Sport magazine - Issue 285

Issue 285 | December 7 2012

My turn Monty Panesar is back in the action

16 ISSUE 285, DECEMBER 7 2012 Radar 06 Sexy managers You’ll never look at Jol, Wenger or Mancini in the same way

08 Champion idea?

The good and the bad of Michel Platini’s suggested Champions League expansion

10 Warrior Skreamers Because, it seems, Marouane Fellaini can score wearing anything at the moment oFeatures this coming week

16 Monty Panesar England’s once-forgotten man tells us exclusively about his record-breaking Test return

27 Keeping the faith Jonathan Wilson’s new book takes us through a century of goalkeeping evolution

35 Louis Smith Britain’s most famous gymnastcome-dancer talks Strictly fame, London and looks ahead to Rio

43 The Christmas Gift Guide A team of curiously cheery elves and a jolly old git overseeing it all.

Sport has worked hard this year

Cover image: Jim Naughten/Guardian News & Media Ltd. This page: Gareth Copley/Getty Images

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Extra Time 72 Grooming

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A bunch of new products for your head, and a new head for your gob. It all makes sense, eventually

74 Ludivine Sagna Wife of Arsenal’s Bacary is a “very proud wife”. We’re sure her husband feels the same

76 Winter sports Skiing single: we bring you the best trips for lone travellers

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78 Entertainment Gizmo and his evil siblings make their way back into cinemas in Gremlins. Pass the popcorn... | December 7 2012 | 03

Radar

p06 – Sexy Premier League managers. Yes, really

p08 – The pros and cons of a 64-team Champions League p10 – Marouane Fellaini’s new boots skream blue murder

Snow business ive-thousand-year-old cave paintings found in Norway depict a primitive skier with just one pole, and no apres-ski chalet to warm up in after a session on the slopes. Luckily, both the art of skiing and skiiing art have progressed significantly since ancient times, as evidenced by this newly released collection of vintage ski posters, which are available for sale as originals or prints. originalskiposters.com

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| December 7 2012 | 05

Radar

One for the ladies ver the past six and a bit years, we have taken a fair bit of stick for not catering enough for our female readers. Well, we were listening – so here’s Fulham manager Martin Jol in full Baywatch regalia (just look at his face).

This image comes from the Sexy Managers Calendar 2013 by illustrator James Husbands. It features 12 drawings of your favourite head coaches in risque settings, including Alex Ferguson and Kenny Dalglish re-enacting the pottery scene from Ghost – an image we will carry with us to our grave. Mercifully there’s nothing depicting Big Sam Allardyce ‘pumping it in the mixer’. £10, giftscardspresents.com

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Smarter scrums 06 | December 7 2012 |

ugby is often called a gentleman’s game, with its roots in the public school system and its long and proud amateur tradition. And, of course, what could be more gentlemanly than marrying into the royal family, popping a blood capsule in your mouth, or throwing a dwarf across an Antipodean bar?

Well, new England kit maker Canterbury has released its 1871 collection of lifestyle clothing, inspired by the

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very first shirts worn by England in – you guessed it – 1871. The collection harks back to the days when rugby was a sport played by genuine gentlemen (in between rounds of dwarf-tossing, probably), with genuine moustaches that hadn’t just been grown for charity.

A limited-edition run of the 1871 collection is available now, from £30 for T-shirts to £100 for rugby shirts. canterbury.com

Radar

When I’m 64 S

hould UEFA expand the Champions League to 64 teams, as Michel Platini has suggested, or will it simply dilute the competition’s quality?

Europa’s final countdown The expansion of the Champions League would mean the end of the little-loved Europa League, which is largely considered a hassle, certainly by managers of British teams. It also means we can go back to having absolutely no reason whatsoever to flick to Channel 5. Bliss.

BUT Fulham’s run to the Europa League final was one of the most memorable seasons in the club’s history. Would fans of teams such as Everton and Fulham really trade that in for a place in a competition in which they have little chance of getting out of the group stage?

You’ll always walk alone o you have a relative you really hate?

Do they love sport? If so, you’re in luck this Christmas, because we seem to have entered a golden age for horrific merchandise – the rise in commercialism within sport combined with an alarming drop in taste has created a perfect storm for all things sporty and horrendous.

Take this Stadium Shirt (pictured, £40 from store.liverpoolfc.tv), for example – a great way to ensure the unlucky Liverpool fan in your family is given a wide berth by everyone.

The Merseysiders aren’t the only culprits West Ham have a range of bobble head figurines including chairmen David Gold and David Sullivan (£12, officialwesthamstore.com).

And golfers can enjoy (if that’s the word) a truly frightening Ian Poulter headcover for their clubs (£19, thegolfshoponline.co.uk).

All because embarrassing your loved ones is what Christmas is all about.

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08 | December 7 2012 |

Big-gun bonanza

Domestic effects

The knockout rounds would be vastly improved by a 64-team Champions League, because all the biggest teams in Europe would be represented, instead of half being segregated into the Europa League. Lets face it, Liverpool v Lazio is a much tastier proposition than (with the greatest of respect) Basel v Shakhtar Donetsk, and should be recognised as such.

Having seven English teams in the Champions League could, in theory, narrow the gap between the Big Four (whoever that now is) and the rest, especially if those teams manage to qualify for the group stage proper. It’ll also give mid-table clubs more to play for in the latter stages of the season.

BUT The group stages would become even more one-sided. There have been some shocks this year, but say goodbye to groups of death – because teams would be seeded, the likes of Manchester United and Barcelona will find themselves in even easier groups, reducing the interest in a group stage that already struggles to hold the attention at times.

BUT Increasing the number of qualifiers to seven would give the big clubs much more leeway – teams such as Arsenal, who are never realistically going to finish outside of the top seven (current position: 10th), would be able to relax completely once they were out of the title race, which could take the sting out of end-of-season clashes between the bigger sides. It also runs the risk of creating a new gap, between the top seven and the rest.

What do you think? Let us know @sportmaguk

Radar

Beastly boots ittingly, these rather striking new boots are worn by Marouane Fellaini – one of the most striking figures on most football pitches, thanks to a buoyant haircut straight out of the Jackson Five. Fellaini debuted his new boots, the Warrior Skreamer Pro FG 360s, against Man City last weekend, and they had as much of an impact on the match as they did on the eyes of those watching: the Belgian scored Everton’s opener with his new clogs, but then conceded the penalty that allowed City to equalise. The Skreamers are packed with scarily named innovative features (MurderHole Cutouts, anyone?) to improve power, speed and accuracy. We’re just amazed the shampoo manufacturers didn’t get to Fellaini first – he’s definitely worth it. warriorfootball.com

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No balls, please

A city divided e were quite shocked to find out that the huge rivalry between Manchester neighbours United and City wasn’t manufactured three years ago for the purposes of boosting Sky’s ratings.

Apparently it’s been going on for 131 years, with this weekend’s clash the 164th meeting.

In The Battle for Manchester, Jon Reeves tells the story, from Denis Law’s backheel to relegate United through to Michael Owen’s last-minute winner in that 4-3, and beyond.

The Battle for Manchester, out now, £16.99

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rguably the hardest part of growing up is the slow, painful realisation that you’re probably never going to be able to fit a game of table football in your living room. And that, even if you could, whoever you’ve chosen to live with probably isn’t going to embrace the idea with as much enthusiasm as you.

Don’t worry, though. Because as long as you have an iPad, you can now recreate all the fun of your local pub, your childhood youth club, or a trendy Shoreditch bar.

New Potato’s Classic Match Foosball is an iPad dock with

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10 | December 7 2012 |

eight two-axis control bars. In conjunction with a bespoke app, you can play table football, foosball, baby-foot or footzy (all the same) until you have repetitive strain injury.

The app includes some genuine improvements on regular table football to make up for the fact that you can’t exactly rest your pint on it. In addition to realistic game sounds when you kick the ball or score, there are crowd noises, tournament rules and – quite brilliantly – 3D instant replays. Even Alan Shearer could analyse that. $100, newpotatotech.com

Radar Editor’s letter Swallowing in: Chris Ashton enjoys his try against the All Blacks www.sport-magazine.co.uk @sportmaguk facebook.com/sportmagazine Free iPad app available on Newsstand

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The first building block England have renewed confidence after victory over the All Blacks, but it’s only the start

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hey were dancing in the streets of leafy southwest London, or at least clinking glasses of expensive sparkling wine, on Saturday night – and nobody can begrudge them.

England produced a famous, and Editor-in-chief comprehensive, victory over the All Blacks Simon Caney that – at least in the record books – goes @simoncaney down as one of their best ever wins. It was the second-heaviest defeat that New Zealand have ever suffered (a remarkable fact in itself, that says much about just how good this team has always been).

But before anyone gets too carried away, it’s worth pointing out that – on paper, at least – this was not a competitive game.

And the All Blacks have had a long, arduous year, which became quite obvious as the game wore on at Twickenham.

So while maybe Stuart Lancaster is on to something, this should just be the start of

the road that leads to the World Cup in 2015, the draw for which was done this week – a tad prematurely.

England have some very fine players at their disposal, but this has been the case for some years now. Yet still, by and large, they can’t compete with the teams from the southern hemisphere. Or, come to that, with some of the teams from the northern hemisphere. England do not equal the sum of their parts.

Martin Johnson could not corral them into a cohesive unit and, while Lancaster has made positive strides, it’s worth reminding ourselves that England have lost to both Australia and South Africa in recent weeks.

The coach himself said, with typical pragmatism, that he was not getting carried away by one result. And nor should we.

Next up is the Six Nations. And my Welsh friends feel they have a point to prove. I hate it when that happens.

Farewell, then, to Ricky Ponting, who departs the Test cricket arena after a wonderful career (see overleaf). I can’t distinguish between him, Sachin Tendulkar and Brian Lara when it comes to picking the finest batsman of the modern era. Ponting was for many years the most prized Australian wicket in a team that was packed full of talent, and world cricket is poorer without him (certainly Australia are). Now is also time, I’d respectfully suggest, for Tendulkar to stand aside. Even the greatest players can’t compete with the onset of age.

Much wailing and gnashing of teeth over the changes that are taking place to the hallowed Old Course at St Andrews.

They are happening to make it more of a challenge to professionals without, it seems, a moment’s thought to everyone else who is lucky enough to play there.

It’s too late to stop the diggers now, but it really is a terrible shame.

Editorial Editor-in-chief: Simon Caney (7951) Deputy editor: Tony Hodson (7954) Associate editor: Nick Harper (7897) Art editor: John Mahood (7860) Deputy art editor: William Jack (7861) Digital designer: Chris Firth (7624) Subeditor: Graham Willgoss (7431) Senior writers: Sarah Shephard (7958), Alex Reid (7915) Staff writers: Mark Coughlan (7901), Amit Katwala (7914) Picture editor: Julian Wait (7961) Production manager: Tara Dixon (7963) Contributors: Mark Richardson, Martin Barry, Martin Potter, Jonathan Wilson Commercial Agency Sales Director: Iain Duffy (7991) Business Director: Kevin O’Byrne (7832) Advertising Manager: Steve Hare (7930) New Business Sales Executive: Hayley Robertson (7904) Distribution Manager: Sian George (7852) Distribution Assistant: Makrum Dudgeon Head of Online: Matt Davis (7825) Head of Communications: Laura Wootton (7913) Managing Director: Adam Bullock PA to Managing Director: Sophia Koulle (7826) Colour reproduction: Rival Colour Ltd Printed by: Wyndeham Group Ltd © UTV Media plc 2012 UTV Media plc takes no responsibility for the content of advertisements placed in Sport magazine £1 where sold Hearty thanks to: Gab Stone, Anthony Minoprio and all who helped compile our Christmas gift guide, notably Santa Claus

Cover of the Year

Reader comments of the week @sportmaguk @simoncaney Agree fully!

Performance Ian Poulter displayed in the Ryder was amazing & deserves inclusion #clutchperformance

@simoncaney pretty sure there are bigger issues than Ian Poulter in the news this week!

@GonzoRD77 Twitter

@andlesland Twitter

@twhittock Twitter

12 | December 7 2012 |

Agreed @simoncaney re @IanJamesPoulter.

Not sure who he should replace, but a performance as inspiring as anything I saw at the Olympics.

@simoncaney do you honestly think Poulter should be nominated for SPOTY over Rory McIlroy?

@stephenpenson Twitter

@lewis_lake Twitter

LAUNCH OF THE YEAR

2008

Total Average Distribution: 305,676 Jan-Jun 2012 Don’t forget: Help keep public transport clean and tidy for everyone by taking your copy of Sport away with you when you leave the bus or train.

Download the free Sport iPad app from the Apple Newsstand

Clive Rose/Getty Images

@simoncaney @sportmaguk could not agree more with your article Re @IanJamesPoulter and the best ever Ryder Cup performance #SPOTY

Frozen in time

14 | December 7 2012 |

Cameron Spencer/Getty Images

Punter bows out Ricky Ponting was the central character in one of our all-time favourite cricketing moments: that run-out in 2005. After England sub fielder Gary Pratt (where is he now?) threw down Ponting’s stumps at Trent Bridge, the Aussie skipper stormed off in a complete rage. It was a rage he then unleashed on England coach Duncan Fletcher, claiming the effing Poms were effing using effing specialist effing sub effing fielders just so their effing bowlers could have an effing rest. It was a pivotal moment in a classic series. This week Ponting, one of the all-time greats, left the Test arena for the final time. Bye, Ricky. We loved you really.

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Monty Panesar

16 | December 7 2012 |

After a 30-month absence from the England team, Monty Panesar has in 2012 been reborn as a Test cricketer. In an exclusive interview with Sport, he looks back on his time in the wilderness and reveals the reasons behind his renaissance > | 17

Felix Clay/Guardian News & Media Ltd

SECOND COMING

Monty Panesar

ON THE MORNING OF HIS FIRST MATCH IN THE INDIA VERSUS ENGLAND TEST SERIES, MONTY PANESAR BOWLED THE PRINCE OF INDIA WITH A JAFFA. PITCHING BEFORE MIDDLE AND LEG, THE BALL TEASED SACHIN TENDULKAR FORWARD, BEFORE SPINNING VICIOUSLY OFF THE PITCH IN AN ENTIRELY NEW DIRECTION. THE MOST PROLIFIC BATSMAN IN TEST HISTORY WAS LEFT BENT DOUBLE IN RATHER UNREGAL FASHION, PEERING THROUGH HIS OWN LEGS TO CHECK IF IT WAS INDEED HIS OFF-STUMP THAT HAD BEEN FIRMLY UPROOTED.

Gareth Copley/Getty Images

COMEBACK DOWN UNDER “I’ve had ups and downs,” Panesar told us when we spoke to him in the aftermath of England’s stunning second Test victory in Mumbai. “During that time away [from the Test team], some people questioned my cricket. They regarded me as a luxury player, because I’m far from the world’s best batter

18 | December 7 2012 |

or fielder, despite my effort and improvement there. But I believe that in first-class and Test cricket, you’ve got to pick quality bowlers if you want – on a regular basis – to take the 20 wickets needed to win matches.”

Despite an heroic batting display in the final Test before his 29-match absence – the last-wicket stand with James Anderson that helped England salvage an unlikely draw with Australia in the 2009 Ashes – Panesar was in poor bowling form at the time. The solution was soon clear to him.

“I decided to go back to basics and work on my strengths as a bowler,” he says. “I wanted to get better at what I do best, rather than trying to become something that I’m not.”

As part of this process, he decided to move from Northamptonshire to Division One county Sussex, where he took on the “responsibility of being the leader of the attack”. In the 2011 county season, Panesar topped the Division One bowling table with 69 wickets.

He also made the decision to travel to Australia and play Sydney Grade Cricket last winter. “The fans were really hospitable,“ he says of his time down under. “They gave me a bit of stick for being a Pommie, but in a nice way. I still had a laugh with them. Obviously the cricket was great, but I enjoyed the whole experience out there. Singing with the Mike Whitney Band was good fun as well.” >

Credit

Panesar celebrated what he told SPORT is “probably my best ever Test wicket” in traditional fashion.

He hared off, eyes wide, high-fiving teammates visible and invisible as he went. It isn’t this moment, however, that illustrates the changes that Monty Panesar has undergone.

Instead, pick one of Panesar’s six wickets in the second innings and see his reaction there. The look of wild surprise, as if a wicket was the last outcome he expected when the ball left his hand, has been dialled down.

It has instead been replaced by a grin and a big round of applause. Well, he has earned it. This is a man who has spent two and a half years in the international wilderness, returning in 2012 more confident, more aware, more controlled. All this without losing any of the boyish enthusiasm that made him a cult hero to England supporters. Not that his rejuvenation has been easy.

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Monty Panesar the London County Cricket Club organisation, under the guidance of former Somerset cricketer Neil Burns. “It focuses on developing performance and the mental side of things; developing a stronger sense of identity in yourself,” he explains. “They’ve helped me to believe more in who I am and what I can bring to a cricket team. Now I’m more confident in myself in certain contexts.

I used to defer to the captain, the coach and other players because I was unsure of myself as a person – apart from when I was bowling a ball.”

As well as the mental fortification, Panesar has also put in the hard graft physically.

He talks of five weeks spent “integrating training circuits between my bowling overs“.

22.7 MONTY PANESAR’S 2012 TEST BOWLING AVERAGE BEFORE THE MATCH IN KOLKATA: 27 WICKETS IN FOUR COMPLETED MATCHES

"THE WORK AND TIME I'VE INVESTED IN MYSELF, ON AND OFF THE PITCH, HAS LED TO A GREATER BELIEF"

20 | December 7 2012 |

He explains: “I’d do physical training between bowling overs to challenge me; to see if my bowling could maintain its quality over a long period of time and pressure.

“I think the kind of work and time I’ve invested in myself, on and off the pitch, has led to a greater belief in myself.

That’s the key to producing consistently top performances.”

TAKE TWO Despite all of his hard work and diligent preparation, Panesar naturally admitted to nerves when he underwent what he referred to as his “second debut” against Pakistan in the UAE in January. His comeback performance was a triumph, Panesar taking 14 wickets in just two Tests and claiming the England man of the series award despite missing out on selection for the first match.

Since then, he’s had to get used to life as a drop-in player, never sure whether he will play. In a repeat of the situation in the UAE, he missed out on the first Test of this current series before being picked for the second. >

Punit Paranjpe/AFP/Getty Images

The event Panesar refers to is when he joined former Australia international Whitney on stage at one of the gigs he now performs with his rock band. Panesar was only supposed to provide vocals for one song, but ended up on stage for the best part of an hour. The idea of this once-shy man actually belting out Jessie’s Girl to a heaving Aussie bar is the kind of event you’d think might occur only in the dreams of Geoffrey Boycott after he’d eaten too much Wensleydale.

It really did happen, though – and the fact that it did is testament to Panesar’s new-found confidence.

The now 30-year-old Panesar partially attributes his growing self-assurance to the professional mentoring he’s undergone with

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MONTY ON…

Monty Panesar

ALASTAIR COOK’S CAPTAINCY “The captain was inspirational. His second innings in the first Test showed us what could be achieved – and he backed it up in the second Test, too. The way that Cooky is leading in his first proper tour as captain gives us all confidence we can get stronger.”

BEST BOWLER HE’S PLAYED WITH “Freddie Flintoff was really good. When he got the crowd going, he just bowled so well.

Jimmy Anderson is another – he’s got great skill, an unbelievable bowler. So I think those have been two of the best bowlers I’ve been on the same field with.”

BEST BATSMAN FACED “That’s difficult, because you play against some batters who are in really good form coming in and you find them hard. Tendulkar has never been easy. There’s a few others; Matthew Hayden was another top player.

Different players, but both hard work.”

KILLING TIME ON TOUR

SPINNING AND WINNING

of the match, when James Anderson removed Gautam Gambhir, the pair’s bowling accounted for every Indian wicket. As was widely lauded, they became the first England spin pair to share 19 wickets in a single Test since 1958.

“I think it was quite a memorable Test for both of us,” says Panesar. “We’ve played in, I think, seven Test matches and hadn’t won one together. Partly, you know... maybe the batters in the second innings... because we kind of set it up…”

Panesar starts to reference the second Test against Pakistan this year, when England capitulated while chasing a modest 145 to win in the second innings. He clearly has no intention of openly blaming his teammates, however, and quickly changes tack.

“Hopefully this was the first of many wins for me and Swanny,“ he says. “But, to be honest, Mumbai is history. Now it’s about preparing for the next step. Yeah, I did enjoy it, but I’m wise enough now to acknowledge that there will be plenty more challenges ahead of me. Remaining humble and being ready for the next step must always be the focus.”

He may now be more self-assured, but remaining humble is something that will always come easily to Panesar. If he keeps bowling as he has in 2012, however, what England might find is that this so-called luxury player is a luxury they cannot do without.

Alex Reid @otheralexreid

A monkey now removed from his and Swann’s back was the fact that England had never previously won a Test match that the pair had started together. They took matters into their own hands in Mumbai. After the second ball

Investec, the specialist bank and asset manager, is the title sponsor of Test Match cricket in England.

Visit the Investec Cricket Zone at investec.co.uk/ cricket or follow us on Twitter @InvestecCricket

22 | December 7 2012 |

Spin twins: Panesar celebrates with Swann after bowling Pakistan’s Mohammad Hafeez in January

RICKY PONTING’S DEPARTURE “He’s had a magnificent career. I’m just very privileged to have been on the same field as great cricketers like him. I look at it now and think: ’Wow, I got a chance to bowl to Ponting.’ I can think that because he’s retired now, if you know what I mean.”

IF HE COULD EXCEL AT ANOTHER SPORT “Either boxing, football... or I don’t mind a bit of athletics. What kind of boxer would I be?

Oh, I’d be a smart fighter – but if I can see a flaw, I’m knocking you out! [Laughs] I’d be a mixture.”

KEVIN PIETERSEN’S REINTEGRATION “Everything is fantastic. We’ve got a great team environment and support staff. Kevin Pietersen was exceptional in Mumbai. It was another true, world-class innings – following his excellence at Headingley – but we also can’t forget Colombo earlier this year.

He’s been great.”

IF STUCK IN A LIFT WITH A TEAMMATE SATURDAY INDIA v ENGLAND: THIRD TEST DAY 4 | KOLKATA | SKY SPORTS 1 3.25AM

“It would be good to be with Swanny. We’d just keep talking about spin bowling, and then afterwards I could get him to do all his different impressions. We’d just have a laugh about that – I think that would actually be good fun.”

Gareth Copley/Getty Images

“Even in the Mumbai Test, I felt under a lot of pressure coming into the match,” he says.

“But it’s the kind of pressure that I kind of enjoy now. I love playing for England. I love bowling against the world’s best batters to test myself. But I knew I had to perform at my best if I was going to stay in the series beyond Mumbai – and I was thrilled I was able to produce career-best figures. I think me and Swanny were able to dovetail nicely, and help the team get the result. It sets up the series nicely at one-all.”

Graeme Swann – the man Monty calls his “spin twin” – is someone he looks upon as an ally, his right-arm finger-spin working in a natural tandem with Panesar’s southpaw variety. “He’s obviously set the bar very high over the past couple of years, but I love bowling with him,“ he reflects. “We bowled together back at Northampton, and we really complement each other’s styles.”

Is it tricky that the pair are often in competition for what is largely seen as a single spinner’s place? “It’s up to the selectors,“ says Panesar. “In this last match, they went with the policy of two spinners, so I hope they go into future Test matches with that. But I don’t take things for granted. I’ve learned not to take things for granted. I just want to remain emotionally calm, focus on my preparation and be ready for the opportunity, should it present itself.”

“I enjoy the games, we’ve got FIFA here.

But to be honest, there’s been so much Bollywood around us, I’m sort of getting into that. I’m enjoying the movies, the music and the whole Bollywood scene when I switch off from cricket.”

∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙

Chro n o gra p h Wo r l d Ti m e Alar m Back- l i g ht 10 B a r Wate r R e s i s t a n ce Fro m t h e N a i ro b i Co l l e c t i o n PV 4 0 0 5 X1

From the days oF 15 'Funk-sticks' on the same team to the modern sweeper-keeper, Jonathan wilson takes us through 100 years oF goalkeeping evolution

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oday, we take the goalkeeper for granted. A football team is made up of 10 men in one design of shirt and one in another, a divide so natural that when listing formations nobody bothers with the first element: to speak of a 1-4-3-3 or 1-4-2-3-1 would seem absurd. Yet when football began with the foundation of the Football Association in 1863, there was no such thing as a goalkeeper. So late, in fact, did the modern notion of a goalkeeper come into being that it was only this year that he celebrated his centenary.

Early football — in Britain at least — was all about dribbling and scoring goals, and very little to do with organising means of stopping them. None of the many mid-19th century attempts at a set of unified rules — that is, developing a football code that could bring together in the same game sportsmen from different public schools, all of whom had their own way of playing what they termed ‘football’ — makes reference to a goalkeeper. The first match played under the rules of the FA was contested by Barnes and Richmond. It finished in a goalless draw, despite both sides taking to the field with two backs and nine

forwards, the usual formation of the age. Under the early rules, any player could handle the ball by taking a ‘fair catch’ – which permitted them a free-kick if, immediately after catching the ball, they made an impression in the pitch with their boot. Running with the ball in both hands or scoring with a throw, though, was not permitted.

The FA was merely following centuries of tradition.

The rules drawn up at Shrewsbury School in 1858 allowed for ‘fair catches’ but make no reference to goalkeepers, while the 1887 Harrow Rules, which clearly reflected the game as it had been played at the school for some time, allowed ‘handling’ but only to take a clean catch, at which the player had to shout ‘yards’. If he did so, he was entitled to move three yards in any direction without being challenged.

There was no lone player who hung back, although there were, of course, defenders. In phaininda and harpastum, ancient Greek and Roman games that can be regarded as forerunners of football, slower players were positioned at the back in what the physician and philosopher Galen termed the ‘locus stantium’ — ‘the position of the standing players’. >

the last man | December 7 2012 | 27

Lutz Bongarts/Bongarts/Getty Images

The Goalkeeper

The Goalkeeper

PITCH-LENGTH GOALS Part of the issue was that goals themselves weren’t standardised. At some public schools, the goal stretched the entire width of the pitch, while at others it consisted of a single tree or door; if the goal was either too big or too small, there was no point in having a keeper. In Football at Westminster School, HC Benham writes of games that featured goals about 12 yards wide, the space between conveniently located trees at either end of the pitch.

“The small boys, the duffers, and the funk-sticks were the goalkeepers, 12 or 15 at each end, and were spread out across this wide space,“ he said. “If any fellow who was playing out showed any sign of ‘funk‘ or failed to play up, he was packed off into the goal at once – not for that day, but as a lasting degradation.“ Once the 1863 laws standardised the goal at eight yards wide and an 1866 revision (insisted upon by players from the Sheffield club – which, unusually, had grown up outside the public school framework) introduced a maximum height of eight feet, it became logical to try to defend that space with a single player.

The Sheffield Rules of 1857 make allowance for what was effectively a ‘last man back‘ ruling, and from the mid-1860s the goalkeeper was an accepted position.

Only in 1871, though, was he written into the laws as the last remaining player who could use his hands.

At that stage, he could handle the ball anywhere on the pitch. In 1887 he was restricted to handling in his own half – a goalkeeper when handling, an FA memorandum noted, was intended ‘to be in defence of his goal’ – and only in 1912 to handling in his own box, mainly because the Sunderland and Wales goalkeeper Leigh Richmond Roose had a habit of bouncing the ball to halfway and then launching kicks on to the opponents’ goalmouth. It was also in 1912 that it was stipulated that the goalkeeper should wear a different coloured shirt to the rest of his team: the final division of the keeper from the rest.

28 | December 7 2012 |

Since then, the process has been one of gradual reintegration. For a time, goalkeepers tended to hang back and stay on their lines – but, slowly, the benefits of advancing began to be recognised.

The first to be noted for his willingness to leave his box was the Hungarian Gyula Grosics, a key part of the side that won the 1952 Olympics and went on to beat England 6-3 at Wembley the following year.

A hypochondriac who almost became a priest and who would, while his teammates watched Westerns, shut himself in his room to work on chess problems, Grosics fitted the stereotype of the keeper almost perfectly: intellectual and a little bit odd. He was the start of a trend, though, and the likes of Lev Yashin, perhaps the greatest keeper of them all, the Bulgarian Apostol Sokolov and Liverpool’s Tommy Lawrence began to advance: thus, the sweeperkeeper was born.

GOING DUTCH By the early seventies, Johan Cruyff was able to insist that Holland selected as their goalkeeper Jan Jongbloed, (below) just 5ft 10ins and far from a great in the conventional sense, on the grounds that he could read the game well and was a

decent passer of the ball. “If everybody moves forward, you need an extra defender,“ said Cruyff, explaining the Dutch pressing game. “So the goalkeeper has to be able to play as well.“ Perhaps, Cruyff acknowledged, he would occasionally get caught out with a long-range chip, but that was a price worth paying for the benefits he brought in terms of team structure and building the play from the back. At the 1974 World Cup, the Dutch allocated their squad numbers alphabetically (Cruyff and his fabled 14 excepted), and so Jongbloed wore 8, seeming to emphasise that he was just another player, no different from his teammates.

The introduction of the backpass law in 1992 accelerated the process. Goalkeepers had to be accomplished with at least one foot, ideally both. As they’ve become better footballers, so they’ve begun to get more involved in the play. Victor Valdes isn’t a great shot-stopper, but he is essential to Barcelona’s style — note how he kept passing the ball out even after his mistake cost Barca a first-minute goal in El Clasico last December.

Goalkeepers pass more, but they also now score more. Gone are the days when a goal from a keeper was a long punt from his own box; now they weigh in with late headers and, increasingly, penalties and free-kicks. Rogerio Ceni has scored more than 100 times for Sao Paulo.

He is an extreme case, but he is symptomatic of the prevailing mood: goalkeepers are less and less a man apart, and are becoming once again just another member of the team.

The Outsider: A History of the Goalkeeper by Jonathan Wilson is out now (Orion Books), £20

Josep Lago/AFP/Getty Images, Manny Millan/Sports Illustrated/Getty Images

"VICTOR VALDES ISN’T A GREAT SHOT-STOPPER, BUT HE IS ESSENTIAL TO BARCELONA’S STYLE"

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The Manchester Derby

DEJA RED AND BLUE

Ahead of Sunday’s first Manchester derby of the season, we ask talkSPORT’s Andy Gray a selection of important questions – starting with the glaringly obvious

SUNDAY MANCHESTER CITY v MANCHESTER UNITED | ETIHAD STADIUM | SKY SPORTS 1 1.30PM

Is the battle for this season’s Premier League title already a two-horse race?

”Not quite, although it’s certainly shaping up that way. If Chelsea find their form – and that’s a big if – then they have enough good players to fight their way back into the shake-up. If they can get John Terry and Frank Lampard back quickly, then their experience can see them get involved. ”We don’t know quite how Tottenham are going to do, although the signs are good from Andre Villas-Boas and his squad, and they are only a few points behind the top two.

Arsenal are probably too far behind to figure now, but should still be thinking about the Champions League places. But for the title itself... well, it would be very surprising if both United and City were to drop enough points to let anybody else in. I don’t think either are playing that great at the moment, but they’re still getting the job done.” >

| December 7 2012 | 31

The Manchester Derby ON MANCHESTER CITY...

City remain unbeaten, but are drawing too many and not playing that well. What are they lacking?

“City have lost a bit of sparkle this season; it may sound like a daft word, but they’ve lost a little charisma from their football. The creative side of their game is not as good as it was last year, but opposing teams are now conscious of what they’re up against and more defensive than they might have been last season. History shows us that it is difficult to win back-toback titles, of course, and I think City are finding that out this season. They are unbeaten going into December, though, which is still a fantastic achievement. And a win on Sunday would put them level on points with United.

After 16 games, I think they would take that.“

Keeping up with the neighbours: Ferguson will face Mancini for the 11th time in all competitions on Sunday. Fergie leads 5-4, with one draw, in November 2010

Does Roberto Mancini need to win the Premier League to keep his job?

Where has that charisma been lost?

“I don’t think Yaya Toure has had a good season, for a start. He’s had flashes – most notably away at Real Madrid in the Champions League – but he’s only done it occasionally, and not commanded games the way he did last season. I think part of that has come from the loss of Nigel de Jong alongside him in midfield. I think maybe City didn’t know what they had with de Jong – they thought Javi Garcia might be the man to take over in there, but this league is a tough one to come into and it hasn’t really worked for him.

“Further forward, they can also look a little narrow – particularly when they play Samir Nasri and David Silva, who often start in the wide areas but like to tuck in. The result is that they don’t play with much width high up the pitch, unless the full-backs get there; James Milner can give it them, but they were happy to let Adam Johnson leave and have hardly played Scott Sinclair since bringing him in. I’d like to see them play Sinclair more.“

What is City’s best strike partnership?

“If it was my team, I would always try to get Sergio Aguero and Carlos Tevez on the pitch at the

32 | December 7 2012 |

21 Premier League goals conceded

by Man Utd so far this season – in the top half of the table, only Tottenham have a worse record

718 Days since Man City lost a league game at the Etihad Stadium

“I think he needs to finish in the first two.

It’s difficult to win this league in consecutive years, as I’ve said, and the disappointment of another early exit from the Champions League has put the pressure on him. But if City want a man to lay down some roots, to get the club moving forward, then changing the manager all the time won’t give them that.

People will argue that Chelsea have won a load of trophies while changing their manager every 18 months, but I think City want stability – so unless a manager comes up who they desperately want, I don’t see any reason for Mancini to be going anywhere.“

ON MANCHESTER UNITED...

Can United really keep rescuing games after going behind?

“The honest answer has to be no. I mean, how they’ve got away with it so far is incredible, and a great credit to them; the ability to win games when you’re not playing well and being poor defensively is what wins you titles – but they are surely going to have to stop conceding so many opening goals. They lost the first goal against Everton, who are a good side, and didn’t get back into it; they went behind at home to Tottenham and couldn’t recover; and the same happened away at Norwich. As the season goes on, being continually leaky at the back does put an awful lot of pressure on those guys up front. Robin van Persie, Wayne Rooney and the rest have done remarkably well – they’ve had 15 different scorers in the Premier League this season, which is absolutely incredible – but Sir Alex Ferguson will still be concerned.“

Does it matter how many they concede as long as they keep scoring more?

“Oh yes, Sir Alex won’t be enjoying this.

Coaches love winning games, of course, but they don’t like losing goals – and winning 4-3 at Reading last weekend will have been horrendous for Fergie. He’d think: ’Why on earth are we putting ourselves through this, getting into a position where we’re having to chase the game? We should have control of the football, be running them all over the pitch and winning two or three-nil.’ They’re not, though – they’re winning 4-3, and he won’t like that. And he knows full well that if they go into the Champions League knockout stages defending like that, then they’ll go out.“

Is the defence solely to blame, though?

“When teams are conceding goals, it’s all too easy to blame the back four and the keeper – but if the rest of your team isn’t helping the defence, then they are always going to be vulnerable. Maybe it’s the case that those in front of the defence – which has missed Nemanja Vidic, but otherwise been a pretty consistent line-up – aren’t doing enough; if every attack against you is getting at your back four, then eventually they are going to creak. If you can stop attacks in midfield, great; stop them higher up the pitch, even better – but opponents are getting to United’s back four too many times this season. At this level, in this league, you need protection from everybody across the pitch – and I don’t think United are doing that well enough this season.“

Finally, the big question: how do you see Sunday’s game going?

“The home team doesn’t often lose in these big games. City are due a defeat, that much is obvious, but they have a fantastic record at the Etihad and will want to continue that.

Fergie absolutely loves getting results against the teams that are his biggest opponents; we’ve seen him do it time and time again, but I just can’t see City losing this game. If Mancini picks the right side, and the players go out and play at the top of their game, then I think they have more matchwinners than United at this moment in time. If they defend properly, then I think City will win the game.“

Download the free Sport iPad app from the Apple Newsstand

All pictures Getty Images

same time. They’re the most mobile and work better together than any other combination, but the problem is that when Roberto Mancini plays both he always has one out wide. He might choose to go with three at the back this weekend, though – that is something he has tried quite a bit this season, and it does allow him to get two men through the middle up top.“

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Louis Smith

Louis Smith is more famous than ever. Not just because he led Britain’s gymnasts to Olympic team bronze.

And not because of his individual brilliance on the pommel horse. It’s because he’s become that thing not all sportsmen are entirely at ease with having on their CV: a celebrity >

| December 7 2012 | 35

Louis Smith

“It’s very alien to me,” While most of his fellow athletes are back in the gym, hoisting hefty weights and exchanging verbals with coaches, Smith is on primetime television, exchanging delicate touches and faux romantic glances with a woman so beautiful she’d turn most men to mush with a mere glance.

But not Smith. The 23-year-old remains singularly focused on the job at hand, using a tunnel vision he’s spent the past four years perfecting. It’s a focus that saw him transform from a self-confessed “mischievous kid” – who emerged wide-eyed from the 2008 Olympics with a shock bronze medal and an uncomfortable new position as a role model – into a leader strong enough to guide a group of less experienced gymnasts through the toughest test of their young lives. And now into a dancer... at least until the British public decides he isn’t one.

At that point, the spotlight illuminating Smith may dim slightly. And it’s then that the most successful British male gymnast in Olympic history will have the chance to reflect on a summer that was both astounding and infuriating. Not to mention a winter that has taken him into territories no British gymnast has ever ventured before.

You’ve been training like a professional dancer for the past few months. How does it compare with gymnastics training?

“It’s definitely less stressful than gymnastics training; I don’t have the burden

36 | December 7 2012 |

Making it look ‘easy’: with Strictly partner Flavia Cacace

of an Olympic Games round the corner, for a start.

But it is hard work. I knew it was going to be, though, because what I do in the gym is hard work – but we make it look easy. It’s exactly the same watching the dancers perform on TV, although they make it look easy. I could appreciate without even trying that it would be hard work. I’m used to putting my body in strange positions, though…”

Before the Games, you said your body was in pieces from the years of graft. Is it starting to recover?

“I’d say it’s probably worse now. Although the gym was hard on the body, it kind of held it together too.

Now that I haven’t been doing as much gym work, my muscles aren’t as strong and my ligaments are a bit looser – everything’s kind of aching a bit more.

So it is taking a toll on the body. The only gym stuff I’m doing is what you see in the dance routines.

I don’t get time to do any gym otherwise, because I train for Strictly from Monday to Thursday all day – then Friday is the dress run and Saturday is the live show. It’s a full-time thing.”

Is the plan to go back to gymnastics once your dancing days are over?

“I can’t wait to get back in the gym and do some training. I don’t really miss the competition side, but I do miss getting in the gym and training and having fun. In 19 years, this is the longest I’ve ever had off.

It is nice to have a break, though, and I’d actually prefer it if I didn’t miss it. The fact I do miss it is a bit frustrating, because I’d like to have complete time off – but I can’t wait to get back in the gym.” >

adidas via Getty Images, BBC

says Louis Smith, his brow furrowing at the mention of the celebrity world into which he strolled just weeks after leaving the controlled chaos of the Olympic Village.

Louis Smith And on to Rio? “I don’t know yet. I definitely want to get back into it and keep training and keep up the fitness. And, whether that spark comes back and I want to compete again, we’ll soon see. One step at a time, though – for the moment, I just want to get back in the gym and train.”

How different is your life now to this time last year, when you were preparing for the final attempt at qualification for London 2012?

“It’s mad. I feel no pressure to do stuff. I guess this is what it feels like to be a somewhat normal person. I have responsibilities, but they’re a lot less stressful. All the pressure that had been on me in the build-up to the Games just lifted as soon as my feet hit the floor after my final pommel horse routine. It was the best feeling ever – the amount of relief I felt – because everything had been geared towards the Olympics. Every interview I did – and I

“All the pressure on me lifted as soon as my feet hit the floor after my final pommel horse routine” did loads – they were all about 2012. Now, all my questions are hardly about 2012; people have forgotten that I was a gymnast.”

Yet you were so nearly a gold medal-winning gymnast. How do you reflect now on your pommel final, where you scored the same number of points as the winner but missed out on the gold because of a technicality?

“I’d be a fool to sit here and say I didn’t want the gold medal, because I did. When I landed that pommel horse routine, I thought I’d done enough to get gold. But you can’t dwell on things – the decisions I’ve made in life have made me who I am today. I did what I did; I went to the Games and performed the best routine I’ve ever done in my life. I stepped it up on the night and did my harder routine the best I’ve ever done it – and I got a silver and a bronze medal from that Olympic Games.

I can look back and be a happy man.”

But if you could go back and do it again...

“I wouldn’t want to do it again. I don’t think I could ever do that routine as good as I did it then. Out of all my training routines, that was the best routine I’d done in my life, and I did it at an Olympic Games. >

38 | December 7 2012 |

Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Strictly silver: Smith goes through the ˝best routine of his life˝ in the men’s pommel horse final this summer

Louis Smith I always said if I nailed that routine, I’d have the potential to get the gold. But it was just the other guy was a little better that day.”

Your own performances aside, were there any at the Games that left you open-mouthed in awe?

“Our team event. I didn’t get to watch that much of the rest of the Games, but our team event was just crazy. We came third at the Olympic Games – Great Britain. We beat America, we beat Russia, we beat Germany. It’s absolutely bonkers. A few years ago, people would have called us mad if we’d said we would win a medal. We probably would have said so

As one of the most experienced gymnasts in the British team, did you give the others advice on how their lives might change after the Games?

“It’s a hard change to go through, when you come off the back of an Olympics having been successful.

After Beijing, my life changed overnight. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it to, but it was just such a drastic change – nothing about it was gradual. I was a mischievous 19-year-old, still a bit naughty. And then all of a sudden I was a role model. Everyone was looking at me and talking about me. For that to happen to you overnight is tough – it can be hard to deal with.”

too, even the night before the Games. We knew we had the potential to do well, but we didn’t really bank on other teams messing up so much – which is the reason why we got medals. It shows that anything can happen. I said it so many times before the Games – you can be an Olympic champion in training, but when it comes to competition it’s something else entirely.”

Those gymnasts who do mess up have nowhere to hide while the competition is going on; they have to complete the rotation of all the apparatus.

How hard is it to handle that aspect of the sport?

“You want to do so well – not just for you, but for the whole team. And because the team is banking on each score to count, you don’t want to feel like you’ve let them down. It’s a lot of responsibility – and, when it goes right, it’s the best feeling.

But when it goes wrong, you really feel yourself slipping into a rut.”

And now you have to deal with all the attention that comes with being a celebrity on primetime Saturday night television…

“Yeah, it’s very alien to me, I’m still getting used to it.

It’s just very different. When I did sport interviews [before starting Strictly Come Dancing], they were interested in every single word I said, and they’d print it word for word and fact for fact. Now it’s almost like they’re trying to get dirt out of what you say, or they’ll leave parts of your conversation out to make it suggest something else. It’s a completely different world. Normally, if something’s not right, you’d say.

But I’m having to learn to just let it blow over and be quiet, and let people think that what they’re reading is the truth. It’s hard, but it’s just another learning curve for me.”

Sarah Shephard @sarahsportmag The Louis Smith 2013 calendar is available now from www.louis-smith-official.com

| December 7 2012 | 41

Michael Steele/Getty Images, Ben Stansall/AFP/Getty Images

“We beat America, we beat Russia, we beat Germany.

It’s bonkers”

Your Christmas wish list Not sure what presents you want? Over the next 10 pages, our Christmas Gift Guide will tell you. Football first...

3nil Leo T-shirt Bask in the reflected glory of the greatest player ever to put on a pair of boots (sorry, Cristiano etc) with 3Nil’s stylised Leo Messi shirt, screen printed in Barcelona’s famous colours. $25 | threenil.com

Adidas Finale ball Did you know that the colours of the stars on the official Champions League match ball change design and colour every year according to the city that will host the final? Next year, London.

Pantofola D’Oro Antares Canguro Handmade from Italian leather by the same methods used since the 1880s, these classics are the boots of choice for Scott Parker, among others. And if they’re good enough for Scotty...

£90 | store.uefa.com

£120 | prodirectsoccer.com

Adidas Adizero F50 Compatible with adidas’ miCoach software, the F50s have a SprintSkin upper for better control and balance between stability and weight. No good if you’re sat on the bench, though.

Nike Strike PL Hi-Vis We remember when the yellow ball was a rare treat, only used when it was actually snowing. Now it’s used for half the year, in a highly visible attempt to boost merchandise sales around Christmas.

Savile Rogue scarves Although the company’s name now sounds like an upcoming Dispatches documentary, they make super posh scarves that won’t get you beaten up on the terraces. Just be sure to remove the price tag.

Nike GS Concept II Nike’s fastest-ever boot is made from recycled materials and, at just 160 grams, is 15 per cent lighter than anything else they’ve done. Worn by Theo Walcott – who’s certainly fast, if nothing else. >

£136 | prodirectsoccer.com

£16 | nike.com

From £55 | savile-rogue.com

£250 | nike.com

43 | December 7 2012 |

Christmas Gift Guide

Stocking fillers

The best trainers money can buy. So good, in fact, you’ll be tempted to keep them yourself

Adidas Originals AR 2.0 These indigo (yes, it doesn’t just appear in the rainbow) trainers feature textured uppers and a Velcro ankle strap. They’ll go great with your violet trousers. £70 | jdsports.co.uk

Puma x UNDFTD Gametime Clyde Pack Inspired by the original 1973 Clyde basketball shoe, Undefeated’s take on the classic Puma trainer comes in a range of colours corresponding to famous teams, from LA Lakers purple to Boston Celtic green. £55 | size.co.uk

Nike Lunar Force 1 XXX Anniversary These are the trainers Neil Armstrong was wearing when he first stepped on to the moon. No, not really.

But the striking sneaker weighs just 332 grams (even less on the moon). £TBC | Nike stores, from Wednesday

Adidas Porsche Design Easy For the Porsche owner who has everything. These lightweight shoes offer high breathability and a smooth ride, just like your Porsche...

Vans x Barbour Classic Era Wingtip An unlikely pairing of teenage shoes and designer coats, the Vans x Barbour range has a smart finish, with tartan insole and Vans’ signature ‘reverse waffle’ outsole.

K-Swiss Gowmet II VNZ Vulcanised soles ensure these K-Swiss trainers will last the course – and they have five stripes, which is two whole stripes more than adidas. Bargain. >

£175 | adidas.co.uk

£80 | shop.vans.co.uk

£60 | kswiss.co.uk

44 | December 7 2012 |

Christmas Gift Guide

Baby it’s cold outside

… but it’s good for your health to get out there and get active, so this lot should help

The North Face Arctic Hedgehog Hiking Boots Robust nubuck leather uppers and a hydroseal waterproof membrane keep out rain, snow and other liquids. Heatseeker 400g insulation keeps your feet warm as well. £110 | ellis-brigham.com

Forum Youngblood Double Dog Snowboard Whether you are a young pup who laps up the snow or, as the name here suggests, there are two of you, this board with a sintered base will get you up to speed and off the lip fast. £340 | surfdome.co.uk

Nerf N-Strike Elite Hail Fire If Terminator taught us anything, it’s that skill with weapons is going to be a key component of survival in the bleak post-apocalyptic future. Give your kids a head start with this NERF blaster.

You won’t regret it. £53 | amazon.co.uk

Killy Spartacus Jacket Aggressive 3D engineering (no, we don’t know what that means either) in lightweight breathable and waterproof fabric make this comfortable jacket a perfect choice for any outdoor pursuits.

Nike Gyakusou Running Jacket Just because you like running doesn’t mean you have to look like a sweaty mess all the time. Smarten up with Nike’s designer leaf-print running jacket – a perfect mix of style and substance.

£850 | ellis-brigham.co.uk

£275 | mrporter.com

Osprey Manta 25 Pack This multi-sport activity pack has all the bells and whistles you’d expect (although no actual bells or whistles) and includes a three-litre water reservoir. Of course, you don’t have to limit yourself to water.

Nike+ FuelBand Black Ice Strap it on and collect ‘Nike Fuel’ points every time you exercise. You can trade those points in for a self-satisfied glow of self-improvement, which will vanish the minute you tuck into your second helping of turkey. £129 | store.nike.com

£100 | ellis-brigham.com

46 | December 7 2012 |

Nike Zoom DK QS Double Tongue Snowboarding Boots Inspired by the decor applied to fighter jets, these limited-edition snowboarding boots were developed in conjunction with snowboard legend Danny Kass.

Rohan Powerstation Gloves Snowball fights are great. Cold hands, less so. These will give you an edge over the local oiks – they’re heated by a rechargeable battery to keep your hands nice and toasty while you pelt children with ice. >

£275 | ss20.com

£125 | rohan.co.uk

Christmas Gift Guide

Fast Christmas

Know someone caught up in the cycling craze?

Encourage them with these cracking gifts

Met Kaos Ultimate Free Ride MTB Helmet This helmet might not be as flashy as a tablet, but it’ll stop your loved ones getting squashed. And isn’t that what Christmas is really all about? £120 | surfdome.com

Mango Bike This range of custom bikes lets you choose your colours, pedals, handlebars and more – and you can be more imaginative than pink for girls and blue for boys.

BMW Bike Rucksack This versatile rucksack is decorated with the German car manufaturer’s logo and brings with it all the quality that implies – with versatile pockets and a fold-out helmet holder for, well, you know. £60 | bmw-shop.com

£269 | mangobikes.co.uk

Kansi 9 Twenty A nine-speed drivetrain makes this bike great for tackling hills, and it folds up so you can take it easily on to public transport if you decide to give up halfway up said hill.

Ciclotte Steelish Exercise Bike If the weather outside is frightful, you still have no excuse not to cycle. Sorry. But you can do it in style with one of these striking indoor bikes.

Mio Cyclo 305 HC Perfect if you know someone who’s taken up cycling since the Tour and you’re worried about them getting lost. Even they will find it difficult with Mio Cyclo’s range of tools. >

£875 | kansi.co.uk

£6,000 | ciclotte.com

From £350 | eu.mio.com

48 | December 7 2012 |

Christmas Gift Guide

Seasonal screens

Keep connected this Christmas. Or just play loads of Angry Birds while your in-laws bicker

Samsung Galaxy SIII The first real challenger to the iPhone’s hegemony, the SIII’s sleek rounded corners and massive 4.8-inch screen make it a perfect Christmas gift for anyone looking for a change of scenery.

Free on £42/mth contract | vodafone.co.uk

Google Nexus 10 The search giant takes another step towards global domination, and you can help by giving their powerful 10-inch tablet as a gift this Yule. It runs the latest version of Android on its HD screen.

iPad mini A tablet is for life, not just for Christmas, so make sure you put your regular iPad in a home or something before you change down to the 7.9-inch iPad mini. Or give it as a gift and keep this for yourself.

£319 | play.google.com

From £269 | apple.com/uk

Nokia Lumia 920 The 4G Lumia 920 runs Windows Phone 8 and adds innovative camera features like Smart Shoot, which lets you combine several group photos into one great shot.

Perfect for post-Christmas lunch snaps.

iPhone 5 Taller, thinner and more powerful, comparing the iPhone 5 to its predecessors is like comparing Zlatan Ibrahimovic to Andy Carroll, with Siri the ludicrous bicycle kick in this scenario.

Microsoft Surface It’s two presents in one, although you do have to give them both to the same person. The Microsoft Surface combines tablet portability with laptop typability for the best of both worlds. >

£50 on £41/mth contract | ee.co.uk

Free on £47/mth contract | vodafone.co.uk

£399 | microsoft.com/surface

50 | December 7 2012 |

Christmas Gift Guide

Batteries included

Kindle Paperwhite You know the drill by now – thousands of books, incredibly portable, long battery life. The Paperwhite also has a built-in light that evenly illuminates the screen.

A perfect gift if your partner likes books and you like sleep. £109 | amazon.co.uk

Our pick of top tech – because even adults like a new toy to play with on Christmas morning

Qlocktwo Wall Clock Words replace numbers on this beautiful wall clock, which spells out the time on a grid of letters. Which is great if you like pretty things, or haven’t yet learned how to tell the time on a normal clock.

Samsung DA-E750 Audio Dock A gorgeous wooden box houses a genuine valve amplifier for a warmth of sound that you just don’t get with most modern audio systems. A really lovely take on the ubiquitous iPod/Android dock.

Skullcandy Aviator Edit Headphones A unique pair of headphones for someone unique, the colours of various parts of the Edits can be customised so you can find a combination that suits anyone.

£800 | firebox.com

£555 | currys.co.uk

£180 | uk.skullcandy.com

Bowers & Wilkins A7 Wireless Music System Drag your record collection into the future with this 150W sound system. It has Apple AirPlay technology, so you can stream music to it from anywhere in the house. £699 | johnlewis.co.uk

Ruark R1 DAB Radio The R1 certainly has a striking design, but it’s got substance as well as style, with leading sound quality and DAB and FM tuners. Perfect for listening to the Boxing Day football.

Canon EOS M Put simply, the EOS M offers SLR-quality photos with point-and-click features thrown in. Use the touchscreen to select focus points and preview the effects of your aperture and focal length. >

£180 | selfridges.co.uk

£650 | amazon.co.uk

52 | December 7 2012 |

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Christmas Gift Guide

Holidays are coming DVDs

Books

London 2012: Olympic Games Relive the records, the heartbreak and the sheer gluttony of GB’s medal haul.

With more than seven hours of highlights and both ceremonies, you’ll never be bored again. Not with the fast-forward function, anyway. £20 | Rakuten’s play.com

The Secret Race Tyler Hamilton’s explosive exposé shattered the myth of seven-time Tour ‘winner’ Lance Armstrong, and picked up the William Hill Sports Book of the Year award. An incredibly important book for any fan of cycling. £11 | amazon.co.uk

If Christmas TV adverts are driving you mad, try these books, DVDs and games instead

Running With The Kenyans Adharanand Finn moved his young family to Kenya to find out the secrets of the country’s long-distance runners for this good-natured and insightful tome.

The least you could do is give it to someone as a gift. £7.50 | amazon.co.uk

Be Careful What You Wish For Former Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan lifts the lid on his decade at the helm of the south London club. It’s brash and bold, like the man himself, and an illuminating insight into the life of a chairman. £13 | amazon.co.uk

Being: Liverpool Brendan Rodgers steals the show with lines such as “I think of all the players as my children” – but access to team talks, training, player homes and more means there’s enough in this behind-the-scenes look to please any Red. £14 | amazon.co.uk

Ryder Cup 2012 Witness the American crowds lose their voices as Poults and pals fight back. Disc two offers a captain’s diary and exclusive behind-the-scenes footage, but it’s the on-course action that will have you up on your feet. £19.50 | Rakuten’s play.com

54 | December 7 2012 |

London 2012 Official Commemorative Book Remember when we abandoned our national cynicism for a month? It was great – and what better gift to give than some glossy photographs of smiling Brits. £24 | amazon.co.uk

Wii U

Video games

Wii U Nintendo’s new console brings a whole host of innovations to the living room thanks to the GamePad controller, which acts as a second screen but can also be used on its own if someone wants to watch TV. £260 | game.co.uk

Halo 4 Limited Edition The fourth instalment is the start of a trilogy, as Master Chief heads to the gorgeous planet Requiem, while co-op and revamped multiplayer options will ensure many more sleepless nights.

Xbox | £100 | Rakuten’s play.com

Super Mario Bros U Gorgeous new levels traverse all stages of difficulty in Mario’s newest adventure, while the GamePad is incorporated superbly, with the option of a five-player co-op. And you can distract enemies by tapping them. £45 | game.co.uk

PES 2013 After years in bargain bins, Pro Evo is back to its best, with intricate controls enabling total control and a return to the purity of passing and shooting that used to make PES king. Welcome back, old friend.

Call of Duty: Black Ops II We’ve not heard of this one, but it is, apparently, a big deal. Something about two unique interchanging storylines, an incredible multiplayer community and new maps and weapons. It’ll never catch on.

PS3 | £25 | Rakuten’s play.com

Xbox | £42 | game.co.uk

Arkham City: Armoured Edition If you haven’t played Batman’s latest adventure yet, the villain-laden city storyline is a belter. If you’ve conquered Arkham City before, meanwhile, the GamePad’s hands-on fun reinvigorates the whole experience. £40 | game.co.uk

Madden 13 A new infinity engine and redesigned menu deliver a fresh feel, but it’s the career mode – with new depths of interaction, on and off the field – that will have you happily snapping away until the early hours. Xbox | £37 | amazon.co.uk

Football Manager 2013 The marriage-wrecker is back, with the usual raft of improvements and new ‘Classic Mode’ – a simplified version that lets you play through a season in six hours or so. You could win the Champions League

by Boxing Day. PC | £20 | game.co.uk

Assassin’s Creed III Desmond Miles is rewriting history again, this time via Ratohnhake:ton (Connor to his pals) in colonial America. With new weapons, a rebuilt engine and close combat, franchise fans will love it. > PS3 | £42 | Rakuten’s play.com

| 55

Christmas Gift Guide

Wrist musts

Whether you dive, run or show your Catalan spirit, these watches will tell you when it’s Christmas Day

Seiko Barcelona Chronograph Like the team themselves, Seiko’s official Barcelona watch is classy, good-looking and performs with minimal fuss. Some say it’ll stop working if you wear it in Glasgow on a rainy Wednesday night, but we don’t care. £166 | watchshop.com

Polar RC3 GPS HR Like a mini computer on your wrist – or witchcraft, as we like to call it – this will track the route, speed and distance of your workout, with all your heart and body readings thrown in for good measure. £226 | milletsports.co.uk

56 | December 7 2012 |

Nike+ Sportwatch GPS Track your runs with the TomTompowered GPS function, record all your previous efforts and try to beat your PBs. A great running accessory, Nike’s personal trainer even reminds you to go for a run.

Sadists. £149 | nikeplus.nike.com

Rotary Aquaspeed Chronograph Bracelet Gadgets, gizmos and mod cons are all well and good for the tech crazy, but you can’t beat a classically goodlooking watch. Stripped back and elegant, Rotary’s steel Aquaspeed does the job perfectly. £211 | thewatchhut.co.uk

Casio G-Shock Frogman Chronograph Designed for diving enthusiasts, Casio’s latest durable wrist accessory is water-resistant to 200m. It also boasts a dive-time log and all the usual razzmatazz. > £500 | watchshop.com

Info T. 421243631301

Christmas Gift Guide

Winter warmers

Well, three warmers and one trip to the Scottish wilderness with Bear Grylls – take a coat

Bacardi Oakheart Spiced Rum In the spirit of completing proper reviews, we’ve been secretly drinking all of these at our desk for the past month – and can report that this spiced rum would make an excellent Christmas gift. £20 | thewhiskyexchange.co.uk

Bear Grylls Survival Academy Three days in the wilderness, exposed to the elements and forced to hunt for food under the guidance of expert survivalists.

This could be a well-meaning gift, or a cleverly designed revenge package.

Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey We think the boss might be on to us.

We’re going to have to finish off the rest of this spiced honey liqueur with floral undertones and a long smooth finish on the train home. That’s allowed, right?

£1,400 | beargryllssurvivalacademy.com

£25 | thewhiskyexchange.co.uk

Wembley Way Stone A loving message on the road to the famous Wembley Stadium – what better gift for an England fan? The FA do reserve the right to remove profanities from what you write. Sorry, West Ham.

Thomas Lyte Poker Set A grained leather mustard-coloured case lined with suede holding 600 chips and cards could lend a high-class feel to your poker evenings. You might even be able to win back some of the cost.

Wembley Stadium Tours Experience the rich history of England’s national stadium. Well, experience England’s national stadium at any rate, with a guided stadium tour. A great present for any football-mad kids.

Tanqueray No. 10 Gift Set This gin box set is great for making a Martini, thanks to the two glasses included – but not so great for surreptitiously swigging during meetings, tribunals or interventions.

From £50 | wembleystadium.com

£575 | thomaslyte.com

£9/£16 | wembleystadium.com/tours

£55 | harveynichols.com

58 | December 7 2012 |

7 Days OUR PICK OF THE ACTION FROM THE SPORTING WEEK AHEAD

DECHIGHLIGHTS 7-DEC 13 » Football: Premier League Preview » p62 » Football: Capital One Cup Round 5 » p64 » Cricket: KFC T20 Big Bash League » p64 » Rugby Union: Heineken Cup Round 3 » p66 » Horse Racing: Tingle Creek Chase » p68

Saturday BOxING | MANNY PACqUIAO v JUAN MANUEL MARqUEz | MGM GRAND, LAS VEGAS | PRIMETIME 2AM

Fourplay

Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images

Manny Pacquiao enters his fourth fight with old rival Juan Manuel Marquez this weekend, understanding just how the Mexican feels.

Despite being ahead on the overwhelming majority of experts’ scorecards, the Pac Man suffered a controversial points defeat to American Tim Bradley in June.

While that robbery was more derided than any of the three previous PacquiaoMarquez decisions, the result of each of those fights has been hotly debated. The

60 | December 7 2012 |

score so far (one draw, two narrow points wins to Pacquiao) is not a fair reflection of Marquez’s contribution, but does indicate how evenly the pair are matched.

The general consensus for this welterweight clash is that Pacquiao — stung by his ‘loss’ to Bradley — rebounds with another tight victory.

Yet it’s not that clear-cut. Marquez may be 39 years old to Pacquiao’s 33, but his more classical boxing style is better suited to ageing gracefully than Pacquiao’s whirlwind intensity. There have been notable signs in recent fights that Pacquiao’s buzzsaw dynamism is in

terminal decline. He still has a speed advantage, but speed can be beaten by timing. And not having found a solution to Marquez’s counterpunching right hands in 36 previous rounds means the Filipino is unlikely to discover one now.

Pacquiao — younger, bigger, harder-hitting and with an aggressive style that (more often than not) impresses judges — deservedly starts as favourite.

However, we wouldn’t be at all surprised if Marquez boxes craftily enough to pull off the upset. Whether the judges choose to recognise that, of course, is another matter entirely.

7 Days

Premier League

SATURDAY ARSENAL v WEST BROM | EMIRATES STADIUM | 3PM

City took the Manchester bragging rights last season.

Now United want them back. And what Fergie wants...

SUNDAY MAN CITY v MAN UTD | ETIHAD STADIUM | SKY SPORTS 1 1.30PM

Arsene Wenger will wonder how it has come to this, but a win for his side against West Brom on Saturday will put them back in the hunt for fourth place, and just two points behind the Baggies – currently in fifth.

A win for Steve Clarke’s side, on the other hand, could propel them into the top three. Going on last weekend’s defeat to Swansea at the Emirates for the home side, it’s a distinct possibility. Even Wenger admitted that “the quality was not there” from his side.

West Brom have also hit a relatively rocky patch in the context of their stellar season, with last weekend’s defeat to Stoke a second on the bounce. Last time the Baggies lost two in a row, they roared back with four wins on the trot. Don’t say we didn’t warn you, Arsene.

Feeling blue

SUNDAY EVERTON v TOTTENHAM | GOODISON PARK | 3PM

If Manchester United are to stretch their lead at the top of the Premier League this weekend, they will have to do it the hard way: by beating a team that has seemingly forgotten how to lose (at home, in the league, that is).

Manchester City’s last league defeat at the Etihad came in December 2010, some 37 games ago. It’s a run that takes in their crucial 1-0 victory over Alex Ferguson’s side in April – a result that put them top of the league on goal difference, with two games remaining.

And we all know what happened next.

But that was then. Now, Roberto Mancini’s side are not so much gliding through the season as trudging through it, dragging their feet like a bunch of sullen children. Yes, they’re the only side yet to lose in the league – but, one single demolition job on Aston Villa aside, there has been little sign of the swashbuckling City of last term.

Swashbuckling is something United boss Alex Ferguson will hope to see less of from his side on Sunday, after they conceded three in 23 minutes at the Madejski last weekend.

62 | December 7 2012 |

United scored four in just 11 minutes more, but ‘we’re gonna score one more than you’ is hardly a refrain Ferguson will want to hear too much of from his side’s supporters.

Having conceded 21 league goals already this season – 10 more than City – United have clearly missed the influence of their captain Nemanja Vidic, who had knee surgery in September. The defender has returned to training, but remains unlikely to be rushed back for what could be a testing encounter.

Fergie is certainly desperate enough, calling his side’s defending the “worst of the season” last weekend. From there, though, the only way is up. He hopes.

2

Since Nemanja Vidic’s last league appearance on September 15, United have kept just two clean sheets in 11 league games

A meeting between two teams that have flourished and frustrated in equal measure this season. After defeats to Manchester City and Arsenal, Tottenham have now won their past three. Everton, meanwhile, have drawn seven of their past nine, leaving them gazing up at Spurs when they could be looking down. Or should be, David Moyes would argue, having watched his side concede 90th-minute equalisers against both Norwich and Fulham in recent weeks. Had they not, the Toffees would sit third.

Spurs are likely to be without Gareth Bale after he limped off against Fulham last weekend. But Jermain Defoe (above, left) is their danger man right now, with nine league goals this season. Keep an eye on him as the clock ticks down towards full time, then.

Since taking a tonking from Manchester City, Aston Villa have been on what Paul Lambert terms “a good little run”.

They’re only two points clear of the relegation zone, though, while recognised goalscorer Darren Bent remains mysteriously benched.

With Saturday’s visitors Stoke possessing the league’s second-best defensive record, Lambert might live to regret his anti-Bent bias.

SATURDAY WIGAN v QPR DW STADIUM | 3PM

Harry Redknapp’s search for a win turns north, with QPR looking to avoid the (dis)honour of going the most games from the start of a Premier League season without a win. It could be tricky, judging by Wigan’s last performance at the DW, when they briefly threatened Man City despite eventually losing.

QPR’s fate will be decided this month, says ‘Arry; with one point so far, the future’s not looking too bright.

SATURDAY SOUTHAMPTON v READING | ST MARY’S | 3PM

“This is a one-off,” said Reading boss Brian McDermott of his side’s 4-3 goalfest defeat to Manchester United last weekend. He may have forgotten the seven goals conceded against Arsenal in the League Cup, but Nigel Adkins won’t have. He will look to use the Royals as Southampton’s springboard out of the relegation places. With a trip to Chelsea up next for the Saints, it would be a timely leap.

SUNDAY WEST HAM v LIVERPOOL UPTON PARK | SKY SPORTS 1 4PM

No Andy Carroll or Luis Suarez could make for a quiet game at Upton Park.

The long-haired loanee from Liverpool is recovering from a knee injury (and the terms of his loan mean he cannot feature), while Suarez is suspended.

This presents Brendan Rodgers with the challenge of creating goals without a proven goalscorer. Meanwhile, Sam Allardyce can call on Carlton Cole. And so arguably faces the same challenge.

SATURDAY SUNDERLAND v CHELSEA | STADIUM OF LIGHT | 3PM

Martin O’Neill’s one-year anniversary as Sunderland manager has not been a happy one. His team are one place clear of the drop zone and welcome Chelsea hoping the civil unrest at Stamford Bridge gives them a chance of an upset.

That said, seven league games without a win for the Blues is their worst run since 1995. Rafa Benitez has said his job would be easier with the club’s fans behind him. This one’s not easy, Rafa.

MONDAY FULHAM v NEWCASTLE CRAVEN COTTAGE | SS1 8PM

Fulham are quietly struggling, with no wins in their past seven league games.

They haven’t scored in their last three, either – a trend that will worry Martin Jol almost as much as their defensive record of 26 conceded in 15 league games. Newcastle’s struggles have been less quiet; although it was Demba Ba to the rescue yet again on Monday night, the Magpies are yet to win a game away from St James’ Park this season.

SATURDAY SWANSEA v NORWICH LIBERTY STADIUM | 3PM

Three goals in 17 minutes gave Norwich a 3-2 win at the Liberty last season, and consigned Swansea to what was then only their second home league defeat.

It could be deja vu on Saturday, because the Swans have lost only once at home this term and Norwich are undefeated since early October. But Michael Laudrup’s side will be boosted by an impressive week, in which they picked up seven points in six days.

Premier League table 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

P Man Utd 15 Man City 15 Chelsea 15 Tottenham 15 West Brom 15 Everton 15 Swansea 15 West Ham 15 Stoke 15 Arsenal 15 Liverpool 15 Norwich 15 Fulham 15 Newcastle 15 Aston Villa 15 Wigan 15 Sunderland 14 Southampton 15 Reading 14 QPR 15

W 12 9 7 8 8 5 6 6 5 5 4 4 4 4 3 4 2 3 1 0

10

D 0 6 5 2 2 8 5 4 7 6 7 7 5 5 5 2 7 3 6 6

L 3 0 3 5 5 2 4 5 3 4 4 4 6 6 7 9 5 9 7 9

F 37 28 25 28 24 25 23 19 14 24 19 13 25 17 12 15 13 21 19 11

A 21 11 16 23 19 19 17 17 12 16 18 21 26 21 23 28 18 32 27 27

Pts 36 33 26 26 26 23 23 22 22 21 19 19 17 17 14 14 13 12 9 6

Arsenal have made the most errors leading to goals in the Premier League this season, with 10

| 63

All pictures Getty Images

SATURDAY ASTON VILLA v STOKE VILLA PARK | 3PM

7 Days FRIDAY CRICKET | KFC T20 BIG BASH LEAGUE: RENEGADES v STARS | ETIHAD STADIUM, MELBOURNE | SKY SPORTS 3 8AM

Crash bash wallop

We might be getting excited about Test cricket again, but is there now a fan of the sport anywhere who doesn’t secretly love Twenty20 too?

This weekend sees the start of the Big Bash competition in Australia, the down under version of the IPL. And the Bash starts with a bang straight away, as the first two fixtures see derby matches in both Melbourne and Sydney.

First up this morning, then, Melbourne Renegades take on Melbourne Stars.

What that means is Murali v Warne (pictured), Du Plessis v Malinga and... er, Pattinson v Pattinson.

A tremendous start, but chances are there will be more fireworks tomorrow – when attention moves north for the duel

between last year’s champions the Sydney Sixers and the Michael Clarke-led Sydney Thunder at the SCG (Sky Sports 4, 8am).

For the Sixers, despite the presence of the likes of Brett Lee, David Warner and Brad Haddin, all eyes will be on England’s Michael Lumb, who won the Golden Bat award as the competition’s top scorer last season. For the Thunder, Clarke, who has been in ridiculously good Test form, may have to take a back seat to the world’s most thrilling Twenty20 batsman, Chris Gayle.

And the action doesn’t stop there – on Sunday the Brisbane Heat host the Hobart Hurricanes at the Gabba (Sky Sports 4, 7am). Cue another standing ovation for the visitors’ Ricky Ponting. This could run and run.

Robert Cianflone/Getty Images, Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images

TUESDAY FOOTBALL | CAPITAL ONE CUP ROUND 5: BRADFORD v ARSENAL | VALLEY PARADE | SKY SPORTS 2 7.45PM Arsenal’s topsy-turvy but highly entertaining 12-goal game against Reading in the previous round of the Capital One Cup has clearly convinced broadcasters that the Gunners are worth following on their mission to win a first trophy in seven years.

On Tuesday night the Sky cameras follow Arsene Wenger’s troop to Valley Parade, where League Two side Bradford City will look to go one step further than their quarter-final appearance of 1989 – when they were knocked out by Bristol City.

Bantams boss Phil Parkinson declared himself ecstatic with their penalty shootout victory against Wigan in the previous round, admitting Wigan gave his side “problems we don’t normally come up against in League Two, in terms of the movement of the team and their shape”.

Arsenal had problems of their own when they went 4-0 down within 37 minutes of their fourth-round tie at the Madejski Stadium. That they eventually ran out as 7-5 winners after extra time left observers almost as bemused as Olivier Giroud and Francis Coquelin – both of whom threw their shirts into the crowd after the final whistle, unaware that another 30 minutes had to be played.

Wenger has listed the League Cup as fifth on his list of priorities for this season, so the likes of Andrei Arshavin and Marouane Chamakh are likely to get another run-out on Tuesday, along with youngsters Serge Gnabry and Thomas Eisfeld.

Parkinson will hope Arsenal follow the same kamikaze game plan that saw them fall so far behind so fast at Reading.

Whichever Gunners side turns up, for promotion hopefuls Bradford this is a pressure-free tie with little to lose.

And that’s always dangerous.

The other fifth round fixtures: Norwich v Aston Villa (Tuesday 7.45pm) Swansea v Middlesbrough (Wednesday 7.45pm) Leeds v Chelsea (Wednesday December 19 7.45pm)

64 | December 7 2012 |

Kids on parade

SUNDAY ATHLETICS | EUROPEAN CROSS COUNTRY CHAMPIONSHIPS | BUDAPEST, HUNGARY BBC TWO 12PM

SHOW US YOUR

Young Brits seek Euro glory An event that played a sizeable role in setting Mo Farah on his path to Olympic glory, the European Cross Country Championships take place in Budapest this weekend, when the Great Britain and Northern Ireland team will be hoping to match their success of 2011.

In Slovenia one year ago, Britain topped the overall medal table – winning a total of 12 medals, six of them gold. Much of that success came in the team events, although there was also individual gold for Emma Pallant in the under-23 women category and Emelia Gorecka in the junior women.

Gorecka (left) will defend her title in Budapest, as well as lead the junior women’s team in their bid to claim a seventh team gold in the age group in eight years.

The senior women’s race at the GB trials was won by Jess Coulson, but the 22-year-old will compete in the under-23 category rather than the seniors on Sunday, with a view to continuing GB’s record of winning the category every year since 2006. Louise Damen, who finished third in the trials, will lead the way for the senior women.

Andy Vernon, GB’s highest-placed senior male athlete last year, finished second at the trials, securing his spot despite still feeling his way back to form after a stress fracture in his foot. He was beaten by Jonathan Taylor, who will look to help the GB men’s team at least match the silver medal they won in 2011.

Helly Hansen in association with Fjord Norway are offering one lucky winner and a friend the chance to take an adventure trip of a lifetime to Norway.

Find out more and submit your ‘Catwalk’ now at www.hellyhansen.com/fjordnorway

DRY EQUALS WARMER. Our Baselayers employ Lifa® Technology that moves the moisture away from your body and keeps you dry – and in the performance zone.

There are three different kinds, optimized for all kinds of activities and temperatures. Nothing will keep you drier. Find out more at www.hellyhansen.com/baselayer

SATURDAY UFC | HENDERSON v DIAZ | KEYARENA, SEATTLE | ESPN 1AM

Rough with the Smooth Jure Makovec/AFP/Getty Images, Josh Hedges/Zuffa LLC/Zuffa LLC via Getty Images

CATWALK

Tomorrow night sees the UFC bandwagon roll into grunge and coffee capital Seattle, as UFC lightweight champion Benson ‘Smooth’ Henderson (16 wins, 2 defeats) looks to serve up a beating on title challenger Nate Diaz (16-7).

Henderson (right), an aggressive southpaw, will look to use his wrestling skills and keep the fight at close quarters against the rangier Diaz – who has shown impressive boxing skills in his recent bouts. The champion could have his hands full because Diaz is a rough, tough character who hails from the mean streets of Stockton (California, not -on-Tees).

Henderson will want a resounding win to cement his championship credentials, given that his past two fights – both against former champion Frankie Edgar – were close and controversial decision victories. Expect this one to follow a similar formula.

Fjord Norway – The most beautiful destination in the world. Whether you are skiing, trekking, climbing or boating, this is the most breathtaking scenery you will ever find. Learn more about this magical corner of the world at www.fjordnorway.com

| 65

7 Days Heineken Cup

Attention back on European union Now those big mean bullies have returned to the southern hemisphere, our focus is back on club rugby – and a Heineken Cup double-header over the next fortnight. Here are the tasty match-ups you can enjoy across Europe this weekend...

FRIDAY POOL 4: NORTHAMPTON v ULSTER FRANKLIN’S GARDENS | SKY SPORTS 1 8PM

SATURDAY POOL 2: TOULOUSE v OSPREYS | STADE ERNEST-WALLON | SKY SPORTS 1 1.35PM It’s hard to know how Ospreys should approach the everimposing visit to the Stade Ernest-Wallon on Saturday afternoon. While it’s tempting to say keep it tight and rely on the power up front to carry them through, the Welsh side have lost three tighthead props in the space of a few weeks – and their hosts are hardly struggling in the pack, with the likes of Thierry Dusautoir (left) and Louis Picamoles on their teamsheet.

In the backs, meanwhile, Dan Biggar might be able to match Luke McAlister in a kick-off, but the French side boast incredible power and pace everywhere you look, and can open you up in an instant.

A good start is essential but, after defeat at Welford Road in the last round, the Ospreys will be delighted with a losing bonus point here – and can then look forward to the reverse fixture at home next week.

After picking up a losing bonus point at Castres in round two,Jim Mallinder and Northampton now face an unbeaten Ulster side – and the way in which Ulster’s players fired up Ireland’s autumn fixtures won’t have filled the Saints with joy. Young flyer Craig Gilroy is the man of the moment, but it’s Ulster’s pack that will be the major focus at Franklin’s Gardens. That’s because the Saints rely heavily on their forward power, and with Courtney Lawes (above) back in the mix, it’s up front where they will look to strike. Ben Foden’s return from injury should bolster a backline that is always dangerous when featuring the Pisi brothers, but the Saints may look to play a tight game and rely on Ryan Lamb’s (inconsistent) boot to inflict the Irish side’s first defeat of the campaign.

Shaun Botterill/Getty Images, Remy Gabalda/AFP/Getty Images, David Rogers/Getty Images, Warren Little/Getty Images

SATURDAY POOL 1: MUNSTER v SARACENS THOMOND PARK | SKY SPORTS 1 6PM

SUNDAY POOL 5: CLERMONT AUVERGNE v LEINSTER STADE MARCEL MICHELIN | SKY SPORTS 2 3PM

THE other games

FRIDAY Everyone wrote off Munster after defeat to Racing Metro in round one, but their hammering of Edinburgh sees them back in the mix in this pool, and they’ll be in no mood to lose at home. Simon Zebo, Keith Earls and Denis Hurley have the pace to strike from anywhere, but it’s the experience of Paul O’Connell, Ronan O’Gara et al that makes this team so difficult to beat. Sarries are top of the pool after two wins, however, and will welcome back England’s in-form full-back Alex Goode (above) for this big doubleheader. Expect a tense, tight encounter that could well be decided by the kickers.

66 | December 7 2012 |

Having been far below their brilliant best in the opening rounds, Leinster face a huge two weeks against the French giants – but we can expect them to respond.

Jonny Sexton (above) has been in fine form for Ireland, and he’ll need to step up again in the absence of that boy Brian. In Sean O’Brien and Jamie Heaslip, they have the power and quality in the back row, but Sexton is the key. The kind of defence shown against Exeter in round one would be handy, too, because it’s fair to say that a team containing Morgan Parra, Wesley Fofana, Lee Byrne, Sitiveni Sivivatu and Aurelien Rougerie know exactly how to score tries.

Pool 3: Connacht v Biarritz, Sky SportsXtra (online)8pm

Pool 2: Leicester v Treviso, Sky Sports 1 (red button) 3.40pm

Pool 4: Glasgow v Castres, 7.35pm

Pool 6: Sale v Toulon, Sky Sports 1 3.40pm

SATURDAY

Pool 1: Racing Metro 92 v Edinburgh, Sky Sports 1 (red button), 6pm

Pool 5: Scarlets v Exeter, Sky Sports 1 (red button) 1.35pm

SUNDAY Pool 3: Zebre v Harlequins, 1.35pm

Pool 6: Cardiff Blues v Montpellier, SS2 12.45pm

The colours of teamwork.

AIG is proud to be the official insurance partner of the All Blacks. We’re proud to support the amazing men and women of the teams in Black. We’re behind them every kick, pass and try along the way.

Learn more at www.AIG.com/allblacks

AIG is a trading name of Chartis Europe Limited which is authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority (FSA number 202628). Registered in England: company number 1486260. Registered address: The AIG Building, 58 Fenchurch Street, London, EC3M 4AB. On 3 December 2012, Chartis Europe Limited will change its name to AIG Europe Limited. Within the UK, Chartis Europe Limited is one of the largest providers of general insurance. With offices throughout the country, we insure many of the UK’s top businesses, thousands of mid sized and smaller companies, as well as many public sector organisations and millions of individuals. For additional information please visit our website at www.aig.com.

7 Days SATURDAY HORSE RACING | SPORTINGBET TINGLE CREEK CHASE | SANDOWN | CHANNEL 4 3.05PM

Speed date

Not since the days of Moscow Flyer and Azertyuiop has the two-mile chasing division had a rivalry to genuinely capture the imagination, to get the hairs on the back of your neck standing up with pure excitement. But that may all be about to change, as this Saturday’s Tingle Creek Chase at Sandown brings together the two most exciting young chasers in horse racing: Sprinter Sacre and Sanctuaire.

The two six-year-old French-breds were foaled just three weeks apart in the spring of 2006 – with Sprinter Sacre the older of the two – but their respective journeys to the top of the novice chasing ranks last season were very different.

Sprinter Sacre (above) was switched to fences after a brief but high-class career over hurdles, his trainer Nicky Henderson always convinced he would develop into

BEST OF THE REST

FRIDAY

Julian Finney/Getty Images, Alan Crowhurst/Getty Images

WINTER SPORT Skeleton World Cup,Winterberg, Germany, British Eurosport 2 9am GOLF Dubai Ladies Masters: Day 3, Emirates Golf Club, Dubai, Sky Sports 2 10.30am FOOTBALL Championship: Blackburn v Cardiff, Ewood Park, Sky Sports 1 7.45pm

something very special over the bigger obstacles. And he was right – Sprinter won five from five over fences as a novice, most notably soaring to a breathtaking victory in the Arkle Chase at Cheltenham in March. Henderson likens him to a ‘big, black aeroplane’, such is his combination of power and speed, while regular pilot Barry Geraghty told this very magazine that he is the best horse he has ridden since... yes, Moscow Flyer.

By contrast, Sanctuaire (right) began his career over fences as a horse that had promised much but failed to deliver over hurdles. A former Cheltenham Festival winner, he was proving a frustrating beast who either didn’t want to start his races or pulled too hard if he did get going. So trainer Paul Nicholls, who knows something about training

FOOTBALL SPL: Kilmarnock v Celtic, Rugby Park, ESPN 11.45am FOOTBALL Championship: Wolves v Birmingham, Molineux, Sky Sports 2 5.20pm FOOTBALL La Liga: Valladolid v Real Madrid, Estadio José Zorrilla, Sky Sports 4 7pm

SUNDAY GOLF Nelson Mandela Championship: Day 4, Royal Durban Golf Club, Durban, Sky Sports 3 11am FOOTBALL SPL: Dundee v Dundee Utd, Dens Park, Sky Sports 4 12.45pm

68 | December 7 2012 |

NFL New York Giants v New Orleans Saints, MetLife Stadium, New York, Sky Sports 2 9.15pm

MONDAY WINTER SPORT European Curling Championships, Karlstad, Sweden, British Eurosport 8.30am

WEDNESDAY

RUGBY UNION Amlin Challenge Cup: Bayonne v London Wasps, Stade Jean Dauger, Sky Sports 3 8pm

NFL Washington Redskins v Baltimore Ravens, FedEx Field, Maryland, Sky Sports 2 5.30pm

BOXING Brian Magee v Mikkel Kessler, Herning, Denmark, Sky Sports 1 8pm

FOOTBALL La Liga: Betis v Barcelona, Benito Villamarin, Sky Sports 1 8pm

SATURDAY WINTER SPORT Alpine Skiing World Cup, St Moritz, Switzerland, British Eurosport 10.15am

top-class chasers, gave him a crack over the bigger obstacles – and his charge proved a revelation, displaying great speed and an exuberant jumping style on his way to three stunning wins in the new year. The last two of those just happened to be on the idiosyncratic Sandown course – a track on which his big opponent this weekend has never raced.

Such is the background to what could prove a thrilling duel on Saturday.

Sprinter Sacre is the higher-rated horse and will start favourite, but Nicholls has won this race six times in the past seven years (two wins each for Kauto Star, Twist Magic and Master Minded) and will have Sanctuaire fully wound up to put Sprinter Sacre’s to-date impeccable jumping under as much pressure as possible. It could be a classic.

SWIMMING World Championships (25m) Day 1, Sinan Erdem Arena, Istanbul, British Eurosport 8am FUTSAL UEFA U21 Championship: Italy v Belarus, St Petersburg, Russia, British Eurosport 2 10.30am

140 Total winning distance, in lengths, of Sprinter Sacre and Sanctuaire’s eight winning chase starts.

That’s an average of 17.5 lengths per race – which, in horse racing terms, is an absolute battering

THURSDAY GOLF Alfred Dunhill Championship: Day 1, Leopard Creek CC, Malelane, South Africa, Sky Sports 2 8.30am FUTSAL UEFA U21 Championship: Portugal v Ukraine, St Petersburg, Russia, British Eurosport 2 1pm RUGBY UNION Amlin Challenge Cup: London Wasps v Bayonne, Adams Park, Sky Sports 1 7pm GOLF The Royal Trophy: Day 1, Empire Hotel and Country Club, Brunei, ESPN 3am

Advertising Feature

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As we approach Round Five of the Capital One Cup this week, we look at some of the greatest strikes in the competition’s history, and reflect on an incredible Round Four

uddenly, the Capital One Cup has become synonymous with goals. Partly this is due to the

remarkable exploits we saw in the previous round, when the two televised games – Reading v Arsenal and Chelsea v Man Utd – saw a remarkable 21 goals between them in 240 minutes. That’s a goal every 11 minutes!

Now, not every game is going to yield an average of more than 10 goals (not even the Capital One Cup can promise that), but it goes to show what a thrilling competition we have on our hands this year. Already it has seen an incredible 307 shots hit the back of the net.

And this isn’t a new phenomenon. The League Cup has a history of great goals – and lots of them. They are the moments that people remember and treasure. Below, we take a look at our top five all-time League Cup goals, but

it’s not always the quality of the strike that makes a goal great – sometimes it’s the context in which they come.

Take Theo Walcott’s goal for Arsenal in the last round against Reading (the game that eventually finished 7-5 to the Gunners). When he scored his first, in injury time at the end of the first half, Arsenal were 4-0 down and staring humiliation in the face. Instead, they went in at the break with a sliver of belief, and somehow turned things around to force the match into extra time.

Arsenal now have a great opportunity to win the cup this year. If they do go on to triumph in the final, they might well look back at Walcott’s goal as the turning point of their campaign.

So here’s to more goals in Round Five, the quarter finals of this great competition that has really become a credit to the game.

THE GREATEST LEAGUE CUP GOALS

1

Dennis Tueart Man City v Newcastle, 1976 Voted the greatest League Cup moment of the past 50 years, this goal sealed victory for City in the ’76 final. And what a goal. They don’t come any better than spectacular overhead kicks, especially in the last minute with the score at 1-1.

And with this, Tueart earned legendary status in the blue half of Manchester.

2

Chris Nicholl Aston Villa v Everton, 1977 Nicholl was a big, old-fashioned centre back, so it’s something of a surprise to

1

see him on this list. But this 40-yard screamer (and it was exactly that, no fluke about it whatsoever) drew Villa level in this second final replay, before they went on to win in extra time thanks to a brace from Brian Little.

3

Phil Jevons Grimsby v Liverpool, 2001 Not only was this a sensational goal, but for Grimsby fans it was a sensational scalp, too. Liverpool, one of the most famous teams in the world, were sent packing thanks to this fabulous 35-yard dipper from Jevons that left keeper

2

3

Chris Kirkland absolutely helpless. What made it doubly sweet was that it came in the last minute of extra time to seal a famous win. Trebly sweet? Jevons was a Liverpool fan.

4

Didier Drogba Chelsea v Tottenham, 2008 Drogba scored plenty of goals thanks to his marauding centre forward style, but this deftly placed free kick in the final against Spurs in 2008 was an absolute peach. Sadly for Blues fans, Spurs went on to win the match 2-1, but that doesn’t detract from the quality of this

strike, which bent around the wall and into the bottom corner.

5

Darren Ambrose Crystal Palace v Man Utd 2011 Palace fans are still talking about this amazing 35-yard strike that propelled their team into the semi finals of last year’s competition. Picking the ball up just inside United’s half, Ambrose unleashed a shot of such ferocity and accuracy that TV pundit Gary Neville asked if Old Trafford had ever seen a goal of such quality from a player not wearing red.

CAPITAL ONE CUP ROUND FIVE DRAW

W favouhat's your ri Cup gte League #cap oal? italon ecup

(all 7.45pm)

Tuesday, December 11 Bradford v Arsenal Norwich v Aston Villa Wednesday, December 12 Swansea v Middlesbrough Wednesday, December 19 Leeds v Chelsea

4

Scott Heavey/Getty Images, Action Images/MSI, M. Prior/Allsport, Adrian Dennis/AFP/Getty Images, Alex Livesey/Getty Images

Goals, goals, goals

5 Capital One, Official Credit Card of the Football League.

For further details, see

facebook.com/capitaloneuk

| December 7 2012 | 71

P78 We don’t recommend you expose this week’s magazine to bright light, water or feed it after 12am

Extra time Grooming

Extra time Making the most of your time and money THE COLLECTION

On your head be it

Bed Head For Men

We can give you a steer, but responsibility for a well-turned-out bonce lies with you

Style-conscious chameleon? No, us neither. But if you want your hair to look less like it belongs to a 1980s pop star who sings about karmic lizards, and more like a man whose thatch is firmly under control, try this versatile styling kit. From left to right here, then, Bed Head’s Moulding Paste will provide you with controlled separation; its Clean

Up Daily Shampoo and Peppermint Conditioner will invigorate and stimulate your scalp; while its Charge Up Thickening Shampoo and Conditioner will maximise volume and add body. That leaves the Firm Finish Gel, Grooming Cream and Workable Wax, each of which enables effortless grooming. bedhead.com

£7.50 for 250ml

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£7.95 for 200ml £9.25 for 100ml

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THE TOOTHBRUSH

THE SHAMPOO head & shoulders 2in1 Classic Clean £179.99

Oral-B Triumph 5000 A head that oscillates and pulsates, providing a floss action as you clean, tops this five-mode power brush. It also comes with a Smart Guide – a remote wireless display screen – clever enough to tell you when you’re brushing too hard, as well as a pressure sensor on the brush that will adjust your speed if you are. It is, in every sense, a triumph. boots.com

72 | December 7 2012 |

A daily conditioning anti-dandruff shampoo formulated to intensely clean scalp and hair, leaving both revitalised.

Wash the shampoo off with cold water, we’re told, to help prevent your bonce producing grease and oil. Enjoy. headandshoulders. co.uk

£4.99 for 450ml

Extra time Ludivine Sagna

74 | December 7 2012 |

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orry chaps, she’s married. To Arsenal full-back Bacary Sagna, since you ask. Should you still be in any doubt, one glance at Ludivine Sagna’s Twitter page should set you straight.

Because, confirmation of her surname aside, there you will find pictures of she and Arsenal’s ‘Mr Reliable’ in and around the Emirates accompanied by captions such as: “I’m a very proud wife.”

You were also probably only a drop-out or two away from attending their wedding. The pair tied the knot in the French town of Sens in 2010, in front of 700 (count them) family and friends.

Still, on the plus side, Ludivine – apart from looking exactly like and having a name sounding exactly like a Bond girl – also regularly tweets images from her photoshoots and after working out in the gym. So, even though she’s very much spoken for, you can still be this Gunner’s mate’s mate. Sort of.

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Gunner’s mate Ruan Van Der Sande/Celebrity Pictures

Extra time Winter sports

Flying solo Planning a winter ski trip on your own?

No need to feel lonely – take your pick from the following singles’ selection

SOCIAL HEALING The Ski Club of Great Britain tailor their Freshtracks holidays to your skiing level, so you’ll be skiing with other people of a similar standard and adventurousness.

Many trips are suitable from early intermediate level. Interestingly, the Ski Club have recently upped the number of single rooms without a supplement — clearly, everyone is doing it. A volunteer Ski Club leader travels with you and sorts everything out, including evening

and — when necessary — bad-weather activities. They ski with you, too, which is a great way to be introduced to a new mountain.

There’s a giant range of holidays, resorts and countries available, but here’s an example: take a ‘Technique Top-up’ week in Courmayeur, Italy. As well as the leaders, you’ll have instruction on two days, chalet and meals, travel, and 20 per cent off lift passes. skiclub.co.uk

LOOKING FOR LOVE

NOT-SO-LONESOME COWBOY

PUSH THE BOAT OUT...

Stay in the Lonesome Spur ranch in Montana with just nine other people and no single supplement, and ski the nearby Red Lodge Mountain Resort.

Everyone eats together and stays in log cabins, and while on the ranch you can round up cattle, canter horses through the snow, and relax in the hot tub or in front of the log fire. There’s 25 per cent off this holiday all season, and we’d suggest going for the Winter Carnival in early March: live music, a torchlight parade and a cardboard-and-duct-tape sledge race. ranchrider.com

To Greenland, on an adventure that starts out from the fishing and hunting town of Maniitsoq, flanked by 2,000m peaks on one side and sperm whales on the other. The following eight days are spent sailing through dramatic scenery, spotting humpback whales, seabirds and icebergs at sea, and 11th-century houses and reindeer on land. Plus there’s skiing in guided groups, or snowshoeing for non-skiers. No single supplement, sociable digs in the sailboat and lots to talk about – perfect. anotherworldadventures.com

76 | December 7 2012 |

Words by Hannah Engelkamp of MadDogSki, which has a website full of useful tools to help you track down and make the most of your ski holiday. Check them out online at maddogski.com

Chris Haworth, Woodall/Jackson Hold Mountain Resort

Luz Ardiden in the Hautes-Pyrenees in France is running a dedicated singles week from January 20-25 2013, with a speed dating night, ski instruction and nightclubs. Check out the neo-classical spa with treatments involving ginger, peppers and guarana.

Meanwhile, chalet company Powder White has a singles week. Take along a single wingman/ woman to share your twin room, and enjoy the equal numbers of single men and women, the good food, wine and romantic mountain ambience of Courchevel 1650. pyrenees-holiday.com, powderwhite.com/winterbreaks

Extra time Entertainment FILM

Perfect score Cracking film soundtracks, gremlins wreck a stairlift, while Arnie and Sly prove they can still walk the walk MUSIC

At an age when most rock bands are releasing an album every two and a half years, we can only admire Green Day’s frenetic productivity. Following ¡Uno!‘s punk-pop and the garage rawk of ¡Dos!, this last album sees the boys try everything from soul to ska-core. There’s as much miss as there is hit on the trilogy, but the slapdash nature is part of the appeal – and judicious cherry picking means you can craft a killer playlist (X-Kid is our top pick from this one). Out Monday.

EVENT

The Man with the Iron Fists If you, like us, were raised on the warm milk of the Wu Tang Clan’s nursery rhymes, you’ll be overjoyed at this: Wu-leader RZA directing, writing and acting in a kung-fu film about... well, the title is a giveaway.

Set in 19th-century China, starring Lucy Liu, Russell Crowe and with input from Quentin Tarantino, this is a hokey, madcap pastiche/homage to Asian martial arts films. The fight

MUSIC

scenes are bombastically exhausting and the plot barking mad, leading critics to call it the best bad film of 2012. Hardly a glowing tribute, but Mr Iron Fists has delivered pure gold in one area.

RZA’s score is a glorious, ominous, toe-tapping masterpiece. Just shut your eyes and bask in the genius (no, that’s not a quote from the film’s marketing posters). Out now.

FILM

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Howard Shore

East London Design Show If you’re searching for innovative Christmas gift ideas to help you avoid buying Phil Tufnell: Hit in the Googlies! on DVD for your dad for the fifth year running, this could be the solution. With 100 designers selling men’s and women’s fashion, artwork, children’s toys and more, the East London Design Show offers items you won’t find in the Argos catalogue, while being that bit sleeker and swisher than your usual craft fair nonsense. Open now at Shoreditch (where else?)

Town Hall, entry is £5 and the final day is Sunday.

78 | December 7 2012 |

No matter what reviews greet next week’s film release, we can be sure of a stirring soundtrack.

Recorded by the London Philharmonic Orchestra, Howard Shore’s score mixes epic new material with a few Lord of the Rings motifs. Listen and set free your inner elf/ dwarf/hobbit (probably not on the Tube, though).

DVD The Expendables 2

Gremlins It’s 28 years since this lovable horror-comedy first hit the big screen, which seems like an odd anniversary for a cinema rerelease. It is one of the great Christmas movies, however, so we’re not complaining. It made mogwai Gizmo a cutesy 1980s icon, but the entertainment really begins when his evil brothers tear up US every-town Kingston Falls, vandalising cinemas and booby-trapping Mrs Deagle’s stairlift. If there’s a message to take, it’s that breaking ‘the rules’ leads to much fun (also applies to office Christmas parties. Probably).

The cast may be older than The Rolling Stones and the Italian national football team combined, but there’s some creaky action fun to be had in Sly Stallone’s explosionfilled romp. He might be annoyed that his old pal Arnold Schwarzenegger steals the best lines and most of the scenes he’s in, mind. Out on Monday.

Christopher Polk/Getty Images for Clear Channel

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