Pearl Sistahs Magazine - October 2015

TAKE A PEEK....

Pearl Wearing Days, 5 From the Editor’s Desk, 6

Walking By Faith, 38

Inspirational

9 Right Place, Right Time

Wealth

10 Are you a Pioneer?

Katrina Lucky Dorothea Bernique

Relationships 12 I Can Do Better Myself 33 Love, Marriage and Scandals 36 We Reject What is Foreign to Us

Business

LaTonya Summers Tiffany Godfrey Sherry Williams

14 Business Solutions for Savvy

Sherian Foster

16 Business Spotlight

Nathele Roberson

Business Owners

Cover Stories

18 Living With Lupus 23 DV: A Child’s Prospective 25 Pushing Past Your Pain

Featured Survivor

7 Karen Eubanks Jackson 28 Tiffany Easley/Tashina Prince 31 Lataisha Hooker

Visionaries

Hetlena Johnson Tabatha Jacobs Stephanie L. McKenny Sister Network, Inc. Cancer Domestic Violence

37 SOFIA Cynthia Walker 20 LUPUS Hetlena Johnson Kiwan Fitch 22 Hope In The Struggle

MAGAZINE

CONTRIBUTORS

Editor-in-Chief Publishing Company Graphic Designer

Stephanie L . McKenny J & J Publishing Sherilyn Bennett

Contributing Writers For This Issue

DOROTHEA

SHERIAN

STEPHANIE

BERNIQUE

McKENNY

FOSTER

TIFFANY

GODFREY

TABATHA

KATRINA

LaTONYA

SHERRY

LUCKY

JACOBS

SUMMERS

WILLIAMS

HETLENA JOHNSON

CYNTHIA WALKER

VISIONARIES KIWAN FITCH

PEARL

Wearing Days WE CAUGHT YOU WITH YOUR PEARLS ON

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FROM THE

EDITOR’S DESK...

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lessings to you! In case you didn’t know it, you are blessed! You may have encountered some tough situations in your life that appeared as though they were going to destroy you, discourage you and even cause you to give up, but GOD! Yes, many of us have had our experiences with the trials of life, but as you take a moment to look back over your life, I’m sure you can say, “I SURVIVED.” The wonderful thing about being a believer is that we have an Advocate that is closely watching over our lives so that even when the toughest of times occur, He will give us strength to not only survive, but thrive. I’m reminded of the scriptures that tells us that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Just when you thought you didn’t have enough strength, God steps in and empowers you to last, to survive, to overcome! We are more than a conqueror and when trials come, God will give us the strength to endure it and to count it all joy. You see, I’ve learned through the years that what the enemy meant for evil, God will turn around for your good. Yes, it’s time for a turnaround.

I’m so excited about this issue of Pearl Sistahs Magazine because inside these pages there are women sharing some of their stories of triumph after encountering some very traumatic experiences, but instead of giving up, a story of victory has evolved. Take a moment to read through the pages as each and every contributing writer shares their best.

Always know that there is greatness in you!

Just as a pearl is able to formulate after being irritated for a certain time, you too have the ability to come through any obstacle because you are a SURVIVOR!

Honored to serve,

6 P E A R L S I S TA H S M AG A Z I N E

I N T E R V I E W FOUNDER OF SISTERS NETWORK, INC.

Karen Eubanks Jackson Pearl Sistahs Magazine had the opportunity to interview Karen Eubanks Jackson, who is the Founder of Sisters Network, Inc. In 1993, when Mrs. Jackson was originally diagnosed with breast cancer, she was living in Los Angeles, California at the time. She thought she only hadfive years to live and after hearing about her diagnosis, she decided to move to her daughter’s house in Houston, TX to start over and be with her family during this time. Her diagnosis impacted her life in many ways.

She soon recognized how people with cancer were treated. Many felt rejected from their community and families because people were afraid of people who had cancer. She soon found out that people with cancer felt isolated because outsiders were saying that they didn’t do something right and they weren’t on good diets.

When Mrs. Jackson found out she had cancer she was at stage 2. Through her ordeal, she wanted to be able to connect with other women dealing with the same situation.

She began calling around to find out if there

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were any national African American cancer programs. She kept thinking that there should be some organization for women to join who had cancer where they could connect with others for support. When she found none; she started Sisters Network, Inc. so that women could come and connect with others who were dealing with cancer. She wanted to involve her community as well because she was taught to get involved with her community as a young person by her mother.

In 1994, while in Texas, Mrs. Jackson formed the Sisters Network, Inc. She knew nothing about forming an organization, but she stepped out on faith and moved forward.

Sisters Network, Inc., is presently a national organization and not just a support group.

When initially diagnosed, she could remember thinking, “I thought I was going to die.” Cancer was associated with death. She said, “If that was going to happen I was going to have to have a whole lot of life.” She had decided that she was going to live her life to the fullest while dealing with her bout with cancer.

Mrs. Jackson shared that she went through six months of chemotherapy; she had surgery

SISTERS NETWORK, INC.

traumatic experience, but she needed to do it, but she encourages those who may be experiencing this that you can get through it. She is indeed a witness of that.

As Mrs. Jackson began to formulate the Sisters Network, Inc., she can remember that she started with no money and she held meetings in her apartment. The original meeting started with 15 women present.

She didn’t know anyone in Houston at the time. She can remember going on a search for breast cancer survivors in churches and in the communities – to share her vision on a national level with those 15 women she connected with. She wanted to be a part of change and she knew it had to be done with support of others. At this present time, some of those 15 women of the original group have passed away and some have still remained in the organization.

The vision was to create an organization that would have an affiliate program. Its aim was to increase local and national attention to the devastating impact of breast cancer that is affecting the African American community.

Sisters Network is currently in 43 cities and 22 states.

Mrs. Jackson’s words of inspiration for those experiencing breast cancer would be to gain knowledge about your breast cancer and the breast cancer community. What you know can help you in the quality of life. She also mentioned that families need to learn more about breast cancer so that they can effective support those who are dealing with it; they need your help. Some people who hear the news about having cancer don’t know how to deal with it and they need your support.

She encourages those with cancer to know that, “the hair grows back!”

Sisters Network, Inc. is designed to connect with women who are experiencing breast

cancer on their journey by supporting them through it. Resources are available to assist women and their families during this time. The organization also provides free mammograms and ultrasounds because only 85% shows on mammogram, but the ultrasound will show that and the remaining 15%. Sisters Network, Inc. is a national organization that also helps to raise money to helpsupplement some of the expenses for the individual’s breast cancer treatments.

The raised funds also help to provide assistance with rent and mortgage payments, transportation needs, child support and pay for copay charges. This process begins by visiting the website and filling out the breast cancer assistance application.

Community support and volunteers are needed to assist helping with fundraisers and distribution of materials. A volunteers’ application is also available on the website.

There is a brand new initiative with men assisting in spreading the information about breast cancer awareness as well. This is known as the “Brothers Helping Sisters” brand that will be released. Please visit Sisters Network, Inc. at www.sistersnetworkinc.org

In the Right Place AT THE

Minister Katrina Lucky KATRINA LUCKY MINISTRIES

Right Time

When you travel to various destinations, you never quite know who you will meet along the way. Sometimes you meet casual acquaintances while other times you may encounter individuals that become lasting friends. That’s one of the excitements of travel. This is what occurred to the Apostle Paul and his band of brethren as they were traveling to Macedonia. They encountered a group of believers along their journey but one woman stood out in the crowd.

As Paul and his followers were traveling through the region of Galatia, the Holy Spirit delivered a vision to Paul to go to Macedonia and preach the Gospel there. As they reached Philippi, they met a woman named Lydia. Now Lydia was a successful business woman. She opened her own business by selling expensive purple linen. She happened to overhear Paul’s conversation with the other women and her heart was touched. She accepted what Paul was saying and her and her household were baptized. She, then, was compelled to open her home to Paul and the other disciples so they could rest during their journey.

Lydia’s home became a refuge and place of strength after Paul and Silas endured a prison stay later in the chapter. After being released,

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Acts 16:13,15,40 they made their way to her house for rest and encouraged the rest of the believers to continue the mission.

T h e Scriptures never labeled Lydia as a minister, disciple or evangelist but she was important enough to be mentioned

by Luke, the writer of Acts. Her love for God and her willingness to serve God’s servants was powerful. Her home was the first place Paul and Silas found themselves in a time of need. So, the question that needs to be asked is are we, as women of God, in the right place for someone in need? Have we positioned ourselves to be where God has ordained us to be or are we wandering, still looking for our place in the Kingdom? Once Lydia accepted Christ in her life, she was willing to be available, not only to God, but for His people. Even if we are not seen by the public or recognized by many people, our humble service is vital for the Kingdom. We need to have the attitude of David who said in Psalms 84:10, I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. Are you where God needs you to be? Someone may be looking for you.

Are You A Pioneer Or A Settler?

Dorothea Bernique ADAPTED FROM PIONEER BY DUTCH SHEETS

Are you a pioneer? The definition of a pioneer is one who leads, explores or opens up the way for others. A pioneer is someone willing to go upstream when everyone else is going downstream. Pioneers refuse to go with the flow.

As it pertains to your finances, your financial situation and your personal financial goals I ask are you a pioneer or are you a settler? Are you settling for the fact that things will never change P E A R L S I S TA H S M AG A Z I N E

or that you were never taught what to do or for the fact that you have already made too many mistakes and bad decisions with your finances?

Or are you willing to become a pioneer? If you said yes you want to be a pioneer, there are some things you must be willing to do so that you can pave the way for those who will follow you on your financial journey.

Continued 10

Are You A Pioneer Or A Settler?

To be a Financial Pioneer: You must lose your fear of being different. You can’t be afraid of what others will say when you become more responsible with your financesnancial journey.

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You must have uncommon commitment and be willing to set a new standard for normal.

No longer will what you see be ok, you will see things as they are, YET dream of what it could be.

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You must determine that no cost is too great and be willing to pay the price. This means that you are willing to invest in yourself to get the training and information you need.

To be a Financial Pioneer: 3

You must be a warrior…bold and fearless. You are going to have to fight for your financial freedom by working hard and stay focused on your goals.

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You must be willing to go into new and unchartered territory. Get out of the box and out of your personal safety zone. Be willing to do what you’ve never done before to get results you’ve never gotten before!

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You have to possess an uncommon passion! You have to be passionate about the change you desire to see. You have to be passionate about changing your life and the lives those you will influence.

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And finally, you have to be willing to fight for a cause bigger than yourself. It’s not about you! It’s about your children and your grandchildren. They will want to live their lives by the wonderful example you have been to them.

Are you a Pioneer or Settler? To continue to be a settler and settle for the status quo with your finances DO NOTHING! However, to become a Financial Pioneer…You must TAKEACTION. Start your journey to financial freedom by visiting our website at www.increasinghope.org or giving us a call at 843-225-4343 to register for the next Introduction to Financial Freedom training or the next Financial Freedom Bootcamp!

P E A R L S I S TA H S M AG A Z I N E

I Can Do Bad Better

by Myself LaTonya Summers Leaving a no good man is hard to do. Even when living with him is terrible, sometimes it can be hard to imagine living without him. We believe his lies—that he loves us; that he’s working on it, that we can’t make it without him, and that nobody will love us like he does. If this is you or one of your girlfriends, I’m writing to encourage you through two testimonies—my own and Vashti’s from the Book of Esther, in case you prefer a biblical reference.

My exhusband never hit me, so for a long time I didn’t realize I was in an abusive marriage. It took me a while to realize the huge ring on my finger was his attempt to keep other men away from me. I thought it was cute when he bought me a whole new wardrobe. I didn’t know I was dressing like an old lady in baggy clothes, covered from my neck to my ankles until somebody pointed it out. I thought it was cool that he wanted to live in a different city away from my family, and it was a bonus when he quoted the ‘leave and cleave’ scripture. It wasn’t until he P E A R L S I S TA H S M AG A Z I N E

started timing my trips away from home, calling me names, and criticizing my every move that I realized I was in trouble.

Vashti’s husband didn’t hit her either. In Esther 1, we read that she tolerated his drunkard ways for years, obliging his every request until she decided she couldn’t take it anymore. The king had gone on his sevenday drinking binge when he commanded Vashti to come parade her beauty for the men at his annual festival. Her desire to be free was no different from ours. Her fear of what she’d lose, or what others would think, or how she’d make it without him was strong enough to consider his request. But, strength from up above rested on her when she said, “No.” It happened for me the same way. One day, I just decided that I could do bad by myself. Christians told me to stay because God hated divorce, but my attorney told me that He loves the divorcee.

I walked away from my ex with just the clothes Continued

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I Can Do Bad Better by Myself con’t on my back and my 1 yearold son, and I was six weeks pregnant. I drove to a nearby battered women’s shelter, where I heard God’s voice through Isaiah 54:46: Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.

Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.

You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.

The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit— a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God.

That scripture is still my testimony. Nowhere does it read that I will do bad by myself. Years later, the Lord sent me a Boaz who daily shows me God’s love on this side of Heaven.

I have never been better, and that’s my prayer for you. May the strength of God come upon you, and cause you to put two fingers in the air as you walk away from toxic relationships. Let your two fingers form a “V” where it honors Vashti and signifies your victory.

LaTonya M. Summers is licensed as a minister and a mental health therapist. She owns the LifeSkills Counseling & Consulting Group in Charlotte. She is a blessed wife and mother of six children.

Sherian Foster, Founder & CEO of Masters of Marketing and Business Solutions, Inc.

Business Solutions for the Savvy Business Owner In today’s business world, businesses need to have more than a business plan to successfully maintain.When thinking about opening a business, owners usually concentrate on licenses and permits, signage, and a light marketing plan better known as word of mouth marketing. Businesses need more than that.

Marketing is the blood line of businesses. It’s not “if you’re going to market…it’s, when you market…” There is no doubt that the marketing plan and marketing budget are one of the most important parts of the business model. Without marketing, your potential customers will not know about your product or service. They will not know how to differentiate between you and your competitor, and most important, they will not know you even exist. When you rely on word of mouth marketing to propel your business, it’s

like allowing a complete stranger to babysit your children or your pet. Not safe, right? Think about marketing as getting directly in front of your potential customers on a daily basis. Consider these thoughts: What does that look like? What would you need to say? What do you want them to know? Why should they choose you? What’s in it for them? What makes you different? What’s your purpose asa business? What issue are you addressing? What problem are you solving? How can the customer leave your place of business better than they were before?

Marketing is more than “something that needs to be done” it’s the life flow of your business; market as if your livelihood depends on it!

Continued

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Business Solutions for the Savvy Business Owner HERE’S SOME BUDGET POINTERS WHEN IT COMES TO MARKETING: If you have $100‐ Sponsor a campaign on Facebook with your target demographic If you have $250 – Sponsor a local event for branding exposure If you have $500 – Purchase inserts in your local newspaper If you have $1000‐ Purchase a billboard with specific instructions or a give away Foster, owner of Masters of Marketing & Business Solutions, Inc. on Facebook – Masters of Marketing & Business Solutions, on Instagram – IAM_SDF, and on Twitter MOFMSolutions…

E‐mail: Sfoster@mofmsolutions.com or visit us online www.mofmktsolutions.com

BUSINESS

S P OT L I G H T

Nathele Roberson Q: Give us your name, where you are from and some general information about you.

A: My name is Nathele Roberson and I was born and raised in Eastover, SC. I earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Accounting from South Carolina State University and a Master of Business Administration degree from Clark Atlanta University.

Q: When did you begin your business and what inspired you to do so?

A: I began my business on March 16, 2015.

I was inspired to open my own business because I have always dreamed of being self窶親mployed.

Q: What kind of business do you own and how long have you been in business?

A: I am the owner of Premier Designs, which is a direct sales company specializing in jewelry distribution. I have been in business 4 months.

Q: What are some of the struggles that you faced pursuing your business?

A: The greatest struggle I faced in pursuing my business was finding the right time to start. Each time that I thought about it in the past, something would always happen and cause me to put it off.

Q: What are some of the triumphs that you faced pursuing your business?

A: Two triumphs that I faced after pursuing my business were having my Training Show, which was my introduction/launch into the business, and my first Home Show that I conducted to both retail over $800. That was an incredible start to my business.

Q: Tell us your overall story and/or testimony.

A: I was introduced to Premier Designs thirteen years ago when I attended a jewelry show fundraiser that a sorority was hosting. I love jewelry and I was impressed with the jewelry selections, price and quality of Premier Designs jewelry. The jeweler that conducted the fundraiser show saw something in me and encouraged me to become a jeweler as well. I was interested, but the time never seemed right. In March, I found myself unemployed and down to my last $12.

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BUSINESS S P O T L I G H T

Nathele Roberson con’t I had been praying for an opportunity to become employed again and to eventually own my own business. This past spring, I became the co‐chair of the Women’s Day Weekend at my church.

Likewise, I decided to do the jewelry fundraiser. I got in touch with the same jeweler that I met thirteen years ago and, once again, she urged me to join. I prayed about it and received a message from God that Premier Designs was the answer to my prayers.

Q: What are your future plans for your business?

A: My plan is to build my customer base by conducting at least 6 – 8 jewelry shows per year.

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HETLENA JOHNSON

ISIONARY LIVING WITH LUPUS

“Do you know what Lupus is?” A doctor asked me that question almost 22 years ago. My answer was, “No. No I don’t.” As for my mother, who was sitting in the chair that all knowing hospital room chair in the corner, her eyes had widened. At the time, she did not know what Lupus was either. And to be honest, I still don’t know what it is. Lupus is a very complicated disease. It is unpredictable, complex in the nature of its symptoms, and can be fatal without proper medical treatment. I have had the opportunity to host this autoimmune disease since I was a budding teenager. I was so ready for the world before I met Lupus. While under its spell, I was blessed to have been placed on homebound my whole senior year. The version of this chronic disease that I was introduced to is known as Systemic Lupus Erythematosus, or SLE for short.

SLE is feared to be one of the most dangerous kinds of Lupus to have. It can affect many different parts of your body. I couldn’t walk, at all, for a while. But I enjoyed being wheeled by my caring family and friends as I often held my young niece in my arms.

This gave many people who saw me in public, the impression that I was in a wheelchair due to complications during pregnancy. This wasn’t true.

The only child I had that was gearing towards the terrible two’s was Lupus. Lupus doesn’t just always

make you “look sick.” By the time I was able to walk with a cane I was down from 80 milligrams of Prednisone to about 60 or 65 milligrams a day.

My pain was unbearable at the time. Yet my vanity was worst hit. Being a young woman, you want to look your best, but when your hair falls out and your face breaks out –worse than acne—it’s devastating! It’s very hard to feel beautiful—inside and out. Having Lupus meant I had to be careful with things that irritated my sensitive skin. And my hair had fun leaving me to myself when I looked in the mirror. It was not a stress free stage at all. My collective memories of the phases of my diagnosis were upsetting. And at times, dealing with my Lupus, is still challenging. Because Lupus affects my joints, skin, kidneys, blood cells, heart, and lungs, I need a treatment that is affordable, available, and in abundance. The strongest medicine that I take every day is Faith. It is so malleable.

Because no two Lupus patients’ symptoms are alike, all Lupus patients are different and special, in distinctive ways. I am often asked, “How do you do it?” No matter how many times I have been asked that question, I still sparkle inside. That sparkle ignites my heart to express to others that they must take hold of this lifethreatening illness by taking control of their mindsets. Here are a few things that help me manage my Lupus.

1. Write it down! Use any little notebook, calendar, or even a smartphone app to keep a record of your symptoms. This helps communicate your symptoms to your medical physician.

2. Get active! Many patients diagnosed with Lupus cannot do varying physical tasks. But anyone can move what he or she has. From squeezing a tennis ball in your hand to rolling a golf ball under your foot, movement is like magic. Battle the fatigue as much as you can stand.

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VISIONARY - LIVING WITH LUPUS

3. Fight the fog! Pain, medication, emotions, and other things can fill the brain with confusion. Fight the fog by keeping your brain busy. Do puzzles listen to upbeat music, talk, or just listen to someone else talk. Even consider learning something new on YouTube!

4. Make a monthly date with yourself! One of my favorite therapies is massage therapy. Massages that are not prescribed by a physician for medical reasons may require contracts or memberships to take advantage of discounts. Shania Brown LMT BCTMB, of Meditating Massage Wellness Studio, says, “Professional Clinical Massage Therapy is highly recommended to assist several issues as part of a wellness maintenance program.”* You will be surprised by how much better you feel when you keep your mind engaged. There is no

balance of life when you live with an autoimmune disease such as Lupus. Ultimately, you have to ask yourself, “Do I live with this thing called Lupus, or do I let it live with me?” *The author of this article is not licensed to provide medical advice, professional diagnosis, opinion, treatment or services to any individual. This content of this article is for general information purposes only and provides information that is based on the author’s opinion. More information about the author’s journey can be read in her book, “Diary of a MAD Lupus Patient” available on Amazon.com.

ORDER YOUR COPY FOR THE TEENS IN YOUR LIFE. Visit www.jjpublishingonline.com P E A R L S I S TA H S M AG A Z I N E

H

ETLENA JOHNSON

Pearl Sistahs interviewed Hetlena Johnson with LUPUS CSC her nonprofit, Lupus Columbia SC. In her spare time enjoys, traveling, reading, and writing books and excerpts for her personal blog.

Q: When did you begin your organization

Q: Give us your name, where you are from and some general information about you.

A: Hetlena Johnson, Ed.S. is a Digital Resource Coordinator for Richland School District 2 in Columbia, SC. Her 15 years of experience in education, includes instructional technology education and personal experiences in the world of finance. Hetlena has presented at many conferences, nationwide, to include an independent presentation on the esteemed TEDx stage. Her strong customer service presence and love of ethical persuasion ensures there is never a dull moment while learning. She brings patience and knowledgeable entertainment to her trainings in the Southeast because she believes that students are the true beneficiaries of professional development. She has had several businesses to include her own property management company based in the St. Andrews area of Columbia, SC. But, her heart treasures the work she does with

and what inspired you to do so?

A: I started reaching out of my shell in early 2010.

Although diagnosed in 1993 with Lupus, I didn’t take on more of a public activist role until late 2012.

The step towards the formation of an organization that would help others diagnosed with Lupus began late 2012. My partner and I formed Lupus Columbia SC (also known as LupusCSC) in August 2013. Our combined experiences lead us to share with each other how important it was for others diagnosed with Lupus to have a personal Lupus network and an ear to listen. We both naturally decided that if we were going to form a support group, it had to include laughter and family support options. I had done research on the number of people in my immediate community that were diagnosed with Lupus and other chronic illnesses. This research proved that there was a need for a support group of some kind. Lupus is a very complex chronic illness.

It is an autoimmune disease that can attack any part of the body at any time. There is no cure and there is no one treatment path to console those that suffer from the condition. Because I also knew first hand, how Lupus can distort your outlook on life, I wanted to help others navigate through its complications.

Q: What are some of the struggles that you faced working with this organization as you began to build it?

A: I have to admit, it was not easy to start an organization for a cause that you, yourself, feel as though you know more about than anyone else. I

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Con’td

Pearl Sistahs interviewed Hetlena Johnson with LUPUS CSC have been humbled by the many heartwrenching stories I have heard from others suffering from the same disease. Lupus can affect women, children, and men young and old. Many have not been able to live long full lives after being diagnosed with Lupus. I have a male cousin who has been diagnosed with the disease for 31 years. With Lupus, no two patients are alike when it comes to symptoms, health circumstances, or medical treatment paths. It takes a lot of patience to support others.

Another struggle when starting the organization was getting others to turn their ears toward Lupus awareness. It has not been easy, and it continues to be a challenge to face, yet we are committed to helping to spread Lupus awareness to others we know, everywhere we go. Nonprofits take a lot of work and willing volunteers. So you can imagine how challenging it can be to maintain consistent support when the disease itself has still yet to gain the recognition that it deserves. Although there are more than 1.5 million people diagnosed in America, the National Lupus Foundation of America estimates that 3 million people or more are diagnosed with Lupus worldwide.*

Q: What are some of the triumphs that you faced working with this organization as you began to build it?

A: I can definitely confirm that being able to maintain full time employment and support my organization on a fulltime basis, has been challenging as well. It’s not easy, but it has been happening slowly but surely! I am proud to have taken steps to learn how to balance my life with my love of helping others. Every day is a step towards achievement. As we continue to share our organization’s goal, every day is a significant triumph. Being open minded helps the building of an organization go smoother. I have come to the realization that when building something plans may change, but foundations do not.

Q: Give us some overall information about your

organization and the people you serve.

A: My business partner, Kiersten Tolbert, COO, and I are proud to express that the mission of LupusCSC is to help improve the quality of life of people affected by lupus through support groups, education, advocacy, and awareness. Our vision is to provide a haven of open communication, a resource of support, environment of laughter and tavern of healing for Columbia’s survivors, family members and caregivers of lupus. The funds we raise are used to help keep our Lupus support groups and activities free and open to the public.

We’re always looking for volunteers! Find out more about LupusCSC on our website at www.LupusCSC.org.

Q: What wisdom and/or advice would you share with the women readers about your journey?

A: I would like to encourage other women to not be afraid to step out and support others outside of our own families. Many times, we as woman are so wrapped up in being the family martyr that we forget to take care of ourselves. There is a special, healthy feeling you can get when you commit to help a stranger. You never know the reward you can find in the life story of someone you don’t know. Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Q: What do you want to be known for and how do you want to be remembered as?

A: Wow what a question to make you actually ‘look’ in the mirror! I don’t have to be known or remembered. But I would like the legacy of others to be remembered. I would like for the hearts of those that wanted a true chance for their loved ones, family and friends to live a full life, a healthy life to be remembered. It would make me rest easier to know that someone knows the cousin, sister, brother, mother, friend of someone that is living or has suffered from the trials of a devastating disease like Lupus. Our lives are enriched by caring

Finding Hope In The Struggle Kiwan N. Fitch is a native of Jersey City, NJ. An avid w r i t e r, K i w a n uses her b o o k s to assist women in meeting the challenges they face from health to finances.

Her first book, “Confessions of a Welfare Mom,” released in the fall of 2011, was so successful that it led her to write two additional books in the series: “Confessions of a Welfare Mom Volume 2” and “Confessions of a Domestic Violence Survivor.” Her books opened the door for workshops, speaking engagements and a stage play entitled, “Confessions of a Welfare Mom: The Monologues.” Her stage production played to audiences in Baton Rouge and New Orleans, LA. Currently, Kiwan is producing and directing, “Finding HOPE in the Struggle,” her latest stage play production which debuts this September in Columbia, SC. Like the books in this series, her latest production is designed to uplift, inspire, and raise consciousness about the many social issues women and families face today, from classism and teen pregnancy to

domestic violence and incarceration.

Ms. Fitch has spent the last two decades working with a variety of organizations in Social Services. She has had the opportunity to help victims of domestic violence transcend their situations, assist women who have been incarcerated successfully complete their parole, and provide transitional services for women leaving welfare to work.

She is a co‐founder of My Sistahz Keeper Association (MSKA), a group created to help women whose lives are in transition. She earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Sociology from New Jersey City University. Kiwan is also a graduate of Seton Hall University’s Non‐ Profit Leadership Institute and The Rising Tide Capital’s Community Business Academy.

In November 2010 she launched, Kiwan N. Fitch, LLC, a company designed to expand her reach with women and families in transition.

In 2012, she changed her company’s name to The EmPOWERment Corp. which she says best fits her mission. As a single mother of three sons, ages 22, 11 and 10, Kiwan knows first‐ hand the adversities many women face raising their children with absent fathers or fathers who simply choose not to be involved in their children’s lives. She stands as a bold, confident witness that there truly is HOPE in the Struggle.

Kiwan Fitch

P E A R L S I S TA H S M A G A Z I N E

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: A Child’s Persepective

TABATHA A. JACOBS

One memory from my childhood that is engraved in my mind is of my father hitting my mother in the head with my little brother’s tricycle. I remember being terrified that this time he was going to kill her. I remember my aunt picking us up and taking us to a doctor’s house in the next town because my mom would not go to the hospital. He patched up her head and wrapped it and afterwards we headed to my grandmother’s house. I was so sure that this time would be the last time and that we would not have to go back home, but it wasn’t and we did.

I remember praying to God on many nights that my dad would not come home and beat my mom. I would pull the covers over my head and keep repeating “please God, please.” It seems like these prayers were always in vain. I could not figure out why God would never answer my prayers.

I believe this is why it took me a long time to get back into church and to take my salvation seriously. It was hard for me to believe that God loved me because He left me and my siblings in that situation. Today I no longer try to rationalize why I had to grow up in this situation.

I realize that I was built to handle it. I know that someone else who had to go through this same situation might have run away, lost their minds,

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turned to drugs and alcohol, or even committed suicide. I am stronger, wiser, and better because of what I have been through. I empathize with children who have gone through or are currently going through domestic violence.

When most people think about domestic violence, they only think about the victim on the receiving end of the abuse. However, if there are children in the house, they are also victims. My mom used to tell my siblings and me that it was happening to her and not to us, but she could not have been more wrong. We may not have had to endure the physical hits, but we did have to endure the verbal and emotional hits. As a child it is traumatic to hear your father threatening to kill your mother and not knowing whether or not he is really going to do it this time. As a child it is traumatic to hear your mother crying, knowing that you are powerless to help her. As a child it is confusing to know that your father has hurt your mother, but she defends his actions and refuses to leave. Yes, children are victims also.

Domestic violence affects children in different ways. Some children grow up with the mindset

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: A Child’s Persepective Con’td most people think “When about domestic violence, they

only think about the victim on the receiving end of the abuse.

However, if there are children in the house, they are also victims.

“

that it is normal for a man to hit a woman so they mimic what they have seen. I had two brothers and they both grew up to be abusers.

Abuse was a learned behavior for them. It amazed me that although they hated what my father did to my mother; they still turned out to be abusive towards the women in their lives.

It also amazed me that these women, just like my mother, would not leave. I do not believe that they wanted to exhibit the behavior they had seen so much growing up, but I believe that they had seen it so much that this was the only way they knew how to express their anger.

The abuse seemed to affect my sisters and me in a different way. I think that in a lot of ways it hardened us and caused us to put up a wall of defense so that no one would be able to get close to us and hurt us. I know that for a long time it was hard for me to trust anyone or to let them get close to me (I still struggle with these issues to this day). Most of my sisters are extremely strong willed, hot tempered, and vocal. They will tell you exactly what is on their minds and may even get physical, if they feel it becomes necessary. I, on the other hand, do not like confrontation and my worst fear is losing control and letting my temper get the best of me.

The abuse affected us all in different ways, but the point I want to stress is that it did affect us all. Any parent currently living in a domestic violence situation needs to think about how the abuse is affecting the children now and how it will affect the children in the future, because it is affecting them now and it will affect them in the future. There is a lot of confusion, hurt, and pain that these children have to deal with. I am currently 42 years old and I am still dealing with these issues. I am thankful that I am healing, but it took a long time for me to get here. Even sitting down to write this article was not easy for me, however, if it can help someone else then my discomfort is worth it. If you take nothing else from this article, I want you to take this: every time he hits, degrades, berates, and humiliates you there is a child or children in the other room who hears this and is going through the pain of this with you. He or she may or may not grow up to exhibit the same behavior of the abuser, become a victim of abuse themselves, or have to deal with a number of other issues, but I can promise you that they will be affected in some way. Remember this; children are indeed victims of domestic violence when exposed to it.

PAST YOUR PAIN STEPHANIE L. MCKENNY

As long as there is breath in our bodies, we will all face challenges in our lives.

Sometimes those challenges are difficult and hard to face. They’re even painful at times, but we must understand that challenges often birth opportunities for something greater to take place in our lives. Of course, no one likes to face opposition when we are working towards achieving our goals, but if we grasp from our inner strength and push past the pain; we will find that we had what it took to make it through and finish strong.

make it through, then this article has been written to encourage you to push past your pain.

If you are facing a challenge or some form of opposition or adversity and you feel like you can’t

Every woman who has given birth to a child naturally (not cesarean and no epidural) knows

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Let me share two stories about two women found in the Bible, one had to push past her pain and the other allowed her time of adversity to push her into birthing something great. Both of these women physically birthed children and there are significant lessons we can learn from their experiences.

In Genesis 35:1617 the Bible shares with us about Rachel’s last birthing of her son, Benjamin. The scriptures declare that her labor was hard, but her midwife encouraged her that she was going to give birth to this child.

PAST YOUR PAIN STEPHANIE L. MCKENNY the pain that coincides with the birthing process.

We often hear others say, “No pain, no gain.”

Well, this is true, literally, when it comes to giving birth to a child. It is evident through the scriptures that Rachel also experienced this pain because it states that she had hard labor, but Rachel knew that she couldn’t let this child stay in her womb. She had to push. She had to push past her pain. And this is what we can glean from her experience, even though the challenges in your life may be hard to face, you must push past the pain. Pushing through allows you to embrace something you would’ve never experienced had you not done so. Let go of the fear, discouragement, excuses and push past the pain and birth your greatest accomplishment in life. You have what it takes to do it, so push! Rachel had to push because she knew the baby couldn’t stay in her womb.

The pain was unbearable, but she continued to push. Yes, there is divine purpose inside of you and sometimes it becomes unbearable to contain because it’s still in you. You won’t get the relieved feeling of exhaling until you’ve pushed that purpose out of you. Not only will it benefit you to fulfill your purpose, but many other lives will be touched because of it.

I also love the midwife in this brief text. A midwife sees everything; the good, the bad and the ugly when it comes to the birthing process.

Through it all, she must remain focused on one thing; making sure that baby is birthed. This woman played an outstanding role in Rachel’s life by simply saying, “Fear not; thou shalt have this son also.” Believe it or not, words have power and creative ability. I’m sure those words helped Rachel push a little harder to bring forth her last son.

Every now and then through our challenging times, as we work towards achieving our goals, we need that midwife in our lives to tell us, “Fear not; you’re going to get through this.” “Fear not; you’re going to be a great leader, you’re going to achieve your greatest goal, just PUSH!” It is so important to surround yourself with individuals that see your vision and have a deep inward desire to want to see it fulfilled even more than you. They are your midwives. They are the voices that speak in the midst of the adversity and tell you to keep moving forward. They encourage you not to sweat the small stuff and keep it moving. I must reiterate, you have what it takes to accomplish your greatest task. There are some things we were born or predestined

PAST YOUR PAIN STEPHANIE L. MCKENNY to do so no matter how hard the opposition or challenge, you will fulfill that purpose if you keep pushing for it.

The second woman that we can glean some wisdom from is our dear sister, Hannah in I Samuel 1. Hannah faces a challenge of being barren. By her being a woman, we can gather the assumption that she has the capability of reproducing. Everyone in the entire world is well aware that a woman’s body has been designed to reproduce. In her case, Hannah was capable, but barren. There are many of us that are capable of reaching our greatest potential, but for some reason there is barrenness in our lives. We may face the struggle of knowing that we have the gifts, talents and abilities within us, yet we see no fruit.

This was the case with Hannah; she had what it took, but there was no fruit. To top it off, she had a “hater” named, Peninnah who had the capability and the fruit to go along with it.

Imagine being around someone that has the same gifts, talents and abilities that you do, but the only difference is; they’re producing. We all have to be honest with ourselves, it’s nice to see others maximizing their potential and reaping the benefits from it, but we’d be very deceptive if we didn’t want things to flow that way for us.

Her husband Elkanah tried to console her by questioning her: “Hannah, why weepest thou?

And why eatest thou not? And why is thy heart grieved? Am not I better to thee than ten sons?”

Elkanah thought he was enough to fill the emptiness in Hannah’s life. He thought he could fill the void. Sometimes we are guilty of using other things or people to aid us in filling the voids in our lives. This way never really satisfies the void. Allowing God to fill the emptiness in our lives will allow us to experience true satisfaction.

Having some areas of our lives unfulfilled shouldn’t place us into a pityparty mode, but we should glean from the wisdom displayed through Hannah’s actions. Hannah went to the source where all things begin. Hannah must have gotten fed up with the taunting from her adversary, Peninnah; year after year. And then having to witness her husband Elkanah hug on his children from Peninnah, I’m sure it was devastating. However, Hannah never retaliated physically, but Hannah went to God in prayer.

It may sound ole fashioned, but prayer changes things! Whatever challenge, obstacle or opposition that you may face, you can always go to God in prayer, believe Him and watch things turn around for you. Hannah was pushed into prayer. Whether you realize it or not, you’re challenges are designed to push you into prayer.

It is in prayer where the real birthing begins.

So don’t be discouraged if you find yourself facing a few challenges in your life.Know that you have what it takes to push you past your pain.

Surround yourself withpeople that will motivate you to progress and don’t forget to utilize the power of prayer.

Having some areas of our lives unfulfilled shouldn’t place us into a pityparty mode, but we should glean from the wisdom displayed through Hannah’s actions.

CANCER SURVIVORS: TIFFANY EA SLEY Q: Give us your name, where you are from and some general information about you.

A: My name is Tiffany Easley. I am a Minister, Author, Cancer Survivor and Advocate. I am from Lexington, TN but reside in Irving TX, a suburb of Dallas.

Q: Tell the readers about your experience with cancer?

A: I was diagnosed with granulosis cell tumor of the right ovary at the age of 3. I was treated at LeBonheur where my surgery protocol consisted of an oophorectomy (removal of the right ovary) and St. Jude’s Children Hospital is where I received my treatment. My treatment regimen consisted of 4 months of chemotherapy according to the Germ Cell Tumor 79 protocol.

Q: What kind of cancer did you have?

A: Ovarian Cancer (granulosis cell tumor of the right ovary) Q: When did you find out you had cancer and what was your initial reaction?

A: At the age of 3 my mother was advised of the diagnosis.

Q: How did your family handle the news?

A: My family was shocked but continued to trust and believe God for total and complete healing.

Q: What kind of treatment did you have to encounter?

A: I was treated at LeBonheur Children’s Hospital where my surgery protocol consisted of an oophorectomy (removal of the right ovary) and St. Jude’s Children Hospital where my chemotherapy treatment regimen was according to the Germ Cell Tumor 79 protocol. I received 4 months of chemotherapy.

Q: What fears did you have?

A: The one fear I remember was losing my hair and being afraid that all the children would tease me. As I got older and was still going through After Chemo Therapy Care, I was afraid of dying and leaving my family behind.

Q: What kind of side effects did you experience (weight loss, loss of hair, etc).

A: I lost my hair and had to lose my right ovary because the tumor had caused severe damage.

Q: What did you learn from this experience?

A: I gained an enormous amount of faith even as a little child. I look at every situation through positive lenses and believe God to work everything out for my good. I learned God is all that Ineed. He is God who can heal anyone from anything. I learned the importance of enjoying every moment of life to the fullest.

Q: What would you share with our readers who may be dealing with this same bout with cancer?

A: Trust God and stand on His Word, which says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). Understand your struggle is temporary but God’s Glory is infinite. It is important that you share your experience with others. Your experience may be the one experience that keeps a person from giving up on their personal battle of cancer or pressing past the lasting effects of having endured a terminal illness. Haggai 2:9 says your latter will be greater than your past. Simply stated, what you are about to experience will be greater than the past and present pain you are enduring. You will have joy in the morning. Psalms 30:5

Tiffany Easley • Author/Blogger • Email: livinginpurpose2010@yahoo.com

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CANCER SURVIVORS: TA S H I N A R E AV E S - P R I N C E Q: Give us your name, where you are from and some general information about you.

My name is Tashina Reaves‐Prince. I was born on March 23, 1977. I am from Spring Hope, NC, but I reside in Columbia, SC. I am a mother of two girls, Aisia and Ashanti aged 16 and 12 years old. I am happily married to my prince, Michael Prince, who came into my life a few months before my diagnosisand he is still here. I attended Midlands Technical College from 2009‐2014 to receive my Associate Degree and my certification as a Certified Medical Assistant, I received my certification in October 2014. I am also modeling for God’s Creation Modeling agency. I am a mother, daughter, wife, sister and aunt. I am strong, independent, reliable and fearless. I am everything God made me.

Q: Tell the readers about your experience with cancer?

A: My experience with cancer was hard for me.

There was no family history of any cancer; I was the first from my knowledge. I was 34 years old, had a regular exam each year with no problems.

I was in a car accident in 2010 and my chest hit the steering wheel with no airbag. I felt a lump a few months after that, so I went to the doctor on my birthday. He sent me to a surgeon, they sent me to get my very first mammogram and while at work, a few days later, I got the phone call that it was cancer.

Q: What kind of cancer did you have?

A: I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer.

That means I had a tumor in my right breast and it had spread to two of my lymph nodes.

Q: When did you find out you had cancer and what was your initial reaction?

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A: When I found out it was five days after my 34th birthday, March 28, 2011. My initial reaction was fear and anger, all I could say was “why me?”

Q: How did your family handle the news?

A: My family’s reaction was fear. They did not know why I had cancer when I was always so healthy and they did not know what to expect.

Q: What kind of treatment did you have to encounter?

A: Throughout these four years I have received chemotherapy treatment. The first time was twelve weeks with radiation therapy. I went through that twice. I have had several CT scans; I have had a mastectomy of the right breast with lymph nodes removed. I have had reconstruction of right breast with reduction of the left. I had a hysterectomy and they found the cancer in my ovary. The cancer was trying to get me down because it didn’t stop there. It spread to my liver, bone and brain also. I had radiation for 13 lesions in my brain in April of 2014.

Q: What fears did you have?

A: The fears that I have is that if my cancer keeps spreading throughout my body I may not be around to see my girls grow up into independent women.

Q: What kind of side effects did you experience (weight loss, loss of hair, etc).

A: The side effects that I experienced were nausea, pain in my body, vomiting, diarrhea, and loss of hair.

Q: What did you learn from this experience?

A: I learned that even at your worst God has a plan, you must go through your pain, anger and

CANCER SURVIVORS: TA S H I N A R E AV E S - P R I N C E heartache to see God’s plan, if he wants you too and if you are willing to receive it. God’s plan for me was to give my testimony to everyone. I was going to school with people who knew nothing was wrong with me except for my instructors.

The instructors at Midlands Tech did everything possible to help me pass my classes and the certification exam. Along with raising my kids, working, receiving chemotherapy and radiation several times to get where I am today.

Q: What would you share with our readers who may be dealing with this same bout with cancer?

No matter what type of cancer you may have, never give up, never lose faith, and keep your family and friends involved if they are willing.

Speak to people that may have questions about

what you are going through. You never know what you may say could change their outlook on themselves. I learned I have the ability to influence people with my testimony and my smile when they see me. They say they would never know if they never asked.

My favorite saying is “I have cancer, but cancer doesn’t have me.” I will never give up or surrender to cancer. My will is too strong and my faith is everlasting. God has me in his arms and he won’t let me fail. You need to trust and believe that he is always with you, through the pain, anger, sickness and fear.

SURVIVORS

TIFFANY EA SLEY

TA S H I N A R E AV E S - P R I N C E

SURVIVOR: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

L ATA I S H A R E N E E H O O K E R Q: Give us your name, where you are from and some general information about you.

My name is Latisha RenĂŠe Hooker.

Tell the readers about your experience with domestic violence.

There are various types of abuse (physical, mental, emotional and sexual). The abuse that I occurred covered the whole spectrum. It was verbal with demeaning words sprinkled with profanity. Words that cut deep and sunk deep into my spirit telling me that I was nothing, a nothing, fat, and worthless. Physical assaults that left me bruised and crying with twisted ankles, wrists, and fractures. Fighting against him when I did not want to have sex. That left me physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. I begin to lose the fight in my spirit and those words he spoken I started to believe. I did not turn to others out of f

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fear, shame, and embarrassment although I had called the police several times.

Once you encountered your first experience with being abused by your partner, what was your initial reaction?

That this was my fault that I was not being good enough as a girlfriend and mother of his children.

I tried harder Were you ever hospitalized or treated for injuries?

Yes, I was.

Did you remain in that relationship?

I did stay in the relationship for six years. By that time, we had two children together. I kept trying to make it work by doing everything to make it work by being obedient and doing things perfectly.

L ATA I S H A R E N E E H O O K E R If you have children, tell us if your children saw what you encountered with domestic violence.

My daughter did witness numerous instances of the verbal and physical assaults.

How do you think it has affected them?

It definitely impacted her relationships with men. She went through years of counseling but today is a beautiful, bright, and happy young lady. She continues to grow and heal in building relationships.

What took place that finally caused you to break free?

I found out that he had a drug habit and I saw that I was stuck. This was no life for me or anyone for that matter. I realized that the level state of my depression and my spirit were so low. I had begun to question living. I prayed for the strength to be able to move on with my life. I prayed for my inner power that I knew was there but was so buried under the abuseto rise up. I identified again that God had purpose for my life. I begin to apply for various job opportunities and secured a good paying position. I moved out one day when he was on one of his “missing drug hiatus.” He wanted to see the children though one day and I brought them by. He assaulted me very badly but this time was different. I had my strength back and no longer would back down to the abuse. I went to the police immediately. I followed through with the investigation and court proceedings. I let people into my life, I let others help me. He was convicted and served almost 20 years in prison.

What would you share with another woman who may be dealing with domestic violence and/or is in a controlling, toxic relationship?

This person is not your identity. This person may tell you who they think you are through negative words and acts of violence. But they do not define you as they did not create you. God created you

and loves you. They do not own you, you are not property; you are not a possession. You are a person with a life worth living. You are worth so much more a priceless gem. Act and act now. Create an exit plan, a strategy. Reach out to God, reach out to others. Surround yourself with positive people. Pray as he will put others in your path in recovering and rebuilding your life. Remember that you are here to live, to have a life, an abundant life. Tap into your power, tap into your purpose as it is will always be there. It has never left you despite someone else trying to bury it and redefine it.

You are nobody’s victim. You are a victor. You are not a survivor, but you are designed to thrive. I can say today that I am in a wonderful relationship that reflects so much love. He truly honors God and in turn honors and cherishes me. He knows of my past relationship and has actually helped me heal in ways that I did not know were there. God knows me, my purpose, and the desires of my heart. All that I have had to overcome has worked for my good and brought me to a place to receive God’s many blessings. I truly thank Him.

Are you being abused?

Don’t hesistate to get help

Love,

Marriage

AND SCANDALS: 5 WAYS TO OVERCOME THE MISTAKE OF RUNNING FROM YOUR PAST Tiffany Godfrey

Whether you’re a fan of the hit show Scandal or not, each one of us, like Olivia Pope has some type of scandal that tugs at us from time to time.

Olivia is sleeping with another woman’s husband. I’m not sure if she’s saved, but I wonder if she ever feels guilty or ashamed for what she’s doing.

What is the actual definition of a “Scandal?”

A scandal is described as a: • A disgraceful, immoral action or circumstance • An offense caused by a fault or misdeed • Damage to reputation; public disgrace • A “dark place” in our lives that we are sometimes ashamed to address Like Olivia, I’ve had my share of scandals.

As small child, I was molested by a female peer, and this opened up the floodgates of an unhealthy journey to ungodly sexual practices.

From there, I lost my virginity as a teenager, got caught up with a married man, and dealt with a series of other heartbreaking relationships.

These situations instilled a sense of insecurity within me. Also, the pain from these

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relationships caused me to develop a lack of respect for men. That’s part of my story, and it shaped me into the woman I am today. I don’t glory in this sin, but I can’t deny its impact on my life because my transformation demonstrates the miraculous power of Christ.

My journey to freedom and deliverance from hurt, shame, anger, isolation, and insecurity was a long, but necessary one.

After years of frustration and a growing hunger for God, I walked away from an unhealthy relationship. And eventually I accepted Christ as my personal Savior at the age of 20 years old.

About four years later I married my sweetheart, Dexter. Everything was going fine until the nightmares hit…

Love,

Marriage

These bad dreams opened up a series of wounds that I had not dealt with or allowed God to heal.

I couldn’t understand why I struggled so much to get over my past.

The crazy thing is I shared my past relationships with my husband prior to marriage and he forgave me. But I often struggled with forgiving myself and forgiving those people who took advantage of me. I then realized, I needed to let go of my shameful past.

No longer could I run from it.

Although I was saved and happily married I had not dealt with the emotional scars of my past sexual relationships. In turn, I caused my husband to suffer because I tended to categorize him with men who did not love me as my husband did. I put him in a prison because I struggled with trusting him and allowing him to love me as he so desperately wanted to.

I couldn’t talk about my past without becoming angry, ashamed, or feeling guilty. I blamed

AND SCANDALS myself a lot and I often felt bad about myself for the things I did.

So often we make the mistake of “sweeping our past under the rug,” hoping that it will just one day disappear. We try to cover it with degrees, relationships, titles, accomplishments, food, reality TV, and anything else we think will make the pain go away.

But actually, the pain won’t go away by itself until you allow Christ to come in heal your heart and mind.

You must recognize that God loves you regardless of your childhood, what you’ve done, what someone did to you, or who you are. He knows everything about you, yet He loved you enough to send His Son to die for you so you could enjoy a full and abundant life in Him. God loves you and He wants you to be set free to love, live, and serve Him with joy.

Can you identify with my story?

Have you suffered from some things that have left you broken, confused, and ashamed?

For you it may have been: • Rape • Molestation • Incest • Daddy issues • Bullying • Teasing

• Emotional or physical abuse • Lesbianism • Fornication • Adultery • Abortion • Etc.

Love,

Marriage

Below are some things you can do to overcome the hurt and pain of your past.

1) Admit to God and yourself that you are still hurting and angry about what happened in your past. Make the decision to get delivered from the wounds and hurts of your past. If you are a child of God, you are no longer defined by your past, (2 Corinthians 5:17). You can get through this!

2) Ask God to heal you. God really wants to heal you. So many of us say that God is a Healer, but we really don’t trust Him to do it. We often hear a lot about God’s physical healing, but God cares about our emotional and mental health as well, (Luke 4:18) 3) Search the Scriptures. God’s Word brings healing, (Psalm 107:20). Many Scriptures have helped me and brought me freedom.

4) Read Bible‐based books and listen to Sermon CD’s on overcoming abuse, hurt, pain, and neglect. One book I highly recommend is Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Meyer.

P E A R L S I S TA H S M AG A Z I N E

AND SCANDALS 5) Give this process time. You’re only human, and when you’ve done all you could do, just trust God to help you through this situation.

There are some things that only God can fix for you. Let him work and just receive His love as you give Him your hurt.

Since all of my hurt didn’t come to me all at once, I realized the process would take time. In fact, it took years and at times I still battle with certain insecurities.

If you’ve struggled with overcoming a hurtful past, understand that God loves you and wants to heal you. But you’ve got to prepare yourself for the journey so you can ultimately become who He wants you to become.

Tiffany Godfrey is an author, blogger, and the founder of CommittedWife.com, a site for married women. Her latest book, The Top 12 Mistakes Married Women Make…And How to Avoid Them! is available on Amazon.com.

We Reject What is Foreign to Us from your past or did you try to run like heck from those behaviors and attract something completely opposite?

Whether we realize it or not, as human beings, we are going to do what we have been shown from our past. We make choices based on how we have been conditioned to make them and follow the same comfortable behavior patterns.

We continually choose and allow relationship models we are familiar with to enter our lives. We do this because these thoughts and actions were instilled in our subconscious self from childhood.

We simply do not know any different. Anything else presented to us seems like a foreign object in our body; so of course, we reject it.

By the age of two, children begin to form their identity and what makes them unique from everyone else. Between the ages of one and four, they obtain a sense a “Knowing” of others’ thoughts and feelings. They begin to understand what people expect or what their intentions are going to be. This being the case, children will adjust according to the environment in which they grew up despite whether it is positive or negative.

What kind of environment did you grow up in? Was it positive or negative? How did this environment impact the choices you have made today? Have you surrounded yourself with relationships that are similar to the ones

Every relationship you have had has an energy that surrounds it. This energy influenced,affected, and still controls every movement, every thought, every choice and every behavior you have displayed and are still displaying at this very moment. So, are you shaking your head right now and saying to yourself that this is not true. Stop and think about your life right now. Think about your job, think about how you perceive yourself, think about your behavior patterns, and think about whom you have surrounded yourself with. Does it look familiar to your past?

All past events and relationships have an attachment a cord so to speak that is connected to you. This cord pulls on you, but of course, you are not aware of it because the pulling is in theback of your subconscious mind. What has gone on is still controlling what is going on now.

You are just not aware of that in your conscious daily state.

Becoming aware of what is still influencing, affecting, and controlling your current choices, your current patterns – literally bringing those issues to your conscious mind – is the beginning of your journey of compassion, forgiveness, and selfworth. You will have to look at yourself in a way which you never have, you will have to stop blaming others and give other’s their part, and you most definitely will have to take off those rose colored glasses that hides all the truth.

Sherry Williams is a certified Life Coach and the author of: What’s Inside Your Bag Baby? “An Awareness Guide To The Jeans (Genes) You May Be Wearing? sherrylifecoach.com

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Pearl Sistahs interviewed Cynthia Walker, Executive Director of SOFIA working to build the organization is learning the details of starting a nonprofit and all the paperwork and filings that is required. Another is seeking a team of people to help assist and that have a similar mission and vision in mind.

Additionally, keeping good volunteers has been a challenge as well because people tend to move on because they have life’s responsibilities. Lastly, figuring out where we would receive funding for startup fees.

Q: Give us your name, where you are from and some general information about you.

A: My name is Cynthia Walker, I am the Founder and Executive Director of SOFIA (my new baby).

I live in Montclair, NJ and have a passion for helping people. I continuously volunteer at local organizations and have been a volunteer since I was a young girl.

Q: When did you begin your organization and what inspired you to do so?

A: SOFIA was established in 2010 after I met Mrs. Joanne Paul at a Montclair Township community meeting. Her daughter Monica Paul was gunned down at the Montclair YMCA by her abusive boyfriend and the father of her two children.

Mrs. Paul expressedto me that there “was not enough resources for domestic violence victims.”

Immediately, I was motivated and I began to research on how to become a Certified Domestic Violence Advocate.

Q: What are some of the struggles that you faced working with this organization as you began to build it?

A: Some of the challenges I have faced while

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Q: What are some of the triumphs that you faced working with this organization as you began to build it?

A: Our annual SOFIA Walk Against Domestic Violence has been a triumph as it brings the community together by showing support to our victims and survivors. We had over 200 in attendance this past September. This event has grown each year to bring recognition to domestic violence awareness, prevention and healing. We are proud to help women recover from traumatic experiences and honored to be able to offer our services.

Q: Give us some overall information about your organization and the people you serve.

A: SOFIA was created to help women and children of domestic violence become selfsufficient, positive and successful. Our services include: The Helpline, The Annual Walk Against Domestic Violence, Safe Dating workshops for Teens and young adults, outreach programs, Domestic Violence support groups, Advocacy and Supportive Services, Motivational and Financial Empowerment workshops. Men are encouraged to contact and participate as well. We have a group of men called Men against Domestic Violence (MADV) that focuses on assisting and guiding our youth on how to grow to a wellmeaning male.

Pearl Sistahs interviewed Cynthia Walker Q: What wisdom and/or advice would you share with the women readers about your journey?

A: Once you pin point your focus and your vision be sure to never let anyone take it away from you. Find likeminded people that will support what you do and help you fulfill your dream. If you chose to be a humanitarian, train yourself to be a good listener. We all have two ears and one mouth and if we use it in that order, the world

would be a better place.

Q: What do you want to be known for and how do you want to be remembered as?

A: The person who created SOFIA, my new baby.

I would like SOFIA to be known throughout the world as a place where everyone are welcomed to express their feelings without being judged and knowing that we can assist them with Starting Out Fresh.

Walking By Faith One of my favorite scriptures in the Bible is found in Romans 8:18, “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Know that there is victory coming out of your struggle.

Many of us may encounter some tough times in our lives, but this scripture gives us the reassurance that whatever we may be going through or have gone through, it’s not worthy to be compared to the many blessings that is before us. Even though trials and hard time times come to us all, it doesn’t end there.

Always know that something good is going to come out of your situation. God is so amazing!

He always has a plan to bring us through and out of our situations so that we experience victory.

It’s so good to know that His thoughts of us are not of evil, but God has thoughts of peace and He’s always devising a plan to give us an expected

end (Jeremiah 29:11)!

As we often hear people say, “Trouble don’t last always.” And yes, that is so true! The victory belongs to you now. Even in the midst of the struggle, the victory really belongs to us.

Another favorite scripture of mine (I have many…smiles) is from Proverbs 23:18, “For surely there is an end; and thine expectation shall not be cut off.” At times our struggles seem unbearable and we may feel as though we’re not going to come through it, but rest in what this scripture says and know that surely there is an end to the struggle. You are going to come out of that struggle! Keep in mind that as you go through it, that you have full expectation for God to not only bring you out, but to fulfill your greatest expectations. He can do it just for you! Stay encouraged and know that your story of triumph is being formulated.

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