Dear Jennifer, I want to begin by sincerely thanking you for bringing The Scamp to us. You've done an impressive job creating a world full of characters that are terrifying, damaged, sympathetic, and caring. I couldn't put the book down, which is something I don't often say. I think the overall structure of switching back and forth between perspectives is effective and leaves room for tension to build from both ends, forcing the reader into a knot of anticipation as they connect the mismatched dots of the past and wait for the two sides to collide. I'd love to see the focus of the story sharpened around our two leads and the strings that hold them together through time and distance. If you're willing to work together on a few ideas, I think we can push this story to its full potential. I'll structure my suggestions around the characters, the focus and organization of the plot points, and the ending,—but most of them can be applied in a variety of ways. Characters K K is the reason this story exists. She's like no other character I've seen or read about, and that's fantastic. She somehow manages to be complex and simple at the same time, which works well overall but does leave room for a bit of confusion about who she really is. As someone with a string of murders to her name, what is her MO? Does she fit her murders into a pattern or just have a thirst for killing? Her introduction to herself and her life suggests all her murders are connected in that she is saving these damaged girls from dying in misery like her mother. However, some don't fit that, and there should be reasons why. As I map it out a few sections below, the chain of events becomes clearer, but I could still be wrong. I'd like to read more of K's reasoning, which I suspect would most likely come out as a reaction to or reflection on the murders after she commits them. Similarly, what are her feelings about these murders? What is her general personality type and how does it evolve? Is she emotionally detached or filled with rage and resentment? There are so many stories to piece together that I think it would be helpful to have K tell her story in chronological order, at least when it comes to her victims. That slow building of information parallelling R's journey would add tension. With that said, I do like that H's story comes after the rest, as the reader will want to keep reading to find out how K's violence really began. H's death is also the one most closely tied to R, so it makes sense that we read about it when their paths are closer to merging. R R is our main narrator. We are on this journey with her and no one else. Because of that, we are on her side, rooting for her. She's far from perfect, but we want to get inside her head and know what she is thinking. What is her motivation for leaving with C? Is she just trying to get out of town? That can work. Another option is to have her use him to get to K. Maybe she knows she killed H and goes with C to find her. Maybe C tells her who he is looking for and doesn't need to know they are cousins at all or until later. Any of these options eliminate the need for the scene where L kicks her out, which neutralizes L a bit as a bad mother and someone who isn't exactly present or engaged with the world but not a horrible person overall. Whatever the motivation is, we need to know. Of course this would change the dynamic between R and C; however, I think that may work to the story's benefit. I don't think this is a book that needs a love story. One thing I really appreciate is that it focuses on so many other kinds of relationships
other books neglect delving into. R and C can still be working together, taking this trip, and sleeping together, but I don't think having them fall in love adds to their characters or to R's individual strength. It's understandable that R would start in a place of numbness and disinterest, but she could be an even more dynamic character if her agency grew throughout the story and investigation. I don't think she needs to show much more interest in C as a person, since she is so attracted to strangers, but part of that appeal is that she is a stranger to them, so it would make sense for her to guard her story and personal details in the way C currently does. If this balance shifts, R takes the upper hand in their relationship, even if C doesn't know. Keep the focus of the narrative on her, not C. This is a story about women, after all. What is she doing while he is writing? What does she figure out on her own or alongside Couper? When does that happen? Let R tell us when she puts the pieces together and give her the reins at the end of the story to show how she's developed. Speaking to both K and R, I'd like to see more flashbacks to stories that show the two of them together. Show us the more mundane, day-to-day details like when they go the the Midway. Building that relationship through stories would be more powerful than simply telling us how the two were important to each other (in good ways and in bad). These flashbacks can come from both perspectives, similar to how they each remember N's death differently, which is a perfect example of how they saw the same thing in completely different ways. Couper C is a bit of a mystery, and that's perfect for his character. It makes sense that that's what R would be drawn to. Some of his mystery, however, creates plot holes or what can be seen as overly convenient coincidences. Let's round out his motivations so the reader doesn't get too distracted trying to figure him out. What are his intentions in South Lake and with R? Is he really searching for links between these girls? If so, why these girls—what is his methodology for picking these murders and disappearances out of the thousands that happen every year? Or, is he looking for K specifically? At what point does he begin to suspect her? In an effort to keep the focus on R and K, I suggest playing down C's character. His backstory does little to add to the arc of the plot and usually serves as a distraction. Many of the details feel as if they were forced in to add tension between him and R, which isn't necessary. There's plenty of tension everywhere else. It seems he would fit better serving a role similar to that of the trailer itself: a catalyst that brings R and K together. With this being the case, details about previous marriages and his baby don't serve much purpose. However, his reasons for being on this trip and his previous investigations regarding these girls are important. This may work better if this is what we find out about him during his conversations with R. Family N's death says a lot about R and K's relationship, and how they each remember and value it differently. In order to get the most of that story, we should know more about N and his motivations in the situation. They won't come from his head in his own words, obviously, but more details about his life and interactions with R and K, as well as his parents, would make them more apparent, adding depth to that event.
L is a bad mother who comes through for her daughter in the end, when it really matters, adding weight to the overall message of the story. The flashbacks that include her and the details about her place in the family keep her on the reader's mind. I think you could stand to sprinkle in a few more to round her out as a character a bit more, so the reader is excited to see her in the end. What is X's involvement? Does the reader need to find out what his secrets are and why he's helping K? Not necessarily. He could remain a mystery, but right now he serves an important role in these girls' lives with almost no personal background or motivation. If he is only brought up to provide money, thus making some of the plot points more realistically feasible, remove him as anything more than another mentioned family member. The reader won't even think about the money if it's never brought up. However, if X is there to show us something new or reinforce ideas about our main characters, build him up so we see his importance. I like the idea of keeping him in there, which gives you the opportunity to add even more layers to this convoluted family. K's Victims I like that you give the reader the responsibility of putting the pieces together to understand each murder from the inside out, but I needed more identifying characteristics of the girls in order to connect the dots. Like I mentioned before, the reader will look for patterns and connections between all the victims. They all seem to have a general connection except for H, F's stepfather, and G. The reasoning behind these murders in particular needs to be cleared up or pointed out. Is Jackson, F's dad, a turning point, where Khaki begins to kill the women instead of the men who harmed them, since that is the way she can guarantee she saves the girls in the way she wants to? If so, all subsequent murders work except G, who can be a fluke. If she is, it would be helpful and dynamic for K to recognize that in some way, acknowledging that her rage overcame her reasoning—that she enjoys the killing as much as the saving. Focus & Organization Message What is the overall message of the story? My takeaway is that in a world where women can so easily become invisible, they must come through for each other. If this is what you want the reader to leave with, then everything should in some way come back to this. All the women should play their part in exemplifying this, whether they are victims, saviors, or, as in most cases, both. Opening I suggest beginning the story right in the action of the trip. This will get things moving and grab the reader's attention as they continue reading to find out the details of how R and C ended up on this trip. I also suggest letting us know the starting location earlier on, so we can ride along with R and know where she is. The Baby The baby's death is not a piece of the puzzle, but it can be the driving force behind R's actions or thoughts. I suggest bumping up her story and telling us what happened sooner so we can sympathize with R and follow along with her emotional journey. We can still find out details throughout the story, however. The baby is clearly on Rayelle's mind at all times, meaning she is a big part of the story and
should be present at the beginning and end. How can she come back at the end of the story? How can R find closure? H's Death H's death is a big one because it is the first one. However, it's unclear why her death affects R so much. Could she have known her? Is H's memory tied to K? Could she know K did it? Also, how does H's death fit into K's history and motivations? Was she a practice murder? Did H unearth K's rage against her mother's death and R's life? Was she the trigger that brought out the murderous side of K? The Trip As we make our way through the road trip with R and C, it's easy to get lost in the details about one-time characters and places. As they enter each new town, the story stalls with the heavy description of buildings and landscapes. At other times, we are pulled out of a tense moment to read about an inconsequential waitress. For me, the extra focus on these adds clutter and distracts me from the story they're interested in: R and K's history and their imminent reunion. F's Death I suggest restructuring F's story so it comes all at once and earlier in the story. Her death is different than the ones that come after, so knowing what happens builds a foundation. You can play up K's feelings on not being able to save her—the girl she actually loved—the way she wanted to and let the reader figure out how that plays into her future murders and her detached feelings about those girls. I also think it would work to remove her interactions with Henderson so he can remain a good—albeit not very intelligent—guy that serves as possibly the only moral barometer in the story. The Postcards The postcards are a pivotal theme in the story and mean different and telling things about both R and K. Their importance to each girl could be reiterated a couple times before R and C find them. When they do find them, it should be a big moment—a turning point. This is either when R figures out K's involvement or they both realize they are on the right track and getting closer. Their reactions should be bigger and possibly more frantic. Personally, I gasped when they found them and was surprised that it seemingly meant so little to them. Suspected Pregnancy To me, the questions about R being pregnant near the end of the book didn't seem to add anything to the plot. This would possibly be a good side story to remove in order to leave room for some of the other suggested additions to the story. Ending The most important scene in any story is the ending, and that is especially true for this one. It's what the reader has been waiting for. The Scamp's ending seems to begin when R recognizes T. I really like that she is the one to notice her and think it would work well for R to connect with her without even consulting
C. This is where her agency finally comes into play. Either way, why does R go with T? What is she thinking? Let us know that she knows this will lead to finding Khaki and talk about her anticipation. We need some closure between R and K. Was K waiting for R? She wanted to kill her at one point, so when did she change her mind? Maybe K realizes R didn't have it as easy as she thought and lets her go. What would make her come to this conclusion? Finding out about these intentions would allow R to see K's true colors and feelings about her. Is this change—of no longer planning to kill R somehow tied to murdering T right then and there? Is she now a stand-in for R? L coming for R is stronger if she does it herself. I don't think you need to bring back June. It also makes the females in the story more self-reliant if R is the one to call her mom, not C. It adds a vulnerability to R and another layer to her relationship with her mother. C's character begins to disappear during the end of the book, and I wouldn't mind if he faded away completely. He served his purpose in the story, bringing R to K, so he doesn't necessarily need to stay. He and R can acknowledge the roles they played in each other's lives and C can give up on the project when it becomes too much. In the end, the women take care of each other. I love how K leaves and think you should let her run off and out of the story, into whatever future she makes for herself. Let that be her ending. Remove the last chapter and finish the book with R, our main narrator. Conclude with whatever closure R finds. What does R come away with in the end? She seems to find her conviction, as well as peace with her mother, but what about the baby? How can that be incorporated into the ending? One suggestion is to have her relate to T in a more protective way and have her (somehow) save her from K. Or maybe it's just that she saves herself in the end. I hope you find these suggestions helpful and on par with your hopes and intentions for your story. I think the main goal is to narrow down the most important elements and then play those up and let them shine. If you have any questions at all, or would like to hash through a few ideas, please don't hesitate to be in touch. Most of these ideas can be executed in many ways, which leaves a lot of exciting possibilities for where this book and these characters can go. I look forward to hearing what you think and seeing what you come up with for the revision. Cheers, Stephanie Podmore