StarChild - July 2010

Men and Monogomy

c

d)

(re-imagine

PARENTAL

“Call it evil that men do, Lord forgive me for what my pen do…” –Eminem

sex•u•al•i•ty: (n) The condition of being characterized and distinguished by sex; concern with or interest in sexual activity.

Consider this issue a sexuality free for all. We’re not dealing with sex, but with some topics that stem from it. In this issue you’ll meet “The Ghost” a boy that has been trapped in a girl’s body. You’ll also gain some insight into why married men cheat. In addition you’ll hear from one of our favorite writers, Epiphany, who lets us view what’s behind her sexuality mask as she takes us on a journey down Promiscuous Valley. 13Ways is also in the building this issue, stepping on some toes as he ponders how men have failed. And then lastly, but certainly not least, we’ve got a kick butt music review, coming from M-Dot who’s got the illest ear for music.

This and much more in the July issue of StarChild!

Read and be blessed,

B.da Oso StarChild www.facebook.com/bda.starchild Things to ponder for the month of July: Spiritual perfection Keen observation Great focus Delight

Ou r

Cheatin’ Hearts

Men and monogamy:

Fighting the urge to have an extramarital affair

By Sean Elder

Why can’t you just be faithful? Any man who has ever been on the receiving end of that question, whether dodging crockery or wiping away his wife’s tears, knows that some women would really like an answer. Do men who cheat really outnumber their female counterparts? Does infidelity in marriage come more naturally to men than women? And do some husbands think that “monogamy” is a board game?

“There’s no question that men cheat more than women,” says Steven Nock, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Virginia, who has followed the marriages of more than 6,000 men since 1979. “In the bad old days, when we had to prove why we were getting divorced, that was the leading cause.” This was mostly because husbands were guiltier of infidelity in marriage than their wives, but also because “society is more tolerant of men’s misdeeds,” says Nock. It was OK for a marriage to end because the husband had been unfaithful l- you know how men are - while a faithless wife was a true pariah. As you may remember from your American literature class, it was Hester Prynne who wore the scarlet letter, not the man with whom she had the affair.

“Men and women cheat in different ways,” says Mark Epstein, MD, a psychiatrist in private practice in Manhattan and author of Open To Desire: Embracing a Lust for Life. “It’s more like an appetite thing for men, more oral in a way. Their partners are more disposable. And the experiences are more disposable.”

Infidelity in men: Does the biological argument hold up?

Wives often find their husbands disposable when they discover they’ve cheated on them, though still they wonder why they did it. Could it be a biological imperative, as some scientists have allowed? Cole Porter may have thought that the birds and bees who “do it” were falling in love, but if love is what you’re calling it, there is plenty of evidence that the animal kingdom pretty much falls in love indiscriminately. And even Homo sapiens have spent more evolutionary time seeking multiple partners than in pursuit of romantic matrimony and monogamy.

“There is a natural tendency that is pretty hardwired in us as a species that suggests putting your seed in as many places as possible. It’s what got

humanity to this point in history,” says Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and board-certified sex therapist in Fair Oaks, California. “That non-monogamous urge persists in many men - though many manage serial monogamy despite that urge.”

This would seem to argue for a behavioral cure to what may be only partially a biological problem. (Besides, the evolutionary argument will only get you so far. One could argue that men also used to beat each other with clubs, but this practice is generally frowned upon today - at least in most places. And there are no country songs about it.) Can counseling, for instance, get a man to stop cheating?

That old feeling: One reason why men cheat “I don’t think anyone can be made to do anything,” says Epstein, “but self-awareness is really powerful. More choices are apparent when you are aware of what is motivating you.” A lot of men, he has found in practice, cheat in the same way an alcoholic relapses.

“People turn to strategies that gave them pleasure when they were younger, that worked to give meaning and pleasure to their lives. There is a whole pattern that [non-monogamous men] know how to kindle - coming on to someone and having that first experience - the same way

some people turn to a drink when they are feeling out of sorts. Except these men are frustrated with their wives, who aren’t orienting their lives around them anymore.” Addictive tendencies can be worked with, he says, if the patient is willing. “But you might want to stop and not want to stop at the same time. That’s difficult,” Epstein says.

Marriage counselors say that more and more couples embrace an “open marriage,” with sexual freedom as a way to avoid divorce. But this only succeeds when both partners agree, which is often not the case.

Infidelity as a way out of marriage Since many divorces still arise from an act of infidelity, cheating can be man’s way of pulling the plug on a marriage he’s lost interest in. “There can be a deadening of the relationship,” says Weston, “and then the husband accidentally runs across a person who seems to have a certain energy in living and casts that energy his way. A man may feel tempted to respond to that energy; it may feel complimentary and sexy to him. Or sometimes there is a little

dysfunction at home, and he feels like he is checking his equipment out in another place.”

Weston says that she is always interested in what led a man to cross the line - when that no suddenly became a yes. “Each answer is a bit different,” she says. “Sometimes a man will say it was a moment of conviction in which he felt that things would never get better between him and his wife, a sense of hopelessness.”

Marriage after adultery Can an unfaithful husband who wants to save his marriage change his ways? “It depends on how his wife takes it,” says Weston. “It depends on whether they get counseling. And it depends on his level of sincerity about how he will treat her in the future. I’ve seen marriages get to a really good place when an affair has been exposed because a whole lot of truth is revealed and conversation that should have happened before does.”

Too often married couples stop seeing marriage as an arena for the truth. They hide aspects of their lives from each other and the one relationship that should be the most grounded in honesty becomes the most corrupt. And when a man starts seeing his marriage as corrupted or complicated - even if he’s the one who’s done the corrupting and complicating - he can stop seeing the value in it. Or he can become bored.

“I think one of the things that happens in marriages, and with boredom in general,

is that people lose sight of the benefits they are deriving from their marriage,” says Nock. “Ask an unhappy man what his life will be like after his marriage is over and he can’t answer. Men vastly overestimate their ability to do well outside of marriage.

Women seem to do much better outside of marriage than men do,” he adds, citing both the health and wealth advantages married men have over bachelors.

Noting that the average age of marriage in the United States has moved to the upper 20s, Nock figures that people 28 years old “have experienced an awful lot of life” and probably aren’t in search of more sex when they’re unfaithful. “The sexual component of marriage may not have that much to do with fidelity,” he says.

“Remaining faithful to my wife has very little to do with sexuality. I think it has more to do with honoring her, or fulfilling her expectations about me. What else is it that marriage demands of us?”

HOW

I

became

the

GHOST By: Christian Casper Cohill

From the age of 5, I began rejecting feminine things. I wanted cars, played

in dirt, action figures, no more pink…because in my little eyes, I was a BOY who didn’t develop yet. Even if I was playing games with my female friends in elementary, I was a boy playing a girl’s game. Not a girl playing a girl’s game.

As I got older, I began to hate myself with a passion. The self-hate started at 10 years old. I remember always hating my breasts when they came in. I never ever wanted them. I had always wanted to be able to walk around without a shirt like other boys but could never do so because of them. When I got my menstrual cycle at 10 yrs old I was devastated. I just knew I would never have to worry about that...and then it happened.

I cried. In my mind, I never thought I was really a girl, but at that point my body turned against me. So I struck back. I remember taking a safety pin and scratching up my breasts until there were raw scars on them. I did other things too but yeah, didn’t work.

I looked weird and felt awkward. All throughout elementary, middle, and even high school I had to deal with all of the cruel comments people had. Ignorant people calling me “He-She” or “It” “Girl-Boy”. Church people calling me confused. People at school calling me “Dyke” “hideous” “ugly” “That thing”.

While these things are just words, they really killed my spirit. I’m a sensitive person and it’s in my nature to want to spread love. But at the end of the day, it felt like nobody loved nor wanted me. Plenty of people TOLERATED me...very few ACCEPTED me. I used to cry myself to sleep thinking about everything. Wanting my mom to stop calling me “she” and “her” and “daughter,” even though she made it clear that she wouldn’t ever call me her son. That is when I started thinking about death a lot.

I used to pray and pray and pray that God would make me how I was supposed to be.

And it never happened. Eventually I started praying that God would just kill me because the pain was unbearable. It was especially difficult when my body went thru somewhat of a “phase two” change. My voice dropped, the facial hair started growing, my periods were not consistent...(recently doctors have told me that I have abnormally high testosterone levels.) It was so hard to think about how I could never ever have someone to call my own (as if someone actually wanted me) and truly be in love with. So, when I was 15, on January 8, 2008,(I will never forget that day) I decided it was in fact too much to take.

GHOST I was home alone after a half-day of school, and I was feeling lower than the lowest I’ve ever felt. So I took off my belt, looped it around my neck and went down to the basement. I dragged the two-step stepstool into the garage, got on top, and tried to tie the other end of the belt to the garage door lift. I was really ready to go. But God wouldn’t let it happen. Every time I got ready to step off the belt would come loose and eventually I gave up. I sat on the steps and cried harder than I’ve ever cried before. I was literally numb. I scarred up my arm to make up for my failed suicide. I still have the scars.

I’m thankful that things have finally gotten better. I even helped save another person from his suicidal tendencies. And you know what he told me, he said that now he’s helping suicidal kids the same way I helped him. I am so thankful for that.

Nowadays I have been looking for support groups and people who know what I’m going through, and also I just want to open up people’s eyes to all the other types of people out there. The doctors have tried to get me on estrogen pills to “normalize” me or “feminize” me whatever they call it but NO. I refused. And they looked at me like I was crazy. I’m tired of hiding the facial hair, and not letting my voice go as deep as it can b/c in my eyes, I am a young man with a somewhat female anatomy, NOT a young woman with a somewhat male anatomy.

Just because someone is different does not make them a freak. It’s time to kill the ignorance. By the way, I don’t do ANY harm to myself anymore.

That is all in my past.

So if I seem melancholy, or deep in thought, or mysterious, I’m probably thinking about these things. And that is exactly how I became the GhOsT.

http://www.facebook.com/Christian.Cohill

Ending

Unhealthy,

Codependent

Relationships

od-bye to a When to Say God a Friendship En Bad Friend aKniednlen likBy: Laurie Paw

Sometimes friendships have to end, especially if they’re codependent or unhealthy. Here’s when to say good-bye to a bad friend.

Ending an unhealthy, codependent relationship is difficult, but it’s vital to know when it’s time to say good-bye to a bad friend - for your own emotional and mental health!

Drifting apart happens even when people were once very close friends: people move, life circumstances change, priorities are shifted, jobs lost or found…people simply change, and the friendship changes too. Sometimes friends just lose touch and move on. Other times people end relationships on purpose, especially if they’re weak or unhealthy. When people end unhealthy friendships, they decide to say good-bye for good and cut off all contact.

Whether it’s deliberate or a matter of drifting away, ending friendships can be hard to accept -- even if your friend was bad or your relationship was unhealthy or codependent.

Why People End Friendships Some relationships are weaker than others, which makes ending them easier. If friendships aren’t based on similarities or true connections, ending them seems inevitable.

Unhealthy friendships may not last very long, especially if the bonds aren’t authentic.

Several factors can masquerade as “things in common”: proximity (simply living or working near one another), common friends, partners who are friends, children who are friends, or loneliness. Other relationships start in one chapter of life, and don’t easily transfer into the next chapter, such as a friendship that began in while you were married to one person, and that ended after the divorce. Then, ending friendships may not be deliberate, but rather more natural.

Other friendships – or even bad family relationships – are deliberately shut down because they’re unhealthy or codependent. Ending a friendship is a difficult, often painful decision (even with bad friends or weak relationships).

How to Know if Your Relationship is Codependent and Unhealthy

Consider ending a friendship if:

• You don’t feel respected, and your friend doesn’t seem to hear your concerns.

For instance, they may be constantly late meeting you and then disregard your feelings.

Or they borrow money and neglect to repay it, or borrow items and return them broken or not at all.

• You can’t speak your mind honestly, or can’t find space in the conversation to speak at all (healthy boundaries don’t exist with bad or codependent friends).

• You leave your visits feeling depressed, frustrated, exhausted, depleted or angry.

A friend should leave you feeling happy, content, connected, and hopeful. A bad friend makes you feel bad.

• Your friend behaves immorally, unethically, illegally, or in any way that runs counter to your beliefs and values. Ending a friendship like this -- which can be codependent -- may be the best thing for both of you.

• Your friend never makes the effort to call or visit you. You find yourself reaching out, with minimal success. Sometimes you don’t even need to formally end a friendship with bad friends, it just happens naturally. Unhealthy, codependent friendships can die a natural death.

• You’re friends with an energy vampire (a type of bad friend). Ending unhealthy friendships could protect your well-being.

Another reason to end codependent friendships is unmet expectations.

A huge part of any relationship is expectations. If you expect your friend to show up on time, and you’re kept waiting, then you’ll be disappointed. But -- this isn’t necessarily a bad friend or unhealthy friendship. If you know you’ll have to wait and even bring a book or your laptop, then you may not feel disrespected or frustrated. All friendships require concessions, exceptions and loving forgiveness -- and you have to decide if your friendship is worth it.

What is your perspective on the friendship? Another aspect of all

relationships is your view of the issues. Is tardiness a sign of a disrespectful or bad friend or simple disorganization? Is “immoral” behavior universally wrong (selling crystal meth to 12 year olds) or a matter of opinion (Christians shouldn’t drink wine)? Take an objective look at your friendship; do the benefits outweigh the negatives? If you’re considering ending a friendship, consider the relationship as a whole.

When the quality of the friendship outweighs the perceived misdemeanors, then hold on to your friend; good ones are hard to find. But, if the friendship involves more struggle and frustration than connection and joy, then it may be time to say good-bye to a bad friend.

Ending unhealthy relationships can protect your health and well-being.

The Vicious Cycle……

W

hen I think about relationships W nowadays I often wonder are we failing

as men. Not all men, but some or even in some women’s opinion the majority of men are failing. Some people reading this would ask, what exactly do you mean by men failing because that in itself is a very broad, but profound statement. Well it’s simple really, but allow me to rephrase.

Are men failing to be men in the eyes of women and if so, how is it affecting relationships in today’s society?

A lot of single women tell me that I’m a hot commodity because I don’t have any children, I have my own place, I have a nice car, and because I have a job. I’m appreciative for the compliment, but these are all things I feel I should have any way. I’m very humble about what I’ve been blessed with because I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything another man couldn’t do, but the problem is a lot of men are not today, which is why I raised the question. Also if you add the fact that a lot of men nowadays don’t exercise chivalry or don’t actually take the time to get to find out what’s between a woman’s ears instead of concentrating on what’s between a woman’s legs, then the dating pool becomes even smaller and for some women this has caused a serious glitch in the dating matrix, more gay women…….

In the last 10 years you may have noticed a lot more women that use to be straight are now gay and I don’t totally blame

that on them, but on the men they have dealt with. I’ve slowly seen how beautiful women, good women, and devoted women have now turned to dealing with the same sex as a result of men failing to do the right things in a relationship or marriage.

I’ve heard that for some people homosexuality is a choice while others say it’s something your born with, but since I’m a heterosexual I can’t relate to why men or women are homosexual. I just know I’ve seen the population of gay women grow like gay is the new black or something.

We have all seen certain cues that let us know that some women are gay. Some choose a men’s haircut, men’s clothes, change their walk, and change their entire demeanor to show that the lifestyle they live is a homosexual one.

Based on what I’ve seen over the years I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason some women have chosen this alternative lifestyle is because the men they have dealt with or have come across have failed to be “real men.”

So you may ask the question…..What is a real man? In my opinion a man is a provider, a protector, and the catalyst of love in a relationship or marriage. We must lead not follow, but at the same time we have to be worthy of following! I don’t mean to dis my fellow brotha’s out there, but there are not enough men in the world who want to lead or want to acquire the tools you need in order to lead. More of us need to continue our education, learn trades, and learn to take advantages of opportunities when they are positive and could help us progress in life.

As men and women we have more opportunities and resources to not only be successful as people, but also to have successful relationships and marriages, but we don’t use them enough. We feel like we have acquired so much stuff or accomplished so many things that we can just get divorced any time we feel like

it. We have women thinking because they were able to get their education, get a career, and acquire some things that they are more than capable to raise a child without a man. I’m not saying raising a child as a single parent is impossible because it’s been done, but if you ask a single parent how they raise that child or in some cases children they will tell you it sure the hell isn’t easy.

I think we as adults don’t realize how much of an effect our upbringing had on us. It’s a lot of strong and independent women in the world now because that’s the kind of woman they were raised by.

So with this happening, good men in the world are constantly shaking their heads because their doing the right things, but these women are unresponsive to certain situations because they didn’t have their fathers!

I feel as men that we can do better, even me! We need to go out and get “ours” instead of taking advantage of what these women are accomplishing in some cases.

We need to concentrate more on love and love making instead of kicking it and just f***ing! We need to focus on finding a wife, not gaining a “baby momma.” This means we have to become responsible, have more restraint and protect ourselves not only for us, but for the women we lay with!

People ask me all the time what motivates me to be the way that I am and it’s very simple, but dear to me. I want my child to have a much easier road than I did. That’s the only way I know to contribute to breaking this vicious cycle…..

All in all I this is just my view, but to me it makes sense. Over the years some of us have lost those core values such as commitment, marriage, family, God or whatever else you could name. I pray for the day we get those values back, because we need it! We need it for the good of our future.

I understand that there will be men and women that are homosexual, but in all fairness I hope it’s a choice they made on their own personal happiness and preference and not because a man or woman treated them badly in a relationship.

God Bless, “13 Ways” (The Movement)

This is copyrighted by The Movement Media Inc. 2010 and has authorized use to StarChild Online Magazine 2010.

(re-imagined) By: Epiphany Jones

Beautiful.

They see me.

Confident.

They hear me.

Sexually.

They want me. I give. To all. If I were fruit, I’d be ripe for the picking. Pluck me. F*ck me. This is how they view me. This is how I view myself. They labeled me promiscuous, I called myself promiscuous. When I totaled up my tally, it was well into the hundreds. Nevermind the fact that I’d been f*cking since 11. At the age of 33, and with an average of 20 sex partners a year, that could easily put the number of notches on my bed post at 440. Some call this whorish. Maybe I am a whore. This is how I am viewed.

Beautiful, but tainted. Confident, yet insecure. Sexual, yet scarred.

At the precious age of 4, I see her lay on my bathroom floor. She is 19.

She is naked. She hoists me on top of her bare thighs. She forces my small fingers to feel the coarseness of her pubic hair. I am curious. I am scared. She is being paid to protect me while my mother is away. They call her my baby sitter. But here on the bathroom floor she is a child molester.

I am 7 and I am at a park. I am alone, headed to the nearest play area.

An old man is sitting on the park bench, inebriated. When he sees me, he stands. He stops me. He touches me down there. I am confused. I am scared. I am appalled. I walk away in a daze. I tell the tale. He goes to jail. (Whatever happened to the babysitter?)

I am 8. I am 9. I am 10. I am forced by a girl cousin younger than me to dry hump in acloset. I am coerced by an older niece to play baby in the bathtub; she is the pretend mother, I am the pretend child and she insists on trying to breastfeed me for real. When I spend the night, we sleep in the same bed and she fondles me to see my reaction. It feels wrong. It

feels like a dirty secret. Yet I am aroused. I am confused once again.

Confounded by sexual deviance. I look back now and wonder, who violated them? Who forced the behavior on them that they in turn forced on me? I am angry. I am appalled. I am empathetic to their plight. But I am also 33 now and aware.

If I were fruit, I’d be ripe for the picking

At the age of 11 I am introduced to “him”.

Something about him makes me feel safe. Maybe it’s the way he whispers in my ear that everything will be alright. Maybe it’s the way he holds my hand when we walk.

Maybe it’s the way he commands respect in ‘hood. Maybe it’s the way he protects me. Could just be a false sense of security on my part. Whatever it is, it sets the stage for him to sweet talk me out of my innocence. Alone, in the dark, just he and I, I am a willing participant. After years of being violated, I am ready to experience my sexuality on my terms. With him I am safe. With him I know love. He adds himself to me and my virginity is instantly subtracted. Divided by zero, it ceases to exist.

And though he was (technically) the first, he was far from the last. Several came (literally) after him, trying to divide and conquer. And in my internal quest to be made whole, I allowed them all entry. Constantly trying on dick after dick, in hopes of finding the missing puzzle piece.

And though they felt good for an instant, the aftermath left me depleted.

For every time they left, they took a piece of me with them.

And I deemed this as normal because it’s what I knew from the beginning.

promiscuity.

My skewed reality, ignorantly labeled as

freaky facts Your entire body is a erogenous area.

You can touch a person almost anywhere and get them off if you do it right. being pregnant Tocophobia is the fear ofpregnant. or getting someone else

A man’s testosterone level is the highest in the morning.

That’s the cause of men having “Morning Wood”.

Shrimping is the act involving sucking your partner’s toes, which is now more commonly called a toe job.

People know within the fir st of meeting s omeone, if th 2 minutes ey plan on having sex w ith them.

Immature men fake love for sex & many women give emotionless sex, for love in return.

Ladies: Gently pressing a finger inside your belly button during mid-orgasm can ensure you get more bang for the ride.

Hybristophilia is a sexual attraction to people who have committed crimes. Now that’s thug loving.

There’s a big difference in loving someones sex game & actually loving them. Good sex will make you feel like you’re in love.

75% of men perform better during sexual intercourse when they’re upset or mad about something. They tend to have higher stamina.

Women & Men should masturbate in front of their partner often. It helps teach your partner more about your wild side.

Oculolinctus is to be aroused by licking your partner’s eyeballs or having your eyeballs licked. The big question though is, who DOES this?

Only 10% of people ask their partner do they have any STD’s before they have sexual intercourse.

Why is that? http://twitter.com/FreakyFact

S

www.swa-rai.com

ensuality starts with confidence, no matter what size you are, if you feel confident you will be sexy. While sensuality can be visual it’s often mental as well, be spontaneous and always look for a way to take it to the next level.

Rule #1 Whether you are male or female, you must smell good! No excuses, ladies get you a nice perfume and fellas get you a nice cologne.

When I want to turn on someone I make sure I have my Pink Sugar Perfume. On my man I like Sean John “Unforgivable” it’s an oldie but goodie, those are just my scents you are free to pick what makes you feel your sexiest…

Ladies, sometimes it’s as simple as wearing a pair of Sexy Heels, a lot of times men love the way a lady walks in heels. May I suggest Yves Saint Laurent Iconic Patent Heel Sandal (retails for $760.00) and baby doll lingerie from La Perla, Victoria Secret , Fredericks of Hollywood, Etc. Baby doll Lingerie flatters all shapes it doesn’t show it all but shows just enough to get his attention.

Fella’s a pair of Ralph Lauren Polo Boxers to go with that cologne wouldn’t hurt… Step your boxer game up as well; give your lady a lap dance sometimes ☺

Once you have these components in place all you need is a nice glass of wine to set the mood and the rest is up to you… http://www.swa-rai.com http://www.twitter.com/swaraiblog http://www.facebook.com/swarai http://www.youtube.com/swaraiblogtv http://swa-rai.tumblr.com/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/swarai/

A L B U MR RE E VV IE IW ES WS Eminem - Recovery

It is time to be honest with ourselves with two issues: Relapse was an underwhelming piece of work and the old Eminem is never coming back. Marshall Mathers has moved on. He’s trying to figure things out and realize where he went wrong. With the album Recovery, we see a lot of soul searching going on. He is realizing that there are so many things he is either losing out on (his relationship with Hailie in “Going Through Changes” to his lost love for hip hop in “25 to Life”). “Spacebound” shows his relentless loneliness within relationships and “Love the Way You Lie” spills with irony as Rihanna sings the chorus of the pain a love one can cause. This isn’t the Eminem that made songs like “My Name Is” and “The Real Slim Shady”. The focus isn’t the same. The production isn’t the same. He’s trying to figure his life out being the misplaced forlorn soul he is. If you can’t understand that, then don’t listen to his music because it is not for you.

Drake - Thank Me Later Boy, am I tired of hearing about his album and how many people either love it or hate it. How about we just find a middle ground and agree on one point: he made a dope album that could have achieved even more if it wasn’t so monotonous. A lot of the beats sound the same. Same moodiness. Same pace. Same everything.

However, when he makes these songs, he makes them well. In fact, there are some of these cuts that are crafted with pure precision and intents of greatness. “Shut It Down” is a pure chick song with all the slow moving , yet agile rhythms that would make any female channel her inner stripper and entertain her lover or herself in the mirror at the club with a drink in her hand. “Light It Up” stands out because of the lyrical conversation between Drake and Jay-Z. “Unforgettable” keeps it moving with the Aaliyah sample and the guest verse from Jeezy.

Yet, it is still Drake’s show at all times. I understand that people are disappointed in his album, but understand that disappointment comes from unmet expectations. And I truly ponder what you people were expecting? He sings. He raps. He deals with chicks with an emotional touch. You didn’t get the memo on “So Far Gone”? Seriously, I see why artists tend to become disdained with critics: too hard to satisfy. Just thank him later.

Big K.R.I.T.- K.R.I.T. Wuz Here (mixtape) I know that there are going to be people that disagree with what I say. Then again, you think I care about that? Well then. Let me continue to make this statement: Big K.R.I.T. has put out one of the most prolific mixtapes of the year. Yeah, I said it. He is a mixture of the funkiness of Goodie Mob, the pimp mentality of Pimp C., and the smoothness of Souls of Mischief. K.R.I.T. puts it all together into one Mississippi laced package for those that still don’t understand that the South got something to say. This man can make a song about getting with women on “Glass House” featuring Wiz Khalifa and Curren$y’s marijuana influenced musings and then turn around and craft a song explaining the hood’s misdirection on “Children of the World”. “Hometown Hero” samples Boobie Gibson from Friday Night Lights and channels his own beliefs through that character.

“No Wheaties” could be billed the southern version of Soul of Mischief’s “93 ‘til Infinity” with the smoothness and the lyrical styling of Smoke Dza and Curren$y. Oh, and did I mention that he produces ALL of his music AND he just signed to Def Jam? The house that Russell and Rick Rubin built better not drop the ball on this one. He is a keeper.

The Roots - How I Got Over The Roots always create albums with a certain theme, whether it is a focus on Philadelphia life (Illadelph Halflife) to a focus on maturity and being serious about life (The Game Theory).

On their new album, How I Got Over, there is a new focus on a subject that most will clearly connect with: making the most out of life. “Walk Alone” is pretty self explanatory, while “Dear God” is a remake of the same Monsters of Folk song, questioning God about the folly of man. “Now or Never” channels the self-reflection of Marvin Gaye, realizing that one has to get it together at that moment to make it. “How I Got Over” reminds how cold the streets can get with a sing-songy approach, which leads into “The Day”, a song that has Patty Crash making us realize that people have to wake up every day to make something out of life. By the time one listens to “Right On” and “Do It Again”, we now realize that The Roots is the Recession theme music. Tip your hats to the legendary Roots crew for inspiration through your troubles.

TiRon -MSTRD (mustard) (mixtape) I never heard of this kid before I reviewed this mixtape. He had a previous mixtape out called Ketchup. I just might need to check that album out because he truly has something to say. Hailing from Kankakee, Illinois, TiRon reflects on everything worthwhile about himself and his love for manipulating words into mental visuals. He uses the number one prolifically in the song “1ne”, while he explains his hometown’s shortcomings on “60901”. He has a tendency to reflect on the ladies, which is actually a strong point for this rhyme manipulator. “Ms. Right” gives props to a girl he notices during some down time, while “Boys & Girls” gets into the Venus-Mars struggles of relationships. “For Your Smile” explains his motivation to do some of the things he did as a kid: for the glee and appreciation of others. TiRon’s mixtape is very short (ten songs), yet none of them disappoint.

I guess the old saying still holds true: half as long, twice as strong.

5

Need

Five Songs You Need to Hear

2 2.)

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1.)

Big Sean - What You Doin’

Kanye’s artist does what he does best: talk about whatever it is he is doing. At this moment, he ain’t doing much. But, his lackadaisical mentality is oozing with charisma and charm on this one. I hope his other songs are as just as moving and ego driven.

Donnis - Yup

Just when I thought he couldn’t do another banger like he did with “Gone”, he surprises again. Using a familiar Rihanna sample for the chorus, he rides the beat like a true ATL Brave. I hope this kid sticks to the script and just makes music that is hot and make sure he keeps it live.

Otherwise, he will lose momentum.

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3.)

Rakaa - Aces High featuring Fashawn, Evidence, and Alchemist

4 4.)

If Rakaa’s solo album is anything like Evidence’s “The Weatherman” album, then we know its going to be dope.

Bringing that heat that fans of Dialated Peoples brought for so many years on the underground, Alchemist crafts a funky beat with a sample and banging horns to accentuate their words about their lives and the reality of it all. This is pure b-boy goodness.

Shiest Bubz - Senseless World

I have no clue how the producer (Araabmusik) came up with this futuristic Blade Runner beat, but it is dark, ominous, and banging. I haven’t heard much from Shiest Bubz since the days of Purple City Byrd Gang with Agallah and Un Kasa. However, his hood rhymes really do work well with this song that could be the soundtrack of the Armageddon, all the way down to its drum and bass ending.

5 5.)

Wale - The Break Up Song

Wale is so slept on that it is ridiculous. He has put out heat since “Nike Boots”, but most don’t even understand the point of the song.

His album got slept on because of no break out single. Yet, he still tours heavily and puts out quality music such as this song. Explaining the factors of breaking up and never getting back together (because life is a movie and, most of the time, the sequel sucks), Wale lets the females know: sometimes breaking up is the best thing.

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[B.da’s Outro] Things You Probably Don’t Know About

B.da Oso StarChild

I am an open book.

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I have had the same best friends for more than half of my life. Steph, Tish, Chelle, Angel (Boonka), Erica (Rico or Roxie depends on the day)...you ladies mean the world to me. We're like the black Sex in the City crew. (I got dibbs on CARRIE!)

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I am a full believer and supporter of the salvation, love, cause and purpose of Jesus Christ.

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I once suffered from migraines, insomnia and obesity. I beat them all.

I come from a beautifully dysfunctional family.

I eat soap. Ivory is my current favorite.

7 I will be in Las Vegas for my birthday October 5th...who's with me?

8 My inner child wants to be a lawyer.

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Water calms me.

10 I am walking the path God has written. He has given me permission to hold

the pen for this season.

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I am successful, I am loving, I am beautiful, I am smart, I am creative, I am an entrepreneur, I am powerful, I am strong, I am confident...and I only believe half of what I just wrote.

12 My eyes are bigger than my

stomach. No, literally!!

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I think BIG thoughts. 14 Music takes me places, and I willingly go.

15 I miss family gatherings at Mother Dear's house.

16 I once had a dog named Shua which is a Jewish nickname for Jesus.

I'm stronger than I think I am.

Denitria Lewis calls me Ladyug and I secretely love it.

Speaking of nicknames, I give everyone I love a 20 I hate feeling controlled. nickname. If I call you by your full name, uhh...

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21 I believe I will hit the lottery. Not so much for the money, but to vindicate my mother.

22 My friends think I am dramatic.

23 What you call a bad decision, I call necessary.

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I believe in the postive PR topspin.

I say I am just exciting.

25 In my Heaven,

I envision us all.

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Matt 6:21