IS THERE A LACK OF RESPECT IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY? FIND OUT INSIDE!
PHASES, POEMA, POST MODERN & MORE INSIDE!
LOREN INDIE POP’S NEWEST YOUNG STAR
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Welcome! I apologize for the big gaps of time between issues. Being a full time student, working a part time job, doing housework, writing a magazine, and finding time to have a social life in between doesn’t always prove to be the easiest of tasks. However, I’m glad to present to you issue number five of Stereo Noise Magazine! This issue has had it’s ups and downs while putting it together. Had lots of plans, that like most plans, had to be adjusted and changed throughout the process of putting the issue together. Being as I am the sole editor, writer, worker on this magazine, I would like to get readers more involved! I would like to feature album reviews, and photography, and maybe guest articles from other writers or readers. So if you like to write or shoot photos and you love music, please feel free to send some of your work in and I would be more than happy to get some of your work published!
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All in all, I love putting these magazines together, and I hope you love reading them just as much as I love making them! Enjoy!
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Cheers! Brianna Cutter Editor-In-Chief
Special Thanks! !
I would like to thank all of the musicians, photographers, their management, and anyone else involved in helping make this magazine happen! Keep up the great work! Without your work, there would be no magazine! Make sure you all go and check out the musician’s music, photographer’s pictures, and anyone else’s work! They deserve so much recognition!
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THIRD TIMES A CHARM
Photo Credit: Pat Williams Written By: Brianna Cutter BURLINGTON, NJ – Four-piece pop punk/ alternative band Third Times A Charm hails from Burlington County, New Jersey where they wreak havoc throughout all kinds of South Jersey venues. The band consists of Andrew Kershes, Nick Dequattro, Henry Ford, and Vince Verrico. Although Kershes and Verrico are the only two original members of the band, they found that bringing Dequattro and Ford on board was the best thing that they could have done to benefit the band. “Andrew and Vince are the only original members from the beginning due to complications with the other members. Originally Vince started out on guitar and vocals but dropped to drums down the line. Prior to Third Times A Charm, Andrew and Vince were in another band with Henry, thus having previous chemistry. We asked Henry to come back and join us to play bass. Last but not least we have Nick, who was in Vince’s college class. During this time we were looking for another guitarist so Vince decided to ask Nick,” and that is the story of Third Times A Charm the band tells us. The pop punk/alternative sound that the band incorporates into their music comes from some great musical influences the band has. When asked whom they found to be their greatest influences, they respond with, “Each of the band’s members have their own along with one main influence. Andrew has La Dispute, Henry with the Foo Fighters, Nick with Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Vince with Rush. With some influences for everyone being Blink-182, The Story So Far, and Neck Deep.” With such big name influences, it’s easy for band’s to fall into the slump of sounding just like everyone else in their genre. So what makes their sound unique from the other pop punk bands in the industry? Diversity! “We believe that we try and write our own style of music with incredibly diverse backgrounds.” It’s been a couple of years since the band has come together, and since their start, the guys have each grown tremendously to improve their music. They learn from their mistakes, and they improve off of them. “Mentally, as individuals, we are 12 years old. However, musically, we’ve learned so much from other bands, people that we’ve met, and people we’ve played with,” the band says. The guys often find themselves looking over past work, critiquing themselves, and learning what they could possibly do better. The guys share, “We try and look back at
older videos and learn what we did and if we could try and do something better next time. We’re always trying to improve as musicians and as entertainers. I guess you can say we’re a whole different group of people when we’re working on music than just being around us.” Having learned from past mistakes, and improving on bits and pieces that could be improved on, the members of the band have all agreed that It is time to put out some new music. The guys recently hinted to a new album through a social media post. When asked about it, they shared with us the great news, “As far as recording goes, we just finished. We’re just waiting for the masters to come back for the ten songs. As of right now, we’re trying to figure out what song will have a music video to go along with it, and when the release show would be, along with the bands we would want to play with us.” How exciting! So what can fans expect from this upcoming release? “With the new music, we’re hoping to have a mixture of genres in which we think is exciting with alternative and pop-punk influences,” we’re told by the band. In the meantime, the guys have been playing tons of shows throughout the South Jersey area and are very happy with how well everything has been going they tell us, “It was fun meeting new people, throwing our own shows, and befriending bands, it was totally worth it.” With all that the band has going on, this next year is sure to bring them some great success. So where do the guys want to see themselves in a year? “Hopefully, by this time next year we’ll be on warped tour and have another new album in progress,” they say. Sounds like some pretty solid plans to us! For now, the band encourages you to stay up to date with what they have going on through their twitter, instagram and facebook pages to see all the cool things they plan on giving away! The guys sign off with, “Thank you for the support from everyone, and staying with us all that time. Expect big things really soon.”
More On Third Time’s A Charm:
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/3tacNJ Twitter: https://twitter.com/3TAC_NJ BandCamp: http://3rdtimesacharm.bandcamp.com
POEMA
Photo Credit: Austin Lord Photography https://www.facebook.com/ AustinLordPhotography Written by: Brianna Cutter ALBUQUERQUE, NM – As children, chances are you had your fair number of fights and arguments with your siblings. As you grew older, the number of fights were sure to diminish and you more than likely found yourself forming a close relationship with your siblings, after all, you’re family. Sisters Elle & Shealeen Puckett; however, found themselves growing closer than most. So close that they put together their own musical duo group, called Poema, which the girls tell us is a Greek word meaning workmanship. “We’re sisters born into a musical family, so playing music was just going to happen,” is how Elle describes it. Having been playing music together since they were 10 and 12 years old, Shealeen would describe them as “thick as thieves.” A relationship I’m sure we all would love to have with our siblings.
changing our band name… yeah) and he was supportive through it all and really helped us hone in on our sound.” Elle explains. To go along with the release of the new EP, the girls shot a music video for their song “Forget You in LA” which they tell us was an incredible experience. “We made the ‘Forget You in LA’ video with a good friend of ours from New Mexico, Chad Barela. He relocated to Nashville as well, but we go way back. We used to tour with him, and so making this video was so fun because we just all felt so free to go for kind of weird, awkward ideas. Chad is also very creative, and a lot of my favorite shots were his idea.” Elle explains.
“We have just changed as people in so many ways. Our taste has changed, our style has changed, our personalities have changed, and we’ve gone from adolescence to adulthood.”
Since the sisters have come together to make music they have released a number of songs, each with awesome sisterly chemistry. Just recently, the girls released their new EP, Pretty Speeches, which features five great new songs. Being the first EP release in a little while for the girls, it’s natural to be a bit nervous. However, when asked about their fans’ reactions towards the EP, they had nothing but good things to say. “It’s been great. We have incredible fans, they’ve stuck with us through a lot of phases and growth and have always been into the music we put out.” Elle tells us. Shealeen claims to have also been more than happy with the results, “I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the great response fans have had, I was concerned about how new the sound is from our old stuff.” Seeing as the sound of their new music is a bit different than that of their previous releases, the girls’ time in the studio was sure to have been a bit different this time around, but nothing less than positive, of course. “We worked with Nolan Rossi, he produced/engineered the record. He’s fantastic. Really talented and creative, patient too. We were still trying to figure out a lot of what we wanted for this record, like big decisions (including almost
So, just as Elle tells us, it is quite clear that the girls have undergone some changes and growth since they first started making music, as do most artists. Thankfully, even throughout all of the ups and downs the sisters have managed to consistently put out some awesome work. When asked about the difference between them from when they started making music until now Shealeen responds with, “Physically, I don’t know, taller? Haha. Mentally, it’s a growing process, just trying to be my best.” Which is all that you could ever ask. Elle believes there has been a lot of changes as well, “Wow… So much difference. We have just changed as people in so many ways. Our taste has changed, our style has changed, our personalities have changed, and we’ve gone from adolescence to adulthood. So I think we have discovered (and are still discovering) who we want to be as artists.”
Sure, they may be “thicker than thieves,” but there’s no doubt that they’re still sisters, and sisters will always have their differences. Do the girls let these differences get in the way? Or does being sisters help for the chemistry to be stronger than ever? “It has its benefits and challenges. We can be completely candid with each other, which helps the writing process. However, we are very different, so sometimes it can be hard to let the other person be themselves without wanting to change them.” Elle tells us. Shealeen agrees, “I may need to have a candid conversation with someone about what things she thinks I need to change! – But yes, I agree with what she said.” All in all, the girls always find a way to set their differences aside, and get down to business. And they claim that they don’t plan on stopping soon. When asked where they would like to see themselves a year from now they each had similar responses, “I’d love to have more new music under our belts, and touring. We’ve taken a long break
from touring but I’d love to get back out on the road,” Elle claims. “I miss touring quite a bit. I hope that this time next year we’ll be gearing up to release more music.” Shealeen agrees. The girls have great confidence in being able to follow through with this, and we hope to see them make it.
More On Poema:
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/poema Twitter: https://twitter.com/Poema Website: http://www.poemamusic.com
Album Reviews
Reviews by: Brianna Cutter
Halsey - “Badlands” 20 - year old Ashley Nicole Frangipane, who goes by her stage name Halsey, has recently released her debut album “Badlands” this summer. The album features 11 original songs. I have to admit, the sound behind this album reminded me a lot of Lorde’s music.
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My favorite song off the album has to be the latest single, “New Americana.” It has a very catchy beat, with some rebellious, bad-ass lyrics. In my opinion, the success of this single is well-deserved. Another song I found interest in is one off of her previously released EP “Room 93” and that song is “Ghost.” “Ghost” has a techno-sounding vibe to it, the music video for it is pretty rad as well.
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If you’re a fan of Lorde or Lana Del Rey, I definitely recommend checking out “Badlands.” Halsey’s sound is right up that alley.
Neck Deep - “Life’s Not Out To Get You” UK pop-punk band Neck Deep blew listeners away with their new label’s sophomore album “Life’s Not Out To Get You” which they just recently released. The album features 12 kick-ass songs to get you on your feet and moving.
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Personally, this album has been my favorite release from Neck Deep. Each of the songs off the album are very upbeat, with memorable sounds to each of them, definitely enough to get you jamming in your seat as you listen. The album does nothing but give off good vibes. As far as a favorite song off the album goes, I would have to go with “Can’t Kick Up The Roots.” This song literally had me dancing as I began writing this. It’s a very catchy song, you’ll find yourself singing along after the first verse.
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All in all, I definitely recommend giving this album a listen to.
Twenty One Pilots - “Blurryface” So this album came out in the spring, but I couldn’t find it in me to just skip over it and not talk about it, because this album is absolutely phenomenal. If you’ve never heard Twenty One Pilots, stop what you are doing now and go listen to them. In March, the duo released their highly anticipated album “Blurryface.” If you have heard their 2012 album “Vessel” I’m sure you had high expectations for this album, and I’m sure if I was able to ask you, you would say that all your expectations and more were met.
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I honestly couldn’t suggest one particular song to listen to because they are all fantastic. However, if you’re more of a lighthearted, melodic type of music listener, I would start with “Tear In My Heart.” If you’re a more mellow, deep music listener I would begin with “Stressed Out,” but please don’t stop there! Give all the songs a listen, definitely recommended!
Nervo - “Collateral” Australian DJs and songwriters Nervo recently released their debut album this summer, and they have made one hell of an impression on me, and thousands upon thousands of other listeners. So let me begin this by letting you all know that I am not a big EDM listener. I mean, sure, I love to dance and all, but sitting on the couch listening to EDM is not exactly my forte. However, even just sitting in my chair here, I found myself bobbing my head along to this album.
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The album, consisting of 15 jams, has a very unique, but fun sound to it. This album definitely has the potential to be played in dance clubs everywhere. When it comes to EDM I find that a lot of songs sound the same. However, each of the songs on this album has it’s own sound, you will find that no two songs sound alike. I thought that alone was great!
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Even if you’re not exactly into EDM, I would recommend giving this album a try. If you’re anything like me, you’ll find yourself bobbing your head along to the music.
PHASES
Photo Credit: Julia Brokaw Written By: Brianna Cutter LOS ANGELES, CA – If you’re looking for some new, upbeat, fun music to listen to, look no further! LA-based “Smart Pop” group PHASES has just the music for you! Group members; Alex, Jason, Michael and Z started off as a group of friends before they decided to put join forces and bring together their musical talents. “After being friends for over half a decade, we decided to start a band. That band was called JJAMZ, a group that lives on in our hearts and minds,” the band tells us. However, as do most starter bands, they all come to a sad end, but only to start something better and new, we are told, “After putting out an album, embarking on a few tours, we took a much needed break, took some time to regroup, get our shit together, before eventually reforming in our current state.” That is when the group of friends came together to form their current band, PHASES. What once started as a far off daydream, transformed into a big name pop group known around the world. So where did the name PHASES come from? “That was courtesy of our manager. When we met for the first time, she enthusiastically described to us how our album transported her to an under age dance club she frequented in the 80’s called PHASES. We all looked at each other, jaws on the table, and realized that we had our new band name,” they tell us. PHASES classifies themselves under the genre of “smart pop” which is a very fitting genre for their unique, but awesome sound. When asked what makes their sound so unique, the band responds with, “it’s one thing to have a butt thumpin’ track, but it’s equally important for us to imbue the lyrics with an intelligence and thoughtfulness that sometimes escapes pop music. While indebted to sounds of the past, we feel that music still has a modern sensibility that firmly blinds it to the here and now.” Their unique sound comes from some great musical influences; Michael Jackson, Blondie, Chic and Nu Shooz to name a few. Recently, the band announced that they will be releasing their debut album, For Life, on September 18th. The album will feature their hit single, “I’m In Love With My Life” along with a handful of other upbeat, snazzy tunes. The group of friends are full of excitement in regards to the upcoming release, so much so that they can’t believe it’s actually happening. “Every morning we wake up and slap each other, just to make sure we’re not living in a dream world. We’ve been through a lot together, so it’s crazy we’re at this point, approaching a release date,” they explain. With the anticipation of the release building, not only for the band, but for their listeners as well, it’s easy to wonder what can be expected from this upcoming release.
“Thoughtful fun. Rhythmic eruptions. An exhilarating emotional release,” is how the friends explain it in words. Not only is the band happy with the upcoming release, but they are extremely happy with the time that they spent together working on it. The group has gotten to work with some big names in putting together the work of art they are about to release, and they couldn’t be more satisfied with how it has went. “It has been fantastic. The opportunity to work with a world class producer like Mike Elizondo was a dream come true. He gave the songs so much life, so much energy. Can’t imagine what the record would be without him,” we are told by the group. You can catch PHASES on tour this fall, supporting their album, with big name headliners LIGHTS and The Mowgli’s. The tour will be on the move throughout the month of November, opening up in Austin, Texas and coming to a close in Boston, Massachusetts. PHASES is super excited to be playing shows with these artists, and tells us all about their excitement, “We can’t wait. We love making new friends and being inspired by our fellow musicians. Those are the true joys of touring. It’s going to be a blast!” When all is said and done, the band often sits and thinks about what to do next. So we asked them, where would they like to see themselves a year from now? They responded with, “Playing shows across the globe, writing songs for the next record. Keeping busy. Shaking hands and kissing babies.” Sounds like a pretty solid plan! PHASES is definitely the band to watch for if you’re into upbeat, happy music that makes you want to dance all over the place. “We’re going to work really hard to make fans of each and every one of you. Come to a show. We live to serve and entertain!” The group says as they sign off.
More On PHASES:
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ PHASES Twitter: https://twitter.com/PHASESmusic Website: http://www.phasesmusic.com
POST MODERN
Photo Credit: Taylor Fickes https://www.facebook.com/taylorfickesphotography Written By: Brianna Cutter COLUMBUS, OH – Ohio is the home of a number of successful bands and musicians; Hawthorne Heights, Beartooth, Relient K, Hit the Lights, and now four-piece rock band, Post Modern. This Columbus-based band did not form overnight. As a matter of fact, it took quite some time for the band to fully come together. The band consists of Emmet Yeager, Matty McClelland, Nick Scarberry, and Ryan Gates, whom of which all met at different times. “Nick and Matty became friends while running track together in high school and discovered their mutual love for playing music. They tried getting a band together for a long time, but just couldn’t find the members. Matty met Ryan outside of a coffee shop when Ryan stopped to tell him he liked his ‘Moving Mountains’ t-shirt, and Emmet and Matty’s previous bands had played together so they rekindled that friendship to form Post Modern,” the band tells us.
the band had a lot to say, “We chose to do a music video with a friend of ours, and more importantly an incredible videographer named Josh Emerick. He and his team are some of the most creative, most professional people we’ll ever work with, and we owe so much to them. The process of shooting it was extremely fun and smooth, their team and our band really meshed together and made it enjoyable and as easy as it could have been. We used a lot of baby powder during filming, and we’re pretty sure we all inhaled about a pound of it each. We love that video, so we guess it was well worth it.”
“It’s so difficult for a new band to be heard, and it’s so easy for people to not care, but the amount of kind words and support we’ve received in such a short time has been so humbling.”
Although the guys have only been together for a short amount of time, they wasted no time and got straight down to business. Because of their hard work and dedication to their music, they were able to release their debut single and a music video to accompany it already. The single is titled, “A Haunting,” and not only is the band proud of it, but listeners are raving over it as well. “The reception has been absolutely mind-blowing for us. It’s so difficult for a new band to be heard and it’s so easy for people to not care, but the amount of kind words and support we’ve received in such a short time has been so humbling,” the band says.
As mentioned earlier, the guys decided to put out a music video to accompany the single during it’s release. Now it’s no secret that shooting a music video isn’t the easiest of tasks, especially for a new band who is still learning to get up on their own feet. However, the guys of Post Modern were willing to get their hands dirty to get the work done. When asked about the experience of shooting the video,
The band didn’t stop at just a single and a music video, they went out and got themselves signed on to play a number of shows as well. The guys have found themselves playing shows with successful bands such as; You, Me & Everyone We Know, The Press War, Pace of Glaciers, Glassbodies, and more. While they are very excited about the shows they have played so far, they have no plans on slowing down soon. The guys plan to play as many shows as possible to spread the word of their music. “We have some really exciting show announcements for the rest of this year. We’re not absolutely sure we’re allowed to talk about them just yet, we have a couple things that haven’t been announced and a couple more things that still need to be confirmed, but we can absolutely assure you that we have exciting things coming,” they tell us.
If you’ve read this far into the article, it should be no surprise to you by now that Post Modern has seen much success in such a short amount of time, from the hype over their debut single and video, to the number of shows they have played, to being featured on Property of Zack, and so much more. Needless to say, the guys have no shame in expressing their gratitude about their success, “We’re very, very humbled by the attention we’ve received in the short time since launching this band. We’re lucky to be working with some incredible individuals who have guided us in the right direction. We couldn’t be more thankful, and surprised by the success Post Modern has seen.”
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Slowing down is not something that is seen in Post Modern’s future plans. The guys have tons of plans for the band, and they’re excited about them all. “We recently released our second song, “July” as well as announcing our debut EP’s release date. It’s going to be a 5 song EP called “The Current” and it’ll be available on August 25th! Besides that, we’re already working on new music, we want to have more music after this EP to release sooner than later,” we’re told. By this time next year, the guys tell us that they would like to see themselves constantly on the road, playing shows, and having a whole mess of new music to release. “We have no idea what is going to be thrown at us between then and now so who knows, we could be on tour with Metallica,” they say.
Post Modern is a hardworking, talented, group of guys with tons to offer and they want to share everything they have to give with their listeners. They care for their fans, and are not afraid to show it, “We are trying our hardest not to suck for you all. Come out to a show or hit us up on the internet dot com. We want to see how you are and talk about our feelings with you.”
More On Post Modern:
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ postmodernnoise Website: http://postmodernnoise.com/
LOREN
Photo Credit: Suzanne Theresa Written By: Brianna Cutter WALLOON LAKE, MI – Most everyone’s youthful years are spent in school, doing homework, or going out with friends. Life is only as exciting as you decide to make it as a young teenager. That’s why 15-year old Loren has decided to make her youthful years some to remember, and she is doing it through music. Having discovered music as early as the age of three, and having written her first song at the age of eight, Loren has found herself hooked to making music ever since. “I have always been creating music, whether it was singing a melody or writing a song on a piano. I remember the first time I ever saw a piano. My parents brought home an electronic Roland baby grand, I was three years old at the time. I was in my bed, restlessly thrashing at my covers. I heard the sound of a woman’s voice repeating the numbers 1… 2… 3… Curious, like any three year old, I got up out of my bed and ran down the hall into our living room. I’ll never forget the feeling I got when I first laid eyes on that piano, and it’s glossy black and white keys. It was as if I had met a new part of me. Everything felt like it clicked and I knew from then on that music was meant for me,” Loren tells us about her first musical experience. Loren finds most of her musical influences to come from strong, creative, female artists such as Sia, Lana Del Rey, and Florence and the Machine. Loren finds that she loves each of these artists for a different reason, which she shares, “I love Sia for her creative approach to writing. I am always impressed by her melodies and her story. I like Florence because she has such a powerful voice but at the same time is so laid back. She is a very captivating person to watch. Lana Del Rey has definitely made her own style and her voice is angelic. I love her lyrics and overall she is just a really cool artist.” It should come to no surprise that the music industry is a very competitive place to be, let alone being someone so young in the industry. So many people, with such great talent, but only few are able to truly make it through. For Loren however, she finds no fear in the challenges that the industry has to throw at her. “In the end we are all just artists, regardless of our age, and that unifies us. I think the fact that I’m younger helps me be more open to both guidance and collaborations with others. The music industry can make you feel very vulnerable, regardless of your age. So I think all artists struggle with the same sort of questions, who am I, what am
I creating, what is my sound?” Loren says. As Loren puts the industry’s challenges to the side, she has been busy preparing for the release of her debut EP titled, “The Dare.” Which is due out on October 6th. “I used to be terrified of other people hearing my music, but when my song ‘Runaways’ was put up on soundcloud, and it was finally out in the world I realized the experience wasn’t as bad as I anticipated. That’s when it started getting exciting too. Honestly, I’m still so nervous about people’s reaction before each song release, but that hasn’t stopped me yet, and I won’t let it,” Loren says. It’s easy to see great confidence shine through Loren’s nervousness. Going back to the debut EP itself, “The Dare” is a pretty bold name to use as a title, but Loren wanted to give it a name that was powerful and significant. So what’s the significance behind the name “The Dare”? Loren tells us, “Before I worked with Jay and Sophie, I had never showed my songs to anyone. I wrote for my own enjoyment, so the idea of recording an actual EP frightened me! However, I decided to dare myself to do it and make the EP anyways. I have always been drawn to what scares me. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing, but I can’t help but try and face my fears. One day it hit me, and I knew exactly what to call my EP… ‘The Dare’ was how it all started so naturally it was the perfect name to define these songs.”
“I’ll never forget the feeling I got when I first laid eyes on that piano, and it’s glossy black and white keys. It was as if I had met a new part of me. Everything felt like it clicked and I knew from then on that music was meant for me.”
Being on track to knowing exactly what she wants out of the EP, it was easy for Loren to get everything together in the studio. However, the studio is not exactly where she wants to be she tells us, “I would much rather be writing a song than recording vocals. Writing makes sense to me, recording vocals actually makes me feel a lot more vulnerable. I love singing but I dislike the feeling of getting everything right when you are in a recording setting. I still get nervous about singing in front of people. I’m still working on convincing myself to take that dare.” Now even though recording vocals isn’t exactly Loren’s forte, this did not take away from the awesome experience Loren has had. “The time spent writing in the studio was one of the most enjoyable times of the project. I could really let loose and be creative about the stories I wanted to tell. I worked with so many different songwriters and it was great to get feedback and observe them in the process,” she tells. She even shared her most memorable moment with us as well, “My favorite writing session was when I wrote ‘Lovebirds,’ because I really got emotional about it. I was emotional about the other songs, but this feeling in
‘Lovebirds’ was still so fresh and I was still figuring things out in my head. I’m really excited about releasing that one!” With all the fame and success that has come Loren’s way so far, it would make sense for her to continue her great work and advance her music career to reach great heights, and this is exactly what she plans to do. Loren has tons of plans and ideas in her head that she would love to bring to life and make happen, “We’ve been focusing on releasing this EP, so maybe next year I’d love to be playing live shows to support this EP, and perhaps starting to create my next EP as well. I’ve even already started writing songs for it,” she says. All in all, Loren and her career in the music industry is just proof that those who work hard and persevere will receive the acknowledgment and success that they deserve.
More On Loren:
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Facebook: https:// www.facebook.com/sheisloren Twitter: https://twitter.com/ sheisloren
“I really got emotional about it. I was emotional about the other songs, but this feeling in ‘Lovebirds’ was still so fresh and I was still figuring things out in my head.”