Australian Times weekly newspaper | 14 May 2013

14 - 20 May 2013 Issue: 463

SURVIVING LONDON New column of tips and tricks uk life P5

GREEN THUMBS

Aussie Garden at Chelsea Flower Show News P2

TOUGH MUDDER

Both tough, and extremely muddy uk life P6

CLAIM YOUR TAX REFUND TODAY! TAX, FINANCIAL AND MIGRATION EXPERTS: Money Transfers, Tax Refunds, Visas, Limited Companies &

41434

GALLIPOLI TOUR RORT Accounting, UK Bank Accounts, CV & Job Assistance, Travel Clinic, Shipping, Legal and Umbrella Services

n Veterans Affairs Minister Warren Snowdon says tour companies that have sold tickets to the Gallipoli centenary events at Anzac Cove in 2015 should give the money back.

VETERANS Affairs Minister Warren Snowdon has criticised tour companies for promising clients a place at Gallipoli centenary events, after the federal government announced tickets would be strictly limited.

Tour companies were advised as far back as 2009 not to sell tickets for the official event at Gallipoli on Anzac Day 2015 because it was yet to be decided how places would be allocated.

On Monday, the government announced details of a joint Australian and New Zealand ballot for people wanting to go to Turkey for the historic commemoration.

Mr Snowdon said a ballot was the fairest way of allowing access to the site - an area smaller than a football field and with a capacity of just 10,500.

But there’s no special provision for tour company clients, with the minister saying they will only be able to attend if they are chosen in the official ballot.

Mr Snowdon called on the tour companies to refund any money they may have taken for tickets. ...continued on p3

0808 141 2314

www.1stcontact.com/mast2

BEARDED BEAUTIES

Jobs and growth focus of budget

JOBS and growth will be federal Treasurer Wayne Swan’s mantra as he delivers his sixth, and possibly final, Labor budget ahead of the 14 September election.

As Australian Times went to print on Tuesday, Mr Swan was set to promise that the budget will return to surplus within the next four years, on the back of new revenue measures and spending cuts, while providing for extra spending on schools and disability care programs.

“We have a bloody good story to tell about our economy’s performance over the last five years, and this budget gives us a great chance to tell that story,” Mr Swan told the Labor caucus at a meeting in Canberra on Monday.

“Make no mistake: this year’s budget keeps our economy strong, makes the smart investments for our future and ensures every Australian gets a fair go.”

The opposition says the forecasts in the budget papers won’t be believable, given the treasurer’s previous promises to get the books into the black and reluctance to trim “wasteful” public spending.

The mid-year economic review forecast a $1.1 billion surplus for 2012/13 and slightly larger surpluses ...continued on p3

Sponsored by

Be our next great travel writer

Our interview with The Beards | P10 Rooms to let.

Quite nice ones.

We rent hassle-free rooms to professionals in London. We send a cleaner once a week and we have a full-time maintenance man who looks after all our properties. Our rooms have flat screen TV’s, high-speed internet and we pay all the bills. www.londonshared.co.uk | 020 7610 9004

WIN A travel voucher worth £250 Turn to P13 for details

2 | News

14 - 20 May 2013

Aussie gardeners aim for ‘Best in Show’ at Chelsea Flower Show

n The Publisher: Bryce Lowry Editor: Alex Ivett Production/Design: Jackie Lampard News Editor: Paul Bleakley Business Editor: Sepi Roshan Contributors: Tim Martin, Georgia Dawes, Phillip Browne, Michelle McCue, Erin Somerville, George Katralis, Jacqui Moroney, Will Fitzgibbon, Chris Arkadieff, Bronwyn Spencer, Daniel Shillito, Mat Lyons,

Sandra Tahmasby, Tyson Yates, Amber Rose, Jennifer Perkin, Charlie Inglefield, AJ ClimpsonStewart, Thomas Jones, Alistair Davis, Will Denton, Jennifer Lawton, Chloe Westley, Bonnie Gardiner, Bianca Soldani, Andy Collett Directors: P Atherton, J Durrant N Durrant, R Phillips and A Laird

Additional content: Who are we?

Australian Times is written and compiled by young Australian journalists living in the UK. Contributing on a volunteer basis, they are uniquely placed to reflect the interests, opinions and attitudes of our community. If you would like to join us, contact info@australiantimes.co.uk Address: Unit 7C, Commodore House Battersea Reach, London SW18 1TW Tel: 0845 456 4910 Email: info@australiantimes.co.uk

WEBSITE:

The paper used to print this publication has been sourced from sustainable forests (farmed trees). Please reduce waste by recycling your copy or pass it on others.

DISCLAIMER The printed opinions of advertisers and writers are theirs and not necessarily shared by Blue Sky Publications Ltd. Unless otherwise stated, copyright of all original materials is held by Blue Sky Publications Ltd. Official media sponsors of the following organisations:

THE NRL IS BACK & IT’S BIGGER THAN EVER EVERY GAME

EVERY ROUND

FROM INCLUDING THE GRAND FINAL

STATE OF ORIGIN

LIVE & EXCLUSIVE

PLUS 32 GAMES FROM

THE CHAMPIONSHIPS SUBSCRIBE NOW

0871 663 9000 PREMIERSPORTS.TV SKY CHANNEL 428 CALLS COST 10P PER MINUTE ON THE BT NETWORK, CALLS FROM OTHER CARRIERS AND MOBILES MAY VARY. TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY.

designer of the Australian garden at this month’s prestigious Chelsea Flower Show has promised the nation’s most impressive entry yet,complete with a “waratah studio”.

IT’S the end of an era for a group of Australian gardeners at the prestigious Chelsea Flower Show, but they’re not going to bow out quietly.

Instead, showgoers are being promised the biggest and boldest Australian display yet when the event begins on 21 May. “This is completely different to anything ever showcased here at Chelsea,” said Phillip Johnson, the designer of the garden.

“We’re going for it. We’re trying to achieve the highest award Australia’s never won, the Best in Show.”

The ambitious $2 million display will combine several elements of Australian nature, with a strong focus on sustainability.

It is the ninth, and final, entry since 2004 for the Victorian team backed by Fleming’s Nurseries.

Fleming’s director Wes Fleming has promised his family this will be his last year but he’s hoping to go out with a bang - and the top prize that has eluded him over the years.

Award-winning landscape designer Johnson was selected to lead a team of 18 unpaid volunteers, with the project partially funded by sponsorships and donations.

The garden is quickly taking shape with 10 days remaining and has already attracted plenty of hype.

Event organisers at the Royal Horticultural Society were so taken

by Mr Johnson’s design, they allocated the Australian team its largest and most prominent position within the showgrounds yet.

The Queen is also on board, having requested the Flemings’ garden be included in her tour of

the show.

“So there’s a little bit of pressure on myself and the team but it’s an amazing journey,” Johnson said.

The design features a lush desert gorge with huge boulders, a native wildflower meadow and a natural billabong and waterfalls using recycled water from nearby buildings.

The piece de resistance is the “waratah studio”, which towers over the garden and features a viewing area designed specifically for the Queen’s eye height.

It promises to be spectacular but Johnson says it’s also a little rough around the edges, which might ruffle a few feathers among traditionalists.

“It’s organic, it’s free-formed, it’s got really hard-core environmental messaging,” Mr Johnson said.

“We’re not going to be polishing the leaves, we’re not going to be pruning the dead fern throngs because that’s what occurs in nature.”

“There will be people that will not like it but I have had some extraordinary feedback.”

The Australians will be competing against 14 other designs, including a garden supported by Prince Harry.

The show celebrates its centenary this year, with tickets selling out in record time.

“The Chelsea is regarded as the Olympics of horticulture, landscape design and landscape architecture,” Mr Johnson said.

“It’s also a brilliant opportunity for us to showcase our sustainable messaging to the world.” - AAP

Your Say

On: Beltane Fire Festival

Julia Gillard always picks her audience to make out that she is well-liked. Most of her audience are inexperienced students, and very young school children .

It seems that even the students are chosen when Julia Gillard visits schools. On the news, all of the cheering students were all placed at the front. But there was a lot of booing from other students in the direction that the sandwich was thrown, but all of them were all the way at the back and also out of sight from the cameras.

On: Shock resignation of KAP national director Aidan McLindon

It is interesting that this party’s leadership is unable to retain those who have underpinned it, but only after dissolving the Queensland Party and discarding those supporters for reasons unstated at the time. Aidan now joins his friend Bernard, perhaps in more stable circumstances at home in Beaudesert. Katters is an example of a party led by a person driven by age and an ego which transparently drives his political haste. Not successful at State, try the next election, the Senate - if not that then Federal. Wonder if he’ll work backwards then.

Beatrice

I hope Clive Palmer does not take this loser on. I see him as an opportunist. He was not liked as the member for Beaudesert.

Michael

?

What’s your view

I doubt there is a full 12,000 audience. There has been over 14,000 people on the hill a long time ago. I was there and saw the event. Maybe more development in the staging would help.

Graham

On: Natalie Bennett’s Green Party celebrates election results

It’s going to take an Aussie women to teach the Brits how to fix this damn country!

Barb

On: Rock-star reception for Gillard included flying Vegemite sandwich

I’m surprised that some people can still afford to throw bread away, even half a sandwich, under this government. Next thing we’ll know Julia Gillard will blame Tony Abbott for the sandwich incident.

Ronald

On: Returning to Australia – what a culture shock!

I am heading back after 28 years in Canada, and taking two of my three kids with me. We are nervous but excited.

Julia

Ron

Share your comments on these and more stories online: AustralianTimes.co.uk

News | 3

AustralianTimes.co.uk

Tickets to Gallipoli 2015 $17 billion stripped from budget revenues to be allocated by ballot “If they are advertising now that they can sell tickets for the Dawn Service at Gallipoli 2015, it’s misleading, it’s wrong, they should cease it,” he told reporters in Canberra.

“And if they have taken money from people they should give it back.”

One tour company says on its website that its Gallipoli 2015 tour, which includes attendance at major services on Anzac Day, was booked out a year ago.

It plans to charter a cruise liner with

Europe Summer 34 DAY

AustralianTimes.co.uk/news

10% off

18 & 25 May & 15 June 8 DAYS

2013

EBR

AT I N G 4 0 Y E

A

EuroClub

Scenic Scandi 16, 23 & 30 June 2013

WAS £990

20% OFF

£1819

1973

NOW

NOW

Croatia Sailing

20% OFF

£831

Includes £475 Food Fund

Includes £195 Food Fund

Visit 15 countries including France, Switzerland, Spain, Monaco, Italy ...and more!

Visits Oslo to Tallinn, via Scandinavia ...and more!

MORE DEALS ONLINE

NOW FROM

10 DAY

Explorer

Greek Island Hopper 30 may, 6 & 8 June 2013

£345

WAS £930 NOW

*

the constitutional change. It is expected that the move to recognise local government in the Australian constitution will be met with opposition from lobbyists in Victoria and Western Australia, with groups in those states suggesting that the changes may infringe on the powers of the state.

Ms Gillard said: “The change will not diminish the role of the states with regard to the administration of local government. Recognition in the constitution does not alter the fact that local governments are created by and are accountable to state governments.”

The move to hold a referendum at the next election has received bipartisan support, with Ms Gillard saying Tony Abbott has indicated he would support the move.

Constitutional expert George Williams from the University of New South Wales supported the government’s announcement of a referendum on local government, claiming that the change would be “worthwhile” and necessary to clear up confusion in regards to the funding of local government projects.

Professor Williams said: “It is important that federal funding can continue to flow to local councils to support things like roads, childcare and local libraries. The change is needed because recent High Court decisions have cast doubt on that funding. And that problem is something that does need to be fixed.”

Get More News

WAS £2155

TOPDECK

15 DAY

2 & 23 June 2013

10% OFF

£837

Visit Athens, Paros, Mykonos, Santorini ...and more!

INCLUDES €20 LOCAL PAYMENT

Egypt 20% OFF

8 DAY

Essential Egypt

20% OFF

10 DAY

Spirit of Egypt 2 June 2013

WAS £424

WAS £671 NOW

2 & 16 June 2013

£364

Includes US$190 Local Payment

£574

Includes US$285 Local Payment

Running of the Bulls 6 & 7 DAY Return Coach from London Pamplona, Spain

Favourite Big Tour Operator

FrOm

Favourite Ski/Winter Operator

£269

Favourite Tour Operator in Western Europe

PEr PErSOn

6 Day: 4-9 July 2013 7 Day: 4-10 July 2013

4 DAY Central Apartments Pamplona, Spain 4 Day: 5-8 July 2013

FrOm

£259

PEr PErSOn

4 Day: 12-15 July 2013

5, 6 & 8 DAY Make Your Own Way Pamplona, Spain 5 Day: 5-9 July 2013 6 Day: 4-9 July 2013 8 Day: 5-12 July 2013 nEW TrIP!

FrOm

£179

PEr PErSOn

www.topdeck.travel/times L8291 / Y2992 AUSTM13_18 12 May

Australians will be asked to make two decisions in the voting booth on 14 September, with a referendum being scheduled to determine the position of local government in the Australian constitution.

The referendum was recommended by a parliamentary committee after the Australian High Court upheld a challenge to the federal government’s school chaplaincy scheme due to a lack of recognition of the local government system in the country’s foundation document.

Ms Gillard called on Australians to support the recognition of local government in the constitution in September’s referendum, claiming that it was unfair that community governance was not enshrined in Australian law even though it provided immediate services to the majority of citizens.

Ms Gillard said: “We are asking the Australian people to support a small but important change to our constitution so that the existing practice of Federal Government support for local communities is formally recognised in our constitution.

“In just the last five years, the Commonwealth has partnered with local government to deliver over 6000 community projects such as libraries, indoor and outdoor sporting facilities, pools, walking trails, roads and bridges, in every single community.”

For a referendum to pass under the Australian system the motion must obtain a double majority, wherein it must have a majority of the popular vote nationwide as well as a majority of the state’s voting in favour of

EuroCamping

European Adventure

Australians asked to ‘vote yes’ in referendum on local govt

By Paul Bleakley

accommodation for more than 2000 guests to anchor off Gallipoli and transport passengers to shore in small boats in the early hours of Anzac Day. Under the government ballot, 500 places will go to VIPs and official guests, 2000 to New Zealanders and 8000 to Australians.

Sons and daughters of Gallipoli veterans will receive 400 double passes (totalling 800 places), as will current veterans. Another 400 places will be set aside for secondary students.

The remaining 6000 places will be

RS

...continued from p1

CEL

for the following three years.

But economists are now forecasting a deficit of around $14 billion for 2012/13, followed by another deficit of about $10 billion in 2013/14.

“One of the problems the Labor party has had, it has always made big, bold, unqualified statements and then failed to deliver,” shadow treasurer Joe Hockey said on Monday.

Treasury’s predictions for employment, economic growth and the terms of trade are all expected to be downgraded.

The budget papers are also set to show at least $17 billion has been stripped from revenues since the 2012 budget, due to a higher dollar, lower commodity prices and other changes in the Australian economy.

Prime Minister Julia Gillard said it had been a difficult budget because of these circumstances.

Labor has already unveiled a raft of cuts and revenue measures, including the deferral of carbon-price related tax cuts and the dumping of a rise in the Family Tax Benefit A rate.

The budget papers will also show $580 million slashed from public sector spending, a hike in the Medicare levy to pay for disability insurance, superannuation changes for those on the top two per cent of incomes and $900 million in savings from universities.

Tax breaks and loopholes for large companies and multinationals will

also be under scrutiny.

The treasurer will show how the government will fund an estimated $15 billion a year in extra spending, mainly on roads, schools and health.

Transport Minister Anthony Albanese said spending in his portfolio would amount to $269 for every Australian including more than $3 billion extra for three key road projects in Melbourne, Brisbane and Sydney.

With the Labor caucus up in arms over the low level of unemployment benefits, Employment Minister Bill Shorten revealed on Monday the budget would allow people on the payments to earn more before losing any of their benefit.

It will also put up an extra $300 million to make it easier for people to work or study while they are on income support payments.

“Government can’t meet everyone’s needs and expectations but this is a sensible step,” Mr Shorten said.

Business groups want to see a clear path to a surplus and spending aimed at boosting productivity.

Mr Hockey said Australians wanted to see an “honest” budget, which restored business and consumer confidence.

The budget will also reveal a $434 million price tag for the royal commission into child sexual abuse, the Seven Network reported.

Seven also said the budget would include plans for a nation building project that would tap into private funding for major road and rail projects. - AAP

NOW

...continued from p1

balloted as 3000 double passes.

But opposition veterans affairs spokesman Michael Ronaldson said the government needed to justify its limit of 10,500 and release the consultants’ report which arrived at the figure.

“The coalition’s goodwill and bipartisanship for the Centenary of Anzac is continuing to be tested and we can only give qualified support for this ballot proposal until we have seen the report which justifies the 10,500 cap,” he said in a statement.

The official passes will allow attendance at the Anzac Day Dawn Service and at the Australian service at Lone Pine later in the day.

Registration for the ballot opens on 1 November this year and closes on 31 January, 2014. Winners will be notified in March. - AAP

12 DAY Trip nEW TrIP! Spanish Sun & Fiestas, Spain

FrOm

£629 PEr PErSOn

27 July 2013

Visits the Wine Battle in Haro, Running of the Bulls and hit the beaches of San Sebastian.

Call 0845 257 5411 Open 8am-9pm

*Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds and local payments. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.618, which must be paid locally in USD. For full terms and conditions please visit www.topdeck.travel

4 | Exclusive Interview

14 - 20 May 2013

the Expat factor

Extraordinary Aussies in the UK

I moved to the UK in August 2007. Having never been to Europe before, a key motivation was to travel and see Europe. The plan was always to settle here for at least seven years in order to naturalize and get a British passport – the last six years has flown by in a good way and I am starting the process of becoming a citizen.

I have worked in recruitment in Australia, New Zealand, and now the UK, for more than eight years. The biggest difference in the industry between the countries is there is a much higher level of competition in the UK, and higher expectations in terms of corporate polish. There is also much more red tape for almost everything you need to do. It makes the UK market one of the most challenging in the world, as it is constantly changing.

However, if you are successful in London, it proves you’re resilient and have developed a level of commerciality which will help you be successful wherever you next move on to.

I am now Associate Director of the Insurance Sector business at Robert Walters. This section recruits core finance accounting, underwriting, actuarial, claims, risk, compliance and projects (change and transformation) professionals on both a temporary and permanent basis. We have always recruited accounting professionals into insurance companies, but I have now been charged with building a complete service offering for our clients. The insurance sector is considered the “new banking” as it is growing rapidly, making substantial profits and having a massive economic impact locally and globally.

pitch some fast curve balls at you. Working long hours and transport (despite being very good in comparison to Australia) can be a barrier to meeting or catching up with people. Make sure to put yourself out there as much as possible, and you’ll be surprised how friendly people are. Most importantly, choosing a good flat and great people to live with makes a huge difference – particularly when you’ve left your support network half a world away.

I miss the beaches, sun, BBQ’s, work-life balance of Australia and of course treats like Cherry Ripes and Wagon Wheels! But England has amazing theatre, culture and history, all of which are so accessible. You can go to great concerts, festivals, stage shows and international sporting events, without having to pay a fortune in travel as it is on your doorstep.

What else? English pubs, food and wine – and people’s accents!

The Scottish and Irish accents still intrigue me, even if you can’t understand what they are saying.

ADAM WHITEHOUSE

Associate Director, Robert Walters I joined six years ago as a consultant in the contract finance and accounting team. I then progressed to managing one of the bigger finance contract divisions in London before being promoted to my current role. A career highlight (besides being sponsored by the company, allowing me to stay in the UK) was reaching a “high achievers” target in 2010, and being invited on a global incentive trip to Las Vegas for a long weekend. This trip was truly amazing. Flights to Vegas staying at the Wynn Encore in a junior suite. Meals, clubs and activities –

including a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon – all paid for. Only the gambling was unfortunately covered personally.

If you’re looking to work in London you will unfortunately have to wait until you are on the ground, as securing interviews is only really possible (except for niche skills) once you are in London. The market in London generally does move quite quickly but a key challenge for Australians is that the roles we do back home are normally broader than the roles

in London, which are typically more specialized. This can make securing a role difficult. Expanding on your CV and detailing all your experience, rather than summarizing it is really important in reflecting your suitability for the role you want.

Insurance industry experience is really hard to find, so anyone with it in Australia will be in high demand in London.

More generally, I think Australians coming to the UK should prepare for a reality check – London is the big smoke, and it can certainly

I’ll eat brunch out on a typical weekend - normally in an Aussie or Kiwi café as we do it best!

Before I worked in recruitment I spent eight years managing small businesses, including managing a chain of ten cafés - so I know good coffee. My favourite cafes here are Artesian (Putney), Flat White (Soho), All Press Roastery (Shoreditch) and Caravan (Kings Cross). After brunch I’ll probably do some exercise – go for a run or a cycle along the Thames or in Richmond Park, near where I live in Putney. I try to get out of London at least one weekend a month – whether that is somewhere else in the UK or Europe. I love the South of France and Tuscany, though there’s still lots of places I haven’t been to yet. That being said, nothing beats Primrose Hill on a sunny day, or a drink at Searcy’s bar at the top of the Gherkin or Madison Bar opposite St Paul’s Cathedral, looking at the panoramic views of iconic London.

Interview by Alex Ivett

From the Underground to Uluru Heading Home n

Australian Matthew Wood is set to swap the grey skies of London, for the stark setting of Australia’s Red Centre – with a new post as Artistic Director of the Darwin Symphony Orchestra and a symphonic concert at iconic Uluru. He chats to BONNIE GARDINER. Aussie expats will occasionally think fondly of their homeland, dreaming of the sun and the surf and planning visits to some of those world renowned spots, once taken for granted. Now conductor Matthew Wood will return home to do just that, in a most unique fashion.

This month, Wood heads to Australia to prepare to conduct the Darwin Symphony Orchestra (DSO) in the first ever symphonic concert at Australia’s most iconic landmark, Uluru.

“Part of [the DSO’s] ambition is to take the majesty of a symphony orchestra to places that would never usually have access to this art form,” explains Wood.

“It is tremendously exciting and is

representative of everything we are about and what we wish to achieve.”

Wood returns to Australia to take up the post of Chief Conductor and Artistic Director of the DSO. Wood currently lives in London and is soon to wrap up his work with the Royal Ballet in La Bayadère.

Wood first made the decision to move to the UK in 2005 when he was offered the position of Conducting Fellow at the Royal Northern College of Music, Manchester. He then worked with as Associate Conductor with the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra, followed by freelance work throughout the UK, Europe and Australia.

“The last few years of freelancing have been quite amazing, but what

I started to miss was a sense of belonging,” says Wood.

“I always intended to return to Australia at some stage - it was just a question of ‘what for?’

“Then this position opened with the DSO. I came and met all the wonderful people who make up this orchestra and my question was answered.”

Wood claims he was struck by the vibrancy and enthusiasm of the orchestra, as well as the people of Darwin. He concedes that delivering classical music to the people of the NT will be a huge challenge, being a state six times the size of the United Kingdom.

“Darwin is growing rapidly and with it, its cultural diversity. The

orchestra is already a central part of the community,” Wood explains.

“With this, however, comes a responsibility to remain relevant. Our goal is not just to present classical symphonic programmes, but to be representative of the diversity that surrounds us.”

The majestic red rock will serve as a backdrop to the evening concert in October, with what Wood describes as a diverse programme, ranging from music inspired by Australian indigenous culture through to Romantic Italian opera.

Joining the orchestra will be Opera

Australia’s lyric soprano, Emma Matthews, and William Barton on the didgeridoo.

“My aim is not just to improve the orchestra and to develop its playing and quality, but to make the orchestra emblematic of the Territory and what it stands for,” he adds.

“I look forward to the challenges and excitement of bringing classical music to the people of the NT and beyond.”

The Uluru DSO concert will take place 18 and 19 October and is described by the group as a “once in a lifetime opportunity”.

UK Life | 5

AustralianTimes.co.uk

Double-back to Brick Lane

n

Brick Lane – tourist trap or vibrant urban heartland of Bangladeshi cuisine and culture? Our sleuth investigates.

SUBCULTURE SLEUTH > PAUL BLEAKLEY

The first time I went there, I thought that I must have been in the wrong place. I had heard about the famous Brick Lane for years – a vibrant urban heartland of Bangladeshi cuisine and culture.

I think I expected something like you see on the fringes of Chinatown, where a distinctive red archway and paper lanterns left you in no doubt as to what part of town you were in.

Brick Lane is not like that at all. I missed it the first time, and ended up wandering aimlessly down Whitechapel High Street.

I was forced to double back, wondering how I had overlooked one of London’s bastions of culture. Eventually I found it: the culinary and cultural zone was hidden behind a non-descript and thoroughly unimpressive façade.

I am originally from the Gold Coast – a place that many people refer to jokingly as “the most

Anglo place in Australia”. Before moving to London I didn’t know just how true it was, although now that I do know I feel like I have been cheated of bright coloured saris delicious for what’s far Eachand lunch break,vindaloo check out new on the website. too long.

It is difficult to imagine modern London without pausing to consider the impact that the significant Bangladeshi community have had on the city’s culture. The thriving centre of Asian culture is only a few miles from the traditional heart of the British Empire in Westminster.

However the disparate cultures seem to blend seamlessly together, reflecting the diversity that exists within London.

Some might find walking down Brick Lane and fending off the hawkers outside each restaurant to spent many a hung-over Sunday be traumatising. I disagree. I love at a corner table in Aladin Brick the hustle and bustle of running the Lane, sweating out my toxins over gauntlet in Brick Lane, palming a particularly spicy phaal while away discounted offers and drink watching the world go by. I may specials on a single-minded have walked past Brick Lane once course for my personal favourite before, long ago. I would never restaurant like a proper local. make the same mistake again.

Since coming to London I have

Keeping your head above ground n

Solving the little problems: Transport Surviving london > Bianca Soldani

What’s not to love about the public transport network in London? It’s easy to navigate, runs frequently and is (relatively) fast. Yet we absolutely love complaining about it and it makes a fantastic conversation filler.

On paper it’s hard to fault, and with buses, the Tube, the Overground, trams, ferries and trains going everywhere and anywhere 24 hours a day, it becomes difficult to justify leaving your Oyster at home.

While certainly an improvement on what’s on offer back in Oz, we’ve all experienced those cringe-worthy moments getting groped left, right and centre as you “file” onto the train, or flying down the stairs of a bus as soon

as it hits the brakes. If your daily commute involves you constantly being sandwiched up against the walls of a suffocatingly full carriage, you may perhaps begin to think that an alternative way of getting around town wouldn’t be so unwelcome.

Many places in central London are in short walking distance of one another. It’s hard to get your head around what’s where if you’re only ever navigating the underground network, but once out in the open air it doesn’t take long to start connecting the dots.

You can quickly learn there’s no need to take the tube from Covent Garden to Trafalgar Square, or a bus from Soho to Holborn. It’s much faster (and more pleasant) to go on foot.

Short cuts aren’t the only advantage to staying above ground.

London is full of charming cafes, nifty bars and musky pubs just waiting to be discovered. There’s a new art gallery or pop-up shop, a vintage boutique or tea house around every corner. Walking is a basic but often neglected way to better get to know this intriguing city, and if that’s not enough to convince you to dust off your runners, it’s also good for burning off a winter of one too many sweet treats.

Of course if you’re too fast paced for a leisurely stroll around town, riding is another fast, cheap and green alternative to public transport. There are thousands of cyclists in London, whether it’s a passion, occasional pleasure or just a way to save a buck, it’s a very popular means of getting around especially with students and young people.

Many cyclists (the nonappassionatos that is) prefer to

purchase second hand bikes to reduce the risk of coming back to a partly dismantled one.

If the bike has a basket, it’s always wise take it with you, likewise the seat.

There’s not much need to mention that chains and locks are essential.

There are also the Barclays bikesharing bikes which can be signed up to use if the responsibility of owning your own is too daunting.

Just be sure to return them on time to avoid finding yourself with a hefty bill for a replacement bike.

But before you tear your oyster to shreds and rush off to buy a new set of wheels, a word of advice: if you’re not used to riding in traffic, London isn’t the place to learn. With the very fast moving traffic and many buses it may be worthwhile sticking to one of London’s many parks until you find your bike legs.

New column

For other hints and ‘how to’s’ for getting around London, check out my new book, “An Aussie’s Survival Guide to London” from talktraveltome.com; tackling the little problems for newcomers to London.

Get More UK Life

AustralianTimes.co.uk/uk-life

Every day on …

Aussies: Save Big on Expat Car Insurance!

• Worldwide Liability Protection • Accident Forgiveness • Fast Claim Processing • Multi-policy Discounts • 65 Years of Experience

Get a FREE quote at clements.com or call +44 (0) 20 7397 4960

6 | UK Life

14 - 20 May 2013

The muddiest mudder of all

n

In a sheer moment of insanity five months ago I signed up for a Tough Mudder course. Last weekend, the day of reckoning finally arrived.

By Alex Ivett

The rigorous training

“You’ll be right” I said back in January, trying to convince wary friends, family and random passersby to join me in a Tough Mudder race in May. “You’ve got five months to train” I said, when they pointed out a Tough Mudder has 22 obstacles disturbingly called things like ‘Arctic Enema’,

‘Electric Eel’ and the matter-of-fact ‘Underwater Tunnels’.

“It’s not really that long”, I pleaded - covering the word ‘miles’ after I spoke the number 12 with a subtle hacking cough.

And, against all odds - with the promise of regular training sessions – I found my recruits. Then London weather happened.

To be fair – we tried. Weekly fitness was organised in Clapham Common on Sunday afternoons with our excellent trainer Michael McCormick, and the initial couple of sessions proved promising when he trained us so hard I could only walk like the Tinman the next day.

But, then there was the day it snowed in spring, that long weekend where we all jetted off to various points of Europe, the one where ‘Norovirus’ mysteriously befell us all at the same time – not to mention various visiting friends and relatives.

Oh, and of course the Sunday I overindulged at High Tea at the Savoy, and could only lie sprawled facedown on my rug whilst miniature cakes battled finger sandwiches in my stomach in a manner akin to William Wallace in the Battle of Stirling Bridge.

Nevermind, I thought the night before the weekend of 4-5 May, there was at least one aspect of the training schedule I could perform with aplomb – carboloading. Who needs the recommended schedule of 4-5 training sessions a week and nights spent doing pull-ups on my doorframe when I can just eat two giant bowls of pasta whilst trying to locate Boughton House in the Midlands on a Google Map?

The flying start

Claim your tax refund at only a 12.5% fee

Challenge one – getting to Tough Mudder, fail.

Turns out one should not just randomly pick any one of 14 pins Google Maps gives you for Boughton House in Kettering as it will inevitably take you on a 45 minute detour to Northhampton through albeit very pretty English countryside, and a Starbucks truckstop. And that is 45 minutes of extra time you don’t need to spend doing maths calculations like 12 miles = 19.312128 kilometres, and if TM estimates 2.25-4 hours to finish the course will that translate to 5, or 6, hours spent face down in mud?

Then we arrive at Boughton House, and the Tough Mudder entrance fee almost seems worth it just for a glimpse at this incredible estate. Pemberley? It’s got nothing on what surely must be an 80 bedroom, 17 dining room, 3 indoor swimming pool, helicopter pad hosting country manor. And they’re about to let 14,000 people tear around their grounds covered in mud, while bemused sheep look on from manicured fields.

1 in 3 people working in the UK are due a tax refund and you

Rain, hail or shine

It’s the end of the tax year!

could be one of them - even if you are a working student or did not work for the full financial year. Beat the rush and get your claim in now! We work on a “no refund, no fee” policy, so you have nothing to lose!

> Free no obligation quote > Over 130 000 successful claims > Member of the Association of Tax agents

Bags stowed in the holding area, wristbands located, participant numbers scrawled across foreheads (‘is this so they can identify our bodies?’ one group member asks), and we’re off. And – wait – is that, hail?

Turns out 22 obstacles is not just enough for the big guy upstairs and the

sky itself becomes the 23rd obstacle. An obstacle that shifts and varies throughout the course – battering us with winds as we ‘Walk the Plank’ across shifting platforms on a river at Mile 2, showering us with rain as we slip and slide up and down the peaks and troughs of ‘Mud Mile’ at Mile 6, and baking us with sun as we cart oversized logs in a pointless circle in ‘Hold Your Wood’ at Mile 7.

Between Miles 6 and 7 is when I start to realise – actually, I’m having fun. Jumping off a high platform, rockclimbing across a watery pit, crawling through tunnels, climbing over log walls and leaping across deep trenches – I can do this, I’m invincible, I am superwoman, I can … ooof fall down. At least at this point there’s a banana and water station (one of many).

Too bad my hands are so covered in mud, and I’m completely physically exhausted, that all I can do is stand there mouth gaping like a fish whilst the helpful volunteer peels off the skin and shoves it in my mouth.

Mile 10, and I just want it all to end.

Every muscle aches, I have mud in my eyelashes, ears, and nose. I just want to jump on the backs of one of the many golfcarts the Tough Mudder people have lying in wait to ferry those who might not be able to keep going, and ride it back to the heaving finish area. I can hear the thumping music, the cheers of the spectators, and sizzle of that burger that I know is going to taste like no food I have tasted, ever. I barely register the

Embracing the bug

“I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list” on a new adventure.

Honeymooning depart What is it, you ask? It is commonly Nomad known as the travel bug. > Jacqui Moroney

0808 168 2600

44052

taxobc@1stcontact.com www.1stcontact.com/taxobc *£850 is roughly the average amount owed to a Tax Refund client.

Your personal claim will depend on your individual circumstances.

The immune system is a funny thing. It is constantly active without us being aware of it. It is only when a virus or bug gets a substantial foothold do we feel the side effects of an immune reaction: fatigue, achy muscles, high fever. It makes you want to curl up with a hot water bottle, under a blanket and do nothing.

There is only one bug that I know of that has completely the opposite effect… and as far as I am aware, there is no known cure.

It makes you feel a tingling in your feet. Your legs become jittery.

You start to drum your fingers and tap your feet. You feel like you need to jump up and start dancing like a wild African witch doctor in a tribal ceremony. Really all you want to do is pack you bag, race to the nearest airport, train station or sea port with passport in hand, and

You know you have it when you are hankering to get away from everything that is familiar and walk down that path you have never seen before, experience something you have never heard of before and meet people you would never second glance in your home town. Travel is like a book that you can’t put down.

I can’t remember when I first caught the travel bug, but the symptoms have been there forever. I get antsy and don’t like to stay in the same place for too long. Last time I did an employment check for work and I had to recall eleven known addresses in the past ten years. My CV is updated with a new position every 1 – 3 years. I like to visit new places, sample new food and meet new people.

I can remember when I started planning our first big international trip to visit a bunch of fellow Aussies living in London. As graduating university students living in a share house, we had very limited funds

electric shocks of the dangling wires of the last obstacle ‘Electroshock Therapy’ and I’m there – cider in hand, bright orange headband displayed proudly and thankful for the great teammates who helped me get through it.

It is the “ultimate test of fitness, stamina, mental strength and camaraderie”. Fitness – yes, and in the three days I can’t walk for afterwards, I wish again and again that I had had some. However, more than that it is truly a test of what you can do, what you’re capable of, and what you might be crazy enough to sign up for again – should you be able to convince some more passersby.

and only four weeks available for a holiday in the middle of the northern hemisphere winter. We spent almost five months planning and saving for our whirlwind trip around Europe in what turned out to be one of the coldest and snowiest winters in 100 years.

I can still recall the excitement of the first day we landed in London, weighed down by our 15-20kg backpacks and confronted by the freezing cold. We had the most amazing lightning-paced trip throughout Europe, visiting nine cities in 27 days – including a brief ski trip in Andorra, New Year’s Eve in Amsterdam and six wonderful nights in Italy. We had an incredible time and sometimes I wish I could experience it all over again.

For a travel newbie it is sometimes hard to know where to start planning. I find lots of inspiration by asking others where they have been and making sure I cover everything on my own bucket list.

I am a true believer that travel is one of the only things in the world that you can buy that makes you richer, so I value every minute of our grown-up gap year.

In the words of Susan Sontag: “I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list”.

Food & Wine | 7

AustralianTimes.co.uk

Coffee Cult visits Flat White in Soho

Build me up, Buttercup

n

Butter has one simple ingredient – cream, CHRIS ARKADIEFF shows us how to whip up the perfect batch. kitchen

By Alex Ivett Having been a frequenter of a range of Antipodean coffee shops in London for a while now, Coffee Cult is aware of the significant influence of the Down Under cafe culture on a city which used to think a can of baked beans slopped on a plate next to a black pudding sausage was the height of culinary sophistication.

Or, at least, we like to pretend to take credit for the revolution which has swept the London brunching world - as we’ve witnessed fry-ups be replaced with poached eggs, corn fritters and tomato kasundi, and laminated no-spill menus give way to looping script chalked on recycled bricks.

Arguably the forerunner to this capital awakening, this collective discovery of the perfection of a carefully brewed textured coffee in a paper cup, is Flat White – the ‘original’ Australian coffee shop in London. First opening its doors in September 2005 it aimed ‘to bring the refined artisan style coffee prevalent in Australian and New Zealand cafes to London’. And so it did – quite effectively, if reviews and blogs are anything to go by. Now established as a well known Antipodean haunt, it is regularly cited in ‘top ten’ lists as the best coffee in London, and a great place to grab breakfast in Soho.

Therefore, visiting it for the first time this week, Coffee Cult felt somewhat like they were going on a pilgrimage to the faraway kingdom of Mordor.

Attending a live Paul McCartney show after too many gigs by Beatles tribute bands. Or maybe most like finally casting eyes on the painting of Princess Catherine at the National Portrait Gallery after seeing it reproduced ad infinitum in the Daily Mail.

It would be an homage, a tribute. A recognition of the debt owed to this forerunner by all other Antipodean imitators that followed in its wake.

Why then, after all the hype, did we leave feeling underwhelmed? It felt a

dinner table. You can really taste the difference between different varieties of cream, with milk from the Jersey cow rich with a fabulous aroma of green pastures.

Once the butter is churned, add salt, herbs or sun dried tomatoes for different flavoured butters. These are great accompaniments to BBQ meats and pasta salads.

Let’s get going on this simple kitchen staple.

chris’s

> CHRIS ARKadieff

This week I have been fortunate enough to receive a litre of fresh Jersey cream – the perfect base with which to make butter.

Making your own butter is simple, and is a great talking point at the

bit like Kate Moss to the other’s Cara Delevingne. Still good, but a little weathered and a bit off colour – as if it had smoked too many darts on the deck of a yacht in the French Riviera, resting on its laurels.

The Crucials It pains us to say it, it really does. In fact it feels almost as un-Australian as not eating lamb – according to Sam Kekovich. But, the coffee at Flat White didn’t live up to expectations. Maybe they were too high, maybe we should have ordered the signature cup instead of a cappuccino, but it wasn’t to our taste. Strong, yes. Creamy milk froth, yes. Bitter, well – slightly. However, for those who like their coffees in this style, it may well still be the best place in Soho to get a decent takeaway cup.

The food too was mildly disappointing, though my friend’s toasted banana bread did at least pass

Homemade butter

the apparent ‘moist’ test. I opted for the scrambled eggs with a side of roast tomato from the relatively simple offerings of porridge, croissants, pastries, eggs and sides. It was a generous portion, for what remain very reasonable prices, but the eggs were unfortunately slightly cold and not quite as creamy as they could have been.

Perhaps the lunch menu should have been the go – appealing sounding sandwiches such as chorizo, zamrano and piquillo, or a packed full salad.

• 1 litre of fresh double cream Flavouring sugestions • ½ cup sun-dried tomatoes • 4 tablespoons of basil pesto • 3 tsp of freshly chopped rosemary or thyme • 5 tablespoons of sage • ½ cup of finely chopped red pepper

The Craic

What to do

Flat White is a cafe for those media types that stalk Soho’s structured streets during the day – loud, brash, rushy and definitely not awake at the opening hour of 8am. It is simple enough decor – a long bench seat with plain wooden tables all lined up in a row. Catering to the quick meal, takeaway coffee crowd.

Coffee Cult does appreciate a good photograph however – and there is a lovely selection covering the wall.

What you need

• Place the cream into the bowl of the mixer and set on a high speed for 5 – 7 minutes.

• Continue to mix the cream until the mixture starts to stiffen and

develops a pale color.

• Lower the speed and continue to mix until the buttermilk separates from the solid butter.

• Remove the butter from the bowl and place into a strainer to separate the buttermilk.

• Place the butter on to a cutting board and shape with your hands into a roll. If you have a set of butter boards, shape into a traditional block.

• If mixing in flavours, add ingredients once the buttermilk has been removed. Blend the ingredients in well and freeze any excess butter for later use.

CHEF DE PARTIES AND ABOVE Ongoing temp & permanent roles

The Connection Like Alfred Hitchcock to Gus Van Sant’s Psycho, Flat White is arguably the original Antipodean cafe in London – and is therefore owed its due from thousands of crazy capital coffee hunters. In addition to the Berwick Street Market cafe, the owners also opened a sister cafe, Milkbar, a few streets away. They run a 10-coffee-free promotion with credits for coffees available at both cafes.

5 Star Hotels, Restuarants, Sports Events, VIP Catering and More

The Conclusion It does the job. Pretty good coffee, pretty good food, served quickly and efficiently so you’re back on the streets yelling down your Bluetooth in no time. For any Australian in London, it is an ageing icon still worth visiting – even if its trendy Aussie offspring dotted elsewhere in the city may just have outgrown this Antipodean matriarch.

Flat White 17 Berwick St, London, Soho, W1F 0PT Milk Bar 3 Bateman St, London, Soho, W1D 4AG

£9 - £15 per hour depending on chef level & experience

Create buffet, canape receptions and lavish banquets for a large range of clients - from awards ceremonies to film premieres and Royal receptions.

Ltd Company & Self Employed welcome.

Apply to sarah@heatlondon.com or 0203 142 7117 www.heatlondon.com

8 | Entertainment

What’s On Chet Faker 21 May @Sebright Arms Xavier Rudd 24 June @Koko Tame Impala 25 June @ Hammersmith Apollo Kate Miller-Heidke 3 July @The Islington Flume 4 July @Heaven Ben Harper & Charlie Musselwhite 16 July @ Shepherd’s Bush Empire Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds 26 - 28 October 2013 @Hammersmith Apollo

For full details... ...and more Aussie gigs go to: AustralianTimes.co.uk/entertainment

See what we are following this week on

Skywhale @georget04 “As useless as t*** on a skywhale”Aussie vernacular to be formally amended to acknowledge rise of the mythical beast

14 - 20 May 2013

Merrily on a roll

REVIEW | Following a sell out season at the Menier Chocolate Factory, it is easy to see why Merrily We Roll Along is back by popular demand, this time playing at the Harold Pinter Theatre.

n

By Thomas Jones It has been days since I saw the show, but the title tune is still in my head. Unsurprising, given the cast reprise it on seven separate occasions.

I admit, that sounds annoying. But when a show is as good as Merrily We Roll Along, it’s kind of forgivable.

On paper the story would seem rather two-dimensional; from humble beginnings, three talented friends with big dreams work together to make them a reality. Following a big break, and success after success their dreams fade and their friendships are tested.

Now reread that, backwards.

When told in reverse, this story becomes something unlike anything else. Add some great tunes by Stephen Sondheim, and smart direction by Maria Freidman, and this is one compelling piece of theatre.

the choreographer something to do. However once the show returns to its more authentic style, it gets better – particularly with scenes like “Opening doors” and “Bobby and Jacki and Jack”. And the finale is very moving, showing the audience the starting point of the as yet untainted friendship.

The performances of the three friends are great. Mark Umbers makes a highly unlikable Franklin Shepard, although slightly more likable with each rewinding scene.

Jenna Russell, who plays Mary

Flyn, is a delight to watch. From the start, she is the one I looked forward to seeing as the story rolled along.

She’s funny, endearing and honest.

And Damian Humbly, an Australian performer, is brilliant as Charley Kringas. His number “Franklin Shepard Inc” is a highlight of the show.

Merrily We Roll Along is entertaining, moving and a breath of fresh theatre.

Merrily We Roll Along is at the Harold Pinter Theatre, London SW1 until 27 July. Contact 0844 871 7622 or see www.merrilywestend.com.

n

On Thursday 9 May all Australian orchestra Ruthless Jabiru put on a remarkable and moving performance to a gathered crowd of both Australian and UK supporters at Australia House.

By Alex Ivett

@Craig_Harvey The #skywhale is actually a Trojan Horse. At night hordes of Tony Abbotts escape into the city #skywhalemyths @s_atkinson1 Other hot air balloons are merely the coccoons of #skywhale larvae. #skywhalemyths @jessiearmstrong The #skyewhale is just big boned #skywhalemyths Image by Matt Dawson, WAGO

@Craig_Harvey The #skywhale is the most preferred PM in the latest Galaxy Poll #skywhalemyths #auspol @Fake_Sky_Whale Peter Jackson is making a trilogy about my search for one basket to unite them all #skywhale #skywhalemyths @CazzReid Those who look into the #skywhale’s eye will turn into stone #skywhalemyths

Follow us on Twitter @AustralianTimes

From the opening scene, which is incredibly strong, you can tell that this show is effective because of its refined approach. Unlike other musicals, which seduce an audience with elaborate costumes, sets, choreography and special effects, Merrily’s strength is in its honest portrayal of these real characters and real stories.

When you limit the number of performance elements, the audience can focus more on the words, the story, the performances, and the songs – hence why I can’t get that one out of my head.

This show doesn’t feel like it is trying too hard, which makes it a pleasure to watch. Perhaps this is why the start of the second act – arguably the weakest part of the show – feels a bit out of place.

You almost feel as though a dance sequence was included just to give

A ruthless performance from London’s all Aussie orchestra

@hic_clix_pix #skywhalemyths the skywhale only exists because Schrödinger’s cat got stuck in a box

@MitchSully The #skywhale was a normal whale until it got hooked on helium in college. #skywhalemyths

Merrily We Roll Along, Damian Humbley, Mark Umbers and Jenna Russell (c)Tristram Kenton

Image by Matt Dawson, WAGO

Held in the lavish reception hall, the heavy brocade curtains and marble pillars set an appropriate tone for an orchestral concert.

Guests were greeted with a range of Western Australian wines, before being seated for the performance.

Agent-General of Western Australia, Kevin Skipworth, welcomed guests and acknowledged the generosity of Australian Business, Australian Council for the Arts and Westpac in helping to support the concert.

Comprised entirely of professional Australian musicians living in the UK, Ruthless Jabiru is a unique showcase of the incredible expat talent on offer in our adopted capital.

The skill and professionalism of this orchestra, and its founder and principal conductor Kelly Lovelady, was clearly evident throughout the performance, not least in their handling of the first piece – a commissioned work from UK-based Australian composer Leah Kardos, Kick.

This fantastic piece evoked visions of a sunrise over an outback property, the building melodies of a single viola and violin sounding out like the Australian bush slowly waking and coming to life.

Gavin Dixon, classical music critic and journalist, said the piece was a great opener.

“Kardos uses a small palette of string textures, including long vibratoless pedals, tremolos and

portamento slides, and integrates them into a tightly structured and impressively focussed work.

“The textures are relatively straightforward, but all are effective, and the ensemble is always used to impressive and idiomatic effect.”

The second piece, Brett Dean’s Carlo, used an overlying tape track of choral singers and whispers which dipped in and out seamlessly with the orchestra, and included compelling soloists from all 15 string players.

The finale, John Adams’ Shaker Loops, was the most conventional piece on the programme and commenced with a string quartet building in repeating sequences to a dynamic finish with the whole orchestra.

It was an incredible performance from a very talented and relatively new orchestra. With a strong programme of events in the works for the future, Ruthless Jabiru is sure to become a permanent fixture on many Australian expats cultural radar.

Classical music critic Gavin Dixon agrees.

“The orchestra now has a clear musical identity, and its future looks very bright indeed.”

For Gavin Dixon’s full review see orpheuscomplex.blogspot.co.uk.

Get More Music

AustralianTimes.co.uk/entertainment

Entertainment | 9

AustralianTimes.co.uk

Networking, with a side of entertainment n

Business networking may sound like a dry, serious business, but Australians in London never do things by the book.

By Bonnie Gardiner On Sunday 12 May members and guests of Australian Business were treated to Sunday in the Apartment, a showcase of Australian talent, complete with Aussie artists, comedians and musical theatre pros.

Held at Kettner’s in Soho and presented by the Australia Day Foundation, business folk were able to mingle over drinks and cupcakes. Both corporate members and performing artists seemed happy to network in a casual space, taking full advantage of an environment somewhat different to the boardroom.

Kicking off the afternoon were hosts Daniel Fletcher and Amelia Cormack singing ‘Mama Told Me Not To Come’, before introducing the first artist, singer/songwriter Emi Green. Discovered by Fletcher in a bar, Green serenaded the audience with some gorgeous original pieces from her upcoming album entitled Letters.

Speaking to Australian Times, Green said: “This process is great, it’s wicked, I’m really glad because there’s so many of us here and I think Australians do really great work. It’s great that we can all get together and encourage each other.”

Second was comedian Kent Valentine who shared a very amusing story from his adolescence, making napalm with a somewhat reckless friend named Pete. Valentine relayed the spoils including a scorched garage, an exploded driveway, a tile laying apprentice with no eyebrows and $4,500 in damages.

To wrap up Act One, we met singer Erin Cornell, who has starred in various shows around the globe including Wicked and A Class Act. Cornell performed a song from her one woman show An Evening with Erin Cornell.

“They’ve all been fabulous, the first lady, Emi, she was fabulous and wonderful voice,” says Australian Business member Jill Watts, CEO of Ramsay Health Care UK. “The comedian too, just excellent, I think we were all laughing and relating to his stories.”

Also present was the Australian High Commissioner to the UK Mike Rann, and Australian Woman of the Year in the UK, Siobhan Reddy. Past shows boast performers such as Tim Minchin, Ray Meagher and Casey Donovan.

Keith Gunaratne, CEO of EP&T Global said: “It’s great to have events like this, it’s a great venue, and everyone has been wonderful.”

Act Two saw some more great talent in Telen Rodwell who performed some pieces from his debut album Shadowman, followed by a few pieces sung by Cormack and

Image by Mark Alexander Adlington

Image by Mark Alexander Adlington

ACADEMY MUSIC GROUP & SJM CONCERTS BY ARRANGEMENT WITH THE AGENCY GROUP PRESENT

Image by Mark Alexander Adlington

Katie Alison but credited to the event accompanist, Peter Rutherford, who co-wrote the pieces for a new musical entitled Love Bites.

The final guest, and certainly not the least memorable, was the prodigious Trevor Ashley, a Liza Minnelli impersonator who belted out Sondheim’s ‘Losing My Mind’, as well as some well-known hits from Kander and Ebb. Ashley perfectly epitomised the big personality that is Minnelli and it’s no surprise he has established a successful career for himself as well as supposedly being named “Mardi Gras Royalty” back home.

With a concluding performance of ‘A Little Help From My Friends’ from all the performers, the venue was soon packed with audience members and performers exchanging compliments and forming soon to be strong connections with one another.

“We wanted to do a good job today, and the feedback that’s come back is that everyone was really pleased,” said Fletcher.

“I hope there will be opportunities for some unique relationships to be forged with the business community.”

“It’s such a fantastic opportunity for artists to showcase their wares to Australasian business people that they may never normally meet,” adds Cormack.

“I hope that people take away how much extraordinary talent we have in Australia. How hard working we are, how driven we are to pursue our dreams and to make those things happen.”

THURSDAY 17 OCTOBER

BIRMINGHAM INSTITUTE

OXFORD O2 ACADEMY

FRIDAY 18 OCTOBER

MANCHESTER RITZ

BOURNEMOUTH O2 ACADEMY SUNDAY 20 OCTOBER

Image by Mark Alexander Adlington

WEDNESDAY 23 OCTOBER THURSDAY 24 OCTOBER SATURDAY 26 OCTOBER

GLASGOW O2 ABC SUNDAY 27 OCTOBER

LONDON O2 ACADEMY BRIXTON

SHEFFIELD LEADMILL

TUESDAY 22 OCTOBER

NORWICH WATERFRONT

BRISTOL O2 ACADEMY

MONDAY 28 OCTOBER

GIGSANDTOURS.COM / 0844 811 0051 Image by Mark Alexander Adlington

10 | Entertainment

14 - 20 May 2013

Bearded beauties n

Aussie comedy folk rock band are bringing their message of bearded revolution to the UK. ALEX IVETT chats facial hair maintenance with guitarist, Facey McStubblington.

Visit: AustralianTimes.co.uk/move-to-australia In association with

Great News!

You can now get your Australian Times newspaper every week as a FREE digital edition for your iPad, iPhone or Android.

Did the beards come first or the band?

Beards always come first.

Why beards as a topic?

Well that’s a silly question really.

That’s like asking Einstein “Why physics?”

You played at the World Beard and Moustache Championships in Alaska – how was that?

That gig was akin to a utopia. We played, but didn’t really need to, as everyone already had a beard.

We played, not driven by our usual contempt for the beardless audience, but more so by the fact we were swept up in the gay and pomp of the occasion – a celebration of beards. Everyone one had a beard so everyone was a winner. The only shame is a beardless face.

You have been nominated for APRA Song of the Year for the song ‘You Should Consider Having Sex With a Bearded Man’.

Has the song had any practical effect when

talking to the ladies?

Yes, yes it has. Most women we speak to now consider having sex with us - baby steps.

You have had particular success online, including over 2 million views on YouTube – how do you use social media platforms to the best effect?

The Beards. An Aussie band called The Beards. Hmm, I wonder what they sing about, you ask yourself.

Then you see their promo shots – four pairs of eyes peeking out from between great bushy facial tufts.

The kind one could sit and stroke in silent contemplation, in a rocking chair, smoking a pipe. I’m getting the feeling they are... pro beards?

Next you have a listen to their songs - ‘If Your Dad Doesn’t Have a Beard You’ve Got Two Mums’, ‘You Should Consider Sex with a Bearded Man’ and ‘No Beard, No Good’ – and it all starts to make sense. It seems The Beards are firmly in the facial hair camp – on an almost evangelical mission to take their message of the benefits of beards to the masses.

The next target of conversion – the UK. After 3 albums in Australia, a YouTube channel with over two million views, and numerous accolades including a place in Triple J’s Top 100 and nomination for APRA Song of the Year and Comedy Album of the Year, Australian rock folk band The Beards are bringing the bearded revolution to the UK and Europe.

Following a number of gigs in Europe, the bearded beauties head to Edinburgh and Glasgow, taking in the Bearded Theory Festival in Derby before landing at the Hoxton Square Bar in London on Monday, 20 May. Subsequent dates take in Bristol, Manchester and Sheffield.

Australian Times talks to The Beards guitarist and backup vocalist, Facey McStubblington ahead of their first world tour.

just lovers of musical comedy?

Let me make this clear, we are not musical comedy. There’s nothing funny about The Beards. Therefore you can assume that the clientele who frequent our performances are high-brow social commentators, professors and raconteurs.

Like growing a beard it’s all about consistency and high-speed broadband.

How do you think your pro-beard message will be received on your UK and Europe tour?

We knew of someone who went to one of your gigs in Oz and she mentioned there was a fairly strong smell amongst the bearded crowd. Do beards require any particular maintenance?

Where are you looking forward to visiting on your tour?

Yes, of course they require maintenance. How else do you think we keep such a high standard of perfume such as the one your friend spoke of? You don’t just roll out of bed smelling awesome.

Are most of the people at your gigs bearded, supporters of beards, or

We assume that everyone will fully embrace our message and subscribe to our ideas without question. That’s why we’re going into crippling debt in order to come visit you all.

London is an iconic city. We look forward to visiting all of the historic sights and stroking our beards in judgment of it.

What can an audience expect from a Beards show?

Predominantly, songs about beards. Moreover, they can expect to experience a spiritual epiphany similar to that of what Buddhist monks spend a life time trying to achieve … but mostly songs about beards.

Will you branch out into other topics or stick with beards?

There are topics other than beards now? Not interested.

Just scan this QR code or go to

AustralianTimes.co.uk/newspapers

The Beards play Hoxton Square 20 May 2013, as well as a number of other UK locations. Their EP ‘If Your Dad Doesn’t Have a Beard You’ve Got Two Mums’ will be released in the UK on 3 June by Big Bearded Productions.

Travel | 11

AustralianTimes.co.uk

n

Think you’ve already done South-East Asia’s beloved kingdom of Thailand? Think again! TIM MARTIN explores the hidden gem that is the Thai island of Koh Samui, with a cheeky stop-over in the ever crazy capital - Bangkok. different enough from our own to keep even the most well-travelled journeyman wide-eyed and jaw agape. But there’s a couple of particular places in the idyllic paradise once known as Siam that deserve special attention.

Banging Bangkok South-east Asia’s beloved kingdom of Thailand is already high on the list for many adventurous Antipodeans. What’s not to love about pristine beaches, cheap as chips accommodation and street food almost too good to be true?

As a midway point in-between our beloved home Down Under and our temporary base that is the UK, Thailand has almost everything an Aussie could want from a holiday. Eternal sun.

Endless parties. And a culture

A trip to Thailand would not be complete without a night (or four) in the bustling capital that is Bangkok. Floating markets.

Golden temples. All-night bars.

And ‘women’, where everything is not as it seems.

Bangkok will most likely be your entry or exit point for any Thai holiday, so it would be rude not to sample its heady delights. Fried grasshoppers from the little Thai man on the street corner? Why not!

Yes, they are very crunchy and have a texture that is somewhat... leggy but they are actually quite delicious.

Amari Palm Reef Hotel, Koh Samui

Amari Palm Reef Hotel, Koh Samui

12 | Travel

14 - 20 May 2013

A visit to Khaosan Road will fill most of your wanton desires.

Travellers from the world over spill out from the thumping bars that make this place a ‘backpacker ghetto’. The bars never close and the music never stops (which means if you’re after a good night sleep - stay somewhere else) and all sorts of the weird and wonderful fill the heaving, living promenade.

Khaosan kisses Amari Palm Reef Hotel, Koh Samui

*

Thai ‘lady-boys’ will blow kisses to you and massage touts will be your best friend, and maybe even “love you long time” if you chose to stop by their shop. Tuk-tuk (something between a dune buggy and a covered motorbike taxi) drivers will chase you up and down the street and the tantalising aromas of fresh Thai street food will have your stomach growling even louder than the countless stray dogs. Even if you’re a little on the faint-hearted side, a trip to Khaosan Road is definitely worth a look - just remember to have a bit of fun and be prepared to stay awhile.

Bangkok is not all just hedonism and debauchery. The myriad of temples and museums that dot the city can take anywhere up to a day or a week to visit and will leave you informed and inspired.

And if you are after a bit of peace and relaxation from the relentless Bangkok ‘assault’, you could do a lot worse than stay in the opulent Amari Watergate hotel, a 5-star haven that will leave you refreshed and ready for whatever Bangkok decides to throw at you next.

Serenity in Samui You can’t spend all your time in Bangkok (at least it’s not wise to), so next stop must be one of the

*Trips for 18yo and over

Amari Watergate Hotel, Bangkok

famed Thai islands. Whether it’s jungle raves and full-moon parties or a week in a beachside bungalow, Koh Samui really hits the spot.

This traveller-friendly refuge off Thailand’s east coast is the largest of three islands (Koh Pangyang and Koh Tao the other two) that make up one of the most visited places in south-east Asia.

You can treat yourself to anything from a spot of golf on a worldclass course, or elephant trekking through the dense and lush Thai jungle. If it’s more the beach that you are after, hire jet-skis for ridiculously cheap prices or even get up high with some para-sailing.

Lamai is where the action is but Bo Put is a great place if you just want to get away from it all, sit

Travel | 13

AustralianTimes.co.uk

back, relax and do your best Darryl Kerrigan impression and murmur “How’s the serenity!?”

Reef relaxation Depending on your budget, you can hire a hut with just a bed, a mosquito net and a ceiling fan where the front steps literally touch the azure waters of the Gulf of Thailand, or you can live like a king in the secluded privacy of a resort like the Amari Palm Reef.

It’s all dependent on the sort of holiday you are after and what’s left in the bank after Bangkok.

At least this should be a lot, as Bangkok is relatively cheap when

compared to London or Australia.

The only worries you really have on Koh Samui are “which beachside seafood shack shall we select?” or “where shall I venture to on my moped today?” There’s even an Aussie bar in Lamia if you are starting to feel homesick. And if you’re after an incredible night out you may remember for ever (or may not - depending on how many buckets of vodka and Thai Red Bull you consume) then go and check out an infamous Thai full-moon party.

Leave your camera, your thongs and your inhibitions in the hotel room and go crazy with another 1000 or so happy-go-lucky souls.

The worst thing about a holiday in Thailand? Packing up the towel and the budgy smugglers and saying goodbye to your local tuktuk driver and getting on that plane back to London. But hey, you’ll have the tan and you’ll have the stories. And hopefully, you may be a little bit wiser to what a Thai ‘lady-boy’ is (but hopefully not too much wiser).

Get More Travel

AustralianTimes.co.uk/travel

Be our next great travel writer Get your travel story published with Australian Times and WIN a £250 travel voucher from our friends at Topdeck.

Do you harbour dreams of being the next Bill Bryson?

Submit your original travel articles for publication on the Australian Times website. The editor will then select the best story each month to be published in the Travel section of the Australian Times newspaper with the writer winning the £250 voucher to any Topdeck tour of their choice!

Embrace your own writing style and make those dreams of being a published travel writer a reality.

How to submit Email your feature to editor@australiantimes.co.uk with the subject ‘Great Travel Writer’.

It should be: • 600-1200 words length • An original first hand account • Accompanied by 3 high resolution photos taken on the trip *Solicited features and third party links will not be accepted.

For full T&Cs go to AustralianTimes.co.uk/travel

WIN

14 | Professional Life

Whose script are you living?

14 - 20 May 2013

Dollar Review

Interest rate cut sparks Aussie sell-off

By Dylan Goate

> SEPI ROSHAN

One thing I love about London is that not many experiences can happen twice in exactly the same way. There is an air of randomness in London – sometimes unsettling and sometimes stupendously delightful. In Australia, I found that everything had a script: there was a certain way of being. In the quest for comfort and safety, we can become so habitual that we become stuck in our ways. When we are running businesses or heading for the C-Suite, being stuck in our ways is a disaster for creativity and innovation. What script is holding you back?

Sticking to the script

In Australia, I got up each morning at the same time. I would follow the same routine. I got to my train station to catch the 7.57 am train to the city. I sat in the same carriage with the same people and waited until my stop. Sometimes I read, sometimes I listened to the world around me. Most of the time I wished I was somewhere else. After work, it was a mad rush back to the station. I was running to the same carriage to find my seat. At my stop, I would run to my car and finish the rest of the script for whatever day it was. Every script ended the same: going to bed to get ready for tomorrow’s script.

Each day of the week had its own script.

Any deviation felt wrong.

If this sounds or looks familiar, you are not alone. Many Australians moved away from lives that were scripted in a way that did not suit them – scripts written by other people and incompatible with their own ideas. At some point, most people are constrained by scripts written by family, friends, teachers, bosses. Psychologically, we also take on certain roles in specific

contexts – at a family reunion we might slip back into the Bridget Jones character; with school friends we may become the class clown again.

Many of these scripts stop people from succeeding and living the life they want.

It can be difficult to break the mould because we form our perceptions of ourselves based on how we interact and relate with others. Even if scripts are no longer working for us, they are so ingrained into our unconscious that we continue to live by them. These scripted behaviours and beliefs can restrict our development, cause us to sabotage our success and live a self-fulfilling prophecy. So how do you tear up the script and start living your life and career your way?

expectations.

This week, all eyes will be on what’s contained in Wayne Swan’s budget speech

Exchange rates GBP/AUD: 1.5391 EUR/AUD: 1.2982 USD/AUD: 1.0019 NZD/AUD: 0.8315 09:27 GMT, 13 May 2013

Note: The above exchange rates are based on “interbank” rates. If you want to transfer money to or from Australia then please register/login on our website, or call us on 0808 141 2335 for a live dealing rate. Make use of a Rate Notifier to send you alert when the Australian exchange rate reaches levels you are looking for.

Breaking the mould

GAIN A PROFESSIONAL EDGE FOR YOU AND YOUR BUSINESS

The first step is self-reflection. Identify what role or roles you have taken on and how this is serving you. If you need support to do this, get it. Coaches are a great resource and the return on investment is the freedom to re-write your script. Once you identify what script you are living, tear it up by doing something different. Neuroscientists have discovered that changing the way you perform everyday tasks can help forge new neural networks and help you approach problems in more different and innovative ways.

There are many scripts in life. If you feel your script is not working for you, this is valuable information. Take the time to explore how your old script is holding you back. By simply changing the way you perform one task, you can start to break old patterns and find creative paths to your success.

Sable offers an impressive portfolio of professional services. We have over 25 years of experience advising individuals, contractors and small businesses who have international interests and connections.

sable services Accounting Tax Wealth OFFSHORE Foreign Exchange

Sepi Roshan is Business Editor of Australian Times, and Director of Astute Coaching & Development, helping Professionals become fearless presenters and leaders. Find out more at www.astutecd.com.

Law Immigration

Sable Group

Castlewood House 77/91 New Oxford Street London WC1A 1DG t: +44 (0) 845 094 3990 info@sable-group.com www.sable-group.com

Sable is a group of professional service companies.

Sable Accounting Limited is a limited company registered in England and Wales with registered number 03517738.

Sable Private Wealth Management Limited is registered in England & Wales, number 04305265, Authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority.

Visit: AustralianTimes.co.uk/move-to-australia

In association with 44057

an astute aussie in london

THE Australian dollar faced steady declines against most major currencies following last week’s interest rate cut announcement by the Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA). The Aussie continued the trend through the week and over the weekend to open on Monday at 1.535 to the Pound while crashing below parity with the US dollar at 0.999, the first time in 11 months.

The Australian dollar began trading last week at around 0.659 British pounds and 1.026 US dollars.The RBA announced on Tuesday its decision to cut the interest rate by 25 basis points. Over the last 12 months the RBA has cut the rate by 175 basis points, bringing the cash rate to a record low 2.75 per cent. The move put immediate downward pressure on the Aussie. It was even speculated that hedge fund legend George Soros had placed a major bet on a rate cut announcement, cashing in big on the subsequent devaluation.

Some analysts suggest the rate

cut, along with a strengthening US economy, could mark the turning point for what many, including the IMF, have described as an ‘overvalued’ Australian currency.

National Australia Bank currency strategist Ray Attrill told Fairfax, ‘’It’s always been the case that at the point when the US dollar found some significant strength, that was going to be the pre-condition for the Australian dollar falling.”

The Australian Business Index fell to minus-two in April. This is a dramatic drop from the positive-two recorded in March. One of the main contributing factors to this drop is the falling optimism in the miningindustry. Global growth is also a big contributor as China, the US and the Eurozone are still trying to kickstart their economies out of sluggish growth trends.

Some positive economic news out of China helped to rally loses on Monday. Even though there was improvement on the data released in March, the index still under-performed against market

www.sable-group.com

Sport | 15

AustralianTimes.co.uk

Ashes mission not impossible

n

An Aussie victory in the Ashes this summer is about as likely as finding a Pom who actually believes it will happen, right? Well, in Andy Collett we’ve just found one.

WITH the Ashes approaching faster than a Brett Lee bouncer, a number of high profile cricketers including Australia’s very own Glenn McGrath, believe there is only going to be one winner in the series. Former England captain and now commentator Bob Willis recently labelled the team: “A Rabble who will surely go down in history as one of the weakest to set foot on English shores.” But when you compare both teams in all departments I’m not so sure.

Those sensible enough to actually take a look at the squad in-depth will realise that realistically it is not as bad a group as some may think. Ok, so they have drafted in two guys who in cricketing terms are well past their sell by dates, but will provide huge knowledge of the English conditions and the experience to help to settle the nerves of some of the younger players. Michael Clarke will once again be teamed up with his right hand man Brad Haddin, who will certainly aid him with some vital decision making during the series.

Chris Rogers, a 35 year old with only one test cap behind him, has been playing in the UK for a number of seasons chalking up big scores for the number crunchers to collate, so is he really such a gamble? He has gathered some huge experience playing in English conditions, so surely has to be considered a great asset for the team.

The overall look of the squad appears to provide some excitement and worry. I don’t honestly see much difference between the quality of the bowling attacks apart from the spinning area. Rumour has it that the wickets will be prepared to suit the spinners and not the seamers. That’s all well and good if we were to have a hot and dry summer, but we are

CAN HE KEEP THE FORM?: Michael Clarke during training in Brisbane on Monday, preparing for the Ashes Tour of the UK which starts in June.

(AAP Image/Dan Peled) talking England here, so expect plenty of lush green grass and big movement from the ball. Nathan Lyons is the only spinner that has been included in the Aussie squad. We keep hearing stories that Fawad Ahmed will make the last Test. Well, from what I have seen in the past, David Warner has a pretty mean leg break that I am sure could cause a little trouble for us Poms. Michael Clarke is a proven partnership breaker with his gentle turners too. So I think although only secondary spinners, they are capable of doing a decent job of backing up Lyon should the rumours about spinning wickets materialise.

One of the main concerns for the Aussies has to be with the productivity of some of the batsmen.

We know they have the ability, the record books generally back that up.

Hughes who was found out badly on his last Ashes expedition though and Khawaja has done very little to excite. In Watson, with all his recent problems, there is plenty of scope for one to have more than a little cause for concern. But if the top order actually play to their ability and with a bit of lady luck on their side, who knows what might happen.

England will be a tough nut to crack. They have been the top dogs of world cricket recently, leading to Aakash Chopra from The Cricket Club labelling them a “near perfect side”. There’s quality in every department, but plucky New Zealand proved earlier this year that the Poms can be rattled. It will be fascinating to watch their forthcoming return series against the Kiwis to see how they fair against them back on home soil.

Both teams’ final choices may turn out to be slightly different to what is forecast. Both have their fair share of injury concerns. Pietersen and Swann are overcoming problems that have put their Ashes preparation on hold, as with Starc and now Harris for the Aussies. We also have to consider Michael Clarke’s back issue. How would that would affect the balance of the team should he aggravate it again? We dread to think.

As for my tip for the little brown urn, I really do believe that Australia can win it back. If the batsmen finally hit form then I think the rest will just follow and we will see the Ashes return Down Under; a 2-1 series win for the Baggy Greens.

What we do need to pray for is some grace from the weather gods.

Signing up for summer

By Phillip Browne With the early summer tag rugby season well under way Try Tag Rugby is pleased to announce a large increase in tag rugby players across London and Reading in 2013.

The early summer season (May – June) has always been the peak season for Try Tag Rugby, and this year is no exception. The 2013 early summer season has smashed last year’s 2012 record of 142 teams, with a total of 184 teams battling it out for tag rugby supremacy across London and Reading.

Try Tag Rugby Managing Director, Alistair Davis commented: “This is Try Tag Rugby’s fourth summer and to attract 184 teams into our competitions in our fourth year is an amazing achievement.

“We’ve worked really hard to

launch the great sport of tag rugby in London and Reading and it’s just fantastic to see so many players enjoying it over here in the UK.” There is still limited space available for individuals to join some leagues.

Try Tag Rugby’s annual Corporate Challenge tournament is set to take place at London’s iconic Regent’s Park on Friday 24 May. Last year’s inaugural Corporate Challenge was won by Tullett Prebon who fended off challengers such as Google, Yahoo!, PCubed and Robert Walters to claim the silverware.

The Corporate Challenge is a great way to finish off the working week and is a fun team building exercise with great networking opportunities.

Can Tullett Prebon defend their 2012 title this year?

Registrations close Friday 17 May

“It was the straw that broke the camel’s back as far as Gai and I were concerned, with the unintentional consequence of (sparking) this inquiry,” he said.

Mr Murrihy said Singleton’s behaviour amounted to “flying off

and making accusations against your trainer of 15 or 20 years”.

Singleton was fined a total of $15,000 for the two charges.

The chief steward said Singleton had been given a discounted penalty down from $20,000.

“We take into account your guilty plea, your very good character in the racing industry, and we’re also

Broncos

he #Backt

v WIGAN WARRIORS Saturday May 18th, kick-off 3:00pm at the Twickenham Stoop, TW2 7SX londonbroncosrl.com

@LondonBroncosRL facebook.com/LondonBroncosRL

THE

Round 7

By Will Denton

Tullett Prebon claimed victory at the inaugural Try Tag Rugby Corporate Challenge.

Photo Credit: Neal Houghton so register ASAP if you would like to enter your company into the 2013 Try Tag Rugby Corporate Challenge.

If you would like to register for a Try Tag Rugby Early Summer competition or for the 2013 Corporate Challenge, go to www.trytagrugby.com or email info@trytagrugby.com for more details.

Singo cops fine, Gai pleads not guilty ...continued from p16

RUGBY LEAGUE ON YOUR DOORSTEP

well aware of the many, many good things you do quite unannounced in the racing field,” Mr Murrihy said.

But the public nature of Singleton’s comments was an “antagonising” factor, he said.

“You must have been aware ... that saying those things on that stage was going to attract mass coverage,” he said. - AAP

“The AFL welcomes you back to normal programming…”

Well that should have been the press release statement following this week’s action, as all the drama, anguish, pure euphoria and brain-fades returned with a passion – maybe making up for the previous weeks snorefest.

Of course we have been looking forward to round 7 for a long time, the GF rematch, and two heavyweight bouts of top four aspirants.

Possibly Sunday was a bit of a letdown, but we got to simply watch on in awe – all for the wrong reasons mind you – as Melbourne slipped further down the abyss, self imploding and handing the Suns their first ever win on the hallowed MCG turf.

Unwatchable yet unmissable at the same time, the Dees put on a display that was impossible to describe. You could say that they played angry, with intent, and tried their absolute guts out. Problem was, this usually ended up with a Suns player either getting stretchered off or kicking one of many great goals. Also the appearance of a Melbourne fan literally waving a white flag doesn’t seem to instil faith in the general supporter base. It seems the

RUBDOWN question is not if Mark Neeld gets the sack, it’s who gets to kick him up the clacker as he gets escorted out of his office. Sad times indeed.

On the positive side though, the Giants are still a complete basket case. About 0.3% of the population of Western Sydney bothered to turn up to see the local lads get destroyed by the Crows, with a bloke that they got out of the cheer squad to stand at full forward, for a bit of a laugh. He ended up kicking 10 majors. Nice.

Onto the main events. Hawthorn made amends for the heartbreak in last years Granny, by totally owning the Swans. Buddy was back to his best, kicking 3.17. Hodge was simply unmovable down back, and Roughhead is still rough.

The only team that sits undefeated is the Cats, as they brushed aside the Bombers in a bruising encounter under the roof. There was one passage of play that had to be seen to be believed, when Stevie J ran the ball the length of the field with the ball up his jumper.

In the West, Freo won an epic battle that had more ups and downs than an end of season footy trip.

“The Dockers did plenty early, only to nearly stuff it up but come good again and hold off the Pies.” This was a direct statement from Nathan Buckley’s summary of the game.

BREAKING NEWS: Maybe Port a bit rubbish after all.

THE

RUBDOWN

WAVING THE WHITE FLAG

P15

n

A gallant Australia were hammered by a rampant Kiwi outfit in the final of the Marriott London Sevens rugby tournament at Twickenham on Sunday, NZ winning 47-12.

AUSSIES MAULED BY NZ IN RUGBY SEVENS FINAL New Zealand have crowned their world series sevens rugby title with victory in the final tournament at London.

Coach Gordon Tietjens’ team had already ensured they would win an 11th series at Glasgow last week but they finished the season on a high with a 47-12 thrashing of Australia in the final at Twickenham on Sunday.

Tim Mikkelson crossed for the first of his two tries after just 32 seconds as New Zealand raced 21-5 clear at halftime and never looked like getting beaten.

The only team with a perfect three-

from-three record in pool play, New Zealand were just as dominant in a 52-7 quarter-final defeat of Argentina.

Kenya, who provided the stiffest pool test on Saturday, were again problematic as semi-final opponents.

New Zealand ground out victory 7-0 courtesy of a first-half try to Pita Ahki.

Australia upset England 14-7 in a tense semi-final to follow a 24-19 quarter-final defeat of the United States.

Veteran coach Tietjens attributed victory to the attitude of his players right until the end of a long campaign.

“We work really hard and you get a lot when you work hard,” he said.

“We have got a great team here and a lot of young players. Tim Mikkelson was simply simply outstanding.”

His team won two of the nine tournaments, including the third leg at Port Elizabeth in December.

Consistency was a hallmark. They were the only side to reach the Cup quarter-finals of every tournament.

Injury forced Tietjens to introduce several new faces to his squad throughout the season, most of whom performed at a high level.

His attention now turns to the sevens World Cup in Moscow in June, where New Zealand will chase their second world crown.

“There will be no easy games in the World Cup. We will go there and give it our best shot that’s what keeps us going,” Tietjens said.

Second-placed South Africa finished 41 points behind New Zealand in the standings, with Fiji third.

Leading final standings: New Zealand 173, South Africa 132, Fiji 121, Samoa 104, Kenya 99, England 92, Wales 91, Australia 89. - AAP

RUNNING AWAY WITH IT: Tim Mikkelson shows the Aussies his heels in the Sevens final at Twickenham. (IRB/Martin Seras Lima)

Ashes mission not impossible AN Aussie victory in the Ashes this summer is about as likely as finding a Pom who actually believes it will happen, right?

Well, we’ve just found one.

...Full story, p15

Gai charged over More Joyous affair RACING NSW stewards have laid two charges against trainer Gai Waterhouse over the More Joyous affair.

Gai Waterhouse has been charged with “fail to report to the stewards any condition or occurrence that may affect the running of a horse in a race”, chief steward Ray Murrihy told the inquiry in Sydney on Monday.

She has also been charged with “having failed to keep a record of treatments administered to a horse”.

The trainer of the John Singletonowned thoroughbred mare More Joyous has pleaded not guilty to both charges.

The charges against Waterhouse relate to a problem with More Joyous before the running of the All Aged Stakes on Saturday, April 27.

Even though the horse had some heat in her neck and was treated with an antibiotic, Waterhouse did not consider it was serious enough to tell stewards.

More Joyous owner John Singleton has also been charged with “conduct prejudicial to the image, or interests, or welfare of racing”.

He pleaded guilty, saying comments he made to the media about the mare’s performance in the All Aged Stakes were “inappropriate and regrettable”.

But he said he hoped his 40 years in racing earned him some clemency.

“This is my first and hopefully my last stewards’ inquiry,” Singleton said.

“I don’t think anything I’ve done has been negative to racing (prior) to this inquiry.

He said the comments that led to his charge came after the “culmination of so many things on the one day”.

...continued on p15