Being Queer & Disabled

BY V.A. WEST

When I was 15, I knew I wasn’t cisgender (the gender I was born as), and I knew I wasn’t heterosexual. When I was 20, I began needing a mobility aid due to my everworsening heath problems. When I was 23, I finally “came out” and embraced myself as a woman; a while later, I realized I’m a lesbian. When I was 24, I attended the most important medical appointment of my life and came to accept my overall health situation for what it is (an anomaly among anomalies) and began to focus on maintaining my emotional stability and attaining true happiness. While being two very separate parts of my life, being in the queer “community” (it’s hard to call it that sometimes) and being disabled often intertwine in my day-to-day life.

Being a trans woman adds another layer to my social anxiety; it feeds into my tendency to overthink and I’ve become way more self-conscious of my voice. Whether I “pass” (as in, being recognized, respected, and seen as a woman, which is what I am) or not is a constant in my mind. I also (rightfully so) worry more for my safety; being in three separate groups that are subjected to so much ignorance and judgment (being a woman, being a trans person, and being disabled) has made me more wary of going out alone.

Gender dysphoria is one of the very few things capable of “bringing me down”. There are times when it seems as if people I was once close to don’t know how to approach me anymore. My social life stagnates because of my social anxiety, my insomnia, and the added anxiety from being who I am (not to mention my limited mobility and other factors.)

My potential “friend pool” is smaller because I’m a trans woman, a lesbian, and disabled. Don’t even get me started on dating. It’s all complicated. To the parents out there, perhaps I’m overstepping as a 25-year-old, but I want to give some advice. If your son decides he’s a woman, you now have a daughter and she’s wonderful; if your daughter decides she’s a man, you now have a son and he’s wonderful. If your child decides they are non-binary (doesn’t identify as being a man or a woman), accept them and love them all the same. Whether your child goes by he/him, she/her, they/them, or other pronouns, try your best to adjust and respect them. I promise it’ll pay off and your kid will appreciate it so much. You shouldn’t care who your child is attracted to as long as it’s legal, ethical, safe, and healthy.

It’s okay if you don’t truly understand; making the effort to understand is almost more important. Understanding and accepting yourself is a long journey, and having a good support group makes a massive difference. There’s nothing wrong with reaching out online or asking people with knowledge of these subjects; admitting you need education and guidance is another way of showing support, even if your child doesn’t see it. Be very careful in choosing with whom you share information about your child and respect whatever boundaries they set. And you could replace everything I’m saying with any disability, too; your child is still your child, and loving them all the same is what the best parents do every day, without hesitation.

I don't believe my gender, sexuality, or health issues define who I am. Yes, they’re part of me and affect my life, but I’m threedimensional and I have goals. The same applies to everyone else; no single thing defines who we are.

I’m a writer. I love films and anime and video games. I’m passionate about many societal issues, including LGBTQIA+ issues, disability rights, women’s rights, the education system, fighting racism, and other things. Selfimprovement is pivotal to how I think and act. I’m as authentic, open-minded, honest, loyal, and kindhearted as I can be. I want to keep persevering, despite my everyday struggles. I want to conquer my social anxiety, attain selflove, and travel, even if my body and financial situation add extra layers of difficulty. I have dreams, and I’m going to turn them into reality.

Overall, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and have never felt stronger (emotionally and mentally, at least.)

I’m finally beginning to like how I look, I’m way more socially competent than I used to be, and I don’t allow myself to give up easily anymore. I’m still progressing as a writer, as a person, and as a woman.

No matter what your circumstances are, I believe anyone can change if they want to and put in the effort. I think everyone can eventually reach their “destination”, even if the road ahead of them is bumpy. Whether it’s doing what you can to manage your health issues or exploring your gender/sexuality, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It can be very hard, but there is always hope, no matter how bleak it seems at the moment.