f you’ve never seen an elephant
then you’ve never been on
here’s two positions in snowboarding. One is looking
and the other is
he said “Spell ‘ant’ ”, and I wrote out the entire alphabet. She said “That doesn’t spell ‘ant’ ”, and I said, “It’s in there somewhere. There’s the A, there’s the N, there’s the T, the rest are
appreciate your applause, but I don’t do it for the applause. I do it for
It’s much
ou notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking ‘this is a fresh shop, everything in here is
I will do well to shop here’ You never go straight to the bit with the toilet paper, loo brushes and such do you? You’d think ‘this is a shop! Everything in here is themed on poo.
am a proffessional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Because if a woman falls over wearing heels, that’s
If a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself. It’s the end of your life.
y father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper. I want to follow in their footsteps. And their footsteps were like this. I’m covered in
his is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard flight one from here to here. We’ll be cruising at a height of ten feet, going up to twelve and a half feet, if we see anything big. And out copilot today, is a flask of .....
efore birds get sucked into jet
Do they ever think, “Is that Rod Stewart in first
e love shaggy and scooby because they were cowards! because we can identify them. We love them! The other guys driving the van ?
quirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, “araraara”, and occasionally they stop and go, oh, uh, ah, as if they’re going “ Did I leave the gas on? No!, i’m a fucking squirrel!” Fed up with them always. I long for a grapefruit.”
By Stacey Reeve