Evening of Remembrance Order of Service Autumn 2020

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Evening of Remembrance

Seasons of Love and Loss September 2020



Welcome We hope the following selection of poems and readings give you comfort and peace.

Surviving in the Sea of Grief by G Snow (an extract)

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.


In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a place, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or a family occasion, You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out. Take it from one who knows the waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too.


I Heard Your Voice in the Wind Today (Unknown) I heard your voice in the wind today and I turned to see your face; The warmth of the wind caressed me as I stood silently in place. I felt your touch in the sun today as its warmth filled the sky; I closed my eyes for your embrace and my spirit soared high. I saw your eyes in the window pane as I watched the falling rain; It seemed as each raindrop fell it quietly said your name. I held you close in my heart today it made me feel complete; You may have died...but you are not gone you will always be a part of me. As long as the sun shines... the wind blows... the rain falls... You will live on inside of me forever for that is all my heart knows.


They Have Gone based on a short verse by David Harkins You can shed tears that they have gone, Or you can smile because they have lived. You can close your eyes and pray that they come back, Or you can be full of the love that you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember them and only that they have gone Or you can cherish their memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what they would want; smile, open your eyes, love and go on.


A moment to remember...

I Will Be There Written and sung by Helen Summers I will be there when the weight of darkness overwhelms you; I will be there when you sink beneath a sea of tears. When fear and doubt, like mighty warriors, assault you, Do not despair, for I’ll be there. I will be there when your dreams are fading into shadows; I will be there when the flame of hope no longer shines; And when you stand, and face the hurricane before you, Do not despair, for I’ll be there.


Then you will feel the power of love that is within you, And you will know, you’re not alone. Your path will clear, like mist retreating from the mountains; And in my heart, you’ll find your home. I will be there when those you trusted will desert you; I will be there when you’re lying beaten and ashamed. When morning comes, and still the sunlight cannot reach you, Do not despair, for I’ll be there.


I Am There by Iris Hesselden Look for me when the tide is high And the gulls are wheeling overhead When the autumn wind sweeps the cloudy sky And one by one the leaves are shed Look for me when the trees are bare And the stars are bright in the frosty sky When the morning mist hangs on the air And the shorter darker days pass by. I am there, where the river flows And salmon leap to a silver moon Where the insects hum and the tall grass grows And sunlight warms the afternoon I am there in the busy street I take you hand in the city square In the market place where the people meet In your quiet room—I am there. I am the love you cannot see And all I ask is—look for me.


Prayer of Remembrance In the rising of the sun and in its going down, we remember them. In the blowing of the wind of autumn and in the chill of winter, we remember them. In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring, we remember them. In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, we remember them.


Service of Remembrance Welcome and opening prayer God our hope and strength, be with us now in this time of sorrow and questioning. Grant us peace and bring us the light of your ever-present care and compassion, revealed to us in the ministry of Jesus Christ our Lord. Help us to hear your words of comfort and promise, to see your love at work among those whom we love, and to know your healing and holding presence in our own lives, through the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Psalm 121 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.


The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Bible Reading—John 11: 25-36 Jesus comforts Mary and Martha after the death of Lazarus Jesus said to Martha, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.” After she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside. “The Teacher is here,” she said, “and is asking for you.”


When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When the people who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there. When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the people who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the people said, “See how he loved him!”


Homily Questions. What ifs. What if our loved one had gone for a checkup sooner? What if we had got a second opinion, tried a different course of treatment? What if I had told them what they really meant to me, how much I loved them? What if I had been there when they died? It is a very human and a very understandable response to bereavement. We don’t want it to be true. Or, even if we feel the death was a release from suffering, we don’t want the suffering to be true. Mary expresses that longing, when she says to Jesus, “if only you had been there, my brother would not have died.” We know only a little of Mary, Martha and Lazarus, but in this passage, we see that they were a loving family, that they had friends and neighbours to support them, and that they were close to Jesus. Yet the pain of Lazarus’ death cut deep. Even when we have good support, grief is hard to bear.


Although they were a close family, Mary and Martha are contrasting characters. They don’t always agree. We know from Luke’s gospel that Martha is a do-er, always busy looking after everyone’s needs, while Mary feels deeply and focusses her full attention on Jesus, when he visits their house. Perhaps we relate more to one than the other. Here in John’s gospel, when they are mourning their brother’s death, they both tell Jesus quite bluntly what they think, how they feel. And when they do, they also express their faith and belief in Jesus. To put it another way, Mary and Martha’s question is: why? Why did Lazarus die? Why him? Why now? It doesn’t make sense to them, just as we often struggle to make sense of the death of a loved one, especially when it comes sooner than expected. What is Jesus’ answer? At the beginning of this extract, he offers the ultimate answer, which is Jesus himself: “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.” Martha clearly believes that. I’m sure Mary did too. But it isn’t enough comfort for them now. And so, at the end of this passage, Jesus brings himself to Martha and Mary in a different way. He is deeply moved and troubled. He wants to see for himself. He wants to be with them, to weep with them. He too has lost someone he loved. Lazarus was his good friend. Mary and Martha are his good friends. He feels for them in their grief as well as his own.


So too, in our own loss and grief, Jesus doesn’t offer only the promise of his resurrection, of our life to come. We may not be ready to hear that. Jesus knows what it is to suffer. He wants to be with us, to spend time with us, as long as it takes, to sit with us and weep, whoever we are.

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Prayers A prayer for courage: Courage comes from the heart and we are always welcomed by God, the heart of all being. We bear witness to our faith, knowing that we are called to live lives of courage, love and reconciliation in the ordinary and extraordinary moments of each day. We bear witness, too, to our failures and our complicity in the fractures of our world. May we be courageous today. May we learn today. May we love today. Amen.


A prayer for peace: Peace be upon our breath. Peace be upon our eyes. Peace be upon our sleep. Amen.

A prayer for remembering: God, who remains here alongside us, within us, be with us as we remember those who have died, those whose tender hands we held and washed, those who held and washed us. Wait with us as we share our memories, the private thoughts we treasure, the life lived and the what may yet be. Amen.

The Lord’s Prayer Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. They kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give s this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses. As we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.


Blessing  Let nothing disturb you, nothing frighten you; all things are passing, God never changes. Patient endurance attains to all things. Whom God possesses in nothing is wanting; God alone suffices. Amen.  Loving God, your love is as close to us as our own hands and feet. Send us into your world to love each other, sure that you love us. Help us to live in that love, wherever we go, whatever we do. Amen.


St Luke's Hospice Bereavement Support Tel: 01606 551246 E-mail: vrccg.familysupportandcounsellingteam@nhs.net The Evening of Remembrance and Service of Remembrance Autumn 2020 is produced by the Family Support & Counselling and Spiritual Care and Chaplaincy Teams. Thank you to all. Special thanks to Andy Summers for his invaluable help and contributions in making this month’s Evening of Remembrance. Feedback or suggestions for future Evenings of Remembrance are very welcome.


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