The Math Curse by Sydney C

It all started one day after my class had finished the Cogats Test. Our teacher started smiling, like really creepy, and said, “Don’t you just love the Cogats Test? Math is so great! You can think of just about anything as a math problem!” Then she did that creepy smile again and I looked away.

I thought about what Mrs. Ruane said. You can think of almost anything as a math problem. That’s when I started having problems.

I noticed that something was TERRIBLY wrong with me when I started talking to myself the next morning. I woke up and headed for the bathroom to brush my teeth.

Then I started counting…

“Brush, brush, brush! One, two three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! Now the right side! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! Now the front! One, two, three…”

Then I got on the bus. Oh no: How many kids are on the bus? How many boys?

How many girls? How many more boys than girls? Ok, you’re the bus driver. There’s nobody on the bus but you. First stop. Five people get on. Second stop. Two people get on, three people get off. Third stop. Seven people get on, four people get off.

How old is the bus driver? No, No, NO! Trick question! YOU are the bus driver!

But wait---you have to be eighteen to drive: How long until I’m eighteen?!!?

AAAAAHHH!!! STOP!!! THINKING!!!

ABOUT!!! MATH!!!

Mrs. Ruane has obviously given me a math curse.

Today we had social studies. We were learning about the Lewis and Clark expedition. The teacher whips out a map of their expedition and says, “Can anybody tell me, where did they start, and when?” I raised my hand. She called on me.

“May 14th, 1804,” I said, “And they started in Illinois.”

“Very good, Sydney,” Mrs. Ruane said. “Now, who knows where Lewis and Clark were trying to get to? Well they were trying to get to the………”

I couldn’t hear her after that. I started whispering to myself again.

“Wait—they were trying to get to the Pacific Ocean so the United States could own more land….but how much more land? How many miles? Acres? Feet? How long did it take them?

How many years? Days? Weeks? Months? Minutes?” Oh no, I thought. I’m still thinking about math!!!!

Then I decided it was time to get rid of the math curse.

But it wasn’t over yet. Lunch was even worse. My mom sent me pizza from last night. Oh, great!

Pizza: It’s a CIRCLE!!! It can be divided into fractions. Fractions means math. And it was pepperoni.

Wait…How many pieces of pepperoni were on each slice? I glared at that EVIL, EVIL piece of pizza. And then I started screaming at the top of my lungs.

“OK! YOU HAVE TO FEED FIVE PEOPLE EQUALLY! EACH PERSON MUST GET AT LEAST ONE SLICE OF PIZZA! HOW MANY PIECES DOES EVERYBODY GET? CUT IT INTO FIVE SLICES! EVERYBODY GETS ONE! WOOP-DEE-DOO, EVERYBODY’S HAPPY BECAUSE THEY GOT A SLICE OF PIZZA AND THEY GOT TO EAT IT WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT MATH!!!”

Later we had gym. We were doing the Fitness Gram Tests. The first test was the push-up test.

“One…..two…..three…..four…..five…..” Mr. Leake said.

Then I started thinking, I got twenty-eight last year. If I get five more, then how many would I get?

And then I started thinking, If I got five less, then how many would I have?

But what if I got 2x2 less? What is two times two? Four. Twenty-eight minus four is…..

“Twenty-one!” Mr. Leake called. I pushed and pushed and pushed until I couldn’t do any more.

I got a twenty-five. Three less than last year…………

But what is twenty-five plus twenty-eight?

When I get home, I have ice cream as a snack. I sit down on the couch and start eating my ice cream while watching SpongeBob. I thought, how many ounces of ice cream are in this bowl?

And how many would there be if I ate 1/4 of it?

And then I noticed that there were sprinkles in the ice cream.

How many sprinkles are there? How many pink ones? How many blue ones?

How many would there be if all the yellow ones were gone?

How many would there be, if SpongeBob came out from inside the T.V. and ate sixteen sprinkles? What if he ate 20 sprinkles?

What if he ate one sprinkle? BUT THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! UNLESS I STOP THINKING ABOUT STUPID MATH!!!

At 8:45 that night, I went to bed. I started to fall asleep. I started dream that I was locked in a room with only a saw and a table. Oh no, I thought, more math. If I cut the table in half then I would be doing fractions and that was math and—wait! If I cut the table in half I get two halves…two halves make a HOLE…..jump through the hole and get out! YES!!!! I was free from the math curse!!!

It was all good until tomorrow in library, Mr. Mac said, “You know, you can think of everything as the plot in a mystery book�.