Connection Winter 2014 by Stonebriar Community Church

connection volume 16 • number 1

ask the pastor by charlton hiott senior associate pastor of pastoral ministries

WINTER 2014

Should I be looking for my soul mate? Whether you are single and looking or married, there seems to be more discussion these days about couples finding, marrying, or becoming soul mates.

All inquiries, comments, suggestions, and story ideas should be directed to our Communications Department by e-mail to communications@stonebriar.org.

From my research within popular culture (watching a show that I will not name, but that involves a bachelor and sometimes a bachelorette trying to find love), and anecdotally from talking with premarital couples, I will define soul mates as uber compatible couples. Soul mates match perfectly on every level of intimacy, always meeting one another’s needs perfectly and completing each other in the Jerry McGuire sense of the word (not necessarily the Genesis sense of the word). They are always in emotional and intellectual sync and whimsically slow dance through life to an endless background loop of The Platters’ Only You, Michael Bolton’s Soul Provider, and Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars.

senior pastor chuck swindoll senior director of resource ministries carol spencer communications director sandi garrett creative director kenny courtenay writer townsend keller editor olga ball

Author and certified relationship therapist, Dr. Carmen Harra wrote, “Not just anyone can fulfill you the way your soul mate can. Your soul mate, (your heart’s other half) makes you feel entirely whole, healed and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle.” Left ventricle or right ventricle?

designer sarah scherdt communications coordinator amy hyles volunteer editor shelly king

encouraging all people to pursue a lifelong, joyous relationship with Jesus Christ

2 ask the pastor..................................................................................... 1 answering the call........................................................................... 2 partnering with parents.............................................................. 4 winter events calendar......................................... back cover

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My concern with all of this soul mate hubris is that we, as a society, have moved far from God’s intention and design for marriage. When someone focuses on finding a soul mate to marry or evaluates his or her marriage by soul mate standards, he or she subtly moves from reality to fantasy and starts chasing unicorns. Marriage becomes about the individual: his or her wants, expectations, and happiness, all little tyrants demanding to be served. A spouse will never fulfill the requirements of a soul mate. He or she will always fall short. We all fall short.

In his book, Love, Sex & Lasting Relationships, Chip Ingram shifts the cultural paradigm on marriage from its soul mate obsession to God’s intention for marriage. Ingram argues that marriage is not about finding the right person; it is about being the right person (becoming the person God designed and wills you to be in Christ). Marriage is not about the individual. Everyone’s purpose in this world, whether they realize it or not, is to bring glory to God and become more like His Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ. Jesus did not come into this world expecting to be served in His relationships. Instead, He came loving, sacrificially giving and serving others. He

came to save us from our sin and ourselves. In the same way that He loves us, He has asked us to love others in relationships (John 13:34-35). Therefore, whether single or married, our focus should be to love and serve others. That is the standard for marriage, and it allows Jesus to be the real mate (friend) of our soul (which He created and owns along with the rest of us), meeting all our needs through His riches (Philippians 4:19) while freeing us up to love and serve our spouses. The reality of marriage is that, at some point, your spouse is going to fail you and disappoint you, in simple and profound ways. When this occurs, you will have a choice: measure him or her by the soul mate standard and have him or her either shape up or ship out, or take your disappointment to Jesus and commit to love and serve him or her. It’s the latter choice that reflects a heart desiring to become the right person in your marriage. Does this mean that desiring that your spouse be compatible and capable of bringing you happiness is a bad thing? No. It is just that these things should be ancillary to our commitment, love, and service to our spouse in marriage. If it happens, count it as a blessing from the Lord. If it does not, find the Lord present and faithful in your disappointment and pain and trust Him to bring something good from it. If you are single, stop looking for your soul mate. Look to Jesus instead. Trust Him and His Word more than any compatibility test, romantic feelings, premarital counseling, or love at first sight. Don’t try and find the right person, be the right person. If you need to be married, Jesus will provide for you out of His abundant riches. If you are married, do not waste time wondering if you have married your soul mate. Follow Jesus instead. Trust Him and His Word more than any argument, disappointment, unmet need, desire, or perceived attraction to someone other than your spouse. Let Him meet your needs and lead you in loving and serving your spouse. Charlton Hiott teaches the Marriage Foundations class at our church.

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center, an Internet ministry using social media, and helps build and sustain underground churches. “I really see it [my job] as just making sure everything works right so that our president and indigenous staff can minister to the people that we are reaching.” Dave said. Typically, a new job comes with a steep learning curve. Dave, however, found that he had already been prepared for his role at this new opportunity. He oversees the television ministry, fundraising, accounting, the call center, the Internet ministry, and corporate governance. “At AT&T over a period of 36 years I had 16 different positions, and I could see toward the end of my career how those built on one another,” he said. “In a couple of my assignments at AT&T, I negotiated contracts. One of the first things I did here is negotiate a real estate lease and negotiate a contract with a satellite uplink provider. I said often after I got here, ‘I wonder if all of that corporate experience was to prepare for this.’” Dave compared Christian television to dessert for Westerners. The people watching have already been well fed spiritually at their local church. For some outside of the U.S., the situation is different.

by townsend keller, staff writer

ave Hammock and his wife Marsha, both Missouri natives, are charter members of our church who serve in a number of capacities. Dave worked for AT&T for 36 years and retired as an assistant vice president after serving in 16 different positions. However, he has always had a heart for ministry. Dave came to know the Lord when he was 19 years old. He recalls being told by members of his church that he was meant to be in ministry, but God had a different path in mind for Dave at the time. “I always believed that I would be in

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ministry, and I wasn’t sure exactly what that should look like,” Dave said. “But I never felt the timing was right, or that it was God’s purpose for me to be in full-time ministry right now.” “When I got into my mid-fifties and considered retiring from the corporate world, we prayed about ‘what’s next.’ We felt that the timing for full-time ministry was finally right, but I really could not imagine how that would happen.” With all of his training and experience in the marketplace, he did not immediately see how his skills fit his calling to spread

God’s message. “The funny thing is I would talk to different people in ministry and they would say, ‘Oh yeah, ministries could use someone with your marketplace skills.’” he said. One week before Dave left corporate America, a ministry that needed a chief operating officer contacted him. The ministry is focused on broadcasting Godcentered television programming into restricted-access countries that are openly hostile to the Gospel. In addition to transmitting several Bible-centered television shows, the ministry also hosts a call

“In restricted-access countries that are openly hostile to Christian teaching, Christian television is bread, meat, and potatoes,” he said. “In many cases, it is the only Christian fellowship or teaching safely available so it is critical to be able to present the Gospel message via satellite TV, the internet, or social media. This ministry does that.” No job is without its share of difficulties, and Dave occasionally encounters stresses that go with any job. However, he says the purpose of the work makes all the difference when he gets discouraged.

“This is God’s ministry,” he said. “If He wants it to move forward, He’s going to make sure that happens. We do our best, we do everything we know how to do, we’re not going to slack off, but at the end of the day, this belongs to God, and it’s really not up to me.” Along with his duties at the ministry, Dave is also an elder at our church. While being a leader at two separate ministries would appear to be a daunting workload, it is quite the opposite for Dave. His fellow elders have been some of the most enthusiastic encouragers of his new career path. “[Chuck] often asks me how things are going at the ministry; several of the other elders have done the same. I feel like at any time I can pick up the phone and call any one of the elders or staff and say ‘I’d like to run something by you,’ so that’s been great. Nothing about being an elder has been unpleasant. It’s a terrific group. We work well together. We’re honest with each other. If we disagree, we disagree agreeably, and we work it out to a point where we do agree.” Although Dave has been enjoying his new role, it has certainly been a transition for him. After retiring from the corporate world, Dave feels refreshed by his new direction. “There’s something that’s really liberating about ‘I’m not going to work here 35 years,’” Dave said. “When I came here, I knew it would be for a season. And I don’t know how long the season is; it’ll be until I feel led to do something else . . . ideally, we could get to the point where the ministry doesn’t need me.” In the future Dave wants to continue to help ministries be more efficient and effective. “If I could go from here to some other good ministry that’s fruitful and could use some additional management skills to help them be a little bit more fruitful . . . I can multiply my impact. I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to participate in full-time ministry.”

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This spring we will offer events and classes to address the needs of parents striving to raise children biblically in today’s world. by townsend keller, staff writer & olga ball, staff editor parents that God has equipped them with common sense. We want to encourage a theological perspective on raising kids.”

Parenting has always been difficult, and raising children in the culture today is especially challenging for the Christian parent. On March 1 from 8:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., our Children’s Ministry will host our first Parenting Summit where parents can gain spiritual perspective and encouragement on Christian parenting. “Despite the fact that it should be otherwise, parenting is the single most consuming and stressful activity adults can engage,” Children’s Pastor Dave Carl said. “It hasn’t been that way in the past, but in our culture today it is. So we came to the point where we needed to have something like this . . . to dispel some myths, to encourage

Chuck and Cynthia Swindoll will be the keynote speakers at our first Parenting Summit.

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The summit will feature keynote speakers Chuck and Cynthia Swindoll as they share what they wish they had known when starting their family. The parents will then attend breakout sessions covering topics ranging from building a loving relationship with your child to navigating the culture’s view of sexuality. “Our goal is to create children who will love Jesus Christ and have a passionate desire to serve others,” Dave said. “That’s not what our culture is doing. The culture is teaching our kids that you must have great self-esteem, you must fight for your own space, and everybody has got to be one in a million. Scripture tells us that is far too low of a bar. We are to be like Christ, and everybody can do that. We are to be healers and to be healed ourselves and to serve others.” Expecting parents through those with high school age children are encouraged to attend the breakout sessions together. Dave suggests that parents should attend two sessions together rather than splitting up in order to apply the material more effectively as a couple. “I don’t want them as a couple to absorb four breakout sessions,” Dave said, “I would prefer that both of them go to a session together.”

The summit is only the beginning of a larger outreach to parents to provide them guidance and teaching throughout the year. “This single event will point parents to things that we are doing all year long,” he said. “You don’t have to wait until next year to get more parenting encouragement and advice. We’re doing that all of the time in as many different ways as possible.” For information regarding our Parenting Summit, please visit www.stonebriar.org [keyword: children].

coming out alive. Each event is free and open to the public. “The kind of things we are talking about might not come up in a 12-week Bible study or in a sermon. We fill in the gaps and give parents some practical tools,” Owen said. “We are digging into the nuts and bolts of a believer.” The first talks have been both surprising and encouraging to parents. “The parents have been really surprised by how practical God’s wisdom can be when it’s applied to someone who’s been there,” Owen said. The next Straight Talk will be held on Sunday, February 23 from 4:45-6:15 p.m. Children’s Pastor Dave Carl will discuss “Stuff Christian Kids Believe . . . But Shouldn’t.” See our website for registration and more information on each Straight Talk session at www.stonebriar.org [keyword: Straight Talk].

“The main reason we are having the expecting parent class is because there’s a need,” Linda Wylie, ministry leader of preschool children, said. “Without a class like this, the world is going to tell you what it means to be a parent versus what the Bible tells you.” Topics during the class will include presenting God’s plan for families, tips on how to keep your marriage a priority with a newborn, budgeting, and other practical tips on newborn care. “Our goal is to create community,” Linda said. “It is helpful to get wisdom from those who have been there before.” According to Linda, it is important for parents to create a spiritual foundation in their homes as early as possible. “When you start it when your child is a month old, then when they’re five, it will feel normal to them,” Linda said. “If you start when a child is seven, it can be more difficult.”

Straight Talk, organized by AWANA Coordinator Owen Wildman, is a series of thought-provoking discussions aimed at combating the challenges that families face today. “The whole purpose of Straight Talk is to tackle tough questions that don’t have easy answers,” Owen said. Straight Talk is held on various Sundays throughout the year from 4:45-6:15 p.m., and each talk focuses on a different topic, ranging from preparing for preschool to entering the door of adolescence and

April 12 starting at 9 a.m., we will offer a new class to help alleviate the uncertainty in both spiritual and practical ways. This class is intended specifically for expecting parents, new adoptive parents, and foster parents.

First-time parents are often filled with excitement and uncertainty as they await the arrival of their child. On Saturday,

The expecting parent class is the first step in Early Childhood Ministry’s plan to guide parents as they become spiritual leaders in their homes.

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library hours

cancer encouragement group

chinese fellowship

in His time

recurring events

sundays, 8 a.m.–1 p.m., 4–7 p.m. wednesdays, 8:30 a.m.–8:30 p.m. 1st & 3rd sundays, 9–10:15 a.m., A211-A213

3rd monday of the month 6:30–8 p.m., B182

servicio en español

frisco connect (employment networking)

sundays, 10:30 a.m., multi-purpose room

wednesdays, 6:30 p.m., worship center

sundays, 4:30–6:30 p.m.

stonebriar prays

marriagecore

reach up reach out job-loss encouragement

single parent fellowship

tuesdays, 6:30 p.m., B241-B242 [keyword: marriagecore]

2/8

center stage golden age of the big band concert

1, 3 & 5 p.m., worship center

2/23, 3/30 straight talk 4/6 4:45–6:30 p.m., B243-B244

2/9

junior high baptism orientation lunch

3/1

parenting summit

2/14 2/16

stonebriar en español conozca & conecte

1:35–2:30 p.m., multi-purpose room

4/5

stonebriar spring sprint 5K

8:30 a.m.–2:30 p.m.

4/6

special needs sunday

widows’ luncheon

3/2

sanctuary choir & orchestra heaven concert

4/11–13 women’s spring retreat

adult baptism class

3/5

preteen tea & talent night

12:30 p.m.

11:30 a.m.–1 p.m., atrium 12:30 p.m., A211–A213

2/22

feed my starving children

2/23

child dedication

9 a.m.–6 p.m., multi-purpose room 9 & 10:45 a.m.

baptism

fridays, 7 a.m., B200-B201, [keyword: ruro]

3/23

2/21–22 high school girls’ chocolate & movie sleepover

men’s wednesday night Bible study with steve farrar

wednesdays, 6:30 p.m., A214-A216

2/23

junior high fusion

wednesdays, 6:30–8 p.m., B181 (HUB)

awana

1/19–2/16 baby bottles for life

tuesdays, 7–10 p.m., B181 (HUB)

1st & 3rd tuesdays, 9–11:30 a.m. multi-purpose room [keyword: friscoconnect]

1st sunday of the month 5–6:30 p.m., A129

high school critical mass

1st monday of the month 7–8:30 p.m., B192

1 p.m., multi-purpose room

6:30–7:45 p.m., worship center 6:30–9 p.m., multi-purpose room

3/7 student ministries family hoedown 6:30–9:30 p.m.,

4/12

expecting parent class

4/18

good friday

9 a.m.–3 p.m., C202–C206 church offices closed

multi-purpose room

good friday communion service 7 p.m., worship center

3/22

high school girls’ tea & etiquette

4/20

12:30–4:30 p.m.

4801 legendary drive, frisco, texas 75034

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469.252.5200

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easter sunday services 7:30, 9 & 10:45 a.m., worship center