RULES for MY NEWBORN DAUGHTER by Walker Lamond

This Book Belongs to ___________________________

RU L ES

S

MY

NEWBORN DAUGHTER

Wa lker La mond

St. Martin’s Griffin

New York

RULES FOR MY NEWBORN DAUGHTER. Copyright © 2016 by Walker Lamond. All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Ave­ nue, New York, N.Y. 10010. www.stmartins.com

The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

ISBN 978-1-250-08570-2 (paper over board)

ISBN 978-1-250-08571-9 (e-book)

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First Edition: May 2016 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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RULES

S MY

NEWBORN DAUGHTER

Introduction

ut what if it’s a girl?

B

That’s the question I was asked most frequently after I

published my first book, Rules for My Unborn Son, which I

described so self-assuredly as “one man’s instructions for rais­ ing a thoughtful, adventurous, honest, hardworking, self-reliant, well-dressed, well-read, well-mannered young gentleman.”

Many readers, my wife included, wanted to know whether my un­ solicited advice could be applied to girls as well as boys.

My answer, of course, was . . . of course! While the book, and the blog from which it sprung, was imagined as a decidedly one-sided conversation between father and son, I was confident that just about every Rule could be applied to a future daugh­ ter as well as my then-unborn son. After all, writing thank-you notes, keeping a tidy lawn, and learning how to shake a martini are universal lessons and hardly the exclusive realm of men. But

then again, there were all those rules about baseball. And ty­ ing a necktie. And a few dozen other rules that were admittedly pretty male-centric, if not explicitly, then at least in tone. My wife thought that our future daughter deserved her own rules. Maybe even a whole book of them. I agreed.

Boys and girls are equally capable and equally thirsty for all the institutional knowledge that a parent can muster. But they are also different. Wonderfully, obviously, and sometimes hi­ lariously different. And never was this more obvious than when shortly after I finished Rules for My Unborn Son my wife and I had our second child—a girl.

So I decided to write a book for her too. But I did have a nag­ ging concern. In this day and age, was it appropriate for a man to be doling out advice to a young woman? What did I know about the unique challenges of being a girl? And if I wanted my daugh­ ter to grow into a strong, independent, brave young woman who was unafraid to challenge traditional power structures and anti­ quated gender stereotypes, was handing her a book full of rules written by a man the best way to start her journey?

The answer is . . . I don’t know. I am no parenting expert. I’m just a dad. And I think a dad has a right and a duty to tell his daughter what he expects of her. To share with her what he knows about life and how to make the best of it. And while I might not know even a fraction of what it takes to become an independent, intelligent, courteous, courageous, honest, adventurous, selfreliant, well-read, well-dressed, well-mannered young woman, I do know someone who does. Thankfully, I married her.

2

When in doubt,

wear a dress.

Eat lunch with

the new girl.

If you can follow a recipe, you can build a table.

3

Throw

like a girl.

CLIMB TREES.

Skin knees.

J A foreign accent

does not make him

more sophisticated.

5

Let him take your coat.

That’s the moment he’s

been waiting for.

V Never play dumb.

EXCEPT AT THE POKER TABLE.

6

Try not to make fun of your brother in front of other girls.

7

The best way to remove red wine is with white wine.

If you start the day

in sweatpants, you will likely

end the day in sweatpants.

8

Dance with your dad.

And not just on your

wedding day.

There’s more to

life than being a

passenger.

Amelia Earhart

On a first date, order the steak.

Learn to sew your own clothes.

You’ll become

a better shopper.

11

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l The right friends will

appreciate a well-timed burp.

Your grandmother will not.

12

If the food’s not perfect,

don’t blame

the waiter.

Not everything is a

photo opportunity.

13

Never switch a seating card

at the dinner table.

Everybody loves

a high-ďŹ ve.

14

ASTROLOGY

IS FOR

SUCKERS.

I don’t care if Granny is

on Instagram; phones

down at the table.

B

There’s nothing cooler than a

girl who can change a tire.

B

Remember, it’s a speed limit,

not a speed minimum.

16

There is a right way,

And a very wrong way

to exit a car in a dress.

l When it comes to relationships,

people change their minds.

You can too.

17

Writing an essay is easy.

Just think of it as a

hundred tweets.

L

Practice safe selďŹ es.

18

Never stand at

the edges of a

group photo.

If the crop

doesn’t get

you, the wide

angle will.

19

Use the good china.

Even for takeout.

J U ST H I R E M OV E R S .

20