St Louis Sinner Jan 2012

A Glimpse Into The 2012 Seattle Art Scene

January - 2012

people, regardless of color, creed, or race, don’t like their arm SERIO US RESOLUTIONS... Most twisted to the point of submission – I’d say it’s some kind of animal

survival. Yet, we not only cow to such pressure from our peers and media on the 1st of the year, we celebrate their demands with one big celebration; quit the smokin’, quit drinkin’ and druggin’, lose weight, love yourself, vote for the first time, find GOD for the last time. Resolutions... I could tell you what I really think of them, but I made a resolution on the 1st to use less profane adjectives in describing my feelings this year. It’s a real M@#%R F@#%*R! But even I, in protest, bend over on the first of January and ask for a few more, Sir! Resolutions, that is. I guess we all should, like some anal flu vaccine, or annual one. And every publisher should have a few resolutions to not only share, but commit to. Then again, they should have a few to keep secret as well... or deny. To avoid my own hypocrisy, here are this sinful publisher’s for 2012: 5. UTILIZE THE SINNER’S STAFF... Yeah, resolutions are pretty cheesy, even in Indy Publishing. And this one certainly is cheese with a capital, “C”. However, underneath the Cheese I have poured over this publication for a decade sits a talented staff that I never utilize, too often leaving them each lost in the dark about every detail, including deadlines. In Indy Publishing, that’s a lethal cocktail, and it should be. Luckily I have a gut lined with steel.

But even steel wears thin after years of neglect. So look for a sharper and more sinful Sinner in 2012.

4. INCREASE THE SINNER’S STAFF... Few Indy Publishers produce a budget that covers the expense of a staff at all, much less increasing one. However, in Indy Photo by: Pat Coddington • Model: Heather Hostility Publishing, you find the 99% of dreamers who make what is left of the American Dream, and it’s those folks who are always willing to step up and shout out. I know you’re out there and I look forward to working with you in 2012!

3. MORE LOCAL A&E COVERAGE... An Indy Publisher’s first commitment should always be to his local A&E scene, the hard-workin’ folks in and behind the scene that make up the demographic of most Indy publications. It should be our creed. And while I’m proud of the coverage The Sinner provides every month, I know we can do more. And we will in 2012.

2. LESS LAST MINUTE PRODUCTIONS... Every reader should deserves a sincere effort from any publisher to produce a quality publication. And the best way to produce a quality publication is for the publisher to approach each project, month after month in my case, in a serious and professional manner – or sober, in my case. This resolution has haunted me for a decade now, like an elusive Black Mamba roaming through my house and biting me in the ass at every turn. Maybe that’s why I need the extra whiskey... but no more in 2012, starting now... I mean in February!

Damned resolutions!

1. NO MORE RESOLUTIONS... I swear to quit printing bullshit resolutions and speak my mind in 2013 – if the 99% of us even survive 2012: “Fuck Resolutions! Live brave, hard, wide open... be lazy, get fat, get drunk and stone... be your free-thinking, mother-fucking self! And never be afraid to do so or exercise your 1st Amendment rights!

With my resolutions out of the way I might as well throw a few ridiculous predictions in here, or perhaps halfdrunken in my case. I have to put something here this morning, just hours away from print. It can’t be any worse than my other mid-morning,half-drunken gibberish that I usually fill in this spot...

AND RIDICULOUS PREDICTIONS...

5. THE END OF THE WORLD... Does not happen, although it feels like it for the 99% of us suffering this poor economy, which does not let up – unless you count all the service sector jobs created as “great employment opportunities”. If so, then life’s peachy in 2012!

4. ROBERT DOWNEY JR... Comes out of the closet, admitting to the world that his recent successful comeback is due to the fact that he’s been a Scientologist for the past decade. This story makes him one of the ten most interesting people in 2012 by Barbara Walters! What does that say, though? Look at her 2011 list...

3. NEW AFFAIR TROUBLES FOR HERMAN CAIN... Preparing for a 2016 run, Cain’s new political advisor gets him a guest spot on Kourtney and Kim Take New York, where kim and Cain fall madly in love. The fevered relationship is short-lived however after Justin Bieber releases candid photos of him and Cain to the national media. Cain’s response to the allegations: “999!”

2. PALIN INVADES THE US... After hearing that President Obama has won the 2012 election by a landslide against Rick Perry (yes, he makes a comeback with the help of Karl Rove), Sara Palin mounts her horse, armed to her teeth, and calls on her Tea Party loyalists to charge DC and retake the White House from Obama’s socialist grip. Luckily for Obama and the rest of the civilized US, she leads her army north.

1. OBAMA REVEALS TRUE BIRTH PLACE... In preparation of the Palin invasion heading towards DC, President Obama will reveal his true birth origin by ordering his home planet, Gliese 581g, which circles a red dwarf star 20 light-years from earth, to capture Palin and her army of lone Tea nuts before they can take over the nation. Unfortunately for Obama, this brave move leads to his resignation from office, placing Crazy Joe Biden’s finger on the Big Red Button. Obama then returns amongst the ranks of his true people, the Raliens...

WRITERS, RANTERS, OPINIONISTS & OTHER ALL-OUT FREAKS: Mark Taylor-Canfield Paul Blow Lucifer Saab Lofton Malice Henry Nicolle

Stu Kimberly Peters Emily Eufinger The Surley Gourmand Guitar Doug Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid

Kendra Holliday Tina D Zak Weedman

Publisher: Chuck Foster Layout: Terri Daniels Editing: Jon Thrower Cover Art: Myndzeye Photography

The Sinner is a group of contributing writers. Their opinions, rants and ideas do not necessarily reflect the views of The Sinner itself.

The Sinner encourages contributions from its readers but retains the right to edit material due to content or length of submission.

FOR ADVERTISING OR SUBMISSION INFORMATION, CONTACT US AT CHUCK@THESEATTLESINNER.COM. SUBMISSION DEADLINE IS THE 25TH OF EVERY MONTH.

When Johnny Comes Marching Home

Essay by Henry Nicolle

"We have met the enemy, and he is US!" (Albert the Alligator in the Pogo comic strip) With so many spinning contexts and creative re-definitions emitting from the organs of government, business and social engineering, I hardly dare a word for fear of exposing my ignorance of the politically correct or expedient meaning of common language.

The American military authorized by our federal constitution consists of the Navy, for common defense on the sea and an army, as a temporary holding force created as necessary to repel invasions.

These are deterrent and first response tools. The true armies of the United States consist of two elements, the "organized" and "unorganized" militias of the States.

The Navy and Army are distinct, lawful entities created solely for military purposes on behalf of all the States of the Union, not commanded by any one or group of States.

Any federal military maintained during peacetime can be best defined properly as a mercenary force at the command of the Executive. As a mercenary force, it is rightly to be feared by a Free People and therefore, the existence of the American Army is limited by restrictions of funding to only two years.

The general concept underlying our military forces was that we should have both an instant central defense to counter aggressive conduct against our Citizens and Property at our borders and abroad and an intrinsic, embedded, strategic capacity for those rare failures of statecraft which breed war. The Navy and a small army suffice for the purposes of deterrence and response to armed aggression. The militias provide the core strengths to wage war.

The organized militias are the militias which serve in active duty, whether full or part-time. Militias may be formed and trained to perform any military necessity. Organized militias are intended to be armed, equipped, supplied, trained and exercised as the primary fighting forces of the United States.

Militia members of all States should be identically skilled, properly armed and equipped as the Army of the United States. It is a ready force of millions, fit, armed and trained.

The unorganized militias consist of all Americans who will raise a hand to defend our country and society. They are armed, equipped and trained as they each may see fit.

It is this real potential which caused a Japanese Admiral to warn that "If Japan invades America, they will face a rifle behind every blade of grass." He was not speaking of America's army.

In the event of war, invasion or rebellion, a Congress of the People's Representatives would call up the necessary forces from the Organized Militias of the various States. The authority to invoke the great powers of war are withheld from the President and the central government generally.

This also was the Founders' strategy for defending Liberty and self-determination in our country.

When the government becomes the enemy of the People or when the People tire of their government, the question of who will rule is always settled by violent processes. It was necessary and prudent in the eyes of the founders to leave America's fundamental military might in the individual hands of our Citizens.

This power is expressed by the existence of the first and second amendments to the Constitution.

The first amendment preserving the unlimited right to assemble, discuss, decide and determine the fate of the government. The second amendment to preserve the ready physical power to enforce the decisions agreed pursuant to the first amendment.

If the federal government offends the People and our Constitution, the President's mercenary forces are opposed by the militias of the several States. If the governors of the States collude with the federal government to offend the Rights, Property and Liberty of the People, the Unorganized Militias must outnumber and out-gun the organized militias and the U.S. Army.

Our federal government has usurped our authority to decide to go to war or to maintain peace by emasculating our militias and building our mercenary forces. Our State governments have colluded with the federal government to extend federal control in the States where federal powers are not allowed. Our labor squandered to create an American empire through global economic hegemony and military aggression. Our voices for self-governing have been stilled.

Our lives feed federal ambitions of power. Our laws no longer limit the conduct of government. We can be imprisoned on a whim or killed at the command of the President. Our citizenship and our access to our courts have been denied, our protests broken and our votes limited to government-approved candidates.

Our armies are now deployed upon our own soil, our re-education camps built and today, tens of thousands of camp attendants are being recruited for duty.

Where is our shame, our outrage, our resistance?

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The Bilderberg Group written by Chuck Foster

Protected Information

“Among other subjects the conference will discuss Terrorism, Trade, Post Crisis Reconstruction, Middle East, Civil Liberties, U.S. Foreign Policy, Extreme Right, World Economy, Corporate Governance... It was felt that regular off-the-record discussions would help create a better understanding of the complex forces and major trends affecting Western nations in the post war period...

In short, Bilderberg is a small flexible, informal and off-therecord international forum in which different viewpoints can be expressed and mutual understanding enhanced...

Participants have agreed not to give interviews to the press during the meeting. In contracts with the media after the conference it is an established rule that no attribution should be made to individual participants of what was discussed at the meeting.” – Bilderberg Press Release 2002 Throughout history, dictators have used propaganda to influence the thoughts of their people, manipulating and controlling information to achieve a certain agenda. It has always been understood that the power of information or what is perceived to be truth by the people is a devastating tool in working the masses to the benefit of the few. For if the truth is ever leaked, it has the potential to ignite rebellion amongst the masses. History has shown numerous occasions where this rare unity of the disparate embodies enough force to crush dictators and restore power to the people. Today, however, some countries like the US have armies of such magnitude that a revolution would be instantly crushed by martial law, and we all know it.

What is truth and how can we be certain of it? Opinions are propaganda, even mine and yours. How can one escape the evil grasp of lies and deceit? The only solution we have is to look elsewhere for a second and third confirmation of what we believe to be true or untrue.

If we decide not to search for truth, we trade hope for fear. A fear that is only comforted by duct tape, plastic, and the false security this God-Almighty government provides by demanding to know more and more of what we do, telling us less and less of what they do.

We must investigate and look elsewhere to find the real truth. A truth that, if searched without bias, could uncover a world government and their agenda which has been secretly operating among us for decades. With time and patience it has quietly acquired more nations, more armies, and more surveillance of the people, leaving us all to be nothing more than mad cows on the way to the slaughter house.

This secret government, at home and abroad, continues to grow. Its eyes multiply with every passing day, allowing it to eventually see and know all that we do. Who watches the watchers? Who are they? They are the Bilderberg Group.

The Bilderberg Group was established in 1954. This secret society was named after the infamous Bilderberg hotel in Holland where an elite group of world leaders first met to discuss a worldwide agenda. The origin of this society goes back to Adam Weishaupt, founder of the Illuminati, another secret fraternity. It was Weishaupt’s ideas that later influenced English philosopher John Ruskin and diamond millionaire Cecil Rhodes to form another secret society, the Round Table Group, in 1881. Their goal was to motivate the upper classes into using their education, breeding, and wealth to civilize the world.

The Round Table Group continued to prosper and grow throughout the early 1900s, eventually merging with another secret British group, Milner’s Kindergarten, in 1910. After the first World War, the powerful Round Table Group emerged from secrecy and became the US Council of Foreign Relations and the UK Royal Institute for International Affairs.

This development brought sharp criticism from Christian ultra-conservative groups in the US as being a New World Order.

During these controversial times, the Round Table Group’s philosophies inspired Dr. Joseph Retinger, a Polish

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patriot who was close friends with several political figures in Europe, including Lord Balfour of England. While in London, Retinger believed it necessary to build a strong union between the US and Europe to defend themselves from the East, inspiring him to recruit numerous politicians, businessmen, and ex-military leaders to shape the new world.

Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands was asked to be chairman of this newly founded group in May of 1954. It was at this meeting that Bilderberg was formed. From the very first meeting participants were sworn to secrecy, the media was not notified or invited except for a prestigious few, and the grounds were surrounded by security personnel.

They practice similar methods to this day. Prince Bernhard chaired this group for 22 years until he was involved in a bribery scandal with Lockheed. Several participants have taken the chair since then.

I use the term “participants” because technically, there are not any members of the Bilderberg Group. Every year the active chairperson with Bilderberg’s international steering committee compiles a guest list of about 120 world figures to attend. While these meetings discuss world affair topics that cover war, politics and global economy, none of these “participants” are obligated nor bound by law to reveal what was discussed, as all present are in a personal capacity, not official.

The Bilderberg Group meets once a year in a different location for a period of three days. The location is cleared of all guests and the staff is thoroughly investigated. This is standard procedure when world leaders of this magnitude occupy any location for this duration. This is especially true when the guest list has included Tony Blair, Bill Clinton, George Bush Sr., Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Colin Powell, and Donald Rumsfeld. As a matter of fact, all US presidents since Eisenhower, or their top aides, have attended Bilderberg meetings, not to mention every British Prime Minister too. This elite guest list has also included every major banker from the US and Europe, and even European Royalty such as Prince Charles.

The Bilderberg Group meetings have been kept secret for years in the US, having included several representatives from the giant media corporations since their beginning.

Today, some of these media outlets include The Washington Post, The New York Times, NBC, and Time Magazine.

It shouldn’t take a genius to realize the importance of including or influencing the world media when topics of NATO becoming a world police force after Kosovo and the unification of the Euro and the dollar to make a world currency are on the table. Then again, maybe it does.

As it was predicted long ago, our world is on the inevitable path to becoming united, a world order, if you like.

To think that our world leaders are not going to meet and discuss the fate of this world is a bit ridiculous. Look at the last G8 summit for example. However, we must not allow our leaders to continue to do so under total secrecy from the very people they represent.

As a nation, we must start to ask questions. When we are denied the answers we seek, we must continue to ask until they answer. The truth is out there, and it can be found even when it’s marked out in the name of national security.

We have to look beyond what we are told and shown to connect all the dots. Only then will they know that we suspect what they are up to. And only then is there hope for the world.

In all fairness, it’s beginning to look like our elected officials should be the ones denied their right to privacy, as in private they appear to be unworthy of our trust.

Perhaps the American public needs to pass a law for public surveillance of the White House, Camp David, and the president himself 24 hours a day in 2012...

Now that would be reality TV at its finest. Hell, it might even be entertaining.

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How Things Got To This Point written by Saab Lofton “I was in Guatemala when the C.I.A. was preparing its attack on the Arbenz government [in 1954]. Arbenz was a democratically elected president and mildly socialist. His state had no revenues; its biggest income maker was United Fruit Company. So Arbenz put the tiniest of taxes on bananas and Henry Cabot Lodge got up in the Senate and said the [Stalinists] have taken over Guatemala ... We installed a military dictator and there’s been nothing but bloodshed ever since. Now, if I were a Guatemalan and I had the means to drop something on somebody in Washington, or anywhere Americans were, I would be tempted to do it. Especially if I had lost my entire family and seen my country blown to bits because United Fruit didn’t want to pay taxes.”

– Gore Vidal, from his book, Dreaming War: Blood For Oil and the Cheney-Bush Junta

Ballard 2 Bit Saloon 4818 17th Ave NW Ballard Brothers Burger 5305 15th Ave NW Seattle, WA 98107 Queen Anne Piece of Mind 623 Queen Anne Ave N Mecca Cafe 526 Queen Anne Ave N Downtown Five Points Cafe 415 Cedar St Hurricane Cafe 2230 7th Ave Fantasy Unlimited 2027 Westlake Ave

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Much as I abhor thirty-second sound bytes, this actually does the trick. How things got to this point? Two words: Corporate GREED. As the great Gore Vidal explained, the United Fruit Company refused to pay the legitimately, democratically elected government of Guatemala “the tiniest of taxes” so Guatemalans could, for instance, afford to provide free universal health care.

White supremacy played a role as well, since I seriously doubt the elite would’ve wanted masses of brown skinned people breeding their asses out, which would be all the easier if those darker than a shopping bag had access to essential social services as Scandinavia does...

“In countries like Finland, Norway, Denmark, poverty has almost been eliminated. All people have health care as a right of citizenship. College education is available to all people, regardless of income, virtually free.”

– U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders, from his interview with Democracy Now, November 8th, 2006 ...and since the C.I.A. has yet to attack Scandinavia, that must mean socialism is OK for whites, but not for NON-whites.

The Central Intelligence Agency might as well be called the Corporate Imperial Army, because it has been VIOLENTLY overthrowing legitimately, democratically elected governments on behalf of the wealthy for DECADES (the relationship is analogous to a Mafia Don and a hitman). Iran in 1953, Guatemala in 1954, the Congo in 1960, Indonesia in 1965, Chile in 1973, to name a few ... And in each case, GENOCIDE was committed immediately afterwards. In fact, it may not even be possible to accurately calculate exactly how many people have been killed by all the puppet dictators the C.I.A. has installed, so its death toll is higher than Hitler’s. Think about THAT the next time you’re in the mood for a movie/tv series that glorifies spies.

Yes, I am the biggest Hogan’s Heroes fan on the planet. Yes, Colonel Hogan was O.S.S. (Office of Strategic Services). Yes, the O.S.S. was the predecessor of the C.I.A., but if Hogan was real and could see the evil deeds of his “descendants,” he would vomit from disgust until his body turned inside out.

Going back to what Vidal said about how if he was a Guatemalan and had the means to drop something on Americans that he’d be tempted to do it ...

Well, now y’all understand the motives of Stalinists and Islamofascists (not to mention the Boondock Saints, the Punisher from Marvel Comics, that popular serial killer Dexter, etc.). Those who’ve truly been oppressed understand Vidal’s temptation, but fortunately, most folks doN’T act accordingly NO matter how tempting vengeance is.

However, if the Occupy Movement survives this winter and thrives, another 9-11 or even an additional war could be CONcocted in order to distract the masses from capitalism’s countless failures. So in case there are any terrorists reading this, STAND DOWN. You’ve done enough (too much, to be honest). Why? Glad you asked..!

“We continue to spend over $50 billion a year on the U.S. nuclear arsenal.

This makes NO sense. These funds are a drain on our budget and a disservice to the next generation... We are robbing the future to pay for the unneeded weapons... Now is the time to invest in the people and the programs to get America back on track.”

– Rep. Edward Markey (D-MA), October 5th, 2011 Fifty billion (with a B) dollars a year GONE – all so an arms dealer can own a MTV Cribs mansion. Granted, it doesN’T take a nuke to defend oneself against a terrorist sect hidden in a cavern, but logic was NEVER the Rightwing’s strong suit. So long as there’s even a HINT of a threat, inbred retards who’re believing everything FOX News is saying will use ANY excuse to CONtinue funding nukes (i.e., those MTV Cribs lifestyles nukes pay for), so again, STAND DOWN. I limit myself to curse words and the Occupy Movement limits itself to the tactics of Gandhi and Dr. King – NOT because the enemy deserves mercy (‘cause they fucking doN’T), but because doing so eliminates chickenshit excuses to waste taxes on genocidal nonsense... ...and because, as was said in the movie, Batman Begins...

THE LEAGUE OF SHADOWS: Your compassion is a weakness your enemies will not share.

BRUCE WAYNE: That’s why it’s so important. It separates us from them.

StoptheDrugWar.org GOP DRUG REFORM ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL Thanks to our friends at Students for Sensible Drug Policy (www.ssdp.org/http://ssdp.org) for hitting the ground in New Hampshire and making this happen.

Rick Santorum: “I don’t know my medical marijuana laws very well.”

An instant classic on the campaign trail in New Hampshire.

Question: Sir, It’s my understanding that it’s a core conservative principle that state and local government have power to govern themselves without Federal interference. If you were President, would you protect gay marriage and state marijuana laws and allow them to operate without Federal interference?

Santorum: I believe that America is based on a certain set of core values. Right?

And those core values should be reflected in our laws, and should be enforced in our laws. I don’t believe that we can have fifty definitions of marriages. I think that’s an unworkable system...

Q: Could you move on the second part of that question, the marijuana laws state by state? uhhhm...I guess I’m, I’m, I’m taking the opinion that Federal laws are, are laws that are in place right now that, that say these are narcotics, right? I don’t know, I don’t know whether, whether... I assume they are. I don’t know...

Q: I’m sorry, they’re not...

R: OK, alright. I don’t know, I don’t know my medical marijuana laws very well, to be honest with you... So all I know, I know I should know everything, but I don’t. So I apologize. I’m trying my best... uhh, but, you know, there are, I think, most, I, I feel they are a hazardous thing for society, and so I, I would (“That’s a whole other opinion...” interrupts)... listen, well, I formed that opinion from my own life, life experiences, and, and having experienced that – I went to college, too. uhhm, so, so I, I would make the argument that, uhmm, that states have the rights, but they don’t have the right to do anything they want to. States don’t have the rights to sterilize people, they did at one time, but we said, “no”, we’re not going to that anymore. States, under the Constitution, probably have the right to do it, just like they had the right to do medical marijuana laws, but, legally. But I don’t think morally they have the right to do things that are harmful for the people in their community, and therefore I think the Federal government should step in... I’m out of time...

Rick Santorum on Imprisoning Non-Violent Drug Offenders: “The federal government doesn’t do that.”

From the same presidential candidate who brought you, “I don’t know my medical marijuana laws very well,” comes yet another mind-bending morsel of jaw-dropping ignorance.

Question: As a champion of family values and keeping America strong, would you continue to destroy families by sending non-violent drug offenders to prison?

Santorum: Uhhh... wow... The Federal government doesn’t do that....

I’m still not sure what happened here. I think he got cornered and confused and just choked for a second. He may not have even understood the question, and that’s okay. We’re not going anywhere. Anytime Rick Santorum wishes to clarify or expand upon this, I’m sure everyone will be quite excited to hear whatever else he has to say.

Recreational Drug User Asks Newt Gingrich if She Should Be Arrested …And for like the first time ever, the most notorious blowhard in the GOP has very little to say.

Question: Excuse me, Mr. Gingrich. I’m a recreational drug user. Should I be arrested?

Gingrich: No. You Shouldn’t be arrested. But no, you shouldn’t do it...

Did I hear that right? It sounds to me like Newt Gingrich just endorsed not arresting recreational drug users (or at least this particular one), and where I come photo by: Gage Skidmore from we call that decriminalization. Too bad he beat it the hell out of there so fast.

I wanna know more about this man’s formula for determining who should and should not be arrested (and/or killed) for breaking our drug laws. Inquiring minds want to know!

Mitt Romney Doesn’t Know What Industrial Hemp Is This is…I mean, what can I even…oh whatever, just listen.

Q: Mr. Romney, I wanted to know what you thought about Industrialized Hemp?

Romney: About what?

Q: Industrial Hemp?

Romney: I’m not quite sure what industrialized hemp is...

Um, it’s what the Constitution was written on. But it’s illegal now, and we’re trying to get to the bottom of the situation. Our best guess presently is that there’s been a big misunderstanding of some sort.

The DEA seems to think hemp is drugs. It’s not, though. Could you look into it for us?

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The White Trash Whip Lash Mad Mike CD Review

L

et me start off by saying that I LOVE this CD. White Trash Whiplash is another one of those bands that I’ve heard of and been wanting to see. The name alone implies the kind of trailer park punk rock that I love because of its fusion of honky-tonk country and 70’s punk, and when you see the album’s name, Whiskey Gun, with its cover sporting a big-breasted babe sucking the end of a pistol… well, duh. That’s what I expected to get, but the album threw me a few curveballs which forced me to have to listen to it several times to get past those expectations and listen to it purely on its own merits.

The album starts off with “My Buick Goes 180.” A song which is exactly what I expected, a rockin’ romp about a man’s two loves: His car and drinking. The next song “Machine” is another rocker, but slows down just a bit. Then the curveball comes out. “Wild Irish Rose” is a simple acoustic country ballad that comes out from left field with loose harmonies and harmonica. “I’m In Love” is cute, with an almost Beatles/ Skiffle feel and is vaguely reminiscent of the Georgia Satellites because of the slide guitars. By now, I’m really having fun and along comes a song that I’m really digging, then a hook that I think I recognize. OH SHIT, this is a cover of “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” by Poison. This is one of the best conversions of metal/ rock song into a country song I’ve heard since Johnny Cash covered “Rusty Cage” by Soundgarden and “Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails.

I’ve found that many of the trailer punk bands tend to reminisce about when they were kids in the 80s (I do it often). “Rocketship to Partyville” is just that track: “I wanna go back to 85 and be with my old friends, sit in the sun and watch Judas Priest and hope it never ends.” Great line, great song. Another honky-tonk ballad, “Everyone Loves a Little Whore,” is a sour-sweet tune about being conflicted by the love of that hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold: “Oh she’s dancing with her girlfriends and coming home at 4, everybody loves a little whore.” “Panty Dropper #11” comes back to more of what I expected, A song about heavy drinking and loose morals: “I got a little something you might need to know, how to get your lady up and ready to go, it’s cool and it’s sweet and it’s bad and it’s brown, you can get it at every single whiskey joint in town, it’s getting good and you can’t stop her, she’s got her hands on the Panty Dropper.” And then another change up. “1B4” slows things down considerably with a great song about heartbreak: “Why can’t 1B2, why can’t I be true to you…first you will but then you won’t, then you don’t but then you don’t, I tried so hard to love you, you keep running.” The album ends on a big party song about everyone’s favorite party punch.

“Spodie Odie Hey!” is a punk rock polka that should be an hour long so it can be played all night long while everyone surrounds the tub: “We had a party Friday night and everyone came down, they all brought a bottle of everything in town, after a fifth of soaking in my ‘ole bathtub, all the girls came down to drink and give up the rub” Overall, Whiskey Gun is a well-rounded, rockin’ honky-tonk album and one that is easy to keep in the CD Player of your car for about a month without getting tired of (which is how I judge most CDs).

I can’t wait to see White Trash Whiplash LIVE so I can see these songs truly come to life.

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UP ALL NIGHT....

Collection Beggars Carnivale New Year’s Eve Show @ Casa Loma Ballroom January 16th Powercell Jam Night HD Hotspurs 315 S Washington Ave in Kent, WA 8pm/21+/NC

January 27th The Pop Offs - Classic Rock HD Hotspurs 315 S Washington Ave in Kent, WA 9pm/21+/$5

January 16th Beer Pong w/Deejay Antarctica Every Monday Night $10 Entry $150 Purse $100 Added HD Hotspurs 315 S Washington Ave in Kent, WA

January 27th Reloaded Band All-Star Sports Bar 22303 Marine View Dr S in Des Moines, WA 9pm/21+/NC

January 20th O’Dark:30 - Original Americana Rock Uncle Sam’s American Bar & Grill 16003 Pacific Ave in Spanaway, WA 9pm/21+/$3 January 22nd Maia Santell & House Blend HD Hotspurs 315 S Washington Ave in Kent, WA 6pm To 9pm/NC/21+ January 21st Metropolis - Classic Pop Rock HD Hotspurs 315 S Washington Ave in Kent, WA 9pm/21+/$3 January 21st Kickstart - Classic & Modern Rock Benders Music & Sports 10706 Carr Rd in Renton, WA 9pm/21+/NC

Sammich The Tramp & Lola Van Ella

January 28th Rockfish & Friends - Classic Rock HD Hotspurs 315 S Washington Ave in Kent, WA 9pm/21+/$3 January 29th James King & The Southsiders HD Hotspurs 315 S Washington Ave in Kent, WA 6pm/21+/NC February 3rd All-Star Jam II - 4 Bands & Jam Night Fundraiser For Jackie Stephen-Rogers Free, Donations Only, Auctions 5pm/21+/NC February 3rd Blurred Vision - Classic & Modern Rock Uncle Sam’s American Bar & Grill 16003 Pacific Ave in Spanaway, WA 9pm/21+/$3

Lola Van Ella

Avant Noir Winter Solstice Art Bazaar @ The Crack Fox, Dec 18th

Eva Lucien

Mimi Le Yu, Swifty Deeds & BAD Santa

Gypsy Havoc

Psychic Predictions for 2012: I’m no Nostradamus, but occasionally I do like to don my psychic hat, channel the spirits of dead rock stars, and predict the future. I have made a name for myself as “psychic to the stars” and have given psychic readings to such celebrities as Ozzy Osbourne (I predicted he would look like a bumbling oaf on his reality TV show), David Hasselhof (I predicted his reality TV show would be cancelled due to lack of interest), and even Pamela Anderson (I predicted we would have sex — but she didn’t fall for it). And now, my friends, the time has come for my psychic predictions for the year 2012. (Insert spooky music here...)

To prepare myself for this psychic session I fasted for three days, did 20 sit-ups, took a nice, relaxing, hot bath, ate a Flintstones chewable multi-vitamin, and meditated to the latest Kenny G. album. Once I was relaxed enough I went into a trance by repeating the words “Gaba Gaba Hey” and I channeled the spirit of Elvis Presley. (Yes, he really is dead!) However, the spirit of Elvis was too loaded on pills to communicate clearly, so I quickly unchanneled Elvis and went to my “go to” spirits: Joey Ramone, Keith Moon, Johnny Thunders, and Ace Frehley (even though Ace isn’t dead yet), and this is what the spirits tell me will happen in 2012: 1) Ozzy Osbourne will both shock and delight the world at the 2012 Grammy Awards when he bites the head off Justin Bieber.

2) The excessive use of Auto Tuning in Pop music vocals will reach new lows when President Obama uses the effect in his 2012 re-election speech. His speech will become the number one download on iTunes.

3) President Obama will celebrate his re-election by having the White House Rose Garden razed to build a volley ball court. Republicans will be outraged and start a new investigation into claims that Obama was actually born on the moon.

4) After all the “Occupy Wall Street” protest camps throughout America have been shut down by the police, the protesters will officially change the name of the movement to “Occupy a Homeless Shelter.”

5) As airport security measures increase in the United States, all passengers of TWA will be required to submit to a frisking by actor Erik Estrada.

6) “Smart Phones” will make exciting new technological advances, but sales will plummet as the average American will be too dumb to operate them.

7) As consumer prices continue to rise the price of a gallon of gas will be $4.50, the price of a pack of cigarettes will be $8.00, the price of a used Moby CD will be twenty-nine cents.

8) Hollywood will officially run out of Marvel comic books to steal from. In 2012, 75% of all movies will be based on old issues of MAD Magazine. There will be no new Planet of the Apes films this year.

9) In the world of music, Vanilla Ice’s comeback as an Emo rocker will fail miserably.

10) In the world of fashion, “Mr. T.” teeshirts will make a brief comeback after actor George Clooney is photographed wearing one on a Caribbean beach.

11) Finally, world peace will be achieved on our planet thanks to the efforts of rocker Marky Ramone, who will present each member of the United Nations with his “Brooklyn’s Own Pasta Sauce.” The sauce will inspire a new understanding of cultures between world leaders and this world peace will last approximately one hour and twenty-five minutes as the U.N. leaders marvel over the list of ingredients.

There you have it... my psychic predictions for 2012, and it looks like it will be an interesting year. And remember — the spirits are never wrong!

Next month: PDB’s best of 2011 list!

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Paul Stanley gives these predictions two thumbs up.

myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

I

f George Romero had made Night Of The Living Dead in 2012, Sinister Fate’s “Drop Dead Goregous” would have been the ideal intro for the cult phenomenon in the graveyard scene when the zombies first broke earth. Claiming to have emerged from the cemeteries and morgues of Chicago some six years ago, the band’s macabre mix of punk and metal scream Post-apocalyptic rhetoric in a powerful industrial fashion.

They’re an evil soundtrack waiting for the most ghastly film.

Sinister Fate’s reputation for being both shocking yet highly professional has landed them on the stage as openers for Mudvayne, Wednesday 13, Creature Feature, The Graveyard Boulevard, and The Luchagors featuring Amy Dumas (formerly Lita from the WWE). And their debut album, Grave New World, was recently featured on Fuse’s “Talking Metal”, while other tracks from their CD have been featured in Toxic Shock Records compilation Dead Stars Rising Vol 2, and in Adult Star Morgana Moon’s film, The Basement. And that speaks volumes for any band I pinned these guys down for an interview earlier this month to discuss the band’s upcoming tour which puts them in St. Louis at Just Bill’s on January 28th.

How was Sinister Fate created?

David Bates: Well, let me think about it...You see there is a whole story behind it...I have a real passion for horror movies and the macabre...

So I decided to fuse together my love of music with my intrigue of blood and guts cinema and formed Sinister Fate...The band has actually been around now since 2006...But it wasn’t until 2011 where things all came together...Evil “D” and myself have been here since the beginning...Then I found Omen...A very eager and young musician looking to break out into the world...What I like about Omen is he is nuts...Totally born for the stage...Live performance wise he is unstoppable... and then...I got the bass playing monster himself...Pumpkin D. Psycho...Enough said...The combination of the four of us is undeniable...In fact...It is so good...It is horrifying

I like to ask this question each month: What’s the story behind the name of the band?

Pumpkin: Well, the band name, “Sinister Fate”, says to me exactly what you read...We are Sinister...We are the little devils that your parents always feared you would grow up to be...And the Fate...Well...a Sinister Fate...We will all come to a time in our lives where our deaths are inevitable...

There is nothing more sinister than that now is there.

Dave Bates: Exactly...Sinister Fate prides itself on being the band that makes you see your worst fears and embellish upon yourself your most deepest desires...Its all about the flesh...The taste, smell and touch of it...Desires that must be quenched before the sweet release of death ...That is why we like to say...Sinister Fate is the only band you need a Safe Word in order to make it through a live performance...And banana has been used way to much...If you are nice, we may tell you the new Safe Word...but you gotta earn it...(with a devious laugh)

Pumpkin: As far as survival...Money and stuff...

We all have jobs...and once the families are takin’ care of it’s all band business from there...

And spiritually...Our spirits are never down...We are metal...We are the ones who helped keep this scene going...For us to give up would be letting down a lot of fans and other bands...The little victims look up to us...Give up on them...Never...At least not with out a fight...As long as we have our Victims and Valentines (what SF refers to as their fans as) we will go on forever....And if you meant by where we lie with god as far as spiritual...We know where we are going when we die...So we will see all the metal heads there too...Drinkin’ a beer with Dime.

Tell me about the new tour. How tough is touring on you guys?

David Bates: Oh boy...Touring...Let me tell you...

The toughest thing is actually getting places to book you now a days...The hip hop, sub culture scene has taken over...And with the over flow of bands in the industry it is basically swallowing everything up. But we persevere...I mean it is a struggle for any band...And we wish all the other bands out there the best of luck on their road to fame...But we are making it...We put up the good fight...The whole thing is mentally tough...But we are who we are...And there is no room for quitters...So SF will not be giving up soon...

And how about a typical show?

David Bates: And a typical show....Well that is easy...One word...Sticky

www.sinisterfate.com www.facebook.com/sinisterfatetheband

How would you describe the Sinister Fate in one sentence?

(Dave Bates: Lets see...Describe the band in one sentence...Well here I go... A heart stopping, energetic time of perverted fun...Yeah...That would be it....

Any last thoughts to share with our readers, or band news?

Pumpkin: Well, SF is currently in the writing process of our first full length, professionally shot video for our song “Fetish”...Keep your eyes open for that...This is going to be awesome...Also...We will be releasing a new CD before the end of year.

Last, when can folks in St. Louis catch you guys live and find band info/merch?

Pumpkin: We will be performing up at Just Bills in Overland, MO on Sat. Jan. 28th...It is an 18+ show...Very excited about that...The STL is my home away from home ...Love it there...

David Bates: Yes...SF is very excited about returning to STL...Big things happening for SF this year...

And we are kicking it all off at Just Bill’s...Big show planned for you guys...

Big STICKY plans.

Legendary shock-rock punk band The Mentors!!

December 28th @ the Funhouse

MON JANUARY 9th Junkyard Amy Lee; Glass Tunnels; Joe Motor; The Mean Street Meanie @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 9:30pm, $5, $1 Beer Night!

SAT JANUARY 28th Dirty Filthy Mugs (LA); Triple Sixes; The Randalls; Suburban Vermin @ Tony V’s Garage 1712 Hewitt Ave, Everett 21+, 9pm, $5

SUN JANUARY 15th Vera Solaris; Echoreason; Sad Family (Peoria, Il); Junkyard Amy Lee @ 2Bit Saloon 4818 17th Ave NW in Ballard 21+, 9pm, $5

WED FEBRUARY 1st The Cheatin’ Hearts (Chico, CA); Dogbite Harris (OR); Angie & The Carwrecks @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 9:30pm, $7

MON JANUARY 23rd Restavrant (LA); Ando Ehlers & Greg Chaos Death Polka!; The Be Helds; Guests @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 9:30pm, $5, $1 Beer Night!

THURS FEBRUARY 9th Izzy Cox (Austin, Texas); Dan Infecto; Ando Ehlers & Gg Chaos Death Polka! @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 9:30pm, $6

TUE JANUARY 24th Restavrant (LA); City Bear (Andy Wylie of Church For Sinners); Jay Johnson; + Guest @ Tony V’s Garage 1712 Hewitt Ave, Everett 21+, 9pm, $5

FRI FEBRUARY 10th Local Chaos, Seattle Sinner, KGRG 89.9FM and Jagermeister Present: 9th ANNUAL SEATTLE SKA FEST DAY 1 Chris Murray; Moon; Skam; Natalie Wouldn’t Special Guests @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 8pm, $10

WED JANUARY 25th Old Man Markley (on tour with NOFX!); The Fun Police; Shivering Denizens; Ando Ehlers & Greg Chaos Death Polka! @ The Backstage 6409 6th Ave, Tacoma 8pm/ $5/ 21+

An amazing night of punk that also featured Ando Ehlers’ Death Polka (featuring GG Chaos), and many more!

Tina D Photography

FRI JANUARY 27th Local Chaos And 2Bit Saloon Present: Dirty Filthy Mugs (LA); Graceland 5; The Aimlows; The Deadless; Rory Ok And The Worst Band Ever @ 2Bit Saloon 4818 17th Ave NW in Ballard 21+, 9pm, $7

SAT FEBRUARY 11th Local Chaos, Seattle Sinner, KGRG 89.9FM and Jagermeister Present: 9th ANNUAL SEATTLE SKA FEST DAY 2 Chris Murray; The Skablins; Giraffe Aftermath (BC) Reggae On The Rocks (BC); The Skarate Kids; Juice; Guests @ Mirkwood And Shire Cafe 117 E Division St, Arlington, Wa All Ages/ Bar With ID, 5pm, $12

Stayed tuned for a lot more tasty shows to be announced soon including CHAOSPALOOZA and SEATTLE PSYCHOBILLY BRAWL! Thanks for the support. Hope to see you at a show soon. www.facebook.com/local.chaos.greg - www.twitter.com/localchaosshows www.localchaosproductions.com

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

On The Scene With Malice Trip Daddys cd release party @ Off Broadway wtih Bass Amp & Danno and Skinny Jim & The Number 9 Blacktops

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he Trip Daddys’ CD release party was a FABULOUS success at Off Broadway last month. It was standing room only as all the downstairs seating had been removed and only the bar stools remained. They’ve done some remodeling, shortened the bar, and the remaining bar stools now line the walls. Even The Stalker’s Gallery was packed; The upstairs loft is ideal when your party wishes to engage in a private conversation or you’re the parents of the band not playing. We miss the tables downstairs. My husband doesn’t always wish to be front row center as someone might mistake him for a groupie.

He would rather quietly occupy the background and not have to pretend to be enthusiastic about being there.

He is however, my paparazzi, so I need his skills there on the scene. My Daddys’ Girls were out, so we HAD to dance...it was so much fun! All 3 bands were hugely entertaining!

Bass Amp and Danno took the stage first and they were HILARIOUS! We were hanging out in The Stalker’s Gallery mingling with Chuck and Terri (our esteemed publishers), Ivan from Rat Rod Kings and My Girls, Mindy & Marty, drunkenly singing along to “Daddy Please Don’t Get Drunk On Christmas, I Don’t Wanna See My Mama Cry” (that might not be the title of the song, but that’s what we were singing). If you dig hillbilly punk, these are your guys!

Next up was Skinny Jim & The Number 9 Blacktops out of Franklin County, IL., a band with a rockabilly/ motorcycle/tattoo-kinda-vibe. We’ve seen these guys before when they opened up for The Daddys at Lemmons, LOVE LOVE LOVE ‘em! I’m hoping they’ll book more shows here in the coming year.

Then the moment came, the moment My Girls and I have been anticipating for a couple of years now, The Trip Daddys new CD! Cheerful, happy tunes, no tear-inmy-beer whiny crap – tunes we can rely on to listen to for the next few dozen years, and YESSS, instrumentals.

This new title is The Life We Choose. One of my favorites “New Girl” is a song Craig Daddy wrote for his new bride. In fact, all of these new songs reflect his newfound happiness. It’s about damn time. He’s been through hell with bad girls who broke his heart. And though he wrote some of the best heartbreak songs you’ve ever heard, one can listen to just so many sad songs.

I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t have the CD in my possession just yet, though it’s available at Vintage Vinyl, so I’m just going to go with my gut reaction upon hearing these new songs live, up close, and personal.

I love the instrumentals, the surfer vibe, the straight from the Mississippi Delta blues that stirs your soul and moves your feet. Tracey, as My Girl Mindy put it, is every cougar’s wet dream, and yes he is fascinating to watch.

Craig, if possible, keeps getting better at his craft. And they’ve never had a better drummer than the one they have in Dennis. It’s been awhile since my last Daddys’ show and this one was just like seeing them for the first time. The crowd around me was hugely responsive. And there were more than a few familiar faces I hadn’t seen in over a year. It was a reunion of sorts. We got to hear old Daddy songs as well as more recent ones, I do remember them playing “East Side” though I couldn’t take notes, as I had no table to write on and I was kinda polluted. Now, in the cold light of day, it’s hard to make out my drunken scribblings from up in The Stalker’s Gallery.

The dance floor was crowded and Beatle Bob had some competition. This big guy had some pretty smooth dance moves for all of his girth and he was all over the place, he OWNED that floor. As the night wore on, he was pirouetting and spinning and doing a little back kick.

One of the girls on the dance floor was challenging him to a dance off; every move he made, she would imitate.

Being in the middle of it all took me far, far away from the reality of my everyday life, where I will go back to catering to wishy-washy women who don’t know what the hell they want, the craziness of holiday shoppers, and the cranky children who need spankings. My real job is in retail at a high end department store. I missed The Daddys opening for Brian Setzer @ Pops, but everyone raved that the show was AMAZING, too!! Again my real job gets in the way of my social life. In short, I CAN’T WAIT TIL MY NEXT SHOW!!!

Upcoming Trip Daddys’ Events: Jan 28 @ Broadway Oyster Bar and Feb 17 @ The Crack Fox. Also, if you own a bar or work in a bar and know of anyone hiring a DJ, Dennis is your MAN, look no further.

Hope to see you out On The Scene somewhere soon.

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

Raising Hell With Guitar Doug “In a martial law situation there are places like concentration camps where people can be held. Call them what you wish, they do exist.”

J

oe Motor is best known as the owner of Motor, which closed on August 31,2011, with virtually no mention anywhere in the Seattle print media. He and his son Brian took over the 8,000 square ft. warehouse space on 1st Ave S, in the Sodo district, in February of 2007 and transformed it into one of the city’s most popular venues. The entire build-out took over a year, between the permits and the construction. Sadly, popular does not always translate into dollar signs, and the overhead was just too much.

Known as home to hundreds of members of the rock and rockabilly community, the closing was a huge blow to a city with very few venues willing to host rock music, a genre which has gone the way of typewriters, big hair, and made-in-the-USA labels.

Rock music is totally out of style, and more and more clubs are closing their doors to the format, while dance clubs have folks lined up and down the block, just waiting to get through the door. The truth is, the only reason Motor was able to stay open as long as it did, was because it allowed outside promoters to use the venue to host raves. The rock music never came close to covering the costs of running the club and at the end of the day, there is very little money and not much thanks in being a rock club owner, rock musician, or rock music journalist. It’s a labor of love, nothing more.

Joe Motor has not spoken about the closing of his club in the media, so I was glad when he agreed to go on record here, to let the readers know why the club closed and what he is doing these days. Running this interview with Joe should give some closure to him and the core members of the Motor community who never had any when the place closed its doors, at least as far as the Seattle press was concerned. From the time it opened its doors, until the day it closed, Motor was virtually ignored by the Seattle popular press, aside from The Sinner. It was as if the club had never even existed, as far as the press was concerned. The silence was deafening. Naturally, the media never made mention of the fact that the club was closing, or attended the final night.

I was there on the closing night, during the final moments the club was open. Not as a media person, which I don’t really like to consider myself, but as a patron. I was a regular at Club Motor and worked security at the club on many occasions.

15 minutes before closing, someone drove a Harley through the front door and began burning rubber inside the venue, setting off the fire alarms and drawing fire trucks and police from near and far. It was a night to remember.

Joe is first and foremost a musician and long time performer. The years running a rock club pulled him away from his first love, which is performing live and recording. He is back in the studio working on an album, and performing throughout the area as a solo act.

Since closing Motor, he has been hosting a weekly music showcase at Bernard’s in downtown Seattle every Friday night. It’s become a popular drop-in spot for many in the rock scene. It’s unplugged and the event features many heavy hitters from well-known local rock bands. Cleopetra, who produces Burning Hearts Burlesque, tends bar at all these Friday night shows and people connected with the burlesque scene tend to drop in as well.

Those who know Joe Motor, know he is quite outspoken about his political and world views, even while performing. Durring a recent show at the Yuppie Tavern in Kirkland, a patron shouted out to Joe, who was per-

forming his solo act. “Hey Joe, are you a Democrat, or a Republican?”

Joe instantly replied, “Conspiracy Nut”.

The quip went over well with the audience and generated a big laugh, but little did the audience know, it was not a joke. Joe is very well-studied in just about every conspiracy from JFK to 9/11.

Tell us about the decision to close Motor.

After approx. 3 years, my son Brian and I had to shut it down, it was just not profitable. At some point you have to stop the bleeding. We lost a lot of money on Motor, but we would do it again. We met and worked with some great people.

night. It is kind of an unplugged thing, I hate that term, a lot of solo acts, duos etc. No cover and cheap drinks.

Who are some of the musicians who have played Joe’s Underground?

We have had some great talent play for us, Jack Rainwater, Chris of Antique Scream, Howlin’ Hounddog, Paul Diamond Blow, Rebecca of Bastard Child and so many more.

Joe, let me ask you about some of these conspiracies being floated about these days, to see if you can maybe clear up what’s true and what’s not. For starters, was 9/11 an inside job, or is the official story true?

I think everyone should read the 911 Commission Report. It insults my intelligence. Also, the Patriot Act reads like it was “scripted” before 911 as a follow up to squash freedom and walk all over the Constitution.

The official report ignores the fact that building 7 was two blocks away and also collapsed. The official story is crap.

Is the US government building concentration camps to house Americans in the event of martial law, which will be run by FEMA. In other words, do FEMA Camps exist?

Surely, there is a reason old military bases are not sold when no longer needed. Why were protestors arrested at WTO in Seattle taken to the old naval base on Sand Point? In a martial law situation there are places like concentration camps where people can be held. Call them what you wish, they do exist.

Do you support the Occupy Wall Street movement and do you think they are in danger of being rounded up and shipped off to the FEMA camps?

The US government can do just that. In fact, the amendment to the National Defense Authorization Act , which was just passed, gives the Executive Branch the power to lock up ANYONE they wish forever, without a trial or any legal representation. This administration has complete disregard for the Constitution and our rights in general.

Do you believe in this so called “Conspiracy of the International Bankers” and the “New World Order Conspiracy“?

Only an idiot would not believe there is a conspiracy.

Big money runs the world and virtually all leaders are puppets. There is a movement right now to circumvent the sovereignty of all nations, including the United States. It is obvious what is going on - The Constitution will be gutted. Personally, I plan to resist, to push back and to fight the good fight.

Just for conversations sake, I thought it would be interesting to find out what Joe thinks of some of the theories floating around the internet and argued over PBR at the rock clubs.

One issue Joe is very concerned with, is the passage of the National Defense Authorization Act, which allows the US government to arrest and detain indefinitely, any US citizen the government deems a possible “terrorist,” whatever that means.

I was curious to find out what Joe had to say about this and a few other topics the mainstream media considers too taboo to even question.

How has life changed since the club closed?

It has been bitter sweet, yet it has been a relief. I have time to go to shows now and play out when I can. Like most people, I can focus on my day job. I have been in the drywall business for over 25 years Tell us about this weekly event you are doing at Bernard’s every Friday in downtown.

Bernard’s is under the Hotel Seattle and has a really cool vibe. Cleo Petra tends the bar. We call it Joe’s Underground and we feature various artists each Friday

Is there any hope for this country?

I hope so, but most people are sheep and still asleep, so we have a long way to go. I think 2012 will be a year of awakening and hopefully revolution. I question everything, read between the lines, and try to be a free thinker.

Do you have any final words for the readers?

Thanks for the interview. I would like to say thanks to everyone that played at or supported Motor in any way.

Years ago I heard a women say “live your life like it’s a movie” and I try to do just that. If it all flashes before our eyes when we die, I want mine to be a good movie.

December 9th @ photos by Mike Miller

If there is a jukebox at the end of the universe you will find Kentucky Knife Fight between The Stooges and Tom Waits.

Interview by Chuck Foster

J

ust rolling Kentucky Knife Fight off your tongue conjures the excitement of a an old fashioned knife fight, visions as grizzly as the feud between The Hatfields and McCoys back in 1878 along the Tug Fork, off the Big Sandy River. And unlike many scenester bands within the rock industry who create clever names for shock value yet never live up to the produced hype, Kentucky Knife Fight does, with the ease of an oldfashioned, Kentucky-style, foot-stomping, ho-down.

However, don’t let the band’s name mislead you into pigeonholing them into one particular genre, and certainly not Hillbilly. This St. Louis five-piece is probably the most diverse band I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing, with songs raging back and forth from Punkbilly and Blues to Honky-tonk and twangy Country. And on stage, these guys rip sets apart, producing a mood of smoke-filled darkness in smoke-free upscale clubs.

To put it simply, Kentucky Knife Fight is far more exciting live than a back alley knife fight or a bloody feud.

Front man and lead vocalist Jason Holler not only belts-out decibel after decibel effortlessly, going in and out of screams to peaceful melodies, but also captures the audience with his antics in the process. As talented as Holler is, he’s not a one-man act, nor a show stealer. Alongside him on guitar is the dynamic duo of Curt Brewer and Nate Jones, who produce the gritty rhythm that makes Kentucky Knife Fight’s sound so distinctive.

Then there’s Jason Koenig on bass and James Baker on drums who produce the pounding heartbeat of the band, keeping the blood pumping through not only the five guys on stage, but the audience as well.

Currently, Kentucky Knife Fight sits at 27th on St. Louis’ Reverbnation standings. And the band’s no stranger to media or success, either. They’ve been interviewed numerous times by several prestigious publications, including being awarded “Best Rock Band” of 2011 by RFT. In 2009 their album The Wolf Crept, The

Children Slept landed them the “Best Album” by RFT and “5th Best Album of 2008” by KDHX FM. I had the chance to speak with Jason Holler before their NYE show at Off Broadway earlier this month.

When asked how the band came together, he laughs, “We came together out of loneliness, boredom, and draft beer specials.” And when asked about their name, he simply says that they were looking for a name that was “both memorable and indicative” of their sound and something that said “rock” and something that said “country.”

On a more serious note, which Kentucky Knife Fight deserves, the rest of our conversation went something like this...

Let’s talk about this NYE show. How did you guys get involved with this free NYE show, sharing the stage with The Blind Eyes and so many other rockin’ performers? Literally, it’s unheard of on NYE...

Off Broadway has put on a free New Year’s Eve show for several years now. The Monads and Fattback were integral in making the NYE show what is it now, legendary. But due to a great tragedy in the Fattback camp and The Monads’ hiatus, there was a changing of the guard so to speak. Last year was our first year co-hosting the event with The Blind Eyes and it was a huge success. So much so, Steve at Off Broadway asked us back and we were/are honored.

The compilation of songs you guys have selected for Reverbnation is quite diverse, everything from punk and rockabilly to angry-country and honkytonk – and there’s even the gritty love song “Wild Irish Rose” on FaceBook. Can you give me some insight to KKF’s song writing/creation?

Our song writing process is a collaborative effort. There are times when I create a vocal melody that informs the

music and there are moments where we create from a basic guitar or banjo hook. There’s not one person who dictates how songs become songs in our group.

Tell me about the upcoming tour, where you guys are headed and the process of scheduling a tour across the country?

We’ve got several dates out in January. But our next long tour will be in February. This will takes us through: Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, Florida, Georgia, and Tennessee.

How tough is touring on you guys, financially, mentally, spiritually?

Touring at our level is what makes and breaks most bands. Long stretches consist of: late nights, early mornings, long drives, motels NOT hotels, and poor diet. All of these things when added up can lead to a bad mood and a bleak outlook. I like to think that our band is a little more adjusted than your average bear. Meaning we don’t break out into drunken fist fights or have any dope fiend members who need to be picked up in the ghetto after every show. I know a few bands that are more like traveling junkies who happen to play music. It’s incredible they actually make it to shows and don’t murder each other on the road.

Let me ask you this: When you’re not touring or playing, which local bands do you like to catch live?

The Blind Eyes, Old Lights, Cassie Morgan, Beth Bombara, Rum Drum Ramblers, The Haddonfields.

How would you describe “Kentucky Knife Fight” in one sentence?

Kentucky Knife Fight is: Electrified shadow and smoke music.

How would you each describe a typical “Kentucky Knife Fight” show?

Our shows: flesh congregations of over sexualized ticket holders who want to be moved, who want to fall in love, who want to forget about life, and who on the most basic level... want to dance.

As musicians, I assume each of you are sinners, so which are each of you most guilty of?

If our band is guilty of one sin it would be gluttony. Especially while on tour in Texas. At this point our blood is nothing more than Lone Star beer and Whataburger.

What about 2012, any resolutions?

Finish up our new album. We are recording with David Beeman at Native Sound Studio in STL and couldn’t be more excited with how it sounds so far. If all goes according to plan then we should have this ready by early summer.

What about 2012 predictions....the end of the world, the presidency, the Kardasians?

Kim Kardashian’s next husband will be David Freese’s penis. But not David Freese himself.

Any last thoughts to share with our readers, or pressing KKF news?

We will release two new songs in January. This will be a downloadable and vinyl release. Also, be on the look-out for a couple music videos to accompany these particular songs.

Last, when can St. Louisans catch you guys live again?

Nothing on the books quite yet. Facebook or our website are the best ways to stay up to date though.

Bitching with Buddha Lu c i fe r

Greeting Sinners, Here we are in 2012, the last year ever! And here are my predictions for our final year.

The North Korean war machine, an army of 9 foot tall robots with the consciousness of their now dead fearless leader, Kim Jong II programed into their computers, is unleashed carving a path of destructions 5 miles wide in South Korea and then Japan, flattening the city of Tokyo. Disaster shall fall upon the Robot Army, however, as their AA batteries run out of power mid flight on route to the U.S., tumbling into the Pacific Ocean below and never again seen.

The Breakfast Cereal Industrial Complex shall once again give Capitalism a bad name as it successfully lobbies Congress to declare sugar an essential nutrient on the food pyramid. Fat eight-year-old kids and the Dental industry will cheer the new guideline. “America needs jobs, not healthy kids or good teeth”, declares a Heath Care Lobbyist.

A bipartisan committee looking into how schools are failing in preparing school children for tomorrow’s jobs in the service industry, point to “low self-esteem” as the culprit. Low self-esteem is an important characteristic to sustain a cheep labor force in a highly abuse prone career. Quote a congressmen, “We need to tell those little SOBs that they’ll never amount to nothing!”

Mitt Romney shall be declared the GOP candidate for President of the United States. That action will not be without a strong reaction from Conservative Christian groups who refuse to vote for a Mormon candidate and immediately form their own party, The Party of God. This immediately angers an extremist Muslim political group who says they took that name first. Law suits follow.

Happy to be rid of those “holier than thou” folks who really bring a party down, candidate Romney selects Sarah Palin as his running “mate”, in an effort to reach out to the horny young male vote. Her campaign slogan shall be, “Show’em if you got’em”. (Have you seen the jugs on her?)

The Euro finally collapses, first sending Western Europe into a recession then like a stack of dominoes economies around the world tumble as their banks invest heavily in European government bonds. Only Mexico is unaffected as its oil reserve and general bad economy leave it strangely immune, becoming the only economic power left in the world.

Then the world ends.

- Lucifer

To intercourse with the dark lord Lucifer, drink a bottle of Everclear, or email: lucifer@theseattlesinner.com.

Stoned Flix

reviews by Zak Weedman

After watching the New Hampshire debates all month I thought you sinners deserved a lighter side of politics, a spoof of Old George W. After pondering the notion a bit, I decided to search for an old Comedy Central Favorite of mine, That’s My Bush.

Don’t remember this one? Well, don’t start blaming your memory – or lack of – on burnt brain cells from too much pot, because it was pulled about six months after 9/11.

A Comedy Central spokesperson stated that even though the show was fairly popular, it was just “too expensive”. Could it have been that after 9/11 Bush was just too popular to poke a little fun at? I’d bet that had as much to do with their decision as cost!

This classic spoof of the early Bush administration from Trey Parker and Matt Stone has collected dust since until a few years ago when Comedy Central finally released all eight episodes on DVD. Filled with mishaps, controversial topics (prior 9/11), and scenes with Karl Rove, Laura and little Ol’ Dick, this is a must have for South Park fans and stoners alike!

While Steve Buscemi’s career was up-and-coming in 1993, Ed And His Dead Mother was one most moviegoers missed, even with a great supporting cast that included Ned Beaty and Gary Farmer. And while it may not be Buscemi’s finest film, it is certainly one to make a recreational smoker under the influence crack a smile or two.

You could say the title is a dead giveaway, as Ed Chilton (Buscemi) finds himself missing his deceased mother to the point of considering reanimation after meeting a shady salesman from “Happy People Ltd.” After a minor fee of $1,000 Ed finds dear old mother back in his loving arms, his refrigerator, and even chasing the neighbor’s dog for a quick snack!

If you enjoy Buscemi, a crazy zombie-like plot, and a little green pot, then this flick is certainly one for the night!

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The Dominant Paradigm

The New Year is upon us and after the champagne is drunk and the headache subsides, many of us start making our New Year’s resolutions. These weighty pronouncements hang over us – “I will lose 30 pounds,” “I’ll pay off my credit cards,” “I’ll save enough for that new car.” But it’s far more fun to concentrate on something less serious and much more fulfilling – your Sexual New Year’s Resolutions! While your own sexual resolutions can be anything you like, I have a few recommendations to get you started:

written by Mistress Blue

New Year’s Sex Resolutions I will try something new every (week, month, Two months, etc.).

I will make time for sex.

Stop making nebulous future plans to try your first butt plug or tie up your partner for the first time. Too many of us think, “oh, someday I’ll try that.” Put that “someday” in your calendar and stop procrastinating! Then schedule something new by the next month, or next week, or next day. Perhaps at first it may seem like a chore, but I guarantee that after a few erotically charged discoveries, you’ll want to explore everything to find the things that really turn you and your partner on.

I will communicate openly and honestly with my sexual partners Satisfying sex starts with good communication. So many of us are shy, feel ashamed, or just don’t know how to communicate our sexual needs, feelings, and reactions. Make a decision to practice more open discussion with your partner both during sex and in ordinary life. You should practice talking openly about your feelings – “I wish we had sex more often,” “It feels good when you use the vibrator on me,” “I feel jealous when you look at porn on the Internet.”

The other side of good communication is listening – really listening – to what your partner has to say. This includes avoiding getting defensive or taking things personally, not interrupting, letting your partner say everything he or she wants to say before trying to make a rebuttal, and validating your partner’s feelings. Too often people think that great sex should just happen naturally and if you have to talk about it or bring up a question or need, it somehow undermines the quality of the sex. The opposite is usually true: the more and better communication occurs between sexual partners, the more passionate and satisfying the sex tends to be.

I will become an expert in a sexual technique that interests me.

Resolve to try something new this year.

I will have fun in my sex life.

This seems like a no-brainer, but it’s an almost-universal fact that most of us let other things distract us from sex once we have been in a relationship for a while. Once that fuck-like-bunnies, do-it-on-the-neighbor’s-lawn phase of high passion passes, we tend to settle into a more domestic routine where sex gets shuffled down the priority list. Not only does the quantity of sexual escapades tend to decrease, the quality tends to suffer too. It’s easy to do the same old thing again and again.

Don’t let your love life burn down to ash-gray embers. Sure, the bills need to be paid, you’ve got a project due in the morning, your kids won’t quit hitting each other, and you don’t know where you put the car keys, but you deserve -- and need – some great sex. And that takes some effort and time.

Scheduling sex can help you set aside the time for it. Block off an evening a week where you order pizza and put the kids to bed early. Have a new sex toy ready or watch a porn together. Give each other massages that lead to something more. While scheduling might seem unnatural at first, once your love life wakes up, you’ll be thinking eagerly about the next Tuesday Sex Night.

Image courtesy of adulttoychest.com

When all is said and done, I think the most important sexual resolution you can make to yourself is to have fun! That’s what sex is about, right? Let yourself do the things that bring you the most pleasure and realize that life is short. Happy New Year!

While you may already consider yourself a consummate lover, I believe everyone could benefit from learning something. Just the process of learning helps keep your erotic mind flexible and alert and helps keep those sexual fires alight.

It doesn’t even matter what it is you are learning. And these days there are so many ways to learn sexually. Look in your local adult ed listings for massages for couples or tantra classes. Buy a DVD that teaches you how to make your girlfriend orgasm or how to dance like a stripper. Local sex-positive shops offer classes on topics ranging from anal play to sexual roleplay, too. Look online for specialists who do private classes – I’ve been to some excellent rope bondage classes this way. I personally enjoy learning from books – especially the kind with lavish pictures illustrating the techniques! And of course, when you’re learning these techniques, you’ll get to practice them with your partner, and that’s half the fun!

Mistress Blue is a Seattle-based professional dominatrix.

SOMETHING SINFUL THIS WAY COMES....

AGAIN! MARCH 2012

ST LOUIS SINNER 3RD ANNIVERSARY PARTY MUSIC • ART • FREAKS • BURLESQUE • DOOR PRIZES • RAFFLES • DEBAUCHERY • SIN

“It is an experience common to all men to find that, on any special occasion, such as the production of a magical effect for the first time in public, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. Whether we must attribute this to the malignity of matter or to the total depravity of inanimate things, whether the exciting cause is hurry, worry, or what not, the fact remains.”

– The British stage magician Nevil Maskelyne, 1908.

Maskelyne’s adaptation to Murphy’s Law is as relevant today as it was when created

by Mathematician Augustus De Morgan on June 23, 1866, who stated, “...what-ever can happen will happen if we make trials enough.” That’s certainly true today in Independent Publishing. The Sinner was a vic24

tim of this Law in January when our cover fell short of the due date. Instead of digging a hole in the ground to bury my head in – aka: Throwing any old image of my own on the cover – I decided to run a request for Seattle artists to submit images for consideration. Of course, I didn’t expect to be overwhelmed in 24 hours – which proved that the opposite of Murphy’s Law to be possible as well, that what can go right, often will...

I was expecting four or five submissions for the cover 48 hours before print, tripling

that number made a simple process much more stressing. Understand that picking a cover for any publication isn’t just about selecting the best photographer with the most expensive camera and hottest friends. The first process is making age, disturbing if you will. Heads are certain sure it’s the proper dimension allowing for to turn, if not spin. And the model is quite text placement. For us, creativity becomes hot, too! And last, I’ll say that it was the the second factor, looking for images that toughest decision we’ve had to make here at make heads not only turn, but spin 540 deThe Sinner in some time. I’ll also say not to grees of center. And last, the hot chick factor worry, that alternative art is alive and well in is undeniable. How many times do you see Seattle. And you’re guaranteed to find all of male pigs snorting from the trough on any the above here in more detail in 2012... magazine cover?

For this cover we selected Myndzeye Photography at the last minute.

It’s an edgy immyspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

Tactics and Technicalities This month I wanted to gear a bit more towards the survival aspect of this column and talk about a must have for any person planning to “get out alive”. What’s this “must have” I speak of? Well it’s a bunch of must haves really, all wrapped up in a handy dandy carrying case.

You can call it a Go Bag or a Bug-Out Bag or whatever ya want, but one thing ya can’t call it is a waste of time.

In this article I am going to help you start constructing your own so that you can make some efforts to keep your family safe in a disaster situation.

There are all kinds of disaster situations to choose from when thinking about your Go Bag, but for the sake of this column were are gonna stick to the basic necessities. If you’re the conspiracy type and you believe that the Government is coming to spray you with poisonous gas then maybe you should add a couple gas masks with extra filters and some HAZMAT suits while you’re at it. I prefer to pack as if I went out on a long trail and lost my way. That is not to say that I don’t purchase other items to prepare for more specific disasters, I just don’t put them in my pack. They are put somewhere they can be easily accessed on the way out if needed. Adjustments can be made to prepare for a more specific situation, but this is about leaving the house and hiking for possibly days with nowhere to go and searching for a spot to bunker down and regroup.

First off, you need to consider weight and number of people. Don’t over pack one bag. You may need two or three, and if you have the extra people to care for they should probably carry extra stuff if possible. You will have limited food and water, so remember that walking is gonna feel a bit more like running at some point.

Be sure not to overload anyone. 40-60lbs should buy 72 hours easy. Another thing about not over packing is considering the elements. Just because you leave the warmth doesn’t mean you get back to it. Be sure to bring blankets or sleeping bags to keep warm, but don’t over do it. As far as clothing goes, one warm outfit is plenty for each member of your group.

Now on to the basics. This is what you will need most: • Cutting tool – one of the first things you’ll need is a sharp knife or something of the sort (Ka-Bar, pocket knife, machete, hatchet etc...)

I carry a Benchmade pocket knife and in my pack is a special forces knife similar to a KaBar. The important thing to remember is that your blade serves countless purposes. One in particular is acting like a wedge on larger pieces of wood. You can place the blade at an angle and hammer it into the meat of the wood. Next, swap the angle, repeat the process on the other side, and the kick through. I have cut through some pretty thick stuff like that. Just be careful not to damage your knife or let it dull out. Some oil and a sharpening stone pair well with the knife.

• Food/water – pack enough for each member to survive for 72 hours and expect to stretch that to 5-7 days.

MRE’s are great, but canned food is good too. MRE’s are lighter though, so if ya have a spot selected to hike to then store some canned stuff there. Obviously water must be in a container, so I suggest making sure its easy to carry attached to, or inside of your pack. The thought should be on getting to somewhere you can hunt and gather water if needed, or at least to somewhere where food has been stocked for you, rather than trying to live forever out of your pack.

• Cover – Hypothermia can set in at a much warmer temp than you would think and in wet weather the body cools much faster, so it is of the utmost importance to STAY WARM AND DRY. Bring tarps, ponchos and Mylar blankets. Any of these things can be used for rain cover, shelter building, and/ or to redirect heat from your fire.

They are light so bring a bunch.

Gina Simon Photography

• Fire starter/Sparkers – it’s important to remember that multitasking is a must for all the items in your pack.

Make your own or buy some fire starters to help you get a fire going if ya can’t find dry material to make a tinder bundle with. Pack a couple sparkers to get your fire starters/tinder bundle going with. A lighter and a magnesium sparker are good. They are light weight so you can pack a bunch. A 9 volt and some Brillo can light a tinder bundle and things like a magnifying glass or parabolic lens from a flashlight can help start fire on a clear day as well.

• Cord – Cord is an absolute must! I suggest 7 strand 550 cord also know as Paracord. It hold 550 lbs and doubles in strength when folded over on itself. The military has used it to drop Humvees from helicopters and we used to use it for suspension. We actually still do for certain ones, though we mostly use tech cord now, but that a whole different article. You can use cord to set traps for game, tie lashings for a pop up shelter, make line for fishing, create straps to carry gear found on the path, and an infinite amount of other uses as well. DONT WASTE IT. • First AID- Simple things like alcohol, peroxide, saline, gauze, tape and other basic house hold items used to treat wounds should be packed tightly and well organized so that they may be quickly accessed if needed.

Minor burns, cuts, and puncture wounds can lead to very serious and fatal infections. Remember to treat all wounds right away. Take a CPR and first aid class to prepare yourself.

Of course, the list above can be picked and picked apart and there are a ton of things that can and probably should be added to the list but for the sake of this basic packing guide, I have overly simplified things. I will admit that while I was working on this list I had to fight hard to leave out certain things that I view as important for my pack. Each category has a million things you could add and each thing added could make a specific scenario more manageable. You will have to make your own choices. So here is where I will leave your thoughts...

This is a BASIC list NOT A COMPLETE list. The list above is a starting point. You can pick it apart and I am sure many people will because I have and still am. I pack and repack over and over again when I first go at it because I keep rethinking myself. What I have learned after all that is that at some point you just need to say, “Hey do I have what I need to survive the elements for long enough to hopefully make it to an area where I can survive for an extended period?” Then just put a little faith in your skills. You will never have everything you need or want to have so just remember that you’re not packing luxury, you’re packing to stay alive for 72 or more hours, and with any luck that 72 hours will buy ya more time.

Thanks for reading friends.

Stu Please submit your suspension/survival topics and stories to: Stu@TasCorps.com

The Surly Gourmand Devouring Slices of Misery so You Don’t Have To

2137 2nd Ave For reservations call 206-956-8000

I

was astonished to hear that Restaurant Zoe, once one of my favorite dining rooms in Seattle, was moving to Capitol Hill. What, I frequently wondered, would take its place? Answer: Coterie Room!

I was saddened by Restaurant Zoe’s departure from its vaunted 2nd Ave location, but time waits for no one, and besides: the Coterie Room employees did a great job with the old Zoe space. Gone were the heavy late 1990’s furniture and fixtures and drapery: these were replaced by a pressed tin ceiling, a chandelier, and an unusual science-wall of live plants.

The food at the Coterie Room is fairly badass. The marinated beet salad ($8) was interesting: we got a pretty big bowl of arugula mixed with tangy sanguine cubes of pickled beets, lots of pistachios, and soft pockets of cottage cheese. This was perhaps the most homogenous beet salad I have ever eaten: usually the beets are way too big to fit onto your fork with other ingredients, but this time it worked perfectly, and all the components eaten together was absolutely masterful.

The sour and dense texture of the beet was tamed by the creamy cottage cheese. Eventually the arugula elbowed its way in, augmented by a salty battering ram as the pistachios crunched in your mouth.

Usually I abhor cottage cheese: it’s pasty and curdled like a dowager’s upper thigh, and why would anyone but a circa 1980’s dieter want to eat it?

But THIS cottage cheese, courtesy of the Cowgirl Creamery, was so mellow and smooth, I was amazed.

If my 14-year-old self knew I was eating a COTTAGE CHEESE AND BEET SALAD he would mutiny. Times change, past chump.

A foie gras torchon ($12) was sadly and inexplicably less awesome than the beet salad. Three toasted oval cross-sections of bauguette were each topped with a perfectly round beige areola of foie gras torchon. I liked the torchon itself: almost geometrically circular, mercilessly executed, creamy, rich, and full of that endlessly savory flavor that’s unique to duck liver. But then they fucked it up by dousing the plate in some kind of sweet vinegar reduction. Cloyingly sweet, this reduction emitted its astringent acid vapors into your mouth with every bite: the Samuel L. Jackson of condiments yelled at my tastebuds in his hoarsest voice, “I’M VINEGAR, BITCH!” This dominated the proceedings.

Similarly less than badass was a special: the duck prosciutto salad. This special salad wasn’t that special. A tiny pile of frisee was all tangled up, on top of a couple slices of duck prosciutto, red and white like meaty candy canes, with thin slices of bosc pear. It was fine, and hardly what I would call a misstep, but it wasn’t good enough compared to the utterly awesome dishes that were to come.

Like the poutine ($12). These motherfuckers make a version of Canada’s national dish so good, that the entire nation of Canada should swear allegiance to the Coterie Room and become the Coterie Room’s janitor. Seriously, every single component of this dish was better than the last: the fried Beecher’s cheese curds were like little nuggety nuggets of deep-fried deliciousness. The fries were possibly among the best French fries I have ever eaten. The gravy was

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silken and salty. And the braised pork shoulder was magical: these molecular gastronomy assholes must have performed some molecular gastronomy on the pork shoulder because it was way too pink (cured with nitrites, maybe?), and so tender it fell apart when you looked at it. I was so surprised by how this dish tasted, my face looked like a botox job gone awry for hours afterward.

The Parisian gnocchi special ($25), was similarly delicious: soft cylinders of dough swam lazily through a cheese sauce, with little cubes of guanciale and chanterelles. It was creamy and comforting and ALMOST perfect: the waiter promised us fried Brussels sprouts, but I called bullshit because there were maybe 4 fried Brussels sprouts leaves in the entire dish. I wanted more.

At this point an electrical disturbance on the sidewalk outside distracted me. A weird kid, clad in a Morbid Angel shirt and glowering from beneath his bangs, strode up to my table. “What the fuck are you doing, old man?” he demanded.

“Who are you?” I asked, but I already knew, because I’d been here before: my 14-year-old self was time traveling again.

“You know who I am, fuckface. You’re old. And fat.

And you’re eating BEETS AND COTTAGE CHEESE AND LIVER AND ASKING FOR MORE BRUSSELS SPROUTS. YOU MUST BE GAY YOU ELDERLY LOSER.” But I knew how to handle this punk. “Yes, that’s right. I MUST be gay. That’s because, unlike YOU, I no longer masturbate to the Sear’s catalog.”

14-year-old me didn’t see this one coming. “How did you know?”

“I LIVED IT, asshole. But don’t worry, next year Mom will start getting the Victoria’s Secret Catalog.

And the year after that, you’ll have the audio from the scrambled Spice Channel to work with. Sometimes you can clearly see a boob!”

I wasn’t done humiliating the little prick. I gestured to my lovely and talented companion. “You see this tall, blonde, big tittied woman I’m dining with? YOU HAVE DECLINED SEX WITH HER! REPEATEDLY!” 14-year-old me was thoroughly chastised. “Don’t be such an asshole.”

But I wasn’t done. “You need to understand that times change, little man. What you think is cool now will suck in a couple years. That’s just the way of the world, dude!”

“No way!” he huffed. “Metallica will always kick your ass!”

“Guess what? They just recorded a shitty album with LOU REED on vocals instead of James Hetfield.

Do you remember who Lou Reed is? That geezer Dad always sings along to on the radio? ‘Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side?’ Remember that shit? THAT IS LOU REED AND METALLICA SOLD OUT AND TIMES CHANGE BITCH.” “No!” Completely flabbergasted, he sat heavily

down at the table next to us, with an old lady vainly trying to finish the Wagyu Sirloin. Unfortunately, that old lady would never finish it. At $50, it was the most expensive thing on the menu, but that’s okay because this was a huge family style plate. That price got the old lady 7 or 8 big slices of steak, which must have been cooked sous vide for days because it was so fucking soft, and beefy like a bunch of firemen, coated in a miles-deep demiglace. This magnificent steak sat atop a fluffy layer of ricotta mashed potatoes, attractively piped, old-school, into foamy bunting around the steak.

In the middle was a hidden undersea treasure of some glazed carrots and a little diced squares of braised endive.

Just as delicious was the family-style seared trout ($28). This was astonishingly cheap since this is the price for a meal for two. We got two unnervingly perfect rectangles of trout filet, the skin still on, gleaming like hammered steel, tarnished brown on the edges. The flesh was nutty and delicate like Crispin Gliver, and sat atop a pile of fregula, twined through with sautéed spinach leaves. On the bottom was a mellow green smear of pistou. By this point my 14-year-old self had recovered from the shock of visiting this futuristic dystopia, where Metallica sucks, and he would eventually love liver and beets and Brussels sprouts and sometimes be too tired for sex.

“What’s fregula?” he asked?

“Pasta shaped like tiny leprechaun balls.” I replied “What’s pistou?”

“A fancy French name for pureed herbs and shit.”

He seemed disoriented.

“Don’t worry,” I told him. “You’ll obviously be fine.

Let me give you this tip from the future: buy as much stock in Apple Computers as you possibly can.”

“Apple?” he seemed nonplussed. “That shitty computer in English class? All that’s good for is ‘Oregon Trail.’”

“Trust me. Buy Apple Computers and this company called Amazon. And Microsoft. And also, stop Bin Laden.”

“Stop who?”

“Never mind, here’s dessert.” My 14-year-old self needed a break from all of these astonishing revelations, so we split the pineapple sorbet with white chocolate soil and candied pineapple ($8). This dessert veered into molecular gastronomy territory: on the bottom was a sandy and bland dusting of powdery chocolate “soil.” On top, shingles of candied pineapple stabbed into the quenelle of sorbet. They could’ve just given me a modest scoop of the sorbet, graced oldschool with a mint sprig, and I would’ve been happy.

My 14-year-old self, on the other hand, was bowled over: “Holy shit this is delicious!” he raved.

But we’d also ordered the Cinnamon fritters, also $8, which should more accurately be called “awesome flavor balls.” They weren’t overpowered by cinnamon flavor, light and airy, dusted in cinnamon sugar, and accompanied by a luscious caramel sauce which would be totally appropriate if licked off of tits.

“These desserts of the future kick ass!” my 14-year-old self gushed.

It was time for a life lesson: “Listen,” I told him.

“Everything changes eventually. Restaurant Zoe used to be in this very building, and it was awesome. And I was sad to see it go, and that’s okay. But then this place opened, and it’s even better! Someday you will paradoxically think that Buddhists are lame, while simultaneously agreeing with their axiom: ‘life doesn’t change; life IS change.’ When you realize that a static, unchanging existence is not only futile, it’s also uninteresting, then, my young friend, will you be truly wise.”

My 14-year-old self pondered this a moment.

Finally he stood up. “You know, you’re right. I learned a valuable lesson today!”

If any other 14-year-old had said this I would’ve experienced a heartwarming moment of bonding with him, but I was, of course, intimately acquainted with this particular asshole. “I learned,” he sneered, “that in 21 years I’ll turn into a total PUSSY!” Then, before I could issue a cutting retort about the time he almost shit his pants in trigonometry class, the time machine called him back to 1990 and he blinked out of sight. That little bitch had gotten the last word. If I hadn’t known that this was going to happen, I would’ve been totally pissed. But at least I had eaten a delicious meal.

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STONED TREATS

by Zak Weedman

Black Thorn Pizza

3735 Wyoming St in St Louis, MO

The first thing you notice about Black Thorn Pub’s Chicago-style pizza is its weight; the thick layer of cheese filled crust and endless mound of toppings surprises the strongest arm. It’s like lifting a small child from the counter instead of a pizza, but that’s because it’s not a pizza at all, it’s a meat pie covered in Cheese – and I do mean covered. Asking for extra cheese on the phone brings a muffled chuckle, followed by a warning against such poor thoughts. Then there’s the aroma of garlic and onion and meat that leaks from the box like a nuclear meltdown filling the bar, and your vehicle when picked up, with an intoxicating buzz. The temptation to pull over and gorge is truly overwhelming, and barely resistible.

Blackthorn Pub is located on the corner of Wyoming and Spring, a neighborhood joint with worn wooden booths and a punkish feel on any given night. It doesn’t look like a place that would be known for food while driving past, much less pizza. Maybe that’s why it took us a year to connect the rumors of St. Louis’ best pizza to the bar. What sucks about Black Thorn’s pizza is they don’t deliver. Why should they? Their pizza is so craved that locals drive across town through the worst conditions – rain, sleet and snow, even buzzed – to snag one of these pies. But the best thing about being buzzed and having one in your vehicle if pulled over by one of St. Louis’ finest is that when the mere scent of the pie hits his or her tongue, they’ll forget why the pulled you over... then maybe even ask for a slice as a gift. But this pie is so tasty, you’ll think twice before giving up a piece, even to avoid a DUI!

M

y dear Capricorn, if friends or foes or fairy-tale astrologists have you believing that your only worry this month is Postpartum Holiday Depression, you are gravely mistaken. The rich and fatty foods that you drowned with eggnog and wine after all your excessive spending to make friends and loved ones believe you posses more wealth that you actually do is the least of your problems.

Don’t beat yourself up over the extra pounds and new debt; a chunk of that blame lies at the feet of our corporate media. Who can honestly resist the temptation to eat, shop and be merry during these dire times when they choose to shove gluttony and foolish spending down our throat twenty-four hours a day for two months straight? Forget subliminal, it’s mass propaganda!

Let me help. First, take the PHD at face value, as just another ploy by society to make reason of your guilt for indulging in all the gluttonous behavior they helped encourage. And certainly don’t buy into the pressure of New Year’s resolutions that our media begins to apply to our psyche when all the fun ends. However, if you feel that you need medical attention, their websites have links to doctors to help you, as long as you can afford the visit and the drugs after all the shopping. Think about it! No wonder you’re depressed. Once again, these factors are certainly relevant to what ill fate may await you this month, but they’re only the sweat dripping off of your ass while you run mile after mile on the treadmill with a head full of real issues.

While the pounds melt away, understand that for you, believing fairy-tale astrologist will do more harm than good, associating your miserable birth with famous Capricorns like Marilyn Manson, David Bowie, and Jimmy Page. Right now, you’re feeling more like another famous Capricorn, Mel Gibson, a goat with some real issues. Like you, he’s either sitting in front of the television with a rifle in his lap, or contemplating going out and getting one.

I wish that the stars and planets really made a difference for you this month, but if I go that deep I might as well have you get on your knees and pray to the some magical entity No planets, or gods, or magic numbers will save you; Only you can.

What does all this mean? It means that while Mel Gibson may be sitting in a handcrafted leather chair with a riffle in his lap wanting to end the entire Jewish world one shot at a time, he’s probably not going to do more than wish it. He’s a pussy with a lot to lose. You, on the other hand, have nothing in the first place. This makes you a dangerous Capricorn.

So, you’re sitting in your beat-up recliner, stressed for too many reason to list. What are you going to do to make the voices end? Whatever you do, don’t use your military training to harm others, especially since I know you were an expert marksman like John Allen Williams, another Capricorn from Louisiana. And under this current administration, I wouldn’t pursue your thoughts of joining the Nation of Islam and changing your name to Muhammad, either. And don’t buy the gun. These are all things that John Allen Williams did.

Then he joined up with Lee Boyd Malvo, moved to D.C. and shot and killed 16 people before he was arrested. You probably know this Capricorn better as John Allen Muhammad, one of the Beltway Snipers.

Now, as you sit there with Sinner and gun in hand wondering what your fate may be this January, consider a payday loan and a trip to one of those doctors for some good drugs to keep these dark thoughts only thoughts, not reality. If not, you could find your mug shot featured here next year, as another famous Capricorn serial killer.

Disclaimer: For all you crazy, weirdos out there, this horrorscope is for entertainment purposes only. It does not in any shape or form depict any real characters or situations in your near future. So please don’t kill anyone. Killings bad, MmmKay...

written by Matthew Gorman

Ghostly Monks

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ay back in July of 2005, I printed and wrote about some famous ghost photos for that issue’s installment of this column. One of those photos, reprinted here, depicted the translucent form of a ghostly monk beside a church altar.

The Reverend K.F. Lord snapped it sometime in the 1960s at England’s Newby Church. The Reverend had been simply photographing the church’s altar and saw no apparition until the picture was developed.

This photograph holds a particular significance for me, as it was the catalyst that sparked my lifelong obsession with the world of ghosts. I remember first encountering this photograph in a bookstore as a child where it was actually published in a children’s book about ghosts! In the many years since then I have had a multitude of personal supernatural experiences, including witnessing a fully formed apparition appear a foot from my face, but this picture continues to wield an eerie power over my imagination. Recently, while perusing Hans Holzer’s career comprehensive book Ghosts in yet another bookstore, I began to realize that sightings of phantom friars are more common than I had previously assumed. In fact, in researching this topic, I found more cases of abbeys, monasteries, and churches haunted by the specters of religious brethren than I could possibly hope to recount in this limited space. Herein, however, are contained some of the more interesting examples of these ghostly monks.

Accessible only via winding footpath in the high fields above the hamlet of Chapelfoot in Hertfordshire County, England lays the crumbling ruins of Minsden Chapel. The Chapel was constructed in the 14th century and has been abandoned since the 17th century; its only remaining occupant is the apparition of a monk who appears on Halloween. The monk is seen at midnight on All Hallow’s Eve ascending the

span of a spiral staircase that once existed there.

The ghostly monk appears to be what is known in ghost hunting circles as a “residual haunting”, wherein some event from the past is replayed over and over often at some appointed time. A man by the name of W.T. Latchmore managed to capture the ghostly monk on film in 1904.

Other phenomenon reported at Minsden include a glowing cross that appears on one of the chapel’s walls and the sound of the ringing of the chapel’s bells that were stolen long ago.

At Thornton Abbey in Lincolnshire, England the former 14th Century Abbot of Thornton, one Thomas de Gretham, reputedly haunts the gatehouse. By some accounts, Gretham was involved in witchcraft and the Black Arts and was walled up alive in a secret room within the Abbey as punishment. Another version of the tale has the Abbot falsely accused of these blasphemous crimes after he began a love affair with his student, Heloise, the fetching young daughter of one Sir William Wellan. After learning of his daughter and the Abbot’s relationship, it is said Wellan conspired with local officials to destroy the Abbot. Despite which version is the gospel truth, however, the Abbot was, indeed, walled up alive; his skeleton was found sitting upright at a desk when a renovation team discovered the secret chamber in the 1830s. His phantom haunts the Abbey and its grounds today, alternately sinister or lovelorn in appearance depending upon which side of the story one believes.

In Gloucester, England stands the mysterious Blackfriars Priory complex originally constructed in 1239 for the Dominican order. During restoration work in recent years a secret dungeon was unearthed wherein the remains of a child were found. Since then, sightings of a ghostly monk in a black habit have abounded throughout the priory. What correlation exists between the monk’s ghost and the disinterred skeleton

remains unclear, but witnesses believe the two to be inextricably linked. The ghost has even been sighted near the entrance to the underground dungeon on several occasions. The Department of Environment, who have been conducting the historical site’s renovation will make no official comment with regards to the haunting, but many DOE workers have claimed to have seen the spirit. Also, the workers reported doors locking by themselves on frequent occasions.

Considered to be one of the most haunted places in Britain, Beaulieu Abbey, in the heart of England’s New Forest, has played host to an order of ghostly cenobites for well over a hundred years. The phantoms are said to be those of the Cistercian monks who first arrived at the Abbey from France in 1204. The Reverend Robert Frazer Powles, who served as Vicar at Beaulieu from 1886 until 1939, was intimately familiar with the monastic spirits frequently making comments to the effect of, “Brother Simon was here again last night. I heard his boots squeak.”

The Reverend often saw the many ghosts as well, particularly during services in the Abbey’s chapel. The phantom strains of a Gregorian chant can often be heard on a still night at the Abbey, and typically follows the death of someone in the nearby village.

The town of Pluckley, Kent is considered to be the most haunted in all of England, with dozens of separate hauntings throughout the township’s environs. The old rectory cottage near St. Nicholas’ Church is, or at least it was, haunted by the ghost of a 16th Century monk likely executed for practicing Catholicism at a time in England when the religion was banned. It is also likely that he served as a secret confessor for a Tudor lady who resided in the nearby Rose Court, and by some accounts he fell in love with her. His shadowy form was seen cast upon the walls of new homes in the area as his ghost walked the pathway he once did in life, but sightings dropped off completely and inexplicably after 1954.

And yes, even the famed Westminster Abbey itself is not without its resident ghostly monk.

The spirit is called Father Benedictus and he can be observed floating through the Abbey’s long cloisters in the early evening times, usually around five or six o’clock at night. Witnesses describe the ghost as appearing quite solid and, in fact, people have mistaken him for an actual member of the living clergy on occasion. In 1932, two American tourists recounted that they had a long conversation with the ghost. They remarked that the apparition had been very polite and well mannered. Still, there remains an air of foreboding within the Abbey, something not hard to imagine when you realize that the edifice is, in actuality, really just one giant tomb. Since its construction by Edward the Confessor in 1066 over 3,300 people have been interred beneath the Abbey’s tombs and cloisters. Perhaps it takes a Father Benedictus to watch over the other wandering souls that dwell there, some of which may not be so nice.

While England certainly seems replete with tales and encounters of ghostly monks, its churches and Abbeys are by no means the only ones occupied by monastic spirits. Take, for example, the enigmatic Rosslyn Chapel in Scotland, long famed for its connections with the Knights Templar and the origins of Freemasonry. The chapel has had more than its share of paranormal activity over the centuries, including numerous sightings of ghostly monks.

One apparition appears clad in grey robes while another ghost wears black. They appear both inside and outside of the chapel. A curator at the chapel once witnessed a ghostly monk kneeling before an altar in prayer while four phantom knights formed a protective perimeter around the genuflecting apparition. Other phenomenon associated with Rosslyn include strange noises and unexplained gusts of wind within the chapel’s crypts.

The Isle of Iona, off the coast of Scotland, is considered to be extremely haunted, and with good reason; the entire island is littered with ancient graveyards. Many generations of Irish, Norwegian, as well as Scottish kings were buried on Iona, and processions of ghostly monks seem to guard over these royal resting places. A monastery founded on the island by St. Columba in 563 was once the living home to this now ghostly order. So many of these long dead Columban monks, with their brown robes and hemp belts, have been seen upon the Angel’s Hill area of Iona, in fact, that locals fear to tread there after dark. The monks travel in a silent procession, and are sometimes accompanied by twinkling blue ghost lights.

So what are we to make of so many of these ghostly monks? Why is it that across the British Isles, and all throughout Europe if truth be told, the ghosts of former monks seem to haunt nearly every old church or monastery? Perhaps they remain behind to serve a similar purpose to the one they did in life. Many psychics believe the ghostly monks to be a special class of spirits that serve as protectors to the sacred places that they inhabit or to people in need of their aid.

One interesting phenomenon that may or may not involve ghostly monks is that many people have reported awakening in the middle of the night to find a robed and hooded figure standing next to or at the foot of their beds. I can even recall this even happening to myself as a child, and it really freaked me the fuck out! Some would understandably assume that it was some dark spirit such as the Grim Reaper, some specter of death, that had visited their bedside, but what if instead it had been the benevolent presence of the ghostly brethren who may yet be watching over the flock of the living?

Think Outside The Cage with Kendra Holliday of The Beautiful Kind

How Do I Spread My Wings?

Dear Kendra, I am 24 and divorced. My marriage was a bad decision followed by many more bad decisions. While in that relationship I did a lot of things sexually that I did not want to do/was not comfortable with in order to keep my partner happy and sexually satisfied and overall “approving” of me. (I do not intend this to be a blame situation at all, I am a grown woman and take responsibility for my decisions.)

These things ranged from anal sex to group sex and encouraging me to try and convince girlfriends to have sex with us/him while also encouraging me to go out and have sex with other men then come home and tell him about it.

I had very low self esteem at the time (and in all honesty it still isn’t very high) and so I was feeling pressure to do this in order to obtain approval and simultaneously filled with jealousy, self loathing, and resentment because I did not want to do it and saw it as proof that I was not sexually satisfying or attractive.

At this point I would like to note that I don’t see any of those things as bad, in fact it leads me to my specific question: I am currently in a “new” relationship with a man I trust and I am starting to find an interest in sex or exploration of a woman, threesomes (both MMF and FFM), and having him watch as I have sex with another man.

We currently talk about these things during sex and engage in some mild Dom/Sub and bondage–I think he would be prepared to try anything for me so it isn’t actually convincing him that I want to try these things that’s the problem.

The problem is that I don’t know when I will be ready to expose myself to these situations again without going back to those negative feelings from before. He is fully aware of my past and very respectful about making sure I am comfortable with anything before we try it.

Do you have any advice for me on how to ease into these things? What is the best way to come in to contact with potential like-minded partners in a non-pressure, no expectations atmosphere? ~Wanting to Spread ‘Em Dear Spread ‘Em, Your ex-partner is an inconsiderate, manipulative, selfish, mentally abusive asshole. But you knew that, that’s why you divorced him. Hopefully he will learn his lesson and treat his next partner with more respect and consideration.

Anyway, sounds like you learned something from the experience and would like another crack at owning your sexuality, and doing it ON YOUR TERMS. Luckily you have a kind, understanding willing partner now who can support you in this endeavor.

It’s better to take your new sex journey in small steps. Spend a lot of time discussing possible scenarios before you jump into something hardcore.

You can even ease into it by playing sexy board games like 7 Deadly Sins, Dirty Minds, Sex on the Brain, 1001 Nights of Sex. Get involved in the sexpositive community. Attend some events (sexstl. com/calendar) and meet some like-minded folks in a non-threatening, friendly environment.

Know that if you do overstep in some way and things get yucky (like oops it wasn’t such a good idea for you to pick up that guy at the bar after all), it doesn’t mean that oh god everything is ruined forever. It means you made a mistake, and you’ll talk about it, process it, and move on.

And don’t forget that a victim is someone who allows their past to dictate and limit their current life choices and behavior. A survivor is someone who takes those past traumas and builds upon them to become stronger.

ask@thebeautifulkind.com www.thebeautifulkind.com Got a sex, relationship, BDSM or fetish related question? Ask your local sexpert, Kendra Holliday, Writer & Editor of The Beautiful Kind, and Co-Founder of Sex Positive St. Louis.

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

This, I Shamelessly Tell You

Enjoying the New Neighborhood Even More: Some Highs and Lows of the Past Year

by James Stansberry

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North St Louis Mandina’s 1319 St Louis Ave Dutch Town Friendly’s 3503 Roger Pl South County Steel & Ink Studio 3561 Ritz Center MOFO The Silver Ballroom 4701 Mofo Rd at Itaska Tin Hat 3157 Mofo Rd South City Shameless Grounds 2650 Sidney The Heavy Anchor 5226 Gravois

Jefferson Ave Bistro 3701 S Jefferson Ave Cherokee District Apop Records 2831 Cherokee St Downtown Crack Fox 1114 Olive St Soulard Shanti Tavern 825 Allen DB’s Sportsbar 1615 S Broadway Laclede Landing Show Me’s 724 N 2nd St Big Daddy’s 118 Morgan St

Affton Bob’s Liquor 9347 Gravois Rd Overland Just Bill’s 2543 Woodson Rd Priscilla’s 10210 Page Ave Central West End 34 Club 34 N Euclid Tom’s Bar & Grill 20 S Euclid The Grove Just John’s 4112 Manchester Ave The Atomic Cowboy 4140 Manchester Ave

For a complete list of our distibution points, log on to www.facebook.com/saintlouissinner

elcome dear readers, you who have been following my journey to become more in touch with my male self and become James. It’s been an interesting time, for sure, as my slave/sweetie and I finally are out of the hell hole that used to be our home, and into a much better space (still not telling the location, as I’m not sure if my stalker, the reason I left the old place, might be reading this). The boxes (except for one under the living room table, that I can’t figure what to do with) are all unpacked, and we’re getting ready to take down my over-decorated Christmas tree, and all the decorations, to start 2012 for reals. One of the best things about last year was that my affirmation to not spend another Christmas in my old place came true.

We’ve already been out and about in dress, (that being: me as James, and my sweetie, who normally wears boy drag for the day job, in her gorgeous, girl best) and no one in the new neighborhood has even so much as batted an eyelash. Well, one clerk, at a store I’ve totally fallen in love with, did sort of stare a bit longer than usual when sweetie and I first shopped there a couple of months back now, but no one else shopping there even gave us a second glance. Also, our new grocery stores have seen my sweetie in boy drag, and in her finest girl dress, and no one’s giving us any hassles, so we’re just too happy. Definitely a better place to be, and I honestly can’t wait for Spring to explore the area even more.

I’d definitely call the move one of the highs of 2011, and the whole stalker thing one of the lows. Also, as I write this, I’m trying desperately to figure out how to replace my monthly tarot reading gig as I will no longer be doing that. Definitely a low of 2011. Adding to that low is the fact that I’m also struggling to pay my electric bill, which is way over due, and negotiate some kind of affordable settlement on the bill for my recent move. Let’s just say SHA is definitely living in a dream world by imagining I’m able to whip out the kind of money they’re asking for. I’m hoping a high of 2012 will be them being reasonable and letting me off with a sensible payment plan that allows for me and sweetie to still be able to afford one or two new garments from the thrift store to add to our Trans wardrobes, and maybe see a movie or two this year. Keeping my fingers crossed on this one.

Another high of last year was introducing myself as James to our new neighbors and not having anyone overreact. I don’t think some of them actually get it, since to most folks, I think I just look like a heavy duty Dyke. I still get called ma’am by a lot of folks, but I’m hoping getting new glasses (courtesy of my healthcare plan getting changed to include benefits the state took away last year...a definite low there), and wearing more boy clothes will alleviate this.

Mostly though, I’m not suffering any angst over it as I know who I am. I pretty much think it’s going to be a good year and am having positive thoughts on bringing in new tarot business, as well as doing more writing. Who knows, maybe this is the year I finally break onto the scene as the next Stephen King, or Anne Rice. I’m sure going to try.

This, I shamelessly tell you!

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Seattle, WA