Fats.... he sailed around the world six times Stories compiled by John Langwig
“Money is the root of all good.”
Minnesota Fats may be the most unique and entertaining person Pool has ever seen. He was a one man quote machine and here are some of the best stories and quotes by and about The Fat Man. Let’s start with some claims Minnesota Fats made at one time or another in his life.
“I’m the laziest guy in the world.” “Titanic Thompson got his name cause he was on the Titanic in 1912. He put on ladies’ clothes to save himself, and got off the boat first.” “I know three, maybe four, people in the world that can drink and shoot.”
•He sailed around the world six times, and survived two shipwrecks.
“I dated Mae West when she was a young woman.”
•He had sex with harem girls •He was forced to perform fellatio at gunpoint by a pistol-packing beauty
“If it wasn’t for me, ‘The Hustler never would have been as fantastic as it was because everyone on earth knew me.”
•He beat Hitler at pool
On the draft:
“Why wasn’t I drafted? I played in Army and Navy hospitals till it came out of their ears so they bypassed me on account of all them charity things. And me, I wouldn’t shoot a fly myself. They would be wasting their time, drafting me.”
•He hobnobbed with kings, queens, and celebrities including Clark Gable, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Damon Runyon and Al Capone •Etta James claimed to be his illegitimate daughter
On his fellow man:
•Willie Mosconi wore ear plugs when playing Fats •He had a bunch of nicknames. “Minnesota Fats,” “New York Fats”; “Brooklyn Fats,” “Broadway Fats,” “Chicago Fats,” “Fatty,” “The Fat Man,” “The Fat One”, “Double Smart Fats,” “Triple Smart Fats,” “Rudy,” “The Bank Shot Bandit” and “The Dean of the Green.” •Richie Florence once spotted Minnesota Fats 8-7 playing one pocket and ended up losing $52,000. In a published interview years later, Florence said that Fats was so funny, he was belly laughing the whole time.
Quotes:
“I’m the most intelligent man I know, the more I hang around with you imbeciles the more I realize I am the most intelligent man I know. I could spot Einstein the 10 ball. I know everything that everybody else knows, and nobody knows what I know.” “Ordinary humans are imbeciles to start with. A lot of people don’t know the strength of that.” On why he avoided pool tournaments: “You judge a king by the size of his wallet and his palace. You can leave the crown in the toilet.”
“If Cornbread Red ever plays me, he’ll be known as No Bread Red.”
On his trip to Baghdad as a young man and other travels:
“I beat them all; there was Blue Hamilton, Sniffy Moore who sniffed from morning till night. The Yellow Kid, Ralph Greenleaf, and his wife Princess Nai Tai Tai, who was beautiful beyond compare, Wimpy Lassiter, Tuscaloosa Squirrelly, and Cornbread Red. Some of the greatest action men of all time, I ironed ‘em all out.”
“At the palace the princess Fatima danced on a table right in front of me. Years later her daughter came after me. In India, I used to entertain all the important ones, the Ali Kahn and his old man Aga Kahn. I was around with what’s his name way back in the olden days, Maurice Chevalier. Anyway, I played in the sultan’s palace, the most unbelievable joint in the world, solid gold stairs and a gold pool table.”
“A pool player in a tuxedo is like whipped cream on a hot dog.” “My grandfather took me to the Pool hall when I was a baby, and they’d put me on a table while they played. My crib was a pool table.” Sneaky Pete Mafia Magazine - February 2014
On Education:
“School, to me, was the biggest joke the world has ever known. I learned everything I ever needed to know from lawyers and doctors and legislators, all them people who was brilliant.” 28
