EARLY PHASE \\ CONVERSATIONS
having the conversation:
WHEN DAD DISAGREES ON MOM’S CARE
M
om and Dad have been together for decades, filled with the memories of good times and bad. Both are getting older, but they may not experience the same impacts of aging at the same rate. Dad, perhaps, is generally fit as a fiddle while Mom may be experiencing physical or cognitive challenges, or both. As dad or the adult children assume the role of the primary decision maker, how do you handle conflicts over care decisions?
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ASSESS THE SITUATION If Dad is providing care for Mom, or vice versa, it’s vital to assess his ability to meet her needs without neglecting his own. Is he missing doctor’s appointments because she can’t stay alone? Is he providing physical care that could cause a fall? If she were to fall, could he get her up on his own? Asking questions like these can help you determine the level of risk and help you decide whether to take the further steps in getting support for your parents. UNDERSTANDING YOUR LOVED ONE’S PERSPECTIVE Before stepping in or implementing formal care options, listen to your dad’s perspective. Consider why he feels the way he does. Older adults are frequently reluctant to accept help. Many emotions are involved. Dad may feel that it’s his job to care for your mom— on his own. He may feel that it’s weak to ask for or accept help, and he may be grieving the loss of his wife as he once knew her.
