Sparks Magazine Issue No. 25 | University of South Florida by Sparks Magazine

Sparks Magazine is a collaborative project between students at the University of Central Florida, University of Florida, and the University of South Florida. Sparks Magazine at USFTM thanks the following student teams for their contributions to this issue.

UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA

UNIVERSITY OF CENTRAL FLORIDA

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Loryn Smith MANAGING EDITOR Aliza Ahmed FINANCIAL DIRECTOR Marium Abdulhussein COPY EDITOR Karen Zhang • Yeleeya Li • Justin Fernandez DESIGN EDITOR Elyza Navarro • Kate Lynne Pudpud PHOTO EDITOR Refat Roja PUBLIC RELATIONS DIRECTOR Destiny Tran • Ellie Uchida-Prebor

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Liana Progar MANAGING EDITOR Norah Layne FINANCIAL DIRECTOR Breena Pham COPY EDITOR Jolina Jassal LEAD DESIGNER Maliha Versi LEAD PHOTOGRAPHERS Liana Progar • Norah Layne PUBLIC RELATIONS MANAGER Jenna Ho • Kendall Ng

WRITERS Morgan Hurd • Aize Hassan • Isabelle Coleman • Annie Wang • Sabrina LaVopa • Anny Renger • Leile Wickliffe • Zaniab Narwaz • Sienna Chien • Zarin Ismail

WRITERS Kaylee Duong • Samanthaka Nandam • Arielle Colon • Ginger Yang • Monique Toon • Ibrahim Itani

DESIGNERS Lauren Shee • Madison Edwards • Divya Somayaji • Shiyin Hong • Tina Mei • Joy Chen • Cynthia Nguyen • Jackie Truong • Skylar Rosario • Josh Barcenas PHOTOGRAPHERS Carolina Tortoreli • Leyun Wnag • Kat Tran • Leanne Lucas • Logan Timko •Anushka Raviprasad • Rayvin Velasco • Minh Anh Do

DESIGNERS Arielle Colon • Khadija Nemazie • Arianna Flores PHOTOGRAPHERS Khadija Namazie • AJ Johnson • Kaylee Duong PUBLIC RELATIONS Ginger Yang • Monique Toon

PUBLIC RELATIONS Ashley Twilley • Michelle Tang Isana Schroder • Jiya Bhatt • Nam Tran

COVER PHOTO Kaniz Angel MODELS Quyen Tranh • Huzefa Johar • Simran Thakral

NATIONAL BOARD EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR Jason Liu OPERATIONS DIRECTOR Mercy Tsay CHAPTER DEVELOPMENT DIRECTOR Aleem Waris MARKETING DIRECTOR Sally Zhu CHAPTER MANAGER Samia Alamgir SENIOR GRAPHIC DESIGNER Esther Zhan WEB DEVELOPER Chris Tam

Sparks Magazine at USF E-Board & Staff

E-Board: EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Amy Pham • MANAGING EDITOR Krisha Patel • CONTENT EDITOR Quyen Tranh FINANCE DIRECTOR Fariah Ansari • DESIGN EDITOR Amreen Naveen • PROMOTIONS DIRECTOR Yasaswi Nimmgadda • PROGRAMMING DIRECTOR Ishita Sen • PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR Kaniz Angel Staff: WRITER/PHOTOGRAPHER Mridula Singh • WRITER/DESIGNER Nimrit Doad • WRITER/DESIGNER/ PHOTOGRAPHER Riya Choksi • WRITER/DESIGNER Sanikaa Thakurdesai • WRITER Reagan Huynh WRITER Serena Bhaskar • WRITER Deeksha Sridher • DESIGNER Daniela Kate Abaquita WRITER Alphy Maria Antony • PHOTOGRAPHER Amber Jani • DESIGNER Dan Pham • WRITER Vaidehi Persad

Sparks Sparks Magazine Magazineat atUSF USF E-Board E-Board&&Staff Staff

Staff: Staff: WRITER WRITERAditi AditiDhruve Dhruve• MEMBER • MEMBER Huzefa Huzefa Johar Johar • DESIGNER • DESIGNER Shifa Shifa Shaikh Shaikh • Member • Member Absaar Absaar Ajaz Ajaz • WRITER • WRITER Aditi Ragothaman Aditi Ragothaman • WRITER • WRITER Anushri Anushri Gade • Gade DESIGNER/PHOTOGRAPHER • DESIGNER/PHOTOGRAPHER Jayce Jiang Jayce • WRITER Jiang • WRITER Huong Phan Huong • Phan DESIGNER • DESIGNER Dat Dat Pham Pham • WRITER • WRITER Marilyn Marilyn Nguyen Nguyen • WRITER/DESIGNER • WRITER/DESIGNER Khoa Khoa Hoang Hoang • WRITER • WRITER Merita Merita Thomas Thomas • • Ramya RamyaSubramanian Subramanian• •DESIGNER DESIGNERSayuri SayuriGautam Gautam • PHOTOGRAPHER • PHOTOGRAPHER Simran Simran Thakral Thakral • WRITER • WRITER Sanjana Sanjana Nallpati Nallpati • • WRITER WRITER Shubhi ShubhiVerma Verma• •DESIGNER DESIGNERSmyrma SmyrmaDevalath Devalath

Letter From The Editor Dear Reader, Welcome to Sparks Magazine, a place where writing illuminates, art captivates, and stories resonate. I am thrilled to be introducing our latest issue, and I invite you into our world where every page is a celebration of our identity, culture, and community.

with Crazy Rich Asians, I realized I had found my people. Sparks Magazine unleashed my creativity, and I am proud to be a part of this community that continues to inspire and empower me.

As a college freshman, I stumbled upon Sparks Magazine at Bull Market while on the lookout for student organizations to join. When the Editor-in-Chief at that time encouraged me to attend the first General Body Meeting, I was instantly filled with apprehension. I was a complete novice in writing and had no experience in graphic design. Doubts plagued my mind—what could I possibly contribute to this organization?

With every article written, InDesign layout created, and issue published, each and every one of you has shared stories of the triumphs, struggles, and realities we all face. This community of passionate, dynamic, and talented individuals made this journey all well-worth it. Through each General Body Meeting, editing session, and interaction, I am reminded that Sparks Magazine is more than just a publication – it is a platform where self-expression thrives, and diverse narratives come to life.

However, from my very first meeting, I was drawn into this vibrant community that celebrated and elevated the voices of Asian Americans. As I connected with members on our shared experience of navigating between Asian and American cultures and the excitement over growing Asian representation in American media

To my executive board and staff, thank you for trusting me. For every eleventh-hour tweak and frantic phone call, I am so thankful you all were with me each step of the way. Your support was indispensable, and I could not have done any of this without you all. I am forever grateful to each and every one of you for allowing me to become a part of sharing your story. This issue is a testament to the creativity, resilience, and spirit of our Asian American community. Within these pages, you will not find just articles, but pieces of a larger narrative that we are all a part of. It is a narrative that challenges, celebrates, and changes us. I hope you’re ready to become a part of it! Best, Amy Pham

Table of Contents Sound of Acceptance

The Moon and The Sun

Greetings from Florida!

Hindi Cinema

What is Anxiety? When Does it Heal? So, Who Am I?

Intro: The Most Beautiful Moment in Life

Photography Spotlight

Before Tet

The Summer of the Matriarch

A Girl’s Guide to Girlboss

Emerald Green Box

Sanikaa Thakurdesai

Fariah Ansari Shubhi Verma

Aditi Dhruve

Abdul Moeed Zahid

Ishita Sen

Various photographers, Curated by Kaniz Angel

Khoa Hoang

Vaidehi Persad

Nimrit Doad

Merita Thomas

Table of Contents Just Jalsa

Ammar Ammu

I Choose Books Based On The Author’s Last Name

A Pound of Self Love

Chasing Horizons From Da Nang to Boston

Answers From An Artist

Home Is Where The Heart Is

Steeped in Culture

Modeling in America

The Beauty of Our Brokenness

Mismatched

Krisha Patel

Kaniz Angel

Reagan Huynh

Riya Choksi

Huong Phan

Marilyn Nguyen

Aditi Ragothaman

Serena Bhaskar

Ramya Subramanian

Quyen Tran

Mridula Singh

Having been diagnosed with severe hearing loss at the age of two, I cannot recall a time where I did not wear my hearing aids. It has always been a part of me- except the showers and water parks, of course! From being treated as a ‘brave’ individual overcom-

8 | fall 2022

inghearing loss as an obstacle to being treated as ‘less able’ because of the same hearing loss, it has been both strange and affirming how the myriad of ‘treatments’ I have received from people over the years. This has left me feeling conflicted about how supportive the Asian community can be. I consider myself extremely blessed with my family and friends that never made me feel any ‘less able’. However, that may not be the case for everybody else. Nearly 1.3 Asian Americans identify as having a disability and about 6% of that report having hearing loss. Despite considering these numbers, disability remains heavily stigmatized in the Asian community. In fact, compared to African Americans, European Americans, and Latin Americans; Asian Americans report the highest rates of stigma against mental, physical, and developmental disabilities. Disability is a complex phenomenon that

design/Daniela Kate Abaquita

repetitive request. My family and friends always said, “Sure.” That was the day I realized that I might be different . . . unusual . . . abnormal. These emotions are seldomly faced by 9-year-olds and I blamed it all on my apparent tool for survival- my hearing aids. Two big, brown, bean shaped machines looming behind each of my ears were a token of embarrassment. Little did I know that these very ‘machines’ would provide me with confidence and integrate into my identity as I grew older and wiser.

by Sanikaa Thakurdesai

“C

an you repeat that again?” I had naturally asked a classmate back in third grade when I was unable to understand what she had just said. “How many times must I repeat myself?,” she proclaimed with immense frustration. It took me by surprise. I had never encountered a negative response to my

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Hearing loss is a partial or total inability to hear. It is either from birth or acquired during one’s life-

fall 2023 | 9

design/Daniela Kate Abaquita

Additionally, disabled Asian Americans face the burden of racism and ableism at the same time, thereby leading to adverse consequences in terms of developing confidence in their identity. On top of that, invisible disabilities like hearing loss can often get sidetracked from the more apparent or ‘visible’ disabilities.

inghearing loss as an obstacle to being treated as ‘less able’ because of the same hearing it has been Iloss, simply could notboth hearstrange them. I and affirming how the myriad had to patiently ask professors for of ‘treatments’ I have received extra office hours because I could from people over the years. not understand their recorded This haswithout left me close feelingcaptioning. lectures conflicted about My worst hell, as how other people supportive the Asian with hearing loss would agree, community can be. I consider was maintaining a normal life myself extremely blessed with with COVID masks. I completely my family andthe friends that of acknowledge importance never made me feel any ‘less masks and maintaining distanceable’. that may not It wasHowever, vital, to say the least. be the case for everybody else. However, my hardest months Nearly 1.3 Asian Americans were when I was struggling to identify as having a disability understand basic conversationsand about 6% of that report even with friends. These having hearing loss. Despite challenges made me realize how considering thesethe numbers, accommodating world and our disability remains heavily Asian American community are stigmatized in the Asian for people with invisible community. In fact, compared disabilities. to African Americans, European Americans, andto Latin When it comes Asian Americans; Asian Americans Americans, a model minority myth report the highest rates is always hidden beneathoftheir stigma against mental, expressed identities. We have to physical, and developmenstrive for the best- we have to be tal disabilities. Disability is to a be the best. We are expected complex phenomenon thatand excellent thinkers, leaders,

by Sanikaa Thakurdesai

Disability as a construct has various social and cultural implications and I feel that being part of the Asian community, we still have a long way to go. In Asian communities, perceived stigmatized views on disability arise from the ‘saving face’ conceptanwhere an Asian you repeat thatperson again?” I with a disability would not be able had naturally asked a classto climb up the success ladders mate back in third grade when I as well as a to ‘normal’ Asian what person. was unable understand she had just said. “How many times must I repeat myself?,” she proclaimed with immense frustration. It took me by surprise. I had never encountered a negative response to my

time. According to the World Health Organization, over 1.5 million people across the globe live with hearing loss. In spite of being ‘invisible,’ hearing loss or hearing impairment experiences are subjective and individual to unique experiences. To be completely honest, I, myself, came to terms with hearing loss being a part of my My identity after repetitive request. family Iand came to the United States for friends always said, “Sure.” college. In a new world where I I That was the day I realized that was trying to make. my own mark, might be different . . unusual .. . abnormal. These emotions are seldomly faced by 9-year-olds and I blamed it all on my apparent tool for survival- my hearing aids. Two big, brown, bean shaped machines looming behind each of my ears were a token of embarrassment. Little did I know that these very ‘machines’ would provide me with confidence and integrate into my identity as I grew older and wiser. I was left to discover parts of myself that were waiting to be Having been diaglooked upon. nosed Havingwith stepped out severe of the ‘bubble’ hearing of my comfortable loss at the surroundings at home, I had to age of two, I cannot irrevocably and without an oprecall a time where I tion advocate I had to didfor notmyself. wear my assimilate myself into a new hearing aids. It hasland with new accents, new acatchalways been part of phrases, meand except specifically, new peothe showers ple to talk with. This journey came and water parks, of with its own challenges. I had to course! From being cautiously explain to people that I treated as a ‘brave’ was not rude whenindividual they called out for me and received no responseovercom-

goes beyond the medical and social models of disability where it is defined as “disadvantages in terms of pathological state of body and mind” and “relation between individual and [their] social environment” respectively. Instead, “disability is a different way of living in and experiencing the world, one not characterized by its disadvantages any more than its advantages.” Disability as a construct has various social and cultural implications and I feel that being part of the Asian community, we still have a long way to go. In Asian communities, perceived stigmatized views on disability arise the ‘saving face’How have from successful careers. concept where an Asian person would a person with hearing loss with a disability would not be able be able to survive in this rat racing to climb up the success ladders world? Well, I believe we can. The as well as a ‘normal’ Asian people person. stigmatizing beliefs about with hearing loss being ‘less able’ or ‘slow’ in regard to catching up with this fast-paced world, holds them and their families back from realizing the true potential of ‘what the person could live up to be.’ Usually, children with hearing loss are advised to attend special schools to receive basic education to better cope with this ‘rat racing world.’ However, on the contrary, encouraging all individuals to push their limits, like Additionally, disabled Asian my parents did with me, would Americans face the burden definitely ensure confidence,of racism andand ableism at thesuccess. same self-belief, ultimately, time, thereby leading to adverse My experience with receiving consequences in termsschool of education in a ‘normal’ developing confidence in environment propelled metheir to have identity. On top that, invisible big dreams andof run after them. In disabilities hearing loss can no way am like I trying to dismiss the often get sidetracked from the for importance of special schools more apparent ‘visible’ individuals whoor really benefit from disabilities. the.; Instead, I am trying to shed light on the fact that we can make Hearing is a partial or total all kinds loss of schools welcoming inability to hear. It is either from and inclusive enough for ALL birth or acquired during one’s lifeindividuals. Being in

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leadership positions time. According to while living with the World Health a disability can Organization, over 1.5 million have its own set of challenges. people across However, my the globe live hearing loss with empowered hearing me to try loss. In harder in each spite of and every posibeing tion I chose to be ‘invisible,’ in. Choosing to be a hearing leader is an loss or opportunity to challenge the hearing stigmas around disability and impairment leadership– always starts experiences change are within. subjective and individual to unique experiences. To People with hearing loss can be completely honest, I, myself, express emotional came to various terms with hearing loss identities ranging denial to being a part of myfrom identity after acceptance resilience. I came to thetoUnited States for Nevertheless, theworld hearing college. In a new where I community takemy upown a few was trying tocan make mark, basic niceties to make the hearing loss community feel more included. For instance, demonstrating all video material,

I was left to discover parts of myself that were waiting to be looked upon. Having stepped out be it for educational of the ‘bubble’ of my or comfortable entertainment withto surroundings atpurposes, home, I had closed captioning can beana opgreat irrevocably and without way to expandfor ourmyself. community. tion advocate I had to This facilitates a better assimilate myself into a new land understanding of our and with new accents, newworld catchenables tospecifically, have better new peophrases,us and discussions about ple to talk with. Thisanything journey and came everything the sky.I had to with its ownunder challenges. Secondly, patient in that I cautiouslybeing explain to people conversations and readily was not rude when they called out agreeing to received ‘repeat’ yourself, for me and no response-

encourages the hearing loss population to speak up more and not shy away from asking questions. These little acts of kindness can go a long way to prevent an individual with hearing loss from being susceptible to isolation, low self-confidence, and poor social interactions. Having been surrounded by a close-knit community, I have learned to better express myself and advocate, when necessary. I have learned to deliberately ask people to speak loudly. I have learned to wear my hair without the intention of hiding my hearing aids. I have grown to learn, love, and adapt. The Asian American community faces its share of cultural barriers, but I believe that with a little more openness and a little more conversation, we will be able talk about hearing loss as a part I simply could not hear them. I of someone’s identity and not a had to patiently ask professors for condition making them ‘disabled.’ extra office hours because I could Now, every time someone asks not understand their recorded me about the big, brown, bean lectures without close captioning. My worst hell, as other people with hearing loss would agree, was maintaining a normal life with COVID masks. I completely acknowledge the importance of masks and maintaining distanceIt was vital, to say the least. However, my hardest months were when I was struggling to understand basic conversationseven with friends. These challenges made me realize how shaped machines behind my ear, accommodating the world and our I gladly share my story- a part of Asian American community are me that is ever growing and for people with invisible adapting in this hearing world. A disabilities. part of me that is grateful to be on this journey of hearing and When it comes to Asian healing. A part of me that has Americans, a model minority myth found her voice and is embracing is always hidden beneath their this sound of acceptance. expressed identities. We have to strive for the best- we have to be the best. We are expected to be excellent thinkers, leaders, and

an you repeat that again?” I had naturally asked a classmate back in third grade when I was unable to understand what 10 | fall she2023 had just said. “How many

repetitive request. and friends alway That was the day might be different . abnormal. These

People with hearing loss can express various emotional identities ranging from denial to acceptance to resilience. Nevertheless, the hearing community can take up a few basic niceties to make the hearing loss community feel more included. For instance, demonstrating all video material,

The Asian American community faces its share of cultural barriers, but I believe that with a little more openness and a little more conversation, we will be able talk about hearing loss as a part of someone’s identity and not a condition making them ‘disabled.’ Now, every time someone asks me about the big, brown, bean

be it for educational or entertainment purposes, with closed captioning can be a great way to expand our community. This facilitates a better understanding of our world and enables us to have better discussions about anything and everything under the sky. Secondly, being patient in conversations and readily agreeing to ‘repeat’ yourself,

shaped machines behind my ear, I gladly share my story- a part of me that is ever growing and adapting in this hearing world. A part of me that is grateful to be on this journey of hearing and healing. A part of me that has found her voice and is embracing this sound of acceptance.

inghearing loss as an obstacle to being treated as ‘less able’ because of the same hearing loss, it has been both strange fall 2023 | 11 and affirming how the myriad

design/

. My family ys said, “Sure.” I realized that I t . . . unusual . . e emotions are

by Sanikaa Thakurdesai

have successful careers. How would a person with hearing loss be able to survive in this rat racing world? Well, I believe we can. The stigmatizing beliefs about people with hearing loss being ‘less able’ or ‘slow’ in regard to catching up with this fast-paced world, holds them and their families back from realizing the true potential of ‘what the person could live up to be.’ Usually, children with hearing loss are advised to attend special schools to receive basic education to better cope with this ‘rat racing world.’ However, on the contrary, encouraging all individuals to push their limits, like my parents did with me, would definitely ensure confidence, self-belief, and ultimately, success. My experience with receiving education in a ‘normal’ school environment propelled me to have big dreams and run after them. In no way am I trying to dismiss the importance of special schools for individuals who really benefit from the.; Instead, I am trying to shed light on the fact that we can make all kinds of schools welcoming and inclusive enough for ALL individuals. Being in

leadership positions while living with a disability can have its own set of challenges. However, my hearing loss empowered me to try harder in each and every position I chose to be in. Choosing to be a leader is an opportunity to challenge the stigmas around disability and leadership– change always starts within.

The Moon and The Sun

roper. Poised. Precise. Everything about Chaand is precise, from the sharp angle of her nose to the way her kameez falls just above her knee, revealing the intricate lace pattern that lines the bottom of her shalwar. Precision is the basis of all the qualities of a good princess– precision of thought, precision of language, precision of action– which is why she’s right on time for the peace conference.

~~~ Belong. Believe. Become. It’s the mantra that Suraj has repeated to himself for as long as he can remember– belong to his people, believe in his subjects, become the prince that his kingdom deserves. It was all working fine until her. When Chaand came along, she turned his world on its head with her meaningful glances and clever quips. It wasn’t mere attraction that had compelled him to slip the moon ring on her finger that night– it was hope. Hope for a life together, hope for a better future, hope for peace between their two kingdoms. For a moment, it all seemed possible. Then that moment passed and he felt a fool for thinking that his life could be anything more than a crown and a throne– that he could trade his gilded cage for a life with the woman he loved. Now that woman stands a few feet away, across the table– across the mountains and valleys and oceans that had kept him away for so long. Chaand meets his eyes and for a moment, she sees the boy who had proposed to her on the balcony that night. The night that had changed every-

12 | fall 2023

They had developed an unspoken language over the years- mimicking each other’s actions and learning enough about the other to know the meaning behind every knowing smile, every turn of the head. Suraj smiles at her now. Thank you for joining me, his eyes seem to say, glinting with the mischievous spark they’ve had since they were little. Chaand turns away. I’m not here for you, she means to say. I’m here for my country. We are one and the same. The unspoken words transport Chaand back to the night on her balcony, when Suraj had dared to whisper them out loud. ~~~ “We are one and the same.” “How can you say that?” Chaand had asked, leaning on the edge of the balcony. The wind whipped at her hair, tugging strands free from her intricate braid. “How, when we have been on the verge of war for decades?” “And why have we been so quick to violence?” Suraj moved to stand next to her and faced the door to ensure that they remained uninterrupted. “Because it’s always been like this.” “Not always.” Suraj crossed his arms and leaned back. “We were united once. One nation. Before everyone

Design By Amreen Naveen

The boy who had promised her the world that

Chaand takes a deep breath. She opens the doors.

thing. The night his people attacked hers. She twists the ring on her finger and sees Suraj mimic the same motion with his own, the sun ring gleaming with its twin.

Written By Fariah Ansari

Chaand stands in front of the doors, adjusting the moon ring on her finger, the celestial body for which she was named. She tries– in vain– to clear her mind of any wayward thoughts. After all, the boy who gave her the ring sat just beyond those gleaming double doors. Her best friend, her worst enemy, the bane of her existence– Suraj.

fateful night just one week ago, but left in a wake of crumbling castles and silent screams as her kingdom collapsed around her.

else decided that we were too powerful together. Before they turned the cracks in our kingdoms into gaping chasms.” “How can we bridge a chasm when the divide is too large?” Chaand asked skeptically. “We did it, didn’t we?” Suraj laughed to himself. “There hasn’t been a day since we met that we haven’t quarreled or challenged each other in some way. But even when we were children, we knew we could come to an agreement.” “It’s different. We were promised to each other when we were children.” “Is that how you see us now? Just a promise to fulfill?” Chaand hesitated. Considered. “No,” she said with conviction. “You are my decision. Not theirs. Mine.” Suraj smiled– not the practiced, political smile he wears in front of their advisors, but a genuine one he reserved just for her– a smile as radiant as the sun for which he was named. “How different are our countries, really?” Chaand continued. “How different are our values and identities? Our divisions stem from nothing more than lines on a map and the conflicts of other men. Why should our countries feel beholden to other forces who have never had our best interest at heart? What difference does it make that your people rise with the moon while mine rise with the sun? Are we not still people who dream and feel and hope all the same? Are we not just people waiting to fall into each other’s orbits? The countries that surround us have exploited our people for long enough. We share the same sky. Let us share the same land.”

Suraj took her hand then. “Our decision. Not theirs. Ours.” He took a small wooden box from the pocket of his kamiz and opened it. Inside lay a ring in the shape of a crescent moon, gleaming in the dark night. Suraj slipped the ring onto her finger, never breaking her gaze. “I want you to be my first and my last and everything that comes between. I want to be with you through the warm days and the bright summers, but I also want to be with you through the cold nights and the harsh winters. I want to be your comfort, the person you go to with good news, and the person you seek when you need respite from the burdens you carry. I don’t care how replaceable they say people are. To me, you are irreplaceable. To me, you are my moon.” Suraj saw the way Chaand’s eyes glazed over, the way she tried and failed to hold back her tears. She reached her hand into her potli bag and pulled out a box of similar size. In it lay a bright, iridescent ring in the shape of the sun. “I am your moon and you are my sun and despite the circumstances surrounding our attachment, I want you to know that I will be with you for as long as you will have me. How profound that you think of me even when I am not there to remind you of my existence– that I occupy a portion of your mind even when I am not near. When we are apart, I don’t mark the passage of time by minutes or

days, but by the amount of time I’ve been away from you. I look up at the sky and I wonder if you are looking at the same moon as I am. There is no ocean that I will not cross or mountain I will not climb to find my way to you.” And as they slipped the rings onto each other’s fingers, the screams began. ~~~ Chaand jolts back to the present, to the meeting at hand, when she hears Suraj speak. “We were unaware of any malicious intentions our party had. The imposters who accompanied us were apprehended and punished.” He meets her eyes when he says “I sincerely apologize for the hurt and damage they caused. Please allow me to make it right.” Please believe me. Chaand closes her eyes, too tired from the events of

fall 2023 | 13

Draped in Dignity

“Do you have to wear

14 | fall 2023

had regarded him with such hatred mere hours ago. He adjusts the sun on his finger. He takes her hands in his once more.

Muslimyou. by birth, I have always seen IAforgive Islam as more than just a religion. My instilled the values “Let parents us move forward then,” and Suraj they grew up says, thetraditions glint in histhat eyes returning. within me, claiming He looks into those same that to lose my roots warm eyes would be to lose that myself. I have always known Islam as a religion of peace and forgiveness. However, as I grew older I learned that not everyone saw it as such. People often misinterpret the teachings of Islam and label it a religion of violence and oppression.

Countries that seem to be harsh followers of Islam are harsh because of the institutions that surround them, not because of Islam itself. Religion is simply used to fortify their objective, but oppression is not what Islam teaches. One such government policy is the women’s driving ban in Saudi Arabia. If caught driving, women were arrested and their passports were confiscated. This is consistent with many other oppressive policies in place, as Saudi Arabia clung tightly to Wahhabism, the idea that women and men should be kept separate. While the driving ban was lifted in 2018, women are not privy to the rights that men are. The changes that are taking place do not come with legitimate rights. In line with law and custom, men still have a lot of control over a woman’s life in regards to when they marry or whether or not they are issued a passport.These two contradictory narratives show that the changes taking place are superficial, and that women continue to be oppressed under the guise of religious doctrine. Their idea that every woman had to have a male guardian was blatantly sexist and inconsistent with the teachings of Islam.

They see it as sexist when it is not. in

The teachings of Islam are very clear in their treatment of women. Islam respects and values its women so deeply that it seeks to protect them from the dangers of the world. This is

why Muslim women wear the hijab. It is not a symbol of oppression, but rather one of freedom. It is a privatization of sexuality, an idea that is lost on the Western world. While the West seeks to “free” women through the idea that wearing less clothes is liberating and that women should be comfortable in their own skin, Islam teaches women that the world has no right to bear witness to their beauty. Instead, it uses modest clothing to shield them from ill-intentioned individuals. This does not make women and men unequal, but simply different. However, government policies around the world are not reflective of this. Islam can not be seen as a religion of equality while governments continue to misinterpret Islam.

Design and art by Amreen Naveen

en your uncle?” A boy They mocking asked are me with a scowl. and deceitful and My eyes widened tas em p e s t uover ous, I mulled and when people the audacity of conclude his question intheir admiration, the my head. Is this what myare classstars mates as lost thought of Muslims? Were we all terrorists their eyes? “Of course not,” I scoffed, prompting a flurry of more questions.

as the people who leave alongside them. But it is the people who stay who are the victors– the people who look at him with all his faults and failures and choose to stay. On purpose, a scarf aroundto your head?” they choose stay. These people are like the moon, ever present in “Willsky, you be allowed drive?” the even whentothe sun sets it ablaze. They follow him, silent and “Why are there so many terrorists out calm, never leaving his side. Oh, they there?” may wax and wane as time passes, but there is a steady, aching sureYearsin later, now they knoware thatpresent. most of In ness theI way the questions that my classmates the way they take his helmet of stoic asked me were not meant to be steel and line it with hope. In the way offensive. People at that age are untheir soft silence brings him peace. aware of the delicate intricacies that govern global politics. They were not It is the way Chaand looks at who him trying to be rude, but to someone now, eyes soft, chin tilted upward. was used to a certain way of life, the answers that seemed so obvious to “We must beyond the their petty me were lostmove on them. However, squabbles of the past and look blunt questions did make me won- towards a unified kingdom,” der: howcreating did I fit into the image of the Chaand finally says.had constructed? world that my peers

Written by Fariah Ansari

that night, from this meeting, to respond immediately. “And how do you plan on rectifying this? Our kingdoms are fighting once more. Our people are agitated. That night, you aying attention during my sixth left the conclave.” grade history class always presented You left me. a real challenge. The people, locations, and civilizations over as I tried sur“I amwent aware ofmy thehead sentiments to commit them all to memory. I that rounding this dilemma. I know remember the exceptionthe day we there is much I have to do to atone learned about Islam. I was filled with for the actions of my people.” excitement as I read the lesson plan on the board. Finally, after weeks of I know. I’m sorry. learning about the advent of Christianity and the spread of Judaism, we They eyes Suraj wouldlock study the again rise ofand Islam andsees the the stubborn, unyielding woman he Ottoman Empire. has come to love, the woman he has loved they reading met at passages this very taAs we since took turns ble as children. The silence between from the textbook out loud, my teachthem lasts for minutes, years, centuer turned to me and suggested that ries, they remember the promisI readand a terminology-heavy excerpt, es theyknew made to each other on the as she I was already familiar with the content. I proudly read the balcony. passage, making sure my pronunciation of thethe Arabic words wasthe correct. Among clouds and stars, Later, as we were our Chaand– Suraj thinks, thedoing moon– classwork, classmates is the only my constant presence in the sitting in front of me sky, in his life. He wonders why peoturned and asked if ple praise the stars for Itheir was beauty Muslim,when to they which it I nodded know will never last. and said I was. The Even the most brilliant conversation was stars meet their ends in pleasant untila blaze of chaos. No, the stars not beautiful. “So is are Osama bin Lad-

Greetings from Florida!

to her faith, and her beliefs. Banning Muslim and non-Muslim are ones IssueI XX the hijab limits a Muslim woman’s will continue to condemn. Monday access to necessities like education. Sports p.XX The hijab is not an oppressive symPerhaps the ignorance of my classbol, as the West often makes it out to mates can be rectified Weather with a littlep.XX be. The fact that a Western country more time and patience. It is up to is participating in such a blatant form the adults of this world to teach them of oppression is a testament to the that Islam is not a religion of violence, lengths that governments are willbut one of peace. It is the responsiing to go to to demonize Islam and bility of Muslims around the world to incite prejudice. People should be clarify misconceptions that non-Musable to practice religion the way that lims may have about the role of womthey wish to, instead of through the the difference between genders, Business - Politics - Editorial - Obituaries - TV and radio - Horoscope - en, Food - City life 50 cents demands of government policies. and the freedoms that are granted to both. As a Muslim girl living in AmeriThe various government policies in ca, I have always valued the freedom The tropical home of one of the highest death toll rates from mass shootings in America. With mass shootplace restricting women’s right to of religion I was given. I am extremely ings parading on every corner, and choose streets how stifled by smoke-filled fumes, for immigrants they practice Islam gives grateful for the fact and that Imembers am able toof the AAPI is community, this is nothing destroyer of dreams visions their desired Extremism frowned upon in Islam. thebut ideaathat Islam does not allowand its a blinder choose ato lifestyle thatofI am comfortOften, theocracies misinterpret the women to be independent. While the able with. The freedom to follow one’s freedom. This is a poem penned down to amplify their unspoken voices. teachings of Islam to suit their own Western world has created a certain religion, without the interference of needs. Countries like Iran that endefinition of equality between genoppressive forces, will always be force veiling laws on their women are ders, Islam believes in a different kind something I advocate for. ’ve always loved airplanes, also at fault for using extreme forms of equality. While men and women Not to because of sexist the oval windowed shows, of Islam forward agendas. may not have the same roles in Women (Muslims and non-Muslims society, there is a balance beOf white and fluffy delight, alike) are arrested and fined if seen tween genders. Islam acknowlButnot because of ablurred in wearing hijab inboundaries, public, as it edges that men and women are is considered “shameful” to show the different, and that they take up And unfragmented imagination, smallest amount of hair. Enforcing different roles in life. Women Of just a group of passengers, such a strict form of public prudency may not always be allowed the En routemen to our wildest destination. teaches that oppressing women same freedoms as men, and the is not only acceptable, but encourconverse is also true. However, it aged. It teaches women and young does not mean that one is valued And that nowtheir I look back, girls value is something that over the other. People in the West is granted to themthis by naivety, men. The reahave interpreted the exposure of Trying to retrace son Islam gives for covering the head the female body to be liberating. Wemodesty pay the ultimate price From the mad prism offrom memory, is to protect a woman the prying However, Islam values eyes of the to oppress her.of me, and encourages bothNeither men and silver nor gold But this joyworld, ceasesnot to stand in front Yet, the Irani government continued women to dress respectably. This But real human life. Because on my flights from India to America, to force women to cover their heads, does not mean that women are I think a lotsomething about howtothe of the free, as if it was beland ashamed not allowed a place in society. of. Not only is it an inaccurate interWomen are allowed My to own busi-arrived with dreams quite bare, parents Has become a scarier place to be. pretation, but it also gives Islam an nesses and have jobs. The money Seeking oppressive image. that a Muslim woman makesthe blessing of the eagle’s glare, is her own, while herAhusband’s relic of the Lady’s might, A sky before which was ablaze with red, white, and blue, However, plenty of secular govbelongs to the family. Nowhere in Yet rifles steal our children’s light. Is now just ablaze with red. ernments seek to oppress women Islamic scripture does it say They bear the weight of this land’s strife, Burgundy is the haunting through other means. The hue, hijab ban that women are lesser than in France is a prime example of this. men. Knowing they might leave, without a life. All painted by my dearest friends. In 2011, France became the first European country to ban face coverings So no, I do not have to wear (including the burqa). In 2021, France a scarf around my Within a classroom, I’m now ensconced The land of the free banned minors from wearing the head. Not studying a poem or book Stole the greatestthe freedom from me hijab. Removing privilege of wearing hijab infringes woman’s Yes, I am allowed to No longer admiring differentiation’s dance Andthe now us allblack on or awhite, right to choose how to practice her drive. Instead, my eyes follow the exit routes, religion. The hijab is symbolic. When And both measures the path to the nearest window’s chance. a woman wears it, it is a testament The actions of terrorists,

by Shubhi Verma design/ Shifa Shaikh & Dan Pham

fall 2023 | 15

Phalke’s company began producing more silent films, influencing the growth of theaters and production companies alike. He went into the production and distribution of films as well, showing that the Hindi film industry was a place where actors could grow past regional theater troupes and traveling musicals.

Hindi Notable Figures Cinema Khadija bint Khuwaylid

Sayyida al Hurra Lalla Aicha

Sultan Raziyya

16 | | spring fall 2023 10 2022

model Meena Kumari/Madhubala/ Aishwarya

The first ever Indian feature film produced was 1913’s Raja Harishchandra. The film was directed, written, Sayyida al Hurra Lalla Aicha (1485-1561) was the last person in the history of Islam to hold the title of Queen. She ruled over Tetouan from 1515 to 1542 and produced by one man, Dadasaserving as vice-governor to her brother. She was fluent in many languages, heb Phalke. He is known as theafter originator and prime player in theincluding early Spanish and Portuguese, which made her an effective diplomat. After film industry popping up in being India.forced to flee Granada as a child due to the Spanish Reconquista, she later sought to become a pirate and hold operations in Gibraltar in hopes of returning He utilized commonly known stories to Andalusia. that the Indian middle class would be able to understand and relate to, and hired actors who varied in experience and background. Some were a part of the Marathi theater community, performing in Marathi and Urdu was the only female Muslim ruler of the Delhi Sultanate. She plays throughoutSultan the Raziyya area. Women from and 1236the to 1240 after being nominated as heir due to her perfordid not act in hisreigned early films, mance. While many characters who were women wouldnobles expected her to be a figurehead, she asserted her authority and many of the nobles who opposed her ultimately joined her rule. be played by men who had select attributes Dadasaheb would feel were “effeminate”. Raja Harishchan dra was a distinct introduction to the world of cinema for Indian audiences, and from then on Dadasaheb

design Dat Pham

Khawla bint Al-Azwar

by Aditi Dhruve

indi movies have surroundAlam Ara was the first Indian talkie ed my life since before I even film to be produced. The film also knew what movies were. My bint Khuwaylid (c. 555-May 620 CE) was the daughter featuredofathefull album Khadija leader of produced by Quraysh tribe in Mecca. She was the first follower of Islam and married mom used to watch old Hindithe films Saregama, a musicthe production coma successful businesswhile staying up with me as a Prophet baby, Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him). Khadija was pany which still produces movie alwoman and served as a leader when the Quraysh embarked trade missions and even one of my first ever membums.on Playback singing was done by to Syria and Yemen. ories was asking my parents if we the actors themselves, such as K.L could go see the latest hit Sawariya, Saigal or Kishore Kumar. The tradiwhich they hated and I was in love tion of playback singing and movies with. Singing along to songs with my having songs dispersed throughfamily, learning about actors and acout the film has been a part of the tresses, and learning about film hisIndian film culture since sound was tory brought meKhawla closerbint to my peo- was a Muslim warrior born in the seventh century. Al-Azwar She introduced. Playback singing has alwas the commander of the Rashidun army during the 7th century Muslim con-producers to integrate songs ple and my culture from the onset. lowed quest, leading campaigns in parts of Syria, Jordan, and Palestine. She ledthroughout a band the film, and launched of women during the Battle of Yarmouk in 636 CE against the Byzantine emHindi cinema is considered a stalwart the careers of iconic artists such pire, defeating their chief commander. of the cultural makeup of India. Bollyas Asha Bhosle, Lata Mangeshwood, cricket, and politics are some of kar, or Sonu Nigam, who are loved the biggest drivers of Indian culture. all over the world for their music.

In the 1940s and 50s, Indian films suggestive, and audiences exploded or London. It added a sense of glosaw a surge of recognition on the into new multiplex cinemas which balization to the films and appealed global stage. Directors such as Bimal could show film after film, show after to Indian audiences living abroad. Roy and Satyajit Ray established a show packed with the general audistream of “parallel cinema”,” artistic ence. Family entertainers like Amar In recent years, Indian films have and content focused films which fo- Akbar Anthony featured more popu- crossed language and regional cused on class issues and social re- lar heroes and ensemble casts which boundaries with films hitting pan form, influenced by the nation’s the sold out theaters and picked up cul- India audiences. RRR won best song state of the nation’s post-indepentural impactllfrom theget first weekend. at the in a huge TheOscars, Achievement Gapwin for TollyAsians A’s.” dence era. Satyajit Ray’s Apu Trilogy wood, Telugu Cinema, and India as a In education, data illustrates a large achieved critical acclaim through“All Asians are naturally A bit achievement gap between Asian outWhile the world and launched indie smart.” a Florida of green Americans and other racial groups. Hindi film into mainstream culture summer can lead to papaya and The achievement gap refers to a “All Asians do well in school.” in India itself. At the same time also, heat exhaustion outdoors, disparity in students’ academic a larger ratio mainstream Indian cinema boomed, performance. According Ansell of stepping into a Caribbean Society’s perception of Asian Amerof to lime to pepper with massive stars like Dev Anand Education Week, the gap is based ican and Pacific Islander excel in household kitchen amidst would yield a on mild and Madhubala coming to thethe foremeasurements of success such as school, achieve better test scores, pepper-making will with likely and tangy table sauce. front of the culturalprocess conscience “grades, standardized test-scores, and attain greater academic suclead to more severe symptoms of coughing, blockbusters such as Baazi. Noir was cess. When analyzing academic data, course selection, dropout rates, and sneezing, and burning eyes. brought to Indian audiences and becollege-completion Typically, For a more nuanced flavorrates.” that transcends this generalization may appear true. Asian American students are viewed came a staple of films in the 1950s. However, because demographic dataspicy pickle or pepper sauce, one any other might

The Generalization of Asian Americans in Education

by Amy Pham

“A

by Michelle Zauner

Crying in H Mart: A Memoir

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

design/ Riya Choksi

as having an academic advantage lumped all Asian American andto prepare Being in the presence of ground Ghosthas peppers, attempt the essential of any Trinidadian over other ethnic groups. The comPacific Islander students together, The 1960s saw a boom in largCarolina Reapers, and Moruga Scorpion peppers will household, “Kuchela. This spicyachievements relish is quite labor munity’s” academic information regarding the specific er surely commercial films whichavid contake even the most consumer of pepper intensive ingredients such as Scotch are attributed to cultural values and academic needs of different Asian and involves tinued on for the next 3 decades. sauce as its victim, but those with the pepper-makparenting styles. Bonnet peppers, mustard oil, and amchar masala. American and Pacific Islander comThe 1960s saw color film break into ing gift remain unphased. The processmunities begins with has remained hidden. While the spiciness is essential, the peppers take a Hindi cinema. The classic film MuThis generalization minimizes Asian home-grown ingredients. Most of these peppers can backseat in this pickle. Mangoes make up the majorghal E Azam was the first Indian film American students’ difficulties in The Model Minority Myth be in harvested as short as four months after planting. ity of this relish and for mostinimpressive results, shot color, and it broke out into school andthe results a lack of support From green to yellow to red, peppers at all differhomegrown and green mangoes are a one of the biggest films of the time. andhand-grated access to resources for students The generalization of Asian Amerientsong stages of ripening can beKya” used to extract specific who are struggling. According to must-have. The “Pyar Kiya to Darna cans’ high academic achievement is Shafer of Harvard Graduate School of flavors and While the younger influenced theheat ideacapacities. of the Mughal rooted in and the model minority myth. the model minority These stereotypes theentire Asian skinEducation eranewer courtesan, and level dance plants arethe said to of yield mild-heat peppers, the portrayThe and fleshinof2017, the mango must be myth “can mislead teachers to believe American community as a model and decoration shown in classical ripened peppers of more mature plants are thought to grated down tothat thenone seed,ofand at students least tenare mangoes these strug- are immigrant community who have pieces still influences movies be thethat spiciest. needed for it togling.” be worth your time. This Furthermore, as Wu of shredded Diverse accomplished the American Dream. like Bajirao Mastani today. Film alEducation in 2020 explains, “students mango is then squeezed multiple times to release any The model minority myth perpetuates bums started becoming larger than who are struggling, not conforming to My family has been growing our own the pepper idea plants that all Asian Americans water and left to dry. The oil, masala, and life with cassette sales boosting expectations academically or coming have and for years. Back in the day, pepper sauce wasachieved usually great academic pepper are then prepared to pickle the mangoes. As movies like Guide up into blockbustout as LGBT… may be excluded from professional success. However, the with fresh Scotch the pickle ages,programs, the flavors intensify. Growing er prepared status, where entireingredients audienceslike lime, even those meant to be up, my model minority myth ignores the Bonnet, Congo peppers, and Seven-Pot peppers. parents wouldopen repeat of shredding forthe all.”process The assumption that green would break out in unison as soon systemic barriers the Asian American Today my family likes to test the tradition with newer Asian American students will excel mangoes over the summer. To mass dry the in as the song came up on screen. Theand 90sPacific and Islander 2000s saw an extenwhole. Films have started releasing shreds in in school leaves students in need of and even hotter peppers that top the Scoville heathas community faced a controlled environment, they and would place sion of Indian films into the global multiple languages, Hindi films in the shadows to struggle in America. scale. From parents’ Florida to myfilms pandering The 70s and 80smy were dominated bybackyard stage with to the have feature and baking traysespecially ofsupport the mango instarted our oldto minivan silently, whether it be academically or larger than life action and romance audiences who were watching south indian actors and direcsister’s Toronto apartment balcony,NRI you’ll find some let them drymore insocially. the Florida heat. Themay smell of sumStudents who require films. Stars like Amitabh films from abroad. Throughout the tors in their projevcts, which is helpof the world’s hottest Bachan peppersand growing. mer is green mangoes under thetosun. additionalshriveling support are unable ac-

Dharmendra were playing young men in action movies where men would fly across the screen with one punch, and any blood shown would run dramatically from a cut lip, the extent of the hero’s injuries. Song and dance got more raunchy and

2000s and into the 2010s, modernization and globalization became more present in the content and music of movies produced in the Hindi film industry. Movies like Race or Don featured scenes in different, modern cities like Singapore

ingcess diversify the Hindiresources film industry the necessary due to overall. It is a new stage for Hindi film, this stereotype of academic success. andWhen as itgrouped extendstogether, there are hopes it appears thatasone dayallitAsian may Americans be called are the though achieving better grades, attending Indian film industry in general, not better schools, and performing better separated by language and regions. on exams.

fall 2023 | 17

What is Anxiety?

When does it heal?

Anxiety begins to take root after feeling How can I be certain something is missing? like something is missing deep within, I genuinely try to be there for my friends, However, the perceived achievement tionfulfilled. that “all Asians do well in school.” greater awareness of the educational this is followed by fleeting attempts to feel when they struggle with life. gap between Asian Americans and their racial peers is misconstrued.

18 | fall 2023

Design By Nandhu Shankar

"The assumption that Asian American students will excel in school leaves students in need of support in the shadows to struggle silently, whether it be academically or socially."

Written By Abdul Moeed Zahid

It is important to recognize that needs of underserved Asian students. certain Asian American and Pacific It is important to consider the differAnxiety begins to take root after realizing I wonder, where ent doeschallenges my empathy Islander communitiesSoface systemic andhide, advantages that that this void is an abandoned need for approval, I am my life? Dismantling the Generalizations barriers to academic when success asstruggling well arewith afforded to each Asian American disguising itself as beingas“too ” What pieces of my being are missing? the kind. advantages other Asian ethnic and Pacific Islander ethnic group. An important area that requires more groups are afforded. As Park of HighAnxiety takes hold when a voice within Today inAlthough attention is the need for disaggregater Education 2019 explains, achievement between Asian you’ve justThe begun answeringgap that, falsely maps my greatest ed data. Current demographic “not all,traits but many Asian Americans students and other you have realized the voice is not your own racial groups data assumes the Asian Amer- to despicable habits. onlyyou be attributed to it’s just resonating from allcannot the times were put down. ican community is a monolith. cultural differences. There This ignores Anxiety the vast takes experienneeds to be a greater focus hold when a voice within, Although you've realized you’re missing something within, tial, socioeconomic, on actionable solutions to falsely accuses all my good actions having this void within lets the voice resonate. and cultural differences among the educational inequities in to hide shades of evil intentions. To truly begin healing is tothe acknowledge this. system. Asian ethnic groups. AggreAmerican school gated data, which is data that According to Shafer of Harvard combines individual-level inforGraduate School of Education mation, creates the illusion that in 2017, addressing “poverty, Anxietyare is when I feel bad about all Asian American students systemic racism, segregation, To truly heal is to realize that wearing my heart on my sleeve, succeeding academically. When there is still time to find allor under-resourced schools,” the information is disaggregatdespite being told I’d be a hypocrite otherwise. of your missing pieces. and barriers that make it “diffied and grouped according to cult for families to assist their each ethnic community, there children’s academic growth,” Anxiety is when unfinished chores clutter my mind, To truly heal is to realize that is a just great variety of academwill require a “large shift in as they clutter my room, and despite my will, all those missing pieces ofsocial yours services and public poliic achievement. For example, I am unable to sort them. are who you really are. cies.” For example, focusing on certain ethnic subgroups, such as Chinese, Indian, Japanese, investing in public school eduSo far, you've only gotten acation glimpse them, access to and Korean studentsAnxiety performis fed by the undue rant, andofexpanding which needlessly breaks my self well academically, whereas better schools is important. As but I assure you they are jewels and diamonds, I am in front of my loved ones. other groups likewhen Cambodians Joo, Reeves, and Rodrigue of that were stolen from you. and Hmong do not fare as well. Brookings Institute in 2016 Even within theAnxiety Asian American is fed by the undeserved hurt, So far, it feels like you are on shaky ground, community there is an achievewhich needlessly inflicts my self but keep finding all these pieces. ment gap between different when I feel all of this all at once. You cannot leave the mosaic of your self incomplete. ethnicities. As Joo, Reeves, and Rodrigue of Brookings Institute have more access to in 2016 highlight, “these academresources like highic performance gaps within the er-quality public schools, Asian-American populations are in supplemental education fact just as wide as the gaps between resources… and comwhite and black Americans.” Treating munities that reinforce the Asian American community as a high… standards of monolith rather than by specific ethacademic performance.” nic subgroups results in ill-informed On the other hand, perceptions and policy decisions. Southeast Asian, Pacific Disaggregated data will provide more Islander, and low-income context regarding the specific needs Asian Americans face of each ethnic group to address edusystemic barriers to cational inequality. academic success such as lack of access to We must dismantle the harmful genquality schools and poveralization and reframe the perceperty. There needs to be

So, Who Am I? To summarize, To feel lost is not surprising as I see my new home through the eyes of an immigrant twice removed, no wonder at times I feel disconnected from my culture, and from the land I moved to. To feel lost is not surprising as I see my old home through the eyes of someone who escaped, no wonder at times I feel disconnected from my people, who have it far worse. To feel lost is not surprising as I see what people like me go through, the list never ends, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Yemen, Syria, and Palestine, at times I feel disconnected from the world when I see how normalized racism is towards my kin. But amidst all the things that weigh me down, It is a blessing to have a family that cares for me despite all the hurt we have faced. But amidst all the challenges that drag me down, It is a blessing to have friends that I can play badminton with. I find peace in the little things they do like complimenting the Desi food I make. I sit back and think, even when I was as young as 11, I still deeply felt the pain people like me face. It is a blessing to feel deeply. Although I tend to get hurt easily, I am content with the small glimmers of my Self, And I am eager to keep growing into the person I am meant to be.

fall 2023 | 19

화양연화 Intro: The Most Beautiful Moment in Life

TELL ME A STORY sweat and tears” video consisted of expansive

chambers decorated with Renaissance paintings Storytelling in the APIDA Community

Intro: Serendipity................Oct 11, 2016 behind it. in my ears as I was grooving bed, ing music blasting

heard and their power to shape my ony of surreal grandeur. Surprisingly, BTSmindpacked a setwith regarding my culture. Asa an tale religious imagery into six Asian minute(and video

a part-time American), most of my traditions while maintaining the intricate and frenetic For every story, there is a memory associated have revolved around spoken interactions like different genres and choreography for which they are renowned with it. songs, poems, and mandatory conversations languages flowed through for. The song’s lyrics,traditions which speak with at family gatherings. These serve 이 순간은 언제든 다시 찾아오지 my ears. It was notI apray that our future generato give in to the seduction a 않아 For every story, as a way desire to remain connected with theirofAsian This moment will never ever surprise when a song poisonous seem tions get to hear it. heritage. potentially They propel me to berelationship, closer to my elcome back. ders and to anticipate a memorable relationship came up in a familiar but be thematically at odds with the music 다시 나에게 되물어봐 지금 행복 Where I come from, storytelling is a cuswith my future ones. 한가 foreign language: Korean. video. However, with a second viewing, the I ask myselfdown once again, “are you tomized ritual that has been passed Nonetheless, I listened to visual components appear to redirect the happy now?” for generations. Orality has been a means In the novel ‘Joy Luck Club’ Amy Tan illusthe song, intrigued by the literal lyrics of a loving partner towards the 그 답은 이미 정해졌어 난 행복하다 of transmission and preservation. Theisword trates the cultural conflict experienced by a The answer already set, “I’m intermingling of harmounderlying interpretation to temptation and ‘storytelling’ sparks fragments of memories Chinese mother and her daughters. The novel happy.” nystored and voices. Sitting up sins. This transforms vibrant music in my mind that illuminate imagination acts like a mythology, servingBTS’ as an example straight and focusing video into aisrather somber examination of and tradition. For instance, a jovial grandfather of how storytelling a myupbeat neighbourhood to bind traoninthe yet eerie loves sharing anecdotes. unique way human nature. Every time my friends and I gathered together ditions and number, I slowly melted. play or hangI knew out, he new beliefs. Attothat moment, I would join in and say, JustInwatching it for the first time, the visu“When I was younger. . .,” which always turned the novel, had to look it up. Little did als completely enraptured me. I had never into a fun few minutes full of laughter, gasps, the mothers I know that was the start seen anything like that before. There were and curiosity at how our elders lived life so use storytelling offreely. my journey down the this became a tradimany layers to their pieces. The deeper Understandably, to impart so perBTS tionrabbit and hole. we have been hearing his stories for sonal andI delved, the more I uncovered. The lyrics, almost as long as I can remember. His storymystical the storyline, the whole fictional universe tellingsweat ranged anecdotes, myths, morals tales to their “Blood, andfrom tears”, in the music videos, and just the message to historical references. daughters the song that enraptured their art carries, it was all a whole experiwho are me was a delight when I first watched the music ence that I strive to relive again. Every type of story has a value and a memory dominatvideo. I would do anything to experience BTS for that I associate with. I believe that those few ed by Anthe first time. What initially caught my eyes were Boyz With Fun...................June 13, 2013 minutes were always an assurance to him glo-Ameritheir exquisite wereofa sharing truly beautiful of his youth visuals. and theThey honour it. All can culture. bunch of people. But, the more I watched the video, Let’s go back to the beginning. BTS was created that I have experienced in life till today has Through beenmesmerized in pursuit of the onewhile who also brings storytelling, the I was bybeing their dancing, being by BigHit Entertainment whose mission is to creback those few moments of laughter, displaced mothvery confused since I didn’t realize that theirgasps, music ate music and artists for healing. BTS debuted on and curiosity. This oral tradition has long ers find a voice videos presented a fictional storyline. Somewhere June 12, 2013 with seven members: RM, Jin, Suga, been followed, and that is how we perceive and it can be in the mix, it was also the language barrier. As a J-Hope, Jimin, V and Jungkook. The company’s CEO, our history and our origin. Although there are observed how dancer myself, the choreography really drew me Bang Si-Hyuk wanted BTS to be sincere and genuine written texts, I believe in the stories I have they assert to the melody. Various

to them. The lyrics also captivated me. The “Blood,

20 | fall 2023

figures that people could easily relate to and grow

byRiddhi IshitaGupta Sen / Design by Jayce Jiang; Singh Ishita Sen by Sanikaa Thakurdesai Written design by photography by Mridula art by Prakash Vasanthakumar

orjust every story,day there another story It was another andisI was relaxing onstandthe

and brilliant chandeliers, creating a visual cacoph-

with. He wanted boys who shared their authentic

That’s because people couldn’t believe a group from

personalities and talents with the world, which is

a small company was selling well, ignoring the fact

why BTS stands for Bangtan Sonyeondan, Korean

that a small company wouldn’t have the resources

for Bulletproof Boy Scouts.

to pull off such a scam.

BTS was meant to block out stereotypes, criticisms,

However, BTS always overcame all these challeng-

and expectations that are aimed like bullets to

es and have continued to uphold their mission. They

preserve the values and ideals of today’s adoles-

continue to inspire people from all around the world

cents. In 2017, BTS rebranded their name and logo

while practicing their art and doing what they do

to Beyond the Scene, representing their growth and

best.

maturity. The new logo symbolized youth who don’t door to achieve success.

We are Bulletproof: The Eternal.............. July 9, 2013

While BTS is experiencing success as a world

All seven members have contributed as either

famous group and global phenomenon, it was not

writers and or producers on every album. They also

settle for their current reality, and instead open the

always a walk in the park for them.

created music that was

BTS’ debut performance was only

released for free on Sound-

made possible because another group

Cloud as gifts to their fans.

backed out of the music show. Giving their all as fillers, they developed a strong fan base. Even after their debut, their performances would often get cut because BigHit Entertainment was bankrupt and didn’t have enough influence compared to other companies. Since they were not invited to many

Peaches and cream Sweeter than sweet Chocolate cheeks and chocolate wings But 너의 날개는 악마의 것 But your wings are those of a devil. 너의 그 sweet 앞엔 bitter bitter Before your ‘sweet‘ there’s bitter bitter

Much of their work touches on subjects like mental health, female empowerment, child abuse, cyber bullying, self-love, development, and socio-economic injustices. They draw inspi-

variety shows and interviews, they be-

ration from past writers and

gan interacting directly with their fans

thinkers. BTS fearlessly uses

by vlogging their journey on YouTube.

their platform to amplify

Through these vlogs, we gained insight

underrepresented voices

into their personalities. They also es-

and issues, taking numerous

tablished their own variety shows and

risks with their career while

frequently live streamed with fans, a

receiving backlash from

practice they still maintain, contributing

people in power.

significantly to the intimate connection fans feel with them.

They are also as charitable as they are talented.

BTS was also falsely accused of pla-

Throughout the years, mem-

giarism and ‘sajeki’, which is when a company buys

bers have been donating individually and as a group

their own artist albums to boost sales for the charts.

to UNICEF, local schools in Korea, hospitals, and for

fall 2023 | 21

in India. Suddenly, my of younger sister tested that appeal one bothday, parts their cultures memories for the future. The primary purpose stories positive COVID-19. And almost every other day, ments November 2017 for their Love Talking Myself would be for helpful. is to was keepinthese traditions alive, orally. one by one, all ofthe myimpact family members campaign with UNICEF aimed atI making Reflecting upon traditionaltested and posiabout persisting traditions, believe the we world have anecdotal stories have had on me, creating a floor the power createmusic new traditions and youth cartive. As everyone went to quarantine on the first a better placeto through and protecting whereI was I canleft incorporate is grandan ry the meaning of storytelling our way.As Time of our house, alone with both, my two from inequality, harassment and injustices. a part narrative areaonfor me. I firmly that I was time, stories bring generations together. unexploredmas the second andbelieve third floors. offrom the Love Myself camthis customized narrative would provide all We have the obligation to continue this legacy thrown into a cycle of waking up everyday paign, BTS and BigHit Enof us with a sense of freedom to explore our of storytelling to our future generations. Like an echo in the forest at 8 AM,doing the chores, making food, tertainment donated 500 돌아오겠지 Stories are influenced by history,하루가 culture, and identities and values. Playing with stories can I had never done and giving million Korean won, three Anotherseveral day will come. be fun and which integral in shaping upbefore, perceptions. the environment around us, bearing 아무 일도 없단 듯이 medicines my bandwidth grandmas. Itour took a toll percent of Love Yourself It would also increasetothe gendifferent factors and that is how new stories as if nothing happened. on me mentally, physically, album series sales, eration can and haveemotionalwith are made. The and Yeah life goes on. Like an arrow in the blue sky our future ones. of from culture ly. I had to learn how to take careAs of amyself allimpact proceeds Love 또 하루 더 날아가지 future American, on stories is incesand my grandmas on Asian my own. On top of Myself merchandise to Another day will fly by I can affirm on how I sant and should be that, it was my freshman year at USF and the cause. Additionally, On my pillow, on my table decide the course of nurtured personally Yeah life goes on. I was doing my semester virtually. My on June 3rd, 2020, BTS Like this again stories that I tell my for them to able classes went from 7 PM to 6 AM and then tweeted their support for children. to grow. It plays a I slept till 8 AM. This schedule repeated for Black Lives Matter. A few pivotal role in shapnearly a month.All in all, stories are days Variety reportinglater, up developing a combination of and edminds that BTS and BigHit personal life lessons perceiving the world1 It was one of the worst times of my life. I Entertainment donated and a scope for hope,lonely as a dollars whole. to support had no idea what to do, while feeling million aspirations, and basiand scared. The uncertainty of what could the Black Lives Matter cally a second chance, I have grown up happen haunted me everyday as I worried movement. When ARMYS imparted into our listening to stories about my family’s well-being. only got wind of the news, they culture by theThe elders. of both, Disney thing that keptFascinating me sane andstories slightly happy matched their 1 million princesses and adwas the albumcan BE, especially thehangsong ‘Life donation in one day. come from ventures of Indian ingI out in the Gods/Goddesses. Goes On’. In fact, got my firstwaiting tattoo of room of a doctor’s office, sharing a cup of from I wonder why we must conform ourcreated imaginathis song as a reminder of the strength I got With their socially conscious music, BTS a waiting the to story open.isLike tions to one culture one heritage. Whyfrom can’t chai, BTSor during thisfor time in cafeteria my life. This very new fandom culture thatorbrings together fans Cinderella and Mulan be friends in a story that a fickle-minded person, most of the stories personal to me and I have never shared this with different national and racial identities. They have I make up? Why can’t Captain Hook and Lord are ephemeral and that is why I do not want before so being able to finally share this is also influenced me so much. From donating to chartoanyone stop sharing. We, as a community, should Hanuman fight enemies together at sea?My a big thing for me. Goes On’ ities for a good cause to just coming together and make a promise to ‘Life ourselves notmeant to letso themuch art to point is that our Oral Traditions have taught and even die nowwithin reminds how much strength enjoying beingbeliefs a part and of the fandom, BTS and ARMY storytelling ourme communities. Let I us values, stories that conflict with ofme, those stories us home, closer to our got from thistransport song. has made me happy andour proud who I am. have the My point is that OralofTraditions people where taught us values, beliefs and stories that conis the essence of our existence. flictGoes with the modern-day stories that we2022 saw familiarity Life On........................Jan 14, Magic Shop.......................April 16,Till 2022 then, I cannot wait till I start my conversations manifesting around us. If Storytelling is an art, it should let our creative minds soar high with, “When I was younger, . . .” and be a creHowever, it was not until 2020 when they released ‘Magic Shop’ is BTS talking about if someone ever and embrace the power of duality. Many Asian ator of more smiles. their 9th albumface BE that can truly say they helped feels tired and down in life they can open the door Americans the Idilemma of balancing me on adual personal level.To overcome the discrepto the magic shop and come to them. They will be their cultures. It was peak of these COVID-19 I was waiting with a cup of hot tea and their company. ancythe between dualpandemic cultures,when integrating current causes. One of BTS’s few public announce-

Let those stories transport us home, closer to our people where familiarity is the essence of our existence.

22 | fall 2023

BTS is indeed my magic shop, making me happy

who I am today, and I am so proud of myself.

in any situation. For instance, I attended my first BTS concert, checking “first concert” off my buck-

One of the members, Suga once said, “you will like

et list. It was in Vegas on April 16, 2022 and I can

BTS’ music if you listen without prejudice.” That is

definitely say it was the best day of my life. I have

exactly what I did. I stumbled upon them on one

never been happier. Just walking in felt like anoth-

fine day and gave them a chance. That was the

er world, one where there is no hostility and no

best decision of my life. What started as a seren-

hate. 70,000 people, all united at the same venue

dipitous event turned into a love that is never going

just because of their common love for this group

to end.

from South Korea. I felt the energy in the stadium and it was electric. Fanchants and happy screams permeated the air and the place was buzzed with excitement. For the first couple hours I could not believe I was actually there. I wished for that day for so long, and it still feels like a dream. It didn’t hit me until they were on stage that it was all coming true. Those three hours passed by in a whirl, exceeding all my expectations. That day felt as if I was able to achieve a dream of mine. It was one of the best feelings, which I would love to experience again. I made new friends and was the happiest I have been. It made me even more certain that deciding to love BTS was the right choice.

Outro: Love is Not Over..........Ongoing Knowing BTS has been the best thing to ever happen to me. It might sound childish to some people and others might think it is a phase, but it is more than that. They have made me into a better person and have taught me things that no one ever did. BTS in general has impacted my life so much. They have taught me how to love myself and to accept myself for who I am. They have made me more confident, optimistic, and just happier in general. Everytime I am feeling sad or down, they can cheer me up with just their laugh or any random video. They have changed me as a person and made me

This story is by students at the University of Central Florida

fall 2023 | 23

despite how they were treated throughout the nation’s history. They are often stereotyped in a seemingly positive light and are described as orderly, motivated, smart and obedient. It has been statistically proven that Asians tend to have higher levels of income and academic achievement compared to other groups in the U.S., but this success equally has a cost. This monolithic conception of an entire race is harmful because it fails to consider the tremendous amount of pressure being put on Asians to perform well, no matter what their background is. Asians who aren’t considered to be “exceptional” by society’s standards–people who get average to poor grades, aren’t a part of all of their schools honor societies and/or have career interests or hobbies that their parents or community don’t approve of–may feel like who they are at the core is inherently wrong. Self-esteem is hindered and confidence becomes dependent on purely external factors. It further excludes the fact that most Southeast Asian groups are largely left behind in this so-called Asian American Dream. The U.S. Census revealed in 2019 that B u rm e s e A m e ri c a n households make a little over $40,000 in annual income while Indian American households bring in over $120,000. Also, I cannot emphasize this enough, but there are barely any studies conducted on learning disability symptomatology among Pacific Islanders. In an article by Liu & Alameda, the researchers point out that even though Native Hawaiians are signif icantly more likely to have a diagnosis compared to nonHawaiians, there is still a large gap in mental illness research about them. These weren’t even off icial diagnoses; this statistic was a result of a survey sent out to Natives that only asked them diagnostic questions. Most school authorities, psychologists and psychiatrists fail to grasp the weight of context and permit unconscious bias seep into their decision making. A predominantly white workforce failing to question their own biases and stereotypes makes Asian kids silently suffer. “Don’t bring shame onto the family” is a phrase that was gradually chiseled on the surface of my amygdala throughout my childhood. The traits of poise, tact, and modesty were some of the most important traits to have in my family. Gender didn’t make a difference in how this was upheld; boys and girls were equally expected to act in a respectful way. My grandmother was the primary enforcer of this concept. She taught my mom and her siblings that they shouldn’t eat or drink at the same time they were walking; nobody was

24 | fall 2023

allowed to go out with unironed clothes; public displays of affection were inconceivable as well as talking about politics, religion or money. This all boils down to one point: you cannot act out of line. Being disruptive, impulsive and ill-mannered were looked down upon the most, especially if you were in public. A lot of other Asians can probably relate to this. I was raised in Hawai’i for most of my early childhood, swimming in a melting pot of Polynesian and Asian cultures who all upheld collectivist ideals and mores. Collectivist cultures are characteristically known to emphasize the needs of the group–specifically the family–over the needs of the individual. Elders are held to the highest level of respect and their word is the final say-so. When the family elders are happy, the individual can be happy. When the family elders are upset by something you do, something about you needs to change; or, if you did something beyond forgiveness, you may even have to leave the group entirely. This loyalty to the family is known as f ilial piety and causes the people within the group to repress their emotions and individual wishes. Confucianism additionally plays a foundational role in many East Asian cultures, which emphasize keeping social harmony, respecting elders and embracing education to the fullest extent. There is a tendency for Asians to avoid seeking out mental healthcare services. A 2007 study conducted by the University of Maryland School of Public Health’s research team investigated the major stressors of Asian American students. One of the top reasons as to why Asians strayed away from mental health services was because discussing topics related to mental health was considered to be taboo, leading many people to dismiss or deny their symptoms. My mom can attest to this: in Hawai’i, it was considered highly taboo to go to a psychiatrist when she was growing up. “We were brought up to think that only crazy people went there,” she explained. “That’s just it. If you go to a psychiatrist, you’re a crazy person. It’s something we just didn’t talk about. And it never came up in our family where someone said ‘I want to talk to someone.’ My mom would say that ‘Crazy people only see a psychiatrist.’” It wasn’t until later on in her life that my mom would talk to a psychologist, which she attributes to my dad who was already seeing one. It took her a while to finally get her there, but to her relief her psychologist was also a local Japanese man who fully understood her cultural background. In another study titled “Cultural

fall 2023 | 25

Wedlock and Lockdown Before Tết

The effects of COVID-19 on South Asian weddings

The traditions, the practices, and me Written by Aliza Ahmed

inally, the day she’s been waiting for. The day she’s been to a handful of close and immediate family members, with dreaming of. A bride’s wedding day. After months of the rest of the attendees being faces on a screen or voices planning theme, decorations, reception through a phone, couple from afar. While he air the was filledthe with blastingthe vocals andand instrumentals fromcongratulating the karaokethe machine, loud hagthe guest list – it is finally time. She gets ready, her family these are necessary measures to ensure everyone’s safety, gling and laughter, repeated wishes, and the sound of smacked cards on the table during a members helping her into her dress and ensuring that she they are far from what many imagine when they think of Blackjack game. For me, these familiar sights before Tết, commonly aspush Lunar looks her best on her special day. Once she’swere ready,allshe is their wedding day. Those who could notknown afford to their escorted – not a wedding but to her… living wedding date back of their wedding virtually, New Year. Astofamily andaisle, friends gathered toroom? celebrate the start of aheld newa majority year, I was reminded of maintaining social distancing. An article from ABC News In front of her and are her family members smiling and taking the warmth hospitality that the celebration created, something I missed dearly when I went to pictures – not in person, but through a Zoom call. She and her Australia focused on one couple getting married entirely over the United States. Have you ever wondered what traditions and practices we celebrate in Vietnam spouse-to-be say their wedding vows, and just like that their Zoom. “Instead of the groom circling the sacred fire by her before Tết? Let’s find out together as I take you through of therite practices familyceremony follows.– he side –some an important of a Hindumy marriage virtual wedding is complete. was beamed in from Sydney onto Ridhi’s computer screen via Tảo mộ - Ancestral Visits While this may seem like a far-fetched, exaggerated scenario, the video conferencing platform Zoom.” 20 December - 30 December (Lunar Calendar) this has been a reality for many getting married during the January 30 - February 9, 2024 COVID-19 pandemic. Large, extravagant processions are Thus, one can see that the impact that the early pandemic reduced to short services. Milelong guest lists are capped had on traditional weddings was drastic. Wedding planner

Every year, on the 23rd of the last lunar month, Ong Tao, the Kitchen God, mounts a carp and travels to the sky to report what has happened in the past year to Heaven. Traditionally, families prepare dishes and burn votive papers, but traditions can vary from region to region. For example, families in Northern Vietnam typically free three carps in honor of Ong Tao’s legend.

26 | fall 2023

This story is by students at the University of Florida

model/ Esha Sattar

In the morning, I often wake up to the crackling sound of roasted pork being chopped and served on a plate, and the fragrant, distinctive smell of the incense stick. On our dining table, a platter of fruit, a plate of stir-fried vegetables, and a plate of roasted pork will already be served. I walk towards the table with three incense sticks, ready to pray to Ong Tao, and place them in an incense holder.

design by/ Tiffany Vivi Nguyen

Seeing Ong Tao on his journey 23rd December (Lunar Calendar) February 2, 2024.

photography by/ Sarah Husney Writer/Designer: Khoa Hoang

Our preparation will start 10 days before the Lunar New Year. My family, alongside our extended family, will visit the graves of my grandparents and ancestors. We will begin by cleaning the graves with brooms and wet clothes. Then, we will proceed to place incense sticks and fruit as offerings in front of the grave, while also burning votive papers with cars, clothes, and money as offerings for my grandparents and ancestors. Typically, from the 20th to the 30th of the last lunar month, families will visit their ancestor’s graves, trim the grass around the graves and clean them, along with providing offerings such as fruits. This tradition is done to express gratitude towards the ancestors and to invite them to visit the family during the New Year. It also reinforces a sense of community and dutifulness.

New Year’s Eve 30th December (Lunar Calendar) February 9, 2024 Nothing is more exciting and stressful than the day before the Lunar New Year. As the epitome of a busy day, I often wake up to my dog barking as my dad tries to push him away to another spot so he can clean the area. With a wet cloth in my hands, I will start to investigate every nook and cranny, my hands swiping from left and right in electric motions. From the living room to the dining room to the laundry room, my family will be committed to cleaning our assigned areas, which changes every year. At night, our family will gather together to watch Gặp nhau cuối năm or Táo Quân, a satirical comedy program taking place in Heaven that recaps every event that has happened throughout the past lunar year. We will rejoice and laugh as I try to spot any pop culture references to explain it to my parents. In the process, we will enjoy the banter between the comedians as they immerse themselves in their role as Gods and Messengers. After the show, we will prepare a five-fruit tray with watermelons, mangos, figs, papayas, and custard apples. Different families could choose different fruits as they wish for different things, the same way the set-up could vary for Ong Tao. Then, we will start to light the incense sticks and start praying to invite our ancestors to celebrate Tết with us. At 11:45 PM, I will be asked to step outside of the house and walk around to get ready for the house visit.

Tết 1st January (Lunar Calendar) February 10, 2024 It’s Tết, woo! At 12:00 AM, I will swiftly enter my family’s house, hopefully bringing in some luck for the New Year thanks to my birth year, the Year of the Horse, and my possession of the Wood element. We will gather and wish each other a lucky, happy, and healthy New Year before receiving envelopes to put Lì xì, or lucky money, in. Although Lì xì is traditionally placed inside red envelopes, my family will put them inside cute, colorful envelopes to make the children more excited. In the morning, we will visit my grandparents’ home, where the extended family will gather for a meal together. I will then give out Li xi to the relatives younger than me, listening to all of their wishes for good health, prosperity, and more, while my parents visit the temple to wish for our family’s health and success. When my parents return, we will gather at a large table and enjoy a vegetarian meal, a tradition that Buddhist families follow on the 1st and 15th of every lunar month. It holds more significance during the Lunar New Year since, according to my parents, if you eat vegetarian on the first day of the Lunar New Year, you do not have to maintain a vegetarian diet for the rest of the year. At the end of the day, we will go home, relax, and resume our daily activities.

That is how my family often celebrates Lunar New Year. As I was listing these traditions and practices, I was reminded of the richness and beauty of my culture. It also reminded me that I have not celebrated Tết with my family for almost three years now, which is quite lonely. However, I will continue to value these traditions, give red envelopes out to my friends, cook a nice pot of braised pork, and put on my ao dai during the upcoming Tết celebrations in the U.S. to treasure this beautiful tradition.

fall 2023 | 27

by Khoa H oang

28 | fall 2023

less to say, I was scolded by my parents for doing so. I was also taught to refrain from arguing with others to create a harmonious atmosphere, even if I disagreed with the other person, and espesummer is marked by the intense process cially if they were olderEvery than me. I of pepper learned this the hard way when I sauce and pickle making. disapproved of my grandparent’s idea of marriage when I was 15. We were sitting in a room together when my grandparents insisted

cohesiveness and the prioritization of others over oneself. The earliest contemporary expression of collectivism in the West came from Jean-Jacques Rousseau, a Swiss-born French philosopher, where he argued that the individual could find their freedom and benefit from “submitting to the ‘general will’ of the community.” Collectivism later on became prominent as it was discussed

Written By Vaidehi Persad

Design/Photography by Mridula Singh

Although aaji may have left different impressions From a distance, my kitchen windows look like on my family members during her time with us, mosaics of bright red, yellow, and orange. A closer look reveals jars of spicy pickled peppers glistening one part of our collective memory of her remains and encouraged by various figures hese were the words that constant - her pepper sauce. in the warm Florida sunlight. An observant eye such as Karl Marx, G.W.F Hegel were ingrained inside my might even recognize the assortment of glass jars by and through various movements mind at a young age. Even Cloaked in her orhni (white cloth worn around their mundane and far less spicy past lives holding communism, such as socialism, if I didn’t understand what all the neck or covering the head), dressed in her coffeereally or pasta sauce. Generations of labor, and fascism. In Asian societies, theseinstant statements meant jhoola (blouse) and ghangari (long skirt), and pride are preserved between eachislayer more prominent whenlove, I wasand a 6-year-old child, or in collectivism decked out in her daily layers of gold; aaji always of mustard oil my andsubconground peppers. family thanMy ever, with has the culture, tradia 13-year-old teen, seemed to be making pepper sauce. Despite her tions, and education being rooted scious mind knew that I have been preparing passed-down recipes of pepper in a lot of Eastern to livesauce unselfishly, much- like a that have decline of agility in the kitchen, aaji’s wrinkly, arfor decades recipes traveled and philosophies such as Taoism and philosophers collectivist. At home, I bottled thritic hands never ceased to muster the strength evolved overseas from India to Trinidad to Canada such as Confucius. up myand emotions to not bother now to our home in Florida. While Indo-Carib- to blend some peppers. This memory of aaji my parents. At school, actively remains vivid amongst my family. While we have bean customs canI be traced back to certain regions participated in a friendly academic all tried to replicate what seems to be a simple of India, remnants of the languages and traditions “competition” between classes so My experiences task, her expertise remains unmatched. remain. For this reason, the traditions unique to my class would have a chance to my community, especially those passed on by elder win. Despite the emotional turmoil Growing up in an AsianAaji household, was a true matriarch of her time, in many Indo-Caribbean folks, are special to me. I went through, I had to continue I have had my fair share of expeways, but particularly through her command being a collectivist, to think for riences regarding collectivism. I over the pepper sauce process. This legacy has While pepper preparationwas pre-dates the community, andsauce to prioritize taughtmy to bottle up my emogarnered othersgrandparents’ before myself. generation, it is my aajiand (paternal tions stop oversharing so asher deep respect in my family. Making pepper sauce has been a specialized task, unlike grandmother) that has left behind not bother only a tradito not my parents and the skills used in daily cooking. Pepper-making tion,is butCollectivism? a legacy. people around me. Thisother began What when I was 7 years old,challenges bawling typical gender roles, emphasizing that my eyes out when my favorite car- preparation, far from being merely food-related A search on Google and Wikitoon character got injured in front an expectation, can be a source of great pride and pedia shows that collectivism of all of my parents’ guests. Needrespect. is the emphasis on the groups’

that my sister get married soon because her duty was to “take care of her husband,” and they wanted to see their great-grandchildren as well. I remember feeling appalled at their words. I retaliated by saying that I appreciated their input but my sister should be able to make her own choices instead of heavily relying on their words. The atmosphere became very tense and awkward, and I While a Florida quickly apologized because I realsummer lead to be too blunt in ized thatcan I shouldn’t

front of my elders. Nonetheless, I received a very long lecture from my parents about “maintaining a harmonious atmosphere” and “respecting your elders even if they are wrong” after the incident.

Being a collectivist in an individualistic society After having this belief ingrained

And where do I belong? I would like to say that I’m a collectivist, but I’m still learning how to compromise properly. Sometimes, I get frightened envisioning myself at a dinner table, not being able to talk to my friends honestly in the U.S., and not being able to appear A bit as a selfless person in front ofof green my family in Vietnam. However, papaya and as time went on, I came to realize a larger ratio that collectivism and individualism of lime to pepper belong on two different scales inyield a mild stead of one, andwould leaning towards and tangy table sauce. one ideology rather than another is completely fine, because:

heat exhaustion outdoors, into my head for what seems like an eternity, stepping foot into the stepping into a Caribbean U.S.A was a revolutionary experihousehold kitchen amidst the ence or even a reset for me. Not pepper-making process will likely only was it a new environment, but lead to more severe symptoms of coughing, it was also frightening because sneezing, and burning eyes. For a more nuanced flavor that transcends everything seemed to go against any other spicy“I pickle pepperfor sauce, one might canor live others, my beliefs. People valued “freeBeing in the presence of ground Ghostdom peppers, attempt the essential of any Trinidadian of action,” expressed theirto prepare but I” can also live forlabor Carolina Reapers, and Moruga Scorpion peppers will household, “Kuchela. This spicy relish is quite disapproval towards an action surely take even the most avid consumer of pepper and involves ingredients such as Scotch done by someone olderintensive than myself.” sauce as its victim, but those with the pepper-makBonnet peppers, mustard oil, and amchar masala. them, confronted someone about -Khoa Hoang ing gift remain unphased. The processan begins withor an action,While opinion and conthe spiciness is essential, the peppers take a theircan opinions. On the other home-grown ingredients. Most of theseveyed peppers backseat in this pickle. Mangoes make up the majorhand, I valued fitting in,ity refrained be harvested as short as four months after planting. of this relish and for the most impressive results, expressing my disapprovFrom green to yellow to red, peppers atfrom all differhomegrown and hand-grated green mangoes are a al towards anyone, avoided any ent stages of ripening can be used to extract specific must-have. forms of confrontation, and kept flavors and heat capacities. While the younger and my opinions to myself because newer plants are said to yield mild-heat peppers, the The entire skin and flesh of the mango must be I thought I would look “selfish.” I ripened peppers of more mature plantstried are to thought to grated down to the seed, and at least ten mangoes are compromise, but the more be the spiciest. needed for it to be worth your time. This shredded I compromised, the more disconmango is nected I felt from both sides of then squeezed multiple times to release any My family has been growing our own pepper plants In front ofwater and left to dry. The oil, masala, and my “identity.” my friends for years. Back in the day, pepper saucehere wasinusually the U.S, I learned how pepperto are then prepared to pickle the mangoes. As compromise ideas or ages, the flavors intensify. Growing up, my prepared with fresh ingredients like lime, Scotch with theirthe pickle opinions instead of expressing Bonnet, Congo peppers, and Seven-Pot peppers. parents would repeat the process of shredding green my actual opinions about those.over the summer. To mass dry the shreds in Today my family likes to test the tradition with newer mangoes When I heat called my parents, I tried environment, they would place and even hotter peppers that top the Scoville a controlled to “compromise” by telling a story, scale. From my parents’ Florida backyard to my baking trays of the mango in our old minivan and omitting as many details as possisister’s Toronto apartment balcony, you’ll find some let them dry in the Florida heat. The smell of sumble so I would look civil. But if my of the world’s hottest peppers growing.friends insist that I be as mer is green mangoes shriveling under the sun. honest and loud as possible, and my parents insist that I be as civil and selfless as possible, who should I listen to?

fall 2023 | 29

From

Silence to

Volume

My curly hair journey...

Nevvah give peppah to yuh friend directly andorbrushes embraced with yuhries hand, else alyuh go fall the out.comb as it One voice whispered “not smooth and silky” and an-

photography/ Lilly Dang & Amber Jani

30 | fall 2023

design/ Dan Pham

grasped the tight, tangled curls. The purple other whispered, “Do you even brush your hair?” I comb had become theyou, enemy that never left thought the torment ended with my classmates and Almost any Trinidadian will tell “never pass and brought back cries every morning. Every day, I sat friends. I was quickly proven wrong when my aunt the pepper to them in their hand, always put it in front of the mirror dreading the ritual about to take spoke in a proud and bold voice, “Why don’t you get down.” If you hand-to-hand pass a pepper, your place. As Mum tightened her grasp on the enemy in your hair permanently straightened in India?” The relationship is doomed. While peppers always her hands, I tightened my fists. Thehave initial entangle- idea of silky straight hair was so appealing. The voicbeen a part of South cuisine, ment began, thenAsian the next, and peppers the next,have while I held es would quiet down and my silence would clear. taken onthe their ownpuddling special place Caribbean I rarely eat pepper sauce, I feel the need to My mane back water in myineyes. I trained my eyes Fourteen-year-old mebut appreciated the idea. society andblurry pop-culture. have the mane on the reflectionYou of amight girl with an heard untamed finally be tamed. growwould and prepare it the way my family does. song, ThanofAh Chulha, ” by junglee Trinidadian as“Hotter the voices “frizzy, puffy, (animal-like)” Pepper sauce holds a special place in my diasporic screamed my head.Ramgoonai. Stop, stop, stop, SilkyWhile and straight are words chutney singer,inDrupatee OtherI yelled folk interidentity. the familiar chiliesthat andembody achars the beauty nally, but that didn’t stop the comb. Relief fell over my standard of hair in the Asian community. and Indo-Caribbean music sometimes incorporates (Indian spicy pickle) are delicious, the peppers The beaueyesofasour I saw Mum ty industry pushes themes unique cuisine into the lyrics, and and pickles that my family placing products and compepper saucethe does comb not fall short of being included prepares are unique to the on the white counter mercials that support in local songs. commu“However, each Indo-Caribbean of these Asian womand then grabbing the idea of shiny, pinnity and will always be the blue bottle with straight hair. Proden decided to leave the straightener Pepper sauce is taken seriously in Caribbean society the taste of home. Making a little palm tree on ucts such as Streax in the drawer. Now, their curly andit.is prepared uniquely and consuming passed hair A familiar smell for different occasions, straightening cream suchofascoconut weddings or celebrations. The socialsoak in down food recipes is a way arose as (intense), Oxyglow products the spotlight.” element of pepper preparation is perhaps part Mum rubbed her finHerbals Hair Straightfor the memory of those of the celebratory gers together.events The themselves. A sense of ener Cream, and Shiknown to prepare the thick, soothing oil is seido Professional home, labor, love, and community resonates in the recipes to live on. heavily lathered to tame Although my mane Crystallizing Straightener encourage chemically dedrops of pepper sauce addedthe tomane. Indo-Caribbean My aaji and now my glistened with shine, worry swirled in my mind for the stroying curly meals. The health benefits of spicy peppers reveal parents have been hair. They define flaws by promoting words I would hear today. I could just hear them say the ideal aspects of straight hair, instilling self-doubt an almost symbiotic relationship between tropical preparing these recipes for “Eww, why is your head so oily?” and “Why does your in individuals with textured hair. Due to the strict stancommunities and their pepper sauce. It is not years,dards, and I many look people in the Asian community trade hair smell?” They made me hate the mornings. They uncommon for communities of characteristically forward to carrying on curls for breakage and dryness. made me cry. They made me hate my mane. their voluminous hot climates to grow and cook with peppers. this tradition my own All in theinhopes for the sleekness and shininess of home. They soon became everyone. Everyone made com- straight hair. After building insecurities, the beauty inments about my mane and I stood in silence. The dustry feeds the consumers with products that will silence was covered in self-loathing and insecurities help them fit into the ideals. that grew deeper with every stinging comment. Some about the texture and some about the appearance. I was a victim of the insecurities pushed forward by

by Krisha Patel

Unknown to some though, these peppers are full of antioxidants and vitamins, boost metabolism, and contain naturally occurring antimicrobial and antiparasitic properties. By safeguarding our health, the peppers and spices of tropical communities seem to reciprocate our love for them.

Hindi Cinema

model Meena Kumari/Madhubala/ Aishwarya

fall 2023 | 31

design Dat Pham

When Icompany watched began Pannuproducstar in me started to glow as the dark- Phalke’s moreI was silentshocked films, influencing Badla, to see her ness of self-loathing blew away. ing growth theaters produccurly hair. ofThe soft, and bouncy coils The wanted ideals and irreversible the companies alike. He went into framed her face as she expressed damage disguised the mane. The tion production and distribution of distress and happiness throughout mask was compelling because it the films as well, showing thathead the Hinthe various scenes. My spun received love instead of hate. diinfilm industry was place where excitement. The arepresentation pastyears regional thecamecould aftergrow sixteen of growMasking coils is a talent in the Bol- actors ing troupes up withand the traveling industry. musicals. I stopped lywood industry. Actresses mod- ater eled silky, straight hair, upholding taking my curls for granted beAra was that the they first Indian cause I saw can betalkie styled the beauty standards. The ideals of Alam to elegant. be produced. The film also to be beauty were standardized where film there was no room for natural curls featured a full album produced by music production comSimilar toaPannu, Kangana Ranaut to be shown proudly. Actress Ta- Saregama, pany which still produces movie apsee Pannu was prohibited from has inspired curly hairstyles al-by Playback singingher wascurly done hair by publicly displaying movie roles because of her natu- bums. actorsHowever, themselves, suchplayed as K.L a in films. Ranaut rally curly hair. A Hindustan article the or Kishore The Queen, tradicurly-haired role Kumar. in the film, states that Pannu had to get her Saigal of playback singing glows and movies where the character up by hair chemically straightened while tion songs her dispersed throughstraightening hair. Curly hair is growing up because she realized having the film has beenindustry. a part ofInthe demonized in the the no Bollywood actress had similar out culture sinceKasam, sound there was moviefilm Sanam in Teri features to her. She then initiated a Indian introduced. has alis a scenePlayback in whichsinging the hairstylist movement where lowed to integrate takesproducers the actress’s hair outsongs of the movies capthroughout the film, and launched braid and it begins to expand ture her the careers iconic her artists such in frizzofaround head and curly as Ashashoulders. Bhosle, Lata The Mangeshactress’s hair. kar, or Sonu Nigam, are loved face is inwho despair. The all over thefrizz, worldtexture, for theirand music. volume are soon lost after it is fried with a “magic tool.” As she turned toward the mirror, a smile grew on her face. The industry’s ability to ma-

by Aditi Dhruve

the beauty industry and the Asian community. Aisles and aisles in supermarkets were filled with products. The glistening bottles of sprays and serums were all promising solutions to my problem known as the mane. They promised to fulfill the insecurities that were drilled in me. I grabbed two bottles to compare which one held the most have surroundhopeindi for movies my mane. I was enticed ed my life since before I even by the buzzwords like “anti-frizz”, knewshine”, what and movies were.curls.” My “creates “sculpts mom used tofor watch old Hindi films My search the perfect product while staying me as a baby, started withupawith never-ending trial and oneA of my firstthat everled memandeven error. system to a ories was filled asking myunused parentsand if we cabinet with uncould go see the latest hitthe Sawariya, finished products with excuse which they will hated and aI was in love that they serve purpose latwith. alongto to recognize songs with my er inSinging life. Only that family, learning about actorsscared and ac-to fifteen-year-old me was tresses, and learning about film hiswaste more money on products tory me closer to my peothatbrought guaranteed “anti-frizz” and ple and my culture from theafford onset.to “sculpts curls”. I couldn’t have healthy curls. I was tired and Hindi cinema is considered a stalwart done. of the cultural makeup of India. Bollywood, cricket, politicswas are some of However, theand industry not done the biggest drivers of Indian with me. Now, there were culture. large insecurities and small pockets. Guilt The ever Indian feature filmthe pro-inandfirst sadness lingered with duced was 1913’s Raja Harishchansecurities that were developed by dra. The filmcomments. was directed, damaging Thewritten, temptaand by one man, Dadasationproduced toward the glistening straightheb Phalke. He marble is knowncounter as the origener on the grew inator and primeinplayer in the earlyto as the voices my head began film industry popping in idea India.of shout “You are ugly.”up The He utilizedthe commonly leaving hidden known walls stories wearthat Indian middle classme would ing the natural curls haunted bebe able to andI relate cause ofunderstand the backlash wouldto, and hiredabout actorsmy whomane. variedAgain, in expereceive rience and background. Some were a the mirror stood in the bathpart of the theater commuroom to Marathi mock the unwavering nity, performing in Marathi Urdu image. In the image, the and messy plays throughout the area. Women and uneven textures are attendid not focused act in his early films, and the tively on. The easiest characters were women and least who expensive solutionwould was be by curls men in who had to played burn my heat to select obtain attributes Dadasaheb wouldLaughfeel a silky and straight look. were “effeminate”. Raja Harishchan ter and taunts paused, replaced dra a distinct introduction to by was compliments. Fifteen-year-old the world of cinema for Indian audiences, and from then on Dadasaheb

e d i u rl’s g

nipulate representation of curls encouraged to beexploded in the spotlight but the glorified straight hair In the 1940sthe and 50s, Indian films suggestive, anddesaudiences or London. It added a sense of glohair.on the into new multiplex cinemas shields which the curlsbalization from thetolight. Before, was a sawperation a surge for of straight recognition the films andthere appealed desire for silky straight hair. However, each of these global stage. Directors such as Bimal could show film after film, show after to Indian audiences living abroad. Hopelessness stands amongst the numerous hair Asian women decided to leave the straightener. RaRoy and Satyajit Ray established a show packed with the general audiproducts for straight hair. Tons ofence. information about thodlike states: my mum and Indian grandma treasured stream of “parallel cinema”, ” artistic Family entertainers Amar“While In recent years, films have styling straight hair is accessible through generamy long, healthy hair, it never really stood a chance and content focused films which fo- Akbar Anthony featured more popu- crossed language and regionalto tions year, the curl up at its length.” Curls fight be inhitting the spotlight cused on and classonline issuesresources. and socialYear re- after lar heroes andAsian ensemble casts which boundaries withtofilms pan community leaves curly-haired individuals stranded. but the glorified straight hair shields the curlssong from form, influenced by the nation’s the sold out theaters and picked up culIndia audiences. RRR won best Empowerment Redefined: Tips and Tricks to Unleash Your Most Confident second-generation Asian American withfrom curly the light. Before,atthere was a in desire forwin silky stateAsofa the nation’s post-indepentural impact the first weekend. the Oscars, a huge forstraight Tollyhair, I grew up with a lack of information about how to hair. However, each of these Asian women decided dence era. Satyajit Ray’s Apu Trilogy wood, Telugu Cinema, and India as ato care for myback curly hair. From primary school to middle straightener the drawer. Now, their Remind curly “Stand tall, straight, now… look into the crowd - look leave a dailythe basis. Start your in day with positive self-talk. achieved critical acclaim throughthem in the eyes, and project your voice.” My father told me. yourself of your strengths and capabilities and get into the my and mother was lost on how to deal with my hair products soak in the spotlight. out school, the world launched indie At age eight, standing straight on our yellow plastic toy table mindset that you CAN do this and you will. What you say hair. Weinto dugmainstream and dug through Hindi film cultureproducts of all promthat became my stage, Iand projected my one voicetoand presented willthe manifest into actions guide to accomplish ises. Nothing worked had no learn from. As light shines uponthat the will mirror, a you reflection highin India itself. At the same timeI also, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie to my family. Since then, I’ve your goals and nurture your sense of confidence. Until oneIndian day, I discovered a whole curly hair commu- lights the black, soaked ringlets. Now, the morning mainstream cinema boomed, been encouraged to be proud and be confident in myself nity on YouTube. All of my knowledge about main- begins with a comb, leave-in-conditioner, and gel. The withand massive stars My likeleadership Dev Anand my abilities. skills, communication skills, and coming caringtowards for curly hair comes from Black hums and beats in the back spark motivation to pick andtaining Madhubala to the foreand aura gravitated pride and confidence. women. Unlike the Asian community, caring for curly up the plastic strip with narrow teeth to thread my front of the cultural conscience with Practice Self-Care: hair is a from long-standing tradition in the are Black commuComing where women idealized for hair back, leaving it in a middle part. The unwavering blockbusters suchaasculture Baazi. Noir was nity. Hence, I started to value my curls by observing tangles forbeattention as the beige cream paste is being “sanskari,” timid and shy, my boldness was met with Whethercry that doing a face mask, trying a new makeup brought to Indian audiences and behow Black women cared for their curls. I realized that spread through the struggles, covering the unspoken a clash in identity. I wanted to be bold, fearless and prideful look, or reading your favorite book. Taking care of your came a staple of films in the 1950s. but my did not agree. parents tolda me mental well-being is grow crucial.asPrioritize sleep, to and the lackculture of education aboutMy curly hairalways leads to lackto damage. The curls they areexercise, conditioned have faith in myself and do things for me. My confidence activities that bring you joy. When you do things you love, acknowledgement move past the heat, leaving them to gleam in the sunTheof1960s saw a boomforincurly larg-hair. is the product of their encouragement, and I want to help shine. you stimulate an environment that becomes a spacethe you The conditioner and scrunches support er other commercial filmsas empowered which con-as I do now. women feel can thrive in, and this will reflect in your daily outlook. Amongst tinued on forthe thelearning next 3 process, decades.there have been other shining curls as they bounce in the joy that once was Asians who suffered through a similar journey. Var- covered. Joy is held by the clear jelly that laminates TheConfidence 1960s saw is color break into not film something that occurs overnight, nor is ious Asian women have written blogs to share the permanent coils. Once again, the mirror Hindi The classicThere film Muit acinema. linear progression. have been so many times I their knowledge about curly hair. Kanya Lonemphasizes defined curls that seemingghalwasn’t E Azam was theenough first Indian film through with my ideas. Surround confident to follow Yourself the with Positive Influences: discusses the curly ly lay entangled framing my face. Soinmany times knew the answer butmovewas too scared to shotdon color, and itI that broke out intohair ment is always catered to White, Black, raise my hand. Confidence takes time and it takes grit. The Spend time with people who uplift and support you. Be one of the biggest films of the time. and Latin communities where Asians at the mirror,not reflecting the more you practice, the more instinctive it becomes. Start friends with peopleI gazed who are positive, with people The song “Pyar Kiya to Darna Kya” small and be consistent, soon enough you won’t believe that bring your energy down. Surrounding yourself with are left the out idea of theofconversation. strong shiny roots. influenced the Mughal Superyou didn’t have the courage before. positivity while actively being positive yourself will impact markets create aisles with prodera courtesan, and the level filled of dance your own self-esteem. ucts catered to the Black community. I wasn’t ashamed andI’ve decoration shown in classical assembled a collection of tips and tricks that I have Curly hair tremendously from anymore. pieces that stillvaries influences movies learned over the years to help bring some power into my texture to curl shape, requiring differlike personal Bajirao Mastani today. Film allife. STAND TALL AND SMILE entstarted products. Similarly, Rosie I was proud. bums becoming larger thanChuong shares that the lack of education and life with cassette sales boosting inaccessible for curly hair PERSON STRONG MIND, STRONG movies like Guide products up into blockbustmakes the process of appreciating Physical confidence was something I struggled with er status, where entire audiences curly hair difficult. During her journey, growing up. I looked different than everyone else and did would break out in unison as soon If you don’t believe in yourself, no one will believe in you. notan fit into the beauty standards thatstarted were projected her family did notup val-on screen. The 90s and 2000s saw as the song came extenwhole. Films have releasingon in me. Confidence starts from within, so here are a few things Over time, I learned how to redefine beauty. I found pieces ue curly hair, so she sion of Indian films into the global multiple languages, and Hindi films that I do build my mental confidence before I take on the of myself that I found to be beautiful, and pieces of myself had toto80s defend Theworld. 70s and were her dominated by stage with films pandering to the especially have started to feature that made me feel good. coils. Nikita Rathod larger than life action and romance NRI audiences who were watching more south indian actors and direcalso learned to fix her films. Stars like Amitabh Bachan and films from abroad. Throughout tors inyou their projevcts, which help-time When youthe feel good, look good. So why is waste curls on her own after young 2000s and into the 2010s, Dharmendra were playing ing diversify the Hindi film industryRead trying tomodfit into someone else’s definition of beauty? the damage caused men in action movies where men ernization and globalization Positive Affirmations: that again.be- overall. It is a new stage for Hindi film, by the straightener. would fly across the screen with one came more present in the content and as it extends there are hopes stood a awould “Inever canand do really this. will be great day.and I willmusic do wellofonmovies my punch, any Today blood shown produced in that one day it may be called the chance to curl up at exams. I am worthy,” are examples of affirmations I say on run dramatically from a cut lip, the the Hindi film industry. Movies like Indian film industry in general, not its length.” Curls fight extent of the hero’s injuries. Song Race or Don featured scenes in dif- separated by language and regions.

A gi

photography/ Yu Xuan Zhao design/Nimrit Doad

30 | fall spring 2022 32 2023

ferent, modern cities like Singapore

by Nimrit Doad

and dance got more raunchy and

Accentuate Your Unique Features:

Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity:

Focus on highlighting your individuality. You get to define what makes you beautiful and be proud of it. Do what makes YOU feel good because once you embrace yourself, your confidence will radiate. Learn to experiment with styles that enhance your features.

You will fail at something in your lifetime, which is uncontrollable. What you can control is how you approach your failure. Understand that setbacks are a natural part of any journey. Instead of dwelling on them, use them as stepping stones to grow and improve. I used to overanalyze both my academic and personal past failures until I fell into this cycle of negativity. I realized that wallowing will not change the outcome. The failure already happened and spiraling over it will not change or reverse it. Instead I would tell myself to look at the failure, assess it from a higher perspective, find the faults, make a plan to improve, and move on.

It took me years, (and I say this honestly) years to realize no one cares what you wear. Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable, empowered, and express your personal style. Choose outfits that reflect your personality and align with how you want to present yourself to the world. When you feel good in what you’re wearing, it naturally translates into confidence.

Maintain Good Posture: Apart from how you look, confidence can be conveyed through your body language. Stand tall, shoulders back, and head held high. Good posture not only exudes confidence but also makes you feel more assured. Don’t be afraid to make eye contact, smile and really show you are present in conversations. While this may seem daunting a little trick that helped me was imagining a balloon was tied to the top of my head and that it was lifting my back to maintain my straight posture.

EMBRACE YOUR OWN POTENTIAL College has tested my personal confidence to the max. I very quickly learned that my dreams weren’t unique. If anything, college sent me into an academic comparison spiral. I had to rediscover a sense of assurance in my academic abilities. But doing this was no easy feat nor did it happen consistently. I would have moments of triumph, feeling on top of the world and then moments where I thought I would never be good enough to get to my end goal. Through all my setbacks, these reminders helped me remove myself from that mental slump and get back the personal confidence I lost.

Set Achievable Goals: A lot of times I had an overarching goal that seemed near impossible because of how unrealistic it seemed. Once I learned to break it down, I realized the impossible was achievable. By breaking down my larger tasks into smaller ones, not only did I get a sense of pride when I accomplished each small step but it also got me one step closer to the big picture.

Celebrate Your Achievements: As a child I used to have a “Go Me” song. The only lyric in this song that I would sing horribly off key were the words “go me” and I sang this song after everything. I made my bed? “Go me, go me, go me.” I finished all my veggies? “Go me, go me, go me.” My point being, acknowledge your accomplishments. Be proud of what you have done no matter how small. We tend to get caught up on how we could improve things, and try to find faults in our work. But what about what we did right? Celebrate your wins and use them as reminders of your capabilities.

Speak Your Truth: You don’t have to be loud to be confident. But you do have to have a sense of self worth. Your voice matters. Don’t hesitate to express your thoughts, opinions, and feelings, even if they differ from others. Practice assertiveness in a respectful manner, and remember that your perspective is valuable. No one else knows what goes on in your mind, so make your ideas known.

I want to stress that confidence does not just appear overnight. Confidence is like a plant; the more you water it, the more it grows. Use these tips and nurture your own confidence. Smaller actions lead to big developments. Over time, you will become more confident in yourself and your actions. There will be days where you fail, and days where you thrive. Remind yourself that you can do it and that little steps are steps towards the big picture. Take these tips, and then, take on the world, girlboss.

spring 2022| 31 fall 2023 | 33

32 | fall spring 2022 34 2023

understood the significance of the monument. Currently, DCII Tampa is leading an initiative to construct an official replica of the Shaheed Minar in Tampa as an emblem of Tampa’s diverse heritages. This procession was followed by various performances, including solo numbers, a chorus, and dances from children and various student organizations. A performance that stood out was the song Amar Bhaier Rokte Rangano (My Brother’s Blood Spattered), sung by seven students in English,

Students sing Amar Bhaier Rokte Rangano in seven languages.

Written and Designed By Merita Thomas

2022. The program was organized by the Tampa chapter of the nonprofit organization Distressed Children and Infants International (DCII Tampa), which is led by President Nafisa Uddin and advised by Dr. Israt Jahan. The event was open to all cultures, nationalities, and ethnicities and featured various cultural performances and presentations. Among the events was the Shaheed Minar procession, a ceremony in which wreaths were presented to a small version of the Shaheed Minar. The procession was used to open the program and pay tribute to those who sacrificed their lives for their language, similar to how one would bestow flowers at a gravesite. The atmosphere became quite somber as a hush fell over the 300 attendees and people bowed their heads in respect. Families and student organizations alike slowly approached the Shaheed Minar and laid homemade wreaths upon it in an acknowledgment of the lives that were sacrificed for the perseverance of their language. Even those who were unfamiliar with the ritual or what it represented

Writer, Designer: Merita Thomas

The four smaller side frames of the Shaheed Minar represent the “sons,” or martyrs who died in the 1952 protests. The large central frame represents the “mother.” It is slightly bent at the top to show that the mother is bowing her head in respect and grief for the sons that she lost. The red sun behind the center frame symbolizes the blood shed from their sacrifice as well as the approach of a new day.

Spanish, Tamil, Welsh, Mandarin, Russian, and Hindi. The original song was written by notable Bangladeshi writer Abdul Gaffar Chowdhury during the Bengali Language Movement to convey the sorrow and pain of the people lost on February 21st, 1952. The melody was composed by Abdul Latif, a renowned Bangladeshi composer known for his patriotic works. Seeing how one song was performed by people of various cultures and backgrounds contributed to the significance of the event. Each language flowed with the music to make the song their own. The result was a creative and beautiful performance, and an impactful reminder about treasuring the beauty in the diversity of different native tongues. Despite the fact that Ekushey February began as a day to remember the martyrs of the Bengali Language Movement, seeing how it has expanded to encompass and celebrate multiple cultures and languages made the attendees, myself included, feel seen and appreciated. Growing up in an area where one’s native language is not well-known or spoken can be quite intimidating to a young individual. However, events like this one are

a great way to remind them to be As attendees enjoyed the perforis certainly true, with the growing proud of their heritage. mances, they could learn about diversity of the Tampa Bay area. Another particularly significant the linguistic history, significant It is important that children are performance was done by Nafisa figures, and simple conversation made aware of the significance of A silent lid, he closed Uddin and her chorus, when they starters for a variety of languages, their culture so they can grow to A silent lid, hegreen closed that emerald box. sang Digontore Amor Ekushe including Urdu, Mandarin, and have an appreciation for it. AllowthatJoogantawre emerald green box. With gemstones, rare, they Joog (Over the always stared, Tagalog. “What my goal really is ing children to be familiar with and With gemstones, rare, they always stared, Horizon Immortal Twenty-First for this event is to make sure that proud of their culture is an imsuch dangers that it posed. such dangers that it posed. Heralds a New Era). Children in young people and kids don’t have portant value to instill in younger black and red uniforms danced to feel ashamed of their language generations today. Beauty that the cover sold, Beauty that the cover sold, along to the music in front of the or identity, which I think is a The sheer effort it took to golden border gleams each morn. golden border gleams each morn. stage, giving the performance a problem plan an event like this as well as Wandering eyes, for Wandering eyes,chased chasedwe forflaws, flaws, jovial atmosphere. “When the massive turnout of over 300 not it had notthe thethings things had enclosed. enclosed. celebrated it two ityears ago in people shows the significance of 2020, we involved kids who didn’t International Mother Language Time to he would Time to time, time, know about it before,” saidopen Dr. up, Day. “It is our pride to do an event Quiet unraveling, he said. said. Quiet“Now unraveling, he Jahan. they enjoy it and like this; to show the Tampa Bay On to dreams he wished, and times hemissed, missed, On dreams wished, and want knowhe more. When wetimes do he community that this momentous Quiet unraveling, he said. Quiet unraveling, he to said. rehearsals, they come me and occasion, this movement haprequest more parts. If you tell the pened…it needs to be protected An image to uphold, or else they’d know kids their history, they may not with so many languages that are An image to uphold, or else they’d know though the box, it shone and shimmered beyond. remember it for long. But, when disappearing nowadays. Hopefully though the box, it shone and shimmered beyond. The unkindsomething whispers, for they did disturb you arrange them nowadays,” said Uddin. “Your herithis program will only continue to The unkind whispers, they did disturb unraveling, hebecome said. to Quiet participate in, they tage is a beautiful part of who you grow and be important to more Quiet unraveling, he said. more familiar with International are, and you should cherish it. The people,” said Uddin. The event Mother Language Day and know younger generations are the future hosted multiple languages and that their language is very import- of their respective cultures, so if cultures and inspired people to to time, they cracked, ant.” Along the periphery of the we want to ensureTime that the worldthe gems take pride in their heritage. It was Beauty dies, he said. venue, students and student continues to see a diversity of cul- a great way to showcase the And cracks, they turned to greens diversity that burned, organizations arranged cultural tures, we need to make sure that ethnolinguistic of Tampa Timeabout to time, theBay. gems they cracked, dies, he said. booths with tri-fold boards and demographic feelsBeauty proud Beauty even food samples that showtheir heritage and desires to dies, sharehe said. And cracks, they turned to greens cased their language and culture. their language withBrilliance others.” This concealed in shadows deep,that burned, dies, he said.was worth much more. as Beauty shallowed shimmer

“ Your heritage is a beautiful part of who you are, and you should cherish it.” - Nafisa Uddin

When jealousy roared, the fear ignites and Beauty dies, concealed he said. in shadows deep, Brilliance

as shallowed shimmer was worth much more.

Beauty the cover sold, Whenthat jealousy roared, her earning scores, working below, to dim its Beauty dies, he said. glow, cruel eyes, their pride ignored, Beauty thatuntold. the cover sold, The story left working below, to dim its glow, cruel eyes, pride ignored, A silent lid, hetheir closed The story left untold. that emerald green box.

With gemstones, rare, they always stared A silent lid, he closed such dangers that it posed.

that emerald green box. With gemstones, rare, they always stared such dangers that it posed.

spring 2022| fall 2023 | 33

Changing Desired Just My Jalsa Path R G

36 | fall 2023

Written by Olivia Hemilton Designed by Prakash Vasanthakumar by Krisha Patel Designer/Shifa Shaikh Photographer/ Riya Choksi

ush of air, wind, and heat in- “Durga Mata fought Mahishasura, bursting into giggles. She altertwined as I got caught in evil king, for nine days and beat ways brought a smile to my face. oing high school, I was a nurse, claiming that it would be better for me. the into circlemy ofsenior chaos.year Myoffeet him on the tenth day. Mahishasura dead set on the idea of becoming a doctor. As someone who is“Dadi, half Filipino, sounds bit cliche, fall in a rhythmic pattern, one af- was destroying homes and comI missedit you! Youadon’t visNothing could ever change my mind about but I know a lot of Filipino nurses. Nursing and Filipino ter the other, spinning and clap- munities on Earth.” She explained it us anymore,” I said, picking up being doctor, other“Dholida career was enough for was women are like bread and butter, one without the ping awith the no music. Dholgood how tall he and described the luggage withcan thebeyellow and me. sameplays year, I applied to the University of South other, however, of most times tags. not. In fact,that the were correlation ReThat Vagad…” with every beat his horns with the movement orange Tags torn Florida with the intent of majoring in Microbiology between nursing and Filipinos is actually pretty consuming me. In every other her hands and arms. “The Bhag- from old chunnis, repurposed high. as onstep, the Ipre-med track. All good, and self-know According to NBC, a quarter immigrant spin, remaining on was my toes. wansmydidn’t who would kill “more specialthan markers whenof traveling. confidence myon mother’s praises the United A stabbingand pain the bottom ofof me himcontinued because he nurses had a in boon that States are Filipino.” I see this even in tomy grow until my second semester of college. I found my own family, given“Me thattoo, the majority the women feet and my breath quickens. shielded any man from killing him. beta. I of brought someon myself constantly questioning whether becoming a my mother’s side of the family are either CNAs or RNs. Keep going, it’s almost over. I push chaniya cholis for you and kurdoctor was even worth the stress the crying. However, it makes me wonder whybrother a lot of Filipino women my foot forward, remaining in syncand“Dadi, what’sI a boon?” tas for your because you wasn’t happy with myself, but my mother, oblivious have chosen this profession. Maybe it is our filial duty with the person in front of me. Colguys have all grown up,” Dadi saidto toorful my failing grades, filled my head with bouts of our parents to have a secure job with a decent skirts with beaded designs “A wish, beta.” as she gently cupped myincome, cheeks.or grandeur admiration. To become a doctor was her maybe it is because it is so indoctrinated into our and jewels clash with one anoth“You look just like your mom culture now.” dream and I slowly started to realize that it wasn’t er as everyone in the circle spins. “So, Durga Mata, a woman, came mine. As the semester wentspinning on, the cons began to Mahishasura. Durga “Speaking of your daughter, she The large circle of people down to kill outweigh the pros and I couldn’t find a sliver of hope contains four more concentric cir- Mata sat on a tiger and had has been so mean.” tocles holdofme on to that dream. However,eight the thought spinning people. I danced arms to help destroy him. oftotelling my mom that I wasn’t going to accomplish celebrate one of my favorite What does that mean, bachcha?” “Oh really. Now, I am here,” Dadi her dream in terrified me. Youculture. see, my mother is a festivals the Gujarati said as she walked into the house. Filipina woman, born and raised in the motherland. “Good wins over evil!” Dadi and I The idea ofis even going against sent as a we raised our arms I laughed. “Navratri a festival that occursher wishes screamed chill down every single bone in my body, but I was for nine nights to celebrate Godin excitement. Dadi squeezed me determined to nine makeforms. my own decisions dess Durga’s Navratri, in for a myself. strong embrace filled with “For now, let me show you your broken down, is “nav” which support and protection. I saw clothes.” I placed the large, black After months of “ratri” researching, found the Mata in Dadi. She suitcase down and opened it up. means nine and means I finally parts of Durga profession for me Speech-Language Pathology night,” Dadi (grandmother) said. was a fighter, brave, and powerful. Immediately, I am hit with a smell (SLP). partwith of her the warm job hit every mark and I sat inEvery comfort of markets in India. finally, I felt a spark in myself. I was excited about arms wrapped around my tiny Dadi suddenly stood up and picked my future, this next was something I felt some passionate body as I laid up from the sofa. “Let me teach “Maa, it smells like India. Come!” about. it came time to tell my mother about to her.When I felt safe you some Garba steps.” I watched my change in major and career, I sat her down as she raked her step side to side, clapping Maa scurried over to see chaniya and her, “Mom I don’t want to with be aeach doctor her told hands beat. “One, two, three…” cholis covered in jewels and beads. anymore, it’s not my dream. I want to become an I followed her, stum- “Wow, you are one lucky, beti.” through my she counted. Speech Language Pathologist.” Not to bling my surprise, tangled, in the process. My little I know I am. I grabbed one of the she lashed out at me. Blood pulled to face. baby curls. feether could not keep up with her. clear packets of clothing and ran She looked me in the eyes and told me, “You are the on button on the to the bathroom. She pressed embarrassing the whole family. Why dusty, not become black tape recorder and a nurse? Being a nurse is better, becoming an SLP whipped around us. I slowly slipped the blouse and the music will bring you nowhere in life.” From then on,Garba my music never failed skirt out of the package, leaving the mother kept attempting to coerce me into becoming to bring the energy back chunni for last. I pulled the emerald, into the room. Dadi green skirt over my shorts, then I put dramatically placed the white, gold-beaded blouse on. more emphasis in “Maa, I need help!” When I heard her steps, as I stood her footsteps, I opened the door.

for the women to have the role of the caretaker. people come from a completely different cultural “Can you hook my blouse togeth- I peered over my Maa’s shoul- as it heated up, I sprinkled in the Either way, there are so many other professions background than me made me feel like an outsider, er?” I said as I turned around, hold- der as she rolled out the dense mustard and cumin seeds. that adopt these ideals within their job description but it also brought more cultural awareness to myself. ing the blouse secure in place. dough into a circle. She picked up that it still makes me question, why are jobs that are She clipped the hooks together, the bhakri (flatbread) and placed “Be careful!” She screamed from not specifically highlighting these characteristics This profession is in dire need of more cultural allowing the itchy fabric to rub it on the pan. A meal Maa made the phone, watching me get looked down upon so often by Filipino women? diversity. Cultural diversity is essentially the ability to against my skin. Then, she took the with love. A meal she made when striked by the hot oil. interact, understand, and appreciate other cultures that strings in the back and tied them I was sick. A meal she made after Perhaps it is the lack of Filipino women in such are different from one’s own.The United States is a into a knot. “Is that tight enough?” a long trip. A meal I still enjoyed I added the chopped pieces of specialities that bars them from entering. Nursing salad bowl of cultures; each culture celebrates its own Maa asked. I nodded my head. after being away at university for garlic, onions, and tomatoes next. has proved to be a tried and true profession for a I grabbed the pink chunni with weeks. I sat down to eat a plate whole lot of Filipinos, however; the same definitely gold patterns and pleated it into filled with childhood warmth. “Just stir until they have softened,” cannot be said for Speech-Language Pathology. six even folds. I placed it over my “What food do you want to I stirred and caught her up on the According to the American Speech-Languageright shoulder while the other half take back to college with latest stories. Hearing Association’s (ASHA) 2020 Member and lay pleated in the front. I took the you?” Maa asked. “Mmm, dheAffiliate Profile, “only 2.9% of SLPs were Asian and back portion and tucked it into my bra and dabeli,” I requested. “They have all become a mushed 91.6% of SLPs were White.” It is no wonder why skirt on the left side. Looking at consistency,” I said over the vent my mom is so persistent for me to enter nursing, myself in the mirror, I smoothed hood fan. there are only a few and far between SLPs who out the pleats. Done. I walked out self-identify as Asian. To be honest, when I first proudly to show Dadi and Maa. The next step according to Chef learned about those statistics, it felt very daunting. “Wow, meri pyaari beti,” Maa said. Maa was to add the boiled, green Entering a profession where the majority of uniqueness within the same country. If a practitioner “Bahu sundar laage che,” Dadi said, mung beans, and some water. lacks cultural competence, they may find that their as the skirt fanned around me. Then, we finished it off with turpatients may lack understanding between them and meric, garam masala, red mafeel as though that they are not gaining the proper “Now, let’s see your Garba skills,” sala, amchur powder, and lime treatment that they need. Not all treatments are ethically Dadi said. juice, allowing it to simmer. compliant with all beliefs or cultures. It is important that we give our patients a treatment that aligns with I stepped forward then spun, reI waited and waited. Finally, I their beliefs and what they are comfortable with. peating the two beats known as poured the mung ni daal over be thaali (two claps). Dadi followed some basmati rice. I flipped the Patients of SLPs would feel more comfortable if they my pace as we continued to create camera to show Maa the finished saw someone with a similar background to them that our own circle in the living room. product. “Good job, beta,” she could relate and understand their same values. By doing “Let me play some music,” Maa said as her face glowed in pride. so, SLPs can create an unbiased treatment plan that said. She found a Garba playlist does not misdiagnose a patient with a speech disorder on Spotify and clicked play, join“Thank you, Maa!” Ending the call. instead when it may just be a speech difference. A lot ing us in the circle. I led the pace A few hours later, Maa had packed of patients that SLPs interact with may be more fluent now. I continued the traditions tins with dhebra, dabeli, dhokra, I savored the warmth and peace in in another language. It is important that as SLPs we are they raised me with. The traditions and khichdi. “Maa, this too much,” every bite. able to work with their accents and not force them to that now bring me happiness. The I said. “I don’t want you to worry, pronounce English sounds in an ‘American’ way. Being traditions that we maintain in our just focus on your studies,” Maa Durga Mata used weapons to able to represent my culture within such an ethnically home to preserve that happiness. said. Maa presented her protection protect her community while white-dominated field, gives me hope that I can help in tins filled with smells of home. Dadi and Maa used traditions lead a path for other Filipino women to follow. I want to The circle unraveled as Dadi said, and food to protect my happibe able to pave the way for others to have an open mind “My lessons have been paying off.” Metal tins, cold and empty, laying ness. In the same way, a woman to their career path and not rely on nursing as their only I smiled remembering when I used on my apartment countertop. A fought and won against a demon career option. By choosing my own career and sharing to stumble. Now, all my movegrowl grew. What can I cook in 45 king, our mothers and grandmy story, I hope that I can serve as an example to show ments flowed together as if they minutes? The easiest solution that mothers are fighting for us. A how anyone, regardless of their sex, gender, ethnicity/ ran in my blood. came to mind was to Facetime fight for our hopes and dreams. race, and background, should be given the chance to Maa as a confused and helpless pursue their dreams regardless of other’s opinions. “Do you want to eat, beta?” Maa daughter. I propped her up against said as I heard the pressure cook- a heavy mug as she told me to cut er screamed in the background. tomatoes, garlic, and onion. The smell of yellow lentils, rice, and spices filled the air. Khichdi. She instruced me to add oil, and

Cultural diversity plays an important role in a patient’s satisfaction and comfort, especially in the United States.

fall 2023 | 37

the conversation piece Ammar Ammu

Looking at culture, society and politics through India’s urban art scene

36 | fall spring 2022 38 2023

Designer: KanizSen Angel design/ Ishita

“I REALIZE THAT THROUGH THE VIBRANCE OF ART, A CONCRETE JUNGLE OF ROADS AND SKYSCRAPERS HAS COME TO LIFE AS AN EXUBERANT CITY.”

by Anushri Kaniz Angel Gade

Ammar Ammu isofa avibrant two kids on in sociocultural nology, all while trying not lose rom the backseat minivan, I with starethe idlystress out of raising commentary issues. Wall arttoconsoul, the radiating warmth and kinda new country. mom. slogans, While I such ouras roots. DespiteBharat having(Clean made Inwindow, absorbing the collective chaos on Sorrytaining Swaccha ness.the With an unwavering wasbustles learningwith English, myand mom wasthe girl some family my start momof spent other side of the spirit, glass. The city dia) Save child, andfriends, since the the she fearlessly pursues passions,seemingly also learning forpandemic, the most of her life aloneproper at home waitactivity, everyone andher everything lost init by studying COVID-19 calls to practice sanitawhether experimenting in the naturalization test. One ing for me, my sister,exists and my to its rapid it’s pace. Conversations are drowned out by the tion day andafter social distancing guidelines, ondad nearly kitchen,of engaging in lively games home elementary home. I did not like how my rumble rickshaws. Clothing shops coming and food stallsfrom every block of largecome cities. Declarations in support of ludo with her block. family, Buildings or offeringdozens school, I saw my studying mom had nothing to do except for span the entire of stories tall mom of or against political parties and conflicting political boundless love and support to flashcards containing facts about cooking and watchingTV. Things tower over the city. But caught in the midst of all this ideals line streets through bold phrases, paintings of everyone she the United States. My mother, who and changed during my teens asMany I would is a splash ofmeets. colorsHer andbubbly hues. Walls and alleys are idolized leaders, even satirical cartoons. personalitywith and big makeofher could barelyof hold a artists conversation in togo out public every weekend with my decorated tinyheart scribbles writing, banners also take these spaces to showcase a beacon positivity,ofalways ready English, memorized the answers totheirmom and older sister. We only had large text,ofpaintings admired own talent, marking cities with to lend aand helping hand spread all the questions on the naturaliza-life-size one portraits car, whichofmy dad took to work figures, murals of and bright athletes, murals joy wherever shethat goes. tion test. At the time, I did not real-containing everyday, so the patterns, three of usand would colors. I realize through the abstract colize the importance of passing the orfulset off forof a new adventure using vibrance of art, a concrete jungle images nature and wildlife. mother grew uphas with naturalization test and becoming public transportation. of roadsMy and skyscrapers four siblings, three sisters, a U.S. citizen for my mother. I have A number of Indian artists look to the come to life as an younger exuberant city. and one younger brother. She was never been so proud of her and herstreets as a Iblank alwayscanvas hear about people to convey born and raised in the beautiful effort to provide my sister and I with being close to their siblings and Urban art refers to visual art their political stances. One foreboding countryside Banglaa better future. doing with them. In my forms, suchof asRangamati, graffiti, murals, piece, Still everything Hunger Prevails, One Loaf desh.architecture In 2004, we had opportucase, touches I did everything with mom and that the have been of Bread, on topics ofmy governnity to move to the United States by Despite moving to a more and sister. They are like my best embedded in the urban landment corruption and rampant inequity. winning thelifestyle. United States Diversity diverse and modernized country, Painted friends. Weemerging would find ourselves scape and Contemby an artist under Visa program had we still faced great struggles and the pseudonym, going to the mall, eating the at different porary urban lottery. art roseMy todad prom“Bongster,” piece always wished to move and was our rock throughaall restaurants, going to thestarving library, inence as a medium forhere expression inmy themom mid-20th illustrates dark image of impoverished, after many tries, he got toartworks pursue appearing of it. For with only one visiting the park, watching movies century, with countless inmany publicyears,citizens and grinning politicians, symbolizing the his lifelong dream. So, my mother we the struggled doing ourand theatlooming the theater, and more. After spaces in cities throughout the world.car, From graf- with wealth gap issue of much economic hadboom to move to a country across errands, going goingintoIndia. moving to Tampa, weMedia still goIndia do ranfiti in New York City to the vibrant murals of to school, inequality In an interview with the globe with her two kids and work, among many other tasks. dom activities together. To this Buenos Aires, urban settings have since then given a Group, he writes that the artwork depicts “crimesday, husband 20s. Shecultural, left her social, Between ages four six, Iand dead mysons momand still families talks about howname much space forduring artistsher to convey andthe politiandand hatred in the entire family and everything behind walked with my mom schoolpoliticians funstomping she had with we cal viewpoints. of to religion, on us theevery poor,time corrupt for a new chapter of her life. everyday. The walk to school was went on a small girls trip. Contemporary urban art found its way to India not media, and a deadly pandemic.” An example of the about a mile and mygrowing mom went long after and has secured its place as a noticeable urban art scene in India, this piece serves to a child, I struggled with back and forth for aconvey total of frustration about Having tocorruption adjust to aand newsoart formAsover the past few decades. Types of artwith persistent Englishrange and had many tantrums. paintings four and milesmurals each day.cio-political Some days, Iinstability life at such a young age, my public mother works from independent and seeks to facilitate Since my dad was at work for most got tired of walkingdiscourse and wanted really got to experience living to large-scale exhibitions and art festivals, often on thesenever issues. of the day, my mom had to political deal her to carry me to school. Sorry for life independently or going out just expressing bold opinions, statements, and causing so much trouble, mom. for fun. She was always taking care Looking back, I realized how much of my dad, my sister, and me. She effort my mom put into everything cooked delicious food for us everyshe does. day like pompano curry, chicken roast, and biryani. Along with that, Living in the United States she cleaned the house spotlessly. I meant adjusting to our surroundknow she wanted to be more than ings, making new friends, and just that. educating ourselves to new tech-

During Ramadan, she got to go see her family in Bangladesh after 10 years, traveling all by herself. She spent a month with her family in the hot scorching weather of Bangladesh. As much as I missed her, I was really happy for her for being able to catch each flight and

Photo from Archdaily

spring 2022| 37 fall 2023 | 39

Designer: Kaniz Angel

“IT OFFERS PEOPLE THE CHANCE TO REFLECT ON THEIR OWN BELIEFS AND OPINIONS THROUGH THOUGHT-PROVOKING, AND OFTEN UNCOMFORTABLE, ARTWORK.”

by Kaniz Angel

Another artist, anonymous under the name of “Tyler,” it out of the conventional gallery space and embedalso addresses political issues through his collection ding it within the cities we live in…” . Founded around of street art that he often shares on his Instagram 2014, the organization has since then refurbished page. In a controversial crowdsourced project he residential buildings through art, hosted a multitude curated in Mumbai titled Walk of Shame, yellow tiles of art festivals, and connected artists from a wide My mom started to go to confusing airwith names of public figures, such asmaneuver celebrities,around the range of backgrounds. From walls decorated with school again at our town’s commu- areports of Qatar In theabstract month patterns, to large portraits depicting television anchors, and politicians, laid out simi-and JFK. radiant, nity college to improve her English. away, my sister, my dad, larly to the celebrity-studded street ofshe thewas Hollywood humans engaging in everyday life, the St+Art India She loved spending her timeto there and I hadthrough to pitch inFoundation together to shares do Walk of Fame. In response public demand the beauty and allure of art and because it made feel so promy momtransforms did: washing Instagram polls,her he selected names ofeverything public figures an otherwise dull space to one of animaductive while also making amazing dishes, cleaning the and house, accused of engaging in the spread of the propaganda to tion color. friends always made her laugh. cooking Kangameals, and taking out the call outwho in the display. Actress and filmmaker When I was news little, my momArnab wouldGoswami, trash.and We Sudhir also experimented in to theallowing artists to express their viewna Ranaut, anchor In addition pick me up from school, ask me of Zee kitchen made apoints mess while Chaudhary, the editor-in-chief News, aand major and creativity, India’s contemporary urban about my day,source, ask how myonly friends so. No matterart how much we Indian news are a few of doing the controscene demystifies art by making it accessible are, andpersonalities watch me dothat my homeexperimented, replaced herspaces. It offers people the chance versial feature on Tyler’s Walk of it never through public work. Now that she started commu- warm home cookedtomeals. While Shame. reflect on their own beliefs and opinions through nity college, it feels bittersweet to she was gone, I realized how much thought-provoking, and often uncomfortable, artdo the same thingsafor her.pavement, these we relied on my mom because she Imprinted against dark names work. By facilitating uncensored discussions on always had a solution to everything. emboldened in bright yellow are almost impossipolitics, culture, and society, it keeps the urban She eventually started to artwork has been ble to notice for passersby. The landscape open for the expression of diverse and do a freelance job as a babysitter I hug my mom everydayperspectives. to painted over numerous times and Tyler’s Instagram conflicting Over the past few decades, where sheofmade her70,000 own money let her know how much I love her. become an integral part of shaping account almost followers was disabled urban art has to spend on things she wanted. I make sureInto be there for her and after his Walk of Shame made My news headlines. cityscapes, expressing diverse opinions, and bringmom used towith babysit a four year support in whatever she wants an interview VICE, when asked about theher aims ing Indian cities to life. As a medium for conveying oldhis Filipino toddler, which to do same of initiative, Tyler says,brought “A few weeks or because months she gives bold,the direct, and sometimes provocative messages, a lot of happiness and stress intofor having energy to me. itI have watched later, imagine a street famous the back names challenges the preconceived notions of what art ourthe household. My mom worked momingrow me andbe see herdemonstrates the power of expresof most notorious and shamelessmy people the withshould and around problems such as dietary dopeople’s things I am doing at my I country painted on it, based entirely on sion andage. creativity. differences by making separate ammethod.” so happy His she got the chance to opinions gathered from a simple voting dishes reflects for her. She taughtartists her - toexperience living life freely. vision thatalso of many create somecolors,that numbers, and letters throughcriticizes, and thing audaciously expresses, Cocomelon videos, as well as teach- To my dear mother, I love you. represents. ing her how to socialize with other kids. Seeing how much work it was Taking a more aesthetic, flamboyant approach to to take urban care ofart a child a new Indian is theshed St+Art India Foundation, a light on how difficult it was to raise that seeks to Delhi-based non-profit organization me. From on, I tried help out “make artthen accessible to to a wider audience by taking the best I could around the house. Proud is an understatement of how I felt about her. My mom made a name for herself and took initiative in trying new things in a whole new country.

I choose books based on the author’s last name O

design/ Reagan Huynh art/ Nimrit Doad

40 2023 38 | fall spring 2022

by Reagan Huynh

ur first stop at the library is the book return. We It is estimated that about 1 million books are empty our tote-bag and watch our most recently read published by traditional publishers every year. The novels slide into the bin. Soon, they will be put back most comprehensive list of fiction published by Asian onto the shelf, and into the hands of another lucky authors in 2022 has 79 titles on it. I know that’s not reader. Now our tote-bag is light and ready to be necessarily an accurate figure. But, as someone filled. We go to the fiction section. The rows of who frequents libraries and bookstores, I also book-filled shelves cause golden excitement to glow know that finding novels written by authors of from our stomachs into our chests. Each colorful Asian heritage are hard to come by. There is so spine is a new story, a new journey, and a new world much power in fiction. If you make the choice to sit to escape into. Sometimes we look for a specific title down and read a novel, it means you are willing to or author, a recommendation from a friend or the invest hours of your time. Sure, you can watch the internet. But most of the time movie, but we walk the shelves and reading elicits emotions pull out a novel that looks We rarely see novels written by and visceral feelings in a appealing. We read the way that no other form of someone from our culture. But media can. Isn’t that why back cover and decide if it is worth bringing home. We the fact that it’s our last name, book to screen adaptatake our time. These are tions almost never live up it’s kismet! very important to readers’ expectations? decisions. Suddenly, we So, the lack of Asian see a spine with our last authors in fiction creates name on it. We rarely see novels written by someone such a deficit when it comes to representation. from our culture. But the fact that it’s our last name, Even if a writer’s novel is not specifically about the it’s kismet! We don’t even need to read the back. This Asian experience, they write through a unique lens. one is going in the tote bag! Once home, we are The best way to promote Asian authors is to read curious, how many authors with our last name their works and share them. So, whenever I see a are in the catalog of our big town’s public novel written by someone of Asian descent, I read it. library? One. There is one author, and the novel is the one we have in our lap. If I find myself thinking about a piece well after I have turned the last page, that is how I know it was a great book. The next page features some novels written by Asian authors that did just that! Some of my recommendations directly represent the Asian American experience, like Banyan Moon by Thao Thai and The Fortunes of Jaded Women by Carolyn Huynh. But the other two selections are simply great novels that happen to be written by an Asian author.

FOURTH WALL

my recommendatIons

written by Isha Harshe

they couldn’t shove Me underground, “Banyan Moon” Thao Thai so they wherever I gaze, Banyan Moon is a debut novel written by Thao Thai. It is about three generations of put Me on a am surrounded by haze. Vietnamese women, a grandmother, a mother, Iand a daughter. Their stories run parallel, and the reader experiences grandmother’s struggle in war-stricken Vietnam, the plastic the pedestal. an illusion mother’s heartbreak as a single parent in Florida, and the daughter trying to reconcile the a bed of flattery, shrouded withwas hesitation. parts of her that truly matter. What caught my eye about this novel how similar it was to my family’s story.by Three generations of Vietnamese in Florida? That’s underlined mockery. the glass fogs my family to a tee. This novel was also featured as July 2023’s book of the month for Read with Jenna, the asMoments it envelops Today Show, and Jenna Bush Hager’s book club. that put Me. Asian American authors on a national pedestal and look on the up reading list of thousands of people give me so much when they hope for the future of Asian writers. at Me asking Me questions “The School for Good Mothers” it feels as though they knew I wouldn’t answer. Jessamine Chan they are looking offering a seat at the table The School for Good Mothers is a 2022 debut novel by writer Jessamine Chan. Frida Liu down. that’s already taken. is trying to balance being a new mother and her husband’s betrayal. She’s drowning and gasping for air. And then she makes one terrible mistake. She sent to ajokes Big Brother-like laughing at isinside institution to see if she can become a good mother. This book is dystopian fiction and my feet long outsideandof.a mother’s love and leaves you contemplating all things parenting,I’m womanhood, sacrifice, theon waythe everyground, good novel does. a Foreigner in the places toinbe mingling around, I should belong the most. seeing eye to eye. “The Fortunes I’ll never of beJaded one ofWomen” them “Dial A for Aunties” Jesse Q. Sutanto Carolyn Huynh but will it The Fortunes of Jaded Women Dial A for Aunties by Jesse Q. Sutanto is the kind of book that by Carolyn Huynh is the book ever makes you laugh out loud. that inspired this article. This be After Meddelin Chan novel follows a family of accidentally kills her blind date, enough Vietnamese women, three sisher mom and aunties have to ters and their daughters. Their to be one of help her cover it up and family is cursed, which causes dispose of the body. Things go them to never find love or happiMe? designed by Linh Nguyen

wrong, very quickly, but that’s ness and to give birth to only where the laughs come from. daughters. All of the women are If you also have classic Asian estranged, until a prophecy that how, oh how aunties, this romance-mystery says the family will witness a will be totally relatable, even if you’ve never murdered marriage,this a funeral, and the birth of a son. This novel is do I break anyone. full of dysfunction, humor, and is oh, so relatable.

Fourth Wall?

fall 2023 | 39 41 spring 2022|

अनुवाद: कथानकस्य आत्मां हरित। My mother hates my body so loudly. Chunky, Translated Stories Chubby,

Pound

Tales Lost in Translation

“W

Bulky, Fat. It always came down to me being fat. One word that felt like judge, jury, and executioner in middle school. est part of learning languages is understanding e have so many diverse cultures and

traditions, but whenever I ask about At 13 yearstraditions, old, why we have to follow these 14, 16, 19… no one can tell me why. What do all of our rituals, Now ata 20. traditions, and shlokas mean?” I heard friend ask That’s exactly how much I need to lose, when I was in middle school. 20 pounds.

And how deserving they are of regard.

As if sizepart equates to respect. Language is an intrinsic of a culture; we can’t understand how cultures view the world without They understanding the language. However, thesay, hard“Skinny women are respected.” “Skinny women find husbands.” “Skinny women are loved.”

Fatness is disgusting. A dirty word. A quick and easy insult.

40 | fall spring 2022 42 2023

Self Love

In a historical context, Asian languages are some of the oldest developed languages, since the Indus Valley and Huang He civilizations are some of the world’s oldest civilizations. Chinese, Tamil, and Sanskrit are considered to be some of the oldest languages, which have spread and influenced the creation of other languages throughout Asia. The problem of translating these languages in texts has been a concern, as many texts have historical relevance. Hindu texts have often been victim to mistranslations over the past few decades. Recent examples include Rutgers University professor Audrey Trushcke’s mistranslation of verses in the Ramayana, where the Hindu god Rama is equated to a misogynistic pig. While this enraged Hindu sentiments, certain Sanskrit scholars have also called out Truschke for the inaccurate translations of certain Hindu texts. According to the author Amish Tripathi, using the words “misogynistic pig” may have been acceptable to use as an interpretation of the Ramapayana; however, the claim that this text was a translation was unethical.” Not only have mistranslations of Sanskrit texts emerged as an obstacle for Hindus in un-

by Riya Anagha Choksi Hesaraghatta design/ Riya design/ ChoksiIshita Sen

Her question pestered me for days, and asking my Are these thoughts mine or my mother’s? parents didn’t provesomething fruitful either. Nobeen one knew Trying to extract that’s the meanings of our religious hymns. This inciso tightly bound feels futile, dent sparked my interest learning Sanskrit and Like picking out corninstuck between languages in general. Learning your Sanskrit teeth.helped me connect to my roots and understand and appreciate “Do my you culture in another a new way. want bowlUltimately, of food?” I would say that my main goal inislearning Sanskrit was One never enough, But answers two feelsto like too much. but to be able to find my questions, Maybe I should stop eating altogether. I was able to gain so much more after learning Sanskrit. One definite change I noticed in myself Trying to get me into a sizemore zero about taughtmy Indian was my willingness to learn me just how much I was worth, school I roots. I can recall that throughout middle Zero. to assimdespised my Indian heritage and wanted Nothing. ilate into American culture as much as possible. Nothing at all. However, this incident made me question why I Another number to justify my lack of didn’t know more about my heritage and I began self-esteem. researching more about our history and background. recently though, I have been able to TheMore cultural demoralization of fatness find myself being able to understand many Indian has synonymized it to laziness. languages, as well as understanding verses As if one’s body weight can be equated to from Hindu texts such as thehow Bhagavad Gitawork, and shlohard they kas. How much effort they put in,

the depth of meaning in words. Non-translatable words are a gateway into understanding the cultural nuances since these are words that are exclusive to that specific culture. For example, idiomatic expressions and sayings give us a lot of insight into the history, the values, and traditions of a culture.

derstanding their cultural roots, when translations My nickname growing up was “Jadi”. Recently, with the growing popularity of the Netflix are presented to an audience unfamiliar with an Noun, Gujarati for fat woman. ancient language like Sanskrit, the true meaning of original series Squid Game, its English translated Please don’t call me that, I beg. subtitles were under a lot of scrutiny for its lack of the works is erased and replaced with inaccurate My cries are met with aunties’ laughter. interpretations. These misinterpretations of sacred accuracy. According to Youngmi Mayer, the New Now, “jadi” can only be spoken with hatred anger York-based co-hostand of the podcast Feeling Asian, texts result in naive readers gaining an erroneous creeping out of thewatching edges ofamy lips. show without understanding Korean understanding of Hinduism. Korean means that you didn’t really watch the Insteadinof fuel, food show. was aWhile punishment. this may seem a bit extreme, I think it In a more global context, Asian culture gener“Just eat!” is an accurate view since the depth of the meanal has significantly grown in popularity with the when is ininturmoil, the show are covered up with a superficial introduction of Crazy Rich Asians inBut 2018, as the wellmindings You cannot eat yourself out of negative image. coating of subtitles to fit body a global audience. These as the global interest in K-pop through groups like Not when aunty tells meoften to watch how many mistranslations have deeper implications, BTS. Personally, I have been greatly influenced by an cookies I eat, such as leading to incorrect interpretations about international culture, as I too watch a lot of KoreLest I become like her. the message of episodes and well as skewing an, Chinese, and Thai dramas and listen to music character development. According Oh, don’t worry, it was said out of love.”to Tik Toker of various languages. One of the most unique even as thesuffocating mistranslation of one when theMayer, love feels as clothes things we get to experience living in a multiculturalButYoungmi line in an entire episode can make a huge difsociety is the experience of a myriad of different that used to be oversized, the same cultures that all come together. Watching these It ference. must beIn thrown out.sixth episode of the series, the character Oh Il Nam explains the concept shows not only helped me experience these culofmother the marble game. The line in question tures, but also helped me learn these languages. My looks in the mirror and sees awas body “ that’s just never” skinny which was incorrectly tranlatI also think that cultural awareness allows us to enough. ed as “you share things with them.” The correct be more accepting of these unique and incredible Ever since I can remember, translation “there is no ownership between traditions, which helps reduce cultural barriers andI look into that was same mirror, me and you,” which changes the message of the promote acceptance. Every individual has uniqueSee a body that looks just like hers, episode, which is that the marble game is split into experiences that stem from their culture and being And learn to hate it a little bit more. teams of two, where the two players on the teams able to understand these unique perspectives help us promote inclusion in our incredibly diverse are opponents not allies. In the incorrect translaMy mother has stretch marks. tion, the message of betrayal and manipulation are societies. So do I. not as effectively expressed. She has belly folds. Most of these shows aim to attract a larger audiSo do I. With the advent of new technologies, it is only ence through the use of English captions. Captions She has given to threeare children. right birth that cultures able to reach global fronts make shows more understandable to a wider Ifor representation and appreciation. However, audience but are often not a true depiction of what I haven’t. is actually being said. While we can make an effort this comes with drawbacks in the preservation of these cultures, especially their languages. While to try and understand the basic meaning of these But I do not need to earn body. issue, accuracy is accessibility is an my important shows, it can be difficult to understand the nuancThe rolls important. that makeThus, me recoil are reflected in equally it is integral that translaes and expressions unique to these languages. In same theof sculptures Goddess Aphrodite. tions languagesofmirror the authentic meanings addition, these captions are designed specifically intended Everyand pound of memessages. is as deserving of love and to make it easier to read as the show is going on. They are designed to be short, clear, and concise existence as hers. attempts at translating the show. Fatness is tolerable. An acceptable word. A neutral and objective descriptor.

My grandmother hated her body so loudly. My mother hates her body so loudly. But I will end that cycle Photo by…with GetReel me.Cinemas

spring 2022| 41 fall 2023 | 43

Chasing Horizons From Da Nang to Boston

As a child, I spent my days perched on the back of my father’s black motorcycle, nestled in the heart of Da Nang, Vietnam. That motorcycle, despite its age and wear, was more than just a machine; it was the chariot to our countless adventures. It took us from the quietest corners of our modest town to mysterious routes that seemed to lead to endless possibilities. From my unique vantage point on that motorcycle, I observed the simple yet harmonious lives of ordinary people amid the vibrant city nightlife.

At your age, is it that you’re innocent or dumb? Amidst the complexity of Boston’s commuter rail

system and the vibrant diversity of its passengers, I transitioned from the familiar simplicity of myof This line is important to the development the to character Gi Hun. Theofcharacter is supsmall town the bustling heart the city. As I sat posedthe to gradual be an innocent, naiveand character, on the train, shift in and scenery atmowhich one of the sphere was likeisturning thereasons pages ofviewers a novel,sympaeach thize withahim. 2) in my journey. The station revealing new(Ep. chapter familiar sights of my hometown, with its low-rise houses and roadside stalls, faded away, replaced by the towering rose skyscrapers and modern architecture that defined Boston’s skyline. The train carried me through a cityscape that felt like a living tapestry, where the red-brick houses and glass skyscrapers coexisted in a harmonious blend of old and new. The people around me were a diverse mosaic of races, cultures, and fashion choices, all seemingly disconnected yet sharing this communal space as they commuted to various destinations.

socioeconomic status. (Ep. 6)

Just call me Sang Woo, ok? Call me hyung, ok? This line has more to do with the cultural meaning behind "hyung," which is a term of endearment in Korean. The mistranslation mentions to call Sang Woo by his name, but the significance of this line has to do with the changing relationship between Ali and Sang Woo. It also in important in developing the character of Sang Woo, showing that his character isn't truly evil. (Ep. 5)

44 | spring fall 2023 42 2022

Witten by Huong Phan / Design by Ishita Sen

Da Nang, my cherished hometown, may not have been the amost bustling metropolis, but its heartbeat I’m not genius, but I still got it worked out. was constant and Ienergetic. heart, it was a I am very smart, just neverIn gotmy a chance symphony of bridges teeming with motorbikes, to study. cars, and bicycles spanning the Han River. It was a place where people solace eatThe character Han found Mi Nyeo is in in lineroadside with eries, engaged healthydramas, exercises, and embraced a huge trope ininKorean where entertaining activities. The wereare our playcharacters, such as Han Mistreets Nyeo, who clever and are not given the opporground, andsmart the thrill of spontaneity fueled our tunities they deserve due to their journeys. In those moments, I waslower immersed in the

allure of adventurous routes and the captivating Now, aren’t you a along little old be this clueless? spectacles that unfolded thetoway.

As I gazed out the window, the city’s classical architecture told stories of its rich history, each building a chapter in its own right. The transition was not just geographical but also cultural, and it was impossible not to be struck by the stark contrast between the close-knit community of my hometown and the dynamic, ever-changing city before me. The feelings of homesickness crept in, a gentle reminder of the familiar comforts I had left behind. However, it was also a moment of realization that I was embracing newfound independence and the exciting, diverse world that Boston had to offer. In that fleeting train ride, I knew I was in for an adventure that would forever shape my perspective. To quell this homesickness, I went to venture into the Asian community that thrived in Boston. What I found was nothing short of remarkable. Every aspect of the Chinatown area resonated with memories of my hometown, evoking a sense of comfort and nostalgia that I had longed for. Instead of wide roads dominated by thousands of cars, there were winding alleys dedicated to pedestrians, lined with restaurants, milk tea shops and barber shops that reminded me of home.. The sidewalks are filled with pedestrians and the roads are filled with people driving hurriedly home – just like in Viet-

nam! The cuisine was a revelation with dishes from various Asian cultures, but it was a simple bowl of pho at Pho Pasteur that truly transported me back home. Boston’s Chinatown became my sanctuary, a fragment of home located thousands of miles away. From the back of my father’s motorcycle to navigating the colorful maze of Boston’s commuter rail system, the transition from childhood to independence has been nothing short of magical. It was a journey that allowed me to break free from the confinement of my small town and explore the vibrant diversity of Boston. While my adventures may have begun out of a desire to escape boredom, they ultimately led me to discover the beauty of multicultural communities and the sense of belonging that can be found in unexpected places. As I reflect on this transformative journey, I am reminded of a quote by Marcel Proust: “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” Today, I continue to explore the world with a sense of wonder and curiosity, knowing that every place, no matter how different, holds the potential to become a second home.

fall 2023 | 43 45 spring 2022|

Answers from an Artist

Many Asian immigrants, like his parents, came to the United States

46 | fall 2023

relate to these expectations, myself included. Exposed to medicine my whole life, I blindly declared my major as “Biology, pre-health track” without real knowledge of what it meant to become a doctor. Studying health and science seemed like a safe choice with a direct path into a career. Only years later did I realize that choices shouldn’t be ruled by fear.

The first time Patrick questioned his path was when the sun rose over the horizon for the second day in a row and he found himself still at the library, trying to stay awake while grasping chemistry concepts. He started to question if this was what he really wanted to do. Sure, his classes were interesting, but was the interest enough to motivate him in the longterm? The choice was complicated. When Patrick went to an advisor after his exam, he decided to switch into advertising. He reasoned that it was still a Bachelor’s of Science and that there was a direct career path. He could explain to his parents that advertising majors graduate and start work at advertising firms. The choice looked less risky. Truthfully, we’ve all been there. Sometimes, it’s easier to make gradual changes than it is to rip off the band-aid and face the growing pains of fear, confusion, and shame in becoming our authentic selves. Personally, I have been in Patrick’s shoes because my own parents still don’t know that I stopped pursuing nursing school a year ago. When I chose to be a nurse, I was supporting myself and knew how important job security was when considering a career. Nonetheless, the vision of me being stable while working in an environment that excites me was

Design By Anisha Paudel

When I spoke with Patrick, he recalled growing up surrounded by adults in the healthcare field. Both of his parents are physical therapists and it was all he knew. The obvious choice was to declare his major in applied kinesiology and physiology as a freshman at the University of Florida. He had sat down with his parents and devised a ten year plan to specialize in Orthopedic surgery or Internal Medicine by the end of his academic career. However, there were other plans in store for Patrick and he would soon discover a road less traveled.

motivated by greater employment and educational opportunities. As a result, immigrant parents have expectations for their children to pursue profitable careers to be financially stable. Many first and second generation college students can

Written By Marilyn Nguyen

atrick Amistoso makes the two hour drive home at one in the morning after shooting and filming content for dubstep legend and DJ, Sullivan King. He has another gig coming up to shoot for the big name EDM duo, Zed’s Dead. He hopes to capture content that will make him stand out amongst the creative crowd and land him some cool opportunities. Being a professional artist is a risky enough move. Pair this decision with the complex relationship that Asian Americans have with success as well as the high expectations from their immigrant parents, and the dream usually hits a dead end.

even more alluring. Knowing that I had already finished my prerequisites for nursing school made me feel like I had a security blanket or a back-up plan, and was an important component of why I was able to make a “risky” change. Growing up, Patrick’s parents always nurtured all of his interests. From buying him his first camera to providing Lego sets, his creativity had always been a part of him. However, Patrick was also known as the STEM whiz in his Filipino community and his path was seemingly carved for him at a young age. So when he made the decision to switch careers, he experienced what he can only describe as “an identity crisis”. Sure, he was always creative but it was only meant to be a hobby. It was only when Patrick started talking to his peers where his eyes and mind opened to new possibilities. There weren’t many Asian-Americans he knew pursuing an art degree. However, he remembers talking to a fellow Filipino creative, feeling excited in hearing them talk optimistically about their prospects in Digital Arts and Sciences. He quickly concluded that advertising wasn’t as creative as he hoped and switched into Digital Arts and Sciences the following semester. The switch allowed him to work with his camera as well as exposed him to UX design, a practical and creative compromise. Representation matters. Current research shows that the academic

interests and occupations of Asian Americans are concentrated in the science and technology fields but underrepresented in the fields of art and humanities. When students see people in their community graduate and become creative directors, artists, musicians, and more, they start to think “that can be me”. Being exposed to media, art, and the humanities is just as important as learning about STEM-related ca-

reers. It allows for Asian-Americans to be in spaces they didn’t take up before and for them to be authentically seen and heard in media and writing. It allows Asian-Americans to work with wider audiences and fill more diverse roles. Unfortunately, the stigma of pursuing a “risky” career is still prevalent. That is why many Asian-Americans and BIPOC choose “socially-acceptable” degrees. The reality is that our com-

munities can only benefit from taking risks. Sometimes, it only takes one person creating space for a whole community to develop. Now, with a Bachelor’s degree and a brand new camera - a graduation gift from his parents, Patrick is set on his goals to be successful as a creative. Pivoting careers was a huge change and telling his parents was the hardest part. He understood that his parents, like he had been, had only ever known careers in health. This only made him more grateful for his second camera, which symbolized his parents’ continued support of his creative ambitions. Eventually, Patrick was able to make them proud after a 3 month job hunt that landed him a full time position as a UX designer. Now, Patrick joins the growing wave of Asian American creatives. Even in 2023, Asians are still underrepresented in fields such as media and art. Individual stories like these are important for people in similar positions to know that through perseverance, there will come opportunity. After hearing his story, I identified with the obstacles that he had experienced. I still have to tell my parents that I am now pursuing a career in Professional and Technical Writing, and I don’t even know how to translate this into Vietnamese for them to understand. All I know is that I don’t regret my decision and am looking forward to my future every single day.

fall 2023 | 47

Home Is Where “So, where are you from?” written by Morgan Hurd

one request – if Nguyen were to get a tattoo, it had to be in a place where she could easily hide it with clothing. Despite her parents now allowing Nguyen to get tattooed, she still felt guilty Many of the dances we learned when she got it. Nguyen felt as if she was rebelling against her were retellings of folktales, which parents, even though it was never her intention in the ﬁrst place.

These negative views have been carried for centuries and continue to be held within the APID community.

When I moved to India, everything was so new. I could not speak the language everyone spoke, and I did not know much about my culture. My parents signed 14 | FALL 20232023 48 | fall

connect Indian heritage and “When you are seen with a tattoo, people’s first culture to art. impression of you is that you are disobedient and won’t be a productive member in society.” I loved imagining old myths and -Tony Truong pictures of gods in my head as I Truong took a year to commit to a tattoo due to the fear of learned new dances. It’s easy to his culture and parents. “When you are seen judgment from tattoo, people’s ﬁrst impression of you is that you are feel lost in a world with withadiverse disobedient and won’t be a productive member in society.” This, people and cultures. My dance along with their disapproval, is what Truong’s parents would tell journey took a hugehim turn when I Every aDiwali I woke when discussing getting tattoo.and AfterPongal, persisting for a year, gave in, telling him they trust of him to make the right performed in front they of two hundred up that to the smell freshly cooked decision for -himself. Once receiving approval from people at my Salangai Pooja a Indian treats somewhat and classical music. his parents, Truong said that this was “the moment where I truly ceremony where a grew dancer wears My favorite Indian sweet is called up and [had] an identity for myself.” salangai (ankle bells) for the Gulab Jamun. They are prepared first time. The Salangai Pooja is by heating milk solids in oil over a Breaking the Hold commonly called aUltimately, dancer’sTruong “first haslow flame, a warm, brown found signiﬁcreating cance in the art of tattooing steps.” Unfortunately, I stopped sponge, which covered despite the negativitycircular surrounding them. “For is me, [tattoos] willing to make the commitment and not regret any practicing classicalmeans danceI am during in sweet syrup. Another aspect

design by/ Joy Chen models/ Sheena Lu, Tony Truong & Justine Nguyen by Aditi Ragothaman design/ Teju Calambakkam

me up for a classical dance the pandemic and have not class in an attempt to help me continued it since. learn more about myself and my ethnicity. I learned Bharatanatyam, I grew up in Southern India, Tamil Nadu classical dance specifically in Chennai, Tamil have asked thisinquestion 引薦 been or seal, painted red. A tassel, aholding a picture, Cultural Hold that helped me learn about my Nadu. I lived very close to my protected a dragon. An ode to a childhood anime. These close to a by hundred times this Lu has had a fascination withand tattoos since was 6. It was tattoos carry great significance for Universityheritage of Florida students through self-expression. family grew up she surrounded by past month, andNguyen my answer is Truong. However, Sheena Lu, Justine and Tony like post high school graduation – and post breakup – when she my culture. I am a Hindu, which is never shorter a their sentence. many other APIDthan youth, tattoos did not come without fear decided it was finally the time to bring her childhood desires to fruition. The desire, however, was accompanied by a fear one of the most prevalent religions cultural and scorn. Iofwas born inparental the United States, of her parents’ opinions. After hearing negative ways her in India. The twothemajor festivals but I have lived almost all of my traditionally minded father spoke of tattoos that people close History my family celebrated were life in India. I am a domestic in their life had, Lu was particularly anxious about his Diwali, reaction. a celebration of “victory of light When it came to a point of conversation about Lu eventually Tattoos, an art of storytelling, applicant, butform constantly feel hold rich cultural significance father’s immediate and firm response, in some Asian cultures and tribes. For the Derung Dai Li and getting a tattoo, her over darkness,” and Pongal, a like an people international Dulong of China,student. as well asMy the Santhal tribes of Bengal paired with a disapproving shake of the head, was “No.” Tamil Hindu harvest festival. In parents moved fromare India to between the ages of 12 and and Jharkhand, tattoos received India, every festival I celebrated Nguyen’s tattoo tribulations were similar to Lu’s. When Nguyen 14 as a rite They of passage into adulthood. California. got married, and I These tattoos are not gettingwas a tattoo, her parents random, but rather they hold significance in design as well as first brought up the concept with myoffamily an official was born in San Jose, California. forbade her, openly airing their disapproval towards the art form. placement depending on each tribe. publicinto holiday in India. I lived there for six years before Eventually, as she matured a young adult and acquired several piercings, Nguyen’s parents concluded that it was In contrast, asIn Japan, China, Vietnam and Korea we movedcountries back tosuch India. August have associated tattoos with deviance and gang membership. only a matter of time before she would decide to get a tattoo. 2023, I returned to the United Tattoos have also been used as a form of punishment for Although they were not supportive of her decision, they were no States criminalsfor souniversity. that their past is permanently marked and visible. longer completely barring her from getting one. They had just

photos by/ Kat Tran

The Heart Is

of preparation for the festivities is getting ready. We would wash our hair and wear new traditional clothes. Then, the entire family would meet at my grandparents’ house to celebrate and pray together. Diwali would be filled with people bursting fireworks.

decisionMy I make. Tattoos serve as a memory for me to be introspective about grandfather. grandfather because they represent a pivotal point in my life.” wouldIntrospection explain andplayed translate what a major role in determining Truong’s first tattoo. Although was happening in each ended episode. their time together when Truong was just a child, he says that his grandmother helped shapemy him into who he is today. While growing up in Watching this series kindled Vietnam, Truong’s parents worked frequently, so he and his grandmother spent interest in Indian Literature. Since much time together. She taught him what kindness looked like through caring coming theanimals States,on I’ve forto stray thebeen street of Huế. Her love was never a vocal one, but it was more apparent through her actions of preparing sugarcane drinks whenever he watching movies related would come over. to Indian epics and literature at “For me, tattoos movie nights at my aunt’s house.means I am willing to make the commitment and not regret any decision I make. Tattoos serve a memory So far, university hasasbeen surreal.for me to be introspective about because they represent a pivotal point in my life.” I remember feeling so anxious and -Tony Truong excited before I got onto my plane. Truong’s first tattoo was done I had never imagined living so farin a traditional art style and is of a tassel which represents prosperity. In remembrance of his late grandmother, inside is from my family. picture Thankfully, an outlined of himI do and his grandmother in Vietnam with the shading not experience language barrier Surrounding the tassel is a detailed Chinese resemblingaan aged photograph. dragon, which because of its association with strength and because I went to aTruong schoolchose where health and the belief that it everyone spoke English. Even serves as a protector. though I’m not great at Telugu or Lu’s choice of first tattoo, a traditional Chinese sealIwith mother’s surname, Tamil, still her tried to speak it every was one which she hoped would ease the disapproval of her parents. “I went with chance I got. Now, the only times a traditional Chinese seal that artists would use for their signature. I love painting, I speak Telugu are when talkof hence the seal, and instead of my name, I had my mom’s surname put onI top our family surname I did that to honor her name because, women’s to my family.traditionally, Beyond language, While I am lucky to be able to surnames don’t get passed on to their kids, so it’s going to die with her; she’s the everything seems so different. youngest of six girls.” have family and a support system The sky would be filled with colors in Florida, I miss my family back “I the did neighborhoods that to honor her namebebecause, traditionally, women’s and would home every day. Moving away surnames don’t get passed on to filled with commotion, making it their kids, so it’s going to die with from home has strangely made her; she’s the youngest of six girls.” difficult to sleep at night. However, -Sheena Lu me more aware of my roots only a minority of people celebrate and heritage. It made me realize She didn’t show them at first, hiding it for the first several days. Upon initially these Hindu festivals in the United showing it to her mom, Lu’s mother expressed a “disappointed but not surprised” that I’m an American citizen, but States. It’sHowever, ironically sad be ablethe meaning behind it, she grew to accept expression. after Lu to explained I’m also a part of India. Now, it. Lu’s father was more to the tattoo than she had anticipated, but a to sleep peacefully onreceptive Diwali night whenever I watch an Indian movie large of that may be due to her mother telling him in the two weeks Lu hid in thepart United States. the tattoo from him. After having it for a few years now, her father seems to have through my laptop’s pixelated accepted it, while Lu’s mother has grown fond of it and even shows it off to her friends. screen, I feel connected to my mybut family, and the Nguyen also took Asian art culture, inspiration, in a less traditional form, of my story. pulling from the first animebeginning she ever watched and grew up with – “Sailor Moon.”

“The tattoo is on my chest, which is the same placement as the compact in the show.” Back home in India, I went to a -Justine Nguyen small high school where I was only surrounded by people of “My ﬁrst tattoo is of the inside of Chibiusa’s Crisis Compact from the same culture. had Moon was the ﬁrst anime I ever watched and grew SailorI never Moon! Sailor the opportunity learn upto with, so about it holds a special place in my heart. The tattoo is on my chest, which is theI same placement as the compact in the show.” different perspectives. When moved to the United States to Changing the View start university, I did not realize There anethnic evident shift, even from just a decade ago, on the view that I now belong toisan tattoos within During the pandemic, I lived minority. I am of surrounded by the APID community. This can be attributed to generational transformation and growing importance of individuality with my grandparents. Every people of different cultures with along with exposure to Western culture. The most important part in the art of tattooing is that it gives people an outlet to express night,individuality. I would watch theare TVpart of a person’s their own stories their “Tattoos identity. Theyand allowam forexcited expression that nothing else could express,” Lu said. “They’re representative a person’s and I more think you can learn a lot about a person based on the tattoos they have and show adaptation of of the Indian personality to learn about them. where they’re placed.” with my epic “Mahabharata” FALL 2023 | 15 fall 2023 | 49

Steeped in Culture The warm, flavorful aroma of spiced tea or the cold, refreshing sip of iced tea…

茶 (chá)

In ancient China, the most common tea to drink is green tea. Through the experience of drinking tea, one cultivates the mind and improves moral integrity. Tea represents elegance, harmony, and grace. The tea plant is held in high esteem for its medicinal properties in reducing inflammation and boosting immunity, energizing effect, close ties to nature, and desirable

50 | fall 2023

चाय (chai)

n India, the tea plant grew in the Assam region for centuries; however, it was seen as a herbal medicine rather than as a recreational beverage. This changed under British colonization. In the 1830s, the British East India Company became concerned about the Chinese monopoly on tea and noticed the existence of the Assamese and Ceylon tea plants. By 1900, the tea consumption landscape in Great Britain had dramatically shifted. Only 10% of the tea consumed in Great Britain originated from China, a significant decrease from the 90% in 1870. This change was primarily due to the rise of tea plantations in India and Ceylon. Today, chai is made by brewing black tea with milk, water, sugar, and a blend of spices. These spices include cardamom, cinnamon, ginger, and even mint. Every South Asian household has a different blend of spices, sometimes a closely guarded family secret. It is enjoyed in South Asian households daily with biscuits and spicy fritters.

q Tra Nong and Tra Da

In Vietnam, tea is a beverage sipped as often as water. From morning to evening, ‘Tra Nong’ (Hot Tea) or ‘Tra Da’ (Iced Tea) can be made from the variety of teas enjoyed in each region such as white, green, oolong,

Design By Anisha Paudel & Amreen Naveen

Every Asian culture, from South Asia to East Asia to Southeast Asia to Central Asia, has a unique tea culture. Tea can be enjoyed as a simple refreshment, a drink for health, comfort, or another occasion to spend time with loved ones. In Asian cultures, the most common types of tea are green, black, oolong, white, yellow ginseng, and genmaicha. However, the preparation of these teas vastly varies from culture to culture. The tea plant originated in regions around southwest China, Tibet, and Northern India. So, our first destination of interest- China.

q Written By Serena Bhaskar

In every Asian household tea, otherwise known as cha, chai or chah, is a beverage steeped in tradition. Seemingly a staple in any Asian household, one cup of tea is needed every day whether it be hot or cold. In the Western world, coffee and tea is often drunk solely for the caffeine boost to get you through the workday. In contrast, for many Asian cultures, tea is drunk either for its health benefits, refreshing qualities, or the communal experience of enjoying a cup with friends and family.

taste. Today, many Chinese couples participate in a Chinese wedding tea ceremony. This is a tradition where the bride and groom serve tea to their esteemed elders from both sides of the family such as parents, grandparents, and elder relatives. The couple receives gifts and well wishes, unifying both families.

and black tea. Small cups of bitter Vietnamese tea are used in toasts, placed on ancestral altars, and served to all guests at weddings, funerals, and business meetings. The tea is also enjoyed for its cooling effects in the hot summer days in Vietnam, especially for the major agricultural worker population in Vietnam. These tea plants are mainly grown in Vietnam’s mountainous regions in the north and northeast. Besides blowing out the heat from the inside, green tea also helps improve the body’s resistance to infection.

bekistan, there are tea houses or chaikhanas on every street where individuals can come to drink tea, talk with friends, and relax. These tea houses often become town social centers within small communities. Uzbekistan mainly outsources their tea from China though there have been initiatives to grow tea in the mountainous regions of the country. Despite the differences in tea type and preparation, all Asian communities are united in their love for tea and have brewed small pockets of communities around the world.

q Tea, or chai for me, has been a small comfort of home and my culture in my college dorm. The entire process of personally steeping and boiling the tea to my specific tastes and then slowly savoring it has naturally become a routine after long days of classes. I am proud to say I have reached Indian auntie status and can now eyeball my measurements.

珍珠奶茶 (Bubble tea)

Bubble tea or boba has become a staple for many college students, especially here at USF. Bubble tea consists of any tea base, though usually black or green milk tea, along with chewy tapioca pearls. Boba was invented quite recently in the 1990s in Taiwan. Later, Taiwanese immigrants brought it to the United States. For Taiwan, its widespread popularity became an enduring icon of the culture and food history for the nation. In fact, in 2020, April 30th was officially declared as National Bubble Tea Day in Taiwan. In the Western world, there is an increased popularity of trying various East and Southeast Asian teas through these boba shops. The communal experience of drinking tea not only brings our own families together but also entire societies. These small boba shops have shared an important part of Asian culture to the American public and increased Asian cultural awareness.

Kuk-choy

Every meal in Uzbekistan starts with tea and ends with tea. The most popular tea is called kuk-choy, which is a variation of green tea. Kuk-choy is a mark of hospitality and a drink that offers refreshment and relaxation within the Uzbek community. Generally, Uzbek tea is taken without sugar and is offered in pialas, small cups, along with round flatbread. In Uz-

Serena’s Chai Recipie

I like to make my chai using loose tea leaves from Wagh Bakhri, saunf (fennel seeds), elaichi (cardamom) and Stevia. I bring a cup of water to boil and add all the ingredients before adding around a fourth cup of milk before bringing it to two additional boils.

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To look like a model is a compliment,

“Mom, do I have to be a doctor one day?” A 14-year-old Vietnamese girl pleads to her mother as her mother shakes her head and frowns. “Of course, you need to be successful because remember, we worked hard for you to have a better life.”

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Photographer: Simran Thakral

“Your daughter looks intelligent. She should apply to Harvard.” As an Indian mother drags her middle school daughter through the university fair, she hears this compliment from a woman and immediately smiles. “Thank you.”

Designer: Smyrna Davalath

To look Asian is a compliment, to be an Asian-American is mostly a disappointto be one is mostly a disappointment. Perfection is key because you are representing ment. Perfection is key because you are representing the best version of people. The best version of beauty people aspire to be. the best version of minorities. The model minority other “problem minorities” Beauty on the outside defines your job, must strive to be. beauty on the inside is optional. For every compliment on your appearance, you The color of my skin is invisible to oppression receive hurtful remarks understood as part of because it comes with the job. My Asian American appearance makes the lethe job. gitimacy of my hardships optional. For every paycheck earned, you receive judgFor every compliment on your test score, you ment for not having to work hard beyond the receive an underhanded: “Of course you did beauty given to you by birth. well.” For every complaint or problem voiced, you receive annoyed glances because look at how For every paycheck earned at your high-end job, you face racist generalizations for exploiting stunning you are. your “natural” intelligence. For every complaint or problem voiced, you are belittled because look at how successful you must be.

By Ramya Subramanian

“Your daughter is stunning. She should be a model.” As a mother drags her three-year old daughter through the mall, she hears this compliment from a man behind a modeling agency desk and immediately smiles. “Mom, I want to be a model one day.” A 14-year-old girl pleads to her mother as her mother shakes her head and smiles. “Of course, you can but remember you are so smart and can be so much more.”

Among these four experiences, a commonality stands. The meaning behind a model is clear to understand. Perfect humans are expected, while humanely support is not respected. A spotlight that was meant to praise women, only pressured mothers to confuse pride with love. A spotlight that was meant to showcase my accomplishments, only exposed me to prejudice. A spotlight that was meant to showcase the most beautiful woman to serve her community, only focused on her external beauty. The spotlight reflects the power we give to what deserves attention. With a growing community, we see clearly. That spotlight may hold the answer.

A pageant queen is now interviewed about how she will serve her community. An Asian girl is now publicly respected to be an artist for a living. But a mask still lingers underneath this spotlight in fear of what others may think. When will she feel like being a doctor is not a requirement, even if it is a passionate and rewarding career. When will a pageant girl feel like beauty on the outside is not a requirement, and that her confidence in her beauty does not need to be hidden. When will this mask of makeup or resentment of a skin tone be taken off? One day the meaning of a model minority may change, it should change. But how should these models remove their masks amongst the public standards they face? It is a hefty job modeling in America. Our pageant queens may not have to strap on their swimming suits for pools filled with tears, but pull your straps back on my fellow Asian-Americans because we have not quite escaped our swimsuit competition yet!

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That’s how the BEEF television series on Netflix started. What emerged as a turbulent road rage scene turned into a heart-throbbing story shared by Asian-American characters, Amy and Danny.

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BEEF is concrete proof that Asian-Americans are much more than the kid who excelled in school and was fast-tracked into a successful career with fulfilling relationships. They are just as human as any other hero or heroine who suffers tremendous obstacles yet still manages, or sometimes doesn’t, to succeed in the end. As the saying “To err is human’’ goes, BEEF wins a place in my heart for treasuring the beauty of our brokenness. Unlike the stereotypical main characters, Danny was by no means a perfect guy and faced constant hardships throughout the series.

The whole series is a mirror of life. I’m in awe of how many times I see myself reflected on it. Everyone has felt it in some way. Internalized feelings of frustrations over a life of struggles boil into turmoil that is just waiting to be lit aflame. In the case of Beef, Danny and Amy’s road rage is that match strike. While their journey started with intolerable feelings toward each other, the main characters found solace and empathy in one another’s brokenness. Their rage represents a desperate cry for help as they get engulfed by the flames of despair in life. As they realize their invisible string of attachment, Amy and Danny piece their hearts together and find comfort in who used to be their enemy.

What made Amy and Danny particularly relatable for me is their struggle to keep up with the model minority image often involuntarily assigned to the Asian community. Amy was desperate in her hopeless attempts to mend a broken marriage despite her and her husband’s insufferable differences in ways of life. Danny dreams of rebuilding a life from ruins after his parents’ deportation despite prolonged financial instability from an unstable career.

Written By Quyen Tran

ibachi grills. Cars on the road. Exchanged curses and a speed chase.

Danny was entrenched in financial instability due to an unstable career. His family was separated after his parents’ deportation. Flooded by shame after throwing away his brother’s college acceptance letters in a wild mix of love, jealousy and insecurities over being left behind, his heart is tainted with guilt of destroying his brother’s future. Yet Danny never gave up. He continued to put efforts in patching up his failed relationship with his brother, saving up for a new house for his parents and nurturing his faith in church. Danny dusts himself off every time he falls. BEEF shows how adversities can truly challenge people to push past their limits and shine their best characters. I also embraced how brutally realistic the television series felt. In more traditional narratives, main characters face a few small hardships as the plot builds up to the largest challenge they have seen. The plot often conveniently builds up for them to triumph over evil and achieve grand victories as often is the case for main characters. BEEF, however, challenges such traditional pathways and builds a series upon main characters who struggle to find the light at the end of the tunnel. Life is by no means fair or perfect, and sometimes, coming to terms with our brokenness, or the brokenness of life, is the right answer. Each character in the series gets their moment of consolation after speaking their truth. George shared with Amy his thoughts about how life would have turned out if they hadn’t met. Amy let George know about her depression and the unsettling anxiety that exists within her no matter how hard she tries to mute it. Danny finally disclosed the truths about his brother’s college acceptance letters, all the while knowing it would wreak havoc to his relationship with his unmotivated brother, Paul. Each character felt hopeless and all alone in a sense, but because of this fact, they were never truly alone in their shared brokenness.

There was a time when the only thing I sought and treasured was triumphant victories that could prove my worth. I buried broken pieces of myself behind a perfect image with the fear of being unlike myself or unlovable in the eyes of others. If the model minority image is all that I could ever be, as portrayed in American mainstream media, where do I belong if I fail in finding a job or build a respected image for myself? BEEF has come to show me that it is perfectly fine to fear, to err, and to break down. As much as happiness has its own weight, every feeling is valid. The same way brokenness deserves a place on the silver screen, it owns a warm embrace in our heart. BEEF travels back in time to hug the 16-year-old me who fell from her pedestal and streak of perfect achievements, 18-year-old me who lost her best friend, and the countless broken me-s throughout a lifetime full of challenges. Danny and Amy broke the wall of pride and prejudices to open up the infinite possibilities of who I can be, and I’m tremendously grateful for it.

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mismatch Most days, my life feels like a game of UNO.

members said that I cannot turn photography into a career, my parents argued that even though photography may not help with my degree, it will support my mental health. They always said that there is no need for anyone to make comments on what we should do in terms of hobbies and academics. My turn is often skipped - people underestimate me because I am quiet and reserved. I do not have the energy to fight either argument, I only have enough energy to find peace in my cards. Some enjoy my silence on the topic, they know they are fighting the same battle internally. Some people, however, envy silent success and give me a ‘+2’ by formulating obstacles that were not present before, such as creating drama to prevent me from achieving my goals, knowing that I will not fight back. They take silence as a weakness

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I’m about to say ‘UNO’ and win, I fall back into the cycle of waiting my turn. When some family

and an opportunity to push their hurtful comments onto a person until they forfeit their stand. It goes from a harmful ‘+2’ to

a stack, resulting in me holding so many cards that I could not win, even if I wanted to. If I survive this attack, I can get away by matching the number. I have excuses that fit their ideal world, like being a pre-medical student. If I am on one of the three golden tracks of becoming a doctor, engineer, or lawyer, there is no possible way I could be doing anything wrong. However, they are sitting at the edge of their seats waiting for me to fail, to reach for the deck, so they can celebrate.

photography/ Mridula Singh

I found peace in playing tennis and maintaining academics, but then I heard a card slap loudly onto the table - red. They changed the color and said I needed an instrument to get into college. I became a violinist and joined an orchestra. Through these experiences, I learned what music truly meant to me outside of checking off a new box presented to me. I found that music was therapeutic, playing violin helped my mental health and brought me joy. I felt like a child again while learning to read notes; the feeling of figuring out how to play something after tons of practice was so nostalgic. However, I was quickly met with the reality that my family in India saw music as yet another distraction from academics. I was told that I will never be successful in academics if I put all that time into hobbies. This is where my wild cards, my

fighting to match the colors of others and fit into the mold created by American and Indian societies.

design/ Isha Harshe

parents, always stepped in my defense. Not only did they require the following player to pick up four cards but they changed the color to a color I have. These four cards change the game, just as written by Mridula Singh

My life is a massive game of UNO. As a first-generation Asian-American, I am a mix of colors, never enough for some and too much for others. Like the various cards of UNO, I am constantly

hed

But, I have learned to accept the cards that I have been dealt and do my best to strive for success, my own definition of success.

fit into a crowd of Indians and too Indian to fit into a crowd of Americans. I may be a shade of blue, but I will never be the correct shade of blue. When I go to India, I’m often criticized for not knowing how to read or write Hindi. However, here I am called ‘too cultured’ to fit in with the ‘Americans’ since I listen to Hindi music, watch Indian movies, and post in traditional

clothing. UNO is a game that accurately represents the struggles of first-generation Americans, you never quite fit in and when you do, someone changes the color of you. I used to think that success in my life was somehow defined by everyone but me. It was defined by my parents, the Indian society, the American society, the college admissions boards, my peers, and everyone else but me. Understanding my life through the lenses of an UNO game has made me realize that the definition of success was always in my hand. Whereas before I was concerned with winning or losing UNO, I now see the overall game as a process for growth. Playing this UNO game became an opportunity for me to explore and learn more about myself on this journey to achieve my goals. I now know that each card in my hand is an achievement, regardless of how others may view them. There will always be a time when I may not fit into the categories that others have created for me.

Recently, there has been a lot of yellow, anything that contributes to my future goals. I usually have yellow cards but always feel like others might have less. I am a part of so many organizations, along with being a member of a medical fraternity. I am doing research, shadowing, volunteering, and working, all while maintaining a high GPA and studying for the MCAT. Constantly stressed, burned out, facing imposter syndrome, and anxious. But somehow, somewhere, someone is doing more. I find myself filling out applications as others play their turn. Any opportunity that presents itself is taken no matter what the toll on my mental or physical health may be. The last time someone changed a color on me was because of my race, putting down a blue card. This time I had to pick up a card because I cannot change who I am. I am too American to

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STATEMENT The University of South Florida chapter of Sparks Magazine has come together to acknowledge the political attacks on not just the Asian-American students, but all communities. It has become more difficult to voice our opinions and be free, especially for marginalized populations. We applaud the commendable APIA inclusivity and representation at the University of South Florida. In the past two years, we have battled the COVID-19 pandemic and the Asian American hate crisis. Our chapter has conducted workshops and fundraisers to highlight the Stop AAPI Hate campaign. Additionally, we continue spreading awareness about APIA issues through our own initiaitves and collaborations with other Asian American Organizations. The University of South Florida is a diverse university that promotes all kinds of cultures and communities. With over 20 student organizations that celebrate our Asian culture, we call upon the University of South Florida to continue to make our campus a safer space for young Asian-Americans to express themselves freely and without judgment. In the spirit of showing solidarity amongst Asian organizations on campus, the Universiy of South Florida Chapter of Sparks Magazine is proud to be collaborating with Project Period and the Association of Filipino Students to further spread awareness of Asian American advocacy and representation.