How to Support During Dysregulation and Big Feelings

Dysregulation is hard for both your child and yourself! Often, when our children are dysregulated, they are back at FEDC 1 – Regulation and Shared Attention. They do not have the ability in that moment to express their needs, process information, open and close circles of communication, or engage in problem solving or negotiating. This month, our Parent Workshop focused on supporting our children through dysregulation. Here are some of the take aways from the workshop.

Think about your own regulation first. Is there an option to switch out with someone until you are regulated? Can you give yourself a couple of minutes to regulate before co-regulating? What can you do to regulate yourself (e.g., deep breathing, some hand squishes, a fidget)?

Hold the space for them – less is more when co-regulating. Holding the space for your child might look like sitting somewhere and looking at them with an empathetic look, validating their feelings and emotions with simple, minimal language (e.g., “I know”, “That was hard”) Model how to stay regulated or become regulated through body language, gestures and tone of voice – your body language is open, not crossing your arms, modeling deep breaths or how they might be feeling (e.g., you might say, “My body is mad” or “I am feeling big things.”)

Limit the use of many words when co-regulating – less is more when co-regulating so using minimal and sometimes no words can be helpful. Our goal is to get your child regulated – Don’t feel the need to rush through this part, talk about what happened or get to the higher FEDCs.