The Pitch June 7, 2012

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Editor Scott Wilson Managing Editor Justin Kendall Music Editor David Hudnall Staff Writers Charles Ferruzza, Ben Palosaari Editorial Operations Manager Deborah Hirsch Calendar Editor Berry Anderson Clubs Editor Abbie Stutzer Food Blogger, Web Editor Jonathan Bender Proofreader Brent Shepherd Contributing Writers Tracy Abeln, Danny Alexander, Theresa Bembnister, Aaron Carnes, Kyle Eustice, April Fleming, Ian Hrabe, Dan Lybarger, Chris Parker, Nadia Pflaum, Nancy Hull Rigdon, Dan Savage, Brent Shepherd, Nick Spacek, Abbie Stutzer, Crystal K. Wiebe Intern Hayley Bartels

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Circulation Director Mike Ryan

DI T TO HEAD Rush Limbaugh’s bust is forever enshrined, but sculptor E. Spencer Schubert is ready to move on.

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QUESTIONNAIRE

CHAD HARRIS

Executive director, FarmHouse International Fraternity, headquartered in Kansas City

Occupational info: My background is in higher

What movie do you watch at least once a year?

education administration, and I’m also currently a doctoral student in educational leadership and policy analysis at the University of Missouri-Columbia.

Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein

What local tradition do you take part in every year? Young Friends of Art’s White Party and

Party Arty (that’s a given!) and Celebration at the Station (Kansas City Symphony concert at Union Station every Memorial Day weekend).

Hometown: Shenandoah, Iowa Current neighborhood: Prairie Village Who or what is your sidekick? Coffee and my

mobile device

Celebrity you’d like to ride the Mamba with at Worlds of Fun: JZ (by that I mean Julián

What career would you choose in an alternate reality? Celebrity chef

Favorite person or thing to follow on Twitter:

What was the last local restaurant you patronized? Lidia’s

What subscription — print, digital, etc. — do you value most? Newsweek

Where do you drink? The Well and Westside Local

Vowell

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Zugazagoitia, director of the Nelson-Atkins)

Former Big 12 commissioner, “fake” Dan Beebe

Last book you read: Unfamiliar Fishes by Sarah

What’s your favorite charity? I’m on the board

Favorite place to spend your paycheck: Chari-

table and educational causes. I’m a sucker for a fundraiser.

Where do you like to take out-of-town guests?

The Liberty Memorial and World War I Museum

Finish this sentence: “Other than the Kauffman Center, Kansas City got it right when …”

J.C. Nichols had the foresight to develop the

Favorite day trip: Our family’s farm in south-

west Iowa

S A B R I N A S TA I R E S

of Hillcrest Transitional Housing. The organization has five local affiliates that help individuals and families transition from homelessness to sustainable housing and security in 100 days. I also volunteer with Uplift and the Women’s Employment Network.

Describe a recent triumph: The success of YFA

Plaza. For 80 years, it’s been a destination for residents and visitors alike.

“If I were in charge …” Oklahoma Joe’s would

“Kansas City screwed up when it …” Built our

What TV shows do you make sure you watch? 30 Rock, Portlandia, Mad Men and Downton Abbey

stadiums outside the downtown area. I love Arrowhead and the K but wish they were in the central part of the city.

“Kansas City needs …” To re-embrace jazz.

We are known for it, yet I fear it is leaving our community, and fewer and fewer venues seem to offer it on a regular basis.

be open on Sunday.

take up a lot of space in my iTunes: NPR

podcasts

Person or thing you find really irritating at this moment: Discussions about creating a suburban life museum in Overland Park.

the last few years. I’ve been very proud to be affiliated with the Nelson-Atkins and its efforts to engage young professionals in the programs and exhibits of the museum. We regularly have from 70 to 100 people attending our monthly second Friday happy hours, and White Party and Party Arty have really taken off the last few years. I’m appreciative of the museum’s support of our group and the many individuals who serve in leadership roles who have helped make it a success.

The Young Friends of Art White Party is Friday, July 13, in the breezeway between the Bloch and Nelson-Atkins buildings.

S a v e e n e r g y. S a v e m o n e y. S a v e n o w .

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just want to see a win,” Ken Wharton of Emporia, Kansas, tells me when I ask what has brought him to Kauffman Stadium this past Sunday.

His fingers scratch an itch not far from his heart, under the light-blue Royals jersey he’s wearing. He thinks for a second about what he has said.

“Just a win,” he says again, trailing off and raising his shoulders slightly.

Wharton gets swallowed in the pregame crowd as the smell of roasted nuts and Papa John’s pizza wafts over the concourse. The allegiances worn on fans’ backs is spread among G O L Wildcats, Tigers and P E R MO INE AT the Jayhawks, but there’s ONL M / P L O G also a small contingent P IT C H .C O of men wearing the other light-blue jerseys: Sporting KC. (The soccer club has a prominent billboard along Interstate 435 North on the way to the K.) Fans creeping to other franchises has to be a concern in a year that has seen the Royals move to demandbased ticket prices, even with the early season attendance numbers up.

Despite a 7-18 home record after Sunday’s game, the team is averaging an additional 5,000 fans this season (for a total of more than 23,000 per game) with Major League Baseball’s All-Star Game only a month away.

Those numbers are a surprise in the wake of criticism that the franchise has drawn for “Our Time,” this year’s official slogan.

These days, the Royals don’t win easily.

Fans watch with stomachs in their throats and, like geysers, erupt in yells when a Royal flashes the athletic talent that slumbers within. This is

Depend on us for pet supplies, toys, food, grooming and special orders! a team that makes fans anxious and frustrated and hopeful — all in the same half-inning. Yet, the fans keep showing up at the stadium.

Wharton and the other 21,110 people in attendance Sunday got their wish. The Royals beat the Oakland Athletics 2-0 behind six scoreless innings from Vin Mazzaro (formerly of the A’s), a 413-foot home run by Eric Hosmer, and a brilliant catch-and-throw double play by Alex Gordon to preserve the shutout. On a day when drizzle never turned into a full rain, the Royals showed that they could be the team the city needs, rather than the team the city currently has.

Baseball analysts say a franchise needs three things to be a playoff contender: talent, effort and chemistry. Against the A’s, a small-market opponent that mirrors Kansas City (only two games separate them in the loss column, and the season series is knotted at three wins apiece), the home team showed flashes of promise. Hosmer hit a ball to the Isle of Capri. Jarrod Dyson stole second with ease before Johnny Giavotella singled him home.

And Billy Butler ripped three singles to the exact same spot in left field like he was facing a pitching machine.

As for effort, Gordon made a jaw-dropping grab in the top half of the fifth inning. He made a basket catch in foul territory up the third-base line before nailing the A’s Adam Rosales by three steps with a laser to catcher Brayan Peña.

The Royals seemed not only to be enjoying the game but also one another. Mike Moustakas, whom manager Ned Yost had given the day off, greeted Hosmer’s return to the dugout, after his home-run trot, with a joking flex in what looked like an homage to “the beach is that way.”

Can the Royals keep fans believing?

Of course, those moments were surrounded by the kinds of plays that have too long defined the Royals. Butler struck out with Gordon at third and one out in the third inning. Three innings later, Yuniesky Betancourt was caught stealing at second after he broke for the bag when pitcher Tommy Milone threw to first.

Hosmer, 2-for-2 at this point in the game, could only stand at the plate and watch.

In a loss, those mistakes feel like the reasons that the Royals never consistently win. But in a win, they’re forgotten, overshadowed by those little bursts of talent, effort and chemistry.

Wins erase that hopeless feeling that makes September feel like a lost month.

Fans need to believe that the Royals can contend or that it’s in the realm of possibility.

And for fans such as Wharton, it can be as simple as thinking that the Royals have a chance of winning the game they’re at the ballpark to see. This is a team only two months removed from a 12-game losing streak. Fans know better than to fall for a Cinderella story, but that doesn’t mean they want to stop dancing.

The most plausible explanation for the upswing in attendance is Royals fans wanting to believe: in the crack of Hosmer’s bat, the glove of Alcides Escobar, the possibility of a five-man rotation in which any of those men could go six innings, and Jonathan Broxton being a much larger version of Joakim Soria.

Hope, even misguided hope, is a good thing for fans. Because with a little hope, it can feel like it’s “our time,” even if it’s just for one Sunday.

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R ush L imbaugh’s bust is foReveR enshRined in the h aLL of fa mous

m issouRians , but scuLptoR e. spenceR s chubeRt is Ready to move on. 

E.

Spencer Schubert didn’t realize that an innocuous photo that he posted to his website would be news. But it was. On May 8, Schubert was hauling, in his beat-up Dodge pickup, the bronze busts that he had sculpted of former slave Dred Scott and of controversial radio host Rush Limbaugh, for upcoming inductions into the Hall of Famous Missourians at the state Capitol.

Schubert, 34, had snapped a photo of a truck hauling a fighter jet’s fuselage and added a caption joking that between the busts and the jet, there was strange cargo on Missouri’s highways.

“I thought I was taking what was a pretty interesting photograph, and the commentary was secondary,” Schubert says. “I’m driving a couple of bronze heads to the Capitol, and this guy is driving the front of a jet.”

The next day, representatives for Missouri House Speaker Steven Tilley (R-Perryville), called Schubert and asked him to remove the post. Tilley’s staff complained that several reporters were demanding to know the whereabouts of Limbaugh’s bronze likeness.

(The bust was hidden in a basement with office furniture.)

Schubert removed the post.

“I just didn’t think that people were following me on my website or that they were waiting for news. But apparently they were,” Schubert says. “I think there’s 160 people that like my Facebook page, and there’s four people who follow my blog. You know, nobody cares usually.”

The Jefferson City press corps cared. St. Louis Public Radio KWMU 90.7 and Kansas City's KCUR 89.3 posted reports that included screen grabs of Schubert’s website.

Tilley dodged reporters’ questions, claiming that he didn’t know when Limbaugh’s likeness would be unveiled.

“I haven’t had a chance to visit with him [Schubert], but I do know we’re inducting Dred Scott,” Tilley told reporters. “We don’t even have a date on Rush Limbaugh yet.”

Tilley had made the controversial decision to induct Limbaugh into the Hall of Famous Missourians. The speaker alone decides whom to induct, and the Speaker’s Annual Golf Classic raises money to pay for the busts. Honorees, for the most part, are dead and admired by Missourians (they include Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney, Mark Twain and Lamar Hunt).

In addition to Limbaugh and Scott, this year Schubert sculpted a bust of Negro Leagues legend Buck O'Neil.

Schubert, a sculptor based in Kansas City’s Crossroads District, announced on his website in February that he would be sculpting a bust of Limbaugh for the Hall of Famous Missourians.

Under photos of Scott and Limbaugh, Schubert wrote: “What do these two guys have in common you ask? Well, turns out they are both in the process of being sculpted by E. Spencer

Schubert for the Hall of Famous Missourians at the State Capital [sic]!”

No one noticed. Then, in late February, Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke testified before a U.S. House committee in favor of insurance companies covering contraception.

Limbaugh spent days verbally abusing Fluke on his radio program; he called her a “slut” and a “prostitute,” and he demanded that she release sex tapes.

In the fallout of his comments about Fluke, Limbaugh’s radio show lost dozens of sponsors. Limbaugh deigned to issue an on-air apology. However, Tilley was unrelenting.

Defending his decision to induct Limbaugh, Tilley said: “It’s not the ‘Hall of Universally Loved Missourians.’ ”

By March, El Rushbo was in a media tailspin. Around the same time, the Leopold Gallery, in Brookside, announced that it would sell casts of the Limbaugh bust. In a press release, Schubert said he was proud to have been selected to sculpt Limbaugh.

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"I wanted to sculpt a portrait of Rush that if you walked up to it, you would see the man you expect to see."

statement] and ran stories, the nuance was stripped out,” Schubert says.

The Huffington Post published a piece called “Rush Limbaugh Bust Sculptor E. Spencer Schubert Speaks Out.” The Washington Post’s Style Blog leapt onto the story with “Rush Limbaugh sculpture: Available for purchase!”

In an opinion piece on CNN’s website, author Ron Powers wrote: “The sculptor Schubert is quoted as saying that ‘I take my responsibility very seriously,’ abstaining from the chance to expand on his concept of ‘responsibility.’ He added that his criteria for accepting commissions was ‘whether or not they are artistically interesting.’ This pre-empts any discussion of art as a moral (or amoral) force, and also begs the question of how ‘artistically interesting’ is the Limbaughian countenance.”

Rather than further explain his reasoning, Schubert shut up.

Two days after the busts were delivered, Schubert returned to the Capitol for the Dred Scott unveiling. Schubert met with Scott’s descendants and representatives from the Dred Scott Heritage Foundation.

“They liked the way it looks, and they were really appreciative,” he says. “I got to talk to the family about how I felt about the pose, why I posed him this way. It was really nice.”

However, Statehouse reporters wanted to press Schubert about the whereabouts of the Limbaugh bust.

“It would have been totally inappropriate to talk about that on Dred Scott’s day,” Schubert says.

Five days later, at 9 a.m., Schubert received a phone call from Tilley’s office.

“They called and said, ‘Get a suit on and get to the Capitol,’ ” he says. “So I did as I was told.”

This time, Schubert kept his agenda to himself.

S

chubert arrived at the Missouri Statehouse just before the 1 p.m. ceremony May 14.

Tilley’s aides led him into the speaker’s office to meet Limbaugh, whose appearance wasn’t publicized ahead of time.

“He was nice, respectful and outgoing, like you would imagine,” Schubert says. “People “As a sculptor, I decided long ago that the are people. criteria for accepting commissions would be “He gave me a very nice compliment,” whether or not they are artistically interest- Schubert adds. “He said he liked the bust, he ing,” Schubert said in the statement. “If it were thought it was excellent, and he thought it was left to sculptors to choose who was honored better work than the busts in the [Pro Football] with portraits, the entire history of portraiture Hall of Fame.” would look dramatically different.”

No one has criticized the craftsmanship of Until the Limbaugh bust, Schubert was the Limbaugh bust, which is quite flattering. known for making haunting metal statues with Sculpted at one-and-a-half life size — what bright-white glass eyes. The trim man with Schubert calls “heroic scale” — the bronze bust sandy-colored hair and a smile that frequently carries a gentle, benevolent grin and a generous spans his face had hoped that his statement amount of hair. would explain his motivation for crafting the “I may have given him a half-inch on the Limbaugh bust and that he wasn’t a dittohead. peak,” Schubert jokes.

But news accounts didn’t dig very deep.

Above Limbaugh’s collared shirt — no tie “Sure as shit, as soon as people read it [the — his chin is relatively continued on page 8 pitch.com J U N E 7 - 1 3 , 2 0 1 2 T H E P I T C H 7 pitch.com M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X T H E P I T C H 3

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Dittohead continued from page 7 trim, lacking the jowls that have appeared and disappeared over his lifetime.

“I didn’t decide an age to sculpt him at.

Rush was really tough because he, like most of us, has gone through some pretty dramatic changes in his life,” Schubert says. “The 40-year-old Rush looks a lot different than the 50-year-old Rush, especially when you take weight into consideration.”

Schubert says he had no interest in working his political beliefs or Limbaugh’s into the face.

“I wanted to sculpt a portrait of Rush that if you walked up to it, you would see the man you expect to see,” he explains.

After the grip-and-grin with Limbaugh, Schubert was ushered into the House Chamber. While the unveilings of busts for Dred Scott and Buck O’Neil had packed the chamber, Schubert was surprised by the lack of people present for this one. Schubert says he became even more suspicious when his friends who are Democrats in the Legislature, including outgoing House Minority Leader Mike Talboy, didn’t get in touch with him. He figured that they must have been out of the loop.

His suspicions were correct. The invitationonly ceremony was announced 20 minutes prior to its taking place. Every previous induction had been open to the public. Most of the people in the chamber were Republican lawmakers and Limbaugh’s relatives. News reports said there was heavy security, although Schubert says he didn’t see any guards. The secret nature of the ceremony, however, made him uneasy.

“On one hand, it’s the people’s House, and it should be open. On the other hand, I can understand where Speaker Tilley was coming from,” Schubert says. “There were a lot of Limbaughs there. It would have been embarrassing if someone had done something gross — meaning, potentially throwing a pie in great-aunt Limbaugh’s face or something.”

Limbaugh spoke for about 12 minutes. Most of his comments were about the support his family had given him despite his choice to skip college and go into the radio business.

“In many families, someone like me would have been discarded because he was an embarrassment,” he told the assembled Republicans and relatives.

Limbaugh also praised Tilley for standing behind him in spite of the criticism.

“The speaker’s office and people in his of-

Schubert wasn't expecting the backlash from his Rush bust. fice and the speaker himself have been under assault for wanting to do this. And, believe me, it’s easy to say, ‘You know what, Rush, we’re better off trying this some other year,’ ” Limbaugh said. “He didn’t do that. He hung in. It was tough. He did not give them any quarter.”

Then, almost as if he were having an anaphylactic reaction to the decorum, he closed with a few parting shots at the Democrats’ empty side of the chamber. “[Tilley] laughed at them when they called his office, which is what you have to do because they’re deranged,” Limbaugh said. “They’re literally deranged, our friends, so-called friends, on the other side of the aisle are deranged.”

S

chubert recalls the controversial last several months in his sunlit corner studio in the Arts Incubator on West 18th Street in the Crossroads. He says he’s ready to move beyond his Limbaugh bust. The bright room reflects his disposition, which hasn’t soured despite receiving 700 e-mails attacking him for sculpting the bust. Simon, Schubert’s rambunctious black Lab, oscillates between sunning himself in the corner and silently urging Schubert to pet him.

“I have looked at this whole thing with a bemused ‘wow,’ ” he says. But he expresses regret for the personal attacks lodged against his wife, Ryann, and his 2-year-old daughter, Ruby.

“I got 20 vile, vile, despicable e-mails, many of which said things about my wife and daughter,” Schubert says, his tone briefly turning angry. “I can’t even imagine what kind of mind it takes to express their outrage about a person who said nasty things about a woman by saying nasty things about other women. That’s the most ridiculous thing in the entire world.”

Paul Dorrell, the president of the Leopold Gallery, which represents Schubert, calls the fallout over the Limbaugh bust and the ensuing rage directed at Schubert “a bloody fiasco.”

“It’s not like he made a sculpture of Hitler,” Dorrell says. “People will realize that he was just doing a commission the same way he was for Buck and Dred.”

In late May, the Limbaugh bust managed one last media gasp. House officials announced that a security camera would be installed and focused on Limbaugh’s bust, which is now displayed across from Warren Hearnes, the state’s 46th governor, and next to George Caleb Bingham, a 19th-century frontier painter. Taxpayer cost: $1,100.

Trevor Fox, Missouri House communications director, tells The Pitch that in his 16 years working at the Capitol, he has never heard of a bust being defaced or damaged. So is there

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fear that the Limbaugh bust would be defaced by angry citizens?

“Obviously, you could extrapolate that,” he says.

For his next project, Schubert is getting away from the polarizing Limbaugh and back to a universally loved figure: Buck O’Neil.

Schubert wants to make miniature versions of his O’Neil bust with the proceeds going to the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum.

“The plan would be to ask for donations of a certain dollar amount that hasn’t been decided yet,” Schubert says. “As a thank-you for that, you get a limited-edition maquette.”

Schubert’s goal is to raise $200,000 for the museum through events likely connected to Major League Baseball’s All-Star Game, which takes place July 10 at Kauffman Stadium, and celebrations on what would have been O’Neil’s 101st birthday November 13.

Bob Kendrick, Negro Leagues Baseball Museum president, says the museum is working on getting authorization from O’Neil’s estate to use the baseball great’s likeness.

“We’re excited about the opportunity,” Kendrick says. “It beautifully captures that charisma of Buck: the big smile, the bright eyes.

All of that comes across in Spencer’s work.”

All of which went unnoticed in the Limbaugh sculpture.

E-mail ben.palosaari@pitch.com

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JOIN US! JUNE 9th, 9:00 a.m. at Border Star School (63rd & Brookside Blvd) Join in the festivities and walk the historic Brookside Trolley Track in support of

YouthFriends!

Register or pledge your support at

youthfriends.org

And kick it with us the following day for an adult kick ball tournament KICK. RUN. SLIDE.

The Hispanic Chamber of Commerce of Greater Kansas City Presents

PABLO MONTERO

BANDA MACHOS K-PAZ DE LA SIERRA

JUneCR2ow2n, 2Ce3nTe&R 24 Friday, June 22nd • 5:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. | Saturday, June 23rd • 12:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m.

Sunday, June 24th • 12:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.

$5.00 PER PERSON • $12.00 for 3 Day Fiesta Pass Kids 10 and under free with a paid admission Gates open at noon Sat & Sun; FREE admission till 4pm

www. fiesTaKansasCiTy .Com 10

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WEEK OF JUNE 7-13

PAGES Walter Cronkite: the way he was.

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FILM Prometheus: game on, man, game on.

20 PAG E

FAT C I T Y Howard’s: members-only sustainable market.

T H U R S D AY | 6 .7 | GOLF BALLIN’

When it comes to high-class times, $100 doesn’t get you far. Think about it: A new pair of kicks from DSW plus a bottle of Three Olives Loopy, and you’re already down about $60. That’s why we are encouraging you to do yourself right, take the day off and participate in The Pitch Golf Tournament, where $100 gets you allday food and drinks, prizes such as concert tickets and gift certificates, valuable tee time and, most importantly, sun and fresh air and exercise. It begins at 10 a.m. at Painted Hills Golf Course (7101 Parallel Parkway, Kansas City, Kansas,

DRESSAGE It’s going to be more than big stuffy hats and bow ties when 18 talented designers get their hands on seersucker, bold colors, history books and some of the hottest bods around. This year’s West 18th Street Fashion Street est 18th Show celebrates a Triple Crown The W n Show Fashio Summer and looks to tell powerful visual tales of all things horse racing.

Three of the designers selected from the 65-applicant pool took The Pitch inside their creative journeys, which began when they learned of the horse-racing theme — and culminate when their collections hit the outdoor runway at 8 p.m.

Method: Shomari Benton and David Lloyd, the duo behind Method (a dapper-making local men’s boutique that opened in 2010), were working on a clothing line in conjunction with the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum when they learned that they had made the West 18th Street cut. As they researched horse racing’s late-1800s roots, they discovered first West 18th Street show honors those early a tie to the museum project: African-American athletes with bright red and baby-blue sporty jockeys won 15 of the first 28 Kentucky Derby looks featuring seersucker and loud plaids. races before disappearing from the sport Tara Kloeppel: “I kept dreaming of these and turning to such opportunities as Negro really detailed, immaculate white looks, Leagues Baseball. Method’s collection for its

DAY SATUR

6.9

CHRIS MULLINS

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913-334-1111). For tickets, see secure.pitch .com or call 816-561-6061.

— BERRY ANDERSON

F R I D AY | 6 . 8 | PARTY LIKE A SLAVIC STAR

Sugar Creek is an unincorporated town, located east of Interstate 435 and north of Independence, that’s rich in Slavic history and traditions. It’s hard to tell when the first Sugar Creek Slavic Festival went down, but we’re pretty sure that the festival’s purpose of bringing together Slovaks, Czechs, Hungarians, Croats, Serbs, Slovenians and Poles continues to strengthen, through food, beer and polka. Experience the best of Eastern Europe 5–11:30 p.m. continued on page 12

covered in horses,” West 18th Street veteran designer Kloeppel says of the days leading up to this year’s theme announcement. A self-proclaimed all-around fashion maven who’s in the process of launching a retail website, Kloeppel combines the visions with racing research. She describes the result as ultra-feminine, super-floral and a little bit country. Expect to see beading, pompoms and embroidery. Oh, and a stallion or two.

Andrea Long and Margie Hogue: Long burst into tears when she and design partner Margie Hogue received their first West 18th Street nod this spring. The honor marks a big break for the recent college graduates, who have worked under some of the most recognizable names in local fashion. They make their debut, they say, by telling a visual story of the style and culture surrounding the Triple Crown. Think equestrian-inspired leather mixed with a Southern-style staple: lace. “It’s all very sexy and body-flattering,” Long says.

“They’re looks that someone with a little extra oomph would wear — someone with a little extra charm.”

— NANCY HULL RIGDON

F R I D AY | 6 . 8 |

VOICE DUETS WITH MY IDOL

F

orget for just a second about Britney’s bloody fingers, Demi’s bipolar disorder and Randy Jackson’s line of cheap-ass eyewear. Remember the days when TV talent shows like Star Search were about the contestants? That’s when we saw real stars: Tiffany, Alanis Morissette and, yes, Britney Spears. Relive that excitement when The X Factor tapes shows at 1 and 6 p.m. Friday and Saturday at Sprint Center (1409 Grand, 816-949-7100) Admission is free. — B ERRY A NDERSON pitch.com

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continued from page 11 today and 3–11:30 p.m. Saturday at the Mike Onka Memorial Building grounds (11520 East Putnam, 816-252-4413). Admission costs $3 (children 12 and younger get in free). For a full schedule of events, see slavicfest.com.

— BERRY ANDERSON

SATUR

DAY

6.9

of nd lots Lots a kin’ in r d bee r

S AT U R D AY | 6 . 9 | FREE SUNBURNS

OAK GROVE PARK • JUNE 8 & 9 76 T H S T. & N O R T H T R O O S T

Friday June 8 Gates open at 5pm Nace Brothers, Hidden Sayers, Moreland & Arbuckle Saturday June 9 Gates open at 1pm Jake Briscoe, Linda Shell and The Blues Thang, Blues Notions Tribute to the Legends featuring The Blues Ice Band Magic Slim & The Teardrops

Taking a family out for a day in the summer can get pricey fast — any of the area’s theme parks can easily cost $100 for a family of four.

Give your wallet a much-needed rest today and visit two of the KC area’s best landmarks for free. Start with a little learning at the Harry S. Truman Library & Museum (500 West U.S. Highway 24, Independence, 816-268-8200) for part of the National Parks’ Fee Free Day. It’s open 9 a.m.-5 p.m. today. Then flip the day on its head by going to Lake Jacomo (7401 West Park Road, Blue Springs, 816-795-8888) for National Marina Day, offering free boat rides, demonstrations and more, 9 a.m.–5 p.m.

— APRIL FLEMING

OTHER PEOPLE’S STUFF

The website yardsalequeen.com gives notso-savvy shoppers ideas of what to avoid at garage sales: propane-gas camping heaters, ant farms, used dentures, contraceptive sponges, liquor, cigarettes, most baby items and zippered beanbags. We advise you to stay away from these things at today’s Pendleton

S U N D AY | 6 . 10 |

2012 OLATHE

R E M M U S

T R E C N O CREE SERIES F

cutline here

F with Samantha Fish June 8

OLATHE K A N S A S

FRONTIER PARK

15501 INDIAN CREEK PKWY OLATHE KS www.olatheks.org/ParksRec/Events/SummerConcerts www.facebook.com/olathesummercocertseries Donations Will Be Accepted For Local Charities

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HOP LOVERS PARTY

Sip from a smorgasbord of craft beers and bug the brewers for their secrets during the Summer Beer Festival, presented by BeerKC (the suds-lovin’ local company behind McCoy’s Public House, the Foundry and Beer Kitchen). The first-time event takes place 5–9 p.m. on Pennsylvania Avenue, between McCoy’s and Kelly’s. The $30 admission buys a keepsake glass for trying the samples from 20-plus breweries, including Deschutes Brewery (Bend, Oregon), Green Flash Brewing Company (San Diego) and Brewery Ommegang (Cooperstown, New York). A portion of the proceeds from this event benefits AIDS Walk Kansas City. For more information and tickets, see beerkc.com.

— CRYSTAL K. WIEBE

PUB PARTY CENTRAL

GRECIAN GOODNESS

ROYAL SOUTHERN BROTHERHOOD

Heights Annual Yard Sale. “Our houses are old, and our residents are a little quirky, so you’ll probably find some amazing things,” resident Kristin Johnson says. Think books, antiques, clothing and, we hope, no gently used sexual aids or metric tape measures. Get a free map of participating addresses at the Don Bosco Community Center (520 Garfield, 816-691-2959). The sale starts at 7 a.m. and goes till 2 p.m.

— BERRY ANDERSON

or more than 50 years, St. Dionysios Greek Orthodox Christian Church (8100 West 95th Street, Overland Park, 913-341-7373) has honored the flavors and lively dance traditions of Greece through an annual celebration. High kicks, authentic costumes, tasty cheeses and repeated shouting of the word opa are sure to abound this weekend during the 51st Annual Greek Festival. In addition to Greek food and entertainment, shoppers can find an array of Greek imports for sale in the Athenian Marketplace.

The festival begins Friday, 5–10 p.m., and continues 11 a.m.–10 p.m. Saturday and 11 a.m.– 8 p.m. today. For more information, see stdionysios.org/festival. Admission is free.

— CRYSTAL K. WIEBE

Whether you regard this snippet as a recommendation to not drive south of Brookside today or as a heads-up about one of the biggest drunkfests in KC, we at The Pitch want to advise you to use caution in the Waldo area (from 74th to 85th streets on Wornall Road) for the 10th Annual Waldo Crawldo beginning at 3 p.m. Twelve locations (excluding Kennedy’s and Tommy Farha’s) serve up $2.50 Miller Lite bottles, $3 Leinenkugels and $3 Boulevard drafts until the bars close. Tickets cost $5 at participating bars, $7 online and $10 after 3 p.m. today. See waldocrawldo.com for more information.

— BERRY ANDERSON

S U N D AY | 6 . 10 | JUNKERS JUNKIN’

The closest that Antiques Roadshow is coming to Kansas City is Cincinnati, on July 21.

We know that doesn’t help you much, so we’re recommending that you get your old-

T U E S D AY | 6 . 1 2 |

Browne’s IrIsh street FaIre June 15 & 16

Help our family celebrate 125 years!

Irish Music, Dancers, Pipers, Bands, Beer, Food, Family Fun & Much More!

BELLY GRINDER

C Gillian Flynn talks about her novel (Monday). things fix this weekend at the Crown Center Antique Festival in Crown Center Square (2450 Grand, 816-274-8444), where more than 100 dealers are on hand with furniture, jewelry, books, toys, linens, pottery, and perhaps some sweet swords and ninja stars.

Admission is free. Buy stuff today, 10 a.m.– 4 p.m. (It started Saturday, 9 a.m.–6 p.m.) For more information, see crowncenter.com.

— BERRY ANDERSON

M O N D AY | 6 . 11 | GONE, BABY, GONE

Perhaps the suckiest thing about seeing the word unputdownable on a book jacket is when the thing does, in fact, resist — and resist hard — being put down. So it is with Gone Girl, the satisfying third novel by KC MORE native and KU alumna Gillian Flynn. Flynn (who lives in Chicago) T A INE ONL .COM speaks at 7 p.m. at Unity H C PIT Temple on the Plaza (707 West 47th Street) about her Missouri-set, marriage-gone-waywrong thriller. The $25 hardcover, bought from Rainy Day Books, includes two tickets. See rainydaybooks.com or call the store at 913-384-3126 for more information.

— SCOTT WILSON

EVENTS

raig Adcock is the latest cowtown culinary master to gain steam nationwide. The man behind Belly Up BBQ and Jude’s Rum Cake is tonight’s host of Taste Beering, at Grinders West (415 East 18th Street, 816-889-9378). Alongside Arcadia Ales, Adcock has some special eats planned. “I’m going ‘throwback’ menu for the tasting,” he tells us. “Imagine Southern dishes of the ’60s and ’70s with some modern flair. I’m thinking deviled eggs, grilled pimento-and-cheese sammies and homemade pastrami as the first course.” Damn, sign us up! Get tickets ($30 in advance, $35 on the day) at grinderspizza.com. Eating — B ERRY A NDERSON commences at 7 p.m.

A BenefIT fOr CAThOlIC ChArITIes.

Tickets: $10 In Advance $12 At the Gate | $18 In Advance (2 day pass) Kids 12 & under are free!

Tickets may be purchased in advance at Browne’s Irish Marketplace, Cafe &, Irish Center, or online.

816-561-0030 | 3300 Pennsylvania KC, MO

www.brownesmarket.com

W E D N E S D AY | 6 . 13 | BIG HAT

Honest Abe was self-educated and suffered a lifelong fight with depression, but do the kids need to know that? The Toy & Miniature Museum (5235 Oak, 816-235-8000) has instead made The Boyhood of Abraham Lincoln a lighthearted exhibition — one that’s still fascinating. There’s a replica of the Lincoln family’s one-room cabin, and during a “come and go” workshop between 1 and 3:30 p.m. today, you can make a miniature rough-hewn log bench that resembles the type used in the Lincoln home. Recommended for children in the first grade and up, the show is included with admission to the museum. For more information, see toyandminiaturemuseum.org.

— APRIL FLEMING

T U E S D AY | 6 . 1 2 | HOT BONES

The Royals’ home performances have been a little iffy, but the T-Bones have been killing it at CommunityAmerica Ballpark (1800 Village West Parkway, Kansas City, Kansas, 913-328-5618). May sweeps over Texas’ Grand Prairie AirHogs and the El Paso Diablos have made the KC outpost of the American Association of Independent Professional Baseball a force to be reckoned with for visiting teams. And if seeing a winning club in action doesn’t get your fist pumping, then consider tonight’s promotion: 20-ounce draft beers for $4 and postgame fireworks. Boo-yah.

First pitch against the Newark Bears is at 7:05 p.m. See tbonesbaseball.com for more information and tickets ($6.50–$16).

— BERRY ANDERSON

5399 Martway Mission, KS 913.432.7000

HAS GONE

1020 S. Weaver St. Olathe, KS 913.782.0279

E-mail submissions to Filter editor Berry Anderson at calendar@pitch.com. Search our complete listings guide online at pitch.com.

$60 PER LANE

UP TO 6 PEOPLE WITH RESERVATION pitch.com

MISSIONBOWL.COM J U N E 7- 1 3, 20 1 2

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PAGES

STREET TEAM

THE WAY IT WAS

BY

D A N LY B A R G E R

Douglas Brinkley’s new Walter Cronkite bio brings the newsman home.

Ric Rac Round in Westport up

G Love & Special Sauce @ KC Live Block

Upcoming Events 6.7 - The Pitch Golf Tournament @ Painted Hills 6.8 - The Zeros @ KC Live Block 6.9 - Ozark Mountain Daredevils 6.9 - 18th St. Fashion Show Each week, Pitch Street Team cruises around to the hottest clubs, bars and concerts. You name it, we will be there. While we are out, we hand out tons of cool stuff. So look for the Street Team... We will be looking for you!

See more on the “promotions” link on the p 14

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COURTESY OF HARPERCOLLINS

Devil Makes Three @ KC Crossroads

hen Walter Cronkite declared, “That’s the way it is,” almost every weeknight from 1962 to 1981 on the CBS Evening News, it was easy to believe him. After all, the man was from Missouri. And it was here that the man who had covered stories all over the world — he worked up until died, in 2009, at age 92 — learned much of his journalistic trade.

According to Douglas Brinkley’s new biography, Cronkite, the St. Joseph-born “most trusted man in America” never really left “Kaycee” behind, even when the memories weren’t that pleasant.

Cronkite covered World War II, President John F. Kennedy’s assassination, Vietnam, Watergate and the Reagan administration. But before all of that, the 20-year-old reporter lost his job at KCMO-AM in late 1936 simply for double-checking a story.

“His boss [Jim Simmons, KCMO program director] told him one day that people were jumping from City Hall in a fire, and Cronkite wanted backup sources for it,” Brinkley tells The Pitch. “The manager of the station said, ‘I’m telling you it is. I’ll do it myself. My wife says it’s true.’ They got into a bit of an argument, and it turns out that Cronkite was correct about it.” The fire turned out to be minor, and there were no fatalities. The station fired Cronkite, Brinkley says, “because he stood up to his boss, and the story was bogus.

“There’s a sweet irony that Walter Cronkite was fired for actually sticking to the old-school way of sticking to at least two or three sources before going with the story, no matter how much you wanted to make breaking news,” Brinkley continues. “There were no real standards for radio news. Cronkite himself would do Oklahoma football games and make up the plays. It shows the Wild West of radio’s early years, but it also shows Cronkite’s common sense as a reporter. Very seldom did he have to make a retraction.”

Brinkley says Cronkite didn’t plan to leave his hometown. While at KCMO, he met Mary Elizabeth “Betsy” Maxwell, the journalist and advertising copywriter who became his wife.

But three months after his dismissal from KCMO, Cronkite landed a job at the United Press wire service. In March 1937, he covered the story that helped launch him onto a bigger stage, a gas explosion near a school in New London, Texas. The catastrophe killed 295 people, most of them children.

“It was the first time he’d really got on radio nationally,” Brinkley says. “He ambulancechased to the scene and wrote about the school disaster. From a pay phone in Overton, Texas, he called NewYork and reported on the carnage that he saw. The image of all that carnage stayed with him, haunted him all of his life.”

Cronkite's first UP stint ended in 1938, and he briefly went to work at at the now-defunct Braniff Airlines. Betsy had a gig at Hallmark.

DANNY TURNER, WITH PERMISSION FROM HARPER

W

Brinkley (above) talks about Cronkite.

But he found reporting more interesting and returned to UP in 1939.

A national scoop of his that year originated in Missouri: On October 28, 1939, Larry Pletch kidnapped a woman and forced her to marry him in midflight on a private plane. He later let the woman go but killed the flight instructor who owned the plane. Cronkite, an aviation enthusiast himself, calculated the plane’s fuel consumption rate and correctly determined the airport where Pletch landed.

“Cronkite did his detective work,” Brinkley says. “He tried to get his pilot’s license in World War II, but he was colorblind.”

Cronkite covered WWII and the Nuremberg war-crimes trials afterward, then went to Moscow until he left UP in 1948 and returned to KC, where their daughter Nancy was born. He left KC for good in 1950 when he signed on with CBS News, but he frequently returned from New York — he was a connoisseur of jazz and barbecue. And the newsman is buried here.

“Wherever he went in life, he kept his clock on Central Time, Kansas City time,” Brinkley says.

Brinkley assembled Cronkite by interviewing all three of Cronkite’s children and by digging through the newsman’s papers at the University of Texas (which Cronkite attended without graduating). He also read letters that Cronkite sent to Betsy during the war.

Cron k ite’s st ubbor n ness at KCMO wasn’t an isolated incident. In 1960, when Kennedy botched an unscripted interview with Cronkite, the senator running for president wanted a do-over so he wouldn’t look weak against his opponent, Vice President Richard Nixon. Cronkite angrily refused.

“Cronkite threatened to expose Kennedy for trying to manipulate the press,” Brinkley says. “During the presidency, John F. Kennedy thought of Walter Cronkite as being a Republican or somebody who was hostile toward him.”

With his deep, warm voice and paternal manner, Cronkite was a natural for TV, and he

went on to become an omnipresent network fixture. Many small towns carried only CBS, giving Cronkite an influence that few journalists since have been able to claim.

“We’re no longer in the Cronkite era,” Brinkley says of his subject’s reach. “From 1950 to 1981, he was a Paul Bunyan-like figure in American life. The advantage of it was that, like a good federal judge, Cronkite was good at it. On the other hand, in a democracy, you want to have a lot of voices from different kinds of media.”

From reading the Cronkite biography, though, it’s easy to spot dents and scratches in his halo. When Sen. Robert Taft, a presidential candidate in 1952, didn’t want to allow TV cameras at the Republican National Convention in Chicago (he wasn’t as telegenic as his opponent, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower), Cronkite took part in a secret taping of a GOP rules committee meeting, which Taft headed.

Cronkite’s cohorts listened to discussions through a hidden wire and sent notes back to him. With that information, CBS was able to embarrass the rules committee into allowing the same “gavel to gavel” coverage that the Democrats had permitted.

“It’s a mini-mini — and I saw it with some humor — mini-Watergate. It comes off as a folk story now, as a kind of chuckle, but in cold reality, somebody could have gotten arrested for doing such a stunt,” says Brinkley.

But Brinkley remains a fan. “Walter Cronkite is the most beloved journalist America has ever produced,” he says. “His very name brings smiles to people’s faces, and everybody admires him. I did a biography of him that’s very admiring of him. Are there moments where people can cherry-pick out where there’s an indiscretion or a mistake? Of course. He had a very, very long career. On the whole, he was as trustworthy a person as you could have had to have that amount of power and influence. It never got to his head.”

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MONTH

ART myth and history on his palette.

BY

T R A C Y A BE L N

C O U R T E S Y O F L E E D Y-V O U L K O S

WESTERN CIV

Painter David Goodrich spreads

A

young woman bound to a cross, her eyes turned upward, is marched through a narrow street by masquerading revelers.

A man is sucked underwater in the greedy embrace of a mermaidlike creature. A happy youth astride a scarab beetle sails ahead through space, bringing a lighted staff and, with it, the dawn. There’s a lot of drama in David Goodrich’s paintings.

That drama comes from the subject matter, but it also comes from colorful impasto — thick, roiling strokes built up so that figures appear almost as though sculpted out of clay. His technique adds to the narrative strength of his best paintings; even depictions of quieter scenes, such as a group of accusers poised to condemn an unfaithful woman, exude the tension of what may or may not happen.

His subjects don’t l ac k for d ra m at ic force: They include characters from still relevant mythologies dating back to the foundations of Western culture, starting with the ancients from the “cradle of civilization” through Egypt, the Greeks and the Romans, and simultaneously the Jewish and Christian traditions, and even Guatemalan folk saints such as Maximon. Asked why he paints, this artist gives the friendly but elusive answer that it’s what he has always done. He’s an avid self-taught humanities scholar, too, and he can cite details of Egyptian funerary beliefs with ease and explain that we know the story of Osiris and Isis because of Plutarch, a Greek historian who became a Roman citizen and transmitted the

Clockwise from above: David Goodrich with “The Seven Prophetesses,” “Persephone,” “St. Julia,” “Christ and the Adulteress” and “Hylas.” stories of Egypt. Goodrich summarizes his choice of subject matter in one of his essays by saying our present culture still has hold of the symbols of biblical and classical mythology, whether people recognize the symbols or not. The symbols resonate because they reference human fears and passions that have not changed in thousands of years.

Perhaps each of us is embedded with the residue of what came before.

Originally from Oklahoma, Goodrich also uses icons from the American Southwest, particularly the once ubiquitous buffalo and representations of the kachina spirits of the Pueblo Indian cultures. He has just returned from another trip out that way, to Los Angeles, with stops along the way in Mesa Verde, Colorado; in Albuquerque and Roswell, New Mexico; and the Hopi reservation in northern Arizona.

Goodrich has spent most of his adult life in Kansas City, and it’s where the majority of his 30-some group exhibitions and 13 solo or two-person shows have been. A major accomplishment just behind him is Lucifer Rising, a retrospective of sorts that was for many of us an introduction. It included 25 large-scale paintings and five drawings, and the sum of its parts dominated the challenging main gallery of the Leedy-Voulkos

There’s a lot of drama in David Goodrich’s paintings.

Art Center the past two months. (Jim Leedy himself was enamored enough to acquire two paintings and a drawing in a trade with the younger artist.) The pieces, ranging from about 3 to 6 feet in size, represent a fraction of Goodrich’s large body of work, which is meticulously cataloged on his website (goodrichpaintings.com), complete with descriptions of the characters.

The crucified woman? She’s St. Julia, a young Christian woman who had the unhappy fate of being aboard when her owner pulled up to a pagan island during festival time. The inhabitants got the man drunk, and he sold her for a ritual. The namesake for Lucifer Rising, which Goodrich explained to a group touring with the Crossroads Community Association’s Second Saturdays program back in April, isn’t really a central theme, but the story illustrates the way things change in culture over time.

The painting “Lucifer: Morning Star” has nothing to do with our modern conception of “Satan” but rather with the Latin-derived name itself for morning star, “light bearer.”

Lucifer, he points out, is mentioned only once in the Judeo-Christian Bible, in Isaiah, and he has nothing to do with the devil.

Goodrich’s studio is a stark, smallish room in his midtown house, which is hung with

artwork by friends and even the famous. A mini legion of kachina dolls lines the mantel, and his antique mechanical tin toys, from his dad’s collection, are nearby. The studio room bears the 1987 painting that he made after a chance meeting with William S. Burroughs.

The portrait, all in angular lines, shows the author on his porch in one of his valedictory poses and hints at the writer’s infamous sense of dangerous play.

With a memory full of roadside attractions, the Southwest landscape and kachina dances — Sam Dinsmore’s Garden of Eden; Niki de Saint Phalle’s Queen Califia’s Magic Circle; Simon Rodia’s Watts Towers; and strange desert cemeteries, where Horace McAfee has put up tin monuments or where others have simply heaped stones or used bedsteads to frame their loved ones’ graves — Goodrich seems poised to create some more innately touching and culturally educational paintings. The themes in his work of passion, rejection, and desire for meaning or salvation speak across time, with high-contrast colors that draw us in for a long look, as a mirror invites us to search for ourselves.

“Or,” he answers when asked outright about what’s next, “I might just do some writing.”

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pitch.com J U N E 7 - 1 3 , 2 0 1 2 t h e p i t c h 15 pitch.com M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X T H E P I T C H 1

S TA G E

STEAM TRAIN

BY

BERR Y A NDER S ON

ANGELA C. BOND

The 2012 season of Mystery Train bangs into gear.

S

arah Pinzl, the female lead in The Night of Sarah Pinzl looks to kill. the Assassins, walks stiffly in her period Rachel is supposed to be protecting an costume. “She’s wearing a bullet-impervious important passenger on the KC-bound train: corset,” explains Wendy Thompson, the President Grover Cleveland. “Cleveland came steampunk-themed production’s writer and through the West Bottoms in 1887 and was director. “Yes,” Pinzl echoes. “It’s pretty tight really impressed with this 300-steam salute indeed.” some of the factories gave him,” ThompThe play, part of Thompson’s eighth season says. She adds that Cleveland was the son of Mystery Train — billed as a “Murder first president to be assigned Secret Service Mystery Dinner Theater” — takes place on a agents, in 1894. train headed to Kansas City “Did it have something to do with a Kanfrom the 1893 World’s Fair E MOR sas City trip?” she hints. (clue No. 1: a Ferris wheel Back on the Mystery Train, the assassins and the introduction of alongside Pinzl are James East and Artemis alternatingcurrent elecAT INE Jorgenson, aging James Bond types (played, trical power). Pinzl plays ONL .COM PITCH respectively, by Erik Pratt and Eric Van Horn) Rachel Dunn, a 23-year-old built for late-19th-century America (clue No. trained killer who’s travel3: Wild West archetypes). Thompson explains ing with her mother. “Rachel is an interesting that East plays a federal agent onboard to woman for her time,” Thompson says. “She’s a protect Cleveland. forward-thinker, and her job is her first priorAnd this is where the audience participaity.” Pinzl nods in agreement, staying in chartion ensues. Pinzl, Pratt and Van Horn are the acter. “I have a natural killer instinct,” she says. only three actors. The remaining five charThe year 1893 was also key to the suffrage acters are diners chosen by the actors during and temperance movements. And some bethe meal’s first course. lieve that the Panic of 1893 “Everyone gets guns and caused the worst economic The Night of goggles,” Thompson says depression ever in America the Assassins (clue No. 4: gadgets). “Most (clue No. 2: the collapse of 6:30 p.m. Friday, June 8, of this story is complete ficrailroad overbuilding). and Saturday, June 9, at the tion. We just wanted to have “At that time, there was Golden Ox, 1600 Genessee, a little steampunk fun.” a good deal of social un816-813-9654, kcmysterytrain.com Those four clues won't rest,” Thompson explains. solve the play’s mystery — “The suffrage movement, both Thompson and Pinzl the temperance movement agree that this installment of Mystery Train and the labor unions were all pushing for is especially difficult. But the clues add up change. The railroad companies were targets to the production’s primary aim: treachery for protests because of the speculation in the and silliness, served up steampunk-style. market that left the economy unstable. So the political climate was ripe for an assassination attempt.”

E-mail berry.anderson@pitch.com

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FILM

ALIENATION

Ridley Scott’s crew in Prometheus is more humanoid than human.

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echnically, Prometheus is neither a remake nor a reboot. It isn’t even a franchise extension of the original Alien — “shared DNA” is how the fi lmmakers have characterized the curious bond between the two movies. They do share the same parent: director Ridley Scott, taking care not to draw direct connections (except in one instance) between the new movie and its 1979 predecessor.

With the new mov ie follow ing the original’s template almost point for point, though, comparisons are unavoidable.

That’s a distinct problem for this mutant off spring because Alien is one of the best fi lms ever made, and Prometheus, sadly, is something of a mess — albeit a provocative and visually splendid one.

As befits an offshoot of the Alien movies, a franchise that seized upon icky taboos surrounding pregnancy and motherhood, it opens with an alternate Genesis travelog ue E R MO through the genetic birth of life, as two researchers find a cave drawing T A INE in Scotland that matches ONL .COM PITCH primitive stellar maps all over the Earth — apparent clues to the origin of man. (You’d have to go back to 2001: A Space Odyssey or Star Trek: The Motion Picture to find a big studio film this interested in evolution.)

The discovery convinces shadow corporation Weyland Industries (corporate loathing being the hardiest strand of Alien’s DNA) to dispatch the USCSS Prometheus research vessel in search of who or whatever issued that spark of creation. But after landing on an isolated planet, the crew fi nds a mystery more capable of ending human life than generating it.

A bigger mystery, after 30 years of rip-offs and sequels, is why Scott would revisit such familiar terrain. (And by “familiar,” we’re talking the basic story structure of Alien, even down to specific monster beats and killpoints.) The original Alien was a triumph of atmosphere and insinuation, an elegant fusion of all nightmares: trespass, violation, body horror, corporate malfeasance, chthonic marauders. There was no level of fear it couldn’t sneak into your subconscious.

Prometheus aspires to loftier goals or at least pays lip service to them. Instead of jaded punch-clock jockeys, the script credited to Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelof makes the heroes idealists who believe they’re bringing vital knowledge back to Earth. As such, they’re far more dangerous — particularly the character who passes for an Ellen Ripley here, scientist Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace). She’s as pregnant with religious conviction and hope as she is biologically barren, and if you know the Alien movies, that alone should start making you queasy.

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But Prometheus applies a bigger, more blatant aesthetic that yields mostly diminishing returns. Scott is no longer the voluptuary filmmaker of 30 years ago who allowed for character detail and incidental beauty.

His peerless eye for texture hasn’t deserted him, and here he uses 3-D to enhance the isolation and eerie enormity of his alien landscapes. But he can’t untrain his editorial impulses, and savoring an image this time around is like a battle — though there isn’t an explicit CGI effect here as impressive as what he managed on Alien’s limited analog means.

That’s less troublesome, though, than his reduced attention to the movie’s human elements. Outfitted with first-rate character actors — the wild card was then-unknown Sigourney Weaver — the Alien ensemble gave characters equal rooting interest and personality, and Scott added to the movie’s verisimilitude by directing them to speak in an Altman-esque mutter — the murmur of people in a factory breakroom. By contrast, there are no genuine bonds between any of the characters in Prometheus. Their every move smacks of plot advancement, and even actors as capable as Charlize Theron (stuck in the Paul Reiser corporate-tightass role from Aliens) can’t hide the seams — especially when they’re left with an accent instead of a personality, like Idris Elba’s captain. One actor manages to transcend, or at least complicate, his amorphous role: Michael Fassbender, playing a sinister android named David who’s spiky and petulant behind the rictus smile of purportedly helpful technology.

But Prometheus comes into its own visually. The trillion-dollar research vessel is all clean lines and sterile handsomeness, in direct contrast to the rust-bucket majesty of Alien’s Nostromo. And 3-D allows a pleasure

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That said, there’s a reason that Prometheus’ buildup has focused so much on the giant Giger head that looms over the movie’s landscape. Humanoid but not human, it lays out the fi lm’s central themes in one image, an economy of storytelling that its screenwriters should envy. Atmosphere is how a scary movie lives or dies: It’s almost certainly why the original Alien has outlasted so many imitators. The fi lmmakers would likely counter that they’ve got more on their minds in Prometheus than making a scary movie. The truth is that the film they’ve delivered — a jumble of grandiose ideas laden with corporate-familial intrigue and ill-fitting spam-in-a-starship subplots — needs precisely the clarifying element of that unassuming aim.

As proof, there’s the movie’s already infamous centerpiece — a sequence of such unspeakable grotesquerie it could drive audiences screaming and puking from the theater. As with the Alien quartet, its monstrosities derive from pregnancy, and its details will be recounted with nauseating relish all summer. It’s effective and memorable because it delivers on its clear-cut purpose of leaving you quivering in your seat.

If there’s any idea that links Prometheus to its Alien kin, it’s that ultimate terror can be a real mother.

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CAFÉ

SWEET SURRENDER

Scratch Sweet Siam’s fried surface to find serious flavor.

BY

CHARLES FERRUZZA

Sweet Siam • 7809 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-322-7285. • Hours: 11 a.m.–9 p.m. Sunday–Thursday, 11 a.m.–10 p.m. Friday–Saturday. • Price: $$–$$$

t never occurred to Kansas-born Michael Brillhart to open any other kind of dining venue than a Thai restaurant. “It’s what I know,” he says. For nearly two decades, Brillhart worked in his uncle’s successful Thai restaurants in Birmingham, Alabama.

When he decided it was time to launch his own place, he returned to Kansas. And he brought a solid Thai kitchen staff with him.

A few months ago, Brillhart opened Sweet Siam, a very pretty little dining room tucked into a modest retail strip called Lenexa Plaza. (The once-popular Mezzaluna Italian restaurant formerly occupied the space.) Sweet Siam is so sleekly designed and attractive that it feels somewhat out of place in this locale. The Chinese takeout joint next door is one of those cramped places, perfumed with cooking oil, where you order from illuminated color photographs mounted on the wall.

Brillhart is a big guy but without the oversized personality to match — which I mean as a compliment. Sweet Siam, which he bills as a Thai bistro, shares with its owner a cool, laid-back ambience that sets it apart from the brassy bad taste defining some of its conE R O M temporaries. It’s a clean, attractive and intimate room, painted in tropiT A INE ONL .COM cal shades, with a snazzy H C PIT translucent bar top that flashes different colors, like the dance floor in a smoky Bangkok nightclub. If one of the potent house cocktails doesn’t intoxicate you, then staring at the surface of the bar probably will.

My friend Berry paced herself by taking slow sips of a punchy mai tai on the night she and Crystal joined me for dinner.

“I don’t want to get woozy before the main course arrives,” she explained.

Good call. That fi rst course, an array of traditional fried starters, was a leisurely affair. It wasn’t until the small dishes arrived that we realized we had leaned a little too heavily on the crunchy delicacies from the deep fryer, unintentionally ignoring the yum woon sen (seafood and ground-chicken lettuce wraps) and the Thai larb (a beef-andmint concoction).

“But these are the popular choices,” explained the server, pointing to egg rolls, some golden wedges of fried tofu, and the pinched wonton purses fi lled with cream cheese (and, allegedly, crab).

The appetizer options for vegetarian Crystal, however, were limited to the vegetable spring rolls (fried in vegetable oil), the triangles of slightly chewy fried tofu and the freshly boiled edamame. When she wasn’t looking, Berry and I indulged on the not-very-crabby wontons, the airy puffs of battered calamari, and the fried shrimp

CAFÉ

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I

its, which intensity of spiciness I preferred.

Why would they? One is supposed to draw conclusions from the number of little pepper illustrations next to items on the menu: one pepper equals spicy, two peppers reppractically mummified in a tight-bound resent hot, three stand for Thai hot. Now, sheath of crispy wonton wrapper.

I’ve tasted some tongue-searing “Thai hot” Almost every starter is served with the at other restaurants, but no one is going to sticky “original sweet and sour sauce,” a taste Sweet Siam’s three-peppers-boasting simple blend of vinegar, sugar syrup and green curry — which is dered-chili flakes. (There’s a licious — and reach for a little garlic, too — it could Sweet Siam glass of water. It’s strictly use more.) I’ve had variaVegetarian egg rolls ............$4 a one-alarm fi re. tions of this made with Crispy tofu ............................$4 Diners who don’t give a fermented fish sauce (nam Pad Thai ........................ $10.50 damn about the nuances of pla), which has more charPan-fried snapper ..............$17 seasoning and just want a acter, but there’s a reason Green curry with tofu .........$11 Basil duck.............................$18 sinus-clearing burn, howthat this restaurant is called Coconut cake........................ $5 ever, can just order the Sweet Siam. Even the savory “spice tray” and call it a day. sauces have a slightly cloyIt’s a do-it-yourself trio of ing top note, and the descondiments: marinated jalapeño slices, a serts are extraordinary. Life may hand us Thai chili paste, and dried red-chili flakes. the bitter and the sweet, but in Lenexa, the The house specialties don’t require consweet gets top billing. diments. The pan-fried snapper is a marvel: So it’s surprising that the pad Thai, a bella light and flaky fi llet, lightly pan-sautéed wether dish for local Thai restaurants, is seauntil there’s an almost evanescent crust and soned here quite subtly. Most recipes for this then draped in ribbons of lemon grass, gindish call for at least a couple of tablespoons ger, red onion and red bell peppers. Equally of sugar, and a few Thai venues in the metro satisfying is a tender breast of duck, sliced sweeten the sauce with such a heavy hand and dusted with flour, flash fried and draped that the noodles taste like taff y. in a supple, fragrant basil broth.

The servers didn’t ask, on any of my vis-

Some of Sweet Siam's sweet selections, clockwise from above: coconut cake, fresh basil spring rolls, and Thai BBQ chicken

Roasted garlic and hot chilies dominate a provocatively silky sauce spooned over a plate of jade-green asparagus stalks, plump scallops and pink shrimp. Like the other entrées here, it’s sided with a ball of white rice, but the elegant sauces at Sweet Siam — coconut-milk panang curry, soothing peanut masaman curry, even the pineapplespeckled sweet and sour — make those starchy orbs palatable.

There’s a more elaborate dessert list at Sweet Siam than you might expect — in some places, you’re lucky to fi nd coconut ice cream — including a house-made vanilla crème brûlée, fried bananas, chocolate-filled wontons and a hefty slab of house-made coconut layer cake.

“People tell us it’s the best in the city,” advised that night’s server, a frustrated poet. (He recited one of his poems to us; it ended in a punch line that went over everyone’s head, including, I think, his own.)

The cake, however, lived up to its billing: a gorgeously moist pastry with a thick band of fresh coconut cream in the center. It’s a memorable sweet for a Thai restaurant that is exactly what its name claims.

Have a suggestion for a restaurant The Pitch should review?

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he hoop-house garden adjacent to Howard’s Organic Fare and Vegetable Patch is visible from southbound Interstate 71. The greenhouse’s white, circular ribs stand out improbably, like dinosaur bones bleaching in the sun, next to delivery trucks and construction vehicles.

Howard’s is no less surprising. The market in the century-old Ice Co. Building (900 East 21st Street) is a mash-up of supermarket, food cooperative and farmers market — an innovative approach to selling everything needed for dinner from farmsteads within a few hours’ drive of Kansas City.

Chef Craig Howard, the market’s namesake, has slowly transformed a corner office space in the City Arts Project building into his vision of a sustainable market where the produce sells itself, leaving farmers to farm rather than staff tables at farmers markets and roadside stands.

Howard hopes to attract 60 members who are each willing to pay a $60 annual fee to shop at his store. (Membership applications are found at howardskcmo.com.) A key to the store’s security gate on 21st Street will be kept in a safe, similar to those found outside homes for sale, and a punch code will give access to an exterior door. Howard has also installed a security camera and will take inventory daily.

“You get 24/7 access to local produce, and that membership fee allows me to keep prices down,” Howard says. “Also, it can be a community where people tell me what they like, and the store evolves.”

At last Friday’s grand-opening party, Howard grilled sausages and offered Amigoni wine and Boulevard beer in the space he rebuilt. Inside the store, a large wall chalkboard keeps an oversized list. Two squares are checked off: “health department permit” and “open store.” Howard has installed a small bookshelf in what was once a closet door; here, he keeps his collection of cookbooks that he has used since high school.

Shopping baskets are kept next to a a twotiered wooden shelf of dry goods (Boys Grow salsa; Oddly Correct coffee; organic pasta, rice, flour, sugar, vinegar, oil, mustard and ketchup, chocolate; and a host of products from Indigo Wild, the makers of Zum Bar soap). Bright-red tomatoes from Wayne Stoll Farm are piled high in two cardboard boxes near the end of the lower shelf.

Two refrigerators and a freezer line the store’s south wall. One refrigerator contains meat and eggs; once Howard settles on a supplier, it will also have milk. A former Pepsi fridge holds pattypan squash; uncured garlic from Muroak Farm; and kale, arugula, spinach and cabbage from New Roots for Refugees. The freezer keeps chicken, pork roast, ground beef, beef roast and bacon from Pisciotta Farms.

“The store will have a price-calculating scale [by punching in the price per pound], so if you only need a few radishes, you don’t have

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Shoppers at Howard's grand opening to buy a whole bunch and then have them go bad in your fridge,” says Howard, walking past a rocking chair and a varnished tree stump that has been made into an end table.

So far, he has lined up six farmers, but he’s hoping the number will grow to 20 in the coming months.

“I’m hoping farmers will come by the store after farmers markets and leave their leftovers,” Howard says. “That way, they don’t have to drive home with 10 pounds of radishes and just feed it to the chickens.”

Howard also plans to augment products with produce from the garden outside his store (he’s planting melons).

The main delivery day likely will be Thursdays, when local farmers make a majority of their restaurant deliveries. Howard plans to keep his store’s members updated on the latest arrivals with e-mails and photos posted on the shop’s website.

Howard is still cooking for Blue Bird Bistro, and he hopes to transition to working in his place full time once the store gets running.

When he does that, he plans to offer cooking classes to members, on throwing a dinner party or on planning meals in their kitchens.

“I want to teach people how to make good food, whether they’ve got a campfire or a professional kitchen,” Howard says.

Next month, Howard resumes his Sundaynight dinners in the City Arts space. This time, the ingredients come from his grocery store.

“I still want to cook,” Howard says. “I just want to decide what I cook.”

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THE PITCH

21

MUSIC

NEW IN TOWN

Rounding up some recent local releases

AN T E N N AS U P The Awkward Phase (self-released)

A

ntennas Up is known around these parts for playing a brand of dance pop that falls somewhere between cheeky and geeky — Kansas City’s They Might Be Giants, say. But just as comic actors long for dramatic roles, goofynerdy bands eventually aspire to be seen in a more serious light. You can detect a trace of this phenomenon on the quartet’s aptly named sophomore album, The Awkward Phase, which seeks a balance between party-time vibes and more mature songwriting.

The good news is that the cornball impulses marking the band’s previous output have been dialed back. A handful of influences are clear right off the bat: the smooth-funk guitar tones associated with acts like Phoenix and Tigercity; ELO robo-vocoder effects; the silky, soulful falsettos of Beck’s Midnite Vultures; and the kind of modern power-pop hooks you hear on 96.5 the Buzz. It’s a rich, complex stew, and Antennas Up occasionally mixes up the portions. The line between good catchy and bad catchy is a slim one, and a few of the hooks on The Awkward Phase are so huge and self-aware that they end up ringing hollow. Bassist Kyle Akers took over as lead singer for this album, and he sometimes makes the beginner’s mistake of cramming too many syllables into too tight a space.

But in many other spots on The Awkward Phase, Antennas Up reveals some remarkably convincing pop chops. The band has a tight handle on the buildup, evident in the soaring synth line that accompanies the final chorus of the title track, and in Akers’ restrained vocals in the face of the wall of ahhhh-ahhhs that close out “Pretenders.” The standout cut is “Untitled (How Will I Know),” which splits the difference between “Mr. Blue Sky” and “Debra” and clocks in at a well-earned five and a half minutes. Here, Akers finds the groove and rides it out through the song’s furious, powerful conclusion. If he and the band figure out how to strike that kind of balance on more songs — and I suspect they will — the next phase won’t be awkward at all. It might even be pretty great.

— DAVID HUDNALL

T H E E WAT E R M O C CAS IN S From the Rivers of Missouri and the Banks of Fear (self-released)

T

here’s an art to slotting an opening track, and all the best ones seem to possess some kind of charismatic momentum that sweeps you up and propels you into the world of the album. “In the City,” from locals Thee Water MoccaSins’ debut, From the Rivers of Missouri and the Banks of Fear, does just that. A whine of feedback bleeds into a gently skittering cymbal. An electric guitar settles on a chord and idly rings out its individual notes. Faint

22

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electronics bubble to the surface. Then the drums pick up. Then they pick up some more, and at about 1:18, the MoccaSins drop it into gear, coalescing behind a churning, addictive, overdriven space-rock jam. It’s pretty glorious stuff. On the other seven tracks, the band — Billy Smith, Steve Tulipana, John Bersuch, and Wade Williamson — hits on heavy psych (“Fumbling Toward the Abyss”), bright electronica (“No Control”) and even island tones (“Diablo Diablo” and “In Bed,” the chorus of which calls to mind David Bowie crooning karaoke at some Caribbean resort). Best of all is “On a Wire,” a dark, driving hard-rock burner to please those among us quietly waiting out the Constantines’ hiatus. — DAVID HUDNALL

H IG H DIV IN G P O N IE S Suspended in Liquid (self-released)

H

igh Diving Ponies combines the distortion and noise of My Bloody Valentine with the powerfully catchy sensibilities of Hum — but that’s a quick, cheap and ultimately facile assessment. On its latest, Suspended in Liquid, the Kansas City band sketches a hypnotic background throughout that manages not to sound like just a series of experiments in sonic oddity.

Where High Diving Ponies really succeeds is in convincingly harnessing all that drone, fuzz and reverb inside honest-to-goodness guitarbased rock and roll. Rarely does anything but a

jangling guitar stand alone, turning songs like “Everything Takes Forever” into one big wall of sound. The tones on Suspended in Liquid are mostly warm, though. Listening is not unlike playing inside the padded walls of a bounce house: fun, entertaining and no fear of injury.

— NICK SPACEK

B O MB S OV ER B R OA D WAY Nuclear Saturday (Royal Cacaphony Records)

I

f you could manage to stretch the words fuck you into a full minute and a half, you’d have an idea of what Bombs Over Broadway is communicating on the 10 songs comprising Nuclear Saturday. Every track on this EP — the Kansas City punk band’s second — is a sneering face behind an upraised middle finger. With the exception of the aptly titled “Pop Rox,” most songs are sharply pointed, snarling fits of anger. Vocals are delivered with razor-throated fury. The music is no slave to any particular subgenre, working in straight-ahead punk rock (“Corporate Checklist”) and thrash (“Thanks Coach, Nice Pep Talk”) with equal aplomb. Purists may scoff at the blending of the various flavors, but Bombs Over Broadway mixes up hardcore, street punk and just a tinge of metal that will have you thinking, “Whatever, man — it’s all rock and roll.”

— NICK SPACEK

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MONTH

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MUSIC | STREETSIDE

FINISHING MOVES

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J U N E 7- 1 3, 20 1 2

D AV ID HUDN A L L

WWE portraits and artisan cocktails on a burgeoning stretch of Oak.

816-483-1456 2715 Rochester KCMO Free Shuttle in the Downtown Area

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hanks to some new activity on the 1700 block of Oak, First Fridays have been a little louder this year on the east side of the Crossroads. The most recent arrival on the block is Kultured Chameleon, a graffiti-and-glass gallery at 1739 Oak. Next door at 1735 Oak, commercial photography space 8183 Studio is up and running. And since late last year, Moore Remodeling has been quietly upgrading a large, crumbling storefront at 1729 Oak into a sort of warehouse-headquarters-loft-party palace.

The alley that runs behind these buildings has emerged as a free-flowing thoroughfare for wayward gallerygoers. I like the Charlotte Street Foundation and its affiliated artists and events as much as the next guy, but if I have to choose between cool-kid establishment parties and hanging out in a weird alley, I’m picking the alley every single time. In May, I watched a teenage girl set up a drum kit in a gravel lot and bash the hell out of it for a halfhour straight. Down the way, where the alley hits 18th Street, near Grinders, four women in black booty shorts and tank tops mingled with some Overland Park-looking dads in Dockers.

“Dancers, probably,” I said to my friend, as we dumbly stared at their asses. In addition to a handful of scooters, the Moore Remodeling fleet includes a Cushman, which is like a gokart version of a truck. Some guy named Cappy was zipping around in it, giving people rides to their cars and to galleries.

Last Friday, Moore Remodeling hosted its first gallery show, with paintings by Rob Schamberger. You might recognize Schamberger’s name from these pages: He’s the man on a Sufjan Stevens-like quest to paint every single pro-wrestling world heavyweight champion (“The Art of Wrestling,” April 26, 2012). Kevin Moore, the company’s owner, lives above the space with Dylan Sly, who has poured fancy drinks all over town: at R Bar, Manifesto, the Rieger and, now, Grünauer.

Sly is also one of the founders of the Traveling Cocktail Club, an artisan-cocktail catering company. For the occasion, the Traveling Cocktail Club put together a wrestling-inspired menu and served up free drinks to the steady crowds passing through. I got around to trying

"I detect a bit of a Slim Jim flavor." only the Four Horsemen (rye whiskey, ginger syrup, lemon juice, and angostura bitters), which I gulped down with the kind of greedy, guilty thirst that forces me to reassess my relationship with alcohol. But I heard that the Battle Royal (tequila, lime juice, simple syrup, egg white, sparkling wine, and habanero bitters) was also quite tasty.

The party was centralized in the warehouse space, which is full of power tools, paint cans and other industrial equipment.

Schamberger’s paintings were hung a little ways off from the party, in a clean space near the building’s entrance on Oak. It’s rare to see visual art that is both good and hilarious, so I took the time to really breathe it all in. So many legendary men were represented on those walls: the Ultimate Warrior, Jerry “The King” Lawler, Kurt Angle, Hulk Hogan.

“Enough people have found out about this that it’s gotten to where these wrestlers are getting in touch with me about doing their paintings,” Schamberger told me. Hogan is planning on signing his portrait, and Bret “Hitman” Hart recently tweeted in praise of his Owen Hart rendering.

My favorite was the Randy Savage portrait, which got me thinking about Macho Man’s 2003 rap album, Be a Man. On the title track, he disses Hogan and brags about his "feature" role in Spider-Man. (The chorus goes Be a man, Hulk/Come on don’t be scared/You’re runnin’ from Macho that’s what I heard/Be a man, Hogan/Come on don’t be a chump/I never thought Hulk would go out like a punk.) And then there’s “Perfect Friend,” his tribute to his fallen friend, Curt Hennig, aka Mr. Perfect.

“Have you done Mr. Perfect yet?” I asked Schamberger, which brought about a discussion regarding what constitutes a “world heavyweight champion.” It’s somewhat complicated. Whether Hennig’s 1987 AWA title counts seems to be up in the air. The WWF Intercontinental belt, which Hennig won twice in his career, does not qualify him for portraiture.

E-mail david.hudnall@pitch.com

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MUSIC

RADAR

M U S I C F O R E CAST

BY

Other shows worth seeing this week.

D AV ID HUDN A L L

T H U R S D AY, J U N E 7 ABK, DJ Clay, Wicked Wayz, Freddy Grimes: 6 p.m. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

Langhorne Slim, Ha Ha Tonka, the Roseline: Jackpot Music Hall, 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085.

Travis Marvin: KC Live! Stage at the Power & Light District, 14th St. and Grand.

F R I D AY, J U N E 8 The Carper Family, Adam Lee: 7:30 p.m. Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club, 3402 Main, 816-753-1909.

15th Annual Blues Fest: 5 p.m. Gladstone Amphitheatre in Oak Grove Park, 76th and N. Troost.

The Reverend Peyton’s Big Damn Band: 7 p.m. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

The Sons of Brasil: 7 p.m. Kansas City Museum, 3218 Gladstone Blvd., 816-483-8300.

Tea Leaf Green, the Stone Foxes: The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483.

S AT U R D AY, J U N E 9 15th Annual Blues Fest: 5 p.m. Gladstone Amphitheatre in Oak Grove Park, 76th and N. Troost.

The Split Livers, Truckstop Honeymoon, Olassa: The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483.

S U N D AY, J U N E 10 Kenny Chesney, Tim McGraw, Grace Potter & the Nocturnals: Arrowhead Stadium, 1 Arrowhead Dr., 816-920-9300.

Clockwise from left: Big Smith, Destroyer, and Hospitality

An Evening With the Beatles

Well, not exactly. But a splendid time is guaranteed for all at this tribute show, where a number of Kansas City’s veteran musicians gather to celebrate the music of the Fab Four inside a church. Among the performers lined up by event organizer and KKFI Signal to Noise host Barry Lee: Kasey Rausch, Cody Wyoming, Eric Melin, Elaine McMilian, Mark Smeltzer, Jason Beers, Chad Rex, and more. “For the first part, we’ll do an acoustic set, and then after intermission, an electric set with guest vocalists,” Lee says. The $10 admission benefits KKFI 90.1.

Saturday, June 9, at All Souls Unitarian Universalist Church (4501 Walnut, 816-531-2131)

Destroyer

Dan Bejar’s yelping, theatrical voice is a nonstarter with some folks, which is a real shame. For those of us tuned in, his art-rock band Destroyer is one of the most thrilling acts going. On last year’s Kaputt, he shoehorned his droll, witty lyrics into the sounds of the 1980s: some smooth jazz saxophones here, some Pet Shop Boys synthesizers there. Wasting your days, chasing some girls/Alright, chasing cocaine, through

the back rooms of the world all night goes the title track. It’s like Bright Lights, Big City set to music.

Sunday, June 10, at the Granada (1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390)

Hospitality

After moving out East in the mid-2000s, Kansas City native Amber Papini resurfaced earlier this year as the singer-songwriterguitarist of Brooklyn trio Hospitality. The band’s self-titled debut (released earlier this year by venerable indie-rock label Merge Records) is a collection of cheery-sounding melodic pop with a melancholy streak.

RIYL: Belle & Sebastian, the Magic Numbers, Camera Obscura, smart songs about 20something life in large metropolitan areas.

Friday, June 8, at the Jackpot Music Hall (943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085)

The Flatlanders

Big Smith, with Ozark Mountain Daredevils and Powder Mill

This most Ozarkian bill marks the final performance of Big Smith. After nearly 15 years, the Springfield, Missouri, countrybluegrass favorite is hanging it up. Helping the group celebrate are its Springfield forebears Ozark Mountain Daredevils, whose AM Gold-by-way-of-Appalachia sound is now 40 years aged.

Saturday, June 9, at Crossroads KC at Grinders (417 East 18th Street, 816-472-5454)

K E Y

..................................................Pick of the Week

............................................ Jay McInerney Vibe

............................................................ Old Dudes

...................................... Possible Hofner Basses

..................................................Cute Indie Chick

..............................Everything Is Bigger in Texas

.......................................... Liverpudlian Accents

......................................................... Homegrown

................................................... Hillbilly Culture

...................................................... Aging Hippies

..................................... Alt-Country Supergroup

.......................................................... Swan Song

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The Parlotones, Ryan Star, the Silent Comedy: 7 p.m. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

T U E S D AY, J U N E 12 Potluck, DGAF, Kung Fu Vampire, the DRP: 9 p.m.

RecordBar, 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207.

Reckless Kelly, William Clark Green, the Scott Ford Band, County Road 5: The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560.

Walk the Moon, Morning Parade: 7 p.m. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

W E D N E S D AY, J U N E 13 Today I Caught the Plague, David Hasselhoff on Acid: 8 p.m. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179.

After Lubbock, Texas, boys Jimmie Dale Gilmore, Butch Hancock and Joe Ely found

F O R E C A S T

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individual success in the late 1970s and 1980s, fans grew curious about their old band, the Flatlanders. Upon its reissue in 1991, the Flatlanders’ nearly forgotten early-’70s album More a Legend Than a Band became an alt-country classic. Since then, the trio has toured occasionally and released a handful of new records. At this show, they’re joined by special guest Jason Eady.

Tuesday, June 12, at Knuckleheads Saloon (2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456)

M O N D AY, J U N E 11

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FUTURECAST FR IDAY, JUNE 15 Alice Cooper, Venrez: The Midland SATURDAY,JUNE 16 Girl Talk: KC Live Stage at the Power & Light District SUNDAY, JUNE 17 Barry Manilow: Starlight Theatre Don Williams: Uptown Theater TUESDAY, JUNE 19 Idina Menzel: The Midland T HUR SDAY, JUNE 21 The Flaming Lips: Liberty Hall REO Speedwagon, Styx, Ted Nugent: Starlight Theatre FR IDAY, JUNE 22 The Flaming Lips: Liberty Hall S AT UR DAY, JUNE 2 3 Colbie Caillat and Gavin DeGraw: 4:30 p.m. Starlight Theatre W EDNE SDAY, JUNE 2 7 Def Leppard, Poison, Lita Ford: Sprint Center MONDAY, JULY 2 Tycho: The Granada

M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X

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$3.00 Coronas and $5.00 Patrons 25¢ Happy Hour Tacos 3-6 pm

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$3.00 Boulevard Draughts $3.00 Woodbridge Wines

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Johnson County’s Biggest and Best Patio Specials

$4.00 DVR’s (Double Vodka Redbulls) $2.00 Bud Light Draughts

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NIGHTLIFE

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$4.95 DAILY LUNCH SPECIALS • NIGHTLY DINNER & DRINK SPECIALS

Send submissions to Clubs Editor Abbie Stutzer by e-mail (abbie.stutzer@pitch.com), fax (816-756-0502) or phone (816-218-6926).

Continuing items must be resubmitted monthly.

Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909.

Rev Gusto, My Brothers and Sisters, 10 p.m.

Jazz: 1859 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-328-0003.

Cold Sweat.

T H U R S D AY 7

Cricket Wireless Amphitheater: 633 N. 130th St., Bonner Springs, 913-721-3400. Wild Country with County Road 5.

The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. Outlaw Jim and the Whiskey Benders.

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Hillbilly Casino, the Stone River Boys, Dave Gonzalez, the Rankin Twins, Charla Corn, 8 p.m.

ROCK/POP/INDIE The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Dinsdale, Ryan Express.

Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. Ron Pope, Josiah Lemming, 5 p.m.

Park Place: 117th St. and Nall, Leawood, 913-381-2229. On the Record.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. La Guerre, Melismatics, Shadowpain, 9 p.m.

Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676.

Dry Bonnet, the Fatty Acids, Jordan Geiger.

The Roxy: 7230 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-236-6211. Lazy, Yam, the Bomb Banks, the Hecks.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Samantha Fish Blues Band.

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Kenny Neal, Lazy Lester, 7 p.m.

Mike Kelly’s Westsider: 1515 Westport Rd., 816-931-9417.

Lonnie Ray Blues Jam. Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816-2201222. Rich Berry.

THE HOME FOR LIVE MUSIC NORTH OF THE RIVER! WED 6TH OPEN JAM HOSTED BY K.C. KELSEY HILL 7PM FRIDAY 8TH OUTLAW JIM AND THE WHISKEY BENDERS 8:30PM SAT 9TH GROOVE PILOTS 6PM FOLLOWED BY THE GLADSTONE BLUES FEST AFTER PARTY 9PM

JAZZ The Blue Room: 1616 E. 18th St., 816-474-8463. Gerald Spaits, Charles Perkins Quartet.

The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Rod Fleeman and Dan Bliss.

Star Bar at Pachamama’s: 800 New Hampshire St., Lawrence, 785-841-0990. Floyd the Barber with Tommy Johnson, 8:30 p.m.

OPEN JAM HOSTED BY LINDA SHELL AND THE BLUES THANG SUN 10TH OPEN JAM HOSTED BY TOMMY TAYLOR AND THE UPTOWN ALLSTARS 6PM MON 11TH BLUE MONDAY TRIO 6PM TUES 12TH TELE-TUESDAY HOSTED BY OUTLAW JIM AND THE WHISKEY BENDERS

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. Bluegrass Jam. Kanza Hall: 7300 W. 119th St., Overland Park, 913-451-0444.

Lonesome Jake.

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Zoe Muth and the Lost High Rollers, Living Room sessions, 8 p.m.

6948 N. OAK TRFY, GLADSTONE MO | 816.468.0550

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COMEDY

CLOTHING - JEWELRY ACCESSORIES - ART 1607 Westport Rd. KCMO 816-442-8400 Mon - Thurs 12-9pm • Fri - Sat 12-10pm • Sun 12-6pm

Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Mike Baldwin and friends.

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Double Nickel Bar: 189 S. Rogers, Ste. 1614, Olathe, 913-3900363. Texas Hold ’em.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Trivia Clash, 7 p.m.

Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-931-1986. Trivia, 9 p.m.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS

Mon - Thurs 12-9pm • Fri - Sat 12-10pm • Sun 12-6pm

Samantha Fish comes to

Wednesday, June 6th 9:00 pm

Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. Vi Tran and Katie Gilchrist’s Jam, 10 p.m.

Double T’s Roadhouse: 1421 Merriam Ln., Kansas City, Kan., 913-432-5555. Blues Jam hosted by RocknRick’s Boogie Leggin’ Blues Band, 7 p.m.

The Indie on Main: 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Open Mic, Low Dough Beer Night, 8 p.m.

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DJ The Quaff: 1010 Broadway, 816-471-1918. DJ Chris.

HIP-HOP RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Royce Diamond, Reggie B and the Solution, DJ Tymelis, Huey E. Lore, 9 p.m.

ACOUSTIC Great Day Café: 7921 Santa Fe Dr., Overland Park, 913-6429090. Two-Headed Cow.

JAZZ The Blue Room: 1616 E. 18th St., 816-474-8463. JWB, Ron Gutierrez.

The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Helen Gillet, Wee Snuff.

Take Five Coffee + Bar: 5336 W. 151st St., Overland Park, 913948-5550. Michael Pagan.

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Retro Downtown Drinks & Dance: 1518 McGee, 816-421-4201.

Trivia Riot, 7 p.m.

The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. 1st Annual Swimsuit and Foam Party on the patio, 7:45 p.m.

The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Filipino Karaoke, hosted by Sundae Domingo Halog Jr., open to all nationalities, 7 p.m., $5.

M E TA L / P U N K The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Sidewise, Death and Desire, Razorwire Halo, In the Shadow, 7 p.m.

REGGAE Californos: 4124 Pennsylvania, 816-531-7878. Arm the Poor.

SINGER-SONGWRITER Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676.

Sarah Jaffe, 6 p.m.

S AT U R D AY 9 ROCK/POP/INDIE Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-8949676. Midlife Crime Scene.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Empty Spaces, Gas Pump Talent, Deco Auto, 9:30 p.m.

Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676.

Batmen, OILS, Mr & Mrs. The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. InAeona, Sundiver, Actors and Actresses, A Light Within, 7 p.m.; Blue Oyster Culture Club, 9 p.m.

F R I D AY 8

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL

ROCK/POP/INDIE

Jazz: 1859 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-328-0003.

Lonnie Ray Band.

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Bryan Lee, 9 p.m.

Legends at Village West: 1843 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-788-3700. Sellout, 5 p.m.

Bar West: 7174 Renner Rd., Shawnee, 913-248-9378.

Travelers Guild.

Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. Is Paris Burning, Shadow Paint, 6 p.m.; Fatty Lumpkin, Brother Bagman, the SuperMORE massive Black Holes, 8 p.m.

Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085.

S ING Hospitality, 8 p.m., cover at door.

LIST E AT KC Live Stage at the Power & IN ONL M Light District: 14th St. and Grand.

PITCH.CO The Zeros.

Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676. OBN III, Mouthbreathers, Up the Academy, 10 p.m.

CLUB

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL

5041 W. 135TH ST. LEAWOOD, KS | WWW.77SOUTHKS.COM | 913-742-7727

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS

Clarette Club: 5400 Martway, Mission, 913-384-0986. Kyle Elliott and Voodoo Soul.

DJ The Granada: 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

Somasphere, Inflect, Evil Bastards, 7 p.m.

The Quaff: 1010 Broadway, 816-471-1918. DJ Chris.

HIP-HOP Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-8321085. The Winner’s Circle.

R O C K A B I L LY Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. The Living Deads, in the Retro Lounge, 9 p.m.

SINGER-SONGWRITER Californos: 4124 Pennsylvania, 816-531-7878. Saunders Trio.

VA R I E T Y The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. West 18th Street Fashion Show afterparty.

S U N D AY 10 ROCK/POP/INDIE The Granada: 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

Destroyer, Sandro Perri, 8 p.m., $15 advance.

Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785832-1085. Books of Bokonon (CD release), Radio Romantica, James Dean Rose Jr., 6 p.m.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Lee McBee and the Confessors.

Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871.

Slow Ya Roll, Vagabond Swing.

JAZZ Westport Coffee House: 4010 Pennsylvania, 816-756-3222.

Parallax, 8 p.m.

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. Coda Pursuit Team Trivia with Teague Hayes, 7 p.m.

Mike Kelly’s Westsider: 1515 Westport Rd., 816-931-9417.

Critter’s Tye Dye Tuesday.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Bleachers Bar & Grill: 210 S.W. Greenwich Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816-623-3410. Open Mic Acoustic Jam. Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. Open Mic Night.

VA R I E T Y Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871.

Battle for Red, White and Boom.

W E D N E S D AY 13

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS

ROCK/POP/INDIE Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871.

The Last Nova, the Sammus Theory, Josh Johnson.

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Lukas Nelson and the Promise of the Real, 9 p.m.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483.

Young William and the River Siren, Books on Tape, Jon Fitzgerald, Nameless Narrator.

Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666.

KC Blues Ensemble.

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS Mike Kelly’s Westsider: 1515 Westport Rd., 816-931-9417.

Troy Allen and friends.

Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816-220-1222. Sky Smeed.

Danny’s Bar and Grill: 13350 College Blvd., Lenexa, 913-345-9717. Trivia and karaoke with DJ Smooth, 8 p.m.

403 Club: 403 N. Fifth St., 913-499-8392. Pinball tournament, cash prize for winner, 8:30 p.m, $5 entry fee.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Bleachers Bar & Grill: 210 S.W. Greenwich Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816623-3410. Open Blues and Funk Jam with Syncopation, 7 p.m.

The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. Open blues jam, 6 p.m.

M E TA L / P U N K Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085. Hail Hornet, the Gates of Slumber.

VA R I E T Y RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Midwest Got Next with Vital Nerve Crew, J-None, hosted by Steddy P, 9 p.m.

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676.

The Kanza Swamp Band, Whiskey Trio, 6 p.m.

JAZZ Californos: 4124 Pennsylvania, 816-531-7878. Grand Marquis.

Jazz: 1859 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-328-0003.

Jay EuDaly.

The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Mark Lowrey Jazz Trio open jam session, 5 p.m.

The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Second Sunday FUNdays: Gina and Chloe McFadden, 3 p.m.

BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Clarette Club: 5400 Martway, Mission, 913-384-0986. Texas Hold ’em, 7 & 10 p.m.

Fuel: 7300 W. 119th St., Overland Park, 913-451-0444. SIN.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Bleachers Bar & Grill: 210 S.W. Greenwich Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816623-3410. Open Blues and Funk Jam with Syncopation, 6 p.m.

The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. Open blues jam, 7 p.m.

Take Five Coffee + Bar: 5336 W. 151st St., Overland Park, 913948-5550. Jazz Jam with Nick Rowland and Sansabelt.

M O N D AY 11 ROCK/POP/INDIE The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-8415483. Supercrush.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Company Time, Peter Kasen, Month of May, 9 p.m.

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871.

Vagabond Swing, Almost Eleven.

DJ Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. Cinemaphonic, 9 p.m.

JAZZ The Blue Room: 1616 E. 18th St., 816-474-8463. Blue Monday Jam with Jazz Disciples.

M E TA L / P U N K The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Painted in Blood, Illusions Fate, Sky Seems Red, 7 p.m.

T U E S D AY 12 BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427.

Trampled Under Foot.

Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Mark Montgomery.

RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Miss Major and Her Minor Mood Swings, 6 p.m.

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-8415483. Sky Smeed, Tyler Gregory, the Fall Down Drunks.

Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. Elkheart’s Downtown Outlaw Fiasco, 6 p.m.

Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. The Flatlanders, 8 p.m., $28.50 advance.

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S AVA G E L O V E

BEARING UP Dear Dan: Could you tell my boy to calm down?

Can’t get him to get what’s different about bestiality, necrophilia and screwin’ a bearskin rug. Emphasizing my usual sexual interests — involving rope bondage, floggin’ and an e-stim unit — hasn’t worked, and logic isn’t helping.

I’m a gay man and a hunter; he’s a gay boy and a vegan. But it works. Last fall, I went to Idaho and shot a black bear and a 13-point buck. A taxidermist mounted the buck’s head, which hangs above my bed, and made the bear into a rug. Most people don’t know this, but the head on a bearskin rug is fake except for the fur. The skull, teeth and tongue are plastic, and the eyes are glass. That bear’s hardly a bear.

He liked it. Even wanted me to screw him spread-eagle on it — until he walked in while I was doing it with the bear. I rigged the mouth with one of those Fleshlight things, as a joke, but my boy freaked out when he saw the bear giving me a blow job of sorts. Called me sick and disgusting, and now won’t let me tie him up or beat him or anything. He says I’ll kill him and then screw him. He won’t believe it was just a game. What can I do?

Bear Grinned Anyway Dear BGA: Besides send video of you and your bear in action to prove this isn’t the most entertaining fake letter since Michelle Obama invited me to dinner at Sarah Jessica Parker’s apartment? Besides that?

Draw a distinction between what was going on in that bear’s mouth versus in your head.

When a man beats off, two things are kinda sorta happening simultaneously: what the man is doing with his dick and what the man is imagining he’s doing with his dick. Guys who beat off using a clenched fist, generally aren’t clenched-fist fetishists. Fists provide friction; imaginations provide sexy scenarios.

Your boyfriend walked in and saw you fucking the face of a dead bear. That’s gonna look bad, even to a boyfriend who isn’t vegan.

Fix it by patiently explaining that while you were face-fucking a bear, you weren’t thinking about face-fucking a bear. You were thinking about him. Tell your boyfriend you don’t entertain murderous fantasies and you long to fuck only living things, and Homo sapiens are the only animals you find attractive.

Tell him all of that, even if not all is entirely true.

Dear Dan: I’m a 17-year-old male in a relationship with a girl who was “sexually active” before we got together. I’m a virgin and think you can understand why I’m nervous when things get heated. I’d like to engage in the act with her eventually but don’t know if she wants a virgin fumbling around in bed. And it’s not particularly manly to go to someone and basically say, “I’m not going to be good at this for a while.”

Not exactly a turn-on. I feel she’s ahead of me in experience. What would be the best advice you could give me on the subject?

Nerves Entirely Wrecking Boy 30

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BY

D A N S AVA G E

Dear NEWB: If your girlfriend is close to you

in age, the odds that she’s good at sex are slim, her prior sexual activity notwithstanding. Some people have a knack for sex, but almost all teenagers are lousy at sex. Trust me: I was a teenager once, a teenager who slept with other teenagers, and I was lousy at sex and so were they.

Presumably, your girlfriend likes you and knows you’re a virgin. Which means she knows you’ll be a little nervous the first time and there’s going to be some fumbling. Even sexually experienced adults — even adults really good at sex — get nervous, and there’s no such thing as sex without some fumbling.

As for your concerns about seeming less than manly: You’re bringin’ the dick, so you’re the man. If you’re worried about displaying a manly confidence, you can do that: Be confident that your girlfriend is into you and wants you, and be who you are. Honest nerves are manlier than false bravado.

One last thing to do before you lose your virginity: Watch a weekend marathon of 16 and Pregnant on MTV. That show will inspire you to use condoms religiously and correctly every time. Even if your girlfriend is using hormonal birth control, wrap your manly ol’ dick up before you slide it inside.

Dear Dan: Following up on the letter about

masturbating in the privacy of a public toilet stall: Guys are being banned from Multnomah County libraries in Portland, Oregon, for wanking in the supposed privacy of locked bathroom stalls. Facilities security officers peep through spaces between stall doors and write up reports that go into detail about “shiny liquids” spotted on offenders’ hands, and those who are caught are excluded from the libraries for a year. You can’t go to a locked bathroom stall and rub one out, on pain of landing on the Excluded Patrons List as a masturbator.

Wanking in Private Environs Dear WIPE: The letter writer who got caught wanking in a public toilet took pains to find an empty men’s restroom on a deserted floor of an office building. He wanted to have his midday wank without disturbing or unnerving others. I don’t think the same could be said for the men rubbing ’em out in the toilets of Portland’s Central Library.

I’m familiar with Portland’s Central Library.

The toilets are crowded, and there’s no way you can beat off in one without disturbing others. Guys who get off in public toilets because they get off on public toilets are forcing others to serve as props in their masturbatory fantasies. And that ain’t cool.

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/ savage.

Have a question for Dan Savage?

E-mail him at mail@savagelove.net

™

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