Kids West - Winter 2024

Prepping parents with GOGGLEBOX’S

ADAM DENSTEN

Pascoe Vale

South mum’s BATHROOM BIRTH

Violence survivor BREAKING THE CYCLE

Soak up the gentle winter sun

WINTER is synonymous with indoor activities, especially when kids are in the mix.

We’re drawn to play centres, museums, shopping centres, cafes, and our own living rooms.

The cooler, often-wet weather has us reaching for puzzles and crafts, grabbing popcorn and snuggling under a blanket to watch a family movie, or venturing into the kitchen alongside our littles to warm up inside and out.

Maybe you and the kids spend a day in your pyjamas and dressing gowns, build a blanket fort, or set up an indoor picnic.

These are all great options but don’t disregard the outdoors just because of the weather.

Stepping out the front door and feeling the chill on your cheeks can be invigorating for kids and grownups alike.

CONTENTS CONTENTS

IT’S YOUR LIFE

Take a deep breath of that fresh air and soak up the silence at your favourite playground, or take a drive to explore a new play spot.

Teaming with kids and the accompanying squeals and shouts during the warmer months, parks and playgrounds are near-deserted on many winter days.

Throw an old towel in the car to wipe any morning dew or rain drops from the equipment, rug up, pack a thermos, and let the kids expend some of their boundless energy.

Puddles are like magnets for littles, so invest in those waterproof pants, grab the gumboots and let them splash to their heart’s content.

The joy on their faces and excited giggles will be worth risking an extra load of washing - we promise!

For older kids, grab a magnifying glass or mini microscope and encourage them to take a look at the raindrops - or snowflakes, if you venture to higher ground - up close.

You could even challenge creative kids to photograph these natural wonders or recreate them with their favourite art medium once you’ve returned indoors to warm up.

So don’t hide indoors - swap your sun hat for a beanie, grab a coat, and soak up the gentle winter sun!

Let us know your favourite winter spots on our Instagram and Facebook pages, and reach out on socials or email if you have a story to share.

Kids West Today magazine is a Star News Group publication. Kids West Today will be published quarterly prior to each of the school holidays.

Kids West Today Unit 6/1-9 Thomsons Road, Keilor Park

Phone: (03) 8318 5777

Sales Manager Gayle Williams gayle.williams@starweekly.com.au

Editorial Melissa Meehan melissa.meehan @starnewsgroup.com.au Casey Neill casey.neill@starnewsgroup.com.au

Group Advertising Sales Manager Mandy Clark mandy.clark @starnewsgroup.com.au

Watervale Shopping Centre covers local needs

Gogglebox couch potato Adam Densten talks podcasts and parenting

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Steve Biddulph: How we give children calm, happy minds

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Kidsafe: Winter burns risk warning and first aid advice

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Pascoe Vale South mum shares her traumatic toilet birth

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New youth mental health support

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Hospital dental delay leaves kids in pain

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Mum on Oprah’s mind shares journey from PND to worldwide success

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Kids in the Kitchen: Macadamia and coconut fruit crumble

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Author’s son inspires book tackling bedtime battles

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Education opportunities for young leaders in the west

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Discover the thrill of sports with Leisure City’s junior sports programs PAGE 13

The importance of year-round swimming at Paul Sadler Swimland PAGE 17

REALITY BITES

Mum’s roadside birth an ‘empowering’ experience PAGES 18-19

Woon Ooi is not your everyday dad… PAGES 20-21

BOOKS

Couple turns child loss pain into a unique space to grieve

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Alleviating nappy stress in cost of living crunch

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EDUCATION

Helping kids to choose a career path

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Lalor North Seconday College: Imagine the finest possible education for your child…

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Independent retirement with Centennial Living

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Survivor gives hope to kids stuck in family violence shadow

PAGE 10

Author shares anxiety battle to build understanding PAGE 22

Discover new book releases for all ages PAGE 22

Published by Star News Group

Cover

Rachel dons a beanie and soaks up some winter sunshine.

Picture: Rob Carew

By Casey Neill

Empowering new dads

TWO professional couch potatoes are helping new dads to find their feet.

Gogglebox favourites Adam Densten and Matty Fahd are bringing their candid commentary to fatherhood in podcast The dads and the Docs.

They’re sharing practical tips and stories to help prepare new parents with help from medical professionals.

Matty has sons Malik, 4, and Lyon, 1, while Adam has a two-year-old daughter, Celia.

“She turned up earlier than expected,” he said.

“The Denstons are known as being very punctual people.

“(My wife) Rach started mat leave on a Monday. On the drive home, she called me and said ‘she’s not really moving as much as she previously had’.”

Rach went in for a checkup and was surprised to discover she was in the very early stages of labour at 36 weeks.

Celia was in a breech positionbottom first rather than head down - so doctors didn’t want the labour to progress.

Rach called Adam to the hospital, and Celia was born 45 minutes after he arrived.

“The other four weeks would have been nice,” he laughed.

“She’s awesome.

“From day one she’s been a really good sleeper.

“She was sleeping through the night from seven or eight weeks.

“She’s super happy.

“She’s in her Bluey era at the moment.

“I intentionally didn’t watch any of it before she was ready so I could enjoy it with her.”

Celia changed Adam and Rach’s lives in ways he expected, and in many ways he didn’t.

“The big one was how our relationship changed,” he said.

He and Rach had been together six years when Celia arrived.

“You have six years of basically only focusing on each other to something else coming in and taking more than half of your focus,” Adam said.

“I’m really glad that Rach and I did heaps of travel in our twenties and saw lots of things and achieved some of the goals we had.

“I’m glad that we got all that out of the way.

“I can’t imagine what it would be like to be 22 and have a kid.

“I’m glad we waited a little bit longer. It made us the people we are.

“You can be ready to have a child but you can never be prepared to have a child.

“It’s going to be the most difficult thing you do but it’s not insurmountable, which it can feel like at times.”

That’s where the podcast came in.

“The thing that we found was the resources out there for dads are all for dads of teenagers or kids at school,” Adam said.

“We wanted to produce something that was digestible and easy and simple but also evidence-based.

“This is not an anecdote or some story that’s been passed down.

“And dads don’t want a lecture, they just want the information.”

Adam and Matty wanted to highlight the support available, from sleep and lactation consultants to the maternal and child health and PANDA hotlines.

“Just knowing that those resources are out there can make a difference,” Adam said.

He said the stereotype was Mum doing all the research and passing on what she’d learnt to Dad.

“We’ve found that dads want to be more engaged and have the answers themselves.

“The big bumbling idiot dad is a bit of a dumb stereotype.

“If you want to learn how to swim you’ve got to get out of the boat.

“If you want to be good at changing a nappy, you’ll be shit at changing a nappy for a while but you’ve got to get into it and try.

“The more you are engaged, the better you’ll be.

“The more informed you are, the better time you’ll have.”

Adam wants to make parents - but particularly dads - feel less alone.

“Whatever you’re thinking has been thought before,” he said.

“A whole heap of research out there says the more hands-on a dad is, particularly early on in a child’s life, the more coordinated a child will be and the more resilient they’ll be.

“You want to produce a better version of yourself.”

Season one covers pregnancy, labour, the hospital stay, and the first week, month, and three months at home.

The first episode on each topic features a chat with an expert, and in the second, Adam and Matty chat about their takeaways and personal experiences.

“We wanted people who were really well regarded and spoke really well, and were still involved in some level of research so they were up with modern science and birthing,” Adam said.

Dr Scott Shemer covers everything dads can do to help their partner during pregnancy, while Dr Jonathan Nettle talks listeners through labour.

Paediatrician and neonatal doctor Dr Brendan Chan shares what to expect when you’re in the hospital room with your new family.

Dr Golly guides dads through the intimidating first week at home, Dr Cheng talks through what is and isn’t normal during the first month, and Dr Billy Garvey covers the mental health side of parenting.

Adam said the data showed an equal split of men and women listened to the podcast, “even though it’s a show by dads to get dads more engaged”.

Adam and Matty are planning for season two to feature targeted episodes, like a sleep-focused chat featuring a sleep consultant.

“We’re working it out and open to feedback,” he said.

What’s one thing Adam wishes he knew before having a baby? A tool to help prevent those day-destroying nappy blowouts.

“Nappies with the wings - I just was not told that you need to pull those out,” he said.

“I was only pulling out the frilly bits.”

His favourite nugget of wisdom delivered in the podcast’s first season counters the ‘love at first sight’ narrative often espoused by new parents.

“Billy Garvey has a great line: when you first saw your partner, did you fall instantly in love with them?” he said.

“It’s OK to let the relationship develop.”

As a bloke aged in his thirties, many of Adam’s mates are also having children and turn to him for advice.

“I just say ‘listen to my podcast’ and they say ‘I can’t be bothered’ and I say ‘fair enough’,” he laughed.

“People are afraid to tell you that some of it’s going to be a bit s*** because they don’t want to rain on your parade.

“I like the shit sandwich method.” He tells them something really great, delivers something to look out for, and then rounds out the chat with another positive.

“The most helpful thing I think is just saying ‘reach out to me if you’re struggling’ and also reaching out to them during those first weeks,” Adam said.

“Say ‘I don’t expect you to reply to this, but if you need 20 minutes, I’m on the other end of the phone’ or ‘I’m coming over to drop food off’.”

Adam Densten and Matty Fahd.

Rach and Adam with daughter Celia.

It’s Your Life It’s Your Life

Fostering calm, happy minds

We think we are just playing, but love is the ingredient of healthy brain for life, writes STEVE BIDDULPH

A tiny baby lies sleeping in their cot, alongside their parents’ bed.

We don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, but it is just one of around 820 babies born every day in Australia, and 385,000 born somewhere in the world.

When we see a new baby, we can’t help but send off a little prayer that it will have a safe and happy life.

The sheer vulnerability of a newborn stirs our hearts, as it should.

Psychologists are finding out some incredible things about small babies and their journey to adulthood, and especially about what happens between bubs and their mums, dads, or grandparents, depending on who does the raising.

It used to be that people thought very little about babies other than to feed them, keep them warm, and stop them from crying.

But today we are very worried about the infant’s first year because it looks like these are the weeks and months when some big things are decided that will affect them for life.

Whether they will grow up to be kind and able to make good relationships; be able to stay calm and manage stress; and especially that they won’t have some terrible outcome, such as being suicidal or someone who is violent and hurts their partners, or even kills them.

The neuroscience world is discovering, through the magic of brain scanning technology, that in the second six months of a baby’s life, their ‘right cerebral cortex’ - or the right

brain, to put it more simply - does not just grow like some little cauliflower in the veggie patch, even though it does rather resemble that vegetable.

It grows, not just from food and the passage of time, but from interacting with the right brain of (usually) Mum!

Our right brains are the playful, affectionate, and loving sides of us, and they especially show up in our facial expressions, the little noises we make around babies, and the teasing or soothing we do to make them alternatively giggle or fall asleep.

The process of growing your baby’s right hemisphere is completely unconscious; it simply happens when you play with them, gaze at them, soothe them, and - hopefully - have a few family or friends around to share this kind of fun and give you a few hours’ break.

If you travel with a baby you will find, especially in countries where

people have not felt the chill of consumer capitalism too much, that folks (especially old folks) love to peer into your baby’s eyes, make cooing sounds, and say things like “who is a lovely boy?”.

Researchers find the same things all over the world. We talk to babies in high pitch (which they hear best with their undeveloped hearing), we swing or sway with them in our arms, which signals to them that they are in human arms and safe, and we hold them close to our hearts, where they can hear the heartbeat they knew in the womb. We gaze into their eyes, which are focused at just the right distance to do this (most of the more distant world is a blur for a small baby).

If you are reasonably safe and able to focus on your baby - and especially if you have seen people doing parenting with enjoyment and playfulness - then it is not too hard to enjoy and interact with your little one.

If you are lonely, had a traumatic birth experience, or have a rather uptight nature, then the messiness of babies can bring you unstuck.

No society in the world except our own messed up modern one leaves young parents so alone, and in need of other people to care for us when we find it hard to relax into new parenthood.

When the conditions are rightbecause someone is making good eye contact and is responsive in their movements and sounds - a baby begins to experience “I am here!” and “I am noticed” so they develop a sense of self.

A sense of self, of being stable and worthwhile, actually grows in the wiring of the right brain.

They experience that when upsetthere is a pathway back to feeling OK.

Babies get upset by almost everything - hunger hurts in their tummies, loneliness frightens them, loud sounds or strange voices.

Our soothing of these things builds neural pathways so that in a year or two they know “I can calm down, I don’t have to panic”.

Adults who do terrible things are often in a state of acute panic and disintegration, whereas the people who come to help - the ambulance and medical and hopefully police and counsellors who help to heal - bring an internal sense of calm and love.

They can do this because their mums, dads, or grandparents showed them love and playful affection back when they were tiny.

Parenthood is the most important thing humans do.

We don’t protect young parents or give them enough time or care.

But if you at least know what you are doing is of immense value, you can stick up for your right to do it and give it your whole heart.

Steve’s new book Wild Creature Mind will be out in August from Pan Macmillan.

Kidsafe’s winter burns risk warning

CHILDREN are most at risk of burns and scalds during the winter months.

Kidsafe Victoria is helping parents and carers to prevent burns and making them aware of the correct first aid if a burn does occur.

Burns Registry of Australia and New Zealand (BRANZ) data showed 1009 children aged under 15 years were admitted to burns units across Australia and New Zealand in 2020/2021 – more than 19 per week. Scalds accounted for nearly half of these cases (49 percent), often caused by hot drinks and food.

Kidsafe Victoria general manager Jason Chambers said a child’s skin was thinner and more sensitive than an

adult’s and would therefore receive a more severe burn.

Mr Chambers said many children admitted to burns units did not receive the recommended initial first aid.

“Many people do not realise that using ice, creams, ointments, or butter on a burn can make the injury worse,” he said.

“Applying cool running water to the affected area for 20 minutes is crucial –this can make a significant difference in the rehabilitation and long-term outcome of the burn injury.”

If a burn or scald does occur:

■ Remove yourself from danger, and remove any clothing and jewellery

from the burn area unless stuck to the skin;

■ Cool the affected area by placing the burn under cool running water for 20 minutes;

■ Cover the burn with a clean dressing; and Seek medical attention if the burn or scald is on the face, hands, feet, genitals, or buttocks, is larger than a 20-cent coin, or is blistered.

Kidsafe recommends parents:

■ Use gates or barriers to restrict children’s access to the kitchen;

■ Use the rear hotplates and ensure pot handles are turned inward and away from the edge of the stove;

■ Place hot drinks out of reach of children and avoid holding a child when having a hot drink;

■ Make sure children eat while sitting at a table;

■ Check the temperature of the water before bathing a child is no warmer than 38 degrees;

■ Limit the delivery temperature of hot water in your bathroom taps to a maximum of 50 degrees;

■ Closely supervise children around barbecues, pizza ovens, and fire pits; and Supervise open flames - such as candles, incense, and oil burnersand keep them out of reach of children.

It’s Your Life It’s Your Life

Traumatic toilet birth

By Casey Neill

Green’s son made an unconventional entrance to the worldinto a toilet.

Pascoe Vale South mum can see the funny side seven years on, but the sudden birth left deep scars she’s still coming to terms with.

The nurse had always wanted to be a mum.

“I’ve always been quite maternal and very girly, kind of fitting into the stereotypes,” she said.

“I was in a relationship before my current partner with someone who didn’t want kids.

“That was a deal breaker.

“It became very clear to me then that I wanted to be a mum.

“Then I met (fiance) Nick.

“I said to him on our first date ‘do you want kids?’ and he said ‘maybe one day with the right person’.

“That was close enough.

“I’m an advocate now for having that conversation early on.

“If it scares them off they’re not the right person anyway.

“Do you want to have kids with someone who doesn’t want to have kids?”

Completing a half marathon flicked a switch in Lauren and spurred her to try for a baby.

“I felt quite strong, it felt at the right point in my life and my career,” she said.

“I just did a really hard thing, I’m ready to have a baby.”

Nick was hesitant.

“I’d had a few friends having a hard time getting pregnant. I told him it might take time,” she said.

“Then I think we pretty much got pregnant the first time we tried.

“I’m very grateful for that.

“We all got over the shock and were just over the moon.”

Lauren instinctively knew that she was pregnant early on.

“We’d gone out in the city for something,” she said.

“My boobs were huge and aching. I’d never experienced that before.

“I was like ‘Nick, I’m pregnant’.

“We went into a pharmacy in the middle of the city and got a pregnancy test.

“It lit up like a Christmas tree.

“I must have only been four weeks.”

Fatigue and nausea struck hard soon after.

“The second trimester was lovely. I went for lots of walks and had a spring in my step,” she said.

“The third trimester was good as well.

“I tried to work to 36 weeks but as a nurse, that’s hard.

“It was really hot. It must have been February or March.

“My boss came up to me and said ‘you can go on sick leave for the next few weeks if you want to, you don’t have to push yourself through this’.

“I don’t think I would have done that myself if someone hadn’t told me.

“That must have been at 34 weeks, which I think is when they recommend nurses stop.

“I was still safe to look after my patients, it was more about me being exhausted.”

Lauren had “a lovely time nesting” - aside from organising a new car after hers was stolen - and took Calmbirth classes with Nick.

“I’m really happy that we did that. I think Nick learnt a lot about how to support me,” she said.

She was 38 weeks and one day and she and Nick decided to have one last date night.

“We went to our local pub, played Uno, and had dinner,” she said.

“It was a really lovely night.

“In retrospect, I’m so glad we did that because it was our last time together as just the two of us.”

She’d had an induction massage earlier that day and instinctively filled her car with petrol.

“I was making sure everything was prepared,” she said.

“My body knew what was happening even if my brain didn’t.”

Lauren went to bed and woke to contractions at 1am.

“While I was sleeping I was obviously dilating and I didn’t know,” she said.

“The female body is just incredible. I’ll never get over being in awe of it.

“I thought ‘I’ll just let it happen for a bit, it could be Braxton-Hicks or it might go away’.

“It got pretty intense pretty quickly so I woke Nick up.”

Nick ran a bath for her but she soon got back out.

“I was restless, it didn’t feel right. It just wasn’t what I wanted,” she said.

“I was walking around the house remembering my Calmbirth sessions, breathing through it and being mindful.

“I felt comfy on the toilet. The position that your body is in when you’re on the toilet is quite natural for that process.”

Lauren had a TENS machine on her back and was timing the contractions using her phone.

They got closer together and more intense so Nick called the hospital.

On learning that Lauren was only three hours in, the midwife told her it’d be a while longer and she should take some Panadol.

“I think they didn’t believe me,” she said. “I thought ‘they’re two minutes apart and they bloody hurt. What do you mean I can’t come in yet?’.

“It’s all a bit of a blur from there.

“I had a funny contraction that felt very different from the others.”

Lauren felt like her body was pushing.

“It happened again and I felt Otis’s head coming out.

“I said to Nick, ‘I think the baby’s coming out’.

“He was trying to do all the things he’d been told to reassure me.

“On the third weird contraction, he came out into the toilet.

“I felt like I didn’t have enough time in my head to process what was happening.

“Nick came barrelling into the bathroom and got him out.

“He was passing him through my legs.

“Everything’s tangled and it’s chaos.

“It was scary.

“I just put him on my chest and said to Nick, ‘You need to call an ambulance’.

“I just sat there then, in shock.”

The ambulance arrived in less than 10 minutes.

“In retrospect, if he wasn’t breathing that’s not quick enough,” she said.

She started having contractions again once she arrived at the hospital.

“That hurt more than the ones I’d had before Otis was born,” she said.

“I asked for pain relief.

“They said to me ‘You had the baby without anything so you’ll be OK’.

“I was lying on the trolley with Otis on my chest and my placenta still inside me.

“I think the ED was full but they made a space for me on the delivery suites.

“After that I felt very calm and I had a beautiful midwife who helped me through the process of delivering the placenta.

“I think my body was fighting it. I was so stressed.

“Once the placenta was out I finally just got to rest.

“Otis was completely fine.

“He did have a hematoma on his head. They checked that and everything was OK.

“That’s quite common if you have a vacuum birth anyway.”

Lauren lodged a complaint with the hospital following her experience.

“I spent quite a bit of time thinking about what would have happened if he wasn’t breathing,” she said.

“I do spend a bit of time thinking about that - less these days, but more in the year or two after.

“Everyone who goes through birth, it changes you.

“It’s definitely left me with some scars.

“It’s changed the way I think about things.

“We had floated the idea of just having one child before we had Otis anyway, but after that I was like ‘nope, I’m done, I can’t go through that again’.

“I don’t want to go through that again.”

Lauren told Otis about the ordeal “maybe a year or two ago”.

“He knows he was born in the toilet at our house, not in the hospital,” she said.

“When he was a couple of weeks old we went to a wedding.

“Someone there told me their son had been born in the toilet.

“She said her son had got picked on for it at school. That made me a little bit conscious of it.

“I told him he didn’t have to tell anyone that if he didn’t want to, that’s his personal story.

“I would be devastated if he got bullied for it.”

LAUREN

Mum Lauren and her son Otis.

Picture: Rob Carew

Dental delays causing pain

THOUSANDS of kids are hospitalised unnecessarily every year for oral health conditions that are entirely preventable - and the Australian Dental Association says the trend is getting worse.

About 1500 are left waiting in pain for treatment each year due to insufficient theatre space, according to the ADA.

The association released new data from its Oral Health Tracker to mark World Oral Health Day on 20 March.

Almost 11 in every 1000 children aged 5 to 9 years were admitted to Australian hospitals for preventable dental conditions in 2021-2022, compared to 9.5 per 1000 in 2018.

In Indigenous children, this number is 14 in every 1000, compared to 11.5 in 2018.

“That’s thousands of children being hospitalised for preventable oral issues every year,” ADA president Dr Scott Davis said.

“It’s hard to believe in a first world country like Australia, with most people having access to fluoridated water, healthy food and the tools for keeping mouths clean and decay-free, that this is still happening – but it is.

“There are complex reasons for this.

“Cost is always an issue and this continued trend of children needing to go to hospital to get their oral health problems fixed indicates that we have a significant problem today and for the future.

“Every state and territory provides free dental care for eligible children so they can see a private or public dentist under the Child Dental Benefits Schedule - but there needs to be considerably more effective, targeted publicity of the scheme.

“It’s currently only used by 38 percent of eligible families.”

High rates of dental decay also play a big part in this issue, with nearly three in four (70 percent) kids aged 9 to 13 and a similar number (73 percent) of young people aged 14 to 18 having too much sugar.

Sugary drinks are the main culprit37 percent of kids have two to five drinks of fruit juice a week, and the same number have two to five soft drinks a week.

Infants and children sometimes need a general anaesthetic (GA) for dental work, but the ADA said a flawed funding model prevented them from having the surgery they urgently needed.

“The current hospital funding model means dental cases are less lucrative for private hospitals than other types of operations like cataracts and grommets, so access to surgery theatre time for dental procedures has been slashed,” Dr Davis said.

“The result is infants and children are having their operations postponed or cancelled and they’re waiting a long time, often in considerable pain or on pain relief, before their problem is fixed under GA.

“The funding model for theatre lists needs to be overhauled and while the Independent Health and Aged Care Pricing Authority is currently reviewing the model, it won’t be completed until the middle of 2025, which fails to address the urgency of reduced paediatric theatre space.”

Dr Nicky Kilpatrick, president of the Australasian Academy of Paediatric Dentistry, said some academy members had lost up to 60 percent of their access to hospital theatre space.

“There’s a severe reduction in access to hospital theatre space across both public and private hospitals, resulting in very delayed care for private paediatric

patients and a blowout in the already years-long paediatric dental waiting lists in public hospitals,” she said.

“In the meantime, these patients are in pain, not sleeping, and potentially risking facial infection and swelling which can be a medical emergency.

“The problem is the way the system works.

“Dental procedures under general anaesthesia can only access one poorly rebated code irrespective of how much or how complex the treatment required.

“This results in paediatric dental lists being less profitable than other medical procedures which attract more codes, and in some cases the paediatric dental lists run at a loss because the hospital gets the same rebate whether we restore one tooth or 10.

“This is what needs fixing.

“No one knows the extent of the problem but data collected from our members suggest that across Australia, in excess of 1500 less children are able to access dental treatment per year now compared with four years ago.

“That’s a lot of children suffering needlessly, and it’s getting worse.”

More youth mental health support

A dedicated public youth mental health service is on the way for Melbourne’s north-west.

The Parkville Youth Mental Health and Wellbeing Service will deliver care at no cost to the community, in partnership with Orygen.

The service will draw on Orygen’s world-leading research and integrated clinical care and put the voices of young Victorians with lived experience at the heart of this service to ensure it delivers the support young people need.

The dedicated youth mental health and wellbeing service will continue delivering the Orygen Specialist Program (OSP) now available at the Royal Melbourne Hospital.

It will offer targeted primary and specialist mental health care and community services to young people aged 12 to 25 with complex mental illness.

“This is a ground-breaking step in building the vital field of youth mental health, which has been pioneered in Melbourne and scaled up nationally and globally over the past 20 years with Victoria and Australia at the epicentre,” Orygen executive director Professor Patrick McGorry said.

“The young people of north-west Melbourne and their families will benefit

enormously from this change, which has been hard won and which I expect will inspire and guide the wider youth mental health reform for the benefit of all Victorians.”

The service supports the vision from the Royal Commission into Victoria’s Mental Health System for a system that distinguishes between infant, child, and family mental health services, and supports young people to seamlessly

transition through the various stages of their care.

“The right support and care can make all the difference to people affected by mental health challenges, especially young people,” Mental Health Minister Ingrid Stitt said.

The service will be able to continue supporting 1000 young people every year.

Teams of allied health workers, nurses, psychiatrists, and doctors will

transfer from their existing roles to ensure a smooth transition for patients.

Multidisciplinary teams will provide tailored services that deliver assessment and crisis intervention, case management, medication, psychological interventions, peer support, family support, inpatient care, group work, vocational interventions, educational assistance, and intensive outreach.

The service will use the strength, experience, andskills of young people who use the service by involving them in consultations and decision-making to ensure the service is meeting their needs.

Royal Melbourne Hospital chief executive Professor Shelley Dolan said the service would ensure accessible youth-friendly services that were developmentally appropriate, accessible, and responsive, to reflect the diversity of young people in North West Melbourne’s local communities.

“To date the youth mental health reforms have been guided by the voices of young people and have had strong support from the RMH specialist program leaders and clinicians,” she said.

Access to services won’t change for existing patients and the new service will begin operating in the second half of this year.

It’s Your Life It’s Your Life

This mum’s on Oprah’s mind

By Casey Neill

AN Aussie mum who counts Oprah among her fans says mindfulness saved her life.

Psychotherapist Jacqueline Yeats’ experience inspired her to help children learn and practice mindfulness through business Mindful and Co Kids.

Ten years ago she completed a mindfulness-based stress reduction course as treatment for postnatal depression following daughter Alexis’ birth.

“I could probably say it saved my life with the depression and anxiety I was experiencing,” she said.

“Once I healed from my depression I decided to go back to uni.

“My background is in youth counselling and psychology.”

Jacqueline researched the brain science of mindfulness, honing in on mindfulness for stress reduction in young adults.

“Mindfulness is just paying attention on purpose and in the present moment,” she said.

“With the world becoming so busy and with social media, there’s so much going on and so much stimulation for the brain to take on, especially for children.

“When I was going through my research, the mental health stats were so devastating for youth.

“The biggest cause of disease is depression.

“I was really motivated to want to teach it to children.

“I worked with at-risk youths for 10 years. I wanted them to have these skills by their teenage years.”

Jacqueline started with her own child, who was aged 3 at the time.

“It was more like regulating her breath and we would do mindful movement like yoga,” she said.

“When she was overstimulated or having a tantrum I would just sit with her and come into the present moment with her and just breathe with her.”

Alexis is now 10 and “when she gets overwhelmed she will just stop and take a deep breath and regulate her emotions”.

Jacqueline moved on to teaching mindfulness and yoga classes for kids.

“I was having parents coming up to me after two sessions and saying ‘What have you done to my child?’,” she said.

They were using deep breathing, getting along with their siblings, and doing better in school.

“I thought ‘I’m definitely onto something here’,” she said.

Mindful and Co Kids was born, designed to cultivate children’s selfawareness, resilience, and a growth mindset.

“I came up with our first product, our yoga flash cards,” she said.

“It’s the easiest way to implement mindfulness for children at a younger age.

“You want to make this fun.”

The cards became popular and Jacqueline received feedback from around the world, including schools and kinders - and Oprah Winfrey.

“It’s been crazy. She’s endorsed us three times now. We were on her favouite things list twice,” she said.

“I was a bit hesitant when I first started the business.

“I was worried mindfulness was a bit of a buzz word and people didn’t resonate with it.”

It turns out she was at the right place at the right time. The pandemic hit and people shifted their focus to mental health.

“Parents were wanting something other than screens to entertain them,” she said.

“It’s not a buzz word anymore. It’s written into the curriculum in schools.

“We were taught science and geography but no one taught us how to stand still and how to breathe and how to practice gratitude.

“If I’d been taught that as a kid it would have been very beneficial to me.”

Jacqueline’s now selling thousands of mindful breathing balls, Hoberman spheres, and weighted teddies.

She recently teamed up with Sesame Street to create a mindful moments floor puzzle, designed to cultivate mindfulness, enhance emotional well-being, encourage problemsolving, and more.

“Our products are all fun, engaging ways for parents to do mindfulness with their child,” she said.

“They could do as little as 10 minutes a day.”

Go nuts for this fruity crumble

ith

in the kitchen with

Lucy Stewart

IS there anything more comforting on a cool winter evening than curling up on the lounge with a bowl of warm fruit crumble cradled snugly in your lap?

I have such fond childhood memories of this dish – my parents are English so we’d often spend Christmas holidays in the UK where a crumble was always on the ‘pudding’ menu.

Not only is my macadamia and coconut fruit crumble super easy to make – kids of all ages will enjoy getting their hands into the mixing bowl and squishing all the crumble bits together – it’s also a dessert that gets bonus points for doubling as a nutritious breakfast.

You can use any stewed fruit for the base. I’ve gone with two pantry staples of apples and frozen mixed berries here, but pear, plum, and rhubarb also work well and nectarine or peach are perfect in the summer.

Stewed fruits are great for kids because they’re easy to digest, promote the growth of healthy bacteria, and enable regular bowel movements. Apples are especially healing and soothing for the gut thanks to the pectin found in their skin.

I’ve replaced the traditional crumble topping with a mix of almonds, coconut, and beautiful Aussie macadamias that are grown just up the road from me – a combination that’s naturally sweet and full of nourishing fats and protein to leave you feeling sufficiently full and satisfied after one bowl.

And if you’re lucky enough to have any left over for breakfast, it’s delicious served cold with a dollop of coconut yoghurt.

Macadamia and coconut fruit crumble

Serves: 8 – Prep time: 10-mins – Cook time: 30-mins

Ingredients:

Base

■ 4 apples, cored and diced

■ 500g frozen mixed berries, thawed (preferably organic)

■ Juice of 1 orange (you’ll need the zest too)

■ 1 tsp vanilla extract

■ 1 tbsp pure maple syrup

Crumble

■ 1 cup macadamias, roughly chopped

■ 1 cup almond meal

■ 1 cup flaked almonds

■ 1 cup shredded coconut (preservative-free)

■ 3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

■ 1 tbsp pure maple syrup

■ Zest of 1 orange

■ ½ tsp cinnamon

■ ¼ tsp sea salt

Well Fed Kitchen is a range of healthy snacks for kids that you can make at home.

Created by Nutritionist and mum, Lucy Stewart, they’re made with only real wholefood and plant-based ingredients – no additives, nothing artificial, and without nuts, dairy, soy and wheat.

Well Fed Kitchen provides an easy snack alternative to the sugar-laden, healthy pro- cessed options, guaranteed to fill kids tummies, satisfy their hunger, provide a steady release of energy and some essential growing nutrients too.

www.wellfedkitchen.com.au @wellfedkitchen_snacks

Instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 180 degrees

2. Put the apple, orange juice, vanilla extract, and maple syrup into a saucepan over a low heat and cook until the apples are soft but not mushy, about 5 minutes.

3. Transfer the apples and cooking liquid into a pie dish or baking tray, then top with the frozen berries. Set aside while you make the crumble.

4. To make the crumble, place all the ingredients together in a large mixing bowl then use your hands to rub the oil and maple syrup into the dry ingredients until it resembles a clumpy crumbly mixture.

5. Sprinkle the crumble mixture over the apples and berries and bake for 30 minutes or until the crumble is cooked and golden. Keep an eye on it as the nuts will catch and burn easily

6. Serve warm with coconut cream or ice cream.

Picture:

Independence in your retirement

CENTENNIAL Living is a company that prides itself on generating a relaxed, friendly atmosphere in its villages, where residents feel welcome and have a sense of belonging to a community.

The benefits of social connection and friendship, stimulating activities in a range of amenities, a safe environment, and the feeling of support being there when needed, has made Centennial’s villages happy places in which to live.

Centennial Living Keilor offers two levels of accommodation – independent living and serviced apartments.

While maintenance and gardening is provided in the village, people who choose independent living reside in their own home and have the freedom to take care of meals, cleaning, laundry, and other household tasks how they wish.

When people need more help, serviced apartments can be a good choice. Daily meals are served in the dining room or delivered to the apartment and weekly cleaning and heavy laundry is provided for serviced

apartment residents. Other in-home care services can also be arranged to suit individual requirements.

Both styles of accommodation are fitted with emergency call systems.

While the seven Centennial villages in Victoria vary in some aspects, recreational facilities include indoor heated swimming pools, barbecue areas, a community centre and lounge, hobby garden, games room, arts and crafts, gym, bowling green, indoor bowls, men’s shed, aqua aerobics, and a hair and beauty salon. Pets are also welcome.

The resort-style living is ideal for people who want to downsize from the family home and have a lifestyle that offers social connection and absolute independence.

Inez, who asked to have her surname omitted from publication, has been living in the Keilor village for eight years. She really enjoys village life, and said the activities were very popular at Keilor but with no pressure to participate.

“You’ve always got support. You’ve always got someone here,” Inez said.

“You can do as much or as little as you want. There’s so much offering at the village, you’ve just got to tap into it and most people do.”

Like all

Centennial Living villages, the Keilor village is close to shops, amenities, and recreation in the wider community. It is particularly close to health care – there’s a medical consultation suite near the entrance of the village.

For more information, visit www. centennialliving.com. au.

It’s Your Life It’s Your Life

Stepping out of the shadow

By Casey Neill

A young male survivor is giving hope to children stuck in the shadow of family violence.

Conor Pall, 20, is determined to use his lived experience to drive change in several ways, including writing The Shadow that Follows.

“I wrote the book when the shadow was really big and scary, so when I was in Year 11 and 12, when I was really going through the impacts of family violence,” he said.

“Someone called it bibliotherapy. It was very therapeutic writing the book.

“I don’t want what happened to me to continue to happen to children and young people.”

Conor, the youngest Victorian Victim Survivor’s Advisory Council member, said one in three women and one in nine men experienced family violence.

“Ninety-seven percent of violence in Australia is committed by men, towards women, towards men, towards children,” he said.

“The common denominator in the story about family violence is men.

“We need to be supporting our young men to heal from family violence.

“You talk to perpetrators and the common thread is that they experienced some sort of violence when they were young.

“Hurt people, hurt people.

“What are we doing to support young boys today to tell them this behaviour is not acceptable in our society?

“There’s no time for tiptoeing around.

“We can’t continue to frame this as a women’s issue.

“It hasn’t worked.

“It’s not violence against women, it’s male violence. It’s male-perpetrated violence.

“With the next stage of the reforms in Victoria, particularly, men and young boys have been identified as agents of generational change.

“For us to break the cycle and stop family violence in one generation, which is in line with the national plan, we’re going to need to bring men along to the issue.”

Conor said The Shadow that Follows was designed to be used with care and with a safe adult.

“It’s being distributed to schools and refuges in Victoria,” he said.

“It’s not a mainstream children’s book. It’s an educational resource.

“I wish there was a resource like this when I was a kid.

“I didn’t have the language to understand that what I was going through was wrong.“I didn’t have someone to tell me that what I was going through wasn’t normal.

“My schools weren’t having those conversations when I was going through family violence.

“It’s now embedded.

“They’re difficult conversations for teachers to approach.

“That doesn’t mean it’s not worthwhile doing.

“If a teacher had asked me if I was OK, or noticed I’d been absent from school, I probably would have started my journey of healing a lot sooner.

“I was a class clown and would get in trouble a bit at school.

“Those behaviours are warning signs.

“Research shows that if kids are exhibiting challenging behaviours or unhelpful behaviours in the classroom, we can’t be punitive in response.

“We need to be respectfully curious and not just think because a kid’s misbehaving that they’re a bad kid.”

School was a safe space for Conor.

“That’s where I went to decompress,” he said.

“I remember instances of sitting in the classroom just watching the clock and counting down to when I’d have to go home.

“I was 9 or 10 going through those emotions and didn’t have anyone to talk to about those emotions.

“Get comfortable with having those uncomfortable conversations.

“We’re talking about lives.”

The Shadow that Follows includes the message that it takes one person to make a change.

“My mum was that one person that took a stand against the shadow,” Conor said.

“Others followed.

“The people I’ve had supporting me through the impacts of family violence have made me the young advocate I am today.

“Survivors make the best advocates.

“So often the common thread throughout our stories is you don’t have a voice for years.

“We suppress our emotions.

“When we have this space to heal and recover, people tend to want to watch out when we start to use our voice to make change.”

Conor received a Victorian Young Achiever of the Year Award in 2022 for his advocacy.

He’s now studying social work at RMIT University and hopes to pair this with a master’s in public policy with a view to working in policy.

Your local shopping needs covered

WATERVALE

Whether it’s a quick run into Woolworths for supplies, a visit to Watervale Fresh Meats and Poultry for some top-quality meat, or a relaxing coffee and bite to eat at Watervale Cafe, Watervale Shopping Centre has local shoppers’ needs covered.

The centre is conveniently located on the corner of Taylors Road and Calder Park Drive in Taylors Hill.

Specialty shops largely trade onto the mall while some have external frontage to a 258-plus space car park.

Food offerings include pizza and pasta, Chinese, fish and chips, charcoal

chicken, and more, while on the grocery front, there’s a deli, Indian supermarket, bakery, seafood, and more.

Services include a laundry, nail salon, hairdresser, phone repairer, and gift ware.

The Watervale Shopping Centre also includes a modern medical centre and associated pharmacy.

Fit-outs of all shops are modern and of very high quality, conforming to strict design and build guidelines.

It’s open 9am to 5.30pm Monday to Wednesday, 9am to 9pm Thursday and Friday, 9am to 6pm Saturday, and 9am to 5pm Sunday.

It’s Your Life It’s Your Life

Winding Down works wonders

DOES your little one have a hard time winding down for bed?

Not only does Penny O’Loughlin feel your pain - she’s done something to help you.

The self-published Kooyong author wrote Winding Down after often solo parenting sons Fletcher and Harry, now aged 9 and 7, during the Covid lockdowns.

“They are bright, passionate balls of energy that bring me so much joy,” Penny said.

“I needed that one-on-one time to really understand Fletch.

“He is an extremely bright and passionate boy who sees the world with very different eyes.

“We’d walk to the park and he’d wear his tuxedo and no shoes.

“He’s taught me the important things, how to really see things in the moment.

“He really stops and smells the roses.

“This energy and brightness were and still are very hard to wind down at the end of the day.”

Penny tried audiobooks, essential oils, meditations, music, relaxation sounds, teas, warm baths, candles, weighted blankets, massage, and more.

When she couldn’t find the right book to support both her and Fletcher through their bedtime battles, Penny wrote it.

“It’s rhythmic, almost like a meditation,” she said.

“As it’s read, it calms the reader too.

“We overschedule ourselves, with the rapid pace of the world.

“It’s about taking a moment to pause and just be.”

Penny’s background is architecture and landscape architecture, and she’s worked as a landscape designer for years.

“But I’d always go to the children’s book section,” she said.

“I love the simple tales and parables that can explain complex topics simply and with comedy.

“I used to read the kids lots of books.

“I did a children’s book author course at Abbotsford when I was pregnant with my second son.

“I started writing when I did the course, so I wrote and wrote.

“It’s so impossible to get published. I sent them off and I got rejected by everybody.

“I felt like this book worked for its purpose.”

So Penny started down the path of self-publishing.

“I heard, in the back of my head, some of the negative comments about self-publishing but I had to get a thicker skin really,” she said.

“It’s about a garden.

“Bud is a little flower that’s yet to bloom and he sits in the shadows, yet to be seen.

“He gets his day in the sunlight, but he has to endure the wind and rain.”

Penny is also working on Cartwheeling Sally and Jumping Jack Jim.

“It’s about two little kids who don’t sit still,” she said.

“There’s nothing that makes the kids see themselves on the page and have a laugh, because it is quite funny - they’re at the top of the trees and they’re upside down.

“This is heroing them saving the day.

“It’s rhyming verse and it’s really for the cartwheeling Sallys.”

Order Winding Down from pennyoloughlin.com.

“I had to be brave enough to take the steps to get to where I wanted to go.”

She developed an author website and bought a stash of books.

“It’s now just having the confidence to get out and meet people and talk about it,” she said.

“I feel like all the books are about trying to calm down.

“It’s in a few bookshops around and is selling well.

“People are buying it for people who have new babies, as a gift, but also for children who are wound up and have heightened energy at the end of the night.”

Fletcher is “pretty chuffed” to have inspired a book.

“He says, ‘Mum’s an author, Mum wrote a book about me’,” Penny laughed.

“It reminds me of a very difficult time but a time that we worked really hard, and a time where there was massive growth for myself and my son, too.

“It’s the result of hard work - and not just the writing hard work, but the personal hard work.

“It worked for me and I hope it will work for others.”

She read Winding Down in local kindergartens and early learning centres during Book Week last year.

“They now use it after playtime just to bring the energy back down and to switch off,” she said.

A publisher picked up Penny for her next book, this time inspired by her youngest.

“I felt like I needed to do this for him,” she said.

“It’s coming out in December and it’s called Bud and Buzz.

Opportunities for west’s young leaders

THE State Government is partnering with Victoria University to deliver more scholarships to students in Melbourne’s west.

Education Minister Ben Carroll announced $100,000 for the Western Chances Links Program for the next two years.

It delivers tailor-made, merit based scholarships to financially disadvantaged young people in Melbourne’s western suburbs.

“Western Chances sends a powerful message to young people that the sky is their limit – encouraging them to take

up leadership positions and develop their skills to represent and advocate for their communities,” Mr Carroll said.

Scholarships are awarded to talented and motivated young people who have been recognised by their nominators, teachers, lecturers, and the wider community.

The program also offers a wide range of high quality and free educational, personal, and professional development opportunities outside school to eligible

Western Chances scholarship recipients.

The Western Chances Links Program delivers 200 scholarships from 32

government schools annually and the new funding will ensure more opportunities.

“Through this major alliance, we are poised to create new opportunities for our young people and pave the way for increased access to education, skills, learning pathways, and employment,” Western Chances founder and chair Terry Bracks said.

“At the heart of this partnership lies a deep-rooted belief in the power of education and our profound love for the west.”

Penny with her children, Fletcher, 9, and Harrison, 7. Pictures: Rob Carew

It’s Your Life It’s Your Life

Junior sports ignite passion, grow skills

ARE you searching for the perfect activity to keep your children active, engaged, and filled with excitement?

Look no further than Leisure City’s indoor junior sports programs!

Designed to ignite a passion for sports while fostering essential life skills, Leisure City’s programs promise an unforgettable journey of growth and discovery for young children.

At Leisure City, located in Epping, the team understands the importance of providing children with opportunities to explore their interests and develop valuable skills.

Its junior sports programs offer a diverse range of sports for preschool and primary school-aged children, including soccer, basketball, cricket, gymnastics, tennis, swimming, and more, ensuring there’s something for every child to enjoy.

Leisure City’s dedicated coaches are not only experts in their respective sports but also passionate about nurturing young talent.

They create a supportive and encouraging environment where children can thrive, building confidence in their abilities while having fun.

Participating in sports isn’t just about physical activity - it’s about developing crucial life skills such as teamwork, discipline, and resilience.

Through regular practice sessions and friendly competitions, children in Leisure City’s programs learn the value of cooperation, perseverance, and sportsmanship, setting them up for success both on and off the field.

Plus with an indoor child’s play zone for little ones aged under 5 years, 24/7 health club, reformer Pilates, adult sports

competitions, birthday parties, and court hire available there is something for the whole family at the Y.

Enrolling your child in Leisure City’s junior sports programs is more than just signing them up for a sports activity - it’s

giving them the opportunity to discover their passions, build lifelong skills, and forge lasting memories.

Join the Leisure City team today! Find out more at leisurecity.ymca.org.au.

It’s Your Life It’s Your Life

A space to grieve

By Casey Neill

ONE couple has turned their pain into a healing sanctuary for other parents who have lost a child.

Hayden and Sheree Ballinger founded Forever Held Foundation on their Naringal dairy farm.

“It came out of our own journey,” Sheree said.

“We have five children.

“We feel so incredibly grateful, but part of the journey of growing our family was experiencing five miscarriages.”

In May 2018 they lost their son Jamin after 18 weeks of pregnancy.

“The grief that followed was overwhelming for a really lengthy period of time for me,” Sheree said.

“It was compounded grief - I hadn’t fully acknowledged or slowed after each to take that time to grieve.

“When this happened it was layer upon layer and it forced me to a stop.

“I would go for a walk or a run down our farm road and past this piece of land we had purchased about 10 years before.

“The idea came on a run, to make space for parents to stay, a retreat.

“At the time it felt like a dream.

“We didn’t know if it would be possible.”

But the Ballingers finished the no-cost short-stay Forever Held haven for other loss parents in October 2022.

“Our vision was to create space to grieve,” Sheree said.

“Grief is a really natural part of life.

“In our Australian culture we often don’t know how to handle that.

“We hope that any parent who’s experiencing the loss of a child knows that their story matters and they’re not alone.

“We’ve had some really encouraging feedback even months after a stay.

“It helped them to feel seen and heard.

“One thing that we also hear is how there’s a certain sacredness to the space.

“They appreciate that only loss parents have stayed in the retreat.

“There’s some sort of connection because of that.”

Sheree designed the space very intentionally.

“We wanted to make it feel different to a hotel,” she said.

“We wanted to use as many natural materials as possible - timber, stone, natural light.

“We can’t always physically be there to sit with everyone who comes to stay, but we wanted to wrap each person with love.

“They walk in and feel the warmth, and that there’s people who really care about what they’re going through.

“It’s also off-grid. There’s very limited phone reception, no Wi-Fi, no TV.

“It’s just that chance to switch off.

“It can initially feel confronting. It is a slowing down, it is a switching off.”

The Ballingers provide an art and journalling space for guests.

“They share their story if they’d like to, if that’s going to help them in their healing,” she said.

“There’s no rules for any of it.

“We want people to be able to come and simply be themselves and have their grief acknowledged.”

The retreat is a family affair, with the kids often helping Sheree and Hayden set up for guests.

“Child loss has been very much part of our story,” she said.

“It’s not something we’d ever choose, but I think they’ve been able to see how we’ve used those hard parts of our story to be an encouragement for others.

“I think it’s definitely helped them to grow in their understanding that life carries those beautiful joys but it does carry pain.

“It’s not one or the other, it’s often both alongside each other. “It’s given them an appreciation of that aspect of life.

“I hope it helps them understand how to reach out to others in their pain.”

Sheree said speaking about child loss with her living children had been hard.

“When we experienced our first few miscarriages our children were quite young so it was hard to be open and to know how much to be open about it,” she said.

“They knew and they were looking forward to a brother and a baby in our family.

“There’d be times when tears would just come.

“(My daughter) would come and sit next to me on the couch and just snuggle in for a cuddle.

“They don’t try to run away from it.

“They are happy to just sit in that place and give you a hug or talk about it or draw you a picture.

“I would say ‘I’m feeling really sad today because of Jamin’.

“Mums do have sad, hard days too.

“I didn’t feel like I had to pretend with them.”

The Ballingers would take family camping trips around difficult milestones.

“That is one of the most common times people reach out to make a booking is a first anniversary of a loss or around a birth date,” Sheree said.

“It would have made a world of difference to us.

“We are a fully registered charity. We do take donations to support the ongoing costs of each stay. We provide meals, as an option, plus basic supplies.”

To donate or become a corporate sponsor, email info@foreverheld.org.au.

Appeal for nappy stress support

THE Nappy Collective is helping parents in desperate need as cost of living pressures hit hard.

The community-based charity collects donations of new and leftover nappies - ones that little ones have grown out of or no longer need - and pass them onto community partners who support families in need.

It started with a group of mums who found a handful of nappies their toddlers no longer fit.

After considering what to do with only six nappies – Pass them onto a friend? Keep them for the next child? Throw them out? - they began to wonder if other parents were in a similar predicament.

“What if we were able to collect all these leftover nappies and distribute them to families in crisis or in need?” the group said.

“Collectively these handfuls of nappies could make a big difference.”

The group launched its first collection drive via Facebook in 2013 and received 1500 nappies within two weeks.

It has since expanded to more than 650 collection points across Australia and distributed more than 6.8 million nappies.

Minister for Children Lizzie Blandthorn and Albert Park MP Nina Taylor met with The Nappy Collective in May to hear about its work to build new community partnerships and expand donation points.

“Given the current cost of living pressures impacting many Victorian households, the work of The Nappy Collective is even more important with the charity establishing new community partnerships and nappy donation points across Victoria,” Ms Blandthorn said.

“Being a new parent is one of the most incredible, yet challenging

experiences – and for Victorians experiencing vulnerability or in crisis, this work provides significant relief when they need it most.”

The Nappy Collective received $110,000 from the State Government in September last year, plus $100,000 in January this year to launch two new programs.

The School Collective and Corporate Collective will allow participants to contribute financially to The Nappy Collective while gaining education on nappy stress and wider social disadvantage through guest speaker presentations.

Research from The Nappy Collective shows that one in 10 Australian families don’t have enough nappies due to reasons outside their control, such as homelessness, escaping domestic violence, major weather events, or other emergencies.

Education

Students ‘hesitant’ to sign on to university

By Casey Neill

TODAY’S high schoolers are more worried about study debt and increasingly likely to take a gap year, says one career coach.

Geelong mum and teacher Danielle Flack has worked in career education in secondary schools for 13 years.

“The last couple of years I’ve noticed young people’s attitudes and aspirations towards work and further education changing,” she said.

“I’m seeing lots more teenagers wanting to take gap years.

“There’s a lot more hesitation about committing to university.”

Danielle recently started a PhD in career education and has just written a book on the topic - Career Planning Handbook: Navigating Your Future Career and Work Life.

“I basically wrote the book with my teenage self in mind,” she said.

“What do I wish I knew back then? What would I have found helpful?

“I was the first in my family to attend university, and despite getting an ATAR in the high 90s, I really struggled with adjusting to uni life.

“I actually changed courses three times in three years.

“This experience made me passionate about helping young people like myself, who just don’t know where to start and maybe don’t have the support or resources at home.”

So Danielle collated the information and advice she gave to her students.

“I’ve broken it down into the steps that I would take if I was in their shoes,” she said.

“I thought about the questions I regularly get asked from young people.

“It’s the first time they’re making a decision that potentially has long-term implications.

“For a lot of young people, that causes so much stress and anxiety.

“I wanted to convey that it’s OK if you don’t know what you want to do or if you make a mistake or you change

your mind or if you try something and it’s not quite right.”

She said many of her students were “really tired” by the time VCE rolled around.

“They’re tired from being through Covid, then returning to school, and I just feel like a lot of them don’t want to rush into making a decision,” she said.

“They just want a moment to pause and reflect.”

That often means a gap year, which Danielle encourages - so long as they make it profitable by doing something meaningful.

“That could look like working a part-time job, building up your skills,” she said.

“Or doing a short course at TAFE that is an interest area for you.

“A lot of my students who may be interested in becoming nurses or teachers, they might say ‘on the side I’m actually really interested in makeup’.

“Do the certificate.

“When you go back to uni, you can start your own business on the side and earn money while being flexible around university.

“A lot of them just want to travel.

“I think that’s an excellent way to get a bit more independent, get organised, learn how to manage their time, be a little bit more resilient.”

Another factor in students electing to delay a decision on further education is the Higher Education Contribution Scheme (HECS).

“That whole conversation about having the HECS debt and indexation, you wouldn’t think that young people would be thinking about that, but in the last two to three years it is so common for Year 12 students to come in and ask ‘how much does this course cost?’,” she said.

“Previously no one would ever ask.”

Danielle introduces students to career education in Year 7 by building selfawareness.

“We start with what are they curious about, what do they like to do, what are they good at,” she said.

In Year 8 she introduces activities like ranking jobs from lowest to highest salary, busting myths and misconceptions, and investigating the level of study or training behind different roles. At Year 9 and 10 Danielle shifts the focus to shaping the kids as future employees.

“We look at part-time jobs, resumes, cover letters, job interview skills, their rights in the workplace…then start planning for senior secondary school and beyond,” she said.

For Year 11 and 12 students, Danielle’s interactions focus on making decisions about the future. Along the way, she provides parents with conversation starters to use at home and shares information explaining the different pathways.

“So we still have a lot of misunderstanding, maybe misinformation, about TAFE and about apprenticeships, and what is a good career and how do you get there,” she said.

“It’s a passionate commitment one way or the other.

“When I lived in Melbourne I had traditionally worked in Catholic schools.

“I worked in the western suburbs so I worked with a lot of young people who were first in the family going to university, a lot of students who were looking at apprenticeships or trainee pathways.

“Most wouldn’t consider studying overseas or interstate.

“In Geelong, young people will consider studying interstate, that’s just a normal thing.

“We’ll look at universities in Queensland, New South Wales, Tasmania.

“I’ve got lots of young people interested in studying overseas.” You can find Danielle on Instagram at danielle_thecareercoach.

“A lot of the work we do is on educating parents as well.

“One thing we’re trying to do this year is to provide a little bit more information about the future of work.

“There is a lot of anxiety, worry, confusion about what the future of work is going to look like.

“We’re trying to use that as an opportunity to explain what skills might be needed, how to develop them, and highlight some of the growing industries.”

Danielle’s PhD will look at the hopes and aspirations of young people in relation to work, education and training with a regional lens. She moved to Geelong from Melbourne three years ago.

“It is quite different here,” she said.

“There’s two camps: ‘I have to escape from Geelong the second I can’ or ‘No I can’t leave, this is where my family is’.

on to do this t more re , worry, uture as an at skills of the oung h a o ,”

VTECH and LeapFrog products are designed to enrich children’s development and make learning fun!

This collection of exciting and innovative toys has been created for children aged 3 months to 8 years.

The Kids magazine stable has two packs of VTech’s most popular toys to give away to our readers!

Each pack contains:

■ 1 x Beep Beep Baby Driver (ages 3-24 months)

For your chance to WINvisit kidswest.com.au/news/competitions by noon on Friday 28 June. Good luck! Your

Put your baby or toddler in the driver’s seat with the Beep Beep Baby Driver, which can be attached to your pram.

■ 1 x Explore and Discover Roller (ages 6-36 months)

Babies and toddlers can drum up discoveries with the Explore and Discover Roller.

Every student can flourish

WE are no ordinary learning environment.

Our rapidly growing school has emerged as a highly innovative alternative, focused relentlessly on the unique needs of every individual and a determination to allow all to flourish in learning, wellbeing, and a feeling of community.

We are uncompromising in pursuit of this goal, and it permeates all our activities and programs.

A stimulating, intimate, and inclusive setting, committed to small studentteacher ratios, we are passionate about academic rigour, physical and mental wellbeing, positive student outcomes, and a confident self-image for every young person.

Our educators are highly experienced professionals, dedicated to excellence and continuous improvement for their students and for themselves.

Every Year 12 student (bar none) discovers a highly positive pathway, be it academic or vocational, and we congratulate them all, for they are our future.

And our students have the opportunity for early university entry while they are still in Year 12 through our partnership with the Centre of Higher Education studies.

Secondary education is an adventure that should flow seamlessly from the primary years, providing excitement, growth, and joy into adolescence and beyond.

Therefore, positive student engagement, careful guidance, and genuine, authentic human relationships in learning are our priority.

Our families are our partners and we join with you closely throughout your child’s learning experience.

We provide great care and close communication every step of the way.

With continued infrastructure enhancement at the college and in our local area, and our proximity to the

wonderful natural heritage of Darebin Creek, we are blessed with surely one of the most beautiful campuses in Melbourne.

We offer very substantial student scholarships in every area of achievement, and these are designed to maximise academic, social, and emotional growth and opportunity for our young people.

Every year we are adding to innovation in teaching and learning.

This year we have formally commenced ‘language lab’ because we like to ask students which language they would like to learn, rather than telling them what they shall.

We do this through carefully managed online learning programs that you have to experience to believe.

Our new Elite Sports Program is hugely popular and joins our systemleading music program that brings a 2000-strong audience of local families to witness students from across the northern suburbs perform.

It would give me great pleasure to meet with you and your children to share the wonderful educational environment that is Lalor North Secondary College.

Timothy Cottrell, Principal

Principal

Timothy Cottrell with last year’s college dux, Maryam Belal.

Year-round swimming is vital

SWIMMING is an essential life skill, and there’s no better place to learn and practice than at Paul Sadler Swimland.

With facilities that offer the perfect conditions year-round, with pool temperatures consistently maintained at a comfortable 32˚C and deck areas at a pleasant 27˚C.

These ideal conditions ensure that every swim lesson is not only productive but also enjoyable, regardless of the weather outside.

Learning to swim is not just about being able to enjoy the water during summer; it’s a crucial safety skill that can save lives.

By swimming year-round, children and adults can continuously develop and hone their skills, ensuring that they remain confident and capable in the water.

Consistent practice helps reinforce techniques and build muscle memory, aiding skill development.

Moreover, swimming provides numerous health benefits that make it an excellent exercise choice yearround.

It’s a low-impact activity that enhances cardiovascular fitness, builds strength, and improves flexibility.

Regular swimming can help

maintain a healthy weight, reduce stress, and improve overall well-being.

For children, it’s particularly beneficial as it promotes physical development, improves coordination, and boosts confidence.

At Paul Sadler Swimland, the team understands the importance of maintaining a routine.

Its heated pools and comfortable deck areas eliminate the seasonal barriers that can disrupt swimming lessons.

Whether it’s the heat of summer or the chill of winter, Paul Sadler Swimland facilities are designed to provide a consistent and conducive learning environment.

Year-round swimming ensures that progress is continuous and uninterrupted.

It helps learners retain their skills and stay water-safe at all times.

The Paul Sadler Swimland team is committed to providing the best possible conditions for swimming instruction and practice, making swimming a yearround activity that families can rely on for safety, health, and enjoyment.

Experience the benefits of swimming every day, all year long, in a perfectly controlled environment.

For more information visit paulsadlerswimland.com.

Reality Bites

Roadside birth ‘empowering’

By Casey Neill

A shock delivery in an ambulance station versus a scheduled caesareanTayla Keene’s two births couldn’t be more different.

The Mooroolbark mum’s experience post-birth has been chalk and cheese, too. Postnatal depression clouded her first months with Jasper, but therapy put her in good stead for Lyra’s start to life.

Tayla had always wanted to be a mum and instinctively knew she was growing a little life with fiance Trent Broome before a positive pregnancy test confirmed it.

“There weren’t any symptoms as such but I knew straight away,” she said.

“The first test came back negative but the next morning there was a faint positive line.

“Trent didn’t believe me until we were sitting in the doctor’s room getting our results back.”

Her pregnancy with Jasper went smoothly, but things kicked up a notch about a week past his due date.

“I woke up about 2am with contractions all across my lower back,” she said.

“I timed it roughly in my head. They were repetitive, but not consistent.”

Trent woke up to Tayla writing notes on her phone. They decided she’d get as much rest as possible and send her midwife a message in the morning.

“I was lucky, I was part of the midwifery group practice program,” she said.

“My midwife was actually a family friend of ours, too.

“I texted her about 8am, but she’d been at a birth with someone else that night and had to hand me over to her partner midwife.

“I laboured during the day at home.

“We were living with my parents at the time in Christmas Hills.

“I was going to The Angliss, they knew we were about an hour away.

“It was probably around lunchtime that I wanted to hop in the bath for a little bit.

“The contractions started to get pretty regular.”

She’d read an old wives’ tale that you could tell how far dilated you were by how cold your legs were, from your knee to the top of your thigh.

Tayla thought she was about 8 centimetres and called her midwife, who listened to her breathe through a contraction and said she was still in early labour.

“I think they underestimate people’s pain tolerances,” Tayla said.

“I wouldn’t say labour for me was painful.

“I’ve had really bad periods my whole life so I can say I’ve had periods worse than labour.”

Tayla was told to come in when she could no longer talk through her contractions, that at that point she’d be in the next stage of labour.

“Maybe 20 to 30 minutes later we were bang in that next stage,” she said.

“Every contraction brought me to my hands and knees.

“I was pushing - I couldn’t not push.”

She got out of the bath, dressing herself between contractions, and her dad and sister helped her get into the car with Trent.

Her waters broke about 20 minutes down the road, in Lilydale.

“I reached down and I could feel his head,” she said.

“I told my husband he had to pull

over and call an ambulance.

“I was OK. If we had to deliver this baby ourselves on the side of the road, that’s what we were going to have to do.

“You just have to accept it.

“I was never scared of birth as a thing because I figured women had been doing this for hundreds of thousands of years before me.

“My body was designed for this. Whatever happens it’ll be fine.

“I just had to listen to my body.”

They soon came to an ambulance station.

“We didn’t know if it was manned,” Tayla said.

“We pulled up on the side of the road. I don’t know how I made it inside.

“I just pulled my pants off and I was on my hands and knees on the ground.

“Trent’s rummaging through their cupboards, getting their blankets out.

“He’s on the phone to dispatch. They’re telling him what to do.

“Luckily, at this point the paramedics who were happening to have their lunch at 4pm took over.”

They got her up onto a trolley - then received dispatch instructions to respond to her call.

“The paramedic that was mainly helping us, this was his third birth,” Tayla said.

“Most paramedics don’t get to deal with them. They usually get called straight after the fact or just don’t get to see them.”

They pushed the trolley into the amulance and Tayla got onto her hands and knees and pushed.

“I could feel the ring of fire. I knew one more push and he was out,” she said.

“There was this wall of paramedics standing behind me.

“A paramedic half caught him while the rest of him came out.

“We all chilled out in the ambulance for a little bit.

“The paramedics made sure we were both OK.

“I had a little bit of a tear. Everything was really good.

“He latched pretty much straight away on the drive there and fed maybe about half an hour, 40 minutes.

“We came in through emergency and they took me up to the birth ward.

“They had to pull my placenta out in the end.

“I had a third degree tear that was quite deep, so they took me into theatre.”

Tayla said Jasper barely cried in those first hours and was so strong he was almost holding his head up.

“He wanted to be a part of everything,” she said.

“He had so much of his personality even before he was born.

“Now we see how it translates to him today. He’s very strong, outgoing, reactive. He has a big personality.

“He was a very easy baby.

“The hardest thing for me was probably breastfeeding. Something so natural did not come naturally.

“My milk came in very quickly but I had an oversupply which was leaving me very sore all the time and wet constantly.

“Then we both developed thrush as well because my breast pads were so full all the time.

“He had a bit of a tongue tie that we got snipped.

“Once we got through those first weeks we were pretty good.

“He followed the awake windows and the sleep schedules.

“He grew really quickly, he learnt things really quickly. All of his milestones he has reached early.

“He would have been about four months old when I started recognising signs of postnatal depression.

“I had a textbook perfect child, yet I struggled so much, and I’d always wanted to be a mum.”

Living at home didn’t help, and then the Covid lockdowns hit.

“He was about 18 months old when I first went to the doctor to start a mental health care plan,” Tayla said.

“I knew I should have done that a lot sooner. I kept waiting for it to go away.

“That guilt of ‘I should be happy about this, I’ve got a really good child, a really happy child’.”

Tayla had always been an overachiever and people pleaser.

“If I admitted that I needed help I felt like a failure, I felt like I wasn’t doing this mum thing the way everyone else seemed to do it.”

Jasper was about 2 when Tayla was able to speak to a counsellor.

“I’m now such a big advocate for counselling and therapy,” she said.

“I still see my therapist now, two years later.

“One of the biggest things she did for me was normalise a lot of feelings I was having.

“We made plans and strategies but also looked at a lot of the root causes of things.

“I learned to give myself the grace that I need and be OK with where things are at.”

For about the first year after having Jasper, the thought of having another child terrified Tayla.

“But I never wanted him to be an only child,” she said.

She spent time with her therapist and returned to work in a new field, finding a job she enjoyed.

“I don’t really know exactly when it was, but a switch turned and I felt ready to have another child,” she said.

“It took a lot longer for Trent to come around.

“Jasper’s birth for me was a very empowering experience. For Trent it was a very stressful experience.

“The thought of me going through potsnatal depression again was a big factor for him and really scared him.”

They fell pregnant the same month Trent came around to the idea.

The early days were very different to Tayla’s first pregnancy.

“Period symptoms are very similar to pregnancy symptoms, so I ignored everything,” she said.

“We were probably about seven weeks along before I took my first test.

“I didn’t want it to be negative. It was something I’d really wanted for 12 months.

“There were so many symptoms. I felt really hot, wanted a lot of sweet sugary things.

“I was at work one day and cracked it about something, and my colleague said ‘you just seem very quick to anger, are you alright?’.”

She picked up a test at the supermarket on her drive home, and was relieved it was positive.

Unlike her pregnancy with Jasper, Tayla felt nauseous throughout.

“About halfway through my pregnancy with her I had an ultrasound with the perineal clinic at Box Hill,” she said.

“I took myself to a pelvic floor specialist when we first agreed we were ready to have another baby and my recovery seemed really good.

“I had an ultrasound and the colorectal surgeon said they didn’t advise another vaginal birth.

“That crushed me.

“It was really hard to not cry in the appointment.

“I instantly felt like my choice had been taken away from me and my body had failed me.

“I felt very let down by my own healing.

“It took a while to come to terms with having a caesar.

“It was a situation I couldn’t control so I just had to let it be and control what I could.”

Tayla wanted a maternal assisted caesarean, where the mother helps to lift her baby from her womb.

“Going through the public system it’s not really a big thing that they do,” she said.

“No one could give me a straight answer as to why I couldn’t do it.

“I was told it would depend on the doctor on the day.

“I wanted at the very least immediate skin to skin.

“They gave me my spinal at 9am, she was born at 9.16am.

“It was such a strange experience.

“You could feel everything that was going on in terms of the pushing, the pulling, the tugging.

Lyra was eight weeks old when we spoke, and was having reflux and tummy issues that were affecting her sleep.

“She hates being put down, she will not tolerate being put down for more than a minute,” she laughed.

“I don’t think the exhaustion is as bad because you’re conditioned to it.

“Being in our own house has made a massive difference.

“My mental health is in a much different place this time around.

“We are having regular check-ins because we’re more aware.

“She’s more difficult than Jasper, but we are in a much better position this time around.

“You could not get two more polar opposite kids from the same family.

“But they’ve both got those piercing blue eyes.”

“She was crying before they’d even properly got her head out.

“They lowered the drapes and we got to touch her.”

Only 10 seconds passed between Lyra entering the world and being placed on Tayla’s chest.

“She was instantly very different to Jasper - very vocal, a lot sleepier,” she said.

“It’s different when you’ve been evicted rather than knocking on the door.”

She said the hardest part of the caesarean was the first few days, particularly standing.

Lyra latched and put on weight well, and Jasper was bursting to meet her.

“We’re very lucky Jasper’s been really good with her,” Tayla said.

“He just wants to hug her all the time and give her a kiss on the head.

“He can’t wait for her to play toys together.”

Not your everyday dad

By Angie Hilton

SOME people enter this world and it’s very clear they are here to make a difference. Woon Ooi, 44, is not your everyday corporate dad or tradie dad.

His day job has seen him come face to face with some of the most confronting situations imaginableincluding being on the front line in the Bourke Street massacre, hostage negotiations, going undercover to buy illicit drugs from traffickers, and coaxing people off the top of buildings and bridges.

Son of a minister, Woon’s adolescent backstory is every parent’s worst nightmare – gangs, expulsions, you name it!

But somehow, all the danger and rebellion of those formative years shaped him into an outstanding human with a drive and passion for helping others.

When you hear about his career you might picture a hardened, desensitised man.

But quite the contrary - Woon wears his heart on his sleeve, has an endless capacity for helping people in need, is an amazing father, a loyal and caring husband, and would give you the shirt off his back.

His lived experience has gifted him with a humble wisdom that is evident as soon as you talk to him.

Woon, can you give us a snapshot of life before babies? Childhood, school life, ambitions?

I had my first baby when I was 20 years old. She is 24 this year, so I was only a baby myself.

Life before babies was school, university, business college, and working part-time in a dim-sim factory and a restaurant.

I deferred my university studies, finished business college, and started at the Victoria Police Academy in 2001.

School life was tough. I was born in Malaysia and migrated to Australia in 1985.

We started life in a little town on the other side of Melbourne called Frankston.

I was the only Asian kid at Frankston Primary School and on my first day of school (in Prep), I was beaten up so badly that I required stitches on the top of my head.

When I was 7, we moved to Geelong, and it wasn’t much better.

I was expelled from school in Grade 2 for defending myself. Shamefully, I became a bully myself.

When I was 10, I joined a gang and by the time I was 14, I was couch surfing and at times sleeping rough.

I had no ambitions; life was about survival. I was expelled from three high schools before managing to complete my VCE.

You’ve worked in fields that would terrify the average person. Can you give us a snapshot of your career highlights and lowlights? What inspired you to head into such a challenging field?

In 2000, I was studying at business college and Victoria Police was recruiting.

I applied for the Victoria Police and the full-time Army at the same time but decided to take the policing option.

My career was rather unusual. I was one of two Mandarin speaking officers at the time.

I graduated from the Academy and went to the City Patrol Group to complete a three-month posting in the city.

I completed my mandatory threeday traffic direction course, and on the fourth day I reported for duty at the section sergeant’s desk and he sent me to the senior sergeant’s office.

The senior sergeant said, “Don’t bother sitting down”, as he handed me a report.

I said, “What does secondment mean?”

He replied, “It means pack your bags, you’re out of here. There is a car outside waiting for you.”

I was taken to St Kilda Road Police Complex where I worked in the kidnapping unit for a number of months, listening to recorded phone conversations, listening devices, and conducting real-time surveillance.

After that I worked in plain clothes drug investigations, buying heroin from drug dealers on the streets.

I then spent three years in the Melbourne Sexual Offences and Child Abuse Unit. This is really where I began my journey and passion in looking into how people communicate to influence others.

My job was meeting complete strangers in their most vulnerable state and making a connection to elicit the best evidence that we could use to mount a strong case, ultimately seeking justice for the victims.

After three years I needed a change and became a specialist weapons instructor. I learned how to use my voice to teach and train police officers, and how to use structure in language to achieve the highest possible training outcomes in the shortest amount of time.

I did that for three years before taking a promotion to the Police Academy as a senior instructor. There I developed programs, trained other trainers, and advised on a number of committees including the Coroners Court of Victoria.

In 2011 I joined the Critical Incident Response Team (CIRT), which became the best 11 years of my career.

After completing my basic operators’ course, I qualified as a Close Personal Protection operative, Siege Hostage Negotiator and eventually became a Tactical Commander.

I was involved in many critical incidents including the 2017 Bourke Street Massacre, which became the tipping point of many years of unprocessed emotions.

A year after the Bourke Street incident, I was diagnosed with PTSD and sent off work for seven months.

I was determined to ‘get well’, return to work, and leave on my own terms.

I did, and went on to perform duties at higher ranks for another five years.

As a CIRT operator, on a daily basis I encountered people in crisis and sometimes truly believing that day was their last on earth.

I had the incredible privilege of sitting in that final moment with them and helping them see that there were more days to come for them.

I joined Victoria Police to make a difference. I left Victoria Police for the same reason.

I now work with people in so many different contexts.

I work with high performing teams, CEOs and senior executives running large corporations with over 3500 employees.

They all want the same thing: to make a difference in this world, and leave a legacy.

The formula is the same. Help people become great communicators, teach them how to make genuine human connections, and lead people to positive outcomes.

Amy and Woon with daughters Lulu, 6, Isla, 9, and Nevadah, 23.

Pictures: Louisa Jones

Your work is something not many of us would be cut out for - what is the secret to staying calm in such high-pressure situations?

The mind is an incredible machine. It has limitless resources. Learning how to access those resources has changed my life.

The unconscious mind processes a lot more than our conscious mind can.

The mind also loves to be in control. It is also a pattern recognition machine. If it encounters a situation that it doesn’t recognise it will process the situation as a threat.

A threat response is typically a flight, fight or freeze response.

However, it is difficult to predict your response unless you have developed a pattern of response.

I do think being prepared is advantageous and responsible, especially if you are in charge of little lives.

It also puts you back in the driver’s seat and puts your mind at ease, because you have a plan. A simple IF/ THEN exercise will help greatly.

You can say to your child, “If you get lost, wait at the information booth and I will find you there.”

During a pressure situation, ‘box breathing’ is very effective:

Look at a square object. Count to four seconds while breathing in and following the top edge of the square object with your eyes.

Now hold for four seconds while following the right edge of the square object down one side.

Now breathe out for four seconds while following the bottom edge of the square object.

Now hold for four seconds while following the left edge of the square object up the other side.

Do this for two minutes and you will feel amazing.

You must consciously think about breathing (that way), which means you have to activate the part of your brain which is responsible for thinking, problem solving, and regulating your emotions.

In the negotiator world, we call this ‘brain online’.

Another way to prevent or reduce a survival stress response is to practise gratitude, empathy and mindfulness (eg box breathing) every day.

Research has shown that this practice will reduce activity in the part of your brain that triggers your survival stress responses.

How would you describe your parenting style?

I would describe my parenting style as ‘doing the best I can with the resources I have’.

I believe that is true for every parent.

I also believe that ‘every person has the resources within them to succeed and achieve whatever outcomes they desire’.

It is also vitally important to be ‘kind and gentle to yourself’ when you don’t respond in a way that you are proud of, because ‘there is no failure, only feedback’.

Pick yourself up and try again.

What have you found to be the hardest thing about parenting?

The hardest thing about parenting is probably the same for most people - the consistency and persistence that is required, because the rewards are so far

into the future that it is hard to stay focused and motivated on doing the best you can now.

Something I discovered in negotiation that is incredibly powerful is ‘rapport building’ with your kids.

In fact, it is vitally important. Without rapport, it is difficult, if not impossible to lead or influence anyone, including children.

How often do you tell your partner you love them? Imagine if you said to them, “I told you that I love you on our wedding day. If that changes, I will let you know.”

Kids are the same. We need to seek to build rapport with our kids all the time, especially if you want them to learn a lesson.

A few weeks ago, my nine-year-old Isla was very disrespectful towards Amy at a netball match.

Amy had the wisdom and patience to let it go at the time, and then asked me to address the issue in the morning.

The following morning, Isla came into our room (at the same time), said good morning (as she normally does) and asked to go downstairs to watch TV (which is her normal routine).

However, on this particular morning, I told her to hop in bed with me.

Now, this is out of routine for her, so I could immediately anticipate that her survival stress response was being activated. Even a child needs to feel in control and of course, the need to be right.

I spent five minutes getting into rapport with her, to bring her survival stress response down and to bring her ‘brain online’, because I was about to discuss something very important.

Something that would mould her character and make her a better human being, and become more socialised, which is, after all, our primary objective as parents.

Once her brain was ‘online’ she was able to regulate her mood, receive feedback without being defensive, rationalise, identify what made her angry, and be disrespectful to her mother (the night before), problem solve and develop solutions herself on how to manage her emotions more constructively in the future.

The alternative would have been to cause an argument with her that would have lasted all day, and maybe into the next day. Negotiating with my kids requires me to focus on the objective.

The opposite is turning the situation into a contest.

In a contest, there is a winner and a loser, and nobody likes to lose, and you will not win a contest (especially with your kids) by presenting more rational and convincing points.

If you focus on the objective (which is to socialise your child and turn them into productive members of society) then there is nothing that child can say to you to bait you into a contest.

The best thing about family is that you love each other no matter what. You aren’t going anywhere, which means you get to fail and try again as many times as you need.

Just remember to be kind and gentle to yourself and ‘there is no failure, only feedback’.

Gosh, Woon, you have so much wisdom to share with our readers. If you had one sign-off message, what would that be?

Something I had to learn the hard way and now I tell myself daily: “Be really kind and gentle to yourself.”

Understanding anxiety

By Casey Neill

A Geelong author’s new book gives children a glimpse into life with anxiety and an assistance dog.

Childcare centre owner Karyn Connors based Kitty and I on her experience with 6-year-old chocolate poodle Raffy.

“I’ve worked with children all my life and I was an avid reader as a child,” she said.

“I’ve always enjoyed books and reading to children, so for a long time I’ve wanted to write a children’s book.

“I’m also an artist and I was looking for a new project.

“I thought it was a good way of introducing a topic to children that is not openly discussed - that being anxiety - and also educating on assistance dogs and how they help people.”

Raffy rarely leaves Karyn’s side.

“Primarily when I’m sitting he’ll be on my knee, so the weight of him soothes me, makes me feel calmer,” she said.

Children’s books... Books

Listen, Hippo!

Gabriel Evans

When Billy is feeling sad, he wishes he had someone to talk to.

He thinks what he needs is someone to listen…but his best friend, Hippo, believes he knows exactly what Billy needs!

Playing dress-ups will cheer Billy up, and dancing in the cherry blossoms, or maybe a pirate adventure?

Hippo just wants to make Billy happy, but it’s only when he finally listens to what Billy wants that he can help his friend.

Penguin

$24.99

“He’s very intuitive about how I’m feeling. He’ll be lying on a blanket next to me and all of a sudden he wants to get up on my knee.

“It’s an amazing sort of bond or relationship that we have.”

Raffy came into Karyn’s life when she

“had a lot of things going on”.

“My mental health and even my physical health was not very good at all,” she said.

“I got a puppy just before my partner passed away and found that just having him was helpful.

“I then looked into how I could have him trained to be able to go with me everywhere, which he has over that time.

“The book is actually about that.

“One of the pages talks about how with Raffy I can go to art galleries or theatres or orchestras, things that I would otherwise not have done on my own.

“When I have Raffy with me, I feel more comfortable.”

Karyn has shared the book at schools and elaborated on her experience with anxiety.

“I explained the physical things that my body feels when I’m worried or anxious,” she said.

“I talked to them about feeling like your heart’s racing and you’ve got butterflies in your tummy.

“In the book, I tried to make it relatable to children.

“It says that whether they’re imagined or real, they’re fears that I have.

“I used a lion in the jungle, a bear in the forest, and a shark in the ocean to give children something they could grasp and understand how that would feel.”

Karyn combines different media to create her illustrations, including children’s drawings, photos, acrylic paints, and inks.

“It’s a very visually different book to the majority of other children’s books,” she said.

“I use words and imagery that I believe children can relate to, whether they’re three or nine.

“I hope that they feel more understanding of differences in people.

Detective Beans and the Case of the Missing Hat

Li Chen

In this hilarious full-colour graphic novel, Cat Town’s best kitten detective is on the case – of his very own missing hat!

The clues take Beans all over Cat Town.

He encounters philosophical pigeons, dodgy street magicians, lounge singers and soup chefs, and even a mysterious trash portal.

No one is a match for his crime-solving powers. But will Beans find his hat before Mum is expecting him home for dinner?

Penguin

$17.99

The Land Recalls You

Kirli Saunders

Do not mourn the hands that raised you…Do not weep for songs of land.

Honouring the Stolen Generations, and all who’ve been taken, The Land Recalls You is a powerful story of returning, written with love and reverence by awardwinning Gunai author Kirli Saunders and illustrated by debut Bundjalung artists David and Noni Cragg.

Scholastic Australia

$26.99

“Children - whether they’re in childcare, kinder, or school - will always meet people who differ from them in some way.

“I hope it gives them a better empathy and acceptance of diversity.

“So many people are touched by anxiety, whether that’s a child with anxiety themselves or a family member.

“If we allow children to be aware and educated about such mental health issues we can help them to be resilient and to develop strategies.”

Everything We Never Said

Sloan Harlow

The dead keep the best secrets…

It’s been months since Ella’s best friend, Hayley, died and everywhere she looks she sees reminders of her – including Sawyer, Hayley’s boyfriend. Soon, the two grow closer, finding comfort in each other.

Racked with guilt, Ella turns to Hayley’s journal, but what she finds leaves her terrified.

The Sawyer in these pages is nothing like the kind and thoughtful boy she knows. Torn, Ella finds herself having to make a choice. Yet making the wrong one could have fatal consequences…

Penguin $19.99

The Sea in Me

Cody Simpson

From multitalented athlete, musician, and writer Cody Simpson comes a breathtaking story of finding the calm and quiet amid the bustle and noise of everyday life.

The sounds from above are hazy and lost to me.

I can only hear my heartbeat, slow and steady.

When your heart beats faster and the noises close in, it’s time to make a break for it and find the sea within.

Dive deep and look, listen and feel all the creatures as they block out the distractions and allow you to listen only to the voice inside you.

Penguin $19.99

Karyn Connors with assitance dog Raffy.

Picture: Louisa Jones