve always found it interesting that people will often have a memory with a significant song attached to it that’ll kind of carry that memory forward. So I had the idea to have people come on the radio and share a story about a song that changed their life in some pitch.com

way. And then when the story’s over, we play the song.”

When it was time to plan for KKFI’s fundraising season this year, Manning had a thought: Why not try out “A Story in a Song” as a live show with storytellers? Also, what if he could get a band to play those songs live? He recruited the Wilders’ Betse Ellis, and soon a seven-piece band (including Abigail Henderson and Chris Meck of Tiny Horse, plus members of Dead Voices) had been assembled. On Tuesday at RecordBar, that band performs interpretations of the songs selected by the raconteurs: David Wayne Reed, Lisa Cordes, Sarah Beth Mundy, Maria Vasquez Boyd, Meghan Whelan, Natasha Derakhshanian, and Manning.

“One of the stories is about an old Harry Chapin song. The newest one is about a Regina Spektor song,” Manning says. “Most of them have already been told on the radio show at some point. Some are really funny, but with some, people called in and said we made them cry. So I’m hoping that kind of intimacy will translate live.”

The show starts at 8 p.m. and runs about 90 minutes. (Each story ranges between five and seven minutes.) Afterward, things pick up with dance rock from Molly Picture Club, psych blues from the B’Dinas, and punk from Red Kate.

“I’m not exactly sure how it’ll work at RecordBar, since bars are loud and storytelling requires you to listen,” Manning says. “Just one person onstage with a microphone — it’s very personal. I think it’ll resonate.”

— DAVID HUDNALL

E-mail feedback@pitch.com M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X

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NEW! Knuckleheads Radio www.knuckleheadskc.com 24 hours a day

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SEPTEMBER 29th, 2012 8:00PM Listen to 94.9 KCMO to WIN Tickets Tickets on-sale NOW at midlandkc.com pitch.com

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MUSIC

RADAR

M U S I C F O R E CAST

BY

Other shows worth seeing this week.

D AV ID HUDN A L L

THURSDAY 5 Fitz and the Tantrums: 7 p.m. Crossroads KC at Grinders, 417 E. 18th St., 816-472-5454.

T.A.R., Story to Unfold, Mirror Image, the Artificial Red: 8 p.m. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

Warped Tour

The malls in this city are dying a slow death, but mall punk lives on. No summer event attests to the purchasing power of the Hot Topic set quite as emphatically as Warped Tour, which returns to Sandstone (now Cricket Wireless Amphitheater). Taking Back Sunday, All Time Low, New Found Glory, the Used, Rise Against, and AntiFlag are among the top-tier acts performing.

Monday, July 9, at Cricket Wireless Amphitheater (633 North 130th Street, Bonner Springs, 800-745-3000)

FRIDAY 6 Asleep at the Wheel with Peter Karp and Sue Foley: 8:30 p.m. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456.

The Rocket Summer, the Scene Aesthetic, States, the Atlantic: 7 p.m. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

Young the Giant: KC Live! Stage at the Power & Light District, 13th St. and Grand.

SATURDAY 7

Crossroads Block Party

Golden Sound Records has organized what’s looking to be the best party of this month’s First Friday activities. The local label is blocking off 19th Street between Baltimore and Wyandotte and has invited acts from its roster (Fullbloods, Empty Spaces, Everyday/Everynight) and a few others, such as Ghosty and Soft Reeds, to perform. Also on hand: food-truck action from the Magical Meatball Tour, the Good You and others. The festivities begin around 4 p.m. and run until 11 p.m., at which point the party moves to the Bulldog. See crossroadsblockparty.com for the full lineup and schedule.

Friday, July 6 (19th Street and Wyandotte)

Maps & Atlases Friday passers-by, this one should be a useful survey of local folk talent. It’s also a recordrelease party for Clay Hughes, a gentle giant (6 feet 8 inches) from rural Kansas who slips hip-hop and pop ideas into his Jack Johnsonstyle surfer-dude folk songs.

Friday, July 6, at Czar (1531 Grand, 816-421-0300)

Lawrence Field Day Fest Jukebox the Ghost, with Savoir Adore

Straightforward pop bands have junk-bond status in Brooklyn, where esoteric noise and extreme detachment routinely triumph over melody and craft. That goes a little way toward explaining why it’s possible you’ve never heard of either of the Kings County acts on this bill.

Jukebox the Ghost favors busy arrangements; bouncing pianos; and dense, theatrical, frontand-center vocals — somewhere between Ben Folds and the Long Winters. Savoir Adore plays dark-toned guitar rock with room enough for folk and electronic diversions.

Wednesday, July 11, at Riot Room (4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179)

All panicky and claustrophobic on account of the All-Star Game crowds? An escape to Lawrence, where half the population is back home with Mom and Dad for the summer, might cure what ails you. There’s also a surplus of fine local bands playing this weekend, owing mostly to the Lawrence Field Day Fest, a two-day party at the Bottleneck. For 15 bucks, you get 20 local acts over two days, including punk jams from Radkey, garage rock from Mouthbreathers, hip-hop from Approach, and guitar-pop from the ACBs. Friday, July 6, and Saturday, July 7, at the Bottleneck (737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483)

Death Cab for Cutie, with Maps & Atlases

Clay Hughes, with the Blackbird Revue, David George and a Crooked Mile, and Nicolette Paige

Czar seems to be booking more singersongwriter nights lately, and for any First

Not long ago, a Maps & Atlases show was like a music-theory lecture: Dudes with thick frames stood around with bottles of High Life tucked into their armpits, watching with amazement as the Chicago band worked its way through

F O R E C A S T

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a set filled with exotic scales and obscure time signatures. Today, that same crowd is still there. But so are some new fans who’ve been drawn in by the way Maps & Atlases has learned to present its hyperactive, arithmetic sound with a veneer of melodic pop, like the old baby-feeding airplane trick. Headlining is Death Cab for Cutie, whose earnest indie pop sounds more or less exactly as you remember it.

Sunday, July 8, at Crossroads KC at Grinders (417 East 18th Street, 816-472-5454)

Andre Williams, with the Conquerors

When he dies — if he ever dies — Andre Williams’ obit will read like a music-business version of Forrest Gump. In his 55-year career, Williams worked at Motown with Berry Gordy, co-wrote Stevie Wonder’s first hit, wrote “Shake a Tail Feather,” managed Edwin Starr, signed to Chess Records, and wrote songs for Parliament and Funkadelic. He spent the 1980s homeless and addicted to drugs but revived his career in the 1990s. Silky, his 1998 comeback album, is a fuzzed-out, swaggering hodgepodge of blues, punk, R&B and garage-rock that includes such gems as “Pussy Stank” and “Let Me Put It In.” Williams has since signed to Chicago’s Bloodshot Records and is living out his days touring, dressing like a pimp, acting like a grizzled old dirtbag, and generally being the most badass rock-and-roll motherfucker on the planet.

Friday, July 6, at RecordBar (1020 Westport Road, 816-753-5207)

K E Y ........................................................ School's Out

.................................................. Neon Wayfarers

.......................................Another Brooklyn Band

.....................................................Sensitive Boys

......................................................Heavy Petting

............................................................... Outliers

.................................Girls With Fake Eyeglasses

....................................................Troubled Teens

.........................................Record-Release Show

......................................................Living Legend

...............................................Demoralizing Heat

...................................................... Super Mellow

.......................................... Songs About Fucking

pitch.com

Porter Robinson, Matzo, the Machine: 7 p.m.

The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

TUESDAY 10 Beach House: Liberty Hall, 644 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1972.

Graffiti 6: 8 p.m. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179.

Chris Robinson Brotherhood: 8 p.m. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456.

Who is the Funniest Comic with TK Kirkland, Kenny Howell, Darius Bradford: Gem Theater, 1615 E. 18th St., 816-842-1414.

WEDNESDAY 11 Lower Dens, No Joy, Alan Resnick: Jackpot Music Hall, 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085.

Slick Idiot vs. Mona Mur and En Esch, with Promonium Jesters: 9 p.m. RecordBar, 1020 Westport Rd.,

FUTURECAST THURSDAY 12 Sleigh Bells, Jel, Class Actress: The Beaumont Club.

SATURDAY 14 Liars: The Granada.

MONDAY 16 Big K.R.I.T.: The Granada.

WEDNESDAY 18 Dirty Projectors: The Granada.

WEDNESDAY 25 Childish Gambino, Danny Brown: The Beaumont Club.

.................................................. Locally Sourced

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MONDAY 9

SATURDAY 21 James Taylor: Starlight Theatre.

..................................................Pick of the Week

THE PITCH

Lawrence Field Day Fest with Approach, Major Games, Radkey, Doubleplus, Deco Auto, the Empty Spaces, Dean Monkey and the Dropouts, Robocopter, White, Dismantle the Virus, Awestrich, Black on Black, Sextapes: 4 p.m., $10 one day, $15 two day. The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483.

Jay Mohr: 7 p.m. The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900.

Victor Wooten: 7 p.m. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

pitch.com

FRIDAY 27 Big Time Rush: Sprint Center.

TUESDAY 31 Star Slinger: The Granada.

AUGUST MONDAY 6 My Morning Jacket, Band of Horses: Starlight Theatre.

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NIGHTLIFE Send submissions to Clubs Editor Abbie Stutzer by e-mail (abbie.stutzer@pitch.com), fax (816-756-0502) or phone (816-218-6926).

Continuing items must be resubmitted monthly.

T H U R S D AY 5 ROCK/POP/INDIE Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909.

David Hasselhoff on Acid, Busted Saints.

Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-8321085. LFK Field Day Pre-Party with Stephen Edgerton, Drag the River, Stiff Middle Fingers.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Samantha Fish Blues Band.

Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Grand Marquis.

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Southern Hospitality, 7 p.m.

Mike Kelly’s Westsider: 1515 Westport Rd., 816-931-9417.

Lonnie Ray Blues Jam. Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816-2201222. Kyle Elliott.

FRI 7/6 FIRST FRID AY SAT 7/7 SOUL VIBE SAT 7/7 MY BROTHE RS WITH JA THU 7/12 OPENMIMIE CSEARLE’S OF IT’S OVER WITH CHRIS TADY THU 7/12 OPENSHMIRECDDING IS ENCOURAGED FRI 7/13 RUMBLEJEWITH CHRIS TADY TT UNTED CREE PYS, BIG IRON, FRIDS,AYHATH E 13TH SAT 7/14 PROJEC T H, HA PP Y HOUR SHOW SAT 7/14 FEDERATI ON OF HO EPOW ER, THE QUIVERS, ELRS ECTRIC LUNGS

THE HOME FOR LIVE MUSIC NORTH OF THE RIVER!

WED 4/7 CLOSED

FRI 7/6 BOBBY SMITH BLUES BAND 8:30PM HOSTED BY TOMMY TAYLOR SAT 7/8 OPEN JAM 7PM & THE UPTOWN ALL STARS MON 7/9 THE BLUE MONDAY TRIO 6PM HOSTED BY OUTLOW JIM & TUE 7/10 TELE-TUESDAY 7PM THE WHISKEY BENDERS

6948 N. OAK TRFY, GLADSTONE MO | 816.468.0550 FIND US ON FACEBOOK - THE HIDEOUT BAR AND GRILL

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS KC Live Stage at the Power & Light District: 13th St. and Grand. Kyle Park.

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Grant Peeples, Living Room session, 8 p.m.

Park Place: 117th St. and Nall, Leawood, 913-381-2229. Dollar Fox. The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Jackson Taylor.

DJ The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-8415483. Goomba Rave, with Team Bear Club.

77 South: 5041 W. 135th St., Leawood, 913-742-7727. DJ Knuckles.

JAZZ Jazz: 1859 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-3280003. Billy Ebeling solo.

Star Bar at Pachamama’s: 800 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785841-0990. Floyd the Barber with Tommy Johnson, 8:30 p.m.

COMEDY Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Guy Torry, 8 p.m.

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS The AllStar Rock Bar (formerly Harleys & Horses): 7210 N.E. 43rd St., 816-452-2660. Thirsty Thursdays Unplugged with Drunk Club Hopper, 9 p.m.

Hotel: 1300 Grand, 816-226-3232. Back to the Hotel with DJ Mike Scott, Champagne specials, 9 p.m., free.

MORE Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913217-7665. Karaoke, 8:30 p.m.

S G IN Marquee Lounge: 1400 Main, LIST E AT N 816-474-4545.

4 to 7 Cocktail Hour, I ONL M 4 p.m.; Thursday West Coast Retro PITCH.CO Dance Nights.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-7535207. Trivia Clash, 7 p.m.

The Red Balloon: 10325 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-9622330. Karaoke, 8 p.m., free.

Sherlock’s Underground Coffeehouse & Pub: 858 State Route 291 Hwy., Liberty, 816-429-5262. Karaoke, ladies’ night specials.

Smokehouse Bar-B-Que: 6304 N. Oak, Gladstone, 816-4544500. Happy hour, 4-6 p.m.

The Velvet Dog: 400 E. 31st St., 816-753-9990. Skeeball League Night.

Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-931-1986. Trivia.

CLUB

EASY LISTENING Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-8949676. Interactive Acoustic with Jason Kayne, 9 p.m.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Double T’s Roadhouse: 1421 Merriam Ln., Kansas City, Kan., 913-432-5555. Blues Jam hosted by RocknRick’s Boogie Leggin’ Blues Band, 7 p.m.

The Indie on Main: 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Open mic, Low Dough Beer Night, 8 p.m.

Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871.

Jerry’s Jam Night, 9 p.m.

pitch.com JU 5 - 1X 1 ,, 2200102X TTHHEE PPIITTCCHH 31 pitch.com MONT H LY X X–X 1

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OFFICIAL BALLOT

Winners will be announced at The Pitch Music Awards on August 12 at the Uptown Theater and in The Pitch on August 16.

AMERICANA /BLUEGR ASS

❑ The Blackbird Revue ❑ The Roseline ❑ The Grisly Hand ❑ Quiet Corral ❑ Root & Stem ❑ Dead Voices

DJ

❑ Brent Tactic ❑ Andrew Northern ❑ Morri$ ❑ Paul DeMatteo ❑ Sheppa

ELECTRONIC BLUES

❑ The B’Dinas ❑ Coyote Bill & His Wild Ones ❑ Samantha Fish ❑ Grand Marquis ❑ Katy & Go-Go ❑ Linda Shell & the Blues Thang ❑ Trampled Under Foot

COUNTRY/ROCK ABILLY

❑ Adam Lee & the Dead Horse Sound Company ❑ The Crybaby Ranch ❑ The Rumblejetts ❑ The Blue Boot Heelers ❑ The Nace Brothers ❑ Them Damned Young Livers

❑ 18 Carat Affair ❑ Max Justus ❑ Motorboater ❑ Power and Light ❑ Say My Name

EMERGING ACT

❑ Deco Auto ❑ Fullbloods ❑ Radkey ❑ The Cave Girls ❑ The Clementines ❑ Shy Boys

E XPERIMENTAL

❑ Umberto ❑ Expo ’70 ❑ Monta At Odds ❑ Scammers ❑ CS Luxem

GAR AGE/PUNK

❑ The Conquerors ❑ Hipshot Killer ❑ Mouthbreathers ❑ Nature Boys ❑ Pizza Party Massacre ❑ Sucked Dry ❑ U.S.Americans

RULES: Check one choice per category. One ballot per voter. Ballot stuffing will be detected.

Original ballots only (no photocopies or other reproductions). Entries may be filled out online or mailed to The Pitch, or completed at any Showcase venue on the evening of August 4.

Tickets to the August 4 Pitch Music Showcase cost $6 through July 27, $8 from July 28 through August 3, or $10 the day of the event. They’re available at The Pitch office and all of the Showcase venues: the Riot Room, McCoy’s, the Foundry, the Union, and the Back Yard at the Beaumont Club.

Tickets to the August 14 Pitch Music Awards show are $6 in advance or $10 the day of the event, available at the Uptown Theater box office, 816-753-8665 or ticketmaster.com (VIP tickets: $20 in advance or $25 the day of the event).

SINGER-SONGWRITER

POP

❑ Alaturka ❑ Diverse ❑ Snuff Jazz ❑ The People’s Liberation Big Band

❑ Hermon Mehari ❑ Jeff Harshbarger ❑ Mark Lowrey ❑ Matt Otto

METAL

❑ Soft Reeds ❑ Cherokee Rock Rifle ❑ Cowboy Indian Bear ❑ Muscle Worship ❑ The Dead Girls ❑ Thee Water MoccaSins

❑ At the Left Hand of God ❑ Hammerlord ❑ Mansion ❑ Sicadis ❑ Wrath and Ruin

❑ Greg Enemy ❑ Reach ❑ Ron Ron ❑ Soul Servers ❑ Stik Figa ❑ thePhantom*

JA ZZ SOLO

ROCK

❑ Ad Astra Arkestra ❑ Hearts of Darkness ❑ The Latenight Callers ❑ Making Movies ❑ The Good Foot ❑ The New Riddim

HIP-HOP

JA ZZ ENSEMBLE

LIVE ACT

❑ Capybara ❑ Fourth of July ❑ Ghosty ❑ Hidden Pictures ❑ The Caves ❑ The ACBs

❑ Amy Farrand ❑ Katlyn Conroy ❑ Margo May ❑ Sara Swenson

SINGER-SONGWRITER (MALE)

Mail to

(FEMALE)

❑ Clay Hughes ❑ John Velghe ❑ Lennon Bone ❑ Thom Hoskins

17 01 Main Kans as Cit y, MO 6 4108 or comple te your ballot online at pitch.com

❑ Yes! Please include me on the pitch.com e-mail list so I can be the first to hear about exciting, upcoming events and promotions.

Name: Address: City:

State:

Phone:

E-mail:

pitch.com

Zip:

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3402 Main 753-1909

OPEN TIL’ 3AM

JAILHOUSE SUMMER CONCERT SERIES

LiLive Music every Saturday & Sunday!

Food & Drink Specials!

Sat 7/7: RIPTIDE 9pm-1am Sun 7/8: JEFF LUX 3-7pm

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SLICK IDIOT 10PM/$10

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Thur 7/12 ROVENGREIN AND THE COUNTRY EXPERIENCE

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LIVE MUSIC. NO COVER

WED 7/5 LONNIE RAY BLUES JAM THU 7/6 TBA SAINTS W/ FRI 7/7 BUSTED GOOD TIME CHARLIE

SAT 7/10 CRITTERS TYE DYE TUESDAY TUES 7/11 BRIAN RUSKIN ACOUSTIC SHOWCASE

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CHRIS ROBINSON

BROTHERHOOD Tuesday, JULY 10 / 9 p.m.

Tickets $20 in advance at knuckleheadskc.com

Mon - Thurs 12-9pm • Fri - Sat 12-10pm • Sun 12-6pm

Catch all 9 innings of the Big Game on our Big Screen TV!

WHERE THE BEST MUSICIANS IN THE WORLD PLAY

KNUCKLEHEADS 2715 Rochester • KCMO • 816-483-1456 36

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S AVA G E L O V E

DESIGN FLAWS

BY

D A N S AVA G E

Dear Dan: I’m a straight guy and I’m really into having my balls sucked — it’s one of my favorite things, and just thinking about it turns me on. But whenever I’ve had my balls sucked, it hurts, and ball pain is not a kink of mine! It hurts enough to override any pleasure, and I have to tell my partner to stop. Is this normal? Does ball sucking hurt for everyone? Is there something I can do to make it less painful?

She Can’t Roughly Osculate Trouser Eggs Dear SCROTE: The next time you find your-

self in an argument with a proponent of “intelligent design,” lay this one on ’em …

There’s this muscle called the cremaster that attaches a man’s balls to his abdominal muscles. When a man is cold, the cremaster contracts, lifting his balls toward his body so those little darlings stay nice and warm; when he’s hot, the cremaster relaxes, dropping his balls away from his body, keeping the little darlings cool. Putting this in language that the average “intelligent design” proponent can understand: Your cremaster is Goldilocks, and your nuts are a delicious-looking bowl of sperm-cell porridge. Cremasterlocks doesn’t like sperm-cell porridge that’s too hot. Cremasterlocks doesn’t like sperm-cell porridge that’s too cold. Cremasterlocks likes sperm-cell porridge that’s just right.

And here’s the cruel twist, the absolutely irrefutable proof that humans evolved over the eons through a completely random and directionless process of spontaneous mutation and natural selection: Our cremaster muscles don’t just contract when we’re cold, they also contract when we’re aroused. So the better it feels to have your balls sucked, the more turned on you get. The more turned on you get, the more your cremaster contracts. And the more your cremaster contracts, the more it hurts to have your balls sucked! You can call a system like that a lot of things — crazy painful, deeply ironic — but it can’t be called “intelligently designed.” (In defense of the cremaster muscle: It’s pulling your balls up toward your body so they don’t get hurt during intercourse — so they don’t get smacked around too much.

But if humans are smart enough to create a car that knows when its door is open, then an intelligent designer would be smart enough to create balls that know when they’re being sucked, right?)

So the problem here isn’t ball pain; it’s muscle strain. And there is something you can do about that.

“This guy should get himself a set of short ball stretchers,” said Stephen “Ox” Lane of oxballs.com, an online sex shop that specializes in toys for men. “We have a good selection of ball stretchers, most made of silicone so they are nice and soft. He should get in the tub, soak in warm water, and let his sack relax and sag, then gently put one ring on. Then he can play with his balls for a while, stroking them and his dick, and if everything is feeling good, add another ring.”

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At least for now, though, Lane doesn’t recommend that you leave the ball stretchers on when you come.

“His balls will pull up as he’s getting ready to shoot, and that may cause pain,” Lane said.

“For the time being, he should use his ball stretchers as a warmup. Over time, his balls will get used to the feeling, and his sack will stretch.”

And not just your sack but your cremaster, too. And a slightly looser, more elastic cremaster will mean less painful ball sucking.

Good luck!

Dear Dan: Here is my question for you: My girl-

friend and I are sexually active, and I can get an erection in the beginning, a fully hard erection, but a few minutes into intercourse, I start to lose my erection. Intercourse feels amazing. It’s just that after a while, I start to lose my erection. I can get my erection back if I allow my girlfriend to use her hand on it for a while. And then when I penetrate her again, I lose my erection again. I heard you on TV talk about how a guy shouldn’t grip himself too hard when he beats off. I grab it pretty hard, I have to admit, and when my girlfriend uses her hand, I ask her to grab it really hard, too. So I am writing to ask if you think the reason I can’t keep an erection during intercourse has something to do with how hard I have her use her hand and how hard I use my hand?

Having a Real Dilemma Dear HARD: Here is my answer for you: The

way you grip your dick when you beat off ? And the way you allow your girlfriend to grip your dick? No more gripping your dick like that.

From now on, whenever you masturbate, you’re going to jerk it with a light touch and few drops of lube. And if you can’t come using that lighter touch and a few drops of lube, then you don’t come. At least for now.

Basically, you gotta cut your dick off. Um, let me rephrase that: You gotta stop serving up the kind of stimulation that your dick has come to expect — the death grip — because the only way your dick will ever come to appreciate the subtler and damper sensations that vaginas provide is if you give your dick no choice. Give your dick what it’s used to, and your dick will be forever dependent on it. Drive your dick (and

Presumably you already know who has been sleeping in your bed. yourself) to desperation, and your dick will find new ways to get off. Your dick will adapt.

You can help your dick adapt faster by stirring some other forms of physical and mental stimulation into the mix. Talk dirty (your biggest sex organ is between your ears), do some nipple play (I’m talking about your nipples), and explore different scenarios that turn you on (girlfriend calling the shots? doing it outside?), all the while experimenting with different positions that might provide you with a slightly snugger fit (girl on top, doggy style, etc.). Good luck!

Dear Dan: I’m an 18-year-old male about to head off to college in the fall. I’m not the best-looking guy — skinny, pale, some acne — and I’m afraid that I’m going to be one of those college freshmen who isn’t getting laid. What can I do to help make my potential college sex life better? I’m a smoothtalking guy in some ways, but it doesn’t work a majority of the time, and I don’t understand why.

College-Bound Boy Dear CBB: First, “it” doesn’t work for a majority

of the people a majority of the time.

It doesn’t matter how smooth a guy’s talk is, how tight his abs are or how fat his wallet is.

Most of the people he meets won’t wanna sleep with him. I’m not going to lie to you: Smooth talk, tight abs and a fat wallet improve a guy’s odds considerably. But for reasons that run the gamut from religious to logistic to simple miscommunication, most people won’t want to fuck a given person, however smooth, tight, fat, etc.

The trick is to keep working it — to keep looking around — until you find someone who does want to fuck you. And there will be plenty of skinny, pale and spotty girls at your school, as well as girls who can see past those things.

Your odds will be better if you can look past ’em, too.

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.

Have a question for Dan Savage?

E-mail him at mail@savagelove.net pitch.com

MONTH

pitch.com

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39

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ATTENTION: EX-OFFENDERS & AT RISK JOB SEEKERS Do you need job placement assistance?

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PUBLIC RELEASE

Calvary Lutheran School announced its revised free and reduced price policy for school children unable to pay the full price of meals served in schools under the National School Lunch Program and the School Breakfast Program.

LOCAL EDUCATION OFFICIALS HAVE ADOPTED THE FOLLOWING FAMILY-SIZE INCOME CRITERIA FOR DETERMINING ELIGIBILITY:

HOUSEHOLD SIZE

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

ea. additional

MAXIMUM HOUSEHOLD INCOME ELIGIBLE FOR FREE MEALS

Annually $14,521 19,669 24,817 29,965 35,113 40,261 45,409 50,557 +5,148

Monthly $1,211 1,640 2,069 2,498 2,927 3,356 3,785 4,214 +429

Weekly $280 379 478 577 676 775 874 973 +99

MAXIMUM HOUSEHOLD INCOME ELIGIBLE FOR REDUCED PRICE MEALS

Annually $20,665 27,991 35,317 42,643 49,969 57,295 64,621 71,947 +7,326

Monthly $1,723 2,333 2,944 3,554 4,165 4,775 5,386 5,996 +611

Weekly $398 539 680 821 961 1,102 1,243 1,384 +141

Children from families whose current income is at or below those shown are eligible for free or reduced price meals. Applications are available at the school office. To apply, fill out a Free and Reduced Price School Meals Family Application and return it to the school. The information provided on the application is confidential and will be used only for the purpose of determining eligibility. Applications may be submitted any time during the school year. A complete application is required as a condition of eligibility. A complete application includes: (1) household income from all sources or Food Stamp/Temporary Assistance case number, (2) names of all household members, and (3) the signature and last four digits of social security number or indication of no social security number of adult household member signing the application.

School officials may verify current income at any time during the school year.

Foster children may be eligible regardless of the income of the household with whom they reside.

If a parent is dissatisfied with the ruling of the determining offiial, they may wish to discuss the decision with the hearing official on an informal basis or he may make a request either orally or in writing. Hearing procedures are outlined in the policy. A complete copy of the policy is on file in each school and in the central office where any interested party may review it.

“In accordance with Federal Law and U.S. Department of Agriculture policy, this institution is prohibited from discriminating on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, age, or disability. To file a complaint of discrimination, write USDA, Director, Office of Adjudication, 1400 Independence Avenue, SW, Washington, D.C. 20250-9410 or call toll free (866) 632-9992 (Voice). Individuals who are hearing impaired or have speech disabilities may contact USDA through the Federal Relay Service at (800) 877-8339; or (800) 845-6136 (Spanish). USDA is an equal opportunity provider and employer.”

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J U LY 5 - 1 1 , 2 0 1 2

THE PITCH

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3239 Broadway | Kansas City, MO 64111

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This beautiful brick Westside home is close to everything! Enjoy the proximity of the Kauffman Center of Performing Arts, First Fridays, and the Power & Light District along with many wonderful nearby restaurants. The Westside is as close to the excitement of downtown as you can get while still having that private neighborhood feel.

Christina Boveri 816-333-4040 Tricia Cartwright 913-620-3852

MoveDowntownKC.com J U LY 5 - 1 1 , 2 0 1 2

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43

APTS/JOBS/STUFF

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816.218.6759

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U-PICK IT SELF SERVICE AUTO PARTS

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Gore Automotive: Westport

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CLUBEROTICAKCXXX.NET #1 Lifestyle House Party In KC Wed. Night Meet N' Greets Starting @ 7pm

Parties Every Fri. & Sat.

44

THE PITCH

J U LY 5 - 1 1 , 2 0 1 2

$$ Paying Top Dollar $$ For Junk Cars & Trucks Missouri: 816-241-7548 Kansas: 913-321-1000

GET PAID TO DRINK and TEXT!

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