Vol 3 Num 1 (Second Look) by Sports Spectrum

k'' A. in spor reaitssues at the ...and life. ,, second too ts

FEATURES part of a loving famil y. In this home, childre n can grow confidentl y because their parents' love gives them a sense of security. And mother a nd father remain a romantic, affectionate couple. The spark hasn't gone out here. And imagine you're part of a network of friends with whom you can share the most intimate deta ils of your life. You don't face tough times alone; your frie nds are right there with you, a caring com~1 munity that provides stre ngth . II And imagine being part of a " team" at work. You strive together toward a goal- not HE 1980s, we are just for the financial rewards told, is a decade of but for the joy o f the effort isolation. The rise itself. Yo u motivate each in the divorce rate other toward excellence, and you're proud o f the product and the increase of single-pare nt famiyour team c reates. lies ind icates that marri age is Sounds attractive, doesn't on the decline. The rise in the it? A contrast to life as the suicide rate shows that lonelista tistics reveal it, a nd certainl y prefe ra ble. ness is on the upswing. Even in sports, the team concept He re's some good news: seems anachronistic. This is That way of life is possible ! the age of the individual athRe lationshi ps can be mutually Jete, who cares more about satisfying and nourishing. But his stats than the team's you have to take care of o ne other important re lationshi p record and who has his own business matters to worry first-with God, through about. . Jesus Christ. As His love fills Sounds pretty depressing, you, you become a c hannel' to doesn't it? It should. We were let it flow to those aro und not created to be you. Almost a revolutionary lonely. We were 3~~~~11;:.1,-. concept these days! ""~ In this issue of created to be relatinr people- selfless givers Second and nourished recipie nts of Look, love. Imagine this scenario instead. Imag ine that you're

CAN TE YouTO RELA THIS -r

you're going to meet some people who have learned the secret of strong rela tionships. Pat Williams, general manager of the NBA Orlando Magic, models the lifestyle I described above. G lenn Davis of the Houston Astros and Storm Davis of the Oakland Athletics enjoy a friendship that has seen both of them through diffic ult times. And Therese Hession has learned how to build strong re lationships in that fantasy worl d known as professional golf. Examine your own life. Is there a sense of isolation, of loneliness? Join us as we take a "second look" at re lationships. I think it will help you.

4 STANDBY ME Storm Davis and Glenn Davis are as close as brothers By John Carvalho

-Dave Burnham Dave Bumham is chairman of the International Sports Coalition, an association of sports ministries from around the world, and a guest teacher on the television program Day of Di scovery.

PHOTOGRAPHY CREDITS: COVER, MICHAEL BODDY, (inset) Dave Stock; p. 2 (upper left), Michael Forrest; p. 2 (upper right), p. 7, B. Schwartzman/AIIsport; p. 2 (bottom right), pp. 8-9, p. 10 (left ), Photographic Source/Orlando; p. 3 (left), pp. 12-15, Gary Fang; p. 3 (left center), p. 16 (top) Robert Beck/AIIsport; p. 3 (right), p. 19 (top right) Don Smith/AIIsport; p. 4, Dave Stock; p. 5, Otto Gruelle/ AIIsport; p. 6, Will Hart!AIIsport; p. 10 (right), Mike Maicher; p. 16 (bottom left) Allsport, (bottom right), J . Daniei/AIIsport; p. 18, Paul Spinelli/AIIsport; p. t 9 ( top left), Kirk Schlea/AIIsport, (bottom left) California Angels, (bottom ri ght) Craig Melvin/AIIsport; p. 24, Damien Strohmeyer/AIIsport .

THAT HOME-COURT ADVANTAGE Family comes first for NBA exec Pat Williams With Kyle Rote Jr.

DEPARTMENTS

11 FOR ATHLETES Norm Evans on team unity

AWEAK INSIDE GAME

TRAINING TIPS

Winning at sports often means losing at relationships By Gerry Organ

Therese Hession offers golfing tips

12 HOMES ARE WHERE THE HEART IS

ONE IS ALONELY NUMBER

Golf pro Therese Hession relates her view of success By Karen R. Drollinger

How to build strong relationships By Dave Burnham

19 THE QUIZ BIZ Test your sports knowledg e

Volume 3, Number 1 SECOND LOOK MAGAZINE A DISCOVERY HOUSE PUBLICATION PUBLISHER Manin R. DeHaan II; EXECUTIVE EDITOR Dave Burnham; CONSULTING EDITOR Ralph Drollinger; MANAGING EDITOR John Carvalho; ART DIRECTOR Steve Gier; MARKETING DIRECTOR Craig Finkel; PRODUCTION MANAGER Tom Felten; COVER PHOTO Michael Boddy Second Look is published six times a year by Discovery House Publishers . Discovery House Publishers is affiliated with Radio Bible Class, a nondenominational Christian organization whose purpose is to lead people of all nalions to laith and maturily in Jesus Christ by teaching the Word ol God. Printed in USA. Copyright @ 1989 by Discovery House Publishers, Grand Rapids, Michigan. Bible quotations, unless otherwise noted, are tram the New Ki ng James Version (£') 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers. Second Look is produced by New Focus. Inc .• Vanir Towe r, Ninlh Floor, San Bernardino, CA 92401. Subscriptions are available for $15/year by writing to Second Look subscriptions, Discovery House. Box 3566, Grand Rapids, Ml49501 -3566. ·

CD iscOVti'J'qjOus/ PUBLISHERS

RELATIONSHIPS: COVER STORY

STAND BY ME

Pro baseball players Glenn Davis and Storm Davis have helped each other carry some major-league burdens KAY, HOLLYWOOD, check out this storyline:

Two boys growing up in th e South . On e from a nice f amily on th e good side of town , th e oth er from a broken home on the bad side. They start ow as high school rivals, but become fr iends. Th e good- s ide kid's famil y even lets the bad-side kid move in with them . They help him overcome his bitterness. The two boys remain close and eventually become majo r league baseball players. What do you think? Maybe call up Steven Spie lbe rg a nd see if he' d like to produce and direct? Si gn Tom Cruise and Charlie Sheen to play the leads? Sounds like a winner! Better yet, why not cast Storm Davi s of the O a kl a nd Athl e tics and Gle nn Davis of th e Houston Astros as the two guys? What they lack in acting experience they would make up in realli fe ex pe rie nce. They ac tuall y lived the above scenario.

Scene 1: Jacksonville, Florida, 1978 ON THE SOUTH SIDE of town, Storm Davis is a sophomore at University Christi an High School. His father, George, is head football and assistant baseball coach there. His mother, Norma, hosts a talk show on a local Christi an radio station and is a popular speaker. On the north side, Glenn Davis is rebelling. His mothe r has e nrolled him at Unive rsity Christian, and he hates her for it. In fact, Glenn hates a lot about his home life. His fathe r, a former minor league baseball player, left the fa mily whe n Glenn .

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Storm (left) and Glenn (right) Davis may not be brothers, but that's just about the only thing they don't share.

BY JOHN CARVALHO

was 6. His mothe r 's ste rn upbring ing doesn't mesh well with her son 's feisty spirit. Glenn 's high school years are filled with pain. He feels rejected by his fathe r and in turn rejects his mother's Christian faith. He even considers suicide, sometimes pointing an empty pistol at his head. " I knew that if I did that, it would hurt my mother and fathe r, that they would be sorry for what they had done to me. They would have to live with that for the rest of their lives."1 Once a t Uni vers ity C hri sti a n, the new kid becomes jealous of the rival who shares his last na me. G le nn recalls, " I had heard about Storm from some guys. He evide ntly was a dominant baseball player over there at the time, and I was a dom inan t player on my side of the city. I was thin king, 'I'm going to teach these guys a few lessons and show them what us Northsiders are all about.' " The first sport I ventured into was . football. S torm was th e qu arte rback. I d idn ' t l ike his style-he acted li ke he was in contro l of everything. In practice, we could never hit the q uarterback because we didn't have that many players, but sometimes I sure did want to go through that line and bust him. I almost did." Storm, for his part, does no t fit the "coach 's cocky son" stereotype. " Looki ng back, we were too competitive," he says now. " In baseball , I received way too muc h publici ty." That' ll happe n when you go 42-3 with an ERA of 0.45 and 496 strikeouts in 278 innings. "The bottom line was that Glenn and the other g uys were getting me the runs that helped me w in. I think the re was a little rivalry and jealousy." But they overcome th a t j ealo us r iva lry to

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J he storms Storm had avoided earlier in his life now came his way, in waves.

how you 're going to choose to live, we're tired of being a mother and father to you. '" For G le nn, the announcement is devastating. The battle within had neve r subsided. And now he is about to lose his family once again. He recalls, "The tears just started coming. I had never cried before in my life. I prayed, 'God, I need he lp. I' ve made a mess of my life, and I can 't handle it anymore. If what You've said that Christ has done for me is true, then I accept it. I want You to change my life. If You don 't, then I'll just solve my problems the easy way.' The m inute I prayed that prayer, it was li ke someone shut off a wate r faucet. I couldn't c ry ifl wanted to."

Scene 3, Houston and Baltimore, 1988 GLEN N IS ON HIS WAY to a near-MYP season. (He will fin ish second to Mike Schmidt.) Stom1 is struggling through an inconsistent year for the Baltimore Orioles. And the story comes out. During the same week in August, major features about Gle nn appear in Sports Illustrated and People. Both articles inspire the ir readers with the turnaround in Glenn's li fe- including his marriage in 1984 to his wife, Teresa. There is a sense of completeness. Storm and his family had helped G lenn overcome his past, and now their futures look bright. End of story? Fa r from it. There a re clouds on th is seemingly happy hori zon. Even as they are pictured and praised in Sports Illustrated, George and Norma Davis have separated.

Scene 4: Houston, 1987.

Storm's pitching helped lead Oakland to the 1988 World Series.

become close frie nds, leading University Christian to two state championships and one runner-up fini sh. And G lenn g rows closer to Stom1's family-especially George. " His dad took a lot of time with me," Glenn says. George Davis becomes the dad Glenn never had.

Scene 2: Jacksonville, 1979 AFTER THEY GRADUATE from Universit y Christian, Glenn moves in with Storm's pare nts, and Storm moves out, havi ng been drafted both by the Baltimore Orioles and by his new wife, Angie. Afte r 1-year stints at the University of Georgia and at a junior college, Glenn is drafted and signed by the Houston Astros. In September 1982, whe n Glenn comes home after completing his second year in the Astros organi zation, he receives a surprising announcement from Norma. "She came up to me out of the blue and said, ' You know our house rules, a nd we know you' re going out a nd partying and sleeping with girls. You still have a bed here, but if that's 6

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THE STORMS STORM HAD AVOIDED earlier in his life now come his way, in waves. Afte r reac hin g seve ral pinnacles-including winning Game 4 of the 1983 World Series a nd posting career-best stats in 1984- he stru gg les th roug h the next two seasons before being traded to the San Diego Padres. Once in San Diego, he becomes a target for new manager Larry Bowa. The competitive Bowa pressures Storm throughout the season, moving him from starting rotation to bullpen, and Storm responds with a 2-7 record and an ERA above 6. "A desert ex peri e nce," Storm says. "Looking back, I could have done things d ifferently. I didn ' t play well , and I didn't do what I'm capable of doing." The low po int comes when Storm faces Gle nn at a game in Houston. It is the only time in their professional careers that he has p itched against him. " I didn ' t relish the idea of facing him," Storm says. The first ti me up, Glenn wal ks. The second time, Sto rm does what any pitc he r would do to a close friend: " I hit him with a pitch." "Everybody got a kick out of it," Glenn says, himself amused. Even Nolan Ryan compliments Stom1 fo r having enough fiery compe titiveness to bean Gle nn. " But Storm was so serious," Glenn adds. " He was asking my wi fe, ' Is G le nn all right? I really didn't mean to hit him. ' That's all he was saying all the way home. I said, ' Storm,

Glenn even considered suicide, sometimes pointing an empty pistol at his head

blood parents, and I wasn't there the 17 years that he was before I came around." Gle nn also admits a degree of awkwardness tow ard hi s seco nd pare nts. This is not only because they were respected spiritual role models who see med to co ntrad ic t th e ir teaching by getting a divorce. But it's also because Storm 's family was crumbling at the same time Glenn was re-establi shing his relationship with the real parents he had prev iously hated.

Scene 5: Los Angeles, 1988 THE ASTROS are in town to face the Dodgers in a crucial series. But Glenn is go ing to have to sit thi s one out. A strained hamstring muscle has s ide lined him for a few gam es . Rath e r than appearing te nse and restless, Glenn is remarkably re la xed . That 's som e thing e lse he a nd Storm share. Both are easygoing, laid-back Southern men. Glenn's temperament doesn' t change when the topic turns to his real parents. In 1986, Glenn told Sports Illustrated, "Let's face it, [my mother] and I don't have a great relationship." Now he says, "My mother is just a beautiful, wonderful, loving lady. I used to hate her to death. Now, I think how it would be nice to go home and spend some time with her." He ;s eager to let people know that his parents (both have since remarri ed) aren ' t as bad as the media portrays. "It hw1s me to know that all some of those articles talked about was the bad. They distorted some things and made my parents sound like villains. My mother goes out in public and everybody looks at her like, 'There's that lady.' You can imagine how she feels. I don't want that now. " I want my parents to be able to experience the joy of having a son in the major leagues. I told my mothe r that if I made the All-Star Game, I was going to fly her out for the game. She's never seen me play other than on TV." Glenn also flew his dad out to accompany him on an Astros road trip.

Epilogue

. ... Glenn has become a consistent home-run threat for the Astros. B. SCHWAATZMAN/ALLSPORT

don 't worry about it. It didn ' t hurt anyway."' But Storm is hurting off the field too. His parents have divorced. Now, it's Glenn's turn to be stron g. " We've wept about it," Storm says. "We've had some deep conversations about it. It's tough to have to talk about Mom and Dad." "We were all shocked when it came down," Glenn says. "It's bee n hard for me, because I came from that background, and Storm didn't. I had some things to tell him, but it's hard to say them because George and Norma are not my

SO THAT'S HOW our scenario end s. Glenn is reconciling with his parents, Storm is strugg ling through his parents' di vorce, and both are happily married with kids of the ir own. But, changes and all, the two know that their friendship will always re main strong. Roll the credits? Sorry, another false stop. We' ll let Glenn write the ending to this story ... at least, this is how he'd like it to finish: "I believe one day, before we finish our careers, Storm and I are going to be on the same team. Then we can really catch up on a ll the time we've missed, all the things we wanted to te ll each other, all the phone call s that went unanswered." It doesn ' t so und that far-fetched. After all, in our scenario of two men from different backg rounds who beca me brothers in th e d ee pes t sense, the plot takes many turns. Yet they all point to a great e nding. â&#x20AC;˘ I. "Sorry Past, Bright Future," Sports Illustrated. August 25, 1986, p. 27.

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S GENERAL MANAGER of the Philadelphia 76ers, Pat Williams helped lead the team to the 1983 NBA Championship. His latest challenge is guiding the birth of the NBA 's newest franchise, the Orlando Magic, set to begin play next season. But in this interview with Kyle Rote Jr., Pat talks about the biggest challenge in his life: maintaining quality relationships at all levels.

KYLE: Tell us about your relationship with your new city. PAT: I had been with the 76ers fo r about 12 years. We had accomplished about everything that we could. I sensed a restlessness within. I needed a new challenge, new goals. This opportunity in Orlando presented itse lf in June 1986. I jumped at it. At that point the NBA gave no assurance that they wou ld even expand-certai nly no assurance that they would take Orl ando. It was a major gamble, but this is a special community. There's a great atmosphere here. Orlando is among the fas test-growing areas in the country. It's a boom town. Our job is to catc h hold of th is momentum, and make it happen athletically. KYLE: I would assume that one challenge for you is trying to maintain a sense of balance. How have you learned to do this? PAT: The most d ifficult struggle for us as men is to balance our responsibility to our families, because our natural bent is to our profession and our recreational pursuits. There are tremendous pulls there, and our inclination is to go in the direction of those pulls. The pull from wife and c hildren, I' m convinced, is not that naturally strong. It's not that we don't love the m, but rather that we get pulled out of proportion so easily. That happe ned to me. At the 10-year mark, our marri age reached the cri sis stage. My wife, Jill, let me know that she was giving up. She j ust couldn't continue that way and had died emotionally to me. That crisis forced me to reevaluate everything I was doing and learn what ingredients make a g reat husband. It's still a da ily struggle; it's not automatic. You don ' t get it rectified once and then it stays rectified for 10 years. KYLE: I find myself asking you that question of balancing priorities for two reasons: First, from a journalistic standpoint, but second, from a selfish standpoint in my own life, as someone who has had to deal with this issue on a muc h more regular basis than I ever imagined would be necessary when I first got married. PAT: It's an everyday situation, Kyle. My wife needs my focus and my liste ning skills. I need to share with her all the little practical things in my life. She needs dates with me, walks around the block holding hands, cards, flowers, affection, te nderness ... once a month isn 't going to carry you. We men tend to think, " I've already take n care of that; I got married. That's a piece of the jigsaw puzzle I don 't have to put in place again. I have to work on the pieces that are n' t in place yet." Most of them are career pieces. We run away from our fa milies, unwittingly. KYLE: Give us some suggestions on how to balance these priori ties. PAT: My # I relationship is with God. I have to nurture and feed that relationship. I work through the Bible one book at a time, verse by verse, studying it, making notations in the margin. I've got to fight for that every day; it's not automatic. I also need a consistent prayer life a nd a strong c hurch commitment. The second relationship is with my wife. She has to know that she is above the other priorities. Again, that takes di scipline. It means listening with undivided attention-no news-

WITH KYLE ROTE

JR. SECOND

LOOK

Williams is hoping to work the same " magic" in Orlando (left) that he and the 76ers did in winning the 1983 NBA Championship (right).

PHOTOGRAPHIC SOURCE/ORLANDO

papers or television. I think wives want most to know that their husbands are listening to them and valuing what they're saying, and then in return, are sharing their lives back with their wives, which is hard for men to do. My third priority is my children. We have eight kids, ages 14 to 4, and they need time with me. That means, Kyle, I'm not a golfer, or a fisherman, or a tennis player. My weekends and my evenings, as much as I can, are devoted to goi ng to their soccer games , gymnastics meets, and swimming events. I have to be a part of their lives as they're growing up. The fourth area of li fe is my ministry. We receive an enormous amount of writ ing and speaking opportunities, and try to do as much of them as we can without disrupting the top three priorities. And the n the fifth priority is the Orlando Magic. For almost all men, our natural desire is to put that professional area #I and let all the others slide. But I'm finding that I'm going to do better with the fifth priority in less time, as long as I do the other four right. I'm a far better executive now than I was 4 years ago, because it happens in a much smoother fashion, now that I faithfully try to keep my priorities in order. KYLE: You 've spoken of the cost of maintaining those priorities-like giving up recreational pursuits. Do you think our culture, princ ipally through the media, gives us a false sense that man can do it all? How do you advise the young husband who thinks it's possible to be an A tennis player, a super father, a super husband, and be super on the job. Can you, as the commercial says, "master the possibilities"? PAT: I think you can, Kyle. You can't be everything to everybody. But as a Chri stian sports executive, I don 't want to be second-rate in any area. I'm far more competitive now, and I have an intense desire to be the best I possibly can. But what I've done, particularly as I've gotten older, is to foc us in on the "real" areas, those that are going to be the best for my life, and weed out things I was just dabbling with. KYLE: We've spoken of a lot of different relationships you've enjoyed. Another unusual access 10

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'We men tend to ... run away from our families, unwittingly.'

is to what our culture would still call superstars. I' m thinking obviously of Julius Erving. How has your relationship been wi th some of the athletes you've worked with over the many years that you've been in the business? PAT: I have had opportunities, Kyle, to be part of many athletes' lives, beyond the basketball end of it, and I've found that I really do want to be a witness for Christ. That doesn't mean I have to pound a Bible down their throats. But it's important that I take advantage of every opportuni ty to exhibit my faith through my life. A great deal of the joy I've experienced in this business has come from seeing men like Julius Erving and Bobby Jones, and baseball players like Mike Schmidt , Bob Boone, and Garry Maddox grow in their faith while we were together in Philadelphia. KYLE: It sounds to me like the same possibility exists for everyone to be that special friend. Though everyone may not have as high profile a circle of influence as yours, they can impact lives in a positive way. PAT: Kyle, that's so true. Everyone has a sphere of influence that no one else can reach. It may be coaching youth sports teams or teaching school-all sorts of little ri pples come off our lives touching people all the time, and we don't even know it. I'm seeing that now in our children's lives, as they' re being touched daily by teachers, coaches, and rec leaders, and it's thrilling. We all have inroads that we need to take advantage of. It's the greatest experience in the world to have a direct impact on somebody's life. KYLE: Pat, we haven't talked about your relationship with agents, but maybe next year the company I work with wi ll be representing an athlete the Orlando Magic has drafted, and we can lock homs. PAT: (laughing) I'll eat you alive, Kyle. â&#x20AC;˘ A former pro soccer player and three-tim e winner of ABC-TV's "Superstars" competition, Kyle is also a TV sports commentator and popular speaker in Memphis, Tennessee. His interviews with sports personalities appear in each issue of Second Look.

FOR ATHLETES

THE TEAM THAT SWEATS TOGETHER GETS TOGETHER How struggle produces unity BY NORM EVANS Norm Evans is president of Pro Athlet es Outrea c h , a Ch ris tia n ministry that works with professional athletes. In his long NFL caree1~ Norm pla yed with th e Houston Oilers, the Miami Dolphins, and th e Seattle Seahawks. He was part of two Super Bowl champions for the Dolphins, including the team that went 17-0 in 1972 . Here, he talks about developing strong teammate relationships. EVERAL YEARS AGO, whe n I felt like I was about to die of heat ~::x h ausÂ ti o n during o ur afte rnoon practice in eas te rn Was hin g ton , I g riped, " Why do th e Seahawks leave cool, pleasant Seattle fo r training camp in this desert?" Soon I found out. I heard famil y coun se lor G a ry Smalley say that the sing le most common factor in creating strong family bonding is s hared struggle-camping, for example. When I heard that, I began to realize that it would have been a mistake for th e Seahawks to make things cozy for us. The most importa nt byproduct of that struggle called training camp can be good teammate re lationships. The reason you hear retiring athletes say, "The thing I'll miss most is the re lationships, the cam arade ri e," is th a t th ese fellow s h ave worked, sweat, bled, c ried, a nd la ug h ed toge th e r in a

common struggle. The bonding usually comes after the struggle. That's why some of my closest friends over the years have been teammates in gene ral- offensive line me n in partic ul ar. T he first suc h frie nd w~s Rich Michael. He was a right offe n s ive tac kl e for the Houston Oilers when I was a rookie. Rich and I were fighting for th e sa me pos iti o n. Still, e very time I had a question about a play or a technique, I as ked Rich. He always a nswe red pati e ntl y and de monstrated carefully. In essence, he taught me how to take away his job! Great relationships are enhanced by a ser vant attitude. Coaches say, "Do your j ob

first, the n he lp your teammate." Ric h di splayed tha t attitude. I ended up being the starte r th a t year, but Rich and I were such good friends that he even gave me an offseason job with his furniture co mp a n y. Fourtee n years la te r, w h e n m y foo tb all ca reer was e nding, I was ab le t o return th e favor. S teve August took ove r as sta rtin g right tackle for the Seahawks, a nd I helped him learn blocking techniques. Another close friend, Maxie Williams, and I met as fellow rookie offensive linemen for the Oile rs. Our shared struggle was that we were both o n the "Sui cide Squad"- the kickoff and punt teams. We were instructed to

run down the foot ba ll fie ld, brus h as ide a ll wo uld -be blockers, a nd sac rifi ce our bodies to tackle the opposing team 's kick re tumer. We were warned tha t if we weren 't in on every tackle, we'd be c ut from the team. Toge ther, Maxie and I would watch the films of our opponents. We wou ld share all the information we could get. Then, most important, we gave eac h ot he r verbal encouragement. At practice we would race down the field to see who could get to the receiver first. We would congratul ate each o ther fo r our s uccesses a nd tease eac h other for our failures. During the games , we wo uld he lp eac h o the r up . In a game against Kansas C ity, Maxie blocked a punt, and I covered it for a tou c h dow n. Man , we re we excited! Our enthusiasm continued off the field as well. For the next 7 years, we were room mates at training camp and on road trips. Our families lived in the same apartment com plex, and we took fami ly vacations together. Today, 23 years later, we still stay in touch. Back in those tough training ca mps, I didn't reali ze th a t ou r commo n stru gg le was bonding us together as a team. But I've learned th at the best way to build great re lationships is to honor your teammates (place high value on the m as a person). Then, a se rvant a ttitude a nd verba l enco urageme nt come easy. The natural byproduct: real team spirit. â&#x20AC;˘ SECON D

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RELATIONSHIPS â&#x20AC;˘ FEATURE

HOMES ARE WHERE THE HEART IS

Therese Hession and her pro golfing buddies build close friendships while helping others T'S OCTOBER. Except for a few elite events in Japan, the Ladies Professional Golf Association has fi nished its tournament season. Time to pack it in, take a break, read those back issues of Golf Digest. Adios to the golf tour, a traveling circus according to some (though not because the players are animals). Sayonara to that traveling summer camp. Time to fl y with the snowbirds to Arizona and Florida. Siesta and f iesta time. But not for all the women. Some have more work to do. For the last 3 years, pro golfer Therese Hession has kicked off her off-season by pounding nails, not golf balls, in the economically depressed area of Robbins, Tennessee. The coal mining town lies a 9iron away from the Kentucky border, in the Appalachia of central Tennessee.

BY KAREN RUDOLPH DROLLINGER

LPGA pro Therese Hession has found a good foundation to build her life on. 12

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Therese and other women pros trade in their soft leather golf gloves for rough and heavy construction gloves, cutting the country club scene for a week of sw ingi ng hammers instead of golf clubs. All play and no work makes Jackie a dull girl. Brown bag lunches fi ll in for catered buffets. Blue denim overalls replace alligator shirts. The group includes Stephanie Farwig, Cath y Duggan, Debbie Hall, Chris Lebiedz, Patty Jordan, Barb Thomas, Betsy King, Cindy Ferro, and Nancy Taylor. The women do construction work for the nonprofit C hristian organizatio n Habitat for Humanity. "Working at Habitat for Humanity gives me a chance to give something back to people who are less fortunate than I. During the year I don't have that much time in one community to help in any kind of community effort," Therese says. "God wants us to help other people who are less fortunate," adds the personable 5-foot-7 31-yearold. "The opportunity opened up; and it's good timing for us. We get to meet some of the people who are moving into the homes we helped build. You see their faces and how appreciative they are, and you know it's got to be a great thing." Habi tat for Humanity has helped low-income families in more than 300 cities and rural areas by providing low-cost housing at no-interest financing. The nonprofit organization mobilizes teams of volunteers (Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter are two noteworthy Habitat enthusiasts), both locally and in projects like the one involving the women golf pros. Women's tour chaplain Cris Stevens leads the project. She says, "This extends our relationships beyond our immediate world. It's not just our immediate relationships [that are important] , but how we can begin investi ng our lives beyond the pro tour." Ah yes, the golf tour: a challenging competition of roaming some of the world 's most beautiful real estate, complete with the rigors of tallying a daily scorecard; an idyllic existence beyond the dreams of common workers punching a timecard. "In a sense, I suppose this would be a fantasy world, whe re most people think of it as just playing golf all day. For most people, golf is recreation, not their job," the former NCAA AllAmerican says. She notes that tournament committees cater to players' needs, offering cars, housing and meals, plus gifts and pri zes. But scorecards or timecards, it's all in a day's work for T herese. " I could play fo r 5 weeks straight and not pick up a check, and I'm going to lose $3,000-$4,000. If I get sick I day in my job, I lose a whole week's worth of pay. If I'm not feeling well, I still have to go out and play. It's not like I can have someone cover for me." Essentiall y Therese, like all the LPGA members, is self-employed, a one-woman business. All for one and one for one is the rule here. Her Southern Methodist University accounting degree pays off when Therese the manager figures out 14

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'Jhis gives

me a chance to give something back to people who are less fortunate than 1.'

By keeping her priorities lined up correctly, Therese can handle the breaks of pro golf. GARYFONG

bills, files expense reports, and arranges hotel and airline reservations for Therese the player. For the Indianapolis native, those paychecks have come in steadily in her 9-year career. She may never be the reigning princess at the press tent, presiding over post-round interviews, but her consistency has gained her almost $ 140,000 in career earnings, plus additional income from endorsements, guarantees, and off-season work. That may not be prime rib, but it's hardly chicken feed. "A ll the players can 't be stars," S tevens, Therese's close friend, says. "She's plugging away and making a nice career from golf." In baseball, Therese might be considered a journeyman player, performing just well enough each year to make the roster. In women's golf, however, the stakes aren't nearly as high, monetaril y speaking. The richest women's tournament pays the winner $8 1,500 (and only the top 12 money winners can enter), while the highest men's payday is a hefty $360,000. In this game, the men carry the big purses. When asked to evaluate her profess ional accomplishments, she hesitates, then says, " It all depends on your definition of success. I am surprised that I don't have more top I0 finishes. In that aspect I feel like I could have done better and still can improve. "Right now, my swing is the best it's ever been, and I'm hitting the ball as well as I ever have," she adds. "But the competition continues to

improve as fas t as I do." For example, in 1980, Therese's rookie year on tour, he r stroke average of 76.34 ranked her 99th. She's knocked it down nearl y two strokes, but for all her work, she still ranks around IOOth. How does she keep that competitive edge while maintaining good relationships with fellow competitors, players who are taking gas out of her car, burritos o ff her plate, and toys out of her closet? lsn ' t there the slightest temptation to cough when another player is attempt ing a crucial putt that wou ld push her down the money list? " My only opponent is the golf course," she says. " If I beat the golf course, I'm going to have a good score that day. I don't have to worry about the girl I'm play ing with or the girl that's played this mornin g already and has a certain score." The rese warns that trying to beat only certain players would allow others to quietly sneak past her. " You have to keep looking at things which you have control over, instead of other people." With a refreshing attitude like that, it's no wonde r Therese is well- liked and respected a round the LPGA. "One of the finest persons you'll ever meet," says 198 1 LPGA Rookie of the Year Kyle O ' Brien , a co ll ege tea mmate and now th e women 's golf coach at SMU. "She's had a good steady career, and it was quite an accomplishme nt for her to qualify for her playing card the first time around. Few can do that." Therese's view of success has been transformed by events that caused her to revaluate her standard s. Therese regularly a tte nded the LPGA Fellowship Group. But in 1981 she took to heart what she had learned, and began a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Within two years, her faith faced a form idable tes t. In 1983, h er fat he r d ied from ca ncer. Working through he r grief, she po ndered the me a nin g o f hi s life a nd his death , a nd was touched by the number of people who attended his fune ral. She recall s, " He had worked hi s who le life and had to leave all the material things be hind. Ye t he had touched these people's lives in such a way tha t out of respect for him they came to his fune ral. He left something behind in people's li ves th at's invaluable. "My whole idea of success changed that ni ght. Success is what ~ can do fo r ot her people and ways I ca n c ha nge the ir li ves for the be tter, instead of how much I can earn- that's going to be left behind. That [goal] shows up in a lot o f my re lationships." So what has life on the tour taught Therese about relationships? "The most important thing is that no one is going to be pe rfect. I've really learned on tour that I can 't be dependent on any one person. Nobody can always be the re for you all the time. Some weeks you don ' t play the same tourn ame nts! " I don 't like to stay in one clique. I think it 's okay to have yo ur closest friends , but it 's also important to be always open to other people. Thi s year I especially see that God has had me reach

Training Tips

THREE TRAPS

AVOID

'Success is what I can do for other people, instead of how much I can earn.'

THERESE HESSION doesn' t spend all her time playing w ith the pros. Through clinics, outings, and pro-ams, she observes the weekend golfer ... and some wild swings. Here she tells Second Look the most common m istakes golfers make:

Alignment. " When you line up, your shoulders, hips, and feet should be parallel to each other and slightly to the left of the target," Therese advises. Aiming left or right to compensate for a hook or slice only compounds the problem, she Si!ys.

Grip. Most golfers turn their left hand too fa r to the right while gripping, causing a hook. She advises men to make sure their hands are facing each other. For extra d istance, Therese allows women to turn the ir left hand slightly to the right, so the top two knuckles are visible.

Short game. Whe the r chipping or putting, Therese notes, keep an equal swing on both sides of the ball. Most golfe rs e ither take their wedge or putter way back and stab at the ball, or take a short backs w ing a nd swi ng fa r through the ball. " Keep both sides equal," she says. "Think of it as a pe ndulum. " out and become be tte r friends with more people instead of always relying on one or two persons." But one relationship transcends the rest. "The important thing to realize is that God is always with me everywhere I go, and that is one relationship that will never fail me. By realizing that and developing that as my top friendship, I have that re liability I'm looking for. " â&#x20AC;˘

Karen Rudolph Drollinger, a graduate in journalism from the University of Missouri, is a form er women's pro basketball player, a popular speaker at camps and clinics, and a freq u ent contributor to Second Look magazine. SE CO ND

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I S

Athletes have no problem expressing their emotions on the playing field. Off the field, however, they often fight a losing battle.

J. DANIELVALLSPORT

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AME THE ATHLETE and you can name marke t, and the pressure for financial independence.' Is the moment: Jesse Owens, Babe Ruth, Jim it any wonder that there is so little quality time and enerRyun , Mario Andretti, 0. J. Simpson, gy invested in friendships? Wilma Rudolph, Jack Nick laus, Wayne Ath letes are not necessarily more prone to relational struggles than people in other professions. But Gretzky-special ath letes whose special sports' particular stresses are moments are captured forever, significant and do contribute in our minds and in the annals RELATIONSHIPS â&#x20AC;˘ FEATURE of sports history. to the emptiness and loneliThe special moment in my ness that so many sports perCanadian Football League sonalities are experiencing. career came in 1981, on a rainSadly, many of my ex-teamsoaked natural grass field at mates and friends have fought a losing battle in this area Ottawa's Lansdowne Park. My team, Ottawa, is down by two since retiring from the game. points. Ball on the Hamilton Their lives are now marked by 45, 4 seconds left. Many fans lack of purpose and a sense of hav e left, drenched by the isolation. downpour. Moments before, I Bodybuilding demonstrates had missed an extra point one of sports' stresses . It's a because my foot hit a deep unique expression of competipuddle during the kick. tion, but have you seen these athletes working out? Lights, Everything is at stake. If I miss this kick, Ottawa will miss o,il, mirrors, weights, special the playoffs for the first time in skimpy costumes, and the ulti10 years. The head coach's job mate in concentration. They is on the line, as is mine. The can spend hours exercising and radio announcer is predicting developing one small obscure that I'll miss the field goal. The mus cle fiber located where 52-yard kick is ... good! Those most of us don't even know we have muscles. The point here special moments-they drive athletes to exhaustion if necesis not to criticize bodybuilders, but to isolate one key barrier to sary just to taste them again and again. building solid relationships : the emphasis on the exterior But the pursuit of these moments of glory-with all elements of life to the detrithe press ure, excitement, and ment of the interior realities. exhilaration-can keep an athThis exterior-over-interior lete from experiencing highdisorder shows up in the idyllic quality personal relationships, marriages of athletes and whether with a spouse or with movie stars. Based on outward appearance, these marriages have all the potential for a friend. Can an athlete enjoy warm, intimate relationperfection and paradise. But tragically, many end up in ships even in the thick of battle? early divorce because of feelings and attitudes on the Times are t~ugh as it is. In my home country, Canada, divorces increased a dramatic 26% between inside. 1985 and 1986. Not surprisingly, the jump coincides When Wayne Gretzky, the superstar hockey player, with new divorce legislation in Canada that makes it married movie star Janet Jones, it featured all the quicker, cheaper, and easier to end a marriage. hoopla of a royal wedding. But Wayne and Janet canBut times are also harder now even to maintain close friendships. One college student points out that young BY GERRY ORGAN people are confronted with family breakup, fear of AIDS, changing values, the competitiveness of the job

WEAK

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For many athletes, success in sports is coupled with failure in relationships

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not rely on status, looks, wealth, or notoriety to build the ir marriage. Their choices, their priorities, and the ir commitment to intimacy will determine the depth of their fulfillment. The television adverti sements showing several handsome and beautiful young people tasting all the gusto of life while sipping their favorite brew entices the viewer to seek similar ex pe rie nces. This is true friendship as portrayed by advertisem e nts . Th e foundational attraction of these " friends," however, is clearly external. The interior is the more rigorous choice. The late Dag Hammarskjold, former secretary-general of the United Nations, said, "The largest journey is the journey inward."2 Lawrence Crabb, in his book In side Out, adds, " Real change produces maturity, that rare type of character that makes it possible to genuinely love. People who offer a quality of relationship that strikes deep into the souls of others are mature. And developing maturity requires an inside look."J Good marital relationships require intimacy the capacity to love, to lead, and to submit - to probe our inner selves and share what we learn with one another. These characteristics are not nurtured well in the sports world. A rece nt Second Look article on golfer Scott Simpson said, "Hi s livelihood depends on his performance." Similarly, his relationships depend on his priorities. The athlete who doesn' t make a priority of identifying this inner self and sharing it with others becomes a pri soner of the unknown and remains essentially alone. Owners, managers, coaches, fans, the media, and eve n teammates don ' t care much about the quality of an athlete's marriage and friendships. In the CFL, like the NFL, a player is identified by his team, his number, his height and weight, his speed in the 40-yard dash, and his position (and, in Canada, whether he is a Canadian or an "Import"). No one ever mentions, except perhaps in personality features , an athlete's personal relation ships. Thi s may be all for the best; for so many well-known athletes, their relationships have been many and their commitment shallow. They strive consistently for the external- the outward intense relationship that almost always lacks depth and intimacy. For all married couples, regardless of profession , the secret of keeping the romance alive is to discover the essence of intimacy. According to Dr. Ed Wheat, the inability of more than half of marriage partners to stay in love is centered on that one potent word.4 Friendships too require closeness. Many people go through their early adult life "on a highly provis ional basis with no lasting commitments or goals-they don't invest much of the self in the world or take much of the world into the self."s This lack of self-investment results in poor returns in the area of friendships. I can already hear some of you reacting negati vely to this talk of inward journeys and intimacy: " How can an athlete ponder the meaning of 18

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DO YOUR RRATIONSHIPS NEEDANADDm DIMBIISION? HAVE YOU ENTERED the third dimension? Or are you one of those two-dimensional people who see man as noth· ing more than body and mind? The missing third dimension is the spiritual, the part of you that makes you aware of God and helps you recognize your uniqueness on this earth. This spiritual dimension can equip you to develop and nurture true intimacy in relationships. In John 10:10, Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." He made us aware of our spiritual dimension and challenged us to develop our relationships by enhancing the quality of our love Have you been spending all your time concentrating on your body and mind while neglecting your spirit? That makes you incomplete. Why not start investigating this third dimension and get in touch with God- the creator of all three dimensions? •

the unive rse and explore the deep inner feelings of his life when he's preparing to play the defending Stanley Cup c hampions? Give me a break!" My wife, Lore, has a simple solution for this dilemma. She calls it " intimate accommodation." Our super-hero 's sensitive spouse and caring friends will know that an athlete sometimes needs some extra space in order to "peak." That's true of everyone. But later on, it's the athlete's turn to accommodate and to nourish and to resume that inward journey. Believe me, it's worth it, and it works. Intimacy is closeness and unity. It presupposes wam1th, kindness, and love. It flourishes in both togetherness and solitude. It is nourished by both joy and harmony-even by constructive conflict. In sports, the toughest barriers contribute most to th e athlete 's charac ter and performance . Similarly, in a good relationship, the ability to get along after a period of conflict has the potential of deepening the love and trust. Intimacy necessitates maturity. Every campus has its perfect couple. He is the all-star quarterback; she 's homecoming queen. They're a beautiful and pleasant couple . . . and their lives revolve around each othe r. They spend all the ir time together, gazing into each other's eyes and holding hands. This may be romantic. But it's not reality, it's not intimacy, and it 's not the way to establish a mature relationship. Psychologist Paul Pearsall describes one level of intimacy that creates the pinnacle of human re lationship. "It requires effort, commitment, and willingness to change first and think about it later. " 6 He calls this "the central reason for being married- to enjoy and share the privilege of being vulnerable, of sharing and giving yourself to someone and inviting that person to do the same."1 The heavy emphasis on the physical- the outward appearance, the performance, statistics , rankings, and ratings- attracts so much of an athlete's attention. Success in sports does demand . commitme nt, time, dedication, and practice. But 'Ye humans must also seek a dee per reality. We must grow and mature as persons. If we want to build good relationships and sustain healthy marriages, we must set our priorities so that the outward demands do not rob us of inward rewards. We are people. We hav e feelings, dreams, hurts, and pain, and we need to risk touching this inward reality and sharing it with others. You can be a great success as an athlete (or in any othe r profession) and still be enriched by strong re lationships. Choose intimacy! •

G erry Organ played for the Ottawa Ro ugh Riders of the Canadian Football League from 1971-1983. He is a marriage and family counse lor with Christian Family Ministries of Guelph , Ontario. I. Maclean's, Sepl. 7, 1987, p. 45. 2. Ham marskjo ld, Dag. MarkinRs. Alfred A. Kn opf, Inc.. 1964. p. 58. 3. Crabb. Lawrence. Inside Otll. NavPress. 1988, p. 64. 4. Wh eat, Ed, Lm ·e Life. Zondervan, 1980, p. 130. 5. Levinson. Daniel J. The Seasons of a Man's Life. Ballanti ne, 1979, p. 80. 6. Pearsall, Paul. Su{Jer Marital Sex. Doubleday, 1987, p. 252. ?.Ibid, p. 19.

17.

Which pair of brothers were not bot h f i rst-round NBA draft choices? A . Jim and John Pax son B. Bernard and Albert King C. Purvi s and Eugene Short D. Gus and Ray Williams

Name th e pitc her and catcher for the Dodgers in the 1960s who al so happened to be brothers.

What pair of brothers fini shed first and second in the 1966 Nati onal L eague batting race?

'•

Whi ch pair of brothers has hit the most home runs in maj or league history?

The las t pitcher to win and l ose 20 g am es in the sam e seaso n al so h as a brother who pitched in the major l eagues. Name these brothers.

18.

Dave and A nn Meyers both starred in basketball for the UCLA Bruins. Dave went on to the N BA, and A nn married a Hall of Fame pitcher. Who is Ann's husband?

19.

Former San Francisco Giants pi tcher Randy Moffitt has a famou s si ster. Name her.

20.

To which tennis star was Chri s Evert engaged in 1974?

Th e 1964 Nati ona l L eague R ookie of the Year has two brothers w ho al so played major league baseball. Name this famous rookie and his brothers.

Tom Paciorek had a success ful ca reer as a major l eague ballplayer, but hi s brother, John , set a record in his career. Name the record John established in 1963.

·oz

Whi ch of these current major leaguers' dads did not also play in the majors? A. Barry Bonds B . Vance L aw C. Bob Boone D. A l vin Davis

Whi ch f orm er major league catcher has a brother w ho wa s a m aj or l eague umpire?

N ame the brothers w ho each won 20 games in 1970.

10.

Which of these former MVP's did not lu\Ve a brother who also pl ayed in the major leagues? A. Joe Torre B. Ken Boyer C. Joe DiMaggio D . Nell ie Fox

11.

Name the brothers who played the same position for opposing teams in the 1964 World Series.

12.

Whi ch former heavyweight champion has a son who was an NFL rook ie in 1988?

(Clockwise from top left) Law, Davis, Bonds, and Boone: Whose dad was not a major leaguer?

13.

Name th e fa th er wh o w as still playin g for t he K an sas C ity Roya ls w hen they made his son their firstround draft pick in 1985.

back for th e D etroit Li ons whose brother played for the N FL's St. Louis Cardinals?

14. Name the father and son

were not both first- ro und N FL draft choices? A. Bruce and C lay Matthews B. Ross and Joey Browner C. M erlin and Phil O lsen D. Archie and Ray Griffin

who were bot h f irst -round draft cho ices for the same NFL team.

15.

Who was the runnin g

18. Whi ch pair of brothers

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RELATIONSHIPS â&#x20AC;˘ PERSPECTIVE

ONE IS A LONELY NUMBER

A seven-step game plan for developing meaningful relationships

I ELATIONSHIPS? Who needs them? I sure don't!" After Brian (not his real name) said it, he picked up his equipment bag, turned, and walked nonchalantly away.

BY DAVE BURNHAM SECOND

LOOK

T he pro footba ll team c hapel service had been brie f, but my topic ha d stirre d some longtime hurts a mong the players. Brian, for one, felt that bui ld ing re lations hips jus t was n ' t worth th e e ffo rt. He had m ade up hi s mind t o be a lone r-Qn and off the fie ld. The word s of a Paul Simon song came to mi nd:

I am a rock. I am an island. Up in walls, a fortress steep and high That none may penetrate. I have no need for friendship. Friendship causes pain. It's laughter and it's loving I disdain . I am a rock. I am an island. And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries.l I watched the lonely figure throw his bag into his convertible and rapid ly drive away from the tra ining camp facility. The yellow slip of paper in Brian 's hand had confirmed his worst fears. He had been c ut. A he ro th e previous season , he was n ' t needed anymore . Hi s teammates we re glad to see him go. His wife had already cut out during the off-season. I have no need for friendship. Do you have any meaning ful relationships? Or are they o nly surface acq ua inta nces? If you moved away, would anyone mi ss you ? The apostle Paul deve loped c lose frie ndships throughout his ministry. For example, he enjoyed a deep kinship with the leaders of the church he he lped establish in Ephesus. Acts 20 te lls about Paul's final meeting with these specia l friends, as he prepares to leave. The parti ng is sad, but not bitter. The sorrow they feel ari ses only because they can ' t sha re o n a da il y basis the love a nd apprec iation they have for e ach othe r. Paul would be missed. Why? What qualities of his re lationships gave them lasting value? Seven of these c haracte ristics a re ex pressed in Pa ul 's words in verses 18 through 36. 1. Openness. " You know from the first day that I came to Asia, in what manner I always li ved among you" (v. 18). Paul was aware that these friends knew him and that his life was an open book. People li ke Bria n think no o ne reall y understands the ir moti ves. Brian used people. He didn't reali ze they could read it just as well as he could read a de fense. 2. Humility. Paul said he served the Lord "with all humility" (v. 19). Humility is an att itude of mind that gives a sense of worth not by putting down others but from a correct concept of God. Paul knew th at he was not God. He had yie lded his life to the Lord Jesus Christ and was servi ng Him with the abilities and opportunities that God had given him. Humility tha t grows from a re lationship with God gives us a prope r view of ourselves. But if our only view of ourse lves is in compari son ! .Copyright ÂŠ / 965 PAUL S IMON. All rights rrsenl'd.

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When others receive attention or applause, do you seethe with jealousy?

w it h others, we develop false concepts: the only way to build up ourselves is to tear down others. Brian had made himse lf the # I concern. It left him lone ly and isolated . Paul, by display ing the oppos ite a tt itude, d eve lope d m ea ningful rela ti ons hips. 3. Heart. This quality is ide ntified in verse 19, when Paul said he served God "with many tears." T his does not mean that Pau l was dejected, but rathe r that he had an emotional investment in his re lat ionship w ith the Ephesia n c hurch. If you examined Bria n 's relationshi ps, you would see that his heart wasn' t in it. He didn ' t care. For re la tionships to last, you have to be will ing to put a litt le bit of yourself into the m. 4. Unselfishness. Paul said, " I kept back nothing that was helpfu l" (v. 20). One clear indicator of whe the r a relationship is mutual or one-sided is how we use o pportunities th a t bring hono r, whether to ourselves o r to someone e lse. Do we truly help other people succeed, o r are we only watchi ng out for # I? When other people receive attention or applause, do we seethe with jealousy? Selfishness leads to loneliness. 5. Consistency. In verse 20, Paul a lso said, " I taught you publicly and from house to hou ~:e." In

ARELATIONSHIP WITHOUT RISK RELATIONS HIPS ARE REWARDI NG, bu t ri sky. We a ll can recall painful relationships. Looking back, we may say to ourselves, " If only I had protected myself," o r " If only I had not become so invo lved." Such ex periences te nd to make us more cau tious because we want to avoid the risk of being hu rt again. Would you be interested in a friendship in wh ich you wouldn't have to fear being hurt or used? T here is Someone who prom ises to love you perfectly and unconditionally-regard less of how you may act toward Him. We're talking about God. He wants to have a personal relatio nship with you th roug h Jes us C hrist. Ch rist's de ath on the c ross provides the fo rgiveness that opens the door for you to relate to God. But you have to wal k thro ugh it. Just pray a simple prayer, like the fo llowi ng:

God, I want to have a personal relation ship with You through J esus Christ. I con fess that my sin has prevented m e from relating to You. I want to experience Yo ur l ove and forgiveness thro ugh Christ's death on the cross. Thank You f or coming into my life as You promised You would . Amen. The Second Look staff is a lways ready to help you with any questions you may have about your re lationship with God. Write to us at Second Look, Box 3566, G rand Rapids, MI 49501 -3566.

other words, Paul acted the same, whether in public church meetings or home visits. Noth ing hurts a relationship more than someone who turns his personality on a nd off without warning. In verse 18, Paul reminded his frie nds that he had lived among them, so they knew of his consistency. I' m sure the lack of thi s quality caused diffic ulty in Brian's marri age. There were times of affection , but also times of abuse. With consiste ncy, relationships grow. 8. Honesty. Ve rse 27 refe rs to thi s oftenoverlooked qua lity: "For I have not shunned to declare to you the whole counsel of God" (italics mine). We think that a re lationship grows only if we're nice and polite and never confront or face difficu lt issues. But Paul said he had spoken hones tly th e m essage of God and had without compromise told the m the whole truth. Truth is essential to relationships. We have to be honest with each other. Pa ul was concerned enough to tell these people the truth-even when what needed to be said wou ld hurt. If you trul y care about someone, you're will ing to speak the truth in love. There's another, more cruel side to this issue. I can remember Brian saying, "I just tell it like it is. They can like it or lump it." I don ' t know if he a lways told it like it was, but I'm sure " they" understood that he spoke without any love. 7. Encouragement. T he necessary companion to hon es ty is found in verse 32, "So now, brethren , I co mmend you to God and to the word of His g race, whi ch is able to build you up and g ive you an inheritance among a ll those who are sanc ti fied." For 3 years Paul had he lped build the people in the Ephesian church. He had put hi s heart, and more than a few tears, into it. Paul knew that a relati onship with God had benefits for his frie nds. This was no one-sided relationship. And he encouraged them to realize all the blessings that God had given to them. As we review these princ iples, you might see how Jesus Christ was the perfect model of each of these qualities. He was an open book, hiding nothing. He walked in humility and evidenced deep love for man. He unselfishly gave up His status in heaven to live among us. Wh at He was in public, He also was in private. He spoke honestly words of truth, the message from the Father, and He encouraged His weak disciples with the confidence that through the power of God's Holy Spirit they could proclaim the gospel. The closing scene in Paul's farewell is a beautiful picture. After Paul had said these things, they prayed together, wept freely, and expressed their affection. T hen "they accompanied him to the ship" (v. 38). Paul may have been leaving, but he wasn't alone. Perha ps these principles can help make your re lationships more meaningful. A littl e se lfexamination now might be helpful. It may prevent you from a parting scene like Brian 's-cut by the team, ignored by his teammates, rejected by his wife ... and alone. â&#x20AC;˘

BIBLE STUDY

ASECOND LOOK AT RELATIONSHIPS Da ve Burnham's article relates Paul's farewell to his friends in Ephesus. Years larer, Paul would return to that city, this time accompanied by one of his best friends-Timothy. So strong was their relationship that, at Paul's request , Timothy would remain in Ephesus for many years, through some extremely adverse circumstances. Dave's article also listed several principles for building strong and loyal relationships. Let's see how these principles were instrumental in the development of Paul and Timothy's friendship.

1. OPENNESS. Read Acts 16: 1-3. What kind of reputation did Timothy have? Read I Thessalonians 3 :2. How would Timothy's character help Paul consider him "a brother"?

2. HUMILITY. Read

I Corinthi ans 4: 17 and I Timothy I: 18. How does Paul refer to Timothy? Why? How does this reflect Timothy's humility?

Read Ephesians 5:2 1. What principle for strong relationships is Paul stating? Which works better in relationships: humble submi ssiveness or prideful dominance? Why?

3. HEART.

Pa ul and Timothy tr.ave led, worked, ate, taught, and lived together almost continually for more than 15 years. Read I T hessalonians 5:13, 14. What are some ways Paul and Timothy " put their heart into it" in he lping each other? Look a t verse 14 again. What are the three "ailments" described? What three "ointments" does Paul prescribe? What exhortation at the end of the verse ties it a ll together?

4. UNSELFISHNESS. Read Philippians 2: 19-22. Based on thi s passage, how do we know Timothy was unselfish? How can you make sure your life is characteri zed by Philippians 2:20, rather than Philippians 2:21?

5. CONSISTENCY. Read

I Timothy 6:1-8. Which of Paul 's exhortations re late to consiste ncy of character? How?

How was Paul 's consistent, steadfast character an example for Timothy? (vv. 7 ,8).

6. HONESTY. Read the following verses:

I Corinthians 16: 10; 2 Timothy I :7; apd 2 Timothy 2: I. They seem to indicate an area of weakness in Timothy that Paul was aware of. How would you describe this weakness? Read Proverbs 27:5,6. According to these verses, should Paul have been afraid to discuss openly this situation with Timothy? Why or why not? What marks strong relationships: ignoring conflicts or resolving them? Defend your choice.

7. ENCOURAGEMENT.

Read I Timothy 6:20. Paul wrote this first letter to Timothy to encourage him in a time of difficulty. How is he e ncouraging him in this verse?

-Ralph K. Drollinger

SECOND

LOOK

DOES IT

HAVE

lOBE LONELY

AT THE

TOP?

Winning is fun. But does it have to be at the expense of others? If we make our own success the #1 goal and see others only as opponents, we may finish on top but also risk ending up alone. Is that still winning? Second Look Magazine addresses a variety of life's tough questions- like relationships-with a fresh approach.

TAKE ASECOND LOOK AT THE REAL ISSUES IN SPORTS •.• AND LIFE.

Second Look · Grand Rapids, MI 49555

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