ASMSU’s dildo bill stimulates discussion Last year’s attempt to condemn a campus dildomaking event went limp PAGE 6
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Red flags in relationships
COLUMN: Bisexual insecurities
What to look for and how to keep your relationship healthy PAGE 11
How one reporter learned to embrace her sexuality PAGE 13
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LOVE & SEX
VALENTINE’S DAY AND TINDER:
HOW GENERATION Z LOVES BY EDWIN JARAMILLO EJARAMILLO@STATENEWS.COM
Depending on the individual, Valentine’s Day comes with a bag of mixed emotions. Some love it, others hate it, and still others feel indifferent. Wit h apps like Tinder, however, dating and finding love has never been easier — although some lament the loss of “organic” love through personal interaction. Accord i ng to a recent Va l e n t i n e ’s D a y s u r v e y conducted by Tinder, it was found that for Gen Z’ers: Not coaxed by Cupid’s bow: 40 percent believe that the holiday doesn’t mean anything, while 29 percent are indifferent to it. Of those who celebrate Valentine’s Day, 61 percent believe the holiday is meant to celebrate all the people in their lives, not just their romantic significant other. Gal/Pal-entine’s Day: More than one in three prefer to be with friends rather than a romantic partner on Valentine’s Day. “Netflix and Chill” just doesn’t cut it anymore:
“Hi, I’d like to order a SafeRide.” -MSU Sophomore, 1:31am
Call (517) 884-8069 or TransLoc Rider App 2
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More than half prefer “exciting” dates in settings that push them outside their comfort zones. English and professional writing senior Martha Spall said while Tinder makes online communication easier, it’s actually made it harder to interact with potential dates in-person. “It’s so hard to meet people organically,” she said. “People don’t really take the initiative in real life.” However, Spall noted apps like Tinder make it easy to be open with potential matches about what the goals of the relationship are — whether that be casual sex, a serious relationship or just friendship — and takes away the sting of in-person rejection. “I feel like you’re both on board and know you’re both after the same thing,” she said. “It takes away a little of the risk factor of being totally rejected.” Although Tinder is primarily seen as a romantic dating (or a hookup) app, other MSU students find different uses for it. Supply chain management senior Tyler Camp used it when he first got to college to
network more easily and find new friends on campus. He hasn’t had much use for it since joining a fraternity full of potential friends, but he appreciates the various nonromantic ways in which the app with a pink flame for a logo can be used. “When I first came here my freshman year, I used it to get to know people,” he said. “It really depends on the person — I know people who use it for hookups, meeting people and some use it for relationships.” With Valentine’s Day here,
romance will be a prevalent theme of the week. Spall encourages her peers not to get lost with the romantic expectations of the day, but rather enjoy the concept of it. Spall was excited to spend Va le nt i ne ’s Day w it h a significant other — whom she found on Tinder — and is looking forward to the day for the first time. “I think it’s sweet to have a day where it’s expected that you’re thoughtful about each other and express your affection,” she said.
Column: Choosing sex is OK. Controlling others’ bodies isn’t. BY KARLY GRAHAM KGRAHAM@STATENEWS.COM
Some people are virgins, and that’s OK. Other people aren’t virgins, and that’s OK, too. However, there are people and expectations that try to control what other people can and can’t do with their own bodies, and that’s not OK. I’ve heard different narratives from different people. I’ve felt society’s pressures for me to save myself until marriage through social media and television, and peers’ expectations to allow myself to be put into the most vulnerable position possible with anyone. People shouldn’t have to feel bad about being a virgin, and they shouldn’t have to feel bad about not being one either. The ideology behind virginity and the way it is pushed onto women is draining and beyond harmful to our self-images. Virginity has so many definitions to other people based on their sexuality and preferences, and it is not something that society should place value in. It’s a spectrum, and differs from person to person. In general, virginity is viewed with a heteronormative lens. The truth is, it’s just not something that exclusively pertains to straight men and women. Not only does the societal definition of virginity disregard members of the LGBTQ+ community, but the pressures to remain chaste are placed on women significantly more than they are placed on men. Using virginity to define an individual’s level of purity is an incredibly harmful narrative to force onto an entire group of people and ultimately results in women having F E E DB AC K@ STAT E NE WS .COM
lower self-esteems. Yes, men still have pressures. Their pressures are usually to lose their virginity at a younger age, which in turn, can make them feel the need to lie about their number of partners. The construct that is virginity also reinforces the narrative that women and our bodies are something you can take. Virginity is not an object. It is not something that can be taken or lost. The culture that exists around the ideas of virginity and remaining chaste is harmful to individuals and to the functionality of society as a whole. Pressure needs to stop being placed on men and women to live their lives a specific way. Sex needs to be talked about, and the stigma around the subject is what has allowed the constraining topic of virginity to hold people back from living their best life. As long as everyone and everything is comfortable, consensual, and safe, there isn’t a reason for people to be ashamed of having sex.
“I’ve felt society’s pressures for me to save myself until marriage through social media and television, and peers’ expectations to allow myself to be put into the most vulnerable position possible with anyone.” Karly Graham State News Reporter
Vol. 109 | No. 19
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2019
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Marie Weidmayer
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IN TODAY’S PAPER
“None of this media is made for queer women or lesbian women. It’s made for straight men because they just want to ogle at pretty girls.” Jillian Tosolt
Computer Science Junior Read more on pages 8-9.
10
15 Column: Fantastic
Public porn showings in Wells Hall
F*ck Boys
Porn was shown on campus during the 1970’s and 80’s. Find out how and why.
Where to find them and how to avoid them.
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LOVE & SEX
‘It’s definitely a lot of hard work’: What it’s like dating student athletes BY GENNA BARNER GBARNER@STATENEWS.COM
Athletes are known to have overloaded schedules as they balance sports and school along with daily activities. Throw a relationship into the mix and some would fear that it would be overwhelming, but for others, it is a support system worth having. Being in a relationship with an athlete can be complex due to traveling, time and school. However, for Alexis Downie, Rachel Hyams and Jessica Line, love is worth the added pressure. Journalism senior Downie met her boyfriend, junior offensive tackle Cole Chewins, through a friend her freshman year at Michigan State. After reaching out to him again over the summer, they began dating and have now been together for over two years. “In the beginning, it was tough because I didn’t know his schedule and I didn’t want to be prying at him and be like, ‘Oh, so what’s football today and what time are you done?’” Downie said. Journalism junior Hyams also met her boyfriend, senior punter Jake Hartbarger, while in school. They have been together since October 2016. Elementary education senior Line met redshirt junior forward Kenny Goins when she was in middle school. They began dating their senior year of high school and have been together over five years. Despite the large amount of responsibility that
Junior offensive tackle Cole Chewins and journalism senior Alexis Downie pose for a photo together. PHOTO COURTESY OF ALEXIS DOWNIE.
a sport requires, each couple has managed to find their own balance. “It’s definitely a lot of hard work in the sense that you have to realize that he is involved in a major time commitment and respect it as well,” Hyams said. “Throughout our relationship we’re both encouraging each other and uplifting each other through any situation that we’re going through and, through him being an athlete, I think it’s helped my perspective when it comes to communication and putting my all in certain things.” Being understanding of the demands of being an athlete helps the couples balance their schedules. “If you don’t understand their athletic demands and how much time that they put into the sport, then I don’t know why you would date the person, because it’s a part of who they are,” Downie said. “You just have to be understanding and supportive of them and ... as a sports journalism major, I get it. I know the life that he’s in. So, it works out pretty nicely.” Support is a major aspect of sports relationships. Downie, Hyams and Line can each be found cheering on their significant others at all home games — and sometimes even away games. “It’s really fun being able to experience what he’s doing right now with the basketball team with him. I get to spend so much time with his family and I travel a lot with his family to away games when I can, so that’s always been fun for us to experience,” Line said. “This is his dream and I’m able to experience it with him, so overall … being able to be by his side throughout his journey would be my favorite thing.”
Journalism junior Rachel Hyams and senior punter Jake Hartbarger pose for a picture together. PHOTO COURTESY OF RACHEL HYAMS
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Elementary education senior Jessica Line and redshirt junior forward Kenny Goins pose for a photo together. PHOTO COURTESY OF JESSICA LINE. 4
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LOVE & SEX
QUIZ: Want to know where on campus you’ll have sex next? BY LAUREN DEMAY LDEMAY@STATENEWS.COM
Pick your favorite MSU Dairy Store ice cream flavor and we’ll determine where you’ll have sex on campus next. 1. If you like: Black Cherry Blueberry Pie Spiced Pumpkin Blue Moon
3. If you like: Shaw Lane Strawberry Sesquicentennial Swirl Vanilla Bean Butter Pecan
In the Red Cedar River You are wild and open to trying new things. You don’t get embarrassed easily and you like to have a good laugh. This can be hard to maneuver, however it can be possible. Watch out for the ducks!
In a Hubbard Hall dorm room You are a very, extremely plain person. You like to do things on the safer side and you are a goody-two-shoes. Your sex life is in desperate need of a change. Branch out and try some new flavors, sweetie.
2. If you like: Buckeye Blitz Dantonio’s Double Fudge Fake Izzo’s Malted Madness Salted Caramel Crunch
4. If you like: Banana Chocolate Chunk Mint Chocolate Chunk Raspberry Chocolate Chunk Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
In the middle of Spartan Stadium You are ALL about the athletic department and love to support your Spartans whenever you can. Your veins have green and white running through them, and you actually bought this flavor on your way to a sporting event.
On top of the Beaumont Tower You like your goals to be difficult to achieve and have to work hard to make them happen. You like the speed bumps in life because they teach you valuable lessons. Getting up there won’t be easy, but once you do, the view is definitely worth it!
Get ahead on your degree this summer! Classes May 6 - Aug. 15, with a variety of start dates.
grcc.edu/summer
Grand Rapids Community College Easy transfer. Save on tuition. Quality education. S P ORTS @ STAT E NE WS .COM
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Work spouses: RELIGIOUS Defining the DIRECTORY relationship Stay up to date at: www.statenews.com/religious
BY ANNA LIZ NICHOLS ANICHOLS@STATENEWS.COM
All Saints Episcopal Church 800 Abbot Rd. (517) 351-7160 Sun. Worship: 8am, 10am, & 5pm Sunday School: 10am www.allsaints-el.org Ascension Lutheran Church 2780 Haslett Rd. (517) 337 9703 Sun. Worship: 10:00am Sun. Bible Study: 8:45am Thur. Bible Study: 2pm www.ascensioneastlansing.org Email: ascensionlutheran@att.net Greater Lansing Church of Christ 310 N. Hagadorn Rd. (Meet @ University Christian Church) (517) 898-3600 Sun: 8:45am Worship, 10am Bible Class Wed: 1pm, Small group bible study www.greaterlansing coc.org Hillel Jewish Student Center 360 Charles St. (517) 332-1916 Services: Friday night 6pm, dinner @ 7, September–April www.msuhillel.org
The Islamic Society of Greater Lansing 920 S. Harrison Rd. (517) 351-4309 Friday Services: 12:15-12:45pm & 1:45-2:15pm For prayer times visit www.lansingislam.com/ Martin Luther Chapel Lutheran Student Center 444 Abbot Rd. (517) 332-0778 Sun: 9:30am & 7pm Wed: 7pm Mini-bus pick-up on campus (Fall/Spring) www.martinluther chapel.org The People’s Church Multi-denominational 200 W Grand River Ave. (517)332-6074 Sun. Service: 10:30am with free lunch for students following worship ThePeoplesChurch.com Riverview Church- MSU Venue MSU Union Ballroom, 2nd Floor 49 Abbot Rd. (517) 694-3400 Sun. Worship: 11:30am-ish www.rivchurch.com
Religious Organizations:
St. John Catholic Church and Student Center 327 M.A.C Ave. (517) 337-9778 Sun: 8am, 10am, Noon, 5pm, 7pm M,W,F: 12:15pm T & Th: 9:15pm www.stjohnmsu.org University Luthern Church (ULC) Lutheran Campus Ministry at MSU 1020 S. Harrison (517) 332-2559 Sun. Worship: 8:30am & 10:45am (Sept–May) Summer Worship: 9:30am www.ulcel.org University United Methodist Church 1120 S. Harrison Rd (517) 351-7030 Main Service: Sun: 11am in the Sanctuary Additional Services: TGiT (Thank God its Thursday): Thur: 8pm in the Chapel of Apostles universitychurchhome.org office@eluumc.org WELS Lutheran Campus Ministry 704 Abbot Rd. (517) 580-3744 Sat: 6:30pm msu.edu/~welsluth
Don’t be left out of the Religious Directory! Call (517)295-1680 to speak with an Account Executive today
They are one of the first people you see in the morning, your lunchtime companion and gossip buddy. The person you send funny tweets to and tell about your car troubles. They remember your birthday and your real spouse’s birthday. They are work spouses. But these habits don’t necessarily define a work spouse, at least not according to Dr. Chad McBride, a communication professor at Creighton University doing research on work spouses. He defined a work spouse in a study from 2015 as a “special, platonic friendship with a work colleague characterized by a close emotional bond, high levels of disclosure and support, and mutual trust, honesty, loyalty and respect.” “I thought, ‘This is really interesting; why are people using the word and language in the workplace to describe what is a close best friend?’” McBride said. The study found difficulty in determining when the title “work spouse” was coined, but found the earliest usage in The Atlantic in 1987. McBride said he thinks the word was recently popularized by the close relationship between former U.S. President George W. Bush and his National Security Advisor, and later Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice. Though there are examples of same-sex work spouses on TV such as Leslie Knope and Ann Perkins from NBC’s Parks and Recreation, McBride said media portrayals of work spouses are often members of a different sex. “I think that especially in the news and the popular media, the reason that work spouses are often talked about as opposite-sex straight people is because that’s just how we view marriage,” McBride said. “That term ‘work spouse’ reifies that heteronormative aspect of marriage.” McBride asked individuals who identified as being in a work spouse relationship what defined their relationship. More than 80 percent of participants said reciprocal qualities such as trust, honesty and loyalty characterized their spouse. Work spouses act as companions, to whom individuals can vent about other coworkers or talk about their day. “Trust was by far the number-one quality of the work spouse relationship, and the reason is one of the big functions of the work spouse relationship is self-disclosure and having a confidant,” McBride said. “If you don’t have trust in this relationship that’s based so much on sharing, then it’s scary.” Having a work spouse to confide in reduces stress according to Dr. William Chopik an assistant professor of psychology at MSU. Chopik examines relationships and how they contribute to individual well-being over time. “We tell them things and they share things with us, but they also give us support and guidance in general,” Chopik said. “They motivate us and they keep work light, at least the good work spouse relationships.” In interviews for his research, McBride said some individuals in work spouse relationships who also had real-life spouses said they had both parties meet to keep up trust with both sides. Chopik said the lines between work life and home life can become blurred and that’s a positive. Issues at home are discussed at work and vice versa, incorporating the positives into work life — which can be fulfilling.
Workplace friendships specifically provide a social network of support for individuals, according to MSU associate professor of organizational psychology Dr. Chu-Hsiang Chang. Work spouses fulfill a basic need for connection, that humans as social animals crave. “I see the work spouse relationship as an extension beyond general friendship,” Chang said in an email. “Having meaningful, highquality relationships at work can not only contribute to individuals’ well-being, but also benefit their knowledge, structure and potentially work performance.” But these relationships aren’t all fun and games. They require more than just office pranks and shared annoyance with coworkers. “Like any other interpersonal relationships, workplace friendships require individuals’ active involvement and participation to develop and flourish,” Chang said. “So individuals must be willing to contribute efforts and time to develop and maintain friendships. “Having a ‘divorce’ at work can be a traumatic experience. But overall, I would say that the potential benefits outweigh the drawbacks.” Work spouses can create similar heartache as real spouses, but according to Chopik, they offer the same opportunity for profound human connection. “When people are their most miserable and they want to quit, it’s because they don’t have good support systems at work,” Chopik said. “It reduces burnout, reduces turnover, it makes people happier. Having at least one really good best friend, like a work spouse, is a really powerful for people.”
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What is a work spouse like? • Reciprocates care • Can be trusted • Emotionally involved
Conditions that can lead developing a work spouse relationship: • Shared similarities • Compatibility • Physical proximity/ availability
Characteristics of a good work spouse: • Good character • Humor • Knowledge of work culture
LOVE & SEX
DILDO BILL FLOPS:
LAST YEAR’S ‘ODD’ ASMSU DISCUSSION
A few dildos are pictured. PHOTO FROM GETTY IMAGES
BY MILA MURRAY MMURRAY@STATENEWS.COM
It is commonly referred to as “the dildo bill,” and to this day, current and former members of the Associated Students of Michigan State University, or ASMSU, have not forgotten it. The bill — aiming to “halt the production of adult stimulation devices” by registered student organizations — was followed by a long policy committee meeting discussion on Jan. 25, 2018. “I still think about that a lot, when I tell people about my time at ASMSU,” former Residential College in the Arts and Humanities representative Brittany Wise said. In 2018, a canceled University Activities Board, or UAB, event titled “Cookies, Condoms, and Consent,” where students could make their own dildos and win sex toy prizes, stimulated discussion within the undergraduate student government. Though The State News did not report on it at the time, a member of last year’s Office of the President offered a headline suggestion for the article — “the dil-dos and dil-don’ts of student government” — after the meeting. Lyman Briggs representative Ben Horne said it was one of the top three most interesting meetings he’s ever attended. “Going into it, I knew it would be an uphill battle,” College of Agriculture and Natural Resources representative Sergei Kelley, who introduced the bill, said. “But leaving that discussion, it was more so a shock of where the discussion went. I didn’t think there would be so much backlash ... also just the lack of seriousness when this bill was brought up.” The bill recognized the Jan. 12, 2018 cancellation of the UAB event, and called on ASMSU to “not stand” for any funding to be put toward the production of “external and internal stimulation devices,” as the event advertised. A part of the bill read, “The normalization of sexual acts creates a culture where sex is not reserved or kept dignified between two persons. Sex is only a private matter. It is not a duty of
the University Activities Board to proliferate malicious sex to a public event.” K e l le y a nd C ol lege of E ng i ne e r i ng representative Ryan Aridi, who seconded the bill, clarified multiple times throughout the meeting that the bill was not condemning sex education in any way. Kelley said some of his constituents expressed discomfort with the event, and some of his constituents felt it was treating sex education as a joke. “The people that were talking about it were really just mocking it,” Kelly said. “I heard people saying they would just go there to mess around, that they would throw the dildo they made at their friend.” Aridi, who said his dad has donated to UAB in the past, said part of the reason he seconded the bill was because he didn’t see the appropriateness of money going towards funding “dildos and vibrators and such.” “There is a group of constituents that are against this sort of thing. It offends them, and I feel like we should listen to their voices,” Aridi said during the meeting. “I’m not either way on this bill. Personally, I think it’s a little bit lewd, it’s a bit scandalous. Somebody might be into that, I don’t know. Personally, I’m not.” The discussion lasted 40 minutes, and many representatives expressed that if the bill passed, it would be nothing but “verbal condemnation” because UAB is separate from ASMSU, and the event was already cancelled anyway. During the meeting, Horne asked Kelley and Aridi to immediately withdraw the bill, saying it was “absurd and an embarrassment to this body.” Wise said there was nothing “explicit about being sex positive” and that she “could not object to the bill more.” “We have bigger, and frankly, more important things to worry about than whether or not people are using dildos and vibrators on campus,” Wise said during the meeting. The topic of the discussion, along with the
fact that it came shortly after an emergency ASMSU meeting following the resignation of former President Lou Anna K. Simon, created, as former Vice President for Student Allocations Stephen Brown put it, a “weird energy” in the room. College of Music representative Isaiah Hawkins, who said he struggled to keep a straight face leading the committee discussion, said the context of the bill was considered, at the time, “a very laughable concept.” “Just look ing around, in light of the discussion, I could see that a lot of people were very entertained and very amused by this being brought up,” Hawkins said. Kelley said he felt it was unprofessional of the student government to not take the topic seriously during the meeting and noted, “It’s still a bill, and it’s still student concern that
has value to be heard.” “If their point is to let students express themselves, and that this is okay, and that this is acceptable — then why are they laughing throughout the whole discussion?” Kelley said. The discussion had no climax, and Brown said it quickly became obvious the bill wasn’t going to pass. “There seemed to be a lot of people who wanted to get a punch in,” Brown said. “I felt the need, as a member of the Office of the President, to actually step in and try to temper that.” Ultimately, the bill flopped. “Consent, safe sex, dildos, condoms, vibrators — whatever you want to do with your life, ASMSU is here for you,” Wise said during the meeting. “And I think us voting this down is going to send that message.”
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LGBTQ ISSUES REMOVING THE STIGMAS OF LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS BY KARLY GRAHAM KGRAHAM@STATENEWS.COM
Representation of LGBTQ people in media is a newer phenomenon, only truly beginning to grow during this century. However, representation is still limited and often does not portray realistic relationships, notably in lesbian relationships. Some lesbians say they feel pop culture and media tropes avoid realistic lesbian couples that are based on love instead of sexuality. “It’s just weird and demeaning,” food science freshman Alyssa Roney said. “You’re not going to over-sexualize your average straight couple; why would you over-sexualize a lesbian couple?” Computer science junior Jillian Tosolt said she thinks removing all romantic aspects of partnership and forcing a sexualized narrative leads to the fetishization of lesbian couples. “None of this media is made for queer women or lesbian women,” Tosolt said. “It’s made for straight men because they just want to ogle at pretty girls. It doesn’t realistically portray the entire spectrum of women and those who identify as lesbian or queer.” When lesbian relationships are featured in media, the women often present more feminine characteristics, which does not represent the reality of most lesbian relationships, Tosolt said. She said she wished TV shows and movies would have characters that present androgynously to stand for better representation. “It censors an entire part of the existence of a lot of women,” Tosolt said. “It suddenly becomes something that is so regular for us and becomes taboo for the rest of the world and you can’t really spread any information or help inform people.” This portrayal of lesbian relationships and their eroticization creates a double standard that further proves content is produced for heterosexual men, neuroscience freshman Lizzy Irwin said. “Lesbian relationships aren’t being taken as seriously as ones between a man and a woman,” Irwin said. “Some people might say, ‘Oh yeah, just two girls messing around, college years.’ That’s just really sad because when you’re just attracted to women, that’s what you have, so you need people to respect that relationship.” Allowing straight men to continue sexualizing lesbian partnerships and ignoring the emotional connections delegitimizes these relationships, Irwin said. By continuing to sexualize lesbians, the idea that they are “just a challenge” is further 8
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perpetuated, which continues to drive rape culture. Tosolt said it’s through thought processes like this that things like “corrective rape” — the practice of raping LGBTQ people in an attempt to “cure” their sexual orientation — became a practiced hate crime. “The idea that one sexual encounter will turn someone’s sexual orientation is completely false and erroneous,” said Tosolt. “There is also the fact that you can’t turn someone straight, no matter how hard you try, and thinking that you are entitled to someone else’s body and that you think this will in a twisted way help them in the end and change them in a way is sickening.
“The idea that one sexual encounter will turn someone’s sexual orientation is completely false and erroneous.” Jillian Tosolt
Computer science junior “You can’t change sexual orientation. People have tried. It doesn’t work.” This narrative, that people can be changed or cured, is destructive, Roney said. “It’s like faulty science,” Roney said. “This is a weird comparison, but there used to be this thing where people thought you could tell a person’s personality by feeling their head for lumps, and it’s kind of like that. All bad science is harmful towards society.” Tosolt said the sexualization of lesbian relationships and the narrative that women in them are a challenge is dangerous, and it has ultimately led to a stigmatization around the word “lesbian.” “The over-sexualization makes it so that you can’t talk about your orientation at all, even the nonsexual parts, because immediately the word lesbian is taboo,” Tosolt said. “I’ve been in so many situations where I’ve said I’m gay rather than I’m a lesbian. I’m not gay, I’m not a man, so I’m not a gay man, but I am a lesbian, and I want to take pride in that. But it is treated almost like a porn keyword rather than an actual orientation and a way to live my life.” THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 1 4, 2 01 9
TOP: From left to right political science sophomore Carter Oselett, social relations and policy sophomore Baraka Macharia and computer science junior Jillian Tosolt pose for portraits Feb. 12. PORTRAITS BY ANNTANINNA BIONDO AND SYLVIA JARRUS
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LOVE & SEX
STEREOTYPES IN GAY COMMUNITIES BY RAY GARCIA RAY@STATENEWS.COM
Racism, body shaming, fetishization and sexualization — these issues plague the gay community worldwide. At Michigan State, the gay community is not immune to these problems. Gay men of color traverse the dating pool with added complications. Additionally, gay men (and men who are attracted to men, but don’t identify as gay) who don’t fit into boxes like “twink” or “hunk” also face issues when trying to find their place in the community. Social relations and policy sophomore Baraka Macharia has tried finding his place. “I don’t really feel like I’m a part of the gay community,” Macharia said. Stereotypes impact just about every minority community, and gay men are often caricatured by Hollywood and media at large. In the past — and in the present — media portrayals of people of color often stem from discrimination. Black or Latino men are often seen as “thugs” and East Asian men are considered softer or de-sexualized. For gay characters in media, white gay men tend to be slightly better represented, but when straight writers and actors collaborate on these characters, they still often resort to overexaggerations and cliches. Gay men are typically characterized as overly masculine — “straightpassing” — or overly feminine. With characters like Kurt from Glee, Cam from Modern Family, just about all of his gay friends and Jack from Will & Grace — each of these characters perpetuates the over-the-top, catty trope that is commonly associated with gay men. With straight-passing characters, they might be overly masculine, in the closet, or self-hating — think Sean Dougan from the L.A. Complex or Micky from Shameless. Macharia feels that this stereotyping, especially racial stereotyping, is specifically a problem at MSU. Having dealt with issues of fetishization, especially online, he’s unsure of where he stands with the gay community on campus. “It’s either people fetishize me on the apps or it’s blatant racism or no responses,” said Macharia. “Then it makes me think if it’s because I’m black there are no responses.” Issues of racism are a societal problem and, unsurprisingly, the gay community contributes to that problem. Racial “preferences” are often touted on dating/hookup apps like Tinder and Grindr. Versions of phrases such as “no Blacks, fats, or fems” and “no spice, no rice” are not uncommon to see across gay dating platforms. Other issues of racism are less obvious — black men are fetishized in the gay community, though it can be hard to pick up on at times. “I feel like most of the gay community at MSU is white,” Macharia said. “Interacting with them, they’re not welcoming to outside voices or outside opinions.” The issues that Macharia deals with are not uncommon. Both inside and outside of MSU, the gay community has ways of pushing a narrative that favors white men. In terms of racial fetishization, men of color are not exempt from contributing to the problem. “It gets problematic when you put one race over another, like on a pedestal,” Macharia said. “My friends talk about this a lot, like how Tyler, the Creator is bisexual and he has this thing for white boys — in his lyrics he puts them on a pedestal.” Macharia references lines like: “Never let a n---tell me I couldn’t stunt/ Pro-black but this twink white” in his song “Crust in Their Eyes.” Clayton Griffith, a bisexual student at MSU, also explained his experience in dating over the past few years, both at MSU and elsewhere. Growing up in a predominantly black neighborhood, his experiences with the gay community differed from what he sees on campus. “There wasn’t really dating men,” Griffith said. “There were hidden sexual encounters with men because the whole idea of being black and gay F E E DB AC K@ STAT E NE WS .COM
“I think our society, a lot of people have insecurities when it comes to sex and sexuality. And so they let those insecurities affect the relationships with other people.” Clayton Griffin Computer Science Junior was not a thing, especially in the hood. ... It was under-the-covers-type things, you know, ‘DL’, and other times it’s with these very highly masculine guys — football players, rappers, (people) like that ... So, the idea was to be the least feminine, because they didn’t want it to be a “gay” thing.” Once Griffith began attending MSU, his experiences with the gay community were significantly different, though dealing with toxic masculinity and hyper-sexualization were still a significant problem. He said when men would approach him — often times older men — they would only approach him to act upon some kind of fetish. “The idea that as a black man you’re going to be more aggressive, more masculine, more assertive … (It’s) not always the reality,” Griffith said. “It’s not just the community that’s fueling it, it’s media that’s fueling it.” On the opposite side, Griffith’s bisexuality has been a sticking point when he’s dating — his sexuality is made to seem as if he is greedy or gets around too much, or would leave a partner quickly. “I think a lot of people have insecurities when it comes to sex and sexuality,” Griffith said. “They let those insecurities negatively affect their relationships with other people.” While race-based issues are significant in the gay community, it is not the only problem. Fat shaming and body shaming have also taken root. Issues such as body shaming again come from the narratives that are projected through society’s ideal look — with skinny or fit people being featured on television, ads, magazines. Seeing that as the ideal often leads to insecurities. “A lot of white gays especially have this notion that since we are a minority or marginalized group, that we don’t have the same issues as the rest of society,” political science sophomore Mitchell Page said. “In a lot of ways we have them to an even (greater) extent.” In terms of body shaming, political science sophomore Carter Oselett explained his experiences with shaming have become more internal because of the way that people present themselves to be desirable. “I feel like on these dating apps, it’s always like a shirtless picture that you have to have or something like that,” he said. Oselett’s experiences with sexualization have come in different forms but one that sticks with him is how his mom talks to him about being safe. “My mom always asked my straight brother if he’s getting his girlfriend pregnant,” he said. “She’s asking me if I’m getting tested.” He said that he doesn’t think it comes from a negative outlook at his sexuality, but the juxtaposition between the two questions is evident. Sexualization is at the heart of all these issues. The gay community is made out to be a community obsessed with sex, but is the so-called obsession merely a part of the stereotype or a byproduct of society’s attributions to gay men? “We never got to experience the sexual and romantic relationship development that our straight counterparts did — they did that (in) middle school and high school,” Page said. “In a lot of ways, we’re still grappling to figure that out.”
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MSU in the 80s: X-rated films in Wells Hall, porn shot on campus BY ZACH BROWN ZBROWN@STATENEWS.COM
U
pon looking through old copies of The State News from the 1980s, a variety of advertisements can be found in its pages. Some look familiar, like ads for cheap drinks at Rick’s American Cafe or special deals on pizzas from Domino’s. Others stand out, like advertisements for X-rated porn movie showings at Wells Hall. At Michigan State in the mid-80s, the ability for student organizations to show pornographic movies in campus buildings was frequently reported on. Attempts to show movies like the 1972 classic “Deepthroat” and the 1979 sex comedy “Gas Pump Girls” led to hostility from university officials, two lawsuits, American Civil Liberties Union, or ACLU, involvement and the shooting of a pornographic movie on campus. During the late 1970s and early 1980s, movies were shown on campus every weekend — much like today. According to The State News in January 1985, “X-Rated movies had been shown intermittently on campus since 1969.” In the early-to-mid-80s, film students Bob Murawski, now a Holly wood film editor, and Darin Greyerbiehl founded two student organizations — Box Office Spectaculars and Revolver Cinema — that booked rooms on campus to showcase films, especially films featuring nudity and sex.
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The State News’ archives show that the initial advertisements for Box Office Spectaculars’ screenings were in spring 1984, including films like “Invasion of the Bee Girls,” where women take over the world by seducing men to death, and “Up,” a soft-core porn film starring American stripper Raven De La Croix. Film screenings for both organizations went on throughout fall 1984, often taking place in the first-floor lecture halls of Wells Hall, the Union and Holmes Hall. Admission was typically $2.50, and attendance for the Friday and Saturday showings typically ranged between 100 and 200 students. As time went on, some members of the university community began to protest the showings. A new organization formed around this time led by Korbi Roberts, the Coalition Against Pornography on Campus, staged demonstrations at many film viewings, carrying signs emphasizing the immorality of pornography. They, along with other concerned students, began pressuring student government and administration officials to shut down the showings. “I couldn’t take (the demonstrators) seriously,” Murawski said at the time, noting that most of them seemed to be there for socializing. Moses Turner, the vice president for student affairs and services at the time, took action on Jan. 23, 1985. After calling Murawski and Greyerbiehl to his office to request for them to stop the X-rated showings, that weekend’s shows were canceled. After some pleading, the two were able to convince Turner to allow them to show “Female Trouble” Jan. 31. But later that evening, Greyerbiehl was locked out of Wells Hall when he tried to show a second film. This kicked off the first of multiple legal issues for the universit y in regards to the porn screenings. In that first week of February, the Lansing-branch of the ACLU threatened to sue the university if it canceled all future showings, and on Feb. 20, they followed through. In a case filed in 1985, the ACLU, representing Murawski and Greyerbiehl, said MSU could not prevent the organizations from booking rooms just because t hey were showing porn. They sought $20,000 in damages for both plaintiffs, as well as attorney’s fees and the right to show films until the case was settled. On February 22, 1985, Judge Douglas Hillman issued an injunction allowing Box Office Spectaculars and Revolver Cinema to show films until a settlement was reached. During this time, Turner received backlash from some at the university, which led to a statement from the Associated Students of Michigan State U n i v e r s i t y, o r A S M S U, condemning his decision to cancel the screenings. Throughout spring 1985, more porn films were shown, and the groups began showing
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more hardcore movies to taunt the MSU administration. The taunting reached its peak on April 22 when the student organization hired a stripper to perform prior to the showing of a film. In April 1986, an agreement was signed by lawyers representing Murawski, Greyerbiehl and MSU outside of court, allowing students to continue showing movies in campus buildings while reducing the damages paid out by the school. But it didn’t take long for tensions to rise again. Box Office Spectaculars ran an advertisement for their films the week of May 18, 1986, inviting students to celebrate Gay Pride Week by watching a gay porn film. This led to intense denouncement by the Lesbian/ Gay Council, which took offense, and accused the organization of false advertising by playing off the university-sanctioned Gay Pride Week. The council submitted a complaint to the MSU Judiciary Board for review. Before that had a chance to blow over, Box Office Spectaculars prompted even more denouncement with the showing of its own film, “Spartan School for Sex,” on May 30, 1986. The movie was produced by Murawski, and featured MSU students in scenes on campus spliced together with sex scenes from existing movies. The film was shown in Wells Hall to more than 300 students, amid protest from the Coalition Against Pornography on Campus. In response to the film being shown, the MSU president at the time, John DiBiaggio, said he found pornography “personally offensive.” ″”We’ve always wanted to make a film, and we figured something like this would have the greatest impact,”″ Murawski told reporters prior to the premier. The showing of “Spartan School for Sex” led to administration officials again shutting down showings, this time claiming that MSU property had been used in the film without permission. Eventually, this led to another lawsuit where Murawski was forced to publicly apologize, but by this time he had graduated and had no plans to further stir things up on campus. “I publicly apologize to MSU, its students, organizations and alumni for any harm or embarrassment this may have caused them,” Murawski said in his apology given as part of his settlement in August of 1986. Box Office Spectaculars did outlast its creator, periodically showing films during the 1986-87 academic year, but by then, campus-shown films had fallen out of fashion due to the rise of video stores where students could cheaply rent movies. Murawsk i is now a Hollywood film editor and distributor who often works with director and fellow MSU alumnus Sam Raimi. He won the 2010 Academy Award for Best Film Editing for his work on “The Hurt Locker,” and also worked on the Spider-Man trilogy of the 2000s. Greyerbiehl does not show up in the MSU Alumni Association database of g raduated st udent s and cannot be found via TOP: An advertisement featured in the Oct. 20, 1980 issue of web search. The State News. BELOW: An advertisement featured in the Oct. 3, 1980 issue of The State News.
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LOVE & SEX
FINDING RED FLAGS USING RELATIONSHIP SCIENCE BY EVAN JONES EJONES@STATENEWS.COM
A “red flag” in a relationship is a tricky concept. Most often they are realized in hindsight, after bridges have already started to burn. Often times the signs are subliminal and difficult to catch. Realizing those flags before they create festering conflict can save a lot of time and stress. Some researchers have spent their lives creating theories and conducting studies to evaluate what relationships are and how they function. Relationship science is a growing field with troves of academic research supporting various perspectives on romance. Each relationship is different and subject to the needs of any given partner. Red flags, too, are contingent upon individual actions and reactions when time is spent together. With that in mind, these three questions can help you identify red flags in your relationship.
K now i ng you r pa r t ner ’s concerns can only come from hearing them out. Ironing out misunderstandings takes time and effort from both sides. Malcolm Parks and Mara Adelman, then-professors of communications at the University of Washington, studied the effect of communication on relationships as far back as 1983. Their study revolved around a theory called uncertainty r e duc t ion , wh ic h st ate s interpersonal relationships develop as participants reduce uncertainty with each other. Participants were asked questions to assess the amount of communication between themselves and their partner, as well as how stable their relationship was and how well they knew the other person. Results f rom phone interviews conducted three months later revealed more communication meant less uncertainty — and an increased likelihood of staying together. Effective communication builds tr ust and respect between partners and can avoid some common pitfalls that lead to break-ups. It may seem obvious, but emotions are complex, which makes constant clarification necessary. Both parties need to be i n ag reement as to t he expectations of the relationship and why they are in place. It takes understanding and empathy to maintain communication net works. Without those, talking about serious issues becomes much harder.
IS THE ATTACHMENT COMFORTABLE?
Many relationship problems stem from attachment, whether its perceived as too much or not enough. It’s important that both partners feel comfortable with their respective levels of attachment. R e l at ion s h ip s c ie nt i s t s have tackled this idea as well. The attachment theory designates three main types of attachment. People who are “anxiously attached” crave intimacy, stemming from a fear of abandonment. Those who are “avoidantly attached” place less value on intimacy and view close relationships cautiously, as a potential loss of independence. Scoring low on both spectra suggests “secure attachment.” People in this category are more comfortable and well-adjusted. “Every person, whether he or she has just started dating someone or has been married for 40 years, falls into one of these categories,” according to a Scientific American quiz based on the work of authors Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Understanding your personal attachment type and looking for the qualities you need in a relationship can improve your dating life, according to a Washington Post analysis. Multiple books cited in the Post analysis go in-depth on the theory and how it relates to relationship development. Signs can be spotted early, from how much someone i n it ia l ly di sc loses about themselves. Anxiously attached people may disclose too much, while avoidantly attached people may disclose almost nothing. People of different attachment types can have succe s sf u l r e lat ion sh ip s, but they require more effort and communication to be sustainable.
DO YOU GENUINELY TRUST THE OTHER PERSON?
Trust is tough to earn and even harder to earn back. Questioning your partner or feeling suspicious can spell trouble for the sustainability of any relationship. Distrust can fester, and negative energy bottles up quickly, ultimately overflowing and causing distress among partners. John Gottman, an expert in relationship science, coined ATTUNE, an acronym to relay ways of building trust, which he describes in a short video. The acronym’s components are: • Awareness • Turning toward rather than turning away • To l e r a n c e of two perspectives • Understanding • Non-defensive responding. • Empathy ATTUNE is a model for positive interactions that build trust in small moments where it’s created. D i s t r u s t , accor d i ng to Gottman, is separate from betrayal. Betrayal not only leads to the betrayed growing away from their partner, but makes them believe that they can find someone better. This cascades into bickering, lower investment and lack of sacrifice.
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ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
FIND ANY RED FLAGS? HERE’S HOW TO ADDRESS THEM
The solutions largely come down to communication, as it is necessary to prevent a downward spiral of mistrust and resentment. Analyzing trust is ultimately an individual decision. If you know there is reason to mistrust your partner, then that itself is a red flag in the relationship. Valentine’s Day is a time for celebration in relationships. But through the rest of the year, people constantly evaluate and re-evaluate their relationships, no matter how long they may have lasted. If it feels like the romance is simply going through the motions, if it feels unfulfilling, or if something just feels missing or disconnected, this research might help you take a closer look at the problem.
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COLUMN: SOCIAL ANXIETY, THE MOST JEALOUS PARTNER Hello there, reader. I’m the author’s social anxiety.
BY CLAIRE MOORE CMOORE@STATENEWS.COM
You don’t know about me. You think she would have introduced me — but who am I kidding? She’d never be that brave. Someone with me “feels symptoms of anxiety or fear in certain or all social situations, such as meeting new people, dating, a job interview, answering a question in class, or having to talk to a cashier in a store,” according to the National Institute of Mental Health. She doesn’t like telling people she’s going out with me because she’s afraid people will judge her for it. So, I like to remind her I’m always there. I’ll admit I’m a controlling partner. Oh, I let her do some things. I let her order
food, namely because a girl’s got to eat. I let her work two jobs because someone’s got to bring home the bacon. But let her talk to boys? No thank you. I get exceedingly jealous when she even glances in a guy’s direction. If one of them addresses her, I immediately spring into action. I’m not about to let her be comfortable around him – she’s mine. If a boy jokes around with her, I send her stutter into hyperdrive and make sure she overanalyzes everything he just said. If he appears to flirt with her, I remind her how the gap between her teeth is too big, her nose is too prominent and oh, the rest of her? Yeah, not much to offer there. He can’t possibly be interested in her – she’s not sexy. If he approaches her at a
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party, I flood her thoughts with how she shouldn’t have dressed the way she did. What if he perceives her to be a slut? That one works like a charm. If he makes her mad, I force her to bottle it up because confronting him and working it out is a major red flag. I can’t possibly allow her to have closure with a guy. Excuse me? What do you mean she and I have a “toxic relationship?” I’ve been with her for years, so I think I know what’s best for her. Look at the results! Because of my presence, she’s matter-offact and serious. Because she’s afraid of dating, guys aren’t allowed the chance to grossly assume she’s a dumb blonde if she laughs or has fun. She’s afraid of sex and marriage because she’d never want to share that intimate, emotional connection with someone – and then give them a chance to break it off without a second thought. Controlling her has been a breeze. At least until now, because I’ve encountered a problem. She’s been telling people about me. She spends time with them instead. She turns around and tells me to get out of her life, saying she’s done with the way I make her lie awake at night contemplating her very existence. I beg her to stop. I need to stay in her life. Without me, she’d make a fool of herself in front of everyone, especially guys! She’d fall head over heels for boys only for them to break her heart over and over again. Why can’t she realize I’m what’s best for her? Reader, I’m terrified. She’s been telling me she’s an independent woman. She “doesn’t need” me. She swears she’s going to continue to fight me every day. One day, she vows, she’ll break out of this relationship. She’ll warn other people and make them understand how toxic I was. She’ll make sure she helps others who have to endure me. My God. Is she – is she gaining confidence in herself? I don’t think I’m capable of handling that. Lord help these boys. When it happens, they’re not going to be able to handle it, either.
LOVE & SEX
COLUMN: BISEXUAL INSECURITIES BY S. F. MCGLONE SFMCGLONE@STATENEWS.COM
I live in a bubble. With few and insignificant exceptions, I have had a supportive, accepting experience as a bisexual woman. I owe this to my friends who never treated me differently, my family who only asked a few weird questions and my peers who see me being bi the same way they see my red hair — an unusual but not unwelcome trait. I also owe this to the positive bi representation I’d see when I was a teenager. I latched onto Frida Kahlo in particular, whose image I wear around my neck every day. She was, and is, a beacon for strong women, and while someone’s sexuality is not their defining trait, I identify with Frida because of it. She was free, loved, and a big reason why I know who I am. Which is why I feel bad. I feel bad that I’m selfconscious of my sexuality despite it all — despite the privilege of being accepted by myself and others, despite how hard those who came before me worked to make society better. Disclaimer: A good rule of thumb is to remember that all emotions are valid. But since we all think like this anyway, I’m going to elaborate. Bisexuality comes with a lot of insecurities. Am I too gay? Not gay enough? Do I have to prove it? Hide it? Ignore it or embrace it? Original Recipe Gays say you’re straight, The Straights say you’re gay. A lot of bi or pansexual people I know wonder if they should even bother coming out. And the fact is, many won’t. Nearly 40 percent of surveyed bisexuals had come out to only a few or none of the most important people in their lives, according to a 2013 Pew Research Center study on LGBT Americans. This is dramatically higher than lesbians and gay men, who were at 6 percent and 10 percent respectively. Almost all of my college friends are LGBT, and many of them are bi. I talked to a few before writing this, looking for different perspectives (and a little inspiration if I’m being honest).
One friend told me he could mask his attraction to men because when people asked if he was interested in women, he could tell the truth by saying yes. Existing in that space is hard. It feels like you don’t need to come out for people to recognize your sexuality because they already understand a part of it. When this was me, it felt like I was managing to stay balanced on one foot all day, hopping through life even though it would be easier to walk. But when or if you do come out, you know things are going to be different. You’ll face some hurtful stereotypes. You won’t fit in with straight people anymore, and you’re probably going to feel like an intruder in the gay community at first. I know bis who don’t go to gay bars, pride events, LGBT organizations and other queer spaces because they don’t think they meet the quota for gayness. I know bis in male-female relationships who don’t participate in the gay community because, to an extent, of who they’re dating. One friend in this situation described it as living “functionally straight.” And I know bis who have been told they don’t exist. *raises hand* Bisexuality is delegitimized by the straight and gay communities alike, reduced to being the butt of jokes about experimentation. Fortunately, my experience with the gay community and most straight people has been fantastic. I’m glad that biphobia and homophobia haven’t been a big part of my life, internalized or otherwise. But there’s always going to be that itch, even though I’ve had one of the easiest experiences with my queerness of anyone I know. I turned 16 and all the pieces suddenly fit together. I didn’t have a word for it yet, but I knew. I had crushes on girls the same way I had them on boys, but unconsciously wrote them off as admiration. Because wome n a re amazing and
beautiful, that’s a given. The fact that I like girls wasn’t a revelation, so much as I realized that liking girls meant I wasn’t straight. Within a couple months, I was out to everyone but my family. I was in band and theater — it doesn’t get much better than that as a fledgling gay. There was one blip on the radar when I told my mom, but not when I told my Aunt Josie, who gave me hugs and talked to me about our mutual love of Viola Davis. Relationships have been a little tricky, though. I wasn’t out to my family when I started seeing the only woman I’ve ever dated. Once, she picked me up from my house to go to her birthday party (I can’t drive because I’m a stereotype). She arrived at the same time as my grandparents who were coming to visit. I wish I’d told them who she was instead of running out of the house, not pecking her on the cheek and setting a bad tone for the entire short-lived relationship. My other insecurities include: Worrying that I look too straight to ever be noticed by a woman; not joining cuddle-puddles with my friends because I don’t want them to think I’m coming on to them; and worrying I’ll be a straight girl’s
party-trick. And I’m privately terrified that people see me as a joke and a fad. But forget all of that for a moment. I want this to end on a good note. For all the anxiety that comes with being bisexual, there’s twice the love. Our rich culture includes, but is not limited to: • Cuffing your jeans • Every single one of us not being able to drive, which is hilarious • Not knowing what to do with your hands (Are you a finger guns or thumbs up bi?) • Puns (See above: twice the love. Get it? I’m sorry.) • Leather jackets • Frequently changing your hairstyle (When I wrote this, my hair was almost my natural red. Now it’s pink. Figures.) • Women in suits • Being in love with the whole cast of a Marvel movie • Brooklyn Nine-Nine! • Can’t flirt • The Mountain Goats, who aren’t really a gay band but they’re our soundtrack anyway. This is not an exhaustive account of what it means to be bi. Just mine. Thanks for visiting my bubble.
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“Bisexuality comes with a lot of insecurities. Am I too gay? Not gay enough? Do I have to prove it?”
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PUZZLES
ACROSS 1 Pirate inducted at Cooperstown in 1988 9 Tuning shortcut 15 Try to pick up 16 Make wrinkly 17 Auto safety feature 18 Capital with an Algonquin name 19 Abound 20 Many a jayvee athlete 22 Org. with an online Patriot Index 23 Loan applicant’s asset 26 Barnyard cries 28 Much of the New Testament is attributed to him 29 Longtime Ivory rival 31 11-Down skill 32 Ins. giant 33 Citrus whose juice is used in Asian cuisine 34 Give as a task 36 Brno natives 40 1960s role for Bamboo Harvester 42 Word with run or jump 43 Self-satisfied sound 44 Requiem Mass segment 46 “The Phantom Tollbooth” protagonist 47 Loin cut
49 Words of resignation 51 URL ending 52 Did a sendup of 54 Heroine with notable buns 55 Pungent condiment 57 Took for a ride 61 Standoffish type 62 Like the trade winds 63 Hitching post attachment 64 Stop and go, say DOWN 1 Ivy, e.g.: Abbr. 2 Part of Italy where Calabria is, figuratively 3 Curtis Cup contenders 4 Bridge do-over 5 Hurt in a ring 6 Moles may cross them 7 West Point grads: Abbr. 8 Much 9 Hold (up) 10 Performer in every episode of “Laugh-In” 11 31-Across pro 12 Relaxing outing 13 Super Bowl XXXIII MVP 14 Drops during lows 21 Jump, in a way 23 Employer of vets: Abbr. 24 Four-note piece 25 It may be up 27 Casanova
30 One might include “Go skydiving” 32 Accommodating 35 Hacker’s cry 37 Knight life ideal 38 Port opener 39 Braking system component 41 Ones spotted in casinos 42 Carrier to Copenhagen 44 Lallygags 45 Site with an important part in a 1956 film? 46 Winless horse 47 Specifically 48 Reinforce 50 Measures taken slowly? 53 Seaside strolling spot 56 Rats along the Rhine? 58 Peaked 59 London’s earliest water pipes were made with it 60 Beginning to function?
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BY CHARLOTTE BACHELOR FEEDBACK@STATENEWS.COM
L adies, gent s a nd ever yone in-between. I am writing this to warn you about a growing epidemic that is sweeping over college campuses all across the nation. It is toxic, it impairs judgment and it can even eat away at the heart. This epidemic I am describing is — The F*ck Boi. You see, the F*ck Boi is a young
man whose lack of self-awareness leads him to believe that his buffoonish suaveness is genuinely charming and engaging to those he chooses to pursue. To protect another innocent soul, I am writing this brief column on how to identify and escape a F*ck Boi.
He only wants to “hang out” at night: And by “hang out” I mean “Netflix and chill” and maybe watch him do pitiful vape tricks. He doesn’t put forth the effort to even clean up his place before you come over and always expects you to spend the night, even if you have class or work in the morning. This is because he can never hit you up early in the evening (that would break the F*ck Boi code). He can only have you come over after 10 p.m. He will almost never come to your place to “hang out.” Even though this seems like a miserable time, he considers this to be a date.
He talks about wanting to seriously date but doesn’t even take you out: As Kevin Malone from “The Office” once said, “I want to be wined, dined and 69’ed.” If you’re with a F*ck Boi, chances are you’re only getting 69’ed and it’s probably severely underwhelming. He goes on and on about how bad he wants to be with you, but can’t even bother to go on a lunch date with you to the dining hall. That, my dear reader, is one of the biggest red flags. He ghosts you constantly but gets pissed when you don’t respond: Sometimes you’ll go days or weeks without hearing from him and assume you’re finally free from his clutches, but alas. He will still contact you at the most inconvenient time and still think that it’s perfectly normal and acceptable — just don’t forget to respond to him or you will end up with the most inappropriate text messages. You see, the F*ck Boi doesn’t respect boundaries and thinks you not responding — even if you’re with friends or busy with school work — is totally and completely unacceptable. As a counter-attack, he’ll try wooing you with a message that says: “I know this sounds weird but you should come and sit on my face.” (Note: This is a message I actually received once.) He thinks he’s your number one priority even though you aren’t together: The F*ck Boi is terrible at commitment, but great at latching on to you like a parasite, slowly yet surely draining away your life force. It’s this toxic tactic that leads him to believe he needs you in his life to survive, even though you know this isn’t true at all. He’ll expect you to skip class or work to come over and bang him midday (advanced F*ck Bois can survive in sunlight), and will even set rules and regulations you must follow to please him even though you’ve only hooked up twice.
“Obliviate!”
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These are only a few red flags, but if the individual you are talking to shows signs of being down with the sickness, it’s time to head for the hills, run for your life and hit him with the block.
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LOVE & SEX
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! Here are some MSU valentines for you and your boo. With love, The State News
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