Sport Magazine - Issue 268

Issue 268 | August 10 2012

Jess Ennis

How my Olympic dream came true

issue 268, August 10 2012 Radar 09 Olympic BMX in numbers The vital stats that might mean gold for Shanaze Reade today

10 The London 2012 circle From Greg Rutherford’s leap to Japanese gymnasts in five steps

12 Hayemaker or money-maker?

The Olympic boxers who have turned their punches into pounds oFeatures this coming week

18 A super Olympic weekend Commemorated in our picture special – just count those golds

28 Jessica Ennis, good night

28

A great night, as it turned out, as Team GB’s poster girl blitzed gold. She tells us all about it

35 He ran. He won. We watched Sport’s writers see Bolt make history live, on Twitter and TV

38 London 2012: The Days Ahead There aren’t many left, but there’s plenty to cram in before it ends

35

42 20 Premier League years

38 62

We celebrate the best bits – including Dion Dublin’s dong

extra time 54 Kit We proudly present our pick of perfect putters

56 Fran Halsall Team GB’s busiest swimmer dreams of wearing only socks

Cover image: Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

58 Grooming Look, smell and feel like Bond.

Now pay attention, 007

60 Gadgets

09

Some really smart ways of tuning in to Steve Wright in the Afternoon

62 Entertainment Bourne on August 13 – it’s Renner for Damon, and it’s out on Monday | August 10 2012 | 07

Radar

p10 – The Games wheel of non-sequitur stats p10 – Utterly unofficial London 2012 beer p12 – Olympians who made punches pay

Diameter of BMX tyres, about two-thirds of a normal bike

Margin of victory, in seconds, for Shanaze Reade at the Olympic test event in August 2011

Average speed over a lap of the women’s course Power generated, in watts, by Reade during an average BMX race

Jumps on the women's course; there are 17 on the men’s course

Cubic metres of soil went into the course Length of the course

dirt track. For Shanaze Reade (above, left) will be favourite when the riders line up at the top of the eight-foot start ramp.

Four years ago, in Beijing, Reade battled bravely for first in the final, and probably could have secured a silver medal if she’d chosen caution over courage. Instead she went for gold, agonisingly crashing out on the final bend as she attempted to take the lead and, even more painfully, tearing her hamstring in two places. She’s recovered though, both physically

Dirt and drama S

tuff your velodrome, and your ‘Tour de France’ – for some really thrilling pedal-based action, look no further than BMX racing, which starts this afternoon at a purpose-built track. Just like on the laminated flooring of the ‘Pringle’, and the tarmacked roads of Surrey, we’re in with a pretty good chance of gold on the VeloPark’s purpose-built

and mentally – and highlighted her medal credentials by powering to victory in the test event last August.

She’ll have home advantage, too – support of the crowd and the best knowledge of the track, although the latter advantage has been undermined somewhat by those pesky Americans, who employed industrial espionage to build an exact replica in the California desert.

The Brits responded by changing the track design, so the Yanks hired the British track designer and got him to implement the changes to their replica circuit. Cheeky – but will it be enough for them to pip Reade to the gold medal?

The BMX competition begins today at 3pm

| August 10 2012 | 09

Bryn Lennon/Getty Images

The longest jump on the course is more than 30 feet

Radar

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f this Olympics is going to be remembered for something other than Britain’s success, it’ll be the ridiculous, almost militant level of official sponsorship. Ballsy craft brewers Brewdog have responded with Never Mind the Anabolics, an IPA packed with natural ingredients and no banned substances.

Although you’d probably still have an easier time sneaking steroids into the athletes’ village than you would getting a bottle of this brew past security at the Olympic Park. £4.99, brewdog.com

10 | August 10 2012 |

Tallest 2012 Olympian at 7ft 2ins (2.18m) – Chinese basketball player Zhaoxu Zhang

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Stick it to the man by spending a fiver on a premium beverage with ginseng in it. Wait, what?

All pictures Getty Images

They should really make something like this part of the closing ceremony. Purely for the amusing spectacle - that’s what sport is all about

Heaviest Olympian ever: 34st judoka from Guam, Ricardo Blas Jr

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British high jumper Robbie Grabarz’ pre-Games personal best of 2.36m

iS HiGH EnOUGH tO CLEaR

Olympic ring

The entire five-woman Japanese gymnastic team (just over 29st)

WH i C H

W H O W E i G H S M O R E t Ha n

Greg Rutherford

Radar

Punch for pay As the men’s boxing medals are decided, we examine whether Olympic glory leads to pro success by assessing the fortunes of Britain’s medal-winners since 2000

Audley Harrison Super-heavyweight, 2000 Mismatches. Tedious fights. Deluded excuses.

Besmirching the good name of Stonebridge Adventure Playground (Harrison wore a T-shirt supporting said kids’ park before his inept ‘challenge’ of David Haye in 2010). The evidence against Big Audley is damning. The fact that he’s a former European heavyweight title holder proves that Harrison has some underused ability, but this is offset by his timidity, whopping ego and porcelain chin.

Rating 1/5 Amir Khan Lightweight, 2004 Let’s take the long-term view here. Amir Khan may have lost his last two fights, but this is a 25-year-old boxer competing at the highest levels of his sport, winning and (unfortunately) losing world-title bouts and engaging in thrilling fights, such as his 2010 victory over Marcos Maidana (above). His less-than-stellar

composure and punch resistance will probably always undermine his vaunted talent, but King Khan is a fast, gutsy, gifted, exciting boxer.

Rating 4/5 James DeGale Middleweight, 2008 Always a marmite character, DeGale looked mighty in winning his first 10 professional fights. Then came a wafer-thin points loss to bitter rival George Groves, a spat with promoter Frank Warren and, since then, the career of this stylish, 26-year-old European super-middleweight champ has languished a bit (just two fights in 14 months and nothing scheduled at time of press). Come back, Chunky! Our boxing toast needs marmite.

Rating 3/5 David Price Super-heavyweight, 2008 A very slow start to his pro career is the only blot on the copybook of this 6ft 8ins Scouse

heavyweight prospect. His quick demolitions of domestic opponents Tom Dallas and John McDermott clearly impressed Tyson Fury, who gave up his British title belt rather than face his mandatory challenger. Price can next be seen knocking out Audley Harrison in October.

After that, let’s hope he can find a top-rated heavyweight opponent willing to fight him.

Rating 3/5 Tony Jeffries Light-heavyweight, 2008 Injuries have unluckily meant slow progress for this forgotten Olympian. He’s unbeaten in 10 fights, but only just – his eighth pro contest ended in clownish farce. Confusion over the length of his bout against Michael Banbula in 2010 meant Jeffries thought it was all done after six rounds, only to be told he had two more rounds to go. He held on, barely, for a battling draw and has won two since – but who knows when he’ll be fit again.

Rating 2/5

Just one more game Gabriel Bouys/AFP/Getty Images

I

t’s more addictive than crack-laced prawn crackers – and only slightly better for your mental wellbeing.

Football Manager has been cited in 35 divorce cases, caused people to miss birthdays, baths and school exams, plus – worst of all – it fooled us all into seriously

12 | August 10 2012 |

rating Ibrahima Bakayoko before he showed up at Everton.

New book Football Manager Stole My Life honours the greatest sports strategy game of all time with tales of FM addiction (our favourite being the kid who dressed up in a suit before his Champions League final while his parents were out). The most intriguing chapter, however, looks to be on in-game world-beaters such as Tonton Zola Moukoko and Cherno Samba, as the writers track down these mysterious legends.

Football Manager Stole My Life (BackPage Press), out today, £12.99

The men’s Olympic boxing semi finals take place today, with the finals held across Saturday and Sunday

Radar Editor’s letter

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Fly Mo: epitomised the spirit among Team GB and the wider nation with his 10,000m win

Silence of the cynics Plenty of people had nothing good to say about the Olympics. They’ve gone quiet now

I Editor-in-chief Simon Caney @simoncaney

t was to be expected that some people did not want London to host the Olympics. Too expensive, too much hassle. And hey, they railed, who the hell cares about heptathlon and cycling anyway? It’s not football...

Those same cynics have thankfully been muted (Morrissey aside). Perhaps they went on a long holiday, so awful was London going to be. Perhaps they won’t come back.

Because what is clear is that the 30th Olympiad is a triumph on every level.

London, this wonderful city, has never felt so friendly. The Games have brought together people of all nations, but it is the reception they have had from the Brits that has been the most heartwarming.

Every gold medal has been rapturously applauded, every national anthem received with great respect. At St Pancras station, through which I pass each morning,

I have seen a sea of smiling, excited faces to replace the rather more glum expressions I normally encounter.

The mood of the whole nation has been lifted by these Games, of that there is no doubt.

It’s not just the success of the British athletes that has had us all walking around with silly grins on our faces (or watching the Union Flag raised to the strains of the national anthem as we try furiously not to weep). No, it is a huge sense of pride.

Pride that we have proved we can stage the world’s biggest sporting event better than anyone. Pride that the world is looking at us with respect once more.

Pride that we could put on something as unique as the opening ceremony. And yes, of course, pride that our sportsmen and women have risen to the occasion.

What a fabulous two weeks it has been.

Now bring on the Paralympics, too...

Last week I made the point here that if a sport does not have the Olympics as its pinnacle, it should not be part of the Games.

That meant no men’s football, I argued, and no tennis either. And I stand by that – I really don’t see tennis as an Olympic sport. But yes, okay, I admit it: I clapped and squeaked a bit when Andy Murray won his gold medal.

A terrific achievement and it clearly meant the world to him. He still needs to win a Grand Slam, however...

Not been a great couple of weeks for football, has it? This time, though, it’s not really the fault of the game itself, nor its overpaid protagonists. Instead, we’ve come to realise that our real sporting heroes are the ones who don’t necessarily earn millions; we feel enormous affection for those who have competed for Team GB, and I can’t say it’s a feeling I associate with footballers.

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Cover of the Year

Reader comments of the week

@chivy99 Twitter

14 | August 10 2012 |

@simoncaney completely agree. If it’s not the pinnacle of the sport, it should not be in the Olympics. No to golf, rugby, football & tennis @nickjasonwarner Twitter

One thing you don’t note, is that the Olympic ‘family’ includes media partners.

Some empty seats are doubtless caused by media not feeling obliged to be there for every session.

Max, via email

Cup of tea and a great edition of @Sportmaguk are helping me through my first ‘Olympic hangover’ this morning Thanks guys :)

@SportMagUK 1000s of elite athletes descend on the capital. And you fill two pages with Nick Harper’s exit route from the Olympic Stadium?

@KB_GST Twitter

@TrailofAnts Twitter

LAUNCH OF THE YEAR

2008

Total Average Distribution: 304,700 Jul-Dec 2011 Don’t forget: Help keep public transport clean

and tidy for everyone by taking your copy of Sport away with you when you leave the bus or train.

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@simoncaney Sponsor deals are a necessary evil in any sport. Corporate boxes should have been used instead of seats!

London 2012 What A Weekend

A giant leap for man

All pictures Getty Images

While those in the know gave Greg Rutherford a fighting chance of a long jump gold medal (he told Sport last week: “I expect nothing less than winning a medal�), he was a relative unknown before the miracle of Super Saturday. Yet with a leap of 8.31m, he was a massive 15cm ahead of his nearest rival, Aussie Mitchell Watt, on an evening that neither he nor we will ever forget. Over the next six pages, we take a long, lingering and luxurious pictorial look back at a wonderful weekend for Team GB.

18 | August 10 2012 |

Good evening, Ma’am

A quick lie down...

Exhausted after an inspiring from-the-front 800m, Jess Ennis collapses to the ground as the realisation dawns that she is an Olympic champion.

Read our next-day interview with Jess on page 28.

Fine art “If we were Picassos, that would have been our masterpiece,” said Andrew Triggs Hodge as he, Tom James, Pete Reed and Alex Gregory stepped from their boat, men’s fours champions. Quite. > | 19

London 2012 What A Weekend

Pain and glory Nothing sums up the Olympics better than this selection of images of winners and losers. Four years of training have gone into these emotions...

Waterworks Katherine Copeland (left) and Sophie Hosking celebrate winning a surprise gold in the lightweight women’s double sculls by trying desperately not to cry. Unlike in the race itself, they failed miserably. But also very, very happily. >

20 | August 10 2012 |

In pursuit of...

Perfection. Which is basically what Dani King (pictured) and her team pursuit buddies Laura Trott and Jo Rowsell achieved when hosing up in said event late on Saturday afternoon.

Anyone order another world record?

London 2012 What A Weekend The running man If Jess Ennis’ victory run in the 800m had a feeling of inevitability about it, and Greg Rutherford’s winning jump caught us by surprise, then Mo Farah’s 10,000m run had us all out of our armchairs. The nation roared ‘go on Mo!’ – and he did just that, kicking away from the field with a final lap of 53 seconds. All of Britain punched the air, probably apart from MP Aiden Burley.

22 | August 10 2012 |

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London 2012 What A Weekend

Sweet revenge It may not have been a Grand Slam tournament, but there was no doubting Andy Murray’s desire to win a gold medal at London 2012. And he did so in the best way possible, crushing the legendary Roger Federer in straight sets. Scottish, yes, but most definitely British, too.

24 | August 10 2012 |

Good evening, Ma’am

Lord of the waves

All pictures Getty Images

The world tilted slightly off its axis when Ben Ainslie announced he is to retire from sailing, such a standing gold medal dish has he become.

He won another on Sunday, as we always knew he would. What a man.

Prince, if not King, Louis

Grandstand finish

It’s a mark of Louis Smith’s talent that there was a hint of disappointment that he did not win gold.

But there was no shame in his pommel horse silver.

If the women’s 400m final had been over 405m, then Christine Ohuruogu’s astounding late rattle would have won. Sadly, Sanya Richards Ross had flown.

| 25

Jessica Ennis

28 | August 10 2012 |

Jess Ennis arrived at London 2012 as the face of the Games, the darling of the British public and favourite for heptathlon gold.

She will leave it, quite simply, as an Olympic champion could never imagine it would be like this,” gushes a wide-eyed Jessica Ennis less than 24 hours after fulfilling her Olympic dream. On one of the finest nights British sport has ever witnessed, her gold medal-winning performance in the heptathlon sent an entire nation loopy with adoration for an athlete who has for so long been the poster girl for London 2012.

With the events of the previous evening still yet to fully sink in, Ennis meets Sport in a small interview room in the depths of Stratford’s shopping mecca, Westfield. The paper bag of a LOCOGapproved fast food chain sits nearby, its contents recently demolished by a refuelling Ennis, while fiancé Andy Hill perches next to her – the pair happily reunited after weeks of training camps and life in the athletes’ village for Ennis.

The medal, though, is nowhere to be seen. ”I slept with it by the side of my bed last night,” Ennis reveals. ”Well, for the two hours of sleep I got, anyway. When I woke up this morning, I just looked at it in disbelief. I couldn’t believe I’d done it.”

“I

”Last night surpassed any dreams I had,” she continues. ”I never imagined I’d feel the way I did when I crossed the finish line after the 800m. I’m normally quite reserved with my performances – I probably do a little clap or something – but I was just so overwhelmed and really emotional. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and it could so easily have gone wrong, and that would have been it – gone forever.

I just can’t believe I took that opportunity and I won.”

Ennis’ words offer a glimpse of the stress she’s been hiding from view ever since becoming world champion in 2009, a feat that made her favourite for gold at her home Games. ”Was I stressed?”

She looks at Hill, her partner of nine years, who raises an eyebrow knowingly by way of response. ”Okay, I was worried,” she admits. ”You always doubt yourself.

I knew I could do it, but I also thought that something could go wrong and that I’d be there, nearly touching the gold medal... but then not quite get it.” >

Download the free Sport iPad app from the Apple Newsstand | 29

Michael Steele/Getty Images

Hopes and fears

Despite her fears, Ennis got her Olympic heptathlon career off to a rip-roaring start in the opening discipline last Friday morning, smashing her personal best in the 100m hurdles to set a new British record of 12.54s – a time so exceptional it would have won individual gold in all bar two Olympic finals. ”I was so shocked to start with that time,” she reflects. ”All the training I’ve done showed me that, in terms of running, I was in the shape of my life. My times have been brilliant, but I couldn’t imagine how the crowd in the stadium would lift me – and they did.

I was really calm before the hurdles and I kind of expected the stadium to be a bit empty when I came out. I’d only been to World Championships before, and they’re always a bit quiet in the morning session. So when I stepped into the stadium, I couldn’t believe it.

It gave me goosebumps.”

Seven steps away The roar when she was introduced on that first morning of competition was, says Ennis, ”like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life”.

She explains: ”I know people have spoken about the pressure and whether it’s going to be too much for some of the athletes, but for me that’s the best environment for you to perform to your best.”

The rush of adrenaline dissipated quickly, with Ennis’ high jump and shot put failing to match her previous bests, but the fourth and

30 | August 10 2012 |

final event of day one played to her strength: speed. A new lifetime best over 200m put Britain’s golden girl back in the driving seat overnight and gave her the highest first-day score (4,158 points) of her career.

Not that such a performance was conducive to a good night’s sleep. ”Normally I’m so tired from the first day that I’m out like a light, but I got back to my room at about midnight and I just could not sleep,” admits Ennis. ”My legs were really sore and restless, I was tossing and turning and thinking about what was going to happen. Am I gonna mess it up?

Is it all going to come together?”

Not long after the 6am alarm sounded, Ennis headed for the long jump pit, stomach churning beneath those eye-catching abs.

”I was very worried, because my long jump has been up and down all year, and I wasn’t sure whether I was going to do three fouls or something dreadful like that,” she says. ”The runway is very fast and the winds were swirling, so it was hard to judge your run-up. ”My first-round jump was dreadful, so when I jumped 6.48m in the final round, that was a big moment psychologically for me.

I’d seen what [world champion Tatyana] Chernova had jumped and I knew at that moment I was on my way. My javelin had been going well in training, so I knew I wasn’t going to perform like I did in Daegu [where she failed to throw over 40m, effectively gifting Chernova gold]. I knew it was there.”

Her javelin coach, former world bronzemedallist Mick Hill, knew it too. And after watching Ennis throw a new personal best of 47.49m, he was ready to hand her gold there and then. ”I was trying not to get carried away and Mick was saying ’you’ve done it!’” she smiles. ”I was like ’no, I’ve still got one more event, I’ve not done it yet’. >

“When I jumped 6.48m in the final round, that was a big moment psychologically for me. I’d seen what Chernova had jumped and I knew at that moment I was on my way”

Michael Steele/Getty Images, Ian Walton/Getty Images

Jessica Ennis

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Jessica Ennis ”It was a long few hours waiting for that 800m to start. I was trying to nap or listen to music, but it was so hard to switch off.

I kept thinking about crossing the line and how I would feel, then trying to think about how I was gonna run the race. Then I’d think about celebrating again, and then the race. Part of me still believed I was going to fall over or lose a shoe or something.”

Guts before glory The final event of the heptathlon is overwhelmingly despised by all who take part in it. At the end of two long days of competition, a gruelling 800m is about as welcome as a bear hug from a one-eyed Olympic mascot. All Ennis needed to do was run it steady and cross the finish line in one piece, but the crowd wanted victory – and she desperately wanted to give it to them, reacting to the start gun by setting off at a rapid pace. When two of her rivals caught her up on the final lap, Ennis heeded the roars of 80,000 and kicked again, crossing the line with her arms aloft and with an expression that spoke for itself: thank god this is over.

That expression was gone in a flash, though, and swiftly replaced by a smile: the million-dollar smile that has seen Ennis’ picture-perfect face grace the covers of magazines for audiences across the entire spectrum of the population. That same smile reappears now. ”Crossing that line, there was just a massive sense of relief,” says Ennis. ”I always feel like that after a heptathlon at a major championships, but that was just... well, there was so much excitement. I’ve never, ever felt like that in my life.”

“Crossing that line, there was just a massive sense of relief. I have never, ever felt like that in my life”

Almost lost in the excitement was Ennis’ remarkable final score after seven events: a British record of 6,955 points, edging her closer to the magical 7,000-point mark.

It’s an achievement only three women have previously completed, and one she admits she never thought she’d get close to. But is the tantalising prospect of adding her name to those of legends such as Jackie JoynerKersee and Carolina Kluft enough to ensure Ennis stays a multi-discipline athlete rather than, say, becoming a 100m hurdler? ”Now I know 7,000 points is within reach, I think that’s probably going to be an aim going forward,” she says. ”And I can’t imagine not doing the heptathlon. I really don’t enjoy it when I’m out there doing it. There’s so much adrenaline and so many nerves, so many ups and downs. But I can’t imagine not doing it.

I do definitely want to give hurdles a serious go too, though. I’m so indecisive and I know I’ll have to make a big decision at some point.

I honestly don’t know. I’m hoping a light will just shine in one direction for me.”

The smile turns to a giggle: ”I still feel like I’m 18 years old and at the beginning of it all.

It’s kind of all happened really quickly, and with it being my first Olympics, I’ve just not thought about what’s next. ”Right now, though, I’m just so tired. I want to rest, celebrate and spend time with all my

family and friends and enjoy it for as long as possible. I think I’m going to feel very different in a few weeks. Once I’ve rested, I’ll get to the point where I’m itching to get back into training and that’s when I’ll have a chat with Chell [Toni Minichiello, her coach], refocus and decide what our next big aim is.”

Minichiello has been a constant presence

by Ennis’ side since she was a skinny 13-year-old doing athletics at her local track for a bit of fun in the school holidays. The pair bicker and squabble just like any duo who spend a significant amount of their daily lives in each other’s company – but how did the athletics sensei react to his young charge winning Olympic gold? ”Normally he gives me a pat on the back and then tells me what we have to start working on next,” says Ennis. ”But he is really happy. He gave me a hug and everything – actually lifted me up and gave me a proper hug, so I can tell he’s just over the moon. We’ve both worked really hard for this. I’m sure he’ll look over the footage in a few days and find something to pick out... but I don’t care.”

Realising a dream She laughs. And, when Ennis laughs, it’s impossible not to laugh along with her. A few months ago, Sport shared another room with her in her home town of Sheffield.

Download the free Sport iPad app from the Apple Newsstand

12.54s 100m hurdles, lifetime best

1.86m High jump

14.28m Shot put

22.83s 200m, lifetime best

6.48m Long jump

47.49m Javelin, lifetime best

2:08.65 800m

----------6,955 points Total score, lifetime best

Then, she admitted that she could only perform to her best at the Olympics – and if it turned out her best wasn’t good enough for gold, she would be bitterly disappointed. All that pressure, from both herself and an expectant nation, is now visibly lifted – and the longer Ennis talks, the more it seems to dawn on her. ”Doing what I did yesterday, with all that pressure, is such a great achievement for me,” she confirms. ”I know there are people who thought being the face of the Olympics was going to get to me, and wondered if I was doing too much. But I didn’t miss any training and balanced everything perfectly.

So it’s really nice to know that it’s all paid off.”

As being an Olympic champion sinks in, we ask Ennis how it feels to have become a part of history. Initially, she squirms at the idea – but, after a moment or two, she gives a considered response. ”As a young athlete, I always said I wanted people to remember me, and to remember my name as one of the greatest athletes,” she says. ”And hopefully I’ve done that now.”

She turns fidgety and her smile becomes sheepish. Ennis is uncomfortable talking of herself in such grand terms. It’s something she’s going to have to get used to, for you get the feeling she’s only scratched the surface of the rewards her talent could bring.

Sarah Shephard @sarahsportmag

| August 10 2012 | 33

Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images, Ian Walton/Getty Images, Alexander Hassenstein/Getty Images

A new high

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Seen in 9.63 seconds

xxxxxxx

Five Sport writers were sent on Boltwatch – viewing the Olympics’ blue-riband event in five very different ways

| August 10 2012 | 35

Seen in 9.63 seconds

Simon Caney Inside the Olympic Stadium

Mark Coughlan At home watching the telly

The tension was almost unbearable.

As the eight fastest men in the world crouched in their blocks for what seemed an eternity, and a slow, rhythmic percussion built the atmosphere, 80,000 people fell utterly silent.

Like everyone else in the Olympic Stadium, my overriding emotion was one of nervousness. We desperately wanted Usain Bolt to win – he could not have had a better reception in the stadium had he been British. And this is part of the Bolt magic – wherever he goes he is received not just with affection but adoration. “Go on Usain, my son!” screamed the middle-aged chap to my left when Bolt walked out before his semi final. And after he had cruised through in 9.87s, there was excited talk of a new world record in the

When you really want to enjoy a sport – I mean take it all in – you can’t beat sitting at home and watching it on TV with all the expert analysis and replays that go with it. The 100m final last Sunday was the perfect example.

In all honesty, this was Usain Bolt v Yohan Blake. And, thankfully, the Beeb weren’t shy to admit that this wasn’t about Team GB. The short montage in the build-up to the race ramped up the excitement perfectly. The experts were spot on, from Michael Johnson’s analysis of Bolt’s running style to Colin Jackson’s scarily accurate 9.64s prediction (0.01s off, in the end). Even Gary Lineker and John McEnroe’s little trackside chat didn’t feel quite as oddly timed as it might have done. One more video

montage, then it was time for the starter’s pistol.

We all know what happened in those 9.63s. But, for me, the memories are made by the post-race analysis that you can enjoy only on the telly. Tyson Gay’s mistimed dip cost him a bronze. Usain Bolt’s new technique helped him fly back at Blake. Gay’s emotions spilled over in the post-race interview. Bolt and Blake completed an epic lap of honour. These are the highs and lows of sport at its best, and watching it on TV means you suffer and celebrate with them.

Bolt’s run was all the more impressive given the stat that the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th-placed runners all broke the record for fastest times ever registered for those positions. Did anyone in the stadium know that?

Bolt one month to prepare since the defeat by Blake equals READY! Olympic legend Michael Johnson (@MJGold) seems a little more confident of Bolt’s chances.

Usain Bolt’s intro routine: DJing, running fingers, eyebrows, kiss, finger guns into their holster.

A man not feeling the tension: we learn how the defending champ looks at the start (@factsarenot).

BOLT 9.64!!!!!

Kudos to Athletics Weekly (@AthleticsWeekly) for being first to tell me of a winner and accurate time [later rounded down to 9.63].

Police officers near Olympic Stadium give their own Usain Bolt tribute.

Even my hard heart was warmed by a pic from Frank Keogh (@HonestFrank).

Still no pictures of Bolt himself.

Anyone see someone throw a bottle just before start of 100m final? Seriously, how much of a bellend do you have to be?

There are no words.

The first I hear of Bottlegate via @lukeymoore. What’s going on out there?

offing, especially as Justin Gatlin and Yohan Blake actually went faster in their respective semis.

And while Blake also enjoyed great cheers from the crowd (Gatlin less so), there was no question we had come to witness greatness – to see a true Olympic legend created. We had come to see Usain Bolt win the 100m.

The crowd was already in a frenzy, delivered to boiling point by gold medal ceremonies for Greg Rutherford and Mo Farah, and Christine Ohuruogu’s stirring run to take silver in the 400m.

Finally the gun went. London raised the roof for a man from Jamaica. It took him around 25 strides to hit the front and another 15 to break the tape in 9.63s. We saw what we had come to see: greatness.

Alex Reid Logging on to Twitter The background doubt with Bolt has been his uneven preparation. Injury worries, Ostrava (10.04). So if he overcomes all that he’s superman.

Telegraph journalist Paul Hayward (@_PaulHayward) deliciously sizes up the scale of Usain Bolt’s task.

36 | August 10 2012 |

Tony Hodson Elsewhere in the Olympic Park

The Brixton air was thick - with smoke drifting down the high street from dozens of jerk chicken stalls. There was a genuine sense of anticipation hanging in the air too, and not just for events on the other side of London.

Midnight on Sunday marked 50 years of Jamaican independence, and all day the area’s sizeable Caribbean community had celebrated with food, drink and music, marshalled by a heavy police presence. Dozens were decked out in the green, gold and black of Jamaica – some subtle, with T-shirts and track tops, others more ostentatiously. The man covered head to toe in green fairy lights and selling Jamaican flags certainly stood out. All were in search of a screen to watch their compatriots.

A tiny hairdressers had one – no larger

than a computer monitor, but the salon threw open its doors to dozens of people. They spilled into the street, craning their necks for a view.

I headed into a pub showing the action on a projector – with 10 minutes to go until the starter’s gun fired, the dance floor was packed with people skanking to reggae house. The athletes were announced, and the crowd chanted the Olympic champion’s name. Blake got a more subdued reception, with barely a murmur for poor Asafa Powell.

Six seconds in, as Bolt surged into the lead, a dreadlocked man turned to celebrate – something even Bolt himself didn't do, this time. By the time he had pulled his trademark pose, which the crowd imitated as one, the music had started again – national pride renewed.

The Riverbank Arena, to be precise, where yet another enthusiastic London 2012 crowd had already been treated to an exhilarating 3-3 draw between Team GB and Australia in the men’s hockey.

A wonderfully polite chant of ’3-0, and you messed it up’ rang out around the stands as an expectant bunch awaited the moment, unsure as to whether the big screen within the arena would even show the centrepiece event of the entire Games. Those who had been present 24 hours earlier, including me, had their doubts – we had enjoyed the glorious successes of the previous evening by proxy, informed of the feats of Messrs Ennis, Rutherford and Farah only by the echoing roars from across the Olympic Park or, a few moments later, a neighbour’s creaking smartphone.

Many chose to scamper in the half hour before Bolt and co were scheduled to take to the track, in a desperate bid to access a decent view of the giant screens in the centre of the park – but those who remained were rewarded for their loyalty. At 9.50pm, as Argentina and Spain trudged off for half time in a dull and largely ignored encounter, the arena announcer uttered the words we were all desperate to hear: “And now it’s straight over for live footage from the Olympic Stadium...“ Hundreds, if not thousands, united in a cheer of relief, excitement and nervous anticipation. In the next 10 seconds, cheer turned to silence turned to chant – and Bolt was the refrain.

We may not have been there, but we had seen it. And it was good.

Usain Bolt wins 100m final in 9.61sec Less kudos to The Guardian (@guardian) for being next, yet knocking several hundredths off Bolt’s finish.

And by the way....#MysticMorgan is BACK. (‘Bolt will beat Blake by 2 metres and break OR’) Fastest smug tool to send selfcongratulatory tweet for backing the favourite? Congrats, Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan).

Those of you busy preparing your John Terry photoshops: stop. Just stop.

Andrew Thomas (@Twisted_Blood) makes an early bid to stifle the most tedious meme about to flood twitter.

100m gold winner Usain Bolt: “I said it on the track, people can talk, all they can do is talk. When it comes to championships I bring it.” @BBCSport delivers, being the first to give me some words from the winner.

Anyway...Back to the celebration! The drinking game must goes on...Sweet Sweet Jamaica, Nah lef Yah! Congrats from Bolt’s cricket pal Chris Gayle (@henrygayle) – plus a pic. Is that a half-empty liquor bottle?

It appears Dutch judo bronze medallist @edithbosch punched the drunk man who threw a bottle at the start of 100m final.

Journalist Paul Lewis (@PaulLewis) gives me the ending of the bottle story.

Give Edith a gold, pronto.

A gaza we say hmmm mmm A final word to the great man (@usainbolt). Not that I understand what the words meant. But a pic of him at last – and this one tells me all I need to know. Swedish handballers...

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Ezra Shaw/Getty Images, Francois Xavier Marit/AFP/Getty Images

Amit Katwala A Jamaican bar, Brixton

London 2012: The Days Ahead

The final push Friday Our pick

Cycling: Women’s BMX Semi Finals BMX Track, 3pm Ever since her crashtastic Olympic debut in Beijing four years ago, Shanaze Reade (above) has been touted as one of Team GB’s most exciting medal chances for these home Games. Now 23, the three-time

Don't miss

world BMX champion started London 2012 as favourite to take gold in the women’s competition. Assuming she successfully navigated Wednesday’s seeding run at the BMX Track, Reade goes in the semi finals at 3pm on Friday – with the all-important final to follow at approximately 4.30pm.

Taekwondo: Women’s -67kg Preliminary Round ExCeL, 9am Almost two weeks division takes place. The 29-year-old after reading the won bronze in Beijing (Britain’s first competitors’ oath at ever Olympic taekwondo medal) and the opening ceremony, is the reigning world champion at the Sarah Stevenson event, so much is expected of her. If (above) finally gets to see some she goes as far as we all want her to, action on Friday morning – when the she will be fighting for gold at some opening round of the women's -67kg time around 10.15pm this evening.

Day-planner 12pm Swimming Six days after finishing eighth in the final of the men’s 1,500m, Dan Fogg swaps pool for open water as he features in the men’s 10k marathon swim in Hyde Park. The 24-year-old came 15th in this event at last year’s World Championships in Rome, so he’s basically up against it.

38 | August 10 2012 |

1pm Sailing The medal race in the women’s 470 class, in which the Team GB pairing of Hannah Mills and Saskia Clark could well be going for gold. A repeat of their performance at this year’s World Championships in Barcelona, where they came out on top, would be lovely.

1.30pm Boxing An absolute treat for fans of amateur boxing, with the semi finals of all 10 divisions of the men’s boxing competition set for a bumper Friday. The first Brit in action is bantamweight Luke Campbell, who fights Japan’s Satoshi Shimizu at around 2.15pm. Do not miss it.

7pm Athletics A busy night of athletics kicks off with the men’s pole vault final. Don’t expect a great evening for Team GB, with medal hopes restricted to the men’s 4x400m final at 9.20pm and, if either makes it, Lisa Dobriskey or Hannah England in the women’s 1,500m at 8.55pm.

Just three days of competition remain at London 2012, but can we as a nation stand any more success? Well, we might have to – golden boy Mo Farah is back in action and super boy Tom Daley has a score to settle, but first up is BMX queen Shanaze Reade

Saturday

Athletics: Men’s 5,000m Final Olympic Stadium, 7.30pm Anyone recall how Mo Farah did in the men’s 10,000m last Saturday evening? Oh yeah, that’s right – he smashed it.

Assuming he’s fully recovered from his exertions – and, let’s face it, he looked pretty fresh at the end of his

Don't miss

golden run – he will start a very warm favourite to double up in an event in which he is the reigning world champ.

The final night of action from the Olympic Stadium closes with the women’s 4x400m final (8.25pm) and, last of all, the men’s 4x100m final at 9pm. Wonder who’ll win that one...

Diving: Men’s 10m Platform Semi Final Aquatics Centre, 10am Eleven days after one main hope, of course, being that he bad dive cost them a became world champion in the event medal in the men’s at the tender age of 15 back in 2009 10m synchronised, – but he could manage only fifth at Tom Daley (above) and last year’s World Championships, Pete Waterfield should both be back and China’s Qiu Bo may prove a tough on the board for the semi final of the nut to crack. Tune in for the final, individual competition. Daley is the assuming he makes it, at 8.30pm.

Day-planner 8.45am Modern Pentathlon Early start for Nick Woodbridge and Sam Weale as their bid for modern pentathlon glory starts with a bit of morning fencing. The swimming (1.20pm) and riding (3.20pm) follow before the combined running/shooting discipline decides the medals at 6.45pm.

9.30am Canoe Sprint A proper gold-medal chance for Team GB in the finals of the men’s K1 200m, in the shape of Bath kayaker Ed McKeever. The 28-year-old won both world and European titles in this event in 2010, and has been in excellent form this season.

8pm Hockey The men’s gold-medal match on that super pink pitch at the Riverside Arena. The semi finals took place after we went to press this week, so we can’t tell you which two teams will feature – but it gives us another chance to mention Imran Sherwani, and we never say no to that.

8.30pm Boxing No rest for the pugilists, as gold medals are contested across five weights in the men’s competition, ranging from light-flyweight (49kg, we didn’t realise it was possible for a grown man to weigh so little) to the slightly more Sport-sized 91kg heavyweights. >

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Al Bello/Getty Images, Ian Walton/Getty Images, Ezra Shaw/Getty Images, Bryn Lennon/Getty Images

Our pick

London 2012: The Days Ahead

Sunday

Basketball: Men’s Gold-Medal Game Basketball Arena, 3pm The semi finals are today, so we may be assuming too much, but our educated guess is that Sunday afternoon’s gold-medal match in the men’s basketball tournament will be little more than an extended victory

Don't miss

parade for the catalogue of NBA stars (including Lebron James, above) masquerading as the United States international team. Last Saturday’s narrow 99-94 win over Lithuania proved teams can get close to them, but the reality is that such a test served only to wake them up a bit.

Women’s Modern Pentathlon Various, from 8am The very last gold medal of the Games will be awarded in the women’s pentathlon, which sees reigning world champion Mhairi Spence (above) and Samantha Murray give Team GB a very real chance of

closing our home Games in victorious fashion. The event gets under way with a spot of early-morning fencing in the Copper Box, before moving on to the Aquatics Centre for swimming at 12.35pm, and Greenwich Park for the riding (2.35pm) and finally the combined running/shooting at 6pm.

Day-planner 11am Athletics The final athletics gold is decided away from the Olympic Stadium, as the long-distance merchants take to the streets of central London for the men’s marathon.

Lee Merrien and Scott Overall go for Britain in a race that looks sure to be dominated by Kenya and Ethiopia.

40 | August 10 2012 |

1.30pm Boxing The curtain comes down on the Olympic boxing competition with the five remaining men’s finals.

The flyweight (52kg) boys punch things off at 1.30pm, with the super-heavyweights (+91kg) ending it some time after 2.30pm – hopefully with some GB gold in between.

1.30pm Cycling The mountain biking cross country event, in which Britain’s own Liam Killeen has finished seventh and fifth in the past two Games. Repeat the improvement he showed from Athens to Beijing and the Worcestershire wheeler will be earning himself a medal on home turf.

9pm The Closing Ceremony Four years ago in Beijing, we had Becks emerging from a London bus to volley a football into a crowd of excited Chinese children. Come 9pm on Sunday, we fully expect Pele to rock up on a carnival float, surrounded by Amazonian beauties and with some impressive balls of his own. Over to you, Rio – it’s been a ruddy blast.

Christian Petersen/Getty Images, Natalia Kolesnikova/AFP/Getty Images

Our pick

20 Years of the Premier League

Happy BirtHday, you Monster!

In among the Olympics, the fact that the Premier League is about to turn 20 might have slipped your mind. It hasn’t slipped ours, though. So, to whet your appetite for the season ahead, we present Sport’s Best Bits From The Premier League’s First 20 Years...

2 Best taBloid revelation

Action Images, Stu Forster/Getty Images, Ian Waldie/Action Images, Clive Brunskill /Allsport, John Frost Newspapers, John Peters/Manchester United via Getty Images

player-fan 1 Best interaction

Premier League footballers are regularly accused of losing touch with the people who pay their wages. But not Eric Cantona.

In January 1995, as the combustible Frenchman made his way along the touchline having seen red for kicking out at Crystal Palace’s Richard Shaw, throaty local Matthew Simmons was alleged to have sent him on his way with the refrain: “Off you go, Cantona, it’s an early bath for you!”

Or words to that effect, with a few effs and cees for good measure.

Cantona saw red again and regained touch with the common man by launching himself over the barrier and feet first into his fat gut. King Eric followed this up with a flurry of punches to Simmons’ leather jacket before being dragged away. He received a two-week jail sentence, overturned on appeal, and was banned for four months (later increased to eight) – at which point he started mumbling on about sardines and trawlers. Seventeen years on, that act of ultra-violence remains the most remarkable moment in the history of the Premier League.

42 | August 10 2012 |

That Wayne Rooney spent his money on prostitutes was hardly earth-shattering.

The fact one of them was a grandmother nicknamed ‘Auld Slapper’ certainly was, likewise the revelation that he left another working girl with a note that read: “I shagged you on December 26, loads of love, Wayne.” And yet, the most revealing thing the tabloids ever taught us about Rooney was that, during one extra-marital tryst, he paid a bellhop £200 for a packet of cigarettes. Depraved and insane.

Of the many, many other tabloid revelations, Sven-Goran Eriksson falling for a Fake Sheikh offering untold riches if he left England for Aston Villa would have been funny if it hadn’t all been so inevitable. And so our winner here came in 1998, in another Fake Sheikh sting, when Newcastle United chairman Freddy Shepherd (right) was caught on tape in a Marbella brothel discussing his taste in brassy tarts. “Newcastle girls are dogs,” he wheezed. “England is full of them. Me, I like blondes, big bust, good legs. I don’t like coloured girls. I want a lesbian show with handcuffs.”

Whatever Shepherd was paying the poor girls, it wasn’t nearly enough.

preMier league 3 Best representatives 2007-08 P W D L F A GD PTS 20. Derby County (R) 38 1 8 29 20 89 -69 11

It’s about this height guys

4 Best on-field fisticuffs

Having been sent off for taking on half the Arsenal team, more or less, in September 1998, Sheffield Wednesday’s Paolo Di Canio showed his displeasure by shoving referee Paul Alcock in the chest before trudging off to the showers. Having turned his back, he didn’t see the farce unfolding behind him as Alcock staggered backwards like a drunkard before falling on his arse in seven sorry instalments. But that was merely Act 1.

Having watched this unfold, panto season came early as Arsenal’s heroic Nigel Winterburn leapt to the ref’s assistance and gave Di Canio a piece of his mind as he walked off. Hearing this, the Italian turned, drew his fist back and nearly wet himself at the sight of Winterburn running for his life. Frankly, the whole incident reflected badly on all involved.

Tête-à-tête: Keane and Viera square up in 2004-05

8 BEST DRUNkEN HI-jINkS

5 BEST Off-fIElD fISTIcUffS

Manchester United ended Arsenal’s 49-game unbeaten run when the two teams met at Old Trafford in October 2004 in a filthy, ill-tempered encounter.

So when the two met at Highbury the following February, the last thing a highly charged affair needed was for things to kick off spectacularly before the game had officially kicked off. Step forward Roy Keane, channelling the ghost of old Sexy Beast sociopath Don Logan.

Most of what happened took place in the shadows, frustratingly out of reach of the Sky cameras as the two teams prepared to come out on to the pitch. First came Patrick Vieira, through the darkness of bodies to take his place at the front of the queue. The fact he cowered behind the mascot suggested something was amiss,

though it wasn’t clear what. Seconds later, Keane stormed through, jabbing his finger at the trembling Frenchman’s face and barking at him in irate Irish.

Later, we discovered the source of the spat when Keane revealed he’d found Vieira bullying Gary Neville by the dressing rooms. “Vieira is 6ft 4ins and was having a go at Gary,” he explained. “So I said: ‘Have a go at me.’

If he wants to intimidate our players and thinks that Gary is an easy target, I’m not having it.”

Alas, referee Graham Poll did what referees do and stepped in before it could get any fruitier, although Keane still had time to instruct the official to tell Vieira to “shut his fucking mouth”. And, having won that little battle, the angry Irishman was instrumental in United winning the war – the visitors prevailing by four goals to two.

7 BEST vfM IMPORT

MOST REMARkABlE YET 6 BEST SOMEHOw INEvITABlE...

How was Ashley Cole to know the highpowered air rifle he found and waved at the work experience kid was loaded? How could anyone have known? Hey, it’s just bants.

It happens. You need to lighten up.

Many players have taken the Premier League gravy train for a ride, but few straddled it with the glee of Winston Bogarde. The Dutch defender joined Chelsea on a free transfer from Barcelona in August 2000 – he had been set to sign for Bobby Robson’s Newcastle, but had his head turned by the four-year, £40,000-a-week plus bonuses being offered by an unwitting Gianluca Vialli. By the time Bogarde left at the bitter end of his contract, having resisted numerous attempts to move him on, he’d played 11 times – mainly coming off the bench.

Later, in his autobiography, tastefully titled This Black Man Bows For No One, he looked back on his time thus: “The world should be grateful Winston Bogarde made it as a footballer. If I had not succeeded as a player, I would have become a criminal – a big one.” Some would say his time at Chelsea proved the two careers are not mutually exclusive.

Delia Smith getting wasted on sherry and imploring the Norwich City faithful to ‘make some f**king noise’, or words to that effect, registers highly here – and certainly has more charm than the day fresh-faced drinkers John Terry and Frank Lampard drunkenly abused American tourists as the Twin Towers fell. But the finest episode involving football folk banjaxed on booze saw Stuart McCall celebrating Bradford City’s improbable escape from relegation in 2000 by clambering on to the roof of a parked car to milk the applause. Alas, he fell straight on his face and landed flat on the concrete floor - but sprang straight back to his feet without spilling a drop. What a pro.

MANAgERIAl 9 BEST MElTDOwN

Kevin Keegan’s Monday night mind-dump in front of the Sky cameras (“I’d love it, etc”) remains a defining moment of the Premier League’s 20 years, but he was merely a hothead in a post-match funk.

More disturbing – by virtue of it being so thoroughly pre-planned – was Rafa Benitez using a press conference to present a massive dossier on Manchester United’s indiscretions, presented to the cameras in January 2009 to highlight the numerous ways Sir Ferguson and United had bent and broken FA rules to gain an advantage. At the time, Liverpool were top of the league. “I do not want to play mind games too early,” claimed Benitez, as he swung a gold pocket watch from side to side. But the games had begun and, as with Keegan 13 years earlier, Ferguson would have the last laugh. United went on to win the title by four points, and a year later Benitez was gone. >

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20 Years of the Premier League off-the-cuff 10 Best transfer request

For a time, Pascal Chimbonda was too good a player to be constantly running backwards at Wigan, so it was inevitable he’d want to move on to a bigger, better club. That day came on the final afternoon of the season in 2006, when he asked for a move in quite spectacular style. “I’ve no problem with players asking for a transfer,” said his manager Paul Jewell. “I’m a big boy and I know it happens – but it was the manner in which it was done that upset me.” That manner: no sooner had the final whistle blown, away at Arsenal, than Chimbonda pulled out a transfer request and a letter of thanks as he walked off the pitch. Handing both to Jewell, he then sprinted for the changing rooms, where we assume his cases were packed, one with clothes, the other banknotes. We should at least credit him for waiving his loyalty bonus, although we don’t know he did for sure (see 20).

Bungled Burglary of a Premier 11 Best league footBaller’s mansion

Tony O’Brien/Action Images, Andrew Yates/AFP/Getty Images, Shaun Botterill /Allsport, Phil Cole/ Getty Images, Clive Brunskill/Getty Images, Brandon Malone/Action Images, Ray Wright/Offside

There are rich pickings to be had if you choose to burgle a Premier League footballer’s home. But if you were to draw up a list of Premier League footballers’ houses you might fancy breaking into at the dead of night, Big Duncan Ferguson’s wouldn’t be anywhere near the top. He, lest we forget, is a 6ft+ former lag with an apparent penchant for ultra-violence. And the only thing more terrifying than finding Big Dunc at the top of the stairs, (probably) waving a baseball bat around his head with a murderous glint in his eye, is finding Big Dunc at the top of the stairs, (probably) waving a baseball bat around his head with a murderous glint in his eye while dressed in just his underpants. In 2001, bumbling and booze-addled Barry Dawson broke in and attempted to lift a number of CDs and some champagne from the Everton striker’s massive pad. Big Dunc awoke, jumped on the hapless tool and sat on him until the police arrived. He got off lightly.

12 Best manager

The best manager in the classic sense would be Mr Ferguson, ahead of Jose Mourinho.

But the best in terms of pure entertainment can only be Hull City manager Phil ‘Broon’ Brown – a man years ahead of his time. He pioneered the half-time on-pitch bollockings, celebrated staying up by strangling the very life out of Sloop John B and wore the earpiece of a call-centre supervisor. His face was the shade of a freshly creosoted garden fence. Most nonsensically, though, he routinely referred to himself in the third person. “An unacceptable performance from a Phil Brown side,” he reflected after the 5-1 defeat at Man City, stroking his goatee beard and finally morphing into David Brent.

44 | August 10 2012 |

Who’s that coming over the hill? It’s Chimbonda, with a transfer request

Duncan Disorderly: no house calls, thank you

Premier league 13 Best Player of all time ever

The official polls will list Cantona or Shearer at the top of this one, or Ryan Giggs on account of his longevity (as a player, rather than adulterer). But we prefer John Terry – the personification of the Premier League.

Not for anything he’s achieved as a player, but for his ever-lengthening list of misdemeanours. Since bursting on to the scene by drunkenly mocking Americans mourning 9/11, JT has achieved so much.

Pissing in pint pots, fighting with bouncers, parking his Bentley in a disabled bay to go for dinner, and allegedly offering tours of Chelsea’s training ground to an undercover reporter for £10,000, despite being filthy rich.

Then, of course, there was doing the dirty with the girlfriend of teammate and best friend Wayne Bridge – the mother of Bridge’s child – and all the while dressed in his full kit and shinpads. It’s all in a day’s work for JT, the man who just keeps on giving.

You don’t have to be mad to work here: Ketsbaia scores, goes bonkers

14 Best eureka! moment

It was a plan so flawless, the big surprise was that we hadn’t done it before.

Instead of playing 38 games a season, let’s introduce The 39th Game and ride this Premier League juggernaut overseas!

Playing West Ham v Wigan in Jakarta made perfect sense to Premier League chief Richard Scudamore, but when the world disagreed he realised the error of his ways.

“Clearly it is not going to happen in our league,” he later said. “It’s certainly not going to happen on my watch, and I’m not leaving any time soon. I’m not going to be raising it again.”

15 Best signing

Eric Cantona, Patrick Vieira, Joe Hart - yes, all very worthy suggestions.

But nowhere near as good – in pure entertainment terms – as Ali Dia. He was George Weah’s cousin, and a real talent.

So Weah himself phoned Southampton manager Graeme Souness and suggested he sign him. Souness did as instructed without checking, so didn’t realise Dia was a hopeless case or that ‘George Weah’ was in fact a mate of Dia’s putting on a voice.

His Premier League career lasted 53 minutes – he came on to replace an injured Matt Le Tissier, and was subbed when the penny finally dropped. Dia’s contract was terminated and he shuffled off into non-league football.

Souness was unrepentant.

“I don’t feel I have been duped in the slightest,” he told himself. “That’s just the way the world is these days.” Days later, Souness received an email from the King of Nigeria, asking if he’d let $560m rest in his bank account. He hit reply.

Ali Dia: the inspiration behind Fonejacker, probably

16 Best goal celeBration

In an age where almost every goal celebration seems to have been tightly choreographed on the training ground, a random outpouring of wild, unhinged emotion often works best. Rewind to 1998 for the finest example, and the day the Georgian Temuri Ketsbaia scored a

last-minute winner against Bolton at St James’ Park. There were no clever backflips or robot dancing here – instead he simply went postal, ripping off his shirt and throwing it to the crowd before kicking the living daylights out of the advertising hoardings.

“I was just happy to score,” he later mused, once the tranquilisers had worn off. >

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20 Years of the Premier League

17 Best chairman

Chris Young/AFP/Getty Images, PA Archive/Press Association Images, Bob Thomas/Getty Images

Edging Peter Ridsdale and his fish off top spot here, we’re plumping for former Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan.

Yes, he looks a nonsense with the tikka tan and Afghan hound hair, but his unconcealed contempt for the bullshit and bluster of the modern game felt as refreshing as a peppermint enema. Most memorably, while writing an excellent column for The Observer in 2005, he was asked what he’d do with a player like Craig Bellamy, who at the time was being obnoxious and disrespectful at Newcastle. Jordan’s solution: “I’d fucking strangle him with his own tongue,” he said, because he’s “been allowed to turn into this imbecilic little gobshite over a period of four years.”

Rarely for a chairman, he was right.

footBaller 18 Best endorsement

quote of the 20 Best Premier league’s lifetime The most insightful quote of the last 20 years came from the lips of that most modern and model professional Pascal Chimbonda in 2008, who by now was on the payroll at Tottenham.

Ahead of the Carling Cup final he was quoted as saying: “Kevin Keegan [at Newcastle] has offered me more money. I am definitely leaving Spurs. It’s all about the money, I don’t care about the [Carling Cup] final.” His agent moved quickly to deny he ever said it, aware that while it was almost certainly what his client was thinking, the football-following public would go into meltdown if ever told The Truth.

Chimbonda never got his move but was last seen following the money to Doncaster Rovers.

However, our favourite quote of the past 20 years? That’s easy. Delivered by Sir Alex Ferguson, when asked if the rumours of one-time United striker Dion Dublin having an unfeasibly big penis were true, the old tyrant replied: “Not just big, it’s magnificent.”

Indeed it is.

46 | August 10 2012 |

line from a Premier league 19 Best footBaller’s autoBiograPhy

“I’d waited long enough. I fucking hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you c**t. And don’t ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries.” For our money, Roy Keane’s recollections of attempting to end the career of Alf-Inge Haaland in Keane: The Autobiography (2002) romps home as the most memorable line of any sportsman’s autobiography ever. For a more comical alternative, try the epoch-defining moment, in the risible My Defence (2006), when Ashley Cole learns of Arsenal’s new and improved salary offer: “When I heard my agent repeat the figure of £55,000 [per week], I nearly swerved off the road. ’He’s taking the piss, Jonathan!’ I yelled down the phone. I was trembling with anger.”

Fair to say, he wasn’t the only one.

Ferguson puts his hat on ‘magnificent’ Dublin

Credit

Ask Wayne Rooney to strike a size five football into the top corner of the goal from 30 yards and he’ll do it with his eyes closed. Ask him to read out five words on an autocue to help promote a Spanish wine with a tenuous link to Manchester United, and it’s not so simple.

Type ‘Rooney’ and ‘Casillero del Diablo’ into YouTube and watch the most memorable ad starring a footballer since Bobby Moore looked in at the local for a pint of chauvinism.

“Guys. Wehavea. Problem,” warns Wazza, reviewing his own work with the conviction of a wardrobe. “The boss says. That. A new devil is a... rriving.” [Uncomfortable pause].

“They say. He is a. Legend.”

If that was the best take they got, the mind can only boggle at what was left on the cutting room floor. And he’ll have been paid more for those 20 garbled words than most of us make in 20 years.

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7 Days OUR PICK OF THE ACTION FROM THE SPORTING WEEK AHEAD

AUG HIGHLIGHTS 10-AUG 16 » England v South Africa: Third Test » p50 » Tennis: Cincinnati Masters 1000 » p52 » Football: Chivas USA v LA Galaxy » p52 » Super League: Warrington v Wigan » p53 » Best of the Rest » p53

Easy riders It’s been a busy time for the south coast in recent weeks, what with Ben Ainslie and all those other sailor types who don’t receive the same amount of attention doing the business for Team GB down off Weymouth. Head a few miles west this weekend, however, and you’ll find a bunch of characters for whom boats

48 | August 10 2012 |

are far less important. These guys do it with boards – and Newquay is the place they do it.

The annual Boardmasters event, which got under way earlier this week and runs through to Sunday evening, is much more than just a surfing competition, of course. The best freestylers from the worlds of skateboarding and BMX are also in town, not to mention a whole host of names from the music world – Ed Sheeran headlines the main stage tonight, with Dizzee Rascal flying in from the London 2012 opening ceremony to

do likewise tomorrow evening. But it’s the surfers who best capture our imagination, lovers that we are of anyone who takes on the waves armed with little more than a wetsuit and a bit of polyurethane foam.

The jewel in the Boardmasters crown is the 6 Star men’s surfing event, which forms part of the ASP World Tour and has the not insubstantial total prize money of $155,000 available to competitors. Word has it that Frenchman Joan Duru is the man to watch this weekend, but the spectacle is more than the sport – so head to boardmasters.co.uk for live streaming. Heck, it’s the best seat in the house.

Clive Rose/Getty Images

Friday > SURFING | ASP WORLD TOUR: BOARDMASTERS | FISTRAL BEACH, NEWqUAy | LIvE STREAM ONLINE

7 Days Thursday > CriCket | england v South afriCa: third teSt | lord’S | Sky SportS 1 10.30am

Ian Kington/AFP/GettyImages

The decider

England’s number one Test ranking hangs by a thread. Anything other than a win in the final match of this three-Test series, which starts next Thursday morning, means South Africa supplant them – but, in truth, England have not been playing like the best cricket team in the world for some time. Since last summer, when they vanquished India 4-0 to ascend to top spot, they have played 10 Test matches and won only three of them.

Through much of the past year, the inconsistency of their batting – and propensity to give their wickets away with the eagerness of a Sport magazine distributor handing you this very publication – has South Africa have won been at the root of three of their four Tests their problems. at Lord’s since 1994 In this series, (drawing the other one) however, their bowling has been equally at fault. England’s tactic when a pitch isn’t offering them much assistance is to ‘bowl dry’; to focus on accuracy, frustrating batsmen by giving them little to hit at and goading them into mistakes. Effective against many batting line-ups, but South Africa’s batsmen don’t just have talent – they also have patience, determination and experience.

Jacques Kallis, Graeme Smith and Hashim Amla are not players who will regularly give 50 | August 10 2012 |

their wickets away. A bowler must earn it.

It’s for this reason that the aggressive Steven Finn came into the team at Headingley, and why he is likely to keep his place in the team at Lord’s next week – possibly with Graeme Swann returning and Tim Bresnan sitting out.

Whatever England attack is selected, they will have to bowl South Africa out – something they have achieved only once in two Tests (and that at a cost of 419 runs).

The batsmen, meanwhile – and in particular Jonathan Trott, Ian Bell and skipper Andrew Strauss (above) – need to raise their games.

The Proteas’ bowling attack is extremely strong but hasn’t quite fired on all cylinders on this tour – as Kevin Pietersen (right) demonstrated by flaying them for 149 in the second Test. Stuart Broad also finally found his explosive vigour with a five-wicket haul in the same game, while James Anderson has bowled with supreme discipline and can perhaps count himself a little unlucky not to have taken more wickets than he has.

There’s also the fact that South Africa have a history of slipping up just as cricket’s top spot beckons. However, to exploit any weakness in their opposition, England require a delicate balance: that the weather is good; that it’s a result wicket at Lord’s; that the bowlers can locate the sustained excellence of their usual home form; and that the batsmen can recall the grit they showed in Australia 18 months ago. It’s a lot to ask, but it’s not impossible.

“The saddest part is that I love playing for England... but the politics is what I have to deal with, and it’s tough being me in this dressing room” Kevin Pietersen, who earlier this week suggested next week's Test could be his last match for England

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7 Days Monday > Tennis | CinCinnaTi MasTers 1000 | Lindner FaMiLy Tennis CenTer, OhiO, CinCinnaTi | sky spOrTs 4 4pM

Six sevens superstars Murraymania

hits the USA Andy Murray’s only gone and done it. Olympic gold last sunday might not have taken all the pain of that Wimbledon final defeat away, but it will have gone a long way to helping heal the wounds. and, more importantly, it might bury some of the doubts that seem to hold the scottish star back on the big occasions.

Luckily for us – and testingly for him – tennis doesn’t provide much time for reflection.

Murray was on a plane soon after sW19 glory, heading to Toronto and then Cincinnati for the next two rounds of the aTp World Tour. Whether he’s rested enough to give a fair account of himself in Toronto after the golden high of London is up in the air – like Murray himself, at the time of writing – but he likes playing across the pond. also to his benefit will be the opportunity to link up with coach ivan Lendl again. Murray’s Florida-based mentor flew home instead of sticking around after the Championships to see the scot redeem himself on grass, and will have his plans ready for the american hard

court season. That will likely start in earnest with Cincinnati, where Murray was the only man to beat novak djokovic in a final last year. The serb will join roger Federer and rafael nadal at the seventh stop on this year’s tour, with those three familiar foes having shared the five aTp 1000 titles (before Toronto) so far in 2012. djokovic will be hurting after Olympic semi-final defeat to Murray, and nadal will be well rested after missing the Games and Toronto. r-Fed has also had the past week off to recover. in the women’s draw, Maria sharapova is the defending champion and top seed. victoria azarenka and serena Williams are likely to be the big crowd pullers, however, with Williams arriving on the back of double gold in London. azarenka, meanwhile, has been beating all before her – except for the big-hitting american, who she lost to in the Olympics semi finals.

The tour schedule may not provide time for reflection, but it does give players opportunity for swift revenge.

SUnday FOOTBaLL | MLs: Chivas Usa v La GaLaxy | hOMe depOT CenTer, CarsOn, LOs anGeLes | espn 4aM

Clive Brunskill/Getty Images, Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images, Gareth Copley/Getty Images

Hollywood hustle Fresh from pretending to drive a speedboat to the opening ceremony of London 2012, David Beckham leads LA Galaxy into what is considered the MLS’s only local derby proper with their Carson neighbours Chivas USA – a game dubbed the ‘SuperClasico’.

The teams currently sit fifth and sixth in the Western Conference of the MLS, with Galaxy seven points ahead of Chivas – though Chivas have four games in hand. With the end of the regular season rapidly approaching, and only the top five teams making the playoffs, Becks and his team need a win to increase that cushion. Galaxy were beaten 4-0 by the Seattle Sounders last week, 52 | August 10 2012 |

bringing their good run of five games without defeat to an abrupt end.

The teams have met twice already in the league this season at their shared Home Depot Center stadium. The first, with Chivas nominally the home team, ended with a rare 1-0 win for the Goats, whose record against the Galaxy is not good – they’ve lost seven of the past nine games. The Galaxy re-asserted themselves in their own ‘home’ match last month, winning 3-1 thanks to two goals from Landon Donovan and one from Robbie Keane.

Their biggest star, Beckham, has been in a rich vein of form since he returned from a (rather harsh) one-game suspension for hitting a ball at an injured opponent. He’s scored in three of his past five, and with Olympic distractions out of the way he’ll be keen to help his side secure their playoff place. It’s nicely poised – the Galaxy should be the stronger side, but Chivas will be desperate to cause an upset and further their own cause. Worth staying up for.

SATURDAY STOBART SUPER LEAGUE | WARRINGTON WOLVES v WIGAN WARRIORS | HALLIWELL JONES STADIUM | SKY SPORTS 2 4.45PM

Helly Hansen catwalk

Hungry Wolves One of the biggest games of the season takes place on Saturday afternoon, when top-of-the-table Wigan Warriors take on second-placed Warrington Wolves.

After their win at St Helens on Monday evening, Warrington are just three points behind the Warriors, so victory would give them a real chance of retaining the League Leader’s Shield. Wigan, dumped out of the Challenge Cup by the Leeds Rhinos, are desperate to finish top to give them the best possible chance of making the Grand Final.

Tonight, beleaguered Hull Kingston Rovers travel to face a Bradford Bulls side still in with a chance of making the playoffs, despite a six-point deduction for going into administration. Rovers, who currently occupy that crucial eighth spot one place above

BEST OF THE REST

FRIDAY

GOLF US PGA Championship Day Two, Kiawah Island, Sky Sports 1 6pm AUSSIE RULES AFL: West Coast Eagles v Geelong Cats, Patersons Stadium, Perth, ESPN 11.30am FOOTBALL Ligue 1: Montpellier v Toulouse, Stade de la Mosson, Montpellier, ESPN 7.30pm FOOTBALL MLS: NY Red Bulls v Houston Dynamo, Red Bull Arena, New Jersey, ESPN 1am

them, are desperate for a victory after being beaten by a single point last week by Leeds.

Elsewhere, Huddersfield Giants halted their slide with a 36-18 over Catalan Dragons to give new coach Paul Anderson his first win last Sunday. They will be hoping to build on that at Salford City Redstonight, while Leeds should be too strong at home to Widnes.

On Sunday, third-placed St Helens face a rejuvenated Wakefield Trinity Wildcats, while Hull host a Catalans Dragons team now lying down in fourth. Bottom club London Broncos’ victory over Salford last week gave interim head coach Tony Rea his first victory, and should give the squad confidence as they continue their quest to avoid the wooden spoon away at Castleford Tigers.

FOOTBALL Scottish Third Division: Peterhead v Rangers, Balmoor, Sky Sports 2 12.45pm CRICKET Clydesdale Bank 40: Durham v Surrey, Riverside Ground, Sky Sports 3 1.30pm RUGBY UNION Currie Cup: Golden Lions v Free State Cheetahs, Coca-Cola Park, Johannesburg, Sky Sports 4 4pm UFC 150: Henderson v Edgar II, Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado, ESPN 3am

SUNDAY

SATURDAY

CYCLING Eneco Tour Stage 7, Maldegem to Geraardsbergen, Belgium, British Eurosport 2 1.30pm

AUSSIE RULES AFL: Adelaide Crows v Fremantle, AAMI Stadium, Adelaide ESPN 5am

FOOTBALL SPL: Hibernian v Hearts, Easter Road, ESPN 12pm

MONDAY CRICKET Clydesdale Bank 40: Warwickshire v Kent, Edgbaston, Sky Sports 2 4.30pm BASEBALL NY Yankees v Texas Rangers, Yankees Stadium, New York ESPN 12am

TUESDAY FOOTBALL League Cup: Swindon v Brighton, County Ground, Sky Sports 1 7.45pm CRICKET Clydesdale Bank 40: Hampshire v Somerset, Rose Bowl, Sky Sports 2 4.40pm

WEDNESDAY CRICKET Clydesdale Bank 40: Sussex v Warwickshire, County Ground, Sky Sports 4 4.30pm

Download the free Sport iPad app from the Apple Newsstand | 53

Helly Hansen beauty and tHe beast a 26.2 mulit-lap trail maratHon cHallenge for induviduals and teams 22nd september 2012, stonor park, Henley-on-tHames. sign up and join us on tHe Helly Hansen catwalk at www.

HellyHansenbeautyandtHebeast.co.uk

Extra time Kit

P60 Okay, which one of you CIA guys said I wasn’t as good as Matt Damon?

Making the most of your time and money 1

Putt for dough The putter is the most important club in your bag, so take the time to choose one that works for you

2

1. Nike Method Drone Nike have spent fortunes on developing their line of putters. The Drone is the latest off the production line – and is already enjoying success on tour. £110 | nikegolf.eu

3

2. Odyssey Metal-X D.A.R.T The face of this putter – a lot of oval shapes, to the naked eye – is designed to ‘lock’ with the dimples of the ball and give a truer roll. The added friction gives much better distance control, says Callaway. And if you can master that, you’re halfway there. £139 | callawaygolf.com

3. Nike Method Concept The Method putter is designed to look like a blade at address, but to play like a mallet. It’s a great idea – there are plenty of golfers who don’t use a mallet, based purely on aesthetics. The face is light but the body heavy, giving a better roll on the greens. £120 | nikegolf.eu

4

4. TaylorMade Ghost Manta The latest in the Ghost range features a matt white finish – which not only looks stylish, but helps with alignment. It has 50g weights in the heel and toe, to stabilise it and give a more consistent roll on off-centre hits, and its surlyn insert promotes forward roll. In fact, this club is pretty much doing everything for you. £149 | taylormadegolf.eu

5. Ping Nome 500 Long Ever since Karsten Solheim invented the first Ping putter in his Arizona garage in the 1960s, the firm has been the daddy of putters. And this is its latest innovation: an adjustable telescopic shaft that allows the golfer to play with a club that is anything between 44.5 and 54.5 inches long. Useful when you need to take a two-club drop... £299 | ping.com

54 | August 10 2012 |

5

Rules of

A player is not deemed to be cheating if between his last round and the next, he lies about his whereabouts, slips down to Urban Golf and enjoys a spot of midweek practice, and shall not be reprimanded by the fossils on the committee for such a deliberate act.

World Number One, Luke Donald, says the new aboutGolf™ simulator will “improve any golf game”. We have twenty. You can use them to practice, play up to 60 different championship courses, or have a lesson with one of our PGA coaches. Using the best equipment to play better isn’t cheating. To book an hour this week, go to www.urbangolf.co.uk or call 020 7248 6800. Urban Golf rules.

Extra time Francesca Halsall

56 | August 10 2012 |

Fran fair

he first Team GB girl in the pool and the last out of it, Fran Halsall was Britain’s busiest swimmer in London. Having competed in the 4x100m medley relay, the 4x100m freestyle relay, the 50m freestyle and 100m freestyle finals (she also made the semis of the 100m butterfly), there are few athletes at these Games who can have come so close so often and left empty-handed.

Take her last session in the pool, the 100m freestyle, when Halsall finished sixth – a mere 0.66s adrift of the brilliantly named Ranomi Kromowidjojo, Holland’s new Olympic champion, and only 0.08s shy of bronze.

T

Such are the decisive fractions that separate glorious from really, really, ridiculously good.

It could have been worse, however – the 22-year-old, who describes herself as “70 per cent professional athlete, 20 per cent Krispy Kreme addict, 10 per cent rockstar” admits to having a recurring dream in which she is swimming in the Olympic pool.

“I’m naked, except for wearing socks,” she says. “Then I look to the side and I’m racing a Labrador, which is even weirder.”

And that, we’re certain, didn’t happen.

Sport would definitely have noticed.

| 57

Extra time Grooming

Good morning, Mr Bond

Feel like Bond

Skyfall, the 23rd bout of Bondage, is out later this year. Do we expect you to talk?

No – but we do expect you to scrub up

Ted Baker’s Ottoman Lounge Ted Baker’s been expecting you. At least, he should be, at the new appointment-only Ottoman Lounge in Holborn. Whether you treat yourself to a haircut from Ted’s master barber (£40); hot towel shave (£30); both (£60); a pedicure (£45); or have your Roger Moore-esque eyebrows trimmed as part of a facial (£60), you will leave feeling sharper than one of Bond’s tailor-made suits. On which note, there is the alternative of Ted’s Tailor Made Experience (£125), a bespoke treatment designed around your skin type that includes all of the above, as well as a manicure. Positively, shockingly good. tedsgroomingroom.com

SMell like Bond

the MoiStURiSeR look like Bond

007

Carol Joy For His Eyes Only

Okay, so Bond didn’t actually wear any fragrance at all in Ian Flemming’s books. Completely ignoring that fact, MI5 (for we presume it is they) are launching this ‘unique fusion of traditionally authentic and unmistakably British ingredients’.

No, not liquidised gold medals, Pimm’s and fish and chips – more a backbone of lavender blended with vetyver, complemented by moss and coumarin undertones and notes of apple. Available exclusively in Harrods from Wednesday and nationwide from September, wear it shaken or stirred – do we look like we give a damn? harrods.com

A luxury daily eye cream that reduces the appearance of fine lines, wrinkles, puffiness and dark circles – for when you’ve been burning the candle at both ends foiling super-villains by day and gambling huge wads of government cash while romancing impossibly beautiful women by night. Alternatively, there is the For Your Eyes Only treatment at The Dorchester (£65 for 35 minutes), which will refresh, revitalise and moisturise tired peepers with ingredients including skinenhancing golden millet oil and reviving and detoxifying caffeine. Helpful if, like Archer’s Woodhouse, there is during the course of your service the constant threat of having sand rubbed in your dead little eyes. caroljoylondon.com

58 | August 10 2012 |

£42 for 125ml

£68 for 15ml

Save 1/3 on Dove Men+Care face range Introductory offer, ends 04.09.12. Exclusions apply, see instore for details. Available in most Boots stores. Subject to availability.

Extra time Gadgets

Sound waves Sport selects several special streaming systems, so song selection’s super-simple

1. View Quest Retro Radio 2. Philips FWP3200D To be honest, in 2012, the very DJ-Dock concept of a radio is kind of retro. So, if you’re going to release one, it makes sense to give it a vintage bent. Still, it’s a far cry from gathering round the old wireless – there’s a DAB tuner with thousands of stations, plus Wi-fi for internet radio and an iPod dock if you’d rather listen to your own stuff. £150 | viewquest.co.uk

60 | August 10 2012 |

Despite looking like the disembodied head of a B-list Transformer, this looks to be aimed at a slightly older age group – teenage boys dropping bedroom beats. It’s great for grown-ups too, providing as it does powerful sound and mixing options. Just put a tablecloth over it or something, okay? £300 | argos.co.uk

3. Tivoli Audio PAL BT

4. Samsung DA-E750

Not just a radio, this, erm, radio is designed for portability with a battery that fully recharges in just three hours. As well as an AM/FM tuner, it’s got Bluetooth built in, so if you tire of Chris Moyles’ incessant braying, you can switch over to your smartphone for some respite.

There’ll be no escaping his interminable quiz show, though. £249 | tivoliaudio.co.uk

This page doesn’t fall in love easily, but we adore this – a lovely music dock that has a valve amplifier of the kind favoured by guitarists and produces warm sound in keeping with the elegant rosewood finish. It has a dock for phones and hard drives, and you can stream to it over Wi-fi or Bluetooth. Delightful. £600 | currys.co.uk

5. Sony SA-NS510 wireless speakers Bluetooth, Wi-fi, blah blah blah – you get the picture by now, right? What makes this speaker different is that it provides ‘omnidirectional’ sound and a massive five-hour battery life.

So it’s great for parties – just bang it in the middle of the room and get on with getting drunk and making a fool of yourself. £299 | sony.co.uk

Download the free Sport iPad app from the Apple Newsstand

Extra time Entertainment

Bourne again

FiLm

High-octane espionage as the Bourne series is revived, while Indiana Jones wants to have a word with you: outside cinema

Film4 Summer Screen 2012 Big-screen cinema returns to Somerset House from August 16, giving you the chance to catch a classic in the grand courtyard under a starry night’s sky (and/or a light drizzle). There’s a cracking line-up this season, including Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Apocalypse Now (pictured) and Boogie Nights, in which Mark Wahlberg’s big, bright, shining star will never have loomed larger. There’s also a series of Behind the Screen talks, including one about the genius of Alfred Hitchcock (alongside a screening of The Birds) and directors discussing their own films. Book in advance – screenings tend to sell out.

BLu-ray

The Bourne Legacy Pity poor Jeremy Renner. First he has to play seventh fiddle to Hulk, Iron Man, Scarlett Johansson’s rear etc as Hawkeye in Avengers Assemble; now he follows in Matt Damon’s shoes in the much-loved Bourne series. The good news is that Renner is great at this rogue super-spy lark, bringing a rougher,

Book

gruffer edge to his character (who isn’t Jason Bourne, but a CIA agent seemingly involved in an even murkier plot). The breakneck action and a few familiar faces mean this is identifiably a Bourne film, but it wisely has enough new twists to keep the legacy from running on empty. Out on Monday.

music

Rush of Blood Mark Billingham

Headhunters A suave recruitment consultant doubles up as an art thief in this enjoyable adaptation of Jo Nesbo’s novel. Our antihero leads a lavish lifetsyle until he steals from the wrong chap: a merciless headhunter of a very different type. Unlike darker Scandi-dramas such as The Killing, this film is full of rapid, cat-andmouse action scenes and is shot through with a fiendish humour.

62 | August 10 2012 |

Holiday turns to disaster when a teenage girl dies in this new novel from crime fiction ace Mark Billingham. Three British couples have become friends on a Florida break, but it seems at least one of them has something to hide – and we don’t just mean towels in the suitcase.

music At the BBC The Kinks

Enjoy It While It Lasts Spector Another ‘next big thing’ band drenched in Bruce Springsteen influence – wow, excuse us while we pour this hot tea into our ears. But wait! London’s Spector are subtler than their pigeonhole, with a tasty line in powerful melodies and some melancholy lyrics offsetting their upbeat electrorock. The slower Never Fade Away shows the band’s true class on Monday’s debut album.

Anyone who recalls the glorious 2001 release of The Beatles’ Beeb sessions will be suitably excited by another seminal 1960s British band getting similar treatment. This five-CD collection of Kinks recordings also includes a DVD of Top of the Pops and Old Grey Whistle Test performances by the band. Out on Monday for you to play all day, and all of the night – (neighbours allowing).