Sibling's Perspective - Meet Zach & His Brother, Sam

By: Zach Elliott

My name is Zach Elliott. I’m a 19-year-old from Fishers, IN. I’m a sophomore in college, and my brother, Sam, is a 14-year-old in seventh grade. Sam was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder when he was 3, and as is for the case for many families, the diagnosis changed a ton for us.

It came as a shock to my parents, who had never faced a similar situation with me or my older brother, Ben. I had trouble grasping what it meant for Sam; I knew that it was a big deal, but I didn’t think it would be something that so deeply influenced his life and mine.

My parents spent years trying to help Sam, be it through specialized education or different methods of treatment. I wanted to help, but I was nine when he was diagnosed and anyone who’s met a 9-year-old knows they aren’t experts in psychological development (or anything else).

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gained a greater understanding of how Sam has grown and all the effort that it took not just from my parents, but Ben and I, too. I’m embarrassed to admit that I often felt neglected growing up; I didn’t give my parents enough credit for how much time they spent putting Sam into a position to succeed. Ben understood better than I did, and did what he could to be a good brother to Sam. Now that I’m at the age he was, I can appreciate what it takes not only to raise children, but to balance their unequal needs.

Thankfully now that I can understand the difficulties of my parents’ balancing efforts, I take solace in the times when I was able to be a part of big moments for Sam, some of my favorites being his first experiences in a big city. My dad is from Chicago and I go to school there, so he’s had the opportunity to visit and experience some things in the city that he wouldn’t otherwise. The first time, he was able to visit the Willis Tower, Shedd Aquarium, Millennium Bean, etc. and be amongst crowds of people in a way that he never had.

Similarly, we’ve had the chance to go to Indianapolis Indians games with him and, while he encountered the same small annoyances that we all face at baseball games on a hot day, he enjoyed it. Now that we’re in a pandemic I’ve been involuntarily put in a situation where I see how Sam is doing. As we start to move to a different town roughly 30 minutes away, Sam has been faced with the challenge of starting at a new school. Better than I think I could have, he’s done well in trying to make new relationships and maintain old ones from his old school.

And, just like Sam, all we can do as siblings is try. It’s never easy to put up with your siblings growing up, whether you’re fighting for time on the Xbox as a kid or fighting over who gets the car Friday night as a teen. My advice is that you keep in mind what your parents are going through in trying to care for both you and your siblings. And when the 12-year-old that hears that and ignores it grows up and realizes what their parents did for them, say “thank you.”

It’s been amazing to watch him grow from a kid that was almost completely non-verbal to someone who looks forward to baseball games, to trips to the city, or just to hanging out with friends. Seeing him overcome the obstacles that his condition creates helps inspire me to face the future with more confidence, and more hope.

Do you have a sibling with special needs and would like to share your story & perspective in an upcoming issue of Special Needs Living? Email us at SpecialNeedsLivingIndy@n2pub.com.