This Book Belongs to ___________________________
RU L ES
S
MY
NEWBORN DAUGHTER
Wa lker La mond
St. Martin’s Griffin
New York
RULES FOR MY NEWBORN DAUGHTER. Copyright © 2016 by Walker Lamond. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Ave nue, New York, N.Y. 10010. www.stmartins.com
The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN 978-1-250-08570-2 (paper over board)
ISBN 978-1-250-08571-9 (e-book)
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RULES
S MY
NEWBORN DAUGHTER
Introduction
ut what if it’s a girl?
B
That’s the question I was asked most frequently after I
published my first book, Rules for My Unborn Son, which I
described so self-assuredly as “one man’s instructions for rais ing a thoughtful, adventurous, honest, hardworking, self-reliant, well-dressed, well-read, well-mannered young gentleman.” Many readers, my wife included, wanted to know whether my un solicited advice could be applied to girls as well as boys. My answer, of course, was . . . of course! While the book, and the blog from which it sprung, was imagined as a decidedly one-sided conversation between father and son, I was confident that just about every Rule could be applied to a future daugh ter as well as my then-unborn son. After all, writing thank-you notes, keeping a tidy lawn, and learning how to shake a martini are universal lessons and hardly the exclusive realm of men. But
then again, there were all those rules about baseball. And ty ing a necktie. And a few dozen other rules that were admittedly pretty male-centric, if not explicitly, then at least in tone. My wife thought that our future daughter deserved her own rules. Maybe even a whole book of them. I agreed. Boys and girls are equally capable and equally thirsty for all the institutional knowledge that a parent can muster. But they are also different. Wonderfully, obviously, and sometimes hi lariously different. And never was this more obvious than when shortly after I finished Rules for My Unborn Son my wife and I had our second child—a girl. So I decided to write a book for her too. But I did have a nag ging concern. In this day and age, was it appropriate for a man to be doling out advice to a young woman? What did I know about the unique challenges of being a girl? And if I wanted my daugh ter to grow into a strong, independent, brave young woman who was unafraid to challenge traditional power structures and anti quated gender stereotypes, was handing her a book full of rules written by a man the best way to start her journey? The answer is . . . I don’t know. I am no parenting expert. I’m just a dad. And I think a dad has a right and a duty to tell his daughter what he expects of her. To share with her what he knows about life and how to make the best of it. And while I might not know even a fraction of what it takes to become an independent, intelligent, courteous, courageous, honest, adventurous, selfreliant, well-read, well-dressed, well-mannered young woman, I do know someone who does. Thankfully, I married her.
2
When in doubt,
wear a dress.
Eat lunch with
the new girl.
If you can follow a recipe, you can build a table.
3
Throw
like a girl.
CLIMB TREES.
Skin knees.
J A foreign accent
does not make him
more sophisticated.
5
Let him take your coat.
That’s the moment he’s
been waiting for.
V Never play dumb.
EXCEPT AT THE POKER TABLE.
6
Try not to make fun of your brother in front of other girls.
7
The best way to remove red wine is with white wine.
If you start the day
in sweatpants, you will likely
end the day in sweatpants.
8
Dance with your dad.
And not just on your
wedding day.
There’s more to
life than being a
passenger.
Amelia Earhart
On a first date, order the steak.
Learn to sew your own clothes.
You’ll become
a better shopper.
11
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l The right friends will
appreciate a well-timed burp.
Your grandmother will not.
12
If the food’s not perfect,
don’t blame
the waiter.
Not everything is a
photo opportunity.
13
Never switch a seating card
at the dinner table.
Everybody loves
a high-ďŹ ve.
14
ASTROLOGY
IS FOR
SUCKERS.
I don’t care if Granny is
on Instagram; phones
down at the table.
B
There’s nothing cooler than a
girl who can change a tire.
B
Remember, it’s a speed limit,
not a speed minimum.
16
There is a right way,
And a very wrong way
to exit a car in a dress.
l When it comes to relationships,
people change their minds.
You can too.
17
Writing an essay is easy.
Just think of it as a
hundred tweets.
L
Practice safe selďŹ es.
18
Never stand at
the edges of a
group photo.
If the crop
doesn’t get
you, the wide
angle will.
19
Use the good china. Even for takeout.
J U ST H I R E M OV E R S .
20