My World & My Life Pupil Guide
My World & My Life CONTENTS 3
Introduction
4
Lesson Overview
5
Lesson 1:
My World and My Life
11
Lesson 2:
Understanding Your Feelings
21
Lesson 3:
Your Body is Changing
31
Lesson 4:
Important People in Your Life
39
Lesson 5:
Boys & Girls, Men & Women
52
Lesson 6:
Your Rights and Responsibilities
61
Lesson 7:
Sexuality & Love
71
Lesson 8:
Pregnancy for Girls & for Boys
83
Lesson 9:
Protect Yourself: STIs, HIV and AIDS
100
Lesson 10:
HIV and AIDs: You Have a Role to Play
112
Lesson 11:
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
125
Lesson 12:
Early Marriage - a harmful cultural practice
139
Lesson 13:
Advocates for change to end early marriage
144
Lesson 14:
Your Future, Dreams & Plans
149
Lesson 15:
My Top Tip Peer Book
160
Lesson 16
Exhibition
163
Examples:
Lesson 1 to Lesson 14
179
Glossary
200
Contacts for Referral Centers
Š 2014 Rutgers WPF, The Netherlands 2
Introduction: The MWML project offers a unique opportunity for comprehensive sexuality education. Human rights and a positive approach towards sexuality are the starting-points in developing technical and personal skills such as negotiation skills, ways of preventing pregnancies and the right to refuse sex. These are needed for informed decision making. Program Description: MWML is a sexual health and HIV and AIDS prevention curriculum. There are sixteen lessons, whose learning objectives, assignments, warm ups, presentations, games, tools guidelines and stories are all available in a pupil and teacher version. Youth Friendly Services: While learning about sexual and reproductive health and rights, you might have more questions. You can always ask your teacher , parents or caretaker to answer them. Are you not comfortable doing this? Or do you want to talk to a professional? You can contact or visit one of the following Youth Friendly Services: 1. Banja La Mtsogolo (BLM) 2. Youth Net and Councelling (YONECO) 3. Family Planning Association of Malawi (FPAM)
4. Government Hospital and Youth Friendly Clinics
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3
Lesson Overview
Lesson 1:
My World and My Life
Lesson 2:
Understanding Your Feelings
Lesson 3:
Your Body is Changing
Lesson 4:
Important People in Your Life
Lesson 5:
Boys & Girls, Men & Women
Lesson 6:
Your Rights and Responsibilities
Lesson 7:
Sexuality & Love
Lesson 8:
Pregnancy for Girls & for Boys
Lesson 9:
Protect Yourself: STIs & HIV and AIDS
Lesson 10:
HIV and AIDs: You Have a Role to Play
Lesson 11:
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
Lesson 12:
Early Marriage—a harmful cultural practice
Lesson 13:
Advocates for change to end early marriage
Lesson 14:
Your Future, Dreams & Plans
Lesson 15:
My Top Tip Peer Book
Lesson 16:
Exhibition
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Lesson 1 My World and My Life
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Welcome! Hi! Welcome to My World My Life!
Welcome! I’m Mangani!
It is so nice to meet you! I’m Tadala !
We are Mangani and Tadala . We are both 12 years old. In this book we will be your peer educators. But, we are not alone…. Meet our friends! By joining us you will learn about growing up, about friendship and relationships and about sexual health.
We hope to answer all your questions and worries
Welcome!
Welcome!
You can work with this pupil manual. It contains a lot of information, quizzes, tests and other exercises. Sometimes you work individually, sometimes you work together with your class mates.
You can learn how to protect yourself, make good decisions and share your knowledge with your peers and your community.
Did you know that young people who get sexual health information are much more likely to make healthy choices for themselves?
Are ready to get started? OK! But first…. Ground Rules!
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Ground Rules
1
In order to learn as much as possible we have to talk about Ground Rules
Ground Rules
3
Speaking: Everyone has a right to speak out his/ her feelings and ideas without being laughed at or discriminated against. Everyone will take their time to listen well to others.
Ground Rules
2
Learning: We are all here to learn… there are no wrong questions Learning takes time… so please, be patient with each other
Ground Rules Ground Rules
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4
Creating:
Opinions:
We will create our own stories, pictures and opinions
Different people have different opinions and we will respect everyone’s opinion
The more we involve ourselves, the more we will learn
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7
Ground Rules
6
Privacy:
Ground Rules
7
To summarize, we have basic rules for:
What people say in this group can be personal, so we promise not to repeat information about others outside this group

Learning, speaking, creating, opinions and privacy
Does this group agree to these basic rules? Are there other rules to add?
Learn as much as you can and‌ have fun!
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Personality Game Personality Game
1
Do the quiz by choosing one answer per question There are no wrong answers!
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Would you describe yourself as
Quiet?
Outgoing?
Are you more
Hotheaded/ jumpy?
Coolheaded/ calm?
Do you make decisions
Personality Game Do you consider yourself a
Good talker?
Good listener?
At school do you tend to
Keep to yourself?
Socialize a lot?
3
Carefully?
Quickly?
Do you see yourself as
Someone who can give good advice?
Someone who doubts a lot?
Do you prefer to
Work hard?
Relax?
Are you more comfortable
Before making a decision?
After making a decision?
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Personality Game
4
With a group of pupils do you tend to
Take a leader’s role?
Wait for someone else to lead?
Are you more
Practical?
A day dreamer?
Which of the following rules you more
Your heart?
Your head?
Personality Game
5
What is the most important thing in your life? ___________________________________ Which one of these words describes you best? (Helper, Simple,
Talker,,
Loving,
Holy,,
Cool,
Wise,
Unique.,
own word) What is your favourite colour?
Do you like to pray?
Yes
No
If yes, how often?
Always
Sometimes __________________________________
Well done! Now is the moment to discuss our answers with our teacher.
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Lesson 2 Understanding Your Feelings
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2 - Understanding Your Feelings You may have noticed that some things change as you become an adult. While you go through quite drastic physical changes, the funny thing is that the emotional changes can be even more overwhelming. You will probably ask yourself: 'What is happening with me? Why do I find myself crying over small things? Why am I disagreeing with my parents, while before I just liked to be with them? I'm so much more aware of my body all of a sudden; I don't want people to look at me!' In this lesson, you will be informed about these feelings. And you will practice talking about the emotional challenges of being an adolescent. In the next lesson, we will be looking at bodily changes in adolescents. But first…let's greet each other!
Today’s program
Reflect Greeting Game ( 5 mins ) Ego Booster ( 15 mins ) Understanding Your Feelings - Presentation ( 30 mins ) Role playing ( 30 mins ) Conclusion and homework ( 5 mins )
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Get to know yourself
1 Growing up is a challenge… Sometimes you feel so happy talking with friends and sometimes you can feel so worried.
Understanding Your Feelings
2
Let’s talk about this and just remember, all adults had to grow up! You’re not alone! May be you feel alone sometimes but in fact there are lots of young people just like you. Let’s look at some of the main problems pupils face.
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Understanding Your Feelings
3
Paul, 12: “ All my age mates are tall and I am short, I feel so uncomfortable, what should I do?” Julie, 14: “ I’m worried that I will fail my exams then my father will stop paying my school fees ” Joana, 13: “ Sometimes friends tease me because I’m fat” Simon, 14: “ All my friends have girlfriends but I don’t. Is there something wrong with me? ” Belita, 14: “ A 15 year old boy has been telling me that I am ready for sex. I have told him that I am not ready yet. He got angry; I thought he was my friend. ”
Understanding Your Feelings
4
Do you feel uncomfortable about something at the moment? It’s good to talk about problems; Sharing your problem is already part of the solution! Did you know that all young people worry about their appearance, their performance or their future? Joana and Paul for example are worried about their appearance. Joana’s friends tease her for being too fat and Paul feels uncomfortable being short.
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Understanding Your Feelings
5
There are two issues involved here: self-esteem and friends What is self-esteem? Self-esteem is feeling good about yourself. Each one of us is special in a way that is different from our friends, brothers and sisters. These differences make life interesting. Respect yourself. This is a very good feeling and when you feel worthy of love and respect, you will expect it from others. Having high self-esteem doesn’t mean that you never get upset or angry with yourself.
Understanding Your Feelings
6
But someone with high self-esteem accepts his or her mistakes and moves on. High self-esteem is also different from pride or conceit. People with high self-esteem like themselves but that doesn’t mean that they think they are perfect or are better than other people. Tell me more…
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Understanding Your Feelings
7
So what advice can we give to young people? You’re okay! Adolescence is a very confusing period. All young people sometimes feel they are not good enough or doubt themselves. Accept yourself! You cannot change the way you were created. Be proud of who you are. If you accept yourself, others will accept you too. You are special! We are all special in our own way, right? Each of us has something we are good at. List 4 things which you are good at.
Understanding Your Feelings
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Friends: Joana says her friends tease her and that makes her unhappy. Friends are very important: they are the people we can talk to, play with, learn from and get support from. If you notice your friend is unhappy, talk with that friend. Don’t tease but ask your friend what’s up. Real friends don’t hurt each other. “A monkey does not laugh at another monkey’s red bottom.” What do you think this proverb means?
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Understanding Your Feelings
9
Talking! Some of us talk a lot; others are shy and only feel comfortable talking with close friends. Whatever your style, you know everyone likes talking and being listened to. It feels good to be understood. So listen to what others tell you and let your voice be heard too. Mood swings! One day you feel proud, confident and joyful. The next you are full of doubt, fear and loneliness. Do you feel that way too? It’s all part of growing up! You are becoming an adult with your own identity. You are not a child any more but also not quite an adult. Your parents, teachers and peers may sometimes still treat you like a child but they also expect you to take more responsibility. You might have some of these questions: Who am I? Who would I like to become? Does anyone understand me?
10 These are normal questions for young people. Gradually you will emerge feeling grown up and stronger. You will come to know yourself better. Remember, the virtue of being young is faith, being able to take risks and believe in the future! How are you feeling today and why? Happy…? Sad…? Worried…? Excited…? Calm…? Romantic…? Knowing how you feel is called self-awareness and that’s good. It’s normal at your age to feel bad sometimes. If you’re still bothered tomorrow, work out what is causing you trouble and then talk to someone about it. Always share your troubles with someone you trust.
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Knowing how you feel is called self-awareness. You know they say, “A poor man who knows himself is better than a rich man who does not.” However you are feeling today, its ok! Now, let’s talk about the feeling of love… Love. What’s that? Love is... … having good feelings for yourself and others. … caring … respecting … appreciating and accepting people the way they are … trust … all good things rolled in a ball
13 About love As you grow up, you may begin to feel attracted
12 But why does love make you feel so con-
to others. You may develop strong feelings and even sexual feelings for them.
fused sometimes? Like Simon who is wondering about having a
Sometimes this is temporary. For example you might
girlfriend or Belita whose boyfriend is
like a boy or girl from a distance but finally when you
pushing her for sex before she is ready or
get to talk to them, the feelings vanish or maybe you
Paul who can’t concentrate because he’s in
will talk to them a few times, exchange ideas and then
love.
one of you
decides you are just friends.
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14 You might like someone a lot and then find out they already have a boyfriend or girlfriend. This can be disappointing, we think we will never recover but somehow we all do. One day all of us will meet someone who is so special, it just clicks. When it feels so right, it is natural to build a loving relationship. Is that your dream too? To meet someone to have a beautiful and trusting relationship with? Just think about it for a second. Now that we know something about love we can give some advice to Simo, Becky, Paul and Juliet…
15 Let’s read this advice to Dalitso, Kassim, Vitumbiko, and Chikondi Dalitso, do not worry if you are not in love, your time will come. Kassim, you know love is not sex and anyone who tries to push you into sex, no matter what reason, is not being loving. Vitumbiko, good communication is the key to a healthy and happy relationship. If she is not responding to your letters, may be this is not the right girl for you. Keep looking for someone you can communicate better with. Responsibility! As you get older you are given more responsibility, at school, at home and in the village. You get more freedom to make your own choices as well. For Chikondi, her parents expect more from her in terms of performance, so that they may continue paying her school fees. Chikondi is also afraid that her father even wants her to get married already. Here is some more advice for her…
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16 Chikondi, as a young person you have a right to play, but also have a responsibility to keep up with your studies as well as to help in the compound. Tell your father that the right age to get married is 18, that you will do your best at your studies and that you want to stay at school. It takes courage to be assertive. Be polite too.
What have we talked about?
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Self-esteem, Self– awareness, Friends, Love and Responsibilities
Which of these is the biggest challenge for you? Order this list from the hardest challenge to the easiest challenge.
Whatever challenge you face, always remember:
Accept yourself as you are
Good friends should support you
No one should push you into sex
You have rights, but rights come with responsibilities.
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Some people look good in photos, some people have a big heart, some people get the best marks, some people are kind, but we are all unique.. “Everyone leaves their footprints.” Let’s keep talking…!
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Lesson 3 Your Body is Changing
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3 - Your Body is Changing Just like a small tree grows, going through different stages until it is mature, so do humans. Today, we will explore our changing bodies and get some information about the physical changes in boys and girls during puberty. Afterwards, we will take photos of each other (if we have cameras) expressing ourselves through body language! 'When I look in the mirror, I don't see an image that looks like many of Malawian celebrities I know, like Princess Chitsulo, Ethel Kamwendo or Wendy Harawa. What I do see, however, is a young Malawian who doesn't fit the mould of "standard beauty". I'm fine with that and like the way I look and love who I am.'
What do you think when you look in the mirror? Your body, your skin and your shape are all changing in puberty. Each of us changes at a different pace and in a unique way. How do you react? Are you happy with your changes and proud of becoming an adult? Are the changes happening too fast or too slow? Do you know what to expect? Let's take a look at the world of bodily changes!
Today’s program
Warm up - Coconut (5 mins )
The Body Change Game (30 mins )
Keeping Fit and Healthy (15 mins )
Strike a pose! (35 mins )
Conclusion and homework (5 mins )
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Hi, I’m changing. Are you changing too?
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Did you know everyone changes?
Your body, your skin, your shape are all changing in puberty. Each of us changes in a different way. Are you happy with your changes?
Body Changes
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4 Ok! Let me first tell you that some changes are the same for boys and girls.
We are going to tell you about our changes And ask you some questions. If you need help, ask your teacher
During a growth spurt we suddenly grow taller and bigger
Our sexual organs mature
Hair appears in certain part of the body where there was no hair before
The skin gets more oily and some people get pimples (achne)
Have you already experienced some of these changes?
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Body Changes
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We all change at different rates and in different ways; that is normal! Probably it makes you proud. It may also make you nervous or even uncomfortable. But try to remember that all young people have to go through this stage to become adults So let’s discover the changes in a girl’s body!
Body Changes
Body Changes
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Breasts:
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Girls breasts enlarge during puberty. Breasts
Hips: Girls hips grow more round and become wider, at the same time the waist becomes slender. These are part of the preparation to give birth and give the woman her shapely figure. Pubic hair: Hair begins to grow under the arms. Hair also appears round the pubic area called pubic hair
continue to become fuller and rounder until maturity is reached. Temporarily one breast might be different from the other. The size of breasts differ between girls: small, big, full, flat, jumping, and hanging. But whatever size they are, breasts are considered beautiful in nearly all cultures
Body Changes
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Menstruation: Menstruation or monthly periods are may be
Remember: Having breasts does not mean you are ready for sex. You will learn more about sex, sexuality and love in lesson 7.
the biggest change for a girl during puberty. Just as maturing of breasts, it prepares girls for their choice to become a mother later on. Later we will look at the menstrual cycle to see how it works.
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Body Changes
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Reproductive organs: The reproductive system of the girl becomes active in preparation for becoming pregnant. The lips of the vagina grow bigger and may change shape slightly.
Body Changes
9b
Vaginal lips: Girls have 2 kind of vaginal lips: the outer lips and the inner lips. During puberty the outer lips will become bigger and thicker. The inner lips will grow longer (not always of the same size) and their colour will get darker. Sometimes the inner lips will grow longer then the outer lips. Some girls think the inner lips SHOULD be longer then the outerlips because they think it will give them sexual pleasure later in life. That’s why some girls pull their inner lips to make them longer. Or girls/women pull the lips of another girl. Although the inner lips are very sensitive, it’s a myth that long lips give more sexual pleasure. Don’t let you be forced into the habit of ‘labia pulling’ if you don’t want to.
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Body Changes Body Changes
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Boys… Sex organs begin to grow and erections start! Testes (or testicles) get larger and start to produce sperm cells. You get erections. Sometimes because you’re excited, during your sleep or when you or someone else touches your body. Other times it just happens by itself! If it happens at an inconvenient moment, try to think about something really boring like saying the alphabet backwards and things will settle down again!
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Body hair: Apart from hair starting to grow on your body, in your arm pits and around your penis, it also grows on your face like a beard, moustache or sideburns. Usually it’s pretty thin and soft at first but gets stronger and darker towards the end of puberty
Body Changes
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Wet dreams:
Body Changes
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Bigger body and muscle:
Boys may have wet dreams while sleeping. The wet stuff is semen – a white, sticky fluid with sperm cells in it – Have you wetted the bed yet?! It’s also a normal, part of growing up. It is important to note that once this starts, having sex with a girl can make her pregnant. Even several weeks before her first menstruation a girl can get pregnant.
Shoulders get broader and muscles start to get bigger and stronger. Your penis gets longer, wider and thicker. Voice break: Voices get deep. Sometimes voices seem to be all over the place, high at one moment but low the next or your voice may sound like it’s cracking or breaking. Don’t worry this will sort out itself with time.
I’m changing!
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Are you wondering when all of this will happen? Or maybe some of these have already happened. Puberty happens between the ages of 10 and 13 for most girls and between the ages of 12 and 15 for most boys.
Just to show you, these are pictures of different girls developing at different rates. They are all 14. Let’s try to find at least three differences! And these boys are all 15 years. Let’s try to find at least three differences! Just remember we’re all different and lucky it is. How boring would it be if we were all the same!
That’s all for today. We hope you learnt a lot. See you next time!
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Personal Hygiene
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Personal Hygiene
Everybody wants to look good, be healthy, keep fit and smell nice! Here are some tips on hygiene, sports and food to help you look good and feel comfortable with your body.
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There are a few simple and basic things you need to know about taking good care of your body. For example, as you reach puberty you will start to perspire more and hair will start to grow under your arms and around genitals to absorb sweat. Daily bathing and putting on clean inner and outer clothes will keep you clean and smell nice. How do you bathe yourself?
Here are some tips for both boys and girls!
Personal Hygiene
4
Your hands:
Personal Hygiene
3
Your skin:
If you have a dry skin, you can apply some vaseline, mineral oil, cocoa butter or other lotions
Lotions applied just after bathing help keep moisture in your skin
If you suffer from pimples, this is temporary. Pimples are much more noticeable to you than they are to anyone else. Keeping your skin clean with water and a mild bathing soap is the best solution. Also avoid greasy foods.
always wash your hands after using the toilet and before eating or preparing food. Keep your nails clean by keeping them short.
Your body:
bathe your body with soap and water everyday, paying attention to your armpits and your private parts.
It’s a good idea to avoid sharing towels with other family members or your friends as these can pass on infections from one person to another.
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Here are some special tips for girls:
Your teeth: Brush your teeth after every meal or at least twice in a day. After breakfast and before going to sleep, for healthy teeth and nice smelling breath.
Personal Hygiene
7
Your private parts:
Personal Hygiene
8
Your period: Menstruation blood itself is clean. But once the blood leaves the body, bacteria can grow in it, causing it to smell. This is why good hygiene is especially important when you’re having your period.
Girls need to clean the outside of their vagina; soap and water are perfect. You don’t need to wash the inside as the vagina washes itself. You should not use strong antiseptic soaps or roll-on in the genital areas. These cause irritation and can kill useful bacteria that live in the vagina which help protect against infections. After washing, always dry yourself and put on clean cotton panties.
Keep track of when your periods are due so you aren’t caught by surprise. You can use clean rags, pads, or tampons. Any of these are fine so long as you change them regularly and you wash your hands before and after.
Personal Hygiene
8b
Do you want to know how to make sanitary pads yourself? Look for the instructions at page 148.
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9 Boys, here are some tips how to keep your body fresh…
Personal Hygiene
10
Private parts: It is important to wash and clean the penis every day – just as you do to every other part of your body. Also wash the rest of your private parts. Boys who are not circumcised need to pull back the fore-skin and gently clean away the smegma that gathers there and causes smells. How about your hygiene? Are you fresh and eating well? What can you improve?
Personal Hygiene
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Eating well! Good food is essential for all young people like us to have good health and feel well. Check out what good food is! You know some young people think they eat well but actually don’t.
Do you still have some questions? If you already know enough, that’s great. If not, you can always ask your older sister or brother, your auntie or parents, anyone you trust and respect.
Let’s look at the facts… There are basic types of food that your body needs. 1. Energy-giving foods. These are staple food such as maize meal, cassava, potatoes, bread, rice, millet, and sorghum. 2. Vitamins and minerals. These are found in most vegetables and fruits. 3. Protein, found in foods like peas, beans, meat, chicken, fish, eggs and milk. 4. You also need to drink plenty of water
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Lesson 4 Important People in Your Life
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4 - Important People in Your Life In the previous two lessons, we learned a lot about the changes you and your friends are going through, in your body as well as in your mind while growing up. There is another important change during the period you are going through: dealing with friends and other important people around you like parents, relatives and teachers! Friends are becoming more important in your life and you may get troubles getting along easily with your parents but this is also the time you need them close to you. This is also the theme of today's lesson. You are going to find out who are your friends and other important people in your life and how friends can influence your actions and decisions. We will hear what Mangani and Tadala have to say about friendships and relationships. After that, we will create a visualization of the people in your world. But first we are going to move our bodies...!
Today’s program
Warming Up - Trust (5 mins )
Tadala and Mangani - Important People in Your Life (30 mins )
Me and My World (45 mins )
Conclusion and homework (5 mins )
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1 We are best friends!
Friends are especially important as you are changing from being a child into an adult. As a young person you may feel shy when talking to adults and share your worries easily with friends. If your parents think that spending time with friends is a waste of time, try to explain to them how important your friends are to you and why.
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Important People in Your Life
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You need friendship! Mangani can you explain to me why friends are important?
Yes, I can. With close friends you can develop skills that you need in life. For example, discussing issues you find important or learning to have your own opinion and standing up for yourself. We also need friends to play with, to have fun and be happy with and also to share dreams with. In fact, friends help us grow.
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Important People in Your Life
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Important People in Your Life
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Good friends make me happy. They teach me how to be close to someone. You know what? Having a good friend makes you feel good about yourself. You can bounce ideas of a good friend without being laughed at, share secrets and know they will be kept. A good friend is someone who doesn’t hurt you, is understanding, can say sorry, wishes you well when you’re ill, takes care of you and listens to you.
Your friend will like and respect you even when you disagree. Do you think we could be friends although we are from the opposite sex? Do you think a boy and a girl can be friends without being romantically or sexually involved?
Yes or No
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Important People in Your Life
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It’s possible, why not? I think boys and girls can be just friends without sex. They can do a lot of things together like playing, doing class work, digging, fetching water together and supporting each other in different times. Can you think of other things you can do with friends?
Important People in Your Life
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My friends also answer many of my questions and we make each other feel comfortable with all the changes we are going through. They introduce me to new things and to new ideas.
But you know how it goes; others will gossip anyway. That’s too bad. I think even if we are romantically involved, it doesn’t mean we have to have sex. But I’m still interested in how you feel about friendship. Friends play a big role in shaping who we are.
Do you think all the new ideas your friends have are good?
Yes or No.
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9 Tell me more... I wonder about that. I once had a friend who showed me many new things including drinking. At first it was exciting and cool. But at some point that drinking really didn’t feel good to me. I tried to convince him that we should be careful and not make a habit of it. He called me a softy and if I didn’t want to join him, he’d find other friends who did. So what did you do?
10 I felt bad, although I knew I was right. But he was right about me being soft. 11
We were friends for so long and I didn’t want to let go of him.
When friends introduce you to bad habits like drinking alcohol, smoking cigarretes, theft, abusing people, escaping from school; this is bad peer pressure.
But finally I had to make my own decision and told him: “I still want to be your friend but I am not going to be your drinking buddy.”
It is important you do the things you feel are good for you. Say no and stand by your word. Be clear and straightforward in what you want.
Your friends introduce you to so many things and want you to join them in doing them. This is called peer pressure. It can be good or bad.
Tell me, what are the good things your friends introduce you to? Do girlfriends pressurize each other sometimes? I know they do but I didn’t experience that myself. My main concern is something else.
Tell me...
12 I’m disagreeing a lot with my parents, even though I don’t want that. We just don’t agree on anything. I feel like they are too strict on me and don’t trust or understand me. Sometimes they are hash and shout at me.
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Do you argue more with your parents or adults than you used to? Yes or No Do you know why that happens?
Important People in Your Life
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Auntie I talked to a wonderful auntie and she had some good advice that helped me understand why my parents find it very hard to understand where I get these funny ideas; like wanting to spend some time alone or getting new clothes. Auntie gave me good advice. I realize I had never looked at it from my parent’s point of view. I can now see that it can be difficult for parents to watch you becoming an adult with your own opinions. Be patient with them while they adjust to this big change in you.
Important People in Your Life
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I know, I just saw them as old fashioned and traditional. And I sometimes felt as though they don’t trust me or have no confidence in me. My auntie reminded me that my family plays a big part in shaping who I am and who I am going to be. May be not exactly like my parents path, I have to set my own path.
Important People in Your Life
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It’s comforting to hear that it is perfectly normal and healthy. My auntie made me understand that growing up is not easy for me and for my parents.
She said; remember every parent wants the best for their child. Talk to them and make friends with them.
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16 Do you think there is a solution to this problem? Yes/ No
Important People in Your Life
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Mum or dad Lack of open communication causes many struggles between our parents and us.
Important People in Your Life
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This time I felt she didn’t look at me as a child. I saw my mum as a wise woman and I think it gave her a sense of my own values. In fact it helped us build more trust in each other and understanding. Have you faced some of the things I told you? Or do you have other challenges when it comes to friendships and becoming an adult?
I’m surprised how hard it seems to sit down and have an honest discussion, even for grown -ups. Here’s a tip: I first try to talk to my mum about my friend’s problems rather than my own, without telling her name. Or volunteer to help your parents with work without telling you to do it and while helping them, start talking to them. Don’t start a talk when they are tired or too busy to pay attention to you.
Try to discuss it with your friends or family!
That’s a great tip and Let’s keep talking!
Important People in Your Life
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Orphans
Important People in Your Life
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Teachers Teachers are also important people in a young person’s life. They take care of you at school just like your parents look after you at home. Teachers guide you how to take the right decisions and they encourage you to be better in school and in life. Teachers can be role models for young people. Feel free to talk to them whenever you have a concern. Some young people fear their teachers because they think they might be beaten or abused by their teachers. This should never happen.
As a young person, you could have lost one or both of your parents. You might be living with a step parent, guardian, auntie or any relative. Such situation may be hard. Step parents, guardians or anyone who takes care of you should be your friend. You should rely on them with your questions and worries. Be grateful you have a place to stay, food to eat and your school needs to be met. You have a future to reach and to fullfill. If anyone of your guardians illtreats or abuses you, don’t keep quiet, talk about it with someone you trust. In lesson 1 1 we will come back on this.
We shall talk about this later……
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Lesson 5 Boys and Girls, Men and Women
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5 - Boys and Girls, Men and Women
You probably know the difference between a boy and a girl, or between a man and a woman. This is a difference we have all learned to see. Gender is a term used to illustrate the role of women and men (boys and girls) in society. The roles women and men play in society can be very different. We are not always aware of this difference. We do not question the fact that mothers are the ones to take care of the children. We do not always wonder why men usually take the most important positions in government and management. Although people do not get paid for looking after children, it is still a job. You may have noticed that, these days, more women hold high office positions. More people ask themselves why men in general are more powerful than women. Have you ever wondered why the roles of women and men are different? Have you ever thought about the effect this may have on your future and how you relate with others?
To get us started, we will present some information about the issue of gender, followed by an exercise that allows you to examine your ideas about these issues. Finally, you will be creative in a small group, express your opinions and think of an action plan. The world wants to hear from you!
Today’s program
Warming Up - Do the Walk (5 mins )
Let's talk about Gender! - (30 mins )
Group Work - Gender issues or Boys and Girls are … (35 mins )
Conclusion and homework (5 mins )
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1 Let’s talk about gender
What’s that?
2 What is the major difference between the groups that you can see on this page?
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Let’s talk about Gender
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From a young age we learn to differentiate between boys and girls. We relate differently to boys and girls For example, think of how you greet your girl friends compared with how you greet your boy friends.
Let’s talk about Gender
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And gender roles? If you think about it, boys and girls often play very different roles in life. But is this genetic or is this the way we have decided to do things? Now write in groups One role and job that is typical for boys One role and job that is typical to girls One role and job which is typical: for both boys and girls. As girls and boys grow up, they learn from their parents, other members of their community, religious institutions, school and the media how to behave as women or men.
Let’s talk about Gender
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Gender is... About men and women, girls and boys; about being masculine or feminine according to behavioral differences. For example; how people dress, their work and their status in society. These characteristics are defined by each culture. It means they can be different in other cultures and they can change.
Let’s talk about Gender
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A woman’s job? Because of biology, women can give birth to children. But society decides that women are the ones who must look after the children. You might think that child rearing is always a woman’s job. And from an early age the girls in many families look after the little ones. In some countries however, the job is solely for the mother, in some it is a shared duty and there are even some societies where men do all the work.
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Let’s talk about Gender
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Let’s talk about Gender
In Malawi for example fathers are given 10 days paid leave to help look after a new baby.
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Different societies have different roles for men and women, boys and girls
In one Chinese tribe the men are the ones to look after the children, while the mothers go to work. In a kibbutz in Israel all the children are brought up together by a team of people. The parents only look after their children at weekends.
Professor Peter Muthalika-President of Malawi
Mr Saulos Chilima
Dr Lazarus Chakwera
Mrs Anastasia Msosa
Dr Jessie Kabwira
Vice President
Leader of the opposition
Chief Justice
Politician
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Let’s talk about Gender
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Why do you think there are many male leaders and only few women leaders?
Probably the best answer is: ‘Women are not given the same chance’
Is this because:
Women are not capable?
Men are better leaders?
Women aren’t given the same chances? Choose one answer!
Discuss: Are girls given equal chances to attend school?
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Let’s talk about Gender Let’s talk about Gender
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Girls do not get equal education chances often because there isn’t enough money for school fees. This is also a problem for boys. There are too many young people without chances. However when families have to choose who to send to school, they tend to choose boys more often than girls.
When there are fewer women with enough education to hold high ranking positions, it is more difficult for a woman to become a leader. Lack of role models and leaders to advocate for women’s rights are part of the cycle which has to be broken.
Note: it is scientifically proven that boys and girls are equally intelligent and able. In many countries the girls even outdo the boys academically. But here is more to say about gender discrimination:
Girls often receive less food than boys
Girls are married and become mothers at a very early age in some societies
Girls who become pregnant often have to drop out of school and may be rejected by their parents families. Is that happening also with boys who become fathers?
In some societies girls and women cannot inherit land or property
Girls and women are more likely subjected to violence, verbal abuse and sexual violence
Women are under-represented in decision making bodies
Let’s talk about Gender
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Think about these gender issues:
Boys are taught not to cry and not to show emotions
Football is for boys; netball is for girls
While women do 70% of the work on small farms, men own most of the property and control the income.
Young men are often encouraged to become sexually active and to have several sexual partners. Young women are taught to only have sex after marriage, and only with their husband.
Virginity testing is only done on girls not on boys. However, it is not possible, even medically to tell if a boy or a girl is a virgin
The majority of Malawian men believe that men are more intelligent than women even though it has been scientifically proven that men and women are equally intelligent.
In almost every country in the world women get paid less for doing the same work that men do
Men are expected to take care of their families financially.
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Let’s talk about Gender
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Of course there are lots of wonderful things about being a man or a woman! Take a few minutes with your group to write down some things: 1. What do you like about being a man or a woman? 2. Girls, what don’t you like about being a woman? 3. And boys, what don’t you like about being a man? 4. What ideas about you as a girl or boy would you like to change? 5. And what can you do to change them?
It’s really our role to come up with a balance and cause a change in thinking
Let’s talk about Gender
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`A common voice will make men and women strong`
Let’s talk about Gender
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Gender equality quiz
(Nelson Mandela) Things are changing and young people are the ones to make that change.
Look at the following opinions. Your group has to decide who they agree with and why. Ok? Let’s go!
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Let’s talk about Gender
What does your group think?
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Margaret:
Do you agree with Margaret, Charles or Wilson on domestic issues?
If the woman is going out to work and bringing home money for the family, then she should not do all the work in the compound when she comes home. Charles: You know I wouldn’t do any housework when I have a wife; the domestic work is for the women. Wilson: I will share the work with my wife, I can help too, especially if she is pregnant or busy with children.
Let’s talk about Gender
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Response: The attitudes of Margret and Wilson seem fair: sharing responsibilities. Of course Charles can have his own opinion and it is good to share your opinion with friends. But do you really think it is fair to leave all responsibilities and tasks to the wife alone? What if she is working and the husband is not? Discuss this issue with your friends!
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Let’s talk about Gender Girlfriends, do you Charles or Eliot?
agree
with
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Let’s talk about Gender
Atupele,
All three of them respond in a way they feel is right.
Atupele: If a girl says she does not love you anymore, you can give her a smack to bring her to her senses. Especially if you have bought her things Charles: If my girlfriend would try to leave me. I would not allow her. Eliot: All girls are different; having a relationship is about open and honest communication, if she wants to leave me, I will be sad but I have to respect her decision.
Let’s talk about Gender
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Wife beating Do you agree with Alex, Maxwell of Fiona?
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But do you really think you can force a girl to love you? Or that you have something to say about a girl if you bought her things? Or even hurt her? Violence is never allowed nor a solution Atupele! The only thing you are rightfully entitled to do is talk to her. Ask her “why don’t you love me anymore?’ Eliot seems the only one to understand that a girl can make her own decisions just like boys.
Let’s talk about Gender
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Alex: My mother is the most wonderful woman; it hurts me when my father abuses her. Maxwell: My father has to beat his wives otherwise they won’t behave well Fiona: Sometimes I see my father beating my mother. I don’t want to marry a man who will do that to me.
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Let’s talk about Gender
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Farming
Response: It is understandable that it hurts Alex to see his mother being beaten. It is very good of Fiona to decide that she doesn’t want a husband that beats her.
Do you agree with Betty, John or Pamela?
Nobody has the right to beat you, did you know that? Not even your husband. It is forbidden by international and national law. Maxwell thinks it is necessary to beat your woman. Although he’s totally wrong, there can be reasons why he feels that way. He was brought up like that and he has seen this example. He has never seen a marriage in which partners communicate in a more equal way, without violence! But this is never an excuse for wife beating!
Let’s talk about Gender
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Betty: At home, it is my mother who feeds us but my father decides what to plant. My father doesn’t listen to my mother. They should decide on this together. John: The man is the one with the land and the tools so he should decide what to grow. He knows best.
Let’s talk about Gender
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Response May be John has to reconsider: the man may know best about farming but the woman is more experienced in feeding her family.
Pamela: I agree with Betty, because the women and children dig the land, so they should be involved in decision making.
Of course the man has the right to have a say in this. But it is wise to discuss the issue together and listen to many people’s viewpoints.
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Let’s talk about Gender
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Let’s talk about Gender
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Families
Susan:
Do you agree with Susan Timothy or Winnie?
You know most men leave it up to the women to worry about family planning and how to avoid unintended pregnancy. I think they should share the responsibility with the women they are part of it too. Timothy:
Let’s talk about Gender
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Response: If you have a good relationship you care for each other. Winnie and Timothy seem to think that family planning, babies and also women’s health are only in the interest of the woman. However, the man is part of the family too.
Family planning and babies are women’s business, so women should make sure that this is cared for. Winnie: Women are more responsible so they should do it.
If you care for each other you want to be involved in decisions and you want to hear each other’s opinions. Maybe Winnie and Timothy’s point of view is based on what they see in practice, but the situation Susan is picturing is more desirable for all parties.
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Let’s talk about Gender
Let’s talk about Gender
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Moses:
Virginity:
Virginity for boys doesn’t exist. For a boy it is shameful if you haven’t had sex when you are 18. Boys who have sex with more girls are cool. Boys cannot spoil their virginity.
Do you agree with Moses, Bernadette or Amina?
Bernadette: If a boy expects his girlfriend to be a virgin, he should also expect virginity from himself. Amina: If boys sleep with more than one girl, girls should be allowed to do the same.
Let’s talk about Gender
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Response Isn’t it strange that opinions on having sex for boys and girls are so different? In fact these standard opinions are a bit old fashioned. Don’t you think everybody has to make a well informed decision when it comes to having sex? It is a big responsibility for both girls and boys. Virginity is not only for girls but also for boys. We will talk about it more in lesson 7. Moses is wrong when he says that boys who do not have sex with girls are not cool. Of course everybody may have her/his own opinion, but having sex is the best only when you are ready for it and which is consensual and safe.
31 The end….. There are wonderful differences between males and females and both are unique. But these differences should not create any greater privilege to men or burden to women. Only with gender equality men and women, girls and boys can together explore their potential for a better relationship and society, in which everybody has the same rights. Gender equality is the future!
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Lesson 6 Your Rights and Responsibilities
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6 - Your Rights and Responsibilities
This lesson is about human rights. After this lesson, you will realize that the United Nations has accorded these rights to you. When you know about these rights, you might ask yourself: 'This is all very well, but what good are they to me when the current situation does not give us young people those rights?' Well, if you know them, you know what you are entitled to and what you can fight for. You know what all of us - Malawi and 190 other countries - are trying to achieve. In a short presentation on human rights, you will learn about these rights. Then we will discuss why you think these rights are not implemented as well as they should be. After that, it is time to get cracking: together with a classmate, you are going to advocate one of the rights that you feel is very important. Make a poster and go tell the community about it! In brief: know your rights, respect other peoples' rights and support rights in the community!
Today’s program
Warming up - The best time in my life (5 mins)
Children’s Rights - Presentation (40 mins)
Poster-making (30 mins)
Discussion, conclusion and homework (10 mins)
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Your Rights and Responsibilities
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The children rights agreement states that all children have a right to a life with:
education,
health care,
protection,
support
freedom of expression
We want to encourage you, to fight for your rights and to take your responsibilities!
Your Rights and Responsibilities
2
Where do these rights come from? The children’s rights agreement was developed by people from all over the world under the United Nations. The children agreement has been signed by nearly every country in the world including Malawi.
Your Rights and Responsibilities
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To be able to fight for your rights you have to know:
Who are these rights for?
where these rights come from!
These are rights for all children below 18 years.
Who they are for!
Why we have them!
What rights there are and what they mean!
Who is responsible!
That’s all young people no matter whether you are a girl or a boy, rich or poor, married or unmarried. Whatever your religion, colour, nationality, sexual orientation, disability, health or HIVstatus is.
Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Why Rights for young people? Rights are based on the belief that young people are capable of speaking and deciding for themselves and should be encouraged to do so. There they have to be aware of their right to education, protection and participation.
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Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Your Rights and Responsibilities There are6 many children’s rights but... We will look at just seven main rights regarding sexual and reproductive health for young people
What rights are there and what do they mean?
1. The right to be yourself You are free to make your own decisions, to express yourself, to see sexuality as a positive force, to be safe, to choose to marry (or not to marry and plan a family) but this should be done within the law. Diana recently started playing football with a girls team, her auntie thinks football is for boys and wants her to stop, so do some of her friends.
Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Everyone has the right to their own opinion and also the responsibility to respect the opinions and choices of others. So, if Diana is not harming anyone by playing football there’s no problem. 2. The right to know You have the right to know about sexuality, contraceptives, STIs (sexually transmitted infections), HIV and other information, which enables you to make your own decision about your sexual and reproductive health.
Should she continue to play football?
Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Patricia is a young girl of 14 years and wants to know about the use of contraception, but her mother refuses to let her read a folder on contraceptives from the clinic as she feels her daughter is too young to read about this. Is Patricia entitled to information about contraceptives? Yes / No Patricia is entitled by her children’s rights to information about all forms of contraceptive, so that she can make her own choices.
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Your Rights and Responsibilities
Your Rights and Responsibilities
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For teachers and parents:
3. The right to health
Sexuality education helps to create sexually healthy adults, who can express intimacy in responsible and appropriate ways. It also helps adolescents to make the passage to adulthood safely, without HIV/STI infection or early pregnancy. Sexuality education is based upon key beliefs.
Some sexual and reproductive health problems, such as HIV and AIDS can lead to illness and death. With information, skills and services, that help you to make informed choices, you can protect yourself and others from these problems.
Sexuality is a natural part of living 4. The right to protect yourself and be protected
Sexuality education:
Does not hasten the onset of sexual intercourse or increase its frequency
Does not teach the mechanics of sexual intercourse
Is age appropriate
Every person has dignity and worth
You have the right to protect yourself from unplanned pregnancies, STIs/HIV, circumcision, sexual harassment and abuse. This means no one should force you to do things with your body that you do not wish to.
The Malawi government supports the right to get information on sexual health
Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Do you think that genital cutting for girls is ok? Yes / No
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Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Sainab and Hanna: Some traditional practices are harmful for your health and against your rights such as early and forced marriages and sexual cleansing after initiation. These two sisters refused sexual cleansing after initiation:
Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Two girls from Mangochi area were preparing for sexual cleansing after initiation. After being informed on the UN human rights in a life planning skills empowerment workshop by Reproductive Health Malawi, they refused to be cleansed. Sainab and Hanna declared to inform their relatives and sisters about their right not to be exposed to the dangerous practice of sexual cleansing. They decided to stand up for their own rights, and those of their sisters!
5. The right to health care You have the right to receive health care that is confidential, affordable, accessible and of good quality and given with respect, you have the right to be treated if you have been hurt or abused. Simon went to the health clinic to ask for an STI test. He was worried because he had had unsafe sex, but the nurse sent him away saying he was too young.
Your Rights and Responsibilities 15 In fact nurses and other health workers are not allowed to judge someone’s behavior or age. They should give the service available to those who request it and counsel them in making the best decision for themselves. 6. The right to be involved in decisions
Is this ok? Yes / No
When decisions are made about you and your sexual and reproductive health, you have the right to take part in making that decision. Your feelings and opinions should be listened to and taken into consideration.
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Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Sarah was 14 when her father arranged for her to marry an older man
Your Rights and Responsibilities
Does her father have the right to force her to marry?
7. The right to share information
Early marriage and early pregnancy are dangerous to the health and well being of young girls. In fact it is against the rights of young girls to force them into marriage.
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You have the right to learn about sexual and reproductive health matters, for example, how your body works, pregnancy, contraception, STIs and to talk to friends about what you learnt. You have the right to form groups to advocate for your rights and to express your ideas.
In lesson 12 and 13 we will talk more about the negative effects of marying before the age of 18 and what you could do to stop this harmful practice.
Your Rights and Responsibilities Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Isaiah is a director of Artists in Malawi and has been involved in the creation of youth organizations and theatre. The performances seek to educate communities and raise awareness of issues such as family planning. STIs and HIV AND AIDS, gender issues and the land act for the international youth parliament of 2010. He wrote a song that struck a chord with many people.
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Did Isaiah have the right to do this? Yes / No Yes he does and you do too! You could set up your own organization to advocate for human rights locally!
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Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Rights and responsibilities We see that we have a lot of rights. Who is responsible for implementing human rights?
The government?
Your family?
Your community?
You?
Your Rights and Responsibilities
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In fact the answer is everyone! Of course the government and your community have a big role to play. But you have a role to play too! Both by demanding your rights and by respecting and upholding the rights of the people around you. You have a responsibility to everyone not to infringe on their rights.
Your Rights and Responsibilities 22 Responsibilities of young people include:
respecting your own sexual and reproductive health and rights, as well as the rights of your relatives, friends and partners.
informing and educating other young people about their sexual and reproductive rights.
becoming an active participant within your village and advocate for sexual and reproductive rights and health needs of young people.
Your Rights and Responsibilities
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As you see, we as young people have a lot of responsibilities as well as rights. It is as much up to you as it is up to the government to live according to these rights and responsibilities.
Your right remains your right as long as you do not step on others rights!
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Your Rights and Responsibilities
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Responsibilities of the government and organizations that serve young people:
respecting and safeguarding the sexual and reproductive rights and health needs of young people
informing and educating young people, communities, leaders and parents about their sexual and reproductive rights.
involving young people in developing youth policies at all levels of program development, implementation and evaluation:
providing youth friendly and reproductive health services that are welcoming young people and respond to their needs and worries in an open, confidential and non-judgmental way.
Can you name 3 organizations in your area who work with human rights? Can you name an organization in your area which should take responsibilities in implementing rights, but doesn’t? Remember your rights and responsibilities!
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Lesson 7 Sexuality and Love
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7 – Sexuality and Love Sexuality, love, sex, and intimacy: what are they or are they all the same? How are sexuality, intimacy and love connected? More importantly: it is up to you whether sex and love go together and how intimate you want to be and with whom. Maybe you have lots of questions on the subject of sexuality and love. Maybe you have not thought about it yet. There are some basic things that are valuable for you to know about this subject. Let us help you get one step ahead in your decision-making process today. You will make your own storyboard using the digital camera (if available) or a collection of picture cut-outs and discuss with your classmates different situations that young people may find themselves in. We will talk about young people's dilemmas. But first … what's your favorite music and why?
Today’s program
Warming up - My Music (5 mins)
Sexuality is! - Presentation (40 mins)
Sharing ideas (35 mins)
Conclusion and homework (5 mins)
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Sexuality is?
1
Can we talk about sex and sexuality?
Sexuality is?
Sexuality is?
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Sure, what is it you want to talk about?
3
Well, what is sexuality and what is sex and what are sexual feelings?
Sexuality is?
4
Many people think that sexuality and sex are the same. And many people think sex is the same as sexual intercourse. Some people even think that they aren’t a sexual being unless they have sexual intercourse.
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Sexuality is?
Sexuality is?
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OK! So sexuality can mean: But these beliefs are not true! Sexuality is everything about having sexual feelings, thoughts, fantasies and sexual acts. Sex is being male or female. Sex is also a variety of sexual acts: from touching each other in a sexual way up to intercourse. You know every person is a sexual being from birth until death, whether they have sexual intercourse or not. Even young children may touch their private parts thinking that it feels nice.
Sexuality is?
having sexy thoughts or feelings feeling attractive and good about your own body making up romantic and exciting stories in your own head touching your own body in a sexual way enjoying being touched and hugged by someone you find sexually attractive feeling sexually attracted and emotionally close to someone who is sexually attractive to you
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See! Sexuality is not the same as sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse is a way of being physically intimate with someone. But the point is that there are many more ways to be physically intimate with someone. Sexual intercourse is only one of them. Look at this list: flirting, writing love letters, dating, holding hands, kissing on the cheeks or kissing with your tongue, hugging, masturbation (touching private parts), being together, thinking of someone, touching the private parts of someone else, oral sex (touching the private parts of someone with the mouth and tongue), sexual intercourse (penis into vagina or anus).
Intimate behaviour
8
For many people sexual intercourse is the most intimate, but not necessarily better. Other sexual acts can be very intimate too and much more safe! Why do you think people choose to have sexual intercourse? Make a list of all the reasons you can think of. Many people have the following reasons: intimacy, love, pleasure, fun, relationships. But remember, these reasons can also be satisfied by other intimate behaviour, like hugging, kissing, holding hands. There is no need to go as far as sexual intercourse.
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Sexuality is?
9
What is abstinence? Abstinence might be a confusing concept for some people. It has many meanings. Abstinence means: not having sexual intercourse. But can you still do other things? Some people say yes: you can still do other acts but not sexual intercourse. But other people say no: abstinence to them means abstaining from all intimate physical behaviour. Make up your mind and think what type of abstinence is the most safe and realistic option for you. Remember: Abstinence has no side effects and is not unhealthy. Young people who delay sex can still produce and have good sexual relationships later in life with the chosen sexual partner. Abstaining may sound easy but in fact you need great support to abstain. Abstinence is not just about not having sexual intercourse, but instead it involves actively thinking about your wishes, your boundaries, how to say no and how to deal with your sexual feelings. For that you need knowledge, self-esteem, strength and life skills. If you have had sex, can you still choose to abstain? Yes, this is called secondary abstinence. Now where do love and relationships come into this? Many people believe that the closer the relationship, the more intimate partners can be. Sexual intimacy belongs to a loving relationship, what is your opinion about that? Discuss your ideas with your classmate.
10 Remember: being in love, feelings of attraction, having a good friendship, flirting, holding hands, hugging and kissing do not mean one has to have sexual intercourse. People who love each other understand each other’s feelings but also respect each other. Love means having warm and nice feelings about oneself and others.
11 If you are still young, you need time to learn about yourself, your feelings and about each other. You need time to know when you are ready for sex. When you are in primary school it is not the right time to start having sex. You need more time to learn about yourself and how to deal with your sexual feelings. At this age it is more important to focus on healthy and respectful relationships.
When do you think you are ready? Discuss with your classmates
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Sexuality is?
11b
Sexual feelings Sexual feelings mean feeling sexy and sexually aroused. When this happens, boys get an erection and girls release vaginal fluids causing wetness.
How to deal with sexual feelings Sexual feelings are normal and human, but you don’t have to act on them. Every human being, of every age, can experience sexual feelings. Having sexual feelings does not mean people have to have sex to release them. People can learn how to handle sexual feelings. If it is not the right moment or the right age to have sex, if there is no partner, people have different ways of dealing with sexual feelings. The most important way to get rid of the sexual feelings is to force your mind to focus on another topic. Having physical exercises can also help, like doing sports, or other physical efforts. Getting away from the object of sexual arousal (a person, a picture or a movie), is another way to reduce your sexual feelings.
What do you do to manage your sexual feelings?
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Sexuality is?
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Sexuality is?
13
These are some of the most important lessons in your life:
Let’s hear from Reproductive Health Malawi: Responsible sex...
Love is not the same as sex
Sex can only happen if you feel ready for it
Is when there are no regrets or negative consequences afterwards
If you are still young and in primary school you cannot be ready
involves negotiation and friendship for a long time
Responsible sex should never be forced or pressured
does not need money or gifts
Sexuality is?
Is that clear for everybody? There are no two ways about it. Anyone who tells you differently is wrong!
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Myths and Misconceptions about sex:
Gifts and relationships:
(ideas that are NOT TRUE)
Sex makes breasts, buttocks and private parts grow. Not true!
Some girls and boys have sex because they are paid or get gifts for it. Some girls and boys have sex with someone much older who pays for their school needs or give them gifts.
Sex cures menstrual pain. Not true!
What do you think about gifts and sex?
Boys and men think one needs to have sex to stay healthy. Not true!
What effects do you think this has on a young girl?
Some people think that sex makes you bright and clever or can cure you from illness. Not true!
What effects do you think this has on a young boy?
A common myth is that sex with a virgin could cure you from HIV. Not true!
Some girls think the longer your labia (vaginal lips), the better sex you will have. Not true!
Discuss your opinion with your classmate
People often say such things, to either scare young people into not having sex, or to pressurize you into sex.
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Sexuality is?
What would you advise a girl who has a sugar-daddy? What would you advise a boy who has a sugar-mummy?
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Who is a virgin? A virgin is a person who has never had sexual intercourse. Everyone is born a virgin. You can choose to remain a virgin for as long as you like. What is virginity? Virginity is for both boys and girls. People lose their virginity when they have sexual intercourse. Other sexual acts that we talked about, like holding hands, kissing and masturbation, do not have to affect your virginity. The choice is yours when to lose you virginity. And if you do it, make sure it is within the right age, safe, consensual, and caring.
18 Is virginity only for girls? Discuss with your classmate. If a girl loses her virginity people say she does it with everyone. While if a boy has sex, people say he’s a real man. This is not fair. We call this gender inequality. In fact, virginity is just as important for boys.
Sexuality is?
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Girls and boys should stop pushing each other into sex before they are ready. Here are some of the common things people say to force others into sex. For example, boys often use these arguments:
Everyone does it, why not you?
You are not too young, you have a mature body
I will not hurt you
I thought you loved me?
I bought you gifts, you have to.
I know you really mean yes, when you say ‘no’
Can you give more examples?
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Sexuality is?
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And girls often use these arguments: you are a coward’, ‘maybe I should look for another boy with more experience’, ‘are you a real boy?’ Do you know more examples? If someone uses these arguments on you, you know you are being fooled. Tell them to find another fool. What would you do or what would you say?
Sexuality is?
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Sexuality is?
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Most people are attracted towards the opposite sex. People can also feel attracted to the same sex (or both sexes); Homosexuality is against the law in Malawi but this is not the case in every African country. For example, in South Africa same sex marriages are legal and discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is against the law . However if a boy forces a boy to have sex with him or a girl forces a girl to have sex with her, this is everywhere in the world sexual abuse and a violation of human rights.
Masturbation Do you know what masturbation is? There are many myths, but here is the truth:
Masturbation is stimulating the genital organs by hand, either by yourself or another person, usually leading to an orgasm
It is something private and personal
Both boys and girls masturbate, although more boys tend to do it and more often.
Even men and women who are married masturbate
But there are also people who do not practise this behaviour.
Sexuality is?
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Always remember:
Rule one: you are the one who can make a
Rule two: Having sexual intercourse is a delib-
decision on how and when to express your own sexuality.
erate decision. It is not nature overcoming you or an uncontrollable force that just overrules your thinking. It is you who make the decision for yourself. And in a relationship you make such a decision together.
The World Health Organisation (WHO) declared that masturbation is not unhealthy.
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Sexuality is?
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Becoming sexually active is a big decision. Block out those voices that say that ‘everybody’ is having sex. Not ‘everybody’ is having sex. And anyway, you are you. You are not ‘everybody’. In fact you have to make many decisions about becoming sexually active: When? Not yet? With whom? Why? How far to go? Where? With a condom?
Sexuality is?
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An intimate relationship does not develop overnight. If both of you are not true friends, you may find sex embarrassing or overwhelming. This is a sure sign you should wait. Never do anything that you or your friend finds unpleasant or distasteful. Sex should be beautiful, keep it that way!
Proverb: ‘A mango can be eaten at any stage but it is sweeter when ripe. That is the best time to eat it’.
Sexuality is?
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This reminds us that a sweet love is the real thing and worth waiting for.
Do you think we answered everyone’s questions? We hope so. Always remember the decision is yours. So make it carefully!
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Lesson 8 Pregnancy for Girls and Boys!
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8 - Pregnancy for Girls and Boys! Why would we want to talk about pregnancy? Because 24% of young women aged 15-19 years old in Malawi are pregnant with their first child . This is quite a high figure, don't you think? Are you going to be one of these? Or are you going to wait till the time and circumstances are right for you? So that you can fully enjoy and raise your baby in a way that feels right? What are your options when you get pregnant before you are ready? Besides the information you need, we will ask you to think about your situation. You will read the interactive presentation, followed by a quick quiz to see whether you are ready for pregnancy. You will be exploring the issues in a role play. To finish this session, we will make personal statements with photos.
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, as long as the time and conditions are right!
Today’s program
Warming Up - Notable Names (5 mins)
Pregnancy for Girls and for Boys! - Presentation (40 mins)
Group Work I: Role Play (40 mins) or Group Work II: Slogan Art (40 mins)
Conclusion and homework (5 mins)
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Pregnancy
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Expecting a baby can be a wonderful thing. As long as the time and conditions are right! For example, having the right age.
Almost everyone loves babies! However, caring for babies is also hard work and every baby deserves good care.
Pregnancy
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Pregnancy
If the reasons or timing of a pregnancy are wrong, it is even harder to give a baby the love and care it deserves.
Pregnancy
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Pregnancy happens when a boy’s sperm cell fertilizes a girls’ egg cell.
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Do you know how a girl becomes pregnant? Let’s look at the facts. It takes two people: a male and a female to cause a pregnancy. Both are responsible. Boys, this is not just for girls. You should listen up. Pregnancy and preventing unintended pregnancy are as much your responsibility and concern as they are girls responsibility.
Whenever a boy and a girl have unprotected sexual intercourse, there is a chance of causing a pregnancy. Having an unprotected sexual intercourse even once can be enough to become pregnant! 73
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Pregnancy
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Every month girls ovulate. This happens mid way periods. This means that one ripened egg cell is released from one of the ovaries and begins to travel into the fallopian tube.
7 During unprotected sexual intercourse the boy ejaculates semen with sperm into the girl’s vagina. The sperm cells swim via the uterus into the fallopian tube. The sperm cells can live from 3 to 5 days.
If there is no fertilization, the prepared lining is broken down and leaves the uterus via the vagina. This is called menstruation.
A girl’s reproductive organ
8 From the millions of the boy’s sperm cells ejaculated into the vagina during intercourse the fastest and thus most healthy one will meet the girls’ egg cell and fertilize the egg by uniting with the egg cell. This is when pregnancy occurs!
The fertilized egg moves to the uterus. Meanwhile the lining of the uterus is becoming thicker to receive the fertilized egg, which implants into it to grow out to a baby.
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Baby in the mother’s womb 9
Could she be pregnant?
Could I be pregnant?
Pregnancy
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How can you tell if someone is pregnant? Of course, a girl can only be pregnant if she has had unprotected vaginal intercourse with a boy. The most common sign of pregnancy is a missed period. But, a missed period doesn’t always mean the girl is pregnant. Adolescent girls can have irregular menstrual periods for several years. A girl’s period may simply be late or she may miss a month for no reason at all.
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What are other signs of pregnancy? However, they may vary from individual to individual:
More full and tender breasts;
Nausea (a feeling of wanting to vomit)
Fatigue (feeling very tired every day)
The only way to be 100% sure is to do a pregnancy test. Either buy a pregnancy test kit at a pharmacy or go to a health clinic. The test is simple and safe; it just involves testing some urine. Boys, if you are responsible you will accompany the girl to the test centre! If a girl is pregnant, nine months after fertilization the baby will be born. Pregnancy tests can be obtained at a pharmacy and can be done everywhere using a simple kit.
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Pregnancy 12 If you are an unmarried young girl, having a baby can be very difficult. Especially if you lack a supportive family which helps you to raise the baby and helps you to go back to school. Moreover, pregnancy at a young age has health risks and can lead to complications during pregnancy
Pregnancy
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Life can become hard for a young girl having a baby. The future of the baby is at serious risk;
The boy may deny he is the father
The girl may be pulled out of school
The girl may be beaten and sent away from home
Terrified of parents’ reaction, the girl may run away
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Boys who impregnate a girl can run into problems too. The boy may be:
Forced to marry the girl and forced to support the child
Made to pay a large fine to the parents of the girl
Beaten by the father or the brothers of the girl
Expelled from school or even chased from his home
Even arrested and imprisoned if the girl is below 16 years old. This is because the age of consent in Malawi is 16.
Pregnancy
15 In the Zimbabwe film, Yellow Card, Tyane takes the step of taking responsibility for the child that was the result of a one-night stand.
Do you think boys in a similar situation should do the same?
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16 Despite all the complications with early age pregnancies, some boys and girls still want to have a baby. For example:
They want to show they are real men or women
They want to have power over their boyfriend or girlfriend
They want to have someone to love
Pregnancy
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Avoid an unintended pregnancy The best way to avoid unintended pregnancy is to avoid sexual intercourse. Remember when we talked about responsible sex! But by the time you are ready to have sexual intercourse with your boyfriend or girlfriend, protect yourselves by using contraceptives like condoms and or contraceptive pills. Both boys and girls are responsible for protection!
Are there other reasons? Are these good reasons?
Pregnancy Pregnancy
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The best way to avoid pregnancy is to not have sexual intercourse. Abstinence from sexual intercourse is 100% safe and effective.
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Contraceptives are protective methods against unintended pregnancy. There are four types of contraceptives:
Pills
Injectables
Condoms
Female condoms
These are the safest methods of contraception for young people. Male condoms and female condoms also protect against STIs and HIV. 77
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Pregnancy
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Avoid using local methods of preventing pregnancy. They may not work as they are not tested and they may cause permanent infertility. Local methods do against HIV or STIs
not
protect
Pregnancy
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In case of an accidental condom breakage during sexual intercourse one should go immediately to a clinic and ask for emergency contraception within 72 hours (or 3 days including nights) after unprotected sexual intercourse.
Unsafe abortion Due to the shame and the fear of pregnancy, or because they feel they can’t care for a child, some girls decide to end an unintended pregnancy. One quarter of all deaths of pregnant women are caused by complications of unsafe abortion. Further, the girls uterus may be damaged which means that the girl will never be able to have a baby after wards.
Other complications from unsafe abortion can be severe bleeding which can cause death, infection due to the use of unsterilised equipment and poor hygiene. To cause abortion, herbs, medicines and or chemicals might be given to you by someone who is not a medical doctor. Don’t take them. 78
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Pregnancy
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In countries where abortion is illegal, like Malawi, many abortion services are conducted outside the health care setting. They are often done by illegal practitioners and in a rushed and unhygienic manner that puts women at great risk.
Pregnancy
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Chrissy 14, Lilongwe
Pregnancy
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Boys remember! The boy and girl are equally responsible. If boys are sexually active, they should be extremely responsible and careful. They shouldn’t rely on withdrawal or the calendar method to protect themselves and their girlfriend. “Safe days” for adolescent girls are not reliable, due to irregular menstrual cycles. They could easily get their girlfriend pregnant. An early pregnancy can be dangerous for her health and bad for their future.
“ It was not easy at first when I realized I was pregnant. I never imagined it would happen to me. I talked to a close friend who referred me to a counselor. She persuaded me not to think of abortion, which I wanted. I lost many friends but I accepted my mistakes. Now I have a baby girl who I love very much. My parents look after her while I am in school as I want to get my certificate to ensure a bright future for me and my girl. I will never take chances again and prevent unintended pregnancy. Please boys and girls, do the same! ”
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Pregnancy Pregnancy
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What do girls and boys do, if they become pregnant or make someone pregnant?
Confide in a trusted adult, preferable parents, guardians or teachers.
Go to a health center or hospital as soon as they realize they are pregnant to get counseling services.
Go for antenatal care as soon and frequent as possible.
Eat healthy food to keep strong.
Don’t risk doing an abortion
Abstain from sexual intercourse to avoid another unintended pregancy or use family planning methods after the baby is born.
Plan with their parents to go back to school.
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If you do have a baby when you are young, try to go back to school! You know you have the right to education also when you have a baby. Go for that right, it is of major importance to your future.
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Pregnancy
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Discuss: 1. Do you know anyone who got pregnant too young? 2. What would you do if you were pregnant? 3. What would you do if your girlfriend was pregnant? On the next slide you will find options and tips, but first answer the questions yourself. Imagine you would really be in this situation.
Pregnancy
The options if you or your girlfriend becomes pregnant are:
Get married
Give birth and nurture become a single mother
Give the baby up for adoption
Raise the baby with help from family and go back to school
Fostering
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Tips for choosing the right option:
Don’t keep it to yourself; try to get help from family and friends.
Don’t make sudden decisions. First get all the information and advice you need to think through your options carefully.
Think of your future. Try to finish school and try to create a situation that is healthy and okay for you and your child
the
baby
and
Which option do you have at this age?
Pregnancy Pregnancy
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Never let yourself get pregnant for the wrong reasons. Having a child is a huge responsibility.
Nelson Mandela
Dr. Joyce Hilda Banda
African leaders have advised boys and girls to take their responsibilities seriously, get educated and and wait with for the right time to be pregnant.
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Are you ready to have children? Do this quiz to find out.
Pregnancy Quiz
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The child Do you want your child to be like you? Yes or No Can you afford to support a child? Yes or No Do you enjoy being with small children? Yes or No
Pregnancy Quiz
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Relationship
Are you a teenager? Yes or No Will you still be able to go school or get a job if you have a child? Yes or No
Do you have a good marriage or relationship? Yes or No If you have answered NO at least once, it means you are not yet ready for a child.
Girls, are you physically strong enough for a pregnancy? Yes or No
Babies need a good start in life, give yourself and their future a chance. ...END... 82
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Lesson 9 Protect Yourself: STIs, HIV and AIDS
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9 - Protect Yourself: STIs, HIV and AIDS
Sex is a fact of life! Sooner or later, we will all be confronted with the fact that adults and, to a certain degree, adolescents have sex. This lesson aims to help you get the right information on sex, risks, dangers and choices. Today we are going to stand up for our choices. If you decide to have sex, whenever that might be, you need to know what the risks are and how to avoid them. At the end of this lesson, we will all be aware of the real and present dangers of unsafe sex and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Maybe you think you already know about this, but it is always a good idea to repeat an important message, to read and hear it again. In the presentation, you will be informed about risks and STIs; you will get an instruction on how to use condoms. Then we will be dealing with decision-making. At the end of the presentation, you will be quizzed on your knowledge and opinions. And you will practise negotiating safe sex. This lesson is all about risks, but, above all, it is about your choices.
Today’s program
Warming up - Bodyguards and Secret Agents (5 mins)
Protect yourself: STIs, HIV and AIDS - Presentation (35 mins)
Safe Sex Quiz (15 mins)
Discussion and Negotiation Skills (35 mins)
Conclusion and Homework (5 mins)
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Protect Yourself: STI’s, HIV and AIDS
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Do you know what STIs are? Protect yourself! Healthy sexuality means that you can express your sexuality in away that is not harmful to you or someone else. We all know that there are risks associated with unprotected sex. But what are they exactly? And when is sex unsafe? Yes, let’s look at the details. The better informed you are, the better you can protect yourself and your partner and live a healthy life and stay in school.
Protect Yourself: STI’s, HIV and AIDS
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STIs are sexually transmitted infections that are spread through sexual contact. They are spread through contact with an infected person’s bodily fluids; sperm, vaginal fluids and blood. Just one unsafe contact is enough to spread an infection, but of course, more partners means more risk. Most STIs can be cured. But if not treated in time, they can cause problems, like damaging your reproductive organs and your fertility. Are you all taking notes?
Protect Yourself: STI’s, HIV and AIDS
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How do you know if you have an STI?
And are there cures for STIs?
Some of the signs of STIs include:
Yes, most STIs can be cured but you will have to visit a doctor or health clinic or Health Centre. It won’t heal itself and non-medical or traditional healers may cause more harm than good.
1. Itchiness in or around the private parts (but not all itchiness means an STI); 2. Sores, warts, blisters, bumps and rashes on your private parts 3. Discharge or pus from the penis or the anus; 4. Discharge - Disharge from the vagina that has a strange color or bad smell (not all discharge means an STI). 5. Pain during sexual intercourse or while passing urine.
HIV is one of the STIs that cannot be cured. HIV is a virus which causes AIDS. AIDS is when the immune system, the body’s defense mechanism against illnesses stops functioning. There is no cure for HIV.
2. Take note: You can even have an STI without symptoms or noticing anything at all!
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Protect Yourself: STI’s, HIV and AIDS
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What about other common STIs? Syphilis, Chlamydia, genital herpes, hepatites B and Gonorrhea are common and serious. While they are easily curable and manageable, they can still have a long term effects if left uncured.
Clearly this is something we want to avoid!
1. They can make boys and girls infertile if left untreated
May be you think you know this already, but watch the details coming up carefully: for example being faithful is not enough if you haven’t tested first...
2. They can help HIV to enter your body
Avoid STIs and HIV! There are three ways to behave: A, B and C.
Warts, blisters and jaundice can be treated by a doctor. Pubic lice and scabies are not that serious but can be very unpleasant: you can treat them yourself with the right medicine.
Protect Yourself: STI’s, HIV and AIDS
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Protect Yourself: STI’s, HIV and AIDS
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A is for ABSTAIN from sexual intercourse.
C is for condom use
For some people it is possible to practice other forms of safe sex, such as hugging and kissing, touching the private parts, etc (see lesson 7)
If people have sexual intercourse -vaginal or anal, they have to use a condom every time from start to finish of the sexual act. If they don’t agree with condoms for religious reasons, then they should abstain or shouldn’t be having intercourse with another than their 100% faithful partner.
B is for be faithful to one partner but first: take an STI and HIV test. And then, both partners must remain 100% faithful! This only works if people can trust each other 100%. If people get a new partner or another partner in between then they both should test again before having sexual intercourse.
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That might sound simple… but in practice we know that problems arise when: 1. Young people are unclear about their choices
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Girls are infected with STIs more easily than boys, do you know why?
2. Young people are not careful with themselves 3. Young people do not talk about sexuality with their friends 4. Young people are afraid to negotiate for safe options That’s why young people need communication and negotiation skills so that when they have made a healthy choice they can insist on it and keep themselves and their partner safe. Be aware that if you become sexually active this will have emotional and body consequences. There can be a risk of getting infections such as STIs including HIV.
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2. Girls are taught to be submissive to boys. They lack the skills and confidence to persuade their partner either to use condoms for protection or to do less risky sex acts instead of sexual intercourse. Boys can refuse to listen. 3. Married or unmarried, many girls have partners who are older than themselves. When the partner is older than the girl, it can be especially difficult for her to persuade him to have sex safely and to protect herself against STIs, HIV and unintended pregnancy.
There are four main reasons: 1. During unprotected intercourse the boy’s infectious sexual fluid (semen) stays inside the girls’ body. Young girls’ bodies are delicate. The vagina can easily tear during sexual intercourse. Unprotected anal intercourse is even more risky because of tearing. These factors increase the risk of STIs including HIV.
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4. Girls are at more risk of unwanted sex (pressured sex, abuse and rape) than boys. In these cases, it is very difficult to protect one. In our culture there are people who expect the girl to be submissive and to do as the man wants. But in this day and age, if our country wants to move forward, we need to leave that notion behind. The girl is an equal partner in any sexual adventure. If she does not want sex, she has the right to say NO! and not be pressured. Girls have a right, just like boys to choose the right time and place for them to engage in sex. So girls, shout up for your right! And boys, if you really care for your friend and yourself, take responsibility!
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Girls are the future mothers; they need protection. Men play a major role in their protection. If you think you have an STI, what should you do? Go to a health clinic and get it checked!
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If you visit such a health setting, don’t be afraid. Health workers are used to dealing with young people like you. It is their task to make you feel comfortable and safe, and keep it confidential. Still it can be nerve-racking, so ask a friend to go with you.
Ask around to find an adolescent-friendly health centre or an HTC-center. HTC-centers or HIV Testing and Counseling are there especially for doing HIV and other STI tests. Some clinic charge fees for STI services, but some provide reduced cost services to adolescents
If you meet a health worker who is unempathetic, remember, you have the right to health care. So stay firm and keep asking for what you want. Health workers are not allowed to refuse you or judge your behavior.
Protect Yourself: STI’s, HIV and AIDS
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What will they do at the clinic? The health clinic will examine you and take a blood or a urine sample and do a test. Then they can see if you have an STI. You will get the result back sometimes the same day or some days later. If you have an STI they will give you medicines. You should take this medicine exactly as told and do not share your medicines with someone else. Never stop taking the medicine before it is finished and avoid having sex while taking the medicine or have protected sex.
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These are questions that can be asked at a health centre by the nurse or doctor: 1. Do you want to continue having sex? 2. Do you want an HIV test? 3. How can you talk to your friend about using condoms? 4. Should you use contraceptives? What method is right for you? 5. How do you tell your friend(s) about your STI? Many clinics can give free condoms. It is important to find a youth-friendly service. These are centres which are specialised in helping young people.
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If people have an STI, their partner(s) most likely has it too.
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Some people have wrong ideas about STIs and HIV. Do you know which of the following ideas are right and which are wrong?
So they have to tell them, so that they can get a check up too and proper treatment. It will be difficult for them to tell this news, but remember:
1. Someone looks healthy, clean or well dressed so they must be safe!
“the one who tells the truth is never wrong”
2. A person who is in a relationship in which both partners have gone for STI testing and both partners remain 100% faithful.
Right or Wrong
Right or Wrong 3. If a girl suggests using a condom, it means she is sleeping around with other boys. Right or Wrong
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4. You have to have too many sexual partners to get an STI or HIV Right or Wrong 5. If a boy suggests to use a condom, it is because he has a disease Right or Wrong 6. From unsafe sexual intercourse you can get an STI and a girl can end up pregnant Right or Wrong
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8. The HIV- virus can pass through holes in the condom Right or Wrong 9. Pus like discharge and itchiness of the genitals are both symptoms of an STI? Right or Wrong 10. You can get STI or HIV from sharing the toilet Right or Wrong
7. Condoms don’t fit every size of the male genitals. Right or Wrong
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Are you curious if you figured out which are the myths?
Myths: 1. Wrong! You can never tell by looking if someone has an STI or HIV 2. Right! This is the safest way to protect yourself from STIs. Remember, when not using a condom there’s is risk of pregnancy. 3. Wrong! It means she is acting responsibly, carefully and respectfully towards herself and you. Besides, if she might have an STI or HIV, you would be protected. 4. Wrong! You can get an STI or HIV from having unsafe sex just once. However, your chances increase when you have unsafe sex with more than one sexual partner. 5. Wrong! It means he is acting responsibly and respectfully. Besides, if he might have a disease, you would be protected. 6. Right! Unsafe sexual intercourse has a high risk on contracting an STI, HIV virus and unintended pregnancy. Any of these can severely disrupt your life. Plus they can both be simply avoided by correct and consistent condom use. 7. Wrong! Condoms are made of a material that fits every size genital. 8. Wrong! When using a condom correctly there are NO holes in the condom. So The HIV virus will not pass through the condom. 9. Right ! As soon as you experience symptoms like this, visit a youth friendly service or a doctor. 10. Wrong! You will not get an STI or HIV from sharing clothes, toilets, sleeping in the same room, mosquito bites, swimming, playing sports, hugging, and touching.
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Precautions: Remember, people don’t need condoms if they are not having sexual intercourse. But if they have, they should use them each time! And they always fit! If one thinks condoms are bad for religious or traditional reasons, then they should never have sexual intercourse with anyone else except their own partner.
1. Never use a condom more than once 2. Never use two condoms over each other 3. Never use lubricants made with oil. Only water based lubricants are ok. 4. Store condoms in a cool, dark and dry place 5. Never use a condom if it has torn or damaged packaging
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Remember the 6 steps of correct condom use: 1. Check the date
4. Squeeze the top
2. Open carefully
5. Roll off to the end of the penis (while squeezing the top)
3. Check the right side
6. Hold the end of the condom when removing the penis after eja culation.
Many people who use condoms say they make sex more enjoyable because they can relax afterwards, knowing they have nothing to worry about. But others don’t want to use condoms because they think that they will not enjoy sex as much. They take the irresponsible risk of lifetime suffering. OK, now that you have heard about condom use, it doesn’t mean you should go and get condoms and begin using them. Condoms help if effectively used and consistently. But at your age, the best for you is to delay sex. Wait until you can make an informed decision to have sex. When do you think you are ready for these kind of decisions?
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So! But what would be your choice? Isn’t using a condom or abstaining from sexual intercourse till you are older better than a life with HIV or an unintended child? Condoms offer protection to both partners involved and using a condom is a sign of trust and caring .
Protect Yourself: STI’s, HIV and AIDS
People may decide to be sexually active and enjoy it. But then they need to protect themselves from the real and present dangers of STIs because the consequences range from being uncomfortable to being infertile to early death. People need to choose among three methods; A, B or the C. They should practise their choice using communication and negotiation skills.
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Protect Yourself: STI’s, HIV and AIDS
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Choose your path! This next exercise must be done alone as all young people have to make their own decision. Introduction: If everyone was faithful to one partner for their whole life, there would be no STIs and no HIV. The millions who have STIs or HIV prove that many are not faithful. Thus there remain two effective methods for preventing STIs and HIV. One is not to have sexual intercourse, abstinence, and the other is to use condoms every time you have sexual intercourse.
Step 1. Take a piece of paper, divide it into two columns and write at the top of one column ‘abstainance’ and the other ‘condom use’. Step 2. Now write down the reasons why you would chose abstaining or condom use in the appropriate column. Step 3. Now weigh up the reasons you have given in both columns and draw your conclusion which path is for you; abstaining or condom use?
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‘Abstinence’ What are your reasons?
Remember;
……………………………….
……………………………….
Responsible sex is safe and consensual. It is: respect, love and feeling safe. It is not: STIs, HIV and AIDS and unintended pregnancy
E.g. condom use
Please stay SAFE!
What are your reasons?
……………………………………
……………………………………
Tip: Be realistic and don’t just say things others expect from you. Your choice is the best way for you to protect yourself and your friends.
Protect Yourself: Safe Sex Quiz
Protect Yourself: Safe Sex Quiz
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1. What are the risks of unsafe sex? Do you know enough about safe sex?
STIs, HIV and AIDS
Unintended pregnancy
Both
2. Which behavior has no risk of contracting an STI, HIV and AIDS? Do this quiz to find out...!!!
Masturbation
Unprotected sexual intercourse
Abstinence
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Protect Yourself: Safe Sex Quiz
Kissing
Unprotected sexual intercourse
Hugging
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5. What prevalence of Malawian youth between 15-19 years old (with sexual expierence) catches an STI
3.Which behaviors are not safe?
Protect Yourself: Safe Sex Quiz
3
4. Can you see if someone has an STI?
10—15%
15—25%
25—50%
yes
6. How can you avoid STIs, HIV and Pregnancies?
no
abstaining from sexual intercourse
not always
using a condom every time you have sexual tercourse
Bathing after sexual intersourse
Protect Yourself: Safe Sex Quiz 7. If someone else does not want to use a condom what should you do?
agree to have sexual intercourse
tell them that a condom is a sign of love
refuse to have sexual intercourse
8. What should someone do if they suspects having an STI?
in-
Protect Yourself: Safe Sex Quiz
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9. Which symptoms do not indicate an STI?
bad smell
pus like discharge
headache
10. If a girl says no to sex she actually means...
No
ignore it: it will probably go away
Yes
get treatment quickly from a health facility
Maybe
tell your girlfriends or boyfriends
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Protect Yourself: Safe Sex Quiz
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Protect Yourself: Safe Sex Quiz
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11. Who is more at risk of getting STIs or HIV?
boys with many sex partners
girls with many sex partners
boys and girls who have sex for the first time
Before you get your results do you want to check any of your answers?
12. A girl cannot become pregnant if
She abstains
She is still a teenager
She washes her genitals afterwards with coca cola or soap
Safe Sex Quiz: Answers
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Safe Sex Quiz: Answers
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1. What are the risks of unsafe sex: HIV and AIDS, following the unintended pregnancy and other STIs. Any of these can severely disrupt your life. Plus any of these can be avoided by correct condom use
3. Which behaviours has no risk of contracting an STI, HIV or AIDS? Kissing and hugging are safe and fun. Any unprotected penetration is not safe.
2. Which behaviour has no risk of contracting an STI, HIV or AIDS? Masturbation is safe to prevent STIs and HIV, but when it is mutual (masturbating each other) doesn’t protect you against STI’s and even not against pregnancy. Sexual intercourse is only safe with correct condom use. Abstaining is completely safe.
4. Can you see if someone has an STI? You can not always see if someone has an STI. Depending on which STI and how bad it is you may not be able to see it. Like Chlamydia can give no sign but damages fertility.
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5. What prevalence of Malawian youth between 15-19 years old (with sexual expierence) catches an STI? According to Malawi Demographic Health Survey 2009 among young people between 15-19 years old, 17.9% of them with sexual experience have reported an STI or symptoms of an STI in the past 12 months. 6. How can you avoid STI, HIV and pregnancies? The best way to avoid STIs, HIV and pregnancy is abstaining from sexual intercourse. Using a condom everytime is second best. Bathing after sexual intercourse gives no protection at all.
Safe Sex Quiz: Answers
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Safe Sex Quiz: Answers
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7. If someone does not want to use a condom what should you do? You should negotiate for safe sex. If your partner still refuses you should find another partner. Love is no excuse for unsafe sex! 8. What should you do if you suspect you have a STI? If you suspect you have an STI you should get treatment quickly: it can affect your health badly and can cause infertility. You can pass it to others or may have already done so. Telling your partners is also necessary to stop the spread of STIs so they can also get treatment.
Safe Sex Quiz: Answers
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9. Which symptoms do not indicate an STI? The symptom that does not indicate an STI is a headache. The other signs like bad smell, pus like discharge and itchiness could all indicate an STI. Go and get checked... 10. If a girl say NO to sex she actually means‌.. If a girls says NO to sex, she actually means NO. It is a myth that the girl actually means yes. If she laughs while saying no it is more likely because she is afraid of upsetting the partner. So girls, let your NO be a NO for real!
11. Who is more at risk of getting an STI or HIV? Girls with different sex partners are more at risk of getting STIs and HIV because they have more vulnerable mucous tissue in their genitals. Virus and bacteria are more easily transferred to the girl. Boys and girls who have sex for the first time have just as much chance of getting an STI or pregnant.
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Safe Sex Quiz: Answers
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12. One cannot get pregnant if…… A girl cannot get pregnant if she use condoms correctly. Once she starts to menstruate she can get pregnant and should therefore use a condom to prevent a pregnancy. It does not matter if the girl is still a teenager.
Safe Sex Quiz: Answers
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There’s a lot to know but at the end of the day it’s quite simple: Protect yourself by abstaining from sexual intercourse at all, or use a condom every time you have sexual intercourse.
Washing with coca cola, water or any other cleanser will not help. That is a myth!
Safe Sex Quiz: Answers
Be cool, stay safe!
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Safe Sex Quiz: Answers
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THE END of the quiz 97
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Negotiation Skills
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When you want to talk to your friends about delaying or abstaining from sexual intercourse and/or engaging in an alternative sexual activity or using condoms or contraceptives, keep the following points in mind:
Negotiation Skills
Negotiation Skills
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1. Timing: choose your time well Have your talk at a moment when you are not in the middle of a sexual situation. It is difficult to talk about your decision and your feelings in the heat of the moment. For example, while you are taking a walk or having lunch together might be a good time. If you do happen to be in the heat of the moment, stick to the following guidelines.
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Negotiation Skills
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2. Give a clear message Keep your message clear and to the point. For example, you might say, 'I have decided not to have sex because I don't feel ready or I don't want to risk getting an STI or getting pregnant.' Use clear non-verbal language: look serious and do not smile to please the other person.
If your friend resists or pressurizes you, it often works to repeat the message and give further explanation. For example, you might say, 'I decided not to have sex yet because I like to concentrate on my studies and sex distracts me' or 'I like to wait till I feel that our relationship is strong enough for having sex.'
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If your friend still resists or pressurizes you, tell your partner how you feel. For example, you might say, 'I feel like you do not hear what I'm saying', 'You're not listening to me and all you're thinking about is your own desires' or 'Because you're not listening to me, I'm not sure if you really love me.' You can also say: ‘which part of the word NO do you not understand?’
Negotiation Skills
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4. Stick to your decision Following through on your decision will be an on going process. If you are in a romantic relationship, the decision about sex and protection will come up many times. If your decision has been 'no sex', you will need to back up your commitment in spite of your own sexual feelings or pressure from your friend. If you choose to use condoms, you will always need to have a supply on hand and use them each and every time you have sex.
Negotiation Skills
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3. Be Firm Once you've made the decision that is right for you, be firm about it - and remember: there is no need to feel guilty. This can be difficult because we often want to please the people we care about, but being firm is not the same as being rude or mean.
If you have more questions about sexuality, contraception methods, pregnancy, STI’s, HIV and AIDS you can also visit a Youth Friendly Service. They provide information, services (like testing) and counseling. You can find a list of Youth Friendly Services in the glossary.
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Lesson 10 HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role To Play
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10 - HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role To Play In the previous lesson, you learnt about the risks, your choices and about safe sex. Today's lesson will specifically deal with the sexually transmitted infection: HIV and AIDS. Although HIV and AIDS can be prevented by using condoms, abstinence or monogamy, many Malawian people are living with HIV or AIDS. They need our support. You have probably heard and read a lot about this subject already. Maybe you know someone who is infected with HIV. But have you got all the facts? Do you know the impact HIV and AIDS has on your community? Have you considered taking an HIV test yourself? How do you support people living with HIV or AIDS? Let's ask ourselves what we can do about it, because you have a role to play too!
Today’s program
Warming Up - Stand Alone (5 mins)
Presentation - HIV and AIDs: You Have a Role to Play (30 mins)
Group work: discuss what you can do (30 mins) or
Individual work: make and send a postcard (30 mins)
Conclusion and homework (5 mins)
Optional: visit an HTC centre or orphanage
Optional: invite a person living with HIV or AIDS or affected by it to visit the school
Optional: HIV and AIDS in the news (45 mins)
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You will find facts, the truth about common myths and things you can do to prevent the spread of HIV and AIDS and care for those affected by it.
Read this presentation even if you think you know it all already!
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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Facts: HIV is a virus found in the following bodily fluids: blood, semen, vaginal fluids and breast milk. The virus attacks and damages the immune (security) systems which protect you from all infectious diseases. Everyone can be infected and affected by HIV and AIDS: Male, female, young, old.
Are you taking a note of all this?
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Facts
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Facts
AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) is the advanced stage of illnesses caused by the HIV virus.
There is not yet a cure for HIV and AIDS. There are drugs available called ‘antiretroviral drugs: these slow down the spread of HIV in the body and the development of AIDS.
The virus attacks the immune system, making the body more vulnerable to infections like severe pneumonia, Tuberculosis (TB), and malaria, of which you can eventually die.
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
But these drugs are not available everywhere. They do not cure HIV nor AIDS.
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HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
If you have HIV always test for TB.
HIV-positive?
Many people have the TB germ in their bodies. This does not usually cause a problem, until we also get infected with HIV. Then our immunity goes down. Our body cannot fight the TB germ, and we start to fall sick with TB. Some people with AIDS die of TB. TB is the major killer of people with HIV. It does not have to be like this.
You are HIV-positive when you have been infected with HIV; the HIV virus is in your blood.
People with TB can get treated and cured of it. TB treatment is free in Malawi. Always treat your TB!
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If you are HIV-positive, you are not yet ill. You may have no symptoms, and even look healthy, but you can infect other people. You should use the same prevention method against STI’s and HIV as everyone else.
You can take TB drugs as well as ARVs, it works effectively. You can live for many years once your TB is cured.
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How much time passes before a person living with HIV gets symptoms indicating AIDS?
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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Sexual contact
It depends on your general health and lifestyle but anywhere from months up to more than 15 years.
HIV is mainly transmitted through exchange of the following bodily fluids: blood, semen and vaginal fluids, during sexual intercourse (vaginal or anal) without using condoms.
HIV can enter our bodies in three ways:
Bodily fluids infected by HIV may also get into your blood stream through small bruises or scratches on your private parts.
1. Unprotected sexual intercourse
That is why both STIs (which cause wounds in your private parts) or rape (which is often accompanied by force and not using condoms) increase the risk of HIV.
2. Infected blood 3. Mother to child transmission
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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Infected blood You can come into contact with infected blood through a blood transfusion, but also through sharing of sharp piercing objects like needles, razors, syringes or a tooth brush which has blood on it. Today blood transfusions in health centres in Malawi are safe.
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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Avoid sharing razors, tooth brushes and needles (e.g. during drug use) Mother to child transmission A child born to an HIV infected mother can get infected during delivery via blood and after delivery through breast milk of the mother. Antiretroviral drugs given to pregnant women, mother and child can effectively reduce the risk of HIV in the baby.
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HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
12b
Young people living with HIV These are children who got infected from their HIV positive mothers. It was not their will to be positive but they got infected through lack of protection during their mother’s pregnancy, delivery or breast feeding. If you are a young person living with HIV, you need to adhere to medication very well, life is what you make of it. Taking pills every day for the rest of your life is not easy. But keep doing it as it makes life easier in the long run. Remember you are as normal as others, you too can perform well in class or even better than others. You can do exactly what others do. Just be keen, if you have any obstacles along the way, inform your doctor. They are willing to support you through out your life. Make them your best friends. Remember to keep your dreams.
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HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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No! HIV is a virus while AIDS is a collection of diseases. Knowing the difference between the two is a very important part of understanding both.
Do you know the myths about HIV and AIDS? Let’s test your knowledge
HIV is the same as AIDS
YES or NO
YES or NO
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
I have HIV… I can’t have children
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HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
This used to be true but not any more.
Yes!
Women living with HIV can and do have families. Certain medical steps and precautions have to be taken to protect the child from getting HIV from the mother.
The risk of infection from a dry kiss is almost zero.
It is safe to kiss someone on the lips
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But……….. The risk of a French or deep kissing is slightly higher, if both people have sores in the mouth, cracked lips, or bleeding gums but it’s still a low risk.
YES or NO
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HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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The HIV virus can still enter the body through the small holes in a condom
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HIV can be cured YES or NO
YES or NO
No!
No! A condom that is not broken cannot let any STI bacteria, virus or sperm cell pass through. That also goes for the HIV-virus.
While many make claims of miraculous cures, the sad truth is there is no cure for HIV. Be careful of cures or miracles. If it sounds too good to be true it’s probably a myth.
This has been repeatedly tested and proven.
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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For rich people there are cures YES or NO
Last one:
No! There is still no known cure for HIV nor AIDS. There are treatments for diseases caused by AIDS, but AIDS cannot be cured. AIDS medication is not available everywhere.
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I can get HIV from hugging someone who is HIV positive or who has AIDS YES or NO
No! You cannot get HIV nor AIDS from....:
And the story about replacing all your blood in a hospital: even if you do, the virus remains in your glands and will come back into the new blood again.
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HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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1. Holding hands, hugging, caressing, kissing
Protect yourself from HIV and AIDS
2. Close contact with infected people at school, work, or in your village
1. Abstain from sexual intercourse is the best option at this age
3. Sharing clothes, food, bed, towels etc
2. If you come to a point where you have sexual intercourse, use a condom correctly every time
4. Insect bites
3. Don’t share razors, tooth brushes, needles or other sharp instruments with anyone.
5. Coughing, sneezing 6. Swimming 7. Using public toilets
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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Don’t isolate people with HIV or AIDS! Having HIV doesn’t mean you are ill. You can function 100% for years. But it is no fun if you are worried about having HIV. Knowing your HIV status is one weapon against HIV; its not a death penalty. People living with HIV or AIDS are often treated as an outcast. Instead of love and care they get rejection and isolation. People might even blame the HIV infected person for bad behavior, while they don’t even know how this person got it.
In fact HIV positive people need support, care and love so as to live healthy, happily and adhere to drugs. People with HIV say that being avoided, isolated or sacked from your job is worse than AIDS itself! This is called stigmatisation.
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HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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What can you do if you are infected with HIV?
Avoid infecting others and protect yourself and your partner(s). If you re-infect yourself with HIV, AIDS will develop faster
Remember you can stay happy and healthy and live a normal life even after an infection with HIV.
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Try to talk to someone you trust or a counselor about your worriers
Try to have enough rest and leisure time
Try to eat well
Have regular medical check-ups and prompt treatment of any other infection
Enjoy all the support you get and all your successes in meeting this challenge.
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Look after people with HIV or AIDS What to do if you are not HIV infected:
Make sure you keep HIV out of your body
Help your friends, relative, peers and neighbors’ to avoid HIV infection with correct information and support in healthy decisions
Support people who are infected with HIV; do not avoid them for irrational reasons.
1. Be thoughtful and considerate towards those who are infected and affected. If you know someone living with HIV or AIDS, or infected relatives, see if you can help them in some way especially by being a treatment supporter to adhere to drugs, by just being a friend as usual. 2. Report any cases of sexual abuse by relatives or neighbors. Not only are rape and defilement a crime, it is one of the most common ways that young people especially girls become infected.
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3. Help in stopping more people from getting infected in your community. Give people correct information which helps them in deciding for responsible, sexual behavior. 4. Remember your good behavior and taking your responsibility will serve as a good example for other young people.
Remember your friend with HIV or AIDS is still your friend. You both need each other for support!
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Let’s look at the conversation of a couple who get HIV tested
I believe it is important for us to take the test together for the good of our relationship
I have been thinking about the same lately. Am glad you’ve talked about it... how about going this afternoon?
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HIV testing The only way to know if you or someone else is infected with HIV is by taking blood test. This test should be repeated after 3 months in which there is not enough virus to show up in the blood test. If you know that you’re positive: you can take the right steps and slow down the virus. If you know that you’re negative you don’t have to worry about it anymore and you can focus on prevention, informing others and caring for those who were less fortunate.
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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Trevor and Liz are received by a friendly receptionist. She registers them and gives them numbers to ensure anonymity. They sit and wait for their turn to see the counselor. After a while they are taken to a private room, where a counselor discusses the need for testing and explains the testing process to them.
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HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
If a test is needed, a blood sample is taken from the finger tip, with disposable needles. For hygiene’s sake they never use the same needle twice. It takes just a minute. As they wait for the results, the counselor tells them what it means to be HIV negative- (no HIV virus in your blood) or positive (HIV virus is in your blood) and the importance of condom use.
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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For both Trevor and Liz the results were negative. Now they have some big decisions to make. If they choose not to use a condom, chances are Liz will get pregnant plus both of them have to always stay faithful. If not, or if one of them has a relationship with a new partner, a one night stand or a visit to a sex worker, without using condoms they both will risk becoming infected and have to do the test again.
HIV and AIDS: You Have a Role to Play
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About PEP When a person has been exposed to HIV, it is possible to escape HIV infection when using Post Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP) within 3 days after exposure. This is important to know if you are exposed to HIV: Start PEP as soon as possible, i.e. within 72 hours (3 days) after exposure.
If you still have questions, ask your teacher or the clinic. Remember you have a role to play too! For information on HIV and AIDS or HIV Testing and Counseling (HTC) visit your nearest health centre or clinic.
Seek PEP from all health centers that offer ARVS PEP drugs are taken for a month The exposed person should practice safe sex or abstain until tests are negative i.e. 6 months after exposure.
The end!
PEP is free after rape and will be charged when exposed to HIV for other reasons.
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Lesson 11 Love shouldn't Hurt
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11 - Love shouldn't Hurt
This lesson is about a very sensitive issue: forced sex, sexual harassment and abuse. We will even talk about rape. It is sensitive because some of you might have encountered these bad experiences. People find it very difficult to discuss these issues. In this lesson, you will be taught about the situations in which harassment and abuse occur. We will explore some of the myths people have. You will practise skills for dealing with difficult situations. The theme is “Unwanted Sex”. Please be sensitive to other people in this lesson as it might affect them.
Today’s program
Don't stand so close to me (5 mins)
Love shouldn't Hurt - Presentation (30 mins)
Refusal and protection skills (20 mins)
My opinion! (30 mins)
Conclusion and homework (5 mins)
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Love Shouldn’t Hurt
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Love shouldn’t hurt
Sometimes pressure and force are used to get sexual attention or even sex. Love and sex should never be about force.
Sometimes, people give in to sex when they don’t actually want to. They may feel pressured by a boyfriend or girlfriend as a proof of love. Or they feel pressured to have sex to pay back for gifts or money or even forced to have sex by someone who is bigger and stronger and has more power.
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
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Poster made by a peer educator of a primary school in Kampala.
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Unwanted sex is… An invasion of a person’s physical and mental integrity and his/her rights; not about caring or respecting your partner; A high risk of pregnancy and STIs, including HIV and AIDS; Very painful and traumatic-. It can lead to emotional ill-health; Defilement sex with someone under 18 years is illegal. Protecting yourself against unwanted sex is crucial. Learn how to recognize people and situations which may pressure or force you to have sex against your will.
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Sexual harassment Sexual harassment is any unpleasant sexual comment and physical gesture that make you feel uncomfortable. Sexual abuse Any type of unwanted sexual touching or fondling is sexual abuse. It could be touching of the breasts, buttocks or touching of the private parts. It could be also forced sexual intercourse. Any kind of sexual contact that is not wanted is abusive.
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
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Love Shouldn’t Hurt Rape
Rape is an extreme form of sexual abuse. It is a violent act in which a person is forced to have sexual intercourse. Survivors of rape are usually females. However, boys and men are also raped sometimes. It is equally painful to whoever it might happen. Who might pressure or force you to have sexual attention or sex?
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There are three main groups of people who might force or pressure you into sex: Boyfriends and girlfriends Adults in position of power, such as a shopkeeper, teacher, step father Sugar daddies Sugar mummies. Are there others? Pressure to have sexual attention or sex and using force or violence is always wrong, regardless of who the person is or what they may have done for you in the past.
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Let’s talk about boyfriends and girlfriends first. Some boys tell their girlfriends to prove their love by having sex. Some girls tell their boyfriends the same. Some will threaten to break off the relationship or in the worst case beat you or force you.
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Does any of this apply to you? Do you feel confused by pressure from a boyfriend or girlfriend to have or to continue having sex? Answer these questions for yourself: 1. Do you believe it is okay and good to be having sex at this point in your life? 2. Do you feel that you are allowed to refuse sex? 3. What are your possible reasons for complying with pressure?
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
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Answer to question 1 If you don’t feel ready, comfortable and safe; Don’t have sex! It is your right! Answer to question 2 Some girls have never been taught to say ‘no’ to a man. However, only the girl herself should decide what happens to her body. Some boys think saying ‘no’ means he isn’t a real man in fact real men shouldn’t let themselves be pushed into sex.
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Answer to question 3 Common bad reasons for giving in to pressure or force: My boy– or girlfriend will leave me if I refuse. I have to make my friend happy. I did it before so now I have to continue. He or she will beat me if I refuse He or she gave me gifts He or she will use witchcraft if I refuse He or she will hurt him/herself if I refuse Can you think of others? Don’t do sex under pressure, it’s your life
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Love Shouldn’t Hurt
When you are not ready to have sex and still do it, you will regret it afterwards. Maybe you will keep this one boy or girl happy temporarily but it is bad for your health and self –esteem. Don’t do it. Remember what we learnt about human rights? Boys and girls have the right to control their own bodies and to decide when and how and with whom they have sex.
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No one who truly loves you would pressure you to do something that is wrong. If someone leaves you for not having sex, let that person go: he or she is not a true friend at all
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
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Now let’s talk about 4 types of adults who can pressure young people for sex: 1. Adults in power such as school teachers or taxi men who promise to give good marks or free rides 2. Sugar daddies or mummies who want to have sexual relationships with young girls or boys in return for school fees, clothes or gifts 3. Relatives who abuse their family ties 4. Caretakers, neighbours or family friends
15 Love Shouldn’t Hurt
Gifts are never really for free; they disappoint. After some time, the adults want payment for the gifts they provided. The young person can be forced to pay through sex. These relationships put you at risk of STIs, HIV and AIDS or pregnancy, distract you from your studies and make you the target for the anger of the partner of this adult. If you are in this situation, talk to someone you trust, get help, get out of this situation.
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Effie, 13 I had a friend who was 15. She had a sugar daddy who was providing everything she wanted to have. One day on her way to school the man gave her a lift, but the man drove the girl to a lodge and had sex with her by force. She even got pregnant and then her sugar daddy was nowhere to be found.
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Some parents push young people into a “sugar daddy” type of relationship because the family is poor. If you are in a situation like this, you need to think… Can you talk to another relative? Maybe they can pay your school fees or help your parents to make the relationship end? Can you talk with someone else in the community? Such as someone at your church or mosque or someone at a youth centre or a teacher or head teacher that you trust? Get help from others!
Unfortunately these kinds of things happen all too often. Refuse gifts and money. Don’t let yourself be indebted to someone. If a relative is abusing your relationship, you have to break the secrecy and tell someone you trust.
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
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Love Shouldn’t Hurt
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Money!
Tactics of abusers are:
Can you earn some money instead of getting gifts?
Threats, coercion, blackmail, slaps, blows, beating, humiliation, manipulation, secrecy.
Maybe you can join an income generating project in your school. If there’s no project at your school, maybe you can think of a great idea and start your own project to earn money!
Abusers will use all kinds of violence to get you to give in to their demands. This is very scary and hard to escape. If you are in this situation try to find someone to tell your story to, someone who might be able to help you. There are some secrets you should speak about!
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How to avoid abuse
Avoid abuse
Now that we have named the people and situations where abuse can occur, you can recognize if you find yourself in these problems. Then there are five rules to remember;
Take your life into your own hands. Sexual harassment, sexual abuse and rape are all violations of human rights, particularly your rights!
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
Love Shouldn’t Hurt
1. Sexual abuse is unacceptable. You always have the right to refuse to have sex 2. Trust your instincts 3. Don’t be alone with people you don’t trust 4. Practice the dating code 5. If in trouble, tell someone trustworthy 6. No one should ever take advantage of you. No one should have sex against their will.
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Trust your instincts
Practice the dating code
If someone, even an acquaintance or relative is making you feel uncomfortable or threatened, pay attention to your feelings and act on them. Leave the person or situation immediately. Your instincts are mostly right.
Be clear about your limits. If you do not want to have sexual intercourse or sex at all. Explain this clearly to your friend from the beginning. Pay your own way, then your date won’t expect any sexual favours in return for the money he or she has spent on you. Don’t take alcohol or drugs. Alcohol and drugs make it difficult for you to be clear about your limits.
Don’t be alone outside or inside with someone whom you don’t know well enough to trust. Go out with groups of friends and stay with the groups.
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If you or someone you know needs help, speak to a friend, teacher, counselor or health worker.
How to say NO
Here are some tips how you can say ‘NO!’
If someone pressurizes you, here are the four steps of saying No in a clear and strong way. 1. First, say No quietly and clearly. Use non-verbal language and look to reinforce your No. 2. Do not smile, try not to be sympathetic. 3. If the other does not accept, repeat your refusal: now in a loud tone of voice (without looking away or smiling). 4. If the other does not accept, leave the situation immediately 5. If the other refuses to allow you to leave, scream or use force
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Physical tips for dangerous situations 1. If rape is common in your area, carry mixtures of sand and pepper so you throw it in the eyes of your attacker. 2. Yell and scream for help loudly and continuously 3. Use your fingers and finger nails. Stab them as hard as you can into the attackers eyes. Do not worry about hurting him or her, they intend to hurt you! 4. Use your knee to give a hard kick to the attacker’s private parts. If you kick hard enough, this will hurt the attacker a lot causing him/her to double over in pain just at the top of the buttocks
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5. If the person is on top of you, holding your face down on the ground, use your heel to kick them on the bones of the lower back. 6. If you are being overpowered, relax and try to fool the attacker into carelessness. Then stab the eyes or hit the groin. Run away when the rapist pauses due to pain.
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Effects on the survivor Sexual harassment, abuse and rape all have very bad effects on the survivor. Depending on the situation and the people involved, the survivor can be scared for years. It easily leads to low self esteem, emotional ill-health and depression in survivors. Sexual harassment and abuse are a crime against humanity and human rights.
Love Shouldn’t Hurt Many things people say about rape are not true. Discuss some the following misconceptions. Myth 1. Girls enjoy it False Rape is horrific and traumatic. It is painful, physically and emotionally. No one enjoys being raped. Myth 2. The rapist is a stranger False In fact the majority of rapes are done by people known to the survivor, such as a boy friend, a neighbor, a relative or family friend.
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In times of war, rates of rape go up dramatically. The violent situation can cause men to be violent towards women. War is bad for everybody’s health, especially for women’s health.
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Myth 3. It’s a girls own fault False Girls ask to be raped if they are wearing sexy clothes or walking in a sexy manner. No one asks to be raped. A girl has the right to dress as she pleases without being attacked. Boys and men have to respect girls and control themselves. Myth 4. A man is not responsible when the girl is flirtatious False All men are fully capable of controlling their sexual urges. Those who say they cannot are lying and not grown up. If men are not able to control themselves they have a problem. It is never and in no way an excuse to abuse someone.
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Myth 5. If a girl or woman says “no”, she actually means “yes” False When a woman says “no” she means “no”! She does not mean “yes” or may be. Myth 6. Only girls are raped not boys! False In fact boys can be raped too. It is just as painful and traumatic for a boy to be raped as a girl. Boys are even less likely to report rape due to the shame.
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What to do if rape occurs: If rape occurs, know what to do: Don’t take a bathe after the incident. It will remove the evidence for the police. Get medical help as soon as possible Report the rape to the authorities Get counseling for yourself Don’t blame yourself
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Myth 7. If a girl or woman is harassed or raped, she is to blame because she could have prevented it! False The survivor is never to blame! The perpetrator or rapist is responsible and is at fault. It is a criminal act. Never blame the survivor.
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Violence in a relationship Are you violent to your friend? You can stop. If you use violence to get what you want from a relationship, you will not be happy in life.” You will: Not find real love end up with sad and bad relationships Think about why you resort to violence. Did you see it in your family as you were growing? You can reject violence You can’t force love!
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Open communication, respect and co-operation are the basis of good relationships. Force and pressure have no place here.
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Unwanted sex is dangerous and can lead to unintended pregnancy, the risk of STIs, HIV and AIDS and psychological problems. It is bad for your emotional health. Practice avoidance, refusal and protection skills to keep you safe. Try to keep the world a safer place.
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Refusal Skills: “How to say NO” If someone is pressurizing you, it is very important that you are able to say NO in a clear and strong way These are the four steps in saying NO: Step 1: Speak up! Say NO quietly and clearly with appropriate non-verbal language Step 2: Use strong non-verbal communication If your NO is not accepted, repeat your refusal in a strong and loud tone of voice Don’t leave any doubt that you mean yes when you say NO Look your partner straight in the eye Do not smile or look away shyly Do not give your partner the impression that you need to be convinced or coerced Step 3: Leave the situation If your NO is still not being accepted, leave the situation immediately Step 4: Scream or use force If this person refuses to allow you to leave, scream or use force Physical tips for dangerous situations If rape is common in your area, carry a mixture of sand and pepper to throw into your attacker’s eyes. Yell and scream for help loudly and continuously. Use your fingers and fingernails. Stab the offender as hard as you can into his/her eyes . Do not worry about hurting him/her: he/ she means to hurt you. Use your knee to give a hard kick in the attacker’s private parts. If you kick hard enough, this will hurt him/her a lot, causing him or her to double up with pain. If the person is on top of you holding your face down to the ground, use your heel to kick him/her into the bones of the lower back, just at the top of the buttocks. If you are being overpowered, relax and try to fool the attacker into carelessness. Then stab the eyes or hit the groin. Run away when the rapist pauses due to pain.
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Lesson 12 Early Marriage a harmful cultural practice!
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12 - Early Marriage - a harmful cultural practice!
Introduction In lesson 5 and 6 you learned about the roles of men and women, our relationships, our human rights and how they are all influenced by the culture we live in. In this lesson you learn that your culture can give you a sense of identity and belonging. It is also changeable to new developments as understandings and needs of communities change. Particular those practices that are proven to be harmful and do not contribute to the health and wellbeing of its people. Together with your peers you reflect on the (harmful) cultural practice of marriage before the age of 18, also referred to as Early Marriage. Together with other students you explore the reasons for marrying before the age of 18 and how these are outweighed by its negative consequences on health, well-being, laws, human rights including gender equality, poverty levels and education/illiteracy. A story of a young person delaying marriage till after 18, reflecting ways to overcome challenges motivates and hopefully empowers you to do the same. The lesson is wrapped up by exploring your own future plans with regard to education, jobs and family size. You have the opportunity to share your plans with people in your live who could support you to achieve your goals. Today’s program 1. Reflection & Homework (5 min)
2. Warming up - African Greeting Game (10 min) 3. Presentation - Early marriage - a harmful cultural practice!(30 min) 4. Mastery story – Sarah waits for marriage till after 18 (30 min) 5. Planning your future (15 min)
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Why is culture important? Our culture gives us the feeling that we are part of a group of people. It makes us feel safe and cared for by others. Our culture tells us what behaviour is acceptable within our community, and what is not.
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What is culture?  Our beliefs, values, views and behaviour that we share with the other people in the community.  Customs and rituals to celebrate life events, like birth, adulthood, marriage, death and becoming a parent together with other members in the community. All this helps us to decide what is important to us and how we want to live our lives .
Let’s talk about culture, as it influences the way we live our lives and the choices we make.
Early marriage - a harmful practice!
Early marriage - a harmful practice!
Early marriage - a harmful practice!
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Are all cultures the same? No, there are a lot of different cultures all over the world, even within Malawi. Cultures are different in the way people act and talk, the music and art they make and enjoy, and the food they eat. For example, in some cultures (countries) women marry while still teenagers. In many other cultures (countries) men and women marry only after their twenties. Brainstorm for a minute with your peers about other differences between cultures.
Source: www.dontgiveupworld.com
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What are important aspects of Malawian culture? It gives Malawians a sense of belonging, a feeling of pride to be Malawian. It helps Malawians to feel united, to support each other, within and outside their own village. It encourages Malawians to protect each other from harm as Malawians want the best for each other. It encourages all Malawians to live a healthy, positive and respectful life. It offers sexuality education to young people during their initiation ceremony. Guidance and counselling is given to young people by the more experienced elders. Extended family structures create a big support network and a feeling of safety. Especially orphans can count on support from the family or community.
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Is there anything you would like to change? There are some cultural traditions that we now know are harmful to young people (you) and others in the community. We, as young people and as community members can decide to change them for the better, to make sure everyone keeps feeling safe and secure and live a happy life. Do you agree? Brainstorm for a minute with one of your peers about cultural traditions you think need to change with the time.
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Culture = changeable As times change, you learn new things. Your needs and those of the people around you change. This means some cultural traditions have to change with you to keep up with the new times.
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What about marriage before the age of 18? Marrying before the age of 18 is one cultural tradition that needs to change with the time as we have learned that it is harmful to young people. Do you know why? Brainstorm for a minute with one of your peers why early marriage is harmful before going to the next slide.
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Let’s read the stories of your peers that got married before the age of 18 and what happened to them!
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Tiwonge, 14: ‘My parents decided to marry me off to a 35 year old man. They thought he could look after me better than they could. The lobola paid for me, helped my parents to pay my brothers’ school needs.
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John, 17: ‘My cousin Milika decided to run away from home as her stepdad abused her. She was 15 when she married a man that promised to look after her and protect her. Soon after she got married she fell pregnant. During the pregnancy she had a lot of health problems and her baby didn’t want to grow. I am so sad to say that she died when giving birth to the baby. The doctors said that a young girl’s body is not yet ready for pregnancy and giving birth even if her menstruation has started. Her body and her reproductive organs are not fully grown. Therefore, it is better to wait till after 18. Discuss with your classmates the reason for this person to marry before the age of 18 and at least two negative things that happened to Milika since she was married. Write your answers in your notebook.
As my husband is much older, I feel nervous around him. He hits me when I have not done all the chores in the house and forces me to have sex. My baby is a few months old and I almost died when giving birth. Having children and doing all the chores in the house is very hard at my age, I am too young. My husband lost his job and we don’t have enough money to buy food for our child. I want to wait a few years before having the next baby by using contraceptives. I want to go to vocational school, and find a nice job, it is my right! This way my husband and I can both earn money for our family. But my husband doesn’t want me to do so. He wants me to have more children, while I am so young and we don’t even have enough food for ourselves and our baby. I want my children to have a good future I don’t want them to grow up in poverty just like I did! Discuss with your classmate the reason for this person to marry before the age of 18 and at least three negative things that happened to Tiwonge since she was married. Write your answers in your notebook.
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Masa, 17: Both my parents died 2 years ago. I have to look after my younger brother and sisters. I now sell vegetables that I grow outside our home to make some money for us. When I was working there was no one that could look after my brother and sisters. My uncles found me a wife, she is 14, and we are married now. She stopped going to school as she is now taking care of the household and my siblings while I work on the market. I am worried about our future as both my wife and I can’t read and write and will not find a good job in the future. We will always be struggling to find enough food. I wish my wife and I could go back to school to get a proper education but our families don’t allow it. It is our right to have an education and I believe it is the only way to get us out of this cycle of poverty that we are trapped in! Discuss with your classmate the reason for these two people to marry before the age of 18 and at least two negative things that they struggle with. Write your answers in your notebook.
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Esnat, 15: Two years ago I started dating a man who is 20 years older than me. He has his own house and buys me nice clothes. I was still a virgin when we met but I fell pregnant soon after we started dating. My parents forced us to get married once I was pregnant because having a baby without being married is a sin in our community. I was so angry because I didn’t want to keep the baby, I first wanted to finish my secondary school and find a stable job, I didn’t want to get married yet. My parents believe I don’t need any education because my husband will give me a stable future. For my first appointment at the clinic the nurse did an HIV test, as they do with all pregnant women. It showed I was HIV positive. My world crumbled as I knew my husband was the only person I had sex with. He had infected me with HIV. My parents are in shock as they thought being married with an older man would keep me safe from abuse and HIV. But NO! Now, my husband has left me and I am back at my parents’ house with the baby, no education and no money. It was a bad decision to keep the baby and marry this man. Now I want to go back to school so I can build a future for me and my child. Discuss with your classmate the reason for this person to marry before the age of 18 and at least three negative things that happened to Esnat since she married. Write your answers in your notebook.
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Hearing how marriage at a tender age has harmed the lives of your peers, why do people force children to marry so young? Because they don’t understand these harmful effects and still believe marriage at a young age has more benefits than negative effects.
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Myth: Some parents have the misconception that marrying at an early age will protect their virgin daughter from becoming infected with HIV. Marriage will ensure she will not have sex with more than one partner. Truth: When the husband had unsafe sex before marriage there is a chance he has been infected with HIV. The husband could infect the girl especially since many married couples don’t use a condom when having sex. When the man is older, there is a bigger chance that he is infected with HIV as they often have more sexual experience than younger boys.
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In the next slides find some of the misconceptions people have about marrying before the age of 18. Before reading the FACT, discuss with a peer what you
could tell these people to understand the harmful things that can happen when marrying before the age of 18. Use the correct information from the stories you have just written down in your notebook! Then read the correct answer!
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Myth: Relatives have the misconception that a boy below the age of 18 is ready to look after his wife and children and buy food for all of them. And, Parents have the misconception that their daughter below the age of 18 is ready to run a household and care for a baby. Truth: A person under the age of 18 is not yet ready to run a household, have children and buy them food and pay for their school needs. Under the age of 18, by law you are regarded as a minor and therefore not yet ready to be responsible for your own children.
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Truth: Before the age of 18, a young girl’s body is not yet ready to be pregnant and give birth to a baby even if her menstruation has started. Her body and her reproductive organs have not matured completely. For this reason, the girl has a high risk of medical problems during her pregnancy and when giving birth. She could even die from these problems.
Some advice to young people Marrying before the age of 18 is harmful for your health and well-being. Marrying so young makes it hard for you to get out of poverty and build a bright future for yourself and your family. You have the right to make your own choices, to go to school and to be protected from harm. Your future is yours! Be happy!
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Myth: Religious leaders have the misconception that receiving a dowry or labola for a young bride is the best way for families and communities to break the cycle of poverty.
Myth: Initiation counsellors have the misconception that once a girl menstruates, her body is ready to carry a baby and give birth.
Early marriage - a harmful practice!
Early marriage - a harmful practice!
Truth: When they marry, young girls often stop going to school as they have to run the household and care for the children. This means she will not have any certificate and does not learn to read or write. Without any education it will be very hard to find a job that brings in enough money to build a house, buy food and pay for other basic needs. This means the family will live in poverty for the rest of their lives.
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Early marriage - a harmful practice!
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In lesson 6 ‘your rights and responsibilities’, we learned about the rights we have as young people according to the Children’s Right Agreement. Let’s remind you of a few rights that protect you, both boys and girls, against early marriage and should be respected by the people around you, like your parents, initiation counsellors, religious leaders. Also because these rights are the key to a happy and healthy life, namely: a. Your right to be yourself, follow your own heart and make your own decisions about your body, your relationships, your future etc.
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and... b. Your right to choose if, when and who to marry without force from other people. b. Your right to protect or be protected from harm, including harmful cultural practices that have a negative influence on your life, like marrying before the age of 18.
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By law you are not allowed to marry before the age of 16 in Malawi. There are now positive developments in Malawi laws to extend this to 18 year. The Cabinet has approved it and it’s up to Parliament to pass it into law.
b. Your right to decide if and when to have children and with whom. b. our right to go to school and get a certificate to help you to find a job and earn money to build a happy future free from poverty. This right also counts for young people that are married and have their own children.
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There are five things you could do when others force you to get married before 18 years:
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Let’s hope this will happen soon so that the law also protects you against marriage before 18! If people don’t respect your rights and the law and force you into marriage, it’s a crime! What do you think you could do? Brainstorm for a minute before continuing with the presentation.
1. Find a trusted adult or friend that can help you (e.g. teacher, relative, friend) not to get married so young. 2. Speak to the people trying to force you into marriage, maybe with the help of a trusted adult or friend. a. Explain what you have learned about the negative effects of marrying too young. b. Explain that early marriage stops young people from going to school. Without education it is hard to find a good job and live free from poverty. c. Explain the human rights that are violated and the laws that are broken. d. Discuss possible solutions or alternatives to marriage before the age of 18.
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Early marriage - a harmful practice! Early marriage - a harmful practice!
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and‌ 3. Find an organisation that helps to protect your (and other young people’s) rights and that can support you in not marrying before the age of 18. Some examples of organisations are: Save the Children, World vision Malawi, FAWEMA, FPAM, CAMFED. Please find their contact details in the list on page 200.
In the next lesson we will practise how we can talk to other people about these negative effects and become real change makers in our own community! Be the change you want to see in the world! Wait for marriage till you are 18 or older!
4. Start community activities with support from these organisations to tell parents, relatives, initiation counsellors and religious leaders about the negative effects of early marriage and brainstorm possible solutions or alternatives together. 5. Find an organisation or government institution in your community that could offer financial support for your family (e.g. scholarships, vocational training for the parents, income generating activities, small business loans).
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Examples of organisation in Malawi are: FAWEMA, CAMFED, World Vision, Department of Social Welfare (Malawian government). Please find the list with contact details on page 200.
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Interview between reporter of local newspaper and Sarah Sarah, and advocate for change! Hello Sarah, can you tell me something about yourself? I am 16 years old and I live in Monkey Bay together with my parents and my four brothers and sisters. One day I would like to marry and start my own family. But for now I love going to school. I want to finish my education as I want to become a nurse! I am passionate about helping people when they are sick and help young people to make healthy choices. I want to help making Malawi a better place for all of us!
Source: Africaw.com
What is the situation in your community regarding girls marrying before the age of 18? Well, I am worried about what I see in my community. A lot of girls marry before the age of 18. Sometimes because they are pregnant or want to run away from bad situations at home. Sometimes because initiation counsellors push a young girl to marry after she started menstruation to show that she is now a woman. But also because parents marry them off because of money. Parents are in great need of money to buy food and pay school needs for the other children, especially their sons. These young girls and boys that get married drop out of school and never return. They are uneducated and end up having a lot of children without money to feed them or meet their school needs. This is wrong, because every child deserves an education, boys and girls! Without an education, they don’t have a bright future as they stay as poor as their own parents. My 16 year old cousin even died while giving birth. The doctor told me this is because she was too young to be pregnant. Even though she was menstruating, a girls’ body is not ready to have a baby at such a tender age. A lot of people in my community don’t know this, something has to be done! I heard a school programme was introduced in your school that helps young people not getting married before 18. Is there something young people can do about it? At first I didn’t think I could! My parents with some pressure from the initiation counsellor wanted to marry me off to an older man when I was 14 years old. They couldn’t pay food and school needs anymore and they thought it was the right thing to do. I thought I just had to accept it since I didn’t know enough about it to say no. Luckily, this school programme taught me that I have the right to choose if, when and who to marry. I also learned that marrying too young would spoil my future plans of becoming a nurse. It would be the end of my education and I might fall pregnant while my body and mind were not yet ready to be a mother. This would be bad for my health and well-being and I could even die.
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I spoke to a male teacher about my worries and he was very supportive. Together we contacted an organization in our community that helped my parents to pay for my school needs. They also had a vegetable garden in which my father and mother started working. They make some money this way and I am still in school. I am very happy! But what did you do to convince your parents not to marry you off? At first, I was nervous and scared for their reaction. But I knew I had to do it to make sure we could all have a better future. I know I have to finish my education if I want to become a nurse and have a paid job later on in life. Once I told them about the organization hat could help with school needs and a job for my parents they were open to listen to me. I told them what can happen to girls when they have babies at a young age. And how we will always live in poverty if we don’t get a good education. I told them that I (as a girl) also have the right to education and I can help build a poverty free Malawi, just like our previous lady President. How do other community members feel about you marrying after you have turned 18? Some people in my community don’t understand. Often, these people don’t know about the negative effects of early marriage on us young people. They don’t see the bigger picture of the future and don’t understand that a good education for boys and girls is the way to get Malawi out of poverty. Luckily, the boys in my class are learning to see this as well. We, as boys and girls, talk together about the good things that come out of postponing marriage. Together we have decided that we want to wait for children and marriage till we are older and mature enough to deal with the responsibilities. So, I am not worried about my future. I know I will find a man that will respect me for who I am, the boys in my class do already. Together with the human rights organization in my community we spread the word amongst our religious leaders, initiation counsellors, fathers and mothers and other boys and girls. Hopefully it will make them understand why young people should wait for marriage till after 18. “Together we are the change we want to see in the Malawi”. Reflective questions: How did Sarah convince her parents not to marry her off at the age of 14? What future plans does Sarah have? Why? What are your future plans? What would you do if your parents would force you to marry someone before the age of 18? What would you tell a friend if they were forced to marry someone before the age of 18? What can you learn from Sarah’s experiences that could help you to deal with pressure from your parents to marry before the age of 18?
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Worksheet: Future plans
A. What do you want to be? Write down a list of your skills and interests: Interests/hobbies
Skills/Talents
1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Write down three jobs that interest you: 1) 2) 3) What difference will the work you make to the lives of others? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ How much money do you want to make? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ How big a family do you want to have? ___________________________________________________________________________
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B. How will you get there?
Brainstorm about steps to take in the next 5 years to get where you want to be: ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What education or training do I need to get there? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What support do I need to take these steps? (e.g. a mentor, money, materials) ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Who could I ask for help to take these steps and achieve my goal? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
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Lesson 13 Advocates for change to end early marriage
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13 - Advocates for change to end early marriage
Introduction This lesson is all about becoming promoters of positive cultural practices and advocates for changing harmful practices! You first read some quotes from leaders in Malawi about Early Marriage and why it should be changed. Once inspired by your local leaders, you make your own posters in which you advocate to change the practice of early marriage in your own community and promote some positive cultural practices. This will be followed by a role play in which you practice your debating skills in promoting to end child marriage. By poster making and playing a trial in court, you get a clear understanding of the fact that early marriage stems from other times and other circumstances. You reflect on the need to adapt this practice because we are now having a better understanding of its negative consequences and the fact that it is in conflict with human rights. These activities provide you with skills to advocate for ending Early Marriage in your own community.
Today’s program 1. Reflection & Homework (5 min) 2. Quotes of advocates for change (5 min) 3. Poster (40 min) 4. Law Suit (40 min)
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Hand-out: Quotes from Village heads Quotes to stop Early Marriage from various Village heads 1
Village Headman Chakupompha ‘’I want to campaign against Child marriage. My heart is always in pain if I see young girls staying at home. My heart is full of pity if I see them getting married at a tender age’’.
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Village Headman Chisalanda ‘Most children in my village get married while they are still very young , I will argue that children continue going to school’’..
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Village Head Manjawira ‘’I want to advocate to parents that children should not get married before 18 years so that they may continue with school ‘’.
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Village Head man Zakumanapo Many children stay at home from school because of psychological abuse from male teachers; “Mwakula mukatengwe” (meaning “You are grown up you should go and get married”). From today onwards I will seriously do my best to prevent child marriages.
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Hand-out: Role playing a Law Suit in court Roles for law suit 1. Father: Mr.Banda You are Mr Banda, father of 40 years old and head of a big family. Together with your wife you have two boys, aged 5 and 7, and six girls, ranging in age from 3 up to 15. Because of the drought of last season, your harvest was poor and your income is just enough to survive. You would be happy if your oldest daughter, Grace, aged 15, would marry. All girls in the community marry at such an age; it is common practice in your culturel to do so. Grace has just finished primary school and in your view she is ready to marry since she started menstruating. The eldest son of a family in the neighbouring village, Fatsani, is interested to marry Grace. Fatsanil is now 25 years old and is looking for a wife. His family has a bigger farm and more cattle than your’s and you believe Grace will have a better life there. Fatsani loves to marry Grace, but Grace doesn't want to marry him. 2. Girl: Grace You are Grace, daughter of a 40 year old man. Together with your mum and dad, you live with two brothers, aged 5 and 7, and five sisters, ranging in age from 3 up to 13 at the farm. Because of the drought of last season, your family does not have much income, just enough to survive. Your father has proposed that you marry Fatsani. Now you have finished primary school and you have started menstruation, your father thinks it is time to marry. Fatsani, son of ahe family in your neighbourhood , has already made a proposal, but you are not yet ready to marry. You also think Fatsani is too old for you. You want to go to secondary school and become a teacher. Your aunt may help you with that. 3. Public prosecuter You are confronted with a father and head of a big family. Together with his wife he has two boys, aged 5 and 7, and six girls, ranging in age from 3 up to 15. Because of the drought of last season, his family is doing not so well and his income is just enough to survive. As is common in the local culture he wants his eldest daughter Grace (aged 15), to marry Fatsani, (25 years) a young man from a neighbouring village. Fatsani is very interested in Grace and even proposed to her. Fatsani's family has some money and Grace will have a better life there, but Grace doesn't want to marry Fatsani. She thinks she is not yet ready to marry and have children. She also thinks Fatsani is too old for her. Grace loves to go to the secondary school and become a teacher. Her aunt may help her with that. You agree with Grace. Grace is not old enough to make such a decision yet. She should continue her school and prepare a better future for herself and the family.
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4. Lawyer of the father You as a lawyer have to defend Mr. Banda.. Together with his wife he has two boys (aged 5 and 7), and six girls (3 to 15 years). Because of the drought of last season, his family is doing not so well and his income is just enough to survive. He wants his eldest daughter, Grace (aged 15), to marry Fatsanil (25) a young man of a neighbouring village, . Fatsani is interested and even proposed to her. Fatsani's family has quite a number of cows and the father believes Grace will have a better life there, but Grace doesn't want to marry Fatsani. She thinks she is not yet ready to marry and have children. She also thinks Fatsani is too old for her. Grace would love to go to secondary school and become a teacher. Her aunt may help her with that. 5. Judge You as a judge have to decide who is right. Mr. Banda, father of a big family, lives with his wife, two sons, and six daughters, at a farm. Because of the drought of last season, his family is not doing so well and his income is just enough to survive. He wants his eldest daughter, Grace, (15), - as is common in the local culture - to marry to a young man from a neighbouring village, Fatsani, aged 25 years . Fatsani is very interested in Grace and has even proposed to her. Fatsani's family has a big farm and Grace will have a good life there, but Grace doesn't want to marry Fatsani. She thinks she is not yet ready to marry and have children. She also thinks Fatsani is too old for her. Grace would love to go to secondary school and become a teacher. Her aunt may help her with that.
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Lesson 14 Your Future, Dreams and Plans
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12 - Your Future, Dreams and Plans
We have almost come to the end of the course. You have learned a lot! Now we will be looking at how you can put some of these lessons into practice in your life. We will focus on your future, dreams and plans and discuss some methods for you to get to know your dreams and realize them. In three steps, you are going to explore your qualities, discover what goal you will be pursuing and check who are the people around you that can help you to realize your dream. Let's start this day as if it is the first day of your future!
Today’s program
Warming Up - I am (5 mins)
Let's focus on my positive points (30 mins)
Setting Goals (20 mins)
Me 'n my world II (30 mins)
Conclusion - Standing Ovation and homework (5 mins)
Do the following activities on paper. Ask your teacher to guide you through the exercise
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Lets focus on my positive points: A physical point:
A personal point:
A character point when interacting with other people:
About other issues:
Some things I want to improve:
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SETTING OBJECTIVES 1. My objective is:
2. I will meet this objective by (date):
3. The personal strengths I have are:
4. The challenges I may face are:
5, Things I have to do to meet the objective:
6. I will need the assistance and support from the following people:
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Guidelines for making “My World and My Life on paper� All pupils: 1. Have a big sheet of paper to work on and are instructed as follows 2. Place an image of yourself - a drawing or a picture - in the middle of the page 3. Write your own name, bottom middle 4. Draw two big circles around yourself 5. Fill this space to make a 'map' of your world: place six figures around you to represent the six people you have named as being closest to you. The middle ring is for those who are closest to you and so on 6. Write their names under each person 7. Draw an arrow to connect you to this person like a diagram and write who they are: mother, brother, friend etc. 8. Add a thought bubble for each person or group of people; write in this bubble how you think these people see you, what they think of you as a person 9. Add a speech bubble to yourself and write about the person or group of people to explain how they influence your life and the way you live. What role do they play in your life? Examples include: breadwinner, love, role model, someone to talk to, to share problems, to have a laugh with, music, fashion, teaches me new words, influences my attitude towards the opposite sex, influences my attitude towards learning or school, influences my attitude towards my parents or grandparents and influences my future dreams. Choose your own categories, but be as specific as possible. Although there is always more to say, you have to keep it short due to available space.
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Lesson 15 My Top Tips Peer Book
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Lesson15 13 - My Top Tips Peer Book This lesson is a moment of reflection to review the entire course. You look back at the different lessons and reflect on what was inspiring, comforting, shocking or life changing. What have you learned? Then you will compose a book with tips for peers: your personal pocket guide book. You can show this to your friends and age mates to talk about what you have learned and share your new ideas. You will also get some advice on how to be a good peer educator.
Today’s program
Highlights of lessons and themes (20 mins)
Warming Up - Person to Person (5 mins)
Choose your Top Tips + Make your Book (35 mins)
Peer educator guidelines and discussion (30 mins)
Conclusion and homework (5 mins)
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Lesson15 Highlights Do you remember lesson 1? It is only a couple of weeks ago, but it might feel long. Do you remember how you felt the first day, what you knew and thought?! Hopefully you are satisfied having experienced these lessons on sexuality education. We hope you have learnt much and are better equipped for life. The funny thing is that when we learn and understand new things, we often forget that there was a time when we didn’t know. We hope you feel the need to share your new knowledge and skills with your peers friends, brothers and sisters. Do you want to spread the messages that helped you? What have we learnt? To freshen up your memory, and to make up your mind what messages and information you would like to pass on to peers, we will look back over the highlights of the course. Write down after going through the lessons, what you found most important about that lesson and what you found particularly helpful to know. The sum total of these personal highlights will form the basis for your Peer Book: “My Top Tips” for others. Now let's look back! Lesson 1: After introducing ourselves and the aim of the course, we started looking into our own personalities. What do you remember of this exercise? Are their new characteristics that you learnt about yourself that helped you understand yourself or gave you confidence? Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. Maybe the main lesson was that everybody has a unique personality and by knowing and appreciating that, it is easier to stand up for yourself. You might have forgotten about the Ground Rules for this project. They are however important to remember if you are going to “work” with your peers: 1. We are all here to learn: there are no wrong questions 2. Everyone has the right to speak out his/her feelings and ideas, without being laughed at or discriminated against: take the time to listen well to others 3. We create our own stories, pictures and opinions: the more we put in of ourselves the more we will learn 4. Different people have different opinions: respect every one's opinion 5. What people say in this group can be personal: don’t repeat information about others outside this group
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Lesson15 Lesson 2: In the lesson about Understanding Your Feelings we learnt about emotional changes while becoming an adult. The presentation informed us about mood swings, a sudden awareness of your body, the urge to fight with your parents or other adults, sudden feelings of shyness. The way you feel about yourself and the world is changing. Taking turns, one minute you are happy, the next you are suddenly crying. During a role play we first started to practise talking about your (mixed) emotions and talking to your friends. Did you gain an insight or remember a message that helped you understand yourself? Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. Those are messages to pass on to your peers. Lesson 3: This time we learnt about the changes in our bodies; about the physical changes that puberty brings for boys and girls. How to take care of our changing bodies and hygiene. Do you still know how the reproductive organs work and how to practice good hygiene? If you understand your body and changes, you can understand your different options and needs in life better when it comes to sexuality, protection and caring. We talked about body changes. What was the key-point you remember? Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. We have learnt about the influence media and peers have on our taste. We took photos of ourselves 'or made a pose ourselves in Striking a Pose' to learn more about body language. But the whole world doesn't decide for you how you feel about yourself, you do! Even if you are not Mister or Miss Africa, you look fine. You accept yourself and revel in it because You love who You are and the way You look, isn’t it! Taking photos or looking at photos might have raised your awareness about poses, about your body language. What did it tell you? Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
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Lesson15 Lesson 4: Friends become more important in your life and in some ways your parents become less important. In a dialogue between Tadala and Mangani we were informed on why friendships become more important. That friendships are healthy and good, but sometimes not. Sometimes your friends can pressure you into doing something against your will/instinct also. Why you are fighting your parents or adults around is because you are trying to become an individual, one that is maybe different from them. It is not always easy, but it’s part of growing up. That is theory. You also looked at your world in practice: who is in your world there, how do you describe your relationships, what do they mean to you? It is important to look at yourself in your community, it makes you more aware of your individual space, of who you are in the middle of people surrounding you. What stood out for you in this lesson? Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. Lesson 5: Men’s and women’s roles are different in society. That is not something static, that we cannot change. No, big part of how roles are defined and power is divided is something we just agree on among ourselves. We can decide to see it differently. We could decide for example To give more chances and power to women. Maybe during and after this lesson you became more aware of the fact that gender roles are something that can be discussed. Remember the action plan you made with your group? What is your opinion on gender and what is going to be your role in changing things you don’t agree on? Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. During this lesson we started thinking about what effect your gender role may have on your future and how you relate to others. Explain to your peers what gender means, what different roles men and women are put into. Tell them that all over the world these roles are differently defined, but that in most countries women are given less chances than men and that there is no logical explanation or goal for that. Lesson 6: Were you surprised when you found about the rights for all young people? Maybe you don’t remember all of them, but the broad picture: you have the right to free education (even if you are sick, a girl, a young mother); you have the right to youth-friendly and free health care; to a personal life; someone to trust and someone who stands up for your rights. You now know these rights have been accorded to you by the UN. Now you know what you are entitled to, to fight for. You now know what we all together (190 countries worldwide) are working towards. What right did you fight for in your community and why? Fill in: ….……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
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Lesson15 Lesson 7: In this lesson you received information on sexuality: that it is more than “just having sex”. You learnt that there are many ways to be intimate with someone you choose. That it is up to you to decide when you want and till what level you want to be intimate and with whom. Nobody can make this choice for you or force you to do something against your will. Maybe you feel it is not of you or your peers concern to learn about sexuality. There are however basic things about this subject that are valuable for you to know. What information do you feel is the most important for your peers to know?: Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. We hope you made one step ahead in your decision-making process. You can help someone else to do the same. Both partners must agree to take part happily and enjoy ably and without force or pressure. And both partners must use methods to keep them safe from risk of STIs and unwanted pregnancy. Lesson 8: A good percentage of all pregnancies in Malawi are teenage pregnancies. After this course you know: how a girl gets pregnant; the signs of pregnancy; how to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Now you have to choose not to want an unexpected pregnancy. In this lesson you learnt about the disadvantages and even dangers young girls AND boys face when they let it happen to them. We want health care for young single mothers. Till the time and circumstances are right so that you can fully enjoy it and raise your baby in a way that feels right. If it does happen to you or a friend, you know your options, when you get pregnant before you’re ready, don’t you? Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. In a role play you placed yourself in different situations. How did it feel to “be” a single mother, to be unwanted pregnant or to negotiate safe sex? What did you learn from pretending that this was your situation? Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but wait till you are older!
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Lesson15 Lesson 9: Sex is a fact of life! Sooner or later we will all be confronted with the fact that adults and, to a certain level, adolescents have sex. In this lesson you received the right information on sex, risks and dangers and choices. If you decide to have sex, whenever that might be, you now know the risks and how to avoid them. Hopefully at the end of the lesson you realized the real and present dangers of unsafe sex and sexual transmitted infections. Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. It is always good to repeat an important message, so go through the information as often as you feel is necessary to remember it. Tell your peers about risks and STIs; about how to use condoms. What came out of your decision making path? Make sure your peers can make a well informed decision on this as well. You started practicing negotiating safe sex in this lesson, but please continue to repeat it. Maybe with a friend, just to practice. This lesson was all about the risks and your choices. Lesson 10: You probably knew some things about HIV and AIDS before this course. Maybe you learnt some new things. Do you have the full picture on this virus and disease? It is important to know the facts and to share them. It is also important to realize the impact of this illness on you and your community. During the lesson you listened to stories from people who have been infected with the HIV virus, you made a plan on how you and your group could help people who are infected or affected by HIV and you wrote and sent a postcard to someone infected or affected by HIV. So in what way can you help fight the HIV and AIDS endemic? Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. Lesson 11: This lesson was about a very sensitive issue: sexual harassment and abuse, even about rape. In this lesson you were taught about the situations where harassment and abuse occur. That is important information, so you can try to avoid it. Remember them well and spread the word. The myths people have are also dangerous, because based on myths you can never make a good decision. You practiced skills for dealing with difficult situations. Do you remember the protection and refusal tactics? Maybe they are useful for others as well. Could you explain them to others? Fill in: ….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. If you talk about sexual harassment with your peers, be careful and whenever you feel someone is hurt or even traumatized help them to find a professional to talk to.
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Lesson15 Lesson 12: After all these exercises and information of the last 11 lessons, in lesson 12 we want to see how you can put some things in practice, in your life. We focused on your future, dreams and plans and discussed some methods for knowing your dreams and bringing them about. Remember the 4 steps:
explore good sides of yourself,
look at how you created successes in the past
see what goal you are striving for
check what the people around you can do to help you
Then strive for your goals!
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Lesson15 Tips for talking to peers about sexual health You have acquired some knowledge and learned some skills. Perhaps you can pass on information to those who you think will benefit most from it. If you do so, here are some tips to make sure that nobody is uncomfortable and that your message will be well received! Step 1 Timing: Choose your timing well if you want to talk to someone about sexual health. Pick a time when people are relaxed and will be able to listen. If you want to talk to peers about their specific behavior: find time alone with them and do not talk to them when there are other people around. Step 2 Tone: You have your own opinions and everyone else has their own opinions. It is important to be respectful to other people and to listen to them. Do not judge other people by their behavior. Your tone should be confident and open; make suggestions rather than tell other people what to do. In fact, suggestions will be a lot more effective than orders in reaching your peers. Step 3 Knowledge: You are a peer educator when you know more than your peers. Make sure your knowledge is correct. If you are not sure, go and check first with someone who is an expert before you pass on any information you are not sure of. Step 4 Privacy: Sometimes, when you talk about sexual health with your peers, you will be told things that are private. You must keep this information private and confidential; this is between you and the person who told you and it is not intended for anyone else. Step 5 Role Model: As an adolescent who has completed sexual health education, you are a role model. If your behavior is different from your words, your message will not be effective. Do practice what you preach! Tips for making and binding books: Printing the books will depend on the availability of ink cartridges and paper. If you are short of these, you can choose the PowerPoint version and print a small version of each page. If you do have enough resources, use the Word version. The Book: Basically, the contents of the book consists of all the exercises pupils have done throughout the course, collected in one file and printed. Pupils can choose to include a selection of items or to include all items. Each pupil can make his/her own book and bind it him/herself.
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Lesson15
Pupils may not have enough time to finish the book in class time. They can finish the book in their own time before the exhibition. Binding In fact, book binding is an old tradition. There are many ways to get the pages of the books to stick together and to give the book a hard cover to make it long-lasting. It is up to pupils to be creative in finding ways of sticking the pages together and finding materials that can be used as a cover. Sticking pages You can staple the pages together, glue them or fold them and then use elastic bands. Be creative! Hard covers A book with a hard cover is more impressive and lasts longer. Look around for materials you could use to give your books a hard cover, for example:
an old box: cut out the cardboard to the appropriate size
an old plastic container: role out the plastic, cut it to the right shape and size it
Wood
old tins, flattened out
Use the following example to design your Top Tip Peer Book on Paper. Ask your teacher to guide you
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Lesson15
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Lesson 16 Exhibition
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Lesson16 14 - Exhibition
This final session is not so much about learning but about doing. We are going to prepare an exhibition and a presentation. This is the public opening of My World and My Life. This is our chance to show the world what we have been doing and making, the experiences and ideas we have shared over these last few weeks. This is a chance to get other people involved in our movement.
Make an exhibition and a presentation to show what you have learned and made during the fourteen lessons.
Today’s program
Generate ideas for making an exhibition
Prepare your presentations
Prepare your exhibition
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Lesson16 Presentation skills Pupils prepare and practice a presentation of their work/message. Here are some presentation tips for pupils: 1.Preparation
Prepare your presentation well, decide which items you think are most important and make a list, maybe even a note that will help you during your presentation.
If possible, start your presentation with something to attract people's attention: a joke, an anecdote or maybe a question.
The 'tell, tell, tell principle': repeat your message again and again! 2. Materials
Also make sure you are no more involved with the material you show than what is in your presentation itself.
3. While talking
Try to keep eye contact with your audience; try to keep them involved through eye contact and ask them if they understand what you are talking about.
Especially when they have a question, repeat the question so the whole audience can hear; and when you have answered the question, ask if it has been answered well. Keep them involved.
Speak loud and clear
Mind your posture; relax
4. Ending
Ask for feedback, and if possible, plan a conversation at the end to have some interaction with your audience.
Repeat the main points of what you have been talking about and make a polite ending to your presentation.
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Appendix with Examples Lesson 1 to 14
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Examples for this lesson
1 - My World and My Life
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Examples for this lesson
2 - Understanding Your Feelings
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Examples for this lesson
3 - Your Body is Changing
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6. Activity: Making Sanitary Pads (35 mins) How to make sanitary pads? Material needed:
Some piece of cotton, preferably soft cotton eg T-shirt material, or ‘Jinja’ material
A pair of scissors/a razor blade
Needle and thread
Procedures:
Out of the big material of cotton, cut two small pieces of cloth: 16 by 7 cm (use a ruler to measure the size)
Sew the two pieces of cloth leaving an opening at the top.
Cut two or four small strings from the cloth.
Sew the strings to either side of the pad. The strings can be tied to the underwear/knickers to hold the pad.
Cut a strong polythene sheet in the shape of the pad.
Insert it at the bottom of the pad.
Get a small piece of cotton cloth and push it inside the sewed piece, on top of the polythene sheeting.
Insert as many small pieces of small cotton cloth into the sewed cloth to make it absorbent.
Now your home made sanitary pad is ready for use:
Make at least 6 home made pads for use. Now you can also carry some clean ones with you to school for changing. Change them in time when they are full with blood.
At school you can keep a used pad or cloth in a ‘jumbo’ (plastic bag) until you get home and wash them.
Just tear some clean pieces of cooton eg ‘Jinja’ material.
Fold them properly in such a way that they are thick enough to absorb blood and use them.
After using them: wash, dry and iron them. They will be ready for use again.
Change them in time when they are full with blood.
At school you can keep a used pad or cloth in a ‘jumbo’ (plastic bag) until you get home and wash them.
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Examples for this lesson
4 - Important People in Your Life: Me and my World
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Examples for this lesson: 5 - Boys and Girls, Men and Women Write on paper about the lessons you have learnt from this lesson. You can pick ideas from this example.
Juma Angela, Kamwendo Doreen, Banda Andrews, and Kawawa Henry.
We are going to take the following actions to create a better gender situation in Malawi: Angela and Doreen are going to: 
Prove that women are equally intelligent and talented in management. They are going to do their utmost to be admitted to university and show everybody what ladies can do! They are going to talk to their girl peers and convince them that they have to fight for their rights. Girls are also responsible for changing their own position. For example: if girls date boys for money rather than for love, things will remain just as they are.
Henry and Andrews are going to: 
Remember that it is good to discuss issues with their girlfriends and help them to stand up for themselves. They are going to give them a major say when it comes to safe sex and help to protect themselves and stay healthy. They will talk to their friends about gender issues and the way they can improve the situation.
Role model 1: Winnie Jere She's my role model because she cares about people and the way she handles politics is good. She's a good and caring lady for her country Uganda. Role model 2: President Muthalika He is the President of the Republic of Malawi. He has secured peace in the country. He is trying to improve the economy and security . This this will improve people's lives so they can prosper and be happy.
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Examples for this lesson 6 - Fight for Your Rights
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Examples for this lesson 7 - Sexuality and Love
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Examples for this lesson 8 - Pregnancy: For Girls and For Boys Too!
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Examples for this lesson 9 - Protect Yourself: STIs, HIV and AIDS
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Examples for this lesson 10 - HIV and AIDS: U Have a Role to Play!
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Examples for this lesson 11 - Love Shouldn’t Hurt
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Examples for this lesson 12 - Your Future, Dreams and Plans
Lets focus on my positive points: A physical point: I my cheekbones very much
A personal point: Energetic Happy Fun to be with
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Examples for this lesson 13 - My Top Tips Peer Book
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Examples for this lesson 14 - Exhibition
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Glossary
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GLOSSARY Welcome to the glossary. Here you will find all the correct explanations for difficult words that you might come across during the lessons. It also includes a list of health centres where you can go to find more information, youth-friendly services and counselling.
A Abortion The termination of a pregnancy. This may happen on its own (spontaneous abortion or 'miscarriage') or it can be the result of a medical procedure (induced abortion). In countries where abortion is illegal, like Uganda, abortion services can be dangerous. If it is not performed by a medical doctor or gynaecologist, it is often done in a rushed and unhygienic manner that puts women's health at great risk. An abortion is safe when it is performed by professional, trained and well-equipped service providers in a hygienic setting. Abstinence To avoid doing something. For example, you can decide to abstain from all sexual activities or only from sexual intercourse or from drugs or alcohol. Not engaging in those sexual activities that can put a person at risk of infections, including STIs and HIV, or pregnancy. Acne A skin problem experienced mainly during puberty and marked by a lot of pimples or spots, especially in the face. Adolescence Adolescence is the period of transition between puberty and adulthood. Adolescence is roughly considered to be the period between 12 and 19 years of age. It refers to the time between the beginning of sexual maturation (puberty) and adulthood. During this period, adolescents are expected to become capable of adult behaviour and response, and autonomous decision-making. Adolescents experience not only physical growth and change but also emotional, psychological, social and mental change and growth. AIDS Acquired Immuno-Deficiency Syndrome, a fatal disease in which the human immune system is weakened by the HIV virus and cannot guard the individual against any disease-causing organisms, even those that can be treated with drugs. AIDS is the final stage of an infection with the HIV virus (Human Immuno-deficiency Virus), which is transmitted through blood and bodily fluids (semen and vaginal fluids). AIDS in itself is not the cause of death. People who die of AIDS actually die of other infections to which the body does not have any resistance as a result of its weakened immune system. Anal sex Sexual intercourse not via the vagina, but via the anus of the partner (male or female). Anal intercourse without a condom is an extremely high-risk behaviour for the spread of HIV and STIs. Blood vessels in the anal opening may rupture and blood may mingle with semen of a partner with STI or HIV.
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Anaemia A health condition in which the blood is 'weak and thin'. It is often caused by lack of oxygen in body cells and organs, which can result in tiredness, pale gums, tongue, eyelids, palms and soles of the feet, and lack of energy and fainting. Antenatal The period before birth. For example, antenatal care is the care needed by a woman throughout her pregnancy. Anus The opening of the body where food waste (faeces) comes out. Antiseptic soaps Soaps that contain a medical substance that prevents the growth of bacteria. Antiseptics are used to prevent infections. Assertiveness To state something clearly, confidently and strongly without being hostile, rude or nasty. To assert yourself is to stand up and speak out for yourself. Attitude Feeling or opinion about something or someone, or a way of behaving that follows from this feeling or opinion. Autonomy To freely determine your own decisions and course in life. This implies freedom of thought, expression and action. Our autonomy is limited by the right of others to have autonomy. It is a rights-based concept. B Barrier method A birth control method that provides a physical barrier between the sperm cells in semen and the egg. Examples of barrier contraceptive methods include condoms, diaphragms, foam, sponges, spermicides and cervical caps. Except for condoms, barrier methods do not prevent STIs, including HIV. Behaviour The manner of conducting yourself; the response of individuals or groups to their environment. Birth canal The passageway - made up of the cervix, vagina and vulva - through which the baby travels during birth. Bisexual A person who is sexually attracted to both genders. Bisexuality A sexual orientation in which an individual can enjoy emotional and sexual relationships with people of both genders.
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C Caesarean section (or C-section) A medical operation to take the baby out of the uterus by making a cut in the woman's abdomen (belly). This operation is performed when a woman is not able to deliver the baby through the vagina and vulva. Calendar method A traditional method of natural family planning (also known as rhythm method). The fertile phase (the days around the ovulation when an mature egg cell is present) of the menstrual cycle must be determined by calculating the length of at least six previous menstrual cycles. To prevent pregnancy, this method requires not having sexual intercourse during the calculated fertile days of a woman's menstrual cycle. When used alone, the calendar method is very unreliable, especially for girls and women with irregular menstrual cycles, and may be overly restrictive for some couples. This method does not prevent STIs, including HIV. Candidiasis A yeast infection in the vagina. Symptoms of candidiasis are: increased discharge from the vagina and itching. It is an infection but not an STI. Caressing To touch or kiss someone in a gentle and loving way. Cervical Cap A small, plastic or rubber cup that covers the cervix to prevent sperm cells from entering the uterus and thus meeting the egg to unite (one of the so-called barrier methods). It is used with spermicide. It is very effective at preventing pregnancy and must be prescribed and instructed by a health care provider. It does not prevent STIs, including HIV. Cervix The neck/opening of the uterus, that extends and opens into the vagina. Child Abuse The sexual and emotional violation of a child by an adult, through verbal, visual, psycho-social or physical acts, abusing the relationship of power and authority that adults have over children. Child pornography Any representation, by whatever means, of a child engaged in real or simulated explicit sexual activities or any representation of the sexual parts of a child, with the aim of presenting an image for sexual purposes. Chlamydia An STI caused by bacteria that often has no symptoms. If symptoms occur, they may include burning during urination, discharge and bleeding during intercourse for girls. For guys, common symptoms include pain during urination and a watery discharge. Chlamydia can cause infertility and ectopic pregnancy if it is not treated early. Because Chlamydia is a bacterial infection, it can easily be treated with antibiotics. Circumcision In a man: when the loose fold of skin (foreskin) at the end of a man's penis is removed.
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Clitoris The small, pea-shaped organ in a woman's genitals that is a centre of sensation and sexual pleasure. It is located at the top of the vulva, between the inner lips, just in front of the opening of the urethra. Coitus See Intercourse. Coitus interruptus A very unreliable contraceptive method whereby a guy withdraws his penis from his partner's vagina just before ejaculation (also know as pulling out or withdrawal). It is not recommended at all. This method does not protect against STIs, including HIV. Coming Out The process in which a person acknowledges and discloses being gay, lesbian or transgender. Conception Beginning of pregnancy, when the male sperm cells fertilizes the female egg. Condom A sheath of latex rubber worn on the erect penis during sexual intercourse (also called rubber or protector). The condom must be put on before the penis touches any part of the woman's external genitals to prevent the mixing of semen with either the vaginal, oral or anal regions. It is the most effective and safe contraceptive method to prevent pregnancy, HIV, and other STIs. Contraceptives Methods used to prevent pregnancy (also known as birth control or family planning methods). Date rape Rape committed by a boyfriend. For example, when a boyfriend forces his girlfriend to have sex against her will, this is considered date rape.
Diaphragm A dome-shaped rubber cup (also called cervical cap) used in conjunction with spermicidal gel/cream that covers the opening to the cervix and uterus to prevent sperm cells from entering the uterus. It is effective at preventing pregnancy but does not protect against STIs, including HIV.
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Double Bagging Refers to using two condoms instead of one. Using two condoms is generally not recommended because they can rub against each other and tear. The best policy is to use one latex condom, correctly and consistently. E Efficacy The quality of being successful in producing an intended result. Also called the effectiveness. Ejaculation The release of semen containing sperm cells (if the man has not been sterilized) from a man's penis. If the man is sterilized, the semen does not contain sperm cells. Rhythmic contractions in males that propel the semen out of the penis in spurts. Embryo The term used between the second and eighth week of pregnancy to refer to the mass of cells that will become a foetus and, after birth, a baby. Emergency contraception A contraceptive method that can be used to prevent pregnancy after unprotected sexual intercourse, for example, if the condom broke or slipped. To be effective in preventing pregnancy, emergency contraception must be taken within 72 hours of unprotected sexual intercourse. Emergency contraception does not cause abortion and does not prevent STIs, including HIV. Endemic An infection is said to be endemic when it is prevalent in a particular region, community, or group of people. Endometrium The lining of the uterus that grows to receive a fertilized egg, and if there is no fertilized egg, is shed as menstruation. Epididymis A coiled tube through which sperm cells leave the testes, also used for storage of sperm cells. Erection When the penis is being filled with blood and becomes hard and stiff, either as a result of feelings of sexual excitement or spontaneously. Erogenous zones The areas of the male and female body that are specially sensitive and capable of arousing sexual desire and pleasure Erotic Sexually stimulating, pertaining to sexual love or sensation. Exhibitionism The compulsive act of exposing the genitals, in public or to a specific person, for the purpose of sexual arousal and gratification.
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F Fallopian tubes The two tubes that lead from the female ovaries to the uterus (womb). After an egg is released from one of the ovaries, it travels down one of these tubes to the uterus. Family planning Family planning means planning how to improve the quality of family life. It includes: 1. taking decisions on regulating and spacing childbirth; 2. choosing suitable contraceptive methods; 3. helping childless couples to have children; 4. counselling of both parents and would-be parents; 5. developing the necessary parental, social and family budgeting skills. Female circumcision A traditional practice in which all or part of the female genitals are removed. This practice has negative health consequences and is considered by many people to be a violation of girls' and women's rights. Female condom A polyurethane pouch that has two flexible rings on either end. One ring is inserted into the vagina and the other ring stays outside the vagina. The ring helps to hold the female condom in place. They can be purchased without a prescription and can be used during anal intercourse as well. Female condoms can be inserted before starting the foreplay, and should not be used at the same time as male condoms. With perfect use, they can be 95% effective in preventing pregnancy and can also prevent some STIs. Female secondary sexual characteristics Physical attributes (other than the sexual organs) that distinguish females from males, caused by oestrogen during puberty. For example, menstrual periods in females, growth of breasts and pubic hair, broadening of the hip bones and deposition of fat in the buttocks and thighs and under the skin. Feminine Acting, or having qualities, which are traditionally considered to be suitable for a woman. Fertile The ability to create a baby. Both men and women can be fertile. Fertility The ability to reproduce.
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Flirting To behave towards someone as if one finds them attractive with or without any serious intentions of beginning a relationship. Fluid A liquid Sexual fluids are a woman’s vaginal secretions or a man’s semen. Foetus The term used to refer to a baby in the uterus (womb) from the ninth week of pregnancy until birth. Fondling To touch gently and in a loving way, or to touch in a sexual way. Foreplay All of the sexual activities that people might do to get each other sexually aroused either before or instead of intercourse. Foreskin A fold of delicate skin that covers the tip of the penis of an uncircumcised man. Fostering To take care of a child, usually for a limited time, without being the child's biological parents. Friend A person who you know well and who you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family. Someone who is not an enemy and who you can trust. G Gay Being sexually and romantically attracted to people of the same gender (also called homosexuality). Typically refers to men who are attracted to other men. Gender Gender is a construction of society of the roles females and males play. Gender equality Gender equality means equal treatment of women and men in laws, policies and behaviours, and equal access of women and men to resources and services within families, education, health services, communities and society at large.
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Gender roles The particular economic and social roles that a society considers appropriate for women and men. Men are mainly identified with productive roles that tend to be sequential, while women have more roles: domestic responsibilities, productive work and community activities, which often have to be carried out simultaneously. Gender roles and responsibilities can vary between cultures and can change over time. In almost all societies, women's roles tend to be undervalued. Genitals The private parts; the external sexual organs. Genitals warts A sexually transmitted infection (STI) that causes fleshy bumps to grow in the genital area. Glands Cells in the skin that perform a certain function. For example, sweat glands produce sweat or perspiration, which help to cool the body. Glans The head of the penis. Gonorrhoea An STI that usually causes discharge from the vagina or penis. Gynaecologist A medical doctor specialized in women's reproductive health care.
H Haemorrhage Heavy bleeding. Hepatitis B An STI caused by a virus that may result in serious liver damage and sometimes even death. Infection occurs through contact with infected blood, semen, vaginal fluids or saliva. Symptoms include nausea, vomiting, headache, fever, dark urine and jaundice. It is the only STD for which there is a vaccine to prevent infection. Heterosexuality Sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex (men being attracted to women and women being attracted to men). Herpes An STI that is caused by a virus and cannot be cured. It causes small painful blisters, usually on or around the genitals or around the mouth.
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HIV HIV, or Human Immunodeficiency Virus, is the virus that causes AIDS. The term "HIV and AIDS" is often used because infection with HIV eventually can lead to AIDS, which stands for Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. A person has AIDS (rather than just being infected with HIV) when the immune system gets so weak it can no longer fight off common infections and illnesses. HIV test A blood sample is taken from the arm with a sterile disposable needle. Then the blood sample will be examined on the presence of antibodies towards the HIV virus. If this test is done directly after unsafe sex, it has to be repeated three months after the unprotected sexual intercourse, as you can be infected for up to three months without yet having enough antibodies to show up in the blood test. These three months are referred to as the window period. HIV and AIDS HIV is the virus that causes AIDS. The term 'HIV and AIDS' is often used because infection with HIV eventually leads to AIDS. A person has AIDS (in contrast to just being infected with HIV) when his/her immune system gets so weak it can no longer fight off common infections and illness and he/she gets ill. Homophobia Irrational fear, hatred or prejudice toward people who are homosexual (gay or lesbian). Homosexuality Sexual and emotional attraction between people of the same sex. Also known as gay for men and lesbian for women. Hormonal methods Another type of contraceptive methods (as opposed to barrier methods) that work by changing a woman's body chemistry. Certain chemical substances in hormonal contraceptive methods mimic the oestrogen and/or progestin hormones that females naturally produce. The contraceptives that include oestrogen prevent the release of an egg from the ovaries, while the methods containing progestin make the uterus an unfriendly environment for sperm and implantation. Hormonal contraceptive methods do not prevent STIs, including HIV. Hormones Natural chemicals that are produced by the body and that serve as messengers that tell the body how and when to do things, such as grow. Helpline If you need help about any subject concerning your sexual health you can call the National Child Helpline on number 116. The staff answering the phone are specifically trained to help young people. If you have more questions about sexuality, contraception methods, pregnancy, STI’s, HIV and AIDS, sexual harassment or abuse, you can always visit or contact a Youth Friendly Service. They provide information, services (like testing) and counselling. The helpline is anonymous. Hugging To hold someone or something close to your body with your arms, usually to show that you like, love or value them. Hygiene The practice of keeping clean.
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Hymen A delicate piece of tissue inside the vagina. The tissue does not cover the whole entrance, only partly. Because the hymen can be stretched or damaged during sexual intercourse, hymens are seen as a sign that a girl is a virgin. However, some girls are born with no hymen at all. For others, the hymen can be very small or elastic before any sexual intercourse that it will not be damaged. Therefore it is not possible for anyone, doctor or other medical expert to see if a girl is still a virgin or not. I Implantation When a fertilized egg attaches itself to the lining or wall or the uterus (womb). This is the beginning of a pregnancy. Implants A (hormonal) contraceptive method in which six small tubes containing hormones are put under the skin in a women's upper arm by a specially trained health worker (for example, Norplant). Implants prevent pregnancy for about five years, but can be removed sooner if the woman wants to become pregnant. They do not prevent STIs, including HIV. Impotence Inability of a man to get and/or sustain an erection. More than 95% of impotence arises from psychological factors, such as anxiety about sexual performance, guilt, sexual conflicts or emotional relationship problems. But it can also be caused by to organic factors, such as spinal chord injury, diabetes, drug use, age or an insufficiency of male hormones. Incest Sexual contact between members of the immediate family. Infertility Inability to create a baby or to reproduce, which can be temporary. When permanent, it is called sterility. Both men and women can be infertile. Infatuation The type of relationship places premium on physical characteristics. If someone mistakes infatuation for love and expect it to last forever it can hurt a great deal. Intercourse Vaginal intercourse is the act when the erect penis enters the female vagina and, after reaching a climax of excitement, ejects semen into the vagina. Sexual intercourse can be solely for pleasure or for conception. Intimacy Feelings of closeness and trust with another person.
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IUD The IUD (Intra-Uterine Device) or coil is a contraceptive method, mostly used by older women. It is inserted into the uterus by a skilled health worker to prevent pregnancy. It prevents the fertilized female egg from settling in the uterine wall. The most common IUDs are Copper T and Lippes Loop. It does not prevent STIs, including HIV. J-K-L Labia The inner and outer folds of skin that protect the vagina. Also called the "lips. Labour The work that a woman's body does during childbirth to push the baby out of the body. Lesbian A woman who is sexually and romantically attracted to other women. Libido A term that refers to someone's sex drive, the desire for sexual union and pleasure. Lining During the body's preparation for pregnancy, the endometrium in the uterus will grow thicker. This is called the lining: it grows and is shed during the menstrual cycle. Love To have strong feelings of affection for another adult and be romantically and sexually attracted to them, or to feel great affection for a friend or person in your family; strong feelings of attraction towards, and affection for, another adult, or great affection for a friend or family member; a person that you feel attracted to. Lubricant A cream or substance used to make dry surfaces wet and slippery. Lubricants are often used on condoms to protect the condom from tearing. All are water-based and safe to use with condoms. Lubrication The natural body fluid that appears in the woman's vagina when she is sexually stimulated and without which a woman would find penetration painful. Lust A strong feeling of sexual attraction and desire towards another person.
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M Male circumcision When the loose fold of sensitive skin (foreskin) at the end of a man's penis is removed at birth or later in puberty. This is often done for hygienic and/or religious reasons. Male secondary sexual characteristics Physical attributes (other than the sexual organs) that distinguish males from females, caused by the testosterone hormones during puberty. For example, growth of bones, muscles, genitals, and bodily, pubic and facial hair, lower voice and tougher skin. Masculine Socially constructed patterns of how men are expected to behave. Masturbation Touching your own genitals and body parts to achieve sexual pleasure. It may or may not result in an orgasm. It is not harmful. Menarche The beginning of menstruation; the first menstrual period. Menstruation (or menstrual period, monthly period) Periodical cycle in women in which an egg is released from the ovary once a month, and the uterine wall is thickened to prepare for the fertilized egg to settle in it. If fertilization does not occur, then the uterine lining is shed with discharge of blood after 3-6 days. Menstruation starts during adolescence, mostly between the ages of 10-15, and ends between the ages of 45-55. Menstruation cycle The monthly process in the female body, which involves the release of an egg, the preparation of the body for pregnancy and the release of the lining of the uterus if no pregnancy occurs. In a 28-day menstrual cycle, the egg leaves the ovary approximately 14 days after the first day of a woman's period. Miscarriage Spontaneous discharge through the vagina of a developing foetus before it is able to survive. Monogamous The state of being committed emotionally and/or sexually to only one person. Mutual Masturbation When partners either touch their own genitals while they are together, or touch each other's genitals at the same time. This may or may not result in an orgasm and is not harmful.
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N Napkins A piece of soft, absorbent material worn by a woman between her legs during her period (also known as sanitary towels). National Child Helpline on number 116 If you need help about any subject concerning your sexual health you can call the National Child Helpline on number 116. The staff answering the phone are specifically trained to help young people. If you have more questions about sexuality, contraception methods, pregnancy, STI’s, HIV and AIDS, sexual harassment or abuse, you can always visit or contact a Youth Friendly Service. They provide information, services (like testing) and counselling. The helpline is anonymous. Natural Family Planning A form of birth control (also known as the rhythm method) in which a woman charts her cervical mucus and daily temperatures with a basal thermometer to determine the time of ovulation and then does not have intercourse on or around the time of ovulation. The effectiveness of this method depends on how regular a woman's cycle is and her ability to avoid intercourse or use a barrier method (such as condom or diaphragm) when she is ovulating. It is not very effective in preventing pregnancies and does not prevent STIs, including HIV. Nipples The tips of the breasts on the male and female chest, sensitive to touch and temperature. Nocturnal emissions Also called wet dreams. Ejaculation of semen during sleep. O Oestrogen A hormone produced by the ovaries which helps to regulate the menstrual cycle or conception, and which causes secondary sexual characteristics in females. Oral sex Using the mouth and/or tongue to stimulate the genitals of a partner. Orgasm A highly pleasurable, climactic response during sex, the peak of sexual pleasure, which is the result of a complex interaction of physical, emotional and hormonal factors. In men, it is usually at the time of ejaculation. 'Multiple orgasms' means having several orgasms within a short period of time. Ovulation The release of an egg from one of the ovaries into the fallopian tube. It usually occurs 14 days before the next menstrual period. Ovum, ova (plural) A female egg. A cell which, when released from a woman's ovary, may be fertilized by a man's sperm cell. P Pap smear
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A test in which some cells are taken from the cervix and examined. This test is used to detect early signs of cervical can-
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Period See menstruation. Periodic abstinence A contraceptive method by avoiding having sexual intercourse during the days on which a woman is fertile (see also natural family planning). It is not very effective in preventing pregnancies and does not prevent STIs, including HIV. Petting If two people are petting, they are kissing and touching each other in a sexual way. Heavy petting: when two people kiss, hold and touch each other in a sexual way but do not have sexual intercourse. Pill A hormonal contraceptive method that prevents the monthly release of an egg from the woman's ovaries (ovulation). The pill must be taken every day, except for the 'stop-week', in which a woman does not take the pill and a menstruation will occur. This contraceptive method does not prevent STIs, including HIV. If you have forgotten to take the pill: keep on taking the pill for the rest of the month until you start with the next series of pills. For protection against pregnancy, abstinence or another contraceptive method (condom) needs to be used, because protection by the pill during the actual period is not certain when you have missed a pill. Pornography Verbal or visual material or acts intended for sexual stimulation. Pornography often embodies violence, coercion, discrimination, force or brutality on women, men, children or animals in sexual acts, and represents them in a degrading position. Pornography very often does not present a realistic image of sex. Pornography is published on paper or is shown on video, DVD, television and internet (via computers, laptops and mobile phones). Pre-ejaculation fluid A small amount of fluid at the tip of a man's penis as it becomes erect (also called pre-cum). This small drop is called pre-ejaculation fluid because it appears before ejaculation. It can contain sperm cells and can cause pregnancy. Pregnancy test A test to determine whether or not a woman is pregnant. Pregnancy tests come in two varieties: a urine test and a blood test. The urine test is by far the most widely used and can easily be used by every woman within 10-14 days after unprotected sexual intercourse. Premature ejaculation Early ejaculation when a man cannot recognize that he is about to ejaculate and, therefore, is unable to control it. Prenatal Care Medical services a woman receives during her pregnancy. The purpose of prenatal care is to monitor the health of the pregnant mother and foetus to ensure proper growth and development for both. Prenatal care can also detect birth defects at an early stage of pregnancy.
Progesterone The hormone primarily responsible for maintaining a pregnancy.
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Protein One of the many substances found in food such as meat, cheese, fish or eggs that is necessary for the body to grow and be strong. Promiscuous Someone who is promiscuous has many sexual partners; the opposite of monogamous. Prostitution Providing sexual acts in exchange for payment. Puberty Puberty refers to the onset of sexual maturation (girls age 8-10, boys age 10-12). Puberty is the period when the child experiences physical, hormonal and sexual changes and becomes capable of reproduction. It is associated with rapid growth and the appearance of secondary sexual characteristics. Adolescence is the period of transition between puberty and adulthood. Pubic hair The hairs that grows in the genital area or on private parts. Pubic lice A parasite that lives in a person's pubic hair causing intense itching. It can be sexually transmitted. It can be cured with anti-lice medicated shampoo and body wash. Pulling Out This is an unreliable method of birth control whereby a guy pulls his penis out of his partner's vagina just before ejaculation (also known as withdrawal or coitus interruptus). It is not recommended, but it is better than not using any method of birth control. This method does not protect against STIs and HIV. R Rape Forced sexual intercourse that takes place against a person's will. Females and males can be raped, but rape survivors are mostly female. It must be considered as an act of sexual violence. Rhythm method See Natural Family Planning. S Safe(r) Sex Being responsible about sex. Displaying sexual behaviour that reduces your chances of getting or spreading a sexually transmitted infection, getting pregnant or getting a girl pregnant. Usually, this means using a condom during intercourse. It also means that both partners feel safe and that no force is used. Safer instead of safe recognizes that no sexual act is completely safe or risk-free.
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Scabies A sexually transmitted infection that is caused by a mite (which is a kind of insect) that burrows under the skin causing intense itching and the formation of pus. Scabies can be cured by using medicated shampoo and body wash. Scrotum The thin-walled, soft pouch of tissue containing the testicles. It regulates and maintains proper temperature (a little lower than body temperature) for sperm cell production. Commonly called 'balls', 'nuts' etc. Self-awareness An awareness and understanding of your own being, feelings and emotions. Self-esteem A person's sense of his or her own worth and value. Feeling good about yourself, respecting yourself and trusting your capabilities. Semen A sticky, milky white fluid that leaves a man's penis when he ejaculates, containing reproductive cells called sperms cells. Seminal vesicles See Cowper's glands. Sex The biological characteristics of being male or female. Sexual activities with oneself or another person, such as masturbation, petting and vaginal, anal or oral intercourse. Sexual abuse Any type of unwanted sexual contact, touching or fondling. Sexual gender violence Violence towards a women which can be physical or sexual violence, like rape. Sexual harassment Any type of unwanted sexual attention, such as unpleasant sexual comments or physical gestures. Sexual intercourse Sexual behaviour between two people the man penetrates his penis into the vagina of the woman. Penetration of the penis into the anus is also called sexual intercourse or anal sex. Sexual orientation Sexual preference (heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual) for a member of the opposite sex, the same sex, or both, for sexual satisfaction. Sexuality (I) Sexuality is a central aspect of being human throughout life and encompasses sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviours, practices, roles and relationships. While sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all of them are always experienced or expressed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, psychological, social, economic, political, cultural, ethical, legal, historical and religious and spiritual factors. (WHO)
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Sexuality (II) Sexuality is a fundamental aspect of human life: it has physical, psychological, spiritual, social, economic, political and cultural dimensions. Sexuality can not be understood without reference to gender. Diversity is a fundamental characteristic of sexuality. The rules that govern sexual behaviour differ widely across and within cultures. Certain behaviours are seen as acceptable and desireable while other are considered unacceptable. This does not mean that these behaviours do not occur, or that they should be excluded from discussion within the context of sexuality education. (UNESCO) Shaft The long part of the penis below the head (glans) of the penis. Smegma A white lubricating substance under the foreskin of the penis. Smegma helps the foreskin to slide back smoothly over the glands at the head of the penis and the clitoris. If the foreskin is too tight, exercise may help to loosen it somewhat. If this does not help, medical help is required. Hygiene is very important: if the genitals are not cleaned regularly, smegma becomes a smelly, white, cheesy substance. Speculum A plastic or metal device that is used by a physician or gynaecologist to hold the walls of the vagina open during a pelvic examination or other medical procedure so that the cervix is visible. Sperm cells The male's reproductive cells. These are tiny cells, produced in the testicles beginning at puberty and normally continuing well into a man's 70s, which can fertilize a woman's egg, leading to pregnancy. When a male ejaculates, between two to seven million sperm cells leave his body. Spermicide Spermicide is a contraceptive method. It is a slippery cream or gel that kills sperm cells. It comes in a variety of forms, including gel, cream, foam, suppositories and film, which can be purchased in most drug or grocery stores without a prescription. Typically, it is used together with another method like a diaphragm or condoms. You can also purchase condoms that are already lubricated with spermicide. Staple food The most commonly eaten food in a country or community, which forms the bulk of the total calorie supply, like potatoes, rice, maize, sorghum, bananas and cassava. STD See STI Sterility The permanent inability of men and/or women to conceive a child.
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STI Sexually Transmitted Infections. Formerly known as STDs or venereal diseases (VD). Infections that are passed from one person to another through sexual contact and are caused by bacteria, viruses or other parasites. Gonorrhoea, syphilis and HIV are some examples of STIs.
Syphilis An STI that causes small sores in the genital area. Later stages are marked by fever, headaches and pain in the bones and muscles. Syphilis is caused by a bacterium and can be easily cured with antibiotics. T Tampons Small hard piece of cotton that is put inside the vagina to absorb menstrual blood as it leaves the body, used instead of napkins. A string is attached to the tampon so that it can be easily removed from the vagina. For hygienic and health reasons, tampons have to be changed regularly. Testicles Also called testes, or balls, these are the male gonads, located in the scrotum, under the penis. They produce the male sex hormone, testosterone, from birth, and the male sex cells, sperm cells, from puberty onwards. Testosterone The male hormone produced in a man's body, regulating man's fertility and causing male secondary sexual characteristics. Trichomoniasis A sexually transmitted infection that is caused by an organism that lives in the lining of the vaginal walls and causes an odorous, foamy and irritating discharge. Trichomoniasis, or Trich, can be passed between sexual partners and can be easily cured with antibiotics. U Unprotected intercourse Sexual intercourse without any protection against pregnancy or STIs, including HIV. Urethra The tube that carries urine from the bladder out of the body. In women, its end is between the vaginal opening and the clitoris. In men, the opening, through which semen is also released, is at the tip of the penis. Uterus The muscular organ inside a woman's belly in which the foetus develops during pregnancy. Also called the womb.
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V Vagina The canal leading from the vulva to the uterus in females. The vagina has great elasticity, allowing a penis to be inserted for reproduction and giving birth to a baby. During sexual excitement, a fluid is secreted by the walls of vagina that act as a lubricant during intercourse. During menstruation, the blood is released through the vagina. Vaginal fluids The discharge of fluid that comes out of a woman's vagina. Strangely coloured and bad smelling discharge may indicate an infection. Values Beliefs held by one person or a group of people. Values shape people's opinions, attitudes and actions, as well as their ways of thinking and are often influenced by a person's family, religion, culture and life experiences. Virgin While there is no set definition, it often means a girl or a boy who has never had sexual intercourse. Virginity The state of being a virgin: a social concept in which refraining from sexual intercourse till marriage is greatly valued. The concept of virginity is loaded with double standards against women: women are often expected to preserve their virginity till marriage though men can be implicitly encouraged to lose their virginity, mostly without blame or prejudice. Vitamins A group of natural substances that are necessary in certain amounts for the body's growth and good health. Vulva The external female genitals: the labia majora and minora, the mons pubis and the clitoris.
W Wet dream The release of semen (ejaculation) during sleep. Also known as Nocturnal emission, it is common during puberty.
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Window period The time between the moment when HIV enters a person's body and the moment when testing can detect the antibodies to HIV (3 to 6 months). During this window period, a person may test negative, even though he/she is infected with HIV and hence can infect other people. Withdrawal A highly unreliable method of birth control that occurs when a guy pulls his penis out of his partner's vagina just before ejaculation, also known as 'pulling out' or 'coitus interruptus'. It is not recommended at all, but it is better than not using any method of birth control. This method does not protect against STIs, including HIV.
Womb Another term for uterus.
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Yeast Infection An infection that is caused by an overgrowth of the naturally occurring yeast in a woman's vagina. Symptoms can include itching, skin irritation, redness, white and lumpy discharge and burning during urination. The infection can be cured by using an anti-fungal medication, which can be bought in a drug store. Wearing cotton, loose-fitting underwear and keeping the area around the vagina dry can help prevent this infection. A yeast infection is not an STI.
Youth Friendly Service A Youth Friendly service is a (sexual) health clinic, where the staff is specifically trained to help young people. If you have more questions about sexuality, contraception methods, pregnancy, STI’s, HIV and AIDS, sexual harassment or abuse, you can always visit or contact a Youth Friendly Service. They provide information, services (like testing) and counselling.
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Referral Centers (1) 1. BANJA LA MTSOGOLO (BLM) What kind of service do they offer? All kinds of sexuality and health related topics, like pregnancy, STI’s, HIV and sexual harassment. How to reach?
Headquarters Ginnery Corner Johnstone Road P.O Box 3008 Blantyre Tel: 01 873 844 www.banja.org.mw
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Referral Centers (2) 2. Youth Net and Counseling (YONECO) What kind of service? YONECO does not provide SRH services but through the Tithandizane Help line and offices, young people can get counseling on the following topics: 2 (body changes) , 3 (gender and rights), 4 (friendship and support) ,5 (love and sexuality) , 6 (pregnancy), 7 (STI’s) ,8 (HIV+) and 9 (sexual harassment). How to reach? Toll-free Number: 8000 1234 TITHANDIZANE HELPLINE or go to a location Website: www.yoneco.org Facebook: h t t p : / / w w w . f a c e b o o k .c o m / p a g e s / Y o u th - N e t- a n d - C o u n s e l l i n g YONECO/154148147974717 Location: Districts where YONECO is found are: Mangochi, , Zomba, Rumphi, Ntcheu, Chikhwawa, Mchinji, Nchisi, Balaka, Machinga, Nkhatabay, Phalombe, Kasungu, Mzimba Headquarters: Youth leadership Development Centre Complex Along Zomba-Lilongwe Rd Next to Calvary Family Church P.O Box 471 Zomba, Malawi Tel: 01 526 199; Mobile: +265 888 958 726 director@yoneco.org.mw
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Referral Centers (3) 3. Family Planning Association of Malawi (FPAM) What kind of service? FPAM provides all SRH services and counselling using the integration approach and young people consult on the following: emotional and physical changes during puberty , gender and rights, friendship and support , love and sexuality , pregnancy, STI’s , HIV+ and sexual harassment. How to reach? FPAM is in Dedza, Lilongwe, Ntcheu, Kasungu and Dowa districts Website: www.fpamalawi.org/ Tel: +265 1 773 915; +265 999 952 515
Headquarters Private Bag B424 Capital City Lilongwe 3 Tel: 01 773 915 Email: fpam@fpamalawi.org; Matias Chatuluka; mchatuluka@fpamalawi.org
4. All Government hospitals/ health centers providing YFHS (youth friendly health service)
What kind of service? All kinds of reproductive health services How to reach?
The Government of Malawi through the Reproductive Health Directorate is implementing youth Friendly Health Programme.
Usually in such clinics/Hospitals, there is a post acknowledging the facility as being a Youth Friendly Health Services provision point. 202
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