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This issue is dedicated to trans lives. You matter. We welcome you.
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STAFF MANAGING EDITORS Editor in Chief Allison I. Moorman Creative Director Alexandra Martin Art Director Madelyne Allen Copy + Research Managing Editor Mary Kate Hafner Outreach Director Katelyn Bartels Style Editor Tiffany Schmidt
COPY + RESEARCH Copy + Research Coordinators Michelle Morris
ART DIRECTION Photographers Darby Jones Brittany Spiva Rachel Cummings Art Direction Assistants Tina Pham Lauren Carlson
COMMUNITY OUTREACH Outreach Specialists Allex Looper Alexa Ochoa Jacqueline Heath
CONTRIBUTERS Jessica King
ADMINISTRATION Staff Advisors Kate Gray Mikkel Christensen
Stephens Life is the student magazine of Stephens College in Columbia, Missouri. Opinions expressed in Stephens Life are not necessarily the views of the college, students, administration, faculty or staff. Stephens Life strives for accuracy. To report a correction or clarification, please send an email to allmoorman14@sc.stephens.edu.
managing editors
Allison I. Moorman
Alexandra Martin
Mary Kate Hafner
Katelyn Bartels
Madelyne Allen
Tiffany SchmidT
staf f
Michelle Morris
Tina Pham
LAUREN CARLSON
darby jones
BRITTANY SPIVA
alexa ochoa
Rachel Cummings
Jacqueline HEATH
Allex Looper
Letter from the Editor
the Fall 2017 issue. This issue is raw, candid and very, very honest. We talk about chronic diseases, identity and cultural stigmas. We’ve made ourselves vulnerable by sharing some of our personal stories, but when you think about it, Stephens sets us up to do just that. When we come here, we meet people and experience things that make us open up and embrace who we are meant to become. It’s a beautiful thing. When working on this issue, I had time to reflect on my own life experiences, and have gained an understanding for others. In “Out of Order,” Creative Director Alexandra Martin discusses the real issue of silent diseases, and how often times they are dismissed because there isn’t an obvious physical burden. But, you can bet that Alexandra would rather break both her arms than deal with the pain she endures every day. We also had the chance to sit down with some of the most influential women in our fair city. Columbia is a small town, so it came as no surprise that each woman knew each other — Erica and Carrie are even best friends. However, what may come as a surprise is that each woman glowed when talking about the others involved in the spread. If you take one thing away from that entire story, let it be this: Success is not a solo act, and the most powerful women in town didn’t rip each other down to get where they are today. By the time you set this issue down (it’ll be a real page-turner, I promise,) I hope you walk away with a fresher perspective on a variety of issues. Remember: not everything is visible on the surface, and everyone has issues; however, those issues are not crutches, but rather hurdles that are on their way to being overcome. Enjoy. Consume. Converse.
-Allison I. Moorman
Contents
O u t of Orde r
The Pil l
L ove, Etc.
Re i gning W ome n
Al l Hoax ed Up
It’s about Tea T i m e
D o n ’ t T ouch my Hair
The Girl s Room
Raise Your H a n d
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Story by Alexandra Martin Photography by Darby Jones
M
y arm isn’t in a cast. I have no visible scarring on my body. I don’t have any monitors attached to me and, to most, I look like your average, healthy 23-year-old woman. But this is not the case. I live in a dull constant pain; I have a silent disorder and I quietly go about my days masking my pains. Waking up at 3 a.m. in a bath of sweat. Snapping at mild inconveniences. Discovering dark bleeding along the lining of underwear at unpredictable moments. This is menopause, and I know this because, at age 22, I lived it. I have endometriosis. When thinking of menopause, usually the image that comes to mind is one of a middle-aged woman fanning herself with any paper object in her reach. But for me and many young women with endometriosis, medically induced menopause is a whole different reality. Endometriosis, in short, is a chronic disorder in which the tissue lining of the uterus, called the endometrium, incorrectly begins to grow outside of the uterus and onto the surrounding organs. This displaced tissue can grow along the outside of the uterus, onto the ovaries, bladder, intestines and even up onto the lungs. This tissue attempts to shed itself each monthly cycle, as it normally would do when growing inside the uterus. But since it is no longer in the uterus, it bleeds out internally and has nowhere to go, causing painful bloating and cramps.
Let’s back up some and get personal. On April 2015 outside of Hugh Stephens College Library I called my mother. I was in an unusual pain that I had never felt before and calling your mother is just something you do when you’re facing discomfort. I stood outside the building pacing as I described the sharp pain I had been feeling in my lower right abdomen for some days now. What was it? Why hasn’t it gone away yet? My mother talked me into going to the campus doctor and I hesitantly agreed. I sat on the crunchy paper covering of the examination table of the doctor’s office and described my symptoms. Something I didn’t know I’d have to continue to do for the next few years. In various doctor’s appointments and visits to urgent care centers I went through suggestions of appendicitis, pregnancy, or just plain “bad cramps” as potential diagnoses for the debilitating pain I was feeling. Months pass and the cocktail of medications found in the pain reliever aisle did not relieve my discomfort. One sunny afternoon I lay underneath a mound of blankets and pillows and had skipped my classes of the day due to an inability to emerge. From my mound of blankets came my urgent care visit that lead me to an ultrasound appointment. The doctor at the urgent care center believed I just had some ovarian cysts and needed an ultrasound to confirm and move forward from there. A heavy painkiller prescription and a reference to a more specialized doctor left me hopeful after this appointment. I would have loved to have received an official diagnosis or a cure, but this seemed to be a step in the right direction. The experience of going to an ultrasound appointment when not pregnant is not fun. The ultrasound center’s waiting room was sprinkled with happy couples; husbands
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You get passed along from doctor to doctor and you do tests and tests and jump from medication to medication and the pain never really gets better.
“
“
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Endometriosis is not uncommon. One in ten American women live with this condition according to The Endometriosis Foundation of America. awaiting their turn to take a glimpse at the tiny precious life growing within their wife, hands being held, impatient foot tapping. And then there was me. A 21-year-old college student on her own. We all have that movie image of an ultrasound appointment where the couple goes together and excited. But when you’re not a happy couple and you’re not expecting a little bundle of joy, this experience is very different. A thick metal probe slathered in cold goopy gel was inserted inside my vagina and I watched as the ultrasound technician made difficult to interpret facial expressions. She clicked buttons and circled gray blobs on the screen that looked like all the other gray blobs on the screen except that these ones get circled. And then after all of this I was sent on my way home without answers. The technician pointed me to a box of tissues to clean myself up with and left the room. It was like a Tinder date, but with more expensive lab fees. After many more months and a few different prescriptions that did not improve or worsen my symptoms, I was back at the gynecologist. With the news that my pain had not improved, my gynocologist again reviewed my symptoms. I had heard about endometriosis before, because I of course Google-searched my symptoms, as a way to try and supply answers that doctors weren’t giving me quick enough. I didn’t have all those symptoms that WebMD talked about, though. And I surely wouldn’t have such a serious, intense chronic illness. Endometriosis is not uncommon. One in ten American women live with this condition according to the Endometriosis Foundation of America. Even with this statistic, the condition is highly underdiagnosed and undertreated according to Medicine Today, because it is a “silent disease.” This means that symptoms of it often mask themselves as side effects of other conditions and women go through multiple incorrect diagnoses before landing on the proper one. Everyone’s endometriosis is different. Some women go about their daily lives not knowing they have the condition at all. Others, have their whole world engulfed by this diagnosis, affecting their work, personal relationships and overall emotional state. Endometriosis has no known cause, but one easy way to track and diagnose it is through family history. When
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describing my internet finding and symptoms to my parents, I learned that my father’s sister had struggled with endometriosis when she was around my age. When I mentioned a family member of mine having the condition to my gynecologist, the pieces all started to come together. The combination of my birth control prescription not providing satisfactory results and the link to a family history lead my doctor to suggest endometriosis as a likely diagnosis. Unlike many other diseases, endometriosis cannot be detected through physical inspection, ultrasound, MRI or anything of the sort, but rather can only be diagnosed officially through an operative procedure called a laparoscopy. With the tentative diagnosis hypothesized, my gynecologist scheduled me for this procedure and things were (again) finally starting to move along for me. My pain was being recognized and help was on the way.
endometriosis cripples me and walking across campus wears me out. Pain medicine just numbs and makes me sleepy. But being in pain isn’t much better. This is endometriosis. It is a series of highs and lows. The pains come and go, and are impossible to track. Sometimes I think I’m all better and that this condition really isn’t that bad and I don’t know why I complain so much. Then the next week the pain comes and I remember what it is like.
Translation: I now had an official diagnosis of endometriosis
In July, 2016, I checked into the hospital for my procedure, which technically was called a “diagnostic laparoscopy with potential for operative laparoscopy.” In layman’s terms, this meant the surgeon would scope out to see if I had any endometriosis growths and if I did, they would operate and remove them.
Endometriosis affects women in different tangible, identifiable ways. Take a look at my college transcript. Some semesters I pushed through and finished with a 4.0 GPA. Another semester I withdrew from courses and one semester I even dropped out and moved back home. Endometriosis obviously has its physical restrictions, but medically, the emotional tolls are arguably as exhausting.
Before I went under, the staff told me that the surgery would last about an hour, but longer if they found growths to remove. As soon as I groggily became conscious from the anesthetic wearing off, I asked the nurse what time it was. She told me to not worry about it and to just relax as they hooked and unhooked all the right cords off of me. When my vision cleared and I found a clock on the wall, it had been two hours. Translation: I now had an official diagnosis of endometriosis, something I had been living with for over two years at that point. I finally had a diagnosis and frankly, I was relieved by this news and confirmation that my pain was real.
Many women suffer in silence. There is a stigma on complaining about “female problems.” We women are taught that uterine pain is just something we have to go through, but it’s not. Pain and discomfort is not normal nor should it be treated as such. The condition of endometriosis is complicated and hard to explain. Sometimes when I am in pain I get frustrated and wonder why this is happening. Sure, many other illnesses are much worse, but at least they have treatment plans and an end in sight. But as of now, there is no cure for endometriosis, only minimal truly helpful treatments.
This is the lengthy process that it takes to even diagnose endometriosis. You get passed along from doctor to doctor and you do tests and tests and jump from medication to medication and the pain never really gets better. You’ll try different birth controls and you’ll even be put on one that sets you into medically induced, temporary menopause.
With endometriosis you’ll search Amazon for the highest reviewed heating pads on the market, you’ll be made to take pregnancy tests you don’t need, you’ll avoid tight fitting dresses as you mask your “endo belly,” you’ll overshare and make people uncomfortable with your complaints about the masses growing in your abdomen, you’ll become a walking pharmacy of the best painkillers the pharmaceutical market has to offer. And you’ll be strong as hell.
Sometimes my pain empowers me and pushes me to try harder than I might normally would have. Sometimes
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t h e
PILL
As small as a tic tac, as mighty as a worldwide debate.
Story by Allison I. Moorman Photography by Darby Jones + Allison I. Moorman
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You could say that birth control is as versatile as a Swiss Army knife.
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The pill.
Maybe you’ve heard a friend say that they gained weight when they went on it. Maybe you know someone who went on it and got the clearest skin of their life. Maybe one of your friends was immobile for an entire week each month because of cramps, but then went on birth control, and suddenly, their periods got lighter and the misery disappeared. You could say that birth control is as versatile as a Swiss Army knife. Birth control is for far more than preventing pregnancy. Of course, that is one of its effects, but hey, there are still plenty of people who are living evidence that it doesn’t always work. More women are using contraceptives than you think, and the bottom line is, we aren’t just sluts on birth control, as some outdated stereotypes may suggest. In the summer of 2016, I was diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome, which is about as glamourous as it sounds. IBS isn’t necessarily pleasant at any time of the month, but for a particular week, it would become unbearable. In conjunction with period cramps, I would gear myself up for daily episodes—a mindset no one should have to deal with. It was after five months of misery, that I decided to take my pain into my own hands and go on birth control. After a call to my mom, where she said shakily, “OK, well, be safe.” I set up an appointment with my doctor, and by the end of the week I was taking a daily pill. It wasn’t sex I was worried about, or even my skin (though it clearing up was a nice perk). It was that I would finally be able to live my life the way I did before my irritable bowel symptoms diagnosis. Others have gone on it, too, for reasons other than preventing children. Ellie LaPosha ’20, was diagnosed with endometriosis earlier this year, and went on birth control to help treat some of her symptoms. “I’m on birth control first and foremost because of my health. My pain can be so severe that I miss class, and taking copious amounts of medicine can make me too sick to go to school or have a normal life. Taking birth control is helping me manage my life again for the first time after my diagnosis.”
Something many young women grapple with is their parents’ approval. I’ll be honest, my hand was shaking as I called my mom to ask to go on birth control, and I had to get three friends to gear me up before I even made my appointment. However, remember that it is your body, and you do not have to answer to anyone because of it. “My mom was encouraging about me getting on birth control, but when I was younger I do remember my dad being uncomfortable with it,” says LaPosha. “I think it can be difficult for family members to see that birth control is for something other than sex.” Should you make the decision to go on birth control, remember that it is a serious medication and that you need to disclose all your health issues to your doctor to find out which type works for you. LaPosha only recently found out with her endometriosis diagnosis that she has a protein-S deficiency, meaning that she is more likely to have blood clots. Estrogen, the main ingredient in many forms of birth control is linked to higher chances of blood clotting. Prior to finding out about her deficiency, LaPosha was on another form of birth control for those without clotting issues, which lead her to become weary of going on the pill again.
remember that it is your body, and you do not have to answer to anyone because of it. “I’m still fairly uncomfortable with birth control. Taking the birth control I was on previously could’ve caused some serious damage. There was a lot a fear for me in finding and using a birth control pill. For a while I felt very limited on what I could use; I wasn’t comfortable with using the DEPO shots, or the arm bar, or an IUD, but I still couldn’t use anything with estrogen. What made me feel more comfortable was learning more about my illness and finding a doctor that listened to me and understood my concerns.” Given the multiple uses and benefits of birth control, the old notions connected to the pill need to be let go. Let’s make this clear: You aren’t a slut if you are on birth control. You are taking control of your body.
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love, etc. The butterflies of a first date and the comfort of a loving partner. What some dream about is the reality of others. Polyamory is on the rise as people of all backgrounds across the country embrace consensual non-monogamy. Story by Mary Kate Hafner Photography by Alexandra Martin
A
ndi Wilson has been married to her husband, Tom, for 23 years. The pair met during a psychology class while studying at the University of Missouri; their love story is in many ways ordinary: They dated for a few years, married and then settled in mid-Missouri. Photographs of the pair in front of the columns at graduation and more recently floating on Jacks Fork River are featured on their joint Facebook account. Nothing too out of the norm, but that all changed five years ago when the couple decided to embrace polyamory. Polyamory is the practice of having multiple, simultaneous emotional and romantic relationships with the consent of all parties. Despite how polyamory often has been described, these relationships may or may not be sexual. In fact, sex has little to do with this identity. Just as each monogamous relationship is different so is each polyamorous relationship. Polyamory communities distinguish that a poly relationship is different from an open relationship. While open relationships focus on sex and attraction, a poly relationship expands past that, focusing on possible long-term connection and commitment. Again, all polyamorous people are different, as are their intentions. The focus on each person and relation is unique just as the relationship. A 2016 study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that of 8,718 participants shows that more than one in five study participants reported engaging in consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lifetime. While millennials may be given credit for
the rise of polyamory, the concept of multiple partners is nothing new. There are books, blogs, dating coaches, websites and apps all devoted to polyamory that have been growing since the mid-90’s. The Wilsons decided to practice polyamory after years of self-exploration and frank discussions with each other. “We were worried about jealousy and drifting apart,” says Andi Wilson, “Remarkably, we are closer now.” Polyamory opens oneself to being able to experience the world through more viewpoints than our own. A University of Michigan study from 2014 found that polyamorous people have stronger relationships. In each relationship one grows and learns, so why stop? California native, Jenna Cripps, discovered her polyamorous identity two years ago during a long-term relationship. While her commitment and love for her partner were firm, she couldn’t shake the appeal of experiencing another person. When she shared her feelings with her partner, the conversation went south leading to the couple’s end. Today, Cripps is thriving. She lives with her partner while maintaining two outside relationships. She defines polyamory as two or more people in a relationship. “My partner and I have the option to date other people. We have talked about both dating the same woman but we haven’t started dating anyone yet,” says Cripps.
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“ not m worth is
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m uch h having s easy.� -Andi Wilson
Cripps is open about her relationships. She says there is a fifty-fifty reception when she reveals her status. “A lot of people don’t understand. They think I’m being a slut or I’ll change my mind when I’m older. On the other hand, I’ve had just as many friends say, ‘welcome to the club,’” says Cripps. Andi Wilson is not as forward. “Not all of our family or friends know about our relationship. It’s not something we feel like needs to be the face of our life,” Wilson says. Openness of a poly relationship can bring forth a multitude of questions from outsiders often focused on jealousy. But like most monogamous relationship advice, communication is key, Wilson explains. “Communication will be the difference between success and failure,” Wilson says, “Without frequent check-ins and dedicated ‘us’ time, the relationship would have ended a long time ago.” When asked about jealousy, Jenna Cripps points to honesty as the only solution. “When I talk to my partner I straight up tell him what I’m doing. I’ll tell him when and where I’m going on a date and who it’s with. He will ask me how it went and I’m honest about it,” she says. In principal, polyamory may present itself it as the way of the future; a utopia of connective and progressive bliss. However, it’s no free love picnic. The problems of a monogamous relationship will still be there in a polyamorous relationship, only multiplied. This is not the life for everyone. The work involved to balance multiple paramours is great. Time can be the biggest challenge, especially if both parties are engaged in multiple affairs. There is also loneliness that can be experienced if one’s anchor partner is currently more active in another relationship. “The effort is worth the reward,” says Wilson, “not much worth having is easy.”
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“A lot of people don’t understand. They think I’m being a slut or I’ll change my mind when I’m older.”
a discussion of age, business and girl power. Story by Madelyne Allen + Allison I. Moorman Photography by Darby Jones
Kelsey Raymond Co-founder & President of Influence & Co.
“Oh shit, we’re not just responsible for these jobs. She’s bringing another human into this world so we better not screw up and make her lose her job.” I just remember that as being a pivotal point where I all of a sudden realized it was real. I needed to make sure that it took off because her baby needed to be fed. What do you wish you knew when you were younger? Hmm, a lot of things. You know, I think I wish that I knew to have more confidence in myself. I think we could have grown more quickly if I didn’t have so much selfdoubt because we were in a lot of situations where maybe I underpriced our services or we ended up losing out to another agency because I was discounting my experience. I look back on some of those first sales meetings and wish I could go back and say, “No, you got this girl! Stop selfdoubting. Stop discounting your abilities.” What do people not tell you about being your age?
What is your ideal age? This age is pretty good, I definitely would not want be under 25. I’m going to assume my 30th year is going to be my best yet. When did you feel you were first “grown up?” I feel like there are different stages of adulthood and I think I grew up when Influence and Co. was still young. At that point we were five people, but it felt like a class project still. During that time one of the women we employ told us she was pregnant and it was like,
One thing that is weird and personal is a lot of my friends ages 27-35 have had a really hard time conceiving. Everyone thinks it’s just women in their 40s who have trouble, but I wish someone told me that I wasn’t going to be able to say, “Oh I want a family now,” and it would be that easy. That has definitely made me realize the whole timeline lifestyle is so unrealistic. What is your take on the glass ceiling and do you think you’ve contributed to shattering it? I would like to say I’ve contributed in some small way, but then you see a sexual predator elected president, you ask yourself, ‘How far have we come?’ So, I think that there’s a long ways to go. I feel very fortunate to have support both from women and men in my life and I hope I have created a company where women know there are no limits for them. Our leadership team is 80% female. I think that within our company, at least, the women know there are no limits or barriers.
Barbie Banks Executive Director of Citizen Jane Film Festival
What is your ideal age? Right now is a really good age. I like being in my 30’s because you’re a bit more established, you have more money, which is always nice to have. When did you feel that you were first grown up? I still don’t feel grown up. There are times when things go wrong at my house or with my car and I just want my parents there with me. What do you wish you knew when you were younger? The things that annoy you about other people are things that you don’t like about yourself. If you don’t get along with someone or are having frustrations, take a moment to think about why that is affecting you. Don’t try to get them to change, but adjust yourself to work better with them. What do people not tell you about being your age? It’s a weird age because you have to be a grown up. You don’t get the courtesy of being like, “they’re in college or they’re brand new in their career.” When you’re in your 30s you’re supposed to have that figured out.
Describe your first enterprising moment. Whenever I was volunteering for Citizen Jane and the current director left. I said, “That’s going to be my job.” It was sad that she left and it wasn’t necessarily good because she was an important force for the festival, but in that moment I was thinking “that’s going to be my job” and I just sought it out to make sure I had the right experience when the job got posted. Give me a piece of advice. The biggest thing is to be at the table. Demand a spot at those tables even if it might feel uncomfortable or you might think ‘what am I doing here?’ You could be putting your energy elsewhere, but if you’re at the table that is where change gets made. As Stephens women, it is important to remember that is the legacy you have to put out there, especially because that is what Stephens wants from you.
Erica Pfefferman President of the Business Times Company
What is your ideal age? I am really happy with 39, but I am excited to turn 40. It’s kind of weird to say that because I got divorced this last year. I’m in the whole new phase of my life. My company also won the small business of the year award, and I won outstanding business woman of the year award. I’ve really loved this year a lot, most women don’t like the idea of turning 40, but for me there is just so much positive momentum for me, and I’m pretty excited about it. Describe your first enterprising moment. I’ve been immersed in enterprising since I was about four years old, but I guess it really started when my first husband and I started our company when I was 22 years old. It failed miserably, but without that initial failing I don’t think I would be where I am today.
What do you wish people had told you about being your age? That I’m still a sexy, relevant, vibrant woman, it doesn’t really get talked about enough. Sexiness doesn’t stop after your twenties. And, my 40 isn’t anyone else’s 40. Give me a piece of advice. I have two: My first would be you absolutely must become a student of emotional health. If you can’t understand why you do what you do, react to things, and why you think the way you think, you won’t every understand other people. I think that is the number one contributor to success these days. My second would be to never take no for an answer. Always take “no” as not yet.
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Carrie Gartner Executive Director of The Loop & Associate Professor at Stephens College
When did you feel you were first grown up?
There are different parts of my life where I felt more grown up, I always cooked dinner and packed my own lunch, when I was young. Buying a house was a big milestone, it was in 2005, when I was in my mid 30s. More recently, I feel like I can sit in a meeting and have the credibility, know-how and organizational skills to shine. I feel like I had those before, but I never felt like I knew how to use them before.
What do you wish you knew when you were younger?
I can tell you the one thing I thank the lord for everyday: sunscreen. As a child and teenager, I was always wearing sunscreen and I think that was useful. But, I wish I had more confidence in myself, and I wish I knew the right way to disregard people’s opinions of me. There’s a right way and a wrong way, and I think I was trying to do it, but I think I did it the wrong way.
What is your ideal age? Physically, younger than 40, but at 50 you realize you are done putting up with bullshit. When you’re in your 20s or 30s, you think more highly of authoritative men, but once you hit 50, you realize you have to talk over them because that’s the only way to get attention. You just end up being done with putting up with that kind of sexism. I don’t want people to wait until 50 to feel that way.
What do people not tell you about being your age?
Your body basically starts to fall apart at 30. You can’t drink as much and recover as fast. You can’t work out as hard and recover as fast. There’s also a point in your life where you realize, this is whom I am, my knees are always going to hurt, I’m always going to look like this, I’m not going to ever learn how to speak French, but you’re cool with that.
Story by Allison I. Moorman Photography by Tiffany Schmidt + Allison I. Moorman
We didn’t walk on the moon.
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Y o u Yo u Yo u Yo u Yo u Yo u Yo u
S a w Sa w Sa w Sa w Sa w Sa w Sa w
N o t h i n g Nothing Nothing Nothing Nothing Nothing Nothing
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Bush did 9/11. Paul is dead. katY Perry is JonBenét.
W
e’ve all heard the theories, read a story or maybe even fallen down a documentary rabbit hole. Conspiracy theories have been swirling for decades, along with both the fear if they hold any water and the morbid interest to find out. So the question stands, do conspiracy theories hold true? Some would argue yes, conspiracy theories often originate from within organizations themselves—generally, it’s a former high ranking employee blowing the whistle on cover-ups and seedy under-the-table deals. Some would also argue no, that conspiracy theories are just created to fill pages in a magazine or fuel another hour-long special on the History Channel. Eric Marx, professor of psychology at Stephens College, says that people latch on to conspiracy theories because they want answers. “It is certainly no coincidence that conspiracy theories to this day surround the Kennedy assassination, the frightening collapse of our economy in 2008, or the warming of our planet. We feel out of control – but someone has to be in control, pulling those strings, right?” “That someone out there is responsible for these big events – that there is indeed, an answer, a why, lurking beneath the details – is more comforting to many of us than the idea that the universe is just spinning randomly and we are spinning along with it. Comforting in a rather strange way, of course, as belief in conspiracy theories is almost accompanied by strong suspicion of and cynicism about the world around us – particularly the institutions we suspect are plotting these events at our expense.” Marx goes on to further explain that although people aren’t naturally inclined to think corruption lurks in every corner, there is a certain part of us that want to the powerful to fall to the ranks of the powerless. “I would say that those with less power – or who at least feel that they have less power – tend to believe that those with power are more corrupt. And so, given that conspiracy theories generally hold that powerful institutions or groups are the ones manipulating events, it is natural for there to be a link between the conspiracy theory and a belief in the corruption of those thought to be at the dark heart of the conspiracy.” Regardless of where you fall on the belief scale, conspiracies have risen to popularity that cannot be ignored. One recent conspiracy theory, the Mandela
Effect, has become a global phenomenon due the millions of people who claim to have been affected by it. Fiona Broome, the lead researcher of the Mandela Effect, describes it in relatively simple terms. Essentially, those who experience the phenomenon have alternative memories from that which is reported and widely known. The Mandela Effect stems from many people believing that former South African President Nelson Mandela died in prison while serving a sentence for his fight against apartheid in the 1980s. Some remember so vividly the newspaper headlines, the funeral on television, and according to Broome’s personal account, the heartfelt speech given by his widow. However, Nelson Mandela didn’t die until December 5, 2013. This alternative memory of Nelson Mandela’s death sparked open the door for other alternative memories, and soon discussion caught fire across the internet. Debates of whether or not it’s the “Berenstein” bears or “Berenstain” bears, what the Evil Queen truly said to the mirror on the wall and if Forrest Gump used a certain verb tense when referring to a box of chocolates popped up everywhere. You could just chalk up each experience to bad hearing, but others soon found facts to back their story up. Cognitive psychologist David Ludden argues that we aren’t going crazy, it’s just our brain functions that are. He explains that our brain remembers pieces of experiences and makes them into something that makes sense in the present in an article for Psychology Today. Essentially, when we retell a story, we add embellishments overtime that eventually embed themselves so deeply we think they were there when the event originally happened. Alternatively (pun intended), Broome offers the idea of different energy planes crossing over, and that what people are experiencing is a different reality, a different plane that has higher or lower energy than the physical
we aren’t going crazy, i t’s j us t ou r b r ai n f u n c ti o n s th at are. world. Broome isn’t the only one working to validate the Mandela Effect, as other people are posting videos of their findings online, as well as online forums going pages deep for users to share their observations and encounters. These days, it is not just a zany neighbor at the end of the street that is trying to prove a conspiracy theory. Celebrities and those in power are trying to shed light on very big issues, and they are getting shut down in very big
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If anything happens to me, Investigate. Of course, both of these instances could just be labeled as circumstantial. However, there have been times when conspiracy theorists have been able to bring their findings to fruition, much to the chagrin of certain organizations. Project MKUltra serves as one of the biggest government conspiracies ever proved true. What began as an experiment in mind control quickly spiraled into an, at sometimes illegal, operation to test interrogation and torture techniques. Subjects were exposed to electric shock as well as large amounts of LSD. One of the subjects was Ken Kesey, author of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” He got his inspiration for the novel through serving as a medical guinea pig for MKUltra, and interestingly became an advocate for mind-altering drugs afterward. MKUtra was kept underwraps for years, as evidence was burned by the CIA director at the time, Richard Helms in 1973. In December 1974, The New York Times alleged that the CIA had been running illegal experiments on US citizens, but it wasn’t until 1977 when the story was confirmed by Senator Ted Kennedy. So, the question still stands: are conspiracy theories based in truth? Yes and no. Some are so convoluted and outrageous (think the Illuminati reptiles) that we shouldn’t believe them. But as history has shown, conspiracy theories can be all too real and involve some of the biggest organizations on the globe. So, here are your charges: believe what you want to believe and pursue what you want to pursue, but remember that Big Brother is always watching. Tread carefully.
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Though bubble tea has been around for decades, a local business owner has just begun to spread his culture to downtown Columbia.
Story by Katelyn Bartels Photography by Darby Jones
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“I
would say that American people feel like coffee is their life, right? In Asian countries, like Taiwan, tea is our life.” Though tea has been an integral part of Asian culture for centuries, the youth are finding new ways to put a spin on traditions. A fairly new drink created in the late 1980s, bubble tea’s popularity has spread world-wide. Tzu-Yang Chao is the owner of Bubblecup Tea Zone in downtown Columbia. As a native to Taiwan, Chao grew up with bubble tea, and through his business, Bubblecup Tea Zone, tea-enthusiasts in mid-Missouri can learn more about the Taiwanese culture daily. “I just try to introduce some of my culture to Columbia’s people and let them know what the actual Taiwanese culture is,” said Chao. Sharing and combining culture is complex. Each culture is sacred, unique, and fluid, and sharing culture can prove to be no easy task, according to Chao. Though advancing with pure intentions, Chao admits that some barriers prevent his culture from being shared in completion with the Columbia community and Americans as a whole. “When we make our milk tea, we use a non-dairy cream. And it’s not because it doesn’t contain milk, it’s a translation problem. Because when we speak Chinese, we say naicha, meaning dairy, but only including the creamy dairy,” Chao said, chuckling. “So, when we translate to English, it becomes milk tea.” But milk tea is not specifically from Taiwan. Every country in the world has their own version of a “milk tea.” Similarly, authentic Italian pizza is not the pizza we are familiar with picking up late at night downtown. The crust is crispier, the sauce is different, and there are definitely no pineapples on top. Chao used this example to explain how even though bubble tea is reminiscent of Taiwan, his menu options are more westernized in order to appeal to his target market. “We like to mix the western culture and the Asian culture to make something more interesting, like the boba,” Chao said. Still the translation problem doesn’t stop at different languages. Sometimes, customers wrongly assume parts of the culture by relating the terms to English words. “There is a big misunderstanding about the bubble milk tea. It doesn’t mean the boba is the bubble, it’s a totally different thing,” said Chao. The famous tea is shaken in a machine to mix the different ingredients before being served to customers. The vigorous shaking causes bubbles to form and rise to the top, hence the name.
Culture (n.): The customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group; also the characteristic features of everyday existence shared by people in a place or time “That’s why it’s called bubble tea. The boba is the tapioca pearls. A lot of people misunderstand and think bubble is boba or boba is bubble, but it’s totally different,” said Chao. For the most part, the customers of Bubblecup Tea Zone are open to trying new things and straying from the safety of their black coffee, but another barrier Chao comes across when sharing his culture is resistance to new experiences. Chao said he tries to push for his customers to try different drinks, but he doesn’t want to put too much variety into his menu. “I want to focus on my culture and I want to recommend things to people, and if they like it, they will like it. If they don’t like it, it’s fine, but I just want people to know about it first, because I know that different cultures have different styles.” Nellie Boyd, Bubblecup Tea Zone’s store manager, studies languages and cultures in school. She started out as just a customer of Bubblecup, but became so obsessed that she became an employee. “For me, it’s really exciting to see somebody else start to go to that boundary line, like the edge of their culture, looking into a different culture, I just want to say ‘Come over! It’s fun!’” Nelly said. “That’s probably the happiest part of working here for me.” Though coffee may remain an American staple, Chao is still coming up with new flavors to entice customers to get hooked. “We like to have our customers think of the bubble tea as a treat. They can drink whatever they want whenever they want. For example, we have pumpkin spice flavor right now,” Chao said, chuckling. “That thing is never going to happen in Taiwan.”
don’t touch my hair. Story by Brittany Spiva Phototography by Brittany Spiva + Rachel Cummings
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Straight hair. Curly hair. Long hair. Braided hair. Short hair. Natural hair. “I’ve had it all and you know what I learned? I learned I feel the most empowered with my natural hair” - Simone Gregory
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hair isn’t just hair. It is often closely related to one’s identity.
F
or centuries, black women have been made to feel unaccepted because of their hair. This may lead them to go to great lengths to fit in with society’s traditionally white beauty standards. Myself and many others have found that having natural hair can be liberating. Throughout our journey, we embrace our natural hair and make changing hairstyles a part of our identity. As a young black woman, I love to express myself through my hair in every style, length, texture and color. But that was not the case 10 years ago. Back then, I just wanted to fit in, so I recall getting countless burning relaxers that altered the curly textured hair I was born with. I wanted silky straight hair due to the pressure of society’s standards. I did not have a clue how to manage the coarseness of my hair. I wanted to make my
hair easier to handle for myself and for my beautician so I turned my curls into straight hair. This transformation went past my hair. I remember feeling more accepted by those around me because of its straightness and the longer length that accompanied. At the time, this wasn’t about just my hair. This was about fitting into what I thought I was supposed to be. The majority of my time in middle school was spent researching black beauty vloggers that shared my experience. I watched women talk about their natural hair journey and how it rebelled against the trend of relaxed hair that has been the ideal in society. In that moment, I decided that I would go back to natural hair which required doing the big chop. My hair was the shortest I had ever seen it in my life, I felt invigorated and empowered to show off my new look by being unapologetically me. I found that there was still a lot I could
do with natural hair. Everything from braids and weaves to wigs suddenly became my protective styles. Our hair is often put through rigourous heat and tension, so protective styles are used to sheild then from further damage. Countless black women have experienced their own hair journeys that while different in texture and style, often have one commonality. The questions, touching and comparisons on feeling, texture, and everything in between. I was once told that my hair reminded someone of cotton and I have been asked endlessly if my hair is real. These verbal obstacles placed by others can make embracing the beauty of our hair a constant battle. My hair is delicate, captivating, and full. Yes, my hair is real. No, you can’t touch it. But we can combt these negative comments by continuing to love and support our hair for what it is.
“Yes, it just takes water. No, you may not touch it. My fro is my crown.” - Dajah Ray
At the time, this wasn’t about just my hair. This was about fitting into what I thought I was supposed to be.
s ' l r i G e h T m o o R It’s hard to match the bonding feeling of being offered tampons by a stranger.
Story by Mary Kate Hafner Photos by Alexandra Martin, Mary Kate Hafner + Allison I. Moorman
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An ode to the commiseration made from long lines, empty toilet paper rolls + lost lip gloss. For a social introvert like myself, injecting the phrase, “I’ll be right back, I’m going to the restroom,” is an artform. During a dinner or a night out, a bathroom can be more than a just stall, but akin to a sanctuary. The fragrant mix of industrial air freshener and a Glade vanilla candle creates an oasis where spending 20 minutes looking in the mirror and gossiping about the hottie behind the bar is celebrated. The bathroom is a place to recharge and revitalize. While at a bar, it’s exhausting to constantly dodge roaming eyes and forced small talk, so the bathroom is a heaven-sent refuge. While I am not a man, nor never had the experience of sharing a restroom with a group of dudes, I know the women’s public restroom is a sharp contrast. The difference makes the infamous question: “Why do women take so long,” understandable. After all, the social protocol from picking a stall to the way we compare our dicks is different. There is one thing to get straight. The rumor that all women’s restrooms smell like sugar drops is a lie. Women are humans, therefore capable of creating dumpster fires out of thin air. When in a dingy bar expect your mules to be sticky. There can never be enough bleach at a venue. However, the rumor that women don’t fart is true. Sometimes, women’s restrooms can be a treat. Once you’ve been spoiled with a powder room couch, it’s never the same. Yelp reviews can fall into oblivion from a lackluster restroom. If you’re spending 15 dollars on a cocktail, the ambiance should carry into the restroom. We all have the
Yelp app and we’re not afraid to use it. Regardless of cleanliness, the real highlight of the girls’ room is the free therapy sessions and instant connection between women. The addition of alcohol and love of anticipated late-night tacos may help in the friends for life process. It’s hard to match the bonding feeling of being offered tampons by a stranger. The bulge of a makeshift toilet paper pad is a discomfort hard to describe, making even a cardboard applicator a blessing. The girl’s room is a judgement free zone, and the instant ego boost of “your breasts look great in that dress” can make up for that catfish at table nine. It’s where complaints fly free and mirror selfies are encouraged. The art of the bathroom mirror selfie could qualify as your arts array. I could cite a statistic on glass ceiling breaking popularity of bathroom selfies, but it would be easier for you to open up Instagram. A bathroom selfie kills two birds with one stone: It says I have friends and I have a good time. Finding the mirror with the least amount of scum, carefully positioning the camera to include your ass but not the paper towel dispenser. Pro tip: don’t post the photo where Jessica looks cross eyed. It’s a unique experience to be besties behind the swinging door, and then go outside to our respected squads. It’s heartwarming to be able to nonverbally communicate the shared disgust of the creep hanging out at the end of the bar, and we always know we have each other’s backs. So, in the spirit of community, I’ll end with a hot tip: don’t eat the bathroom mints.
s ' l r i g e h T a s i room t n e m e g d ju . e n o z free e r e h w s ' t I s t n i a l p m o c e e r f fly r o r r i m d n a e r a s self ie . d e g a r u o enc
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Issue Credits Out of Order Story: Alexandra Martin Photography: Darby Jones Spread Design: Alexandra Martin Assistant: Tina Pham The Pill Story: Allison I. Moorman Photography: Darby Jones, Allison I. Moorman Spread Design: Allison I. Moorman Assistant: Katelyn Bartels Love, etc. Story: Mary Kate Hafner Photography: Alexandra Martin, Mary Kate Hafner Styling Assistant: Jessica King Spread Design: Alexandra Martin Models: Olivia Thoelke, Nate Wright, Petey Botts, Nick Wyer
Photography:Tiffany Schmidt + Allison I. Moorman Spread Design: Allison I. Moorman Don’t Touch My Hair Story: Brittany Spiva Photography: Brittany Spiva, Rachel Cummings Spread Design: Brittany Spiva Assistant: Madelyne Allen Models: Dejah Ray, Bri Mays, Darian Julun, Jessica Gayo, Joyce Gayo, Alexis Lee, Jonne Pratt, Shakiya Lyons, Arianna Varner, Corrine Bobrow-Williams Reigning Women Interviews: Madelyne Allen + Allison I. Moorman Photography: Darby Jones Spread Design: Madelyne Allen, Allison I. Moorman Assistant: Tiffany Schmidt
It’s About Tea Time Story: Katelyn Bartels Photography: Darby Jones Photography Assistants: Tina Pham, Allex Looper Assistants: Jacqueline Heath, Alexandra Martin, Lauren Carlson Spread Design: Katelyn Bartels
The Girl’s Room Story: Mary Kate Hafner Photography: Alexandra Martin, Mary Kate Hafner, Allison I. Moorman Styling: Mary Kate Hafner, Alexandra Martin, Madelyne Allen Spread Design: Alexandra Martin Models: Jasmine Salahuddin, Payal Khengar, Chloe Dubisch
All Hoaxed Up Story: Allison I. Moorman
Raise Your Hand If... Story + Spread Design: Allison I. Moorman
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raise your hand if... by Allison I. Moorman
You’ve bought something or gone somewhere just to Instagram it You understand that there are certain songs you simply can’t talk over When a friend pays for your food, you think about naming your first born after them You’ve ever had an exceptionally good parking spot, and contemplate if you really had to leave You feel yourself becoming a stronger person with each risky text you send You know that that truest way to get to know Columbia is to eat your way through it You bought crystals just for the aesthetic, but now find yourself calling on them during finals You sometimes feel as worn down as The Stars Café espresso machine You communicate with memes You initially start, then stop judging people who are hungover, because you, too, have been in that pain and want to show solidarity You are very much over the ~good vibes~, “it’s lit” and “take an L” phase of social media You feel like a local celebrity when on someone else’s Snapchat story You brag about Stephens’ rankings and trivia to make up for the fact that no one has heard of it You think the Target home section offerings are the epitome of stylish living
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