4 minute read
Nuggets of Wisdom from a Special Needs Parent
By Carla Miller - Carla Miller Coaching
Whether you are at the beginning of your journey with special needs or are a seasoned traveler, most likely you too are picking up wisdom and tidbits to help you along the way. Last month’s article featured the first four truths that every mother of a child with specialneeds knows (or should know). This month features the next four nuggets of wisdom gleaned from this unique life experience of parenting a child with special needs and the tribe of women who are mothers to these amazing children.
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1) Social media is a mixed bag. While this statement is true for any mom, social media can be especially painful for a mom of a child with special needs. It can be difficult to see celebratory posts of children your own child’s age hitting developmental milestones that your little one is not close to achieving (or maybe never will achieve.). Watching the so-called “normal” life of other families who are not dealing with special needs can be disheartening. Because you know the many challenges you would face to do the exact same thing, these images and videos can cause feelings of grief and pain. But on the flip side, social media groups can forge friendships and support that moms never would have had prior to the online community format. Learning to use social media in a way that helps and not hinders, is a vital skill for the mom of a child with special needs.
2) You have clarity on what matters most in life. Awards and accolades can be wonderful. And, it’s an amazing blessing if your child is a star athlete, a gifted student, or a social butterfly. When you have a child with special needs, however, you gain an appreciation for other gifts. You recognize the gift of character. You understand that in life, it’s not so much what you can accomplish but rather how you show up. You see bravery in action every day when a child encounters a situation that causes extreme anxiety or a sensory challenge – and yet continues on anyway. You observe determination and grit when a child practices as many hours as a star athlete simply to walk or move. You are inspired by the less than mediocre grades of a child that has diligently studied for hours – only to barely pass. You recognize the power of kindness given by strangers who watch you struggle and offer an encouraging word. Experiencing life through the lens of special needs melts away the superficial and brings great clarity to what matters most.
3) There is a right (and wrong) thing to say when someone is hurting.
• “At least...”
• “but he/she looks so cute/normal/healthy...”
• “Have you tried doing...”
As a mom of a child with special needs, you have heard them all. (And if you are honest, on the right day you may have been hurt by them all.) You now know from personal life experience that sometimes the best thing to say when someone is hurting is simply, “I’m sorry and I care.” Statements like, “I’m really sorry that you are hurting,” or “I’m sorry that this is so hard right now,” or “I really care and am always willing to listen,” are supportive, caring, and powerful. Saying the right thing when someone is hurting is a gift that brings life and comfort.
4) Special Needs is an opportunity. Very few women seek membership to the sisterhood of moms of children with special needs. And yet, once you have arrived, you eventually begin to see all the blessings that being a part of this group can bring. When you are a mother of a child with special needs, you see the world differently. You gain greater compassion to understand and accept others in this world who also may be different. And, you are not scared of those differences anymore. You have the unique opportunity to depend on God in a way that you may have never done before for strength, wisdom, and guidance. You gain a new tribe of friends and cheerleaders who spur you on, lift you up, encourage you, and help problem-solve. As a mom of a child with disabilities, you may find your professional calling, which brings immeasurable joy, as a nurse, counselor, therapist, life coach, or employee in a non-profit or advocacy group. You are also given a gift. For you recognize (maybe sooner than the average mom), that even if you are an amazing mother – that does NOT always correspond to success in all areas for your child. And that insight can be extremely freeing. Mothering a child with special needs gives you the opportunity to discover just how strong you can be – and what you are capable of doing – when you are fueled by the unbridled love for an amazing little person. And, you know deep down in your heart that you would willingly face every challenge over again because of the overwhelming love you have for your child.
In summary, mothering a child with special needs is an opportunity because this journey changes and transforms YOU. It provides an entirely new perspective and lens for life. It can grow your heart, compassion, communication skills, relationships, strength, resilience, and faith. You become the best version of you. And that might be the very best gift of all.
