South Florida Family Life - November 2022

Moments That Count

From her first steps as a baby to her last chemotherapy treatment, Kealy and her family have celebrated lots of life’s big moments at Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital.

She was only 10 months old when Carmen Ballestas, MD, diagnosed Kealy with neuroblastoma, a type of cancer, and the family started down an intense yearlong treatment path. The collaborative care and support services we provided were of great comfort to the family.

“Dr. Ballestas really showed us how much she cared for our family and Kealy. At that point I knew that we were in the right place,” says her dad, Mike. You, too, can help save a child’s life. Donate to our Catch the Love campaign and help us make every moment count for children like Kealy.

Kealy, who had neuroblastoma, with her mom, Kelli

TURKEY

KINDNESS

GRATITUDE

Staying

Soaring to New Heights

With a brand-new, four-story expansion, the growth of Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital will now allow for the care of even more children in a high-tech, child-friendly environment.

“Everything we do and every decision we make focuses on what is best for children and families in our community. We listen to our patients, their families, pediatricians and the community in general, and incorporate this feedback into our growth plans,” said Caitlin Stella, CEO of Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital. “Our delivery of care and development of new programs and services are aligned with our commitment to creating and maintaining the highest standards of care for children; the care that they deserve.”

The expansion from 180,000 square feet to nearly 400,000 square feet will meet the continuous demand for specialized services with new surgical capabilities, treatments and additional patient/family programs.

The growth makes way for state-of-the-art private patient rooms, cardiac hybrid operating and procedure rooms, an ICU and cardiac ICU and additional surgical and interventional radiology suites. Other added features include novel technologies, a new inpatient rehabilitation gym, a patient classroom for ongoing education provided by

Broward County Public Schools and more.

Among many accolades, Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital has been ranked in the top 50 nationwide by US News and World Report Best Children’s Hospitals for orthopedics, and cardiology and heart surgery.

To learn more, visit www.jdch.com.

A Bounty of Ways to Help the Hungry

According to the USDA, more than 34 million people — including 9 million children — are food insecure in the United States. Feeding Florida, the state’s food bank network, notes that just one “bad month” with a job layoff, unexpected bill or an accident, can force a family to have to choose between buying food or paying bills. Local organizations, with a focus on food insecurity, are hard at work to ensure that those in need have food on the table this Thanksgiving, and throughout the year.

Harvest Drive, a Broward-based mainstay in its 30th year, provides countless holiday meals to local families every year. Built on the premise of “children helping children,” the effort relies heavily on Broward County school students, community members, businesses and organizations to collect, sort, pack and distribute bags of food and gift cards to families. Each family receives 6-10 heaping bags

of non-perishable items for Thanksgiving and beyond. A full food needs list, which includes macaroni and cheese, stuffing, powdered milk, canned vegetables, soup, canned beans and peanut butter, among others, can be found online at www.harvestdriveflorida.com.

In Miami, organizers are seeking volunteers to assist at the Food Drive-Thru at Demps Park (formerly Goulds).

The collaboration, powered by Be Strong International, Farm Share and Miami-Dade County, District 9, will provide food for 500 households on a first-come, first serve basis. Assistance is needed for this event and throughout the year. The next drive-thru distribution event takes place from 9 a.m. to noon on Thursday, Nov. 10. Find out more at www.bestrongintl.org, www.farmshare.org or www.miamidade.gov.

Hunger and food insecurity is a year-round issue that leads many organizations to seek donations and volunteers throughout the year. Find out more directly through the organization of your choice or visit www.handsonbroward.org or www.handsonmiami.org to find volunteer opportunities near you.

The UPSIDE of

HOW OVERCOMING CHALLENGES BUILDS GRIT & SUCCESS

BY MALIA JACOBSON

can, says Jessica LaHey, New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed

Late-fall

light streamed through my minivan windshield as I approached the school pick-up line, eager to hear about my first-grader’s day. But when she climbed into her booster seat, clambering past her two younger siblings in their car seats, her small face trembled with accusatory rage. “I didn’t get to check out a book at the school library,” she said. Why? “Because YOU forgot to put my last book in my backpack this morning.”

I sat quietly, feeling a momentary swell of parental shame. That’s right — it was Library Day. I let out a breath. “I’m sorry, honey. That must have been hard. But remembering to return a library book is your responsibility.”

Predictably, she didn’t agree. But I held my ground: With a new baby in the family, I simply couldn’t stay on top of her school library checkouts. So she had to — and, over time, she did. With the help of a designated spot for library books in her room and hand-written reminder notes, she remembered to throw last week’s book into her backpack on the day it was due, her face beaming with hard-earned pride.

While I felt guilty (Shouldn’t I find time for it all??) I unwittingly gave my child a gift. It’s a gift that’s gaining ground as a highly valued learning tool, and one you can’t find in stores: the gift of failure.

WHAT FAILURE FOSTERS

New research shows that childhood failures pave the way for a successful adulthood (if only I’d known this on Library Day). Simply put, failure teaches kids about perseverance, creativity, resilience and motivation in ways that nothing else

According to Angela Duckworth, the University of Pennsylvania researcher who coined the term “grit,” kids who aren’t allowed to fail won’t develop perseverance (aka grit). That matters because grit is more strongly linked to success than I.Q., good looks or physical health, says Duckworth. Kids who are protected from failure by a parent who swoops in for the rescue, say, to hand-deliver a late homework assignment or demand that a teacher change a poor grade, wind up without the perseverance needed to succeed later on.

Failure is so central to learning that the Girl Scouts of America created a PSA with a message about being “prepared to fall down, get back up and go for it.”

That message “is central to what Girl Scouts is all about,” says Stefanie Ellis, spokesperson for Girl Scouts of Western Washington. “We want girls to discover what they’re passionate about, and that comes with challenges and pitfalls. How those challenges are handled is paramount to success.”

Though I didn’t know it at the time, the library book experience provided a near-ideal platform for early learning about failure: The stakes were relatively low; a couple of late fines for early readers wouldn’t keep my daughter out of college. Plus, she had weekly opportunities to repeat the experience, along with the lesson, because if she failed to remember her books one week, she could try again the next.

Like many of life’s lessons, failure’s learning value is enhanced by repetition, so allowing children to experience small failures, like forgetting a lunchbox or flubbing an assignment due date, sends the message that failures aren’t catastrophic, notes psychotherapist Kent Hoffman, co-author of Raising a Secure Child

Kids can always try again. And for aspiring parents-turned-knights-inshining-armor like myself, the message is even more simple. As LaHey puts it, “Every rescue is a lesson lost.”

HOW FAILURE BOOSTS MOTIVATION

When parents struggle to embrace failure as a natural part of learning, kids notice. Per Stanford researchers Kyla Haimovitz and Carol S. Dweck, it’s parents’ beliefs about failure that shape kids’ motivation to learn. Their 2016 study found that children could accurately determine whether their parents viewed failure as a setback or an opportunity, and these beliefs influenced kids’ intelligence mindsets or their beliefs about their own potential for learning and growth.

The researchers theorize that when parents focus on performance and ability — or the lack thereof — instead of learning, children will tend to believe that their potential is limited, draining motivation to learn. That’s because children who view smarts as something you grow, instead of something you’re given, tend to approach obstacles more creatively. When one strategy doesn’t work, they’ll devise another and try again.

Emphasizing results over effort neatly sidesteps the (sometimes messy) process of creatively approaching a problem from different angles, subtracting the learning value from the equation, says LaHey. That’s why dangling carrots in the form of rewards or bribes is ineffective and even counter-productive.

“Extrinsic motivators, or motivators that come from outside, undermine motivation,” says LaHey. “Kids who are rewarded for creative activities produce less creative products and are less invested in the endeavor.”

NOBODY’S PERFECT

NOBODY’S PERFECT

Raising resilient, motivated kids who bounce back from failure isn’t easy, but it’s possible, with these expert strategies:

CHECK YOURSELF. To let kids fail, parents may first need to get over their own fear of being judged, says Susan Smith Kuczmarski, author of Becoming

. Yes, you might be the parent who sends a coatless child to school on a cold day, but your child’s long-term emotional resilience is worth a few disapproving glances. (And he’ll likely remember that coat

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR OWN

When parents strive for perfection themselves, children pick up on their anxiety, says Hoffman.

“Establish a rule of thumb that when mistakes do happen — yours or your child’s — you’ll learn from them and

PRIORITIZE CONNECTION.

When we show kids that mistakes are OK, they learn that they don’t live in a flat world; even if they fail, there’s no way to fall off, says Hoffman. After a slip-up (yours or theirs), prioritize reconnecting and repairing the relationship. “The more our children can trust in our commitment to them, the more they can trust that mistakes are part of being loved,” Hoffman says.

EMPHASIZE EFFORT. Encourage motivation and creativity by breaking out of the habit of rewarding results. Instead of “No screen time until you’ve fixed the mistakes on that worksheet,” try, “Give that homework your best effort for 45 minutes, and then we’ll take a break.”

FOCUS ON YOUR LONG-TERM PARENTING GOALS. Parenting is a long-haul job. “Stop being so stressed out and anxious about this homework assignment or this soccer game,” LaHey says.

“Sometimes difficult decisions about approaching failure are easier if you think in terms of long-term goals of competence and learning.”

BY SARAH LYONS

and give thanks for a bountiful harvest. Now as we celebrate Thanksgiving, it is easy to get caught up in distractions like football games, Black Friday shopping, and the quest for the perfect meal and table settings. We tend to forget all about stopping to give thanks for all of our blessings. Make this Thanksgiving meaningful by starting some family traditions that help everyone in the family stop and count their blessings.

Make a list. One way to remember your blessings is to acknowledge them. Go around the dinner table and have each person name something they are thankful for. This could be done each night at dinner during the month of November or for the week leading up to it. On Thanksgiving Day, have all your guests do the same. It is heartwarming

blessings we have. Looking for a more concrete idea? Have everyone write down or draw a picture of what they are thankful for. After everyone shares theirs, place all the papers in a three-ring binder. Each year add to the

for

binder and reflect on all the blessings of the past. “We do a Thankful Tree throughout November,” says Stephanie Loux, mom of three. “I draw a tree to tape on our pantry door and the kids cut out leaves from construction paper. Each night we all write one thing we are thankful for on a leaf and tape it to the tree. Kids can be grateful for a variety of things from butterflies to Elsa. We look forward to this tradition every year.”

Donate to charity. Christmas is right around the corner and many kids will receive new items as gifts. In anticipation, have the kids help clean their closets and toy boxes and set aside items they no longer need. Donate gently used toys and clothing to a local charity or family in need. This process will not only reduce clutter around the house, but it will teach the kids to be generous to those who are less fortunate than they are. In the same spirit, talk with your kids about how some people may not have food, toiletries and clothing. As a family, collect those items and donate them to a homeless shelter.

Gather as many items as you can and ask friends and family to do the same. Go to the store and have the kids pick out items they would like to give to another child their age.

Take a break. Have each family member take a break from a luxury they enjoy. Ideas may include dessert, manicures, coffee, soda, or a favorite video game or TV show. This exercise reminds us to be grateful for the luxuries that are otherwise taken for granted.

Family service project. Set aside time to do a service project as a family. Ideas include cleaning up trash in a local park, working at a food pantry, purchasing items for a Thanksgiving meal and delivering them to a family in need, organizing a book drive, or adopting a family for the holidays. When you volunteer as a family, kids see you helping others and are more likely to continue serving as an adult. Serving in an area that your children are already interested in helps create excitement for the project.

Gobble Up Gratitude

BY CHERYL MAGUIRE

Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, the word gratitude gets tossed around a lot. You see it on signs in stores or it is a central theme in TV shows. Whenever I see a word used a lot, I like to look up the definition. This is what I found: the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful.

Is gratitude an emotion or behavior? Most research studies define gratitude as a feeling that something good happened to you and that someone or something (i.e. nature) was the reason for this experience. Research has also shown that gratitude is part of our evolutionary history. Some scientists believe that gratitude stems from “reciprocal altruism” which is when one animal helps another in hopes that the animal may repay the favor later.

It has also been said that gratitude fortifies relationships between friends, family and romantic partners. So if gratitude is important for developing and maintaining relationships with other people, then it’s also important to figure out when you are not practicing gratitude effectively. These are some common mistakes people make concerning gratitude:

Gratitude Statements That Are Too General. If you make a general statement like, “I’m grateful for my family,” you will not truly feel gratitude. Instead, make a more specific statement like, “I’m grateful that my husband drove my daughter to dance class,” then research shows that you will feel a greater life satisfaction. Also, if you express this specific gratitude to the person, then they will likely be more willing to help you again and feel as if they were helpful.

Gratitude That Compares You To Others. When you compare yourself to others, you can feel either jealous or inadequate. Also, if you feel like you should feel grateful because someone has it worse than you, that will only make you feel guilty for needing help. For example, if you are experiencing depression but live in a nice house and then see someone who is homeless you may think, “I shouldn’t feel depressed since I live in a house.” This could prevent you from seeking counseling when you need it.

Too Much Gratitude. If you feel like you should be grateful all the time, then you will feel bad if you aren’t. Feeling gratitude shouldn’t be forced either.

In one research study, they found that the people who wrote in their gratitude journals three times per week were less happy than those people who wrote in their gratitude journals once a week for six weeks.

What Can You Do To Feel Grateful?

By being mindful and paying attention to all five of your senses, you will feel more appreciation for other people or your surroundings. Also, when you are curious and use “why” questions about what makes you happy, that will help you experience an awareness of gratitude.

TRULY

Carving Out Time for Kindness

BY SANDI SCHWARTZ

Why do you help others? Yes, it’s the right thing to do, but did you know that it also makes you happier and healthier? It may seem a bit selfish to look at how being kind to others is beneficial to us personally, but the recent science surrounding kindness is so fascinating that we can’t ignore it. Plus, parents need to understand why we want to instill kindness in our children so that we can provide all the reasons to them when they question it.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE ARE KIND?

Kindness is a win-win for both the giver and receiver. Our brain chemistry changes when we do something nice for

another person. Studies show that thinking about, watching, or practicing kindness stimulates the vagus nerve, which is linked to the production of oxytocin in our brains. Oxytocin is a hormone that soothes us, making us feel calmer and happier. Kindness also triggers the production of dopamine, the hormone responsible for positive emotions and that natural high feeling we get. As a result, we experience positive health changes including increased life expectancy, feeling less lonely, a stronger immune system, fewer aches and pains, a decrease in stress and anxiety and less depression.

HOW KINDNESS AND STRESS ARE CONNECTED

How can helping someone else reduce our stress level? A study published recently by UCLA and Yale University School of Medicine linked acts of kindness to stress

reduction. For 14 days, a group of adults was asked to report stressful events they experienced each day from several categories (e.g., interpersonal, work/ education, home, finance, health/accident). They were also asked to report whether they participated in various helpful behaviors (e.g., held open a door, helped with schoolwork, asked someone if they needed help) that day.

Results showed that on any given day, helping others controlled the effects of stress on overall health. Researchers concluded that volunteerism can be an important way of coping with stress. According to the Association for Psychological Science, study author Emily Ansell of the Yale University School of Medicine said, “Stressful days usually lead us to have a worse mood and poorer

If your child loves singing, go caroling at a senior center. If your child loves to play at the park, plant flowers or pick up litter to help maintain its beauty. If they love crafts, make blankets for a homeless shelter. There are many possibilities for children of any age and skill level.

Gather together. Encourage the kids to think of friends and neighbors who may not have anywhere to go on Thanksgiving and invite them to come over for dinner. Discuss the importance of hospitality and welcoming others into your home. If you are not hosting Thanksgiving, consider hosting a brunch the following day and opening your home to friends and family.

Little helpers. Thanksgiving dinner preparation is a lot of work. Having the kids help prepare dinner and clean up for company will teach them how much work goes into preparing a large meal like Thanksgiving dinner. This will teach them appreciation for the work that goes into a holiday meal and also encourages a good work ethic at a young age.

This Thanksgiving, take time to remember what Thanksgiving really means. It’s not about Black Friday deals or endless football. It’s about giving thanks for what we have, sharing with and serving others, and celebrating with those we love.

OPPORTUNITIES TO SERVE WITH YOUR KIDS

• Organize a collection drive for toys, toiletries or clothing to donate to those in need.

• Take the kids shopping for favorite non-perishable food items and/or go door to door in your neighborhood to collect items to donate to a local food pantry or collection effort.

• Offer to mow your neighbor’s lawn or tend to their plants and flowers.

• Participate with Operation Christmas by filling shoeboxes to send to children overseas.

• Bake cookies for neighbors or take them to the local police or fire station.

• Send care packages, cards and letters to soldiers overseas.

• Draw pictures for seniors and deliver them to an assisted living center.

• Volunteer at an animal shelter.

• Clean up the school grounds or a local park.

• Have a lemonade stand or garage sale and donate proceeds to your favorite charity.

KINDNESS, continued from page 16 mental health, but our findings suggest that if we do small things for others, such as holding a door open for someone, we won’t feel as poorly on stressful days.”

WAYS TO EXPAND KINDNESS IN YOUR FAMILY’S LIFE

Now that you know all the amazing benefits of kindness, don’t you just want to get out there and make someone smile? There are so many simple ways you can incorporate kindness into your family’s daily routine.

• Find a local volunteer project to do as a family.

• Do random acts of kindness with your kids and talk to them about the experience. How did it make them feel? Some ideas include leaving a treat on a neighbor’s doorstep, giving a very generous tip to restaurant staff, opening a door for a stranger and helping the elderly with groceries.

• Send a thank you note to someone who has done something special for you.

• Join a kindness challenge. Consider signing up with KindSpring. The site offers kindness challenges and an online community of people who practice small acts of kindness, share stories and support each other.

• Bring kindness programs to your child’s school. Check out the following wonderful resources:

Ripple Kindness Project: Provides a kindness school curriculum and an interactive community with stories and inspiration. They also offer kindness cards and other products.

Random Acts of Kindness Foundation: Encourages the spread of kindness in schools, communities and homes through inspiration, ideas, stories and school curriculum.

Kindness Matters 365: This program delivers innovative programs to support the well-being of kids and teens. Grounded in the principles of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) and providing skill-building through experiential learning activities, KM365’s unique approach teaches kids to discover how to care for themselves, each other and our world through exploring self-awareness, selfnavigation, empathy, a growth mindset and dedication to service-learning.

Get in the Game

VIRTUAL FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

BY TANNI HAAS, PH.D.

If you’re busy preparing for the holiday season, how about taking a break in the evening to get together with the kids for some relaxing fun?

Here’s a list of some great family game apps that’ll keep you entertained for hours at a time. The best thing is that they’re all completely free on the Apple App Store and Google Play, so download away!

CRAMBLE. This quiz game uses wacky comparisons between different objects to create intriguing questions. For example, “to match the height of one Hubble Telescope, how many coconuts would you need to stack up?” Or, “how many chickens would you have to pile up to be as tall as a Great Pyramid?”

GLOW HOCKEY. If your head is spinning from all the crazy questions in Cramble and you need a break, download

this easy-to-use hockey app. It has colorful glow graphics and great sound effects. You can customize the sticks and pucks and the phone vibrates every time someone scores a goal. You can also practice your skills by playing against the app before you challenge one of your family members to a game.

SCRABBLE GO. If you’re itching to play a game of Scrabble but don’t have the board game version lying around, no problem, download the app. You can play with your family members or, if your spelling skills are a little rusty, you can practice by playing against the app.

SPACETEAM. This game requires you to work together rather than compete. Players are members of a team who have to maneuver a spaceship. Each person has a control panel with buttons,

dials, knobs, and switches, and receives commands that must be executed to save the spaceship from crashing. Some of the commands require instruments that are on the other players’ control panels, so you end up shouting commands at each other. No need to explain how much fun that can be.

TRUTH OR DARE KIDS. The kids’ version of the classic game has hundreds of fun questions that’ll make you look at each other in a completely new way, like “what music are you embarrassed to admit you listen to when you’re alone” or “what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?” Fun dares include “attempt to break dance for 30 seconds” and “wrap a player of your choice in toilet paper.”

WHAT AM I? RIDDLES AND ANSWERS. Who doesn’t like a good riddle? This app

has lots of them, such as “soft, hairy, from door to door. I’m the pet that always stays on the floor. What am I”? You can ask for hints if you get stuck and need a gentle push (answer: a carpet).

WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE? This game will inspire lots of interesting conversations. Players are introduced to thought-provoking scenarios like “would you rather… be able to fly anywhere you want, or, stop time whenever you want for 10 seconds.” You vote for your favorite option and get to see statistics on how most other people vote. No Wi-Fi is required once the app is downloaded, so you can play the game even when Wi-Fi is unavailable.

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YES OR NO? Similar to What Would You Choose? this game will inspire conversations and great stories. It has lots of questions, including “have you ever been lost in the woods? “have you ever tried to cut your own hair?” and “have you ever eaten toothpaste?” This app also tells you how other people vote, so you can decide for yourself whether your family really is as crazy as you think.

4 PICS 1 WORD. Millions of people are playing this addictive brain teaser game. Four pictures appear on the screen and you have to guess which word describes all four of them. Sounds easy? Not so fast! The first levels are simple, but the game gets increasingly harder and more fun as you progress. The letters that you need to form the correct answer are scrambled with other letters, so the game also has elements of Word Search.

Tanni Haas, Ph.D. is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences and Disorders at the City University of New York –Brooklyn College.

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Teenager Transitions

HOW TO RIDE THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

BY JAN PIERCE

Parentsof teens often acknowledge they’re navigating uncharted territory and are open to advice from those who’ve been there before. Teens are going through tremendous emotional, physical and social changes while their parents may also be facing a series of firsts: aging, end of reproductive cycles, and mid-life crisis issues. The transitions faced by both teens and their parents can make for some challenging times at home.

Teens need room to grow and change. While they’ll resist micro-managing, they may be prone to taking risks that require intervention for their own safety. They want to stand on their own two feet and push their parents further away as they turn to peers for advice. They may become resistant to family rules that used to be accepted and they can seem sullen and uncooperative. In short, parents might look at their beloved child and barely recognize the sweet little person they were just a short while ago.

On the other hand, teens are vibrant and have energy to burn. They can be very idealistic and full of plans to make the world a better place. They become passionate about causes and are very loyal to friends. They are in the process of developing the person they’ll eventually become as an adult and may explore many

creative outlets in that effort.

The teenage years are dynamic times filled with joys and struggles. Parents have the responsibility to nurture them through these times. So… what do teens really want?

TO BELONG. Although friends, teachers and mentors will play a large role in your teen’s life, your family will always be their primary place of belonging. Home is where they’re nurtured and loved and where they return after venturing out into the world. Home should always be a welcoming place.

Building and maintaining a positive bond with teens is the goal. And although discipline will need to be part of family life, encouragement, positive words and camaraderie should be the norm. Spend time together. Family meals, game nights and weekend outings may not come as often as they did before their teen years, but they should still happen. Including your teen’s friends in family events, makes it more fun for all.

Teens need to know that they always have a place of belonging in the family.

TO BE HEARD. Many teens are either holed up in their bedrooms or away with friends. So when are parents supposed to listen to them? It’s a challenge, for sure. But teens have strong

feelings, and the need to share their thoughts. Some parents plan times when the family focuses on a topic of the day to process together. Such events give room for all family members to voice their thoughts.

Teens are trying out new ideas as they encounter them. They may take a stance in opposition to the ways you’ve taught them at home as an exercise in exploration. Parents who listen rather than correct or become angry will model a healthy way to encounter opposing views.

Teens also need a safe place to ask questions troubling them or talk about behaviors amongst their friends that concern them. Today’s world requires that teens make important decisions about alcohol, drugs and sexual behaviors at an early age. These topics may be hard to discuss openly, but your teens need support as they face them.

Teens need to know their families will listen.

TO BE SAFE. Parents of teens need to be aware of the world their teens are living in daily. Where do they go and what are they doing? Who do they spend their time with and are they in safe spaces? Parents need to be willing to step in and “rescue” their kids if they find themselves in an unsafe situation. A code word decided upon by the entire family is one way to stay safe. A text of that one word means “Come get me.”

Teen years require clear boundaries set by you, their parents. Reasonable expectations mean your teen can comply, and it allows for flexibility when they behave responsibly. Consequences should be both fair and immediate. Rules are meant to keep your child safe and discipline is about teaching appropriate ways of living.

Keeping lines of communication open is a challenge in teen years, but it can go a long way in keeping your teen safe. Engaging in casual talks about how life is going, in general, can open up deeper levels of communication when important topics need to be addressed.

Teens want to feel safe.

TO BE LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY. While teens need privacy and want to be with their friends more than at home, they still need to feel loved by family members. Anything parents can do to demonstrate that unconditional love is a plus. Some teens welcome hugs while others prefer a less “fluffy” pat on the back or high five.

Although much of parenting is reminding kids to do their chores or homework, strive to make your interactions positive every time you can. We, adults, like to hear positive words and affirmations, and so do teens.

It’s important to show appreciation for your teen’s efforts and not only for their accomplishments. Trying a new sport or joining the drama club may not produce stellar performances but will be character-building. Look for ways to praise genuine effort.

When a teen makes a mistake or breaks rules there is an opportunity to show real love. Consequences meted out fairly coupled with assurances of love and support can turn a bad situation into a learning opportunity. Say the words. Tell your teen you love them often.

Teens need to know they’re loved.

Jan Pierce is a retired teacher, author and freelance writer.

Meltdown Magic Tricks

TIPS TO CURTAIL CHAOS WHEN KIDS ARE ON THE BRINK

BY MALIA JACOBSON

Clenched

fists, flushed cheeks, and shaky, shallow breaths most parents can spot these signs of an impending kid meltdown. When we notice our kids about to lose it, we have a few options: we can intervene in hopes of mitigating the damage, we can whisk our child home (or at least out of the public gaze) before the tantrum strikes or we can simply hunker down and wait out the storm. But what if we could avoid a meltdown in the first place? Turns out, we can, at least some of the time. Researchers say mindfulness, that wellness keyword of the moment, can help keep kids calm, centered and far from meltdown town. By building a child’s awareness of swirling emotions and strengthening the mind-body connection, mindfulness exercises are proven to reduce stress and anxiety and reduce self-harm in kids of all ages.

In their new book Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience In Your Child, authors Daniel J. Seigel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. describe kids’ emotional “zones” as the enraged, about-tomelt down “red zone,” the calm, connected “green zone,” and the withdrawn, overstimulated “blue zone.” Using simple mindfulness activities, parents can help kids stay in the calm “green zone,” where they’re more likely to make better choices and maintain emotional and behavioral regulation.

Of course, a solid mindfulness practice involves consistent repetition and routine, not quick fixes. But for particularly heated moments, it doesn’t hurt to have a few mindfulness exercises on deck to help kids de-escalate when they can’t do it themselves. After all, kids don’t want to lose control any more than we do. And when a meltdown looms, sometimes you’ve got to pull something out of thin air.

That’s where these easy-to-implement tools and techniques win the day. They’re simple, free, and dial down anxiety in mere moments.

TIME-IN. Before kids freak out, try a “timeIn:” When steamed-up kids need to cool down, a “time-in” offers a chance to regroup and build vital skills that they might miss in a solitary “time out.”

FIDGET TOY MEDITATION. You might have one of these mindfulness tools, such as a fidget spinner or Pop It, nearby. The next time your child is upset, ask them to give it a good spin or pop while practicing deep, rhythmic full-belly breaths.

BREATHWORK. To encourage deep, slow breathing to induce tranquility, try these breathing exercises: Try “birthday candle breaths:” have kids pretend each outstretched finger is a birthday candle, then take a deep breath to blow each “candle” out; “starfish breaths:” tracing a finger along the outline of the opposite hand in the form of a starfish, taking a deep breath up and down each finger; or “rocket breaths:” pressing hands together over their heart, have them take a deep breath to “blast” the

When kids are seeing red, help steer them back into their “green zone” by placing one hand on their chest and one hand on their stomach, then simply breathing. Kids can practice this calming technique before bed when they’re getting relaxed and sleepy.

Each time the exercise is repeated, its calming effect is reinforced (this goes for calming breath exercises in general – practice makes perfect).

MINDFULNESS APPS. For wired parents, tweens and teens, mindfulness apps like Headspace and Buddhify offer quick meditations to help kids shift out of a negative or angry state; parents can guide younger kids through these meditations, too.

Peace out,meltdowns.

Malia Jacobson is a nationally published health journalist and mom who encourages healthy lifestyles for the body and mind.

November

8000 W. Broward Blvd., Suite 1208, Plantation, 954-424-0085 www.youngatartmuseum.org

Storybook Festival

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19

An event for children of all ages with storytellers, STEAM activities, arts and crafts, entertainers, performances, scavenger hunt, costume parade and more. 10am-4:30pm, SOUTHWEST REGIONAL LIBRARY, 16835 Sheridan St., Pembroke Pines, www.broward.org/library

Disney Junior Live on Tour: Costume Palooza

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19

Beloved Disney Junior characters and Marvel superheroes join forces for an upbeat, concertstyle show. $25 and up. Noon & 4pm, BROWARD CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS, 201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale, 954-462-0222 www.browardcenter.org

Holiday Craft Show & Green Fair

10am-5pm, CHARLES F. DODGE CITY CENTER, 601 City Center Way, Pembroke Pines, www.ppines.com

Romeo & Juliet

Sunny Days and Starry Nights

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 3

Participate in free museum exploration the first Thursday of every month. 11am-7pm, NSU ART

MUSEUM FORT LAUDERDALE, One East Las Olas Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, www.nsuartmuseum.org

It’s Okay to be Different

FRIDAY & SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 4 & 5

Three contemporary stories by Todd Parr come to life onstage. $8.48 and up. Showtimes vary, BROWARD CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS, 201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale, 954-462-0222 www.browardcenter.org

Family Hayride and Campfire

FRIDAYS, NOVEMBER 4, 11 &18

Have some old-fashioned fun with a hayride, a campfire and a bag of s’mores supplies. Ages 3 and up. $4/person. Pre-registration required. Nov. 4, REVEREND SAMUEL DELEVOE MEMORIAL PARK, 2520 NW Sixth St., Fort Lauderdale; Nov. 11, QUIET WATERS PARK, 401 S. Powerline Rd., Deerfield Beach; Nov. 18, T.Y. PARK, 3300 N. Park Rd., Hollywood www.broward.org/parks

Florida Day of the Dead

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5

A processional of costumed revelers and giant puppets will travel from Huizenga Plaza to Riverwalk. 4-11pm, DOWNTOWN FORT LAUDERDALE, www.dayofthedeadflorida.com

ArtFest

SATURDAY-SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 5-6

Event includes a variety of art, vendors, entertainment, activities for the family and more.

SATURDAY & SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 5 & 6

Miami City Ballet presents this timeless tale of romance and tragedy. $39 and up. Saturday 7:30pm, Sunday 2pm. BROWARD CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS, 201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale, 954-462-0222 www.browardcenter.org

Camelot Days

NOVEMBER 5-6, 12-13, 19-20

Revisit time gone by at this medieval event featuring jousting, princesses, knights, fairies, crafters, food, games, entertainment and more. $20/adult, $10/ child. 10am-5:30pm, TY PARK, 3300 N. Park Rd., Hollywood, 786-332-0047 www.camelotdays.com

Sunday Jazz Brunch

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6

Community gathering along Riverwalk with musical entertainment on three different stages, food, and a great family ambiance. Pets welcome. Held regularly on the first Sunday of each month. Free. 11am-2pm, ESPLANADE PARK, 400 SW Second St., Fort Lauderdale www.fortlauderdale.gov

Moonlight Movies in the Park

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12

Bring lawn chairs or a blanket to an outdoor screening of Encanto on a giant, inflatable screen. 7:30pm, WESTON REGIONAL PARK, 20200 Saddle Club Rd., Weston, 954-389-4321 www.westonfl.org

Children’s Festival of the Arts

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12

Enjoy displays of art created by kids and teens, music, performances, vendors and more. 10am-4pm, YOUNG AT ART,

SATURDAY-SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 19-20

The town of Davie hosts a local event with handmade arts, crafts and plants. 9am-4pm, BERGERON RODEO GROUNDS, 4201 Rodeo Way, Davie, 954-797-1181 www.davie-fl.gov

Winterfest Family Fun Day

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20

Celebrate the upcoming winter season with free activities and fun. 10am, ESPLANADE PARK, 400 SW Second St., Fort Lauderdale, www.winterfestparade.com

Holiday Fantasy of Lights

NOVEMBER 23-JANUARY 1

Get in the holiday spirit while driving through this holiday display of lights. Fee applies. TRADEWINDS PARK, 3600 Sample Rd., Coconut Creek, www.broward.org/parks

Tamarac Turkey Trot

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24

Put your running shoes on and get moving on Thanksgiving morning at the Annual Turkey Trot 5K Run. Runners receive a finisher medal. 7:30am, TAMARAC CITY HALL, 7525 NW 88 Ave., Tamarac, www.runsignup.com

Turkey Trot

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24

Shed some calories before the big meal at this 5K walk/run. 7:30am, LAS OLAS OCEANSIDE PARK, 3000 E. Las Olas Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, www.turkeytrotftl.com

Christmas on Las Olas

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 29

Kick off the holiday season with a winter wonderland of family fun. Free. 5-10pm, 900 E. Las Olas Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, www.lasolasboulevard.com

COUNTY

month

Disney Junior Live on Tour: Costume Palooza

COUNTY

Food Truck Wednesdays

NOVEMBER 2, 9, 16, 23 & 30

Bring the family, and your appetite, to this food truck event featuring a variety of dishes to choose from. 5-10pm, PELICAN HARBOR MARINA, 1275 NE 79 St., Miami, www.miamifoodtrucksevents.com

Sleepy Alice

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 4

This performance keeps the Halloween-theme going with one night of two, one-act tales featuring the Legend of Sleepy Hollow and Alice in Wonderland. Audience members are encouraged to come in costume. All ages. 8pm, PINECREST GARDENS, 11000 Red Rd., Pinecrest, 305-669-6990 www.pinecrestgardens.org

Fall Stargazing

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 4

Gaze at the nighttime sky and snack on s’mores while cozied up by a bonfire. 6-8:30pm, FRUIT AND SPICE PARK, 24801 SW 187 Ave., Homestead, www.redlandfruitandspice.com

Family Movie Night

FRIDAY & SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 4 & 5

Enjoy family activities followed by a screening of Encanto. Free. 7-9pm, TOWN CENTER PARK, 17200 Collins Ave., Sunny Isles Beach, www.sibfl.net

Gold Coast Free First Saturday

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5

Bring the kids for a hands-on history lesson the first Saturday of every month when admission and museum exploration is free. GOLD COAST RAILROAD MUSEUM, 12450 SW 152 St., Miami, 305-253-0063 www.goldcoastrailroadmuseum.org

Kids’ Drawing Class

SUNDAYS, NOVEMBER 6, 13, 20 & 27

Aspiring artists ages 13 and under can learn techniques for bubble letters and characters from a local artist. Free with paid admission. 10-11am, MUSEUM OF GRAFFITI, 299 NW 25 St., Miami, www.museumofgraffiti.com

PALM BEACH COUNTY

First Friday ArtWalk

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 4

Discover the area’s vibrant art scene as you stroll DOWNTOWN DELRAY BEACH. The self-guided tour invites you to explore a variety of art galleries, studios and live music entertainment pop-ups along the way. The event takes place from 6-9pm at a variety of locations. An interactive map is available at www.downtowndelraybeach.com

Sensory Saturdays

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5

Families and children affected by autism spectrum disorder can explore the museum for an hour before the center opens to the public. Lighting and sound adaptions are made during this time. 9-10am, COX SCIENCE CENTER AND AQUARIUM,

Night Hike & Campfire

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 9

Explore the woods and wildlife at night during an evening hike followed by a campfire. $15. 7-9:30pm, DEERING ESTATE, 16701 SW 72 Ave., Miami, www.deeringestate.org

Santa’s Enchanted Forest

NOVEMBER 9 – JANUARY 8

Lights, rides, food, games, entertainment and more make this holiday wonderland glow. 7400 NW 87 Ave., Miami, www.santasenchantedforest.com

Disney Princess The Concert

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12

Celebrate the music that celebrates Disney princesses during this live production. Recommended for ages 6 and up. $35-$165. 7:30pm, ADRIENNE ARSHT CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS, 1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami, www.arshtcenter.org

Family Day on Aragon

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12

Enjoy a day of family fun activities, arts and crafts, live performances and more every second Saturday of the month. 2-5pm, CORAL GABLES MUSEUM, 285 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables, www.coralgablesmuseum.org

Fall Adventure

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12

A fun-filled weekend with fall backdrops, scavenger hunts, seasonal fruit tastings, tram tours and more. 8am-5pm, FRUIT AND SPICE PARK, 24801 SW 187 Ave., Homestead, www.redlandfruitandspice.com

Miami Book Fair

NOVEMBER 13-20

A hybrid event in downtown Miami and online with scheduled author presentations, workshops and activities. The weekend Street Fair takes place November 18-20. MIAMI DADE COLLEGE, 300 NE Second Ave., Miami, www.miamibookfair.com

Teens Only: Thanksgiving Baking Class

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 18

Teens in grades 7-12 can learn how to make sweet treats including apple, pumpkin and pecan pie and participate in a cookie decorating contest.

4801 Dreher Trail North, West Palm Beach, 561-832-1988 www.coxsciencecenter.org

Christmas Tree Lighting

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 29

Ring in the holidays with entertainment, games, food and vendors along Atlantic Avenue from 6-9pm, and the lighting of Delray Beach’s 100-foot Christmas Tree at 7pm at OLD SCHOOL SQUARE PARK, 96 NE Second Ave., Delray Beach, www.downtowndelraybeach.com

Mother Nature & Me THURSDAYS

Little ones learn all about nature through crafts, garden exploration and story time. Ages 5 and under with caregiver. $10/child. 10am-noon, DELRAY BEACH CHILDREN’S GARDEN, 137 SW Second Ave., Delray Beach, www.delraybeachchildrensgarden.org

Every effort has been made to provide accurate information. Changes and cancellations do occur. Please double check the details before setting out on your adventure.

Pre-registration required. 7-9pm, GATEWAY CENTER, 151 Sunny Isles Blvd., Sunny Isles Beach, www.sibfl.net

Movies at the Park

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 18

Grab your lawn chairs and blankets and head out to see Top Gun: Maverick on an outdoor movie screen. 6pm, DOWNTOWN DORAL PARK, 8395 NW 53 St., Doral, 305-593-6600 www.cityofdoral.com

Gables Bike Tour

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20

Bring your bicycle and take a guided ride while learning about the history of the area. The excursion begins at the museum and the cost includes museum admission. $10/person. 10am-noon, CORAL GABLES MUSEUM, 285 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables, 305-603-8067 www.coralgablesmuseum.org

Celebrate Thanksgiving

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21

Gather up your little turkeys for stories, songs and activities celebrating thankfulness. Registration required. 5-5:30pm, CORAL REEF BRANCH LIBRARY, 9211 SW 152 St., Palmetto Bay, www.mdpls.org

Turkey Trot Miami

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24

Get active before the big meal at this Thanksgiving Day race that includes a 5K, 10K and Kids Trot. 7am, TROPICAL PARK, 7900 SW 40 St., Miami, www.turkeytrotmiami.com

Rhythm and Dance

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 29

Join the fun with a fusion of musical styles to get you moving. Ages 13 and up. 11am-noon, WESTCHESTER LIBRARY HEALTH AND WELLNESS INFORMATION CENTER, 9445 Coral Way, Miami, 786-584-4100 www.mdpls.org

Vizcaya Village Farmers Market

SUNDAYS

Visit the historic farm and village as vendors sell homemade food and hand-crafted goods. 9am-2pm, VIZCAYA VILLAGE, 3250 S. Miami Ave., Miami, www.vizcaya.org

Animal Encounters

FRIDAYS

Kids can meet one of the resident animals to learn about its behavior and characteristics. 3pm, SANDOWAY DISCOVERY CENTER, 142 S. Ocean Blvd., Delray Beach, 561-274-7263 www.sandoway.org

Double Take

AN IDENTICAL QUESTION AND ANSWER EVERY TIME

BY CHERYL MAGUIRE

Ihad been holed up in my house for three months like an apocalypse survivor, scared to venture into the world. Giving birth to twins will have that effect on you. My fear of leaving the house was mostly centered on the increased odds of at least one of them letting out a full-blown stage five crying fit or requiring a massive diaper change. I had no idea how to handle either situation in public. Plus, I could only imagine that my sleep-deprived face resembled a zombie that may scare small children.

But when I finally ventured out into the world it turned out that no one was looking at me. They only noticed my adorable twin babies. What I wasn’t expecting was the amount of attention and questions I would encounter from total strangers.

The first time it happened I was pushing the double stroller, struggling to open the door to enter a store. A woman sidled up next to my stroller and popped her head in to get a better look at my little cherubs.

“Oh, aren’t they adorable! How old are they? Are they twins?”

“Thanks. Yes, they are twins. They are three months old.”

“Are they identical?”

This question caused me to panic. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I wondered to myself, “Did I accidentally dress both babies in the same color? If so, were they both dressed in pink or blue?”

Glancing into the stroller, I checked for the gender-identifying outfits. Sure, enough one was in head-to-toe blue while the other was dressed in head-to-toe pink. They both had cute baby hats on and there was no mistaking the colors. The poor woman must be color blind. I decided to not draw attention to the issue, and I just answered her question.

“They are a boy and girl.”

“Of course they are! They are dressed in head-to-toe blue and pink but are they identical?”

Apparently, I did not answer the question and she is not color blind, but she possibly missed some basic biology lessons about how boys and girls do not have identical body parts, so it is not possible for them to be identical twins. Should I have some fun or actually answer her question?

“Yes, they are identical,” I said. I couldn’t help myself. As I already mentioned after being confined to my house for

three months, the incorrect information just poured out of my mouth.

“I can tell. They definitely look identical,” she said.

I felt like saying you might not be color blind, but you probably need to have your vision checked because they look nothing alike. They have different color hair (although they did have hats

on, so I’ll give her that), different shaped faces, different noses and they are a boy and girl, but I merely smiled and said, “Thanks!”

I chalked that up to someone who probably failed ninth-grade biology class and needed an eye exam. But then it happened again and again and again!! It happened so often I started to wonder if maybe they were identical, and it was me who needed to retake biology class or at the very least get some sleep. I knew I was severely sleep deprived so it’s possible I was hallucinating the whole thing.

I then did what any sane person would do in my position, I Googled it. Turns out it is really common for parents of boy/girl twins to hear this question especially when they are babies. But I wondered, “Why?”

One Internet person surmised that “people just don’t really understand what twins are.” Well, that definitely seems to be the case. As they got older, it happened less and less. And then when one grew bigger than the other people didn’t even ask anymore because they thought that they were just regular siblings.

It’s too bad that no one asks me if they are identical anymore because I finally thought of something to say. I guess I’ll just have to pass it along to other twin parents. It should put an end to the questioning immediately.

They have identical crying schedules and their next one is happening in about five minutes.

Cheryl Maguire is the mother of twins and a daughter, none of which are identical.

We’re #1 in Florida*

Nicklaus Children’s Hospital is proud to be #1 in Florida in U.S.News & World Report’s 2022-2023 Best Children’s Hospitals listing*. We know it’s great to lead, but when you do it with compassion and extraordinary care, you show the world why children matter most.

* Nicklaus Children’s is tied with two other hospitals in Florida for U.S.News & World Report’s 2022-23 Pediatric Rankings, and is the only top-ranked hospital in South Florida.

nicklauschildrens.org