Single Mamas Seen

Dating Challenges FACING AND OVERCOMING FEARS

As many of you know by now, I recently decided to dive head-first into the dating pool again. I’ve had some dating complications, but have found someone who I’m enjoying getting to know. Even though I’m beginning to feel comfortable with this person, fear still rears its ugly head. Then the racing, inner questions start flooding in. Will this person truly understand what my life is like? Can he handle the complexities that come with raising a special needs child? I know part of my fear keeps me on my toes so I

can protect my heart and my daughter, but is it also sabotaging my ability to find true happiness in a relationship? I’m quite sure I’m not the only special needs mama out there dating and going through the same thing. So I’m sharing how I’ve been approaching my fears and trying my best to overcome them.

KNOCK! KNOCK! Hello Fear:

The first part of my action plan to conquer my dating fears was to acknowledge they existed in the first place. Sweeping my worries under the rug about how my new love interest would react to my child’s behavior or how supportive he would be wasn’t doing me any good. Actually, it was counterproductive because I wasn’t dealing with the root of my anxiety. Once I came to that realization, I was able to take the proper steps toward a more positive outlook on my new relationship.

Open Communication:

I’ve always believed that being open and honest from the start lays down a firm foundation for any relationship. Before we even met face to face, I explained to him how autism presents in my child, how it may change from one second to the next, and how that change may impact my daily life. That way he would somewhat know what he was getting himself into. I wanted him to enter the relationship fully aware of what to expect so he could decide if it was something he wanted to pursue.

Slow and Steady:

Although I love spending time with him, I’m by no means in a hurry to rush things along. I’m taking my time to get to know him before he meets my daughter. I saw the emotional toll that the end of my 6-year relationship took on her and I want to prevent that from ever happening again. Plus, I believe taking my time to truly know him will determine if he’s the kind of person I want to have around my child.

A Supportive Circle:

I often turn my fears and anxieties about anything over to God, even dating fears. Yet, having a small, supportive circle helps as well. This includes my family, friends, and a support group for parents of children with exceptional needs. Learning from those who have faced

similar experiences and listening to their insight has helped me gain more perspective in my own situation. Also, receiving words of encouragement makes me feel like I’m not navigating this new journey alone.

Self-Care Is A Must:

There’s no denying that juggling parenting of an exceptional needs child and dating can be an emotional rollercoaster. That’s why I’ve found it vital to take care of myself in the process. If I’m not good to myself, how can I be any good for my child or the best in my new relationship? Lately, for me, this looks like eating healthier, drinking more water, doing things I enjoy, like taking nature walks, or simply resting more to recharge my batteries.

Welcoming New Possibilities: I’ll admit, I’m generally an optimist, but I do have my moments of doubt. Sometimes, I wonder if everything is just too perfect. The man I’m with seems to be everything I want, but what if he’s just putting on a show to win me over, only to disappoint me later? It’s happened before, right? However, I’m starting to realize that this way of thinking is a trauma response from my past experiences, which can prevent me from having a healthy relationship in the future. So now I’m choosing to view my past experiences as lessons, but also taking the opportunity to enjoy companionship and build a more meaningful relationship.

Ultimately, how you choose to tackle your fears of dating as a parent with an exceptional needs child is up to you. What’s most important is finding what works best for you and your child, and how well the person you’re with understands and supports you.