Sentinel february 2011

St. Luke’s School

377 North Wilton Road - New Canaan, CT - 06840

February, 2011

Why They Do It Henry Clayton Sports Editor

Courtesy of Sentinel Staff The winter musical launches February 25th and 26th. Get tickets in advance!

Love-Sick Sailors, Anyone?

Students Feel the Crunch

Emily Bergmann Staff Writer

Jenna Decatur Co-Editor

In the wake of this winter’s Snowpocalyptic Snowmaggedon, we could all use a nice vacation.

Preferably somewhere warm. The passengers on the cruise liner in Anything Goes echo this sentiment, singing “and there’s no cure like travel to help you unravel/the worries of living today”.

For those unfamiliar, Anything Goes is a farce set on a ship headed to London from New York. This 1934 Cole Porter musical starts with Billy Crocker (Christian Langalis ‘12), a worker on Wall Street, falling hard for a young woman he had a missed connection with in a taxi.

His boss, Elijah J. Whitney (Colin McIntire ‘12), is about to make a business deal in London, and is boarding the S.S. American.

Cabaret singer and former evangelist Reno Sweeney (Molly Brown ‘11), Billy’s friend, will also be on the American. As Billy is bidding them “bon voyage,” he spots his mysterious dream girl, heiress Hope Harcourt (Charlotte Bergmann ’12) with her mother, Mrs. Harcourt (Julianne Wilson ’11) and her British fiancé, Sir Evelyn Oakleigh (Vitaly Fetissov ’11). Billy hops on the ship at the last minute with hopes of winning over his dream girl.

“Moonface” Martin (Jeff Joseph ’11), a mediocre gangster and his companion Bonnie (Zoë Smock ’12) disguise themselves as a missionaries and are unknowingly helped

by Billy. They, being second-rate at their job, leave their leader, “Snake Eyes” Johnson, behind. As thanks to Billy, the gangsters let him have Snake Eyes’ passport and ticket without disclosing the identity of the owner.

The show is a fun filled ride of mixed identities, lovesick sailors, drinking, and half naked evangelists.

Molly Brown has also taken on the tough role of choreographer this year, and has been doing a fine job.

Anything Goes, directed by Dale Griffa and Susan Doran, will be performed on Friday, February 26th and Saturday, February 27th.

"I don't like it. The days are so long that I'm always tired. I drag myself out of bed every morning, and cry myself to sleep every night." Although this is the opinion of second semester senior Theo Kelly, I think it's safe to say we all feel the same way about the schedule change. While the 7 snow days, 1 delay, and 1 early dismissal were fun and cheery at the time, I don't think any of us expected the attack of the all classes days.

Clearly, we had to make up these days somehow. Rumors of Saturday classes, the elimination of March exams, and the extension of the school year were all circling about until a conclusion was established. Last Monday, a special joint meeting of the academic and administrative councils met after school before the double snow day. Speaking for the administration, English Department Head Mr. Flachsbart says, "the idea of all classes days was not so much for making up for lost time, but rather to regain continuity and order in the schedule.” The idea of eliminating March exams was rejected as well, he explained, because that would defeat the purpose of an important new educational initiative.

Also, no one wanted to add onto the school year, for the productivity at that time of year is very poor due to the weather and students tend to 'tune out'." As we are all aware, the administration decided on all classes days until March break, an action that has caused an uproar in the St. Luke's community at least during the first couple days of its enactment. Senior class representative Tom Delano says, "With the options being considered by the administration, it was really just picking your poison for the school. All classes days are better than extending school, but why can't they just get rid of exam week and make every student and teacher happy?" All classes days have not been beneficial to anyone; however, we might as well make the most of them since there's absolutely nothing we can do to change the weather.

52 seconds is about all the time a skier has to go for glory. Each racer tucks and launches himself down an icy chute and into a white abyss, heart racing and face being whipped by the biting wind, cascading down the steep face of a mountain with gravity as his only discernable teammate. He closes his eyes to blink. He opens them and he’s crossed the finish line. Upon finishing, whether making first place or last, the racer is done for the day, and eager to stand in the frigid cold to cheer for his teammates as they make their grave descent. As the sky grows dark and all have completed the endeavor, it is now back to the bus to make the long trip home.

This is the life of a St. Luke’s skier, and I’m here to tell you why they do it.

It recently occurred to me that the Ski Team was the one St. Luke’s sports team that had not yet been covered in the Sentinel this year. It’s quite ironic, as they are arguably the most fascinating team on campus. Well, actually, they’re not exactly on campus, which probably accounts for their lack of recognition among the school community. It’s not like we have our own private ski mountain, which would indeed be sweet. No, their venue is about 50 miles north of the hilltop, at Mount Southington.

Located in Wolcott, Connecticut, Southington is shared by schools of all types all throughout New England. Twice a week, the Storm skiers, a coed squad of nine kids, makes the haul up to the mountain to hit the slopes. With one race day and the other reserved for training, the amount of actual skiing they do is slim. While at practice they enjoy a few solid runs, at races, each skier gets less than a minute of downhill motion. What takes up a majority of the Ski Team’s time is a grueling workout regime on dry land, consisting of weight training, endurance and agility exercises.

The hours of arduous physical exertion make up the huge commitment required of SLS skiers. Many would question whether it’s worth it. All that hard work for a few seconds of downward plunge once a week, in front of no fans to speak of, sounds hardly convincing.

However, to the kids on the team, the passion is shared in the undying commitment to one another. As the season progresses, these nine kids form a special bond through the hardships they face each and every day. Skiing is a labor of love for most, especially for the two senior captains, Cort LaBanca and Lily Holland. Lily Holland reflects with nostalgia on her four years with the program: “I decided to do ski team my freshman year because I had always loved to ski and wanted to continue racing. I kept going back every year because I love the feeling of racing and the super fun team!” As the competition gets steeper, the wind gets colder, and the training gets tougher, the SLS skiers keep their heads up, for the bond will always be there.

Inside this issue...

Bachelors at SLS

Elephants!

Maria’s Facts

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February 2011

HILLTOP NEWS

St. Luke’s School’s Most Eligble Bachelors Annabelle Duncan & Caroline Hopkins Staff Writers Single and looking? Let’s be honest, if you’re reading the Sentinel right now, you probably are. It’s that time of year again, ladies- Valentine’s Day. Each February, St. Luke’s girls long to receive a candy gram from that special someone. Only problem: he doesn’t exist. HA! Have we got a treat for you! Word on the hilltop is these eight highly eligible bachelors are currently on a soulsearching mission for someone to make them a good hearty sandwich (just kidding!). So read up below, ladies, and find out what really makes each of these SLS hotties’ hearts throb. And don’t worry; we’ve gone out of our way to select the finest of bachelors. Nothing but gentlemen and nice guys here!

Jake Archey:

The infamous Prince Charming of the St. Luke’s community, Jake can be found through Twitter or SingleReallyReallyNiceGuys. com. Jake is said to be looking for a kindred spirit, more than willing to attend his various cross-country meets (at Waveny) and baseball games- posters and foam fingers in hand!

His notorious implementation of emoticons will have you constantly checking your phone for texts in no time.

for a cruise in no time.

Daniel Kagan: This ruthless man will literally tear you apart. He is a god in school and out of school. He wil crush you. It is rumored that Dan once fought 300 Spartans and won. Ladies watch out for this one because he will make you either run in terror or fall head over heals in love.

Mackenzie Dowling: This scuba stud has been recently reported as “single and definitely ready to mingle.” Dedicated Dean’s Council member, superstar lax player and academic world quest master, Mackenzie “Mack” Dowling will be sure to bring out the “fun guy” in all of you ladies this Valentine’s Day. Adam Cusack Connolly: Looking for a “manly man” who refuses to shed a tear whilst enjoying a romantic Nicholas Sparks movie night?

Adam is most definitely not your man! So bring out The Notebook and a box of tissues!

Oh and take it from us, ladies, this is one boy you’ll be begging to introduce to the family.

Samuel Badger Fuller: If you’re into quality transportation then Sam “FullDawg” Fuller is certainly your man. Free romantic boat rides on the serene Long Island Sound and unlimited rides in the hunter green convertible Saab will have you begging

Editor in Chief Theodor Trampe Co-Editor Jenna Decatur

Henry Nelson: This bachelor’s passion for the ladies is most admirably reflective of his distinguished fiery mane.

Henry enjoys pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, and of course the SLS junior parking lot.

Theodor Trampe: Here he is: the crème de la crème of SLS bachelors.

Editor in Chief of the Sentinel, this golden blonde dreamboy will have you begging for a ride in his eco-friendly Prius before you can say “Starbucks Via.”

Giuseppe Bonaddio:

Having troubles with insensitive jerks and players?

JOE BONADDIO WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! Simply put, Giuseppe “Joe” Bonaddio will make YOU one less lonely girl this Valentine’s day!

The Sentinel Staff

Top 10: Rejected Romantic Novels 10. Mildred’s Suprise 9. Loving Dick (Cheney) 8. Egypt Heat 7. Icelandic Explosion

Sports Editor Henry Clayton Arts Editor Ben Klein Staff Writers Annabelle Duncan Hannah Butman Maria Carlucci Sebastian Bates Caroline Hopkins Emily Bergmann Alex Robertson Kevin Jahns Walker Thompson Nikki Bennett-Fite Contributing Writers Elina Berglund Lily Holland Brian Lobdell Megan Cullinane Caroline Chadwick Contributing Photographers The Internet Sentinel Staff Faculty Advisor Mr. Flachsbart

6. Animal Farm 5. Skeet Shootin’ with Sarah Palin 4. Rise and Fall of an Empire 3. Our Summer in Newark 2. Snowed In with Howie 1. Battle of the Bulge

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February 2011

End Of the World Cancelled for Valentine’s Day Stephen Flachsbart Advisor

OK – I take it back. Maybe Valentine’s Day is OK after all. Yes, I still hate Jane Austen Novels and the color pink, but it may just be possible that this silly holiday saved the world!

Just think back to 2 weeks ago: it was snowing every other day, the roads were so narrow only a MiniCooper could fit down them; our roofs were about to cave in from the weight of the snow, and every time we went out the door we risked getting impaled by icicles.

The words Apocalypse and Armageddon were on everyone’s lips.

But now lips are free for kissing since the end of the world has been averted. You see, it would have eclipsed Valentine’s Day, of all things!

To be honest, I’m still working on the exact chain of events, but I think it goes something like this: God was thinking, “OK, these silly humans have done it this time. First came Sarah Palin, then the Gulf oil spill, then full body scans at airports, and then Justin Bieber. These pernicious beings need to be smitten down before they damage the rest of the universe.”

So God decided to smother us with snow. First they’ll think it’s fun, he reasoned, then they’ll become absorbed by the Superbowl, and then, well, it’ll be too late.

When the end comes they can make their final tweets and Facebook postings, and well, just freeze their tails off.

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OPINION Romantic Advice from Walker’s Heart Walker Thompson Staff Writer

Dear Rejected in Rowayton,

As Oscar Wilde once said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Once he’s gone there there’s no turning him around. Just remind him of the classical legends of Narcissus, & c.

Walker

Dear Walker,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a month.

I like her a lot; she’s funny & smart, but there’s one catch: she’s a terrible kisser. She slobbers everywhere and uses way too much tongue. What do I do?

“Disgusted in Darien” Dear Disgusted in Darien,

I would advise you to test the pH of her saliva.

Your science teacher will gladly give you some pH indicator. If the pH > 7.0, then you are obviously not right for each other; she’d just be too basic for you (pun obviously intended)!

Walker Dear Walker,

I’ve been going out w/Barbara for 4 months now.

Everything’s great but her chewing tobacco problem is getting on my nerves. What should I do?

“Grossed out Greg”

But it seems that when God flipped his calendar to February to determine exactly which day the final smack down would occur (yes he still uses real paper wall calendars), he noticed that there were several special days. The first, Groundhog Day, he could work around, and the last, Presidents’ Day, didn’t matter, since it wasn’t a real President’s birthday anyhow; in fact it was a day of heightened commercial activity and annoying advertising.

Definitely before then, He decided.

Ah, but what’s this? He said, gazing at the middle of the month. Saint Valentine’s Day! Aarrgghh! How could God end the world in a month with an important holy holiday? It just couldn’t be done.

Fortunately for us, God didn’t realize that Valentine’s Day has become an absurd melodramatic event, when 4th graders pass out silly cartoon hearts to each other, and adolescents give members of the opposite gender candy (with the purest of motives, of course). And he certainly wasn’t aware of the extreme distress it causes most self-respecting men who are forced to run out and buy roses and truffles so their female cohorts won’t dump them.

Yes good thing he’s above all that!

Well, he figured at length, I guess I better give them one more chance, but next year if they don’t shape up, it’ll be volcanoes . . . too bad about wasting all that snow, though!

Dear Walker,

I went out with a really hot guy last weekend, but he seemed to prefer looking at himself in the mirror.

“Rejected in Rowayton”

Dear Grossed out Greg,

That’s a tough one. I’d advise you to tell her about all of the health risks/problems associated with chewing tobacco, with special emphasis on oral cancer.

If she doesn’t believe you, feel free to show her some extremely graphic photographs of such conditions and tell her to go out with a dental hygienist instead.

Walker Dear Walker,

I met a girl while I was playing World of Warcraft.

She is the only person I’ve ever met who is charming, pretty (or at least her character is), & able to kill a level 80 Shaman [sic]. I want to meet her in person, but how do I break the ice?

“Gamer in Greenwich” Dear Gamer in Greenwich,

I’ll have to do a bit of research in order to give you an answer; I don’t know what either “World of Warcraft” or “a level 80 Shaman” is. But I can address your general situation. I would advise you to first meet this girl in person. If you find her absolutely appalling (i.e. if the appearance of her online character is inaccurate) I would advise you to run screaming from the room and buy her some books to educate her.

Walker

Dear Walker,

I am as romantic as a car accident. HELP!!!

“Gloomy in Greenwich” Dear Gloomy in Greenwich,

I am sorry that your romantic life is such a train wreck. Here’s what you should do (all of the following points are arranged in an outline format in order to facilitate your comprehension; repeat individual steps as you feel is necessary): 1. Find a girl that you like

a. Follow her around and make empirical

scientific observations about her

a.i. If she sees you return to 1(0)

b. Ask her out. Either:

b.i. Come up to her at school

b.ii. Call her at home

b.ii.1. If 1(b)(ii) does not work

return to 1(b)(i)

c. If 1(b) does not work return to 1

d. If 1(a) works go to 2(a-c) 2. Take her out; if something occurs to inhibit you from doing this return to either 1(0) or 2(0) depending on the circumstances.

a. Find a cheap restaurant that you could pass up

as elegant

a.i. If she does not like it (the

restaurant) return to (1) or 2(a)(0)

a.ii. If she likes it proceed to 2(b) and 2(a)(iii)

a.iii. If she pretends you don’t exist and

it turns out you made a big mistake,

return to 1(0)

b. Bring a bunch of candles with you to create a

romantic mood for 2(c&d)

c. Take her out to dinner; see 2(b)

c.i. PRACTICE how to be charming

and romantic; see 2(b&d)

d. Try to be romantic & charming in accordance

with 2(c)(i)

e. Repeat 2 (a-d) [esp. 2(d)] and 1(a-d) as

necessary, esp if 2(d) fails Walker Dear Walker,

It is my ambition to go out with a different girl every week for a year. How should I proceed?

“Ambitious in Armonk” Dear Ambitious in Armonk,

My advice is that you do not do it. Statistics & probability indicate there is a 5100% greater chance that someone will discover your plan than if you go out w/only one girl all year.

Walker Dear Walker,

I have a problem. What do I do if a boy older than eighteen is interested in me and continues to harass me online?

“Disgruntled in Danbury” Dear Disgruntled in Danbury,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am sorry, but I have no advice to offer right now. I’ve used it all up on the first six letters. Try writing some other time.

Walker

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February 2011

ARTS Intimate Details

Long Live the King

The Roommate

Sebastian Bates Staff Writer

Emily Begmann Staff Writer

Jenna Decatur Co-Editor

Love Story is not the sort of book I would usually read- I don’t often read books that breathlessly trumpet that they tell “the story of a rich Harvard jock and a wisecracking Radcliffe music major who have nothing in common but love . . . and everything to share but time”but, as this is Valentine’s Day, I decided I would give it a shot.

All I can say is Romeo and Juliet it is not.

No doubt it’s a good book for those who have a taste for such literature. No doubt I am in the minority in my dislike of the novel: the Amazon.com reviews certainly prove that! But I must say that, for a book that is meant to make me “laugh…and lose [my] heart”, I have seldom been quite so unaffected by a book. Maybe this was just cynicism, but the book’s case was not helped by the simple language and overall fluff that the novel seemed to delight in. Perhaps this is part of the attraction? The story reads certainly more like a fairy tale than a novel, and rather more like more like a series of vignettes at that.

My chief complaint, however, was the triteness and stereotypes that that author, Erich Segal, occasionallyand gleefully- indulged in. As the first notable teenage romantic novel, it is clear that Love Story lay down a framework for every other romantic novel aimed at the YA audience- including, God help us, the vampire novels currently in vogue. As a result, the characters behaved exactly as they have in every other such novel, TV show, and movie over the past decade: the Rich Boy, the Poor Girl, the Angry Dad, and the Understanding Friend.

The story is also extremely short, which is both a saving grace and an annoyance. Frankly, unless you are predisposed to feel bad for the character’s losses and to cry at the least provocation, you will be unable to truly connect with any of the characters. The dialogue is abbreviated at best, and the 70s slang (now forty years out of date) makes you cringe.

Its moral is also occasionally problematic- “love means never having to say you’re sorry,” though quoted in large letters at the end of the book, is in fact not mentioned in any detail before the last page.

On the other hand, this novel has staying power.

I would not call it a classic- it is far too short and far too campy to deserve that title- it is undeniably popular among those who enjoy romantic fiction. In fact, there is a stage musical and two film adaptations based on Segal’s work.

In short, I would recommend Love Story,

by Erich Segal, to all who are willing to overlook the awkward and the occasionally hackneyed in pursuit of what is, I suppose, a fairy tale for more modern times. It is an excellent Valentine’s Day novel, for those who look for such things. While not Jane Austen and certainly not William Shakespeare, it is, as promised, a “funny [and] touching” story.

The Decemberists are, at their core, a really geeky band. Their hyper-literate lyrics and obscure references are perfect for the crowd that listens to them. Their 2009 record The Hazards of Love was probably the geekiest of all, a hour long prog-rock opera about shape-shifting taiga creatures. Their latest album, The King is Dead, is different. It’s still geeky, but it’s their most accessible album yet. People outside the range of brooding coffee shop dwellers can enjoy the record.

It opens with a harmonica, of all things, on “Don’t Carry It All”, an ode to the changing of the seasons, indicative, perhaps, of the band’s turn towards the more lighthearted. “Calamity Song” is one of the record’s highlights, and one of the three tracks that R.E.M.’s Peter Buck appears on. Many spots on the album have an uncanny resemblance to early R.E.M., especially Reckoning, and this is one of them. “Calamity Song” sounds like a cross between “7 Chinese Bros.” and “Little America”, and they’re two great tastes that taste great together. Frontman Colin Meloy is still as verbose as ever, rhyming “queen of supply-side bonhomie bone-drab” with “in the year of the chewable Ambien tab”.“Rise to Me” is a poignant open letter to Meloy’s son Henry, who has autism. “The Rox in the Box” is a jaunty ditty with backup singer Gillian Welch truly shining. Perhaps the album’s crown jewel is “January Hymn” a stripped down song about “keeping the winter at bay” and lost love.

“Down by the Water”, the album’s only single so far, is the other song truly reminiscent of R.E.M., and not surprisingly, features Peter Buck. The song is so close to “The One I Love” that I could literally sing it over “Down by the Water” without missing a beat. Although the record is being pegged as more country, “All Arise!” is really the most twangy it gets. “June Hymn”, “January Hymn”’s counterpart, is another minimalist treasure, with Chris Rawlings and Gillian Welch providing delicate harmonies.

“This Is Why We Fight” is a fun singalong, even with words like “attrition” and “avarice”. The album’s closer, “Dear Avery”, is an interesting song that puts Meloy in the shoes of a mother with a son at war. Even with their archaic vocabulary, the band is able to touch on current events with panache.

Overall, The King is Dead is a solid listen and a perfect pick for any Neil Young or R.E.M. fan.

Although not very appropriate for the Valentine's Day theme, I couldn't resist informing you all about The Roommate. After all, what better way to kick off 2011's horror films than a movie about a deranged college roommate? This psychological thriller starring Minka Kelly and Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester is your average PG-13 horror movie, bloodless yet suspenseful.

The Roommate follows the life of 18 year old Sara Matthews as she enters her freshmen year at the University of Los Angeles. Seeming to have no trouble fitting in, Sara quickly adapts to college life, befriending the people in her building as well as her roommate. While Sara's roommate, Rebecca, may seem perfectly normal at first, her first year college experience quickly takes a horrific turn as Rebecca grows more and more obsessed with her. Rebecca resorts to drastic measures in order to be like Sara, from dying her hair and wearing her clothes, to getting the same tattoo in the same spot. Although the movie as a whole was not scary, a plot revolving around a psycho college freshman is interesting enough to keep you hooked (although remarkably similar to the 1992 thriller, "Single White Female").

If you're into horror films that leave you covering your eyes half the time and barely even watching the movie, The Roommate probably won't do it for you. However, if you like a decent amount of thrill and suspense without that gore element, it may be worth the ten dollars. Though no matter what, I think it leaves everyone mildly horrified at the thought of one day befriending a Rebecca. The tagline in itself, "2,000 colleges, 8 million roommates, which one will you get?" is enough to leave me and my fellow senior classmates wondering what kind of roommate we'll end up with next year...

Top of the Hilltop Movie: Shooter Album: 21, Adele TV Show: Californication Sport: Crew Song: Hold It Agaisnt Me Videogame: Dead Space 2 Celebrity: Mark Sanchez Event: Candgram Exchange College: Bucknell Drink: Black Cofffee Accomplishment: Theo joins the Music Nugs Word: Tobey Lerone Music Video: Let you Go-Chase & Status

February 2011

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FEATURES Critter Corner: Elephants Caroline Hopkins Staff Writer

After the riveting debut of the Sentinel’s brand new critter corner in last month’s issue, I’m sure you’re all anxious to hear which fascinating species could possibly be featured next. Though they may be far from your everyday average “critter,” I am proud to announce to you, SLS, that elephants are genuinely the greatest animals to walk the Earth. Now, I must Tbe honest, I am entirely bias in terms of these majestic pachyderms. I’ve loved and collected elephants from the day I was born, currently flaunting a collection of over 600 elephants of all shapes and sizes. I know most everything there is to know about the species, have traveled half way across the globe in order to work ten days on an elephant conservation center, and even went through a period of time in second grade where I truly believed that I was an elephant. (I kid you not, my first word was “eh-phant”) But enough about my personal obsession. It would be entirely impossible for me to give these creatures the exaltation they deserve in a mere single columned article, but I will attempt to throw out several of my favorite elephantastic facts for all of you animal lovers out there.

excessively, dig out an area using their tusks, and actually bury the body. Amazing, right? Oh, and ever heard the saying “elephants never forget”? Well it’s true!

Elephants have memories that rival that of a human. These brilliant animals will travel miles across a savannah and return to the same exact burial spot years later to pay a visit to their deceased loved ones. Elephants live to be around seventy years old, which is extremely rare for a wild mammal. Relationships within elephant families are oddly human-like as well. Young elephants are taught to respect their elders, while adult elephants are in turn highly attentive to the needs of their calves, constantly protecting them, yet making sure to discipline them properly if any mischief occurs.

Candelight Evening Alex Robertson Staff Writer

Elephants are widely regarded as symbols of wisdom and luck in countless cultures, which is not without ample reason- trust me. The species, scientifically referred to as Loxodonta Africana, are renowned for their humanlike display of emotions and incredible intelligence.

Elephants, like humans, can laugh, cry, grieve, play, and communicate with one another in a highly sophisticated

manor. Elephant specialists, having spent years studying the species, believe that they have an entire language of communication- perhaps nearly as complex as our human language- too high for a human ear to detect. Elephants mate for life, meaning that they essentially “marry” one another, and proceed to raise and nurture their offspring until fully grown, which can take as much as twelve to fifteen years. Elephants are unlike most all other species in this sense, as their growth and development is a slow progression- once again just like a human! It’s actually amazing how similar these species are to us. One fact that I find especially astonishing is that elephants are the only other species apart from humans to bury their dead. When an elephant passes away, or an infant elephant (referred to as a calf) is stillborn, its loved ones will grieve

Oh, hey. Didn’t see you there. Welcome to a candlelit evening with Alex Robertson, a.k.a. me. This will be a great night; trust me, I’ve had many candlelit evenings with him before. But that’s enough about him, let’s talk about me: Alex Robertson. You know, they don’t call me Alex “Mr. Romance” Robertson for no reason. In fact, they call me it for a lot of reasons, one of which is that I’m so romantic. A candlelit dinner with me is a chance you just can’t afford to miss--and you won’t. You’re already here, at the restaurant, and leaving now would just be totally rude. Anyways, let’s begin. I’ve got mad stacks in the bank, so no need to worry about paying the bill.

Oh my god, did you just order milk? Are you, like, seven years old?

Okay, whatever. Let’s put some romantic music on to cool the mood. Some Steely Dan, perhaps? What?

Oh my god, you did not just say that about Steely Dan. You must have the worst taste in music ever or something.

No, seriously. We’re listening to Steely Dan. I don’t even care what you think. “Dirty Work” is on, shut up. This is the best song ever. No, I didn’t tell you to shut up. Calm down. I don’t remember what I said. It was something else. What are you ordering? Like, for dinner, you idiot.

No, I didn’t just call you an idiot. I said something else. I don’t remember what it was. Calm down. Don’t order the ravioli. I hear they put, like, diseases in it. God, you’re a slow reader.

What? You’re leaving? Oh, yeah, real nice. Just let me pay for everything, why don’t you? Yeah, okay, just leave. This is the worst Valentine’s Day ever. This is some pretty good steak.

Candygrams: A Sinster Plot Theodor Trampe Editor-in-Chief

There’s a time every year where kids enter a frenzied panic. No, it’s not Prom season, no it’s not college letter time - it’s candygram season: the time of the year where students spend their life savings on buying dressed up bags of candy that will be delievered to their friends on Valentine’s Day.

This may sound cute in theory. But in practice, it becomes a bloodbath. The season begins with a flock of girls descending on the student government’s table.

They’ve all made sketchy contracts to insure that they don’t end up empty-handed on the big day.

This insanity is extended to such an extreme that it is not uncommon to see one girl go up and buy twenty candygrams at a time. If her friends all do the same, their group is suddenly the bee’s knees come V-day.

The craze isn’t just limited to hoards of teenage girls. Teachers pickup tons of candygrams in order to avoid potential conflict in a future advisory session.

Do they desperatly want to fork out over atleast twenty bucks to get less then a few dollars in candy?

– No.

Do they have to?

– Yes.

All the while, the student council sits at a table while droves of self-concious students come forth to stake some dough and protect their reputations.

Behind the candygram table you can see the more senior members of student govenment admiring stacks of crumpled bills.

It wouldn’t be a suprise to see these councillors sucking the sweat, blood, and tears out of these wornout bills. Who knows what sinster plans they would have with that stuff.

Walker’s Scientific Offer Walker Thompson Staff Writer

This January, we have evidently had atypically many snow days. However, why is this so? Is there a scientific explanation for this?

You may recall my article from about year ago in which I attempted to predict whether we would have a very snowy winter; despite many doubts cast about them, my predictions turned out to be correct. Shortly thereafter, I began work on a device that I hoped would be able to control the weather, and thus the frequency of snow days, which I completed around the holidays of the past year.

When I heard about an impending storm in Maine, I applied the new technology that I had just developed in order to magnify the amount of evaporation off the Atlantic Coast and hence increase the total average snow accumulations throughout the area. The effects were also noticeable in Connecticut, and more generally throughout New England and the mid-Atlantic. The actual technology is extremely intricate and requires an advanced knowledge of contour integrals.

Specifically, it is necessary to parameterize the shape of the Atlantic Coast and take that to be the path over which one can then take a contour integral, considering the weather, especially pressure fronts and ocean & wind currents, to be vector fields. One thus obtains a rigorous mathematical & meteorological description of the system.

The device subsequently calculates the modifications that must be made to the system such to create conditions favorable for precipitation. The device then modifies the state of the atmosphere by means of chemicals that are released in small nanoparticles that open upon contact with moisture.

The device had worked at least 4(four) times thus far and has been the cause of several school cancellations; however, to ensure further success it is important that every one donate at least fifty dollars ($50) in order to support development. Your patronage is most appreciated.

6

February 2011

FEATURES Deferred: A Personal Reflection

A Day In the Life: Tom Delano

Sensual Eating with Elina

Lily Holland Contributing Writer

Jenna Decatur Co-Editor

Elina Berglund Contributing Writer

It was 4:00 on a Friday when I finally got the news about my ED application status from my favorite school. I was nervous, but I tried to play it cool; my hands barely shook as I typed in my login password.

I was mentally prepared myself for the crush of rejection and the joy of acceptance. I thought I was ready. However, when the page loaded, I was caught by surprise. Deferred.

Oh. I didn’t know what to do with myself. It wasn’t good news, but it wasn’t exactly bad news either. I sat there, looking at my computer screen, unsure of what to do. There wasn’t protocol for this. I would have cried if I had gotten rejected, and probably would have too if I had been accepted, but I didn’t know what to make of my deferral. It certainly wasn’t worth any tears, but it was not what I had hoped to hear. I didn’t really feel anything, except the bitter taste of disappointment. It was so anticlimactic -- after all this build up it was just another “wait until April”.

So how do we all move on? Do we apply Early Decision II at our second favorite school, opting for the safer route? Or are we brave, sticking it out for regular decision and losing out on our ED edge? It all depends on who you are. We are back in meetings again, sitting with Ms. Bell checking grammar mistakes on supplements we really should have started a long time ago, or chatting with Mrs. Mitchell about all of the “what ifs” that make up our immediate future. However, while my deferral stung a little (OK, maybe a lot) I can still say I’m happy with the decisions that I have made, and I trust that I will end up happy wherever I end up going, be it my first choice or my double-safety.

Tom Delano is a hit on campus. He’s known all around school and there are definitly people out there who would follow him to the ends of the earth. Here’s a look at a day in his life: 6:00- I'm sleeping.

9:30- Wake up realizing I skipped first two periods.

Standard.

10:00- Either my mom or I go to Starbucks. Order a triple grande caramel macchiato and an iced lemon pound cake.

10:15- Realize I missed advisory with LeBris. Start crying.

10:30- Show up 20 minutes late to Chinese saying that driving conditions were horrendous.

11:00- Go out with Dez and the boys to lunch. Either Tony's or Chicken Joes.

Maroon Line Stands Strong

11:30- Realize I missed my student gov. meeting.

Megan Cullinane & Caroline Chadwick Contributing Writers

1:10- Struggle through last two periods of the day.

Some believe that team spirit is what wins a game; others say it’s the crowd support but anyone who has attended a St. Luke’s Boys Varsity basketball game knows that neither of those are the case. The key to winning for the SLS boys is what many refer to as the “secret weapon.” When the starters begin to tire and team morale is low these select few, referred to as the Maroon Line, are sent in to get stuff done.

2:45- Sleep on the couches in the commons before basketball practice and complain to Joe and Tim about not wanting to go.

3:45- JV ball and I do work.

6:00- Get slices with the bros at Pinocchio’s.

7:00- Hustle to Ceramics class at Silvermine.

8:00- Attempt to throw Allie's pot on. (She's been asking for 3 months...)

10:15- I arrive home with glaze all over myself. Now I have to change and shower.

10:45- Jump on a vchat with Dez and Theo and bang out some calc homework.

12:30- Realize I didn't do any other homework. Not gonna worry about it.

1:00- Start my ritual 2 episodes of Prison Break and/or another TV show.

2:30- Bedtime.

Jackson Prince in his element

To avoid over-playing and severe exhaustion these Greek gods of basketball see no more than two minutes of playing time each game. However two minutes is plenty of time to change the stakes of the game and pump the crowd. This line of raw talent consists of Tyler Brenan, Adam Connolly, Sean Cullinane, Luke Osherow, and Jackson Prince.

The “Swan” has recently been becoming a star player on the court with his swift three-pointers and revving up the crowd. This isn’t to say that he outshines the fast breaks by Adam and Tyler or the spectacular ball handling by Sean and Luke. We all can’t wait for next year’s season when the Maroon line moves up. Good Luck boys and keep it up!

During this season of love, many St. Luke’s students are desperate for ideas of where to bring their sweethearts on a romantic date. While dinner at Gates followed by the newest romcom might make for a good night during the rest of the year, most people expect something more on the 14th. While many couples might opt for a fancy dinner at an Italian restaurant or maybe even an exciting night in New York City, I would like to recommend something different.

This Valentine’s Day, treat your date to a dinner at Wendy’s. Cupid’s favorite holiday is the time to tell your loved one how much he or she means to you, and what better way to do that than over a twisted frosty? As you pull into the parking lot, you’re presented with two options - you can either eat your lavish dinner while situated in a comfy booth inside, or you can take advantage of the drivethrough. While remaining within the comfort of your own car, you and your date can enjoy the greasy goodness of a Wendy’s meal without even unbuckling your seatbelt – so romantic!

Regardless of where you choose to eat, a Wendy’s meal is never less than amazing. With a menu equipped with burgers, wraps, sandwiches, chicken, and fish, the opportunities presented to you are limitless. If your date is concerned about their diet, have no fear! Wendy’s offers several healthy options as well, including Garden Sensation Salads, Home-style Chicken wraps, and even milk. After dinner, surprise your date by giving him or her a Wendy’s key chain. Not only do they provide you with one free Junior Frosty each time you go to Wendy’s, they only cost a buck! While roses die after a couple of days, the perks of this key chain last for a whole six months. Your significant other will love it! So stop googling “romantic date ideas” and head on down to Wendy’s!

Elina loves Wendy’s at the beach, at home, and on Valentine’s Day!

ǝɟı‫˙ ן‬21 pǝuɥɔɐ ˙01 snǝsɹǝd ˙7 snɹnɐsǝɥʇ ˙9 ɐıʇso ˙5 sɹɐǝq ˙3 uosqıb ‫ן‬ǝɯ ˙2 ʞɹɐɯ‫ןן‬ɐɥ ˙1 uʍop ǝɹı ˙41 snıɹd ˙31 ǝ‫ן‬ddɐ ˙11 ɐuǝ‫ן‬ǝɥ ˙6 ɯǝuıɯǝ ˙8 uouuǝ‫˙ ן‬4 ssoɹɔɐ

sɹǝʍsuɐ pɹoʍssoɹC

Sentinel Challenge How many elephants are in this issue?

What is Tom Delano’s middle name?

What was Mr. Flachsbart’s maiden name?

Do ladies really love AZ? (no wrong answers)

Come to Theo with the answers to win a prize!

February 2011

Random Couple of the Month Q: What is your name?

A: Chrillie DeYoung Q: What are your hobbies?

7

JUST FOR FUN A: NICK SPARKS!!! Is that even a question?

Q: What will you do after you graduate?

A: We’re thinking of getting a condo in Boca.

Top 10:

Romantic Locations

Q: What if you go to different schools?

A: WEEKEND MEETUPS!!!

A: We like to go parasailing and rollerblading on the weekends. What Fun!

10. Basketball Game 9. Wendy’s 8. Junior Lot

Q: Are you good at anything?

7. Church

A: We make great googly eyes at one another.

6. Rap Concert

Q: What’s your favorite color?

5. Biker Bar

A: We collectively like the color “Cherry

4. The Commons

Blossom Pink”

3. Newark

Q: What’s your favorite author?

Sudoku Challenge

2. The Prius 1. Bob’s Discount Furniture

Wacky Laws

Maria Carlucci Staff Writer 1. Throughout the state of Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a motor vehicle.

2. In Brewton, Alabama it is against the law to travel along the streets in a motorboat.

3. In Atlanta, Georgia It is illegal to tie giraffes to street lamps.

4. In Greenville, South Carolina it is illegal to sell whiskey unless the sun is shining.

5. In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man running or walking in front of it, waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.

6. Throughout the state of North Carolina, it is illegal to use elephants to plow cotton fields.

7. In Virginia, it is illegal to visit a cemetery for any other reason than visiting the deceased.

8. In Canton, Mississippi, it is illegal to kill a squirrel in a courtroom with a gun.

8

February 2011

FUN & GAMES

Crossword Puzzle

Valentopes Nikki Bennett-Fite Media Editor

Aires (21st March- 19th April): The one you love is closer than you think. Turn around.

Taurus (20th April- 20th May): Good things will not just happen to you; you have to make them happen.

By the same token, bad things do not just happen to you; you play a crucial role in making them happen.

Gemini (21st May- 21st June): I hope you bought a candy gram for your loved one!

Across

Down

4. According to Chapman, he was a

1. Hallmark

phony

2. Mel Gibson

8. Candy rapper

3. Bears

9. Capital of Montana

5. Ostia

11. Synoyms

6. Thesaurus

13. Prius

7. Perseus

14. Ire

10. Achned

Leo (23rd July- 22nd August): Friendships are just as important as relationships. Remember to make time for your friends.

Virgo (23rd August- 22nd September): They say that, when love is not madness, it is not love. So the next time your sweetie goes crazy and fights with you, don’t sweat it- it’s a good sign.

Libra (23rd September- 23rd October): It’s never too late to try and mend a broken relationship.

12. Life

Kissing Facts Maria Carlucci Staff Writer

The science of kissing is called philematology.

In XOXO, the X’s stand for kisses and the O’s stands for hugs.

When two people kiss, they exchange between 10 million and 1 billion bacteria.

Approximately two-thirds of people tip their head to the right when they kiss.

An “Eskimo Kiss” is when two people rub noses.

Kissing for one minute burns 26 calories.

Our brains have special nuerons that help us locate each other’s lips in the dark!

Most popular movie kiss: Spiderman upside-down in the rain kiss.

66 percent of people keep their eyes closed while kissing.

According to U.S. Statistics, and American woman would kiss an average of 80 men before she gets married.

Cancer (22nd June- 22nd July): Never under estimate the value of a good conversation. Genuine human interaction could make all the different in your relationship this week.

Pick Up Lines Maria Carlucci Staff Writer

“Hey, do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checkin’ out ma’ package!”

“Can I buy you breakfast tomorrow morning?”

“If you were a booger, I’d pick you first.”

“People call me (your name here), but you can call me tonight!”

“Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.”

“Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!”

“Bond...James Bond.”

“I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.”

“Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?”

“Hey...somebody passed gas. Let’s get out of here.”

Scorpio (24th October- 21st November): Don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel.

Sagittarius (22nd November- 21st December): Never under estimate the value of a good conversation.

Genuine human interaction could make all the different in your relationship this week.

Capricorn (22nd December- 19th January): Life is pain highness; anyone who says differently is selling something.

Aquarius (20th January- 18th of February): Later this month when Pluto tilts 65 degrees on it’s axis and aligns with Saturn in the fourth quadrant of the constellation Orion, good things will happen in your love life. Just kidding.

Pisces (19th February- 20th March): Appreciate those special people in your life today.