Strike Magazine Tallahassee Issue 11 by Strike Magazines

Issue 11

STRIKE MAGAZINE | ISSUE 11

CONTENTS what a long and strange trip 01 back to the future 07 egotistical 13 burst your bubble 21 once upon a time 29 prom night: transcending binaries 37 space jam 45 mystic maven 53 heaven sent 61 love is a game 69 it’s only human nature 77 down the rabbit hole 87 5

Editor-in-Chief TABITHA LABRATO SHOOTS TEAM

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Helen Trawick SHOOTS ASSISTANT Katie Jones SHOOTS ASSISTANT Tia Kearney SHOOTS ASSISTANT Anastasia McGill SHOOTS ASSISTANT Abby Gleason SHOOTS ASSISTANT Maddie Mayberry TEAM MEMBER Gabriela Sicardi TEAM MEMBER Emma Edy Morris TEAM MEMBER Hannah Fliess TEAM MEMBER Rose Jackson TEAM MEMBER Sophia Pinilla TEAM MEMBER Giovanna Moceri TEAM MEMBER Jaime Schmidt TEAM MEMBER Paulina Matheu TEAM MEMBER Anisa Velazquez TEAM MEMBER Lexi Kreimeier TEAM MEMBER Sydney Tindall TEAM MEMBER Heaven Le TEAM MEMBER Alysha Steinman TEAM MEMBER Vallerie Kolczynski TEAM MEMBER Abby Marcil TEAM MEMBER Emily Cabrera TEAM MEMBER Brianna Piderit TEAM MEMBER Jade Sievers

EXTERNAL TEAM

EXTERNAL DIRECTOR Sara Sanfilippo EXTERNAL ASSISTANT Meredith Brosofsky TEAM MEMBER Kelsey McDermott

ADVERTISING TEAM

ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Emma Roush TEAM MEMBER Cordelia Seymour TEAM MEMBER Daniella Curatelli TEAM MEMBER Alexa Casanueva TEAM MEMBER Marisa Balzano TEAM MEMBER Nikki Kramarz TEAM MEMBER Kylee Mukeba TEAM MEMBER Jillian Barley TEAM MEMBER Caroline Booth TEAM MEMBER Jack McMahon TEAM MEMBER Meagan Planas TEAM MEMBER Hannah McGonagle

SALES TEAM SALES DIRECTOR Alex Pittman TEAM MEMBER Emily Ensel TEAM MEMBER Charlotte (Attie) Crews TEAM MEMBER Juliana Scaduto TEAM MEMBER Liat Hakmon DIGITAL TEAM

DIGITAL DIRECTOR Lily Fox DIGITAL ASSISTANT Sarah Anthony DIGITAL ASSISTANT Jennifer Spencer TEAM MEMBER Lindsey Solomon TEAM MEMBER Adrian Junco TEAM MEMBER Hope Joffray TEAM MEMBER Brianna Bascle TEAM MEMBER Alexa Martin TEAM MEMBER Isabel Choi TEAM MEMBER Joelle Stressler TEAM MEMBER Kassidy Saba TEAM MEMBER Audrey Kramer TEAM MEMBER Anais Humes TEAM MEMBER Emily Boden TEAM MEMBER Jade Lazar TEAM MEMBER Desa Dragovich TEAM MEMBER Sophia Barbas

EVENTS TEAM

EVENTS DIRECTOR Lauren Greenbaum TEAM MEMBER Sarah Lower TEAM MEMBER Alyssa Bynum TEAM MEMBER Bella Ferretti TEAM MEMBER Fallon Trachtman TEAM MEMBER Victoria Baiter

INSTAGRAM TEAM

INSTAGRAM DIRECTOR Cristina Reyes TEAM MEMBER Natasha March TEAM MEMBER Julianna Coates TEAM MEMBER Jordyn Metz TEAM MEMBER Daniella Donado TEAM MEMBER Abbey Kent

TIKTOK TEAM

TIK TOK DIRECTOR Lalo Ambris TEAM MEMBER Sophia Smith TEAM MEMBER Quentin Mantilla TEAM MEMBER Hannah Lassner

MERCHANDISE TEAM

MERCHANDISE DIRECTOR

Alexandra Dabage

TEAM MEMBER Cammy Park TEAM MEMBER Keira Wilkinson TEAM MEMBER Delaney Hanson TEAM MEMBER Sienna Kelley TEAM MEMBER Matthew Levine TEAM MEMBER Natasha March

PHOTOGRAPHY TEAM

PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR Abby Marcil TEAM MEMBER Kevin Farley TEAM MEMBER Sarah Morris TEAM MEMBER Katrina Oro TEAM MEMBER Olivia Rodriguez TEAM MEMBER Michelle Poreh TEAM MEMBER Samantha Crown TEAM MEMBER Lalo Ambris TEAM MEMBER Layla Mathews TEAM MEMBER Madison Dodd TEAM MEMBER Macy Kissel TEAM MEMBER Tori Harvin TEAM MEMBER Desirée Cáceres

VIDEOGRAPHY TEAM

VIDEOGRAPHY DIRECTOR Libby Bekins ASSISTANT DIRECTOR Alex Pagan TEAM MEMBER Kevin Farley TEAM MEMBER Sophia Kish TEAM MEMBER Eva Akaishi TEAM MEMBER Molly DeKraai TEAM MEMBER Rachel Martinez TEAM MEMBER Chloe Mueller TEAM MEMBER Tristan Reale TEAM MEMBER Sheridan Skinner TEAM MEMBER Viviano Rojas TEAM MEMBER Destiny Rogers

BEAUTY TEAM

BEAUTY DIRECTOR Abby Wright BEAUTY ASSISTANT Katie Russell TEAM MEMBER Stephanie Kraus TEAM MEMBER Emmali O’Neill TEAM MEMBER Lauren Butts TEAM MEMBER Emma Kornatowski TEAM MEMBER Ashley Angley TEAM MEMBER Lindsey Mattei

LAYOUT TEAM

LAYOUT DIRECTOR Lauren Horner TEAM MEMBER Taylor Kirby TEAM MEMBER Leah Davis TEAM MEMBER Stella Humberg TEAM MEMBER Chloe Evers TEAM MEMBER Kaylee Sibelle

GRAPHICS TEAM GRAPHICS DIRECTOR

Sophia Villiers-Furze

GRAPHICS ASSISTANT Giana Carew TEAM MEMBER Alexandra Rivero TEAM MEMBER Katie Boucher TEAM MEMBER Abbey Fleming TEAM MEMBER Andrea Wolfe TEAM MEMBER Alison MacCloud TEAM MEMBER Lauren Wakeman TEAM MEMBER Allexandria Clemons TEAM MEMBER Nicole Terry TEAM MEMBER Samantha Lawless TEAM MEMBER Luis Arriaga TEAM MEMBER Leah Solomon TEAM MEMBER Katie Esguerra TEAM MEMBER Jackie Esguerra

WRITING TEAM

WRITING DIRECTOR Lexi Fernandez EDITOR #1 Noelle Knowlton EDITOR #2 Karina McCarthy EDITOR #3 Breanna Tang EDITOR #4 Roxy Rico TEAM MEMBER Jayna O TEAM MEMBER Kamilla Knyazeva TEAM MEMBER Gillian Bennett TEAM MEMBER Sara Vigne TEAM MEMBER Elissa Day TEAM MEMBER Racquel Gluckstern TEAM MEMBER Skye Fox TEAM MEMBER Samantha Petters TEAM MEMBER Nikki Cohen TEAM MEMBER Sarah Gibson TEAM MEMBER Isabella Botero TEAM MEMBER Alyson Brinkley TEAM MEMBER Faveanny Leyva TEAM MEMBER Marena Benoit TEAM MEMBER Veronica Polanco TEAM MEMBER Fatima Hamad TEAM MEMBER Natalie DelleDonne TEAM MEMBER Lucas Zaret TEAM MEMBER Addy Crosby TEAM MEMBER Lydia Coddington TEAM MEMBER Ella Selph TEAM MEMBER Maddy Gleason TEAM MEMBER Hannah Musiak

FINANCE TEAM

FINANCE DIRECTOR Fatima Hamad TEAM MEMBER Bianca Loewen TEAM MEMBER Jenna Miller TEAM MEMBER Brandon Beckett TEAM MEMBER Alicia Sawyer

ST A

RUNWAY TEAM

RUNWAY DIRECTOR Jacquelyn McGaha TEAM MEMBER Katie Kissane TEAM MEMBER Bethany Newcomb TEAM MEMBER Madison Lowery TEAM MEMBER Ella Brignoni TEAM MEMBER Joseph Farrugia TEAM MEMBER Lucia Villanustre TEAM MEMBER Raymond Wilson TEAM MEMBER Maya West TEAM MEMBER Alexandra Rivera

F F

BRAND AMBASSADOR TEAM BRAND AMBASSADOR TEAM MEMBER Gabriela Sicardi TEAM MEMBER Olivia Bradley TEAM MEMBER Piper Green TEAM MEMBER Manuela Guimaraes TEAM MEMBER Kayla Crooks TEAM MEMBER Lauren Shoemaker TEAM MEMBER Eden Znaty TEAM MEMBER Havo Delosevic TEAM MEMBER Nikki Macri TEAM MEMBER Meagan Planas TEAM MEMBER Emily Rojo TEAM MEMBER Isabella Dabage De La TEAM MEMBER Espriella TEAM MEMBER Eddie Vargas TEAM MEMBER Beatricci Di Silveria TEAM MEMBER Marriana Gutierrez TEAM MEMBER Sofia Restrepo TEAM MEMBER Hannah Gay TEAM MEMBER Victoria Baiter TEAM MEMBER Abigail Endsley TEAM MEMBER Jackie Gandolfo TEAM MEMBER Sophia Santiago TEAM MEMBER Kori Kestory

PRODUCTIONS TEAM

PRODUCTIONS DIRECTOR

Alyson Brinkley

TEAM MEMBER Duncan Runas

T S LI

DIRECTORS LETTERS

The Director’s of Issue 11 would like to thank their teams and supporters.

Sara Sanfilippo

Lexi Fernandez

EXTERNAL DIRECTOR I am so so thankful I got to work with both of you again this semester. Thank you for helping me and working so hard these past few semesters. I can’t wait to see everything you both do in the future! <3!!

WRITING DIRECTOR Working with the writing team this semester has been an absolute dream! Thank you for your hard work and for helping issue eleven come to life!

Emma Roush

GRAPHICS DIRECTOR I am so grateful to have worked with such a dedicated, creative, and genuinely cool group of people on the last leg of my time with Strike. Thank you all for showing me how to work hard and have fun at the same time. iloveu_strikegraphics_FINAL.png

ADVERTISING DIRECTOR This semester has truly been my favorite semester of Strike and I have loved working with everyone to make this issue amazing! Thank you to my incredible team for your endless creativity, flexibility, and dedication to this magazine, you all amaze me!

Lauren Greenbaum

EVENTS DIRECTOR Working with the events team this semester has been truly incredible! Thank you all for your hard work and creative minds, you made this year’s issue so amazing!!

Sophia Villiers-Furze

Cristina Reyes

INSTAGRAM DIRECTOR I am so lucky to have had such a creative team for my last semester with Strike! Thank you for all your hard work and dedication!

Gabriela Sicardi

BRAND AMBASSADOR DIRECTOR I cannot have asked for a better team for my last semester with Strike! Thank you for your creativity, hard work, and passion to grow. I will forever be inspired by you all. Strike out 4ever!!

Abby Marcil

PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR Loved working with the photography team on this issue! You all are so creative and talented :’) I’m so proud!!!

Lalo Ambris

TIK TOK DIRECTOR I have loved working with you all this semester! Thank you for all of your hard work! <3

Libby Bekins

VIDEOGRAPHY DIRECTOR Working with the video team this semester has been amazing! Thank you all for being diligent in your work and making this issue the best one yet. <3

Lauren Horner

LAYOUT DIRECTOR Working on Strike the past 3 years has been one of my favorite experiences at FSU. I will forever be greatful for the opportunities I have been given. Thank you to my amazing team. I am so proud of what you were able to accomplish this semester. Love you all, Strike Out<3

Jacquelyn McGaha

RUNWAY DIRECTOR Leaving FSU with this show as my ride out has been a dream. Love to all my runway team babies .

Abby Wright

BEAUTY DIRECTOR I am so incredibly blessed to see my fifth and final issue with Strike all wrapped up. Thank you to my incredible team, the models, and everyone who has seen my vision. Strike out!

Fatima Hamad

FINANCE DIRECTOR A special thank you to my incredible finance team who helped come up with incredible ideas this semester! Thank you for being amazing and doing everything possible to make this the best issue yet <3 SALES DIRECTOR

Alex Pittman

I am so thankful to have been blessed with the best sales team this semester. We hope you all love issue 11 as much as we do! PRODUCTIONS DIRECTOR

Alyson Brinkley

The productions team was small but strong this year and I want to thank Duncan for being an amazing and creative help with the creation of Issue 11. MERCHANDISE DIRECTOR

Alexandra Dabage

Thank you guys so much for an amazing semester! I’m so proud of all your hard work and so happy to see our merch come to life. This couldn’t be possible without you guys! 9

EDITOR’S Tabitha Labrato EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

LETTER Coming into this issue with one semester of experience under our belt, Helen, Lily, and I wanted a theme as impactful as “MAYHEM,” yet also a complete juxtaposition of it. When choosing “TRANSCENDENT,” we wanted bright colors, out-of-this-world design, and shoots that left our audience thinking “how did they do that?” Looking through the pages of issue 11, I am 100% confident that we have accomplished just that. To Lily and Helen, my incredible and hard-working leadership board, Strike will simply never be the same without you. Both of you have placed your creative footprint on this publication and will be leaving a legacy that will be remembered for many issues to come. Lily, our digital shoots for the blog have never looked more striking; no one could have hand-crafted these types of other-wordly shoots once a week in the same way that you have. Helen, issues 10 and 11 have been completely blessed with your eye for in-print shoots; from styling to locations, nothing you produced was short of spectacular. I am unbelievably proud of what we have created together. I wish you both the absolute best in your postgrad endeavors and I hope you both know that you will always have a home with Strike Magazine. As a full year of Editor-in-Chief comes to a close for me, I am unbelievably grateful for my steller support system that has carried me through these past two issues. To my incredible friends and family:

Thank you for putting up with Strike being the only thing I have talked about for the last year. Thank you for trying to understand how passionate a person can be about some studio lights and the perfect set design. Thank you for letting me raid your closets to find the perfect piece for my next shoot. But most importantly, thank you for believing in me and making me feel like I am capable of creating something as huge and cool as this. I am forever grateful for your support. To my team of directors, thank you for being so professional, creative, and diligent in working on every aspect of this amazing publication. I simply could not produce a magazine half as impressive as what we have made without you guys. I also want to give a specific and special shoutout to two of my directors, Abby Marcil and Lauren Horner, for being next to me for every step of this creative process, dealing with my texts and calls at all hours of the day, and putting their all into every page of issue 11. Strike Magazine and staff, I absolutely adore you. Thank you so much for giving me the most meaningful year as Editor-inChief that I could have ever asked for. You have all transcended beyond the limits of what I could have ever hoped for this issue and I hope that all of those who flip through this magazine can feel the love, passion, and dedication that this staff has exhibited to piece it together. I hope you all love issue 11 as much as I do.

Strike Out, Tabitha Labrato 11

Leadership Letters Helen Trawick CREATIVE DIRECTOR

Strike Magazine is unlike any other publication–it is undaunted, consistently pushing boundaries, challenging ideals, and always surpassing expectations. When planning for the theme for Issue 11, Tabitha, Lily and I knew we wanted to encapsulate these qualities and the uniqueness of Strike and the word “Transcendent” concisely summed up what we longed to present, an experience that soars above and beyond the norm. Through Issue 11, we hoped to transcend possibilities and expectations through our collective creativity, and I truly believe we did just that. This issue is filled with the utmost creativity, talent, and heart and I couldn’t be more proud of every hand that went into producing this beautiful creation. I hope Issue 11 transcends your every expectation like it did mine! To Tabitha and Lily, I have loved every single second of working alongside you both, but I especially have loved learning from the both of you. Tabitha, you have flourished in every aspect as Editorin-Chief. Watching you lead Strike so confidently and passionately despite the many obstacles has been an inspiration to me and it only makes me more eager to see what you do in this position in the future. Lily, I have never been so impressed by someone’s sheer skill with a camera. It is such a joy watching you work so thoroughly and always putting your whole heart into it. The digital director position was made for you and you did it beautifully. To my dedicated shoots team, WOW! I am so proud, impressed, and thankful. Each one of you put your heart and soul into every shoot and it truly reflects throughout the magazine. You all are such talented individuals with such a fervor to learn and create and I enjoyed every minute of working with y’all, as well as learning from y’all. While it wasn’t always easy (early call times are rough), you all never failed to amaze me with your teamwork, passion, and creativity. Thank you for always exceeding any and all expectations, I couldn’t imagine a better team! To my shoot team assistants–Katie, Anastasia, Maddie, Abby, and Tia, I could not have done it without you! Despite this position being new, you took to it quickly and you thrived. I am so proud of each one of you for being such phenomenal leaders on your teams and for always going the extra mile for any shoot. You all are such amazing, inspiring, and badass women! Thank you for everything! Lastly, as my time as Creative Director comes to a close, I am filled with so much gratitude for having the privilege to lead while doing what I love most, with the people I love most. This position has changed my life, my confidence, and it has helped me find my passions and my people. I joined Strike three years ago unsure of what was to come, but now as I leave this position, I see now that I couldn’t have predicted the way this wonderful publication would change my life.

Strike Out, Helen Trawick

Lily Fox

DIGITAL DIRECTOR

The theme for Issue 11, “Transcendent”, was intended to inspire our staffers to elevate the way we create. Our process, our perspective, our interpretation. I hope you read and view the contents of this magazine and experience the elevation. “Transcendent”, by definition, means to surpass the ordinary. I can’t think of a better word to sum up my time with Strike Magazine. These past four years exceeded every expectation I ever had of what it may be like working for a publication. It has been magical. It has been transformative. Most of all, it has been transcendent. To Tabitha, our fearless leader, you are wonderful and nothing short. You navigated the uncharted territory of Editor-in-Chief with such grace and seeing you flourish has been so inspiring. I cannot wait to cheer you on next year. To Helen, you have brought this sense of charisma to these past two issues that no other person could emulate. I will always admire your creativity, energy, and perspective. Thank you both for the most amazing year. To my wonderful digital team, I am so proud of you all. Being your director this past year has been an honor I will never forget. I am so grateful for all of the hard work, time, and energy you have poured into every shoot. This team is so collaborative and determined to create something magical. My greatest pleasure has been working with you all. To my two assistants, Sarah and Jen, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so creative, patient, and hard working this past semester. You both have helped create a space that fosters positivity, inclusivity, and creativity on the digital team. I love you both so dearly and will always cherish these past few months that we got to create together. Strike Magazine, I am forever indebted to you. This publication has been the highlight of my college experience. Whether it be editing photos for hours on end or almost setting my backyard on fire for a photoshoot, I loved every second. I have discovered my passion, what makes me truly happy, and what I want to do forever. I feel like I always use the word “magic” when explaining what Strike is or what we create. These past four years have been pure magic and nothing less. Although I am deeply saddened this chapter of my life is coming to an end, I close out my time with Strike filled with gratitude. To my fellow staffers that are continuing their work with Strike, give it your all. This group of people and the opportunity you all have to create together is so special. See that idea through, even if it’s a little wacky. The wacky ones are always the best. Whatever you do, just don’t take this experience for granted. Lastly, to my 18 year old self who never thought she’d be good enough to be a photographer for Strike Magazine, look at you now girl. Photographer, Director of Photography, now Digital Director and member of the leadership board. I am so proud of you<3 Issue 11, Strike Magazine, and all you beautiful people … I love you

Strike Out, Lily Fox

SHOOT STAFFERS Anastasia McGill, Rose Jackson, Emily Cabrera, Alysha Steinman, Sydney Tindall BEAUTY Lauren Butts MODEL Emma Griffith PHOTOGRAPHY Madison Dodd VIDEOGRAPHY Chloe Mueller and Eva Akaishi WRITER Breanna Tang LAYOUT Stella Humberg

PSYCHEDELIC GARDEN An hour and a half has passed since your tastebuds were touched by this unearthed fungus. Questioning whether or not you feel the effects, but a minute of heavy breathing kicks in, and everything begins to slow down. You feel a surge of energy come from beneath you, and it’s pure bliss. You rise from where you were sitting, and your muscles feel loose, almost as if they are missing. As you step outside into a garden of flowers, you gaze up toward the sky. The clouds seem to have a pulse, and the trees sway as if they are dancing to a melody. For the first time, it feels as though the boundaries have lifted,, and it’s just you in this experience. On the edge of consciousness, you shut your eyes and catch a glimpse of fluorescent warped images as if your eyelids were a television screen. Open, close, open, close. It was like you were changing channels in the blink of an eye. Exploring more of what lies within the garden, you glance up at the trees, which remind you of a faint childhood memory. The breeze of the foliage allows you to feel at home. Your mind wanders as you think about your parents, your friends, and all of those you love, for they remind you of this peace. You think about all that they’ve done for you, all the experiences, and it chills you with a sense of meaning. Not that you were feeling meaningless, but that you were able to fill voids of the unknown. Defenseless to emotion, your ego has been completely stripped away from you. It’s not quite a sense of feeling on top of the world but as if you were one with the world. Feelings of euphoria, dissolution, and interaction with nature; you’ve opened your mind to things you never thought you could. Not completely dissociated from reality, you are still able to keep grounded and rooted with why you begin to explore this psychedelic experience in the first place. You hoped to feel something outside of reality and become a little more introspective with life. You were unsure of what would come out of it, but you were accepting of the good and the bad, unaware you would experience a little bit of both. You were exposed to your truth. You begin to make your way back from the garden leaving with the most elucidating experience, feeling as if you were a part of the grass, the trees, the sky, and everything in between. Reaching the peak, as you look around, everything you see has a connection to something a part of yourself. Having epiphany after epiphany the puzzles start piecing together. You can hear almost every sound possible, but at the same time, you are able to hyper-fixate on even the buzzing of the dragonflies or the leaves falling off of every individual branch. Just as your sound begins to narrow, so does your vision. Tunneling in on every singular spec of nature, you feel tranquil. You make your way back to where you started this experience, and you are flooded with emotion. All good and all needed. You not only become one with nature but one with yourself.

BACKTOTHE

SHOOTSTAFFERS Abby Gleason, Lexi Kreimeier, Emma Edy Morris, Jade Sievers BEAUTY Emma Kornatowski and Lindsey Mattei MODEL Carina Rosario PHOTOGRAPHY Michelle Poreh VIDEOGRAPHY Vivano Rojas and Destiny Rogers WRITER Alyson Brinkley 7LAYOUT Chloe Evers

mariposa-noun mar·i·po·sa

Sometimes blooming is 11

I. It was an iridescent day. The leaves crunched beneath her Mary Janes as she strained to see over her classmates. The life cycle of the butterfly. For the past week, this was all her teacher had been talking about. She had been distracted daily by the caterpillar nested in its cocoon, encased in the corner of the classroom. Today, on this September Tuesday, the cocoon began to rattle. Taking it outside, the class gathered around to watch what would be the hatching of the monarch. Her view was obstructed as her classmates gasped around her. She extended onto her tiptoes, to only watch as the butterfly flew away into the blue. She completely missed the first flap of its wings, feeling left out and utterly confused at the magic of growth.

II. She sighed as she put her butterfly clips neatly in her hair, dreading the long car ride ahead. Getting ready to leave the safety cocoon of her hometown was nauseating. Feeling apprehensive about college wasn’t exactly the status quo, but she was comfortable where she was. She felt alien to everyone else in her age group. But, friendless and utterly confused at

why she could not live under the same roof as her parents for the next four years, she stepped into the sun and shut the trunk of her car. Cracking the windows on the drive there, she pushed her rose-colored glasses onto her nose and prepared to embark on the destinationless journey ahead.

III. Slamming the door behind her, she wiped the tears from her eyes. Nothing and no one had prepared her for heartbreak. She shut her eyes and longed for easier days. She yearned for lessons on butterflies and Jeopardy nights with her parents. Not wanting to be there in the first place, the knife twisted in her chest. The bitterness she felt from being robbed of life lessons is what stung the most. When you’ve lived your life through the lenses of rose-tinted glasses, you miss the important colors. Blind to the caution signs, you also start to miss the blue skies. Pink had become too comfortable for her, and the realization of all the reds and blues she had missed behind her lenses began to sink in. An emotionally stunted twenty-year-old’s cocoon finally broke.

IV. Sometimes blooming is slow. It’s painful to watch, and the butterfly doesn’t hatch knowing how to fly. It can feel like the chambers of our hearts are outgrowing their body. But, growth often falls into our laps on a random Tuesday in September and shakes you out of your cocoon. At some point, the rose-tinted glasses shatter so you can see the monarch fly into the blue.

egotistical.

SHOOTSTAFFERS Giovanna Morceri, Maddie Mayberry, Paulina Matheu, Gaby Sicardi, Sophia Pinilla BEAUTY Emmali O’Neill and Ashley Angley MODEL Rose Jackson PHOTOGRAPHY Tori Harvin VIDEOGRAPHY Tristan Reale WRITER Jayna O LAYOUT Chloe Evers

the demonization of gossip has been historically used to dismantle the solidarity and relationships between women. 15

egotistical. As the esthetician smears the warm wax on my upper lip, I wince in anticipation of enduring the familiar sting that will soon follow. But, instead of the harsh sound of hard wax ripping the unwanted hair from my face, I’m met with the echo of hushed voices. “Have you heard?” “You’d never believe what happened…” “Did you hear?” Despite only meeting this woman once a month for a routine eyebrow and lip waxing, she continues to divulge the latest tales from her personal life and relationships, ranging from bad first date stories to roommate drama. When among fellow female peers in a beauty salon, it is not unlikely that one will be privy to the latest gossip. But how has gossip become so intimately tied to women–and why is it so demonized? The demonization of gossip has been historically used to dismantle the solidarity and relationships between women, aiming to prevent female closeness and bonding during times when women were yearning for power and freedom under unequal political, social, and economical institutions. Throughout history, female discussion has been equated to rebellion and troublemaking, so much so that punishments, often in the form of public humiliation, were established in order to deter women from gossipping. The notion that women possess a perpetual dislike for their own sex and communicate solely to tear each other down is a misogynistic and patriarchal idea that reduces gossip to idle backbiting talk or “s**t-talking”. Meanwhile, gossip between men is deemed as important and acceptable, instead being referred to as networking or lobbying. Such a double standard perpetuates the view that women are incapable of engaging 19 in matters of necessary discussion.

Despite its historically negative connotations, gossip is a useful social tool for bonding social groups together. It is a communication strategy that has been discursively positioned despite being vital to the development and wellbeing of women throughout history. In female-dominated environments like beauty salons, women feel comfortable letting their guards down by allowing themselves to be vulnerable and bond with their female counterparts. So, instead of preserving the belief that women

exclusively converse with malicious intent, the perspective needs to be shifted to how gossip is used to help foster female connection and unity. Leaving the salon with a fresh face, I observe the hoards of other women chatting amongst themselves– about their new jobs, pet cats, or latest troubles– and admire the beauty in the unity and solidarity between women that has remained unbroken.

BURST YOUR

BUBBLE 21

SHOOT CONCEPT Tabitha Labrato, Helen Trawick, Lily Fox BEAUTY Abby Wright MODEL Jazmyn Cramer PHOTOGRAPHY Abby Marcil VIDEOGRAPHY Libby Bekins WRITER Lexi Fernandez LAYOUT Lauren Horner

LIFE GOES ON As the familiar gleam of morning sunshine filters through her bedroom window, she lifts her sleeping mask from her eyes, sighing in annoyance. Every day feels the same. Rising from the comfort of her bed, all she can think about is how she can’t stand mornings. She chooses to begin today the same way she always does- begrudgingly. It is often said that fresh air is good for us- that it makes us feel better. Unfortunately, this is not the case for her. As she drags her feet along the same route, she stops dead in her tracks. “What’s the point of all of this?” she complains, gazing up at the sky. There is not a cloud to be seen nor a person in sight. This is between her and the universe. Frustrated with the world and with herself, she shouts, “What more do you want from me?” She is met with silence. Although it wasn’t exactly what she was hoping for, it was enough to make her think. All her life, she has been told that everything happens for a reason. While that very well may be true, she’s the type of person who needs answers. Answers that venture beyond others’ vague interpretations of the universe and its meaning. Today will be the day that is different from all others, she decided. The trees whistled in the wind as she sat down, breathing a sigh of relief as she let go of her frustrations. Perhaps mornings and fresh air weren’t so bad after all. With her eyes closed, a faint memory of her father surfaced. “The best part about life is that you decide

how you want to live it,” he smiled, “You can’t always expect things to just be. Sometimes, it’s up to you.” He had a point. For as long as she could remember, she lived in fear of the uncertain, asking, “What if something happens?” at every twist and turn. She liked being right all the time, so accepting the fact that her dissatisfaction with life was a product of her own habits was difficult but necessary. Nobody ever said we were meant to define our existence through routines and habits, yet that’s exactly what she did. Every single day. Lost in the depths of her mind, she realized that the future was difficult to imagine. Infinite conditions could lead to infinite outcomes, and she could never be entirely certain of the driving forces of the universe. Soon, a weight lifted from her shoulders. The sun felt a little bit warmer, and the grass seemed a little bit greener. When all is said and done, what we choose to say and what we choose to do becomes the foundation of the house we live in. Why not make it a nice place to be? Although what lies ahead was not for her to decide,

she was certain of her control over the present. Learning to embrace the seemingly minor moments is what it’s all about, for they are what forms our mindset. Without teenage life lessons from her father over breakfast, it is hard to tell who she would be today. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps interrupted her train of thought. Using her hand to shield her eyes from the glare of the sun, she looked up to see her father. To say she was surprised would be an understatement. “I thought I might find you here,” he smiled, extending a hand for her to stand up. “How come?” she asked, taking a moment to collect her thoughts. “When I called yesterday, you told me you take this way every day.” This was true, but she would never have expected him to pay her a surprise visit. Perhaps this was the response from the world she had been looking for earlier. “That was yesterday,” she stated, walking alongside him to who-knows-where. The universe was hers for the taking.

THE UNIVERSE WAS HERS FOR

THE TAKING

THE POWER OF MINDSET Written by Maddy Gleason, Veronica Polanco, and Natalie Delledonne Edited by Breanna Tang, Karina McCarthy, & Lexi Fernandez

As human beings, we radiate a low level of energy within the electromagnetic field. Ancient ideas say that said energy is shown in seven levels- physical, emotional, mental, astral, etheric, celestial, and causal. Each level corresponds with aspects of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. By understanding how another person’s presence makes you feel, you can interpret their aura. Such an act requires tapping into the frequency that others are operating on. Auras are interpreted as a halo of light surrounding the body and are harmoniously comprised of various colors. Various colors represent the seven main chakras: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple. Red is the color of passion and determination. Orange represents confidence and thrill-seeking. Yellow is resemblant of optimism and freedom. Green relates to love and generosity. Blue connects to communication and self-expression. Lastly, purple ties into a higher-conscious and spirituality. You can visualize your aura by meditating in front of a mirror. Look into the mirror and focus your eyes, making everything look blurry. Just concentrate on your breathing, and stare into the mirror until you start seeing colors vibrate around your body. Auras are not stagnant. You can alter your chakra by changing your lifestyle. Feeling negative allows you to attract low energy. Meditation and focusing on your health can help make your aura more vibrant. Imagine yourself cleansing your aura by bringing in positive energy and getting rid of the negativity. Being able to notice messages from your angels allows you to recognize them and assist in changing your aura. They leave signs like pennies on the ground, images in the clouds, or numbers on signs or clocks. Angel numbers are sequences in numerology that contain patterns or repetitions. They can be seen in prices, timestamps, phone numbers, and addresses. Angel numbers appear in the most ordinary places in an attempt from the spiritual universe to reach an individual. It reminds a person that they are moving through something greater than themselves. They evoke a sense of hope as they are believed to be messages from the spiritual universe to provide wisdom, insight, and a sense of direction. They are a way to confirm if one is on the right path or reiterate the mystical meaning behind recurring themes one experiences throughout their life. Individuals identify angel numbers to spirits, angels, or their ancestors. Angel numbers leave a lasting impression on a person’s psyche

as mystical messages explore how one’s subconscious affirms their consciousness. Each number has a different meaning whose presence puts one on a path full of purpose. Zero ties in new opportunities, whereas the number one is meant for powerful manifestation through positive intentions. Two signifies trust and balance in a relationship, while three touches on how to value the creative side part of oneself. The number four signifies long-term stabilization in tough situations. Similarly, five suggests major changes are occurring even when everything seems chaotic. Six is a number people fear, however, it serves as a reminder to treat oneself with kindness and accept that everything happens for a reason. On the other hand, seven represents good financial fortune. Eight symbolizes a connection to the spiritual universe, emphasizing the concept of infinity as it transcends any singular lifetime. The number nine indicates that a chapter is coming to an end, and a new journey is beginning. Angel numbers are more than a meaningful coincidence, as paying attention to them gives one divine guidance from the spiritual universe. Spirituality is gaining popularity, and it stems from this generation’s interest in manifestation and thoughtful intention. While there is no scientific study behind their meaning, energy is present in all things. Therefore, all things have auras. The growth in popularity for auras is from the rise of the spirituality of our generation and the art of aura photography. Two separate exposures are used for this type of photography. One intends to capture an image of a person, whereas the other is meant to photograph their aura. Whether the aura rings true or not, this form of taking photos presents itself as an art. The popularity of this spiritual phenomenon of auras also comes from the ideology of good energy. Which also allows the shift from so-called “bad vibes” to a charged, relaxed, and renewed being. Although many enjoy meditation and manifestation,, the aura aligns with one’s actual being and working on oneself, which this generation is undoubtedly all about. Focusing on the energy you give off allows self-acceptance and creates the best version of yourself to present to others. So while the ideology of the aura is still under much heat, the true meaning and lesson learned behind it Is that taking care of yourself, who you are, and pushing towards the best version of who you can be, is why this spiritual awakening is so popular. It is all a part of the bigger picture, which Is about self-love and growth- and who would not want that in their life?

Once Upon a Time...

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Blessed be the Fobidden Fruit An angel fell upon the earth—forsaken, cascading, a glinting cherub of vestal bliss. Mosaic fractures of desecration refract in glistening sun, ebbing amidst trees. The maiden, undone from temptation.

She glides amongst the thorned thistles and its briar rose splinters, her porcelain skin slicked in sanguine blood, lulled by the serpent to spindle. Sown by him, carnality in his prick. The flesh of my flesh, our collective epistle. Ensnared in rapunzel lies an edificed tower, with flowers dewed in Arachne’s web, glistening like a woven lattice of golden silk over the gnarled cairn henge. A gilded cage of femininity. Snow is soiled in crimson stains of the ingénue’s silent suffering, spilling like blood from bone, in an elegy— A hymn to Demeter, for divine deliverance. Enshrined in sensuality and the scent of him, his seed seeps from her sex in seeds of pomegranate. Man was made in his image, as woman was made by man’s. That Eve, that Jezebel, that temptress. Slumber befell her—that poisoned Eden apple was an instrument of subjugation, an invitation for him, for her to be deflowered, broken, ruined. Fallen from grace, grounded by her loss of innocence. She becomes what he has made her to be. Womanhood is the ultimate sacrifice. An Eleusinian rite, mythic and marred by blood. The blood of my blood, the flesh of my flesh. Grimm’s fantasy is Adam’s paradise.

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Prom Night:

Transcending Binaries LGBTQ+ In Modern Times Over the years, you may have heard the term queer theory. In the early 1990s, this popular mode of thinking gained influence after activists challenged the lack of government intervention in the 80s following outbreaks of the AIDS epidemic and set out to draw attention to queer culture generally speaking. A quote from the Queer Archives emphasizes that “Queer” constitutes more than just a nonheterosexual identity, but it “challenge[s] the normalizing mechanisms of state power to name its sexual subjects: male or female, married or single, heterosexual or homosexual, natural or perverse.” Queer theory critically examines how power both institutionalizes and legitimizes certain forms of sexuality and gender expression while stigmatizing others. In response to the mainstreaming of LGBTQ+ studies and cultural events, theorists and activists emerged to push back and challenge the “norms” society believed everyone had to conform to. The constant pressure to conform to cisgender and heteronormative identity standards can strip people of their true identity and individuality. Assumption is a dangerous thing. From assuming a woman is weak and emotional to assuming a man isn’t to purely assuming someone’s gender, presumptions have detrimental effects. What many people misunderstand is that sex and gender are distinct concepts. Sex generally refers to the physical or physiological differences between males and females, whereas gender most commonly refers to the behaviors, personality traits, and social roles society attributes to being female or male. Individuals have always been subject to what’s considered proper,

correct, or socially acceptable. This notion of identity categories has brought about even more inequality throughout the years. Due to the push and pull of inward versus outward expression, many members of the LGBTQ+ community have felt compelled to hide behind a façade. We are at a point in history when we must realize that the evolution of queer culture will continue to influence the growth and development of western civilization. It’s not a question of what’s socially acceptable. Rather, it’s acknowledging that gender expression and identity are not binary and that there shouldn’t be any set norms. Instead, we must challenge, subvert, and dismantle them to make space for everyone to feel validated in their identity. Picture this. He’s 6’4. A respectable height to play football, and a good height for the melancholy slow dance as his head towers over his date. Her name is Jenny, a name he won’t remember in twenty-two years when he finally decides to join Facebook. It’ll be even more difficult when she changes her last name in nine years, so the friend request from Jenny Jacobs will be lost in a sea of other names. Across the dance floor stands one of his teammates, who’s also dancing with a girl. He watches the routine waltz under the mirrorball and wonders if real life is ever going to be more than high school. His teammate doesn’t meet his gaze. He wants to talk about what happened last Thursday, in the locker room, after everyone left and no one was watching. The bodies of people distance them to be worlds away from one another and what goes unspoken says enough. Diana Ross’ I’m Coming Out shifts the

dance floor, and the mirrorball glitters into a spectral of a thousand rainbow colors. That was the last thing of the 1986 junior prom he remembers. It’ll take him probably another ten years, after college and leaving his hometown for New York City, to come out as a gay man. The times will change, and it will become easier to live a queer life. After all, the 80s were a challenging time for the LGBT community. 80s conservatism was an uphill battle for queer people, as religious circles preached that gay people would burn in hell for their sins, and the stigma around homosexuality was as flamboyant as the drag queen scene of NYC. Celebrity-turned-president Ronald Reagan’s conservatism failed gay youth in his negligence toward the AIDS crisis. The carelessness toward the epidemic was likely the reason the crisis continued, as it was regarded as a “gay disease,” and those who got it deserved it. The stigma around

homosexuality was so severe that parents wouldn’t discover their child was gay until they had fallen ill. Today, older gay men still refuse HIV testing due to the trauma of 80s homophobia. Homophobic remarks are still chortled in public school classrooms, buses, cafeterias, and libraries across the country. Although there is not full embracement of the LGBTQ+ community, there has been extreme progression involving those included. On June 26th, 2015, the Supreme Court declared same-sex marriage a Constitutional right nationwide. Those still traumatized by the neglect and homophobic slurs experienced in the 80s are beginning to see the positive results from what they’ve sacrificed. People are finally becoming more knowledgeable and aware of these stereotypes, creating more awareness about themselves and those around them. In the end, love is love, and love always wins.

SPace jam LOOKING FOR ALIEN LIFE I find myself walking aimlessly along a golden sand beach south of the equator. My eyes drift from wave to wave. As one wave crashes, another wave forms. Water approaches the feet I previously submerged in the sand, and I cannot help but wonder, what is the purpose of each action we, as humans, take? I mean, doesn’t it all seem a bit redundant? Each day we wake up, eat, work, sleep, repeat until we can’t anymore. Additionally, our time here is limited to begin with- it can’t be this mundane. There must be a greater purpose to life; there is a greater purpose to life. You see, life is only mundane if you conform to societal standards. Standards are set by individuals who fear the extraordinary. You cannot allow the “norm” to dictate your life, as you would be limiting your potential. Potential for action, expression, imagination, and much more. The concept of “aliens” has remained prevalent in our society since the dawn of time. Why do you think that is? They are said to be different from us, physically and intellectually. Aliens are believed to think differently, act differently, and feel differently. With that said, we should take a page out of an alien’s manual on how to act. Insert their uniqueness into our lives as best and often as we can. By doing so, we can bring value to our lives, as well as lives to come. For the unique minds are the ones remembered throughout history. Take Leonardo Da Vinci, Nikola Tesla, and William Shakespeare as examples of those who strove to be different. Effectively, changing the world we live in today, by not fearing the distinct, rather, giving their all to be distinct. After all, who wants to be the same as somebody else? Where’s the fun in that?

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Learn to be yourself. Not the one confined by what is considered the “norm”, but the one you know you are. Otherwise, you are only doing a disservice to yourself. Don’t become the next Da Vinci, Tesla, or Shakespeare, be the first you. Do that, and who knows? Maybe one day, you’ll find yourself at the beach staring at the starry night sky and finding an odd sense of comfort with the unique, the “alien”.

TAILSPIN Written By Nikki Cohen & Ella Selph & Sara Vigne Edited by Noelle Knowlton & Lexi Fernandez & Roxy Rico

The initial feeling consumes her. She screams, but no one can hear. She cries, but she is not sad. She suffers, but no one notices. She tries to sleep but feels like her soul is on fire, inching closer and closer to hell. Her heart beats out of her chest, and her face becomes flushed. She tries to bury the feeling, but it keeps bubbling up to the surface. She knows what she is about to do is intrusive and irrational, but she can no longer suppress the feeling. The powerful emotion consumes her as she blindly kills everything in her sight, unaware of the damage she is creating. Finally alone, finally peaceful. The peace slowly turns to loneliness. The loneliness turns to regret. Usually, she enjoys solitude, but she does not quite feel alone. Someone else is in her room. Like a thunderous cloud of negativity, a familiar shadow-like figure appears. She looks under her bed, behind her door, and in her closet–nothing. She lays down in bed and tries to relax. The tall, ghostly silhouette towers over her and grips her throat. She chokes. She cries out for help, but not a sound is made. Her breath slows down, her vision gets blurry, and her muscles loosen. Finally relaxed, finally peaceful. The shadow leaves, and she is met again with her own thoughts. This time it’s worse, she tries to breathe in, but a stabbing sensation shoots throughout her chest. The sensation makes its way up to her mind, a whirlwind of thoughts. She knows what is about to happen but can’t stop it. The emotion heightens, the thoughts become paralyzing. She feels it coming and tries to prepare, but it is too late. Her brain explodes, scattering bits of thoughts around the room, leaving her with a void—a crater of emptiness. It’s been two days. The fluidity of emotions has increased. There are no longer good days, only bad. She has begun to stay up all night. Slowly but surely, her body is shutting down. She has no regard for anyone around her, not even herself. Her existence feels strategic–something to be played like a game. Everywhere she goes, rabbits begin to appear. Rabbits, just like he used to tell her bedtime stories about. The creature’s arrival grows her dire longing for his warmth and security, but she can’t help but feel haunted by them. Everywhere she goes, they follow. There are voices that are telling her nothing is real, but these strange illusions have become the only thing constant in her life. She has started pulling at her hair, sometimes ripping chunks out at a time as if the thoughts will rip out too. Sometimes, she lays on the bathroom floor, shoving her face nose-first into the ground simply to feel the cold. The cold subway tile floor is the only thing that ignited her senses anymore. She could smell the old bleach, feel the cold emptiness, and hear the pipes

groaning. It’s something rather than nothing. Sometimes she steps foot in the bathroom and stares at the severed strands of hair until they start talking back. Responding to her thoughts of desperate self-agony. How can life succumb to such poor, intrusive thinking? Now, the rabbits have followed her into her home. They lurk in the shadows and bolt across the house before she can really catch a glance at them, but she knows they’re there. They have invaded her home like her thoughts have invaded her head. They are both unwelcome and both untouchable. She does not want this constant reminder of him. She would rather die than remember him like this. The consumption of the new guests has started to overwhelm her, making her itch at her skin, itching so hard blood draws and slowly drips onto the floor. As if the itching will shed her from the flesh prison she feels she is in. She begins to scream so loud that the voices will be muffled out. She climbs into the depths of her bathroom cupboard to hide from the rabbits. In her hiding place, while she screams, she begins to fall into blackness. She continues to plummet into the abyss that the cupboard has become, and she doesn’t stop. There is no end. She has hit what feels like her ultimate rock bottom. She cries and screams, but she is met by deafening silence. How has this reached such a level of extremity? She questions if she is going insane. She has become numb to her emotions, surroundings, and life itself. It’s as if she is enclosed in an endless black hole of frustration. Unsure whether she is still alive, she forces herself to take deep breaths. In her third attempt to breathe, a want for change arises. A buildup of unknown emotions overwhelms her as she erupts into a symphony of cries. Although still saddened, this tune is different. However slim, there is a sliver of hope that surfaces from her mind. There is hope for happiness. She wants to climb out of the darkness into a glistening, bright light that pulls her from the desperation and self-loathing that has consumed her being. It is time for a new life to begin. A new life full of excitement, dancing, and pure joy. She takes the little energy she has left into envisioning what her life could be. She imagines an otherworldly, supernatural spirit-lifting her up into the angelic sky. The spirit offers love, peace, and the promise that she never has to feel that darkness ever again. The spirit takes her hand as the two emerge out of obscurity. With that beautiful picture painted in her head, she forces herself to rise from her gloom. She will no longer feel suffocated.

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Maven

The Wisdom Within A crescent moon smiles upon Violet as she scrambles her thoughts in order… freight train, cross- Atlantic travels, future, a presence beyond anything fathomable. Trickling words flutter around her mind as she processes the conversation passed with an old Sabia who appeared not to speak to Violet but peer into her soul. Sabia references the one who knows, a woman existing between the realms of what is visible and what the mundane world claims is a false reality. Nearing a dramatic shift given pending graduation, Violet endlessly poured over the internet for answers to the unsolved mystery of life. Thus, she found herself amongst the Reddit users of the world who ushered her to pursue a fortune teller. Violet adhered to the recommendations and found herself before a wise woman only rumored about in her town. The old woman shed light on Violet’s future but expressed herself in poetic prose to allow Violet to decide her fate. That night, as Violet prepared for a well-needed sleep, the words of the fortune-teller echoed in her mind; not for a second did she feel grounded by anything she had heard. At this thought, time slipped before her eyes. Violet could smell the salt that swiftly sprinkled onto her body; she inhaled to the depths of her lung and exhaled all that had been haunting her body. At last, peace. Hues of blue and a tangy breeze let Violet know she was sailing the Atlantic for a place known as home. Beyond the human gaze waited… The alarm buzzed violently around the room as Violet desperately searched for her phone lost in the bed comforter. It was 7:11. She could not recall falling asleep for the life of her. Finally snoozing the alarm came an interrupting silence and a flood of memories from the night before and the dreams that lifted her spirits. There was not a moment to spare, otherwise, she would once again lose the morale of the dream that came to her while she slept. Violet opened her journal and began writing: I can’t help but wonder about the methods by which our universe chooses to speak to us. I’ve been having dreams that parallel works of fiction and literature I read the next day. The words of poets come to me as I sleep, and I hear them vividly the following days. At this point, I feel like a madwoman.. But isn’t that woman? I mean, these deeper realities are the basis of all energy and life, and they came to me seamlessly and without my asking. I know that my anxiety about the future has opened this channel 56 for

the universe to speak to me, as it often does for humankind. It’s pure kindness, a love given and received between humans and this universe that holds us in her belly. The wise woman, a fortuneteller I once took for granted, opened my eyes to this truth about the life we lead. A life that neglects our intuitive nature as we mold ourselves to social constructs and drain our spirit to climb the social hierarchy. No. I will not live like that… When the fortune-teller told me about a life that calls for me, one I am destined for, I didn’t just hear it in her words— they aroused all my senses. I know I was asleep, but I was alive, present. For the first time in my life I feel in tune, I am listening, I am here.

HEAVEN

“In life as in the dance, grace glides on blistered feet.” - Alice Abrams

SENT

race lies at the heart of ballet, softly floating amongst the eyes of dancing little girls and boys when dreaming of what (or who?) they ought to be. It rests heavily within the idealistic mold of “the perfect ballet dancer” and is seen as worth more than gold.

To love as a ballet dancer in my early teens meant waking up before dawn and worshiping the three Edgar Degas paintings of ballerinas hanging in my room in hopes to one day be a soloist on the grand stage. The modeling figures depicted in Degas’ art were likely prima ballerinas of the Paris Opera, but, beyond the stage, they were also coerced into sex work. When you first hear the term, “ballet,” immediately, images of beauty, art, and elegance prance effortlessly in front of your eyes. Captivated by a world of fluid motion and poise, you envision yourself twirling and pirouetting on a stage. A bright light shines down on you so that you are the pure reflection of all that is graceful- art at its purest form. With an abrupt tap on your shoulder, you are snapped back to reality, and the enchantment is over. The Paris Opera Ballet is now known as the world’s most known ballet company that took dance to another level. Since the 17th century, its dance academy has been recognized for its intensive, militaristic training under which only the best apprentices who succeed in their brutal exams secure long-term contracts. In addition to facing financial struggles, many ballerinas were malnourished and subjected to sexual exploitation. The season ticket holders of the Paris Opera Ballet were highly appraised guests of the house; the wealthy abbonés, also known as the subscribers of the Paris Opera, had access to the foyer de la danse behind the stage. Despite what one might assume, the luxurious living room for dancers was definitely not intended for artists. Rather, it was intended for male guests so that they could communicate with the ballerinas. Analogical to a modern nightclub setting, the foyer de la danse served as a business setting where men could make business deals with other men of status and propositions with the dancers. As a result of the abbonés’ financial loyalty and importance to the Opera house, the dancers were expected to submit to the demands of the nobleman. To escape poverty– a case for many– the dancers would maintain relationships with the nobleman in order to elevate their lifestyle and invest in their ballet training. Alas, all dreams inevitably come to an end, and that is the truth behind the art of ballet. Dreams are only there as an escape from reality, and eventually, the pressure builds enough to pop even the most indistinguishable aspirations. The bar is continuously being raised, adding on immensely unrealistic expectations to zealous dancers. It seems as if all the hard work that dancers go through is thrown out the window the second they show any indication that they are any stroke short of exceptional. Ballet is a pure form of art, but its grace comes at a cost. Blistered feet, bruised bones, frail bodies. Perfection, in any realm, comes at a cost… but why do we have to break down our bodies to keep climbing the ladder?

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S I E

A GA

M E 70

Ideally, love is an unexpected connection with a person who would

follow the stars to find you. A person who would fulfill every missing piece of you for all of eternity. A person who hits every musical note in a symphony. You leave each other oaths imprinted onto your hearts with an innate sense of understanding for one another. In reality, love isn’t a colorful painting that lasts for years after it dries, and it’s not a memory that can be left untouched because it is perfect the way it is. Love is a game of gambling that withstands the trials and tribulations of venturing into uncertainty and exposes one’s vulnerability, similar to the role of a pawn in a chess game. We expect the 100% partner, with an affable presentation, charming language, and dignified soul that makes you feel seen. When this isn’t attainable, we settle for 80%. After we settle for the charming and confident 80%, we are told everything we want to hear. Vulnerable, we are rewired to feel comfortable with revealing the hand of cards we were dealt. You crave intimacy and connection from your partner, so you accept 71 any form of it but still fear that you are demanding too much of

them. Overthinking has you questioning if the ball is in your partner’s court or your own, and how do you steal it back if it isn’t in mine? A power dynamic in a relationship isn’t bound to behaving overly submissive or overly dominant. It’s about gambling with manipulation that can seamlessly influence one of the pawns in the game, without noticing it. Even though you are the chosen pawn, the player may pull back to steer clear of dissatisfaction or overwhelmingness. Love is nothing more than a game, and it’s time you realize that your cards were bleeding from the start. Manipulation is silent. It’s invisible. But, it keeps the game alive. Love becomes a perilous dance with the game of Russian Roulette, and your emotions are just an ambiguous guessing game of charades. One can only imagine the day the dealer doesn’t release the ball in the wheel of roulette or doesn’t conspire to seize the pawns, and in lieu, deals with the cards that we’ve been dealt with. Until then, you can serenade yourself into a dream with the ABCs and hold on to the letters that spell honey and love, knowing that they will comfort you when everything else is gone.

GAME OVER

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itit’’s only...

HUMAN NATURE

aslow’s hierarchy is humanity’s proverbial Everest. Every chance we get, we take the necessary steps toward fulfilling our needs to get to the top. This climb begins with our physiological needs—our most primal, basic demands for life. They are things we know we need for survival, even as we neglect them. Food, water, shelter, clothing, sleep—all aspects of life that humanity could not exist without. On occasion, we have all neglected our physiological needs, but without that foundation to support us, there is no chance of reaching more inspiring levels. Beyond the most essential level of Maslow’s Hierarchy lies a need that extends into each and every aspect of humanity: safety. Whether it be financial or emotional, imagined or real, safety propels and motivates much of human activity. Safety extends beyond typical understanding, for it is not limited to tangible, physical danger. Rather, it considers mental and emotional danger as well. When stress or uncertainty teems below the surface, minimal energy is left to focus on anything else. The lack of mental and emotional safety stems from a variety of sources, ranging from financial security to trauma or mental illness. Although these struggles in security are not visible on the surface, they still plague

our thoughts and actions. If you were planning to climb the actual Everest, you’d start at the base and work your way up. It’s unrealistic to expect that you can begin the long, harrowing journey anywhere else. The same can be said for Maslow’s Hierarchy. Although it is challenging, we all have to start at the bottom, gazing up at the distant summit. It is easy to ignore our most basic needs and expect that this neglect will make us reach our goals faster, but greatness is nearly impossible to achieve without the proper foundation. Take back the power of the lowest levels of the pyramid. We all falter in our path to the glorious peak of Maslow’s Hierarchy, but focusing on these fundamental elements is a good start. Humans possess an innate desire to belong. We are social creatures at our core. Even the most introverted of us require interaction, lest we further contribute to the current epidemic of loneliness. Introversion itself isn’t a problem, but the isolation that can result from it certainly is. Maslow’s third level of belonging signals our need for relationships; cultivating long-term friendships, romantic relationships, and familial bonds are paramount to our survival.

EVERY CHANCE WE GET, WE TAKE THE NECESSARY STEPS TOWARD FULFILLING OUR NEEDS TO GET TO THE TOP.

No matter how self-sufficient you believe yourself to be, going through life alone is simply not how we emerged into this world to operate. Loneliness is a public health issue and only seems to worsen as the future progresses. Social media creates a false sense of connection, but true connection lies in a discussion with a seemingly random classmate or a drive with your little brother. Humans are historically social beings, from the indigenous peoples of the Americas to the early hunter-gatherers to the egalitarian Scottish clans of long ago- it is innate, something ingrained in us. Esteem is a higher level on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. One’s self-confidence is not to be mistaken for narcissism or an unhealthy ego. That said, taking pride in your accomplishments and yourself is not only possible but essential to general wellbeing. Social media serves as a harbinger for validation—we have developed an obsession with the validation of others. The aggregation of Instagram likes and Twitter follows and countless other online labels create false ideas in our minds regarding what is necessary to be perceived as “highly esteemed.” To be content with your inner being is to pause for a moment. Take the time to find what you value most in life and thus, yourself. Step back and recognize all that you have done. Your highest self will thank you. It’s crucial to remember that at the end of your life, you will be the only person left to fend for yourself and prop you up, and therefore cultivating that esteem of your own volition is the end goal. Start small: say one thing you like about yourself every day. Celebrate even your smallest of victories. Take a second to breathe and acknowledge everything you’ve done. You were put on this planet for a reason. Whether you believe it to be the will of a higher power or the simple conception of biological cells, your creation was not accidental. You have a deeper

purpose. This deeper purpose, this true fulfillment, is what we spend our whole lives trying to envelop. Maslow designated selfactualization as the highest level of human need. Reaching a point of true enlightenment is unattainable without the satisfaction of the preliminary steps. You cannot be self-actualized without being esteemed or held in high esteem if you’re not first loved. You cannot be loved without being safe, and being safe isn’t important if your physiological needs are not first met. Each level of Maslow’s Hierarchy is a rung in a ladder toward self-actualization and said ladder can only be climbed one step at a time. This reality stresses the importance of taking care of yourself; be sure to cherish the journey. After each step, you have worked and prepared to embrace your highest purpose. This ascension toward true fulfillment is not meant to be easy. The challenges and hiccups along the way are what readies you to step into your greatest and idealized self-image. But once you are alive, safe, loved, and esteemed-- what sets you apart? What signifies your ideal self; what do you value most? Whether it be happiness, professional success, appearance, reciprocated love, achievement of your goals, or peace of mind, you can embody your ideal self. Self-actualization is individualized to your values and expectations. Again, you were brought into this world for a reason, and it is your duty and privilege to figure it out. Focus on what your passions are and study what you are interested in. Don’t let society’s blueprint mold you into someone you’re not. Embrace your quirks. Emphasize your individuality. There is only one you, and in order to be your ideal self, authenticity is crucial. Follow your heart all the way to the top of the ladder, rung by rung, step by step.

GRAY MATTER Written By Isabella Botero Edited by Karina McCarthy & Lexi Fernandez

I walked along the shoreline in my old hometown. After years of chaos, I was ready to delve into nothingness. My feet pressed down into the cool, damp sand as it squirmed through the gaps in between my toes. The sand speckled my feet as I trudged along. The stars were settling into their cubbies in the atmosphere. I noticed that they, too, dotted the heavens with plain certainty. Their distance and strangeness are what entices us. However, if we were incapable of feeling emotion, would it still be as glorious? Their intended purpose is to exist; everything that happens, as a result, are unintended consequences. What had I been doing differently from the star or the sand? Life is summed up into existence, encapsulating everything in between. Humans have thought of our existence to somehow be unique. We boast ourselves on our opposable thumbs and supposed reason. We wear it as the justification to dictate our place in the world. However, our innate instincts are tainted by our consciousness. We go through life making decision after decision when the option for many other beings is obsolete. We speckle the Earth just like the stars and the sand, and yet we cannot plainly exist until we lay our head to rest

at our end. I continued walking along the shoreline looking around at my surroundings. For a Thursday night, there had been quite a few people that peppered the scene. Mindlessly, they existed on the beach, experiencing their lives right before my eyes. There were couples intertwined on their towels, children molding the sand into kingdoms, and a few homeless men who were doing their best to stay hidden from the world. All have made drastically different decisions to end up in this exact place as each other. Were all of their choices as concrete as black and white? Or were they fuzzy and gray and grainy? Did it even matter? I found a bare spot near the cove where the homeless men lay. I closed my eyes and lay, letting the sand seep into all of the nooks and crannies of my host. I wondered when I would reunite with these souls that were sharing the night with me. I wondered when I would be reunited with everything, into the stardust and gray matter where there was no clear difference between me and the star and the sand.

MORNING BREW Written By Faveanny Leyva Edited by Roxy Rico & Lexi Fernandez

Have you ever left a place and felt like you forgot something? Have you ever missed something you’ve never had? Have you ever felt off but couldn’t figure out exactly why? If so, you’ve probably found yourself at an intersection in the multiverse. Universes are never meant to cross, but on the occasion that they do, you probably have noticed, and it is rather unfortunate. It was no different for Victoria and Tomás, who met one day by chance at a small coffee shop in a big city. Victoria was not the type to spend on coffee and usually saved by making her own at home. However, one random Tuesday in February, she woke up a little later than usual and felt it was right to indulge in purchasing a coffee to brighten the day. On that frigid morning, she stepped foot in the Wildflower Cafe and accepted she was going to be late to work but thought of all the people that were late to work on the morning of tragedies and found solace in the idea that everything happens for a reason. Tomás always went to the cafe because it was the only shop in the state that served Cuban coffee the way his grandmother made it. Leaning on the counter to the left of the cashier, Tomás waited for his cortadito much like he did every day. He said hello to the staff much like he did every day, and he watched the customers come and go, wondering what their day had in store much like he did every day. He knew most of the usuals–he could tell you who got iced, who got hot, and who got regular milk or oat milk. He appreciated the little things, which is why he had to say something when he saw an unusual face step through the door.

People say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. This was not one of those times. While Victoria was waiting for her order she was approached by a man whom she had not met before. He wore a sweater the color of her eyes, and his expression was confident but not condescending. His strides were few, and with each, the room got smaller and quieter until it was silent. His words broke the silence. “Sweet or salty?” “Excuse me?” She responded. “Do you like sweet or salty?” “Sweet.” Victoria was confused as to why a grown man would ask such a stupid question to a stranger, but nevertheless, she could not help feeling a sense of familiarity as he said this. It felt like they had known each other for years, and he was simply reminding her of that one joke that would make her laugh until her sides hurt. She looked him up and down. She took in the shape of his lips and the softness of his eyes and committed each detail to memory. “Well, that’s a shame. I was hoping you’d like me, but I’m a little cheesy.” She did like him. She chuckled and went up to grab her order. He watched her tuck her hair behind her ears and stopped for a moment to appreciate the small gleam from the ring on her finger. She grasped the two cups on the counter and before heading toward the door, looked at him and said, “It was nice to see you.”

SHOOT STAFFERS Abby Gleason, Lexi Kreimeier, Emma Edy Morris BEAUTY Emmali O’Neill and Linsdey Mattei MODELS Aja Farber, Ryan Dienesch-Calamari, Ryleigh Taylor PHOTOGRAPHY Olivia Rodriguez and Abby Marcil VIDEOGRAPHY Molly DeKraai WRITER Addy Crosby LAYOUT Kaylee Sibelle

Lex i Fer nd na

E DI TOR : Karina Mc arthy C

WR I T ER : A ddy Cr osb y 87

There she sat, at ten years old, listening to her fifthgrade teacher read aloud to the class. Over and over again, she hears the word forest being read from the pages. Her focus no longer remains with the story, for she is fixated on when she will hear the word forest again. Suddenly, when the word reappears, she can no longer hear it. Instead, her mind wanders, thinking about how it no longer even sounds like a word. She ponders the letters in the word and the shapes of those letters. The endlessness of the ‘o’ and the curvature of the top of the ‘r.’

forest?

und again? o s o t d e os p p

What is a

Fo rd rest o . How is that w

really what it t a h loo Is t ks like written out?

At seventeen, she wanders the familiar halls of her high school. As she passes the water fountain, she hears her name. Glancing over her shoulder, she sees a group of people she hardly knows. Wh na y are they saying her me? ey know abou h t o th td a h er? W

her own

d an

de e, an tsid ou

w ingelse

ut abo ng

yt h r e ev

they t a lki

ay, but it was c tod o ul

ere

verythin g e l se,

tr - ou grown

o o ts?

e laundry. h t W in as

do n

They probably thought she wanted to wear the god-awful sweater sh e ha

hey probably thought she didn’t think they looked that bad, but she’s been meaning to get them fixed for a while now.

can’t hear the music over the noise in her brain.

What if she went up to them right now and explained herself ? But what was there to explain?

Her thoughts race faster than she can keep up with, and as she strains her eyes to look at the road, she realizes she’s not sure where she is. Or who she is.

And if she did, would they ever understand?

Does she need to put her turn signal on?

The light is green.

Would they cut her the same slack? Did they care at The noise is getting louder, and the only thing all? Why did she care if they did? she feels is the hot tears rolling down her face. She doesn’t move to stop them, as they are the Upon arriving home, she decides to delete only thing reminding her she is human at this most of her posts on social media. She stares moment. at her profile photo, analyzes the details, and ultimately deletes that, too. Since she cannot With a shaky breath, she lowers her foot to the be who she wishes they thought she was, she gas and makes her turn. After a while, her tears is no one. stop, and she catches herself humming to the songs she started at the beginning of the drive. There she sat, at twenty-one years old, sobGrateful the moment has passed, she sighs with bing, stopped at a red light on her routined relief. But she also wonders. rive home. The sound of her mother’s voice echoes in her mind, reminding her never to Will this spiral ever come to an end? drive when she is crying. These tears cannot be stopped. Besides, she would make herself Strike Out, late if she pulled over. She chose the playlist Writer: Addy Crosby full of her favorite songs to listen to, but she Editors: Karina McCarthy & Lexi Fernandez 94

TRANSCENDENT Written by Sara Vigne Edited by Lexi Fernandez

A feeling that exceeds the range of ordinary and is not subject to the limitations of the material universe. A transcendent experience leaves the self behind in exchange for a feeling of unity, drawing us away from our ordinary minds and connecting us to the surrounding world. The feeling of being entirely carefree from physical stresses and captivated by the beautiful spirituality surrounding us. We all have had experiences in which we feel on top of the world, transcending from reality. Transcendence resides in each of our conscious minds but only reveals itself in times of simplicity and self-awareness. If we focus too hard, the feeling will be fleeting, but if we think without intention, the feeling will go unnoticed. We have to divulge ourselves to the exploration of our conscious minds and break free from the ties of the physical world to become entirely transcendent.

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Strike Magazine Tallahassee Issue 11

Articles inside

sent 61 love is a game 69 it’s only human nature down the rabbit

07 egotistical burst your bubble