Single Mamas Seen: Helpful Techniques for Dealing With Stress

BY CHRISTINA MCGAIRK

Let’s face it, raising children with exceptional needs is stressful. No matter how much we love our humans, our daily lives are more complex. As a single parent, there have been times when I didn’t think I could do it.

I’ve had a few surgeries, and a couple of times where I almost died because of post-surgical complications. While I was in the hospital, my mom, my fiancé at the time, and his family helped with TiTi. She was well taken care of. You would think I would be appreciative of that, and I was. Yet, when I came home to recover and saw how things were running like a well-oiled machine without me, my mental health took a toll. I became stressed out and depressed and suffered an anxiety attack because I felt that as TiTi’s mommy, I should be able to take care of her better than anyone. But during that time, I couldn’t. I could barely take care of myself.

So I sought help and ended up with a wonderful therapist who helped me deal with my emotions and stress. One of the methods she used was mindfulness.

According to Gina Platten, a licensed clinical social worker, mindfulness is “being present and aware with a purpose in mind; being attentional; connecting with your emotions.”

Platten, who is the owner of Mindful Innovations Counseling LLC, in Avon, IN, provides tailor-made behavioral intervention and psychotherapy services for neurodiverse children and adults. Mindfulness is one of the techniques she uses with her clients. This includes parent-child yoga, grounding techniques such as deep breathing, and focusing on the five senses: sight, touch, sound, smell, and taste. Platten also uses self-hugging, while using the mantra, “I am safe, I am in control, I am okay.”

Coincidentally, self-hugging is a technique TiTi learned in school to calm herself down. We also do this at home. According to a 2021 study published in the Comprehensive Psychoneuroendocrinology Journal, hugging can decrease the body’s cortisol levels, a.k.a., stress hormones, after a psychologically stressful event.

When asked what single mothers raising exceptional needs children, or families in general, can gain from mindfulness, Platten had this to say, “Mindfulness helps leave the past and the future where they belong and [keeps us from dwelling] on missing out or not having something. It’s about setting intentions more consciously.”

My mindfulness activities with TiTi have included decorating and painting rocks and creating sparkly sensory bottles. Anything I could do with my hands kept me in the present moment, not worrying about the past or future. But since my daughter is in her preteen years, my single-parent structure has changed. I realize my need for my own mindfulness moments.

Dreisoerner, A., Junker, N. M., Schlotz, W., Heimrich, J., Bloemeke, S., Ditzen, B., & van Dick, R. (2021). Self-soothing touch and being hugged reduce cortisol responses to stress: A randomized controlled trial on stress, physical touch, and social identity. Comprehensive psychoneuroendocrinology, 8, 100091. https/doi.org/10.1016/j.cpnec.2021.100091